January 24, 2024 • 39 mins
As the gentle hum of everyday life gave way to a weekend of chaos, I found myself grappling with the kind of upheaval that brings unforeseen wisdom.
Major Insight One: Learning to Observe without Judgement
In the first part of our episode, we unravel the profound practice of observing without judgment. Through meditation and mental exercises, we discover the art of disconnecting emotions from our identity. Instead of being consumed by our emotions, we learn to experience them objectively, allowing us to simply observe without attaching them to who we are.
Major Insight Two: Documenting the Positive over the Negative
In the second segment, we delve into the transformative practice of documenting the positive aspects of our lives over the negative. We discuss the potential pitfalls of projecting trauma and how it can inadvertently become a part of our identity. Our exploration focuses on breaking free from the cycle of trauma addiction, letting go of the identity of past hardships, and embracing a more positive self-image.
Tune in to The Focus Cast for an insightful conversation that aims to empower you with practical tools and perspectives for a more focused and fulfilling life.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up, bro?
Episode 103.
103 and 2024.
Of the new and improved highlyfocused focused cast yeah, it's
been a, it's been a weekend,it's it's been interesting.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
So we're going to talk a little bit about it.
So, but honestly, I think thisepisode is just going to be a
little raw.
Yeah, not a lot of time toprepare and not really Just a
little bit of a spear.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
A little bit of a spew.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Because I mean you mentioned on the phone, you had
a little bit of a revelation.
Had some revelations of sortsOf weekend.
Yeah, Going through your thethings that were happening.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yeah, you know, sometimes it's great to read
from a script and sometimes it'sgreat just to Let it out.
Let it out Today, we're goingto let it out, let the lead out.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
So yeah, yeah who are you?
I'm Jonathan, noel and.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
I'm Brian Noel.
It's the Focus Cast, where wehelp you reduce distractions,
increase focus so you can live alife with Intentions, all them
intentions, so many intentions.
So yeah, you just want me tojump in and then we'll go from
there.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yeah, let's go.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Okay, so I'll talk about the events and then I'll
talk about the introspection.
Okay, and then I'll talk aboutthe insights.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Nice yeah.
So this is just how you'retaking life and using it to
learn and grow.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Life events that you couldn't predict.
Yeah, yeah, okay, that'swonderful.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
So, to go into it, I'll share one quote that I
posted on Instagram last night.
Nice.
Okay, to kind of summarizewhat's happening.
Okay.
So sometimes we have periods oflife that are calm and in those
(01:56):
times I personally because I'mnot going to say we or you
should I'm just going to say Ihave been able to, in the past
several months, work on, I'llsay, the foundation.
Okay.
Yeah, stability Foundation yeah.
Stability for me means justbeing grounded, right yeah,
being present, mm-hmm.
And then we have occasionallythese moments of absolute chaos,
(02:20):
for just a few moments.
Mm-hmm.
And in those moments you get tosee how well the foundation is.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Hey, nothing like a little stress test, right A
little stress test.
You know, of sorts.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
So when Storm comes in, you get to see how your
house is built yeah, how theroofers put those shingles on,
yeah.
And then when you get throughit and things calm down, you get
to just go back and say youknow, when the storm was here, I
could see the chimney leaked alittle bit.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah, or let's patch this up.
Yeah, let's go fix it.
This is good and we'll keepthat the same and we'll grab the
silicone cock for the.
Yeah, no, exactly, that makessense.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Listen, if you can make it to the point where
you're grabbing the siliconecock, you're in a good spot, but
anyway, yeah.
So I've mentioned this beforeand this is something that I'm
really working on right now,like this is probably the number
one thing that I'm working on,okay, and that's in life there's
polarity, right Plus minus yin,yang, good, bad, so sometimes
(03:30):
just calm, sometimes chaotic,right, there's these extremes,
and the way I articulated it inthe post is what I'm learning to
do is observe that polaritywithout judgment.
So throughout a crazy weekendthat I've had, you know, there's
(03:51):
a lot of opportunity forjudgment or just a ton of
emotions associated with chaoticevents.
And it really is just I've beentalking about this, We've been
talking about this for monthsand I've been sharing some of
the things I'm learning.
You know, I said, one of mymental goals was to observe
without judgment.
Yeah.
And you got.
I got to do it one week after Iposted that.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
It's nice when life lets you test out what you want
to do.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
I know it really makes me careful of what I write
down as my goal.
I want to endure a lot of pain.
No, I don't, I don't, I don't.
I probably will if I have to,but I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
So I'm just going to say that right now.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Anyway, this book I read, they did a whole chapter
on the process of becoming ashaman and they actually went
out and studied all around theworld different shamans and what
their experience was.
Let's just say it was a lot ofpain.
Yeah.
So anyway, all right, cool.
So events, you and I wrote onThursday, yeah, Friday Friday we
(04:53):
wrote on Friday.
For some reason that ride wasweird for me.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, for context, we're mountain bikers, we're
training for a longer ride, sowe wanted to.
Trails were closed, so we wentto a flat kind of boring spot
and we're like let's just spin,let's just go.
Yeah.
And it was harder than Ithought it was going to be.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Well, and the trail was right next to a lake and it
was freezing that day and it wassuper windy, yeah, so two pairs
of socks in my feet were stillcold.
The only way I could stay warmwas to just pedal faster, but it
was weird.
So what happened?
we were riding and just riding,but what was interesting is like
all of the kind of negativescripts came up, you see, all
(05:40):
these like mantras on socialpush through and be a man, push
through all that kind of stuffand for whatever quote hardships
or demons or trauma that we'reall running from whatever.
And you see, like the post of,like the man being a man, you
know that kind of stuff.
So, regardless, there's thiscommon experience in life where
(06:00):
sometimes you just mentally,everything just kind of comes in
and I was just like, and it wasjust like I kind of got to a
point to where I was just likewhat's the component of all this
?
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Yeah, I think that's what a lot of people what
happens yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Like what's the point ?
And here was the driving, thedriving kind of script that
really allowed all of thosenegative scripts to come in.
To conclude with what's thepoint, the script is this you
know, I posted this stat onsocial but I read a stat that
said like 73% of people inheritthe religion in which is their
(06:37):
national religion.
And then you start readingabout the false self or the ego
and all that kind of stuff.
And you look at the world todayand you see people arguing and
all that kind of stuff.
But I think at the end of theday, we find what we need to
believe to arrive at someconclusion or help us cope with
(06:59):
whatever's going on.
Sure, so if we look at that ata mass scale, I in my head was
just like, well, if we arrive atwhat we need to believe, what?
What do I believe?
Not like extesentially, yeah,but like if I create whatever I
(07:20):
need to believe To feel safe.
And you know I'm doing all thiswork, all this mental work, all
this fun stuff.
I mean it's been.
It's been weird, enjoyable,it's been kind of been
unsettling at times, buthonestly it's been very
fulfilling.
But, um, and Probably typicalfor someone you know, in their
40s right, you know.
I'm choosing to not divorce mywife and buy a two-seater and
(07:44):
marry a 20 year old.
I'm choosing to right, go deepand understand who I am and what
I want to do for the rest of mylife.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Are you not doing the typical, the typical American
midlife crisis?
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Yeah, yeah, making a choice not to do that.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
I want to just the ultimate avoidance decision.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Yes, but it's kind of a philosophical question.
But if it's like, if we projectwhat we need to believe, what
is truth, and so that kind ofthat kind of led me which that
can lead you to a positive place, but that led me in the moment
to just like a I'm doing allthis work, I've had great
(08:21):
milestones, but like why, what,why, the why, yeah, so then we
left that and went to a, aDinner that night, and again,
part of this process is you justfeel kind of disconnected.
Mm-hmm so around, wonderfulpeople, but I just feel
disconnected right.
And then from there my oldestson was sick and I was up all
(08:48):
night and that's familiar, I'vebeen there before.
But just kind of where I was,that personally, carrying that
into no sleep, and then my sonwas like in a lot of pain.
So it wasn't just he was sickand I was kind of sitting with
him or we weren't sleeping inthe same bed, it was he was in
my face screaming for four hoursstraight.
