November 4, 2024 • 25 mins
What happens when the serene vision of childbirth is upended by a life-threatening complication? Join me as I recount the raw and emotional journey through severe preeclampsia and the premature birth of my daughter, Abigail, at just 23 weeks. Faced with the daunting challenge of preterm birth, every moment was a testament to the strength and resilience required in the face of crisis. Through candid discussions with family and navigating the shock of a now-derailed professional path, this story reveals how such trials fortify character and prepare us for life's most unexpected turns.
Episode Highlights:
- The importance of character and resilience during life's toughest moments.
- Navigating the unexpected challenges of motherhood.
- The power of community and the pivotal role it plays in overcoming adversity.
- Practical advice and encouragement for mothers and those aspiring to be mothers.
If this episode touches your heart or you know someone who would benefit from hearing it, please share it with them. Let's create a supportive community for all women on their healing journeys.
November is Prematurity Awareness Month. If you experienced a premature birth, I encourage you to share your story. It might help others heal.
Healing Moment Action Item: If you are a mother I need you to write out what type of help you need/ desire to have. If you desire to be a mother, I need you to start speaking to your body and your womb to produce life. There is so much power in your words and your beliefs.
Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more inspiring content!
Join the Waitlist for our end-of-the-year event Elevate & Thrive in 2025. https://jessicalundy.com/workshop/
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Jessica Lundy
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jessica Lundy (00:00):
I've known my whole life that I desired to be
a mother, but I was in a rushwhen we found out we were
pregnant.
We were over the moon.
We were excited.
They told me I had somethingcalled severe preeclampsia.
At that date they wanted toactually deliver me.
I was fighting for my lifeDuring this situation.
I was not weak.
(00:20):
I did not crumble.
This is why I say you got towork on your character.
But that did not mean thathaving a daughter at 24 weeks
was not going to come with somechallenges.
My daughter was born at onepound.
She has a breathing tube.
That's there.
She has a feeding tube.
She was on a ventilator andoxygen all of the things.
If you desire to be a mother, Iwant you to start speaking to
(00:43):
your womb.
(01:04):
Welcome to Finally Healed withJessica Lundy podcast, where we
prioritize mental health,self-care and embrace our
healing journey together.
Now this will probably be theonly episode that I will give a
little bit of a disclaimer.
I might get emotional on thisepisode.
We're going to be talking aboutmotherhood and I really want
(01:27):
you guys to meet me with somelove and encouragement in the
comments, because I'm going tobe as honest with you as I wish
somebody would have been with me.
So, when you think aboutbecoming a mother, this is
something that a lot of littlegirls have desired to be their
(01:48):
entire life.
We're literally given babydolls at five years old and are
taught to be responsible forthem and take care of them, and
we take that role seriously.
Just think about you with yourbaby dolls.
You made sure that they werealive.
They literally have baby alivenow, and we're literally taught
(02:12):
to be this nurturer, to besomeone that is that caregiver,
to give the love and all of thethings that are required to be a
really good parent.
And so I've known my whole lifethat I desired to be a mother,
but I was in no rush.
Let me tell you why Because Ibelieve that being a parent is
(02:37):
one of the most seriousresponsibilities on this planet.
So someone could say like, oh,being the president or being a
CEO or being a leader of a majorcorporation is one of the
highest honors that you can have.
But I believe one of thehighest honors you can have is
being a parent, and so I havealways taken that role and
(03:02):
responsibility very seriously.
So I knew that I was going tobe of a little bit more of a
mature age you know, sister'sstill young and looking good,
okay but more of a mature age tobe a parent, because I wanted
to make sure that I was healedprior to bringing trauma into
(03:24):
someone else's life.
I have the privilege and thehonor to coach hundreds, if not
thousands, of people, and I haveseen so many people tell me
stories about their trauma fromtheir childhood, from their
father not being in their life,from all of these different
circumstances.
(03:44):
Really, it came from parentsnot being healed prior to having
their child.
So I knew, with the knowledgeand the wisdom that I had prior
to that, I was going to, onpurpose, wait to have children.
And so my husband and I weremarried eight years prior to us
(04:07):
conceiving our daughter, and sofor us, we had built that solid
foundation.
I had a clear vision of what itwould look like to have a child
, to have a daughter.
We were going to travel theworld, do all these amazing
things.
Like I'm already thinking aboutthe nanny.
Did anybody else watch the showthe Nanny when you were a kid
(04:29):
and you just assumed that youwere going to have enough money
to have a nanny?
I just always assume, becauseof the show that I was going to
have a nanny Right.
Like I remember watching theCosbys being like that's the
kind of family I'm going to have.
Like I'm going to have thisbeautiful family and this big
house.
Like that's the one thing Ilove about them classic TV shows
(04:51):
is they really showed howbeautiful having a family was.
Like I'm looking forward to theday that we have those taco
Tuesdays or going to mydaughter's first recital.
Those are things that were apart of the vision that I desire
to have as a mother.
(05:13):
And my husband my phenomenal,incredible husband I have known
since the first day that we metthat he would be the most
incredible father.
First day that we met, that hewould be the most incredible
father, and I am so grateful andso honored.
I do not take for granted thathe has been everything I
expected and so much more,because, growing up without a
(05:37):
father, my father passed awaywhen I was 10 years old, when he
was on tour.
He was a musician, just aphenomenal, talented human that
contributed so much to the musicindustry.
But he did pass away when I wasyoung.
So I grew up without a fatherand, honestly, before then he
wasn't really involved.
