February 10, 2025 • 59 mins
What do you do when your child first disrespects you, and how do you navigate the whirlwind of emotions and cultural expectations that follow? Join Stutta McFly, MoeLethal, and Kevin Wendell on The Heavyweight Podcast as they dive into the rollercoaster of parenting with humor, heart, and chaos. Packed with personal stories, they share trials, triumphs, and real-world strategies for raising respectful, responsible kids while reflecting on evolving parenting norms and cultural challenges.
Thanks for tapping in with The Heavyweight Podcast.
Make sure you follow, subscribe, and share with someone who needs this convo. Catch us on all socials for clips, updates, and more behind the mic. https://linktr.ee/TheHeavyweightPodcast
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Heavyweight Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
The message behind saying the title of the
Heavyweight Podcast is to beable to say that we can weigh in
on some heavy shit.
What we're talking about isimportant from every aspect of
it.
It's a heavy weight.
It's not just about physicalweight, but the weight of things
that can weigh our minds.
So I think it's dope that wecan have this conversation.
So I think it's dope that wecan have this conversation.
(00:27):
What's good?
This is episode 185 of theheavyweight podcast.
I'm your anti-social host andnever your favorite, stoddard
McFly, back again with these twoguys.
That's gonna be here.
Go ahead and state your namefor the beautiful people out
here.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Molito Mo' Button Pump, pump, pump, pump Pump.
Her Up, her Up.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Oh, I missed her Fister Chunkum.
What's up, what's up.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
He ain't missed yet.
Huh, he ain't missed today.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
He ain't missed.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Fister what was that again?
Fister, chunkum, everybodyremember Chunkums.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
He got Chunkums that's like a dope rap name.
Um, how were your weeks?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
mine was good, nice and chill, relaxed, got a little
cold ass weather.
That was fun, but I missed thecold cold, so that was good.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Expensive man.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Expensive.
Yeah, you don't want to go intofurther detail.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Yeah, my daughter had her meet in San Diego.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
How'd she do?
Excellent Cause she's black,black excellence.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
I like that legacy, legacy, legacy, you know what I
mean did she ask you what herwill is?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
no, god damn.
I watched.
I listened to too much Jay Z,but that's what I was
referencing.
So how were your weeks?
I did that already God damn it.
I'm Stutter McFly.
(02:17):
I repeat, my week was writingand trying to see if you guys
like how my voice sounds raspy,Since Mo Button pointed it out.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
I mean, he is Mo Button so he might know I would
say I have my ear to the street,but I don't listen to nobody.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Is that what that meant?
I thought that just meant.
They was just like listening towhat people are saying.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
My bad, anyway, we're going like listening to what
people just saying my bad.
Anyway, we're going to get tothe shenanigans.
Everything's curated by what'sgoing on in our fucking lives.
So this one's called.
I'm going to knock the blackout your ass.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Oh shit.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
This is from personal experience.
So can you share the first timeyour child disrespected or
disappointed you?
How personal experience.
So can you share the first timeyour child disrespected or
disappointed you?
How did it make you feel andhow did you respond,
disrespecting me or someonearound you?
Share the you know.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
I don't know the first time.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
I can't remember the first time.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I'm in the middle of the uh, the uh, oh my God, the
testing phase.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Oh my God, why?
Oh my God, why?
Or not that, not that no it'sthe uh, put that down.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Yeah, it's, it's, it's.
It's rough.
We're getting there.
She's getting better, cause Iremember I was remembering that
with Kendall Like Graceland's,just different though, because
Kendall was like and then ittook, it wasn't as bad.
But oh my God, she's like, sheknows what she's doing and like
(03:55):
she'll look at you and be likelet me see if I can get away
with this.
I'm like I can't let you getaway with it.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
That Can't let you get away with it.
That's my friend, man, don'ttalk bad about my friend.
That shit sucks.
I can't recall.
I'm pretty sure she probablywould disrespect me a lot of
times.
Well, that's my little angel,so I let it go.
Now, when she disrespects hermom, I'll be like look here,
calm down, that's my wife, Sityour ass down.
I do remember the first timeshe raised her voice to her mom
and I was like, and I looked ather like who the fuck you
talking to?
And when I said it, I said itwith bass in my voice and she
(04:28):
looked at me like nobody.
I said, yeah, I apologize toyour mother yeah, she still be
doing that yeah, she still docrazy.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I'm like oh.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
I feel like I have to say that on a frequent basis.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Who you talking to.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Who the fuck you think you talking?
Speaker 3 (04:48):
to.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Watch your fucking tone.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Yeah, they taught me an octave.
I didn't know I had thoseoctaves Like hey you like oh
shit that shit, get a littlebass in there.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
That came from below the diaphragm.
Yeah, I think she was raisingher voice to her mom and I kind
of yelled at her real quick.
The first time she disappointedme was when she blatantly lied
yeah, that does.
And we had a conversation aboutliars and how you're showing
(05:23):
yourself to be untrustworthy andso if I can't trust you to do
the right thing when I'm nothere, I'm sorry.
If I can't trust you to do theright thing when I'm here, I
can't trust you to do the rightthing when I'm not around, so
that's going to limit youropportunities to do things.
Because now I know I can'ttrust your situations.
And after we had a couple ofconversations she started to
(05:45):
grasp it and so now she does thething where, like she'll tell a
half lie as you go oh, I'm justplaying, no that's, that's yes.
Yeah, like, like, like she, shewould tell a half lie.
Yeah, yeah, she was like shit.
They know the truth.
No, I'm just playing, Iactually know.
So, like you know that, thatkind of stuff, that, that that,
(06:07):
because you know I'm teachingher man like your word, your
word means everything.
So if I can't trust you to dowhat you're supposed to do, or
do what you say you're going todo, or actually completed a task
that you said you did, thenit's going to severely limit
what you're going to be allowedto do around here and what
(06:29):
you're going to be allowed to dooutside this house.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
They usually follow what water works too.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Oh yeah, always, and I'd be like you know what I'm
saying.
Now I was like go cry in yourroom.
I don't want to see this shit.
I don't want to see this shit.
Go cry in your room and if youstart crying loud, I don't want
to hear it.
So the longer you, the longer Ihear you, the more shit I'm
gonna take away yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
That's a hard one to get through.
That is a hard one to getthrough, yeah go ahead and say
it.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I've been in the last two weeks.
I've been in scenarios ofconstant disrespect, but the
thing is it's when it happenedto me.
It kind of gave me a futurereference to what the fuck me
and Andrea and Andreas are goingto be into as we get older.
(07:21):
So you squaring up in the frontyard, he's trying and he knows
he knows better now, but I feellike as he gets older and taller
he's going to keep trying itand he's very stubborn.
He reminds me a lot of hisfucking grandfather, but that
(07:48):
happened recently.
That's why I said thesequestions are curated where he
got disrespectful and um,because and it's over usually
shit that I what pisses me offmore is when it's and I I guess
it's a double whammy, it's adisrespect and it disappoints me
because it's not even oversomething that's worth being
disrespectful over.
It's just not understanding theum what's not worth it as far
(08:12):
as, because for them it's likeit matters in the moment that
they realize it's passing.
It's like, oh, I'm mad I didn'tget this right now, and it's
like, but that you felt that wasa the perfect opportunity to be
that disrespectful it's lifeand death in the moment to them.
Yeah, but as soon as it passesit's on to something else.
But it was something where Ihad to check it because it was
(08:33):
something that my dad used toinstill in me when I was younger
.
He said at a certain point hehated me.
My dad never tolerated that, sowhen it happened with me and
him, I didn't tolerate it.
I said, no, like you're like,there's some, there's some
things like I can let you havean attitude here and there and
we can get through it, but never, I told him never make that
(08:54):
statement or say that statementto anyone, especially if it's
someone you care about, becauseyou might end up in an instance
and verbatim the phrase my dadsaid to me in an instance and
verbatim the phrase my dad saidto me you can't say you don't
want to ever tell the peoplethat you care about, you hate
them, because if, say, somethinghappens and you're not able to
take back what you said, you'realways going to live with the
(09:15):
regret of making the statement.
So never just say the phrase Ihate you to people unless you
actually mean it.
And um, he apologized and hesaid I'm sorry, sorry, dad, but
like I just hit home because itwas one of those things where it
was like I get this.
It's going to happencontinuously, and I know they
don't mean what they say all thetime but at the same time you
(09:36):
want to nip certain things inthe butt and when it was said,
it pissed me off because itwasn't something worth making
that statement over.
Not getting something that youreally wanted a toy or whatever
it was in the in that moment, isnot warranted.
To say that you hate somebodythat literally give anything, to
fucking give his own life tomake sure that you're okay.
(09:57):
Um, so yeah, that justdisappointed me in that moment.
Um, they didn't happen with Ava, but it wasn't me, so I'm gonna
tell the story.
Maurice already knows the story.
Um, ava was picked up by hermother at school and proceeded
(10:19):
to throw a fucking tantrum ohyeah and decided that she wanted
to swing or hit her mother inpublic.
Even in that instance it wasn'twarranted, but it's still one of
the things where it's like thelevel of disrespect in that
moment towards your parent islike I can't be okay with it at
(10:45):
all.
But it's just letting thingsget to a certain point has to be
nipped in the bud immediately.
And, like me, constantlyworking all the time, I get that
I'm not around enough to alwaysbe able to implement or enforce
certain uh conditions or or uhshit that ain't happening.
(11:11):
Like this is my, I stand onbusiness shit, but if I'm not
around to to implement it, itdoesn't necessarily get enforced
.
So, um, yeah, but I will saybefore that time, she caught an
attitude with me in the morningand I had to check that shit too
, and she, she straightened up,but like it is, like it spilled
(11:32):
over and that she wanted her mom.
But we, we, we, we parent twodifferent ways.
So but yeah, that that's why alot of these questions are being
stemmed from, because that shithappened so many different and
the baby, of course, slaps shitout of me all the time, but he's
one years old, so we're goingto just let that slide and he
robs me for my food, my proteinshit, which is expensive, and he
(11:54):
takes it and acts like it'sjust like a fucking bologna
sandwich or some shit.
Just eats it Fucking or I thinkhe eats it.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Then a little fucking there, or I think he eats it.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Then I go fucking check somewhere else and he left
it half eaten, slobberedsomewhere and you're like what
the fuck, bro?
Like he was done that shit'sexpensive.
You know what I did with thatshit?
I rinsed it off and I ate it mygoddamn self anyway.
Um, next question is, uh,cultural context.
How do you think culturalexpectations and stereotypes
about us being black fathersinfluence on how we handle
disrespect from our kids?
Speaker 3 (12:30):
Go ahead, Kevin.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
You mean, how do we, being black I?
Speaker 2 (12:41):
mean, like when we came up, we know how our dads
were with us or our parents werewith us.
Does that impact how you, I'msure, approach?
Like, because, like I know,when I talk to my friends of
other races about their parentsand they look at me like nigga,
what, what?
Speaker 1 (12:55):
you do that I mean I'm sure, yeah, because even if
it's things you're like I'm notgoing to do because it's, that's
still an influence yeah from doit.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
So you're like um, I think yeah a lot of that shit
though, but a lot of stuff I wasraised with I feel like was
good yeah, I feel that way too,like I feel like I understood
where my dad was coming from,especially the more shit happens
like oh shit, I went throughthe same shit.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Like at the time I'm like no fuck that's crazy like
yeah, you're mine, man.
Now I'm like damn it.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I heard my desk.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I told your ass was gonna happen all right, okay
every day but there's certainthings I try to like do
differently too, because, likenow I'm learning like I gotta
treat each kid differently too,like with graceland, like I'm
learning, I gotta like let hertalk, because she I'm like, damn
(13:54):
, she has a temper.
And then I gotta be like hey andlike talk to her and then be
like what's up, and she'll tellme like, and I'm like well, why
didn't you just say that,instead of just like lashing out
, just start here and then it'sgetting better.
But it's like I don't think Iwould have had that, like that
growing up.
They're not like coming up tome, like, why are you acting
(14:16):
like that?
It's like you're about to sityour ass down Right.
Give a fuck about your feelings, you being mad.
You better shut your ass up andgo sit down somewhere.
But it's like it's cool, though.
Like I feel like it's cool tosee that because you can see
like her as a person whereyou're like oh, that's okay.
No, I get that like yeah thatmakes fucking sense.
(14:38):
I feel like an asshole.
But don't act like that, likedon't do that, so like
definitely.
I think that comes from likenot having that as a kid too,
like wanting to.
I don't know what that feelslike, so I guess that's kind of
cool.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Hopefully it turns into something cool as they get
older I think for me it's hard,um, because Because, again, my
grandfather was a man of fewwords, so it's like it was more
so, like he pretty much justaffirmed whatever my grandmother
(15:15):
said, right.
So, but I think I take, I'mtrying to take, the approach of
recently now, of like I'm, Iwant her to express herself, of
recently now, of like I want herto express herself right,
because I can't expect her ather age to have the
understanding and thewherewithal to regulate her
emotions right.
So I have to let her feel whatshe feel, even when I don't like
(15:36):
what she feel, right.
So, similar to what you said,kevin, I try to listen, I try to
understand and I try to likeyou know what you know, like I
was saying, like for them, youknow, any problem, it's life or
death, because everything ismagnified to them, right Cause,
in, in that moment, they'rethey're not, either they're not
(15:57):
feeling validated or they'refeeling like they're getting
done wrong some kind of way.
