Have you ever felt like a passenger in your own life's journey, especially during something as monumental as childbirth? Beth, a seasoned nurse turned doula, opens up about her transformation from feeling disempowered in her first birth experience to taking the reins in her second. Her story isn't just about the arrival of a new life but a mother's reclaiming of her voice and strength within the healthcare system.
Wrapping things up, we celebrate the incredible transformation from labor nurse to midwife to doula, an intimate look at the evolution of self-advocacy and empowerment in childbirth. Birth stories come alive with tales of empowerment and the pivotal support that shapes them.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What happens when healthcare falls short for new
moms?
In this episode, we speak withBeth, a nurse, midwife turned
doula and childbirth educator,who experienced two very
different births.
Her first was a series offrustrating interventions that
left her feeling disempowered.
Her second was a fast, ecstaticbirth that gave her back a
(00:22):
sense of control.
Beth's story highlights a keyquestion how can the healthcare
system better support newmothers through the
life-changing journey ofchildbirth?
Stick around to hear how Bethtook back her power over her
birth experiences, learned toadvocate for herself and now
provides guidance to othermothers looking to do the same.
(00:43):
The Golden Hour Birth Podcast apodcast about real birth
stories and creating connectionsthrough our shared experiences.
Childbirth isn't just about thechild.
It's about the person who gavebirth, their lives, their wisdom
and their empowerment.
We're Liz and Natalie, theGolden Hour Birth Podcast, and
we're here to laugh with you,cry with you and hold space for
(01:06):
you.
Welcome to the Golden HourBirth.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Podcast.
I am your co-host Liz, and I'myour co-host Natalie, and
tonight we have Beth inWisconsin all in.
Thanks so much for joining us,beth.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, so if you wanna go ahead and tell listeners a
little bit about you and yourfamily, yeah, so my name is Beth
Connors.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
I am married to my husband of almost five or
actually it's over five years,almost six years.
We have two little girls threeand a half and 17 months and I
am in Wisconsin, so I am amidwife as well.
I am a childbirth educator anda doula, so I'm not currently
practicing in the hospital rightnow, but I am a certified nurse
(01:49):
midwife so I am able topractice in all settings.
But I've kinda switched in thelast year and a half, after
having my second baby, tosupporting moms in whatever
birth setting they want, as moreof a doula and a childbirth
educator.
So that's what I'm doing rightnow, the last year and a half.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
I love it so much under that umbrella.
Yes, I mean quite specific.
So if you wanna kind of go intostarting a family and then what
your first pregnancy was like,yeah, so people would always
question me when we did startour family.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Because I was in nursing school, so I was younger
and my husband and I had beenmarried for a few years, both in
graduate school.
I was in nursing school and wedecided that we wanted to have
our kids when we were younger,no matter where we were in our
lives.
So I was in nursing school,finishing up nursing school
January of 2020, and we had myfirst daughter and we didn't
(02:44):
have trouble getting pregnant oranything.
We were very blessed in thatway.
So things happened fairlyquickly and I gave birth to her
six months before I graduatedfrom nursing school.
But that experience was not atall what I expected it to be
being in nursing school andfeeling like I had an edge on
other people that maybe didn'tknow anything about medical care
(03:06):
.
I was in a maternity care class, actually that we were learning
the same things that were goingon in my pregnancy, like week
by week.
It was worked out that way.
So I thought for sure, by thetime I had my baby in January,
that I would just be ready foranything and I was prepared with
hospital birth classes andreading books and things.
(03:26):
But then everything kind ofunfolded in ways that I wasn't
necessarily expecting, so thatwas a surprise for sure.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Yeah, how was your pregnancy over?
How were you feeling?
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Yeah, I felt great, low risk, no complications,
anything like that Was doingcrazy nursing school hours, so
was really fine.
Yeah, I didn't have any issuesthere and went up until actually
it was like a few weeks I hadoff of winter break and then I
(04:00):
had her within the first coupleof weeks of the winter or like
the first semester, the springsemester.
So that was a little bitchallenging trying to jump back
into school but, yeah, made itwork out and even despite all
the things that happened which Ican definitely talk about too
so I was like I wasn't.
(04:21):
So I was in nursing school andI was commuting, so it was a two
hour drive to class and the dayof my it was only like three
times a week or two or threetimes a week, so it's kind of
like a part time gig.
At that point I was like ahybrid, but I always arranged
for my prenatal appointments tobe like on my way to class
because it was like the halfwaypoint of where I was.
(04:42):
So it was like a 50 minutedrive to my prenatal appointment
at 39 and six and I was seeinga midwife at the time and I
loved her, she was great and Iactually just had a few
appointments before that.
She had told me that shedoesn't do deliveries, she only
sees clinic patients.
So that was like a red flag atthat point.
(05:03):
But we were just going to stickwith it because it was only a
few more weeks.
But I got there at 39 and sixand she asked me everything was
normal.
I was feeling like tighteningin my belly no pain, no
contractions, no signs of laborwith my first baby.
So I really didn't know what toexpect.
And she's like can we checkyour cervix?
And I'm like no, I don't wantthat.
I feel like that's notsomething that I necessarily
(05:24):
would need until I go into labor.
And she kind of we talked aboutit for a little bit and she's
like are you sure?
Like it's just nice to knowwhere you're at?
You're almost at your due date.
I think my induction wasalready scheduled for some time
in 41 weeks.
So she kind of wanted to knowwhere I was at.
And I just was going to be thatcompliant patient and agreed.
And she checked my cervix and Iwas almost seven centimeters
(05:44):
without a single contraction.
I had no idea anything, no idea.
And that meeting that I wassupposed to go to was a
preparation for the NCLEX, whichis like that nursing board
examination.
And they said my school said ifI didn't attend that class that
I couldn't take the NCLEX whenI wanted to in a few months.
(06:05):
So I would have to wait like anextra six months.
So I was determined to go tothat class.
So I remember asking her can Ijust go to that?
It's an hour drive, can I comeback, whatever?
And she said absolutely not.
You have to go into labor anddelivery and we're going to get
you all hooked up and you'regoing to have this baby tonight.
And that was at, I want to sayit was like four o'clock in the
afternoon.
So I was admitted.
(06:28):
My husband was also in graduateschool and he was over an hour
away as well.
So I call him.
I'm seven centimeters and, ofcourse, like we knew a little
bit, little bit, so we knew weonly had to get to 10.
So I was definitely overhalfway there and so he's
rushing.
We didn't, I didn't haveanything packed, like I had no
idea.
So he stopped.
He stopped at our apartment, hegot the bag.
(06:49):
We actually had a rabbit at thetime that, like we had, he had
to like go give to somebody else.
So he took the rabbit to myparents house, so that was like
his priorities at the time.
And then he got to the hospitaland they had already given me
my IV, hooked me up to themonitor and then as soon as he
got there, they broke my bag ofwater because they said you're
(07:10):
already dilated, like let's justhave a baby.
I think I labored for like 10hours more after that and as
soon as they broke my bag ofwater it was like an instant,
like I told you, I didn't feelanything at all and as soon as I
broke my bag of water it waslike 10 out of 10, like full on.
Labor contractions are everytwo to three minutes, just like
really intense, and I wasn'texpecting that.
(07:30):
So it was really hard for me tolike cope initially.
But my goal was not to get anepidural so or have any pain
medication.
That was kind of like what Ihad prepared for and I just kind
of like went with it and aftera few hours I kind of got used
to it, took me like I think likefive or six hours until I was
10 centimeters.
So I for sure wasn't about tohave a baby when they first
(07:51):
admitted me, but took me sometime for my body to get to 10.
And then I got to 10 centimetersand they said well, now you
have to start pushing.
This is the time to startpushing.
Put me on my back in the bedand I pushed for four hours,
coached, pushing legs or kneesto my ears, basically just throw
.
Every contraction didn't haveany different position changes,
(08:13):
nothing like that.
And that wasn't anything I hadprepared for.
I had just more.
So prepared for the breathing.
And did I want epidural?
Did I not like?
There was certain black andwhite things I prepared for but
not like.
When should they break my bigof water?
When should I be admitted?
Do I want monitoring?
Do I want the IV?
All of these different things.
So that was a little bitalarming because I went four
(08:35):
hours and she still wasn't hereand I was like you guys are
lying to me this whole time.
Oh, she's so close and it'slike four hours is a long time.
So at that point they had saidwell, you're tired, you need an
AC section or you need a vacuum.
That is your choices at thispoint.
So I didn't advocate for myselfto not do either of those
things.
So I chose the vacuum becausethat to me at the time seemed
(08:58):
less than surgery.
