The Weight We Carry: Men's Mental Health Journey

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What happens when Black men stop suffering in silence?
In this deeply honest episode of The Heavyweight Podcast, we unpack the weight that many men carry silently—battling mental health, masculinity, racial identity, and trauma in a world that rarely gives them space to breathe.

It all starts with one question: "How are you feeling mentally today?"
What follows is a flood of stories, truths, and confessions:

🧠 Emotional breakdowns on Navy ships after years of repression
 🏢 Confronting unhealed trauma from toxic work environments
 🌍 Finding clarity abroad—and realizing how broken things are at home
 ⚡️ Sebastian’s vulnerable journey as a Black gay man, wrestling with identity, faith, and acceptance
 💥 The damage of phrases like “man up” and what real emotional regulation looks like
 🛑 The emotional toll of men being expected to provide without being given space to feel

This episode challenges stereotypes and shines a light on the urgent need for safe spaces—for men to be heard, supported, and seen.

Whether you're a man dealing with emotional weight, or someone who loves one, this conversation offers healing, hope, and the first step toward wholeness.

https://linktr.ee/TheHeavyweightPodcast

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Heavyweight Podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
The message behind saying the title of the
Heavyweight Podcast is to beable to say that we can weigh in
on some heavy shit.
What we're talking about isimportant from every aspect of
it.
It's a heavy weight.
It's not just about physicalweight, but the weight of things
that can weigh our minds.
So I think it's dope that wecan have this conversation.
So I think it's dope that wecan have this conversation.

Speaker 3 (00:28):
Oftentimes, men's pain and suffering goes
unnoticed.
They're expected to be strongand resilient, without
addressing exactly what they'refeeling mentally.
Today, episode 201, we're goingto get heavy with mental health
, as this is Men's Mental HealthMonth.
So I'm back, there's the divawith, of course, my three

(00:52):
favorite gentlemen and anamazing guest that I've known
for years here to pop his shit.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
Everybody introduce yourself for those who don't
know, I'm Clifton Hanks.
Oh my God.

Speaker 3 (01:01):
We're addressing his mental health first, go ahead.

Speaker 4 (01:06):
That's it, yeah.
Cl clifton hanks.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
Nothing to do with cliff it's your boy, molito and
I'm uh allergy mcfly oh man,sneezing, ass, nigga, I got it
I'm bashed a big homie with aduty big homie bash.
How was your week, gentlemen?

Speaker 1 (01:25):
lovely, lovely.
It was good, I gotta you gotwhat fill the pool up.
Okay, yeah, and before youanswer, seems so excited don't I
?

Speaker 3 (01:37):
instead of telling me how your weeks were, tell me
how you feeling mentally today?
Shit?

Speaker 1 (01:41):
it's mental health month, I gotta fill the pool up.
Let's get health month.
I gotta feel the pull up, let'sget heavy, and then I gotta
skim it.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
What the fuck did that mean?

Speaker 1 (01:48):
Then I gotta turn the motherfucking filter on and
then make sure the timer's right.

Speaker 3 (01:52):
So you're dry, you're over it.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
I need a therapist.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
You need a therapist.
I'm in school.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
Because everything he said I took sexual.
I don't know why it like fillthe pull up.
Is that some sort of sexualreference dive in it?

Speaker 3 (02:06):
huh you either need a you either need a therapist you
either need a therapist or youneed to capitalize on that.
Get your little OnlyFans itmight be some change might be
some change in it for you.

Speaker 1 (02:22):
I think we're like three episodes deep when we've
mentioned the only listen I mean, if it's wet it is.

Speaker 4 (02:30):
Technically it's a pool.

Speaker 3 (02:31):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying, like this nigga here
said, he's swimming anythinglet's let's see if it's wet how
you feeling mentally you know,then I'm gonna have some shit to
it.
I'm not doing this with youwe're not gonna be 45 minutes to
this shit.

Speaker 4 (02:46):
How you feeling mentally I'm fucked up.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
I shouldn't have laughed.
I apologize, that was wrong.

Speaker 3 (02:56):
Okay, well, hopefully we address that throughout the
questions hopefully we addressthat throughout the questions,
then we can make you feel alittle bit better for you.

Speaker 5 (03:06):
Hopefully we address that throughout the questions,
then we can make you feel alittle bit better.

Speaker 4 (03:13):
Okay, so you want me to answer.
I'm not talking about my week.

Speaker 3 (03:16):
No, I want you to tell me how you feeling mentally
today.
We're talking about mentalhealth I'm just getting through
it.

Speaker 4 (03:19):
You know the week was rough, so I'm getting through
it.

Speaker 3 (03:21):
It is what it what it is Money spent all the time,
all the time, this shit on houseshit.
When you spend your money youneed to start saying all the
money I spend returns withfriends.

Speaker 4 (03:30):
Does it, it's a mantra and it works.
Does it?

Speaker 3 (03:32):
Trust me.

Speaker 4 (03:33):
The money I spent this week returned and came back
with hot water.
Because, I need that goddamnhot water replaced.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
So it came replace.
So he came back in hot water.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
Let me fly talk to me how you feeling I feel good.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
Um, I took my kids to uh, eritopia, yeah, flex the.
The agreement was that if theystopped giving us hell, I would
take them to a place when theyfinished school and I took them
to eritopia.
The whole drive there they keptasking where they were going.
I kept saying I was going toleave them in the mountains and
tell them to fend for themselves.
And then we finally got thereand they were excited and to see
their faces light up, it wasworth the money I spent.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
I'm assuming that's like a jump trampoline
trampoline.

Speaker 5 (04:19):
They have like a, it's like an climbing until,
yeah, they have our kids it wasworth it.

Speaker 2 (04:24):
They got the bash the sky maze and then they have the
nerd down, the monthly.
I was like I'm not doing that,that monthly payment a little
fee.

Speaker 3 (04:33):
Yeah, is it a far drive not for me, no because I
feel like when you take kids tothat little jumping shit, they
sleep a long ass time after thatso you might want to try to
hayden do shit, hayden be.
Oh, I'll take Hayden Jazz to gojump any damn day, yeah.

Speaker 4 (04:49):
I gotta take her to to Jumperoo.
Yeah, it's cheaper thanDisneyland I gotta take her and
feed her, give her a bunch ofsugar your baby like real food.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
Yeah, she wanna eat some fun shit.
Yeah, yeah, please help me out.

Speaker 4 (05:02):
I need money.
How you feeling?

Speaker 5 (05:03):
I'm good, I mean, I'm blessed, that's number one
absolutely like you know, aslong as.
I wake up and I feel blessedevery day.
I mean, you can't go wrong withthat facts absolutely it don't
really matter how I actuallyfeel, like you know.
Yeah, it's all about, you know,just being blessed and waking
up every day and just living,trying to live your best life
that day not even your best life, just trying to be your best

(05:25):
person that day.
You know, even if that's youbeing on some bullshit like you
still gotta be a good person.

Speaker 4 (05:30):
So well, my wife always say every day is a good
day if you don't believe it, youdon't believe it, try missing
one damn she didn't miss on thatone every day I wake up.

Speaker 5 (05:40):
I'm a morning person.
I wake up five o'clock in themorning almost every single day,
even if I don't got nothing todo, and I just wake up and I
just be happy.
I'm a happy person.

Speaker 3 (05:48):
I love that.
I do get that vibe from you.
I've always gotten that vibefrom you.
So I've always gotten that vibefrom you that you're just a
generally a happy person.

