Ep. 179: Tell Your Story - Build Your Legacy with Toshiba Billings

Do you ever think about building your legacy? Do you ever think about how you will be remembered when your gone?

In this motivational and incredibly personal episode, Danny Stone has a conversation with Toshiba Billings, a self-made multi-book author, business consultant, and renowned content creator who shares her inspiring journey from a shy immigrant to a prolific author. She shares her experience of challenging herself to write and publish a book every month for half a year and ending up publishing seven books in less than a year. She talks about her book and podcasts being apart of her legacy and how you can write books and tell your story to build your legacy.

This episode also features a touching and revealing discussion on love, relationships, heartbreak, and personal growth within the black community. Our guest delves into her personal experiences and shares invaluable insights on managing strong emotions, the importance of understanding, communication, and self-candidness in a relationship.

 

Toshiba’s Links

Toshiba’s Instagram

Toshiba’s Latest Book

Toshiba’s Show 

 

Danny's Links

• Free Guide to Unlock Your Vibrant Life
• Champion You Community
• Champion You Academy
• Danny Stone Website
• Danny Stone Facebook
• Danny Stone Instagram
• Danny Stone Twitter

 

 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
There's something about imagination that we somehow lose when we're adults,
right? Like we kids have the most vivid imagination.
So creative. And you just the way they tell stories. And I don't know if you
even listen to like a five or six year old tell you the story.
And they weave this intricacies into stories. And you're like fascinated by the story.

(00:20):
And as we get older, we tend to lose that part of us.
And I just I never wanted to lose that part of me. And I was always like,
you know what? I love the written word.
So the first book I published was April 1st, and then I subsequently published,
you know, the next five over the next five months.
And then in the midst of that, I started writing my seventh book.

(00:43):
So I actually published seven books in 363 days.
I love this book because I've had so many women, black and white,
who have read this book and said how things in it have impacted them.
We would say, listen, we need to have an epicure feelings conversation.
And I always tell the story of there was one conversation we had and it was

(01:03):
two hours of him speaking and me saying nothing.
There was 30 minutes of that two hour conversation of complete silence where
he said nothing. He was pacing the room.
He was trying to figure out his thoughts. And I just sat there.
People need to stop making permanent decisions on temporary feelings.
Too many decisions in our life are made when

(01:25):
we are having a temporary moment and we
do not think about the long-term impact and consequences of
that decision until it's too late the tagline around it is changing the conversation
around black relationships and that's romantic relations familial relationships
like really moving forward conversations that we feel that black people needed

(01:46):
to have i love love i I love black love.
That is the one hashtag I will take. Hashtag black love.
I love love. I love black love. I'm a big believer in that.
I should not pay for the mistake of your ex and you're not going to pay for
the mistake of my ex. I'm very clear about what I want and what I do not want.
And again, the things that I learned from the relationship, good,

(02:07):
bad, or indifferent. But no, I love love.
Music.
You're listening to The Grinding Gratitude Show. I am Danny Stone,
and I've dedicated my entire life to helping people win.
Win in their careers, win in their businesses, and win in their lives.
This podcast is going to help you get on your grind and hustle to create the

(02:28):
life that you love and walk in gratitude along the journey.
Each episode, I'll teach you tools and tactics and bring you conversations with
experts that will help you turn your passion into a thriving online business.
Life isn't about wishing for something greater. It's about making it happen.
Happen. There's something special about you.
Ride until you find it. Be grateful when you.

(02:49):
Music.
Welcome back to the Grinding Gratitude Show. If this is your first time tuning in, thank you so much.
If you're an avid listener and watcher on YouTube, you already know I got a lot of love for you.
Now, lately, I've been bringing you some really amazing guests,

(03:10):
and we're going to get right to it because I think you'll really want to hear
a lot about what she has to say.
She's a good friend of mine. She's a business consultant, a multi-book author,
host of two different shows.
And the thing I love about it is that she is an amazing content creator and
somebody who just puts herself out there and speaks her truth.

(03:32):
So welcome to the show, Tashiba Billings. How are you?
Hi, good. Thank you. It's so interesting when people describe me. I'm like, that's me.
That's how I am. I'm like, who's he talking? Who's she talking about?
So listen, like, I'm super excited to have you on the show. We've been trying to make this happen.

(03:53):
But you've been globetrotting the world, so welcome back.
You and I know each other from previous work we've done in terms of business
consulting and a whole bunch of other things, but why don't you just introduce
yourself to the audience so they know who you are and what you do?
God, where do I even start? I always like to start with I'm a mother.

(04:14):
I'm a very proud mother of an amazing 22-year-old daughter.
I'm so blessed to have her. And that might be the only great thing I say about
kids after the rest of the episode. She's listening to me.
But listen i am just a little girl who was born
in jamaica whose parents wanted great things for

(04:35):
her and when i came to canada i knew that i had to do great things and that's
kind of what i live with this is the idea that my parents have paved the way
for me to be able to have a better life and so i can give that better life to
my daughter and that can continue so i'd say that's how i describe myself.
I love that. That's really great.

(04:56):
And how old were you when you moved here from Jamaica?
I was nine, February 16th, 1989.
I will never forget that date. I came with my big dolly baby and I had on this
white dress in the middle of winter.
I had never experienced cold in my life. And I remember looking around thinking, what is this?

(05:18):
And I also remember going to main station, No, it was main station.
It was warden station for the first time.
I remember just being so hope that warden station, because the way we,
when we came to go get the buses, cause you could feel the air from the bus.
It just, I will never forget that. Cause my auntie lived in Scarborough and
we live on like the West end, but like, I have little memories of patches,

(05:42):
but yes, I was nine years old when I came to Canada and I've been trying to escape ever since.
Damn like that no i like that must have been
a an awakening so when you came here right when
you came to canada what was like i mean
your parents came here for a better life and like you said they kind of instilled
these values in you to do better but like when you came here you know into your

(06:07):
teenage years was what was it like for you growing up here in canada you know
what it was I remember I say to people,
I learned for the first time that I was Black coming to Toronto.
Before that, I was Toshiba, right? Because my family was a rainbow of ethnicities, right?

(06:28):
And you know, if anybody really knows Jamaica, Armando really is out of many one people.
And that is true. That was very reflective just even in my own family.
You do a family reunion, again, again, all the colors, all the ethnicities and so forth.
And so coming to Canada, it was just like, I was different.
Like people made me know it was kind of like, why don't you have an accent?

(06:50):
And I'm like, why am I supposed to have an accent? Right?
Like there's all these kids asking me and it was like black and white and Asian.
And it was all of these little things. And I was like, this is different. And I remember just.
Was like, wow, I'm supposed to be different, right?
For the first time in my life, I was supposed to be different and I don't remember
quite understanding that.

(07:11):
But as I went through, I was in grade four when I got here.
And no, I was always one of the youngest in the class. My birthday is in November.
So I started high school at like 13. I was 13 when I started high school.
And I remember people asking me why, how come I didn't get left behind?
Because there were some people coming in, getting left behind because then I

(07:34):
was like, my dad would have never allowed that. Now, granted,
my parents weren't together.
Like my mom, my dad was still in Jamaica and my dad had raised me.
And then, cause my mother hadn't moved to Canada.
And so there was a point she got for papers and then she sent for me and my
dad was so big on education, right?
Like education was his thing. So it was actually advanced.