And then, within probably 20minutes or so, several
contractions and pushes and alot of chaos, with a lot of
people coming to the room,including the NICU team.
It was a teaching hospital, soI had about 20 to 25 people in
my room and I was just trying toget her out, trying not to have
(09:19):
a C-section.
Everyone was preparing for aC-section and yeah, so that was
how that happened.
But then she came out, wentright to the Walmart, to the
NICU team and, because of thevacuum, the long pushing stage.
I did have postpartumhemorrhage.
I had severe tearing that tookover an hour for them to repair
(09:40):
and several threatened meseveral times that I was going
to need to go to the OR becauseI couldn't sit still because I
didn't have the epidural, so thelidocaine wasn't working.
It was just kind of like allthese things that were just like
happening that I had never eventhought were possible and, of
course, like an hour goes bywhen I'm getting repaired.
I wanted that skin to skin withmy baby.
She was just chilling with thenurses and I think my husband
(10:03):
got her eventually, but I didn'teven see her.
I heard her cry but I didn'teven see her, and that, to me,
is like what sticks with me themost, I think, is that that
whole experience led to me notseeing my baby right when she
was born, that moment that Ireally wanted.
So, yeah, that was like thevery forced induction, because I
didn't figure out later thatthat was a form of induction
(10:23):
because I wasn't in labor eventhough I was at active six
centimeters is active labor thatI technically wasn't active
labor when I was in the officebut not feeling anything at all.
So that was definitely aninteresting experience that.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I was not prepared for yeah.
I kind of like in one the factthat you were kind of just one
just going to do my day-to-daymotion.
I'm not 39 in second, I'm justgoing to do.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Yeah right, I mean, it was just that was my mindset.
It was just like she's going tocome.
When she comes, everything'sfine.
And then everything really justwent opposite to that like
going.
I know people go in all thetime like for a high blood
pressure reading or something isshown different with baby's
heart tones or something, andthen all of a sudden they're
like kind of rushed into thisinduction situation that they
maybe weren't prepared for.
But looking back on it, Ithought that the experience was
(11:14):
overall okay at the moment.
Like, looking back within, likethe first few weeks or so, and
then I was in nursing school, Iknew I wanted to be a labor and
delivery nurse.
That was why I went to nursingschool and then I started doing
like my internship and got myfirst L and D job and I was
seeing all of these women havethese amazing hospital birth
experiences, like low risk momsand like they were up walking
(11:37):
right after and they had likereally no hands on, like they
had this amazing birthexperience that I was like okay,
my experience felt like it wasa hospital birth, whatever,
that's what it was supposed tobe like, but I was like no, it
could have been so different andso many moms are having these
amazing birth experiences.
But so many moms are alsohaving experiences, like I did,
(11:58):
that it doesn't have to be thatway.
So that was kind of eye openingtoo when I first started
supporting moms as a nurse.
That was your postpartum it wasreally, really hard.
I was in nursing school so myschool said that I could have
Originally.
When I told them that I waspregnant in September the year
before so like four monthsbefore I gave birth they said I
(12:20):
would have two weeks off.
And the rules changed, I guess,as the new year and they said I
could have six hours off, whichwasn't even a full day of
clinical.
Like clinical was like eight toten hours.
So they told me I could havesix hours off and I was so upset
but I was like well, this iswhat I'm going to have to do, so
we're going to figure it out.
And thank goodness I had aclinical instructor that was
(12:42):
just so sweet and she's likeI'll give you one day pass.
So she gave me a one day passand it was like I think it was
once or twice a week, I think itmight have been only once a
week, but like, so I got oneweek off because she gave me
that one pass and then the nexttime she said if you can make it
into clinical or something.
It was something weird.
We can like fudge it a littlebit.
(13:04):
So I didn't go to that dateeither.
So on day 11 postpartum I wasback in clinical but I was in so
much pain I was from the vacuum.
My pubis synthesis wasseparated and I didn't even know
until I was six monthspostpartum because she was born
right before COVID.
So by the time I felt likethings were not going right.
(13:25):
I was like I need help and theneveryone shut down.
So physical therapy wasn'ttaking elective things, it was
all surgical stuff.
So I was considering going tothe emergency department to try
to get help from somebody andnobody was helping me.
And then by the time I was sixmonths I was like I've been
taking ibuprofen for so long inTylenol.
(13:47):
I mean for six weeks it was onthe hour.
Like every time I could forTylenol I'd ibuprofen, and then
it was like all the time untilsix months and I got an MRI and
sure enough, it was likestarting to come back together.
So I did physical therapy andstuff, but at that point, like
six months had gone by andbreastfeeding was so hard, I
(14:07):
didn't have any help withbreastfeeding.
I didn't know that I could askfor help with breastfeeding
besides the outpatient hospitalservices, and they were just so
busy that they gave me maybe 20minutes and said well, nothing's
wrong that I can see.
I don't know why it hurts sobad.
Maybe get your baby checked outby ENTs or something and see if
it's something to do with herswallowing or something.
(14:31):
I can't remember exactly whatthey had said and I was like I
don't think that's right.
So I just kind of sufferedthrough it, decided just to
exclusively pump for her, whichwas also hard being in school.
But I pumped for her for almosta year and that was like a
proud moment that I did that.
But I would have lovedbreastfeeding and I would have
loved to have support and kindof figure out why that was not
working.
But I never did so.
(14:52):
Thank goodness I have asupportive husband and a
supportive family, in-laws, allof those people, friends.
But from the healthcarestandpoint of it and the mental
aspect and the school aspect, itwas just so hard and I don't
realize how hard it was until Iwent through it and I'm like I
don't even know how I survived.
But somehow we do as moms, wejust figure out day by day and
(15:16):
it feels awful in the moment butwe get through it and it
doesn't have to be awful, but Ido feel like that sometimes what
does happen?
We kind of get left behind alittle bit yeah definitely Wow,
and so why?
Speaker 2 (15:35):
I mean during COVID too?
Just less, or I heard before,so that's just.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Yeah, and I couldn't take her out places and I was
like what am I going to do withthis baby?
So yeah, it was like anisolating time, I know for
everybody, for moms that hadjust had babies and I'm sure for
a lot of other things too.
But I know, for me in my lifethat was definitely a hard
experience.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Yeah yeah, you can be a peaker in the middle of the
deal, but even being in thatfield, you don't know what the
worry is about there, and to you, though, know, be straightened
by that, like you know, justthink, while the women that
(16:22):
don't are in that at all, it'sjust like and to only have a day
on Mm-hmm, I'm just lettingthem just insane, yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
I know so much.
We need to do so much better,especially for somebody in.
I mean, it should be foranybody, obviously, but for
somebody that's in the nursingfield.
It's like I'm not trying to getlike a free pass or something
Like I didn't have a baby duringschool to have a free pass.
I just that's when I decidedthat it was the best time for me
to start my family and Ishouldn't be penalized for that.
(16:58):
So there has to be a way tointegrate that a little bit
better.
So that would have been nice tofigure that out a little bit
better.
Because, of course, my husbandhe was in graduate school and
they were just like take as muchtime as you need, like you can
have, you know, late assignments, like it's fine.
And I was like why can't welike switch roles here?
Why can't I be the one thatjust had the baby and yeah, and
(17:20):
get a little bit of leeway?
But at least they were veryhelpful for him.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Don't even feel physically normal.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Actually my husband's a physical therapist, so he was
in school to become a physicaltherapist and like he kind of
noticed like some red flags andhe now working in the hospital
he works inpatient, so he isseeing moms after C-sections and
they're trying to get everybodythat is part of them to be seen
by physical therapists.
So that's something thatthey're doing, which is really
cool.
But I should have beenevaluated by a PT or somebody in
(17:51):
the hospital or taken seriouslywhen I couldn't, you know, walk
from the bed to the bathroomLike I have.
I mean, I feel like I have apretty high pain tolerance and
just in that situation I'm likeI'm fine, like everybody has
babies, like I'll get over it,kind of thing.
But yeah, I couldn't like standup straight, like walking to
the bathroom was just reallyhard and overall it was just I
(18:13):
felt like something wasn't right, but I also had never had a
baby before, so I didn't haveanything to compare it with.
So I was like, no, everyonejust feels this way.
This is just what it feels like.
And then, thank goodness, I hada good second experience I also
witnessed so many other momshave great experiences and I'm
like, nope, that was not at allwhat should have happened.
And I should have definitelybeen seen before I left and
diagnosed way sooner.
Because, yeah, that was reallyhard.
(18:36):
Because then I was at home likewhy do I still feel like this
after six weeks?
And I remember two calling themidwife office and saying like
something's not right?
At two weeks.
And I think I called again atfour weeks and I was like I'm
just in so much pain and I don'tknow why that would be.
