"Purpose is about who you were before, during, and after the pain, rather than solely what you went through." ~Tami Imlay
Hey Friend- I want you to know that you are more than what you have been through, are going through, or will endure. Pain does not define us; it is not the purpose of our lives. Instead of dwelling on our pain, we should focus on growth and beauty. Our purpose is not limited to our pain; it encompasses who we are before, during, and after it. Finding meaning and purpose within our pain should be our goal. Even in similar circumstances, two people can have different purposes. Our purpose is a culmination of our past, present, and future selves. It is important to acknowledge where we are today and what we want to do with our purpose. One moment or pain does not define us; we have the power to choose our purpose. Seeking help can assist us in discovering and embracing our purpose. Let go of pain and embrace joy and fulfillment in living out our purpose.
JOURNAL QUESTION: What strengths and qualities have helped you endure and overcome pain in your life, and how do you believe they contribute to your purpose?
KEY TAKEAWAYs:
- Purpose is not solely about pain, but about who you were before, during, and after the pain.
- Pain should not overshadow the beauty and growth that comes from enduring and overcoming it.
- Viktor Frankl's book, "Man's Search for Meaning," serves as inspiration for finding purpose and meaning in serving others.
- It's important to shift focus from the pain itself to recognize one's own strength and resilience.
- Purpose is rooted in one's innate qualities and strengths, and while pain can shape it, it should not define it entirely.
- Looking at the past, present, and future is crucial to understanding the full picture of one's purpose.
- Choosing joy while exploring one's purpose is encouraged.
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that we get to decide what defines us and what doesn't.
We get to decide how we get to live our lives and what we want to be known for.
That's what we dive into today. I can't wait to share this message with you
because it's so near and dear to my heart.
And I know that even though my pain, losing my husband is something I talk about
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often, I also know that I am a lot more than just a widow.
And I know, friend, that whatever you've been through, you're more than just
that as well. Let's do this.
Hey, and welcome to the Full Weight of Joy podcast, the podcast for women who
are done stressing about the weight of the world, of expectations and settling
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for status quo, and ready to step into the full weight of joy.
Joy in the journey, whether up or down, joy through the life's challenges,
and joy in loving your life right where you are, even though sometimes we feel
like chucking it at all and moving to Bali.
It's for women who are ready to step into who God called them to be.
He chose you to be in this world. He created you for a specific purpose.
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God called us to be the light on a hill, and by embracing who you are and whose
you are, you can stand on that hill and shine.
The best part? When you're standing next to another woman who's also on the
journey, the world gets brighter.
My name is Tammy. I'm your host and a master certified life coach and a trained therapist.
For over a decade, I've been helping women do just that. step into who they're called to be and shine.
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Are you ready friend to start your journey? Let's do this.
Contrary to popular belief your pain
is not your purpose i don't
know who needs to hear this right now but this is something that i have been
wrestling with because this idea that our pain drives our mission and our our
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purpose our vision it inspires us and those around us seems like a good thing, right?
It seems like it's something, hey, like nothing's ever wasted.
Everything we go through is for a purpose.
But I think this idea that, you know, turn your pain into your purpose,
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I think we're missing something there.
And this is something that, I mean, I have, have
I've used it I knew that
the story that I hold
these the things I've been through are not just for me alone
but we get mixed up here when we
put our the emphasis on the pain when we say the pain is what we're is the purpose
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that we're going through and friend you are so much more than what you've gone
through when you put pain in the center when the your purpose is what you've
been through, you're making that circumstance,
that trial, that trauma, that story, you've put that in the center and you've replaced you.
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Many times we are affected, we are changed.
They say what we go through, we grow through, which I think is a little bit
closer to what I want to share today.
But I want to just come and encourage you. Because if you've been through some
things and I know you're like okay Tammy because I you I've been through some
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life I've experienced some life and I need to know my purpose and I need to
know why I've been through this and there's many times we don't know why we've been through things.
I also know that you weren't put on this earth to go through that circumstance.
