March 31, 2026 • 29 mins
If you’ve found yourself in the same patterns in your relationships, different people, same outcomes, this episode will help you understand why.
This is the foundational episode of Foundations We Lay. I share who I am, the work I’ve been doing across social work and coaching, and why this conversation around relationships needed a different approach.
Most people focus on what is happening in their relationships. This podcast focuses on what is driving it. The patterns, the responses, and the decisions that keep showing up over time.
You’ll hear how I approach relationships differently, what people often misunderstand about change, and why self-awareness is necessary if you want something different long-term.
If you’re ready to stop reacting and start understanding how you show up in your relationships, this is where you begin.
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to the Foundations We Lay.
(00:02):
I'm Tatiana and in this space weexplore the patterns, choices,
and relationships that shape ourlives and the families we build.
Each episode examines whatinfluences the way we show up
with ourselves and with others.
So let's get into how we gothere all together.
I'm so excited to be in thisspace to share some of the
(00:22):
lessons that I have learnedthroughout my journey of life.
To share the beauty of it alland to shine, um, even if it's
just a little bit of light, intimes where situations feel
difficult or don't look brightat all.
I am here today because Idecided to bet on myself and I
received a push from others.
(00:43):
You hear my voice because in themoments when I wanted to quit,
God and others have lifted me upso that I could keep going.
So I didn't get here on my own.
I've had people along the way tohelp me become the woman and the
individual that I am today.
(01:05):
I never imagined that I myselfwould have a podcast, especially
since it seemed like so manyother people were doing it.
Um, if anything, that really,that really made me to steer
away from it altogether becauseI'm someone that does not like
to jump on what seems like atrend or what seems like um
(01:25):
everybody and their mom is doingjust because it's happening.
If I join something, I want todo it because you know it really
means something to me.
And there is some depth behindit.
So my time has come and here Iam.
So let me tell you a little bitabout myself.
I am a licensed master socialworker and a therapist.
I am a mother of a beautifuldaughter, and she has come into
(01:49):
my life at such a perfect timeand a very interesting time when
things were hard, but having herhere made everything make sense.
Having my daughter has alsogreatly attributed to my growth
as a woman and a mother.
It's encouraging that it's notjust evident to me that I've
(02:11):
made some changes, but it's alsoevident to her that I've grown,
I've made some improvements, andof course I don't have it all
together, but she sees the fruitof the work that I've put in so
far.
And so, with that, going back tothis podcast, the content that I
(02:32):
would like to touch on, or thetopics per se, regards to
personal growth, families, andultimately relationships.
You know, the relationships withourselves and the relationships
with others.
By definition, and of course Ilooked it up from our friend
Miriam Webster, relationships isthe way in which two or more
(02:53):
things or people are connected,the state of being related or
interrelated.
The continuation of thedefinition from Cambridge.org
says, relationships are the waythat people or things behave
toward each other.
So we're going to get into whyall of this matters in the first
(03:14):
place.
So in this podcast, it is goingto be my goal to be direct, and
it's really about how peoplerelate.
Of course, starting withthemselves, extending into their
relationship with others, whichincludes with family, partners,
and the dynamics that carryacross both.
And a lot of conversations aboutrelationships focus a lot on the
(03:36):
situations, meaning like whathappened or what someone did or
what should be done next.
But I don't want to just solelylook at those things or stay in
that space.
I like to look at patterns,right?
Because situations change, butpatterns tend to repeat
themselves.
And if the pattern is notunderstood, the outcome may not
(03:59):
necessarily change, even if thepeople involved does.
And when I think about whatshaped how I understand
relationships today, it startedwhen I was paying attention to
myself in different ways.
How I showed up, what did Itolerate?
Why did I allow myself to betalked to in a certain manner?
(04:20):
And if I heard one of my friendsor someone else be talked to in
the manner that a guy talked tome, I would stand up for them or
I would tell them you don'tdeserve that.
So when I didn't do that formyself, I had to look a little
(04:41):
bit deeper to say and see what'sreally going on here.
So it's not just, we're not justgoing to look at what people
say, um, but the consistenciesover time.
The same conflicts showing up indifferent forms, the same roles
being played out in differentrelationships, the same
(05:01):
frustrations that come up evenwhen the situation looked new.
And like I said, I had to lookat myself in this way too.
Not just about what I intendedto do, but of what I was
actually doing.
What are some of the areas thatI may have been overextending
myself, being a people pleaser,um, where I was pulling back and
(05:22):
where I was making decisionsbased on habit instead of being
in alignment.
And that shift from looking atmoments to recognizing patterns
changed how I interpretrelationships.
And I want to be honest here,it's not like I just one day
just started internally lookingat myself and externally looking
(05:45):
at what my behaviors were.
It I got to a point where I wasjust like, I'm I'm really
hurting to the point where I waslike, I feel numb.
And for me, in some of thosespaces, I was at a point where I
didn't want to fight for myselfanymore.