(09:11):
Yeah, and any parent knows, oranyone who's been next to
someone screaming For four hours, your brain really starts
Freaking out mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Yeah, your nervous system is like on overload,
overload.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
You know mm-hmm, and obviously you feel bad for your
kid, you're trying to help yourkid, but then also you're just
like I need Some relief so I cankeep doing what I need to do.
Yeah, there was a time where Isaid I would feel better if I
went headbutted.
The fridge Probably would feelbetter, like it was.
Like I mean I was really close,like I was even like getting up
(09:48):
and just kind of scratchingmyself.
Yeah you know, because you justget there's that level of
irritation that that is justit's kind of it's kind of
pushing into that Insanity state.
Yeah but what's reallyinteresting about the work that
we've been doing is thispresence and you know, We've
been talking about focus for twoyears and so really trying to
(10:09):
Break apart the emotions andobserving the emotion.
So I'm sitting there and, likebefore, I would just be angry or
irritated or frustrated or sad,you know whatever it is for my
kid who's like in an intenseamount of pain, yeah, but now
it's like different.
It's like, well, now I'mexperiencing this, but I'm also
(10:29):
watching myself experience it,which can spiral to a bad place,
but it can also stay constantor it can go to a good place,
right.
So I was experiencing all those.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
I think, like in those moments where you're like
what the is the point?
Yeah, and you see everyone, yousee like, the people like on
social media, the, the likes,not self-help, but the, you know
the like you got to pushthrough, yeah, and the point is,
is how far can you go after?
(11:04):
You really don't want to do it?
Hmm, I guess you're justraising that stress threshold.
Yeah, because there's somepeople who wouldn't have been
able to handle someone screamingat them for four hours.
Yeah they probably would haveheadbutted the fridge or just
like drove off.
Yeah or something.
Yeah but you've expanded yourthreshold Not to where you're
sitting there in bliss.
You know meditating, you knowlike a Buddha or something, but
(11:27):
this is real life, yeah, but youwere able to stay there and not
bash your face againstsomething or or drive away or
just save it all.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Yeah, you know, so that's wonderful if you're
watching the video on YouTube, Idon't.
There's no cuts or bruises onmy face.
I restrained, but that sayssomething but it's a good point,
bro, and that's so it's likeexpanding that.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Because I guess it's easy to say what is the point,
but then in those moments you'relike I guess the point is so
you can handle More.
You can handle more, which is ascary truth, because I don't
want to handle more.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
I want to retract.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
It's like in the in martial arts.
It's like it's the whole thingis like we're not, it's not to
be scared, it's just it's not toexpect anything is gonna happen
, but you just prepare, yeah.
Yeah, because if it does, thenyou're prepared.
You're prepared, yeah, that'strue.
So you know, when there issomething on screaming in your,
(12:31):
whatever it is, when I love.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
I love our dialogues around intentionality and focus
and and all this kind of stuff,because there's also a piece of
culture and maybe, maybe Womenstruggle with this more than men
.
I don't really know honestly,but there's the whole thing.
Like you can't be upset, likeyour kids upset, it's selfish
for you to even sit there and dointrospective work or it's
(12:58):
selfish to even think aboutyourself while your kid is in so
much pain and that seemsridiculous yeah what's great is
like.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
That's just not true at all you have to do some inner
work to stay at your level,where you can even be available
as a person.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Yeah yeah, and that led me to one of my key insights
.
That happened on Saturday, okay, wonderful.
So I was up and then aroundthis started around 10 pm.
We got home from the dinner.
Dex was upset.
So my wife and I are prettywe're familiar with this because
our kids were in the hospital alot when they were kids.
So we got a good system down.
We're a good team.
(13:34):
So I said, all right, you goand go to bed, I'll tap you in
when I'm yeah, done.
Yeah, so it was about 2, 30 or 2o'clock and I told my, I woke
up my wife and said, all right,you're in, and so she got up and
she took care of them and Iwent to sleep and then, and then
(13:54):
she woke me up at 6 and then IWas taking care of them and then
, obviously, took them to thepediatrician.
One kids got strapped.
They can't figure out what'sgoing on with my oldest kid, so
they come home.
He's still just super upset andmy wife's like all right, cool,
I, I'll take him to thepediatrician.
Now it's time for your nap, soI'm laying there.
(14:15):
So from Friday of just thiskind of overall personal, very
in inner.
Right struggle taking that, intofeeling disconnected, into a
night of no sleep, and then andthen just being present, trying
to be present with your sonwho's freaking, miserable, right
(14:37):
, and then my wife takes thekids of the pediatrician.
I'm laying there and there'sjust like this overwhelming
sense of, just like Judgment,all this kind of stuff, all the
stuff that you know humans canface at any point in time.
And then, literally, it wassomething in my brain just
separated and said okay, nowit's time to observe it.
(15:00):
Hmm, and what was sointeresting was I wasn't in the
moment like I need to meditateand be able to observe this.
That's my goal.
I told everyone on Instagram Ican't be a.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
You know I wasn't doing that.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Yeah, I was just there.
Mm-hmm, you know, it's justlike.
All right, you're upset.
You know I'm irritated.
I want to help you.
I want to help you.
You know, four hours into it,what can I do?
Just really just just hold mykid for hours and then,
obviously, you get kind of numbonce you get that fatigued and
then some of those raw personalemotions just kind of get numb.
(15:35):
but then it was like literally,and it was just like a click,
and Whether it was my brainallowing me to experience this
or whether it was just how ithappened, it doesn't matter.
It happened literally lightswitch, separated from it and
instead now observe it.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Yeah, you were feeling it.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
now let's observe it and I was able to and I'm
serious, I Was able to 100%observe all of it completely
free from judgment.
That's nice.
The whole process, the therapywork, the steps that we've made
life, existence, pain, misery,my frustrations, my expectations
(16:16):
, all of these things, you knowmy, my, you know feeling
disconnected from the world, allthis kind of stuff, all of it I
literally switch Mm-hmm.
Now, look at it.
Now you can see it Withoutjudgment.
And I don't know if that was mybrain letting me do it, I don't
know if that was like Spirityeah, help from the.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
yeah from the creator .
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Yes, yes, I don't know, but I'm grateful that it
happened.
Yeah because then it was justlike oh, this is what it means
To observe and not judge.
Mm-hmm.
It's okay that I was frustrated.
It's okay that I feelDisconnected.
All these things are it's fine,it's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah, like it is okay .
Speaker 2 (17:03):
It is what it is, you know, and it was the absolute
most glorious Few minutes that Ihad, right up until I fell
asleep and took probably one ofthe greatest naps that I have in
a long time, since I bought arecord player when I was 19 and
listened to Miles Davis on asnowy day.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
That must have been a good nap, to remember it so oh.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I didn't wake up and tell the record had to turn the
record.
Damn, that's nice.
Some kind of blue is that nameof the album.
His famous album, yeah.
That's good nap material, butanyway so that was like the
first time.
And I've read about this.
I've read about, yeah, monksand different levels of
meditation, and you know we kindof we move from our identity is
(17:52):
the emotion to our identity isnot the emotion to being able to
Observe the emotion and then beable to observe the emotion
without judgment.
And I read about that and I wasjust like and that sounds
freaking cool.
Yeah, I want to do that one day.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Yeah, I want to be like that when I grow up.
Yeah yeah, and I got to do it I.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Got to do it.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
You got a taste of it .
I got a taste of it.
Now can you replicate it?
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Yeah you know, I said this to my therapist.
I said, you know, it's reallyinteresting about all this is
there's revelation and thenthere's practice and integration
.
And if it's really fun, it'sreally fun to have these major
Revelations or these majorinsights to change your life,
but then that rolls into okay,practice, which you know Can
sometimes not be the sexy part,but it's, it's the important
(18:38):
part.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I think we have to At least feel it enough to know
that there's a reason to go forit.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
You've always said this, bro it's not about
stopping bad habits, it's aboutinterjecting good so much that
the bad habits just fall away.
Yeah, and we get a taste ofthat.
You get a taste of anobservation without judgment.
Yeah, it makes you go.
