April 9, 2024 • 54 mins
Emerging from a backdrop of familial turmoil, Bobby Sexton's tale is one of profound transformation—a narrative that will resonate with anyone striving to rewrite their own story of adversity. As your host, I'm thrilled to present a conversation that delves deep into the resilience of the human spirit, examining how self-discipline is the cornerstone of personal triumph. Our exchange offers an intimate look at the complexities of family dynamics, and how personal tribulations can shape, but not dictate, our futures.
Journey with us through heartfelt reflections on overcoming the shadows of a past marred by selective affection and the challenges of fatherhood when confronted with the inability to 'fix' it all. This episode isn't just about the struggles; it's a celebration of those who persist. And it's a nod to the tireless pursuit of growth.
From the psychological battles faced by athletes to the intricacies of instilling discipline in the young and ambitious, this dialogue underscores the critical role of mental fortitude across the spectrum of life's endeavors.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Fuzzy Mike, the interview series, the
podcast, whatever Kevin wants tocall it.
It's Fuzzy Mike.
Hello and welcome to anotherepisode of the Fuzzy Mike.
I'm your host, kevin Kline.
This episode, it's all aboutrewriting your story, turning
adversity into achievement andunlocking your full potential.
(00:22):
Bobby Sexton is a physicaltherapist and a certified mental
performance coach who's workedwith business leaders, athletes
including seven eventual Hall ofFamers during his five years
with the NFL and people from allwalks of life.
Really, I wanted to talk withCoach Bobby about mindset and
mental performance, but to getthere and mental performance,
(00:42):
but to get there we first needto learn Bobby's story and where
he came from.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
I personally don't know the story, but I do know
that Bobby says that he's luckyto even be alive.
I think so.
I think things could have gonevery bad if I had stayed in the
situation that I was in very bad.
Uh, if I had stayed in thesituation that I was in, um, you
know, just looking at what mysiblings had gone through, and
you know there were multiplesuicide attempts in my family,
and you know gun issues, youknow things.
(01:19):
My brother was in a fight onceand got hit in the head with a
machete.
Oh my God, just crazy stuffthat, had I gone down that path,
I could see myself ending up.
Was this a product of the homelife or was this a product of
(01:41):
the environment where you live?
Product of the home life,because we never lived in a bad
area.
Really, yeah, it wasn't asituation like that.
My father had a good job, um,so there was never an issue.
You know it wasn't like we were, you know, in the middle of,
you know, an inner city that was, you know, had bad things going
on.
It was just the way we wereraised.
You know it was.
(02:01):
It was chaos.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
You and I kind of have a similar background then,
because my dad did commitsuicide and he had a great job
and he was a great provider.
We never wanted for anything,but his depression was something
that we dealt with on a dailybasis and I inherited that gene.
Um, I've been diagnosed chronicsuicidality, which means that
I'm always thinking about it butdon't act on it.
(02:24):
Um, but I decided that I wasgoing to escape, that.
I decided that I wasn't goingto continue that cycle, and you
did the same thing.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Exactly, Um, you know , and first of all I'm sorry to
hear that about your father.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
That's okay.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
You know, it really is a decision that you have to
make.
If you really want to changeyour circumstances, change your
life, it's a decision that youhave to make.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
So how many siblings do you have?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
I have four sisters and a brother.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Okay, and what's the age range?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I am the youngest.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Really.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
The next one closest to me is 10 years older than me.
And actually my oldest sister.
Uh, she was in her lateseventies.
She passed away about a yearago.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
How close were you with them?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Not at all.
Yeah, not at all.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Is that because you were born 10 years later than
the than the oldest one beforeyou?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
It was, but it was also, you know, I saw the things
that they were doing and theymade me uncomfortable and I
didn't want any part of it and Idistanced myself as much as I
could, even as a child.
Was that a difficult decisionto make?
(03:48):
Uh, you know, growing up itreally wasn't a decision that I
made.
It was just kind of a naturalfeeling that I had and I, I just
kind of distanced myself.
Um, you know, I wouldn't go.
Most of them had moved out, youknow, before I was old enough
to know better.
Um, but I, I kind of naturallyjust distanced myself.
I wouldn't go to their homesand, you know, I wouldn't go
(04:08):
places with them.
Um, I did have one sister thatyou know.
She treated me really well andyou know I I still keep in touch
with her today.
Um, but the rest of my family,I probably haven't talked to any
of them in, honestly, 25 years.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Yeah, I tell my mom that all the time.
I'm like you know, we we get tochoose our friends.
We don't get to choose ourfamily.
You know, and and uh, I spokewith one of my previous guests.
Her name is a cameo deadweilerand she uh grew up in in a very
toxic home environment too, andnow she has kind of done the
same thing as you where sheescaped that, and now she's
(04:50):
trying to help people with theirown mindset and their own
getting out of those kinds ofsituations.
Is it difficult to help people?
Speaker 2 (04:57):
It's difficult to help people who haven't made the
decision to be helped.
And when I say that, you knowit's one thing to say, oh yeah,
well, I want to, I want tochange things.
But you really need to reallysit down and have a heart to
heart with yourself and and makethe decision, because you know
what what I see a lot is.
You know people will say, well,I want to change, but then they
(05:20):
go right back into thesituation.
You know, maybe it's a toxicmother, for example.
You know you finish talking tothem and they get in their car
and they go over to visit momand mom is the, you know the
crux of the issue and they'reputting themselves right back in
that situation and I don'tthink they really realize how
(05:43):
damaging that is.
You know, basically every stepforward, they're taking two
steps back.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
And as a coach.
How frustrating is that for you.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
It's very frustrating .
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yeah, I mean, the good news is and I know that
you're not about this, but thegood news is that's a client for
life, because they're not goingto be helped in just one single
setting, but the bad news isthat they're just constantly in
that cycle.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Yeah, I would.
I would much rather see theirtheir life change than keep
their.
You know, it's not about themoney for me, of course.
Um, you know, I, I, I wouldmuch rather them change their
lives because the way I view it,you know, with generational
dysfunction, it's an ongoingthing and if they don't change
(06:27):
their lives, they're going topass it on to their children and
I don't want to see any childgo through what I went through
or or you know, bad things atall.
So I would much rather see themchange and and fix that for
themselves and for theirchildren and their children and
their children.
You know, until you end thatcycle, it's going to continue to
(06:49):
perpetuate.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
You talk about passing that down on to children
and you are a successfulphysical therapist, a mindset
coach.
You have many, many patents.
How did your environment affectyour learning growing up?
Because you become highlysuccessful and you can't be dumb
.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
No, I was always inquisitive and my father, he
was the kind of guy that itdidn't matter what it was, he
could fix it.
And I adored my father.
I really did.
You know I I I talk about asituation where one of the one
(07:30):
of the first memories that Ihave as a child was my mother
waking me up in the middle ofthe night telling me we had to
get out of the house because myfather was on his way home to
kill us.
And you know, I was probablythree or four at the time and
you can imagine, as a three orfour year old, what that would
do to your brain.
But in that case, my father hadnever done a single thing to
(07:55):
give any indication that he wascapable of anything like that.
And when she, you know, whenshe said that, I'm sure in my
mind as a three, four,four-year-old, five-year-old
child, it made no sensewhatsoever.
I adored him.
He was just a great guy, he wasvery loving.
He's probably one of thebiggest reasons that I was able
(08:17):
to change, because I saw thelove that he had for me and for
my mother, the love that he hadfor me and for my mother.
And, and you know, I came to therealization you know, talking
about a toxic mother that sheused him against me over and
(08:38):
over and over and tried to turnme against him and and that was
an ongoing thing, and that wasthat's what that, you know, that
night was all about.
You know, she was trying veryhard.
Ultimately, I didn't find thisout until recently, it was
probably five years ago now.
The argument that they had andthis was from one of my older
(09:04):
siblings it was because I wasnot his child.
Really, yeah, she had had anaffair with her boss and I was
the result of the affair andthat's why I was born 10 years
later than my siblings.
You know, they hadn't intendedto have any more children.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
I was going to say you were a surprise.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah, and ultimately my father, he, and ultimately my
father, he he had said thingsto me growing up that made me
think that he thought that Iwasn't his child, but he didn't
know for sure.
Uh, he knew that she had had anaffair, but and that's what the
argument was all about at thattime, but I don't think he ever
(09:43):
had confirmation.
I got confirmation because Ihad a DNA test and that
confirmed that I wasn't his son.
So, um, but, but even eventhough I think he in his, you
know, deep inside he knew henever treated me like anything
but his son, deep inside he knewhe never treated me like
(10:08):
anything but his son.
You know, he, he, I mean, heloved me and that's.
You know.
I always say that that's why Iwas able to overcome and I, I
saw that love and you know Iwanted my family to have that
love.
I didn't want them to have.
You know, the other side.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Well, you know, that's interesting that you say
that, because the other side,you not only learn the love from
your dad, but you learn whatnot to do from your mom.
So you really had I mean,unfortunately, you did have the
best of both worlds as far asteachers go.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Basically yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah, I mean, I had the same thing.
I had the same thing, you know,with my mom, was constantly the
nurturer, the.
She was the go-between when dadwould come home from work and
you know just, he never hit us.
But the mental, you know, I wastold at 13, I'd never amount to
anything.
And that he, at 22, he said mybiggest regret is that I ever
had you kids.
So you know, that kind of stuffyou know, and that'll weigh on
(11:01):
you, that'll weigh on you.
But at 13, when I was toldyou're never going to amount to
anything, I could have takenthat as a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
But no, you know what I said?
I said fuck you, I am going to.
You know, and I reached thepinnacle of my career, coach
Bobby, I did 30 years in radio.
The last 16 were spent in a topfive market in Houston, texas,
and five days after I took thatjob is when my dad killed
(11:23):
himself.
You know, and I don't thinkthat has anything to do with it,
but I showed him, yeah, Ishowed him Definitely yeah.
So your life actually didchange for like ever when you
had your first child, right?
Speaker 2 (11:40):
It did.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
What's that?
Speaker 2 (11:42):
like.
When she was born, she had aserious respiratory issue.
She had to be rushed to achildren's hospital and she
spent a week in the NICU and Ican remember walking in there
and seeing the tubes and youknow, I mean it was just you
know, things going off and tubeseverywhere and and just looking
(12:05):
at her and thinking I, I thinkin my heart it kind of felt like
all of that chaos that wasgoing on around her body was,
was that chaos that you know ofmy life and you know I knew at
that point I had to change, Ihad to get away.