(07:54):
Like there was stuff that when my dad came to visit and we were looking at my,
my math homework, he was like, but you've already done this.
And I was like, yeah, daddy, I know.
So there is always this perception that all of it, like I was supposed to be
slow or something because I was from Jamaica.
But in my opinion, our education system was advanced, like at least what I had experienced.
So I just remember just knowing that I look different, or at least I was supposed

(08:16):
to be different. Like I didn't different, but I was supposed to be different.
And then being in the, in the system. And there was like a surprise that I was smart.
I had that feeling of like, it's, Oh, she's from this country.
And I'm like, yeah, I'm smart because education is important.
I was an avid reader. I used to read all the time.
I was the person, like the kid going into the library and whatever the maximum

(08:39):
amount of books I could check out, I'd check out those books and read them and
then bring them back and bring a set of books back because that was like a big
thing, like really reading.
And my dad, again, was very big on that. My dad would say, listen,
they can take away anything from you, but not your education.
That, you know, that's really amazing.
And to make a transition to a whole other country, a whole different culture,

(09:03):
even though, you know, you're going from one English speaking country to another,
I'm sure is very culturally different.
And the fact that, which is really interesting, because we're going to transition
into this, it's like, you're an avid reader of books when you were young.
And now you're an avid writer of books. Like, like, did you,
when did you or did you ever make that connection? First of all,

(09:25):
like how many books have you written?
Nine. Damn, nine books.
Wow. I wrote one and a half and I'm like, I don't even know if I want to write another one.
I wrote one and I co-wrote another one with like nine other black men.
And people keep asking me, yo, Coach Stone, when is your next book?
I'm like, slow down, man. So you wrote nine books. Okay, so.

(09:47):
What, what, what was it that got you to write that first book?
Like, why did you write that first book? Was it something that was lingering?
What, what was that like? Like, how did that come about?
I remember, I can remember vividly, literally being like 15, 16.
And my mother got like my, the first computer from the brick.
I remember it was from the brick, the big, big, dirty computer. Yeah. Yeah.

(10:13):
It's funny. is she got, she got, she had to get a computer because my writing
was so small that the teachers actually requested that I had to type things.
My writing was super small, very precise.
I would, but it was just, it was difficult for them to read, which I got.
And so my mother got me this computer and I used to write like short stories
just randomly about stuff.

(10:35):
Cause I love to read. And I always believed in your imagination,
right? Like there's something about imagination that we we somehow lose when we're adults, right?
Like we have the most vivid imagination, so creative and you just,
the way they tell stories.
And I don't know if you even listened to like a five or six year old tell you
the story and they weave this intricacies into stories and you're like fascinated by the story.

(10:59):
And as we get older, we tend to lose that part of us.
And I just, I never wanted to lose that part of me.
And again, the world, you know, we got, you know, the social medias came and
all these things came. And I was always like, you know what?
I love the written word.
And I started writing a book and I just was kind of, you know,
I'd write little bits in it and I'd get out of it and then I'd write little bits in it.

(11:23):
And I just, I remember it was like 2018, 2019.
I was like, you know what? Like, I'm going to really make this a thing.
I'm going to publish this book.
And I'm going to, I'm going to do the damn thing. And it kept lingering, kept lingering.
And then COVID came and COVID forced a lot of us to sit, you know, what, or what down.

(11:43):
And I said, you know what, I'm going to finish this book.
And not only I'm going to finish this book, I'm going to turn what I was writing into a six part series.
So in March of 2020, I had enough for like a book and a bit set about like, I don't know, 80 pages.
And I was like, you know what? I'm going to challenge myself every month.

(12:06):
I'm going to write a different book in publisher.
That's what I did. So I announced, it was like the day Rob Ford announced or
Doug or Robert, whichever one of them was in there at this time.
And now that we were having the shutdown, I was coming from a consulting clients.
And I was like, okay, what am I going to do now?

(12:27):
Cause how am I going to be talking to people about consulting for them and growing
their business when we are in the most uncertain times ever?
No one's paying me a hundred and something dollars an hour to tell them about
when they're just trying to figure stuff out.
So I said, you know what, I'm going to, I'm going to take this book.
And I literally went on, on Facebook and Instagram.
And I said, I'm writing a book and every month, right? Every month for the next

(12:51):
six months, I'm going to publish one.
Once I put it out, I wasn't going to take it out there.
And so the first book I published was April 1st. And then I subsequently published,
you know, the next five over the next five months.
And then in the midst of that, I started writing my seventh book.
So I actually published seven books in 363 days.

(13:14):
Seven books in 300. That's that's amazing.
Like there's people right now who are struggling to write the first sentence
of a book. You know what I mean?
That is a real discipline, right?
Because there's a lot of people right now who are listening who've been talking
about writing a book. They're saying, oh, my story's so amazing. People need to hear it.

(13:37):
What advice would you give to somebody right now who's like,
maybe they don't consider themselves a writer.
They don't know where to start. They've been thinking about writing a book or
they started to write it five years ago and still haven't. Like what advice
would you give to somebody right now who wants to write a book? Write the book.
A book is words on paper. We all put words on things every day, right?

(14:04):
Write the book. What is it? I don't consider myself an author.
I'm a woman who started writing something and have the courage to publish it, right?
We have so many platforms right now. Like we live in a place where in abundance,
everything is available to us. There's so many self-publishing platforms that you can use.
Cause at one point I was like trying to reach out to different publishers and,

(14:25):
you know, send them snippets of the book. And I was like.
I want to tell my story my way. That's I self-published because I was like,
I want my story to be my way and to speak to the audience I want to speak it to.
And so I just got up and wrote it.
I mean, COVID afforded me the time where there are points I was writing four hours a day, right?

(14:46):
Because I would schedule it. I would time it on my timer.
So I'd put two hours and like five minutes, understanding there might be five
minutes I need to go to the bathroom or I'm just like twirling around in the
chair. and then that timer would go off. I take a break and do whatever.
And then I would do another two hours. Like I would break it down because what else were we doing?
We were, we were working out as we, at least that's what I was doing.

(15:08):
I was working out, I was watching TV and I was writing.
That's, that's what I did. There was all these hours and we were locked down.
So I think it's, if you want to do something, just do it. Don't make any excuses.
There's always going to be an excuse as to why not to do something.
Listen, as much as my daughter is part of my legacy, see, one of the greatest
legacies I now have are these books, right?

(15:31):
Like I have my name in people's bookshelves. When you Google Toshiba Billing,
one of the first things that now comes up is my books.
Love my daughter and she's definitely part of my legacy, but this is a great achievement for me.
So do it people, just get up and do it. If you want to self-publish,
there's different platforms.
There's KDP on Amazon.

(15:52):
Most of us don't know Amazon was originally at like a book publisher sure. It's a great resource.
You know, Amazon will do everything for you. They will print it.
Ship it, you know, all of that.
There's draft, draft two digital, draft the number two in digital.
And they put your books on platforms like,
Barnes and Noble and Kobu and Google Playbook. I Google my books are in Walmart

(16:15):
because you can buy them through Drop2Digital and then put them in the other stores.
So no, it's been an amazing experience.
I'm not going to turn around to people and say it's completely lucrative.
I'm not over here dripping in money.
But for me, that wasn't part of it. It was just being able to have something out there that I did.
That was really important for me. No, that's really good.

(16:38):
Well, there's two things that I want to kind of add to that.
The first thing is people might be like, oh, well, you know,
that was during the pandemic. You had nothing but time.
Yeah, but you still had to schedule the time. See, I wrote my book.
When I wrote my book in 2014, I was working a full-time corporate job.
I had my business on the side. I just started my business.

(16:58):
And I was going to school and I was volunteering.
So people are like, well, how did you write your book in 12 weeks?
Well, I did it. going to and from work on the subway.
That's a majority of my book I wrote in transit on my iPhone and my iPad.
And then when I came home, I would schedule 30 minutes or an hour every other day or something.

