October 19, 2023 • 27 mins
0:01 Radical Accountability and Success
6:48 Overcoming Victim Mentality and Embracing Accountability
15:09 Radical Acceptance and Responsibility
24:27 Radical Accountability and Continuous Growth
🔑 Unlock Radical Accountability and Say Goodbye to the Victim Mentality 🚫
Feeling stuck in a cycle of victimhood? Overwhelmed by life's uncontrollable elements? You're in the right place. Join us as we peel back the layers of the pervasive issue known as the victim mentality. This mindset often arises from adversity but doesn't have to define your identity. Discover how radical accountability can break this cycle and help you lead a life of intention.
💪 In this video, we'll explore:
🔍 Feedback Absorption and Relationship Dynamics
Learn how to move from feeling like a victim to taking charge of your life. Dive into concepts like feedback absorption and relationship dynamics to empower yourself to focus on what you can control.
🌟 Radical Acceptance and Responsibility
Uncover the transformative power of radical acceptance and responsibility. These are not just buzzwords but essential tools to navigate difficult circumstances. By releasing resistance, refraining from judgment, and building resilience through emotional regulation, you can take control of your life.
📚 The Power of Continuous Learning
Embrace the journey of continuous learning as a tool for self-improvement. It's time to grow and evolve. Get ready to break free from the victim mentality and embark on a path of radical accountability, acceptance, and unwavering growth. Join us now! 🔥🌱 #Focus #VictimMentality #RadicalAccountability
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
What are we talking about today, bro?
I think we're trying to hitsomething in the form of radical
accountability.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Yeah, we're going to talk about that, and then we're
going to talk about, justopposed to that, ooh, victim
mentality, victim mentality.
So, in the context of focus,this idea of radical
accountability is an ingredientthat anyone and everyone would
say is top characteristic forsuccess.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
And a lot of people would say the inverse of that.
Victim mentality is also one ofthe top contributors to not
succeeding.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Right, let's say you've got a small business.
In this scenario, you're theowner operator.
Do you take accountability foreverything?
So you can pivot and move on?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Or do you blame everything else until it
crumbles?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
You lose your business because you won't
actually be accountable for theactions.
Exactly Because I mean, yeah,you can't really sink a ship
like Apple.
At this point, I don't thinkyeah, very easily.
I should say Very easily Builtto last but a small business 25,
whatever employees, small HVACcompany, the fucking owner has
(01:17):
to be accountable.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Yeah, one of my favorite quotes, and I don't
remember who this came from, butthe quote is every problem is a
leadership problem.
Yeah, so anytime I'm in theroom, I start with that quote,
because it just sets the tone.
Yeah, I don't want to sit inhere as a consultant and a
strategist and help your teamand listen to y'all bitch about
your employees.
Nope, because it's not youremployees fault, it's your fault
(01:40):
.
That's not being accountable.
That's not being accountable.
That's not radicalaccountability.
Nope, that's victim mentality.
My employees don't own the.
I don't have employees who theydon't own it and I always ask
do they own it?
And they're like well, no, andI'm like okay.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Why would they act like that?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Why would they act like owners?
They're not owners.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
You're the owner.
Why are you acting like this?
Give them a bonus yeah.
Give them ownership.
Profit sharing yeah.
Do profit share yeah.
Create a.
Create a escort Issue shares.
Either expect them an owner toact like an owner or expect an
employee to act like an employee.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Because it's a different.
It's a completely differentworld.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
And that's being radically accountable.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
I dig it bro.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
So today we're going to talk about radical
accountability and victimmentality and how it really does
affect our success and focuseverything.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Let's do it, bro.
Countability, radicalCountability.
I'm Jonathan Noel and I'm BrianNoel.
This is the Focus Gas, where wehelp you remove distractions,
(02:52):
increase focus so you can live alife with intentions and you
can live a life with intentions.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
And you can live a life with intentions and be
accountable to that intention,yep, and not be a victim.
What is victim mentality,jonathan?
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Brian Yannick Noel.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Okay, victim mentality you tend to blame
other people and forces for theproblems and challenges in your
life.
Yeah, easy enough.
Victim victimhood can become apart of a person's identity, but
it is a learned behavior andcan be changed.
It often evolves as a defensemechanism to cope with adverse
life events.
That's actually from WebMD.
(03:33):
Yeah, laying it down for thevictim mentality people out
there, laying it down.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
And it says, like the victim mentality can start as a
coping mechanism from some typeof event or trauma or something
like that.
And that makes sense.
That makes sense, right.
If something happened to youthat was bad, traumatic, yeah,
it's would be very natural foryour brain to convince itself
that it happened to you and it'syour fault and that will always
(03:59):
happen to you for the rest ofyour life.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Yeah Right, that's some deep trauma you got, I
think this actually is switchingstraight over to accountability
, yeah, is understanding thatpeople have their own shit.
They have their own traumas,their own life?
Yes, and that's why you can'tjust hate everyone or be pissed
off.
That's why you can't just hateeveryone, be pissed off that
(04:21):
someone is the way they are.
You don't know what they wentthrough.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Plain and simple.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
And I'm not advocating at any means by this
statement for child molesters.
There's usually exceptions torules, right, but I will say if
a child is molested, we haveextreme empathy and we want to
(04:48):
murder the person who moleststhat child rightfully so.
Yeah, but when that child growsup and becomes a child molester
because they never got help,then we hate that person and we
want them to die Right, andthat's just a sad reality.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
So they went from.
Everyone feels bad, yeah, andno one helped them.
And then Now everyone wants tokill them.
Now everyone wants them to die.
Yeah, so.
So sometimes it's aboutbreaking the cycle and not yeah,
so it's on a very extremetraumatic level.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Yeah, Some of this, if we pull up a little bit right
, just overall, like like itsaid, becomes a part of our
identity.
So, maybe we just had a, youknow, maybe we had a couple
rough years, right, yeah, youknow, maybe we lost a job and
then our spouse left us, orwhatever, maybe, yeah, there's
just a couple of hard things,yeah, cause life is hard, let's
just be honest.