But I'm so grateful that mymother never said one negative
(05:58):
word about my father.
She always talked about himlike he was the most incredible
human on the earth and all Ihave is love and admiration for
him.
But growing up in a singlehousehold, I knew that I wanted
to have a strong foundation as afamily.
So my vision was clear on whatI desired to have.
(06:21):
So when we found out we werepregnant, we were over the moon.
We were excited, I promise youfrom day one, because I do have
a very close relationship withGod.
So I knew early on that I waspregnant.
I knew early on that I washaving a daughter.
I knew early on her name andactually the meaning of her name
(06:41):
baby Abigail.
Some of y'all know baby Abigail, our sweet, precious baby.
And so I do get a lot of peopleasking me like, why haven't we
posted pictures of Abigail?
And I'm going to get into thatas well.
But I had a very clear vision ofwhat I wanted by month one,
y'all, I had a baby showerplanned out.
I had watched a hundred, if nota thousand, youtube videos on
(07:03):
all this stuff from motherhood,but nothing could have prepared
me at week 23 to have gained 60pounds in four months and be so
swollen that I could not feelany feeling in my feet.
I almost passed out in theshower because of how much pain
(07:27):
that I was in, and I rememberhaving a conversation with my
amazing best friend.
Shout out to Markita, whoprayed for me.
Y'all, when y'all are thinkingabout friendships, you need
someone who's going to be therefor you, like, not just talk
about themselves.
Like she would check on methroughout my pregnancy and I'll
(07:48):
never forget when she was likesomething's going on, like you
need to go to the hospitalimmediately, and my friend saved
my life.
And the only reason that myfriend knew what was going on
was because my husband reachedout to her.
That's why you have to be withsomebody who's going to support
you, going to have your back.
He husband reached out to her.
(08:09):
That's why you have to be withsomebody who's going to support
you, going to have your back.
He knew something was wrong andhe knew he needed to come from
a specific person's voice that Iwould hear like an alarm to
take action.
Y'all.
When I went into that hospital,the nurse was like they
immediately like rushed me, likeI was going to have to go into
labor and I'm thinking like thisis my first child, so I don't
really know how this works.
But I know at four and a halfmonths pregnant you're not
supposed to be having no kid.
That's a little bit toopremature.
(08:30):
And so when I went there, thelady was like, oh you look nine
months pregnant.
I thought you were full termand at that point that's when I
realized that I had gained somuch weight.
Now let me do this a littlecaveat.
I was not eating for two.
I didn't change my diet.
I was actually eating prettyclean.
I was working out Like I wasnot working out.
(08:50):
Let me let me be honest.
I wasn't working out, but youknow, I was walking my day to
walk.
I was walking Right, so I wasdoing all the things like
nothing had changed.
When I got there, they told me Ihad something called severe
preeclampsia and when theychecked my blood pressure, it
was like 200.
And it was supposed to be wayless than that, and at that day
they wanted to actually deliverme.
(09:11):
Y'all good old Google.
Shout out to Google.
I Googled the likelihood ofsurvival at 23 weeks and it said
low.
So I started going we week.
Likelihood of survival at 24weeks.
It said 50% better than 23weeks.
And in real time I told thedoctor that I was not delivering
, that I was going to have to atleast wait to 24 weeks, but
(09:35):
most likely I'd rather just stayon bed rest.
They transferred me hospitalsbecause the hospital that I was
at did not have a NICU.
Y'all this is so crazy.
The day that I had my daughter,my husband literally decided
that we were going to bring likeeverything but the kitchen sink
.
So, y'all, we had bought arefrigerator, we bought a
microwave.
We were like, listen, if we'regoing to be here, let's at least
(09:57):
be comfortable.
Okay, let's get some uh,tempur-pedic, you know, sheets.
It's like we're going to get,we're going to get all the
fixings.
Okay, we're gonna make thisinto a palace.
We were we're always alreadythinking about decorating the
walls, and so at that moment Iwas like so comfortable.
I was like, yeah, I could, Icould spend another few months
here.
Now, let's pause for a minute.
I am an international,well-renowned speaker, so what
(10:22):
does that mean?
If I'm only five monthspregnant, I'm still a part of a
tour, y'all.
The day that I delivered mydaughter, I was supposed to be
in Northern Georgia.
Two days after that, I wassupposed to be in the Dominican
Republic.
I was actually on tour.
I had to call my agent and belike hey, like pause, the tour
(10:43):
put out a press release.
Like we had to go through allof the things in real time as I
was fighting for my life.
I'll never forget a conversationmy husband and I had to have
like in real time on if I don'tmake it like I want you to take
care of our daughter, like youcan take care of our daughter,
and then also, if they have tochoose between me or her, you're
(11:05):
going to have to choose her.
That is a conversation thatnobody should have to have,
because nobody wants to have tochoose between their wife that
they've been married to for 10years and a baby they have not
even met.
That they've been married tofor 10 years and a baby they
have not even met.
That is still a hard,challenging conversation to even
think about having to have.
(11:25):
But as you feel your healthdeclining y'all, they don't give
you a second.
They ain't like TV.
They don't give you a second toprocess the decisions that
you're having to make and all ofa sudden, as we think we're
doing, I'm doing pretty good.
A swarm of team comes in.
It's like we're delivering ababy now.
Mind you, two hours prior theytold me I could stay another few
(11:50):
months and now, in a splitsecond, my blood pressure was at
like 220.
Like I was about to die, y'all.
At that point I don't reallyremember anything else.
I just really don't rememberanything else.
I kind of blacked out.
