The world has been designed to keep you small. Through conditioning, fear, and emotional suppression, women have been taught to seek approval, play small, and mistake peace for silence. But the collective energy is shifting — and your soul is demanding more.
In this raw, deeply practical empowering of The Femme Cast, we explore how painful relationship patterns — chasing love that won’t choose you, overgiving, staying silent, and enduring betrayal — are not failures but portals to sovereignty and purpose. Through the lens of my seven-year dating hiatus, we uncover how these experiences become the pressure cookers that forge self-worth, clean boundaries, and aligned action.
You’ll learn:
🎤 How wounded feminine and masculine patterns show up in love and life, and how to balance these energies to cultivate compassionate action and grounded intuition
🎤 Why the practice of process before you express can transform rage, heartbreak, and disappointment into aligned decisions
🎤 The truth about spiritualized role myths that keep women small — and how rejecting them opens the door to authentic influence and radiant presence
🎤 How following soul breadcrumbs and embracing your growth edges transforms heartbreak into purpose, power, and impact
Your relationships were never random. The people who hurt you, silenced you, or dimmed your light were mirrors showing where you still needed to choose yourself. Every betrayal, heartbreak, or rejection was not punishment — it was initiation. Pain is not a block; it’s a portal. Your emotions are not weaknesses; they are sacred messengers guiding you to your highest potential.
If you’re ready to turn disappointment into clarity, rage into power, and heartbreak into transformation, this episode meets you at the exact edge you’re standing on. Stop living as the version of you that survived — and step into the version of you that is becoming.
Ready to stop shrinking for others? Let this episode be your sign → Step into your Unapologetic Era: https://thefemmecast.com/breakthrough
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the
(00:02):
show.
I'm so excited and grateful tohave you guys here.
We've been on a bit of a journeyon the Femcast in the coming in
the last couple of weeks.
You know, we've talked a lotabout betrayal and pain being
this powerful portal oftransformation.
We've talked a lot abouttransmuting the suppressed anger
and rage that we've been holdingon to.
(00:23):
And I really think it's verytimely that we've been going
through this.
So I want to kind of shift gearsa little bit on the Femcast and
start to talk about a little bitmore about, you know, the higher
purpose of some of theseexperiences and patterns that
we've been caught up in.
You know, I think ultimatelywe've gone through this massive
(00:44):
shift where, you know, thefeminine or women have been kind
of kept in a very disempoweredstate and been kind of been put
in the in these containers wherewe feel like we need to play
small, we need to dim our light,we need to silence ourselves, we
need to keep our voices down,you know, we need to do all
these things in order to beaccepted, loved, um, or we feel
(01:08):
we need to do all these things.
But really, what's what's reallycoming to light in all of this
discovery and all of this umbeautiful transformation that
we've been kind of talking aboutis that a lot of times that
these containers, theserelationships, these situations
that kind of put this pressureon us to contain us is the exact
(01:30):
medicine that we need to evolveand step into the fullest
potential that we came here tobe.
And so a lot of theserelationships that keep us
small, these toxic patterns andconditioning that keep us
questioning our worth or tryingto validate our worth externally
or trying to fit into someoneelse's expect expect someone
(01:52):
else's expectations of what goodenough is or lovable is, or you
know, any of the above, right?
I think is really the catalystto our deepest and most profound
and sacred transformation wherewe really start to step into our
(02:12):
true power and potential andreally just create the impact
and the influence that we'remeant to create in the world.
Because I do think we're at thispivotal point where the
collective is shifting.
We're recognizing, you know,where the feminine has kind of
been suppressed, both within menand women, masculine and
feminine, non-binary.
It doesn't matter what you whatgender role, what your sexual
(02:36):
preference is that you assign toyourself, it's all the same.
We're all a collective, we'reall a we're all a combination of
masculine and feminine energy.
Um, some will lean more towardsone and the other.
And it's become evidently clearum that the feminine has been
suppressed in many of us, in allof us, really.
(02:57):
Um, this leads to, if you know,I'm just trying to, it's hard to
articulate um all the differentnuances.
So just for the sake ofsimplifying the conversation and
not going into all the differentaspects and how this could look,
because obviously this will beunique to every individual.
(03:19):
But if you're somebody who leansmore towards, naturally leans
more towards your masculine.
Um, so typically this will applyto people who identify as men or
male.
Um, this will leave you in yourwounded masculine where you're
completely out of touch withyour feminine, right?
So you're completely or don'tfeel safe getting into your
emotional experience, gettinginto the emotional body,
(03:40):
trusting your intuition.
Um, you know, you areconditioned to use logic,
control, force, um, and physicalstrength to make um to do what
it is that you need to do in theworld.
And on the opposite end of thespectrum, you know, if you lean
(04:02):
more feminine, right, whichtypically is mostly women, but
again, all of these will varydepending on the individual.
And it has nothing to do withsexual orientation, gender
identity, or anything like that.
Each of us have our own uniquebalance of masculine and
feminine.
So, but if you lean towards moretowards the feminine, so for the
simplicity's sake, we'll saymostly women, um, then you've
(04:25):
probably been, you know, mostlyin your wounded feminine, where,
you know, you're kind of you'reeither like heavily relying on
your masculine or you're usingwounded feminine behaviors of
like codependency, trying tomanipulate, coerce, um, and
emotionally blackmail peopleinto literally doing the things
that you wanted them to do.
(04:46):
Um the beautiful thing thathappens when we bring these two
energies into balance is that weare able to, number one, within
ourselves, harness both thehealthiest version, the highest
expression of our masculine andour feminine energies to create
what we want in the world andthen create harmonious
relationships as a resultbecause we're able to respect
the balances of masculine andfeminine within within each
(05:08):
other and not compete with umsuppress or um reject them for
stepping into and embodying anyof the above.
And that is really when we're inour most empowered state.
Unfortunately, um, throughpatriarchal conditioning, a lot
of us have learned to suppressour feminine, um, which is what
(05:31):
has kind of kept us in thisdisempowered state.
So for most of the women that Iwork with, right, this looks
like, you know, being um inrelationships that are
manipulative, hurtful, betrayal,painful, um, making you feel
less than, unloved, emotionallyunavailable, chase, constantly
(05:51):
chasing emotionally unavailablemen, um, and always trying to
always feeling like you need togive more, be more loving, um,
be more accommodating, be moreunderstanding, right?
This whole concept of theunconditional love, right?
Give, give, give, and give, andhope that they'll one day give
(06:12):
in return, only to end upreceiving less and less.
So it keeps us in this constantcycle of giving more and
receiving less, giving more andreceiving less.
And in the end, we end upfeeling betrayed, um, hurt and
abandoned, right?
And rejected.
Um, but what we see again andagain is how the pain and the
heartbreak of a lot of theserelationships actually become
(06:35):
the catalyst and the portal forthe transformation to step into
our power.
I can speak to this onespecifically because for me, you
know, when I had, you know, I'vetalked about, God, have I talked
about my douchebag era on thesepodcasts.
But, you know, as I came out ofmy douchebag era and the last
person that I dated um before Iwent into my relationship,
(06:56):
seven-year relationship hiatus.
Um, and he wasn't by any means adouchebag.
He still wasn't the healthiestof relationships in the world,
but he wasn't by any means adouchebag.
He's actually very loving, um,but still feeling still this
energy of um, as loving as hewas and um as sensitive as he
(07:18):
was, you know, there was stillthis fear to kind of like let
his guard down and commit,right?
That was still there.
And I and that was one of thethings that, you know, as I kind
of was moving along my journey,I needed to learn and love and
accept about him and let him go.
Because he did he wasn't, and nomatter how much love was there,
no matter how much affection wasthere, no matter how much
(07:39):
closeness and intimacy wasthere, you know, there was still
a part of them that wasresistant to choosing me.
And so I had to choose myselfand I had to walk away from that
and I had to put an end to that.
Um, and so, you know, sometimesunconditionally, being
unconditionally loving means,and I really want to stress this
because I've heard so manypeople like say just the most
(08:00):
inaccurate things about this.
Sometimes being unconditionallyloving and doing the
unconditionally loving thing isjust accepting what someone is
willing to offer and being ableto say, okay, I see you.
I'm gonna go someplace else andfind somebody who is willing to
give me what it is that I'mlooking for in a relationship or
is willing to be in arelationship with me.
(08:20):
Loving someone and sayingattached to someone who's made
it clear they're not ready to bewith you for whatever the
reason, whether it's right orwrong, or fear or trauma or bad
past hurts or whatever baggagethey might be carrying doesn't
matter.
The point is that they'veclearly said, whether verbally
or or in, you know, with theirintentions, that they're not
ready to be in a committedrelationship.
(08:41):
And you need to respect that andnot try and um either manipulate
them into changing their mind orsticking around until they
change their mind or trying toshow them just how worthy and
beautiful and amazing you areand trying to like get them to
change their mind.