(05:40):
But what happened is, over thecourse of those years or time,
you, you translate it, thoseexternal things that happened in
your life and you internalizethose, and then you convinced
yourself that you are a victimand then now you apply that to
everything.
That's kind of what we'retalking about here, the victim
mentality.
Now for just like the bratchildren who have rich parents
(06:05):
and they're just in a victimmentality, I just think they
need to be like they.
They just need to get their asskicked.
So different personas here.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Yeah, I mean, there is there is that, there is that
but I don't, I don't thinkthat's the norm.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
No.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
I mean, you see a lot of that on social media.
Yeah, you know but.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
But I think a lot of this is people suffered, went
through some hard times and thenthey just they haven't had the
opportunity in life to to breakout of it, and that's what we
want to talk about today.
Yeah, so what are some signs?
All right, what are some signs?
So now, and if you relate tosome of these, you might be
living in a victim mentality,yep.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
You blame others for the way your life is.
Yeah.
Yeah, you truly think life isagainst you.
Yeah, you have trouble copingwith problems in your life and
feel powerless against them.
You feel stuck in life andapproach things with a negative
attitude.
Yeah, you feel attacked.
When someone tries to offerhelp, slash feedback.
Feeling bad for yourself givesyou relief or pleasure.
(07:10):
Oh, you attract people whoblame others and complain about
their life.
Yeah, it's difficult for you toexamine yourself and make
changes.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
So we should create a bar and we should name it
victim hood yeah, and that wayit's a safe place for people to
come and just bitch abouteverything else in the world.
That's what most bars are rightyeah.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Bar tenders are like yeah, man, I hear you Bar
tenders are like hey, I've beendoing this tip, I've been doing
this for years.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yeah, this is my job, this is my life, just listen to
people's problems.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yeah, I think this is pretty interesting, right?
So two things that stood out tome.
You feel attacked when someonetries to offer helpful feedback.
Now, have you ever met someone?
You're attached.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Yeah, and someone helping you actually is changing
the way you your life operates.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Yeah, and and a lot of times people get extremely
angry at that yeah.
So when you're in a reallyhealthy position, I believe
mentally, yeah, you'll ask forhelp and take help, yeah.
But if you're in an unhealthyposition, whether you feel
(08:22):
you're too good for that or thatperson is judging you by
offering that help.
I'll take help from anyone, Idon't care.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yeah, I just don't care.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
And I don't care what they think about me when
they're giving me that help.
I just don't care If someonewants to throw me a throw me
something I'm like, thanks, andif they're like, hey, if they
said yes, that's on them.
That's on them, I don't care.
You know, someone wants to letme use their vacation home
because they have someperception of me.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Right, that's their thing, that's their thing.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
They're probably just being nice.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Yeah, most of the time.
Hopefully they wouldn't say yesunless they actually wanted to
do it.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I know, but if you ever met someone who like
they're like all pitiful, yourresponse may be like your
response to the last podcast,which was funny, but I'm gonna
ask the question anyway.
Remember, met someone or beenaround someone where they're
like pitiful and then you'relike, hey, can I help?
You and they're like no, Idon't need any help.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Yeah, I don't hang out with those people.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I know some of those people.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I don't tolerate it.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, you know, and maybe I'mmaybe this is my shit that I
need to look at, you know maybeI don't know, no, what I'm
saying is you intentionally hangaround people?
Fuck, no, okay.
But that doesn't mean I have tocompletely discard them.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
I don't think you're someone to where, like if you're
having dinner and someone showsup, you're gonna be like, get
away from the table right now.
I reject you.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
No, it's not like that.
It's not like that.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
All right, you just, you're just not going to develop
a long-term relationship.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
No, absolutely not.
People who live in a state ofmind.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Absolutely not.
I've learned to people likethis that if you ignore their
pitifulness, they start to feelstupid and they stop.
It just magically goes away,like someone who limps, and then
you don't acknowledge thatthey're limping and then they
stop limping.
You just got better, oops,anyway.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
so those are signs of victim mentality.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Victim mentality actually sucks the life out of
you.
It takes a lot of energy, ittakes a lot of focus and you're
essentially internalizing andprojecting to the world that you
can never do anything andeverything will always be bad.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Right, so and.
I still place to be.
I try and operate where I justassume everything's gonna work
out.
Yeah, but I'm not attached toit working out.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
That's hard, but that's a good place to be.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
You know, because it might not.
It might not, and that's fine.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Yeah, I think, after five months of therapy, I think
the biggest theme that I'moperating out of doing my best
and focused on operating out ofall I can do is all I can do
today is based on what I knowand what I have and that's it.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Yeah, that's all I can do.
You can't use knowledge youdon't have.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Can't use money I don't have.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
You can't use money or experience you don't have yet
, but you will gain experienceand knowledge and money, and
that's the future and thatdoesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Yeah, all I can do is what I can do today, based on
what I have and what I know.
That's it.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Yeah, that's literally the current reality.
The past already happened andthe future is doesn't exist,
doesn't exist.
So that's why what is it?
If you live in the future, it'sanxiety, and if you live in the
past is depression.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Yes, and I lived in the future, but I don't anymore.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
You were a future person.
Now you're not.
No, I'm really not.
Now you're a rightmotherfucking here in this, mike
person, I'm a rightmotherfucking now person.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
How much better does it feel I should introduce
myself that way when I go tobusiness events?
Speaker 1 (11:53):
I'm a right, motherfucking now person.
What are we doing right now?
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah to fix this my name is John and I'm gonna count
it for blah, blah, blah.
Hey, I'm a right motherfuckingnow person and my name is Brian.
What am I doing is the?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
name John, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
I didn't even do that .
I'm intentionally.
Um, John is a boring accountname.
Yeah my name is Jonathan.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Let's get some, we got some quotes may some power
quotes?
Yeah, from our boy SteveMarrote.
More Marr about.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Marrboly yeah, a victim mentality is a prolonged
form of suicide.
You're just essentially livingthis life telling yourself that
you're gonna die.
That's, that's whoo.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
That's heavy.