You know, at that point I stilllived in Buffalo, new York,
(12:36):
where my siblings and motherlived, and it was.
It was ongoing.
You know it was an ongoingthing.
I can remember my, you know, asmy daughter was growing up,
asking my mother to babysit, and, and she refused to babysit my
child, but she babys as mydaughter was growing up, uh,
asking my mother to babysit, and, and she refused to babysit my
child, but she babysat mysister's children, and you know
it was, and I didn't know atthat time that I wasn't, you
know that I was a bastard childbasically, Um, but that was the
(12:59):
result.
She was she.
She resented me.
Wow, and you know I can.
I can remember.
In my life there was one time Ican remember my mother putting
her arm around me and you knowthat as a child not having that
affection, you know I don't.
I think the only time Iremember her expressing love to
(13:22):
me was when my father passedaway, and you know, even telling
me I love you, it just neverhappened.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
The love that your dad had for you then?
Was that an over kind of, maybeovercompensation for the love
that your mother was notprojecting?
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Did he realize that?
You know, I don't think so.
It was just a genuine love.
You know, I don't think he wastrying to make up for anything
she wasn't giving me.
Um, I think it was just agenuine love.
You know, they divorced when Iwas five years old oh okay, um.
So they were, you know they,they were separated most of my
life um, and I don't think hewas was trying to overcompensate
(14:05):
or anything like that.
I think it was just a genuinelove that he had, and he it
wasn't just me, it was all of mysiblings, you know I I could
tell he showed love to all ofthem.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Sounds like a heck of a guy.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
He was.
He was amazing guy, you know,he.
He grew up.
He grew up in the hills of WestVirginia, had a loving mother
and father, nine kids in hisfamily, most of them boys, and,
you know, eighth grade education.
But he went on to work atInternational Paper.
There was a factory in thesmall town that we lived in,
(14:42):
outside of Buffalo, and hestarted cleaning floors and
worked his way up and ran thatplant and it got to the point
where, you know, internationalPaper's a massive corporation.
They've got factories all overthe world.
They would fly a private jet topick him up and take him
wherever they had an issue andhe would resolve the issue and
(15:05):
come home.
And he was just, you know, hewas a resourceful guy, he, he,
he would figure it out.
He knew, you know.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Yeah, like you said, he was the guy that could fix
anything.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
Yeah, he, there wasn't anything.
I've seen him when he was alive.
I saw him take apart thingsthat I, you know, most people
wouldn't even consider.
You know, 20 minutes later it'sworking here Nice.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Well, just given your genes, you were destined to be
a mindset coach, I believe.
Because you have a, your soulhas got to be the hardiest in
the world.
A father from West Virginiathey're hard workers and then a
mother from Buffalo, the wintersthat you had to endure up there
I mean, dude, you were fromBuffalo the winters that you had
to endure up there.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
I mean, dude, you were, you were born to overcome.
Oh, yeah, yeah, it was.
Uh, the winter has definitelymade it easier to leave there.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Yeah, cause you're based out of Austin, texas.
Now, right.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Yeah, what a great city that is.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Oh it's, it's awesome .
A lot of a lot over the yearsWe've been here 26 years now.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Oh, wow, yeah, you have seen some change.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Oh yeah, it's changed a lot.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Yeah, the university has grown to about 50,000 a year
.
It got Dell computers there,the great medical facilities
that you have around there, theCapitol.
I mean, yeah, you've seen somegrowth.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
So how is your daughter today?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Oh, she's fine, she's fine.
She recovered fine by the timeshe left.
Like I said, she spent a weekin the NICU and by the time she
left she was great.
You know, the nurses nurses arejust an incredible.
They're incredible people tobegin with, but they, you know,
(16:48):
they really helped us throughthat and she's fine.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
She you know, I do a lot of work with pediatric
cancer patients and you see achild in the hospital, you see
them in the ICU and the parentsare just so helpless and there's
not as a father who liked tofix things.
Perhaps you inherited a littlebit of that gene and you can't
do anything.
How, how rough is that for you?
(17:15):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (17:16):
it.
It definitely drove me crazy atthe time, you know, not being
able to do anything to help herit.
It was tough, it was reallytough.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
So how did you become a mindset coach?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Well, Um, my son, uh, my son is an athlete.
Uh, he, you know I talk aboutmy kids.
Uh, really, when I talk aboutmy kids, I want people to
understand that had I not madethe decision to change, my kids
(17:51):
wouldn't have had theopportunities that they had.
You know, my daughter went toUniversity of Texas.
She ended up going into theNavy, spent six years in the
Navy, climbed the ladder veryquickly.
She just got out of the Navyabout a year ago, just had our
first granddaughter married aguy that she met in the Navy and
is doing great.
(18:12):
My son graduated from highschool guy that she met in the
Navy and is doing great.
My son graduated from highschool, won a state championship
in Texas 5A football, which isnot an easy thing to do Ended up
with a full scholarship becauseof that and got his master's
degree in five years and went onto play a year of professional
football overseas and he's kindof at a position now.
(18:32):
He got a great job.
But he, you know, he hasn'tdecided whether or not he's
going to go back yet to Europefor next season.
But you know, when I talk aboutmy kids, they would have never
had those opportunities I don'tbelieve they would have had
those opportunities had I notmade the decision to change.
And that's one of the things Iwant people to understand is you
know you're not just doing itfor yourself, you know it's,
(18:54):
it's, it's more than you and youknow a lot of that.
It's probably one of thereasons that I do what I do now,
because I I don't want otherkids to not have those kinds of
opportunities.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Um, I would think that if you're just doing it for
yourself, the chances of yousucceeding and making that
transformation is probably low,because if you're not doing it
for some, some bigger reasonthan yourself, you'll have
opportunities to quit and you'llthink okay, well, you know what
I'm, I'm done.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Right.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
And you, you start.
One of the big issues withdysfunction is self-sabotage.
You start doing things and youthink you're going along great
and then all of a sudden you'regoing backwards and you can't
figure out why.
And you did it to yourself andthere's a lot of people that do
that.
I work with a lot of athletesand I also work with business
(19:52):
owners with a lot of athletesand I also work with business
owners and they get to a pointand all of a sudden they start
to fall off and they can'tfigure out why.
And it's because they sabotagethemselves.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
How?
So?
I read one of your quotes isyou got to learn how to get out
of your own way?
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Um, it, you know it has a lot to do with
self-sabotage.
It, you know, if you don't getout of your own way and you
sabotage yourself continuously,um, I'll give you an example I
worked with, with a client.
Um, she was a doctor, she was auh veterinarian, she was a
surgeon, she worked emergencyveterinarian.
She made a decision to open aboarding facility and she
(20:43):
started the facility.
In five years of owning thefacility, she'd never made a
penny.
She was losing 60 to 70 000 amonth a month a month yeah, it
was a big facility and she Imean it was just pouring money
out and she had borrowed a tonof money from friends and family
(21:05):
and the bank and she was crazyin debt.
And I, as I started to look atthings you know, having run
businesses for myself and beensuccessful in business, I know
what it looks like.
And when I started looking atit, every time things would
start to get on a upwardtrajectory for her, she would do
(21:28):
something that brought it backdown.
And as I got to know her, itturned out as a child her
sibling, her only sibling herbrother, had been killed in a
car accident and ultimately shedidn't feel like she deserved to
be successful.
(21:49):
And that's where the sabotagecame from.
Every time she would start toget some success, the guilt
would take over and it wouldback down.
And once we got past that andrealized you're doing this
yourself, the success rate, Imean, it just skyrocketed.
But it's just something thatpeople do, rocket it, but that's
(22:14):
, it's just something thatpeople do.
At the end, in most cases, Idon't.
I think they have, you know,deep inside they, they know
they're doing it, but they justcannot help themselves.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Do you think that what's stronger, the fear of
success or the fear of failure?
Because when you say that, uh,you know she felt she didn't
deserve it.
That's a fear of uh fear ofsuccess.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
It is.
Yeah, in her case it was.
It was the guilt she felt, um,that that was her reason for not
wanting to succeed.
Um, but it is.
You know I don't know that oneis stronger than the other.
I think probably because if youhaven't experienced true
(23:01):
success, you really don't.
You don't know what it feelslike.
So you know that that failureis probably a little more
comfortable because it's youknow, it's something you've
always had.
You know, one of the things Italk about.
You know, the human brain isjust.
It's an incredible structure.
It's amazing.
But one of the primaryfunctions of the human brain is
(23:24):
to protect us, and in protectingus, what it looks like for the
brain is just status quo.
You know, if we left it up tothe brain, we'd never get out of
bed, we'd just stay covered upcomfortably and never try
anything, never do anything,because that's change and the
(23:46):
brain doesn't like change.
So you know, overcoming thatit's a hard, hard thing to do.
You basically have to rewireyour brain.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
And I've just completed a physical therapy
session.
I went to 10 sessions with aperformance coach because I'm an
ultra endurance runner and Iwas always getting injured on my
right leg, whether it wastendon strains or, you know,
shin splints or whatever and werealized that my mind had
decided that, based on my gait,that it needed to change the way
(24:24):
that my foot hit the ground toaccommodate the other
deficiencies that I had.
And so in 10 weeks we had torewire my brain and reconnect my
legs to my brain.
What you said earlier about thebrain being amazing, it is
absolutely trippy what our braindoes.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
It's incredible, and it does it without us even
knowing it.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
I know right.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
And the decisions that the brain can make before
you even think about it are justincredible.
It's one of the things if youever watched Top Gun and they
say don't, you can't think whenyou're flying.
That's true Because by the timeyou think, you know your brain
is is 10 steps ahead of youalready.
To begin with, if you just letthe brain do its thing, in most
(25:07):
cases you're going to be, you'regoing to be happy with what it
does.
If you start thinking and startinterfering with it, that's
when things start to go wrong.
But you know, getting back towhy I brought the brain up, the
brain wanting to be comfortableat all times, it also resists
(25:30):
positive change.
Oh, because even positivechange is change, yes, in the
brain.
So you know if you've beendoing something and it's
uncomfortable, but your brainhas gotten comfortable with it,
your brain doesn't want tochange that, so it says no back
off, no back off.
And you know what I try to helppeople understand is, if you're
(25:55):
, if you're focused, you canactually use that to your
advantage.
You know, in tricking the brainto, to helping it understand
that you know what you're tryingto accomplish is not the
negative, it's the positive,it's the comfortable.
And once you get to a pointwhen, when you you's the
(26:17):
positive, it's the comfortable,and once you get to a point when
you work that enough, you canbe successful with it, and then
the brain starts to help youchange yourself and you go from
that negative.