You just have to let it be.
If they are meant to be withyou, they will come back.
(09:02):
And if they're not, then youwill find somebody else who's
ready to love you the way thatyou want to be loved.
And that that in itself, likethat, that I think is probably
the first step.
At least it was for me in mytransformation and really coming
back to myself and stepping intomy power, right?
And so, you know, I can remembergoing back to when that
(09:25):
happened, and I kind of madethat choice where I said, okay,
you know what?
I need to just choose myself andand focus on myself and and and
be, I needed to, I knew therewas a part of me that just knew
I needed to become the personwho I wanted to date.
I needed to treat myself the waysomeone who I dated would the
way I would want them to treatme.
I needed to show up for myselfthe way someone who I was
(09:48):
dating, who I how I would wantthem to show up for me, right?
I needed, I needed to reverseengineer all of that and do it
first for me and show up for mein that way.
And I don't know where I gotthis idea, but it just felt like
this internal pull of somethingthat I really desperately had to
do for me, right?
(10:09):
Oops, I just hit my mic.
And so I I that's when theseven-year relationship hiatus
began.
And I literally cut myself offfrom relationship until I was in
this place where I knew that Icould attract a healthy, loving
relationship who was who wasready to commit to me, right?
Until so until somebody wasready to commit to me, I was
committed to myself.
(10:29):
And that was the end of theconversation, right?
I was not wavering on that.
I was, it was a non-negotiable.
I had made my decision.
And I can remember because I hadkept in contact with that person
for quite some time.
And he would always tell me, youknow, are you seeing anybody?
What's going on?
What's new with you?
And I would tell him, you know,this, this, this, and that,
blah, blah, blah.
He goes, Yeah, but are youseeing anybody?
(10:50):
I'm like, no.
He's like, you have to startout, good, get out there.
Okay, I think he was partlythinking that I wasn't dating
because I was hanging on to him,um, which totally wasn't the
case.
And I kept trying to assure himof that.
Um, but it was so funny becausehe kept saying it again and
again.
Finally, I was like, no, I don'twant to go out there and date.
I refuse.
Because I was really just inthis place where I knew it
(11:13):
wasn't, there was nothing wrongwith dating.
Please hear me.
Because I always, you know, Iget, it's funny, we're gonna
talk about this, but I alwaysget so many hate, not hate
comments, but like rebuttals onsome of the things that I say,
thinking that, you know, peoplethink out there thinking that
I'm hateful towards men or I'veshut out men, or then none of
that could, then nothing couldbe farther from the truth.
(11:36):
It was just a season where Iknew I needed to be on my own,
right?
And and I knew I needed to givethis to myself, and I knew that
this was important.
I didn't know why, I didn't knowhow, but I knew it was something
that I absolutely needed to movethrough.
And when I was done and I wasready to get out there again,
(11:56):
and I was ready to startconnecting with people again,
um, you know, I was able to toto start to attract some really
just emotionally conscious andavailable relationships into my
space.
Still not the one, but you knowwhat?
It I have had some of the mostloving and intimate experience
(12:19):
as a result of doing this workand taking that time for myself.
But, you know, it still is anevolution because I'm still I'm
still evolving, I'm stillevolving in my work, I'm still
evolving in what I do, I'm stillevolving in terms of what I
want.
And I'm still I'm still in aposition where I'm I'm needing
(12:42):
to say and state again with myintention and my decisions that
yes, this was loving, yes, thiswas magical, yes, this was
amazing, yes, I loved everymoment of this, but I'm still
choosing to say no because Iknow I am meant for more.
(13:03):
So even though it was great, itstill wasn't the thing that I
would commit to for a lifetime.
It was a great experience, itwas a great relationship, but
still not the one that I wouldcommit to for a lifetime.
And until that relationship doesshow up, or at least the kind of
um hint that it could be thatrelationship, I have literally
(13:25):
zero desire to date anybodyuntil I know that there's that
possibility of yeah, this personhas the potential to be my
person, right?
And I I'm not looking to datefor entertainment.
I'm not looking to be out theredating to kind of kill time.
I have my passion projects forthat.
I have a lot of things to keepme busy in my life rather than
(13:46):
entertaining relationships thatnot that they're bad, just I
know aren't for me, you know?
And that is a really consciouschoice that I make and I make it
every day.
And I think that's been part ofhow I really just stepped to
stepped into my power again andreally embodied um my worth as a
woman and what it is that Ibring to the table in a
(14:06):
relationship, right?
So really important, you know,the the relationships that we
move through, um, you know, theones that we're so we feel that
we need, because the world has,you know, in so many ways taught
us that we need thatrelationship in our life to feel
safe, to be okay, to be love, toprove to ourselves that we're
(14:27):
even worthy of love, you know?
And I think that when we canbreak away from that, you know,
we really start to discover whoit is that we are and what we're
really capable of.
But I think also the pressurethat I would, and I can remember
the pressure of chasing, ofconvincing, of waiting, of
persuading people to choose me,to love me, and finally just
(14:50):
being at this point where I waslike, I just done.
I'm just so done, I'm tired, I'mexhausted, I can't do this
anymore.
I need to give to myself.
And that I think was the powerin that toxic pattern is that it
finally got to the point where Ijust couldn't keep up anymore.
It became too exhausting, itbecame too depleting, and my
(15:13):
soul knew it was time to take adifferent path.
It was time to take a differentapproach.
And so the problem, you know, Ialways say this divine
solutions, right?
Where the problem, theexasperation of the problem
becomes a solution.
The exasperation of my toxicrelationship patterns literally
became the solution that Ineeded because I could not
fucking stand them one moreminute.
(15:34):
I needed to just take a timeout, focus on myself, become my
own best partner, right?
Treat myself the way I wouldwant my best partner to treat
me.
Um, and keep doing that againand again and again until that
time came, knowing that the timewill come when that person comes
(15:56):
into my life and I'll know, I'llknow, I'll know right away.
I know I will know right awaywhen that person comes into my
life, and that there's not gonnabe a question about it.
Sure, there's gonna be work.
Relationships always take work,they're never perfect.
You know, waiting for theperfect relationship, never
gonna happen, right?
Relationships always take work,they they are our most powerful
mechanisms for growth.
(16:17):
So, yes, often they are noteasy, right?
And I think expectingrelationships to be easy is just
like the biggest way we setourselves up for failure, but
they should at the very least beemotionally available and on the
same page as you, and you know,really be aligned with your
values and your worth.
And if they're not, you know,those are like the big red
(16:39):
flags, right?
Um, but you can see where like alot of this conditioning has
really, you know, number one,kept us this in a disempowered
state for a very long time.
But then there's comes thismoment where we part of us, I
don't know what it was.
It was an energetic, no fuckingmore of this, right?
Where we just declare we deservebetter.
(17:00):
And then we kind of evolve pastthat.
So again, the exasperation ofthe problem becomes the
solution.
So a lot of the times, you know,these relationships are showing
us, um, you know, especially ifthey make us feel like um like
we have to jump through hoopsfor approval.
You know, it's showing us wherewe might need to start approving
(17:22):
of ourselves.
If we feel like we're beingsilenced, like I did in a lot of
my relationships, I felt like Icouldn't speak up.
I felt like every time I did, Iwas met with apprehension or
defensiveness or punishment orretaliation.
It's really showing you where,you know, the power of your
voice and and your potentialonce you start using your voice,
(17:44):
right?
Um, if you felt like you had todim your light or, you know,
hide parts of yourself, youknow, the discomfort in doing
that when you start to, when youget to the point where you're so
exhausted of hiding and dimmingand pretending and putting on
like pretending to be somethingthat you're not, that you just
want to unleash this mostauthentic, wild part of you that
(18:05):
you've been holding back for solong.
So the compression, right?
It's almost in like thecompression and the duality of
what we experience, where therestriction on our voice and our
expression and our authenticityand in who we are, and and and
and everything that's holding usback of who we came to be in
this world suddenly becomes soimpossible to stay in as a
(18:28):
container that we have no otherchoice but to blow it the fuck
up and step into our fullestpotential.
And that's really what a lot ofthese toxic dynamics and
relationships have done.
And this is not just in ourpersonal relationships, this is
in our friendships, this is inour work relationships.
This so this shows up in so manydifferent environments and how
(18:51):
we interact with other people.
Because I really do believe thatthey're showing us number one,
where we're being limitedbecause of toxic and patriarchal
conditioning, right?
And where our soul is when westart to feel that discomfort,
the no, I don't like this.
No, this doesn't feel good.
No, this doesn't feel right.
No, I have more to say, do orbe.
When we start to feel that,that's our soul saying, yeah,
(19:14):
you do, right?