Speaker 5 (05:55):
I'm a happy person.
I wake up happy every day.
I'm a morning person.
I be pissing people off.
Yeah, I.

Speaker 3 (06:00):
I'm a morning person as well, so I definitely get
that.
So we're going to go ahead andstart off with these questions,
gentlemen, and we're going tostart on this side of the room,
can you?

Speaker 1 (06:15):
share a moment with me in your life where you
realized that mental health wassomething that you needed to pay
close attention to, when?

Speaker 3 (06:20):
I was crying on the ship.
You know I hear a lot of people.
My husband was also in the Navyand I hear a lot of people say
that they had a lot of mentalhealth moments on the Navy ship.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
We got a lot of time to think I ain't got shit else
to do.
So I think I started thinkingabout a whole lot and then it's
kind of unprovoked crying andshit and then thinking about a
whole bunch of stuff from mypast.
To unprovoked crying and shit.
And then thinking about a wholebunch of stuff from my past and
then, um, I realized I hadn'tcried for like I'm pretty sure,
but like 15 years or somethinglike that in that moment.

(06:51):
So I was like, oh, I probablyshould focus on that shit.
Like I said, I think I've toldthis, but I went a little far in
the uh, getting in touch withmy mental health.
Like there was points where Iwas like crying at commercials
and shit, but I was like fuck it, man, just let it all out.
It's cool, it was a fun moment,it was weird.

(07:14):
I was crying and watching shit Ishouldn't be crying to.

Speaker 4 (07:16):
I was like I shouldn't be crying to this the
crying was fun, yeah, justletting shit out.

Speaker 3 (07:25):
It was weird, but it was like oh okay, you find
beauty in some crazy shit andthat's okay.
That's why I love you.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
Yeah, oh, is that not good, was that bad?

Speaker 3 (07:31):
I mean because I think I'm watching the Tide with
a fucking bleach commercial andI'm boo-hoo crying.

Speaker 1 (07:36):
It would be commercials and shit.
I'm just like, oh, fuck it Wowwow, po baby molito, um, it's,
it's.

Speaker 3 (07:51):
Can you share a moment in your life when you
realized that mental health wassomething you needed?
To pay attention, to go aheadand tell them you forgot the
question.

Speaker 4 (07:57):
I didn't forget the question.
I see you leaning.
I did not forget the question.
Uh, I just the moment I have inmind.

Speaker 3 (08:02):
I haven't really spoke about you don't need to
speak about that you don't needto speak about that at all.
You don't know what I'm talkingabout.

Speaker 4 (08:07):
Whatever, if it's something you don't need to
speak about, if you haven'tspoken about it yet don't fly
knows what happened, but whathappened last year is probably
when I really took it serious.
Um fuck, I just say it.
I don't know, it don't affectme, like I used to.
Um last year in my place ofemployment, I had an individual
use me as a way to end his lifeand that was really heavy on me

(08:31):
last year and that's really whatstarted my health, my therapy
journey.

Speaker 3 (08:36):
I knew that.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
Oh, you knew that you told me oh, I did, you did tell
yeah, I didn't know, I forget.

Speaker 3 (08:41):
I just didn't bring it back up because it wasn't my
business.
And you listen I respect.

Speaker 4 (08:46):
See, I don't put dads and respect in the same that's
unfortunate.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
That's unfortunate because I definitely respected
your boundaries and you sharedsomething with me that was
personal and private and Ididn't share it and I didn't
repeat it.
You don't need to be.
You don't need to be.
You be talking shit, but Iactually do care about you.
Oh, and I and I did see thechange in the growth in you
after you started going totherapy.

Speaker 4 (09:07):
So, nigga, I've been saying positive shit about you
this whole time.
Shout out to dr williams, no,shout out for it, she'd be gonna
.
She'd be gonna, she'd be on me.
God damn she by now.
Listen, I'm like look here.
And then the the thing is, sheknow I like nigga shit.
So then she started talking tome like I'm a nigga and it'd
really be?

Speaker 2 (09:23):
did she pull out spades is?

Speaker 3 (09:24):
she black, yeah she black, come on now, I mean, I
knew, but I just had to hear yousay it, did you ask.

Speaker 2 (09:30):
Did she pull spades?

Speaker 3 (09:30):
she didn't pull spades out, but if she did, he'd
be recommending her ass toeverybody.

Speaker 4 (09:35):
Look here pull up.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
She pulled spades out in the middle of her fucking
therapy session.

Speaker 4 (09:38):
It's weird but the references she'd be using is
like we talk, we have fulltherapy.
We talking black.
So if you listen to thetranscript you're like damn what
they talking about, like wedon't.
You have to be black tounderstand what's going on make
fly.

Speaker 2 (09:54):
Uh, it's probably recently, um, I know when, uh, I
took it rough when my dad diedand, um, I found myself
momentary like it would be weirdthings that just set me off and
it made me think about hurtingmyself, and so I realized it's a

(10:15):
daily struggle and so you don'tjust suddenly get over things
like that.
But it's so.
It was recently and it justmade me realize that at certain
times you just gotta take a stepback, breathe, refocus and, uh,
realize what you're doing thisfor, um, and it's for my kids.

(10:38):
So, like I said, it's uh,sometimes I I'm strong, other
times I'm just fucking ready tosay fuck it, but it is just
being able to step back, refocusand go right back to work with
the, with the whole plan.

Speaker 3 (10:54):
So, that's just being human, yeah well, I'm glad that
you didn't follow suit withanything that you thought and
you're still here with us.
We definitely love you andyou're supported amongst this
cast, for sure.
100 so I'm definitely glad thatyou didn't take any of those
measures.
Um, bash it's, um, can you?

(11:16):
I'll always read the questionback for you.
Don't ship, because let me tellyou something, I'm the queen,
I'll read the shit and I knowwhat.
I just read and wrote the shitmy damn self, so I'll definitely
always read it back.
Just tell me, you forgot it's.
Can you share a moment in yourlife when you realized that
mental health was something thatyou needed to pay attention to?

Speaker 5 (11:38):
if I had to say, I would honestly say when I so I
recently went to thailand infebruary and, um, when I was out
there, there's a there's asense of peace there that you
can't get in the states or inthis side of the world.

(11:58):
And I remember leaving thailandand I was in the car on the way
back to the airport and I juststarted crying, just bawling
tears, like just literally, justlike uncontrolled crying, like
the guy driving me was like areyou good, are you all right?
And I'm like yeah, but likejust knowing that I had to come
back here did not make me feel,didn't make me feel like at ease

(12:22):
.
And that's when I knew that,like that like okay, I'm unhappy
where I'm at, and I didn't eventhink I didn't even there
wasn't even something that wasin the back of my mind or
anything.
I didn't think that I wasunhappy here, um, but that told
me that I was unhappy, like youknow, like I was unhappy here,
and like being there and havingthat sense of peace and having
to come back to this, like mymind could not fathom that, like

(12:46):
I just could not imagine meliving my life, like I couldn't
imagine being here no longerthan the time I'm going to be
here.
I'm leaving in two weeks backto Thailand.
Yeah, yeah, well, yeah, so like,but I couldn't the fact that I
knew that I had to come backhere I just cried uncontrollably
all the way back to the airport, the whole way home.
That's when I knew that therewas like okay, like I'm not

(13:07):
happy where I'm at.
I didn't even it wasn't.
It was something that I waseven thinking about, though.
So I knew that mental healthwas definitely important, but
I've never really been like amental health person.
That's like, like you know,like topsy turvy, like you know,
like I've always, my mind isalways very, very sna, like.
I'm not one of those people who, like I, don't have mental
health issues.
Well, at least I didn't thinkso.