So you know, and I I kinda Igot, I kinda some kind of way.
So you know, and I kind of Igot, I kind of got this through
my wife.
We kind of like, when she'sdoing her tantrum, she's doing
her fit.
We just we get silent, we don'tentertain it.
We let her think about it, welet her let her say what she's
going to say, cause you know,you know, sometimes we get the,
(16:17):
the, the, the self down, talk,um, but then again, a lot of
times, especially like whensomething's been done, because
she's being disciplined, she'strying to get a rise out of you,
right?
So that's, that's another partof like the not always engaging.
And then the one thing I dothat is completely different is,
(16:38):
like, like Kevin said, like I,I try to have a conversation, I
try to.
Okay, we're going to talk about, we're going to talk about what
happened and I'm going toexplain to you why these are the
consequences of what happened,right?
And so my goal at that point isto get her to understand that,
(16:59):
like I always tell her, I don'tcare whether it's good or bad,
every action has a consequence.
And so you know what isexpected of you, you know what
is required of you, and youunderstand that, even if you
don't meet expectations, theremay not be consequences, because
they're just expectations, butwhen you don't meet the
(17:19):
requirements, there aredefinitely going to be
consequences, because therequirement is the standard.
The expectation is the goal.
So there's two different thingshere, right?
So then, and there's no way youcan get out of oh, I'm sorry,
oh, I forget all that, right.
Well, here's the thing as as um, as an adult, you're not going
(17:45):
to be allowed to forget this.
This is not going to besomething you can just say when
everything goes awry.
Right, so like.
Another thing we justimplemented is now before school
, we stopped telling her what todo, right, so we don't do the
whole.
We don't do checklists, no more, we don't do that.
You got your backpack.
You got your homework.
You got your water.
You got your lunch, nothing,right.
So, whatever you leave the homewith, it's what you got.
(18:05):
You get hungry?
Well, the school gonna feed you.
You got water.
That's at school.
We'll see you.
You got your homework.
You turn your home again.
Who's fault is that?
You know what I'm saying.
So, like the that's part of thewhole like, and because I do
feel like to her detriment, likeshe has been coddled and
(18:27):
protected a little too much, andI feel like I always say like
she doesn't.
You know, it's a good thing anda bad thing that she hasn't had
to experience a childhoodsimilar to mine as far as like
the discipline wise, but I feellike I can, like you guys were
saying, I can also see how, likethe discipline wise, but I feel
like I can, like you guys weresaying, I can also see how, like
the way I was disciplined, Isee how it benefited me in the
(18:50):
long run, and I'm not reallyconfident right now if what
we're trying to teach her isactually getting through to her.
So it's like, but like so Iguess that's like my thing.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
It's tough to know right now, though, too.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Huh, it's tough to know right now too yeah, I mean,
but I mean every now and again.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
There's some time almost like you'd be like okay,
this motherfucker is listeninglike I'm just laughing halfway
when you was talking, becauseI'm like picturing some of the
conversations and the way that Italk.
I'm like, alright, kevin, dialit down, you can't say some of
these words.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
She don't know what the fuck that means she don't
know what the hell you mean saybig words and I'm like okay shit
, andrea, you don't know biggerwords than I do my wife always
says, kevin, she's not, shedon't understand the concept of
what you're trying to say.
I was like like so, like that,that, that part I I get, but
that's no one prepares you forhow stressful being a goddamn
(19:49):
parent's gonna be, you like.
And because I thought, like the, the protection and the
providing like shelter and foodand shit would be the hard part.
It's the preparing thementality and and and shaping a
person to be a good person.
That's the hard fucking part.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Well, here's what I'm going to say, and I'm going to
say this there's probably nobodyon the planet that can piss you
off more than you.
But you still look at them likewow, right, I love you to death
, motherfucker.
Yeah, like what did you just do?
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Why would you even do that Deep breath?
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Deep breath.
That shit happened yesterday.
Deep breath.
I told Ava's ass to stay offthe we were shopping at Walmart.
I told her ass to stay off theshelves, oh, and she kept
leaning on the shelves and thenshe eventually leaned on one
shelf and snapped the damn thingand I said I told your ass to
stay off the, the, the shelves,oh, and she kept leaning on the
shelves and then she eventuallyleaned on one shelf and snapped
the damn thing and I said I toldyour ass to stay off the.
And she looked at me and she waslike I'm sorry, I'm like go
(20:53):
with your mom, go with your,because it just like I was it
gets to the point now, like inthat situation.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
It's like I'm gonna tell you twice after the third
time hold the basket.
Are you either you holding thebasket or you about to get your
big ass in the basket becauseyou can't behave just outside
the basket?
Speaker 1 (21:20):
I'll leave, just to come back.
Come back, I'll just take one.
We're just gonna go sit in thecar.
No, it's too late.
It's too late, all I Just tocome back.
Come back, I'll just take one,we're just going to go sit in
the car?
No, it's too late.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
It's too late.
What I'll say is it'sinteresting because growing up
with my dad it was like andwe've talked about this before
the kind of like our societalnorms was way different, because
(22:11):
we were expected to grow wayfaster than me at six to be able
to do certain shit, because itwas just me and him.
So he already had to have itinstilled in me that six, seven,
eight, nine he got to be ableto do this, this, this shit,
like walking home to if you needto get something from the
liquor store, or something hehas to be able to do it himself,
uh, staying at home by myself,etc.
Like it was all expected of mebecause you were growing up so
much faster.
(22:32):
So, like it like now I'mlooking at it with them and I'm
like I couldn't imagine Ifucking couldn't imagine seeing
them in a position to what itwas like for us growing up.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Yeah, I think, I think the flip side and what's
beautiful about that is that ourchildren are experiencing
something that we never got toexperience because they are
being allowed to just be kids.
And so, like, I realize all thetime, like the mentality and
the responsibility I had at herage, my daughter's age, she
(23:09):
doesn't have any of that.
She, happy, go lucky.
I'm a play of my toys, whatever, right, the the responsibility
of making sure you know everycertain things are done, to
everything from, like you know,making your own sandwich, to
like doing George, like thethings that I had to do, like
(23:31):
she's not, she's not doing thethings I had to do at her age,
right.
And so, like, when I look ather, I'm like it's, it's, it's
kind of dope to me that like,cause I see how much of a free
spirit she is and I feel likeand I sometimes I think like man
, like was, was, was mycreativity and my like
motivation hindered because Ihad to grow up.
(23:51):
You know what I mean?
Cause it's like, sometimes Ilook at it, I'm like, but this
is like, like, just like,watching her play with her dolls
and like the conversation andshit and the shit she be coming
up with.
I'll be like how the fuck?
Like, how do you see this shit?
Okay, like, and it so like.
So in those moments I feel likeI'm doing something right.
But then when we turn aroundand we're doing a tinter tantrum
(24:12):
because we ain't got no syrup,I'm like what the fuck is your
problem?
I was like we'll get some syruptomorrow, like calm down, like.
So it's like it's a flip sideof it, because I was like I wish
I would cry because therewasn't no damn syrup in house,
but they got them red dry.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
It made me think about the lies that would happen
.
My dad would be like he didn'tgive me something.
He'd be like, hey, they justdidn't happen.
Today I'd be like, oh okay,didn't question it twice, let's
left it at that.
And I got older I said thatnigga was lying.
Now I think about it now whenmy kids I say you know what?
He didn't get that, oh my God.
(24:52):
And I'm like I should just lie.
Yeah, like I should justfucking lie.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
Look here, my wife is a genius, so she came up with
this whole thing now.
Now, like, technically, wenever tell her no when she asks
for something directly.
Right, it's always okay.
Yeah, we'll put it on the list.
We'll put it on your birthdaylist.
We'll put it on your Christmaslist?
(25:19):
Yeah, we'll put it on the listI think we have.
There is no list.
This is just something we sayin the moment so that she don't
throw a fit and we ain't got todeal with it.
And if we remember, you know,because we will get her the
things she repeatedly asked forwhen we have the money or we
feel like she deserves it, butthere is no list.
You know what I mean?
(25:40):
Oh, I know.
And then the cold part about itis like the one thing that we
used to take away that would belike detrimental, would be like
screen time, like no iPad, no TV, and now she's come such
accustomed to not having thosethings but I'm gonna take your
iPad away, OK, like it don'tmean shit.
Like, like, yeah, like like shewas on winter break for three
(26:01):
weeks.
She had the iPad one day.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Like you know, think about Ava.
Ava got my memory.
Oh yeah, day.
Like you, don't, think aboutava.
Ava got my memory.
Oh, you got me rough becauseshe said shit, that fucking six
months ago she said one thing.
I was oh yeah, yeah, she'llcome back six months.
Dad, remember that one day yousaid that she would do how the
fuck did you remember that?
Like, like it's come due, nigga, like wait.
(26:25):
I thought you forgot all aboutthat, nope she like the loan
shark on a barbershop.
Yeah, like you remember that?
Speaker 1 (26:37):
it is interesting with, uh, an older child too,
cause now it's like a differentpreparation.
It's like, yo, you about to goout in the like real world and
like have to do stuff whereyou're like and I'm just like I
want you to still be like a kidin high school.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
But shit's coming About to get real.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
I'm just like it's tough because there'll like
we're doing the driving stuff.
Now we went to the DMV and Iwas just like handing the papers
in.
And I'm like why am I handingthe papers in?
And the lady was like, are youdriving?
I was like no.
She was like well, then, giveher the papers.
I was like you're right, sheshould be doing all of this.
So it's like trying to just belike go Cause it's tough out
(27:28):
there Shit.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
Let me ask you this, because this is my thing Like,
how much more responsibility dowe give them as they age?
Cause I feel like I know for meat least I've I've tried to
make her life as easy aspossible, but now I'm seeing
like, no, I need to give hermore responsibility so like she
understands the value of, of, ofthings.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
So like do you, do you have like a, a way to gauge
how much responsibility to?
Speaker 2 (27:56):
kick me out the nest.
That was, that was this thing.
You kind of like zero to 60.
So it was like I don't wantthat to get comfortable.
And then all of of a sudden oneday he's like hey, gotta go.
You start the day, nigga.
Like you're like, wait a minute, what do you mean?
Like you didn't tell me yourshit, you start the day, nigga.
So you just kind of like that,like what's that bird that
pushed they?
Speaker 3 (28:15):
maybe it's like fly or die.
Uh, the wild robot.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
The green movie that that was kind of how you
approach it.
It wasn't one of those, uh, letme gradually tell him which
kind of like today you'relearning, you're starting today,
and they go like boom, and youlike you kind of get thrown off
guard, but you're like, okay,like that's my best way that's,
my that's that's my.
Give them enough leeway,obviously so.
When they actually have to havethose skills, they're ready.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
But like yeah, I would.
I feel like I feel like theytried to prepare me, but like I
feel like I was coddled to thepoint to where, like when she
got real, it was likeoverwhelming, like instantly, it
was like fuck.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
And that's going to be hard too, when you're like
I'm sitting there like I meanshe's tripping, she's okay, she
probably don't know she's okay,but like, however, you're like
it's not.
You're good like yeah because,yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Yeah, we had some harder lessons, yeah yeah, yeah,
you talk about like the drivinglesson.
They get my first drivinglesson.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
I failed right oh, we're on our third one right now
.
She fails this one.
I was like you gotta pay for it, like if you fail this one,
that's on your dime we did ourpart my dad made me feel low as
shit that day yeah, it was mybirthday 18th birthday damn
Speaker 2 (29:46):
damn, so we go.
And it wasn't like some flukemistake where the lady assumed I
was gonna do something I wasgonna do.
But I remember feeling likeshit.
He kicked me when I was down.
I remember feeling like shitthat whole day and I remember my
brother.
I said me and my brother wouldget along like that.
My brother had to do.
What's the reason like dad?
Like, think about it, it's hisbirthday.
(30:07):
He already feel like shit.
He didn't pass.
You think he didn't want topass.
You don't think any 18 year olddon't want to be driving.
And you know we were making himfeel like shit on his birthday.
Yeah, and took my brothersaying that to him for him to
realize maybe I was too hard onhim and like it.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Oh, my god now do you think I think your dad was
doing that to try to get youtough skin?
Speaker 2 (30:32):
yeah.
But he realized, like, likeKevin said, like sometimes you
kind of just gotta like ease up,yeah, like nigga, he just you
think he don't want his license,like yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
So my brother said that to him and he was like you
know what, maybe you're rightlike you just remind me cause I
I made fun of my wife for thelongest time, cause she failed
her first time.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
She passed the second time, but she failed the first
time leaving the parking lotyeah she drove off the curve
like the back tire went off thecurve and they was like make a
turn here.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
And she turned right back.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
That's so fucked up, because when lines happen.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
They have me do the straight line, the curve where
you line up with the curve, andthey're supposed to pull off.
But I saw the car coming.
So I was rolling forwardwaiting for the car to pass,
because it was a whole thingwhere there was no one.
So I was rolling forwardletting them pass.
And I was rolling forwardwaiting for the car to pass
because it was a whole thingwhere there was no one.
So I was rolling forwardletting them pass and I was
going to merge over.
She thought I was going to hitthe car.
She grabbed the wheel.
What were you doing?