So we need to start payingattention to where those
discomforts start to happen inour relationships, in our our in
our surroundings, in ourenvironments, in our um the
dynamics that exist around us,right?
In our friendships, in our workrelationships.
(19:35):
Um, look at when you're feelingsilenced or muffled.
And what would you say?
What is it that you want to sayinstead?
Look at where you're suppressingwhat you're feeling and trying
to sweep it under the rug orpretend that it's not there.
And what would that emotion sayif you just kind of let it
speak?
And that's not to say, you know,I never, I am never an advocate
(19:57):
of unleashing your unprocessedemotion or trauma onto other
people.
Process your emotions first andmake sure you're kind of coming
into uh balance, equilibrium.
Like, you know, emotions alwayshave this wide spectrum.
You know, whether you want tolabel them as good or bad, it
(20:18):
doesn't matter.
Rage has the spectrum where, youknow, we we go into the ego and
we start projecting it oneverybody else around us.
Then when we come back to thesole truth of why that rage is
showing up, it's usually becauseit's wanting us to take a
different action or take adifferent approach or be honest
about a perspective or truththat maybe we've been hiding or
(20:39):
a boundary that we want to set.
So we always want to come backto that heart-centered
expression of that emotion.
We never want to just spew theprojection onto other people.
And I think that's where a lotof the times people make the the
dis that people make the mistakeof, you know, just you know,
going full throttle onexpressing themselves and just
(21:02):
emotionally dumping on thepeople around them.
And that that creates a lot ofdiscomfort.
It can create a lot of damage inrelationships.
Um, you can be you're capable ofsaying and doing a lot of things
that you actually don't reallymean in that heightened state,
right?
And so that's something that wereally want to try and avoid.
So I'm always a big believer inprocessing before expressing,
(21:24):
um, so that you make sure thatthe the parts of what you're
feeling and that you express areof the truest um expression of
yourself and not just anexaggerated um response to an
emotional state.
And I think that's really theimportant distinction in a lot
of these things.
(21:45):
Um but you know, all theserelationships are showing you
something, right?
Where you're dimming your light,where you're silencing, where
you're not being the mostauthentic expression of
yourself.
And it'll start to feel reallyuncomfortable right before you
(22:08):
have your breakthrough.
And so a lot of theserelationships, these toxic
patterns that we're trying tobreak, yeah, they're awful,
yeah, they're gross, yeah,they're not nice, but they're
actually the evolution and themedicine that we didn't, or
sorry, the medicine that wedidn't know we needed so that we
could evolve and listen to,listen to that discomfort to see
(22:31):
where it might be inviting you,how it might be inviting you to
do things differently, to showup differently, to be in a more
empowered state.
And that is really the beauty.
Like when I when I look back on,you know, some of the toxicities
that I experienced and some ofthe relationship traumas that I
experienced, they were fullyleading me to where I am today.
(22:53):
And so what I want to kind of,you know, open the conversation
to, and where I want to startgoing with the podcast is
opening up to what were thesetoxic relationship patterns
preparing you for?
What was being silence andfeeling like you couldn't speak
your truth?
What was that preparing you for?
(23:14):
Hiding your parts of yourself,feeling ashamed, feeling
unloved, feeling afraid to beabandoned and rejected.
If you let people see who youreally are, what was that
preparing you for?
Right?
Being able to kind of step outon your own and choose yourself
and make that promise toyourself to be that person for
yourself until that personshowed up without any shame,
(23:36):
regret, or apology, what wasthat preparing you for?
Because chances are if you'vegone through these cycles, it's
been preparing you for somethingfreaking amazing, right?
Whether it's to, you know,create an impact in your
community, in your family, orin, you know, in a larger, in a
(23:58):
larger capacity, you're meant tocreate some sort of impact and
influence with what you've justlearned and what you just
experienced.
You're meant to evolve in waysthat you did not see coming.
You're meant to break cyclesthat have been probably going on
in your in your lineage forgenerations.
And that is a lot of work.
(24:19):
And that is, those are thethings that, you know, we come
into this life and we think,like, my God, like, why did I
keep attracting these people?
Why did I keep settling forthese like like douchebags?
Why did I keep attracting allthese emotionally unavailable
partners?
Or, you know, why did I keepattracting, you know,
friendships that weren't reallylike my friend at all.
(24:40):
They were just kind of likesuperficial acquaintances that
love the way I made them feelabout themselves when I was at
my best and really weren't verysupportive when I wasn't, you
know?
Um, that's when you really startto see the beauty in all of it,
right?
And what it was preparing youfor.
Because here's the thing, andhere's what I always believe.
(25:01):
Um every relationship cycle,every trauma that we've
experienced, every heartbreak,every disappointment, every
letdown, it's always been thereto help us evolve and to lose to
learn a lesson.
Every emotion that we've everexperienced, whether we've
suppressed it, expressed it, ortried to sweep it under the rug,
(25:25):
doesn't matter.
Every emotion we've experiencedhas been trying to help us to
evolve in some way, right?
Um, your emotions are not aweakness, right?
And I think we need to we needwe need to start looking at
emotions so differently.
We need to start looking atemotions as those whispers from
our soul to kind of guide usalong our path and let us know
(25:46):
which direction is working,which one's not, and where we
want to make adjustments alongthe way.
There are guides, they are theliterally um, they are the the
the roadmap to where we'regoing, you know?
Um, and they the the energy thatis contained in emotions when we
have the, when we can sit downand intentionally transmute them
(26:08):
into what it is that we want tocreate, we are so much more
powerful than any mindset work.
Like we tap into so much morepower than more so than any
mindset work can do, any visionboard, any affirmation, because
there's so much energy beingstored in our emotion.
There's so much potential thereto create shit.
(26:29):
But the problem is that we'realways sweeping it under the rug
and avoiding it.
So I think all of this, all ofthis stuff, all of these
patterns, all of these limitingbeliefs, all of these ways that
we've kept ourselves small andkept ourselves silent, and all
this power that we've beendisconnected from in our
emotions.
I honestly believe all of thisis coming to a head so that we
can step up and play a biggergame.
(26:50):
Because I do believe that assouls, we all have a reason for
being here.
I believe that we all have areason for being here.
I believe that we each play apart in a greater good.
Um we each have a tiny part toplay, okay?
Um, and like I said, that'lllook different for everybody.
But how we get there is byfollowing and honoring our
(27:11):
soul's true essence.
It's by listening to what ourdesires are telling us, what our
emotions are telling us, whatour life path has told us and
taught us, and how it has helpedus to evolve.
All these become powerful piecesin a greater purpose for why
we're here.
And I do believe that we allhave a purpose.
(27:32):
And I do believe that thedesires that live in our heart
that we secretly think about butare maybe are afraid to say out
loud are very important in termsof us guiding us along the path
to fulfilling that purpose.
I don't everything, I don'tthink anything is an is random.
I don't think anything is anaccident.
(27:52):
Yes, I do believe we have freewill choice, and a lot of what
we experience in this life isalso a result of our free will
choices, but the soul ultimatelyhas a goal.
It has something here toaccomplish, right?
And I think there's, I thinkthere's, it's almost like I
think there's like a collectivegoal of, you know, all of us
being able to tap into moredivine love where um we are
(28:17):
completely unattached and andand um what's the word?
I can't find the word divinelove where we are completely
unattached to uh labels or howwe think we should and shouldn't
act in this lifetime where we'rekind of able to see the God in
everybody, but or the the sourceor the universe um or that
(28:41):
create creative force ineverybody, but also being able
to recognize um, yes, althoughthere is their source, there is
source energy, I believe,running through each and every
one of us.
Um that doesn't mean we're allin our, you know, that doesn't
mean we're all uh how do I putthis?
(29:03):
That doesn't mean we're all inour highest expression in this
lifetime.
You know, we've we've we're allwe're all moving through karmic
patterns, we're all moving,breaking generational
conditioning, we're all umbalancing out karma from
previous lifetimes.
So, you know, not everyone isalways gonna be in their highest
expression, and some people veeroff the path and you know what,
(29:24):
to each his own.
The only thing we can do is makesure that we are showing up, we
are doing everything that we canto show to show up in our most
empowered and um aligned state.
And I think, you know, when wecan love each other that way and
love ourselves that way and andset that intention for ourselves
and let people um, you know,focus less on what other people
(29:46):
are doing and blaming otherpeople and getting angry at
other people and focus on howwe're showing up and how we want
to use this moment to evolve.
I think that's when we becomereally powerful as spiritual
beings because we can waste alifetime looking at what
everyone else is saying anddoing.
And how they're acting and howthey're behaving and how that
makes us feel.
But that will never keep us.
That that that will never thatwill never help us do the inner
(30:08):
work for what that istriggering.
So I guess the point that I'mtrying to make is lay pay
attention, pay less attention towhat's going on out there, pay
more attention to what's goingon in here.
What is where where are thetriggers?
