Show Me the Balcony

Send us a text

Traditional marriage. Non-traditional marriage. 50/50 splits. Who pays for what? In this deeply honest conversation between three friends, we break down how modern relationships are being redefined—especially in the Black community.

We kick things off by questioning what "traditional marriage" even means today. Is it still realistic? Is it necessary? And how much do our upbringings—whether raised in single-parent or two-parent households—shape our expectations in adult relationships?

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Heavyweight Podcast.

Speaker 3 (00:04):
The message behind saying the title of the
Heavyweight Podcast is to beable to say that we can weigh in
on some heavy shit.
What we're talking about isimportant from every aspect of
it.
It's a heavy weight.
It's not just about physicalweight, but the weight of things
that can weigh our minds.
So I think it's dope that wecan have this conversation.

Speaker 4 (00:29):
You feel good too.
So I think it's dope that wecan have this conversation On
the inside and outside.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
What's up everybody?
This is Des the Diva.
We're not doing this withMaurice today.
No, Back again for anotherheavyweight episode.

Speaker 4 (00:46):
And that's the way I like it.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
I'm here today with two of my three favorite guys oh
so we're not, we're not justthem niggas you're not niggas
today.
You know how are your weekseverything been okay.

Speaker 4 (01:06):
Shut up, k-dot, I'm good.
I'm good.
It's your boy, molito, I'm good.
Good week.
Nothing coming off thatanniversary.

Speaker 2 (01:13):
Okay, okay, a lot of clapping going on, oh my God.
Happy anniversary, happyanniversary my nigga.
It's enough, we got it.
We understand, okay, oh my god.

Speaker 4 (01:29):
Kevin, you're weak sometimes.
You gotta, you gotta alternate.
You can't give them.
You gotta long, slowintermediate.
Speed it up, slow it down, windit Sean.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
LaPong, grand Canyon and shit okay this nigga this
nigga be a good dad how'd youlike that?
The wolf and shit the wolf outas they call it.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
Oh, the wolf is over there by the canyon wait.

Speaker 4 (01:50):
So you went to, you went to the the one out there,
yeah, okay, yeah, oh damn.
I thought you was going whenyou said that shit.
I thought you was going likeAnaheim my inner child so you go
where there's no lines.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
Okay, and that's then .
That's the motherfucking fact,jay.
Okay, I need to be adopted.
Right, I'm like I want to gowhere y'all go.
Then we can't afford it at thatpoint.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
It just got too expensive.

Speaker 4 (02:22):
I got this.
I got this co-worker shout outto Roy and I always say, man,
because he always he took hiskids to.
I think last year he took themto Disney World and then he took
he always doing something.
I said, man, how much, justadopt me, I come with health
care.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
He got a lot of kids.
He got three.

Speaker 4 (02:37):
That's a lot, no one grown, she grown, she 18, now 19
, I think the baby is, I thinkhis baby is nine, but he's a
good dad yeah, I was like that's18 and still you gotta buy a
plane ticket oh no, two yearsago he bought her a horse he did
the nine year old the 18 yearold, and then he bought her a

(03:01):
car.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
I see, yeah, he could adopt he got the space, he got
the money.
I mean he always at work, andthen he bought her a car.
I see, yeah, he could adopt,yeah.

Speaker 4 (03:06):
He got the space, he got the money.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
I mean he always at work, is he Hispanic?
Is he Hispanic?
No, he black, he black.
I'm trying to find me aHispanic family to get on so
they can buy me a King's Daydress.

Speaker 4 (03:18):
That's not okay.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, I'm trying to get in.
Today's questions arecultivated by questions that I
have had women ask me in myinbox, while we don't
necessarily talk about, which Ithink some of them we have, but
I pulled them all together sotoday, I'm not answering no
questions from no woman.
Today we might just be having alittle bit of an uncomfortable

(03:41):
conversation.
Talk about marriage and thingsof that nature Don't make me
nothing, nothing, nothing makeme uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
Ain't nothing uncomfortable.
Ain't nothing uncomfortableBecause?

Speaker 4 (03:51):
if I don't like what we're talking about, then I just
walk away.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
I ain't seen you walk away yet, because I ain't been
uncomfortable.
Okay, let's go.

Speaker 4 (03:58):
Y'all see how this work.
Let's go let's go.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
You're putting Kevin to sleep.
Let's go.
Let's go.
You're putting Kevin to sleep.
What wake your ass up?
You sleep no.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
I'll never sleep, thank you shut your ass what's
your definition of traditionalmarriage are you asking me you
first?

Speaker 2 (04:17):
nigga, cause you always got something to say
cause.

Speaker 4 (04:19):
You looked at me when you said that traditional
marriage.
Talking to you um you talkingabout marriage in general?
Yes, just generally or what iswhat traditional marriage like
today?
No in in general, like basedoff what you think it's supposed
to be a traditional marriage iswhere a man goes out there and
provides the the milk and honey,bread and butter and supports

(04:43):
financially, while the wife isat home with the children
nurturing, taking care of thehome and being provided for.

Speaker 2 (04:55):
Kevin down.

Speaker 4 (04:56):
That doesn't also.
But the father is still afather.
He's still involved in activeand involved.

Speaker 2 (05:01):
True.

Speaker 4 (05:03):
You know, because the marriage part only deals with
the husband and wife.
You're not a father in yourmarriage vows, you're a husband
that's a whole different role.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
So that's true.
I I think I saw someone saythat on the internet the other
day, but in reference to that healso referenced that the
marriage is bless you.
The marriage is also separatebecause you're gonna have to
provide regardless, because ifyou wasn't married with kids,
you still had to get asked towork and go do what you had to
do.
I mean, do you with the left?

(05:36):
Yeah, you do, but the level ofprovision is different oh my god
what's your answer, kevin?

Speaker 1 (05:50):
pretty much the traditional answer, right, yeah,
so yeah, that's what that istrue, I mean, that's the
traditional.

Speaker 4 (05:56):
Traditional I feel like to in today's world.
It may look a little differentit looks completely different um
these things is not paying allthe bills.
It can't be if that's nottraditional, See you can't say
that because not everyone isafforded a career or adopt to
pay all the bills.
Okay, I agree with that.

Speaker 1 (06:16):
I feel like traditional is, in a sense of,
that's the way it.

Speaker 4 (06:20):
Yeah, that's the way it's set up, you don't have
multiple traditionals.

Speaker 1 (06:23):
You have the traditional way.
Yeah it, yeah, that's the way Isaid I don't have multiple
traditional, so you have thetraditional way.
Yeah, now do I live by that?

Speaker 2 (06:28):
no, that's a different question, though that
is a different question and, toyour point, everyone isn't able
to to do so and I definitelyagree with you on that and I
don't well, here's the thing welive in california.

Speaker 4 (06:40):
There's more people even right, but even in
california there's men that areable to provide that life, but
that would just lower yourstandard of living.
All these trips and these, allthat shit.

Speaker 1 (06:53):
Are you shooting at me?
Nigga, no, nigga.