You know, one of the big thingsis negative self-talk.
A lot of people we constantlyhave a conversation going on in
our mind, and in a lot of casesit's a negative conversation,
(26:39):
that's all I have, Bobby.
Yeah, it's always negative.
Yeah, so you know, changingthat is probably the biggest
first step in changing your,your entire life.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Quite honestly, is it a matter of semantics to do
that?
Because, like, for example, ifI wake up and I say, oh, I got
to run, then I'm not realenthused about it.
But if I wake up and I say, oh,I get to run, that's Okay, so
it is just as simple as that,then it is.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
If you're consistent with that, I mean, it becomes
automatic.
Wow, running doesn't become achore anymore, running becomes a
treat, and your brain sees itthat way.
And once you get the brainseeing it that way, your brain
says no, you got to run, youhave to run.
If you don't run, I'm notcomfortable.
(27:33):
And that's the goal, ultimately.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Uh, how much uh stock and how much truth do you put
in this statement?
If you think you can't you you,you're right.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Uh a million percent really a million percent.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Okay, so then, if you think you can, you will if you
think you can, enough times youwill.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Yeah, you can't.
You can't, you know today, say,well, I'm going to go run, and
then take three days off andthen say I'm going to go run and
think that you're going to besuccessful.
You know it's not going tochange your, your thinking.
You've got to be consistentwith it.
So are there?
Are there?
Speaker 1 (28:14):
consistent mantras that a mindset coach like
yourself gives their clients andthey write them down or they
commit them to memory.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Um, you know, I, I try.
I don't want people to rely ona crutch, so I don't want to
give them something that thatyou know in their mind this is
what's changing them.
I want them to use their ownbrain and and really think
through that change, becausethat's when it's really going to
(28:46):
become ingrained in the brain.
You know, I don't want them tohave.
You know, if I don't say this,I'm I'm not going to get better.
You know there's't want them tohave.
You know, if I don't say this,I'm not going to get better.
You know there's things likethat.
You know it goes along withforgiveness.
I'm not a big forgiveness fan, Idon't.
It bothers me that therapists,and you know they tell people
(29:13):
that.
You know the first step isforgiveness.
Well, there are a lot of peoplethat just can't do that.
You know I, I'm one of thosepeople.
I, I, I have a very hard timeforgiving.
You know, when you wrong me,you wrong me and I don't want
people to look at that and say,well, you know, I, I, I can't
ever get over this because Ican't forgive.
(29:34):
You know that that, to me, is ait.
It becomes an excuse, itbecomes a crutch and it allows
them to stay in that miserablestate because in their mind,
they can't forgive.
Yeah, I, I to me, um, andactually I I listened to that
(29:54):
podcast that you just mentionedand a lot of that it really
resonated with me and youactually made something.
You actually made a comment.
You said I don't forgive, Idon't forget, I just move on,
uh-huh.
And to me that's perfect,absolutely perfect, because as
you move on, the more distanceyou put between yourself and
(30:20):
whatever you're you're trying todistance yourself from, the
more you know it time heals allwounds yes I really believe
that's true.
Yes, down the road, you know youthink about bad situations and
things that have happened inyour life and at the time that
(30:42):
they happen, it's, you know itcan be the most heart-wrenching
thing ever.
But as you move further awayfrom it, it, you know, it, it
that lessens and lessens.
And the same is true with youknow the, the dysfunction
situation or forgiveness.
The further you get away fromthe situation, the easier it is
(31:08):
for you to not think about thatsituation, so forgiveness
becomes irrelevant.
At that point, yeah, you didn'tneed to forgive because you'd
basically forgotten for the mostpart.
And even when you do thinkabout it, it's not that intense
feeling anymore.
So it's like.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
It's like if you were to pass a car on the highway
and you look in your rear viewmirror and you're going faster
than them.
Eventually they're going tofade.
Correct, like this, like thisbad memory or whatever you know.
It'll eventually just fade.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Yeah, and that's really true of any negative
memory, uh, negative thoughts,anything, uh and and actually,
quite honestly, peoplethemselves.
You know, one of the thingsthat I talk to people about, you
know we mentioned this if youdon't get away from the the
whatever is.
Let me give you an example.
(32:00):
If you got a rock in your shoeand you just keep walking, it's
not going to get any better.
If I take that rock out and Ithrow it, I walk away.
Well, now I'm putting distancebetween myself and the rock and
it doesn't hurt me anymore.
You know, until you do that,you can't.
You can't keep walking on therock and expect to feel better.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Very true.
What a beautiful analogy too.
I love that.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
It's, and it's true of people as well.
You know, in my case, I knew Ihad to get away from my mother.
I had to get away from mysiblings Uh, my siblings, they,
they in their minds.
My mother could do no wrong.
They were convinced that myfather was the issue.
(32:48):
I was far enough removed, Ithink, because of being born 10
years later.
I was far enough removed that Icould see, eventually, I could
see that it was the opposite,and I did.
You know, when I found out thatI took the DNA test and found
(33:12):
out that my father wasn't mybiological father, I had a long
conversation with one of mysisters and she does talk to the
other siblings and you know shewas one that truly believed
that my mother could do no wrong.
And in having thoseconversations, and you know
telling her, look, I've gotconfirmation of this, I'm not.
(33:33):
You know, I'm not.
We don't have the same father.
You know it started to, I think, click in her mind that, hey,
maybe it was the other wayaround.
Maybe I didn't look at thisfrom a realistic view hard
(33:54):
enough to understand that itwasn't him, it was really her.
Yeah, you know putting him downand saying bad things about him
and there are all kinds ofthings that you know.
She told me that my mother hadsaid about him that were just
(34:15):
simply not true.
You know, they were justtotally made up, fabricated, to
get them to hate him.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Wow, man, she had to be a miserable person living
with that, I guess, with thatmentality, and us versus them.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
She was and looking back her parents, I can remember
being I don't know probably six, seven years old and going to
her parents' home in Florida, toher parents' home in Florida,
(34:59):
and just my grandmother andgrandfather.
They were just miserable people.
And looking back now, that'swhere I mean, it was her
dysfunction, that's where shegot it from, yeah, and feeling
that as a six, seven year oldkid I didn't want to go there, I
didn't want anything to do withit and and that's where you
(35:22):
know the realization, okay, itjust carried on from them to her
and I feel sorry for her.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
Of course.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Yeah For having that in her life as a child, but she
never made the decision tochange and carry that on into my
life, yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
I don't think.
I don't think the resourceswere there at that time, when
she was growing up or when shewas raising you.
We've got tremendous resourcesnow, you included.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Yeah, I would agree with that.
Yeah, back, then, you know, rubsome dirt on it.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Exactly, yeah, yeah for sure.
And nobody really understood Imean people.
I don't think really understandnow what mental illness is and
what having having a wrongmindset does to people.
But now we have studies.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's actually a.
You bring that up.
I wish this study was moretalked about.
There was a study back in thenineties called the ACE study
ACE adverse childhood event,adverse childhood event and
(36:39):
researchers uh, it was tworesearchers.
They talked to 17,000, over17,000 people and they wanted to
know, out of a list of 10, 10adverse events, um abuse,
physical abuse, divorce, uh,mental abuse, sexual abuse.
You know there's a list of 10different things.
(36:59):
How many of them hadexperienced one or more things
from that list?
80% experienced at least oneadverse childhood event and most
of them I think it was 75%experienced more than one.
(37:20):
Wow, I mean, you think aboutthat.
And if you're sitting in a roomwith 100 people, 75 of those
people went through some hell.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Have had multiple traumas in their life.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Exactly.
That's crazy, you know.
You know it's something thatthat I would like people to
understand.
You're not alone.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Oh God, no, that's one of the reasons why I do the
fuzzy mic.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Yeah, you're.
You're very far from alone.
And one of the issues isactually Dr Phil said this, I
heard him on Joe Rogan's podcastno-transcript.
You know, even though they'reprivately, their life may be
(38:09):
hell.
We're seeing this image of themthat they want to project to us
and ultimately, in probably 75,80% of the cases, it's smoke
and mirrors.
But we're comparing ourselvesto that and saying, well, my
life is terrible.
That person has such a greatlife.
(38:29):
No, probably not.
We're just seeing what they'reprojecting.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
Yeah, it kind of one of my psychiatrists when I was
living in Houston.
She said 20% of the populationare on some sort of mental
health medication.
80% need to be.
Yeah, that's what she said.
So let's, uh, you've workedwith professional athletes.
Your son is a professionalathlete.
What is the difference betweenour mindset as what I'm going to
(38:58):
say athletic mortals andprofessional athletes, athletic
immortals?
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Um, the biggest difference is when they make a
decision to do something, it'sdone.
There's no variation, there'sno going back.
You know, if it's, I'm going towork out six days a week at
four o'clock in the morning.
They're going to work out sixdays a week at four o'clock in
the morning.
They're not going to wake up,and you know I'm too tired today
(39:28):
.
Roll back over, it's done.
Their, their, their mind is sofocused that, you know it, it
there's no variation.
Once they make their mind up todo something and that really is
that's an adaptable thing thatwe can.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
We can do it ourselves.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
Sure, sure, it's called discipline.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
So then, why do and I know a lot of professional
golfers have a psychologist, asports psychologist, when you
get to that level, why do youneed somebody like?
Speaker 2 (40:05):
that, because there's always things that are going to
happen.
There's always things going onaround you.
There's always and this is truenot only of athletes, this is
true of anyone there's no suchthing as a perfect life.
(40:27):
There's no such thing as aperfect life.
There's no such thing as, asyou know, the ultimate
comfortable, comfortable.
You could win the powerballlottery tomorrow and you're
still going to have problems.
You're still going to haveissues in your life.
Things are still going to comeup that you have to deal with.
So you know, even evenprofessional athletes, in a lot
of cases these guys I've seenguys that got.
(40:52):
I'll give you an example.
We had a guy my first year inthe league National Football
League.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
The National Football League.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
Yeah, yeah, we had a guy come in.
He was a linebacker.
He was 5'8", maybe 5 foot ninewas never supposed to be there.
You know, undersized,underweight, he just he had been
told his entire life there's noway, you're just not big enough
(41:21):
, you're not fast enough, you'renot strong enough.
And he overcame all of it whenhe got there, success actually
crushed him and within a year hewas out of the league.
And I actually looked him up acouple of years ago and he had
(41:41):
been shot and killed in adrive-by.
And you know he was was a guythat he came from a place very
different than than most.