But as mentioned a little bitearlier, my situation is a
(06:07):
little different in someaspects.
Um, I may have fought a littlebit earlier at some points in my
life, but then I got tired offighting, right?
And for me, it took someintervention from um the Lord
God, the God that's spoken of inthe Bible.
Even when people were notaround, when I didn't have many
friends, and and nobody knewthat I was in a dark place.
(06:30):
It was in those moments where Itook a leap and I talked to the
Lord God, and I received what Ihad not received before.
And some of those things waslove, grace, um, compassion,
(06:53):
right?
And a few other things that, ofcourse, I'm not gonna talk about
right now because we're this isthe very first episode, so we're
just touching on, you know, whatI'm gonna be discussing further
on down the line.
But this is just giving you anidea of where I was at, right?
I didn't even know who I was,and not saying that I know who I
(07:15):
am in full, I just know that I'mnot the same person I was not
even five years ago, not eventhree years ago.
And so looking at myself,receiving that push helped me to
begin my journey in doing thework.
(07:38):
And I want to add some clarityhere, really quick.
We can do so many things that somany tips that we may receive
from podcasts such as this one,or other podcasts that you may
have listened to before.
We may receive tips from thebooks that we read or listen to.
(08:00):
We may have learned some skillsin school and obtained
information from so manydifferent sources.
However, we can do all of thesethings, and it can only get you
so far if there are still woundsand healings that need to take
place.
This is also a place where Iwant to touch one in these
(08:24):
conversations as well.
A lot of times we may do a lotof things that seem productive
on the surface.
And it may actually be, you mayactually be getting quite a few
tasks done, checking off thingsfrom your checklist.
You may feel good becausethey're accomplished, because
(08:46):
you've met an end of anassignment or you finished it at
least for a time, right?
But then there's moments whenyou do all these things, so you
may get at home and sit byyourself, or you may be sitting
in the same room with yourfamily, but there's still
something on the inside thatfeels like I'm tired, and not
(09:08):
just physically tired, maybe alittle emotionally tired,
mentally tired.
You may feel like you're notenough.
You may feel like what you do isnever enough.
It can be so many things thatpop into your mind.
And then as the next day comes,you may try to do more, you may
(09:29):
shift something to do it alittle differently to maybe get
a better outcome than you didthe day before.
But there's something on theinside that may have you still
feeling a little unsettled orunsure.
That is that something thatshould be looked into, to be
(09:50):
tended to.
Because why have wounds that wedon't address?
Eventually, the wound, if nottaken care of, if not cleansed,
you know, if not putting theproper um adhesive and other
tools on it or resources, it canbecome infected and infect other
(10:17):
parts of the body.
You may start to ache, right?
There can be all types of umsymptoms that come about from
that, from it not being healed,and that's what we do, some of
us, on our day-to-day basis.
We pick up a lot of things todo, but we're not addressing the
(10:37):
true wound, we're not addressingthe thing that drives us to work
so hard.
We're not addressing the thingthat may have been in the back
of our mind for years, and wetry to party it away, we try to
work it away, we try to smoke itor drink it away, and it hasn't
(11:00):
worked, and you feel like you'rein a cycle or in a loop, or
whatever it feels like.
That's the space we get to sitin today, or whatever day you
choose.
So hopefully that wasn't tooheavy.
But I wanted to touch on thatbecause it's important.
(11:21):
Just simply doing the externalwork and doing so many things
doesn't mean that you're gettingto the root of the issues
showing up in your life and inyour relationships.
Some of those things that youmay be doing are maybe just like
band-aids.
But this is a space where youget to truly look at what's
(11:47):
happening in your life.
What are some of the thoughtsyou've been thinking over and
over again?
Maybe you feel like you don'twant to be here anymore.
Maybe you feel like there's nopoint of you continuing to go to
work because nobody appreciatesyou.
Right?
Whatever the situation may be,there's a route to so many of
(12:10):
these things.
And we'll get to those things indue time, hopefully.
And speaking of that, I wouldlove to hear from you guys some
of the topics you would like meto touch on at some point in one
of these episodes.
I would love to know what isimportant to you regarding to
(12:31):
these things, our relationshipswith ourselves and others.
What is it that you feel isimportant to the things that
you're going through or thesituations you like to get out
of or to achieve?
I would like to hear from you.
So these are some of the thingsI looked at when it comes to
(12:53):
shaping how I understandrelationships today.
And this wasn't like a week-longjourney, it wasn't a month, not
even 90 days.
This has been years ofunlearning, years of discovery,
years of being honest withmyself, letting go of some lies
(13:15):
that I've believed, letting goof the thought that I am a
victim of my circumstance,letting go of the thought that,
you know, I don't haveeverything that I need.
Because when I was in a spacewhere I was like, I don't have
everything that I need,therefore I might not be able to
do this.
(13:36):
I skimmed out or skipped out ona thought or the realization
that I may not have everythingthat I want or need, but I do
have tools available to me rightnow.