That is not your purpose.
That's not the reason why you exist. It's not the reason why you were born.
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And when we start to believe that that is our purpose, that that thing we went
through, that for me, being a widow, losing my best friend, my high school sweetheart,
the father of my child, children,
I have two, but when I put that pain as the center of my story.
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I miss the beauty around it.
I also miss the fact that I endured it, that I'm still going through it,
that I'm an overcomer, that you're an overcomer, that you're a survivor,
that That your purpose is more about who you were before, during,
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and after than it is what you went through.
The what is just, those are semantics. Those are details.
Those are challenges. And I'm not making light of them because I know from hearing
your stories, I know from hearing,
I know from coaching you, I know from years of being a therapist that the stories,
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the things we've been through are super heavy.
And the people who come to me, the people who I work with, or Tammy,
I know it fuels them. It fuels that pain that they've been through.
They don't want other people to have to go through it.
And they make the pain itself their purpose.
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They make that the center of what they've been through.
And that's something that I have actually been wrestling with for the last couple of years.
In next month, in March, I'll be a widow for 12 years.
I still hold that hat. I still hold that badge. I still hold that card.
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And I've grown. And I'm a partner.
And I am a mom of teenagers now. I've grown from being a mom of toddlers to a mom of teenagers.
Parenting itself changes over time. Grief changes over time.
The way you see your story can change over time.
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When you stop making the circumstances the center of it. When you look at and you.
I'm just going to say it. You get to look at what helps you through it. Why are you a survivor?
I've read this book. I've read it actually a couple times, and I highly suggest
it. It's Viktor Frankl, The Man's Search for Meaning.
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And real quick, it's a short read, but it's an intense read.
And Viktor Frankl, he is a father of psychology.
He's well-known in the psychology world. And part of his story is that he was in a Jewish camp.
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He went through the Holocaust, and he went through with a different perspective.
He went through searching for what he could do and the meaning behind it,
not the circumstances himself.
He searched for a purpose within it.
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He looked and he realized that him serving the person next to him through his
beatings, through his starvation, through all of the terror and all of that, all of that.
I'm not even going to go into describing that because we all read those stories
and we've painted that picture and we know how awful it was. And yet he endured.
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And he wrote this beautiful book, The Man's Search for Meaning.
And the and he attributes it to the fact that it was who he could be through
it what was his meaning and purpose it wasn't his his purpose in life was not
to go through that that camp,
it wasn't and i hate that we even call it a camp the you know the through the the holocaust.
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When we stop looking at our pain as the center of our story,
if we stop looking at the circumstances and we look at who we were through them,
what got us to this point?
Because if you're here, you are an overcomer.
And I know, I know that the search for meaning is crucial.
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I know that that's what I did immediately is, okay, God, like show me.
And I talk about how even in the moment, I knew that my story was not just from myself.
I knew that it was going to be for something bigger and I was going to be able to help other people.
I didn't know how, but I knew that that was not the end of my story,
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that what I got to go through, I grew through.
And now I get to talk and I
get to share my story from a place of healing from
a place from the scar not from the wound I
get to share my story and yes it doesn't mean there's any it's not still emotionally
charged still doesn't mean that it doesn't like get me and that when I look
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at old pictures and I think about where I came from that it doesn't hurt like
the pain is still there it's It's shaped differently.
But if I stayed in that deep grief, if I stayed in that trauma and in that pain
cycle, I would not be the woman I am today.
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I would not have the kids that I have today. I would not have the business that
I do today where I get to help you discover what your purpose is.
The things you've been through play a part. But friend, it's more about who
you are and how God wired you than what you've been through.
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We look at things because it's easy to point out the things we've been through.
It's easy to see the stories and the struggle.
And God says that the gold is refined in the fire.
These struggles, these pain that we go through, allow us to see the strengths within us.
That's the gold. That's what we're supposed to take with us.
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That's what we're supposed to use to inspire and to impact and how we're supposed
to rise above and become more fulfilled.