Speaker 4 (06:59):
No, I'm just saying like you have to understand.
Like, for instance, I feel likea man making 60 to 80,000 could
provide for a family.
Now, that's not going to looklike the same provision a man
making 100,000 can.
You know what I'm saying?
You might be in a two-bedroomapartment, living paycheck to
paycheck, eating bare minimum,whatever, but he can still foot

(07:22):
that bill for everybody.
It's not necessarily acomfortable life, so it the
level of income doesn't doesn'tnecessarily equate that he can't
do it.
It's just he may not be able tomeet the standard the woman has
set for herself.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
So that that's where it differs yeah, while um
writing these questions, Iliterally, because it's on the
internet so much about like 50,50 and things in that nature.
I was nothing in life is 50 50mad and niggas, until I started
to realize that this, this is adouble standard in in two
different ways.
But we'll get there.
Um, so when did you, when doyou think that?

(08:00):
Um, the traditional?
Well, you know well, you kindof just answered the question.
Well, I was going to say whendid you think the traditional?
Well, you know what, you kindof just answered the question.
I was going to say when did youthink the traditional marriage
stopped being so traditional?

Speaker 4 (08:12):
With the introduction of the welfare system.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
I agree.
I think, I agree, that's facts.
No, I still fucking agree,nigga See.

Speaker 1 (08:22):
That's in one household, though, what you mean
In a demographic of households,oh, household, though it's more
what you mean in a demographicoh yeah, that's what you mean,
yeah but I think a lot, I thinkthe majority, the economy has a
lot to do with it.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
Because because, to your point,not everyone has that lifestyle
to where they can't afford.
Um, I but my opinion.

Speaker 4 (08:44):
Can I just say this?
So if someone who it's a ghetto.
What.
It's a ghetto being a provider.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
Elaborate.
It's a ghetto, what you mean.

Speaker 4 (08:52):
Sometimes you want to take days off.
You can't.
I mean you can, but somebodyain't going to get paid.
Somebody standing could be lowfor a while.

Speaker 1 (09:04):
I'm just playing chill ass out of here.
I don't you got PT on.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
I'm just talking shit in a lot of cases that I, that
I, in a lot of cases that I see,a lot of times that I this
could just be the women I know.
I mostly see women that are theproviders and and I'm I'm sure
there's a lot of women out therethat are so when I heard you
say that you provide for yourhouse, like months back, I was

(09:33):
in fucking shock.
I was in here like nigga, wherethe fuck you working?
What the hell you mean?
Because I don't see that often.
I, most of the time, see womenwho are providers and I feel
like the way that it's presentedis different.
When a man provides, it's likethis is your job, this is what
you're supposed to be doing.
When a woman provides, wesupposed to be providing.
Writing, dying, fucking,sucking, cleaning, cooking.

Speaker 4 (09:52):
Now, hold on, now, Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold
on.
Ain't about a providership.
Some of us you went intomarriage.
You went.
Some of that was marriageresponsibilities.
I wasn't a provider ofresponsibilities.

Speaker 2 (10:08):
Right.

Speaker 4 (10:08):
And so, as a man, as a man who is a provider, I have
to provide and still do all thethe fucking.
Well, not sucking, but lickingthe balcony, all that balcony
Right?

Speaker 2 (10:49):
no-transcript heard me a couple minutes ago when I
said when I wrote thesequestions, I realized that there
was a real double standardthere.
I, um, I actually agree withyou.

Speaker 4 (11:03):
I don't think I don't think we think about those
things Of course not, becausemost internet is women-driven
and a lot of they're going tohate me for this shit.
I don't care.
A lot of this shit is justunhappy women online that's made
terrible decisions.
So then they generalize all menbased off the men they
experience.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
They're going to hate me too, because I agree.

Speaker 4 (11:22):
That's all that shit is.
I agree.

Speaker 2 (11:23):
That's all that shit is.
I agree, you know why?
Cause I used to be one and whenI lived in that space I was
like these niggas is fuck theseniggas, they dumb they, whatever
these niggas.
But then I started to realizelike no, we're not nurturing
each other.
I ain't nurturing this nigga,this nigga ain't nurturing me, I
ain't nurturing this nigga andthis nigga ain't nurturing me.

(11:44):
We're not nurturing each other.
We're not cultivating somethingthat can last, because we're
too busy focusing on what theother one isn't doing and not
hey, how can I contribute tothis better?
So I honestly, I think I agreewith you, Kevin, what you think,
because we done had a wholeconversation.
What's the word, what's theshit?
We always say.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
We always say shit, it's.
It's.
What's the word, what's theshit we always say?
We always say it and I'm frozenfor a hole.
No, no, it's, it's based off ofwhoever like your household.
I guess you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (12:19):
Oh, the dynamic Family dynamic Elaborate.

Speaker 1 (12:23):
It's just like.
However, it works in your houseoh, what works for you.

Speaker 4 (12:26):
What works for you, yeah cause it's like you talking
about, the conversation youtalking about financially yeah
anything however you run yourhouse cause I mean, if I wanted
my wife not to work, cool.

Speaker 1 (12:39):
But I'm like that's not gonna be fun, like fuck.

Speaker 4 (12:42):
No, we made that decision, we had that
conversation like you could stop, but then some of this shit's
gonna change and and and, butthat'll go back to the part I
was telling this earlier, likeit's possible, but some shit
you're used to not gonna bepossible.
Yeah, and now a lot, a lot ofwomen's response to that would
be like, well, she should justget a man that can still

(13:04):
maintain her, or he needs toupgrade himself.
Right, and if?

Speaker 1 (13:08):
I told these bitches how much I'm making, they'll go
oh, what the fuck.
And I'll be like exactly itcosts like that in life.
I think a lot of times.
I think a lot of people arekids.
They don't want to grow thefuck up and be like blame it on
someone else.
Blame it someone else.
Blaming on this it's like makeit grow up like people don't
understand.

Speaker 4 (13:23):
The more, the better you do and the better situation
you put yourself in, the morethis shit costs to maintain.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
Yes, absolutely and you know what's dope.
Here's a dope thing what usboth have in our careers like
one does good, the other doesgood like no one try, no one's
trying to ride off of anybody.
We both want to excel wherewe're at.
So it's dope Cause we both getthose advances of things and get

(13:52):
to celebrate each other in thatCause.
It's not like she just workingat what I can.
I'm never going to knock a job,whatever it is, it's the job,
but she's like striving to dobetter.

Speaker 4 (14:01):
Hold on nigga.
Did you want to knock the job?
No, not her job, Not her job.

Speaker 2 (14:05):
You can say it's not like she has, like a mediocre
job.

Speaker 1 (14:10):
There's some people out there like, oh, I'm working
too.

Speaker 4 (14:12):
It's like shut the fuck up you were using your J
Cole bag Mopping up floors atWendy's Okay.

Speaker 1 (14:19):
I had to tone it back Okay.
Yeah, okay, tone it back, okay,but so it's like you get
different experiences out ofhowever.
Your dynamic is set up so likethat's, that's fun, like she
just got promoted or raised orwhatever let me get to my note,
yeah, girl no she's told you wewolfed out so.

(14:45):
But like, that type of stuff isfun, so it's like, and it's all
towards the house.
Yeah, like everything's to thehouse, so it's like everything's
one bucket.