And they're like, oh, this isjust normal, are these things
happening?
And I'm like, well, no, I don'thave like a fever or other
things.
And they're like it's justgoing to take a few weeks and
(18:58):
okay, okay, bye, I guess I guess.
So, yeah, that was hard.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
So you said that you were seeing like during your
prenatal at a midwifery office.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Yeah, so she said that she didn't actually take
due to her schedule.
She was only doing clinic stuff.
So she was seeing like kindpatients in the clinic and then
doing prenatal visits.
But I had never met with adoctor during my prenatal care
and I think that was.
I don't really remember it thatvery well, but I think I
remember being okay with thatbecause I knew that the hospital
(19:34):
I was with I was going to getanybody random, no matter who I
saw anyways, so at least I wouldhave a midwife in the clinic
prenatally.
I think that was kind of mylogic behind it at the time.
But yeah, I just got like arandom person, obviously random
nurse.
Then the nurse changed.
I loved her, and then the nursechanged at shift change and I
got somebody that I didn'treally vibe with very well.
So that was hard.
(19:55):
But then, yeah, the doctor thatI had it just kept changing and
then residents kept changingand everyone's fingers were
inside of me like, oh, your babyhas hair, oh, your baby doesn't
have hair.
And I'm like I don't care, Idon't care about this, I just
want her out of me.
There was somebody sitting on mycouch at a certain point, like
coaching me to push and I'm likeI have no idea what's happening
right now.
But yeah, it was a whole partyin there and people had no idea.
(20:18):
I didn't know who anybody was.
Lights are bright, like the bigbright lights were on me and
yeah, it was.
Yes, it was not at all what Iwould have expected it to be, I
guess, but also I didn't knowwhat to expect, so I just didn't
even, you know, ask foranything differently.
Want to sign on?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
talk about yours.
See, we love to hear this firstSure.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Yes.
So lots more positive than thisone, thank goodness.
But she I had four days after Igraduated, middle of free
school, so another school baby.
We weren't sure if she wasgoing to come before I graduated
or if I was going to graduatefirst, but I was.
I did, yep, I did.
I went from one to the next andthat was actually because as a
(21:02):
nurse, I wanted to like my maingoal was like I wanted to help
moms.
I wanted to be that voice forthem.
So after I had that experience,I mean I knew I wanted to be a
labor and delivery nurse.
But then, after that experienceof my own really solidified
that something needs to happen.
There needs to be moreadvocates for people.
And I became a labor anddelivery nurse.
And then I was like, ok, butthere's still providers and
(21:24):
other people that nurses like Ihave to do the things under
their care that maybe don'tagree with or maybe want to
speak up more.
And I was like you know what Ireally need to be like a
provider in that role?
So let me go to like I want togo to midwifery school.
I want to learn more.
How can I help?
So I went right straight tomidwifery school after that and
then I can talk about later whyI'm not doing that path anymore.
(21:47):
But yeah, so she was.
I can't remember how many weeksI was with her.
I was 40 and two, I believe,with my second daughter and she
Let me think she I was with adifferent group of midwives at
this point so I had actuallyworked with them as a labor and
delivery nurse, so I knew allthe midwives, which was
(22:07):
different, but they actuallywere on call so I knew all of
them.
So whoever happened to be thereat my delivery I would know who
they were.
So that was reassuring.
But I went in at 40 and two.
Actually I think I went inbefore that regular appointment
Same same deal, like 39 andsomething.
No-transcript.
(22:29):
Sorry, let me back up.
So I never mentioned eitherthat my first baby was almost 11
pounds when she was born, soshe was a very large baby.
I kind of missed that point,but she was a very large baby,
so she was almost 11 pounds.
So actually when I got pregnantthe second time, from the very
first appointment, at like 11weeks, they had me take the
(22:52):
glukola drink and I didn't evenknow really why at the time.
I just was being compliant andthey're like, well, you might
have had gestational diabetesthat went undiagnosed, so we're
going to do it again, like twicethis pregnancy.
And I was like, whatever, ifthat works.
So I did that.
It was negative, everything wasfine and they had from the very
(23:13):
beginning even though that theywere midwives and I loved them
they were kind of like fearmongering me to believe that my
baby was going to be huge againand that I was going to have
trouble delivering her and thatI was going to need to start at
30 weeks doing like thechiropractic stuff to help my
body get into alignment and thenpotentially have an induction
(23:35):
at 39 weeks.
That was already implanted inmy brain when I was like 11
weeks pregnant or 10 weekspregnant, whatever that first
appointment was.
So that was a little bitshocking to me at first because
I had never really even thoughtabout it.
I was like I had an 11 poundbaby vaginally.
Whatever happens this time,it's all going to be fine.
So that's kind of why I said at39 weeks, when I was 39 weeks
(23:59):
with my second baby, I went intothe clinic and I actually
agreed.
I'm pretty sure I asked for acervical exam because I was like
nervous.
I was like if I go over 39weeks when they were going to
induce me, I'm going to have ashoulder dystocia, my baby's not
going to be okay because she'sgoing to also be so big.
Because the first time I wasn'tworried about that because I
had no idea how big she wasgoing to be.
But now the second time I waslike, okay, now she's going to
(24:19):
be bigger because the secondbabies are supposed to be bigger
.
She got me a little bit nervous.
So I had her check me and Ithink I was like five
centimeters at 39 weeks again,just very far dilated, and she
was like that's fine, that'sfine, I'm like okay, really,
that's fine.
And she's like, yeah, that'sfine.
And I think I was like that foralmost a week.
(24:39):
I went back at 40 and two ormaybe it was like four days or
something.
I ended up going back because Ihad been having contractions.
And at 40 and two she checkedme again because we were going
to do a membrane sweep Becauseagain I was a little bit nervous
about her being big, which Iwould have changed if I would
have gone back.
But I ended up being sevencentimeters, no contractions,
(25:00):
just walking around at sevencentimeters.
So that's my body does,apparently.
But she told me that I could gohome and that was like my plan.
We had talked about it.
I was like, if this happensagain, I'm going home.
If I'm not in labor, I'm goinghome, because that's kind of
what started that cascadedintervention.
So I went home at sevencentimeters and it was like
seven o'clock in the morning andshe said, if you ever want to
(25:23):
come back today, tomorrow, justcall and you can have an
induction for advanced dilationagain.
And I said, okay, at least Ihave the choice.
But at that point I was like Iwas done being pregnant and I
had my little one at home justexcited, my other little one at
home.
She was like two and a half atthe time and I should have
(25:44):
waited but I didn't.
I went in for an induction atone o'clock that day because
they had an opening and I waslike, okay, and I get there.
It was like we were allprepared.
My husband wasn't in school atthe time, we were just.
We went in together.
Child care was good, it was allperfect.
I got there and they did theirmission questions.
I was GBS positive, so theystarted me on antibiotics, I
(26:08):
think right away I probablyright away and they started the
induction, I guess at 5pm, bybreaking my bag of water.
That's all they had to do,because I was seven centimeters
and I remember being so nervousfor them to break my bag of
water, because I remember thefirst time I was like okay, I
was like I made the wrongdecision.
I was kind of freaking out atthat point.
(26:28):
I should be at home right now.
But I did.
I went forward with it.
They broke my bag of water at5pm and again everything just
intensified really, really fast.
I was hooked up to the monitorwhen they did the breaking of
the bag just to make sure babywas okay and tolerated that okay
, which was fine.
And there was this really bigboom, boom noise and I could
(26:50):
just feel her just drop and Iwas like, okay, all of a sudden
something's happening.
I was like I need to stand upand I stood up and I think I had
three contractions and I lookedat my husband and I was like I
need the epidural.
This is not happening.
I don't know what I did thefirst time, that it worked out,
but I'm done.
And those words came out of mymouth and the next contraction I
(27:13):
said oh she's coming.
And literally within 45,.
I was actually part of a waterbirth study at the hospital, so
the midwives were having thiswater birth study.
They had just finished fillingup the tub.
I was planning just to be thereall night laboring and I was
like I need to get in the tubright now if I want to have a
water birth.
And jumped in the tub.
Next contraction she's likecrowning and within 45 minutes
(27:35):
this baby just shoots right out.
She was crying before she waseven completely delivered and I
was just like overall in shock.
I couldn't even believe whatwas happening.
I was very vocal, I rememberthat, and I was like I was out
of control.
I was just not believing whatwas happening.
I had my labor playlist readyto go Because it was a
(27:58):
controlled environment, it wasan induction.
I was like labor playlist readyto go, all the different tools
to help with pain management andthat is all one of the windows.
Not at all what I had expected.