Oh Well, I don't want to sithere and judge myself because I
(19:07):
know what it feels like not toMm-hmm and that, but that that I
won't say bad habit, but I'llsay that common response yeah,
just kind of fades away.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Isn't that nice, but it's.
It's good to have a little bitof an understanding.
I was talking with Carter andwe're talking about how and some
of the like Native Americantribes, they'll take the
hallucinogenic, whatever.
Yeah, it's not like a.
It's not like you know peoplenow where they just do it for
(19:38):
fun and abuse it or whatever.
You do it once With people whocan like hold the space you know
the shamans and stuff, so youcan kind of feel that
Unconditional love, at least getan idea, yeah, and then you
just use it as a reference, Iguess as a reason to See why
(19:59):
you're working towards.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
That path.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
That makes a ton of sense, you know because if
you've never felt it, sometimesit's like so what?
What is the point?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Because I mean that's when people talked about
meditation for me a year ago, Iwas just like cool, I'm gonna go
sit down and my mind's gonnascream at me for an hour.
So that's literally torture.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Yeah, but if you had felt it, if somehow you just got
a piece of it, yeah, you know,and you understood what it can
be.
Yeah it changes the, theparadigm.
Yeah, so that's why it's niceto be in groups where someone
can lead or hold the space orwhatever.
It's where you can really feelthe Whatever higher states,
(20:40):
whatever you want to call it,there's so many different names
for this stuff.
But yeah, so you kind of seewhere you're headed.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Because a lot of times you're just sitting there
trying to meditate.
You know what is this?
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Yeah, I mean, if it's , if we're trying to find so the
default network, right?
Yeah, that's where the core ofour Identity and belief systems
are born, mm-hmm.
You know, I just finished abook talking about the default
network, and Really good book Iforgot the author, pretty famous
, but anyway, talking about likelittle simple things.
(21:15):
Like you're sitting down thetable where your grandmother and
you're done eating and yourgrandmother's like, have another
bowl of soup.
And you're like I'm not hungry.
And then your grandmother'slike Well, you know, there's a
lot of starving children in thisworld and we want to eat up all
the soups.
You need to eat the soup,mm-hmm.
So then you eat the soup eventhough, like, you're physically
(21:36):
full, mm-hmm.
And in that moment you lose apiece of free will and the
default network comes in andgives you messages like you
always shame and guilt, you know.
And then that may turn intosomething later in your life
where you don't have the freewill to say no, and so when
anyone impresses upon yousomething that they want to give
(21:56):
you, you say yes, this soundslike Something that's borderline
enslaving most people.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Yeah and it's giving subtle, giving pieces of your
Self away, yeah, in little ways,so that might feel little, but
after 40 years of doing it, yeah.
Then you wake up one morningYou're like why am I here?
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Yeah, and we've talked about social scripts
before, but obviously we're alittle different place now.
It's like social scripts have away deeper and I love the way
the book described it.
You're giving, you're losingyour free will Mentally,
internally, it's like like whenyou're a girl and you're out
playing rough.
And you get, you know, dirt onyour clothes and you come inside
(22:41):
and like maybe you have aparent that says, like girls,
don't get dirty.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Yeah, you know I like Thinking about.
You know, older people who aremore certain.
Yeah, you know, they're sturdyand their certainty, yeah.
And you might ask them Do youwant to do this?
And they'll just say no.
And you know for a fact youwill not change their mind.
(23:08):
Because they're just they'reholding that certainty so strong
.
Yeah, you know it's futile.
Hmm, yeah, you know, but youcan go to your buddy and be like
hey, you want to whatever, youwant to come to this thing, and
I got some stuff.
Come on, man you know it'sgonna sure you don't want to.
There's gonna be blah, blah,blah and they're like okay.
Yeah, that's a good analogy youknow thinking about, like our
(23:32):
grandparents or whatever.
It's different yeah you knowwhen they say no, you understand
it's not happening.
Yeah, because they have thatcertainty.
Yeah, yeah, so certainty is isit's a regaining that?
Is important because we love.
(23:53):
I mean a lot of people, not anormal people, who grew up in
this paradigm and the whateveryou want to call this in the US
yeah this trap of sorts ofnonsense and bullshit, uh, you
lose a lot of certainty yeahbecause you're just being pulled
in all directions and there'speople telling you how to feel,
(24:14):
and your parents and schools,and yada, yada, yada never ends
never ends.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
So yeah, yeah.
So that was revelation numberone, nice or key insight number
one nice revolution number two,mm-hmm.
So I was driving to thehospital and I was driving down
the road and I've been reading alot about polarity in the
(24:39):
universe.
You know we all are familiarwith scientific polarity right
created nor destroyed, plus orminus yin and yang, all that
kind of stuff where you know onereaction is an opposite, or one
action is an opposite reactionright well, an opposite reaction
yeah yeah, so we're familiarwith those concepts.
(25:02):
But as you get into thespiritual space or the religious
space, right, there's alwaysthis question like how does god
exist if there's so much bad inthe world good bad.
So I've just been reading a lotabout different perspectives
about this, this construct thatwe're in, its polarity, and how
we reconcile or just listeningto how different people
(25:24):
reconcile that polarity, and sonot that I read the answer or
I've got the answer what is itbro?
But one practice, as I've beenconsuming a lot of this content
and reading about it, is I waslike man, you know, I've been
documenting this journey heavily.
(25:47):
I've got, you know, maybe ahundred plus pages of detailed
notes about every session,different sessions, breathwork,
therapy, all kinds of stuff.
I've just been documenting morethan I ever have in my life my
head, yeah so, and I was lookingback and I was like I went to
look at my notes when I was inthe dark place.
(26:08):
I went to look at my notes tostart writing it down and I said
, wow, you know, I've been in avery positive and again, I'm not
saying what I'm not equatingthis to is positive.
Mental space means everything isworking and everything's fine
and everything's great andeverything's easy.
I'm not saying that, I'm justsaying when I'm in a good space
(26:31):
mentally, I documented less, butwhen I was going through a
really difficult time ordocumenting a different
difficult milestone, I woulddocument that.
Of that and the, the, the keyinsight that just busted in my
brain was I and I kind of I canarticulate this today because of
(26:57):
literally a session I had thismorning but, um, two things.
Number one part of me.
People knew me publicly as anactivator driven, you know fun
and oh, that's true, it's apiece of who I am.
But this kind of melancholy,you know you and I always know I
love the minor chords.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
I play in the D minor .
Yeah, every time Brian getsexcited to show me a song, I'm
like cool, I can't wait to playthis for someone's funeral.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Yes, always very yeah and music was kind of like the
outlet for that.
But a piece of me personally,internally, was that melancholy.
It was like the, the one threadthat I had that felt that.
If I look at it this way, I'llsay it was the thread from my
mind to my soul and it was theonly thread that I had where I
could feel the soul, becauseapart from that I just felt dead
(27:45):
.
So the melancholy or thesadness or whatever you want to
call it, was really the onlypiece of me that felt alive.
So naturally, as I go throughthis, it's going to be natural
for me to document understandingthat.
But what I came to reallyrealize this weekend is a piece
(28:05):
of my identity, is thatmelancholyness or that sadness.
So, and I literally was justlike number one do I want to let
that go?
You know, I don't know, I don'teither.
And do I have to?
I?
Speaker 1 (28:25):
don't know, it doesn't matter right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
So and then I was like you know, because you got
all these people talking and allthese tiktoks and reels and
it's like you know, project thefrequency that you want, your
whole life will change.
And you got a lot of that stuffout there.
Now, yeah, let's say it in areligious context.
You know, you know we have thefaith of a mustard seed can move
(28:50):
a mountain.
So anything you want, you knowif it's God's will who give it
to you.
So you have a lot of this likeus in our mental, trying to use
our mental power and I think,since our minds are so
disconnected from our soul, weconstrue what that stuff means,
or we don't fully understandwhat those things mean at a
spiritual level.
So in our minds we're trying toyou know, I'll be a millionaire
(29:11):
, I'll be a millionaire, I'm amillionaire, I'm a millionaire.
And then, like the light bills,do like I'm not a millionaire.