Speaker 4 (14:56):
Yeah, and see that, that's the way my house was, my
thing my wife had.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
She hasn't worked in five years yeah, that's nice
right and again oh, you're abetter man than me, though I'm
gonna take your phrase, becausewe like we even discussed this
we hit, we talked, a dollaramount and then like, I'm just
sitting there, I'm like, butthen we could do more that's
true, um, but even when she wasworking, it was we had.

Speaker 4 (15:24):
We had one bank account.
There was no, um, my money,your money, it's, it's our money
.
We're building a life together.
Yeah, now, mind you, we've hadconversations and we were on the
same page what our goals were,and we did have, you know,
boundaries in place, like, hey,if you can buy what you want to
buy, but at this limit, overthis dollar amount, we need to

(15:47):
talk about it.
So, if you spend more than this, we're going to talk about it.
And we set that number and say,hey, I want to get this.
It cost this much.
Okay, because what you don'twant to happen is you assume you
got this much but then you godrop a bag while she dropping a
bag and nobody communicatingthat we both dropping the bag at
the same time.

(16:07):
So now you're dropping two bagsat once.
So, like we had all those, wehad those, all those, um, all
those uh, uh things in place, um, prior to before she stopped
working.
And even now, like she doesn'tshe, my wife, hasn't worked, I
want to say about five years shestill has access All my it's

(16:29):
not my money, it's our money.
She still has access to the allthe accounts.
And to take it even furtherwhen she does do her side jobs,
when she does her makeup, whenshe does her shirts, that's her
money.
I don't include that in housemoney.
Now, there has been times whereI'd be like she's gotten me
stuff and I appreciate it withwhat she's made, but that's not

(16:50):
part of the family budget.
You know what I'm saying.
And would it be to Kevin'spoint Would it be easier if you
worked?

Speaker 1 (16:58):
Hell yeah, because I mean, first of all, I get
necessarily well, hold on Well,not first of all.
Not necessarily well, hold onwell, not necessarily.
I'll explain later.
Child care um hey, that's whereyou don't have that shit cost
too much, yeah right, but like Iwould sometimes.

Speaker 4 (17:14):
I'm like man if she doesn't work, I can go get my
truck.
Be sitting on 24s.
Oh my god, you know nigga shityou know what I'm saying it
would benefit me, right, and itwould benefit me right, and it
would benefit me, but I alsolook at it as that it would be a
detriment to my daughter.
Well, you pick up a differentrole what's that at that point?

Speaker 1 (17:33):
what's that if she's working?
I'm still working, you're gonnado child care?
Well, no, you can still.
I'm still working too, but whenshe's not, or when she's
working and I'm not, you withthe kids, yeah, doing all of
that.

Speaker 4 (17:46):
So it's like, well, yeah, but see, I but cam, I did
that before.

Speaker 1 (17:50):
I don't know what I'm saying it's just and honestly
you get a trade-off on it it's atrade-off.

Speaker 4 (17:54):
But honestly, now my child's at the point where she
don't take much to take watchher you listen, you don't take
much.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
Some days, some days, and then there's some days
where you're just sitting thereand you're like daddy huh, daddy
, daddy god, what the worst partabout my child is her schedule.

Speaker 4 (18:15):
She booked and busy.
Yeah she busy.
She's busy all the time.

Speaker 2 (18:18):
So that's the worst part.
It's worth it, though.

Speaker 4 (18:20):
She gonna be an Olympian cause normally you,
it's worth it, though she goingto be an Olympian, because
normally no, we drop her off.
She there wherever we take her.
She there for a couple hours,like I can go get me some pho,
get me a steak dinner, set me anice and then go back.
Oh hey, you want someChick-fil-A.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
No.
See what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (18:45):
Why you do her.
We do it like that every Fridaynight.
It's fair, but yeah, but againback to the original point.
Like that, whole providership,it can be maintained at
different income levels.
It's just the level of what'sbeing provided.
It's going to be differentbased off the income level.
And a lot of people out herethey want champagne lifestyles
off of beer money and they can'tlive that way.
Yeah, better learn.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
They want champagne lifestyles off of beer money and
they can't live that way.
Better learn how to get a doseat peace.

Speaker 2 (19:06):
I also think a lot of women want and I hope that I
don't get canceled for this, butI think a lot of women want
their boyfriends to give themmarriage stuff.

Speaker 4 (19:15):
Well, that goes both ways.
What do you mean?
That goes both ways.
That goes both ways.
I think she's talking to likethey want the boyfriends to
pretty much like provide forthem.

Speaker 2 (19:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (19:26):
In a way, but then that's the case.
Then you got to Again.
But then like the flip side isthat you have men out there that
want wife treatment from fromgirlfriends.
So it's like I feel like inthat dynamic you should almost
like you should get an appetizer.
You should get a taste of it,but not the whole thing.

(19:46):
Right, Because from both sides,what's the incentive of going
into marriage if I'm getting allthe benefits of marriage
outside of marriage?

Speaker 2 (19:56):
That's true, but how do you set that boundary?
What's that limitation?

Speaker 4 (19:59):
look like.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
Like hey.
I'll help you up until thisextent.

Speaker 4 (20:03):
Conversation, conversation, yeah, but it is
true, like, hey, I'll help youup into this extent.
Conversation, conversation,yeah, but it is true, it's like
as a but here's the thing as aman, when you find a woman that
you're into, you're going tonaturally start doing those
things, for that you would do asa husband, naturally, anyway
and I think.
I think from the woman's sideyou have to pick up on that and

(20:26):
then once, pretty much, you gotto match the energy.
Once you see that he's pouringinto you, now you pour into him,
and then that's how you guysbuild that shit together.
But like, don't, don't giveaccess to things before it's
earned.

Speaker 2 (20:45):
I don't want to say earned, because I don't want to
say like nah earned is the rightword.

Speaker 4 (20:47):
I don't want to make it feel like it's transactional
well, I mean shit.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
It is transactional, like low key.
Okay, so do you think thatblack men and black women are
groomed against each other?

Speaker 4 (20:58):
yes.

Speaker 2 (20:59):
I do too, kevin.
Real bad.
What do you?

Speaker 4 (21:02):
think you'll say no you don't think so can you tell
me why you think.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
I want to see if our thoughts align why I think we're
grooming each other.

Speaker 4 (21:12):
When you look at social media in the divide yes,
right there's a lot.
There's a lot of clowns onsocial media.

Speaker 1 (21:17):
That's why I don't go off.
It's like the place to gaugeoff of those right.

Speaker 4 (21:21):
Go to baltimore, there's a lot of yeah well,
there's places where it's likefor you see it, I would say for
every go to atlanta for forevery like if you go off just
the, the stats alone right abouthow black women are the least
married, whatever, whatever,right, those numbers are

(21:44):
disparaging.
But I know a large portion ofblack women who are married to
black men.
I know a lot of black men whoare married to black women, and
I know that some of the peoplewho have decided to marry
outside of their race is becausethey just happened to find the
one that co-assigned with them,and that's what the way the

(22:06):
universe works and that's cool.
You love who you love.
But like that clip I had sentyou the other day, like I do
think that for for you to comefrom something and then not like
nothing that you come from, butthen try to benefit off of what
you come from, that's veryfoolish to me.
And so I do think that thiswhole thing, this whole notion

(22:30):
of pretty much a black man andblack woman trying to put
standards on each other that arereally hard for most of us
experience here in America,based off the fact that you can

(22:56):
acknowledge that Black people asa whole don't start at the same
starting line as everybody else, because they get help or they
have different they have, youknow, let's just say what it is.
When you look at Latin families, they have better support
systems built in place for themthan us, and as a black
community, we need to do betterat growing that.