And when the success came, youknow, for example, the first,
first road trip we took, we hada chartered, chartered plane.
(42:04):
You know all the players on theplane in the back of the plane.
There, always, there was alwayscard games going on and they
were betting.
And you know all the playersare on the plane in the back of
the plane.
There, always, there was alwayscard games going on and they
were betting.
And you know those guys aren't.
You know it's not penny, annie,it's a hundred dollar pots and a
hundred dollar Annie's and youknow more.
And he got drawn into that andby the time we landed, I think
(42:26):
we're going to Kansas city.
By the time we landed in Kansascity, were going to Kansas City
.
By the time we landed in KansasCity, he was $25,000 in debt.
Oh my God.
Now he had gotten a $50,000signing bonus and thankfully,
you know the, the, the playersmade him think that he had to
pay that until we got back toBuffalo and they told him when
(42:46):
we got off the plane don't worryabout it.
You know they were never goingto make him pay that money, but
you know it, it successoverwhelmed him and he couldn't,
he couldn't deal with it and itit really, in his case, was a,
was a huge negative.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
Yeah, it sounds like, um, that he proved naysayers
wrong.
It almost sounds like, once hereached that level of success,
what was there left to fight for?
You know?
Speaker 2 (43:17):
so probably had a lot to do with it.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
so then, how do we move that goal?
How do we?
How do we move when we'vereached like I reached the
pinnacle of my career because Ididn't want to work in LA or New
York or Chicago?
How do we?
How do we move that goal tokeep us motivated?
Speaker 2 (43:32):
That's something that professional athletes do very
well Uh-huh, you know, if theyset a goal to win, you know the
MVP of the league or you know tomake the Pro Bowl or whatever
it is, and then they do that.
You know, in most cases thereare those guys that once they
get there, they're done, they,they.
You know their career falls offfrom there.
(43:52):
But for the most part, becausethey have that mentality, when
they make a decision it's goingto be done, it's it's onto
something else or it's you knowI want to be in Pro Bowl every
year and they're going to.
They're going to do everythingthey possibly can to get there.
You know it's that once theymake that decision, it's for the
(44:14):
most part done.
You know, I tell I work with alot of kids.
I've coached quarterbacks forabout 25 years and young youth
quarterbacks, high schoolquarterbacks.
I tell them all the time thedifference between a guy that
has all of the athletic abilitycan throw the ball a mile, run
(44:36):
like the wind, agile, but he'sflipping burgers at Burger King
the difference between him andthe guy that's a starting
quarterback in the NFL, it'sbetween his ears.
It all comes down to what'sbetween his ears and can he
(44:57):
dedicate himself, can hediscipline himself?
They have the talent, they havethe athletic ability, but they
don't have the ability to, likethe guys that make it, focus and
make that decision and make ithappen.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
Could you get through to a kid like that and change
them?
It's tough, yeah, it's tough.
Speaker 2 (45:24):
It's tough because they don't want it or because
they don't realize it.
They all say they want it.
Of course they do.
They all say they want it.
You, they do.
They all say they want it.
You know they want the bigpaycheck, um, but when it comes
time to actually do it, you knowthere's a lot of guys that they
talk a good game, but you can'tforce them to do it.
And and when there's nobodystanding there harping on them?
(45:47):
you know at four o'clock in themorning, come on, I'm going to
drag you out of bed If there'snobody there to do that.
A lot of times it becomes realeasy to just roll over, and
there's other factors that gointo that as well.
You know, in a lot of cases youknow they were out until two
o'clock the night before becausethey don't have the discipline.
(46:08):
You know they let their buddiesdrag them into doing things
that they shouldn't be doing,and all of it plays a role in
getting to where you want to go.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
How long does it take to change our mindset?
I had a baseball coach tell meit takes 18 days to commit
something to muscle memory.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
baseball coach tell me it takes 18 days to commit
something to muscle memory.
Uh, you'll hear all all kindsof.
As a physical, physicaltherapist, you hear all kinds of
different things when it comesto that committing to muscle
memory, 10 000 reps, and youknow all kinds of different
things, but, um, it really comesdown to how bad you really want
(46:50):
to change.
Yeah, and you know you hear,well, you got to hit rock bottom
.
You know, if it's an alcoholicor drug addict, that's always
the thing you have.
Until he hits rock bottom, he'snot going to change.
Well, I don't know if it's trulyhitting rock bottom or if it's
mentally getting to the pointwhere you just had enough and
(47:13):
you are ready to make a change.
You know it's whether it's itdoesn't matter what it is losing
weight, anything like that,until you've truly make the
decision and you ask how fasttruly make the decision?
And and you ask how fast?
Well, if you're truly ready tomake the change, if that's
something that is realistic andit's you just made up your mind,
(47:34):
that's it, once you've madethat decision and it's an honest
, really thought out decision,and this, this isn't a thing
where somebody needs to talk toa therapist or you know that's.
Another thing that bothers me isyou know, people get it in
(47:55):
their head that they have tohave a $200 an hour therapist to
get any better, to improvetheir life.
They don't, they don't, and alot of people because they can't
afford that.
It never happens because, intheir mind, unless they have
that, they can't improve, theycan't get better.
(48:16):
So what do we need then?
We need to make a decision.
Speaker 1 (48:21):
It's really based on.
It's really self motivating.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
It has to be.
It has to be because, no matterwhat, I tell you, if you
haven't made that decision andI've had this situation with
with athletes in the past where,oh, yeah, yeah, I want to, I
want to do that, I want to dothat, I want to do that Two days
later, it's, why didn't you dothat?
What happened?
(48:47):
Well, you know, my buddy cameover and you know we just
decided to go, you know, have abeer and one beer led to another
and you know, before I knew it,it was three o'clock in the
morning.
Really, okay, I mean that thattells you everything, right
there.
Yeah, that person hasn't,really hasn't truly made the
decision.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
That person hasn't truly made the decision to
change.
Once you get somebody on theright path, once you get
somebody thinking the way thatthey want to think, do they
typically stay in that frame, ordo they see the success and
they're like, okay, cool, I gotit now.
And then they regress.
Speaker 2 (49:22):
So in most cases, there's something that has
caused that in them.
There's something that hascaused that in them.
And if they it's like I said ifthey go see mom and mom is the
you know she's she's the triggerthey're going to they're going
to fall back.
If they keep focused, stay awayfrom you know it's an alcoholic
(49:51):
walking into a bar.
After you know it's analcoholic walking into a bar.
After you know, when they'retrying to change their life,
it's not going to be a goodthing.
They're putting themselves backin the situation that caused it
in the first place.
If they can stay out of thatsituation and not deal with
those things that caused it inthe first place, in cases they
can, they can maintain it.
But when they start trying, oh,you know, I can handle, I can,
(50:13):
I can take that drink, I canhave one uh, that's a slippery
slope and if you, if you can'tget them back on track
immediately, it's probably goingin the wrong direction.
Wow, and you're starting over.
Yeah, it's a thin line.
It's probably going in thewrong direction.
Wow, and you're starting over.
It's a thin line.
It's a very thin line.
Yeah, Very thin line.
It doesn't take a lot.
Speaker 1 (50:33):
So how do we, how do we acquire your services, sir?
Speaker 2 (50:37):
Uh, probably my website is the easiest.
Um, you know, I I my firstconsultation with people.
I'll spend an hour talking topeople.
I'm not going to chargeanything.
My first consultation withpeople.
I'll spend an hour talking topeople.
I'm not going to chargeanything.
You know, I want to know thatsomebody is committed to change,
because if they're not, they'rewasting their money and they're
(50:58):
wasting my time.
Uh-huh, and I'm not justlooking to.
You know, pile up clients andtake money.
You know, I want people to besuccessful with their goals.
What they want to change andagain, for me a lot of it comes
down to it's not just their lifethat they're changing, it's
(51:19):
their kids' lives that they'rechanging, and that, to me, is
more important than anything.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
Or if they're a boss, it's not only their life that
they're changing, but maybetheir managerial style, which
would have an effect on alltheir employees.
Speaker 2 (51:31):
It really impacts their entire life.
Yeah, relationships, childrenwork, whatever it is, and a lot
of times when they do start tochange, they start to see all of
those things improve and careergoes up.
(51:52):
Uh, you know, relationships,their kids start doing better,
their, their kids start strivingfor more.
You know it's it's easier toget them out of bed in the
morning.
All of a sudden, they're moreexcited about going to school
because they're seeing mom ordad or who you know.
They're seeing that person'slife pick up and that's, that's
(52:16):
infectious.
Speaker 1 (52:17):
Yeah, how rewarding is it for you to see somebody
make the change and commit to it.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
I mean that's, especially when I know that
there's impact beyond them.
I mean that's especially when Iknow that there's impact beyond
them.
I mean that's.
It means everything.
I mean that's.
That's what's.
That's what it's all about.
Speaker 1 (52:35):
It's what motivates you right.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:38):
There's no doubt.
Well, hey brother, it's been apleasure talking to you.
Tell your daughter thank youfor her service and tell your
son congratulations on thatcareer.
Man, that's amazing, thank you.
You bred some overachieverslike yourself there, coach.
I'm just glad they didn't haveto deal with what I dealt with
you know what, but you dealtwith it and you realized that it
(53:00):
didn't need to progress beyondyou and you decided, as you
mentioned, you made the decisionto make that change and you,
you've done it, socongratulations, thank you.
What is the decision?
To make that change?
And you, you've done it, socongratulations, thank you.
What is the website?
Speaker 2 (53:18):
uh, for the for those of us that are listening audio,
uh, and not watching theyoutube, I'll put it up on the
youtube screen.
But what is it audio?
It's m as in mental, p is inperformance.
Mp coach bobbycom got.
Speaker 1 (53:26):
Hey, thank you so much.
Continued success to you.
Keep changing lives and uh, andkeep bettering society, sir.
Speaker 2 (53:32):
All right, I appreciate it man.
Speaker 1 (53:34):
I really enjoyed that conversation.
It was totally energizing andempowering for me anyway to
learn that we can be better.
We can achieve what we want, aslong as we commit to it.
So, whatever it is that you'redreaming of aspiring to or
wanting to change in yourself,commit to it and be disciplined
(53:55):
about it.
Plus, remember, not only willyou reap the rewards of your
dedication, so will everyonearound you.
My thanks to Bobby Sexton forjoining me and my thanks to you
for listening.
My thanks to Bobby Sexton forjoining me and my thanks to you
for listening.
If you don't mind, please givethis a rating, a like and
subscribe to the channel forfuture episodes.
I sure do appreciate that morethan you'll ever know.