Yet you know, it's like I'vebeen manifesting it.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
You know right but it's, your thoughts are so
disconnected from like yourhigher, yeah, like what you
would actually what you wouldactually want, because once you
start, and I'm not saying I'mthere, it's all a journey yeah
but once you start catchingglimpses of this stuff, yeah you
realize those things are silly,kind of yeah, you know, like I
(29:40):
need this.
Do you really need it?
Speaker 2 (29:43):
yeah not really yeah so it changes, yeah, it muddies
up the what you think you wantyeah, so and so the big insight
is um, as I start to shape who Iam free from, I'll say the
(30:08):
traps which are I must performto be valued, the scripts, the
programs the programs and thescripts.
Yeah, as I start to let thosethings go and start to just be
whoever I want to be and dowhatever I want to do, right, a
(30:31):
piece that I want to startputting into practice is
documenting the good heavily.
Yeah, what does the good looklike?
How do I articulate it in thewords that I know yeah, and even
balance out you know the andit's hard for me to say this
(30:53):
right now.
It probably sound like I'm justbabbling on because I'm
literally learning how toarticulate it.
But I think one way I said itearlier that was pretty good is
to come out of 20 years or 30years of dissociation and trauma
.
It makes sense for me to wantto constantly talk about the
(31:14):
trauma.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
Right, because it's the most recent thing that you
kind of overcame Right.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
And it's a piece tied to that inner melancholy thread
.
Yeah, but if all I do is sitand talk about the trauma, then
what may happen is then I justcreate in my mind the space
where I'm constantly looking forthe next trauma.
Yeah.
I become addicted to theincoming, addicted to the
(31:47):
release of trauma.
I'm constantly looking for thetrauma.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Right, so you can release another one.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Right.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
That's what I'm trying to say, right.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
You don't want to be in an endless loop of writing
your high, of finding newtraumas and releasing yes.
Yes, and creating new traumasto release.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
That was hard for me to get to, so that's all right,
you actually got there.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
That's fine.
Sometimes it takes a minute toget there, but that's it.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
That was the realization.
Nice, it felt good to releasethe trauma, but I could make
that my identity Right.
But you're not.
That's not the plan.
I literally have to decidetoday, in this moment, what I
want to focus on.
Yeah, and that may be differenttomorrow.
(32:31):
And again this is what's soweird about this To pull up, to
pull and observe that, mm, hmm,instead of judging it, oh my
gosh, you, you know, you, youyou're a man and you just want
to.
You just want to talk aboutyour trauma.
You, little right, right, like,yeah, like, naturally, I could
(32:55):
judge that, but I can just stepback and observe it and say will
it make sense for me?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
I think it takes a man to actually like I'm not
ripping on most people.
Yeah.
Because we've all done it.
Yeah.
But talking about these thingsand really looking at them and
facing them, it should's noteasy.
Yeah, no, you know this wholelike.
You start getting into like thespiritual path and you meet
(33:20):
these people and then you seethis like sexy side of
spirituality.
Yeah, you know, and you're like, oh, this looks nice.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Nice tattoos.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
Everyone's happy and they're all taken mushrooms.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Plain drums.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Play in drums Hugging each other, but the reality is
is when I sit down and I say,look at this mask of comfort
I've put around my whole life tomake me feel like I'm stable,
when really it was just a way toavoid so many things and avoid
confrontation and avoid, andavoid and avoid.
(33:52):
And you sit there and yourealize that and you're like
this isn't fucking sexy, thissucks.
Yeah, because you realized andthat's okay.
I'm not mad about it, it's just, it is what it is.
It's another program or scriptor whatever you want to call it.
But you start when you startpicking away like, oh, look at
(34:13):
how I avoided conflict my wholelife.
Yeah, I told myself some storyabout what kind of person I was.
It's all bullshit.
Yeah, that's not me.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Yeah, that was the my , my version of self that was
comfortable, yeah, and hid, soanyway well and we project a
persona, right Like when whatwas the 20, the Great Depression
, happened, their stories of inWall Street hundreds of people
were jumping out of windows tocommit suicide because they lost
(34:43):
all their money.
We read about CEOs that gocrazy and you find them like
naked and freaking town squareand they get kicked off the
board.
So, like this projection, thathealthy whatever, I'll say men
and women looks like you justgrind and you work and you're
successful and then people justbreak.
(35:04):
You know, and some people theydon't break, or some people
don't need to break and they'refine.
And they're very successfulquote in our economic standards
and that's wonderful and that'sthe beauty of all this.
It's like it's like stopping,like another big thing that I
was working through this morningwas just like meaning meaning
we're constantly looking for themeaning of everything and just
like shut the f*** up.
(35:25):
Yeah, it's like my kid is sick.
He's sick.
It is what it is.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
I've been grappling with this too, you know, yeah,
it's like you.
Finally, it's like you kind ofreached the point.
You're like, in searching forthe meaning, you're missing the
point of the whole sh**.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
You know, it's like you're on this beautiful hike
and you're at a waterfall andyou're like what's the meaning?
It's like the meaning is foryou to just shut up and enjoy
that f***ing water.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
Just listen to the water.
Listen to it, don't dunk yourface in it.
Yeah, you know, in when I'm inthe woods, yeah, and you know,
just kind of listening to thebirds you know, you feel it,
you're like, oh, this is thepoint.
Yeah, it's when you get kind ofwrapped up.
You get kind of wrapped up inthe bullshit.
(36:13):
You get confused and it's justlike it's like this endless
cycle, yeah, and it literallyfeels like confusion because
you're just running around likewhat is the point?
What do I do?
What is the meaning?
How do I get there?
And then you go outside andthen I sit next to a tree and
I'm like what the f***?
Am I worried about?
So anyway, there's my duality,oh yeah.
(36:35):
That's a good one, though Imean it's just so prevalent, and
but it's just like, even thoughI know it, I keep going back
and forth.
Yeah, so it's like it is whatit is.
Yeah, but I can relate to your.
What is the meaning?
Speaker 2 (36:50):
We were talking about the evolution of my and I've
talked about this a lot.
So the analogy in the picturethat I love to say, because it's
so true, is I was running inthe woods, it was foggy and I
was just trying to avoid thetree that I saw right in front
of me.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Mm-hmm.
You know, this is dissociation.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
Yeah, dissociation.
I'm a good husband, I'm a gooddad.
I just need to not fall off thecliff.
Mm-hmm.
And so I'm just running as fastas I can doing this thing in
America and just avoiding thenext tree, and the more I avoid
the tree, the better.
We are Right, I'm good.
Yeah, well, that fog lifted,and it really.
(37:27):
I haven't I haven't even sharedthis publicly, but I haven't
had a sip of alcohol in aboutseven weeks now.
Mm-hmm.
The cloudiness, the cloudinessfrom disassociation, was
exacerbated by alcohol.
Yeah, so lifting disassociationwas great from reducing alcohol
intake, because I was drinkingthree or four beers and I don't
(37:48):
drink any beers, I'm talkinghigh quality.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Seven, eight, nine percenters yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
Every day at the end of the day, just to quiet the
manager down.
I wouldn't get drunk, because Ican't get drunk, or I don't get
drunk physically so, but Iwould slam a couple beers and
that voice would just mute andI'd be good to go.
You know, that was mymanagement, that was my coping
mechanism, mm-hmm.
And then through the EMDR, justassociation lifts, that's great
(38:12):
.
And then reducing alcoholintake significantly, because we
talked about that on thepodcast.
Alcohol inflames your brain andcauses brain fog.
You know, look that up, that's,that's everywhere.
So, yeah, so just that physical.
So then.
But the analogy is, I'm in thewoods now, it's completely clear
.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
Right, you went from in the dark and in the fog to,
and then you at least had alittle bit of a headlamp.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
Yeah, and therefore a period after that.
I'm in the woods, it'scompletely clear, I can see
every direction.
But a little voice would popout like 20 trees down and be
like you.
Sure you're not f**king up yet.
Yeah.
You sure?
You're not going on the rightpath.
So some of those negativescripts were still there, but
they just weren't a constantvoice behind me causing me to
run.
It was just a little, a littlebit here and there A little
(38:55):
f**king weird.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
A little tidbit.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Yeah, just coming out popping its head out.
Well then, and then our audiocut out, so it got pretty juicy.