(23:19):
I do believe that, but a lotoftentimes we, as black people,
try to compare our own people toother races and, yes, that's
where the impasse comes in.
We need to learn to accept usfor who we are, but that does
not discount black peopleourselves from doing the work to
be better for each other.
That's that's the thing.
You have to be better for eachother, and a lot of shit that

(23:48):
they will try to stereotype uswith, our to stick to us when
that's not the core.
I know a lot of, I know a bunchof black educated women who are
strong, who are beautiful, whoare still single, who are in
their in their late thirties andforties.
I know I have friends that aredoctors.
I have friends that aretherapists.
I have friends that are CPAs.
I went to college.
I know these people.
I talk to people regularly andthey're black women and they're

(24:15):
and, and and also black men, butthey're not what you would
would would.
They're not the stereotypicalblack that you would see being
pushed on, like social media oron the internet, or even like,
when it comes to like theentertainment world, like
they're not.
They're not rappers, they'renot singers, right, they're just
normal, everyday people whohave made a conscious decision
to better themselves.
And it's hard it's I feel likeit's harder for them to find

(24:38):
soulmates because they'rethey're operating on a different
frequency and and I understand,I understand the, the lack of
that's more numbers to me.
It is a numbers game.
But I understand the concern ofof dipping down to bring
somebody up, because I'm notsaying that that wouldn't work,

(25:00):
but if you dip down to bringsomebody up, they don't have the
right mindset, they're not a gogetter mindset.
Then they can pull you down.
So I do understand that, asblack people, as we level up, as
we evolve, as we improve ourstatus, as we improve our income
, as we improve our overallbeing, it is hard to, it is
harder to find other people ofour race that are equally yoked

(25:21):
as us.
Sometimes it's not necessarily,sometimes you may find somebody,
but it's a distance thing orit's a compatibility thing.
And then sometimes you havepeople who especially I'm going
to say this, especially blackmen.
You have black men who level upand they they see theirself as
top tier or elite and now theyjust exclude a certain type of

(25:44):
woman because because forforever, whatever their reasons
are Right.
And then, as black women, asthey level up, because they're
the most educated, it's kind ofhard for them to find a man on
their level, financially Right,because there's a lot of good
black dudes out here that aremechanics, that are barbers,

(26:06):
that are plumbers or whateverthe case may be, but because his
job title in his career doesn'tnecessarily align with what she
sees her future, she willdiscount him.
So I do feel like there's a lotof black men that get led astray
and then and those are the frommy and my experience, those are
the black men that you knowdate the women that are

(26:26):
accessible to them and they endup going through you know the
baby mama drama and all thatother stuff.
So it is, it is.
It is a system wired and againI say it is, it did kind of
start, start with welfare, right, because my belief and my
interpretation of this and fromwhat I've read and what I've
heard and went through, is likeI don't care.

(26:47):
Anybody says the goal ofwelfare in the black community
per se was to remove the father.
Yeah definitely, and so if youcan get the income and not have
to deal with the stress ofhaving a man or being better for
a man who wouldn't sign up forthat deal.
But it's always like you thinkit's a good deal until you

(27:08):
realize it's not.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
Absolutely, because it definitely traps you there.
You make a dollar over andyou're off of welfare so you
can't really elevate whileyou're on welfare.
So, yeah, you definitely have agood point, kevin.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
It's part of it, but I mean, that's the system.
You got jail first, I think.

Speaker 4 (27:28):
Yeah, that's part of the problem too, that was step
one.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
That was what the whole jail system was for.
It was to incarcerate black men.
But well, I mean, I don't havemuch to say.
I told you I don't necessarilybelieve pitted.
I think that's a thing that isdriven by.

Speaker 4 (27:50):
What if it's not pitted?
What if it's just like a drivennarrative?

Speaker 1 (27:53):
instead, and I think it's not pitted.
What if it's just like a drivennarrative?

Speaker 4 (27:56):
instead, and I think it's driven by self and I, I, I
that's where I'm at with it.
I'm like that's by ourselvesthen I agree that self has
prolonged it.
And then we have people thatbuy into it and they believe
these things.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
Yeah, I mean just social economics, just when you
look at people and certainthings, because, as you were
talking about with uh people andas you go, it's just even take
race out of it when you go.
Women and men the higher womengo in education yeah, the harder
it is to find the higher womengo into a certain it's just the

(28:28):
pool gets different, so it justgets, especially when you go
into a race so now you'retalking about women.
If they're seeking to stickwithin the race, then the pool
gets even smaller, like as theygo up.

Speaker 4 (28:41):
So and that, and that's why I feel like you.
I really feel like youshouldn't be out here looking
for someone based off of whatpeople do, based off of right.
You shouldn't be looking forsomeone based off of what they
make or what they do right.
You shouldn't be looking forsomeone based off of what they
make or what they do.
You should be looking forsomeone based off of character
Right, because you can be asix-figure woman and find

(29:03):
yourself a six-figure,seven-figure man.
But you got to understand whena seven-figure man becomes the
seven-figure set of problems,because you're not the only one
woman fighting for his intentionand he, he's going to find many
women out there that's willingto just be with him on the
weekend and and provide him whathe wants in that situation.
And so I feel like charactersreally should be the the.

(29:26):
I mean vibe and attraction isimportant, but character should
be one of the most important anddefining reasons why you align
yourself or attach yourself tosomeone else.

Speaker 2 (29:39):
I agree.
Yeah, I definitely agree withthat.
And that's not to say that youhave to take any man.
You still need a man that'swilling to try to at least
elevate.
I feel like for me you have to.
You don't have to have money,you don't have to be rich, you
don't have to be the provider.
I don't mind 50, 50, I don'tmind paying more and you pay

(30:01):
less.
If I can pay the rent and thebigger bills and you can pay the
smaller bills, I don't evencare about that.
But I just want to know thatyou're willing to at least try
and and that I'm growing.
You're growing.
As long as you're down withthat, that's fine with me.

Speaker 4 (30:16):
I think for me it's like what I needed and what I
got from my wife is that Iunderstood that she was here for
me.
It wasn't for what I provided,it wasn't for what I gave.
She really rocked with me.
So, to like what you weresaying, there was a time like,
of course, fresh out of highschool, I wasn't paying for
everything we was.

(30:36):
It was a lot of times it was,it was 80, 20.
Cause she, she was working fulltime and I was, uh, going to
school working part time and youknow she was making more than I
was making.
And then it got to the point towhere, okay, well, I made
enough money, so I was payingrent, she was paying bills, and
then now it's to the point towhere you know, I pay for
everything.