(54:17):
The Fuzzy Mic is hosted andproduced by Kevin Kline.
Production elements by ZachSheesh at the Radio Farm Social
media.
Director is Trish Kline.
I'll be back next Tuesday witha new episode and don't forget,
check out the Tuttle K Kleinpodcast with new episodes every
Wednesday.
Thank you again.
That's it for the Fuzzy Mike.
Thank you, the Fuzzy Mike withKevin Klein.
Welcome to the Fuzzy Mike, the interview series, the
podcast, whatever Kevin wants tocall it.
It's Fuzzy Mike.
Hello and welcome to anotherepisode of the Fuzzy Mike.
I'm your host, kevin Kline.
This episode, it's all aboutrewriting your story, turning
adversity into achievement andunlocking your full potential.
(00:22):
Bobby Sexton is a physicaltherapist and a certified mental
performance coach who's workedwith business leaders, athletes
including seven eventual Hall ofFamers during his five years
with the NFL and people from allwalks of life.
Really, I wanted to talk withCoach Bobby about mindset and
mental performance, but to getthere and mental performance,
(00:42):
but to get there we first needto learn Bobby's story and where
he came from.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
I personally don't know the story, but I do know
that Bobby says that he's luckyto even be alive.
I think so.
I think things could have gonevery bad if I had stayed in the
situation that I was in very bad.
Uh, if I had stayed in thesituation that I was in, um, you
know, just looking at what mysiblings had gone through, and
you know there were multiplesuicide attempts in my family,
and you know gun issues, youknow things.
(01:19):
My brother was in a fight onceand got hit in the head with a
machete.
Oh my God, just crazy stuffthat, had I gone down that path,
I could see myself ending up.
Was this a product of the homelife or was this a product of
(01:41):
the environment where you live?
Product of the home life,because we never lived in a bad
area.
Really, yeah, it wasn't asituation like that.
My father had a good job, um,so there was never an issue.
You know it wasn't like we were, you know, in the middle of,
you know, an inner city that was, you know, had bad things going
on.
It was just the way we wereraised.
You know it was.
(02:01):
It was chaos.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
You and I kind of have a similar background then,
because my dad did commitsuicide and he had a great job
and he was a great provider.
We never wanted for anything,but his depression was something
that we dealt with on a dailybasis and I inherited that gene.
Um, I've been diagnosed chronicsuicidality, which means that
I'm always thinking about it butdon't act on it.
(02:24):
Um, but I decided that I wasgoing to escape, that.
I decided that I wasn't goingto continue that cycle, and you
did the same thing.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Exactly, Um, you know , and first of all I'm sorry to
hear that about your father.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
That's okay.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
You know, it really is a decision that you have to
make.
If you really want to changeyour circumstances, change your
life, it's a decision that youhave to make.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
So how many siblings do you have?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
I have four sisters and a brother.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Okay, and what's the age range?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I am the youngest.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Really.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
The next one closest to me is 10 years older than me.
And actually my oldest sister.
Uh, she was in her lateseventies.
She passed away about a yearago.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
How close were you with them?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Not at all.
Yeah, not at all.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Is that because you were born 10 years later than
the than the oldest one beforeyou?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
It was, but it was also, you know, I saw the things
that they were doing and theymade me uncomfortable and I
didn't want any part of it and Idistanced myself as much as I
could, even as a child.
Was that a difficult decisionto make?
(03:48):
Uh, you know, growing up itreally wasn't a decision that I
made.
It was just kind of a naturalfeeling that I had and I, I just
kind of distanced myself.
Um, you know, I wouldn't go.
Most of them had moved out, youknow, before I was old enough
to know better.
Um, but I, I kind of naturallyjust distanced myself.
I wouldn't go to their homesand, you know, I wouldn't go
(04:08):
places with them.
Um, I did have one sister thatyou know.
She treated me really well andyou know I I still keep in touch
with her today.
Um, but the rest of my family,I probably haven't talked to any
of them in, honestly, 25 years.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Yeah, I tell my mom that all the time.
I'm like you know, we we get tochoose our friends.
We don't get to choose ourfamily.
You know, and and uh, I spokewith one of my previous guests.
Her name is a cameo deadweilerand she uh grew up in in a very
toxic home environment too, andnow she has kind of done the
same thing as you where sheescaped that, and now she's
(04:50):
trying to help people with theirown mindset and their own
getting out of those kinds ofsituations.
Is it difficult to help people?
Speaker 2 (04:57):
It's difficult to help people who haven't made the
decision to be helped.
And when I say that, you knowit's one thing to say, oh yeah,
well, I want to, I want tochange things.
But you really need to reallysit down and have a heart to
heart with yourself and and makethe decision, because you know
what what I see a lot is.
You know people will say, well,I want to change, but then they
(05:20):
go right back into thesituation.
You know, maybe it's a toxicmother, for example.
You know you finish talking tothem and they get in their car
and they go over to visit momand mom is the, you know the
crux of the issue and they'reputting themselves right back in
that situation and I don'tthink they really realize how
(05:43):
damaging that is.
You know, basically every stepforward, they're taking two
steps back.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
And as a coach.
How frustrating is that for you.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
It's very frustrating .
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yeah, I mean, the good news is and I know that
you're not about this, but thegood news is that's a client for
life, because they're not goingto be helped in just one single
setting, but the bad news isthat they're just constantly in
that cycle.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Yeah, I would.
I would much rather see theirtheir life change than keep
their.
You know, it's not about themoney for me, of course.
Um, you know, I, I, I wouldmuch rather them change their
lives because the way I view it,you know, with generational
dysfunction, it's an ongoingthing and if they don't change
(06:27):
their lives, they're going topass it on to their children and
I don't want to see any childgo through what I went through
or or you know, bad things atall.
So I would much rather see themchange and and fix that for
themselves and for theirchildren and their children and
their children.
You know, until you end thatcycle, it's going to continue to
(06:49):
perpetuate.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
You talk about passing that down on to children
and you are a successfulphysical therapist, a mindset
coach.
You have many, many patents.
How did your environment affectyour learning growing up?
Because you become highlysuccessful and you can't be dumb
.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
No, I was always inquisitive and my father, he
was the kind of guy that itdidn't matter what it was, he
could fix it.
And I adored my father.
I really did.
You know I I I talk about asituation where one of the one
(07:30):
of the first memories that Ihave as a child was my mother
waking me up in the middle ofthe night telling me we had to
get out of the house because myfather was on his way home to
kill us.
And you know, I was probablythree or four at the time and
you can imagine, as a three orfour year old, what that would
do to your brain.
But in that case, my father hadnever done a single thing to
(07:55):
give any indication that he wascapable of anything like that.
And when she, you know, whenshe said that, I'm sure in my
mind as a three, four,four-year-old, five-year-old
child, it made no sensewhatsoever.
I adored him.
He was just a great guy, he wasvery loving.
He's probably one of thebiggest reasons that I was able
(08:17):
to change, because I saw thelove that he had for me and for
my mother, the love that he hadfor me and for my mother.
And, and you know, I came to therealization you know, talking
about a toxic mother that sheused him against me over and
(08:38):
over and over and tried to turnme against him and and that was
an ongoing thing, and that wasthat's what that, you know, that
night was all about.
You know, she was trying veryhard.
Ultimately, I didn't find thisout until recently, it was
probably five years ago now.
The argument that they had andthis was from one of my older
(09:04):
siblings it was because I wasnot his child.
Really, yeah, she had had anaffair with her boss and I was
the result of the affair andthat's why I was born 10 years
later than my siblings.
You know, they hadn't intendedto have any more children.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
I was going to say you were a surprise.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah, and ultimately my father, he, and ultimately my
father, he he had said thingsto me growing up that made me
think that he thought that Iwasn't his child, but he didn't
know for sure.
Uh, he knew that she had had anaffair, but and that's what the
argument was all about at thattime, but I don't think he ever
(09:43):
had confirmation.
I got confirmation because Ihad a DNA test and that
confirmed that I wasn't his son.
So, um, but, but even eventhough I think he in his, you
know, deep inside he knew henever treated me like anything
but his son, deep inside he knewhe never treated me like
(10:08):
anything but his son.
You know, he, he, I mean, heloved me and that's.
You know.
I always say that that's why Iwas able to overcome and I, I
saw that love and you know Iwanted my family to have that
love.
I didn't want them to have.
You know, the other side.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Well, you know, that's interesting that you say
that, because the other side,you not only learn the love from
your dad, but you learn whatnot to do from your mom.
So you really had I mean,unfortunately, you did have the
best of both worlds as far asteachers go.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Basically yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah, I mean, I had the same thing.
I had the same thing, you know,with my mom, was constantly the
nurturer, the.
She was the go-between when dadwould come home from work and
you know just, he never hit us.
But the mental, you know, I wastold at 13, I'd never amount to
anything.
And that he, at 22, he said mybiggest regret is that I ever
had you kids.
So you know, that kind of stuffyou know, and that'll weigh on
(11:01):
you, that'll weigh on you.
But at 13, when I was toldyou're never going to amount to
anything, I could have takenthat as a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
But no, you know what I said?
I said fuck you, I am going to.
You know, and I reached thepinnacle of my career, coach
Bobby, I did 30 years in radio.
The last 16 were spent in a topfive market in Houston, texas,
and five days after I took thatjob is when my dad killed
(11:23):
himself.
You know, and I don't thinkthat has anything to do with it,
but I showed him, yeah, Ishowed him Definitely yeah.
So your life actually didchange for like ever when you
had your first child, right?
Speaker 2 (11:40):
It did.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
What's that?
Speaker 2 (11:42):
like.
When she was born, she had aserious respiratory issue.
She had to be rushed to achildren's hospital and she
spent a week in the NICU and Ican remember walking in there
and seeing the tubes and youknow, I mean it was just you
know, things going off and tubeseverywhere and and just looking
(12:05):
at her and thinking I, I thinkin my heart it kind of felt like
all of that chaos that wasgoing on around her body was,
was that chaos that you know ofmy life and you know I knew at
that point I had to change, Ihad to get away.
You know, at that point I stilllived in Buffalo, new York,
(12:36):
where my siblings and motherlived, and it was.
It was ongoing.
You know it was an ongoingthing.
I can remember my, you know, asmy daughter was growing up,
asking my mother to babysit, and, and she refused to babysit my
child, but she babys as mydaughter was growing up, uh,
asking my mother to babysit, and, and she refused to babysit my
child, but she babysat mysister's children, and you know
it was, and I didn't know atthat time that I wasn't, you
know that I was a bastard childbasically, Um, but that was the
(12:59):
result.