There.
At the end Arrived at talkingabout how, you know, the little
guys used to pop out from thetrees and say, are you messing
this up?
And then they're not there asmuch anymore, and now it's just
like I'm in the woods alone andI've got any direction I could
(39:19):
go.
So then it becomes the questionwhat direction should I go?
And so we talked about that fora bit.
It got pretty juicy, you know,shifting from what to why and
all that kind of fun stuff.
So yeah, we'll talk more aboutthat on the next episode.
What's up, bro?
Episode 103.
103 and 2024.
Of the new and improved highlyfocused focused cast yeah, it's
been a, it's been a weekend,it's it's been interesting.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
So we're going to talk a little bit about it.
So, but honestly, I think thisepisode is just going to be a
little raw.
Yeah, not a lot of time toprepare and not really Just a
little bit of a spear.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
A little bit of a spew.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Because I mean you mentioned on the phone, you had
a little bit of a revelation.
Had some revelations of sortsOf weekend.
Yeah, Going through your thethings that were happening.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yeah, you know, sometimes it's great to read
from a script and sometimes it'sgreat just to Let it out.
Let it out Today, we're goingto let it out, let the lead out.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
So yeah, yeah who are you?
I'm Jonathan, noel and.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
I'm Brian Noel.
It's the Focus Cast, where wehelp you reduce distractions,
increase focus so you can live alife with Intentions, all them
intentions, so many intentions.
So yeah, you just want me tojump in and then we'll go from
there.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yeah, let's go.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Okay, so I'll talk about the events and then I'll
talk about the introspection.
Okay, and then I'll talk aboutthe insights.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Nice yeah.
So this is just how you'retaking life and using it to
learn and grow.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Life events that you couldn't predict.
Yeah, yeah, okay, that'swonderful.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
So, to go into it, I'll share one quote that I
posted on Instagram last night.
Nice.
Okay, to kind of summarizewhat's happening.
Okay.
So sometimes we have periods oflife that are calm and in those
(01:56):
times I personally because I'mnot going to say we or you
should I'm just going to say Ihave been able to, in the past
several months, work on, I'llsay, the foundation.
Okay.
Yeah, stability Foundation yeah.
Stability for me means justbeing grounded, right yeah,
being present, mm-hmm.
And then we have occasionallythese moments of absolute chaos,
(02:20):
for just a few moments.
Mm-hmm.
And in those moments you get tosee how well the foundation is.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Hey, nothing like a little stress test, right A
little stress test.
You know, of sorts.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
So when Storm comes in, you get to see how your
house is built yeah, how theroofers put those shingles on,
yeah.
And then when you get throughit and things calm down, you get
to just go back and say youknow, when the storm was here, I
could see the chimney leaked alittle bit.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah, or let's patch this up.
Yeah, let's go fix it.
This is good and we'll keepthat the same and we'll grab the
silicone cock for the.
Yeah, no, exactly, that makessense.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Listen, if you can make it to the point where
you're grabbing the siliconecock, you're in a good spot, but
anyway, yeah.
So I've mentioned this beforeand this is something that I'm
really working on right now,like this is probably the number
one thing that I'm working on,okay, and that's in life there's
polarity, right Plus minus yin,yang, good, bad, so sometimes
(03:30):
just calm, sometimes chaotic,right, there's these extremes,
and the way I articulated it inthe post is what I'm learning to
do is observe that polaritywithout judgment.
So throughout a crazy weekendthat I've had, you know, there's
(03:51):
a lot of opportunity forjudgment or just a ton of
emotions associated with chaoticevents.
And it really is just I've beentalking about this, We've been
talking about this for monthsand I've been sharing some of
the things I'm learning.
You know, I said, one of mymental goals was to observe
without judgment.
Yeah.
And you got.
I got to do it one week after Iposted that.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
It's nice when life lets you test out what you want
to do.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
I know it really makes me careful of what I write
down as my goal.
I want to endure a lot of pain.
No, I don't, I don't, I don't.
I probably will if I have to,but I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
So I'm just going to say that right now.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Anyway, this book I read, they did a whole chapter
on the process of becoming ashaman and they actually went
out and studied all around theworld different shamans and what
their experience was.
Let's just say it was a lot ofpain.
Yeah.
So anyway, all right, cool.
So events, you and I wrote onThursday, yeah, Friday Friday we
(04:53):
wrote on Friday.
For some reason that ride wasweird for me.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, for context, we're mountain bikers, we're
training for a longer ride, sowe wanted to.
Trails were closed, so we wentto a flat kind of boring spot
and we're like let's just spin,let's just go.
Yeah.
And it was harder than Ithought it was going to be.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Well, and the trail was right next to a lake and it
was freezing that day and it wassuper windy, yeah, so two pairs
of socks in my feet were stillcold.
The only way I could stay warmwas to just pedal faster, but it
was weird.
So what happened?
we were riding and just riding,but what was interesting is like
all of the kind of negativescripts came up, you see, all
(05:40):
these like mantras on socialpush through and be a man, push
through all that kind of stuffand for whatever quote hardships
or demons or trauma that we'reall running from whatever.
And you see, like the post of,like the man being a man, you
know that kind of stuff.
So, regardless, there's thiscommon experience in life where
(06:00):
sometimes you just mentally,everything just kind of comes in
and I was just like, and it wasjust like I kind of got to a
point to where I was just likewhat's the component of all this
?
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Yeah, I think that's what a lot of people what
happens yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Like what's the point ?
And here was the driving, thedriving kind of script that
really allowed all of thosenegative scripts to come in.
To conclude with what's thepoint, the script is this you
know, I posted this stat onsocial but I read a stat that
said like 73% of people inheritthe religion in which is their
(06:37):
national religion.
And then you start readingabout the false self or the ego
and all that kind of stuff.
And you look at the world todayand you see people arguing and
all that kind of stuff.
But I think at the end of theday, we find what we need to
believe to arrive at someconclusion or help us cope with
(06:59):
whatever's going on.
Sure, so if we look at that ata mass scale, I in my head was
just like, well, if we arrive atwhat we need to believe, what?
What do I believe?
Not like extesentially, yeah,but like if I create whatever I
(07:20):
need to believe To feel safe.
And you know I'm doing all thiswork, all this mental work, all
this fun stuff.
I mean it's been.
It's been weird, enjoyable,it's been kind of been
unsettling at times, buthonestly it's been very
fulfilling.
But, um, and Probably typicalfor someone you know, in their
40s right, you know.
I'm choosing to not divorce mywife and buy a two-seater and
(07:44):
marry a 20 year old.
I'm choosing to right, go deepand understand who I am and what
I want to do for the rest of mylife.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Are you not doing the typical, the typical American
midlife crisis?
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Yeah, yeah, making a choice not to do that.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
I want to just the ultimate avoidance decision.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Yes, but it's kind of a philosophical question.
But if it's like, if we projectwhat we need to believe, what
is truth, and so that kind ofthat kind of led me which that
can lead you to a positive place, but that led me in the moment
to just like a I'm doing allthis work, I've had great
(08:21):
milestones, but like why, what,why, the why, yeah, so then we
left that and went to a, aDinner that night, and again,
part of this process is you justfeel kind of disconnected.
Mm-hmm so around, wonderfulpeople, but I just feel
disconnected right.
And then from there my oldestson was sick and I was up all
(08:48):
night and that's familiar, I'vebeen there before.
But just kind of where I was,that personally, carrying that
into no sleep, and then my sonwas like in a lot of pain.
So it wasn't just he was sickand I was kind of sitting with
him or we weren't sleeping inthe same bed, it was he was in
my face screaming for four hoursstraight.
(09:11):
Yeah, and any parent knows, oranyone who's been next to
someone screaming For four hours, your brain really starts
Freaking out mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Yeah, your nervous system is like on overload,
overload.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
You know mm-hmm, and obviously you feel bad for your
kid, you're trying to help yourkid, but then also you're just
like I need Some relief so I cankeep doing what I need to do.
Yeah, there was a time where Isaid I would feel better if I
went headbutted.
The fridge Probably would feelbetter, like it was.
Like I mean I was really close,like I was even like getting up
(09:48):
and just kind of scratchingmyself.