I ended up having to get fourepidurals.
Now my initial vision was tohave a doula there, a birthing
(12:11):
plan, y'all, maybe some water.
I see that on Instagram.
That looks cool.
I want something spectacular.
I was going to have the synthsplaying.
I was going to have likeworship music, like we're going
to bring this baby into, like anatmosphere, like it was going
to be a vibe.
I had an outfit.
None of that happened and, to behonest, that's what they say.
(12:32):
Like man makes a plan and likeGod laughed.
Like God was rolling like onthe floor, laughing like
hysterically because none ofthat.
That.
That went out the window.
And at one point, y'all theyforgot to even go get my husband
.
Like we were halfway throughthe c-section and they like, oh
snap, her husband isn't here,let me go get him.
Crazy, crazy, y'all crazy.
(12:53):
And let me just.
Let me just answer a question Iknow y'all asking, I know some
of y'all like, as I'm tellingyou this story, you might might
be thinking like, oh, if she hada black woman doctor and they
listened to her, like thiswouldn't have happened.
No, no, let me be clear, mydoctor was a black woman and
this still happened.
We can do everything on paper ina moment's notice.
(13:16):
Sometimes situations happen andwe got to pivot and when I can
say with confidence that I was awarrior during this situation,
I was not weak, I did notcrumble.
This is why I say you got towork on your character, because
character is really exposed atyour rawest moment.
You don't get to be a superherowhen you feel like being a
(13:37):
superhero.
You got to be born into that.
You got to work on that art,you got to work on that art, you
got to work on that craft and Itruly feel like I became a
woman, like a grown woman, afterthat experience.
So when I think about fear,when I think about unbelief,
when I think about doubt, like Ifeel like a superhero.
I had so many friends tell methroughout my career early on my
(14:01):
managers, being in the TVindustry, always told me to wait
to have children To really likehaving children would be a
distraction.
But my very successful friendstold me the opposite.
They said when you have a child, you're going to be the most
successful version of you,because what you're going to
have to endure to actually havea child will really put you
(14:22):
through the fire.
And I went through the fire andit didn't burn me.
I came out so strong andresilient.
But that did not mean thathaving a daughter at 24 weeks
was not going to come with somechallenges.
My daughter was born at onepound, like a pound, and we went
(14:42):
on a journey.
That journey led to 285 days inthe hospital.
Shout out to CHOA Children'sHospital of Atlanta.
They held us down.
Amazing hospital, one of thebest hospitals in the country.
I'm grateful to live in Georgiaand for my daughter to have
received exceptional care.
There were times when theyactually brought in specialists
(15:09):
to make sure she was well.
One of the prayers that I prayed.
I hope nobody watching this hasto go through anything, but the
reality is children are bornwith challenges.
One of the main things that wepray for is I want a healthy
child.
People say do you want a boy?
You want a girl?
I want them to be healthy.
You need to start defining whathealthy is.
Some of you have children thathave special needs.
Some of you have children thatare blind, that have, that are
(15:31):
deaf.
Some of you have children thathave such rare diseases that you
might be trying to tell them toyour family and your friends
and they don't even understand.
I just I see the struggles andthe challenges that you're going
through, the isolation thatyou're feeling.
I see you and you're not alone.
(15:52):
Let me tell you.
Let me tell you one thing thathelped me get through going
through 285 days, nine months,with my daughter at the hospital
.
Y'all them Facebook groups.
I know, in a day and age ofInstagram and TikTok, facebook
doesn't seem like cool andexciting.
I done Facebook groups saved mylife.
(16:12):
My daughter has a trach, so shehas a breathing tube.
That's there and she has afeeding tube.
When I tell you, when we camehome, she was on a ventilator
oxygen, all of the things.
I'm sitting there looking at mycar like do they upgrade you to
an SUV when your child has allthis medical equipment?
(16:33):
Because this is not about thefit of my car.
Okay, little cute little car Ihave, you know, but we made it
work.
So, some of the things that feellike they're going to break you
, some of the things that seemlike they're too much, some of y
?
Y'all that have older childrenand they might've told you
things that you're like how arewe going to come back from this?
You came back from it.
(16:54):
So to the moms out there, Iwant to say that you're the most
resilient people on the planet.
You're the most extraordinaryhuman and you deserve to receive
your flowers every day.
I know people get excited aboutMother's Day, but you deserve
for it to feel like Mother's Dayevery day.
You deserve to be around peoplethat understand you and get you
and love you and support youand champion you, because you
(17:17):
deserve it.
You also deserve that day off.
I realized that self-care duringthat experience and during my
current experience, really itwasn't optional.
We were at life, we were at thehospital every day and y'all oh
my God, I can't believe Iforgot this part.
I was still like pumping, likebreast milk, like that's crazy,
like with the amount of stressthat I was under, I was taking
(17:38):
them cookies.
Y'all shout out to the cookieindustry, the people making them
.
Lactation cookies.
They're delicious.
I never forget like it wasyesterday.
It was like a sea salt caramelone.
Why was some cookies delicious?
I almost wanted to buy some theother day because they were so
good.
I've been delivered.
(18:00):
I don't need those cookies anylonger, but I did everything
Like I learned about myself,because breastfeeding was the
hardest thing in my life.
And then the doctors had theaudacity at nine months and my
daughter nine months old they'retalking about someone.
Would you like to startactually breastfeeding?
It's a little too late.
It's a little too late.
I'm done.
I'm done.
The.
The store is closed.
The store is closed.