Where's the frustration?
Where is the the impatience?
Where is the I just can't dothis anymore, right?
(30:30):
Pay attention to that becausethat is a big and powerful clue.
Now, again, you want to processbefore you actually take action,
right?
And I talk about that a lot.
Always process what you'refeeling first, then make
decision to take action.
Don't just take what you'refeeling and project it out into
(30:50):
the world and act on it and burnshit down and blow that
relationship up or take it outon that person or blame them for
what you're feeling.
No, you take it with, you takeit internally, you process it,
not suppress it, process it,which means moving through it,
asking questions.
Why are you here?
What is it that you're trying toshow me?
What would you like me to dodifferently?
Three powerful questions thatyou can ask yourself every
(31:12):
single day.
Um, when you start to feel, whenyou start to have an emotional
experience, especially anuncomfortable one.
Um, and then let it just bepresent until you can come back
to kind of a neutral state andsay, okay, this is what I think
the aligned choice needs to behere, right?
And you can feel that in yourheart space, right?
(31:34):
Then that's when you take theaction.
That's when you make thedecisions, that's when you have
the conversations, okay?
Um, the problem is so many of usare kind of just taking our
emotional state and just likejust, you know, exploding it
onto the world and makingdecisions, and like I said,
blowing our lives up, quittingthat job, ending that
(31:54):
relationship, letting thatperson have it, blaming them for
our total experience in thislife when really it needs to be
internally processed first,right?
Because whenever we do thosethings, um, we do create a
ripple, we do, we do, we dodamage relationships, we do hurt
people's feelings, we do saythings that we don't mean,
right?
And we do create an emotionalburden for the people around us.
(32:15):
And, you know, that never feelsgood.
And I would never encouragepeople to do that.
But I would encourage you tolook at your emotional
experience, to move through it,process it, allow it to
transmute itself, and then havereally honest and sometimes
difficult conversations withpeople once you've processed
what's been coming up for you.
Very, very, very importantdistinction.
(32:37):
Okay.
So I think we're in this placeright now where, you know, we
are at this collective awakeningwhere I think the feminine is
really coming into her power.
And I do believe, and I dobelieve that, you know, and
this, I know this gets a lot ofmixed, mixed um, this can be
(33:01):
uncomfortable for some people tohear.
Um, but there's light feminineand there is dark feminine, and
both of them have their place.
And I think that, you know, alot of us are really stepping
into this dark feminine energywhere it is about speaking your
truth and setting boundaries andtaking a stand for your worth,
right?
But doing so from a very lovingand empowered place.
(33:22):
It's not about taking power overother people, it's not about
controlling other people, it'snot about getting other people
to do what we want them to do.
It's really about taking a standfor who we are, what we want,
and what we deserve, and beingable to, you know, kind of be
sovereign in that, right?
And being able to hold thatenergy without needing the
(33:43):
validation or the approval or umof anyone else around us in
order to do these things, right?
We're kind of taking the standfor ourselves, and this is
what's really helping this sortof feminine collective heal um
so that we can balance out thosemasculine and feminine energies,
(34:05):
so that we can balance actionwith intuition and strength with
presence and you know, um, logicwith emotion, all these
beautiful things, so that we canstart to balance all these out
and have a place for both tocoexist in harmony.
And I think that really becomesa solution to so many of the
(34:27):
struggles that we'reexperiencing as a collective,
you know.
Um because I always say, like,with the union of the masculine
and the feminine energy comescompassionate action, comes
divine creation, comes inspiredevolution.
(34:49):
You need both.
We can't rely on just the one.
We need both.
And I really believe that youknow the suppression of the div
of the divine feminine energyhas really been the key that's
been missing for us to tap intoour power as spiritual beings.
And I think it was intentionallyplanned that way, to be quite
honest, because I think peopleknew how powerful we would be if
(35:10):
we would ever actually discoverhow to use this energy and how
to bring it into balance withour masculine.
I think people didn't want us tohave that kind of power, to be
honest.
No, I'm just being honest.
And I see people in thespiritual community right now in
the personal development spacethat, you know, are almost I
(35:31):
don't want to say um uh what'sthe word they're still
influenced by these beliefs.
Even though they're speakingbeautifully and they're speaking
from this beautiful,heart-centered place, there's
still this ideology within them.
We'll take women for because youknow, obviously the a lot of my
show is about the you know,women and what we struggle with
(35:52):
in terms of um how we show likehow we show up in the world and
what's available to us and whatis in what we feel like we have
to fight for.
It's you know, a lot of timesthere's a conversation that, and
I see this so much now in thepersonal development space in
the spiritual community, whereit's like, you know, the woman
is meant to be home with thefamily, taking care of the
children and supporting herdivine partner in divine union
(36:14):
so that he can be the bestversion of himself.
And, you know, I hear that and II almost want to cringe because
actually there's so much morethat you're capable of.
And this isn't about, this isn'tabout a 50-50 relationship.
It's not about that.
It's about understanding thateach of us has a unique purpose
as a soul.
(36:35):
We don't all have the samepurpose.
The purpose for all women is notto have children, the purpose
for all men is not to fatherchildren and provide for their
families.
There's many ways that we aremeant to support the collective
good.
There's many things we are meantto we are here to be, see, and
become, right?
(36:56):
And I think that's you know,slapping labels and roles on
people is just nothing more thana different version of
patriarchal conditioning,really, that is keeping us small
in a disempowered state.
Because I think that when we canstep into our full potential as
spiritual beings and really payattention to where our heart is
guiding us and what it wants tocreate, we become completely
(37:18):
unstoppable.
I know I had so many powerfulexperiences during my awakening
of my of my heart kind ofunveiling this whole other life
that I had never even given anythought to.
I didn't even think was apossibility.
It wasn't even on my radar.
The fact that I wanted to speakto people in large audiences
(37:39):
that I could and I had wouldhave visualized, I would have
these visions where I would bespeaking into a microphone.
And I knew I'd be talking tothousands, hundreds of thousands
of people, but I couldn't seeany of their faces.
I had no idea that was apodcast.
This was years ago.
Podcasting was barely a thing atthe time.
Certainly wasn't anything Iwould do.
It was what the nerds were doingin their mama's basement at the
(38:01):
time, you know.
Um, it wasn't a mainstreamthing.
Um, the fact that I saw myself,you know, walking through uh
this beautiful sort of all theselike tiny tropical villages,
kind of, you know, dressed inthese boho outfits and meeting
people from all around the worldand greeting and and connecting
(38:21):
with people from all over theworld.
I had no idea I was gonna betraveling through Asia and
meeting all these amazing peoplealong the way.
Like so many, so many inklingsand visions and clues that my
soul was giving to me as to asto what my purpose was and what
I was meant to do.
And it was so beyond what I wasdoing.
And I was meant for so much moreimpact and influence that I even
(38:45):
knew how to comprehend.
And my soul had been literallypreparing me for my entire life,
if not lifetimes, to do thework.
And so I think when we can justembrace where life has brought
us, what our relationship hastaught us, when we learn to look
at our relationships as teachersand ask ourselves, okay, what is
(39:06):
this relationship trying toteach me?
What is this pattern trying toteach me?
What is this feeling that I keepmanifesting in my connections
where I'm feeling like I feelsmall?
I can't speak my truth.
I need to silence my voice.
I need to constantly give andand not ask for anything in
return.
What is it that all thesepatterns have been trying to
(39:31):
teach me and show me about who Iam and how my soul is asking me
to involve, evolve, and pay veryclose attention to the pressure
points, right?
Those points of friction, theedge where it starts that that
really uncomfortable, that edgewhere everything starts to feel
really fucking uncomfortable andborderline triggering, but you
(39:52):
can't figure out why it'striggering you.
It just feels like I just wantto get out of here.
Pay attention because those areliterally the the pressure
points where that are the it'syour growth edge.
That's where that's where thepressure is building, asking you
to grow and evolve intosomething different.
(40:12):
So start to really pay attentionand go back to the last couple
of episodes because we talked alot about rage and alchemizing
rage and balancing the masculineand feminine energies, and that
I think is going to reallysupport you.
Um, but I just wanted toacknowledge all of that and and
what we've been talking aboutbecause I do believe it's
lending to a much biggerconversation, a conversation not
(40:35):
just about our relationships,but about who we are in the
world and the purpose, impact,and influence that we came here
to have and to create.
And I think that get that, Ithink that is the bigger part of
the conversation.
And I think that's what I I if Iwould love, I I I definitely
have so much more to say aboutgoing forward, right?
Um, so have a think on that.
(40:57):
Think about what your life pathhas taught you or has been
trying to teach you, what yourrelationships have been trying
to teach you, what your patternshave been trying to teach you,
about where you want to grow andevolve.
Where are those growth edgeswith the discomfort, the
triggers where it starts to getreally uncomfortable?