(13:29):
Like you know, but yeah, that's.
That's the time that I honestlyhave to say.

Speaker 3 (13:35):
I'm glad you said that for two things.
First, let me congratulate youbecause God has aligned you to
where you're going to be able tobe, where your peace is, so I'm
glad that that's happening foryou.
He did that for a reason.

Speaker 5 (13:45):
He definitely knew he was like this is not it for him
?
He needs to get out of thisenvironment and, honestly, I
would have never, ever had thecourage to move all the way to
Thailand if it wasn't for mefinding God.
I'm glad If it wasn't for megetting baptized and finding
Jesus.
You exchange rate?

(14:07):
I mean the cards are, I meanthe everything, all the stars
just aligned for me?
I'm just not kidding.
Yeah, everything worked.
I'm gonna be making us money ina foreign country where the
money oh yeah, yeah, you'regonna be a king all you need is
all you need is 14 out there youmentioned.

Speaker 3 (14:21):
You mentioned right now that you didn't know that
you were having those issues,and that's the narrative with so
many people and I think ithappens a lot amongst men
because you're not trained topay attention to that, you're
not given I'm not going to saytrained, you're not given the
grace to pay attention to that.
Men are expected to behave acertain way, no matter what
they're feeling, which causesyou to suppress it and not even

(14:44):
think that you're having thatissue.
So that was a very powerfulstatement.
I'm glad you brought that tolight.
Definitely, for sure.

Speaker 5 (14:51):
I feel like if you don't have a relationship with
God, then, yeah, you're going tohave mental health issues.
If you are trying to go throughlife alone and do it all on
your own, you can't.
You can't, bro, you're notstrong enough.
So, yes, you're going to havemental health issues because
you're trying to carry all ofthis baggage by yourself.
It's not for you to carry, it'sfor him to carry, it's for

(15:11):
Jesus to carry, it's for God tocarry, period.
If you give it to him, youdon't have to worry about it.
Now you can go, live your lifeand be the best person that you
can be.
I mean, that's just, that's allI can say.
Like, if that's why I say Idon't really have, I don't
really feel like I have mentalhealth issues, but at moments I
do feel weak.
At moments I do feel like, youknow, like damn, this is rough,
this is hard, but you have togive your life to him in order

(15:35):
for you to get past all of thesehard times.
It's not for us to carry, andthat's why I feel so light all
the time.
I that's why I feel so light.
All the time I'm just sayinglike I'm not perfect.
I go out here, I drink, Ifornicate, I do all this, all
the bad stuff, but Jesus isalways the person that I go to
when I feel like I have nothing.
He's the person that I go towhen I feel like I have it all.
Like you know what I'm saying?

(15:56):
Like eventually, all of thesethings, that happens.
I'm going to praise him and putall of my issues and all of my
struggles on to him, becausethat's what he wants us to do.

Speaker 3 (16:08):
So we definitely getting heavy today.

Speaker 5 (16:12):
I see we about to get real heavy today.
I see it's men's mental healthright.

Speaker 3 (16:14):
Absolutely.
How is your identity as a blackman shaped?
Your understanding andexperience of mental health,
yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
I'll let you start who me?
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:27):
I'm looking right at you.
Why you looking at me?
Cause you do nigga shit, sothat's about black me and go
ahead spades period bones tongueall the nigga shit.
I'm trying to get my my followup, but we'll sing you every
word to a Backstreet Boy and anNSYNC song.

Speaker 4 (16:41):
I'm trying to get my follow up to Teach my Play P.
I teach my pinnacle.

Speaker 3 (16:46):
I feel like I'm not complete you learn that and
you're gonna be the superiornigga shit doer of all times be
captain nigga hell yeah how's myidentity shaped?
Yes.
How has your identity shapedyour understanding?

Speaker 4 (17:04):
it's hard.
Well, I can't say as a blackman, because I just feel like as
a man, life is hard, period,but being the black part about
it is growing up.
This shit wasn't talked about.
Yes, you man up, you know, youwalk, yeah, walk this shit off.
You hold your head up high.
No matter what, you don't, youdon't, you don't express your

(17:29):
feelings or your woman typesituation.
But I feel like in my journey ofwhat I've gone through and what
I'm continuing to go through, Ido feel like I'm a better
person, doing the exact opposite, expressing myself, especially
to my wife, and it's brought off.
It's brought out a softer kind,more understanding me, because
being able to understand myselfhas allowed me to be able to
empathize with the people aroundme and even more closely the

(17:53):
people I'm more closer to, so Ican empathize the emotions and
the feelings behind things.
It's also helped me to identifywhat my triggers are.
It's also helped me to identifyhow people, when people get out
of character, I can, I knowthis is not who they are, it's
not what they, just some.
They they triggered.
So I can, I can understand andidentify when people are
triggered, because I understandtriggers now.

(18:14):
So I felt like the work has beendone.
I don't think this necessarily,so I think my, my journey has
shaped me greatly.
I felt like I've profoundly, Iwould say.
I felt like I'm better in allforms, all aspects of life.
So but I have.
But again, it didn't changeuntil I actually made the active
change to change, and the sadpart about it is that I had to

(18:36):
go through some dark shit to getthere.
So Kevin.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
Nikolai.

Speaker 3 (18:51):
Thank you for sharing , kevin Nikolai hey, do you not
want to?
Answer that one, because I'mnot answering none of them.
I'm not a man, so I don't knowwhich one.
Well, I don't know I'm.
Oprah today period.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
I feel like I don't know if I've ever really played
by the rules of like just beinglike a black man.
You know what I mean.
I've played by the rules oflike just being like a black man
, you know what I mean.
I've played by just being me,like I've always run by that, so
I guess it never really shapedme in that regard.
I don't know, I think it's likeeverything you said, but it's

(19:24):
like I feel like I was.
I felt that way, like I'vealways been empathetic to people
.
I've always been like kind ofconnected to earth.
Can I, can I, can I correctmyself?

Speaker 4 (19:36):
When I, when I say empathetic, I mean I'm now
empathetic to things that Ididn't understand, so like like
how me and McFly have similarupbringing and similar
background.
I can be empathetic because Iunderstand the stance.
Now I'm more empathetic to whatDes is going through.
I can't relate to what she'sgoing through.

Speaker 1 (19:51):
I understand that, that's what I'm saying, but now
I can, but I can now.
You know what I'm saying it's adifferent level and I
understood what you said youdidn't have to cut me off you.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
I was just trying to clarify I'm not the only
cutoffer.

Speaker 4 (20:05):
I just want to make that clear what the hell is a
cutoffer.

Speaker 2 (20:08):
I never said that.
You'll never hear me say that.

Speaker 1 (20:12):
Well, yeah, I think that's what shaped me the most
is just accepting people for whothey are.
How do they say you accept aperson as they present
themselves.
You don't try to take them asanything else.
You take them as face value,and then you learn as they go.
But I don't know.
I think that's what shaped myway of thinking with everything.

(20:35):
It's just I had to learn how toexpress over the years.
So that's what I had to work onmore than anything else.

Speaker 2 (20:45):
I need it.
I'm having a dad's moment.
Can you read the question back?

Speaker 3 (20:48):
please yeah.
How has your identity as ablack man shaped the way you
understand your experiences?

Speaker 1 (20:53):
mental health Is that what I get?
Yeah, that's what I get.
Damn Damn she almost.
She had a moment on top ofyours.