(17:21):
So all of that to say was, anybody who's thinking about writing a book,
first of all, you have to know why do you want to write the book?
Toshiba just said, most people who write books don't get rich.
There's only probably 10 people in the world who are actually authors that make
money off of their books.
However, there are hundreds of thousands of authors out there who leverage their

(17:44):
book to build authority, to get people to hire them to consult,
to speak on stages, to buy their programs.
So why are you writing a book?
Are you writing it to build your legacy? Are you writing it to show that you're
knowledgeable knowledgeable in something?
Are you writing it because you have an amazing story that can help other people?
And this is a thing that I want you to talk about too. And I'll talk about it.

(18:09):
A lot of people think that they have this really amazing story and everybody needs to hear it.
Well, I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but nobody cares about your story. I know.
People, the only thing people care about, and you can, you can back me up if you agree or disagree.
The only thing people care about in your story is how your story can help them.

(18:29):
Correct. And when you think about that, you start to deliver the information in a different way.
It's not just about, oh, I struggle with this and then I this.
And what is the lesson for the reader? Right.
Now, I don't know, do you agree with that or not? Right, but that's how we operate
in life, right? What's in it for me?

(18:50):
Most of us do not work for free. Even when you volunteer, there is something
in it for you at the end of it.
Even if it's just self-satisfaction, right?
There is something in it for you. And so when you're putting pen to paper,
what is the message you want to deliver to the reader?
How are they going to perceive that? And part of, you know, what's important

(19:12):
when you're going to write a book, and as much as it's a personal journey, I get beta readers.
So before my book goes to my editor, I get other people to read it.
I'll ask them a bunch of questions and leave, you know, opportunities first
for them to give me feedback. But I want to know.
I've had people tear this book apart.

(19:33):
This book was much bigger than this originally.
And I had people tear it apart. part, my editor, when she got it,
there was times I had it blacked out, all kinds of things because I got other
people like, am I conveying the message?
What are you getting out of it? If you're not getting anything at all,
I got to go back to the drawing board.
And again, it's a personal thing. Like writing is such a personal thing and

(19:56):
I completely get it, but you've got to understand how other people are receiving
the words that you have on paper. So I would definitely say get beta readers.
I got a variety of beta readers to give me feedback.
And then I would go back to the drawing board and then I have another set of
eyes, completely different people read it again.

(20:17):
And then I would go back to the drawing board simultaneously while my editor
and I were working on the book.
And then, you know, I got my final set of beta readers and then I put out the book.
Yeah, that's a really great point. Like getting people to beta readers are really
really people who kind of read your book as you're writing it to give you feedback.
And the other thing I'll say about writing too is that sometimes your story

(20:39):
might not need to be published.
Like if you're journaling, maybe that's just for you or just for you to share
with your loved ones or the people that you care about.
So every story that you have doesn't necessarily have to be for the public consumption, right?
I have a journal that I journal with every single day.
A lot of that's not public consumption. It's for me, right?

(21:02):
And so people have to make that decision as well. Maybe it's therapeutic for
you. Maybe it gives you more clarity as you write.
Maybe it's giving you more clarity about what you need to focus on,
what you've been through, whatever, and that can help you in your life.
Or maybe it is for public consumption. But I think a lot of people have to make
that decision because not everything that you journal or write down is for everyone, right?

(21:28):
And so, yeah, so thanks for sharing those tips because I think it's really important
that, like, it's like anything.
If you want to do something, you got to get started. Like,
Just start. Start messy. Start from where you are. Start with what you have.
There's no perfect plan.
And I also tell people, like, procrastination, you know, saying that you just

(21:51):
need to get the plan right is just a form of procrastination.
That's all it is right listen it's never
i i will tell you i am on my 10th
book this is my third attempt at writing
this book i wrote the entire book had a beta reader
she read it she gave feedback i started editing i said this is not the story
i want to tell right and it went back to the drawing board and i started doing

(22:14):
it again and i was like this isn't it either and now out on my third edition
of this book and it keeps evolving because my life keeps evolving, right?
Like where my life was two and a half years ago when I was writing it is not where it is today.
The message I wanted to convey, and it's based on a talk show I have,
and there's a lot of information that I'm also gathering from the talk show

(22:37):
and some of my subscribers and emails that I'm getting and just responses when
I do the show and stuff that I'm taking,
messages that people People want to hear the things that resonate,
the things that do not resonate, right?
So I'm taking all of that. And sometimes it's like we think,
oh, okay, if I do it, this is, I have to do it in this time.
And I'm like, this is the 10th book.
I did nine and it's taking me all three years to write a 10 because the story

(23:01):
had had to come to me. I didn't want to rush and put it out.
I was like, there's a story in there. I just need to package it in a way that
my audience is going to receive the message that I want to deliver.
So what's the name of this book that you have here? Like what is this book about
here? Oh, this one. Yeah.
No handouts for black girls. It's a love letter to black women.

(23:23):
And I go through a variety of topics. I talk about a situation.
It starts out with a situation that happened in my corporate life that changed
my perspective on things and go into relationships and just kind of really give
people some insight into my life.
You know what? I love this book because I've had so many women,

(23:44):
Black and white, who have read this book and said how things in it have impacted them.
I had, you know, it's funny. I don't know when you go on your reviews on Amazon
and stuff and you see some of the impact and the words that people say.
Like I had one lady, she's a white woman, but her children, her daughters,
she considers them Black. Her ex-husband is Black.

(24:05):
And she said, this book really resonated with my daughter.
She was like, you convey things that I couldn't ever convey to them because
I don't understand as a white woman.
And she bought two copies and gave it to her daughters. And the review just
made me kind of like choke up because I was like, thank you so much,
because you never know how your words are going to impact people.

(24:27):
And I was like, if my book helps even just one person on this journey that they're
going on through life, personal relationships, their corporate life,
figuring out how to be a parent, I'll take it.
I'll take it. You know, that's why I wrote my book, You Have the Keys and I'll
Drive. I never considered myself to be a writer.
And every time I tell people this, I see the way they look at me like, yeah, right.

(24:50):
But I literally wrote the book hoping that it would help at least one person.
I never even thought about helping 10 or 100. I just thought maybe this book can help.
People look at me like, yeah, right. Right. I'm like, I wrote the book thinking
if it helps one person is successful.
And I think, you know, a lot of people have knowledge and information that they

(25:15):
can deliver to people, but they're just afraid to get started.
Okay. Maybe you're not a great writer, but maybe you're good on video.
Maybe you're good with audio, right? There's so many other ways to express yourself
and so many other ways that you can help you help people.
And so you transitioned and you You're not even a transition because you're
still writing a book. Now you have two talk shows.

(25:38):
And, okay, the first talk, the name of the first talk show, you know, F Your Feelings, right?
Like, I love the title of that, F Your Feelings. Like, honestly,
as an athlete, a former athlete, you know, I played basketball competitively
in university. university.
And I think it was maybe two years ago, a year and a half or two years ago,

(26:03):
maybe two or three years ago when we kind of met and you told me about the show
or something. And I was like, oh, let me go check this out.
And when I saw the title of your show, F Your Feelings, I was like, this connects with me.
It resonates with me because so many people get wrapped up in their emotions
and they just don't do what they have to do.

(26:24):
Oh, I would do this, but this person doesn't believe in me. I would ask for
this promotion, but at my job, they don't think I'm good enough.
Or you start feeling like you're not adequate or you feel like an imposter.
You got to push through the feelings. Absolutely. If you want to achieve something
in your life, you got to push through those limiting beliefs and those feelings.