But yeah, she came so fastbecause I was already at seven
centimeters and the only thingholding her back was that bag of
water apparently.
And yeah, it was an amazingdelivery where my husband was
(28:21):
there, the one midwife that Ihad seen in the clinic that I
absolutely loved.
She happened to be on calluntil 7 pm that night and I was
like if only I could have thisbaby by 7 pm.
Like ha, ha, that will neverhappen and it was 5.45,.
Yeah, but it was just her andmy husband and a nurse that was
in there.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
But lights were it was dark.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
Everything was how I would have wanted it to be for
many hours if I would have keptlaboring that way, but got her
skin to skin right away, heldher and got out of the water,
got into the bed, delivered myplacenta.
She asked me when my husbandcould cut the cord and
everything was my choice, fromthe time that I was admitted to
(29:05):
the time that my baby was bornand then afterwards.
So it was just such a more.
I know it was quick and somepeople are like you had such a
quick labor.
That must have been so easy.
And I'm like I don't know, thatwas pretty intense for 45
minutes.
Yeah, it was quick, but it wasjust a different experience for
sure.
And yeah, it went so muchsmoother, just having those
choices.
And even if it would have, Itell myself too even if it would
(29:28):
have gone the same way as thefirst one, I can't even be upset
about it because it was mydecision and I feel like it was
just so much more of anempowering experience because I
went home and then I decided togo back versus just like I don't
know what's happening to me,Everything's happening to me.
So that was really just a muchmore easygoing feeling.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Are water births legal in your?
Speaker 3 (29:50):
state yeah, okay, so that's something that they're
trying to have in the hospitalsystems around here.
I think there's like two moreyears of the study and then the
hospital system is going to likemove it to the next hospital.
So it's really something thatmoms want and it's like a really
safe, effective way for painmanagement.
So I really hope it's more yeah, more common.
(30:12):
She was nine pounds, two ounces, so she was a little smaller.
She felt so tiny.
I was like, oh, she's just atiny little thing.
I even felt like my.
The first thing they said whenmy first daughter was born was
oh my gosh, she's the size of athree month old, and I didn't
even see her for a while after.
So I was just in shock.
And when I got her I was like,oh, she's the tiniest, cutest
little thing.
But like now I see babies thatare like five, six pounds and
(30:32):
I'm like, oh my goodness, I hadtwo of you inside of me, so you
were a twin.
Yeah, they were both about thesame.
Yeah, and I wasn't agestational diabetic in either
pregnancy.
I was a big baby myself.
I was nine pounds, so I don'tknow.
So how was?
Speaker 2 (30:47):
postpartum with two.
Also, did you your pubicsymptoms kind of healed by the
point?
Speaker 3 (30:54):
you were pregnant, yeah, no, yeah, no problems
after that.
Once it was healed, it was fine.
I didn't have any.
Thank goodness I didn't haveany problems either.
Like at the end of my pregnancyI never felt any like really
uncomfortable pressure or likepain or anything like that.
So that was, yeah, definitely.
I know some people strugglewith that, so that was something
I did not experience.
(31:15):
And then, yeah, postpartum Ididn't have like postpartum
pitocin or like breastfeedingwent a little bit easier because
I had support.
It was still difficult, butotherwise, like the experience
itself was so much more calm andI feel like I knew what to
(31:37):
expect.
I didn't have any pain, so Iwas ready to go home like an
hour later.
If I could have, I was like,okay, let's just go home, not
see my other, I want them tomeet each other.
I didn't, but I could have.
I felt like, and, yeah, overallit was just, I don't know, it
was a really great likeexperience, memorable, like I
remember everything from labor,delivery, postpartum with my
(31:58):
first.
I think I just blackedeverything out.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
So, yeah, it's like fun to have those memories and
so did you end up practicingwith Brie after you delivered
and graduated?
I actually didn't, I sograduated in May of 2022.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
That's when I had my daughter too and took my exam
like the next month, like acouple of weeks before the
partum.
So I was like officially ableto be a midwife.
And then I like, really likereflected on, like really, what
I wanted During that time off,like with my daughter, thinking,
okay, well, when I hit like 12weeks or whatever, however many
months, I feel ready, I'm goingto start looking for jobs.
(32:36):
And I started looking for jobsand I was just like I don't feel
right now that that is what I'mlike called to do.
I feel like I wanted thatone-on-one connection with moms
and I wanted to be able to.
The reason why I got intomoodwifery was because I wanted
to see them when they found outthat they were pregnant or if
they were trying to get pregnant, and get that positive
pregnancy test, go throughoutthe entire journey with them,
together with that with thewhole family, and then they go
(32:58):
through the journey with them,together with that, their whole
pregnancy experience, delivertheir baby with them and then
support them postpartum, makesure that they're okay and then
just be there for them if theyneed extra support.
And, as a midwife practicing inthe hospital, the experiences
that I have had.
You're part of a practice, youknow you encourage moms to see
everybody.
So if there's 10 midwives, theyprobably only see you once and
(33:21):
then whoever's on call is theone that delivers.
So the connection just isn't asstrong as something that I like
to have in my own experiencesand that so many moms are
looking for is that continuityof care.
So I was like I'm gonna startjust supporting moms virtually
is where I started on Instagramwas just like texting moms just
for free, like what can I helpyou with?
(33:41):
Trying to see what they couldbenefit from, and I just got a
lot of knowledge, that way oflike what moms are looking for,
and then started to do someone-on-one coaching and some
virtual doula supports and justtook everything that I learned
as a mom myself, going throughpregnancy and birth twice and
then being part of like over 200maybe deliveries and many more
(34:07):
moms than that, than just thedeliveries, but just learning
from all of them created acomprehensive online birth
course so moms can take thatself-paced whenever they want,
just to be a resource for them.
And I have different servicestoo for like texting me, like
being just you know, you knowhow you go into Google and you
like try to find something,information about something, and
you get like the worst casescenario and the best case
(34:28):
scenario and you're like what doI do with this now?
It's like really nice for momsbefore and after prenatal visits
even just to have somebody talkto them and like somebody to
message that knows who they areand like can actually like
either talk them down that it'snot as bad as they think they
are or like know that'ssomething that maybe we should
be concerned about and likereassure them that they're not
crazy for thinking these thingsand maybe to get checked out or
(34:50):
something.
So really just supporting momswherever they're at in terms of
their pregnancy or labor, bothpart of them, just talking to
moms both part of them andfiguring out like mental health
stuff and providing really a lotof resources for different
things.
So that's what I think is a lotof times missing is that
(35:10):
referral network too, of likewell, where do I go from here if
this is happening to me?
And that's been helpful.
I guess my biggest piece ofadvice is just knowing that you
have options and knowing thatyour birth experience is
whatever you want it to be, notnecessarily what other people
are telling you that it shouldbe, whether that's your provider
or family member, like your momor something, it's really about
(35:32):
you and what you feel is bestfor you and your baby and
becoming educated about all theoptions that you have and
ultimately making the decisionfor yourself.
So yeah, if you wanna connectwith me, I'm mostly on Instagram
at BethConnors, underscore CNM,and you can find my website
bethconnorscom.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much forsharing your stories.
I'm just really happy that youhad that second empowering earth
, because I just had agirlfriend of Gryll.
She like had to be back in it.
It's just like.
It's just like that I'm takingthe power.
Speaker 3 (36:08):
Totally yeah, and the goal really is to have every
mom have that first goodexperience and like, let's just
not even have that.
You know that doesn't?
You don't have to have, it'snot a prerequisite to have a you
know, bad experience in orderto have a good one.
So trying to change that forsure.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Yeah, I'm really meeting you.
Yeah, thank, you guys.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
We'll see you next episode.
Thank you for joining us onthis episode of the Golden Hour
Birth podcast.
We hope you've enjoyed ourdiscussion and found it
insightful and beneficial.
Remember, the Golden Hour Birthpodcast is made possible by the
support of listeners like you.
If you appreciate the contentwe bring you each week, consider
leaving us a review on yourfavorite podcast platform or
(36:51):
sharing the show with yourfriends and family.
Your support helps us reachmore people and continue
creating valuable episodes.
If you have any questions,suggestions or topics you'd like
us to cover in future episodes,we'd love to hear from you.
You can reach us on our website, www.
Goldenhourbirthpodcast, orconnect with us on social media.
(37:12):
We value your feedback and wantto make sure that we're
delivering the content you wantto hear.
Before we sign off, we'd liketo express our gratitude to our
incredible guests who joined ustoday.
We are honored that they trustus enough to be so open and
vulnerable.
We're grateful for their timeand willingness to share their
stories with us.