Speaker 2 (20:59):
Can you repeat the question back, because you're
saying as a black man?

Speaker 3 (21:03):
Yeah, as a black man.
Yeah, as a black man.
How is your identity as a blackman shape the way that you
understand the experience ofmental health?
You know what?
And let me just be clear mostof these questions I do ask you
guys from a black man'sperspective, because one, y'all
are black.
And then two, honestly, I thinkthe way we, as black people,
address mental health differsfrom other cultures, so that's

(21:24):
why I wrote them that way.
But if you want to answer itjust from a man's perspective,
please feel free to because I'mtrying to, because they're, as a
black man growing up.

Speaker 2 (21:33):
Uh, I will say there are a lot of uh situations that
I'm sure we all of us can relateto, but I remember specifically
, even as a kid, there werethings that happened that kind
of shaped how I thought aboutthings.
There was a time when, uh, meand my dad went to blockbuster
I'm sure I've talked about thisin this podcast before and there

(21:55):
was these two white dudes and Iwas only like maybe seven or
eight and they said somethinglike oh, what do you call a
little black boy?
And they were like a or someshit like that.
But it was things, things likethat that I would constantly see
, that made me feel like, as Igot older, that I had to be
empathetic towards peoplebecause I didn't want people to

(22:16):
feel like I did.
In that moment where I feltlike helpless, like I was.
I was eight, these are grownass men making fun of me and I
didn't know why.
And when I asked my dad, hesaid they said that to you
because I asked him after thefact and he said unfortunately,
because of who you are and yourskin color, you're going to have
to deal with this constantly.

(22:36):
So as I got older, I just kindof understood even with the
dealing with relationships andthings like that, you understand
that and a lot of times thatyou're going to come across
situations where people aregoing to treat you a certain way
just because of your skin color.
So you you come across youmight like a girl because of
this and she might not like youbecause of what your skin color

(23:00):
is.
So you kind of process that asyou get that the world around
you is not necessarily set upfor fair.
So in my mental health, likethey've pointed out, you just
start to be empathetic becauseyou understand that there's a
lot of shit that's out of yourcontrol.
So you have to learn tonavigate that and not just be so

(23:22):
jaded or bitter, because Icould have easily been just a
bitter dude with a chip on theshoulder and be with exactly
what they want us to be angryblack people and I'm not going
to be that for you just becauseyou want me to be.
So the empathy and my mentalhealth was giving everybody
their fucking flowers, beingable to treat people how you
want to be treated, regardlessof what the situation.
May you know what I'm saying.

(23:43):
So, uh, for me, as far as mymental health, I've always
treated people with respect,because that's what I would like
to receive in return, so I hopeI answered that very good way
to turn your pain into power,because a lot of your stories
are like something bad happened.

Speaker 3 (24:08):
But I found a way to make that beautiful and I'm
starting to notice that you'rebecoming like that as well, like
something bad you're.
You're a nice nigga.
You try to be like crazy on theshow, but you're really nice,
like for real for all.
You're real nice.
You be fucking with me on thisshow, but for real for you, nice
.
And I noticed that the two ofyou turned, like what the pain

(24:28):
and the sorrow into somethingbeautiful.

Speaker 4 (24:31):
Nigga, ain't nobody lying on you, cuz okay I'm sorry
, what you heard me did you cutyourself off are you gonna let
sebastian answer the question ornot?

Speaker 3 (24:47):
get out my business?
Do the part you're supposed todo, sebastian.
Do you need me to read thequestion back for you?
Yeah, okay.
How has your identity as ablack man shaped the way that
you understand and experiencemental health?

Speaker 5 (25:01):
um, well, my identity is a little bit different than
the other men at this tablebecause I'm very gay and, um,
honestly, growing up was veryhard because I didn't know how
to process that.
Like I didn't come out and sayI'm a gay man until I was 22
years old, like you know, like I, it took a long and I still to

(25:22):
this day, like it's still veryuncomfortable for me to say
sometimes I have to walk inpride because I can't be like,
well, I'm gay.
Like you know what I'm saying.
Like you know, like, stand upfor, like you know, but it still
doesn't sit right with me.
It still doesn't sit right withme but at the end of the day,
it's who I am and it's going tobe who I am until it's not who I
am.
So growing up was very, very, Iwould say, tough, just because I

(25:46):
didn't know my identity andeveryone was telling me that I
was something that I didn't know, that I was Like you know,
everyone's telling me that youknow you're feminine, you're gay
, you're like, how are you goingto tell me what I am?
I don't even know.
Like you know what I'm saying.
Like it was, it was different,but that's why I fought a lot
and I used to beat niggas out.
He was knocking niggas out backthen too, and that's how, like
you know, that's how thatstopped.

(26:07):
Like you know them, like sayinglike oh, that's where you got
the name Bash.

Speaker 3 (26:12):
He ain't the big homie.

Speaker 5 (26:16):
for nothing, nigga, I'm just saying I'm not the big
homie for nothing, I'mdefinitely not the little one,
but I had to fight Like you knowwhat I'm saying, because niggas
thought I was soft, like youknow, and that shaped who I am
today.
Like you know what I'm saying,like still to this day, it's
still very hard.
Like, even though I did have afeminine phase of my gay life
and my whole gay journey, I hada very, very feminine phase, but

(26:37):
that was a phase, like you knowwhat I'm saying, we all go
through that in the gay world.
When you are out and you knowwhat I'm saying and you hanging
out with, you know, the gays andyou, you know it, it rubs off
on you.
Like you know, you're stilltrying to find yourself.
So, um, what I?
To answer the question?
Um, I knew that I had to beextremely confident, even if I

(26:59):
wasn't.
So that's how, that's how I cananswer your question.
Like, I never really looked atmyself as someone who has, like,
mental health issues, becauseI've always had to be extremely
confident.
That's not saying that I don'thave mental health issues, like
you know, but I just can'tfathom myself to say that
because I'm just not.
I have this armor always up.
Like you know, it's very hardfor me to let that armor down

(27:21):
because I don't trust people.
Like you know what I'm saying.
Sometimes I don't trust peopleLike you know what I'm saying.
Sometimes I trust people waytoo easily.
Sometimes I give people mytrust way too quick and then
they hurt me.
Like you know, and then, likeyou know, like my cutoff came,
it's unmentionable, it's insane.
Like I will fall back so hardyou'll think I died, I'll be
damned.
You'll think I died.

(27:41):
Like where the hell did thisnigga go?
Go, like I don't I can cutsomebody off so quick.
I can like you so much and cutyou off so fast just to protect
my own peace.
Like you know, I'm saying likeI've been through a lot, get it.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (27:53):
So, um, I hope that answered the question it did, it
did and I'm I'm gonna youmentioned.
Yeah, of course I didn't wantto.
It's okay go ahead.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
You said, as you were saying, that it made me think
about uh.
Rest in peace to levand.
You had a when levand passed.
You had a post when you were.
You were talking about him andyou were bigging him up for
always respecting you for whoyou are.
I know this is random, but Iremember that, yeah, he never.

Speaker 5 (28:18):
He never treated me different.
Like you know, he treated melike how he treated any other
nigga and he he would roast meor he would try, because you
know I got jokes too yeah, so hewould try to roast me and shit.
Like you know, like he stilltreated me like he never treated
me like the gay nigga and likeyou know, that's when I always
felt like I had to protectmyself, like when niggas started
treating me like the gay nigga.
You're not gonna.
You're not gonna make.
Don't start crying I cannothear.