(31:36):
I was like waiting for the carto pass.
So she was like keep driving.
So she makes me think the wholedriving test is still going.
She had me go around the corner, do the whole whatever test,
come back to the drive.
Congratulations, you failed.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
I said what the God damn, not the congratulations
you feel damn.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
Yeah, that's fucked up.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
That's fucked up, that's me I was like so you made
me think the whole test wasstill happening, Even though it
wasn't like.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
I was done at the.
That's fucked up.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
So I always make fun of my wife because I tell her I
say every driving test I've evertaken.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
I've passed the first time.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
That's a kick in the nether regions.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
That's fucked up.
Why do you do that?
Speaker 3 (32:18):
Just to show her that I'm a better test taker than
she is.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
That's fucked up.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Both written.
I've only both written andbehind the wheel.
I've only both written andbehind the wheel.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
I've only taken one time.
What's the next topic, man?
Speaker 3 (32:35):
That's why I say if a certain person can fly a plane,
nigga I got to be able to whatup Mark.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
So it's discipline versus understanding.
How do you balance enforcingdiscipline while maintaining
empathy and understanding?
Like what we didn't?
The example I gave was perfect.
That was not no empathy in thatshit.
I try to be empathetic even whenI don't understand what's going
on, because I get that they'regrowing up in a different time,
(33:07):
because I get that they'regrowing up in a different time.
But sometimes you do kind ofget thrown off guard because you
know that instance in how youwere raised comes in and you're
like nigga, I would never likemy dad would never let me trip
off of this, or I would neverthink to be upset about some
shit like this, like, forexample, the day that Ava was
(33:28):
acting a fool in the car I wasdriving and I'm looking around
in my fucking surroundings.
I'm like nigga, I got atouchscreen, my seats are heated
and ventilated.
They're driving in thiscontrolled climate.
Their seats are heated andventilated.
And I'm thinking about when Ihad to wake up 30 minutes and
help my dad with a fuckingscraper get the ice off the
(33:51):
windshield and let the old asspickup truck heat up, because it
wouldn't roll if it wasn'theated All the while as you
drive.
There's a possibility that thisstick shift truck could shut
off and have to roll down thestreet and jumpstart again.
Oh yeah, and you guys are in acontrolled climate, controlled
(34:11):
everything, and you'recomplaining about having to go
to school Cause it's coldoutside and I'm like the cold
car was cold.
We had to rely on that fuckingengine, like, and I remember
there were times where he's likeI can't see, tell me what the
fuck's going on.
Yeah, and I remember there weretimes where he's like I can't
see.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Tell me what the fuck's going on.
Yeah, because the defrostingwork.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
You know what I'm saying.
Like and I'm feeling like ify'all don't shut the like, but
you have to catch yourself.
Like if you don't shut the fuckup and don't realize that
you're in a privilege, like andI'm like I can't do that.
I can't do like.
But I had to tell him like itwas way different for me growing
up.
Please, like, try to appreciatethis shit.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
Like I guess you don't get half to see that, but
but see, the thing is it's, it'syour, our, our, our privilege
that we've allowed them to haveis their normal.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
So it's their baseline.
They have nothing else to gaugeit off of.
So to them, you know, havingheated and ventilated seats is
normal.
They feel like everybody'shaving a good night.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
So that one day you're riding in a Scion and
you're like what the fuck, ohshit.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
I don't know what the fuck we were talking about, but
I was trying to get Kendall tolike realize something and she
was like, do you mean like poorpeople?
I was like, kendall, what thefuck did you?
What'd you say?
No, you know, you're like poorpeople.
We're not poor.
And I was like, well, we're notrich.
Like what are you talking about?
(35:39):
They?
Speaker 2 (35:40):
think we rich abel hit me with that shit too.
They think we rich about her,about her neat, her cousin.
She was like so my cousin'srich?
I said no, they're not rich,they're better off because of
the circumstance, but they'renot rich.
But no, they get to do this,this.
And that I said that's not rich.
Trust me, that's not rich, it'sjust having better
circumstances.
(36:01):
Oh my Lord.
Speaker 3 (36:03):
I think I try to understand that she's just a kid
and she doesn't have the toolsat this point in her life to
regulate her emotions as well asan adult should be able to,
right.
So that's what I'm saying Tosome degree.
The tantrums and the outburstsyou got to kind of let them go
(36:28):
through it and just kind of likeavoid, like ignore it, you know
.
I mean because I don't neverwant her to feel like what she
feeling isn't real or isn'tvalidated, because if she's
angry, if she's disappointed, ifshe's upset in that moment,
that those are her feelings,right.
So I don't ever want her to beable to to like misconstrue her
feelings.
(36:49):
But what I want her tounderstand is that like we can't
talk about this until you calmdown.
Um, so to that part, and thenagain, sometimes it's hard
because it's like it didn'tmatter how I felt, like what was
said, what was said and thatwas the law.
Like if it's a no, it's a no,it ain't.
(37:09):
I'm not finna, ask why, becausewhy leads to me having no teeth
.
Like I know this, you know whatI'm saying.
But now I'm a father and I'manswering why?
Well, why not?
Why can't we?
It's just this.
You know what I'm saying?
Again, like I have anotherchild that thinks that we are
rich and I tell her daily, likewe're here, we're not poor, we
(37:35):
ain't rich.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
It's fun.
This is fun.
I've been enjoying, trying toenjoy the whole process, because
it gets fucking frustrating.
So, I'm trying to figure outwhat's the right discipline.
Sometimes you're like is thisright, is this working?
Like, is this mean, is this toofar?
Is this that?
And like trying to learn thefreedom part because I'm like,
(37:59):
okay, some of these things theygotta like hone down, like she's
gonna probably start doingstuff where you say you can't
just be walking around in yourunderwear all the time.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
That's not going to change.
That's not going to change Atthis point.
I'm happy when she hasunderwear on.
I don't know why my child likesto be naked and I'm constantly
saying Phoenix, put some clotheson.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
Oh, I just laugh.
When my mom will come home andlike they'll both just be down
there in the panties, she's justlike all right, guess you just
hang.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
I will say this Thank God that my daughter is the one
that has no issue with my sons.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
They out there huh, oh Lord.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
I had this happen in both occurrences with them at a
certain age.
I think it happened faster withAlaric, where I was just
chilling with them and I'mhanging out and I'm like.
I remember it happened withAndreas when he was like three.
It hit a point where we werejust chilling.
I was sitting on the couch withhim.
I'm like your dick is out, likeI just it just kind of threw me
(39:08):
, like it just.
I was sitting there the couchwith him and I'm like your dick
is out, like I, just it justkind of threw me, like it just.
I was sitting there listeningto the music and it was me, him
and Ava.
We're just chilling and I'mjust like, and Ava's playing
with her toys and I'm like it'sbeen like an hour or so and I'm
sitting there and I go your dickis out, like why, why is his
dick out?
Yo dick is out, why is thisdick out?
And the same shit happenedrecently with Lark and I'm just
(39:31):
chilling and then I'm watchingTV and I'm like I mean his dick
is out.
I said so this is the.
This is apparently a MelRobinson thing, like I was like
why?
Speaker 1 (39:52):
it's freedom.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
I guess like shit hey .
I always have to explain totheir mom.
She was like oh, they love justpulling on her dicks.
I said it doesn't go away, thatshit's going to go for the rest
of us and I can tell you rightnow from personal experience we
never stop.
It never does.
So she was like they alwayspulling, they're so rough with
(40:14):
them.
Speaker 3 (40:15):
I'm like hey, it never stops.
Don't learn that shit, starthurting so that shit.
There is like I will say Kevin,to the discipline part.
What I'm starting to see isthat the discipline doesn't
always work regardless, becauseI feel like she has this thing
(40:40):
to where it's like it was worthit.
It was worth it, it was worthit, right.
But what I notice is that whenwe're disappointed in her, it
crushes her, because now shefeels like she's let us down.
Sometimes with one of them, Notthe gangster huh.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Sometimes She'll be like I don't care.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
Are you disappointed?
Oh okay, oh okay.
So about my juice for me it'sthe for.
Because of how I I am or Ipresent myself, they know when
I'm I'm not the one in reaction,like I just give them a look
like and they're like, damndad's, like he there.
But I think, with because of thedealings of, of how our
(41:28):
personalities are when I, whenI'm pissed, and I let them know
that I mean business, they knowto be serious.
But I said, I think it has tobe reinforced as far as on both
sides to understand that whenwe're trying to discipline, we
have to, like, stand on business, we got to hold our ground.
So like when we discipline andsay this is restriction or
(41:50):
whatever, I think it's hard tokeep that instilled when, if it
feels like on one side we canget away with it with the other
side, so like, so it was likewhen dad's gone we might be able
to finagle the shit with mom,like you know.
So it's like when dad's gone wemight be able to finagle the
shit with mom.
I feel like it's important tobe able to say, oh no, if they
say it.
So that's why I always say didyour mom say it was cool.
(42:10):
And if she said no, then youalready know what the deal is.
That's usually my reaction.
Or if I don't know what's goingon, I go hey, they said this
was cool, is that factual?
And she goes, goes.
Yeah, I said that I was likealright cool, so.
But when I'm usually at work, Icome home and I'm like what the
fuck happened?
Like did you, did they finagleyou?
(42:30):
Or like what the fuck?
Like?
Speaker 1 (42:32):
so I got one that I think likes to be in trouble,
though I will say yesterday thathappened to do you?
Just like this shit.
Speaker 2 (42:46):
He slapped the shit out of his sister in front of me
Damn.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
Yeah, she did the same.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
I said what the fuck he goes.
She makes me feel like I'mstupid.
She calls me stupid all thetime.
I'm like, but you know you'renot Damn.
He goes, but she calls mestupid and then she goes.
No, I feel stupid.
You know what my grades looklike?
I said I tried not to laughbecause I was like what the fuck
?
Like, where is this coming from?
Speaker 3 (43:13):
like I said you know damn well you can apply yourself
in school.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
You're not stupid.
But at first I was like I'mgetting.
I'm confused as fuck.
Well, why is everybody notkeeping their hands to
themselves?
That was where I was at.
So I was like how the fuck youget from, cause we were just
sitting there watching WildRobot.
I said what the fuck was that?
I don't like her, why she makesme feel stupid.
(43:38):
But why would you hit her?
Cause she made me feel stupid.
So I don't like her.
I'm like but she's your sisterlike, what the fuck like?
And then she goes.
Well, he makes me feel stupid.
I was like what the just just?
random acts of aggression yeah,and then the baby was all we
hitting people and he tries tosay both of them.
Speaker 3 (43:56):
I'm like, well, what the fuck like because he thinks
it's a game at this yeah, likeI'm like where the fuck did this
come from?
Speaker 2 (44:03):
we're just supposed to be watching a movie.
I was like what the fuck?
that ain't cool though so I hadto let him know like, look, in
no fucking way, shape or form,you put your hands on anybody.
Unless you're protectingyourself or defending your
sibling, you do not fucking putyour hands on anybody.
And he was like, and he triedto like, do the whole I'm sorry
dad and cry.
(44:23):
I was like no, no, no, thatcrying shit we're talking about.
This is what it is.
I'm not like this ain't cool,like, but it just throws.
I was like.
I was like damn, a lark likejust seizes every opportunity,
cause they, I swear he wascoming in running like he was
about to fuck them up.
Like oh, they threw a chair, Iswear he was coming in running.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
He was about to fuck them up.
A chair was thrown.
Oh, they threw a chair.
Speaker 3 (44:49):
You got to run and start.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
None of this is written in a book.
Speaker 3 (44:51):
They got all these books here.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
This wouldn't have been written.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
How would they prepare me for this?
How do I handle this?
Where's the play-by-play forthis?
I swear.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
I tried not to laugh because it was something.
I was like what the fuck?
So you put hands on each otherbut I was like but you know,
that's the hardest you literallyare.
It's not that she's doing badin school, but she could be.
She's like I don't get awards,like Andreas, but I'm like you
don't apply yourself, like youknow you can't apply yourself.
So what?
Like I'm confused.
I was like you know, if youdecided to buckle down tomorrow,
(45:24):
you could be getting all theseawards or whatever, if you chose
to.
But school for you is, eh, Likeyou do what you, like you're
doing the bare minimum, asopposed to achieving that.
Fortunately for Andreas, thisshit comes easy to him.
So, like for him, school islike he enjoys it.
(45:47):
He don't enjoy it, it's justeasy for him.
So when he sees shit Let me putit this way I ask him a number
equation.
He can do it in his head.
Like that, she got to count herhands.
You know what I'm saying?
It's not that they both get it,Just one's way quicker to the
draw look here, man, I'm gonnasay this, I'm gonna shoot a both
(46:08):
bell.
Speaker 3 (46:08):
Look here, because the way they teach in math now
is ridiculous.
I can't do the math, though I'm, because I'm.
I'm reading these mathquestions, I was like this is
way more complicated than whatit has to be.
And so like I'm like babe, thisis what they mean, you gotta do
this and this.
Well, dad, why don't they justsay that?
I said I don't know, it's dumb,but this is how they they were
like you're gonna help them withthe.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
I can't.
They're gonna be helping me,cause I don't what the fuck I'm
talking about.
What is this like?
Speaker 1 (46:33):
all you gotta do is chat camera on chat G have that
or val oh it was like justarguing with a fucking
eight-year-old.