(26:46):
Nobody got to the level of greatness worrying about their feelings and what other people thought.
So talk to me about the show, how it came about and what it's all about.
Oh, God. Oh, let me get let me leave back for this one.
I will, you know, I will give the credit to the name of the show to my ex-fiance.
Fiance shout out to robert stevenson for

(27:08):
the name of the show so we
were having a conversation god this
show started in september 2021 my fiance is also an athlete so he is a professional
athlete he played professional basketball he played division one and played
six and a half seven years overseas in several different countries so the big

(27:30):
you know six foot nine I'm a huge Black man,
and I'm 5'5". I want to paint the image for you.
So I'm 5'5", he's 6'9". We are very, very different.
We are having this discussion. I do not remember what even the topic was,
but I don't know what I said to him.
And he looked down at me, and he was like, what are your feelings?

(27:52):
And I remember, like, touching my invisible pearls.
And I was like, oh, my goodness. Everybody cares about my feelings.
I'm a daddy's girl. what is this guy talking about during that
conversation was he was expressing
something to me and i invalidated what
he was saying by interjecting my feelings that wasn't

(28:14):
my time it was his time to have a conversation with me and i had minimized his
feelings by interjecting mine and i remember when we stepped back and we have
the conversation and i said you know what we We have such amazing conversations
about life and love and stuff.
It'd be interesting if we actually took the conversations that we have in our

(28:37):
relationship and brought it to a public platform.
Brave, very brave. And we started having F your feelings conversations, right?
Like when we were in a space where we needed to express something to each other,
we would say, listen, we need to have an F your feelings conversation.
And what that meant at that moment, it was that person's time to speak.

(29:00):
And I always tell the story of there was one conversation we had and it was
two hours of him speaking and me saying nothing.
There was 30 minutes of that two-hour conversation of complete silence where
he said nothing. He was pacing the room.
He was trying to figure out his thoughts. And I just sat there.
Hold on. Hold on. Wait. You never said a word for two hours?

(29:22):
I said not a word for two hours.
Because I understood that it was his time to speak.
Like, he always gave me my time to speak, right? It was his time.
Whatever was frustrating him, there was a lot of stuff going on.
And after he was done, it was that, okay, how do we now address all of the things

(29:44):
that you just brought up?
And do I understand fully what is that you brought up so that we can address
it? Because there's things that we can address as a couple.
There's things that you have to address individually. And there's things that
I have to take away and address it. Right.
But if I was just talking and getting wrapped up in my feelings, I couldn't do that.
And, you know, one of the things we talk about on the show is,

(30:05):
you know, people need to stop making permanent decisions on temporary feelings.
Too many decisions in our life are made when we are having a temporary moment.
And we do not think about the long-term impact and consequences of that decision
until it's too late, until it's way too late.
And so, you know, when we started doing the show, I had a, you know,

(30:28):
when I thought about the show, I had a bunch of names on a piece of paper and I gave it to him.
What does he think? He's like, forget all of these names. We're calling It's a show.
The test because I'm like, is it too bold? Maybe people won't like it.
It was like on there. He's like, just go with your first mind.
That's what you want to call the show. Let's call it the show.

(30:49):
The tagline around it is changing the conversation around Black relationships.
And that's romantic relations, familial relationships, like really moving forward
conversations that we feel that Black people needed to have.
Now, you know, we're no longer together and I continue the show on my own.
And I've seen exponential growth with the show. And I'm very,
very proud of the work that I'm doing and the conversations that I'm having.

(31:12):
I feel like there are so many messages about Black relationships and Black men
and women where they're very contentious and we're speaking at each other not
to respond, not to understand.
And I've tried to create a platform for us to be able to listen to each other
and have what I call respectful discourse, because I think it's important to
have respectful discourse.

(31:33):
I cannot pretend to understand the Black man's experience and Black men cannot
pretend to understand the Black woman's experience.
But if we take the time to engage with each other and take the emotions out
of it, really trying to learn, I think we can go a very long, long, long way.
I mean, I just commend you both for putting yourself out there.

(31:55):
People come to me all the time. And, you know, my wife is a culinary nutritionist and she's on TV a lot.
And, you know, I'm out here doing my stuff on stages and TV and stuff.
And people always ask us to come together.
They love when we do stuff together. And we do it every once in a while,
but we don't want to put ourselves out there as being this Black couple,

(32:20):
because we already have people saying, oh, you guys are relationship goals.
And I always tell people, look, relationships, I don't want that. We're not perfect.
We got our own struggles and challenges. So every once in a while,
we'll go live on Instagram or we'll do something together, maybe on a show or something, but...
Like, did you feel that pressure? Like, were you guys thinking about that before

(32:43):
you put yourself out there?
It's funny. Like, it's funny. We, we, one of my hashtags was not couple goals.
Like do not, do not say we're a couple goals. Do not say we're relationship goals.
I said, you know what? We were, we are two people that were working really hard to stay together.
That's literally like what I would talk about. I said, you know what?
Every morning we recommit to each other, right? Right.

(33:04):
We are committed to the commitment of the relationship not to be goals because we are not goals.
Right. Like we are two people who got into something, who really wanted it to
work, who were putting everything that we could to make it work.
And I don't want to be anybody's goals because that's just too much pressure on any one person.
We would come together and talk about our challenges and our wins and everything
like that. And again, unfortunately, we didn't we didn't work out.

(33:27):
And, you know, I wish him wish him the best. And I know he wishes me the best,
but I think it was interesting because I think what people appreciated was that
male female perspective that was honest and true and raw.
And that's what we always gave. Like we would, we would call it our therapy
session, right? Like we would, we were like, it's cheaper than couples therapy.

(33:48):
And we talked through, people have seen us actually argue on, on the show.
And we're like, cause this is real life, right? But like, but we they also saw
how we dealt with it and how we were respectful with it.
We counsel people in certain situations.
We used to get people inbox us all the time because, again, it was a male female perspective.
And again, like I said, I'm so blessed that I still, you know,

(34:10):
have my show is actually grown exponentially since we broke up,
which I which I found interesting.
But I still have people who follow me and engage with me.
And, you know, it's amazing when people actually want to come to a positive
place. and I think I've become kind of that, at least I hope for people,
that positive place of Black relationships.

(34:32):
I think it's great. We definitely need to see more realness when it comes to
what Black relationships look like and Black love and what it looks like as
Black people to support each other because, as you know, we don't see a lot of that.
And so, you know, I commend you both for doing that.
And so what I also want to know is like.

(34:52):
Did you putting yourself out there have a negative impact or was your relationship
impacted by putting yourself out there?
I think it could. I think it could have.
We didn't let it like the the the strangers and that we didn't let the strangers impact us.
Right. Because there was a lot of stuff from strangers like we.

(35:15):
I'm not going to let you impact what I think and how I sleep.
Right. But I think there was some, especially on his side, there was some backlash
of us putting our relationship out there.
And I think that led to a bit of the demise of the relationship because just

(35:36):
his personal familial circle,
you know, he was having a very public relationship with me and he had children
from another previous relationship.
So he was having with me a public relationship that they wanted privately.
And, you know, when children get involved, we did not have children together.

(35:57):
I have a 22 year old now and he had other children.
And that started becoming an issue of him being able to see his children because
you're giving her publicly what I wanted from you privately.
And I have a piece of you and she doesn't. And it got to the point where for
me, I was like, no, I want you to be the best father.