If you're interested in takingthe conversation further with us
(37:34):
, join us on our Facebook group,the Golden Hour Birth Circle.
We'll be back next week withanother exciting episode, so be
sure to tune in.
Until then, stay golden andremember to take care of
yourself.
We'll catch you on the nextepisode of the Golden Hour Birth
Podcast.
Bye.
What happens when healthcare falls short for new
moms?
In this episode, we speak withBeth, a nurse, midwife turned
doula and childbirth educator,who experienced two very
different births.
Her first was a series offrustrating interventions that
left her feeling disempowered.
Her second was a fast, ecstaticbirth that gave her back a
(00:22):
sense of control.
Beth's story highlights a keyquestion how can the healthcare
system better support newmothers through the
life-changing journey ofchildbirth?
Stick around to hear how Bethtook back her power over her
birth experiences, learned toadvocate for herself and now
provides guidance to othermothers looking to do the same.
(00:43):
The Golden Hour Birth Podcast apodcast about real birth
stories and creating connectionsthrough our shared experiences.
Childbirth isn't just about thechild.
It's about the person who gavebirth, their lives, their wisdom
and their empowerment.
We're Liz and Natalie, theGolden Hour Birth Podcast, and
we're here to laugh with you,cry with you and hold space for
(01:06):
you.
Welcome to the Golden HourBirth.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Podcast.
I am your co-host Liz, and I'myour co-host Natalie, and
tonight we have Beth inWisconsin all in.
Thanks so much for joining us,beth.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, so if you wanna go ahead and tell listeners a
little bit about you and yourfamily, yeah, so my name is Beth
Connors.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
I am married to my husband of almost five or
actually it's over five years,almost six years.
We have two little girls threeand a half and 17 months and I
am in Wisconsin, so I am amidwife as well.
I am a childbirth educator anda doula, so I'm not currently
practicing in the hospital rightnow, but I am a certified nurse
(01:49):
midwife so I am able topractice in all settings.
But I've kinda switched in thelast year and a half, after
having my second baby, tosupporting moms in whatever
birth setting they want, as moreof a doula and a childbirth
educator.
So that's what I'm doing rightnow, the last year and a half.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
I love it so much under that umbrella.
Yes, I mean quite specific.
So if you wanna kind of go intostarting a family and then what
your first pregnancy was like,yeah, so people would always
question me when we did startour family.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Because I was in nursing school, so I was younger
and my husband and I had beenmarried for a few years, both in
graduate school.
I was in nursing school and wedecided that we wanted to have
our kids when we were younger,no matter where we were in our
lives.
So I was in nursing school,finishing up nursing school
January of 2020, and we had myfirst daughter and we didn't
(02:44):
have trouble getting pregnant oranything.
We were very blessed in thatway.
So things happened fairlyquickly and I gave birth to her
six months before I graduatedfrom nursing school.
But that experience was not atall what I expected it to be
being in nursing school andfeeling like I had an edge on
other people that maybe didn'tknow anything about medical care
(03:06):
.
I was in a maternity care class, actually that we were learning
the same things that were goingon in my pregnancy, like week
by week.
It was worked out that way.
So I thought for sure, by thetime I had my baby in January,
that I would just be ready foranything and I was prepared with
hospital birth classes andreading books and things.
(03:26):
But then everything kind ofunfolded in ways that I wasn't
necessarily expecting, so thatwas a surprise for sure.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Yeah, how was your pregnancy over?
How were you feeling?
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Yeah, I felt great, low risk, no complications,
anything like that Was doingcrazy nursing school hours, so
was really fine.
Yeah, I didn't have any issuesthere and went up until actually
it was like a few weeks I hadoff of winter break and then I
(04:00):
had her within the first coupleof weeks of the winter or like
the first semester, the springsemester.
So that was a little bitchallenging trying to jump back
into school but, yeah, made itwork out and even despite all
the things that happened which Ican definitely talk about too
so I was like I wasn't.
(04:21):
So I was in nursing school andI was commuting, so it was a two
hour drive to class and the dayof my it was only like three
times a week or two or threetimes a week, so it's kind of
like a part time gig.
At that point I was like ahybrid, but I always arranged
for my prenatal appointments tobe like on my way to class
because it was like the halfwaypoint of where I was.
(04:42):
So it was like a 50 minutedrive to my prenatal appointment
at 39 and six and I was seeinga midwife at the time and I
loved her, she was great and Iactually just had a few
appointments before that.
She had told me that shedoesn't do deliveries, she only
sees clinic patients.
So that was like a red flag atthat point.
(05:03):
But we were just going to stickwith it because it was only a
few more weeks.
But I got there at 39 and sixand she asked me everything was
normal.
I was feeling like tighteningin my belly no pain, no
contractions, no signs of laborwith my first baby.
So I really didn't know what toexpect.
And she's like can we checkyour cervix?
And I'm like no, I don't wantthat.
I feel like that's notsomething that I necessarily
(05:24):
would need until I go into labor.
And she kind of we talked aboutit for a little bit and she's
like are you sure?
Like it's just nice to knowwhere you're at?
You're almost at your due date.
I think my induction wasalready scheduled for some time
in 41 weeks.
So she kind of wanted to knowwhere I was at.
And I just was going to be thatcompliant patient and agreed.
And she checked my cervix and Iwas almost seven centimeters
(05:44):
without a single contraction.
I had no idea anything, no idea.
And that meeting that I wassupposed to go to was a
preparation for the NCLEX, whichis like that nursing board
examination.
And they said my school said ifI didn't attend that class that
I couldn't take the NCLEX whenI wanted to in a few months.
(06:05):
So I would have to wait like anextra six months.
So I was determined to go tothat class.
So I remember asking her can Ijust go to that?
It's an hour drive, can I comeback, whatever?
And she said absolutely not.
You have to go into labor anddelivery and we're going to get
you all hooked up and you'regoing to have this baby tonight.
And that was at, I want to sayit was like four o'clock in the
afternoon.
So I was admitted.
(06:28):
My husband was also in graduateschool and he was over an hour
away as well.
So I call him.
I'm seven centimeters and, ofcourse, like we knew a little
bit, little bit, so we knew weonly had to get to 10.
So I was definitely overhalfway there and so he's
rushing.
We didn't, I didn't haveanything packed, like I had no
idea.
So he stopped.
He stopped at our apartment, hegot the bag.
(06:49):
We actually had a rabbit at thetime that, like we had, he had
to like go give to somebody else.
So he took the rabbit to myparents house, so that was like
his priorities at the time.
And then he got to the hospitaland they had already given me
my IV, hooked me up to themonitor and then as soon as he
got there, they broke my bag ofwater because they said you're
(07:10):
already dilated, like let's justhave a baby.
I think I labored for like 10hours more after that and as
soon as they broke my bag ofwater it was like an instant,
like I told you, I didn't feelanything at all and as soon as I
broke my bag of water it waslike 10 out of 10, like full on.
Labor contractions are everytwo to three minutes, just like
really intense, and I wasn'texpecting that.
(07:30):
So it was really hard for me tolike cope initially.
But my goal was not to get anepidural so or have any pain
medication.
That was kind of like what Ihad prepared for and I just kind
of like went with it and aftera few hours I kind of got used
to it, took me like I think likefive or six hours until I was
10 centimeters.
So I for sure wasn't about tohave a baby when they first
(07:51):
admitted me, but took me sometime for my body to get to 10.
And then I got to 10 centimetersand they said well, now you
have to start pushing.
This is the time to startpushing.
Put me on my back in the bedand I pushed for four hours,
coached, pushing legs or kneesto my ears, basically just throw
.
Every contraction didn't haveany different position changes,
(08:13):
nothing like that.
And that wasn't anything I hadprepared for.
I had just more.
So prepared for the breathing.
And did I want epidural?
Did I not like?
There was certain black andwhite things I prepared for but
not like.
When should they break my bigof water?
When should I be admitted?
Do I want monitoring?
Do I want the IV?
All of these different things.
So that was a little bitalarming because I went four
(08:35):
hours and she still wasn't hereand I was like you guys are
lying to me this whole time.
Oh, she's so close and it'slike four hours is a long time.
So at that point they had saidwell, you're tired, you need an
AC section or you need a vacuum.
That is your choices at thispoint.
So I didn't advocate for myselfto not do either of those
things.
So I chose the vacuum becausethat to me at the time seemed
(08:58):
less than surgery.
And then, within probably 20minutes or so, several
contractions and pushes and alot of chaos, with a lot of
people coming to the room,including the NICU team.
It was a teaching hospital, soI had about 20 to 25 people in
my room and I was just trying toget her out, trying not to have
(09:19):
a C-section.
Everyone was preparing for aC-section and yeah, so that was
how that happened.