Speaker 2 (28:38):
Rest in peace, levan, and not cry I'm sorry, I wasn't
trying to, I just um, yeah,like he always treated me like a
person.

Speaker 5 (28:49):
Yeah, I know I always felt seen when I was around him
and losing him was very hardfor everybody and he was a good
dude, like he was a good, realgood dude.
So it's definitely damn thankyou, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (29:00):
I know I wasn't trying to like I said.

Speaker 3 (29:01):
I remember that it popped in my head it's just,
it's still just unbelievablethat he's not here to be honest,
it's a lot to deal with Losingpeople we just lost.

Speaker 5 (29:12):
I just lost Tracy.
Like you know, like we'regetting to that age where people
gonna start dying.
Like you know, and like, if youlook at it in a, if you look at
it in a in a selfish way, thenyou'll be sad about it all the
time.
But life is so hard that it hasto be easier.
On the other side, and I haveto constantly tell myself that

(29:35):
because I've lost my sister,I've lost my mother, and in
order for me to get by, I haveto constantly tell myself that
they're in a better place,because if I don't, I'm gonna be
a mess, I'm gonna be a wreck.
Like you know, it don't matterwhat they did, how they live
their life, none of that matters.
You want to just think of yourpeople being in a better place,
and that's just the way I goabout it.

(29:55):
So like it's hard for me tolike see people that I love
crying, so like that's why I'mgetting a little teary.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
But I'm sorry.

Speaker 5 (30:01):
I'm bringing it back, I'm looking at, but um, yeah,
like, yeah, yeah, losing levainwas hard, that was a rough one.
Didn't nobody see that coming?

Speaker 3 (30:13):
yeah, I I will say this about losing the van um,
how people say gone but neverforgotten.
That is one nigga we are notgonna forget.
Like I don't know one personthat grew up in our neighborhood
that didn't get affected bythat.
Yeah, like, literally not notone person.
So, yeah, that's one of them.

(30:34):
Like I don't even okay yeah,you mentioned always, maybe full
scene yeah, thank you and I'mand I'm glad that you shared
that, because he was a good dudehe was funny you, you um
mentioned the phrase manna umearlier, so I want to know how
did that phrase impact you, um,and when you're processing your

(30:57):
emotions as a man?

Speaker 4 (30:59):
now or back then.
In general, I don't really sayit now.
Well, I mean, I say it now,when I.
When I do say it now, it it'smore about taking care of my
responsibilities.
When I was told that growing up, it was more of as a way of
them trying to tell you to holdyour emotions in, and I feel
like the whole concept of man up, especially to little boys.

(31:22):
It's detrimental, because weshould be teaching, we should be
teaching, we should be taughtand we should be teaching how to
regulate the emotions insteadof instead of just holding them
in.
Because when you hold theemotions in, that's when you
start doing the dumb shit.
Yep that.
That when you let the anger,when you get to the point where
where you see red or you blackout angry, that's when you get
into those situations where youmean, you know, if, if I I would

(31:42):
have had an outlet before I gotto this point, I wouldn't be in
this position.
And the sad thing is I have alot of family members that I
realized like, hey, man, we werejust taught differently, you
wouldn't, you wouldn't be doingthis time, you wouldn't be in
this life.
But since this is the way youknow you, you you stop crying or
you hold your head up, man, youknow you Like.

(32:03):
I do feel like little boys needto be taught that.
No, man, your emotions areregular.
But I'm going to give you thetools to deal with them.
Tell them you can be mad allyou want.
I encourage you to be mad,because being mad means you care
, and as long as you care aboutsomething, you can put steps in
place to change it.
What we have to control is howyou react when you get mad.

(32:24):
That's the process.
There's nothing wrong withbeing mad.
There's nothing wrong withbeing sad, upset, hurt, none of
that.
We just have to figure outwhat's the best way about going
about managing what you do whenyou feel these emotions, and
that's all.

Speaker 3 (32:37):
I agree.
I think so many things would bedifferent if we just gave
children in general those tools,because little girls need it
too.
We can't just be going outaround, flip it, fuck out about
every damn thing either.
We definitely need the tools toregulate our emotions,
definitely.
I want you to answer thatquestion.
Next, again, it's how do youthink the phrase man up impacted

(32:58):
your, how you express youremotions?
But if you can answer that fromboth a black man and a gay
man's perspective, because Iwould imagine that it did hit
you different, oh yeah.

Speaker 5 (33:09):
Well, I was raised by my dad.

Speaker 3 (33:11):
I remember.

Speaker 5 (33:12):
I remember Very straight man, very, very
vigorous, hard and rough abouteverything, like you know.
So man up was, definitely isand still is a very big part of
my life and a part of like thatalmond that I was just talking
about.
Like you know, I have toconstantly man up because I
can't be soft around him.
Like you know I can't, and Ilive with my dad right now.

(33:34):
Um, I can't be soft around him,so I literally moved to arizona
to come out yeah, I rememberyou.
I moved all the way to arizonajust to come out and try to be
myself.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
You went to a red state.

Speaker 5 (33:48):
At the time it was not a red state.

Speaker 3 (33:50):
Let's throw that out there.
Okay, we're talking about backin 2012,.

Speaker 5 (33:54):
Okay, but yeah, I moved to Arizona and I was able
to finally be myself.
But man up has always been apart of my life, just because I
never thought that it was okayto throw my sexuality around in
front of my dad, so I neverreally wanted to dress too
revealing or have gay friendsaround him.
Like I remember, back in like2017, I had met some gay friends

(34:17):
back in arizona and we took atrip out to california and on
the way out to the beach westopped at my dad's place and my
friend had on like theseoveralls, but it had like
ruffles on them.
I said, nigga, put some sweatson.
You're not gonna walk up intomy dad's house with some damn
ruffle, motherfucking overallson.
It's not gonna work.
Like I wouldn't even do that,so I'm not gonna allow you to do
it either.
And he did, like you know, but Ifelt bad that I even had to do

(34:38):
that.
Like you know what I'm saying.
Like it sucks that you have totell people not to be themselves
just to appease someone else.
And that's when I had torealize that, okay, I can't
continue to do this.
I got to start being who I am,because if I don't, then I'm
going to be out here living afake life Like you know what I'm
saying Like if I don't be who Iam, then my dad will never
respect me.
Like you know what I'm saying,if I'm walking around being fake

(34:59):
and trying, I went through alot of phases.
I did makeup, I used to wearmakeup.
I used to dress very revealing,very feminine I used to wear
like you know what I'm sayingLike I was very gay, yeah, and

(35:20):
it I was ashamed of that.

Speaker 3 (35:23):
Really used to have some fire ass outfits.
I used to be on there like Iknow he got the shit on fashion
though, like I used to eat thegirls up, I ain't gonna lie you
had some cute little fits isthat a pause for you?

Speaker 1 (35:44):
is that?

Speaker 3 (35:44):
at all because, when they say something sexual they
be like pause, all the damn time.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
I'm just saying you used to eat the girls up.

Speaker 5 (35:53):
That's gotta be a pause see it wouldn't be, but I
like girls too.
I'm just saying you used to eatthe girls up.
That's gotta be a pause.
See, it wouldn't be, but I likegirls too.
I eat a little coochie.
You do and do and have and willagain, hello, that's what I'm
trying to say.

Speaker 4 (36:09):
I'm not a typical gay person.
She got excited, didn't she?
I'm a very different type ofgay person.
Hold on.