(36:18):
And if it means that we are not together, that's a sacrifice that I'll make
because I don't want to be responsible for any man not seeing his child.
So, and I think at the end of the day, that was a good thing for me because
that wasn't the life I saw for myself anyways.
Like I didn't see, I like peace and that just became a place of disruption.

(36:39):
And I was just like, yeah, there we go.
Yeah. I think that's always my fear about putting myself out there. Like.
Well, more me and my relationship. I don't care what people have to say about
me. I'm out here trying to help people, whether you get it or not. At least I'm trying.
I am putting myself out there, you know, my vulnerabilities,
what I'm learning and all that.

(37:00):
But it's the relationship piece that I just, you know, putting yourself out
there for criticism and scrutiny and people to come at you.
I'm sure both of your inboxes were, I'm sure people were DMing both of you like,
okay, you know, trying to do that breakup thing.
Like, if you guys are this good to each other, let me try to slide in there.
I'm sure a lot of that was going on too.

(37:23):
And it's funny, when we weren't together, you know what, I used to tell people
when I get a DM, he gets a DM.
When he gets a DM, I get a DM, right?
Like we had a very open relationship, passwords to each other's phone.
Like he didn't work social media. every post on social media
was actually coming from me people don't realize it like
it was his social media but i controlled it right so we had

(37:44):
a so that stuff didn't worry about us just again
when people close to you that you know in real life start interjecting then
that became an issue but yet no i tell you youtube is an interesting place for
me because i get a i do get a lot of backlash because i'm very honest and open
and i i you know no filter so i think that's you don't have a show called F Your Feelings.

(38:07):
And for people, I actually spell out the actual word, but you don't have a show like that.
And it's timid and right about what you say.
So I'm very vocal and bold about the things that I say in the statements that I say and I believe.
But you know what? You take the good with the bad. And I think our brain sometimes
is wired to focus on the bad and my brain, I've wired it to focus on the good.

(38:27):
Yeah. No, I think that's so true. You see people who have hundreds of thousands
or millions of followers and they'll focus on 10 people that to say something
negative and not the other, you know, 2 million, whatever, whatever.
So we, it is a rewiring, right? Because we are, our brains are designed to protect us.
And so we flock to negativity. That's just our human nature.

(38:50):
And it is reprogramming your mind to focus on the positive, to be grateful,
to focus on your goals and your dreams.
And it takes a lot of effort to do that.
And that's what this show was about. The Grinding Gratitude Show is about helping
people to move through their limiting beliefs, other people's opinions,
setbacks, failures, and mistakes to push through that to get to the other side,

(39:15):
which is unleashing your inner champion, your potential.
But you have to make a conscious effort to block out the noise.
Like, you know what I mean?
You can't, you, when you wake up and you go to social media and you post something
and you're like looking at the comments and that first negative comment that
you see, you're ready to just give up, delete the post, go at the person.

(39:38):
You can't focus on that. Right? No.
You got to focus on the message that you're trying to put out there,
who you're trying to help, and the legacy you're trying to build.
That's what I focus on. That word legacy. And that's what people are like,
what legacy are you trying to create?
Like I said, that was part of me writing my books.
I said, you know what? One day someone's going to be cleaning out their grandmother

(40:02):
or their mother's things when she passes away.
And there's going to be my book or books on that shelf.
I am part of that way, but way after I'm gone, as long as the internet exists,
you can Google my name and there will be my grandkids or my great grandkids
can learn about their grandmother who did this work.
And if again, YouTube platform is still around, there's clips of their grandmother when she was young.

(40:27):
Oh, grandma probably shouldn't talk about that.
That's important. And again, I know that I have a message and I think I want
to, and I tell people, we don't realize that there are businesses built on negative
relationships with Blacks, right?
There are businesses built to make sure that Black people do not have positive

(40:51):
relationships, especially romantic relationships.
You can sell things to single Black women that you can't sell if they're married
in a happy relationship. That is facts.
And so it's easy to get caught up in all of that.
But when you really see the bigger picture of what it is, you'll listen to what

(41:13):
people like you and I are saying.
Yeah so I'm gonna ask you
like and I'm sure this probably comes up in
your dms and stuff so now that you know you're newly
single again do you still do you still believe in love are you still ready for
another relationship love I love I love love I love black love that is the one

(41:37):
hashtag I will take hashtag black love I love love I love black love.
You know what, for me, I would say that I'm the common denominator in all of
my failed relationships.
And when I'm out of a relationship, it's a moment of reflection,
right? Let's take a look.
What did I do to contribute to the demise of the relationship?

(41:58):
What were things that I could have done differently?
What are things that I just know that I couldn't have done anything about this?
This is just how it is. And so I really take back and I really reflect and I
try to learn so that I will be better the next time, right?
And I just, you know, I always think it's important to take a step back,
look at the landscape, figure out if I'm going to go after this thing, whatever the thing is.

(42:21):
And for me at this point, it's love and marriage again. Are there things within
myself that I need to heal and fix before I present myself back out into the world?
Because my next should never pay for the mistake of my ex.
At all. Like I'm a big believer in that.
I should not pay for the mistake of your ex and you're not going to pay for the mistake of my ex.

(42:43):
So until I was actually fully ready to engross myself back out in dating,
I didn't like, I, I didn't really date for six months after the breakup.
I just was like, I'm good.
I'm I'm, I'm in this place. I've got to deal with the things that I got to deal with.
And then now that I'm more back to dating, I'm very clear about what what I

(43:03):
want and what I do not want.
And again, the things that I learned from the relationship, good,
bad, or indifferent, but no, I love love.
I think black men are just the most incredible men on the face.
No disrespect to anybody else, but I think black men are just the most incredible
men on the face of this earth.
So as a black man, I, I concur.
But, but listen, no, you know what, you know what you said?

(43:26):
Some really powerful things there that I think men and women have to pay attention to.
It's about healing because what happens is a lot of us don't heal from our relationships, right?
And then we run out and we end up in the same situation again.
We don't heal. We don't learn.
We don't look at how we contributed to the demise of the relationship.

(43:47):
It's always about that person over there. And this is how they did me wrong.
And what happens is the next person inherits that.
And so what is your ownership in a relationship not working out?
And I mean, I've done that too.
I've had to, I remember like before I met my wife, I was just on pause.
I was like, I was not dealing with any women, women were approaching me.

(44:10):
I was like, no, I need to, I'm, I'm, I'm just taking care of myself.
And, you know, some women didn't like that. They're like, what's wrong with
you? You, you know, you don't like women or whatever.
I like, I'm just taking time for me to get me. And because I did that,
I was ready when that opportunity presented itself for my now wife.
But I just find a lot of people don't pause.

(44:33):
There's people who just are addicted to being with somebody.
They don't like to be alone.
And so they just end up with the wrong person. So that the power of the pause
to allow yourself to heal, to take ownership of how you contributed to the end of that relationship,
and then getting clear about what you want in your next relationship.

(44:55):
You know, that's everything that I got from what you just said.
And I will tell you one of the most powerful exercises my ex and I did,
and it's something that I have asked other people to do and something that I'm
talking about in my next book was I remember sitting down with him and talking
about our relationship with love,
not each other, not loving each other.

(45:17):
But what is your relationship with the concept and the word love?
Because until you understand what your relationship with love is, how you receive love,
why you give love, your thoughts about love, the impact of love in your life,
you're actually not able to give the love in the relationship that you really
want to. And so we wrote a letter to love.