Those with a perpetual victimmindset tend to create the
situations from which theysuffer you get addicted to
suffering.
Yeah, basically.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
And then you create an environment where you will
continue to suffer.
Yeah, a simple sales example, asimple business example.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Let's talk about business.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
A simple business example is If you're sitting
there saying I'm not gonna makethis sell, I'm not gonna make
this sell, I'm not gonna makethis sell, I'm not gonna make
the sell.
At the end of the day, peoplebuy confidence over anything
you're selling.
Yeah the number one ingredientthat they look for when they're
buying your product or service,when it's a, when it's a person
to person Sell is confidence.
And if you go into that meetingjust convince that you're not
(13:17):
gonna sell, you're not confident, so they're not gonna buy it.
So you're just self sabotaging.
Yeah that's just create anenvironment when she will suffer
.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
That is a way better example.
We're gonna cut out my example,but I'm not gonna cut out the
part where we say let's cut outmy examples.
Of people wonder what it was.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah, there's something to do with government
basement and white people arebad.
I don't know, it was um.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
No, you're absolutely right, bro.
Yeah, and this is shit thatpeople are doing Every day every
day.
Yeah, it's not gonna work.
Yada, yada, yada, you createyour own hell.
Yeah, Um what's the last quote,bro?
Nobody with a victim mentalitywill get anywhere ever.
They will never succeed.
John, love it's John love it's.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I mean these are extreme quotes, but you know,
hey, these are quotes.
I mean, if you think about itpractically though, if you
constantly tell yourself youwill not succeed and you create
an environment where you don'tSucceed how would you succeed?
Speaker 1 (14:13):
How are you supposed to succeed?
It doesn't even say impossible.
It's impossible.
Yeah, yeah, I'm with it.
I agree so.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
But we got two core ingredients that we're gonna
talk about next foraccountability.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
So we're pivoting off For being a victim to bringing
back bringing back our power.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yeah, bring it back our power.
I love that with accountability.
You damn right.
You know what?
Bring it back ourselves.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Yeah, fuck yeah, fuck yeah.
How do we do?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
that.
So we're gonna talk about twocore components of radical
accountability.
The first one we're gonna talkabout is radical acceptance and
then we're gonna talk aboutradical responsibility.
So I found these and I gotsuper jazzed up, okay, okay, so
first I'll hit radicalacceptance and then we can jump
into um some components Ofradical acceptance.
(15:07):
Let's do it so.
Radical acceptance is adialectical behavioral
behavioral therapy, behavioralas such, a hardware to say,
behavior behavioral behavioraldialectical behavioral therapy
dbt by psychologist marsha linenlinen, a mindfulness based
(15:29):
skill that involves fully andcompletely accepting the reality
of a situation, withoutjudgment, resistance or denial,
even if it's difficult orpainful.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
This is insane.
This is I've talked about davidgoggans.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Yes, a lot.
Yes, but that's because hedoesn't give a fuck.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Yeah, and he said if I can't run, I'll do something
else.
He, this is a radicalacceptance.
Yeah, he is the guy who'sfamous for running and yelling
at the camera and being hard asfuck.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
And he said if I can't run, I'll figure it out.
Bitch, I'll figure it out, I'llfigure it out.
That's radical acceptance,right, it's insane.
You know, like if I play musicevery day, what happens if my
hand just cease to exist?
Yeah it would suck.
It would suck, but I would haveto accept it.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Yeah, and move on.
You be playing with your toes,bro.
I'm playing with something youdo, play bass, so so, anyway,
save that for another.
That's great.
Yeah, and this just I mean.
I want to read it one more timeand then we'll get into it, you
ready?
Yeah accepting the reality of asituation Without judgment,
(16:32):
resistance or denial.
So it's literally pulling allof our all of our opinion of a
situation, all of our emotion ofa situation and just saying
this is the situation.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
This is what I feel like, sir.
This is what I feel like.
You have to have this tosurvive.
Yeah like if you were out, Ifyou got lost.
Yeah, you got lost in the woods.
Yeah okay, you just have toaccept it.
Yeah, you know you can't resistit.
No, that doesn't get you food.
No, you can't deny it.
You can't deny yourself.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
You know it didn't happen out of the woods.
I'm in a condo, yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
And it might be difficult and painful.
Yeah, so this is like you haveto have radical acceptance.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yeah, it's pretty wild.
So here's some.
Here's some ways to acquireRadical acceptance.
Okay, so first one is acceptingreality.
Radical acceptance involvesacknowledging and embracing the
present moment, including yourthoughts, emotions and external
circumstances exactly as theyare.
This is reality.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Boom.
Okay, next thing we can doLetting go of resistance.
Mmm, instead of fightingagainst the situation, you
accept it as it is, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
Yep.
So once you state it as realityand then you stop resisting,
let go of that resistance.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Yep, mmm.
Non-judgment, refraining fromlabeling the situation as good
or bad, right or wrong.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I love this because it says not good or bad Right.
Yeah this isn't just in thecontext of thinking the
situation is bad.
This is really in my opinion.
This is like acuteintrospective.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Mindfulness.
This is just like.
This is a thing.
It is what it is.
Yes, it's a thing that exists.
Yes, it doesn't have to be goodor bad, right, it is just a.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Current reality.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Which this is how we create our own hells.
We label everything.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Oh, I hit the red light.
I have bad luck.
Yeah you know, this happened tome.
This is bad, it's bad, it's bad, it's all bad.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Yeah, or you hit the red light and you're like I Bet
if that was a green lightsomeone would have ran it and I
would have died.
Yeah, it's just like I amsitting at a red light.
I it turned fucking red.
That's all I human being in acar on the street.
Yeah, red light.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Yeah, it doesn't have to be good or bad, it doesn't
have to be just a thing.
Just a thing, all right.
Emotional regulation oh, thisis good.
Manage intense emotions,particularly negative ones, by
allowing them to Acknowledge andexperience.
I Think there's a word missing.
(19:18):
Let me hit it again.
Next one on our list hereemotional regulation.