And even those things could beused to get me started.
(13:57):
I didn't always realize theaccess that I had to some
opportunities and not just thatothers may have brought to me,
but opportunities that I couldhave created for myself.
At some point, I really feltlike a loser because of the
beliefs I had in my mind, and Ialso didn't want to fail people,
(14:21):
right?
Because of the expectations thatthey um stated over me.
I didn't want to fail.
And so sometimes I didn't eventry.
I just shot for a mediocre and Idid okay there, I did well, and
I left it there for a long time.
(14:41):
So we can find out a lot aboutourselves when we are honest
with ourselves, when we trulylook at what's going on on the
inside and take inventory of howwe have been showing up and look
at the quality and the state ofhow we've shown up as well.
(15:04):
One of the things I do want totalk about when it comes to my
approach addressing some ofthese topics, it may sound a
little different sometimes.
At times I may sound a littlebit more compassionate.
Um, at times it may sound alittle bit stern, but I do want
you to know, whatever the toneis, I want to do my best to
(15:28):
deliver the message, the lesson,the topic in love because I
actually care.
I don't want to, I know thatsome people who may have had
encounters with me, who may haveuh maybe made assumptions about
(15:50):
me, especially because of my myvoice or my tone of voice, they
may believe that my approachwill always be soft.
And sometimes it will be.
But I know that all messagesthat need to be given out does
not require a soft approach.
And even if it's stern, itdoesn't mean that I don't love
(16:12):
you.
For those of you that had adultsor authority figures in your in
your life that may have showedyou that they love and care
about you, but they also havesome firmness about them.
Just because they took thatapproach at some point doesn't
mean that they don't care.
So please, as you listen tothese episodes, I hope that you
really hear me.
Um, and I'm open to feedback,all that stuff.
(16:36):
But hear me with open ears andwith an open heart to receive
the message, whatever it is thatis for you.
All of these episodes may not befor you, but for the one that
is, hone in and take notes ofthe keys that are being dropped
in the episodes.
So I hope you catch what I'msaying.
(16:59):
I also am not someone that wantsto tell you what to do.
I may give suggestions.
There may be others here on thepodcast as well that you can
hear from their experience aswell.
But my job is not to tell youwhat to do.
My job is to lay out some of theoptions before you, to help you
(17:20):
see your situation a little bitmore clear, to help you get
insight on your perspective ofyour of your life or the world
that's in front of you.
My focus is to help people seewhat's actually happening
without minimizing it andwithout distorting it.
And that includes your role init also.
(17:43):
And that means, of course, notminimizing you.
So it's important for me toalso, you know, put up a mirror
so that you can look atyourselves as well, to give you
an opportunity to not stay inthe cycles where you may be just
reacting so that you can makeadjustments and try again.
(18:03):
Because if you don't understandwhy the same outcomes keep
showing up, how can you knowwhich direction to go and what
changes to make?
I want to talk uh about one ofthe misunderstandings that some
may make.
(18:24):
Some people believe that insightalone is enough, but it isn't.
Because people can recognize apattern and still continue those
patterns.
I know I've heard a lot when Iwas growing up that if you know
better, you do better.
But I've seen and have also donemyself, people can know a whole
(18:46):
lot and still do the very samething they always that they have
always done and make no changes,but they know better.
The difference is in how theawareness is used.
The difference is how knowledgeis applied.
(19:07):
And if the awareness does notlead to a different response,
then of course the patterns thepatterns may stay active.
And the work here is not justabout recognizing what's
happening, right?
It's understanding it wellenough to respond differently
when it matters.
And so, if you haven't figuredout if this is a space for you,
(19:28):
maybe this will clarify a littlebit more for you.
Who is this podcast for?
This podcast is for the personwho is beginning to notice some
of the patterns withinthemselves and the relationship
with others.
It can even be how you show upat work and not just in your
relationships at home with yourfamily.
(19:50):
If you're someone that'sbeginning to see some type of
repetitions, if you're someonethat's questioning some of the
similar uh situations thatyou've experienced time and time
again, and you're like, wait aminute, why do I keep doing
this?
Why do I keep dating the samewomen or men?
That's not even good for me.
(20:12):
Why do I keep ending up in asituation where I'm giving
everybody my money?
And I know my bills haven't beenpaid yet.
Why am I putting myself last andtrying so hard to prove to
everyone that I care about themby putting them first?
(20:32):
This is a space for people whoare wanting to make a shift and
get aligned, who are willing tolook at themselves honestly and
not just lean on how you feel,not just leaning on your
emotions, but leaning in totruth, allowing your eyes to be
(20:55):
open, to make the adjustmentsneeded and the change where it
matters.
This is not a space for someonethat is just looking for
reassurance of the behaviorsthat they are doing, um, to
receive a pat on the back and toget um any type of kudos to say
that you're doing it right.