And you know, you know you wouldnot want to stay in this pattern
(41:19):
much longer.
Like if the pattern is gettingso uncomfortable, you don't want
to stay in it any longer.
You know that something needs tochange, even if you don't know
what that is just yet, just payattention to those.
Note them, write them down andask yourself, what would I do
here if I wasn't afraid of beingabandoned or rejected or unloved
or left alone or whatever?
(41:40):
Really start to pay attention tothose because that's I think
where a lot of the evolutionstarts to really show itself is
in those moments, those pressurecookers of you know, how we've
been living up until this point,the patterns we've been
perpetuating, and thatinvitation to finally break
those patterns.
(42:01):
That's that's what that growthedge, that that discomfort, that
pressure point is trying to showyou.
Okay.
So that is all for today, youguys.
Until next time, massive love.
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the
(00:02):
show.
I'm so excited and grateful tohave you guys here.
We've been on a bit of a journeyon the Femcast in the coming in
the last couple of weeks.
You know, we've talked a lotabout betrayal and pain being
this powerful portal oftransformation.
We've talked a lot abouttransmuting the suppressed anger
and rage that we've been holdingon to.
(00:23):
And I really think it's verytimely that we've been going
through this.
So I want to kind of shift gearsa little bit on the Femcast and
start to talk about a little bitmore about, you know, the higher
purpose of some of theseexperiences and patterns that
we've been caught up in.
You know, I think ultimatelywe've gone through this massive
(00:44):
shift where, you know, thefeminine or women have been kind
of kept in a very disempoweredstate and been kind of been put
in the in these containers wherewe feel like we need to play
small, we need to dim our light,we need to silence ourselves, we
need to keep our voices down,you know, we need to do all
these things in order to beaccepted, loved, um, or we feel
(01:08):
we need to do all these things.
But really, what's what's reallycoming to light in all of this
discovery and all of this umbeautiful transformation that
we've been kind of talking aboutis that a lot of times that
these containers, theserelationships, these situations
that kind of put this pressureon us to contain us is the exact
(01:30):
medicine that we need to evolveand step into the fullest
potential that we came here tobe.
And so a lot of theserelationships that keep us
small, these toxic patterns andconditioning that keep us
questioning our worth or tryingto validate our worth externally
or trying to fit into someoneelse's expect expect someone
(01:52):
else's expectations of what goodenough is or lovable is, or you
know, any of the above, right?
I think is really the catalystto our deepest and most profound
and sacred transformation wherewe really start to step into our
(02:12):
true power and potential andreally just create the impact
and the influence that we'remeant to create in the world.
Because I do think we're at thispivotal point where the
collective is shifting.
We're recognizing, you know,where the feminine has kind of
been suppressed, both within menand women, masculine and
feminine, non-binary.
It doesn't matter what you whatgender role, what your sexual
(02:36):
preference is that you assign toyourself, it's all the same.
We're all a collective, we'reall a we're all a combination of
masculine and feminine energy.
Um, some will lean more towardsone and the other.
And it's become evidently clearum that the feminine has been
suppressed in many of us, in allof us, really.
(02:57):
Um, this leads to, if you know,I'm just trying to, it's hard to
articulate um all the differentnuances.
So just for the sake ofsimplifying the conversation and
not going into all the differentaspects and how this could look,
because obviously this will beunique to every individual.
(03:19):
But if you're somebody who leansmore towards, naturally leans
more towards your masculine.
Um, so typically this will applyto people who identify as men or
male.
Um, this will leave you in yourwounded masculine where you're
completely out of touch withyour feminine, right?
So you're completely or don'tfeel safe getting into your
emotional experience, gettinginto the emotional body,
(03:40):
trusting your intuition.
Um, you know, you areconditioned to use logic,
control, force, um, and physicalstrength to make um to do what
it is that you need to do in theworld.
And on the opposite end of thespectrum, you know, if you lean
(04:02):
more feminine, right, whichtypically is mostly women, but
again, all of these will varydepending on the individual.
And it has nothing to do withsexual orientation, gender
identity, or anything like that.
Each of us have our own uniquebalance of masculine and
feminine.
So, but if you lean towards moretowards the feminine, so for the
simplicity's sake, we'll saymostly women, um, then you've
(04:25):
probably been, you know, mostlyin your wounded feminine, where,
you know, you're kind of you'reeither like heavily relying on
your masculine or you're usingwounded feminine behaviors of
like codependency, trying tomanipulate, coerce, um, and
emotionally blackmail peopleinto literally doing the things
that you wanted them to do.
(04:46):
Um the beautiful thing thathappens when we bring these two
energies into balance is that weare able to, number one, within
ourselves, harness both thehealthiest version, the highest
expression of our masculine andour feminine energies to create
what we want in the world andthen create harmonious
relationships as a resultbecause we're able to respect
the balances of masculine andfeminine within within each
(05:08):
other and not compete with umsuppress or um reject them for
stepping into and embodying anyof the above.
And that is really when we're inour most empowered state.
Unfortunately, um, throughpatriarchal conditioning, a lot
of us have learned to suppressour feminine, um, which is what
(05:31):
has kind of kept us in thisdisempowered state.
So for most of the women that Iwork with, right, this looks
like, you know, being um inrelationships that are
manipulative, hurtful, betrayal,painful, um, making you feel
less than, unloved, emotionallyunavailable, chase, constantly
(05:51):
chasing emotionally unavailablemen, um, and always trying to
always feeling like you need togive more, be more loving, um,
be more accommodating, be moreunderstanding, right?
This whole concept of theunconditional love, right?
Give, give, give, and give, andhope that they'll one day give
(06:12):
in return, only to end upreceiving less and less.
So it keeps us in this constantcycle of giving more and
receiving less, giving more andreceiving less.
And in the end, we end upfeeling betrayed, um, hurt and
abandoned, right?
And rejected.
Um, but what we see again andagain is how the pain and the
heartbreak of a lot of theserelationships actually become
(06:35):
the catalyst and the portal forthe transformation to step into
our power.
I can speak to this onespecifically because for me, you
know, when I had, you know, I'vetalked about, God, have I talked
about my douchebag era on thesepodcasts.
But, you know, as I came out ofmy douchebag era and the last
person that I dated um before Iwent into my relationship,
(06:56):
seven-year relationship hiatus.
Um, and he wasn't by any means adouchebag.
He still wasn't the healthiestof relationships in the world,
but he wasn't by any means adouchebag.
He's actually very loving, um,but still feeling still this
energy of um, as loving as hewas and um as sensitive as he
(07:18):
was, you know, there was stillthis fear to kind of like let
his guard down and commit,right?
That was still there.
And I and that was one of thethings that, you know, as I kind
of was moving along my journey,I needed to learn and love and
accept about him and let him go.
Because he did he wasn't, and nomatter how much love was there,
no matter how much affection wasthere, no matter how much
(07:39):
closeness and intimacy wasthere, you know, there was still
a part of them that wasresistant to choosing me.
And so I had to choose myselfand I had to walk away from that
and I had to put an end to that.
Um, and so, you know, sometimesunconditionally, being
unconditionally loving means,and I really want to stress this
because I've heard so manypeople like say just the most
(08:00):
inaccurate things about this.
Sometimes being unconditionallyloving and doing the
unconditionally loving thing isjust accepting what someone is
willing to offer and being ableto say, okay, I see you.
I'm gonna go someplace else andfind somebody who is willing to
give me what it is that I'mlooking for in a relationship or
is willing to be in arelationship with me.
(08:20):
Loving someone and sayingattached to someone who's made
it clear they're not ready to bewith you for whatever the
reason, whether it's right orwrong, or fear or trauma or bad
past hurts or whatever baggagethey might be carrying doesn't
matter.
The point is that they'veclearly said, whether verbally
or or in, you know, with theirintentions, that they're not
ready to be in a committedrelationship.
(08:41):
And you need to respect that andnot try and um either manipulate
them into changing their mind orsticking around until they
change their mind or trying toshow them just how worthy and
beautiful and amazing you areand trying to like get them to
change their mind.
You just have to let it be.
If they are meant to be withyou, they will come back.
(09:02):
And if they're not, then youwill find somebody else who's
ready to love you the way thatyou want to be loved.
And that that in itself, likethat, that I think is probably
the first step.
At least it was for me in mytransformation and really coming
back to myself and stepping intomy power, right?
And so, you know, I can remembergoing back to when that
(09:25):
happened, and I kind of madethat choice where I said, okay,
you know what?
I need to just choose myself andand focus on myself and and and
be, I needed to, I knew therewas a part of me that just knew
I needed to become the personwho I wanted to date.
I needed to treat myself the waysomeone who I dated would the
way I would want them to treatme.
I needed to show up for myselfthe way someone who I was
(09:48):
dating, who I how I would wantthem to show up for me, right?