Manage intense emotions,particularly negative ones, by
allowing them to acknowledge andexperience these emotions,
without trying to suppress ordeny them.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Yeah, so another common thing that we do as human
beings is Since, sincechildhood, especially in our
culture, we just suppressemotions.
Yeah, so this is Allowing us toacknowledge and experience
those, so that we can betterlearn how to regulate emotions,
like this happened to me, and Iam sad.
It is okay to be sad, I will besad, but I will continue, but I
(20:02):
will not be controlled by sadright.
So it's learning, acknowledgingand learning to regulate those
emotions.
This person said somethingabout me to my face and that is
frustrating.
Yeah and I'm frustrated.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
But I'm not gonna go smash their car with the
sledgehammer and go to jail andgo to jail.
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that now, even if they deserve it.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Yeah, last but not least, our five points in
acquiring radical acceptance isBuilding resilience.
It enables individuals to adaptto difficult circumstances and
move forward in a healthy way.
So once we how do you do that?
Once we establish thismentality, an approach of
(20:51):
radical acceptance, then westart building resistance to
when hard things come.
Yeah right, we learn how toregulate our emotions.
We learn not to judge everysituation good or bad or
whatever and constantlyoveranalyze it.
We accept as reality we don'tjudge it our emotions, that that
we experience because ofwhatever the situation is.
(21:14):
We learn to experience those,regulate those and move on from
those.
And that makes us moreresilient, because we just keep
going bro.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
We just keep going.
We have to do things to buildresilience, to yeah those things
there's also other things.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
What else can we do?
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Like all the cold showers and shit.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Oh yeah, that's true.
Yeah, that's a good point.
I wasn't thinking.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
I wasn't where your head was at, like having a
practice that you do to helpbuild mental resilience.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Yeah, yeah, cold shower is painful.
But if you force yourself totake a cold shower every day,
you're forcing yourself to tellyour brain.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
I'm not going to stop Cold showers suck.
If you can handle cold showersevery day, a divorce is fucking
nothing.
I'm serious.
That's how fucked up the coldshowers are, I love that you
know, I've never been divorced?
No, so I have no idea, but it'sdefinitely helping, it's not
(22:14):
hurting.
I'm glad you got a kick out ofit.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
You said that with such confidence.
I love that so much.
Oh, that was good.
But it was great, you know.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
but yes, the whole point of doing things that are
kind of difficult.
Yeah, it feels good, but you'rebuilding.
There's a mental piece to that.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Yeah, it's like when we mountain bike and we're going
uphill for like an hour and youjust everything in your body is
screaming.
Why are you choosing to do this?
Yeah, but you keep going.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
And it's building resilience.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
So then, if you end up in a place in life where you
actually have to use it andshit's kind of, whether it's a
work thing and emotional thingor a society collapses, who
gives a fuck?
Insert whatever scenario youwant.
Yeah, I would rather have alittle more resistance than have
no resistance.
Resilience, yeah.
Resilience 100%.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
So anyway, all right.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
I love that.
How do we build this radicalresponsibility?
Speaker 2 (23:13):
So with radical acceptance then comes radical
responsibility.
Once you accept the situation,then you radically accept how
you're.
You play a role in that.
You're responsible for that.
So, yeah, goes beyondtraditional notions of
responsibility by encouragingindividuals to take ownership of
every aspect of their lives,including their thoughts, their
emotions, their behaviors andtheir outcomes and outcomes.
(23:34):
Yeah, mm, hmm, can you imaginelike if I take radical
responsibility over my thoughtsand my emotions?
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Yeah, imagine you realize one day that everything
around you and everything you'vecreated in your life was
something you either chose to door it chose to accept happened
to you.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Wow, that's crazy.
But, that's radicalresponsibility.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
People don't want to do that, no.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
So we got six steps to increase radical
responsibility.
What's step one, bro?
Self-awareness.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Deep understanding of oneself, including one's values
, beliefs, thoughts andmotivations.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
Yeah, if you don't even know who you are, how are
you going to be?
Speaker 1 (24:15):
who you want to be.
Didn't I just say in the lastepisode that probably no one
knows who they are?
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Yeah, we're deep programming who we were told to
be and discovering who we are.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Number two is ownership your primary driver of
your life and that you havecontrol over your choices and
actions instead of blamingexternal circumstances.
Right, so obviously theopposite of victim mentality,
but just extreme ownership.
Yep, to become radicalresponsibility, radical,
radically responsible.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Yep, we also have to deal with consequences,
recognizing that every actionthat you take has consequences
and you are responsible forthose, whether they are positive
or negative.
Yeah, boom Boom.
Maybe that conversation you had, or you, whatever, I don't have
an example Kill that.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I mean a couple of things right, Like if we eat
unhealthy for a decade we mighthave a heart attack.
Yeah, if we didn't exercise ormove at all, we're probably just
going to ache in pain.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yeah, there's consequences.
If you don't want to be apartier and keep smoking, you
can't expect your skin not toget wrinkles and look like shit
in your fifties.
Yeah, the Marlboro man, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
It's, you know, it's part of it, even though it
wasn't even very handsome.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
I don't know, I was pretty young?
Speaker 2 (25:33):
He probably didn't.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
I was pretty young when the smoking commercials
were out.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
I don't think I've ever seen a smoking commercial,
for sure you have, and I'm 40.
I can't recall one.
You don't remember any of them.
Yeah, empowerment be proactivein shaping your life.
It fosters a sense of agencyand the belief that you can
influence your own outcomes.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
It's so funny Everyone wants to project like
they're in control, but deepinside they're not even.
They don't even takeaccountability.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
If you don't have enough accountability to floss
your teeth every single day,your teeth are going to fall out
.
How much control do you have?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Even though they put fluoride on the floss.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
That's why I buy the hippie floss Damn Hell.
Yeah, what's next, bro?
What's the fifth one?
Problem solving, cultivelyseeking solutions and taking
action to address challenges orproblems that arise in your life
.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
I feel like I've been problem solving as an
entrepreneur since I started.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Isn't that what just?
Isn't that what being an?
Speaker 2 (26:33):
entrepreneur is yeah, it's risk assessment and
problem solving yeah, that's it.