(31:11):
No-transcript so-calledinfluencers or life coaches,
whatever they say about it, theyown some.
It's some real one-sidedbullshit.
They be talking.
And I just felt like Iunderstood, like because of the
example I was given, raising upof what a man is and what a man
should be and how a man shouldprovide, when me trying to model

(31:33):
, that I never had the mindsetof being with anybody or doing
anything outside of the personwho I had determined who is my
person, because I think whatpeople don't understand is, when
it comes to relationship andlove, you have to make a
decision.
Love is an emotion.
Emotions always change.

(31:54):
You're not always going to bein love, but when you're not in
love with that person in themoment, it's now it's the
decision and it's yourdetermination that holds you
steadfast in your decision tokeep your morals intact and to
stand on your word.
I can honestly say that I'mpretty sure it goes both ways
for me and my wife.
Through the 23 years we've beentogether, we have not always

(32:14):
liked each other.
There's been times where weprobably really didn't like each
other, but we stood by thedecision that it's us against
the world Wednesday and I'm notfeeling her attitude or whatever
, because that doesn't stop mefrom my responsibilities that I

(32:35):
have promised to do to her and Ifeel like today, what's being
portrayed this whole?
The second you're unhappy leave.
If that's the mindset, you'renever going to be happy, because
there's always going to beparts in relationships that you
don't align and that you have todo the work to get back into
realignment through thecommunication.
You're never going to be 100%on the page all the time,

(32:58):
because you are two differentpeople from two different
upbringings, trying to figureout life together.
So you can't just sit here andexpect everything to be a fairy
tale and everything just toclick the first time over and
just everything just be smooth.
That's not, not life.
There's always going to berocky roads, there's always
going to be good times and badtimes and it's like, um, it's

(33:20):
like uh.
Dr brian said does she say alot of shit I don't agree with,
but I did agree with this.
She said the the.
The only thing to make surethat your marriage will last is
just to not leave okay, well,what's the limitation?
Okay, well, there has to bethere is limitations of shit and
like and there is limitations,and those limitations are

(33:41):
limitations that you put whenyou, when you've done I'm not
saying stay there and just beabused and just be like taking
advantage of right what I'msaying is when someone has done
something so egregious that youcan't come back from it like
Kevin was talking about theprevious episode when it's
something that you just know youcan't come back from, that's

(34:02):
when you got to cut ties.
But if it's something that canbe solved with a conversation,
and because a lot of times whatI'm feeling is what you're
feeling, we're just saying itdifferently.
And now we're not on the samepage, because I'm in my feelings
, you in your feelings, so youdon't care what I got to say, I
don't give a damn what you gotto say, because I'm not being
heard.
So that's why a lot of times Isay, like you really have to be

(34:24):
successful in anything,especially when it comes to
healing and especially when itcomes to being intentional with
yourself or your partner.
You have to be able to stepoutside yourself, because what,
what makes being a good partner,is doing the things that you
should do, whether you want todo them or not because you still
have to show up for that person, because you've made a
commitment to that person.
That's what I say.

(34:49):
I ain't saying shit else.

Speaker 1 (34:51):
I don't know what the question was.
I forgot.

Speaker 2 (34:53):
Me too, but he gave me every answer I needed.
I feel like I might need toApple Pay you for the therapy
session.
That's $200.
We have it right now.
I don't remember which questionoh Lord.
And I thought, because I hadthe phone in my hand we were
going to get past this part.

(35:13):
That's funny as fuck and Ithought because I had the phone
in my head, we were we weregonna get past this.

Speaker 4 (35:16):
We, you, we were talking about the, the pity
against each other.
Yeah then, um, we're talkingabout then.
You mentioned the 50, 50 partthat was.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
I think that was just going.
Yeah, I was responding to whatyou were saying okay, I was like
I don't know if she asked.

Speaker 2 (35:31):
I think it was yeah, yeah, yeah so, uh, there was
recently a celebrity on apodcast.
He mentioned that he does notdate black women.
He's a black man that he justrefuses to date black women.
Did you guys watch the clip?

Speaker 1 (35:44):
I started to and then , I think, I was summonsed okay
you were summoned um it's.

Speaker 2 (35:52):
It's often said that black women are not nurturing
and that we don't provide.

Speaker 1 (35:59):
That's just people making cop-outs to shit that
they their experiences and theydon't.
Fucking because I don't base myexperiences and make them a
whole.
I've learned that and I'venoticed a lot of people will
take their experiences and makethat as the whole and like we
forget there is a lot of us,there's like a lot of people and

(36:19):
a lot of different people.
So, like he, that's just buffoonshit, like that's some
buffoonery shit.
To say, like oh it's all.
Like shut the fuck up, likeyour mom didn't love you nigga.
Like shut up, I'm like your momdidn't love you nigga.

Speaker 4 (36:33):
Like shut up.
My first reaction to that is Ialways ask did you provide her
with a safe place to benurturing God damn it, or did
she have to constantly be onguard?
Hello, because someone who isconstantly watching their back
in fear of what's going tohappen can't be nurturing,
because they're in survival mode.
So was she trying to survive orwas she trying to be nurturing?
Who's that?

(36:53):
So what environment are youcreating around her to?

Speaker 1 (36:56):
nurture you.
Was it even like a?
You know, was it real?
You guys just fucking around,you guys weren't serious.

Speaker 4 (37:07):
But that goes back to what I was saying earlier how
motherfuckers expect things tojust be given to them at the
beginning.
Yeah, and you haven't createdany type of safe space any type
of nothing.
You haven't laid down anyfoundation, but you want her to
walk in here with a house, yeah,like that's dumb.

Speaker 1 (37:23):
That's some dumb shit well, it almost seems like a
nigga who took you out to eatand shit and you're like well,
now you ain't.
You ain't washing my drawerslike no nigga.
You paid for Applebee's once.
What are we talking about?

Speaker 4 (37:35):
If you take an Applebee's, if you get a tax
back, you should be happy.

Speaker 2 (37:38):
Oh, you ain't lying.

Speaker 4 (37:38):
But if I take you down and get some lobster, I'm
going to get some ass, hey, ohmy.

Speaker 1 (37:41):
God, hey, don't, don't, don't you dare sit here
and shit on Applebee's.
Applebee's is trash, probably.
This is terrible, it doesn'tmatter.
Trash, what do you eat out ofthere food?
So what are you supposed to do?
So that's what he could affordand he's trying to be nice.
So you know well, you shit.
I'd rather just cook.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
I'll cook for you, because I don't like.
That's not true.

Speaker 1 (38:04):
You barely met this nigga and he's trying to be a
gesture.
Yeah, don't judge the nigga.
That's where the problem is.
Don't judge the nigga fortrying to do something.

Speaker 4 (38:11):
I'm not didn't say judge him, I just said you ain't
getting no ass.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
Yeah, that's fine.
You shouldn't be getting assOff Applebee's.
Well, if you get enough BahamaMamas.
But like I think that where theproblem comes in too is like
the expectations are fucked up.
Yeah, like we have fucked upexpectations.
It's like that's not real life.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
Well, I don't mean it like how the lady said oh, you
can't take me to the CheesecakeFactory and I'm not getting out.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
You just don't like Applebee's, I just don't like
Applebee's.
That's fine, okay, but likethat's what I'm saying Some of
you like they'll be like bitch.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
What the fuck?
When I seen her ass I said,bitch, you gotta be fucking
kidding me.
Bitch, you are not even bad asyou think you are.
Eat that fucking damncheesecake.
First you shut the fuck up.
The man was so nice and sonurturing to her and so you just
go dog him.
And then you thought it wasfunny to tape it.