It's too late, but I'm gratefulbecause one of the things they
(18:23):
did tell me early on is that thebreast milk kept my daughter
alive.
When you hear that, doesn'tmatter if it's painful, doesn't
matter if it's stressful,doesn't matter if it's like we
were going up to the hospitalthree times a day.
I'm talking about driving anhour to an hour and a half in
rush hour traffic and morningtraffic and nighttime traffic.
We were living at the hospitalLike.
There was a point in time whereI lived out of a suitcase for
(18:46):
three months.
We lived at the.
We lived across the street fromthe hospital for three months
and y'all know who came and madesure we were taken care of.
My community, the communitiesthat I was a part of, the
associations I was a part of.
Like I need you to know thatit's okay to ask for help.
We're told that we got to be sostrong all the time and that we
(19:07):
got to figure it all out, likewhat's the purpose of community
if you can't rely on them fornothing?
When I found out I'm payinginto all these associations and
then when the situation happenedto me, I could actually get
support, like we got to stopfeeling guilty for accepting
help.
It's not about being thestrongest person in the room,
it's about surviving.
So for some of you that desireto be mothers, you desire to be
(19:31):
pregnant, like I want you tolock in on that vision.
Like when I decided, like whenI made the mental shift of
wanting to be a mother, I got towork and started having
pictures of what it would looklike to be a mother, what it
would look like to y'all.
I'm still trying to figure outthis situation of doing my
daughter's hair.
I don't know why that doesn'tcome with a manual.
You two be lying to us.
(19:51):
It really be empowering me tothink I could do a hairstyle.
And then, look, I show myhusband the finished product and
he's like, oh, you just gettingstarted.
And I'm like this is this, isthis is done.
Shout out to the hairstylisthas a hairstylist?
That feels crazy to say, but yougot to know your strengths as a
mother.
I don't have to do everything.
You know what I'm saying.
Like shout out to the housecleaners.
(20:12):
Like can we start allowingwomen to feel okay by getting
some support?
Like, why do you have to be asuccessful woman working 40
hours a week and you can't gethelp for somebody to do your
kid's hair or to clean yourhouse?
What in the world?
So I want y'all to set that asa goal.
(20:33):
Like, let's get to the healingmoment.
I need you to write down whattype of help you need If you are
a mother, what kind of help youneed If you desire to be a
mother.
Okay, start making a list ofwhat you want.
I put on there.
Like I put that I wanted tohave a nanny for my daughter.
(20:53):
Guy gave me a nurse.
I have some of the most amazinghome nurses, so he will exceed
your expectation.
We don't know sometimes whatwe'd be praying for, but I'm so
grateful that I have thesenurses that are helpful, that
help take care of my daughter.
We definitely plan tohomeschool her.
You know.
We plan to give her everyresource possible so that she
(21:13):
can thrive.
That comes with vision andintentionality.
A lot of times people say, likekids are expensive, they don't
have to be expensive if you planaccordingly.
I'm never going to see mydaughter as a liability.
Everything about her is anasset.
I don't even see her challengesand her disabilities.
I promise you, even thoughwe're in therapy, we got
physical therapists, speechtherapists, occupational
(21:34):
therapists.
Our therapist got a therapist.
I got my own therapist.
Come on somebody.
So you got to have whateverresources you need.
So I need you to make a list,if you're a mother, what
resources you need and put moneyaside.
I don't want you to worry aboutmoney because sometimes you
desire to have certain thingsbut you're like I can't afford
it.
You ain't even looked up howmuch it costs.
They even got delivery serviceswhere somebody can come pick up
(21:56):
your laundry and drop it off.
It's not that expensive.
A lot of stuff we think isexpensive.
We have no clue.
So.
So I need you to do that work.
If you desire to be a mother, Iwant you to start speaking to
your womb, like speak to whatyou desire to have.
Don't worry about what theysaid about the infertility.
Don't worry about what theysaid is in your lineage.
(22:18):
Don't worry about it.
Worry what you desire to have.
And speak to your body, likedeclare and decree what you want
to happen to your body.
I don't care if your sister hadto go another way.
I don't care if you're halfwaythinking about having to get in
vitro.
I don't care where you're at inyour process.
Speak to your body and commandit to come in alignment with
your purpose.
If you believe you are purposedto be a mother, then start
(22:43):
calling yourself a mother.
On the day that I believed thatwe conceived my daughter, I
started holding my daughter.
I started carrying, holding mystomach.
I started visualizing mystomach growing.
I didn't have no positivepregnancy test.
I literally just had what Ibelieve was the voice of God
telling me I was pregnant.
So I was like, okay, if I'mpregnant, I got to start acting
pregnant and I believe faith isthe reason that I am now a
(23:07):
mother of a almost two-year-olddaughter.
Okay, and she's thriving.
Like every time we go to thedoctor, they're confused on how
she's doing stuff.
That is clearly a miracle.
That was my prayer, god, if Igot to go through this.
Let the doctors experience amiracle.
And some of y'all have such bigdreams and you wonder why you're
(23:29):
going through situation aftersituation.
Because you were created tohelp another woman going through
something major.
Do you know the amount of womenthat I've been able to help
that have children withchallenges?
If I hadn't gone through achallenge, I wouldn't even be
qualified to help them.
So I need you to use your voice, share your story.
(23:52):
This is just me, wife to wife,mother to mother, woman to woman
, sharing my story so that I canhopefully help and heal you as
well.
This has been a very impactful,emotional version of the Finally
Healed with Jessica Lundypodcast.
This is one of those ones thatyou got to share with a friend.