That's really good.
Continuous growth, committed topersonal growth and development
.
They see challenges.
They be in people who areradically responsible.
See challenges and setbacks asopportunities to learn and
improve.
Just constantly, constantlyimproving.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Looking for ways to improve All of the, all the
people that I know who are likeamazing at what they do, or like
just bad motherfuckers, likewhether they're extremely
intelligent top of the cream ofthe crop people.
They constantly learn.
They never stop learning.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Never Ever.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I think that's part.
Basically the whole point oflife, more or less, is to learn
shit and not be a dick and be abe a positive influence, that
kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Yeah, so Radical accountability, I guess that's
it.
Huh, I think that's it.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
I think that's it, I think that's it, I think that's
it.
What are we talking about today, bro?
I think we're trying to hitsomething in the form of radical
accountability.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Yeah, we're going to talk about that, and then we're
going to talk about, justopposed to that, ooh, victim
mentality, victim mentality.
So, in the context of focus,this idea of radical
accountability is an ingredientthat anyone and everyone would
say is top characteristic forsuccess.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
And a lot of people would say the inverse of that.
Victim mentality is also one ofthe top contributors to not
succeeding.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Right, let's say you've got a small business.
In this scenario, you're theowner operator.
Do you take accountability foreverything?
So you can pivot and move on?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Or do you blame everything else until it
crumbles?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
You lose your business because you won't
actually be accountable for theactions.
Exactly Because I mean, yeah,you can't really sink a ship
like Apple.
At this point, I don't thinkyeah, very easily.
I should say Very easily Builtto last but a small business 25,
whatever employees, small HVACcompany, the fucking owner has
(01:17):
to be accountable.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Yeah, one of my favorite quotes, and I don't
remember who this came from, butthe quote is every problem is a
leadership problem.
Yeah, so anytime I'm in theroom, I start with that quote,
because it just sets the tone.
Yeah, I don't want to sit inhere as a consultant and a
strategist and help your teamand listen to y'all bitch about
your employees.
Nope, because it's not youremployees fault, it's your fault
(01:40):
.
That's not being accountable.
That's not being accountable.
That's not radicalaccountability.
Nope, that's victim mentality.
My employees don't own the.
I don't have employees who theydon't own it and I always ask
do they own it?
And they're like well, no, andI'm like okay.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Why would they act like that?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Why would they act like owners?
They're not owners.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
You're the owner.
Why are you acting like this?
Give them a bonus yeah.
Give them ownership.
Profit sharing yeah.
Do profit share yeah.
Create a.
Create a escort Issue shares.
Either expect them an owner toact like an owner or expect an
employee to act like an employee.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Because it's a different.
It's a completely differentworld.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
And that's being radically accountable.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
I dig it bro.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
So today we're going to talk about radical
accountability and victimmentality and how it really does
affect our success and focuseverything.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Let's do it, bro.
Countability, radicalCountability.
I'm Jonathan Noel and I'm BrianNoel.
This is the Focus Gas, where wehelp you remove distractions,
(02:52):
increase focus so you can live alife with intentions and you
can live a life with intentions.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
And you can live a life with intentions and be
accountable to that intention,yep, and not be a victim.
What is victim mentality,jonathan?
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Brian Yannick Noel.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Okay, victim mentality you tend to blame
other people and forces for theproblems and challenges in your
life.
Yeah, easy enough.
Victim victimhood can become apart of a person's identity, but
it is a learned behavior andcan be changed.
It often evolves as a defensemechanism to cope with adverse
life events.
That's actually from WebMD.
(03:33):
Yeah, laying it down for thevictim mentality people out
there, laying it down.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
And it says, like the victim mentality can start as a
coping mechanism from some typeof event or trauma or something
like that.
And that makes sense.
That makes sense, right.
If something happened to youthat was bad, traumatic, yeah,
it's would be very natural foryour brain to convince itself
that it happened to you and it'syour fault and that will always
(03:59):
happen to you for the rest ofyour life.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Yeah Right, that's some deep trauma you got, I
think this actually is switchingstraight over to accountability
, yeah, is understanding thatpeople have their own shit.
They have their own traumas,their own life?
Yes, and that's why you can'tjust hate everyone or be pissed
off.
That's why you can't just hateeveryone, be pissed off that
(04:21):
someone is the way they are.
You don't know what they wentthrough.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Plain and simple.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
And I'm not advocating at any means by this
statement for child molesters.
There's usually exceptions torules, right, but I will say if
a child is molested, we haveextreme empathy and we want to
(04:48):
murder the person who moleststhat child rightfully so.
Yeah, but when that child growsup and becomes a child molester
because they never got help,then we hate that person and we
want them to die Right, andthat's just a sad reality.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
So they went from.
Everyone feels bad, yeah, andno one helped them.
And then Now everyone wants tokill them.
Now everyone wants them to die.
Yeah, so.
So sometimes it's aboutbreaking the cycle and not yeah,
so it's on a very extremetraumatic level.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Yeah, Some of this, if we pull up a little bit right
, just overall, like like itsaid, becomes a part of our
identity.
So, maybe we just had a, youknow, maybe we had a couple
rough years, right, yeah, youknow, maybe we lost a job and
then our spouse left us, orwhatever, maybe, yeah, there's
just a couple of hard things,yeah, cause life is hard, let's
just be honest.
(05:40):
But what happened is, over thecourse of those years or time,
you, you translate it, thoseexternal things that happened in
your life and you internalizethose, and then you convinced
yourself that you are a victimand then now you apply that to
everything.
That's kind of what we'retalking about here, the victim
mentality.
Now for just like the bratchildren who have rich parents
(06:05):
and they're just in a victimmentality, I just think they
need to be like they.
They just need to get their asskicked.
So different personas here.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Yeah, I mean, there is there is that, there is that
but I don't, I don't thinkthat's the norm.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
No.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
I mean, you see a lot of that on social media.
Yeah, you know but.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
But I think a lot of this is people suffered, went
through some hard times and thenthey just they haven't had the
opportunity in life to to breakout of it, and that's what we
want to talk about today.