Speaker 3 (36:16):
Because Bash will.
I ain't gonna lie to you.
Bash will tell you, andeverybody who has him on
Facebook will tell you, I'll beunder his pictures.
Like you, a bad bitch, you'resexy as shit.
And if you wasn't gay, I'd betrying to do I not?
I'd try to be cute on time.

Speaker 5 (36:30):
I'm definitely gay, but I fucked up with women
before.
A cutie is a cutie.

Speaker 4 (36:33):
Hold on, Sebastian.
Can you say you eat coochie onemore time in the mic?

Speaker 5 (36:36):
I eat coochie every morning.

Speaker 3 (36:40):
You do, and you, I didn't know.
Okay, I didn't know.
Okay, you want coochie, you do,I miss it.
A baddie is a baddie.
Y'all don't give a fuck the wayshe got hype she did get very
excited, her whole energyshifted and did Woke me the fuck
up.
Okay, I'm up now.
That's funny, we up for therest of the episode Shit.

Speaker 5 (37:03):
I'm just saying I like what I like, Ain't nothing
wrong with that?
I like what I like.
I like women, I like men.

Speaker 3 (37:12):
But I just don't know if I no hair in my hair.

Speaker 5 (37:13):
Women are annoying.
I can't handle it.
I honestly don't know how mendeal with it, Like they're just
fucking annoying.
They're beautiful.
Women are amazing.
They can bear children.

Speaker 1 (37:21):
Hey, putting us in a predicament here.

Speaker 5 (37:24):
I mean, there's so much amazing things about women.
I have all nothing but sisters.
I'm the only boy I love women,I, but I just don't know if I
could wake up every single dayto a woman they just are not
there all the way.
I'm not sure what it is.
I'm not.
I mean, I'm not.
I'm not sure if it was eveeating the apple.
I don't know what it was, Idon't know.

Speaker 4 (37:44):
She just fucked y'all up from the start.

Speaker 5 (37:49):
I'm just saying I don't know, but y'all just be
like on some other shit and Ijust be like what the fuck is
wrong with you, like relax.

Speaker 2 (37:56):
I'm afraid to co-sign .

Speaker 5 (37:57):
I done been in some real scary situations with women
because they don't know how tocontrol themselves and it just
it's scary careful.

Speaker 1 (38:03):
I'm just saying I'm afraid to co-sign.
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
He's putting this in a predicament I agree, but I'm
afraid you're entitled to agree.

Speaker 3 (38:13):
I won't date.
I dated women up until 20 Ithink 17.
I'm not dating no moremotherfucking girls cause I'm
one.
I'm a female.
I'll beat your ass.
I can't beat up no nigga, butI'll beat your ass.
So I can't date no more girlsand I can't hit no woman cause
they get out of control and thenI be ready to fuck them up.

Speaker 5 (38:30):
I'm a gay nigga.
I can't do that.

Speaker 3 (38:33):
I can't do that, but ultimately I honestly believe
it's because men and women arenot really raised to be to match
, like I, really we're notcultivated to get along with
each other.
It really takes work for menand women to get along with each
other.
So the same sentiments you feelabout women they're not all the

(38:54):
way there, and things of thatnature women feel the same about
men, because I can tell youright now some stupid ass shit I
heard this motherfucking pointthat I'm like some dumb niggas
like what is wrong with you?

Speaker 5 (39:05):
you are really stupid .

Speaker 3 (39:06):
You are so dumb listen, you are really, really,
really dumb.
No, for real I'm okay.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
It wasn't anything I said, right?

Speaker 3 (39:13):
no, I'm curious okay, you know, I live with him,
daddy, hold on.

Speaker 1 (39:19):
Kevin is curious.
What are you curious about,kevin?
I'm curious.
This doesn't make me gay, right?
He said you gay, so you want tohit Because there's some women
out there that say some shit andyou go.

Speaker 3 (39:31):
I want to hit you, but no, no, no, I want to
actually hit.

Speaker 1 (39:36):
Oh, I'm not either, but you said that's a gay man
urge and I'm like, oh fuck.

Speaker 4 (39:45):
He said.
He said there's a couplebitches he want to hit.
So, he's trying to make surethat he not?
Is that that's?
It he's trying to figure ifhe's figuring out something
about himself.

Speaker 5 (39:56):
I mean, when I come around niggas do find out who
they are a little bit I mean, Ido.

Speaker 3 (40:00):
Kevin, how you?
Feel now I believe it.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
I have heard a few niggas say things and I'm like
you like.

Speaker 1 (40:04):
Bash like Bash.
I met a.

Speaker 3 (40:11):
I met a gay rapper in no, no, no what he said when I
come around niggas, do figureout who they are and I said, I
have heard a few straight niggaspresumably straight niggas say
things about you and I'd be likeyou, like that nigga yeah, that
nigga turn you up.

Speaker 5 (40:25):
Probably be in my dms and I'm pretty sure, and I do
yeah I mean one thing about me,two things for certain is that
I'm not a hoe, no more.
No, that was the old me, nomore, that is the old me.
That does not happen anymore.
Every now and then I mightsprinkle a little slut in there.
But other than that, like youknow what I'm saying because and
I'll drink to that- you knowevery now and then I might get a

(40:48):
little jazzy with it, you know,and have a little little horror
moment.

Speaker 4 (40:52):
You know what I'm saying, last week we talked
about our favorite episodes.

Speaker 3 (40:55):
This is it?
It's a moment, it's a moment.

Speaker 5 (40:58):
You know what I'm saying?
I used to be a thot.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (41:01):
Go to sleep Thot.

Speaker 3 (41:05):
Wake up Thot hey.

Speaker 4 (41:05):
Hey, hold up, hold up , hold up.
Sebastian, did you say sprinklea little slut in?
Yeah, you can't do that.
A little slut in.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 5 (41:17):
That just took me out Swut bae I'm going to go tell
my wife hey bae, can yousprinkle a little slut in?
I don't know what I'm saying.
Women need to take notes.
That's the one thing.
Women need to take notes.
Like you have to be a whore tothe right one, though, cause

(41:38):
I've been hoeing, I mean, if yougot a man you should be a whore
in the bedroom.

Speaker 3 (41:41):
I've been living my life and I'm hoeing and these
niggas is not living my life andI'm hoeing and these niggas is
not you gotta be a whore in thatbedroom.

Speaker 5 (41:57):
I agree that man say bitch, let me pee on you, let
that nigga pee on you.

Speaker 1 (42:00):
You're not finna piss on me.
That's not.
Is that whore or is that that'sDiddy?
There's something different.
There's something different.

Speaker 5 (42:17):
I'm just saying getting peed on.
I have been peed on, though,and it was not at my, it wasn't
at my, I did not want that tohappen, he just did it, and I
was like Yo.

Speaker 3 (42:22):
That's hilarious.

Speaker 5 (42:24):
It happened, though, but I was in slut mode, so I
can't hear what's happening.
So that's what happens when yousprinkle the slut in.

Speaker 3 (42:31):
So you wanted the slut sprinkled in.
Be prepared to piss.
That was the only I'm gonna askyou this question, since now
we've kind of geared into someof the questions that um pertain
to your, your lifestyle.
On one of the previous shows wedid ask you guys to send in
questions.
He sent in the question and hewanted to know why women don't

(42:53):
date bisexual men.
In addition to that, I want toknow if how women think about
the bisexual lifestyle affectsthe lgbtqia plus men.
Mentally, the gag is does thatmake you feel a way?