But then she came out, wentright to the Walmart, to the
NICU team and, because of thevacuum, the long pushing stage.
I did have postpartumhemorrhage.
I had severe tearing that tookover an hour for them to repair
(09:40):
and several threatened meseveral times that I was going
to need to go to the OR becauseI couldn't sit still because I
didn't have the epidural, so thelidocaine wasn't working.
It was just kind of like allthese things that were just like
happening that I had never eventhought were possible and, of
course, like an hour goes bywhen I'm getting repaired.
I wanted that skin to skin withmy baby.
She was just chilling with thenurses and I think my husband
(10:03):
got her eventually, but I didn'teven see her.
I heard her cry but I didn'teven see her, and that, to me,
is like what sticks with me themost, I think, is that that
whole experience led to me notseeing my baby right when she
was born, that moment that Ireally wanted.
So, yeah, that was like thevery forced induction, because I
didn't figure out later thatthat was a form of induction
(10:23):
because I wasn't in labor eventhough I was at active six
centimeters is active labor thatI technically wasn't active
labor when I was in the officebut not feeling anything at all.
So that was definitely aninteresting experience that.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I was not prepared for yeah.
I kind of like in one the factthat you were kind of just one
just going to do my day-to-daymotion.
I'm not 39 in second, I'm justgoing to do.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Yeah right, I mean, it was just that was my mindset.
It was just like she's going tocome.
When she comes, everything'sfine.
And then everything really justwent opposite to that like
going.
I know people go in all thetime like for a high blood
pressure reading or something isshown different with baby's
heart tones or something, andthen all of a sudden they're
like kind of rushed into thisinduction situation that they
maybe weren't prepared for.
But looking back on it, Ithought that the experience was
(11:14):
overall okay at the moment.
Like, looking back within, likethe first few weeks or so, and
then I was in nursing school, Iknew I wanted to be a labor and
delivery nurse.
That was why I went to nursingschool and then I started doing
like my internship and got myfirst L and D job and I was
seeing all of these women havethese amazing hospital birth
experiences, like low risk momsand like they were up walking
(11:37):
right after and they had likereally no hands on, like they
had this amazing birthexperience that I was like okay,
my experience felt like it wasa hospital birth, whatever,
that's what it was supposed tobe like, but I was like no, it
could have been so different andso many moms are having these
amazing birth experiences.
But so many moms are alsohaving experiences, like I did,
(11:58):
that it doesn't have to be thatway.
So that was kind of eye openingtoo when I first started
supporting moms as a nurse.
That was your postpartum it wasreally, really hard.
I was in nursing school so myschool said that I could have
Originally.
When I told them that I waspregnant in September the year
before so like four monthsbefore I gave birth they said I
(12:20):
would have two weeks off.
And the rules changed, I guess,as the new year and they said I
could have six hours off, whichwasn't even a full day of
clinical.
Like clinical was like eight toten hours.
So they told me I could havesix hours off and I was so upset
but I was like well, this iswhat I'm going to have to do, so
we're going to figure it out.
And thank goodness I had aclinical instructor that was
(12:42):
just so sweet and she's likeI'll give you one day pass.
So she gave me a one day passand it was like I think it was
once or twice a week, I think itmight have been only once a
week, but like, so I got oneweek off because she gave me
that one pass and then the nexttime she said if you can make it
into clinical or something.
It was something weird.
We can like fudge it a littlebit.
(13:04):
So I didn't go to that dateeither.
So on day 11 postpartum I wasback in clinical but I was in so
much pain I was from the vacuum.
My pubis synthesis wasseparated and I didn't even know
until I was six monthspostpartum because she was born
right before COVID.
So by the time I felt likethings were not going right.
(13:25):
I was like I need help and theneveryone shut down.
So physical therapy wasn'ttaking elective things, it was
all surgical stuff.
So I was considering going tothe emergency department to try
to get help from somebody andnobody was helping me.
And then by the time I was sixmonths I was like I've been
taking ibuprofen for so long inTylenol.
(13:47):
I mean for six weeks it was onthe hour.
Like every time I could forTylenol I'd ibuprofen, and then
it was like all the time untilsix months and I got an MRI and
sure enough, it was likestarting to come back together.
So I did physical therapy andstuff, but at that point, like
six months had gone by andbreastfeeding was so hard, I
(14:07):
didn't have any help withbreastfeeding.
I didn't know that I could askfor help with breastfeeding
besides the outpatient hospitalservices, and they were just so
busy that they gave me maybe 20minutes and said well, nothing's
wrong that I can see.
I don't know why it hurts sobad.
Maybe get your baby checked outby ENTs or something and see if
it's something to do with herswallowing or something.
(14:31):
I can't remember exactly whatthey had said and I was like I
don't think that's right.
So I just kind of sufferedthrough it, decided just to
exclusively pump for her, whichwas also hard being in school.
But I pumped for her for almosta year and that was like a
proud moment that I did that.
But I would have lovedbreastfeeding and I would have
loved to have support and kindof figure out why that was not
working.
But I never did so.
(14:52):
Thank goodness I have asupportive husband and a
supportive family, in-laws, allof those people, friends.
But from the healthcarestandpoint of it and the mental
aspect and the school aspect, itwas just so hard and I don't
realize how hard it was until Iwent through it and I'm like I
don't even know how I survived.
But somehow we do as moms, wejust figure out day by day and
(15:16):
it feels awful in the moment butwe get through it and it
doesn't have to be awful, but Ido feel like that sometimes what
does happen?
We kind of get left behind alittle bit yeah definitely Wow,
and so why?
Speaker 2 (15:35):
I mean during COVID too?
Just less, or I heard before,so that's just.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Yeah, and I couldn't take her out places and I was
like what am I going to do withthis baby?
So yeah, it was like anisolating time, I know for
everybody, for moms that hadjust had babies and I'm sure for
a lot of other things too.
But I know, for me in my lifethat was definitely a hard
experience.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Yeah yeah, you can be a peaker in the middle of the
deal, but even being in thatfield, you don't know what the
worry is about there, and to you, though, know, be straightened
by that, like you know, justthink, while the women that
(16:22):
don't are in that at all, it'sjust like and to only have a day
on Mm-hmm, I'm just lettingthem just insane, yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
I know so much.
We need to do so much better,especially for somebody in.
I mean, it should be foranybody, obviously, but for
somebody that's in the nursingfield.
It's like I'm not trying to getlike a free pass or something
Like I didn't have a baby duringschool to have a free pass.
I just that's when I decidedthat it was the best time for me
to start my family and Ishouldn't be penalized for that.
(16:58):
So there has to be a way tointegrate that a little bit
better.
So that would have been nice tofigure that out a little bit
better.
Because, of course, my husbandhe was in graduate school and
they were just like take as muchtime as you need, like you can
have, you know, late assignments, like it's fine.
And I was like why can't welike switch roles here?
Why can't I be the one thatjust had the baby and yeah, and
(17:20):
get a little bit of leeway?
But at least they were veryhelpful for him.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Don't even feel physically normal.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Actually my husband's a physical therapist, so he was
in school to become a physicaltherapist and like he kind of
noticed like some red flags andhe now working in the hospital
he works inpatient, so he isseeing moms after C-sections and
they're trying to get everybodythat is part of them to be seen
by physical therapists.
So that's something thatthey're doing, which is really
cool.
But I should have beenevaluated by a PT or somebody in
(17:51):
the hospital or taken seriouslywhen I couldn't, you know, walk
from the bed to the bathroomLike I have.
I mean, I feel like I have apretty high pain tolerance and
just in that situation I'm likeI'm fine, like everybody has
babies, like I'll get over it,kind of thing.
But yeah, I couldn't like standup straight, like walking to
the bathroom was just reallyhard and overall it was just I
(18:13):
felt like something wasn't right, but I also had never had a
baby before, so I didn't haveanything to compare it with.
So I was like, no, everyonejust feels this way.
This is just what it feels like.
And then, thank goodness, I hada good second experience I also
witnessed so many other momshave great experiences and I'm
like, nope, that was not at allwhat should have happened.
And I should have definitelybeen seen before I left and
diagnosed way sooner.
Because, yeah, that was reallyhard.
(18:36):
Because then I was at home likewhy do I still feel like this
after six weeks?
And I remember two calling themidwife office and saying like
something's not right?
At two weeks.
And I think I called again atfour weeks and I was like I'm
just in so much pain and I don'tknow why that would be.
And they're like, oh, this isjust normal, are these things
happening?
And I'm like, well, no, I don'thave like a fever or other
things.
And they're like it's justgoing to take a few weeks and
(18:58):
okay, okay, bye, I guess I guess.