(21:18):
This is not for someone whowants strategies without
understanding.
This is not a space for someonethat just wants to collect
information and not apply it.
This is not for the person thatis not ready to examine their
own patterns.
And if that is you, then that'sokay.
That just means that this is notmay not be the podcast for you.
(21:43):
And that's totally cool.
You know, there's a lot ofoptions available where your
ears may be more attuned to themessage that you're looking for.
But this is for those who arewilling to get.
The information they need andapply it.
(22:03):
All right.
I'm glad we're on the same page.
Okay.
So let me talk aboutself-awareness really quick.
Self-awareness plays a centralrole in relational change, but
it has to be defined clearly.
And it's not just recognizingthat something feels off or
being able to describe youremotions.
It's about understanding what isdriving your responses in real
(22:26):
time and why you engage the waythat you do you do.
Why do you withdraw when you do?
Why do you isolate?
Um, or why certain behaviorsfrom others affect you in
certain ways?
Because as stated before, ifthese things are not looked
into, if if we don't reallyunderstand what's going on, some
(22:46):
of the responses may remainautomatic.
A lack of self-awareness canlook like reacting quickly, uh
justifying your reactions andthen dealing with the outcome
afterward, or sometimes not evendealing with them at all.
It can look like repeating thesame type of conversations
without having any real type ofresolution, or staying in
situations longer than you needto, or even leaving a situation
(23:10):
without understanding simplybecause you just feel angry.
And whatever the case may be,the patterns continue because
they haven't been interrupted.
And so you get to create spacethat allows for you to make a
choice and an intentional one.
And over time the choices beginbegan to change the pattern, and
(23:31):
when the patterns change, theoutcomes change with it.
And so I want to say that thisis not just change for 30-day
challenge, 90-day challenge.
This is a lifetime worth ofwork.
I probably shouldn't say thatbecause that sounds real bad.
(23:52):
I will say the journey continuesfor as long as you'll live.
(24:17):
So once you've, let's say,so-called mastered one level,
you get to go to the next level,and then the next level, and
then the next level.
Because you've done thatfoundational work for whatever
level that's in, just like whenwe're in school, we have
preschool, kindergarten, firstgrade, second, third, fourth,
fifth, and so on.
This is our school and life.
(24:42):
We learn things because we wantto become better or improve in
certain areas.
And the great thing aboutimproving in the areas that's
that's going to be talked abouthere is that this is knowledge
that can be applied across yourgeneration and generations that
come after you.
(25:03):
And the generation that comesafter you can also teach it to
the generation that comes afterthem.
And of course, there's going tobe some adjustments that is
going to be pivoted to the timesthat they are in that makes
sense for the world that theylive in.
But the principles and some ofthe foundations of it all may
(25:25):
remain the same.
So think of it as something as alegacy, a blueprint that you get
to create.
Somewhat re-rewriting your DNAwithin your family.
Because you may have heardsomeone say, or you may have
(25:46):
thought about this yourself, myfamily has always done things a
certain type of way.
My family always eats a certaintype of food.
That doesn't mean it has toalways remain the same.
Because if you see that one ofthe results or outcomes of your
family eating high-processedfoods, sugary foods, fatty
(26:11):
foods, um over a certain amountof time and years, and you see
increased obesity, beingoverweight, diabetes, high blood
pressure, heart attacks, um,premature deaths, all of these
things that may have come fromdiet, it may get you to look at
(26:38):
that certain situation and theway that the family has been
eating and say, we don't have tocontinue living like this.
I want to change our quality oflife.
I want to live longer.
I want to be able to grow olderand run with my grandchildren.
(26:59):
I want to be able to still walkto my bat my restroom, my
bathroom by myself withoutassistance at 70 years old.
I want to be able to do a squatand pick something down or tie
my shoes and stand back upunassisted.
Some of the things that we maynot realize or think about
(27:20):
often.
But those are the things thatget impacted from the decisions
that we make early on.
And this is how we creategenerational impact.
And this is why we get to havesome of these conversations
today, because it impacts notjust ourselves, but others,
(27:40):
which is why I want to continueto focus and talk about
different types of relationshipsas stated multiple times, not
just with ourselves, but withothers.
Because what's going on on theinside with us can eventually
permeate on the outside andimpact others in a productive,
(28:03):
positive way, beneficial way, orthe opposite.
What's your choice?
What do you pick today?
So, all in all, I'm so excitedto have these conversations with
you all and talk about thethings that you find important.
Because as this podcastcontinues, we'll continue to
(28:24):
build on this foundation andwe'll look at different dynamics
like family roles, estrangement,communication patterns, decision
making.
And like I said, the focus willremain the same: understanding
what's happening beneath thesurface, so that what's
happening on the surface caneventually be shifted.
(28:45):
And the goal is to not justlisten, but to recognize what's
happening in real time and beginresponding with intention rather
than just responding out ofhabit.
So I hope you enjoyed this firstlisten.