Speaker 1 (39:03):
And now we all clowning you yeah, you know
what's funny is like when you Ithink a lot of our problem is we
don't look at us as individuals, and that's the shitty part.
But that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (39:21):
That's the shitty part but that's what I was
saying about.
You have to take into accountthe person's upbringing and what
they were taught why don't youlet each other get to that?
And that's, that's the coonery,that's the fool part about it.
Like you, you can't.
You can't meet every woman orevery man and think that they
had the same experience as thelast one you met like why you

(39:41):
talk like that?

Speaker 1 (39:42):
ah, touche I never, I never even thought of that.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
I never.
You are right though.

Speaker 4 (39:46):
I mean even, it doesn't even matter.
Like you can, you can, you candate.
You can date 10 black men in arow and they can have 10
different upbringings.
Now will there be similaritiesin their upbringing?
Yes, but there will be odditiesin there that will set them
different uh from each other.
The same thing with, uh,hispanic uh men.
Same thing with white likewhite.
It's like there's going to bedifferences in there because

(40:09):
everyone's going to have littleminute changes in their
upbringing that, even thoughit's a small change from the
other person, it's going to turninto a big shift in how they
see, how they see themselves andhow they act as they get older.
So you can't just assume thatall that's the thing.

Speaker 1 (40:26):
I'm just laughing.
I know he's like American,American black and I'm like I
don't think these girls want tobe, they don't want to live that
African life.

Speaker 4 (40:36):
Yeah, yeah, right, no right walk behind me, bitch to
me that when that that to me.

Speaker 2 (40:47):
Y'all tried to hold that laughing.
That dick said walk behind me,bitch to me.

Speaker 4 (40:54):
I don't even like that notion.
Walk behind me, bitch Tim.
I don't even like that notionof walk behind me.
I don't like that.
I walk behind my wife.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
Do you?
Yeah, I try to see.

Speaker 4 (41:02):
I either walk right next to her or I walk behind her
, not her ass.

Speaker 1 (41:04):
I'm saying like what's in front of her, like
what's coming around.

Speaker 4 (41:07):
Because and this is why, because this is my, this is
just how I see it I may bewrong.
If I walk, if I walk behind her, if someone comes up from
behind, I'm the first onegetting hit.
So I'm shielding her back andnow I'm looking ahead of her,
because women don't payattention to shit when they're
with a man, so now I can lookahead of her and on her side, so

(41:29):
I now have her covered 360degrees if I walk behind her and
I and I and I get close to herwhen I need to and I back up
when I need to, but she's alwaysin my line of sight.
I don't have to be right next toher to be protecting her.
Now, there's times where shemay want me to be next to her
because she want to hold handsor she want more.
That's cool, right.

(41:50):
But the but, the protector inme, is like no, let her be two
or three steps ahead of me.
And then sometimes, when I knowwe somewhere in place, I'm like
, hurry up, let's go.
And I'll be like let's go, andI just take off on her ass damn
she be walking where you wentfrom.

Speaker 1 (42:04):
I be watching her and be like I'm out of here.
Sorry, I didn't mean to cut youoff, I was that.
Shit had me in my head.

Speaker 4 (42:12):
I was just like, well , you know but I was the dude in
the clip.
I was like this nigga soundlike a nigga, that he finally
came into a little bit money andthought he was a bit bigger
than what he was and and becauseyou had your 15 seconds, it
elevated you for 15 secondssomewhere else and you tried to
yeah, that's the same notion Ihad about that as well.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
But I also kind of feel like just kind of seeing
how some of my um other culturedfriends were raised.
Um, I was raised to get up work.
You don't need nigga for shit.
You got this, you don't needanybody, so I didn't learn to be
nurturing a lot of black womenwere yeah, so I didn't learn to

(42:55):
be nurturing until I started togrow.

Speaker 4 (43:00):
And let me ask you this were you, were you raised
by your mom?

Speaker 2 (43:02):
yeah, just my mom just your mom.

Speaker 4 (43:04):
That's why yeah, I know because your mom had to get
up every day and get it.

Speaker 2 (43:07):
I'm a hundred percent , know that right yeah.

Speaker 4 (43:09):
So, again, like that's a, that's a.
That's the conversation I hadto have with my wife, because
she again was raised by a singlemom.
I was raised in a two parenthousehold, right, so I had to
tell her, like, hey, you actinglike your mama, this ain't that
situation.
Calm down, like it is, it islearned, it's it's.
It's a different experiencecoming from, cause I'm coming

(43:31):
from a, from a dynamic to wheremy grandmother had help, right,
so it was two, it wasn't likeshe doing everything, and so my
grandmother played a verytraditional role.
Now, mind you, they was blackand uneducated in the forties
and fifties, so they both had towork to make it.
But my grandfather worked, youknow, two jobs, whatever, and my

(43:52):
grandmother worked one, right,but it still was like they
carried, they both carried theirshare, but he, financially, he
did a little bit more.
And then where he, where, wherehe, where he picked up
financially.
She picked up in the home,right, because my grandfather

(44:13):
cooked, he cleaned, he did allthat, right.
So that's the example that Iwas seeing.
But when you then marry my wifeand she coming from a situation
to where her mom, her mom heldit down and she took care of
everything.
So my wife, as I told you, likeshe was very career driven,
driven, like she, she had her,she had her goals, she had her
market, she wanted to hit andthat's what she was focusing on.
So this, this being a being amother, wife and just like kind

(44:36):
of nurture role, is that it wassomething for her I feel that
she had to get accustomed to.
Now she done fell all the wayinto it.
She in there.
She in there now, because shedon't like setting no alarms.
She in there, I heard that.
She in there now alarms.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
I heard that she ended it now and that, honestly,
has been a big issue in me andJohn's relationship as well,
cause he does come from a twoparent household and I came from
a single mom.
So if you don't do it fastenough for me, I'm going to
fucking do it myself, and thenI'll be mad Cause I had to do it
myself.
No I have to you don't, becauseI'd be scared if I don't do it.

(45:13):
That's a lack of trust and yougotta let that be, you gotta let
it be.

Speaker 1 (45:17):
We have.
I've had those arguments whereit's like, hey, cool, it's not
on your time and it goes bothways.
Where it's like, just let megive me the fucking chance to do
it don't.
It's just because it wasn't onthe time you wanted it.
Give me the chance, like yougotta, but that's that's a
cultural difference and thatthat is.
That is something not culturalwith it, but like you were

(45:38):
saying with the no, that, that,that that's.

Speaker 4 (45:41):
That's for me personally, my experience as any
woman, regardless of race, thatcomes from a single no, I mean
I think so, but but like you,but to your point, it's because
we watched our moms.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
My mom handles shit way better by herself than I
think she does in relationships,because my mom can she.

Speaker 4 (46:00):
I never see her fall when she's by herself, because
here's the thing, your mom,here's the, here's the harsh,
sad reality, right, your mom isprobably more used to and more
comfortable with being byherself, and so, and when and
when you're by yourself, youcould, you could.
It's easy to protect yourselffrom yourself because you're not

(46:20):
going to intentionally doanything to harm you.