(24:15):
I know, as you were listeningto this, you thought of a woman
in mind that you wanted to sharethis with.
Be that good friend, share thepodcast with them, but I also
need you to like.
Like it, comment, leave areview.
This podcast has the ability tochange women's lives, but the
(24:36):
reality is that's only gonnahappen if you share it with
another woman.
Listen, I got some excitingnews I heard.
We've been listening.
Y'all said that y'all want usto start a community, so we're
going to create that specialplace for the woman that's
watching this.
You don't have to do this thingcalled life alone, so we're
(24:59):
creating something special.
We have a wait list If you wantto know more about it, check
out the show notes so that wecan have 2025 be the best year
of our life.
You deserve this.
You got this.
I've known my whole life that I desired to be
a mother, but I was in a rushwhen we found out we were
pregnant.
We were over the moon.
We were excited.
They told me I had somethingcalled severe preeclampsia.
At that date they wanted toactually deliver me.
I was fighting for my lifeDuring this situation.
I was not weak.
(00:20):
I did not crumble.
This is why I say you got towork on your character.
But that did not mean thathaving a daughter at 24 weeks
was not going to come with somechallenges.
My daughter was born at onepound.
She has a breathing tube.
That's there.
She has a feeding tube.
She was on a ventilator andoxygen all of the things.
If you desire to be a mother, Iwant you to start speaking to
(00:43):
your womb.
(01:04):
Welcome to Finally Healed withJessica Lundy podcast, where we
prioritize mental health,self-care and embrace our
healing journey together.
Now this will probably be theonly episode that I will give a
little bit of a disclaimer.
I might get emotional on thisepisode.
We're going to be talking aboutmotherhood and I really want
(01:27):
you guys to meet me with somelove and encouragement in the
comments, because I'm going tobe as honest with you as I wish
somebody would have been with me.
So, when you think aboutbecoming a mother, this is
something that a lot of littlegirls have desired to be their
(01:48):
entire life.
We're literally given babydolls at five years old and are
taught to be responsible forthem and take care of them, and
we take that role seriously.
Just think about you with yourbaby dolls.
You made sure that they werealive.
They literally have baby alivenow, and we're literally taught
(02:12):
to be this nurturer, to besomeone that is that caregiver,
to give the love and all of thethings that are required to be a
really good parent.
And so I've known my whole lifethat I desired to be a mother,
but I was in no rush.
Let me tell you why Because Ibelieve that being a parent is
(02:37):
one of the most seriousresponsibilities on this planet.
So someone could say like, oh,being the president or being a
CEO or being a leader of a majorcorporation is one of the
highest honors that you can have.
But I believe one of thehighest honors you can have is
being a parent, and so I havealways taken that role and
(03:02):
responsibility very seriously.
So I knew that I was going tobe of a little bit more of a
mature age you know, sister'sstill young and looking good,
okay but more of a mature age tobe a parent, because I wanted
to make sure that I was healedprior to bringing trauma into
(03:24):
someone else's life.
I have the privilege and thehonor to coach hundreds, if not
thousands, of people, and I haveseen so many people tell me
stories about their trauma fromtheir childhood, from their
father not being in their life,from all of these different
circumstances.
(03:44):
Really, it came from parentsnot being healed prior to having
their child.
So I knew, with the knowledgeand the wisdom that I had prior
to that, I was going to, onpurpose, wait to have children.
And so my husband and I weremarried eight years prior to us
(04:07):
conceiving our daughter, and sofor us, we had built that solid
foundation.
I had a clear vision of what itwould look like to have a child
, to have a daughter.
We were going to travel theworld, do all these amazing
things.
Like I'm already thinking aboutthe nanny.
Did anybody else watch the showthe Nanny when you were a kid
(04:29):
and you just assumed that youwere going to have enough money
to have a nanny?
I just always assume, becauseof the show that I was going to
have a nanny Right.
Like I remember watching theCosbys being like that's the
kind of family I'm going to have.
Like I'm going to have thisbeautiful family and this big
house.
Like that's the one thing Ilove about them classic TV shows
(04:51):
is they really showed howbeautiful having a family was.
Like I'm looking forward to theday that we have those taco
Tuesdays or going to mydaughter's first recital.
Those are things that were apart of the vision that I desire
to have as a mother.
(05:13):
And my husband my phenomenal,incredible husband I have known
since the first day that we metthat he would be the most
incredible father.
First day that we met, that hewould be the most incredible
father, and I am so grateful andso honored.
I do not take for granted thathe has been everything I
expected and so much more,because, growing up without a
(05:37):
father, my father passed awaywhen I was 10 years old, when he
was on tour.
He was a musician, just aphenomenal, talented human that
contributed so much to the musicindustry.
But he did pass away when I wasyoung.
So I grew up without a fatherand, honestly, before then he
wasn't really involved.
But I'm so grateful that mymother never said one negative
(05:58):
word about my father.
She always talked about himlike he was the most incredible
human on the earth and all Ihave is love and admiration for
him.
But growing up in a singlehousehold, I knew that I wanted
to have a strong foundation as afamily.
So my vision was clear on whatI desired to have.
(06:21):
So when we found out we werepregnant, we were over the moon.
We were excited, I promise youfrom day one, because I do have
a very close relationship withGod.
So I knew early on that I waspregnant.
I knew early on that I washaving a daughter.
I knew early on her name andactually the meaning of her name
(06:41):
baby Abigail.
Some of y'all know baby Abigail, our sweet, precious baby.
And so I do get a lot of peopleasking me like, why haven't we
posted pictures of Abigail?