You don't get this like well,as you said, it was this way and
I'm like, oh, I did it wrong,we gotta start over.
Speaker 3 (46:52):
We gotta start over it's like you do the homework,
she come back.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
I got a d damn that shit ain't changed for me.
Fuck, like you thought I gotbetter at this shit, uh oh, the
only part that hindered.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
That pisses me off about homework.
Oh we, since we here it's thereading comprehension part when
I'm like baby, they're tellingyou the answers in the story,
like I ask you a question, youanswer the question and I go so,
like what did so-and-so do atthis time?
(47:33):
Huh, what does it say?
Oh, at this time, so-and-so didthis.
So what did so-and-so do atthis time?
Huh, huh, oh my God.
So this line?
Huh, huh, oh my God.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
Oh my God, that's why that pisses me off too, because
, like, let it be some shit theywant to do.
They can tell you every in andout of the question, the
scenario or whatever.
But you ask them a questionabout a math question or
whatever and they be like huh,like, but you just told me the
answer.
Speaker 3 (47:59):
I did.
If I say who came to Gabby'sPlayhouse today, you tell me the
whole goddamn episode, but youcan't tell me from.
I said okay, and the thing isis like my daughter suffers from
what I suffered from.
The shit is easy.
So she don't try Right, shefeel like she ain't gotta try
(48:20):
because she feels like when sheguesses she gets it right, like
her, oh my, oh, I thought Ithought it was, I was right.
So I don't feel like she reallytries.
And so, like I told her I wastalking, I was like we're gonna
have to stop praising her alittle bit because I think, I
think like it's going to herhead a little bit, because she
feel like, oh, like I got thistype deal and because by no
(48:42):
means is she, is she, shedoesn't understand it.
I know she understands it, she,just when it comes to homework
or anything like schoolwork, shejust has no passion to do it.
She just doesn't want to do itthat makes sense Because when
she got her testing back, she'stesting it like above her grade
level, but then when she dohomework, she was like, uh, uh,
(49:07):
I know you know this shit.
I said why are you wasting my?
I said you know what?
Sit here, think about this,just come to me when you don't
have the page, cause.
Yeah, I said.
That's another reason why Isaid I gotta go back to work
doing homework.
I'm trying to be.
I'm trying I'm a.
It's like that TikTok, thisnigga's a good dad.
I'm out here trying to be agood dad helping with homework
(49:27):
and shit.
Now, this shit.
I'm like look here, I give yourmom a lot of credit because I
can't do this shit.
Speaker 2 (49:33):
If I try with math and shit, they're going to be
like there for who you?
Speaker 3 (49:50):
we got to reevaluate you.
Oh man, can I ask you aquestion?
All the people that went toschool in a short bus, what?
What happened to?
Speaker 2 (49:52):
those people after high school?
Uh, one works at ups.
They told me that the short buswas because they didn't have
enough buses.
I don't know if that was true.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
They only did that once.
They only did that once.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
And if you guys find my Bart Simpson figurine, I
appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (50:13):
Where was it?
I think where I lived on OhioStreet.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
It's funny, but I'm dead serious.
No, I'm serious, I I'm serious.
They bought.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
I was like they got seatbelts and shit that's how I
knew they had seatbelts on thebus had to take it to school one
day then I think about it.
Speaker 2 (50:28):
At that time I didn't know what was going on, but I
know the kid that was down thestreet was way bigger than me.
He went to the same school.
Damn, I didn't go to regularschool.
So I moved to California, butin St Louis I was on the slow
bus.
Damn you, look at me different.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
No, you the same no.
Speaker 2 (50:51):
I got a little bit smarter.
Speaker 1 (50:53):
Yeah, they took you off the slow bus.
Speaker 3 (50:55):
I mean sure they changed your surroundings.
Speaker 2 (50:59):
And then what's funny is, when I came to California,
I was first grade and youngerthan everybody else.
Speaker 3 (51:05):
That's where a was facing now, but um I've been the
youngest one in the class,being the youngest one in the
class but, like I, was fine asfar as when I got here.
Speaker 2 (51:14):
It was just like what we talked about a few episodes
ago.
There were times where at theschool I went to, alkyl
elementary, which happened to bethe last school that
desegregated, and I'm just gonnathrow that out there, um, but
that school did a lot of, for Isaw, I saw it amongst all my
peers.
I didn't.
It didn't really click, as,until you get older, what was
(51:35):
happening like the kid, likethis, the stereotypes that the
teachers would place on the, onthe kids of color, was fucking
wild.
So you'd have instances whereyou felt stupid.
But it wasn't that you werestupid, it's that they just
tried to apply whatever genericteaching practice to you and
then, if you didn't get it, youwere just yeah.
(51:57):
So, luckily, third grade.
Shout out to Mr Pierce he's myfirst black teacher Tucked an
interest in me and made me excel.
And shout out to miss, uh, missshoe too, who passed away a
couple years ago.
She was a white lady, lovegarfield, she never.
She took a chance on me like itwas certain teachers that
refused to allow, but it was.
(52:18):
You know, it's in a, it's inthe fucking sea of a bunch of
teachers that just kind of writeyou off to be so and that to
your point.
Speaker 3 (52:25):
that's what I'm trying to figure out.
I'm trying to figure out what'sher, what's her method of
learning Is she?
Is she a visual?
Speaker 2 (52:33):
learner.
Speaker 3 (52:33):
Audio.
You know what I'm saying?
How does she?
Speaker 2 (52:35):
I don't tangible audio learner because she don't
listen to shit.
Uh, not like us.
Well, she know all that.
She know what's up.
You could like you could try todo it in s1 and see if it works
.
Speaker 3 (52:47):
But it's like I think that was one of the key things
that once I learned how Ilearned because I was I was more
of, I was a visual learner likeshow me, don't tell me.
Like show me, and then I can.
I can, I can apply that.
It made things easier for me,right?
So like I could watch somethinga couple times, and then I can
apply that.
It made things easier for me,right?
So like I could watch somethinga couple of times and then from
that point I got a good basis,I can figure it out and so.
(53:09):
But I think, like I'm trying tofigure out how she learns to
make her life easier down theline, because, like, if you can
implement I'm sorry, if you canput that in motion now, it's
just going to make every othergrade easier for her, because
now you know how to adjustthings so that she picks it up
off the bat yeah, I know, ava'sdefinitely a visual, but she
(53:33):
likes to create and she likesthings like if you, you watch,
if she'll watch like a youtubevideo, she can create right.
Speaker 2 (53:41):
like, if you say this is how you do that, she goes oh
, and then, before you know it,she's created her own structure
or whatever and then she makesher own version of what you said
.
But it took forever to get herto learn math because she wasn't
interested in learning.
But once she got it, she knowshow to do it.
Speaker 3 (53:58):
now it's just I'm going to start telling her math
is important because it's howyou count your money.
I probably get her.
I know they count your moneyI'm just terrified.
Speaker 2 (54:09):
You guys keep talking about math I just know when
they she's a lot more years agothey threw that shit in front of
me.
Speaker 3 (54:18):
I said what the fuck is this the the first time I
seen block.
I said what is this block shit?
This is what this shit is.
I was like what?
Why are we making thiscomplicated?
Speaker 1 (54:28):
I'm going to go try to learn calculus and shit at 40
.
I ain't that bad I'm going tobe out here, like what'd you say
?
I?
Speaker 3 (54:35):
ain't that bad.
Speaker 2 (54:36):
You just rubbed my chest tight now.
Speaker 1 (54:38):
Huh.
Speaker 3 (54:39):
It ain't that bad.
Speaker 1 (54:44):
I think I tighten up.
Huh, it ain't that bad.
Speaker 2 (54:45):
I think I got to algebra two and was like that's
what I did too, and now I'mtrying to.
And what was so cold is Ididn't pass algebra two.
Nobody in that class passedalgebra two, so they canceled
the whole class, damn I've neverheard of that.
Speaker 1 (54:56):
Yeah, you remember mr cooper canceled the class.
Remember the white white dudecome over with the glasses.
Old white dude, was he just nota good come?
Speaker 2 (55:01):
over with the glasses , old white dude.
Speaker 3 (55:03):
Was he just not a good teacher?
Speaker 2 (55:05):
He was apparently very difficult but like the
entire class was in after schooltutoring.
Speaker 3 (55:10):
And we all failed.
Speaker 2 (55:12):
So after that semester it was so bad they just
they put other people in otherclasses and they told me you
want to take another elective.
Speaker 1 (55:19):
I don't know if I had Mr Cooper I elective.
I don't know if I had amaster's in computer science.
I had somebody for geometry,some old white dude.
Speaker 2 (55:24):
But he was not a good teacher.
He was bad yeah, that one wasbad.
Speaker 3 (55:29):
I think I took algebra two sophomore year.
Speaker 2 (55:33):
I didn't know that shit, I was like never.
I ended up taking Spanish.
Speaker 3 (55:38):
Geometry.
Speaker 1 (55:39):
Yeah, I think that's as far as I went.
Maybe algebra two Well, I thinkthat's as far as I went, maybe
algebra too.
Speaker 3 (55:42):
Well, I think I took.
Yeah.
Well, I think I took Statisticsand Geometry wasn't that bad
for me.
Speaker 1 (55:48):
Yeah, that was easy.
Speaker 2 (55:49):
But fucking algebra too.
I was like nigga, I'm just notgetting.
I don't remember shit fromgeometry.
Speaker 3 (55:54):
And I should Cause I do it in my head, but I can't
Perform those I can't remember.
Speaker 2 (55:59):
And it was funny Is when I would go with the tutor.
It made sense I go back to hisclass.
I'm like nigga, this ain't atall what I had after school.
What the fuck is this?
Speaker 3 (56:08):
In college I experienced that right.
I could have like the professorwould say some shit and I'd be
like this shit don't make senseat all.
But then like someone would say, oh okay, that's not what this
nigga said.
Speaker 2 (56:22):
So yeah, Well, I said they ended up fucking canceling
that whole class becausethey're like I think two people
passed, but they were alreadylike yeah, everybody else failed
, so they just.
Speaker 1 (56:32):
I never heard of that .
Speaker 2 (56:34):
Ask about it.
Speaker 1 (56:35):
Nigga, that shit was wild, I believe you For sure,
but I'm just like I feel likethey shouldn't.
This is hey look, we failed you, so we're going to pass you.
Speaker 2 (56:46):
That shit was wild, bro, because I thought I was the
only one.
I mean, I knew classmates werestruggling.
I didn't know everybody wasfailing Damn.
Speaker 1 (56:54):
So, yeah, you can't be the teacher after that.
Speaker 2 (56:58):
No.
Speaker 1 (56:59):
They should bring you in the office and be like, hey,
so leave.
Speaker 2 (57:01):
And the thing is, I don't know badge thing.
Me and Zuli joke about thatshit.
But she passed that class withthat teacher but he was always
flirtatious with the girls.
Speaker 1 (57:12):
Oh, like Mr Crandall yeah.
Speaker 2 (57:15):
Didn't Mr Crandall have been marrying students?
Speaker 1 (57:19):
I don't know.
I think he.
Speaker 3 (57:19):
I don't know he always had attractive.
Speaker 1 (57:23):
His history went deep , like my cousin came over here
and they graduated I forgot whatyear, but they were like Mr
Crandall and I was like he was acreep way back.
Rest in peace, mr Crandall.
Speaker 2 (57:32):
but he was like creeping way back.
Then his TAs were always bad asfuck oh, he did that on my
freshman year I was like I wouldsee senior females, I was like
who the fuck is that?
And they were like oh, that'sMr Crandall's TA and I'm like
fuck, and I'm like, and you seethem up there all playful and
shit, like uh.
Speaker 1 (57:52):
but that's wild to me , where you're like hey guys,
this is okay oh boy, any lastadvice you would like to give
people dealing with keep yourcool count to ten.
It gets.
It gets better.
(58:13):
They're great.
They're great.
It's part of it.
What was?
Speaker 2 (58:17):
that that's not like the Pillsbury Dough what was
that?
Speaker 1 (58:25):
they will test you it gets better.
Speaker 2 (58:27):
That's not like the Pillsbury Doughnut I was like
what was that?
Speaker 3 (58:29):
They will test you Without a head gasket or what?
Yeah, Because he's like it getsbetter.
They're great and I was like,are they?
Speaker 1 (58:34):
They are.
Speaker 2 (58:38):
It's interesting to watch where you're like, wow,
that's cool.
I was like there's a lot ofobstacles that will stress you
to fuck out.
That's cool, there's a lot ofobstacles that will stress you
to fuck out.
But when you get to see thedope instances, where you get to
see them be dope individuals,it almost makes up for it.
Speaker 3 (58:51):
I do feel like when they get a W, when they get a
win in their face, that shit domake it worth it.
Speaker 2 (58:56):
Yeah, it makes you be like you know what.
All right, but yeah, with thatbeing said, this has been
episode 185 of the heavyweightpodcast.
Uh, again, des couldn't be here, but she will be back at soon
or at some point yeah, I don'tknow which.
Speaker 1 (59:11):
I don't know, I think it's that soon.
Speaker 3 (59:13):
She's not gonna, she's not getting 10.99, I know
that much oh yeah, she's dockedyeah, you can't claim this on
your taxes.