I definitely look forward togrowing with you all and going
on this journey with you.
You guys get to be my peeps overtime, so that's super cool.
(29:10):
And keep your ears posted andyour eyes posted for the next
release of the episode.
And so thank you all again.
And until next time, love onyourselves, be patient with
yourselves, and love on others.
Take care.
Welcome to the Foundations We Lay.
(00:02):
I'm Tatiana and in this space weexplore the patterns, choices,
and relationships that shape ourlives and the families we build.
Each episode examines whatinfluences the way we show up
with ourselves and with others.
So let's get into how we gothere all together.
I'm so excited to be in thisspace to share some of the
(00:22):
lessons that I have learnedthroughout my journey of life.
To share the beauty of it alland to shine, um, even if it's
just a little bit of light, intimes where situations feel
difficult or don't look brightat all.
I am here today because Idecided to bet on myself and I
received a push from others.
(00:43):
You hear my voice because in themoments when I wanted to quit,
God and others have lifted me upso that I could keep going.
So I didn't get here on my own.
I've had people along the way tohelp me become the woman and the
individual that I am today.
(01:05):
I never imagined that I myselfwould have a podcast, especially
since it seemed like so manyother people were doing it.
Um, if anything, that really,that really made me to steer
away from it altogether becauseI'm someone that does not like
to jump on what seems like atrend or what seems like um
(01:25):
everybody and their mom is doingjust because it's happening.
If I join something, I want todo it because you know it really
means something to me.
And there is some depth behindit.
So my time has come and here Iam.
So let me tell you a little bitabout myself.
I am a licensed master socialworker and a therapist.
I am a mother of a beautifuldaughter, and she has come into
(01:49):
my life at such a perfect timeand a very interesting time when
things were hard, but having herhere made everything make sense.
Having my daughter has alsogreatly attributed to my growth
as a woman and a mother.
It's encouraging that it's notjust evident to me that I've
(02:11):
made some changes, but it's alsoevident to her that I've grown,
I've made some improvements, andof course I don't have it all
together, but she sees the fruitof the work that I've put in so
far.
And so, with that, going back tothis podcast, the content that I
(02:32):
would like to touch on, or thetopics per se, regards to
personal growth, families, andultimately relationships.
You know, the relationships withourselves and the relationships
with others.
By definition, and of course Ilooked it up from our friend
Miriam Webster, relationships isthe way in which two or more
(02:53):
things or people are connected,the state of being related or
interrelated.
The continuation of thedefinition from Cambridge.org
says, relationships are the waythat people or things behave
toward each other.
So we're going to get into whyall of this matters in the first
(03:14):
place.
So in this podcast, it is goingto be my goal to be direct, and
it's really about how peoplerelate.
Of course, starting withthemselves, extending into their
relationship with others, whichincludes with family, partners,
and the dynamics that carryacross both.
And a lot of conversations aboutrelationships focus a lot on the
(03:36):
situations, meaning like whathappened or what someone did or
what should be done next.
But I don't want to just solelylook at those things or stay in
that space.
I like to look at patterns,right?
Because situations change, butpatterns tend to repeat
themselves.
And if the pattern is notunderstood, the outcome may not
(03:59):
necessarily change, even if thepeople involved does.
And when I think about whatshaped how I understand
relationships today, it startedwhen I was paying attention to
myself in different ways.
How I showed up, what did Itolerate?
Why did I allow myself to betalked to in a certain manner?
(04:20):
And if I heard one of my friendsor someone else be talked to in
the manner that a guy talked tome, I would stand up for them or
I would tell them you don'tdeserve that.
So when I didn't do that formyself, I had to look a little
(04:41):
bit deeper to say and see what'sreally going on here.
So it's not just, we're not justgoing to look at what people
say, um, but the consistenciesover time.
The same conflicts showing up indifferent forms, the same roles
being played out in differentrelationships, the same
(05:01):
frustrations that come up evenwhen the situation looked new.
And like I said, I had to lookat myself in this way too.
Not just about what I intendedto do, but of what I was
actually doing.
What are some of the areas thatI may have been overextending
myself, being a people pleaser,um, where I was pulling back and
(05:22):
where I was making decisionsbased on habit instead of being
in alignment.
And that shift from looking atmoments to recognizing patterns
changed how I interpretrelationships.
And I want to be honest here,it's not like I just one day
just started internally lookingat myself and externally looking
(05:45):
at what my behaviors were.
It I got to a point where I wasjust like, I'm I'm really
hurting to the point where I waslike, I feel numb.
And for me, in some of thosespaces, I was at a point where I
didn't want to fight for myselfanymore.
But as mentioned a little bitearlier, my situation is a
(06:07):
little different in someaspects.
Um, I may have fought a littlebit earlier at some points in my
life, but then I got tired offighting, right?
And for me, it took someintervention from um the Lord
God, the God that's spoken of inthe Bible.