Yeah you know, because you justget there's that level of
irritation that that is justit's kind of it's kind of
pushing into that Insanity state.
Yeah but what's reallyinteresting about the work that
we've been doing is thispresence and you know, We've
been talking about focus for twoyears and so really trying to
(10:09):
Break apart the emotions andobserving the emotion.
So I'm sitting there and, likebefore, I would just be angry or
irritated or frustrated or sad,you know whatever it is for my
kid who's like in an intenseamount of pain, yeah, but now
it's like different.
It's like, well, now I'mexperiencing this, but I'm also
(10:29):
watching myself experience it,which can spiral to a bad place,
but it can also stay constantor it can go to a good place,
right.
So I was experiencing all those.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
I think, like in those moments where you're like
what the is the point?
Yeah, and you see everyone, yousee like, the people like on
social media, the, the likes,not self-help, but the, you know
the like you got to pushthrough, yeah, and the point is,
is how far can you go after?
(11:04):
You really don't want to do it?
Hmm, I guess you're justraising that stress threshold.
Yeah, because there's somepeople who wouldn't have been
able to handle someone screamingat them for four hours.
Yeah they probably would haveheadbutted the fridge or just
like drove off.
Yeah or something.
Yeah but you've expanded yourthreshold Not to where you're
sitting there in bliss.
You know meditating, you knowlike a Buddha or something, but
(11:27):
this is real life, yeah, but youwere able to stay there and not
bash your face againstsomething or or drive away or
just save it all.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Yeah, you know, so that's wonderful if you're
watching the video on YouTube, Idon't.
There's no cuts or bruises onmy face.
I restrained, but that sayssomething but it's a good point,
bro, and that's so it's likeexpanding that.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Because I guess it's easy to say what is the point,
but then in those moments you'relike I guess the point is so
you can handle More.
You can handle more, which is ascary truth, because I don't
want to handle more.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
I want to retract.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
It's like in the in martial arts.
It's like it's the whole thingis like we're not, it's not to
be scared, it's just it's not toexpect anything is gonna happen
, but you just prepare, yeah.
Yeah, because if it does, thenyou're prepared.
You're prepared, yeah, that'strue.
So you know, when there issomething on screaming in your,
(12:31):
whatever it is, when I love.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
I love our dialogues around intentionality and focus
and and all this kind of stuff,because there's also a piece of
culture and maybe, maybe Womenstruggle with this more than men
.
I don't really know honestly,but there's the whole thing.
Like you can't be upset, likeyour kids upset, it's selfish
for you to even sit there and dointrospective work or it's
(12:58):
selfish to even think aboutyourself while your kid is in so
much pain and that seemsridiculous yeah what's great is
like.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
That's just not true at all you have to do some inner
work to stay at your level,where you can even be available
as a person.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Yeah yeah, and that led me to one of my key insights
.
That happened on Saturday, okay, wonderful.
So I was up and then aroundthis started around 10 pm.
We got home from the dinner.
Dex was upset.
So my wife and I are prettywe're familiar with this because
our kids were in the hospital alot when they were kids.
So we got a good system down.
We're a good team.
(13:34):
So I said, all right, you goand go to bed, I'll tap you in
when I'm yeah, done.
Yeah, so it was about 2, 30 or 2o'clock and I told my, I woke
up my wife and said, all right,you're in, and so she got up and
she took care of them and Iwent to sleep and then, and then
(13:54):
she woke me up at 6 and then IWas taking care of them and then
, obviously, took them to thepediatrician.
One kids got strapped.
They can't figure out what'sgoing on with my oldest kid, so
they come home.
He's still just super upset andmy wife's like all right, cool,
I, I'll take him to thepediatrician.
Now it's time for your nap, soI'm laying there.
(14:15):
So from Friday of just thiskind of overall personal, very
in inner.
Right struggle taking that, intofeeling disconnected, into a
night of no sleep, and then andthen just being present, trying
to be present with your sonwho's freaking, miserable, right
(14:37):
, and then my wife takes thekids of the pediatrician.
I'm laying there and there'sjust like this overwhelming
sense of, just like Judgment,all this kind of stuff, all the
stuff that you know humans canface at any point in time.
And then, literally, it wassomething in my brain just
separated and said okay, nowit's time to observe it.
(15:00):
Hmm, and what was sointeresting was I wasn't in the
moment like I need to meditateand be able to observe this.
That's my goal.
I told everyone on Instagram Ican't be a.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
You know I wasn't doing that.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Yeah, I was just there.
Mm-hmm, you know, it's justlike.
All right, you're upset.
You know I'm irritated.
I want to help you.
I want to help you.
You know, four hours into it,what can I do?
Just really just just hold mykid for hours and then,
obviously, you get kind of numbonce you get that fatigued and
then some of those raw personalemotions just kind of get numb.
(15:35):
but then it was like literally,and it was just like a click,
and Whether it was my brainallowing me to experience this
or whether it was just how ithappened, it doesn't matter.
It happened literally lightswitch, separated from it and
instead now observe it.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Yeah, you were feeling it.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
now let's observe it and I was able to and I'm
serious, I Was able to 100%observe all of it completely
free from judgment.
That's nice.
The whole process, the therapywork, the steps that we've made
life, existence, pain, misery,my frustrations, my expectations
(16:16):
, all of these things, you knowmy, my, you know feeling
disconnected from the world, allthis kind of stuff, all of it I
literally switch Mm-hmm.
Now, look at it.
Now you can see it Withoutjudgment.
And I don't know if that was mybrain letting me do it, I don't
know if that was like Spirityeah, help from the.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
yeah from the creator .
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Yes, yes, I don't know, but I'm grateful that it
happened.
Yeah because then it was justlike oh, this is what it means
To observe and not judge.
Mm-hmm.
It's okay that I was frustrated.
It's okay that I feelDisconnected.
All these things are it's fine,it's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah, like it is okay .
Speaker 2 (17:03):
It is what it is, you know, and it was the absolute
most glorious Few minutes that Ihad, right up until I fell
asleep and took probably one ofthe greatest naps that I have in
a long time, since I bought arecord player when I was 19 and
listened to Miles Davis on asnowy day.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
That must have been a good nap, to remember it so oh.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I didn't wake up and tell the record had to turn the
record.
Damn, that's nice.
Some kind of blue is that nameof the album.
His famous album, yeah.
That's good nap material, butanyway so that was like the
first time.
And I've read about this.
I've read about, yeah, monksand different levels of
meditation, and you know we kindof we move from our identity is
(17:52):
the emotion to our identity isnot the emotion to being able to
Observe the emotion and then beable to observe the emotion
without judgment.
And I read about that and I wasjust like and that sounds
freaking cool.
Yeah, I want to do that one day.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Yeah, I want to be like that when I grow up.
Yeah yeah, and I got to do it I.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Got to do it.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
You got a taste of it .
I got a taste of it.
Now can you replicate it?
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Yeah you know, I said this to my therapist.
I said, you know, it's reallyinteresting about all this is
there's revelation and thenthere's practice and integration
.
And if it's really fun, it'sreally fun to have these major
Revelations or these majorinsights to change your life,
but then that rolls into okay,practice, which you know Can
sometimes not be the sexy part,but it's, it's the important
(18:38):
part.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I think we have to At least feel it enough to know
that there's a reason to go forit.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
You've always said this, bro it's not about
stopping bad habits, it's aboutinterjecting good so much that
the bad habits just fall away.
Yeah, and we get a taste ofthat.
You get a taste of anobservation without judgment.
Yeah, it makes you go.
Oh Well, I don't want to sithere and judge myself because I
(19:07):
know what it feels like not toMm-hmm and that, but that that I
won't say bad habit, but I'llsay that common response yeah,
just kind of fades away.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Isn't that nice, but it's.
It's good to have a little bitof an understanding.
I was talking with Carter andwe're talking about how and some
of the like Native Americantribes, they'll take the
hallucinogenic, whatever.
Yeah, it's not like a.
It's not like you know peoplenow where they just do it for
(19:38):
fun and abuse it or whatever.