(45:40):
So we both wrote, you know, we went on our corners and we wrote a letter to love.
It was a love letter to love and read it on our show.
And it was a profound moment for him because he's like, I've never done anything like this.
And no other woman has even ever challenged me to do something like that.
But I was thinking, we're talking about love. We know we love each other,

(46:01):
but what is our relationship with love?
And some of that starts from your childhood and how you witness love and how
you receive love. And I had another question I remember asking him in the relationship
was, how can I love you better?
I know that I'm loving you, but am I loving you in a way that you receive?
Because just because you're loving someone doesn't mean you're loving them in

(46:25):
a way that they can receive.
And until that person understands their relationship with love,
they actually can't answer that question.
And so I was challenging people. And it's funny, I got a beautiful email from
someone who watches my show on YouTube was it was a gentleman.
And he was like, that changed everything for me.
He said to she but it's going to take me a while, but I'm writing that letter,

(46:49):
I promise you, because he's like, it's going to break down for him some of the
issues that he's having when it comes to dating, because until he understands
what that relationship with love is,
how was he going to be able to love that wife that he's looking for?
And to me, that email meant everything.
I was like, if that if that's what that did, thank you. I've held that one person

(47:10):
and it's resonated with that one person.
So those are the types of things I try to talk about on my show.
And those are the types of things I'm talking about in the next book,
because it's things that we generally do not think about. And I remember my
ex looking at me and was like in my, I think it was 45 at the time.
He was like in my 45 years and he's been married and divorced.

(47:31):
And, you know, again, he was the big basketball player and the big man on campus
and women were always throwing themselves at him. And he's like, never has any woman.
He never looked at me and dared to ask me a question like that.
And he was like, it changed everything for him. That's powerful. I love Letter to Love.
And, you know, when you think about it, like I'm thinking about,
I never, I shouldn't say never, I rarely saw loving relationships growing up.

(47:58):
No disrespect to my mom and no disrespect to my aunts and, you know, women in my community.
But I saw a lot of toxic relationships. And I saw a lot of women and men justifying
staying with a person that was, and even in some cases, abusive,
not giving them what they needed to make them feel fulfilled.

(48:19):
And so for me, and I'm sure a lot of people I grew up with, you know,
I had no real concept of what a loving relationship was because I never saw one.
Like, it was rare that I saw people's parents together. together.
And so, you know, as I was going through my dating life, I had no concept of what love was.

(48:40):
I didn't know, you know, and it was being around people who were in loving relationships,
older people had been together for 20, 30 years.
And, and some of my friends who had been married, who were happily married,
you know, having deep conversations with them, like conversations like that
you were talking about with, with your ex that really opened my eyes to like, oh, this is what love is.

(49:05):
I never knew. And I think a lot of people don't know because even if your parents
were together, maybe you never saw them in a loving way.
You know what I mean? So I think asking ourselves, what does love look like? What do I need?
What can I give to someone else to make them feel loved?
I think these are all questions we need to to ask ourselves,

(49:26):
because once you do that, it's going to stop this cycle of you being in relationships
that are toxic, that aren't loving, that aren't giving you what you need to feel fulfilled.
Amen. And it changes your vetting process, right? I say to people,
we give access to people.
So what do I look like blaming someone? I gave access to my life for them doing

(49:50):
bad things I gave you access.
I let you into my life to allow you to do that. I could have stopped you.
I didn't vet you properly.
That's not on you. That is not me. And I've had to talk to people on the show
about what does your vetting process look like? I'll give you an example.
There was a gentleman I went on a date with. I went on one date with him.

(50:13):
And, you know, we had great conversations on paper. He looked great.
And we were, you know, having a conversation and he said he wanted to be married.
He's like 44, 45, no kids.
You know, again, on paper looks really, really good.
And we're chatting and I, you know, I said, okay, tell me for,

(50:34):
I just want to understand what does marriage look like to you?
Crickets and you want to be married you say
you want a wife you say you want a forever tell
me what that looks like for you because i want to understand your
plan for your life and your wife and how you envision that looking and when

(50:57):
he had no answer for me but then he said he wanted us to try to be in a relationship
i said absolutely not because you're not a man with a vision and a plan for
the life that you say that you want, right?
And there are questions that I ask guys that I know make them uncomfortable,
but sometimes you got to make people uncomfortable.
If I want a certain outcome in a relationship, I'm going to go and get that outcome.

(51:20):
And I need the person who aligns with the outcome that I want.
So if you say you want marriage, that's great.
Awesome. Tell me what that looks like for you.
Nah, that's good. Yeah, yeah. There's too many people that are comfortably uncomfortable.
And nobody challenges them in their life. their friends, their family,
their co-workers, nobody challenges them.
And so they just skate through life. They say all the things they're supposed to say.

(51:45):
They kind of make it look like they're doing the things they're supposed to do.
And then when somebody challenges them on why you believe what you believe,
why you move the way you move, why do you value what you value, they freeze up.
And that's when they get scared that they've been exposed because a lot of people
just don't do that inner work. A lot of people don't know.

(52:08):
They say the things they're supposed to say, oh yeah, this is why I want to
be in a relationship, or this is why I think I should want a family,
or this is why I should want to start a business. But do you really?
It's about you. You got to get clear about what it is that you really want without
the filters of what society tells you, what your parents want you to do,

(52:28):
your siblings. What do you want?
And that is very, very, very difficult because you got to spend time thinking about who you are.
And a lot of people don't want to do that. They want to fast forward to the
good part. Like it's like watching a movie.
You skip all the climax and all that. You just want to get to the end,
but you can't get to the end until you get, so you do that work in the beginning.

(52:50):
So like for you looking at you, right, you seem like a very confident person.
I'm sure that terrifies some people and I'm sure some people love it.
How did you get to this point where you're just so confident?
Because people will see you like, she's written 10 books. She got talk shows.
She speaks with confidence and clarity and conviction.
Like, where did that come from? I can tell you, I was surrounded by a group

(53:15):
of very loving people, starting with my dad.
My dad is, you know, he's left us, but my dad was one of the most amazing fathers.
I always say he's a flawed man, Thank you.
But he's a great daddy. And he, he was really a part of paving that for me.

(53:38):
Because again, they said, you know, a little girl's first love is her dad, right?
And so and again, I have great, you know, great familiar relationships,
my sister, I just was surrounded by this love and this idea that I could do and be anything.
There was I didn't, I didn't grow up with limiting limiting beliefs.
And I think that's a lot of it. A lot of us grow up with a lot of limiting beliefs.

(54:02):
And I can't say that I have that.
And again, and as I went through the journey
of life, I had to do a lot of self-reflection. And I know it's hard.
I had a show the other day that says accountability is the dirtiest word now
for a lot of us because it requires a level of honesty that if we're honest,
we'd rather be lied to, right? It's easier for people.

(54:25):
And social media is a a good job of telling us lies, right?
It's a great job of telling us a bunch of lies, but along the way,
you know, it was a lot of self-reflection.
It was a lot of stepping back.
Therapy really helped. I think therapy is a tool that we should all use and,
you know, being open and honest with myself about what kind of life do you want to live?

(54:46):
What does that life look like for you? Right. You know, if you don't,
if you don't get this, what's the plan B?
And if you don't get this, but we were all, I was always striving for something.
I tried to be methodical about the decisions that I made.
Like I tell people, my daughter is an only child on purpose.
She's not an only child on acid. I knew when I had my daughter at 21 years old,

(55:10):
I only had the emotional capacity to raise one child.
That's all I had. And I only have the, and I was going to give this one child.
Everything I had, but that was it. I also didn't believe in children with different men.
And so when her father and I did not work out, despite getting married after

(55:31):
that, beside being in great loving relationships, I had that stance.
I'm not having children with different men. I only have the emotional capacity for one.
And I may love you. And I think that loving feeling is great,
but that love is may go but this
child is forever only add

(55:51):
one forever child in me and listen you talk about people and what people think
everyone told me i would change my mind you're 22 you're 23 you're 24 you're
25 you're 26 when i tried to tie my tubes at 27 they told me to go to get a
psychological assessment i'm like i'm not crazy and so when i could then it
was like oh you got very much.
And you know, all of these things. And to this day, people are like, I am shocked.