And I'm going to get into thatas well.
But I had a very clear vision ofwhat I wanted by month one,
y'all, I had a baby showerplanned out.
I had watched a hundred, if nota thousand, youtube videos on
(07:03):
all this stuff from motherhood,but nothing could have prepared
me at week 23 to have gained 60pounds in four months and be so
swollen that I could not feelany feeling in my feet.
I almost passed out in theshower because of how much pain
(07:27):
that I was in, and I rememberhaving a conversation with my
amazing best friend.
Shout out to Markita, whoprayed for me.
Y'all, when y'all are thinkingabout friendships, you need
someone who's going to be therefor you, like, not just talk
about themselves.
Like she would check on methroughout my pregnancy and I'll
(07:48):
never forget when she was likesomething's going on, like you
need to go to the hospitalimmediately, and my friend saved
my life.
And the only reason that myfriend knew what was going on
was because my husband reachedout to her.
That's why you have to be withsomebody who's going to support
you, going to have your back.
He husband reached out to her.
(08:09):
That's why you have to be withsomebody who's going to support
you, going to have your back.
He knew something was wrong andhe knew he needed to come from
a specific person's voice that Iwould hear like an alarm to
take action.
Y'all.
When I went into that hospital,the nurse was like they
immediately like rushed me, likeI was going to have to go into
labor and I'm thinking like thisis my first child, so I don't
really know how this works.
But I know at four and a halfmonths pregnant you're not
supposed to be having no kid.
That's a little bit toopremature.
(08:30):
And so when I went there, thelady was like, oh you look nine
months pregnant.
I thought you were full termand at that point that's when I
realized that I had gained somuch weight.
Now let me do this a littlecaveat.
I was not eating for two.
I didn't change my diet.
I was actually eating prettyclean.
I was working out Like I wasnot working out.
(08:50):
Let me let me be honest.
I wasn't working out, but youknow, I was walking my day to
walk.
I was walking Right, so I wasdoing all the things like
nothing had changed.
When I got there, they told me Ihad something called severe
preeclampsia and when theychecked my blood pressure, it
was like 200.
And it was supposed to be wayless than that, and at that day
they wanted to actually deliverme.
(09:11):
Y'all good old Google.
Shout out to Google.
I Googled the likelihood ofsurvival at 23 weeks and it said
low.
So I started going we week.
Likelihood of survival at 24weeks.
It said 50% better than 23weeks.
And in real time I told thedoctor that I was not delivering
, that I was going to have to atleast wait to 24 weeks, but
(09:35):
most likely I'd rather just stayon bed rest.
They transferred me hospitalsbecause the hospital that I was
at did not have a NICU.
Y'all this is so crazy.
The day that I had my daughter,my husband literally decided
that we were going to bring likeeverything but the kitchen sink
.
So, y'all, we had bought arefrigerator, we bought a
microwave.
We were like, listen, if we'regoing to be here, let's at least
(09:57):
be comfortable.
Okay, let's get some uh,tempur-pedic, you know, sheets.
It's like we're going to get,we're going to get all the
fixings.
Okay, we're gonna make thisinto a palace.
We were we're always alreadythinking about decorating the
walls, and so at that moment Iwas like so comfortable.
I was like, yeah, I could, Icould spend another few months
here.
Now, let's pause for a minute.
I am an international,well-renowned speaker, so what
(10:22):
does that mean?
If I'm only five monthspregnant, I'm still a part of a
tour, y'all.
The day that I delivered mydaughter, I was supposed to be
in Northern Georgia.
Two days after that, I wassupposed to be in the Dominican
Republic.
I was actually on tour.
I had to call my agent and belike hey, like pause, the tour
(10:43):
put out a press release.
Like we had to go through allof the things in real time as I
was fighting for my life.
I'll never forget a conversationmy husband and I had to have
like in real time on if I don'tmake it like I want you to take
care of our daughter, like youcan take care of our daughter,
and then also, if they have tochoose between me or her, you're
(11:05):
going to have to choose her.
That is a conversation thatnobody should have to have,
because nobody wants to have tochoose between their wife that
they've been married to for 10years and a baby they have not
even met.
That they've been married tofor 10 years and a baby they
have not even met.
That is still a hard,challenging conversation to even
think about having to have.
(11:25):
But as you feel your healthdeclining y'all, they don't give
you a second.
They ain't like TV.
They don't give you a second toprocess the decisions that
you're having to make and all ofa sudden, as we think we're
doing, I'm doing pretty good.
A swarm of team comes in.
It's like we're delivering ababy now.
Mind you, two hours prior theytold me I could stay another few
(11:50):
months and now, in a splitsecond, my blood pressure was at
like 220.
Like I was about to die, y'all.
At that point I don't reallyremember anything else.
I just really don't rememberanything else.
I kind of blacked out.
I ended up having to get fourepidurals.
Now my initial vision was tohave a doula there, a birthing
(12:11):
plan, y'all, maybe some water.
I see that on Instagram.
That looks cool.
I want something spectacular.
I was going to have the synthsplaying.
I was going to have likeworship music, like we're going
to bring this baby into, like anatmosphere, like it was going
to be a vibe.
I had an outfit.
None of that happened and, to behonest, that's what they say.
(12:32):
Like man makes a plan and likeGod laughed.
Like God was rolling like onthe floor, laughing like
hysterically because none ofthat.
That.
That went out the window.
And at one point, y'all theyforgot to even go get my husband
.
Like we were halfway throughthe c-section and they like, oh
snap, her husband isn't here,let me go get him.