Speaker 2 (59:25):
Like subscribe, share comment.
We're going to get a whole poston us, so next time, we love
you, peace, peace.
Speaker 1 (59:35):
I'm sweating.
That's a wrap y'all.
That's how she wrote, so makesure to click like subscribe.
T tune in we on the Austrianplatform.
So until next time we'll hideit at you.
Welcome to the Heavyweight Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
The message behind saying the title of the
Heavyweight Podcast is to beable to say that we can weigh in
on some heavy shit.
What we're talking about isimportant from every aspect of
it.
It's a heavy weight.
It's not just about physicalweight, but the weight of things
that can weigh our minds.
So I think it's dope that wecan have this conversation.
So I think it's dope that wecan have this conversation.
(00:27):
What's good?
This is episode 185 of theheavyweight podcast.
I'm your anti-social host andnever your favorite, stoddard
McFly, back again with these twoguys.
That's gonna be here.
Go ahead and state your namefor the beautiful people out
here.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Molito Mo' Button Pump, pump, pump, pump Pump.
Her Up, her Up.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Oh, I missed her Fister Chunkum.
What's up, what's up.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
He ain't missed yet.
Huh, he ain't missed today.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
He ain't missed.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Fister what was that again?
Fister, chunkum, everybodyremember Chunkums.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
He got Chunkums that's like a dope rap name.
Um, how were your weeks?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
mine was good, nice and chill, relaxed, got a little
cold ass weather.
That was fun, but I missed thecold cold, so that was good.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Expensive man.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Expensive.
Yeah, you don't want to go intofurther detail.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Yeah, my daughter had her meet in San Diego.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
How'd she do?
Excellent Cause she's black,black excellence.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
I like that legacy, legacy, legacy, you know what I
mean did she ask you what herwill is?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
no, god damn.
I watched.
I listened to too much Jay Z,but that's what I was
referencing.
So how were your weeks?
I did that already God damn it.
I'm Stutter McFly.
(02:17):
I repeat, my week was writingand trying to see if you guys
like how my voice sounds raspy,Since Mo Button pointed it out.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
I mean, he is Mo Button so he might know I would
say I have my ear to the street,but I don't listen to nobody.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Is that what that meant?
I thought that just meant.
They was just like listening towhat people are saying.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
My bad, anyway, we're going like listening to what
people just saying my bad.
Anyway, we're going to get tothe shenanigans.
Everything's curated by what'sgoing on in our fucking lives.
So this one's called.
I'm going to knock the blackout your ass.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Oh shit.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
This is from personal experience.
So can you share the first timeyour child disrespected or
disappointed you?
How personal experience.
So can you share the first timeyour child disrespected or
disappointed you?
How did it make you feel andhow did you respond,
disrespecting me or someonearound you?
Share the you know.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
I don't know the first time.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
I can't remember the first time.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I'm in the middle of the uh, the uh, oh my God, the
testing phase.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Oh my God, why?
Oh my God, why?
Or not that, not that no it'sthe uh, put that down.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Yeah, it's, it's, it's.
It's rough.
We're getting there.
She's getting better, cause Iremember I was remembering that
with Kendall Like Graceland's,just different though, because
Kendall was like and then ittook, it wasn't as bad.
But oh my God, she's like, sheknows what she's doing and like
(03:55):
she'll look at you and be likelet me see if I can get away
with this.
I'm like I can't let you getaway with it.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
That Can't let you get away with it.
That's my friend, man, don'ttalk bad about my friend.
That shit sucks.
I can't recall.
I'm pretty sure she probablywould disrespect me a lot of
times.
Well, that's my little angel,so I let it go.
Now, when she disrespects hermom, I'll be like look here,
calm down, that's my wife, Sityour ass down.
I do remember the first timeshe raised her voice to her mom
and I was like, and I looked ather like who the fuck you
talking to?
And when I said it, I said itwith bass in my voice and she
(04:28):
looked at me like nobody.
I said, yeah, I apologize toyour mother yeah, she still be
doing that yeah, she still docrazy.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I'm like oh.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
I feel like I have to say that on a frequent basis.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Who you talking to.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Who the fuck you think you talking?
Speaker 3 (04:48):
to.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Watch your fucking tone.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Yeah, they taught me an octave.
I didn't know I had thoseoctaves Like hey you like oh
shit that shit, get a littlebass in there.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
That came from below the diaphragm.
Yeah, I think she was raisingher voice to her mom and I kind
of yelled at her real quick.
The first time she disappointedme was when she blatantly lied
yeah, that does.
And we had a conversation aboutliars and how you're showing
(05:23):
yourself to be untrustworthy andso if I can't trust you to do
the right thing when I'm nothere, I'm sorry.
If I can't trust you to do theright thing when I'm here, I
can't trust you to do the rightthing when I'm not around, so
that's going to limit youropportunities to do things.
Because now I know I can'ttrust your situations.
And after we had a couple ofconversations she started to
(05:45):
grasp it and so now she does thething where, like she'll tell a
half lie as you go oh, I'm justplaying, no that's, that's yes.
Yeah, like, like, like she, shewould tell a half lie.
Yeah, yeah, she was like shit.
They know the truth.
No, I'm just playing, Iactually know.
So, like you know that, thatkind of stuff, that, that that,
(06:07):
because you know I'm teachingher man like your word, your
word means everything.
So if I can't trust you to dowhat you're supposed to do, or
do what you say you're going todo, or actually completed a task
that you said you did, thenit's going to severely limit
what you're going to be allowedto do around here and what
(06:29):
you're going to be allowed to dooutside this house.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
They usually follow what water works too.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Oh yeah, always, and I'd be like you know what I'm
saying.
Now I was like go cry in yourroom.
I don't want to see this shit.
I don't want to see this shit.
Go cry in your room and if youstart crying loud, I don't want
to hear it.
So the longer you, the longer Ihear you, the more shit I'm
gonna take away yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
That's a hard one to get through.
That is a hard one to getthrough, yeah go ahead and say
it.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I've been in the last two weeks.
I've been in scenarios ofconstant disrespect, but the
thing is it's when it happenedto me.
It kind of gave me a futurereference to what the fuck me
and Andrea and Andreas are goingto be into as we get older.
(07:21):
So you squaring up in the frontyard, he's trying and he knows
he knows better now, but I feellike as he gets older and taller
he's going to keep trying itand he's very stubborn.
He reminds me a lot of hisfucking grandfather, but that
(07:48):
happened recently.
That's why I said thesequestions are curated where he
got disrespectful and um,because and it's over usually
shit that I what pisses me offmore is when it's and I I guess
it's a double whammy, it's adisrespect and it disappoints me
because it's not even oversomething that's worth being
disrespectful over.
It's just not understanding theum what's not worth it as far
(08:12):
as, because for them it's likeit matters in the moment that
they realize it's passing.
It's like, oh, I'm mad I didn'tget this right now, and it's
like, but that you felt that wasa the perfect opportunity to be
that disrespectful it's lifeand death in the moment to them.
Yeah, but as soon as it passesit's on to something else.
But it was something where Ihad to check it because it was
(08:33):
something that my dad used toinstill in me when I was younger
.
He said at a certain point hehated me.
My dad never tolerated that, sowhen it happened with me and
him, I didn't tolerate it.
I said, no, like you're like,there's some, there's some
things like I can let you havean attitude here and there and
we can get through it, but never, I told him never make that
(08:54):
statement or say that statementto anyone, especially if it's
someone you care about, becauseyou might end up in an instance
and verbatim the phrase my dadsaid to me in an instance and
verbatim the phrase my dad saidto me you can't say you don't
want to ever tell the peoplethat you care about, you hate
them, because if, say, somethinghappens and you're not able to
take back what you said, you'realways going to live with the
(09:15):
regret of making the statement.
So never just say the phrase Ihate you to people unless you
actually mean it.
And um, he apologized and hesaid I'm sorry, sorry, dad, but
like I just hit home because itwas one of those things where it
was like I get this.
It's going to happencontinuously, and I know they
don't mean what they say all thetime but at the same time you
(09:36):
want to nip certain things inthe butt and when it was said,
it pissed me off because itwasn't something worth making
that statement over.
Not getting something that youreally wanted a toy or whatever
it was in the in that moment, isnot warranted.
To say that you hate somebodythat literally give anything, to
fucking give his own life tomake sure that you're okay.
(09:57):
Um, so yeah, that justdisappointed me in that moment.
Um, they didn't happen with Ava, but it wasn't me, so I'm gonna
tell the story.
Maurice already knows the story.
Um, ava was picked up by hermother at school and proceeded
(10:19):
to throw a fucking tantrum ohyeah and decided that she wanted
to swing or hit her mother inpublic.
Even in that instance it wasn'twarranted, but it's still one of
the things where it's like thelevel of disrespect in that
moment towards your parent islike I can't be okay with it at
(10:45):
all.
But it's just letting thingsget to a certain point has to be
nipped in the bud immediately.
And, like me, constantlyworking all the time, I get that
I'm not around enough to alwaysbe able to implement or enforce
certain uh conditions or or uhshit that ain't happening.
(11:11):
Like this is my, I stand onbusiness shit, but if I'm not
around to to implement it, itdoesn't necessarily get enforced
.
So, um, yeah, but I will saybefore that time, she caught an
attitude with me in the morningand I had to check that shit too
, and she, she straightened up,but like it is, like it spilled
(11:32):
over and that she wanted her mom.
But we, we, we, we parent twodifferent ways.
So but yeah, that that's why alot of these questions are being
stemmed from, because that shithappened so many different and
the baby, of course, slaps shitout of me all the time, but he's
one years old, so we're goingto just let that slide and he
robs me for my food, my proteinshit, which is expensive, and he
(11:54):
takes it and acts like it'sjust like a fucking bologna
sandwich or some shit.
Just eats it Fucking or I thinkhe eats it.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Then a little fucking there, or I think he eats it.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Then I go fucking check somewhere else and he left
it half eaten, slobberedsomewhere and you're like what
the fuck, bro?
Like he was done that shit'sexpensive.
You know what I did with thatshit?
I rinsed it off and I ate it mygoddamn self anyway.
Um, next question is, uh,cultural context.
How do you think culturalexpectations and stereotypes
about us being black fathersinfluence on how we handle
disrespect from our kids?
Speaker 3 (12:30):
Go ahead, Kevin.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
You mean, how do we, being black I?
Speaker 2 (12:41):
mean, like when we came up, we know how our dads
were with us or our parents werewith us.
Does that impact how you, I'msure, approach?
Like, because, like I know,when I talk to my friends of
other races about their parentsand they look at me like nigga,
what, what?
Speaker 1 (12:55):
you do that I mean I'm sure, yeah, because even if
it's things you're like I'm notgoing to do because it's, that's
still an influence yeah from doit.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
So you're like um, I think yeah a lot of that shit
though, but a lot of stuff I wasraised with I feel like was
good yeah, I feel that way too,like I feel like I understood
where my dad was coming from,especially the more shit happens
like oh shit, I went throughthe same shit.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Like at the time I'm like no fuck that's crazy like
yeah, you're mine, man.
Now I'm like damn it.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I heard my desk.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I told your ass was gonna happen all right, okay
every day but there's certainthings I try to like do
differently too, because, likenow I'm learning like I gotta
treat each kid differently too,like with graceland, like I'm
learning, I gotta like let hertalk, because she I'm like, damn
(13:54):
, she has a temper.
And then I gotta be like hey andlike talk to her and then be
like what's up, and she'll tellme like, and I'm like well, why
didn't you just say that,instead of just like lashing out
, just start here and then it'sgetting better.
But it's like I don't think Iwould have had that, like that
growing up.
They're not like coming up tome, like, why are you acting
(14:16):
like that?
It's like you're about to sityour ass down Right.
Give a fuck about your feelings, you being mad.
You better shut your ass up andgo sit down somewhere.
But it's like it's cool, though.
Like I feel like it's cool tosee that because you can see
like her as a person whereyou're like oh, that's okay.
No, I get that like yeah thatmakes fucking sense.
(14:38):
I feel like an asshole.
But don't act like that, likedon't do that, so like
definitely.
I think that comes from likenot having that as a kid too,
like wanting to.
I don't know what that feelslike, so I guess that's kind of
cool.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Hopefully it turns into something cool as they get
older I think for me it's hard,um, because Because, again, my
grandfather was a man of fewwords, so it's like it was more
so, like he pretty much justaffirmed whatever my grandmother
(15:15):
said, right.
So, but I think I take, I'mtrying to take, the approach of
recently now, of like I'm, Iwant her to express herself, of
recently now, of like I want herto express herself right,
because I can't expect her ather age to have the
understanding and thewherewithal to regulate her
emotions right.
So I have to let her feel whatshe feel, even when I don't like
(15:36):
what she feel, right.
So, similar to what you said,kevin, I try to listen, I try to
understand and I try to likeyou know what you know, like I
was saying, like for them, youknow, any problem, it's life or
death, because everything ismagnified to them, right Cause,
in, in that moment, they'rethey're not, either they're not
(15:57):
feeling validated or they'refeeling like they're getting
done wrong some kind of way.
So you know, and I I kinda Igot, I kinda some kind of way.
So you know, and I kind of Igot, I kind of got this through
my wife.
We kind of like, when she'sdoing her tantrum, she's doing
her fit.