Even when people were notaround, when I didn't have many
friends, and and nobody knewthat I was in a dark place.
(06:30):
It was in those moments where Itook a leap and I talked to the
Lord God, and I received what Ihad not received before.
And some of those things waslove, grace, um, compassion,
(06:53):
right?
And a few other things that, ofcourse, I'm not gonna talk about
right now because we're this isthe very first episode, so we're
just touching on, you know, whatI'm gonna be discussing further
on down the line.
But this is just giving you anidea of where I was at, right?
I didn't even know who I was,and not saying that I know who I
(07:15):
am in full, I just know that I'mnot the same person I was not
even five years ago, not eventhree years ago.
And so looking at myself,receiving that push helped me to
begin my journey in doing thework.
(07:38):
And I want to add some clarityhere, really quick.
We can do so many things that somany tips that we may receive
from podcasts such as this one,or other podcasts that you may
have listened to before.
We may receive tips from thebooks that we read or listen to.
(08:00):
We may have learned some skillsin school and obtained
information from so manydifferent sources.
However, we can do all of thesethings, and it can only get you
so far if there are still woundsand healings that need to take
place.
This is also a place where Iwant to touch one in these
(08:24):
conversations as well.
A lot of times we may do a lotof things that seem productive
on the surface.
And it may actually be, you mayactually be getting quite a few
tasks done, checking off thingsfrom your checklist.
You may feel good becausethey're accomplished, because
(08:46):
you've met an end of anassignment or you finished it at
least for a time, right?
But then there's moments whenyou do all these things, so you
may get at home and sit byyourself, or you may be sitting
in the same room with yourfamily, but there's still
something on the inside thatfeels like I'm tired, and not
(09:08):
just physically tired, maybe alittle emotionally tired,
mentally tired.
You may feel like you're notenough.
You may feel like what you do isnever enough.
It can be so many things thatpop into your mind.
And then as the next day comes,you may try to do more, you may
(09:29):
shift something to do it alittle differently to maybe get
a better outcome than you didthe day before.
But there's something on theinside that may have you still
feeling a little unsettled orunsure.
That is that something thatshould be looked into, to be
(09:50):
tended to.
Because why have wounds that wedon't address?
Eventually, the wound, if nottaken care of, if not cleansed,
you know, if not putting theproper um adhesive and other
tools on it or resources, it canbecome infected and infect other
(10:17):
parts of the body.
You may start to ache, right?
There can be all types of umsymptoms that come about from
that, from it not being healed,and that's what we do, some of
us, on our day-to-day basis.
We pick up a lot of things todo, but we're not addressing the
(10:37):
true wound, we're not addressingthe thing that drives us to work
so hard.
We're not addressing the thingthat may have been in the back
of our mind for years, and wetry to party it away, we try to
work it away, we try to smoke itor drink it away, and it hasn't
(11:00):
worked, and you feel like you'rein a cycle or in a loop, or
whatever it feels like.
That's the space we get to sitin today, or whatever day you
choose.
So hopefully that wasn't tooheavy.
But I wanted to touch on thatbecause it's important.
(11:21):
Just simply doing the externalwork and doing so many things
doesn't mean that you're gettingto the root of the issues
showing up in your life and inyour relationships.
Some of those things that youmay be doing are maybe just like
band-aids.
But this is a space where youget to truly look at what's
(11:47):
happening in your life.
What are some of the thoughtsyou've been thinking over and
over again?
Maybe you feel like you don'twant to be here anymore.
Maybe you feel like there's nopoint of you continuing to go to
work because nobody appreciatesyou.
Right?
Whatever the situation may be,there's a route to so many of
(12:10):
these things.
And we'll get to those things indue time, hopefully.
And speaking of that, I wouldlove to hear from you guys some
of the topics you would like meto touch on at some point in one
of these episodes.
I would love to know what isimportant to you regarding to
(12:31):
these things, our relationshipswith ourselves and others.
What is it that you feel isimportant to the things that
you're going through or thesituations you like to get out
of or to achieve?
I would like to hear from you.
So these are some of the thingsI looked at when it comes to
(12:53):
shaping how I understandrelationships today.
And this wasn't like a week-longjourney, it wasn't a month, not
even 90 days.
This has been years ofunlearning, years of discovery,
years of being honest withmyself, letting go of some lies
(13:15):
that I've believed, letting goof the thought that I am a
victim of my circumstance,letting go of the thought that,
you know, I don't haveeverything that I need.
Because when I was in a spacewhere I was like, I don't have
everything that I need,therefore I might not be able to
do this.
(13:36):
I skimmed out or skipped out ona thought or the realization
that I may not have everythingthat I want or need, but I do
have tools available to me rightnow.
And even those things could beused to get me started.
(13:57):
I didn't always realize theaccess that I had to some
opportunities and not just thatothers may have brought to me,
but opportunities that I couldhave created for myself.