Yeah, so what are some signs?
All right, what are some signs?
So now, and if you relate tosome of these, you might be
living in a victim mentality,yep.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
You blame others for the way your life is.
Yeah.
Yeah, you truly think life isagainst you.
Yeah, you have trouble copingwith problems in your life and
feel powerless against them.
You feel stuck in life andapproach things with a negative
attitude.
Yeah, you feel attacked.
When someone tries to offerhelp, slash feedback.
Feeling bad for yourself givesyou relief or pleasure.
(07:10):
Oh, you attract people whoblame others and complain about
their life.
Yeah, it's difficult for you toexamine yourself and make
changes.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
So we should create a bar and we should name it
victim hood yeah, and that wayit's a safe place for people to
come and just bitch abouteverything else in the world.
That's what most bars are rightyeah.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Bar tenders are like yeah, man, I hear you Bar
tenders are like hey, I've beendoing this tip, I've been doing
this for years.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yeah, this is my job, this is my life, just listen to
people's problems.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yeah, I think this is pretty interesting, right?
So two things that stood out tome.
You feel attacked when someonetries to offer helpful feedback.
Now, have you ever met someone?
You're attached.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Yeah, and someone helping you actually is changing
the way you your life operates.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Yeah, and and a lot of times people get extremely
angry at that yeah.
So when you're in a reallyhealthy position, I believe
mentally, yeah, you'll ask forhelp and take help, yeah.
But if you're in an unhealthyposition, whether you feel
(08:22):
you're too good for that or thatperson is judging you by
offering that help.
I'll take help from anyone, Idon't care.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yeah, I just don't care.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
And I don't care what they think about me when
they're giving me that help.
I just don't care If someonewants to throw me a throw me
something I'm like, thanks, andif they're like, hey, if they
said yes, that's on them.
That's on them, I don't care.
You know, someone wants to letme use their vacation home
because they have someperception of me.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Right, that's their thing, that's their thing.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
They're probably just being nice.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Yeah, most of the time.
Hopefully they wouldn't say yesunless they actually wanted to
do it.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I know, but if you ever met someone who like
they're like all pitiful, yourresponse may be like your
response to the last podcast,which was funny, but I'm gonna
ask the question anyway.
Remember, met someone or beenaround someone where they're
like pitiful and then you'relike, hey, can I help?
You and they're like no, Idon't need any help.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Yeah, I don't hang out with those people.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I know some of those people.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I don't tolerate it.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, you know, and maybe I'mmaybe this is my shit that I
need to look at, you know maybeI don't know, no, what I'm
saying is you intentionally hangaround people?
Fuck, no, okay.
But that doesn't mean I have tocompletely discard them.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
I don't think you're someone to where, like if you're
having dinner and someone showsup, you're gonna be like, get
away from the table right now.
I reject you.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
No, it's not like that.
It's not like that.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
All right, you just, you're just not going to develop
a long-term relationship.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
No, absolutely not.
People who live in a state ofmind.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Absolutely not.
I've learned to people likethis that if you ignore their
pitifulness, they start to feelstupid and they stop.
It just magically goes away,like someone who limps, and then
you don't acknowledge thatthey're limping and then they
stop limping.
You just got better, oops,anyway.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
so those are signs of victim mentality.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Victim mentality actually sucks the life out of
you.
It takes a lot of energy, ittakes a lot of focus and you're
essentially internalizing andprojecting to the world that you
can never do anything andeverything will always be bad.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Right, so and.
I still place to be.
I try and operate where I justassume everything's gonna work
out.
Yeah, but I'm not attached toit working out.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
That's hard, but that's a good place to be.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
You know, because it might not.
It might not, and that's fine.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Yeah, I think, after five months of therapy, I think
the biggest theme that I'moperating out of doing my best
and focused on operating out ofall I can do is all I can do
today is based on what I knowand what I have and that's it.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Yeah, that's all I can do.
You can't use knowledge youdon't have.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Can't use money I don't have.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
You can't use money or experience you don't have yet
, but you will gain experienceand knowledge and money, and
that's the future and thatdoesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Yeah, all I can do is what I can do today, based on
what I have and what I know.
That's it.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Yeah, that's literally the current reality.
The past already happened andthe future is doesn't exist,
doesn't exist.
So that's why what is it?
If you live in the future, it'sanxiety, and if you live in the
past is depression.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Yes, and I lived in the future, but I don't anymore.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
You were a future person.
Now you're not.
No, I'm really not.
Now you're a rightmotherfucking here in this, mike
person, I'm a rightmotherfucking now person.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
How much better does it feel I should introduce
myself that way when I go tobusiness events?
Speaker 1 (11:53):
I'm a right, motherfucking now person.
What are we doing right now?
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah to fix this my name is John and I'm gonna count
it for blah, blah, blah.
Hey, I'm a right motherfuckingnow person and my name is Brian.
What am I doing is the?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
name John, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
I didn't even do that .
I'm intentionally.
Um, John is a boring accountname.
Yeah my name is Jonathan.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Let's get some, we got some quotes may some power
quotes?
Yeah, from our boy SteveMarrote.
More Marr about.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Marrboly yeah, a victim mentality is a prolonged
form of suicide.
You're just essentially livingthis life telling yourself that
you're gonna die.
That's, that's whoo.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
That's heavy.
Those with a perpetual victimmindset tend to create the
situations from which theysuffer you get addicted to
suffering.
Yeah, basically.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
And then you create an environment where you will
continue to suffer.
Yeah, a simple sales example, asimple business example.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Let's talk about business.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
A simple business example is If you're sitting
there saying I'm not gonna makethis sell, I'm not gonna make
this sell, I'm not gonna makethis sell, I'm not gonna make
the sell.
At the end of the day, peoplebuy confidence over anything
you're selling.
Yeah the number one ingredientthat they look for when they're
buying your product or service,when it's a, when it's a person
to person Sell is confidence.
And if you go into that meetingjust convince that you're not
(13:17):
gonna sell, you're not confident, so they're not gonna buy it.
So you're just self sabotaging.