She was she.
She resented me.
Wow, and you know I can.
I can remember.
In my life there was one time Ican remember my mother putting
her arm around me and you knowthat as a child not having that
affection, you know I don't.
I think the only time Iremember her expressing love to
(13:22):
me was when my father passedaway, and you know, even telling
me I love you, it just neverhappened.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
The love that your dad had for you then?
Was that an over kind of, maybeovercompensation for the love
that your mother was notprojecting?
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Did he realize that?
You know, I don't think so.
It was just a genuine love.
You know, I don't think he wastrying to make up for anything
she wasn't giving me.
Um, I think it was just agenuine love.
You know, they divorced when Iwas five years old oh okay, um.
So they were, you know they,they were separated most of my
life um, and I don't think hewas was trying to overcompensate
(14:05):
or anything like that.
I think it was just a genuinelove that he had, and he it
wasn't just me, it was all of mysiblings, you know I I could
tell he showed love to all ofthem.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Sounds like a heck of a guy.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
He was.
He was amazing guy, you know,he.
He grew up.
He grew up in the hills of WestVirginia, had a loving mother
and father, nine kids in hisfamily, most of them boys, and,
you know, eighth grade education.
But he went on to work atInternational Paper.
There was a factory in thesmall town that we lived in,
(14:42):
outside of Buffalo, and hestarted cleaning floors and
worked his way up and ran thatplant and it got to the point
where, you know, internationalPaper's a massive corporation.
They've got factories all overthe world.
They would fly a private jet topick him up and take him
wherever they had an issue andhe would resolve the issue and
(15:05):
come home.
And he was just, you know, hewas a resourceful guy, he, he,
he would figure it out.
He knew, you know.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Yeah, like you said, he was the guy that could fix
anything.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
Yeah, he, there wasn't anything.
I've seen him when he was alive.
I saw him take apart thingsthat I, you know, most people
wouldn't even consider.
You know, 20 minutes later it'sworking here Nice.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Well, just given your genes, you were destined to be
a mindset coach, I believe.
Because you have a, your soulhas got to be the hardiest in
the world.
A father from West Virginiathey're hard workers and then a
mother from Buffalo, the wintersthat you had to endure up there
I mean, dude, you were fromBuffalo the winters that you had
to endure up there.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
I mean, dude, you were, you were born to overcome.
Oh, yeah, yeah, it was.
Uh, the winter has definitelymade it easier to leave there.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Yeah, cause you're based out of Austin, texas.
Now, right.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Yeah, what a great city that is.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Oh it's, it's awesome .
A lot of a lot over the yearsWe've been here 26 years now.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Oh, wow, yeah, you have seen some change.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Oh yeah, it's changed a lot.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Yeah, the university has grown to about 50,000 a year
.
It got Dell computers there,the great medical facilities
that you have around there, theCapitol.
I mean, yeah, you've seen somegrowth.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
So how is your daughter today?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Oh, she's fine, she's fine.
She recovered fine by the timeshe left.
Like I said, she spent a weekin the NICU and by the time she
left she was great.
You know, the nurses nurses arejust an incredible.
They're incredible people tobegin with, but they, you know,
(16:48):
they really helped us throughthat and she's fine.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
She you know, I do a lot of work with pediatric
cancer patients and you see achild in the hospital, you see
them in the ICU and the parentsare just so helpless and there's
not as a father who liked tofix things.
Perhaps you inherited a littlebit of that gene and you can't
do anything.
How, how rough is that for you?
(17:15):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (17:16):
it.
It definitely drove me crazy atthe time, you know, not being
able to do anything to help herit.
It was tough, it was reallytough.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
So how did you become a mindset coach?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Well, Um, my son, uh, my son is an athlete.
Uh, he, you know I talk aboutmy kids.
Uh, really, when I talk aboutmy kids, I want people to
understand that had I not madethe decision to change, my kids
(17:51):
wouldn't have had theopportunities that they had.
You know, my daughter went toUniversity of Texas.
She ended up going into theNavy, spent six years in the
Navy, climbed the ladder veryquickly.
She just got out of the Navyabout a year ago, just had our
first granddaughter married aguy that she met in the Navy and
is doing great.
(18:12):
My son graduated from highschool guy that she met in the
Navy and is doing great.
My son graduated from highschool, won a state championship
in Texas 5A football, which isnot an easy thing to do Ended up
with a full scholarship becauseof that and got his master's
degree in five years and went onto play a year of professional
football overseas and he's kindof at a position now.
(18:32):
He got a great job.
But he, you know, he hasn'tdecided whether or not he's
going to go back yet to Europefor next season.
But you know, when I talk aboutmy kids, they would have never
had those opportunities I don'tbelieve they would have had
those opportunities had I notmade the decision to change.
And that's one of the things Iwant people to understand is you
know you're not just doing itfor yourself, you know it's,
(18:54):
it's, it's more than you and youknow a lot of that.
It's probably one of thereasons that I do what I do now,
because I I don't want otherkids to not have those kinds of
opportunities.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Um, I would think that if you're just doing it for
yourself, the chances of yousucceeding and making that
transformation is probably low,because if you're not doing it
for some, some bigger reasonthan yourself, you'll have
opportunities to quit and you'llthink okay, well, you know what
I'm, I'm done.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Right.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
And you, you start.
One of the big issues withdysfunction is self-sabotage.
You start doing things and youthink you're going along great
and then all of a sudden you'regoing backwards and you can't
figure out why.
And you did it to yourself andthere's a lot of people that do
that.
I work with a lot of athletesand I also work with business
(19:52):
owners with a lot of athletesand I also work with business
owners and they get to a pointand all of a sudden they start
to fall off and they can'tfigure out why.
And it's because they sabotagethemselves.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
How?
So?
I read one of your quotes isyou got to learn how to get out
of your own way?
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Um, it, you know it has a lot to do with
self-sabotage.
It, you know, if you don't getout of your own way and you
sabotage yourself continuously,um, I'll give you an example I
worked with, with a client.
Um, she was a doctor, she was auh veterinarian, she was a
surgeon, she worked emergencyveterinarian.
She made a decision to open aboarding facility and she
(20:43):
started the facility.
In five years of owning thefacility, she'd never made a
penny.
She was losing 60 to 70 000 amonth a month a month yeah, it
was a big facility and she Imean it was just pouring money
out and she had borrowed a tonof money from friends and family
(21:05):
and the bank and she was crazyin debt.
And I, as I started to look atthings you know, having run
businesses for myself and beensuccessful in business, I know
what it looks like.
And when I started looking atit, every time things would
start to get on a upwardtrajectory for her, she would do
(21:28):
something that brought it backdown.
And as I got to know her, itturned out as a child her
sibling, her only sibling herbrother, had been killed in a
car accident and ultimately shedidn't feel like she deserved to
be successful.
(21:49):
And that's where the sabotagecame from.
Every time she would start toget some success, the guilt
would take over and it wouldback down.
And once we got past that andrealized you're doing this
yourself, the success rate, Imean, it just skyrocketed.
But it's just something thatpeople do, rocket it, but that's
(22:14):
, it's just something thatpeople do.
At the end, in most cases, Idon't.
I think they have, you know,deep inside they, they know
they're doing it, but they justcannot help themselves.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Do you think that what's stronger, the fear of
success or the fear of failure?
Because when you say that, uh,you know she felt she didn't
deserve it.
That's a fear of uh fear ofsuccess.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
It is.
Yeah, in her case it was.
It was the guilt she felt, um,that that was her reason for not
wanting to succeed.
Um, but it is.
You know I don't know that oneis stronger than the other.
I think probably because if youhaven't experienced true
(23:01):
success, you really don't.
You don't know what it feelslike.
So you know that that failureis probably a little more
comfortable because it's youknow, it's something you've
always had.
You know, one of the things Italk about.
You know, the human brain isjust.
It's an incredible structure.
It's amazing.
But one of the primaryfunctions of the human brain is
(23:24):
to protect us, and in protectingus, what it looks like for the
brain is just status quo.
You know, if we left it up tothe brain, we'd never get out of
bed, we'd just stay covered upcomfortably and never try
anything, never do anything,because that's change and the
(23:46):
brain doesn't like change.
So you know, overcoming thatit's a hard, hard thing to do.
You basically have to rewireyour brain.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
And I've just completed a physical therapy
session.
I went to 10 sessions with aperformance coach because I'm an
ultra endurance runner and Iwas always getting injured on my
right leg, whether it wastendon strains or, you know,
shin splints or whatever and werealized that my mind had
decided that, based on my gait,that it needed to change the way
(24:24):
that my foot hit the ground toaccommodate the other
deficiencies that I had.
And so in 10 weeks we had torewire my brain and reconnect my
legs to my brain.
What you said earlier about thebrain being amazing, it is
absolutely trippy what our braindoes.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
It's incredible, and it does it without us even
knowing it.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
I know right.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
And the decisions that the brain can make before
you even think about it are justincredible.
It's one of the things if youever watched Top Gun and they
say don't, you can't think whenyou're flying.
That's true Because by the timeyou think, you know your brain
is is 10 steps ahead of youalready.
To begin with, if you just letthe brain do its thing, in most
(25:07):
cases you're going to be, you'regoing to be happy with what it
does.
If you start thinking and startinterfering with it, that's
when things start to go wrong.
But you know, getting back towhy I brought the brain up, the
brain wanting to be comfortableat all times, it also resists
(25:30):
positive change.
Oh, because even positivechange is change, yes, in the
brain.
So you know if you've beendoing something and it's
uncomfortable, but your brainhas gotten comfortable with it,
your brain doesn't want tochange that, so it says no back
off, no back off.
And you know what I try to helppeople understand is, if you're
(25:55):
, if you're focused, you canactually use that to your
advantage.
You know, in tricking the brainto, to helping it understand
that you know what you're tryingto accomplish is not the
negative, it's the positive,it's the comfortable.
And once you get to a pointwhen, when you you's the
(26:17):
positive, it's the comfortable,and once you get to a point when
you work that enough, you canbe successful with it, and then
the brain starts to help youchange yourself and you go from
that negative.
You know, one of the big thingsis negative self-talk.
A lot of people we constantlyhave a conversation going on in
our mind, and in a lot of casesit's a negative conversation,
(26:39):
that's all I have, Bobby.
Yeah, it's always negative.
Yeah, so you know, changingthat is probably the biggest
first step in changing your,your entire life.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Quite honestly, is it a matter of semantics to do
that?