At some point, I really feltlike a loser because of the
beliefs I had in my mind, and Ialso didn't want to fail people,
(14:21):
right?
Because of the expectations thatthey um stated over me.
I didn't want to fail.
And so sometimes I didn't eventry.
I just shot for a mediocre and Idid okay there, I did well, and
I left it there for a long time.
(14:41):
So we can find out a lot aboutourselves when we are honest
with ourselves, when we trulylook at what's going on on the
inside and take inventory of howwe have been showing up and look
at the quality and the state ofhow we've shown up as well.
(15:04):
One of the things I do want totalk about when it comes to my
approach addressing some ofthese topics, it may sound a
little different sometimes.
At times I may sound a littlebit more compassionate.
Um, at times it may sound alittle bit stern, but I do want
you to know, whatever the toneis, I want to do my best to
(15:28):
deliver the message, the lesson,the topic in love because I
actually care.
I don't want to, I know thatsome people who may have had
encounters with me, who may haveuh maybe made assumptions about
(15:50):
me, especially because of my myvoice or my tone of voice, they
may believe that my approachwill always be soft.
And sometimes it will be.
But I know that all messagesthat need to be given out does
not require a soft approach.
And even if it's stern, itdoesn't mean that I don't love
(16:12):
you.
For those of you that had adultsor authority figures in your in
your life that may have showedyou that they love and care
about you, but they also havesome firmness about them.
Just because they took thatapproach at some point doesn't
mean that they don't care.
So please, as you listen tothese episodes, I hope that you
really hear me.
Um, and I'm open to feedback,all that stuff.
(16:36):
But hear me with open ears andwith an open heart to receive
the message, whatever it is thatis for you.
All of these episodes may not befor you, but for the one that
is, hone in and take notes ofthe keys that are being dropped
in the episodes.
So I hope you catch what I'msaying.
(16:59):
I also am not someone that wantsto tell you what to do.
I may give suggestions.
There may be others here on thepodcast as well that you can
hear from their experience aswell.
But my job is not to tell youwhat to do.
My job is to lay out some of theoptions before you, to help you
(17:20):
see your situation a little bitmore clear, to help you get
insight on your perspective ofyour of your life or the world
that's in front of you.
My focus is to help people seewhat's actually happening
without minimizing it andwithout distorting it.
And that includes your role init also.
(17:43):
And that means, of course, notminimizing you.
So it's important for me toalso, you know, put up a mirror
so that you can look atyourselves as well, to give you
an opportunity to not stay inthe cycles where you may be just
reacting so that you can makeadjustments and try again.
(18:03):
Because if you don't understandwhy the same outcomes keep
showing up, how can you knowwhich direction to go and what
changes to make?
I want to talk uh about one ofthe misunderstandings that some
may make.
(18:24):
Some people believe that insightalone is enough, but it isn't.
Because people can recognize apattern and still continue those
patterns.
I know I've heard a lot when Iwas growing up that if you know
better, you do better.
But I've seen and have also donemyself, people can know a whole
(18:46):
lot and still do the very samething they always that they have
always done and make no changes,but they know better.
The difference is in how theawareness is used.
The difference is how knowledgeis applied.
(19:07):
And if the awareness does notlead to a different response,
then of course the patterns thepatterns may stay active.
And the work here is not justabout recognizing what's
happening, right?
It's understanding it wellenough to respond differently
when it matters.
And so, if you haven't figuredout if this is a space for you,
(19:28):
maybe this will clarify a littlebit more for you.
Who is this podcast for?
This podcast is for the personwho is beginning to notice some
of the patterns withinthemselves and the relationship
with others.
It can even be how you show upat work and not just in your
relationships at home with yourfamily.
(19:50):
If you're someone that'sbeginning to see some type of
repetitions, if you're someonethat's questioning some of the
similar uh situations thatyou've experienced time and time
again, and you're like, wait aminute, why do I keep doing
this?
Why do I keep dating the samewomen or men?
That's not even good for me.
(20:12):
Why do I keep ending up in asituation where I'm giving
everybody my money?
And I know my bills haven't beenpaid yet.
Why am I putting myself last andtrying so hard to prove to
everyone that I care about themby putting them first?
(20:32):
This is a space for people whoare wanting to make a shift and
get aligned, who are willing tolook at themselves honestly and
not just lean on how you feel,not just leaning on your
emotions, but leaning in totruth, allowing your eyes to be
(20:55):
open, to make the adjustmentsneeded and the change where it
matters.
This is not a space for someonethat is just looking for
reassurance of the behaviorsthat they are doing, um, to
receive a pat on the back and toget um any type of kudos to say
that you're doing it right.
(21:18):
This is not for someone whowants strategies without
understanding.
This is not a space for someonethat just wants to collect
information and not apply it.
This is not for the person thatis not ready to examine their
own patterns.
And if that is you, then that'sokay.
That just means that this is notmay not be the podcast for you.
(21:43):
And that's totally cool.