Crazy, crazy, y'all crazy.
(12:53):
And let me just.
Let me just answer a question Iknow y'all asking, I know some
of y'all like, as I'm tellingyou this story, you might might
be thinking like, oh, if she hada black woman doctor and they
listened to her, like thiswouldn't have happened.
No, no, let me be clear, mydoctor was a black woman and
this still happened.
We can do everything on paper ina moment's notice.
(13:16):
Sometimes situations happen andwe got to pivot and when I can
say with confidence that I was awarrior during this situation,
I was not weak, I did notcrumble.
This is why I say you got towork on your character, because
character is really exposed atyour rawest moment.
You don't get to be a superherowhen you feel like being a
(13:37):
superhero.
You got to be born into that.
You got to work on that art,you got to work on that art, you
got to work on that craft and Itruly feel like I became a
woman, like a grown woman, afterthat experience.
So when I think about fear,when I think about unbelief,
when I think about doubt, like Ifeel like a superhero.
I had so many friends tell methroughout my career early on my
(14:01):
managers, being in the TVindustry, always told me to wait
to have children To really likehaving children would be a
distraction.
But my very successful friendstold me the opposite.
They said when you have a child, you're going to be the most
successful version of you,because what you're going to
have to endure to actually havea child will really put you
(14:22):
through the fire.
And I went through the fire andit didn't burn me.
I came out so strong andresilient.
But that did not mean thathaving a daughter at 24 weeks
was not going to come with somechallenges.
My daughter was born at onepound, like a pound, and we went
(14:42):
on a journey.
That journey led to 285 days inthe hospital.
Shout out to CHOA Children'sHospital of Atlanta.
They held us down.
Amazing hospital, one of thebest hospitals in the country.
I'm grateful to live in Georgiaand for my daughter to have
received exceptional care.
There were times when theyactually brought in specialists
(15:09):
to make sure she was well.
One of the prayers that I prayed.
I hope nobody watching this hasto go through anything, but the
reality is children are bornwith challenges.
One of the main things that wepray for is I want a healthy
child.
People say do you want a boy?
You want a girl?
I want them to be healthy.
You need to start defining whathealthy is.
Some of you have children thathave special needs.
Some of you have children thatare blind, that have, that are
(15:31):
deaf.
Some of you have children thathave such rare diseases that you
might be trying to tell them toyour family and your friends
and they don't even understand.
I just I see the struggles andthe challenges that you're going
through, the isolation thatyou're feeling.
I see you and you're not alone.
(15:52):
Let me tell you.
Let me tell you one thing thathelped me get through going
through 285 days, nine months,with my daughter at the hospital
.
Y'all them Facebook groups.
I know, in a day and age ofInstagram and TikTok, facebook
doesn't seem like cool andexciting.
I done Facebook groups saved mylife.
(16:12):
My daughter has a trach, so shehas a breathing tube.
That's there and she has afeeding tube.
When I tell you, when we camehome, she was on a ventilator
oxygen, all of the things.
I'm sitting there looking at mycar like do they upgrade you to
an SUV when your child has allthis medical equipment?
(16:33):
Because this is not about thefit of my car.
Okay, little cute little car Ihave, you know, but we made it
work.
So, some of the things that feellike they're going to break you
, some of the things that seemlike they're too much, some of y
?
Y'all that have older childrenand they might've told you
things that you're like how arewe going to come back from this?
You came back from it.
(16:54):
So to the moms out there, Iwant to say that you're the most
resilient people on the planet.
You're the most extraordinaryhuman and you deserve to receive
your flowers every day.
I know people get excited aboutMother's Day, but you deserve
for it to feel like Mother's Dayevery day.
You deserve to be around peoplethat understand you and get you
and love you and support youand champion you, because you
(17:17):
deserve it.
You also deserve that day off.
I realized that self-care duringthat experience and during my
current experience, really itwasn't optional.
We were at life, we were at thehospital every day and y'all oh
my God, I can't believe Iforgot this part.
I was still like pumping, likebreast milk, like that's crazy,
like with the amount of stressthat I was under, I was taking
(17:38):
them cookies.
Y'all shout out to the cookieindustry, the people making them
.
Lactation cookies.
They're delicious.
I never forget like it wasyesterday.
It was like a sea salt caramelone.
Why was some cookies delicious?
I almost wanted to buy some theother day because they were so
good.
I've been delivered.
(18:00):
I don't need those cookies anylonger, but I did everything
Like I learned about myself,because breastfeeding was the
hardest thing in my life.
And then the doctors had theaudacity at nine months and my
daughter nine months old they'retalking about someone.
Would you like to startactually breastfeeding?
It's a little too late.
It's a little too late.
I'm done.
I'm done.
The.
The store is closed.
The store is closed.
It's too late, but I'm gratefulbecause one of the things they
(18:23):
did tell me early on is that thebreast milk kept my daughter
alive.
When you hear that, doesn'tmatter if it's painful, doesn't
matter if it's stressful,doesn't matter if it's like we
were going up to the hospitalthree times a day.
I'm talking about driving anhour to an hour and a half in
rush hour traffic and morningtraffic and nighttime traffic.
We were living at the hospitalLike.
There was a point in time whereI lived out of a suitcase for
(18:46):
three months.
We lived at the.
We lived across the street fromthe hospital for three months
and y'all know who came and madesure we were taken care of.
My community, the communitiesthat I was a part of, the
associations I was a part of.
Like I need you to know thatit's okay to ask for help.