Because, like, for example, ifI wake up and I say, oh, I got
to run, then I'm not realenthused about it.
But if I wake up and I say, oh,I get to run, that's Okay, so
it is just as simple as that,then it is.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
If you're consistent with that, I mean, it becomes
automatic.
Wow, running doesn't become achore anymore, running becomes a
treat, and your brain sees itthat way.
And once you get the brainseeing it that way, your brain
says no, you got to run, youhave to run.
If you don't run, I'm notcomfortable.
(27:33):
And that's the goal, ultimately.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Uh, how much uh stock and how much truth do you put
in this statement?
If you think you can't you you,you're right.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Uh a million percent really a million percent.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Okay, so then, if you think you can, you will if you
think you can, enough times youwill.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Yeah, you can't.
You can't, you know today, say,well, I'm going to go run, and
then take three days off andthen say I'm going to go run and
think that you're going to besuccessful.
You know it's not going tochange your, your thinking.
You've got to be consistentwith it.
So are there?
Are there?
Speaker 1 (28:14):
consistent mantras that a mindset coach like
yourself gives their clients andthey write them down or they
commit them to memory.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Um, you know, I, I try.
I don't want people to rely ona crutch, so I don't want to
give them something that thatyou know in their mind this is
what's changing them.
I want them to use their ownbrain and and really think
through that change, becausethat's when it's really going to
(28:46):
become ingrained in the brain.
You know, I don't want them tohave.
You know, if I don't say this,I'm I'm not going to get better.
You know there's't want them tohave.
You know, if I don't say this,I'm not going to get better.
You know there's things likethat.
You know it goes along withforgiveness.
I'm not a big forgiveness fan, Idon't.
It bothers me that therapists,and you know they tell people
(29:13):
that.
You know the first step isforgiveness.
Well, there are a lot of peoplethat just can't do that.
You know I, I'm one of thosepeople.
I, I, I have a very hard timeforgiving.
You know, when you wrong me,you wrong me and I don't want
people to look at that and say,well, you know, I, I, I can't
ever get over this because Ican't forgive.
(29:34):
You know that that, to me, is ait.
It becomes an excuse, itbecomes a crutch and it allows
them to stay in that miserablestate because in their mind,
they can't forgive.
Yeah, I, I to me, um, andactually I I listened to that
(29:54):
podcast that you just mentionedand a lot of that it really
resonated with me and youactually made something.
You actually made a comment.
You said I don't forgive, Idon't forget, I just move on,
uh-huh.
And to me that's perfect,absolutely perfect, because as
you move on, the more distanceyou put between yourself and
(30:20):
whatever you're you're trying todistance yourself from, the
more you know it time heals allwounds yes I really believe
that's true.
Yes, down the road, you know youthink about bad situations and
things that have happened inyour life and at the time that
(30:42):
they happen, it's, you know itcan be the most heart-wrenching
thing ever.
But as you move further awayfrom it, it, you know, it, it
that lessens and lessens.
And the same is true with youknow the, the dysfunction
situation or forgiveness.
The further you get away fromthe situation, the easier it is
(31:08):
for you to not think about thatsituation, so forgiveness
becomes irrelevant.
At that point, yeah, you didn'tneed to forgive because you'd
basically forgotten for the mostpart.
And even when you do thinkabout it, it's not that intense
feeling anymore.
So it's like.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
It's like if you were to pass a car on the highway
and you look in your rear viewmirror and you're going faster
than them.
Eventually they're going tofade.
Correct, like this, like thisbad memory or whatever you know.
It'll eventually just fade.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Yeah, and that's really true of any negative
memory, uh, negative thoughts,anything, uh and and actually,
quite honestly, peoplethemselves.
You know, one of the thingsthat I talk to people about, you
know we mentioned this if youdon't get away from the the
whatever is.
Let me give you an example.
(32:00):
If you got a rock in your shoeand you just keep walking, it's
not going to get any better.
If I take that rock out and Ithrow it, I walk away.
Well, now I'm putting distancebetween myself and the rock and
it doesn't hurt me anymore.
You know, until you do that,you can't.
You can't keep walking on therock and expect to feel better.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Very true.
What a beautiful analogy too.
I love that.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
It's, and it's true of people as well.
You know, in my case, I knew Ihad to get away from my mother.
I had to get away from mysiblings Uh, my siblings, they,
they in their minds.
My mother could do no wrong.
They were convinced that myfather was the issue.
(32:48):
I was far enough removed, Ithink, because of being born 10
years later.
I was far enough removed that Icould see, eventually, I could
see that it was the opposite,and I did.
You know, when I found out thatI took the DNA test and found
(33:12):
out that my father wasn't mybiological father, I had a long
conversation with one of mysisters and she does talk to the
other siblings and you know shewas one that truly believed
that my mother could do no wrong.
And in having thoseconversations, and you know
telling her, look, I've gotconfirmation of this, I'm not.
(33:33):
You know, I'm not.
We don't have the same father.
You know it started to, I think, click in her mind that, hey,
maybe it was the other wayaround.
Maybe I didn't look at thisfrom a realistic view hard
(33:54):
enough to understand that itwasn't him, it was really her.
Yeah, you know putting him downand saying bad things about him
and there are all kinds ofthings that you know.
She told me that my mother hadsaid about him that were just
(34:15):
simply not true.
You know, they were justtotally made up, fabricated, to
get them to hate him.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Wow, man, she had to be a miserable person living
with that, I guess, with thatmentality, and us versus them.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
She was and looking back her parents, I can remember
being I don't know probably six, seven years old and going to
her parents' home in Florida, toher parents' home in Florida,
(34:59):
and just my grandmother andgrandfather.
They were just miserable people.
And looking back now, that'swhere I mean, it was her
dysfunction, that's where shegot it from, yeah, and feeling
that as a six, seven year oldkid I didn't want to go there, I
didn't want anything to do withit and and that's where you
(35:22):
know the realization, okay, itjust carried on from them to her
and I feel sorry for her.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
Of course.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Yeah For having that in her life as a child, but she
never made the decision tochange and carry that on into my
life, yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
I don't think.
I don't think the resourceswere there at that time, when
she was growing up or when shewas raising you.
We've got tremendous resourcesnow, you included.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Yeah, I would agree with that.
Yeah, back, then, you know, rubsome dirt on it.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Exactly, yeah, yeah for sure.
And nobody really understood Imean people.
I don't think really understandnow what mental illness is and
what having having a wrongmindset does to people.
But now we have studies.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's actually a.
You bring that up.
I wish this study was moretalked about.
There was a study back in thenineties called the ACE study
ACE adverse childhood event,adverse childhood event and
(36:39):
researchers uh, it was tworesearchers.
They talked to 17,000, over17,000 people and they wanted to
know, out of a list of 10, 10adverse events, um abuse,
physical abuse, divorce, uh,mental abuse, sexual abuse.
You know there's a list of 10different things.
(36:59):
How many of them hadexperienced one or more things
from that list?
80% experienced at least oneadverse childhood event and most
of them I think it was 75%experienced more than one.
(37:20):
Wow, I mean, you think aboutthat.
And if you're sitting in a roomwith 100 people, 75 of those
people went through some hell.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Have had multiple traumas in their life.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Exactly.
That's crazy, you know.
You know it's something thatthat I would like people to
understand.
You're not alone.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Oh God, no, that's one of the reasons why I do the
fuzzy mic.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Yeah, you're.
You're very far from alone.
And one of the issues isactually Dr Phil said this, I
heard him on Joe Rogan's podcastno-transcript.
You know, even though they'reprivately, their life may be
(38:09):
hell.
We're seeing this image of themthat they want to project to us
and ultimately, in probably 75,80% of the cases, it's smoke
and mirrors.
But we're comparing ourselvesto that and saying, well, my
life is terrible.
That person has such a greatlife.
(38:29):
No, probably not.
We're just seeing what they'reprojecting.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
Yeah, it kind of one of my psychiatrists when I was
living in Houston.
She said 20% of the populationare on some sort of mental
health medication.
80% need to be.
Yeah, that's what she said.
So let's, uh, you've workedwith professional athletes.
Your son is a professionalathlete.
What is the difference betweenour mindset as what I'm going to
(38:58):
say athletic mortals andprofessional athletes, athletic
immortals?
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Um, the biggest difference is when they make a
decision to do something, it'sdone.
There's no variation, there'sno going back.
You know, if it's, I'm going towork out six days a week at
four o'clock in the morning.
They're going to work out sixdays a week at four o'clock in
the morning.
They're not going to wake up,and you know I'm too tired today
(39:28):
.
Roll back over, it's done.
Their, their, their mind is sofocused that, you know it, it
there's no variation.
Once they make their mind up todo something and that really is
that's an adaptable thing thatwe can.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
We can do it ourselves.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
Sure, sure, it's called discipline.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
So then, why do and I know a lot of professional
golfers have a psychologist, asports psychologist, when you
get to that level, why do youneed somebody like?
Speaker 2 (40:05):
that, because there's always things that are going to
happen.
There's always things going onaround you.
There's always and this is truenot only of athletes, this is
true of anyone there's no suchthing as a perfect life.
(40:27):
There's no such thing as aperfect life.
There's no such thing as, asyou know, the ultimate
comfortable, comfortable.
You could win the powerballlottery tomorrow and you're
still going to have problems.
You're still going to haveissues in your life.
Things are still going to comeup that you have to deal with.
So you know, even evenprofessional athletes, in a lot
of cases these guys I've seenguys that got.
(40:52):
I'll give you an example.
We had a guy my first year inthe league National Football
League.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
The National Football League.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
Yeah, yeah, we had a guy come in.
He was a linebacker.
He was 5'8", maybe 5 foot ninewas never supposed to be there.
You know, undersized,underweight, he just he had been
told his entire life there's noway, you're just not big enough
(41:21):
, you're not fast enough, you'renot strong enough.
And he overcame all of it whenhe got there, success actually
crushed him and within a year hewas out of the league.
And I actually looked him up acouple of years ago and he had
(41:41):
been shot and killed in adrive-by.
And you know he was was a guythat he came from a place very
different than than most.
And when the success came, youknow, for example, the first,
first road trip we took, we hada chartered, chartered plane.
(42:04):
You know all the players on theplane in the back of the plane.
There, always, there was alwayscard games going on and they
were betting.
And you know all the playersare on the plane in the back of
the plane.
There, always, there was alwayscard games going on and they
were betting.
And you know those guys aren't.
You know it's not penny, annie,it's a hundred dollar pots and a
hundred dollar Annie's and youknow more.