You know, there's a lot ofoptions available where your
ears may be more attuned to themessage that you're looking for.
But this is for those who arewilling to get.
The information they need andapply it.
(22:03):
All right.
I'm glad we're on the same page.
Okay.
So let me talk aboutself-awareness really quick.
Self-awareness plays a centralrole in relational change, but
it has to be defined clearly.
And it's not just recognizingthat something feels off or
being able to describe youremotions.
It's about understanding what isdriving your responses in real
(22:26):
time and why you engage the waythat you do you do.
Why do you withdraw when you do?
Why do you isolate?
Um, or why certain behaviorsfrom others affect you in
certain ways?
Because as stated before, ifthese things are not looked
into, if if we don't reallyunderstand what's going on, some
(22:46):
of the responses may remainautomatic.
A lack of self-awareness canlook like reacting quickly, uh
justifying your reactions andthen dealing with the outcome
afterward, or sometimes not evendealing with them at all.
It can look like repeating thesame type of conversations
without having any real type ofresolution, or staying in
situations longer than you needto, or even leaving a situation
(23:10):
without understanding simplybecause you just feel angry.
And whatever the case may be,the patterns continue because
they haven't been interrupted.
And so you get to create spacethat allows for you to make a
choice and an intentional one.
And over time the choices beginbegan to change the pattern, and
(23:31):
when the patterns change, theoutcomes change with it.
And so I want to say that thisis not just change for 30-day
challenge, 90-day challenge.
This is a lifetime worth ofwork.
I probably shouldn't say thatbecause that sounds real bad.
(23:52):
I will say the journey continuesfor as long as you'll live.
(24:17):
So once you've, let's say,so-called mastered one level,
you get to go to the next level,and then the next level, and
then the next level.
Because you've done thatfoundational work for whatever
level that's in, just like whenwe're in school, we have
preschool, kindergarten, firstgrade, second, third, fourth,
fifth, and so on.
This is our school and life.
(24:42):
We learn things because we wantto become better or improve in
certain areas.
And the great thing aboutimproving in the areas that's
that's going to be talked abouthere is that this is knowledge
that can be applied across yourgeneration and generations that
come after you.
(25:03):
And the generation that comesafter you can also teach it to
the generation that comes afterthem.
And of course, there's going tobe some adjustments that is
going to be pivoted to the timesthat they are in that makes
sense for the world that theylive in.
But the principles and some ofthe foundations of it all may
(25:25):
remain the same.
So think of it as something as alegacy, a blueprint that you get
to create.
Somewhat re-rewriting your DNAwithin your family.
Because you may have heardsomeone say, or you may have
(25:46):
thought about this yourself, myfamily has always done things a
certain type of way.
My family always eats a certaintype of food.
That doesn't mean it has toalways remain the same.
Because if you see that one ofthe results or outcomes of your
family eating high-processedfoods, sugary foods, fatty
(26:11):
foods, um over a certain amountof time and years, and you see
increased obesity, beingoverweight, diabetes, high blood
pressure, heart attacks, um,premature deaths, all of these
things that may have come fromdiet, it may get you to look at
(26:38):
that certain situation and theway that the family has been
eating and say, we don't have tocontinue living like this.
I want to change our quality oflife.
I want to live longer.
I want to be able to grow olderand run with my grandchildren.
(26:59):
I want to be able to still walkto my bat my restroom, my
bathroom by myself withoutassistance at 70 years old.
I want to be able to do a squatand pick something down or tie
my shoes and stand back upunassisted.
Some of the things that we maynot realize or think about
(27:20):
often.
But those are the things thatget impacted from the decisions
that we make early on.
And this is how we creategenerational impact.
And this is why we get to havesome of these conversations
today, because it impacts notjust ourselves, but others,
(27:40):
which is why I want to continueto focus and talk about
different types of relationshipsas stated multiple times, not
just with ourselves, but withothers.
Because what's going on on theinside with us can eventually
permeate on the outside andimpact others in a productive,
(28:03):
positive way, beneficial way, orthe opposite.
What's your choice?
What do you pick today?
So, all in all, I'm so excitedto have these conversations with
you all and talk about thethings that you find important.
Because as this podcastcontinues, we'll continue to
(28:24):
build on this foundation andwe'll look at different dynamics
like family roles, estrangement,communication patterns, decision
making.
And like I said, the focus willremain the same: understanding
what's happening beneath thesurface, so that what's
happening on the surface caneventually be shifted.
(28:45):
And the goal is to not justlisten, but to recognize what's
happening in real time and beginresponding with intention rather
than just responding out ofhabit.
So I hope you enjoyed this firstlisten.
I definitely look forward togrowing with you all and going
on this journey with you.
You guys get to be my peeps overtime, so that's super cool.
(29:10):
And keep your ears posted andyour eyes posted for the next
release of the episode.
And so thank you all again.
And until next time, love onyourselves, be patient with
yourselves, and love on others.
Take care.
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