We're told that we got to be sostrong all the time and that we
(19:07):
got to figure it all out, likewhat's the purpose of community
if you can't rely on them fornothing?
When I found out I'm payinginto all these associations and
then when the situation happenedto me, I could actually get
support, like we got to stopfeeling guilty for accepting
help.
It's not about being thestrongest person in the room,
it's about surviving.
So for some of you that desireto be mothers, you desire to be
(19:31):
pregnant, like I want you tolock in on that vision.
Like when I decided, like whenI made the mental shift of
wanting to be a mother, I got towork and started having
pictures of what it would looklike to be a mother, what it
would look like to y'all.
I'm still trying to figure outthis situation of doing my
daughter's hair.
I don't know why that doesn'tcome with a manual.
You two be lying to us.
(19:51):
It really be empowering me tothink I could do a hairstyle.
And then, look, I show myhusband the finished product and
he's like, oh, you just gettingstarted.
And I'm like this is this, isthis is done.
Shout out to the hairstylisthas a hairstylist?
That feels crazy to say, but yougot to know your strengths as a
mother.
I don't have to do everything.
You know what I'm saying.
Like shout out to the housecleaners.
(20:12):
Like can we start allowingwomen to feel okay by getting
some support?
Like, why do you have to be asuccessful woman working 40
hours a week and you can't gethelp for somebody to do your
kid's hair or to clean yourhouse?
What in the world?
So I want y'all to set that asa goal.
(20:33):
Like, let's get to the healingmoment.
I need you to write down whattype of help you need If you are
a mother, what kind of help youneed If you desire to be a
mother.
Okay, start making a list ofwhat you want.
I put on there.
Like I put that I wanted tohave a nanny for my daughter.
(20:53):
Guy gave me a nurse.
I have some of the most amazinghome nurses, so he will exceed
your expectation.
We don't know sometimes whatwe'd be praying for, but I'm so
grateful that I have thesenurses that are helpful, that
help take care of my daughter.
We definitely plan tohomeschool her.
You know.
We plan to give her everyresource possible so that she
(21:13):
can thrive.
That comes with vision andintentionality.
A lot of times people say, likekids are expensive, they don't
have to be expensive if you planaccordingly.
I'm never going to see mydaughter as a liability.
Everything about her is anasset.
I don't even see her challengesand her disabilities.
I promise you, even thoughwe're in therapy, we got
physical therapists, speechtherapists, occupational
(21:34):
therapists.
Our therapist got a therapist.
I got my own therapist.
Come on somebody.
So you got to have whateverresources you need.
So I need you to make a list,if you're a mother, what
resources you need and put moneyaside.
I don't want you to worry aboutmoney because sometimes you
desire to have certain thingsbut you're like I can't afford
it.
You ain't even looked up howmuch it costs.
They even got delivery serviceswhere somebody can come pick up
(21:56):
your laundry and drop it off.
It's not that expensive.
A lot of stuff we think isexpensive.
We have no clue.
So.
So I need you to do that work.
If you desire to be a mother, Iwant you to start speaking to
your womb, like speak to whatyou desire to have.
Don't worry about what theysaid about the infertility.
Don't worry about what theysaid is in your lineage.
(22:18):
Don't worry about it.
Worry what you desire to have.
And speak to your body, likedeclare and decree what you want
to happen to your body.
I don't care if your sister hadto go another way.
I don't care if you're halfwaythinking about having to get in
vitro.
I don't care where you're at inyour process.
Speak to your body and commandit to come in alignment with
your purpose.
If you believe you are purposedto be a mother, then start
(22:43):
calling yourself a mother.
On the day that I believed thatwe conceived my daughter, I
started holding my daughter.
I started carrying, holding mystomach.
I started visualizing mystomach growing.
I didn't have no positivepregnancy test.
I literally just had what Ibelieve was the voice of God
telling me I was pregnant.
So I was like, okay, if I'mpregnant, I got to start acting
pregnant and I believe faith isthe reason that I am now a
(23:07):
mother of a almost two-year-olddaughter.
Okay, and she's thriving.
Like every time we go to thedoctor, they're confused on how
she's doing stuff.
That is clearly a miracle.
That was my prayer, god, if Igot to go through this.
Let the doctors experience amiracle.
And some of y'all have such bigdreams and you wonder why you're
(23:29):
going through situation aftersituation.
Because you were created tohelp another woman going through
something major.
Do you know the amount of womenthat I've been able to help
that have children withchallenges?
If I hadn't gone through achallenge, I wouldn't even be
qualified to help them.
So I need you to use your voice, share your story.
(23:52):
This is just me, wife to wife,mother to mother, woman to woman
, sharing my story so that I canhopefully help and heal you as
well.
This has been a very impactful,emotional version of the Finally
Healed with Jessica Lundypodcast.
This is one of those ones thatyou got to share with a friend.
(24:15):
I know, as you were listeningto this, you thought of a woman
in mind that you wanted to sharethis with.
Be that good friend, share thepodcast with them, but I also
need you to like.
Like it, comment, leave areview.
This podcast has the ability tochange women's lives, but the
(24:36):
reality is that's only gonnahappen if you share it with
another woman.
Listen, I got some excitingnews I heard.
We've been listening.
Y'all said that y'all want usto start a community, so we're
going to create that specialplace for the woman that's
watching this.
You don't have to do this thingcalled life alone, so we're
(24:59):
creating something special.
We have a wait list If you wantto know more about it, check
out the show notes so that wecan have 2025 be the best year
of our life.
You deserve this.
You got this.
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