I needed, I needed to reverseengineer all of that and do it
first for me and show up for mein that way.
And I don't know where I gotthis idea, but it just felt like
this internal pull of somethingthat I really desperately had to
do for me, right?
(10:09):
Oops, I just hit my mic.
And so I I that's when theseven-year relationship hiatus
began.
And I literally cut myself offfrom relationship until I was in
this place where I knew that Icould attract a healthy, loving
relationship who was who wasready to commit to me, right?
Until so until somebody wasready to commit to me, I was
committed to myself.
(10:29):
And that was the end of theconversation, right?
I was not wavering on that.
I was, it was a non-negotiable.
I had made my decision.
And I can remember because I hadkept in contact with that person
for quite some time.
And he would always tell me, youknow, are you seeing anybody?
What's going on?
What's new with you?
And I would tell him, you know,this, this, this, and that,
blah, blah, blah.
He goes, Yeah, but are youseeing anybody?
(10:50):
I'm like, no.
He's like, you have to startout, good, get out there.
Okay, I think he was partlythinking that I wasn't dating
because I was hanging on to him,um, which totally wasn't the
case.
And I kept trying to assure himof that.
Um, but it was so funny becausehe kept saying it again and
again.
Finally, I was like, no, I don'twant to go out there and date.
I refuse.
Because I was really just inthis place where I knew it
(11:13):
wasn't, there was nothing wrongwith dating.
Please hear me.
Because I always, you know, Iget, it's funny, we're gonna
talk about this, but I alwaysget so many hate, not hate
comments, but like rebuttals onsome of the things that I say,
thinking that, you know, peoplethink out there thinking that
I'm hateful towards men or I'veshut out men, or then none of
that could, then nothing couldbe farther from the truth.
(11:36):
It was just a season where Iknew I needed to be on my own,
right?
And and I knew I needed to givethis to myself, and I knew that
this was important.
I didn't know why, I didn't knowhow, but I knew it was something
that I absolutely needed to movethrough.
And when I was done and I wasready to get out there again,
(11:56):
and I was ready to startconnecting with people again,
um, you know, I was able to toto start to attract some really
just emotionally conscious andavailable relationships into my
space.
Still not the one, but you knowwhat?
It I have had some of the mostloving and intimate experience
(12:19):
as a result of doing this workand taking that time for myself.
But, you know, it still is anevolution because I'm still I'm
still evolving, I'm stillevolving in my work, I'm still
evolving in what I do, I'm stillevolving in terms of what I
want.
And I'm still I'm still in aposition where I'm I'm needing
(12:42):
to say and state again with myintention and my decisions that
yes, this was loving, yes, thiswas magical, yes, this was
amazing, yes, I loved everymoment of this, but I'm still
choosing to say no because Iknow I am meant for more.
(13:03):
So even though it was great, itstill wasn't the thing that I
would commit to for a lifetime.
It was a great experience, itwas a great relationship, but
still not the one that I wouldcommit to for a lifetime.
And until that relationship doesshow up, or at least the kind of
um hint that it could be thatrelationship, I have literally
(13:25):
zero desire to date anybodyuntil I know that there's that
possibility of yeah, this personhas the potential to be my
person, right?
And I I'm not looking to datefor entertainment.
I'm not looking to be out theredating to kind of kill time.
I have my passion projects forthat.
I have a lot of things to keepme busy in my life rather than
(13:46):
entertaining relationships thatnot that they're bad, just I
know aren't for me, you know?
And that is a really consciouschoice that I make and I make it
every day.
And I think that's been part ofhow I really just stepped to
stepped into my power again andreally embodied um my worth as a
woman and what it is that Ibring to the table in a
(14:06):
relationship, right?
So really important, you know,the the relationships that we
move through, um, you know, theones that we're so we feel that
we need, because the world has,you know, in so many ways taught
us that we need thatrelationship in our life to feel
safe, to be okay, to be love, toprove to ourselves that we're
(14:27):
even worthy of love, you know?
And I think that when we canbreak away from that, you know,
we really start to discover whoit is that we are and what we're
really capable of.
But I think also the pressurethat I would, and I can remember
the pressure of chasing, ofconvincing, of waiting, of
persuading people to choose me,to love me, and finally just
(14:50):
being at this point where I waslike, I just done.
I'm just so done, I'm tired, I'mexhausted, I can't do this
anymore.
I need to give to myself.
And that I think was the powerin that toxic pattern is that it
finally got to the point where Ijust couldn't keep up anymore.
It became too exhausting, itbecame too depleting, and my
(15:13):
soul knew it was time to take adifferent path.
It was time to take a differentapproach.
And so the problem, you know, Ialways say this divine
solutions, right?
Where the problem, theexasperation of the problem
becomes a solution.
The exasperation of my toxicrelationship patterns literally
became the solution that Ineeded because I could not
fucking stand them one moreminute.
(15:34):
I needed to just take a timeout, focus on myself, become my
own best partner, right?
Treat myself the way I wouldwant my best partner to treat
me.
Um, and keep doing that againand again and again until that
time came, knowing that the timewill come when that person comes
(15:56):
into my life and I'll know, I'llknow, I'll know right away.
I know I will know right awaywhen that person comes into my
life, and that there's not gonnabe a question about it.
Sure, there's gonna be work.
Relationships always take work,they're never perfect.
You know, waiting for theperfect relationship, never
gonna happen, right?
Relationships always take work,they they are our most powerful
mechanisms for growth.
(16:17):
So, yes, often they are noteasy, right?
And I think expectingrelationships to be easy is just
like the biggest way we setourselves up for failure, but
they should at the very least beemotionally available and on the
same page as you, and you know,really be aligned with your
values and your worth.
And if they're not, you know,those are like the big red
(16:39):
flags, right?
Um, but you can see where like alot of this conditioning has
really, you know, number one,kept us this in a disempowered
state for a very long time.
But then there's comes thismoment where we part of us, I
don't know what it was.
It was an energetic, no fuckingmore of this, right?
Where we just declare we deservebetter.
(17:00):
And then we kind of evolve pastthat.
So again, the exasperation ofthe problem becomes the
solution.
So a lot of the times, you know,these relationships are showing
us, um, you know, especially ifthey make us feel like um like
we have to jump through hoopsfor approval.
You know, it's showing us wherewe might need to start approving
(17:22):
of ourselves.
If we feel like we're beingsilenced, like I did in a lot of
my relationships, I felt like Icouldn't speak up.
I felt like every time I did, Iwas met with apprehension or
defensiveness or punishment orretaliation.
It's really showing you where,you know, the power of your
voice and and your potentialonce you start using your voice,
(17:44):
right?
Um, if you felt like you had todim your light or, you know,
hide parts of yourself, youknow, the discomfort in doing
that when you start to, when youget to the point where you're so
exhausted of hiding and dimmingand pretending and putting on
like pretending to be somethingthat you're not, that you just
want to unleash this mostauthentic, wild part of you that
(18:05):
you've been holding back for solong.
So the compression, right?
It's almost in like thecompression and the duality of
what we experience, where therestriction on our voice and our
expression and our authenticityand in who we are, and and and
and everything that's holding usback of who we came to be in
this world suddenly becomes soimpossible to stay in as a
(18:28):
container that we have no otherchoice but to blow it the fuck
up and step into our fullestpotential.
And that's really what a lot ofthese toxic dynamics and
relationships have done.
And this is not just in ourpersonal relationships, this is
in our friendships, this is inour work relationships.
This so this shows up in so manydifferent environments and how
(18:51):
we interact with other people.
Because I really do believe thatthey're showing us number one,
where we're being limitedbecause of toxic and patriarchal
conditioning, right?
And where our soul is when westart to feel that discomfort,
the no, I don't like this.
No, this doesn't feel good.
No, this doesn't feel right.
No, I have more to say, do orbe.
When we start to feel that,that's our soul saying, yeah,
(19:14):
you do, right?
So we need to start payingattention to where those
discomforts start to happen inour relationships, in our our in
our surroundings, in ourenvironments, in our um the
dynamics that exist around us,right?
In our friendships, in our workrelationships.
(19:35):
Um, look at when you're feelingsilenced or muffled.
And what would you say?
What is it that you want to sayinstead?
Look at where you're suppressingwhat you're feeling and trying
to sweep it under the rug orpretend that it's not there.
And what would that emotion sayif you just kind of let it
speak?
And that's not to say, you know,I never, I am never an advocate
(19:57):
of unleashing your unprocessedemotion or trauma onto other
people.
Process your emotions first andmake sure you're kind of coming
into uh balance, equilibrium.
Like, you know, emotions alwayshave this wide spectrum.
You know, whether you want tolabel them as good or bad, it
(20:18):
doesn't matter.
Rage has the spectrum where, youknow, we we go into the ego and
we start projecting it oneverybody else around us.