Speaker 5 (43:07):
the gag is that most women are already dating a
bisexual man and don't know,it's just not comfortable.
That was my answer that was myanswer.

Speaker 3 (43:16):
That was literally my answer.
I literally your man's and beyour man's peace.
That was literally my answer.
Um, I'm gonna tell you thetruth up and this is just my, my
truth and I hope I don't offend, but this is just my truth.
Up until recently I was like Idon't want no bisexual man.
The reason why is becausethere's so much stigma about
around disease and things ofthat nature.

(43:36):
But then recently I come torealize one almost all us
bitches dated a bisexual niggaand didn't know.
These niggas is fucking.
That's the first thing.
Not the niggas right here.
I'm just saying Not these three.
These three niggas is notfucking other niggas.

Speaker 4 (43:55):
Hold on, you said what I said not these three
niggas be at the park.

Speaker 3 (43:57):
Hold on wait.
You said what I said, not thesethree niggas not these three
niggas.

Speaker 4 (44:00):
We not fucking, not niggas.

Speaker 3 (44:01):
No, cause I'm fucking my wife we know that bending
over back means all type of shit.
I knew what she?

Speaker 1 (44:06):
was saying, but why she say it like that?

Speaker 3 (44:08):
number two because of my lifestyle and I.
I do date women on occasion.
I do date women On occasion.
I'm a fucker bitch.
Okay, I'm not finna date, nobitch, you can't say it like
that.

Speaker 5 (44:21):
I'm not gonna date a bitch.

Speaker 3 (44:23):
I'm a fucker bitch.
You can't say it like that.
I'ma pull a backpack out on abitch.
I don't really want a bitch Tostay the night, so that's my
statement.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
So you a nigga, you do a nigga shit.

Speaker 3 (44:31):
I do nigga shit.
You sound toxic as hell.
I can't.

Speaker 2 (44:33):
I can't um.

Speaker 5 (44:38):
I can't.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
I'm making breakfast a stigma on people knowing that
I'm part of that lifestyle aswell.
You are so crazy uh my god,you're nuts.
I'm still free, daddy.
So I do think that, honestly, alot of women are dating
bisexual men, are just notcomfortable enough to come out.
I wish they would, though,because it would be just so much

(45:00):
easier on everybody If we knewthe truth, like it's part of it,
because it is a safety fuckingthing.
At this fucking point, youfucking this person, and you're
it, whether you're fuckinganother bitch or you're fucking
a nigga, I need to know thatwe're not the only people in
this relationship.

Speaker 5 (45:15):
The thing is that's only a stigma in the Black
community.
White women don't care aboutthat shit.
They don't care.
If you didn't have experiencesbefore, they don't care.
They don't.
I've never met a white girl whocared, it's always Black women.
Oh hell no, like girl you doneate some coochie Shut the fuck
up.

Speaker 3 (45:33):
I absolutely have.

Speaker 5 (45:37):
Not all black women are allowed.

Speaker 3 (45:38):
It be not all black women are allowed, but he's just
saying they're the ones thatgive the backlash.
That's how outraged they areabout.

Speaker 5 (45:42):
The question is what I was, is what I was implying?
Like they're outraged by thequestion, like ugh, hell, nah,
like you know, like, and it'slike it to say, like if I yeah,
I've had experiences with men,but if I'm with a woman, I'm
with a woman they lying.

Speaker 4 (45:56):
You know how many bitches would have fucked Noah
from.

Speaker 3 (45:57):
Noah's Ark me me definitely tapped his ass.
My thing is women love Noah'sArk, love gay men.

Speaker 5 (46:05):
Women be having sex with gay men.
Hello, women like gay men yougotta watch out for the gays who
got dick on them and they cuteand they can mix in with the
girls.
Like I'm telling you thesebitches be trying to fuck.
I believe you, I be turningdown Coochie.

Speaker 3 (46:21):
I believe you and I definitely would fuck Noah from
Noah's Ark.
You ain't lying.
Yes, sir, he was just too smallfor me.
I didn't even think.
No, I liked him baby At thattime.
I was skinny baby, you okay, Iwas in yeah or wade, no I think
you're talking about wade withthe braids.
Wade is fine as fuck too I wasskinny, though get it.

(46:42):
I might say yeah, no, I likedit, no, no, I like.
Thank you, no, yes, I do, I doagree, just to kind of like
something that wrapped thatquestion back up there.
I do agree, I do think that alot of women are dating.
Also, I do want to tell youthis, though I did ask women of
multiple races and, to be honestwith you, they all gave me the
same answer.
I asked a friend of mine hermother is Hispanic, um, and she

(47:03):
told me she didn't want to suckpain and have to know her man
did the same thing, was thereason why, and she's Hispanic.
So I think, culturally, youmight get a louder response from
black women, but there areother women of you know, that's
crazy though, because Mexicanmen be the no, I mean not all of
them but one thing I do knowfor a fact is that Mexican men

(47:27):
are the worst ones.

Speaker 1 (47:28):
They be the biggest motherfucking freaks out of
everybody we about to go downall these paths right now?
I'm just saying these are thefacts.

Speaker 5 (47:35):
Hispanic men?
What Latin, any descent likethat?
I'm telling you they be withthe business.

Speaker 3 (47:42):
White men too the white men the best sex I ever
had was with a white man.
I believe you I believe, Ibelieve, I believe baby rent it.

Speaker 5 (47:52):
The men that I've been hit on have been Hispanic,
so Hispanic men they with themen that I've been hit on have
been Hispanic, so at the gym,the niggas is hitting on you at
the gym.

Speaker 3 (47:59):
Was it you or you that got hit on?

Speaker 4 (48:01):
it was me, it was a nigga it was a nigga well, you
just exude, hold on hold on thefunny part was the nigga came in
.
I said this nigga.
He came in on Thursday with apressing curl.

Speaker 3 (48:14):
I said and he was cute.

Speaker 1 (48:17):
Oh, you got an old nigga and gains, and gains,
that's an old nigga.

Speaker 5 (48:21):
Yeah he did.
He walked in swaying on you.
You saw it.
You saw it.

Speaker 1 (48:26):
At this point.

Speaker 4 (48:27):
The thing is, my wife pointed out.

Speaker 3 (48:33):
I said fried diet laid to the side my head is 19
inches long and I don't have noburn.
Period he had his pink rollerin the front for Easter.

Speaker 4 (48:43):
He's funny as fuck, though he's nice dude.
Though I said yo, angle, youtry to get niggas laughing.
I'm not talking to you, sir Getout of here.

Speaker 3 (48:50):
You're not going to get me, that's all right.
At least you were nice enoughto kind of get to know him a
little bit and realize that hewas a nice dude because there's
no reason.

Speaker 5 (48:59):
There's no reason not to be if a gay man finds you
attractive, you're doingsomething right.

Speaker 2 (49:04):
We don't find everybody attractive well, I
don't, I ask questions.

Speaker 5 (49:08):
I'm just saying if you're, gonna get on by a gay
guy, then good, we're nothitting on, no I know, I wasn't
offended, I was.

Speaker 4 (49:14):
I was like oh, I appreciate it I was flattered
and I just I asked questions.

Speaker 2 (49:18):
That's exactly how you should take it, I mean even
as a woman that's when I know mypicture slay when you get under
the shit.

Speaker 3 (49:23):
It'd be like slay bitch.
I'd be like did I'll fight hisshit on this bitch and wrap you
up in a post-it again.
As he said, I was cute and gaveperiod.