And he got drawn into that andby the time we landed, I think
(42:26):
we're going to Kansas city.
By the time we landed in Kansascity, were going to Kansas City
.
By the time we landed in KansasCity, he was $25,000 in debt.
Oh my God.
Now he had gotten a $50,000signing bonus and thankfully,
you know the, the, the playersmade him think that he had to
pay that until we got back toBuffalo and they told him when
(42:46):
we got off the plane don't worryabout it.
You know they were never goingto make him pay that money, but
you know it, it successoverwhelmed him and he couldn't,
he couldn't deal with it and itit really, in his case, was a,
was a huge negative.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
Yeah, it sounds like, um, that he proved naysayers
wrong.
It almost sounds like, once hereached that level of success,
what was there left to fight for?
You know?
Speaker 2 (43:17):
so probably had a lot to do with it.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
so then, how do we move that goal?
How do we?
How do we move when we'vereached like I reached the
pinnacle of my career because Ididn't want to work in LA or New
York or Chicago?
How do we?
How do we move that goal tokeep us motivated?
Speaker 2 (43:32):
That's something that professional athletes do very
well Uh-huh, you know, if theyset a goal to win, you know the
MVP of the league or you know tomake the Pro Bowl or whatever
it is, and then they do that.
You know, in most cases thereare those guys that once they
get there, they're done, they,they.
You know their career falls offfrom there.
(43:52):
But for the most part, becausethey have that mentality, when
they make a decision it's goingto be done, it's it's onto
something else or it's you knowI want to be in Pro Bowl every
year and they're going to.
They're going to do everythingthey possibly can to get there.
You know it's that once theymake that decision, it's for the
(44:14):
most part done.
You know, I tell I work with alot of kids.
I've coached quarterbacks forabout 25 years and young youth
quarterbacks, high schoolquarterbacks.
I tell them all the time thedifference between a guy that
has all of the athletic abilitycan throw the ball a mile, run
(44:36):
like the wind, agile, but he'sflipping burgers at Burger King
the difference between him andthe guy that's a starting
quarterback in the NFL, it'sbetween his ears.
It all comes down to what'sbetween his ears and can he
(44:57):
dedicate himself, can hediscipline himself?
They have the talent, they havethe athletic ability, but they
don't have the ability to, likethe guys that make it, focus and
make that decision and make ithappen.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
Could you get through to a kid like that and change
them?
It's tough, yeah, it's tough.
Speaker 2 (45:24):
It's tough because they don't want it or because
they don't realize it.
They all say they want it.
Of course they do.
They all say they want it.
You, they do.
They all say they want it.
You know they want the bigpaycheck, um, but when it comes
time to actually do it, you knowthere's a lot of guys that they
talk a good game, but you can'tforce them to do it.
And and when there's nobodystanding there harping on them?
(45:47):
you know at four o'clock in themorning, come on, I'm going to
drag you out of bed If there'snobody there to do that.
A lot of times it becomes realeasy to just roll over, and
there's other factors that gointo that as well.
You know, in a lot of cases youknow they were out until two
o'clock the night before becausethey don't have the discipline.
(46:08):
You know they let their buddiesdrag them into doing things
that they shouldn't be doing,and all of it plays a role in
getting to where you want to go.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
How long does it take to change our mindset?
I had a baseball coach tell meit takes 18 days to commit
something to muscle memory.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
baseball coach tell me it takes 18 days to commit
something to muscle memory.
Uh, you'll hear all all kindsof.
As a physical, physicaltherapist, you hear all kinds of
different things when it comesto that committing to muscle
memory, 10 000 reps, and youknow all kinds of different
things, but, um, it really comesdown to how bad you really want
(46:50):
to change.
Yeah, and you know you hear,well, you got to hit rock bottom
.
You know, if it's an alcoholicor drug addict, that's always
the thing you have.
Until he hits rock bottom, he'snot going to change.
Well, I don't know if it's trulyhitting rock bottom or if it's
mentally getting to the pointwhere you just had enough and
(47:13):
you are ready to make a change.
You know it's whether it's itdoesn't matter what it is losing
weight, anything like that,until you've truly make the
decision and you ask how fasttruly make the decision?
And and you ask how fast?
Well, if you're truly ready tomake the change, if that's
something that is realistic andit's you just made up your mind,
(47:34):
that's it, once you've madethat decision and it's an honest
, really thought out decision,and this, this isn't a thing
where somebody needs to talk toa therapist or you know that's.
Another thing that bothers me isyou know, people get it in
(47:55):
their head that they have tohave a $200 an hour therapist to
get any better, to improvetheir life.
They don't, they don't, and alot of people because they can't
afford that.
It never happens because, intheir mind, unless they have
that, they can't improve, theycan't get better.
(48:16):
So what do we need then?
We need to make a decision.
Speaker 1 (48:21):
It's really based on.
It's really self motivating.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
It has to be.
It has to be because, no matterwhat, I tell you, if you
haven't made that decision andI've had this situation with
with athletes in the past where,oh, yeah, yeah, I want to, I
want to do that, I want to dothat, I want to do that Two days
later, it's, why didn't you dothat?
What happened?
(48:47):
Well, you know, my buddy cameover and you know we just
decided to go, you know, have abeer and one beer led to another
and you know, before I knew it,it was three o'clock in the
morning.
Really, okay, I mean that thattells you everything, right
there.
Yeah, that person hasn't,really hasn't truly made the
decision.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
That person hasn't truly made the decision to
change.
Once you get somebody on theright path, once you get
somebody thinking the way thatthey want to think, do they
typically stay in that frame, ordo they see the success and
they're like, okay, cool, I gotit now.
And then they regress.
Speaker 2 (49:22):
So in most cases, there's something that has
caused that in them.
There's something that hascaused that in them.
And if they it's like I said ifthey go see mom and mom is the
you know she's she's the triggerthey're going to they're going
to fall back.
If they keep focused, stay awayfrom you know it's an alcoholic
(49:51):
walking into a bar.
After you know it's analcoholic walking into a bar.
After you know, when they'retrying to change their life,
it's not going to be a goodthing.
They're putting themselves backin the situation that caused it
in the first place.
If they can stay out of thatsituation and not deal with
those things that caused it inthe first place, in cases they
can, they can maintain it.
But when they start trying, oh,you know, I can handle, I can,
(50:13):
I can take that drink, I canhave one uh, that's a slippery
slope and if you, if you can'tget them back on track
immediately, it's probably goingin the wrong direction.
Wow, and you're starting over.
Yeah, it's a thin line.
It's probably going in thewrong direction.
Wow, and you're starting over.
It's a thin line.
It's a very thin line.
Yeah, Very thin line.
It doesn't take a lot.
Speaker 1 (50:33):
So how do we, how do we acquire your services, sir?
Speaker 2 (50:37):
Uh, probably my website is the easiest.
Um, you know, I I my firstconsultation with people.
I'll spend an hour talking topeople.
I'm not going to chargeanything.
My first consultation withpeople.
I'll spend an hour talking topeople.
I'm not going to chargeanything.
You know, I want to know thatsomebody is committed to change,
because if they're not, they'rewasting their money and they're
(50:58):
wasting my time.
Uh-huh, and I'm not justlooking to.
You know, pile up clients andtake money.
You know, I want people to besuccessful with their goals.
What they want to change andagain, for me a lot of it comes
down to it's not just their lifethat they're changing, it's
(51:19):
their kids' lives that they'rechanging, and that, to me, is
more important than anything.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
Or if they're a boss, it's not only their life that
they're changing, but maybetheir managerial style, which
would have an effect on alltheir employees.
Speaker 2 (51:31):
It really impacts their entire life.
Yeah, relationships, childrenwork, whatever it is, and a lot
of times when they do start tochange, they start to see all of
those things improve and careergoes up.
(51:52):
Uh, you know, relationships,their kids start doing better,
their, their kids start strivingfor more.
You know it's it's easier toget them out of bed in the
morning.
All of a sudden, they're moreexcited about going to school
because they're seeing mom ordad or who you know.
They're seeing that person'slife pick up and that's, that's
(52:16):
infectious.
Speaker 1 (52:17):
Yeah, how rewarding is it for you to see somebody
make the change and commit to it.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
I mean that's, especially when I know that
there's impact beyond them.
I mean that's especially when Iknow that there's impact beyond
them.
I mean that's.
It means everything.
I mean that's.
That's what's.
That's what it's all about.
Speaker 1 (52:35):
It's what motivates you right.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:38):
There's no doubt.
Well, hey brother, it's been apleasure talking to you.
Tell your daughter thank youfor her service and tell your
son congratulations on thatcareer.
Man, that's amazing, thank you.
You bred some overachieverslike yourself there, coach.
I'm just glad they didn't haveto deal with what I dealt with
you know what, but you dealtwith it and you realized that it
(53:00):
didn't need to progress beyondyou and you decided, as you
mentioned, you made the decisionto make that change and you,
you've done it, socongratulations, thank you.
What is the decision?
To make that change?
And you, you've done it, socongratulations, thank you.
What is the website?
Speaker 2 (53:18):
uh, for the for those of us that are listening audio,
uh, and not watching theyoutube, I'll put it up on the
youtube screen.
But what is it audio?
It's m as in mental, p is inperformance.
Mp coach bobbycom got.
Speaker 1 (53:26):
Hey, thank you so much.
Continued success to you.
Keep changing lives and uh, andkeep bettering society, sir.
Speaker 2 (53:32):
All right, I appreciate it man.
Speaker 1 (53:34):
I really enjoyed that conversation.
It was totally energizing andempowering for me anyway to
learn that we can be better.
We can achieve what we want, aslong as we commit to it.
So, whatever it is that you'redreaming of aspiring to or
wanting to change in yourself,commit to it and be disciplined
(53:55):
about it.
Plus, remember, not only willyou reap the rewards of your
dedication, so will everyonearound you.
My thanks to Bobby Sexton forjoining me and my thanks to you
for listening.
My thanks to Bobby Sexton forjoining me and my thanks to you
for listening.
If you don't mind, please givethis a rating, a like and
subscribe to the channel forfuture episodes.
I sure do appreciate that morethan you'll ever know.
(54:17):
The Fuzzy Mic is hosted andproduced by Kevin Kline.
Production elements by ZachSheesh at the Radio Farm Social
media.
Director is Trish Kline.
I'll be back next Tuesday witha new episode and don't forget,
check out the Tuttle K Kleinpodcast with new episodes every
Wednesday.
Thank you again.
That's it for the Fuzzy Mike.
Thank you, the Fuzzy Mike withKevin Klein.
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