There is no fulfillment in pain. There's not.
If you remain holding your pain so tightly that you you don't grow,
you're not going to be able to discover your purpose.
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If you hold your pain so tightly while you're trying to discover your purpose
and say, no, this is why, this is why.
And the crazy thing is two people can experience similar circumstances, not the same.
There's no two circumstances that are ever the same, no two stories.
People can have a similar circumstance And then their purpose can look very
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different, whether it's creating a nonprofit and having scholarship,
whether it's writing a book to help inspire people who are just going through it.
If it's coaching where I get to help people actually discover their purpose
and their calling and look at what they're really good at and what God's highlighting
to them, what he's been highlighting them through for their whole life.
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It just happened that there was really deep highlights during the fire,
during that refining process, during those trials.
And so I don't want you to think that your pain is the end.
And I don't want you to get so stuck on what you've been through as being your purpose.
And because so many times it's like, Tammy, how do I turn my pain into purpose? Yes.
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And really, it's you've done the pain. Now let's step into your purpose. You've done that.
Let's see how. Let's see what other parts play. Because I guarantee that your
purpose did not start with that pain.
You have been wired this way from birth.
So that's not the one story that gets to paint your purpose.
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There's elements. There's highlights. Like you said,
it gets to be so much more than your pain because your purpose is the culmination
of things that who you were before all of that, before other things.
Because I know that's not the first trial you've been through.
Hello, we've all been through puberty. We know how tough and mean girls and
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all of that stuff. We know how hard that is.
It's not just about the present and what
we're going through right now and how we're who we're
being it's also about the future of you that you want
to be we get to bring all three elements together into one beautiful picture
where you get to define where the chapter starts and and where the next one
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begins you get to define the center and the you get to define the theme throughout the story.
It doesn't have to be pain. It doesn't have and it and you know,
it could be something about.
It's not just the pain, but it could be what you're experience,
what you've experienced, how you connected to people through it or what is happening,
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throughout it, like what it what are you seeing? How are you being shaped? And.
So when you are looking to turn your pain into purpose, look past the pain,
release some of that and acknowledge where you are today so you can look back and see the past.
What else has pointed to this moment? And you can see in the future,
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what do you want to do with this now that you've discovered it?
What purpose do you want? What is God highlighting to you?
And that's and that is what life is about that's how you discover the full weight
of joy and how you live joyful every day because knowing that each day you learn a little bit more about,
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your strengths you learn a little bit more about what drives you you learn about
a little bit more you get more highlights of where you're going one moment doesn't
get to define you one pain pain does not get to decide who you're going to be.
So what are you going to do with it? What pain are you stepping out of so you
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can start to really step into your purpose?
And when you're ready to do this, this is something I can help you with.
This is something, this is my, this is what I love to do.
And this is what I get to do for my clients is we get to look and say,
what is my purpose? What is the legacy I want to leave?
What is my meaning for living?
It's not just some people who are searching for meaning or who have deeper meanings in their life.
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We all have a very specific and a very important part to play.
We have a very specific calling and we get to decide.
We get to choose what it is. We get to choose what we get to do with it.
We get to discover what's already within. in. So friend, if that's what you
want to do, if you want to take the pain and you said, okay,
I've done that. I'm ready to go to the purpose.
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Let's talk, comment deeper, and let's really get to the center of what your story is painting.
Let's get to the center of who you are and who you've been all the way through.
Let's see how you've been refined and let's see what's happened.
Well, let's see what's possible in the future.
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Let's see what the hope is in your story.
Let's see how you can inspire others and impact those around you because of
who you are, not necessarily because of what you've been through.
I hope this encourages you. I hope that this helps you to see that you can release
some of that pain that you've been holding onto because you're afraid that that's
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what you're put on this earth to do is to be inspired or to use that as your purpose.
It's an element, but it's not the whole story.
So with that, comment deeper. Let's get on the calendar. Let's talk about what your purpose is.
Music.