(56:15):
You did not have another child said, what, what did you guys not understand about?
I had made a decision in my life that I was going to stick to because even at
that age, I had a vision for my life.
And I knew that having multiple children wasn't going to get me to where I wanted to be in life.
It was just, it was just how it wasn't like, again, my dad was kind of adamant.

(56:35):
When When you make a plan, you stick to it.
And if you need to change it, you change it, but always kind of have a roadmap
for what your life looks like. So hopefully that answers your question. No, that's really good.
I think right now, anybody who's kind of feeling stuck in life or they're feeling
like their opportunity is gone or they're trying to figure things out,
I think you just dropped a lot of gems on them.

(56:56):
I think, you know, to get to that point where you're confident enough to put
yourself out there again, to dust yourself off, you need to start to create
a vision for your life. Like, what do you want your life to look like?
Look at all the areas of your life that are important.
And what level of success or happiness or joy do you want in your health,
your personal development, your relationships as a parent?

(57:18):
You have to start to see that so that you can make it a reality.
The other thing that you said, which I talk about in my book is like,
you need a life support network.
You need a support system, at least one person that believes in you,
that encourages you, that doesn't let you quit on your goals and your dreams.
Now, some people are like, I don't have anyone like that in my life. That's okay.

(57:39):
Find an online community. Find an in-person community.
Maybe it's a community of faith. Maybe it's my community, the Champion U community
on Facebook. Facebook, find a community of people who are going to hold you
accountable, lift you up, and encourage you to keep going.
And then the other thing that you said that I kind of.

(57:59):
You know, listen to was, what is your roadmap? Now that you kind of have this
vision, like, how are you going to make it happen?
Most people wake up every day, not knowing what to do towards their goals and their dreams.
So they do either do nothing, do a little bit of things that are insignificant,
or they just, they have the shiny thing syndrome and they just,

(58:21):
they're all over the place.
What is your plan? What are you going to do every day to take control of your your health?
What are you going to do every day to quit your job and start your business?
What are you going to do every day to make your relationship stronger and more
loving? What are you going to do?
And if you don't have a plan, it's okay if you don't have a plan.
You can start without a plan, but at some point, week two, three,

(58:44):
month one, month two, month three, you need to know what you're going to do
every single day so that it becomes automatic.
Amen. It's funny. My daughter came to me, it was like right before the new year,
And she's talking about as she puts her kind of plan together.
And I don't know if she read it in a book or where she read it in,
but she was talking about like setting up her life in quarters,

(59:06):
right? Just like you do in business, right?
Like, mom, I know what I want to do for the year, but how do I,
I'm breaking it down into this is what I'm going to achieve month one, month two, month three.
Okay. That's my first quarter and really bucketing in that way.
And I thought, you know what? I was like, young lady, that's very insightful
because that's how you run businesses.
You run businesses in quarters, right? I think a lot of people do have these

(59:29):
lofty dreams, but what they don't do is they don't break it down into smaller, achievable goals.
You want to write a book? You wrote your first hundred words.
Congratulations, you're on your way to being an author. You don't have to have
written 350 pages thinking you're writing the next color purple or gone with the wind.

(59:51):
You just did your first ten words.
The first hundred, then it's the thousand, then it's 2,000, then all of a sudden
you're on the way to becoming an author.
But what we think is I want to be on television, have my own talk show,
and it's this big dream, but you don't want to start with just putting up your camera and doing this.

(01:00:12):
This is the way it starts, right? It takes, what did they say?
It takes 10 years to make an overnight success.
And that means consistently putting in the hours. There's a reason you can't
just have a podcast on Spotify without putting in the work.
They want to make sure you have done a certain number of episodes before they
give you speed to do that because the consistency is key.

(01:00:34):
You say you want to have a better body. I didn't want to go to the gym today. I did not.
I go to the gym six days a week today. I was like, I don't want to do it.
I waited to the end of the day to do it.
But I was like, in my mind, I knew I had to do it because my vision and goal
is to a 44 year old woman is to have the healthiest body I can so I can be here
for my daughter has my grandkid and for as long as I possibly can.

(01:00:58):
So I drink my water and I go to the gym and I sweat and I do my ginger apple cider vinegar.
I do all of those things. You may not want to do it, but I know what the,
I know what the end goal is.
And so I'm willing to put in the work. It's just about getting up and putting
in the work and what does it look like and doing a daily to-do list.
I have a to-do list and I'll put down workout.

(01:01:22):
And once it's on my list, I have to cross it out. I meditate every morning.
So that's on my list. And I look at my list and I say, what have you accomplished on this list today?
If writing is what you want to do, how long do you want to write?
30 minutes? Well, put right 30 minutes on your list and stick to your list.
Yeah, no, that's powerful. You know, I developed this system called the Get
It Done System, and it's exactly what you just said.

(01:01:44):
We take a goal that would take you three, four, one year, and we act as if we only have 90 days. Yes.
And so we break it into milestones, little, which are smaller goals.
We break that down into a list of tasks. We break that down into daily activities.
And that's how you get it done.
If you look at a goal, most people are too overwhelmed.

(01:02:06):
If you want to go from working in a corporate job to starting your own business, it's overwhelming.
If you want to go from, you know, I'm a hundred pounds or 200 pounds overweight
to, to losing that weight and being fit, it seems overwhelming.
You got to break it down into small, actionable steps and reward yourself every
week, every day, every month, every day that you get up and you put on your

(01:02:29):
sneakers and you go for a walk.
Like Toshiba said, cross that off and reward yourself for doing that.
And what happens is in 30, 60, 90 days or you go another 90 days,
your life can look a lot different in 120 days, six months if you take consistent daily action.
That is the key consistency right well to shiva we are rolling we listen we

(01:02:56):
could talk about so many things i got like a million more questions i want to
ask you about the shows the books like.
I just want i may ask you this one one last question then i'll ask you my final
two questions what is something that you've had to overcome like you've talked
about being divorced and maybe that was it.

(01:03:17):
What is something that was really challenging for you to overcome and kind of
how did you get through that?
God, the most difficult has been the passing of my father, my father's death.
So my father passed away in September, 2022.
It was the worst phone call I've ever received in my life from my big sister.
And when she called me, I knew exactly what it was. She didn't say anything

(01:03:38):
to me. I was like, daddy's gone. My superhero died. die.
My superhero, my daddy could walk on water and then he couldn't.
And it really made me take a step back and say, have I done everything to make him proud?
That was always one of my goals. Really want to make my daddy proud.

(01:04:00):
And as I look at my life in the last year and a half, I have definitely pushed
forward and achieved some things and really have it in my mind.
And I talk to him all the time. I'm like, daddy, are you proud?
Right? Like I'm out here. I'm getting it, daddy. Right? Like,
you know what I'm saying?
Like I, it took me from, okay, I know I have to grieve, but I was like the push
for me is I know he's still watching and I still have to make him proud.

(01:04:23):
It was, you know, it's definitely been one of the, one of the hardest,
one of the hardest hardest things to experience for me, the death of a parent.
And again, I'm a daddy's girl. So that was really hard, but I use it as fuel.
I realize we have a very small amount of time on this earth,
but that's the longest thing we do, right?
Like when we think about it, like they say life is short, but it's the longest thing you'll do.