Yeah that's just create anenvironment when she will suffer
.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
That is a way better example.
We're gonna cut out my example,but I'm not gonna cut out the
part where we say let's cut outmy examples.
Of people wonder what it was.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah, there's something to do with government
basement and white people arebad.
I don't know, it was um.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
No, you're absolutely right, bro.
Yeah, and this is shit thatpeople are doing Every day every
day.
Yeah, it's not gonna work.
Yada, yada, yada, you createyour own hell.
Yeah, Um what's the last quote,bro?
Nobody with a victim mentalitywill get anywhere ever.
They will never succeed.
John, love it's John love it's.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I mean these are extreme quotes, but you know,
hey, these are quotes.
I mean, if you think about itpractically though, if you
constantly tell yourself youwill not succeed and you create
an environment where you don'tSucceed how would you succeed?
Speaker 1 (14:13):
How are you supposed to succeed?
It doesn't even say impossible.
It's impossible.
Yeah, yeah, I'm with it.
I agree so.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
But we got two core ingredients that we're gonna
talk about next foraccountability.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
So we're pivoting off For being a victim to bringing
back bringing back our power.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yeah, bring it back our power.
I love that with accountability.
You damn right.
You know what?
Bring it back ourselves.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Yeah, fuck yeah, fuck yeah.
How do we do?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
that.
So we're gonna talk about twocore components of radical
accountability.
The first one we're gonna talkabout is radical acceptance and
then we're gonna talk aboutradical responsibility.
So I found these and I gotsuper jazzed up, okay, okay, so
first I'll hit radicalacceptance and then we can jump
into um some components Ofradical acceptance.
(15:07):
Let's do it so.
Radical acceptance is adialectical behavioral
behavioral therapy, behavioralas such, a hardware to say,
behavior behavioral behavioraldialectical behavioral therapy
dbt by psychologist marsha linenlinen, a mindfulness based
(15:29):
skill that involves fully andcompletely accepting the reality
of a situation, withoutjudgment, resistance or denial,
even if it's difficult orpainful.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
This is insane.
This is I've talked about davidgoggans.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Yes, a lot.
Yes, but that's because hedoesn't give a fuck.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Yeah, and he said if I can't run, I'll do something
else.
He, this is a radicalacceptance.
Yeah, he is the guy who'sfamous for running and yelling
at the camera and being hard asfuck.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
And he said if I can't run, I'll figure it out.
Bitch, I'll figure it out, I'llfigure it out.
That's radical acceptance,right, it's insane.
You know, like if I play musicevery day, what happens if my
hand just cease to exist?
Yeah it would suck.
It would suck, but I would haveto accept it.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Yeah, and move on.
You be playing with your toes,bro.
I'm playing with something youdo, play bass, so so, anyway,
save that for another.
That's great.
Yeah, and this just I mean.
I want to read it one more timeand then we'll get into it, you
ready?
Yeah accepting the reality of asituation Without judgment,
(16:32):
resistance or denial.
So it's literally pulling allof our all of our opinion of a
situation, all of our emotion ofa situation and just saying
this is the situation.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
This is what I feel like, sir.
This is what I feel like.
You have to have this tosurvive.
Yeah like if you were out, Ifyou got lost.
Yeah, you got lost in the woods.
Yeah okay, you just have toaccept it.
Yeah, you know you can't resistit.
No, that doesn't get you food.
No, you can't deny it.
You can't deny yourself.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
You know it didn't happen out of the woods.
I'm in a condo, yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
And it might be difficult and painful.
Yeah, so this is like you haveto have radical acceptance.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yeah, it's pretty wild.
So here's some.
Here's some ways to acquireRadical acceptance.
Okay, so first one is acceptingreality.
Radical acceptance involvesacknowledging and embracing the
present moment, including yourthoughts, emotions and external
circumstances exactly as theyare.
This is reality.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Boom.
Okay, next thing we can doLetting go of resistance.
Mmm, instead of fightingagainst the situation, you
accept it as it is, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
Yep.
So once you state it as realityand then you stop resisting,
let go of that resistance.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Yep, mmm.
Non-judgment, refraining fromlabeling the situation as good
or bad, right or wrong.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I love this because it says not good or bad Right.
Yeah this isn't just in thecontext of thinking the
situation is bad.
This is really in my opinion.
This is like acuteintrospective.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Mindfulness.
This is just like.
This is a thing.
It is what it is.
Yes, it's a thing that exists.
Yes, it doesn't have to be goodor bad, right, it is just a.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Current reality.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Which this is how we create our own hells.
We label everything.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Oh, I hit the red light.
I have bad luck.
Yeah you know, this happened tome.
This is bad, it's bad, it's bad, it's all bad.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Yeah, or you hit the red light and you're like I Bet
if that was a green lightsomeone would have ran it and I
would have died.
Yeah, it's just like I amsitting at a red light.
I it turned fucking red.
That's all I human being in acar on the street.
Yeah, red light.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Yeah, it doesn't have to be good or bad, it doesn't
have to be just a thing.
Just a thing, all right.
Emotional regulation oh, thisis good.
Manage intense emotions,particularly negative ones, by
allowing them to Acknowledge andexperience.
I Think there's a word missing.
(19:18):
Let me hit it again.
Next one on our list hereemotional regulation.
Manage intense emotions,particularly negative ones, by
allowing them to acknowledge andexperience these emotions,
without trying to suppress ordeny them.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Yeah, so another common thing that we do as human
beings is Since, sincechildhood, especially in our
culture, we just suppressemotions.
Yeah, so this is Allowing us toacknowledge and experience
those, so that we can betterlearn how to regulate emotions,
like this happened to me, and Iam sad.
It is okay to be sad, I will besad, but I will continue, but I
(20:02):
will not be controlled by sadright.
So it's learning, acknowledgingand learning to regulate those
emotions.
This person said somethingabout me to my face and that is
frustrating.
Yeah and I'm frustrated.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
But I'm not gonna go smash their car with the
sledgehammer and go to jail andgo to jail.
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that now, even if they deserve it.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Yeah, last but not least, our five points in
acquiring radical acceptance isBuilding resilience.