Speaker 1 (46:23):
Right.

Speaker 4 (46:23):
You don't, you're not compromised, right, like Kevin
said, right, but but when now,when you're doing it with two
people?
Now you got to compromisebecause, hey, you, you may like
be taking out the trash firstthing in the morning, I'm like,
well, watch, I'll.
Just, I'll take it out when Icome back.
It's going to be taken out, butbut see from the dynamic where
my wife come from no, I need togo out right now.
No, I don't, it's just, I'mgoing to take care of it.

(46:45):
See, that's the thing.
And like I always like and thisis this is a real problem that
we have I tell my wife, I sayyou have, you see something?
And you say, hey, I need to dothis and you want to done this,
right, then Right, and you tellme what you need.
And it's not that I'm beingdismissive, but while you, while
you're telling me what you need, I still had a list of things
that I was trying to do.
So now what my man brain doesis go OK, this is what she needs

(47:07):
.
It's not necessarily a priorityright now.
So this is going to go andslide into number three, spot,
let me take care of this firstand I'll get back to this.
That's how most men think.
We are not multitaskers.
We kind of knock it off one ata time.
But what I noticed with my wifeif she asks me for something,
she wants that to be at the topof the list, unless she says

(47:28):
when you get a chance eventhough I know sometimes when you
get a chance, me nigga, do itright now, in the next five
minutes yes yes, so, but thatthat is something that like that
was, that was a riff between us, because it's like I understand
what you, I understand.
This isn't what something youwant me to do, this is a need
for you, but it's not necessaryas important as you think,

(47:49):
because, as individually we allthink what we want or need to
get done is important in thatmoment.
Well, I'm not saying it's notimportant.
I'm not saying it's notimportant.
It's just not always the mostimportant thing at that time.
It doesn't mean that it's notgoing to get done.
It just doesn't mean that it'snot the time to get it done.
Oh, sometimes it don't beimportant oh I know, I know, oh,

(48:13):
I know, sorry babe.

Speaker 2 (48:16):
Well, you ain't gotta apologize, that's real life
well, I asked you one questionand you didn't ask to answer
every question on the damn list.

Speaker 4 (48:23):
Well, talk to Kevin then no, we didn't.

Speaker 2 (48:27):
No, I think we we didn't answer everything on the
list.
Yes, we did nigga please.
I think the only other twoquestions were what are the male
role?

Speaker 1 (48:38):
and what is the female.

Speaker 2 (48:40):
He answered it what all of that shit.
The only two questions thatwere left were what are the male
roles and what are the femaleroles in your opinion in
relationships?
That depends on therelationship.
Yeah, I agree with that.
I don't think there are any anyspecific.

Speaker 4 (48:54):
You gotta do what works for you.
You can't.
That's the thing, stop stop.

Speaker 1 (48:58):
Well, the, the loaded part, too, is like, as I was
saying, that's why I said thatis the traditional, because it's
like you said.
Which traditional are youtalking about?
Because there's no realtraditional.
That's the shit that I get lostin, because I'm like okay, so
what are you talking?
Okay, so black people we wantto talk about traditional black.
Is that?

(49:18):
From what era of life are wetalking?
Are we talking?

Speaker 4 (49:22):
what demographic?

Speaker 1 (49:24):
Are we talking about, how we say, the African men?
It's a little different.
It's a lot of different thanThen.
Are we talking about American?
We're talking about Southern,yeah.

Speaker 4 (49:35):
Could you go back as far as like are we talking
traditional?
Before women could vote onproperty?

Speaker 1 (49:39):
Like, it can get tricky.

Speaker 4 (49:42):
Because back then y'all didn't have a choice.
This is why grandpa had a had afamily on the other side of
town.
Because what would you worry,baby, where outside of town?
Because what would you worry,baby, where you gonna go?

Speaker 2 (49:48):
You couldn't get nothing in your name.
Yeah, very true.

Speaker 4 (49:50):
Very true.

Speaker 2 (49:52):
That's the America that they're trying to make you
try to run away.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
Another nigga will bring you back home Like thank
your wife, hey got away.
Hey, clifford.

Speaker 4 (50:00):
Hey, Clifford, your wife over here.

Speaker 1 (50:04):
That's shitty, though , but so, so it's, it's it's a
conversation and it has to inthe house and it has to work for
your dynamic, and that's also aconversation that will change.

Speaker 4 (50:15):
I was going to say, well, the cool part is it
changes.

Speaker 1 (50:17):
It does change because we had shit in our head
where we was going to be aroundand she was like, you know, I
kind of like this and I'm like,ok, cool, all right, fuck it.
Well then, let's roll with this.
And if, alright, fuck it, wellthen let's roll with this.
And if it changes the way wedon't, then we'll figure it out
from there.
But let's be happy, let's behappy.
My thing is I will.

Speaker 4 (50:38):
I'm not gonna say I will go along with anything my
wife does, as long as I see it'snot stressing her out.
Once I, once I see that she'sbeing stressed or she's
overwhelmed, then that's whenI'm like, that's when I step in,
like I think you should stopdoing this, I'll ask her.

Speaker 1 (50:52):
No, I'll ask her.

Speaker 4 (50:53):
For some things you get stressed.
That's a trauma response for me, for for other reasons.

Speaker 1 (50:58):
I got you.
That's different.
Yes, I was going to say somestresses, though it depends on
what it is for me Cause in mind.
If it's just stress whereyou're like, you know this is
just unwarranted stress for nofucking reason.
There's nothing coming out ofthis.

Speaker 4 (51:13):
There's been days where I've literally like just
took her phone, Like no, youain't talking to nobody there
Because they're stressing youout, so when they call I'll
answer yeah, she busy, she inthe shower, she taking a shit.
She'll call you back laterKnowing.
And damn well, I got the phone.
She ain't calling you backBecause she can watch YouTube
and TikTok on her iPad.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
She can get too many calls.

Speaker 2 (51:39):
I'm not going to play secret.
Put it on silent.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
Nah, it's like the same three people.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (51:45):
Well, I mean yeah.

Speaker 4 (51:47):
But I think to me that's part of being a provider.
Like I always say, provider isnot just financial.
I think to me that's that'sthat's part of being a provider.
Like I always say, provider isnot just financial.
I have to, I have to take careof her in all, in all forms and
fashion.
Her well-being is myresponsibility.
That's not just money.
That's not just money.
I got to make sure her heart isright so that way, when the

(52:07):
balcony is there, she's ready.

Speaker 2 (52:10):
Well, you know, I mean I'll be right with you, she
ready, I'll be right there withyou, she ready, and then you
hit that damn balcony.
But that's part of it.
This has been an episode.
I'm not doing this, no more.

Speaker 1 (52:22):
We're done.
You know what Do you want likea traditional role.

Speaker 2 (52:29):
Me.
Yeah, oh, don't ask me.
Yeah, we're not asking me.
I don't know.
I don't honestly, for real, forI don't know, honestly I think
it but you seem like madintrigued by that role.