Then when we come back to thesole truth of why that rage is
showing up, it's usually becauseit's wanting us to take a
different action or take adifferent approach or be honest
about a perspective or truththat maybe we've been hiding or
(20:39):
a boundary that we want to set.
So we always want to come backto that heart-centered
expression of that emotion.
We never want to just spew theprojection onto other people.
And I think that's where a lotof the times people make the the
dis that people make the mistakeof, you know, just you know,
going full throttle onexpressing themselves and just
(21:02):
emotionally dumping on thepeople around them.
And that that creates a lot ofdiscomfort.
It can create a lot of damage inrelationships.
Um, you can be you're capable ofsaying and doing a lot of things
that you actually don't reallymean in that heightened state,
right?
And so that's something that wereally want to try and avoid.
So I'm always a big believer inprocessing before expressing,
(21:24):
um, so that you make sure thatthe the parts of what you're
feeling and that you express areof the truest um expression of
yourself and not just anexaggerated um response to an
emotional state.
And I think that's really theimportant distinction in a lot
of these things.
(21:45):
Um but you know, all theserelationships are showing you
something, right?
Where you're dimming your light,where you're silencing, where
you're not being the mostauthentic expression of
yourself.
And it'll start to feel reallyuncomfortable right before you
(22:08):
have your breakthrough.
And so a lot of theserelationships, these toxic
patterns that we're trying tobreak, yeah, they're awful,
yeah, they're gross, yeah,they're not nice, but they're
actually the evolution and themedicine that we didn't, or
sorry, the medicine that wedidn't know we needed so that we
could evolve and listen to,listen to that discomfort to see
(22:31):
where it might be inviting you,how it might be inviting you to
do things differently, to showup differently, to be in a more
empowered state.
And that is really the beauty.
Like when I when I look back on,you know, some of the toxicities
that I experienced and some ofthe relationship traumas that I
experienced, they were fullyleading me to where I am today.
(22:53):
And so what I want to kind of,you know, open the conversation
to, and where I want to startgoing with the podcast is
opening up to what were thesetoxic relationship patterns
preparing you for?
What was being silence andfeeling like you couldn't speak
your truth?
What was that preparing you for?
(23:14):
Hiding your parts of yourself,feeling ashamed, feeling
unloved, feeling afraid to beabandoned and rejected.
If you let people see who youreally are, what was that
preparing you for?
Right?
Being able to kind of step outon your own and choose yourself
and make that promise toyourself to be that person for
yourself until that personshowed up without any shame,
(23:36):
regret, or apology, what wasthat preparing you for?
Because chances are if you'vegone through these cycles, it's
been preparing you for somethingfreaking amazing, right?
Whether it's to, you know,create an impact in your
community, in your family, orin, you know, in a larger, in a
(23:58):
larger capacity, you're meant tocreate some sort of impact and
influence with what you've justlearned and what you just
experienced.
You're meant to evolve in waysthat you did not see coming.
You're meant to break cyclesthat have been probably going on
in your in your lineage forgenerations.
And that is a lot of work.
(24:19):
And that is, those are thethings that, you know, we come
into this life and we think,like, my God, like, why did I
keep attracting these people?
Why did I keep settling forthese like like douchebags?
Why did I keep attracting allthese emotionally unavailable
partners?
Or, you know, why did I keepattracting, you know,
friendships that weren't reallylike my friend at all.
(24:40):
They were just kind of likesuperficial acquaintances that
love the way I made them feelabout themselves when I was at
my best and really weren't verysupportive when I wasn't, you
know?
Um, that's when you really startto see the beauty in all of it,
right?
And what it was preparing youfor.
Because here's the thing, andhere's what I always believe.
(25:01):
Um every relationship cycle,every trauma that we've
experienced, every heartbreak,every disappointment, every
letdown, it's always been thereto help us evolve and to lose to
learn a lesson.
Every emotion that we've everexperienced, whether we've
suppressed it, expressed it, ortried to sweep it under the rug,
(25:25):
doesn't matter.
Every emotion we've experiencedhas been trying to help us to
evolve in some way, right?
Um, your emotions are not aweakness, right?
And I think we need to we needwe need to start looking at
emotions so differently.
We need to start looking atemotions as those whispers from
our soul to kind of guide usalong our path and let us know
(25:46):
which direction is working,which one's not, and where we
want to make adjustments alongthe way.
There are guides, they are theliterally um, they are the the
the roadmap to where we'regoing, you know?
Um, and they the the energy thatis contained in emotions when we
have the, when we can sit downand intentionally transmute them
(26:08):
into what it is that we want tocreate, we are so much more
powerful than any mindset work.
Like we tap into so much morepower than more so than any
mindset work can do, any visionboard, any affirmation, because
there's so much energy beingstored in our emotion.
There's so much potential thereto create shit.
(26:29):
But the problem is that we'realways sweeping it under the rug
and avoiding it.
So I think all of this, all ofthis stuff, all of these
patterns, all of these limitingbeliefs, all of these ways that
we've kept ourselves small andkept ourselves silent, and all
this power that we've beendisconnected from in our
emotions.
I honestly believe all of thisis coming to a head so that we
can step up and play a biggergame.
(26:50):
Because I do believe that assouls, we all have a reason for
being here.
I believe that we all have areason for being here.
I believe that we each play apart in a greater good.
Um we each have a tiny part toplay, okay?
Um, and like I said, that'lllook different for everybody.
But how we get there is byfollowing and honoring our
(27:11):
soul's true essence.
It's by listening to what ourdesires are telling us, what our
emotions are telling us, whatour life path has told us and
taught us, and how it has helpedus to evolve.
All these become powerful piecesin a greater purpose for why
we're here.
And I do believe that we allhave a purpose.
(27:32):
And I do believe that thedesires that live in our heart
that we secretly think about butare maybe are afraid to say out
loud are very important in termsof us guiding us along the path
to fulfilling that purpose.
I don't everything, I don'tthink anything is an is random.
I don't think anything is anaccident.
(27:52):
Yes, I do believe we have freewill choice, and a lot of what
we experience in this life isalso a result of our free will
choices, but the soul ultimatelyhas a goal.
It has something here toaccomplish, right?
And I think there's, I thinkthere's, it's almost like I
think there's like a collectivegoal of, you know, all of us
being able to tap into moredivine love where um we are
(28:17):
completely unattached and andand um what's the word?
I can't find the word divinelove where we are completely
unattached to uh labels or howwe think we should and shouldn't
act in this lifetime where we'rekind of able to see the God in
everybody, but or the the sourceor the universe um or that
(28:41):
create creative force ineverybody, but also being able
to recognize um, yes, althoughthere is their source, there is
source energy, I believe,running through each and every
one of us.
Um that doesn't mean we're allin our, you know, that doesn't
mean we're all uh how do I putthis?
(29:03):
That doesn't mean we're all inour highest expression in this
lifetime.
You know, we've we've we're allwe're all moving through karmic
patterns, we're all moving,breaking generational
conditioning, we're all umbalancing out karma from
previous lifetimes.
So, you know, not everyone isalways gonna be in their highest
expression, and some people veeroff the path and you know what,
(29:24):
to each his own.
The only thing we can do is makesure that we are showing up, we
are doing everything that we canto show to show up in our most
empowered and um aligned state.
And I think, you know, when wecan love each other that way and
love ourselves that way and andset that intention for ourselves
and let people um, you know,focus less on what other people
(29:46):
are doing and blaming otherpeople and getting angry at
other people and focus on howwe're showing up and how we want
to use this moment to evolve.
I think that's when we becomereally powerful as spiritual
beings because we can waste alifetime looking at what
everyone else is saying anddoing.
And how they're acting and howthey're behaving and how that
makes us feel.
But that will never keep us.
That that that will never thatwill never help us do the inner
(30:08):
work for what that istriggering.
So I guess the point that I'mtrying to make is lay pay
attention, pay less attention towhat's going on out there, pay
more attention to what's goingon in here.
What is where where are thetriggers?
Where's the frustration?
Where is the the impatience?
Where is the I just can't dothis anymore, right?
(30:30):
Pay attention to that becausethat is a big and powerful clue.
Now, again, you want to processbefore you actually take action,
right?
And I talk about that a lot.
Always process what you'refeeling first, then make
decision to take action.
Don't just take what you'refeeling and project it out into
(30:50):
the world and act on it and burnshit down and blow that
relationship up or take it outon that person or blame them for
what you're feeling.
No, you take it with, you takeit internally, you process it,
not suppress it, process it,which means moving through it,
asking questions.
Why are you here?
What is it that you're trying toshow me?
What would you like me to dodifferently?
Three powerful questions thatyou can ask yourself every
(31:12):
single day.
Um, when you start to feel, whenyou start to have an emotional
experience, especially anuncomfortable one.