You do it once With people whocan like hold the space you know
the shamans and stuff, so youcan kind of feel that
Unconditional love, at least getan idea, yeah, and then you
just use it as a reference, Iguess as a reason to See why
(19:59):
you're working towards.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
That path.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
That makes a ton of sense, you know because if
you've never felt it, sometimesit's like so what?
What is the point?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Because I mean that's when people talked about
meditation for me a year ago, Iwas just like cool, I'm gonna go
sit down and my mind's gonnascream at me for an hour.
So that's literally torture.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Yeah, but if you had felt it, if somehow you just got
a piece of it, yeah, you know,and you understood what it can
be.
Yeah it changes the, theparadigm.
Yeah, so that's why it's niceto be in groups where someone
can lead or hold the space orwhatever.
It's where you can really feelthe Whatever higher states,
(20:40):
whatever you want to call it,there's so many different names
for this stuff.
But yeah, so you kind of seewhere you're headed.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Because a lot of times you're just sitting there
trying to meditate.
You know what is this?
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Yeah, I mean, if it's , if we're trying to find so the
default network, right?
Yeah, that's where the core ofour Identity and belief systems
are born, mm-hmm.
You know, I just finished abook talking about the default
network, and Really good book Iforgot the author, pretty famous
, but anyway, talking about likelittle simple things.
(21:15):
Like you're sitting down thetable where your grandmother and
you're done eating and yourgrandmother's like, have another
bowl of soup.
And you're like I'm not hungry.
And then your grandmother'slike Well, you know, there's a
lot of starving children in thisworld and we want to eat up all
the soups.
You need to eat the soup,mm-hmm.
So then you eat the soup eventhough, like, you're physically
(21:36):
full, mm-hmm.
And in that moment you lose apiece of free will and the
default network comes in andgives you messages like you
always shame and guilt, you know.
And then that may turn intosomething later in your life
where you don't have the freewill to say no, and so when
anyone impresses upon yousomething that they want to give
(21:56):
you, you say yes, this soundslike Something that's borderline
enslaving most people.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Yeah and it's giving subtle, giving pieces of your
Self away, yeah, in little ways,so that might feel little, but
after 40 years of doing it, yeah.
Then you wake up one morningYou're like why am I here?
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Yeah, and we've talked about social scripts
before, but obviously we're alittle different place now.
It's like social scripts have away deeper and I love the way
the book described it.
You're giving, you're losingyour free will Mentally,
internally, it's like like whenyou're a girl and you're out
playing rough.
And you get, you know, dirt onyour clothes and you come inside
(22:41):
and like maybe you have aparent that says, like girls,
don't get dirty.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Yeah, you know I like Thinking about.
You know, older people who aremore certain.
Yeah, you know, they're sturdyand their certainty, yeah.
And you might ask them Do youwant to do this?
And they'll just say no.
And you know for a fact youwill not change their mind.
(23:08):
Because they're just they'reholding that certainty so strong
.
Yeah, you know it's futile.
Hmm, yeah, you know, but youcan go to your buddy and be like
hey, you want to whatever, youwant to come to this thing, and
I got some stuff.
Come on, man you know it'sgonna sure you don't want to.
There's gonna be blah, blah,blah and they're like okay.
Yeah, that's a good analogy youknow thinking about, like our
(23:32):
grandparents or whatever.
It's different yeah you knowwhen they say no, you understand
it's not happening.
Yeah, because they have thatcertainty.
Yeah, yeah, so certainty is isit's a regaining that?
Is important because we love.
(23:53):
I mean a lot of people, not anormal people, who grew up in
this paradigm and the whateveryou want to call this in the US
yeah this trap of sorts ofnonsense and bullshit, uh, you
lose a lot of certainty yeahbecause you're just being pulled
in all directions and there'speople telling you how to feel,
(24:14):
and your parents and schools,and yada, yada, yada never ends
never ends.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
So yeah, yeah.
So that was revelation numberone, nice or key insight number
one nice revolution number two,mm-hmm.
So I was driving to thehospital and I was driving down
the road and I've been reading alot about polarity in the
(24:39):
universe.
You know we all are familiarwith scientific polarity right
created nor destroyed, plus orminus yin and yang, all that
kind of stuff where you know onereaction is an opposite, or one
action is an opposite reactionright well, an opposite reaction
yeah yeah, so we're familiarwith those concepts.
(25:02):
But as you get into thespiritual space or the religious
space, right, there's alwaysthis question like how does god
exist if there's so much bad inthe world good bad.
So I've just been reading a lotabout different perspectives
about this, this construct thatwe're in, its polarity, and how
we reconcile or just listeningto how different people
(25:24):
reconcile that polarity, and sonot that I read the answer or
I've got the answer what is itbro?
But one practice, as I've beenconsuming a lot of this content
and reading about it, is I waslike man, you know, I've been
documenting this journey heavily.
(25:47):
I've got, you know, maybe ahundred plus pages of detailed
notes about every session,different sessions, breathwork,
therapy, all kinds of stuff.
I've just been documenting morethan I ever have in my life my
head, yeah so, and I was lookingback and I was like I went to
look at my notes when I was inthe dark place.
(26:08):
I went to look at my notes tostart writing it down and I said
, wow, you know, I've been in avery positive and again, I'm not
saying what I'm not equatingthis to is positive.
Mental space means everything isworking and everything's fine
and everything's great andeverything's easy.
I'm not saying that, I'm justsaying when I'm in a good space
(26:31):
mentally, I documented less, butwhen I was going through a
really difficult time ordocumenting a different
difficult milestone, I woulddocument that.
Of that and the, the, the keyinsight that just busted in my
brain was I and I kind of I canarticulate this today because of
(26:57):
literally a session I had thismorning but, um, two things.
Number one part of me.
People knew me publicly as anactivator driven, you know fun
and oh, that's true, it's apiece of who I am.
But this kind of melancholy,you know you and I always know I
love the minor chords.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
I play in the D minor .
Yeah, every time Brian getsexcited to show me a song, I'm
like cool, I can't wait to playthis for someone's funeral.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Yes, always very yeah and music was kind of like the
outlet for that.
But a piece of me personally,internally, was that melancholy.
It was like the, the one threadthat I had that felt that.
If I look at it this way, I'llsay it was the thread from my
mind to my soul and it was theonly thread that I had where I
could feel the soul, becauseapart from that I just felt dead
(27:45):
.
So the melancholy or thesadness or whatever you want to
call it, was really the onlypiece of me that felt alive.
So naturally, as I go throughthis, it's going to be natural
for me to document understandingthat.
But what I came to reallyrealize this weekend is a piece
(28:05):
of my identity, is thatmelancholyness or that sadness.
So, and I literally was justlike number one do I want to let
that go?
You know, I don't know, I don'teither.
And do I have to?
I?
Speaker 1 (28:25):
don't know, it doesn't matter right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
So and then I was like you know, because you got
all these people talking and allthese tiktoks and reels and
it's like you know, project thefrequency that you want, your
whole life will change.
And you got a lot of that stuffout there.
Now, yeah, let's say it in areligious context.
You know, you know we have thefaith of a mustard seed can move
(28:50):
a mountain.
So anything you want, you knowif it's God's will who give it
to you.
So you have a lot of this likeus in our mental, trying to use
our mental power and I think,since our minds are so
disconnected from our soul, weconstrue what that stuff means,
or we don't fully understandwhat those things mean at a
spiritual level.
So in our minds we're trying toyou know, I'll be a millionaire
(29:11):
, I'll be a millionaire, I'm amillionaire, I'm a millionaire.
And then, like the light bills,do like I'm not a millionaire.
Yet you know, it's like I'vebeen manifesting it.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
You know right but it's, your thoughts are so
disconnected from like yourhigher, yeah, like what you
would actually what you wouldactually want, because once you
start, and I'm not saying I'mthere, it's all a journey yeah
but once you start catchingglimpses of this stuff, yeah you
realize those things are silly,kind of yeah, you know, like I
(29:40):
need this.
Do you really need it?
Speaker 2 (29:43):
yeah not really yeah so it changes, yeah, it muddies
up the what you think you wantyeah, so and so the big insight
is um, as I start to shape who Iam free from, I'll say the
(30:08):
traps which are I must performto be valued, the scripts, the
programs the programs and thescripts.