Speaker 4 (52:42):
But then I'm like I don't think, I think, I ooh let
me ask you this, des.
Oh shit, let me ask you this,des do you think that you'd be
willing to give up that part ofyourself?
Fuck see because, because,because, to be a stay at home

(53:03):
wife, to be like like there is apart of the ambition that
you're giving up, because nowyou, because now you're putting
somebody else's priorities aboveyours.

Speaker 2 (53:12):
I was married.
Before I was married to John, Iwas a stay-at-home parent to
that person's child.
I hated it.

Speaker 4 (53:19):
But then again, that was that person's child.

Speaker 2 (53:23):
So, yeah, that may be the issue, but I hated being
home.
I like my individuality, I likebeing— you like adult
conversation?
I love being home.
I like my individuality, I likebeing you like adult
conversation.
I love adult conversation.
I like to be able to.
I don't like to ask people forshit.

Speaker 4 (53:36):
I don't like to be like hey, I need X, Y and Z, but
see, that's the mindset thatyou got to think of.
See, my wife, don't ask me forshit.
That's her money.

Speaker 2 (53:58):
She just asks if it was enough to cover it.
That's a controlling thing.
I can't tell you if I would bewilling to give those parts away
, because I've never met anybodythat has given me the space to
be able to do that.
So I don't know if I'd likethat or not, because I've always
been in relationships where Ihad to be the provider.
I had to.
I'm the nigga.
I'm this nigga's husband.
I'm this nigga's husband.
I'm the nigga.
I'm this nigga's husband.
I'm this.
I'm this nigga's husband.
I'm daddy.

Speaker 4 (54:13):
I mean this is what I , this is what I do, like every
Friday.
I pay bills and I go in and saythis is what we got left.
Do whatever you want.

Speaker 2 (54:23):
I'd probably panic.
I mean, the bills are paid.
I probably wouldn't know whatto do, though, because the bills
are paid, I probably wouldn'tknow what to do though, because
the bills are paid, but I'venever seen that in my life the
bills are already accounted for.

Speaker 4 (54:33):
This is what we have left.

Speaker 1 (54:34):
Yeah, I do the opposite because I don't want to
look at it.
I'm like just tell me what'sleft.

Speaker 4 (54:42):
You know, so it's like but what?
And I started doing that sothat way there's no confusion
about where the money is orwhere the money is going.
Hey, after I paid everything,this is what we had.
This is what we have until Iget paid again.
So what we do with this?
Think about it.
Choose wisely, because you know, some weeks you got more left

(55:04):
over than others.

Speaker 1 (55:04):
So this is what we got.
Sometimes you base it wrong.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
Yeah, I think I would like to have that type of
mental relief because I ameverything.
It has been on me.
So to have just a break wheresomebody else is the one doing
the thinking about those type ofthings, I might be a nicer
bitch, I don't know.

Speaker 4 (55:26):
Like yesterday.
I pulled up to the bank.
She said I want you at the bank.
I said I got to get the moneyfor gymnastics.
She said, oh, I forgot allabout that yeah, I would, I
would probably like it's cashonly, it's cash only.
Yeah, you gotta go get cash.
It's cash, only can't tap.
That's what they don't play andthen they give you a paper
receipt.
Oh hell, that's dope, yeah.

Speaker 1 (55:47):
I receipt oh hell yeah, I lose that, lose that
quick yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:53):
No, that's a great question.
I honestly I think it's justI've not seen it, so I I can't
guarantee you I'd like it.
I do liked the fact that I amindependent enough to be able to
take care of myself, so that's.
I think it's a blessing, but Ithink it would be great to have
somebody take some of the load,not all of it.
I don't really need anybody topay all of my bills, but but

(56:14):
it's nice.

Speaker 4 (56:14):
I would like that I would like it.

Speaker 1 (56:16):
It sounds great.
Get like a man raised and justgo.

Speaker 2 (56:19):
Hey guess what, but I'm still operating in a space
where I still I'm still thinkingthat this is not possible,
because I'm not, it doesn'thappen in my house.
So I'm still in my mind, I'mstill like, is this shit even
fucking possible?

Speaker 1 (56:34):
so I don't know, yeah , yeah, you manifest what you
literally part of the universeout you gotta manifest it, and
you know, you believe like thattoo I do okay, you know you
believe like that, I do.
You gotta manifest, so I blockit.
What did we say last time?
The universe will get out ofyour way.
I can't manifest it with adifferent nigga, it has to be
this nigga.

Speaker 4 (56:54):
No, it don't have to be you, just no.
But see, here's the thing youdon't picture nobody.
Yeah, exactly when you manifestit, you don't manifest it with.
I know how to manifest.

Speaker 2 (57:12):
I got it.
I still have some wound healingto do.

Speaker 4 (57:14):
I'm really trying to be nice to Des you know what?

Speaker 2 (57:17):
You've been very nice to me lately I've been trying.
You've been great and I wasgoing to commend you on that
because you've been very easy totalk to and I really appreciate
that.

Speaker 4 (57:29):
So thank you, Kevin, don't worry, I look at you
because you're on this side.
I've been just so I don't, butnow I got to look across the
table and I still see her.

Speaker 1 (57:36):
You got to look at her dog, that's just.
That's the problem.

Speaker 2 (57:38):
No I know, I know, I know, I know, I know that my
thoughts become my things and inthe frequency of what is
happening, because I mean Iliterally be in here like I'm
one of these niggas' husbands,I'm the husband of this bitch.

Speaker 4 (57:57):
I don't fuck with this my only response to that is
that you you dwell in thesituation you created yeah, I
definitely created this shit.

Speaker 2 (58:11):
I can.
You ain't lying.
My sister has a tattoo.
Your favorite has a tattoo thatsays you live with the scars
that you choose.
And I will.
I tell you, the more I go along, the more I'm like.
Now I think that nigga right.
But yeah, my girl don.

Speaker 4 (58:25):
She was speaking facts.
Yeah, she gotta get her up hereshe be spinning.

Speaker 2 (58:28):
I love my baby she be .
She gotta get up, but she gottatalk how she doing the bus,
uh-uh she has a fucking list.
That's their natural fucking wayof talking, but it's not as bad
as it was when she was little.
No, she gotta make it worse.
Ain't nobody doing that?
Ain't nobody doing that.
Um, I'll pay her to talk likethat and she might do that shit.

(58:49):
She might do that shit if youput some a lot of what you're
talking.
Because she might do that shit.
I don't know, when she see thisepisode, don't be surprised if
she get out of the comments likelook how much we talking,
because I might.
I don't know if we were crying.
If she did that shit, I'd becrying.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
Put something on it.

Speaker 4 (59:09):
Because that's, that's a nigga that need a
speech therapist herself.
We can both come over and juststart fucking up words and have
a good old time.

Speaker 2 (59:25):
I've had it.
We are done for the day.
This has been another episodeOf the Heavyweight Podcast.
Oh god, I hope you guys enjoyedit.
Make sure that you like,subscribe and share, and until
next time, peace.

Speaker 1 (59:43):
Peace, Peace, Sweatin'.
That's a wrap.
Y'all that's how she rap.
Soall that's how she wrote.
So make sure you click, likeand subscribe.
Tune in we on the Austrianplatform.
Until next time we'll holla atyou.