So, yeah, that was hard.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
So you said that you were seeing like during your
prenatal at a midwifery office.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Yeah, so she said that she didn't actually take
due to her schedule.
She was only doing clinic stuff.
So she was seeing like kindpatients in the clinic and then
doing prenatal visits.
But I had never met with adoctor during my prenatal care
and I think that was.
I don't really remember it thatvery well, but I think I
remember being okay with thatbecause I knew that the hospital
(19:34):
I was with I was going to getanybody random, no matter who I
saw anyways, so at least I wouldhave a midwife in the clinic
prenatally.
I think that was kind of mylogic behind it at the time.
But yeah, I just got like arandom person, obviously random
nurse.
Then the nurse changed.
I loved her, and then the nursechanged at shift change and I
got somebody that I didn'treally vibe with very well.
So that was hard.
(19:55):
But then, yeah, the doctor thatI had it just kept changing and
then residents kept changingand everyone's fingers were
inside of me like, oh, your babyhas hair, oh, your baby doesn't
have hair.
And I'm like I don't care, Idon't care about this, I just
want her out of me.
There was somebody sitting on mycouch at a certain point, like
coaching me to push and I'm likeI have no idea what's happening
right now.
But yeah, it was a whole partyin there and people had no idea.
(20:18):
I didn't know who anybody was.
Lights are bright, like the bigbright lights were on me and
yeah, it was.
Yes, it was not at all what Iwould have expected it to be, I
guess, but also I didn't knowwhat to expect, so I just didn't
even, you know, ask foranything differently.
Want to sign on?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
talk about yours.
See, we love to hear this firstSure.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Yes.
So lots more positive than thisone, thank goodness.
But she I had four days after Igraduated, middle of free
school, so another school baby.
We weren't sure if she wasgoing to come before I graduated
or if I was going to graduatefirst, but I was.
I did, yep, I did.
I went from one to the next andthat was actually because as a
(21:02):
nurse, I wanted to like my maingoal was like I wanted to help
moms.
I wanted to be that voice forthem.
So after I had that experience,I mean I knew I wanted to be a
labor and delivery nurse.
But then, after that experienceof my own really solidified
that something needs to happen.
There needs to be moreadvocates for people.
And I became a labor anddelivery nurse.
And then I was like, ok, butthere's still providers and
(21:24):
other people that nurses like Ihave to do the things under
their care that maybe don'tagree with or maybe want to
speak up more.
And I was like you know what Ireally need to be like a
provider in that role?
So let me go to like I want togo to midwifery school.
I want to learn more.
How can I help?
So I went right straight tomidwifery school after that and
then I can talk about later whyI'm not doing that path anymore.
(21:47):
But yeah, so she was.
I can't remember how many weeksI was with her.
I was 40 and two, I believe,with my second daughter and she
Let me think she I was with adifferent group of midwives at
this point so I had actuallyworked with them as a labor and
delivery nurse, so I knew allthe midwives, which was
(22:07):
different, but they actuallywere on call so I knew all of
them.
So whoever happened to be thereat my delivery I would know who
they were.
So that was reassuring.
But I went in at 40 and two.
Actually I think I went inbefore that regular appointment
Same same deal, like 39 andsomething.
No-transcript.
(22:29):
Sorry, let me back up.
So I never mentioned eitherthat my first baby was almost 11
pounds when she was born, soshe was a very large baby.
I kind of missed that point,but she was a very large baby,
so she was almost 11 pounds.
So actually when I got pregnantthe second time, from the very
first appointment, at like 11weeks, they had me take the
(22:52):
glukola drink and I didn't evenknow really why at the time.
I just was being compliant andthey're like, well, you might
have had gestational diabetesthat went undiagnosed, so we're
going to do it again, like twicethis pregnancy.
And I was like, whatever, ifthat works.
So I did that.
It was negative, everything wasfine and they had from the very
(23:13):
beginning even though that theywere midwives and I loved them
they were kind of like fearmongering me to believe that my
baby was going to be huge againand that I was going to have
trouble delivering her and thatI was going to need to start at
30 weeks doing like thechiropractic stuff to help my
body get into alignment and thenpotentially have an induction
(23:35):
at 39 weeks.
That was already implanted inmy brain when I was like 11
weeks pregnant or 10 weekspregnant, whatever that first
appointment was.
So that was a little bitshocking to me at first because
I had never really even thoughtabout it.
I was like I had an 11 poundbaby vaginally.
Whatever happens this time,it's all going to be fine.
So that's kind of why I said at39 weeks, when I was 39 weeks
(23:59):
with my second baby, I went intothe clinic and I actually
agreed.
I'm pretty sure I asked for acervical exam because I was like
nervous.
I was like if I go over 39weeks when they were going to
induce me, I'm going to have ashoulder dystocia, my baby's not
going to be okay because she'sgoing to also be so big.
Because the first time I wasn'tworried about that because I
had no idea how big she wasgoing to be.
But now the second time I waslike, okay, now she's going to
(24:19):
be bigger because the secondbabies are supposed to be bigger
.
She got me a little bit nervous.
So I had her check me and Ithink I was like five
centimeters at 39 weeks again,just very far dilated, and she
was like that's fine, that'sfine, I'm like okay, really,
that's fine.
And she's like, yeah, that'sfine.
And I think I was like that foralmost a week.
(24:39):
I went back at 40 and two ormaybe it was like four days or
something.
I ended up going back because Ihad been having contractions.
And at 40 and two she checkedme again because we were going
to do a membrane sweep Becauseagain I was a little bit nervous
about her being big, which Iwould have changed if I would
have gone back.
But I ended up being sevencentimeters, no contractions,
(25:00):
just walking around at sevencentimeters.
So that's my body does,apparently.
But she told me that I could gohome and that was like my plan.
We had talked about it.
I was like, if this happensagain, I'm going home.
If I'm not in labor, I'm goinghome, because that's kind of
what started that cascadedintervention.
So I went home at sevencentimeters and it was like
seven o'clock in the morning andshe said, if you ever want to
(25:23):
come back today, tomorrow, justcall and you can have an
induction for advanced dilationagain.
And I said, okay, at least Ihave the choice.
But at that point I was like Iwas done being pregnant and I
had my little one at home justexcited, my other little one at
home.
She was like two and a half atthe time and I should have
(25:44):
waited but I didn't.
I went in for an induction atone o'clock that day because
they had an opening and I waslike, okay, and I get there.
It was like we were allprepared.
My husband wasn't in school atthe time, we were just.
We went in together.
Child care was good, it was allperfect.
I got there and they did theirmission questions.
I was GBS positive, so theystarted me on antibiotics, I
(26:08):
think right away I probablyright away and they started the
induction, I guess at 5pm, bybreaking my bag of water.
That's all they had to do,because I was seven centimeters
and I remember being so nervousfor them to break my bag of
water, because I remember thefirst time I was like okay, I
was like I made the wrongdecision.
I was kind of freaking out atthat point.
(26:28):
I should be at home right now.
But I did.
I went forward with it.
They broke my bag of water at5pm and again everything just
intensified really, really fast.
I was hooked up to the monitorwhen they did the breaking of
the bag just to make sure babywas okay and tolerated that okay
, which was fine.
And there was this really bigboom, boom noise and I could
(26:50):
just feel her just drop and Iwas like, okay, all of a sudden
something's happening.
I was like I need to stand upand I stood up and I think I had
three contractions and I lookedat my husband and I was like I
need the epidural.
This is not happening.
I don't know what I did thefirst time, that it worked out,
but I'm done.
And those words came out of mymouth and the next contraction I
(27:13):
said oh she's coming.
And literally within 45,.
I was actually part of a waterbirth study at the hospital, so
the midwives were having thiswater birth study.
They had just finished fillingup the tub.
I was planning just to be thereall night laboring and I was
like I need to get in the tubright now if I want to have a
water birth.
And jumped in the tub.
Next contraction she's likecrowning and within 45 minutes
(27:35):
this baby just shoots right out.
She was crying before she waseven completely delivered and I
was just like overall in shock.
I couldn't even believe whatwas happening.
I was very vocal, I rememberthat, and I was like I was out
of control.
I was just not believing whatwas happening.
I had my labor playlist readyto go Because it was a
(27:58):
controlled environment, it wasan induction.
I was like labor playlist readyto go, all the different tools
to help with pain management andthat is all one of the windows.
Not at all what I had expected.
But yeah, she came so fastbecause I was already at seven
centimeters and the only thingholding her back was that bag of
water apparently.
And yeah, it was an amazingdelivery where my husband was
(28:21):
there, the one midwife that Ihad seen in the clinic that I
absolutely loved.