We just we get silent, we don'tentertain it.
We let her think about it, welet her let her say what she's
going to say, cause you know,you know, sometimes we get the,
(16:17):
the, the, the self down, talk,um, but then again, a lot of
times, especially like whensomething's been done, because
she's being disciplined, she'strying to get a rise out of you,
right?
So that's, that's another partof like the not always engaging.
And then the one thing I dothat is completely different is,
(16:38):
like, like Kevin said, like I,I try to have a conversation, I
try to.
Okay, we're going to talk about, we're going to talk about what
happened and I'm going toexplain to you why these are the
consequences of what happened,right?
And so my goal at that point isto get her to understand that,
(16:59):
like I always tell her, I don'tcare whether it's good or bad,
every action has a consequence.
And so you know what isexpected of you, you know what
is required of you, and youunderstand that, even if you
don't meet expectations, theremay not be consequences, because
they're just expectations, butwhen you don't meet the
(17:19):
requirements, there aredefinitely going to be
consequences, because therequirement is the standard.
The expectation is the goal.
So there's two different thingshere, right?
So then, and there's no way youcan get out of oh, I'm sorry,
oh, I forget all that, right.
Well, here's the thing as as um, as an adult, you're not going
(17:45):
to be allowed to forget this.
This is not going to besomething you can just say when
everything goes awry.
Right, so like.
Another thing we justimplemented is now before school
, we stopped telling her what todo, right, so we don't do the
whole.
We don't do checklists, no more, we don't do that.
You got your backpack.
You got your homework.
You got your water.
You got your lunch, nothing,right.
So, whatever you leave the homewith, it's what you got.
(18:05):
You get hungry?
Well, the school gonna feed you.
You got water.
That's at school.
We'll see you.
You got your homework.
You turn your home again.
Who's fault is that?
You know what I'm saying.
So, like the that's part of thewhole like, and because I do
feel like to her detriment, likeshe has been coddled and
(18:27):
protected a little too much, andI feel like I always say like
she doesn't.
You know, it's a good thing anda bad thing that she hasn't had
to experience a childhoodsimilar to mine as far as like
the discipline wise, but I feellike I can, like you guys were
saying, I can also see how, likethe discipline wise, but I feel
like I can, like you guys weresaying, I can also see how, like
the way I was disciplined, Isee how it benefited me in the
(18:50):
long run, and I'm not reallyconfident right now if what
we're trying to teach her isactually getting through to her.
So it's like, but like so Iguess that's like my thing.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
It's tough to know right now, though, too.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Huh, it's tough to know right now too yeah, I mean,
but I mean every now and again.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
There's some time almost like you'd be like okay,
this motherfucker is listeninglike I'm just laughing halfway
when you was talking, becauseI'm like picturing some of the
conversations and the way that Italk.
I'm like, alright, kevin, dialit down, you can't say some of
these words.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
She don't know what the fuck that means she don't
know what the hell you mean saybig words and I'm like okay shit
, andrea, you don't know biggerwords than I do my wife always
says, kevin, she's not, shedon't understand the concept of
what you're trying to say.
I was like like so, like that,that, that part I I get, but
that's no one prepares you forhow stressful being a goddamn
(19:49):
parent's gonna be, you like.
And because I thought, like the, the protection and the
providing like shelter and foodand shit would be the hard part.
It's the preparing thementality and and and shaping a
person to be a good person.
That's the hard fucking part.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Well, here's what I'm going to say, and I'm going to
say this there's probably nobodyon the planet that can piss you
off more than you.
But you still look at them likewow, right, I love you to death
, motherfucker.
Yeah, like what did you just do?
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Why would you even do that Deep breath?
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Deep breath.
That shit happened yesterday.
Deep breath.
I told Ava's ass to stay offthe we were shopping at Walmart.
I told her ass to stay off theshelves, oh, and she kept
leaning on the shelves and thenshe eventually leaned on one
shelf and snapped the damn thingand I said I told your ass to
stay off the, the, the shelves,oh, and she kept leaning on the
shelves and then she eventuallyleaned on one shelf and snapped
the damn thing and I said I toldyour ass to stay off the.
And she looked at me and she waslike I'm sorry, I'm like go
(20:53):
with your mom, go with your,because it just like I was it
gets to the point now, like inthat situation.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
It's like I'm gonna tell you twice after the third
time hold the basket.
Are you either you holding thebasket or you about to get your
big ass in the basket becauseyou can't behave just outside
the basket?
Speaker 1 (21:20):
I'll leave, just to come back.
Come back, I'll just take one.
We're just gonna go sit in thecar.
No, it's too late.
It's too late, all I Just tocome back.
Come back, I'll just take one,we're just going to go sit in
the car?
No, it's too late.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
It's too late.
What I'll say is it'sinteresting because growing up
with my dad it was like andwe've talked about this before
the kind of like our societalnorms was way different, because
(22:11):
we were expected to grow wayfaster than me at six to be able
to do certain shit, because itwas just me and him.
So he already had to have itinstilled in me that six, seven,
eight, nine he got to be ableto do this, this, this shit,
like walking home to if you needto get something from the
liquor store, or something hehas to be able to do it himself,
uh, staying at home by myself,etc.
Like it was all expected of mebecause you were growing up so
much faster.
(22:32):
So, like it like now I'mlooking at it with them and I'm
like I couldn't imagine Ifucking couldn't imagine seeing
them in a position to what itwas like for us growing up.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Yeah, I think, I think the flip side and what's
beautiful about that is that ourchildren are experiencing
something that we never got toexperience because they are
being allowed to just be kids.
And so, like, I realize all thetime, like the mentality and
the responsibility I had at herage, my daughter's age, she
(23:09):
doesn't have any of that.
She, happy, go lucky.
I'm a play of my toys, whatever, right, the the responsibility
of making sure you know everycertain things are done, to
everything from, like you know,making your own sandwich, to
like doing George, like thethings that I had to do, like
(23:31):
she's not, she's not doing thethings I had to do at her age,
right.
And so, like, when I look ather, I'm like it's, it's, it's
kind of dope to me that like,cause I see how much of a free
spirit she is and I feel likeand I sometimes I think like man
, like was, was, was mycreativity and my like
motivation hindered because Ihad to grow up.
(23:51):
You know what I mean?
Cause it's like, sometimes Ilook at it, I'm like, but this
is like, like, just like,watching her play with her dolls
and like the conversation andshit and the shit she be coming
up with.
I'll be like how the fuck?
Like, how do you see this shit?
Okay, like, and it so like.
So in those moments I feel likeI'm doing something right.
But then when we turn aroundand we're doing a tinter tantrum
(24:12):
because we ain't got no syrup,I'm like what the fuck is your
problem?
I was like we'll get some syruptomorrow, like calm down, like.
So it's like it's a flip sideof it, because I was like I wish
I would cry because therewasn't no damn syrup in house,
but they got them red dry.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
It made me think about the lies that would happen
.
My dad would be like he didn'tgive me something.
He'd be like, hey, they justdidn't happen.
Today I'd be like, oh okay,didn't question it twice, let's
left it at that.
And I got older I said thatnigga was lying.
Now I think about it now whenmy kids I say you know what?
He didn't get that, oh my God.
(24:52):
And I'm like I should just lie.
Yeah, like I should justfucking lie.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
Look here, my wife is a genius, so she came up with
this whole thing now.
Now, like, technically, wenever tell her no when she asks
for something directly.
Right, it's always okay.
Yeah, we'll put it on the list.
We'll put it on your birthdaylist.
We'll put it on your Christmaslist?
(25:19):
Yeah, we'll put it on the listI think we have.
There is no list.
This is just something we sayin the moment so that she don't
throw a fit and we ain't got todeal with it.
And if we remember, you know,because we will get her the
things she repeatedly asked forwhen we have the money or we
feel like she deserves it, butthere is no list.
You know what I mean?
(25:40):
Oh, I know.
And then the cold part about itis like the one thing that we
used to take away that would belike detrimental, would be like
screen time, like no iPad, no TV, and now she's come such
accustomed to not having thosethings but I'm gonna take your
iPad away, OK, like it don'tmean shit.
Like, like, yeah, like like shewas on winter break for three
(26:01):
weeks.
She had the iPad one day.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Like you know, think about Ava.
Ava got my memory.
Oh yeah, day.
Like you, don't, think aboutava.
Ava got my memory.
Oh, you got me rough becauseshe said shit, that fucking six
months ago she said one thing.
I was oh yeah, yeah, she'llcome back six months.
Dad, remember that one day yousaid that she would do how the
fuck did you remember that?
Like, like it's come due, nigga, like wait.
(26:25):
I thought you forgot all aboutthat, nope she like the loan
shark on a barbershop.
Yeah, like you remember that?
Speaker 1 (26:37):
it is interesting with, uh, an older child too,
cause now it's like a differentpreparation.
It's like, yo, you about to goout in the like real world and
like have to do stuff whereyou're like and I'm just like I
want you to still be like a kidin high school.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
But shit's coming About to get real.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
I'm just like it's tough because there'll like
we're doing the driving stuff.
Now we went to the DMV and Iwas just like handing the papers
in.
And I'm like why am I handingthe papers in?
And the lady was like, are youdriving?
I was like no.
She was like well, then, giveher the papers.
I was like you're right, sheshould be doing all of this.
So it's like trying to just belike go Cause it's tough out
(27:28):
there Shit.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
Let me ask you this, because this is my thing Like,
how much more responsibility dowe give them as they age?
Cause I feel like I know for meat least I've I've tried to
make her life as easy aspossible, but now I'm seeing
like, no, I need to give hermore responsibility so like she
understands the value of, of, ofthings.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
So like do you, do you have like a, a way to gauge
how much responsibility to?
Speaker 2 (27:56):
kick me out the nest.
That was, that was this thing.
You kind of like zero to 60.
So it was like I don't wantthat to get comfortable.
And then all of of a sudden oneday he's like hey, gotta go.
You start the day, nigga.
Like you're like, wait a minute, what do you mean?
Like you didn't tell me yourshit, you start the day, nigga.
So you just kind of like that,like what's that bird that
pushed they?
Speaker 3 (28:15):
maybe it's like fly or die.
Uh, the wild robot.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
The green movie that that was kind of how you
approach it.
It wasn't one of those, uh, letme gradually tell him which
kind of like today you'relearning, you're starting today,
and they go like boom, and youlike you kind of get thrown off
guard, but you're like, okay,like that's my best way that's,
my that's that's my.
Give them enough leeway,obviously so.
When they actually have to havethose skills, they're ready.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
But like yeah, I would.
I feel like I feel like theytried to prepare me, but like I
feel like I was coddled to thepoint to where, like when she
got real, it was likeoverwhelming, like instantly, it
was like fuck.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
And that's going to be hard too, when you're like
I'm sitting there like I meanshe's tripping, she's okay, she
probably don't know she's okay,but like, however, you're like
it's not.
You're good like yeah because,yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Yeah, we had some harder lessons, yeah yeah, yeah,
you talk about like the drivinglesson.
They get my first drivinglesson.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
I failed right oh, we're on our third one right now
.
She fails this one.
I was like you gotta pay for it, like if you fail this one,
that's on your dime we did ourpart my dad made me feel low as
shit that day yeah, it was mybirthday 18th birthday damn
Speaker 2 (29:46):
damn, so we go.
And it wasn't like some flukemistake where the lady assumed I
was gonna do something I wasgonna do.
But I remember feeling likeshit.
He kicked me when I was down.
I remember feeling like shitthat whole day and I remember my
brother.
I said me and my brother wouldget along like that.
My brother had to do.
What's the reason like dad?
Like, think about it, it's hisbirthday.
(30:07):
He already feel like shit.
He didn't pass.
You think he didn't want topass.
You don't think any 18 year olddon't want to be driving.
And you know we were making himfeel like shit on his birthday.
Yeah, and took my brothersaying that to him for him to
realize maybe I was too hard onhim and like it.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Oh, my god now do you think I think your dad was
doing that to try to get youtough skin?
Speaker 2 (30:32):
yeah.
But he realized, like, likeKevin said, like sometimes you
kind of just gotta like ease up,yeah, like nigga, he just you
think he don't want his license,like yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
So my brother said that to him and he was like you
know what, maybe you're rightlike you just remind me cause I
I made fun of my wife for thelongest time, cause she failed
her first time.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
She passed the second time, but she failed the first
time leaving the parking lotyeah she drove off the curve
like the back tire went off thecurve and they was like make a
turn here.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
And she turned right back.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
That's so fucked up, because when lines happen.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
They have me do the straight line, the curve where
you line up with the curve, andthey're supposed to pull off.
But I saw the car coming.
So I was rolling forwardwaiting for the car to pass,
because it was a whole thingwhere there was no one.
So I was rolling forwardletting them pass.
And I was rolling forwardwaiting for the car to pass
because it was a whole thingwhere there was no one.
So I was rolling forwardletting them pass and I was
going to merge over.
She thought I was going to hitthe car.
She grabbed the wheel.
What were you doing?
(31:36):
I was like waiting for the carto pass.
So she was like keep driving.
So she makes me think the wholedriving test is still going.
She had me go around the corner, do the whole whatever test,
come back to the drive.
Congratulations, you failed.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
I said what the God damn, not the congratulations
you feel damn.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
Yeah, that's fucked up.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
That's fucked up, that's me I was like so you made
me think the whole test wasstill happening, Even though it
wasn't like.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
I was done at the.