Um, and then let it just bepresent until you can come back
to kind of a neutral state andsay, okay, this is what I think
the aligned choice needs to behere, right?
And you can feel that in yourheart space, right?
(31:34):
Then that's when you take theaction.
That's when you make thedecisions, that's when you have
the conversations, okay?
Um, the problem is so many of usare kind of just taking our
emotional state and just likejust, you know, exploding it
onto the world and makingdecisions, and like I said,
blowing our lives up, quittingthat job, ending that
(31:54):
relationship, letting thatperson have it, blaming them for
our total experience in thislife when really it needs to be
internally processed first,right?
Because whenever we do thosethings, um, we do create a
ripple, we do, we do, we dodamage relationships, we do hurt
people's feelings, we do saythings that we don't mean,
right?
And we do create an emotionalburden for the people around us.
(32:15):
And, you know, that never feelsgood.
And I would never encouragepeople to do that.
But I would encourage you tolook at your emotional
experience, to move through it,process it, allow it to
transmute itself, and then havereally honest and sometimes
difficult conversations withpeople once you've processed
what's been coming up for you.
Very, very, very importantdistinction.
(32:37):
Okay.
So I think we're in this placeright now where, you know, we
are at this collective awakeningwhere I think the feminine is
really coming into her power.
And I do believe, and I dobelieve that, you know, and
this, I know this gets a lot ofmixed, mixed um, this can be
(33:01):
uncomfortable for some people tohear.
Um, but there's light feminineand there is dark feminine, and
both of them have their place.
And I think that, you know, alot of us are really stepping
into this dark feminine energywhere it is about speaking your
truth and setting boundaries andtaking a stand for your worth,
right?
But doing so from a very lovingand empowered place.
(33:22):
It's not about taking power overother people, it's not about
controlling other people, it'snot about getting other people
to do what we want them to do.
It's really about taking a standfor who we are, what we want,
and what we deserve, and beingable to, you know, kind of be
sovereign in that, right?
And being able to hold thatenergy without needing the
(33:43):
validation or the approval or umof anyone else around us in
order to do these things, right?
We're kind of taking the standfor ourselves, and this is
what's really helping this sortof feminine collective heal um
so that we can balance out thosemasculine and feminine energies,
(34:05):
so that we can balance actionwith intuition and strength with
presence and you know, um, logicwith emotion, all these
beautiful things, so that we canstart to balance all these out
and have a place for both tocoexist in harmony.
And I think that really becomesa solution to so many of the
(34:27):
struggles that we'reexperiencing as a collective,
you know.
Um because I always say, like,with the union of the masculine
and the feminine energy comescompassionate action, comes
divine creation, comes inspiredevolution.
(34:49):
You need both.
We can't rely on just the one.
We need both.
And I really believe that youknow the suppression of the div
of the divine feminine energyhas really been the key that's
been missing for us to tap intoour power as spiritual beings.
And I think it was intentionallyplanned that way, to be quite
honest, because I think peopleknew how powerful we would be if
(35:10):
we would ever actually discoverhow to use this energy and how
to bring it into balance withour masculine.
I think people didn't want us tohave that kind of power, to be
honest.
No, I'm just being honest.
And I see people in thespiritual community right now in
the personal development spacethat, you know, are almost I
(35:31):
don't want to say um uh what'sthe word they're still
influenced by these beliefs.
Even though they're speakingbeautifully and they're speaking
from this beautiful,heart-centered place, there's
still this ideology within them.
We'll take women for because youknow, obviously the a lot of my
show is about the you know,women and what we struggle with
(35:52):
in terms of um how we show likehow we show up in the world and
what's available to us and whatis in what we feel like we have
to fight for.
It's you know, a lot of timesthere's a conversation that, and
I see this so much now in thepersonal development space in
the spiritual community, whereit's like, you know, the woman
is meant to be home with thefamily, taking care of the
children and supporting herdivine partner in divine union
(36:14):
so that he can be the bestversion of himself.
And, you know, I hear that and II almost want to cringe because
actually there's so much morethat you're capable of.
And this isn't about, this isn'tabout a 50-50 relationship.
It's not about that.
It's about understanding thateach of us has a unique purpose
as a soul.
(36:35):
We don't all have the samepurpose.
The purpose for all women is notto have children, the purpose
for all men is not to fatherchildren and provide for their
families.
There's many ways that we aremeant to support the collective
good.
There's many things we are meantto we are here to be, see, and
become, right?
(36:56):
And I think that's you know,slapping labels and roles on
people is just nothing more thana different version of
patriarchal conditioning,really, that is keeping us small
in a disempowered state.
Because I think that when we canstep into our full potential as
spiritual beings and really payattention to where our heart is
guiding us and what it wants tocreate, we become completely
(37:18):
unstoppable.
I know I had so many powerfulexperiences during my awakening
of my of my heart kind ofunveiling this whole other life
that I had never even given anythought to.
I didn't even think was apossibility.
It wasn't even on my radar.
The fact that I wanted to speakto people in large audiences
(37:39):
that I could and I had wouldhave visualized, I would have
these visions where I would bespeaking into a microphone.
And I knew I'd be talking tothousands, hundreds of thousands
of people, but I couldn't seeany of their faces.
I had no idea that was apodcast.
This was years ago.
Podcasting was barely a thing atthe time.
Certainly wasn't anything Iwould do.
It was what the nerds were doingin their mama's basement at the
(38:01):
time, you know.
Um, it wasn't a mainstreamthing.
Um, the fact that I saw myself,you know, walking through uh
this beautiful sort of all theselike tiny tropical villages,
kind of, you know, dressed inthese boho outfits and meeting
people from all around the worldand greeting and and connecting
(38:21):
with people from all over theworld.
I had no idea I was gonna betraveling through Asia and
meeting all these amazing peoplealong the way.
Like so many, so many inklingsand visions and clues that my
soul was giving to me as to asto what my purpose was and what
I was meant to do.
And it was so beyond what I wasdoing.
And I was meant for so much moreimpact and influence that I even
(38:45):
knew how to comprehend.
And my soul had been literallypreparing me for my entire life,
if not lifetimes, to do thework.
And so I think when we can justembrace where life has brought
us, what our relationship hastaught us, when we learn to look
at our relationships as teachersand ask ourselves, okay, what is
(39:06):
this relationship trying toteach me?
What is this pattern trying toteach me?
What is this feeling that I keepmanifesting in my connections
where I'm feeling like I feelsmall?
I can't speak my truth.
I need to silence my voice.
I need to constantly give andand not ask for anything in
return.
What is it that all thesepatterns have been trying to
(39:31):
teach me and show me about who Iam and how my soul is asking me
to involve, evolve, and pay veryclose attention to the pressure
points, right?
Those points of friction, theedge where it starts that that
really uncomfortable, that edgewhere everything starts to feel
really fucking uncomfortable andborderline triggering, but you
(39:52):
can't figure out why it'striggering you.
It just feels like I just wantto get out of here.
Pay attention because those areliterally the the pressure
points where that are the it'syour growth edge.
That's where that's where thepressure is building, asking you
to grow and evolve intosomething different.
(40:12):
So start to really pay attentionand go back to the last couple
of episodes because we talked alot about rage and alchemizing
rage and balancing the masculineand feminine energies, and that
I think is going to reallysupport you.
Um, but I just wanted toacknowledge all of that and and
what we've been talking aboutbecause I do believe it's
lending to a much biggerconversation, a conversation not
(40:35):
just about our relationships,but about who we are in the
world and the purpose, impact,and influence that we came here
to have and to create.
And I think that get that, Ithink that is the bigger part of
the conversation.
And I think that's what I I if Iwould love, I I I definitely
have so much more to say aboutgoing forward, right?
Um, so have a think on that.
(40:57):
Think about what your life pathhas taught you or has been
trying to teach you, what yourrelationships have been trying
to teach you, what your patternshave been trying to teach you,
about where you want to grow andevolve.
Where are those growth edgeswith the discomfort, the
triggers where it starts to getreally uncomfortable?
And you know, you know you wouldnot want to stay in this pattern
(41:19):
much longer.
Like if the pattern is gettingso uncomfortable, you don't want
to stay in it any longer.
You know that something needs tochange, even if you don't know
what that is just yet, just payattention to those.
Note them, write them down andask yourself, what would I do
here if I wasn't afraid of beingabandoned or rejected or unloved
or left alone or whatever?
(41:40):
Really start to pay attention tothose because that's I think
where a lot of the evolutionstarts to really show itself is
in those moments, those pressurecookers of you know, how we've
been living up until this point,the patterns we've been
perpetuating, and thatinvitation to finally break
those patterns.
(42:01):
That's that's what that growthedge, that that discomfort, that
pressure point is trying to showyou.
Okay.
So that is all for today, youguys.
Until next time, massive love.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.