She happened to be on calluntil 7 pm that night and I was
like if only I could have thisbaby by 7 pm.
Like ha, ha, that will neverhappen and it was 5.45,.
Yeah, but it was just her andmy husband and a nurse that was
in there.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
But lights were it was dark.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
Everything was how I would have wanted it to be for
many hours if I would have keptlaboring that way, but got her
skin to skin right away, heldher and got out of the water,
got into the bed, delivered myplacenta.
She asked me when my husbandcould cut the cord and
everything was my choice, fromthe time that I was admitted to
(29:05):
the time that my baby was bornand then afterwards.
So it was just such a more.
I know it was quick and somepeople are like you had such a
quick labor.
That must have been so easy.
And I'm like I don't know, thatwas pretty intense for 45
minutes.
Yeah, it was quick, but it wasjust a different experience for
sure.
And yeah, it went so muchsmoother, just having those
choices.
And even if it would have, Itell myself too even if it would
(29:28):
have gone the same way as thefirst one, I can't even be upset
about it because it was mydecision and I feel like it was
just so much more of anempowering experience because I
went home and then I decided togo back versus just like I don't
know what's happening to me,Everything's happening to me.
So that was really just a muchmore easygoing feeling.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Are water births legal in your?
Speaker 3 (29:50):
state yeah, okay, so that's something that they're
trying to have in the hospitalsystems around here.
I think there's like two moreyears of the study and then the
hospital system is going to likemove it to the next hospital.
So it's really something thatmoms want and it's like a really
safe, effective way for painmanagement.
So I really hope it's more yeah, more common.
(30:12):
She was nine pounds, two ounces, so she was a little smaller.
She felt so tiny.
I was like, oh, she's just atiny little thing.
I even felt like my.
The first thing they said whenmy first daughter was born was
oh my gosh, she's the size of athree month old, and I didn't
even see her for a while after.
So I was just in shock.
And when I got her I was like,oh, she's the tiniest, cutest
little thing.
But like now I see babies thatare like five, six pounds and
(30:32):
I'm like, oh my goodness, I hadtwo of you inside of me, so you
were a twin.
Yeah, they were both about thesame.
Yeah, and I wasn't agestational diabetic in either
pregnancy.
I was a big baby myself.
I was nine pounds, so I don'tknow.
So how was?
Speaker 2 (30:47):
postpartum with two.
Also, did you your pubicsymptoms kind of healed by the
point?
Speaker 3 (30:54):
you were pregnant, yeah, no, yeah, no problems
after that.
Once it was healed, it was fine.
I didn't have any.
Thank goodness I didn't haveany problems either.
Like at the end of my pregnancyI never felt any like really
uncomfortable pressure or likepain or anything like that.
So that was, yeah, definitely.
I know some people strugglewith that, so that was something
I did not experience.
(31:15):
And then, yeah, postpartum Ididn't have like postpartum
pitocin or like breastfeedingwent a little bit easier because
I had support.
It was still difficult, butotherwise, like the experience
itself was so much more calm andI feel like I knew what to
(31:37):
expect.
I didn't have any pain, so Iwas ready to go home like an
hour later.
If I could have, I was like,okay, let's just go home, not
see my other, I want them tomeet each other.
I didn't, but I could have.
I felt like, and, yeah, overallit was just, I don't know, it
was a really great likeexperience, memorable, like I
remember everything from labor,delivery, postpartum with my
(31:58):
first.
I think I just blackedeverything out.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
So, yeah, it's like fun to have those memories and
so did you end up practicingwith Brie after you delivered
and graduated?
I actually didn't, I sograduated in May of 2022.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
That's when I had my daughter too and took my exam
like the next month, like acouple of weeks before the
partum.
So I was like officially ableto be a midwife.
And then I like, really likereflected on, like really, what
I wanted During that time off,like with my daughter, thinking,
okay, well, when I hit like 12weeks or whatever, however many
months, I feel ready, I'm goingto start looking for jobs.
(32:36):
And I started looking for jobsand I was just like I don't feel
right now that that is what I'mlike called to do.
I feel like I wanted thatone-on-one connection with moms
and I wanted to be able to.
The reason why I got intomoodwifery was because I wanted
to see them when they found outthat they were pregnant or if
they were trying to get pregnant, and get that positive
pregnancy test, go throughoutthe entire journey with them,
together with that with thewhole family, and then they go
(32:58):
through the journey with them,together with that, their whole
pregnancy experience, delivertheir baby with them and then
support them postpartum, makesure that they're okay and then
just be there for them if theyneed extra support.
And, as a midwife practicing inthe hospital, the experiences
that I have had.
You're part of a practice, youknow you encourage moms to see
everybody.
So if there's 10 midwives, theyprobably only see you once and
(33:21):
then whoever's on call is theone that delivers.
So the connection just isn't asstrong as something that I like
to have in my own experiencesand that so many moms are
looking for is that continuityof care.
So I was like I'm gonna startjust supporting moms virtually
is where I started on Instagramwas just like texting moms just
for free, like what can I helpyou with?
(33:41):
Trying to see what they couldbenefit from, and I just got a
lot of knowledge, that way oflike what moms are looking for,
and then started to do someone-on-one coaching and some
virtual doula supports and justtook everything that I learned
as a mom myself, going throughpregnancy and birth twice and
then being part of like over 200maybe deliveries and many more
(34:07):
moms than that, than just thedeliveries, but just learning
from all of them created acomprehensive online birth
course so moms can take thatself-paced whenever they want,
just to be a resource for them.
And I have different servicestoo for like texting me, like
being just you know, you knowhow you go into Google and you
like try to find something,information about something, and
you get like the worst casescenario and the best case
(34:28):
scenario and you're like what doI do with this now?
It's like really nice for momsbefore and after prenatal visits
even just to have somebody talkto them and like somebody to
message that knows who they areand like can actually like
either talk them down that it'snot as bad as they think they
are or like know that'ssomething that maybe we should
be concerned about and likereassure them that they're not
crazy for thinking these thingsand maybe to get checked out or
(34:50):
something.
So really just supporting momswherever they're at in terms of
their pregnancy or labor, bothpart of them, just talking to
moms both part of them andfiguring out like mental health
stuff and providing really a lotof resources for different
things.
So that's what I think is a lotof times missing is that
(35:10):
referral network too, of likewell, where do I go from here if
this is happening to me?
And that's been helpful.
I guess my biggest piece ofadvice is just knowing that you
have options and knowing thatyour birth experience is
whatever you want it to be, notnecessarily what other people
are telling you that it shouldbe, whether that's your provider
or family member, like your momor something, it's really about
(35:32):
you and what you feel is bestfor you and your baby and
becoming educated about all theoptions that you have and
ultimately making the decisionfor yourself.
So yeah, if you wanna connectwith me, I'm mostly on Instagram
at BethConnors, underscore CNM,and you can find my website
bethconnorscom.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much forsharing your stories.
I'm just really happy that youhad that second empowering earth
, because I just had agirlfriend of Gryll.
She like had to be back in it.
It's just like.
It's just like that I'm takingthe power.
Speaker 3 (36:08):
Totally yeah, and the goal really is to have every
mom have that first goodexperience and like, let's just
not even have that.
You know that doesn't?
You don't have to have, it'snot a prerequisite to have a you
know, bad experience in orderto have a good one.
So trying to change that forsure.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Yeah, I'm really meeting you.
Yeah, thank, you guys.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
We'll see you next episode.
Thank you for joining us onthis episode of the Golden Hour
Birth podcast.
We hope you've enjoyed ourdiscussion and found it
insightful and beneficial.
Remember, the Golden Hour Birthpodcast is made possible by the
support of listeners like you.
If you appreciate the contentwe bring you each week, consider
leaving us a review on yourfavorite podcast platform or
(36:51):
sharing the show with yourfriends and family.
Your support helps us reachmore people and continue
creating valuable episodes.
If you have any questions,suggestions or topics you'd like
us to cover in future episodes,we'd love to hear from you.
You can reach us on our website, www.
Goldenhourbirthpodcast, orconnect with us on social media.
(37:12):
We value your feedback and wantto make sure that we're
delivering the content you wantto hear.
Before we sign off, we'd liketo express our gratitude to our
incredible guests who joined ustoday.
We are honored that they trustus enough to be so open and
vulnerable.
We're grateful for their timeand willingness to share their
stories with us.
If you're interested in takingthe conversation further with us
(37:34):
, join us on our Facebook group,the Golden Hour Birth Circle.
We'll be back next week withanother exciting episode, so be
sure to tune in.
Until then, stay golden andremember to take care of
yourself.
We'll catch you on the nextepisode of the Golden Hour Birth
Podcast.
Bye.
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