That's fucked up.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
So I always make fun of my wife because I tell her I
say every driving test I've evertaken.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
I've passed the first time.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
That's a kick in the nether regions.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
That's fucked up.
Why do you do that?
Speaker 3 (32:18):
Just to show her that I'm a better test taker than
she is.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
That's fucked up.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Both written.
I've only both written andbehind the wheel.
I've only both written andbehind the wheel.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
I've only taken one time.
What's the next topic, man?
Speaker 3 (32:35):
That's why I say if a certain person can fly a plane,
nigga I got to be able to whatup Mark.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
So it's discipline versus understanding.
How do you balance enforcingdiscipline while maintaining
empathy and understanding?
Like what we didn't?
The example I gave was perfect.
That was not no empathy in thatshit.
I try to be empathetic even whenI don't understand what's going
on, because I get that they'regrowing up in a different time,
(33:07):
because I get that they'regrowing up in a different time.
But sometimes you do kind ofget thrown off guard because you
know that instance in how youwere raised comes in and you're
like nigga, I would never likemy dad would never let me trip
off of this, or I would neverthink to be upset about some
shit like this, like, forexample, the day that Ava was
(33:28):
acting a fool in the car I wasdriving and I'm looking around
in my fucking surroundings.
I'm like nigga, I got atouchscreen, my seats are heated
and ventilated.
They're driving in thiscontrolled climate.
Their seats are heated andventilated.
And I'm thinking about when Ihad to wake up 30 minutes and
help my dad with a fuckingscraper get the ice off the
(33:51):
windshield and let the old asspickup truck heat up, because it
wouldn't roll if it wasn'theated All the while as you
drive.
There's a possibility that thisstick shift truck could shut
off and have to roll down thestreet and jumpstart again.
Oh yeah, and you guys are in acontrolled climate, controlled
(34:11):
everything, and you'recomplaining about having to go
to school Cause it's coldoutside and I'm like the cold
car was cold.
We had to rely on that fuckingengine, like, and I remember
there were times where he's likeI can't see, tell me what the
fuck's going on.
Yeah, and I remember there weretimes where he's like I can't
see.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Tell me what the fuck's going on.
Yeah, because the defrostingwork.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
You know what I'm saying.
Like and I'm feeling like ify'all don't shut the like, but
you have to catch yourself.
Like if you don't shut the fuckup and don't realize that
you're in a privilege, like andI'm like I can't do that.
I can't do like.
But I had to tell him like itwas way different for me growing
up.
Please, like, try to appreciatethis shit.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
Like I guess you don't get half to see that, but
but see, the thing is it's, it'syour, our, our, our privilege
that we've allowed them to haveis their normal.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
So it's their baseline.
They have nothing else to gaugeit off of.
So to them, you know, havingheated and ventilated seats is
normal.
They feel like everybody'shaving a good night.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
So that one day you're riding in a Scion and
you're like what the fuck, ohshit.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
I don't know what the fuck we were talking about, but
I was trying to get Kendall tolike realize something and she
was like, do you mean like poorpeople?
I was like, kendall, what thefuck did you?
What'd you say?
No, you know, you're like poorpeople.
We're not poor.
And I was like, well, we're notrich.
Like what are you talking about?
(35:39):
They?
Speaker 2 (35:40):
think we rich abel hit me with that shit too.
They think we rich about her,about her neat, her cousin.
She was like so my cousin'srich?
I said no, they're not rich,they're better off because of
the circumstance, but they'renot rich.
But no, they get to do this,this.
And that I said that's not rich.
Trust me, that's not rich, it'sjust having better
circumstances.
(36:01):
Oh my Lord.
Speaker 3 (36:03):
I think I try to understand that she's just a kid
and she doesn't have the toolsat this point in her life to
regulate her emotions as well asan adult should be able to,
right.
So that's what I'm saying Tosome degree.
The tantrums and the outburstsyou got to kind of let them go
(36:28):
through it and just kind of likeavoid, like ignore it, you know
.
I mean because I don't neverwant her to feel like what she
feeling isn't real or isn'tvalidated, because if she's
angry, if she's disappointed, ifshe's upset in that moment,
that those are her feelings,right.
So I don't ever want her to beable to to like misconstrue her
feelings.
(36:49):
But what I want her tounderstand is that like we can't
talk about this until you calmdown.
Um, so to that part, and thenagain, sometimes it's hard
because it's like it didn'tmatter how I felt, like what was
said, what was said and thatwas the law.
Like if it's a no, it's a no,it ain't.
(37:09):
I'm not finna, ask why, becausewhy leads to me having no teeth
.
Like I know this, you know whatI'm saying.
But now I'm a father and I'manswering why?
Well, why not?
Why can't we?
It's just this.
You know what I'm saying?
Again, like I have anotherchild that thinks that we are
rich and I tell her daily, likewe're here, we're not poor, we
(37:35):
ain't rich.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
It's fun.
This is fun.
I've been enjoying, trying toenjoy the whole process, because
it gets fucking frustrating.
So, I'm trying to figure outwhat's the right discipline.
Sometimes you're like is thisright, is this working?
Like, is this mean, is this toofar?
Is this that?
And like trying to learn thefreedom part because I'm like,
(37:59):
okay, some of these things theygotta like hone down, like she's
gonna probably start doingstuff where you say you can't
just be walking around in yourunderwear all the time.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
That's not going to change.
That's not going to change Atthis point.
I'm happy when she hasunderwear on.
I don't know why my child likesto be naked and I'm constantly
saying Phoenix, put some clotheson.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
Oh, I just laugh.
When my mom will come home andlike they'll both just be down
there in the panties, she's justlike all right, guess you just
hang.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
I will say this Thank God that my daughter is the one
that has no issue with my sons.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
They out there huh, oh Lord.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
I had this happen in both occurrences with them at a
certain age.
I think it happened faster withAlaric, where I was just
chilling with them and I'mhanging out and I'm like.
I remember it happened withAndreas when he was like three.
It hit a point where we werejust chilling.
I was sitting on the couch withhim.
I'm like your dick is out, likeI just it just kind of threw me
(39:08):
, like it just.
I was sitting there the couchwith him and I'm like your dick
is out, like I, just it justkind of threw me, like it just.
I was sitting there listeningto the music and it was me, him
and Ava.
We're just chilling and I'mjust like, and Ava's playing
with her toys and I'm like it'sbeen like an hour or so and I'm
sitting there and I go your dickis out, like why, why is his
dick out?
Yo dick is out, why is thisdick out?
And the same shit happenedrecently with Lark and I'm just
(39:31):
chilling and then I'm watchingTV and I'm like I mean his dick
is out.
I said so this is the.
This is apparently a MelRobinson thing, like I was like
why?
Speaker 1 (39:52):
it's freedom.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
I guess like shit hey .
I always have to explain totheir mom.
She was like oh, they love justpulling on her dicks.
I said it doesn't go away, thatshit's going to go for the rest
of us and I can tell you rightnow from personal experience we
never stop.
It never does.
So she was like they alwayspulling, they're so rough with
(40:14):
them.
Speaker 3 (40:15):
I'm like hey, it never stops.
Don't learn that shit, starthurting so that shit.
There is like I will say Kevin,to the discipline part.
What I'm starting to see isthat the discipline doesn't
always work regardless, becauseI feel like she has this thing
(40:40):
to where it's like it was worthit.
It was worth it, it was worthit, right.
But what I notice is that whenwe're disappointed in her, it
crushes her, because now shefeels like she's let us down.
Sometimes with one of them, Notthe gangster huh.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Sometimes She'll be like I don't care.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
Are you disappointed?
Oh okay, oh okay.
So about my juice for me it'sthe for.
Because of how I I am or Ipresent myself, they know when
I'm I'm not the one in reaction,like I just give them a look
like and they're like, damndad's, like he there.
But I think, with because of thedealings of, of how our
(41:28):
personalities are when I, whenI'm pissed, and I let them know
that I mean business, they knowto be serious.
But I said, I think it has tobe reinforced as far as on both
sides to understand that whenwe're trying to discipline, we
have to, like, stand on business, we got to hold our ground.
So like when we discipline andsay this is restriction or
(41:50):
whatever, I think it's hard tokeep that instilled when, if it
feels like on one side we canget away with it with the other
side, so like, so it was likewhen dad's gone we might be able
to finagle the shit with mom,like you know.
So it's like when dad's gone wemight be able to finagle the
shit with mom.
I feel like it's important tobe able to say, oh no, if they
say it.
So that's why I always say didyour mom say it was cool.
(42:10):
And if she said no, then youalready know what the deal is.
That's usually my reaction.
Or if I don't know what's goingon, I go hey, they said this
was cool, is that factual?
And she goes, goes.
Yeah, I said that I was likealright cool, so.
But when I'm usually at work, Icome home and I'm like what the
fuck happened?
Like did you, did they finagleyou?
(42:30):
Or like what the fuck?
Like?
Speaker 1 (42:32):
so I got one that I think likes to be in trouble,
though I will say yesterday thathappened to do you?
Just like this shit.
Speaker 2 (42:46):
He slapped the shit out of his sister in front of me
Damn.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
Yeah, she did the same.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
I said what the fuck he goes.
She makes me feel like I'mstupid.
She calls me stupid all thetime.
I'm like, but you know you'renot Damn.
He goes, but she calls mestupid and then she goes.
No, I feel stupid.
You know what my grades looklike?
I said I tried not to laughbecause I was like what the fuck
?
Like, where is this coming from?
Speaker 3 (43:13):
like I said you know damn well you can apply yourself
in school.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
You're not stupid.
But at first I was like I'mgetting.
I'm confused as fuck.
Well, why is everybody notkeeping their hands to
themselves?
That was where I was at.
So I was like how the fuck youget from, cause we were just
sitting there watching WildRobot.
I said what the fuck was that?
I don't like her, why she makesme feel stupid.
(43:38):
But why would you hit her?
Cause she made me feel stupid.
So I don't like her.
I'm like but she's your sisterlike, what the fuck like?
And then she goes.
Well, he makes me feel stupid.
I was like what the just just?
random acts of aggression yeah,and then the baby was all we
hitting people and he tries tosay both of them.
Speaker 3 (43:56):
I'm like, well, what the fuck like because he thinks
it's a game at this yeah, likeI'm like where the fuck did this
come from?
Speaker 2 (44:03):
we're just supposed to be watching a movie.
I was like what the fuck?
that ain't cool though so I hadto let him know like, look, in
no fucking way, shape or form,you put your hands on anybody.
Unless you're protectingyourself or defending your
sibling, you do not fucking putyour hands on anybody.
And he was like, and he triedto like, do the whole I'm sorry
dad and cry.
(44:23):
I was like no, no, no, thatcrying shit we're talking about.
This is what it is.
I'm not like this ain't cool,like, but it just throws.
I was like.
I was like damn, a lark likejust seizes every opportunity,
cause they, I swear he wascoming in running like he was
about to fuck them up.
Like oh, they threw a chair, Iswear he was coming in running.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
He was about to fuck them up.
A chair was thrown.
Oh, they threw a chair.
Speaker 3 (44:49):
You got to run and start.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
None of this is written in a book.
Speaker 3 (44:51):
They got all these books here.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
This wouldn't have been written.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
How would they prepare me for this?
How do I handle this?
Where's the play-by-play forthis?
I swear.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
I tried not to laugh because it was something.
I was like what the fuck?
So you put hands on each otherbut I was like but you know,
that's the hardest you literallyare.
It's not that she's doing badin school, but she could be.
She's like I don't get awards,like Andreas, but I'm like you
don't apply yourself, like youknow you can't apply yourself.
So what?
Like I'm confused.
I was like you know, if youdecided to buckle down tomorrow,
(45:24):
you could be getting all theseawards or whatever, if you chose
to.
But school for you is, eh, Likeyou do what you, like you're
doing the bare minimum, asopposed to achieving that.
Fortunately for Andreas, thisshit comes easy to him.
So, like for him, school islike he enjoys it.
(45:47):
He don't enjoy it, it's justeasy for him.
So when he sees shit Let me putit this way I ask him a number
equation.
He can do it in his head.
Like that, she got to count herhands.
You know what I'm saying?
It's not that they both get it,Just one's way quicker to the
draw look here, man, I'm gonnasay this, I'm gonna shoot a both
(46:08):
bell.
Speaker 3 (46:08):
Look here, because the way they teach in math now
is ridiculous.
I can't do the math, though I'm, because I'm.
I'm reading these mathquestions, I was like this is
way more complicated than whatit has to be.
And so like I'm like babe, thisis what they mean, you gotta do
this and this.
Well, dad, why don't they justsay that?
I said I don't know, it's dumb,but this is how they they were
like you're gonna help them withthe.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
I can't.
They're gonna be helping me,cause I don't what the fuck I'm
talking about.
What is this like?
Speaker 1 (46:33):
all you gotta do is chat camera on chat G have that
or val oh it was like justarguing with a fucking
eight-year-old.
You don't get this like well,as you said, it was this way and
I'm like, oh, I did it wrong,we gotta start over.
Speaker 3 (46:52):
We gotta start over it's like you do the homework,
she come back.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
I got a d damn that shit ain't changed for me.