(01:04:47):
That's what's done for you. It's done. So I'm like, how do I make use of every
single day that I'm blessed to see another day?
One of the first First things I do when I wake up in the morning is I say,
thank you, God, for allowing me to see another day because I recognize what
a blessing that is. Now, what am I going to do with this day?
Because I know that, again, my daddy is watching from somewhere. Hopefully it's up here.

(01:05:12):
And I want to make him I want to make him proud.
And again, I'm you know, I'm still going through the grieving,
but I've used it as fuel to be able.
And I, you know, I truly believe in energy and the universe and all that.
And I see certain things happening in my life. And I'm like,
Daddy, I know you have my hand in this. And thank you.
I'm going to make you proud. So I'd have to say, you know, that was that.

(01:05:36):
Yeah, I'm sure he's proud of you. I mean, you know, not just for the books and
the, you know, the shows and all that, but just how you show up being true to
yourself, which is very rare, you know? And I think that's one of the things
that I liked about you when I first met you.
I like the fact that you keep it real. We have real conversations.

(01:05:57):
You don't mince words, but you also have, you know, I don't want to make it
seem like you just have no feelings.
Like, you know, but I, but, but I do like the fact that, you know,
you do, you do ride hard for the people that you care about.
You do want to see people win.
You do have real talk, but you have compassion. And so when I had the chance

(01:06:18):
to get to know you over the last two or three years, that's one of the things that I saw in you.
And I really honor and respect that because a lot of people don't have that.
You know, they're, they're, they're, they're, they want to see you win as long
as you don't do better than them.
You know, they shoot down your ideas because they're afraid to take action on

(01:06:38):
their own goals and dreams.
And you're not like that. So I just want to say thank you for being a good friend
and thank you for encouraging me to keep going. I appreciate that.
And yeah, I'm going to continue to support you and your shows and everything
that you're doing because I love what you're doing.
I love the fact that you're uplifting people. You're challenging their thinking.
You're challenging their limiting beliefs. and you're showing them that you

(01:07:02):
already have this greatness within you.
You have this creativity, this curiosity, you're whole, you're not broken.
And so I love, you know, all of the things that you're putting out there in the world.
Thank you so much. I appreciate that. So I have two final questions I ask every single guest.
The first question is, what does grind mean to you?

(01:07:24):
Oh, God, it's getting up every day and doing the things, you know,
you need to do, even if you don't want to do them.
Right. Like, I think we understand it's easy to do the things that we want to do.
Right. Like a lot of people just want to sit around and watch TV all day.
Right. Like, I want to do that. That's fine.

(01:07:45):
But that's not going to get you to where you know you actually want to go.
So that's, like I said, some days I don't want to go to the gym.
Some days I don't want to work as hard as I do. Some days I don't want to write.
Every weekend I, after, so I have two talk shows and I do all of the content
for those talk shows. So I have to record the show lives.

(01:08:09):
I then take, I then rewatch the show.
I put snippets of the show. I then edit all of the content and then I schedule
all of that content to go out on social media.
And then I interact with people online.
I do all of that. Like I plan it. I do the creative. I do all of it.
But there's some weekends I do not want to do that because that is hours of time.

(01:08:31):
I could be editing anywhere from 17, like one show, it's generally 10 clips
a week, just the way it's set up. But my other show, it depends on the content and different pieces.
But I could go anywhere from 17 pieces of content to 24 that I'm scheduling on social media.
And there's a certain cadence to them and so forth. And I don't always want to do it.

(01:08:56):
But I was in Mexico on vacation, and I still had to get done.
All of the content was edited, and I planned it out where my daughter and I
could go out, do what we needed to do, have fun.
But there was a time at night that I knew she was going to be tired.
And I would schedule that time in with my headphones in, and I got it done.

(01:09:17):
Yeah, I might be on vacation.
You know what? Like you said, I was on the plane. I was writing.
Nothing else to do on this plane. So I put my headphones in and I just went to writing right again.
I know I need to do those things to get to where I want to go.
So that's my definition.
That's good. I definitely know about editing and podcasts. I know all about

(01:09:37):
that. And I've done that on vacation as well.
And the last question to Sheba, what does gratitude mean to you?
Oh, my God. Being grateful for every breath we take in life.
Just understanding that every day is an opportunity to create the life that you want.
Like people just don't, I think, you know, it's funny, you know,

(01:09:58):
this dating streets is so funny.
And my least favorite question is always, what do you do for fun?
Because I know the person's not
going to like my answer. And it's always waking up and taking a breath.
Because if you don't find that fun, I can't help you.
And people think I'm being sarcastic or whatever, but I'm like,

(01:10:18):
you don't understand how grateful, like literally the moment I opened my eyes
every morning, I'm like, thank you for giving me this other day.
Because I understand that there are people who did not wake up.
They went to sleep and didn't. And I'm so grateful for that.
And I'm like, I got the same 24 hours as Beyonce. So what am I going to do with
these 24 hours to get to where, and I'm just so, I am so grateful for that.

(01:10:42):
I really look and I think people need to understand we can create the life that
we want and it's not easy, but nothing that's worth it ever is.
Nothing that's worth it ever, ever comes easy.
You have to put in the work, but every step of the way, I'm just so grateful.
When I go on my shows, I don't care if there's one viewer or 50 viewers,

(01:11:05):
one person showed up, I'm grateful, right?
I'm just like, you're here, you're listening to me. I would say to people,
you could be anywhere else, but you're here with me.
And I'm excited whether it is one person or there's a hundred people.
And it's the same level of excitement I show because I understand the world
doesn't owe me anything.
And so everything it gives me, I'm just so blessed and thankful.

(01:11:28):
Wow. That's so amazing. Look, Toshiba, you dropped so many gems today.
I know people are going to go back and re-watch this and re-listen.
And I mean, you just dropped so many powerful gems that I think a lot of people need to hear.
Let people know how they can connect with you.
Okay. So I am on Instagram and on YouTube under the two following shows I have.

(01:11:52):
Can I swear? No, I can't. Go ahead. Yeah.
One of my shows is called Fuck Your Feelings, the show that is on Instagram and on YouTube.
I also have another show called Not Your Typical Girl Talk, also on Instagram, on YouTube.
YouTube. You can connect with me on LinkedIn if you'd also like under Toshiba

(01:12:13):
Billings. So T-O-S-H-I-B-A B-I-L-L-I-N-G-S.
And then my personal Instagram is I am Toshiba B.
Awesome. And we'll put all that in the show notes and we'll put it in the description
so people can connect with you.
Listen, thank you so much for being here, Toshiba. Really appreciate you dropping these gems.

(01:12:34):
I know we're going to have a part two. I already know, probably two, two, three, four.
You know, I know we're going to do this, but I just really appreciate you being here.
Thank you for being here. And everybody, thank you for tuning in and listening.
Make sure that you leave a comment below and let us know your biggest takeaway
from this conversation and make sure that you subscribe to the Grind and Gratitude Show podcast.

(01:12:54):
That's it for now. Take care, everybody.
Thanks so much for being my co-host on this episode of the Grind and Gratitude
Show. I really appreciate you.
I hope that you learned something and you're motivated to take Take action and get on your grind.
Didn't that go by fast? If you want more, head over to grindinggratitude.com
for show notes and more information about this episode.

(01:13:15):
If you enjoyed this episode, please go to iTunes and subscribe and leave a rating
so more people will tune in.
And let me say this. There's something special about you.
Grind until you find it. Be grateful when you get it.
Music.