It enables individuals to adaptto difficult circumstances and
move forward in a healthy way.
So once we how do you do that?
Once we establish thismentality, an approach of
(20:51):
radical acceptance, then westart building resistance to
when hard things come.
Yeah right, we learn how toregulate our emotions.
We learn not to judge everysituation good or bad or
whatever and constantlyoveranalyze it.
We accept as reality we don'tjudge it our emotions, that that
we experience because ofwhatever the situation is.
(21:14):
We learn to experience those,regulate those and move on from
those.
And that makes us moreresilient, because we just keep
going bro.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
We just keep going.
We have to do things to buildresilience, to yeah those things
there's also other things.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
What else can we do?
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Like all the cold showers and shit.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Oh yeah, that's true.
Yeah, that's a good point.
I wasn't thinking.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
I wasn't where your head was at, like having a
practice that you do to helpbuild mental resilience.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Yeah, yeah, cold shower is painful.
But if you force yourself totake a cold shower every day,
you're forcing yourself to tellyour brain.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
I'm not going to stop Cold showers suck.
If you can handle cold showersevery day, a divorce is fucking
nothing.
I'm serious.
That's how fucked up the coldshowers are, I love that you
know, I've never been divorced?
No, so I have no idea, but it'sdefinitely helping, it's not
(22:14):
hurting.
I'm glad you got a kick out ofit.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
You said that with such confidence.
I love that so much.
Oh, that was good.
But it was great, you know.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
but yes, the whole point of doing things that are
kind of difficult.
Yeah, it feels good, but you'rebuilding.
There's a mental piece to that.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Yeah, it's like when we mountain bike and we're going
uphill for like an hour and youjust everything in your body is
screaming.
Why are you choosing to do this?
Yeah, but you keep going.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
And it's building resilience.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
So then, if you end up in a place in life where you
actually have to use it andshit's kind of, whether it's a
work thing and emotional thingor a society collapses, who
gives a fuck?
Insert whatever scenario youwant.
Yeah, I would rather have alittle more resistance than have
no resistance.
Resilience, yeah.
Resilience 100%.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
So anyway, all right.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
I love that.
How do we build this radicalresponsibility?
Speaker 2 (23:13):
So with radical acceptance then comes radical
responsibility.
Once you accept the situation,then you radically accept how
you're.
You play a role in that.
You're responsible for that.
So, yeah, goes beyondtraditional notions of
responsibility by encouragingindividuals to take ownership of
every aspect of their lives,including their thoughts, their
emotions, their behaviors andtheir outcomes and outcomes.
(23:34):
Yeah, mm, hmm, can you imaginelike if I take radical
responsibility over my thoughtsand my emotions?
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Yeah, imagine you realize one day that everything
around you and everything you'vecreated in your life was
something you either chose to door it chose to accept happened
to you.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Wow, that's crazy.
But, that's radicalresponsibility.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
People don't want to do that, no.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
So we got six steps to increase radical
responsibility.
What's step one, bro?
Self-awareness.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Deep understanding of oneself, including one's values
, beliefs, thoughts andmotivations.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
Yeah, if you don't even know who you are, how are
you going to be?
Speaker 1 (24:15):
who you want to be.
Didn't I just say in the lastepisode that probably no one
knows who they are?
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Yeah, we're deep programming who we were told to
be and discovering who we are.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Number two is ownership your primary driver of
your life and that you havecontrol over your choices and
actions instead of blamingexternal circumstances.
Right, so obviously theopposite of victim mentality,
but just extreme ownership.
Yep, to become radicalresponsibility, radical,
radically responsible.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Yep, we also have to deal with consequences,
recognizing that every actionthat you take has consequences
and you are responsible forthose, whether they are positive
or negative.
Yeah, boom Boom.
Maybe that conversation you had, or you, whatever, I don't have
an example Kill that.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I mean a couple of things right, Like if we eat
unhealthy for a decade we mighthave a heart attack.
Yeah, if we didn't exercise ormove at all, we're probably just
going to ache in pain.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yeah, there's consequences.
If you don't want to be apartier and keep smoking, you
can't expect your skin not toget wrinkles and look like shit
in your fifties.
Yeah, the Marlboro man, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
It's, you know, it's part of it, even though it
wasn't even very handsome.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
I don't know, I was pretty young?
Speaker 2 (25:33):
He probably didn't.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
I was pretty young when the smoking commercials
were out.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
I don't think I've ever seen a smoking commercial,
for sure you have, and I'm 40.
I can't recall one.
You don't remember any of them.
Yeah, empowerment be proactivein shaping your life.
It fosters a sense of agencyand the belief that you can
influence your own outcomes.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
It's so funny Everyone wants to project like
they're in control, but deepinside they're not even.
They don't even takeaccountability.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
If you don't have enough accountability to floss
your teeth every single day,your teeth are going to fall out
.
How much control do you have?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Even though they put fluoride on the floss.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
That's why I buy the hippie floss Damn Hell.
Yeah, what's next, bro?
What's the fifth one?
Problem solving, cultivelyseeking solutions and taking
action to address challenges orproblems that arise in your life
.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
I feel like I've been problem solving as an
entrepreneur since I started.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Isn't that what just?
Isn't that what being an?
Speaker 2 (26:33):
entrepreneur is yeah, it's risk assessment and
problem solving yeah, that's it.
That's really good.
Continuous growth, committed topersonal growth and development
.
They see challenges.
They be in people who areradically responsible.
See challenges and setbacks asopportunities to learn and
improve.
Just constantly, constantlyimproving.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Looking for ways to improve All of the, all the
people that I know who are likeamazing at what they do, or like
just bad motherfuckers, likewhether they're extremely
intelligent top of the cream ofthe crop people.
They constantly learn.
They never stop learning.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Never Ever.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I think that's part.
Basically the whole point oflife, more or less, is to learn
shit and not be a dick and be abe a positive influence, that
kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Yeah, so Radical accountability, I guess that's
it.
Huh, I think that's it.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
I think that's it, I think that's it, I think that's
it.
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