Fuck, like you thought I gotbetter at this shit, uh oh, the
only part that hindered.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
That pisses me off about homework.
Oh we, since we here it's thereading comprehension part when
I'm like baby, they're tellingyou the answers in the story,
like I ask you a question, youanswer the question and I go so,
like what did so-and-so do atthis time?
(47:33):
Huh, what does it say?
Oh, at this time, so-and-so didthis.
So what did so-and-so do atthis time?
Huh, huh, oh my God.
So this line?
Huh, huh, oh my God.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
Oh my God, that's why that pisses me off too, because
, like, let it be some shit theywant to do.
They can tell you every in andout of the question, the
scenario or whatever.
But you ask them a questionabout a math question or
whatever and they be like huh,like, but you just told me the
answer.
Speaker 3 (47:59):
I did.
If I say who came to Gabby'sPlayhouse today, you tell me the
whole goddamn episode, but youcan't tell me from.
I said okay, and the thing isis like my daughter suffers from
what I suffered from.
The shit is easy.
So she don't try Right, shefeel like she ain't gotta try
(48:20):
because she feels like when sheguesses she gets it right, like
her, oh my, oh, I thought Ithought it was, I was right.
So I don't feel like she reallytries.
And so, like I told her I wastalking, I was like we're gonna
have to stop praising her alittle bit because I think, I
think like it's going to herhead a little bit, because she
feel like, oh, like I got thistype deal and because by no
(48:42):
means is she, is she, shedoesn't understand it.
I know she understands it, she,just when it comes to homework
or anything like schoolwork, shejust has no passion to do it.
She just doesn't want to do itthat makes sense Because when
she got her testing back, she'stesting it like above her grade
level, but then when she dohomework, she was like, uh, uh,
(49:07):
I know you know this shit.
I said why are you wasting my?
I said you know what?
Sit here, think about this,just come to me when you don't
have the page, cause.
Yeah, I said.
That's another reason why Isaid I gotta go back to work
doing homework.
I'm trying to be.
I'm trying I'm a.
It's like that TikTok, thisnigga's a good dad.
I'm out here trying to be agood dad helping with homework
(49:27):
and shit.
Now, this shit.
I'm like look here, I give yourmom a lot of credit because I
can't do this shit.
Speaker 2 (49:33):
If I try with math and shit, they're going to be
like there for who you?
Speaker 3 (49:50):
we got to reevaluate you.
Oh man, can I ask you aquestion?
All the people that went toschool in a short bus, what?
What happened to?
Speaker 2 (49:52):
those people after high school?
Uh, one works at ups.
They told me that the short buswas because they didn't have
enough buses.
I don't know if that was true.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
They only did that once.
They only did that once.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
And if you guys find my Bart Simpson figurine, I
appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (50:13):
Where was it?
I think where I lived on OhioStreet.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
It's funny, but I'm dead serious.
No, I'm serious, I I'm serious.
They bought.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
I was like they got seatbelts and shit that's how I
knew they had seatbelts on thebus had to take it to school one
day then I think about it.
Speaker 2 (50:28):
At that time I didn't know what was going on, but I
know the kid that was down thestreet was way bigger than me.
He went to the same school.
Damn, I didn't go to regularschool.
So I moved to California, butin St Louis I was on the slow
bus.
Damn you, look at me different.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
No, you the same no.
Speaker 2 (50:51):
I got a little bit smarter.
Speaker 1 (50:53):
Yeah, they took you off the slow bus.
Speaker 3 (50:55):
I mean sure they changed your surroundings.
Speaker 2 (50:59):
And then what's funny is, when I came to California,
I was first grade and youngerthan everybody else.
Speaker 3 (51:05):
That's where a was facing now, but um I've been the
youngest one in the class,being the youngest one in the
class but, like I, was fine asfar as when I got here.
Speaker 2 (51:14):
It was just like what we talked about a few episodes
ago.
There were times where at theschool I went to, alkyl
elementary, which happened to bethe last school that
desegregated, and I'm just gonnathrow that out there, um, but
that school did a lot of, for Isaw, I saw it amongst all my
peers.
I didn't.
It didn't really click, as,until you get older, what was
(51:35):
happening like the kid, likethis, the stereotypes that the
teachers would place on the, onthe kids of color, was fucking
wild.
So you'd have instances whereyou felt stupid.
But it wasn't that you werestupid, it's that they just
tried to apply whatever genericteaching practice to you and
then, if you didn't get it, youwere just yeah.
(51:57):
So, luckily, third grade.
Shout out to Mr Pierce he's myfirst black teacher Tucked an
interest in me and made me excel.
And shout out to miss, uh, missshoe too, who passed away a
couple years ago.
She was a white lady, lovegarfield, she never.
She took a chance on me like itwas certain teachers that
refused to allow, but it was.
(52:18):
You know, it's in a, it's inthe fucking sea of a bunch of
teachers that just kind of writeyou off to be so and that to
your point.
Speaker 3 (52:25):
that's what I'm trying to figure out.
I'm trying to figure out what'sher, what's her method of
learning Is she?
Is she a visual?
Speaker 2 (52:33):
learner.
Speaker 3 (52:33):
Audio.
You know what I'm saying?
How does she?
Speaker 2 (52:35):
I don't tangible audio learner because she don't
listen to shit.
Uh, not like us.
Well, she know all that.
She know what's up.
You could like you could try todo it in s1 and see if it works
.
Speaker 3 (52:47):
But it's like I think that was one of the key things
that once I learned how Ilearned because I was I was more
of, I was a visual learner likeshow me, don't tell me.
Like show me, and then I can.
I can, I can apply that.
It made things easier for me,right?
So like I could watch somethinga couple times, and then I can
apply that.
It made things easier for me,right?
So like I could watch somethinga couple of times and then from
that point I got a good basis,I can figure it out and so.
(53:09):
But I think, like I'm trying tofigure out how she learns to
make her life easier down theline, because, like, if you can
implement I'm sorry, if you canput that in motion now, it's
just going to make every othergrade easier for her, because
now you know how to adjustthings so that she picks it up
off the bat yeah, I know, ava'sdefinitely a visual, but she
(53:33):
likes to create and she likesthings like if you, you watch,
if she'll watch like a youtubevideo, she can create right.
Speaker 2 (53:41):
like, if you say this is how you do that, she goes oh
, and then, before you know it,she's created her own structure
or whatever and then she makesher own version of what you said
.
But it took forever to get herto learn math because she wasn't
interested in learning.
But once she got it, she knowshow to do it.
Speaker 3 (53:58):
now it's just I'm going to start telling her math
is important because it's howyou count your money.
I probably get her.
I know they count your moneyI'm just terrified.
Speaker 2 (54:09):
You guys keep talking about math I just know when
they she's a lot more years agothey threw that shit in front of
me.
Speaker 3 (54:18):
I said what the fuck is this the the first time I
seen block.
I said what is this block shit?
This is what this shit is.
I was like what?
Why are we making thiscomplicated?
Speaker 1 (54:28):
I'm going to go try to learn calculus and shit at 40
.
I ain't that bad I'm going tobe out here, like what'd you say
?
I?
Speaker 3 (54:35):
ain't that bad.
Speaker 2 (54:36):
You just rubbed my chest tight now.
Speaker 1 (54:38):
Huh.
Speaker 3 (54:39):
It ain't that bad.
Speaker 1 (54:44):
I think I tighten up.
Huh, it ain't that bad.
Speaker 2 (54:45):
I think I got to algebra two and was like that's
what I did too, and now I'mtrying to.
And what was so cold is Ididn't pass algebra two.
Nobody in that class passedalgebra two, so they canceled
the whole class, damn I've neverheard of that.
Speaker 1 (54:56):
Yeah, you remember mr cooper canceled the class.
Remember the white white dudecome over with the glasses.
Old white dude, was he just nota good come?
Speaker 2 (55:01):
over with the glasses , old white dude.
Speaker 3 (55:03):
Was he just not a good teacher?
Speaker 2 (55:05):
He was apparently very difficult but like the
entire class was in after schooltutoring.
Speaker 3 (55:10):
And we all failed.
Speaker 2 (55:12):
So after that semester it was so bad they just
they put other people in otherclasses and they told me you
want to take another elective.
Speaker 1 (55:19):
I don't know if I had Mr Cooper I elective.
I don't know if I had amaster's in computer science.
I had somebody for geometry,some old white dude.
Speaker 2 (55:24):
But he was not a good teacher.
He was bad yeah, that one wasbad.
Speaker 3 (55:29):
I think I took algebra two sophomore year.
Speaker 2 (55:33):
I didn't know that shit, I was like never.
I ended up taking Spanish.
Speaker 3 (55:38):
Geometry.
Speaker 1 (55:39):
Yeah, I think that's as far as I went.
Maybe algebra two Well, I thinkthat's as far as I went, maybe
algebra too.
Speaker 3 (55:42):
Well, I think I took.
Yeah.
Well, I think I took Statisticsand Geometry wasn't that bad
for me.
Speaker 1 (55:48):
Yeah, that was easy.
Speaker 2 (55:49):
But fucking algebra too.
I was like nigga, I'm just notgetting.
I don't remember shit fromgeometry.
Speaker 3 (55:54):
And I should Cause I do it in my head, but I can't
Perform those I can't remember.
Speaker 2 (55:59):
And it was funny Is when I would go with the tutor.
It made sense I go back to hisclass.
I'm like nigga, this ain't atall what I had after school.
What the fuck is this?
Speaker 3 (56:08):
In college I experienced that right.
I could have like the professorwould say some shit and I'd be
like this shit don't make senseat all.
But then like someone would say, oh okay, that's not what this
nigga said.
Speaker 2 (56:22):
So yeah, Well, I said they ended up fucking canceling
that whole class becausethey're like I think two people
passed, but they were alreadylike yeah, everybody else failed
, so they just.
Speaker 1 (56:32):
I never heard of that .
Speaker 2 (56:34):
Ask about it.
Speaker 1 (56:35):
Nigga, that shit was wild, I believe you For sure,
but I'm just like I feel likethey shouldn't.
This is hey look, we failed you, so we're going to pass you.
Speaker 2 (56:46):
That shit was wild, bro, because I thought I was the
only one.
I mean, I knew classmates werestruggling.
I didn't know everybody wasfailing Damn.
Speaker 1 (56:54):
So, yeah, you can't be the teacher after that.
Speaker 2 (56:58):
No.
Speaker 1 (56:59):
They should bring you in the office and be like, hey,
so leave.
Speaker 2 (57:01):
And the thing is, I don't know badge thing.
Me and Zuli joke about thatshit.
But she passed that class withthat teacher but he was always
flirtatious with the girls.
Speaker 1 (57:12):
Oh, like Mr Crandall yeah.
Speaker 2 (57:15):
Didn't Mr Crandall have been marrying students?
Speaker 1 (57:19):
I don't know.
I think he.
Speaker 3 (57:19):
I don't know he always had attractive.
Speaker 1 (57:23):
His history went deep , like my cousin came over here
and they graduated I forgot whatyear, but they were like Mr
Crandall and I was like he was acreep way back.
Rest in peace, mr Crandall.
Speaker 2 (57:32):
but he was like creeping way back.
Then his TAs were always bad asfuck oh, he did that on my
freshman year I was like I wouldsee senior females, I was like
who the fuck is that?
And they were like oh, that'sMr Crandall's TA and I'm like
fuck, and I'm like, and you seethem up there all playful and
shit, like uh.
Speaker 1 (57:52):
but that's wild to me , where you're like hey guys,
this is okay oh boy, any lastadvice you would like to give
people dealing with keep yourcool count to ten.
It gets.
It gets better.
(58:13):
They're great.
They're great.
It's part of it.
What was?
Speaker 2 (58:17):
that that's not like the Pillsbury Dough what was
that?
Speaker 1 (58:25):
they will test you it gets better.
Speaker 2 (58:27):
That's not like the Pillsbury Doughnut I was like
what was that?
Speaker 3 (58:29):
They will test you Without a head gasket or what?
Yeah, Because he's like it getsbetter.
They're great and I was like,are they?
Speaker 1 (58:34):
They are.
Speaker 2 (58:38):
It's interesting to watch where you're like, wow,
that's cool.
I was like there's a lot ofobstacles that will stress you
to fuck out.
That's cool, there's a lot ofobstacles that will stress you
to fuck out.
But when you get to see thedope instances, where you get to
see them be dope individuals,it almost makes up for it.
Speaker 3 (58:51):
I do feel like when they get a W, when they get a
win in their face, that shit domake it worth it.
Speaker 2 (58:56):
Yeah, it makes you be like you know what.
All right, but yeah, with thatbeing said, this has been
episode 185 of the heavyweightpodcast.
Uh, again, des couldn't be here, but she will be back at soon
or at some point yeah, I don'tknow which.
Speaker 1 (59:11):
I don't know, I think it's that soon.
Speaker 3 (59:13):
She's not gonna, she's not getting 10.99, I know
that much oh yeah, she's dockedyeah, you can't claim this on
your taxes.
Speaker 2 (59:25):
Like subscribe, share comment.
We're going to get a whole poston us, so next time, we love
you, peace, peace.
Speaker 1 (59:35):
I'm sweating.
That's a wrap y'all.
That's how she wrote, so makesure to click like subscribe.
T tune in we on the Austrianplatform.
So until next time we'll hideit at you.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!