Yeah, as I start to let thosethings go and start to just be
whoever I want to be and dowhatever I want to do, right, a
(30:31):
piece that I want to startputting into practice is
documenting the good heavily.
Yeah, what does the good looklike?
How do I articulate it in thewords that I know yeah, and even
balance out you know the andit's hard for me to say this
(30:53):
right now.
It probably sound like I'm justbabbling on because I'm
literally learning how toarticulate it.
But I think one way I said itearlier that was pretty good is
to come out of 20 years or 30years of dissociation and trauma
.
It makes sense for me to wantto constantly talk about the
(31:14):
trauma.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
Right, because it's the most recent thing that you
kind of overcame Right.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
And it's a piece tied to that inner melancholy thread
.
Yeah, but if all I do is sitand talk about the trauma, then
what may happen is then I justcreate in my mind the space
where I'm constantly looking forthe next trauma.
Yeah.
I become addicted to theincoming, addicted to the
(31:47):
release of trauma.
I'm constantly looking for thetrauma.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Right, so you can release another one.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Right.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
That's what I'm trying to say, right.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
You don't want to be in an endless loop of writing
your high, of finding newtraumas and releasing yes.
Yes, and creating new traumasto release.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
That was hard for me to get to, so that's all right,
you actually got there.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
That's fine.
Sometimes it takes a minute toget there, but that's it.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
That was the realization.
Nice, it felt good to releasethe trauma, but I could make
that my identity Right.
But you're not.
That's not the plan.
I literally have to decidetoday, in this moment, what I
want to focus on.
Yeah, and that may be differenttomorrow.
(32:31):
And again this is what's soweird about this To pull up, to
pull and observe that, mm, hmm,instead of judging it, oh my
gosh, you, you know, you, youyou're a man and you just want
to.
You just want to talk aboutyour trauma.
You, little right, right, like,yeah, like, naturally, I could
(32:55):
judge that, but I can just stepback and observe it and say will
it make sense for me?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
I think it takes a man to actually like I'm not
ripping on most people.
Yeah.
Because we've all done it.
Yeah.
But talking about these thingsand really looking at them and
facing them, it should's noteasy.
Yeah, no, you know this wholelike.
You start getting into like thespiritual path and you meet
(33:20):
these people and then you seethis like sexy side of
spirituality.
Yeah, you know, and you're like, oh, this looks nice.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Nice tattoos.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
Everyone's happy and they're all taken mushrooms.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Plain drums.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Play in drums Hugging each other, but the reality is
is when I sit down and I say,look at this mask of comfort
I've put around my whole life tomake me feel like I'm stable,
when really it was just a way toavoid so many things and avoid
confrontation and avoid, andavoid and avoid.
(33:52):
And you sit there and yourealize that and you're like
this isn't fucking sexy, thissucks.
Yeah, because you realized andthat's okay.
I'm not mad about it, it's just, it is what it is.
It's another program or scriptor whatever you want to call it.
But you start when you startpicking away like, oh, look at
(34:13):
how I avoided conflict my wholelife.
Yeah, I told myself some storyabout what kind of person I was.
It's all bullshit.
Yeah, that's not me.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Yeah, that was the my , my version of self that was
comfortable, yeah, and hid, soanyway well and we project a
persona, right Like when whatwas the 20, the Great Depression
, happened, their stories of inWall Street hundreds of people
were jumping out of windows tocommit suicide because they lost
(34:43):
all their money.
We read about CEOs that gocrazy and you find them like
naked and freaking town squareand they get kicked off the
board.
So, like this projection, thathealthy whatever, I'll say men
and women looks like you justgrind and you work and you're
successful and then people justbreak.
(35:04):
You know, and some people theydon't break, or some people
don't need to break and they'refine.
And they're very successfulquote in our economic standards
and that's wonderful and that'sthe beauty of all this.
It's like it's like stopping,like another big thing that I
was working through this morningwas just like meaning meaning
we're constantly looking for themeaning of everything and just
like shut the f*** up.
(35:25):
Yeah, it's like my kid is sick.
He's sick.
It is what it is.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
I've been grappling with this too, you know, yeah,
it's like you.
Finally, it's like you kind ofreached the point.
You're like, in searching forthe meaning, you're missing the
point of the whole sh**.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
You know, it's like you're on this beautiful hike
and you're at a waterfall andyou're like what's the meaning?
It's like the meaning is foryou to just shut up and enjoy
that f***ing water.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
Just listen to the water.
Listen to it, don't dunk yourface in it.
Yeah, you know, in when I'm inthe woods, yeah, and you know,
just kind of listening to thebirds you know, you feel it,
you're like, oh, this is thepoint.
Yeah, it's when you get kind ofwrapped up.
You get kind of wrapped up inthe bullshit.
(36:13):
You get confused and it's justlike it's like this endless
cycle, yeah, and it literallyfeels like confusion because
you're just running around likewhat is the point?
What do I do?
What is the meaning?
How do I get there?
And then you go outside andthen I sit next to a tree and
I'm like what the f***?
Am I worried about?
So anyway, there's my duality,oh yeah.
(36:35):
That's a good one, though Imean it's just so prevalent, and
but it's just like, even thoughI know it, I keep going back
and forth.
Yeah, so it's like it is whatit is.
Yeah, but I can relate to your.
What is the meaning?
Speaker 2 (36:50):
We were talking about the evolution of my and I've
talked about this a lot.
So the analogy in the picturethat I love to say, because it's
so true, is I was running inthe woods, it was foggy and I
was just trying to avoid thetree that I saw right in front
of me.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Mm-hmm.
You know, this is dissociation.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
Yeah, dissociation.
I'm a good husband, I'm a gooddad.
I just need to not fall off thecliff.
Mm-hmm.
And so I'm just running as fastas I can doing this thing in
America and just avoiding thenext tree, and the more I avoid
the tree, the better.
We are Right, I'm good.
Yeah, well, that fog lifted,and it really.
(37:27):
I haven't I haven't even sharedthis publicly, but I haven't
had a sip of alcohol in aboutseven weeks now.
Mm-hmm.
The cloudiness, the cloudinessfrom disassociation, was
exacerbated by alcohol.
Yeah, so lifting disassociationwas great from reducing alcohol
intake, because I was drinkingthree or four beers and I don't
(37:48):
drink any beers, I'm talkinghigh quality.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Seven, eight, nine percenters yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
Every day at the end of the day, just to quiet the
manager down.
I wouldn't get drunk, because Ican't get drunk, or I don't get
drunk physically so, but Iwould slam a couple beers and
that voice would just mute andI'd be good to go.
You know, that was mymanagement, that was my coping
mechanism, mm-hmm.
And then through the EMDR, justassociation lifts, that's great
(38:12):
.
And then reducing alcoholintake significantly, because we
talked about that on thepodcast.
Alcohol inflames your brain andcauses brain fog.
You know, look that up, that's,that's everywhere.
So, yeah, so just that physical.
So then.
But the analogy is, I'm in thewoods now, it's completely clear
.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
Right, you went from in the dark and in the fog to,
and then you at least had alittle bit of a headlamp.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
Yeah, and therefore a period after that.
I'm in the woods, it'scompletely clear, I can see
every direction.
But a little voice would popout like 20 trees down and be
like you.
Sure you're not f**king up yet.
Yeah.
You sure?
You're not going on the rightpath.
So some of those negativescripts were still there, but
they just weren't a constantvoice behind me causing me to
run.
It was just a little, a littlebit here and there A little
(38:55):
f**king weird.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
A little tidbit.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Yeah, just coming out popping its head out.
Well then, and then our audiocut out, so it got pretty juicy.
There.
At the end Arrived at talkingabout how, you know, the little
guys used to pop out from thetrees and say, are you messing
this up?
And then they're not there asmuch anymore, and now it's just
like I'm in the woods alone andI've got any direction I could
(39:19):
go.
So then it becomes the questionwhat direction should I go?
And so we talked about that fora bit.
It got pretty juicy, you know,shifting from what to why and
all that kind of fun stuff.
So yeah, we'll talk more aboutthat on the next episode.
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