Speaker 4 (49:35):
And then I'm, I'm just, I'm scared of that, that
buff nigger, because I felt likehe could take it, you got more
than one.

Speaker 5 (49:43):
Most of the time buff niggers be bottom.

Speaker 3 (49:46):
I can't fight him, he wants you to take him.
You said I can't fight.
Oh, he wants you to take him.
No, no.

Speaker 4 (49:51):
I said.
I said I can't fight him.
That nigga is strong.
He's strong, that nigga.
I see what he lift, that nigga.
He lifting three plates,squatting four and five.
I can't fight this nigga.

Speaker 5 (50:00):
He can take me you need to try to have a nigga
train.

Speaker 4 (50:03):
I gotta shoot this nigga.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
His wife can lift like 300, 400 motherfucker
pounds.
Just be standing there liftingthat motherfucker.
She ain't that strong.
Yes, she is.
She's strong as a motherfucker.
She is for a woman.
She's strong as a motherfucker.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
I'm not.
You better have her jump so.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
Sebastian tell me how can allies better support the
LBG community that arestruggling with mental health.

Speaker 5 (50:26):
For me when it comes to allies and it comes to people
just being on our side.
Essentially, that's a hardquestion for me, because there's
a lot of things that gay peopledo that I don't agree with.
There's a lot of gay thingsthat are okay in the world that
I don't agree with.
Like, I don't think that it'sokay, I don't believe in gay

(50:47):
marriage.
I don't believe that two menshould be able to get married
under God.
I believe that marriage is asanctified, you know thing that
happens under God.
Getting married two men shouldnot get married.
I just don't believe that.
Now, two men can be together.
Y'all can have a domesticpartnership, do y'all things,
share whatever y'all want, butgetting married under God, two

(51:08):
men is just a slap in the face,and I'm not saying it as a way
of saying that, men, if you'rebeing gay, it's a bad thing,
because I'm obviously a gay man,right.
But that it's a bad thingbecause I'm obviously a gay man,
right, but that particularthing is not okay, it's just not
okay.
I don't believe that kidsshould be able to transition at
11 years old.
I agree, 10 years old.
How are you, 11 years old,making a decision for the rest
of your life?
You're 11, I agree.

Speaker 3 (51:26):
Would you let your 9 year old say dad, I want to date
this man and have a woman no,you can't you cannot make those
decisions for yourself you'reliterally telling children that
you tell to eat the food I puton your plate, because that's
what I put on your plate, it'sokay for you to decide what
gender you want to be.

Speaker 5 (51:44):
That's crazy told me when I was 11 hey, do you want
to be a girl?
I probably want to say hell,yeah.
And then now I would have beenlike I don't want to be, I don't
want you want to be this.
This is not who I am.
Like you know what I'm saying.
Like it's not.
Some things are just not okay.
So I mean, when it comes tobeing allies, just being
realistic, that's number one.
Being realistic with everything.

(52:05):
Like it drives me nuts whenpeople say things like there's
multiple genders.
No, there is not.
If you're a man, you're a man.
If you want to be a woman, dowhatever you got to do to be a
woman, but at the end of the day, your dna is still man, babe.
Yeah, it still is.
At the end of the day, when youdie and you perish and they and

(52:25):
they don't know if they can'tidentify the body guess what?
They're gonna look up?
Your, they're gonna look andyour bones are gonna be male.
Yeah, there's nothing we can doto change that.
It's a mental illness.
That's mental illness when youcan, when you can.
When I see a man and you'retelling me to call you a woman
that's mental illness, babe.

Speaker 3 (52:40):
The clip you sent me I can't remember that young
lady's name, but the clip yousent me um, with her talking to
jason lee.
That solidified it for me andI'll have to send it to you
three times and I don't like, Ididn't like her until I saw that
clip.

Speaker 5 (52:56):
I said this little bitch on to something Candace
Owens said if a man can just bea woman, then Rachel Dolezal is
a black woman.
He said, well, no, we ain'tgoing to say that.
Well, why not?
Why not?
Yeah, no-transcript, yeah,everything.

(53:24):
It made me kind of look moreinto her.

Speaker 3 (53:26):
You can tell that they edit her to make her look a
certain way, but she definitelywas on her shit you cannot make
someone call you something thatyou are not.
I agree, and I also don't liketo be called cisgender.
I'm uncomfortable with that.
I think it's very disrespectful.
I'm uncomfortable with that.

Speaker 5 (53:40):
I'm a woman.
I think it's disrespectful.
You're a woman, you're astraight woman.
Why are we labeling straightpeople?
Yeah, no, I this is supposed tobe the LGBTQIA plus community.
Why are we labeling straightpeople?

Speaker 4 (53:51):
on that.
I never said I was a cis man, Ijust I'm a nigga, exactly nigga
male and you?

Speaker 5 (53:55):
you're a nigga, you're a straight man nigga male
a cis, a cisgender man, what?
And?

Speaker 4 (54:00):
I identify as an attack.
That's ridiculous.

Speaker 5 (54:03):
Grow up, attack helicopter everyone thinks that
they have choices in everything.
That's not what life is about.

Speaker 4 (54:08):
That's true oh, eric, you have choices.

Speaker 5 (54:11):
You do have choices, but you can't make other people
agree with you.
That that's true.

Speaker 4 (54:15):
You can't be mad at people you can't Like.

Speaker 5 (54:17):
I remember there's this guy who clearly is a man
and he be taping himself atrestaurants and then when people
call him sir, he gets upset andthen he posts it and gets like
views, right, you are a man, youdon't have no titties.
You got a fucking beard.
Beard, a whole stubble.
You have long hair and you haveon women's clothes.
You have on makeup, right, butyou have a beard.

(54:39):
You have no titties.
Nobody.
You have putting no work.
You're not on no moans, you'renot putting in the work.
So we're going to call you whatwe see.
You're a man, you're a man.
I'm sorry it's and sometimesit's not even out of disrespect,
sometimes it's just out of whatwe see like it's.
Sometimes it's not even out ofdisrespect, sometimes it's just
out of what we see like it's.
Sometimes it's not out of.
We're not misgenerating you onpurpose.

(55:01):
Sometimes we just think thatyou're a man who dress like a
woman, like you know what I'msaying like we don't know that
you are a trans woman and thatyou identify as a trans woman.
Sometimes you just gotta letpeople know.
But people just, when it comesto this gay community, shit,

(55:23):
it's a lot for me.
It's a lot for me too, becauseI'm a part of this community,
but there's so much about itthat I don't agree with and it's
just like it doesn't make sense.
Does anybody have a brain?
That's not the way life works.
You can't just do and choosewhatever you want to do.
That's just not what it is.
You can't do that.
That's why men to go out hereand put yourself at risk,

(55:48):
exactly what's the point.
That's another reason why Idon't believe in gay marriage,
because men don't respect it,even though straight people
don't.
Sometimes too, men will getmarried and go cheap.
Yeah, that's true.
But my respect the the level ofmarriage, like you know.
I'm saying like what marriageis?
They have open marriages.
Be out here fucking otherniggas having.
You know I'm having orgies andobviously that's not what

(56:10):
marriage is.
Why would you marry somebody toturn around and go out and fuck
everybody else?

Speaker 2 (56:14):
what's the point?

Speaker 3 (56:15):
right put your body at risk like that that's not
what we were meant to do, that'strue.
So listen, this is going to bethe last question I'm going to
ask you guys, and I'm going tostart over here with kevin,
because kevin been too damnquiet for me well I understand I
think you, if you I go ahead,baby, I might have picked up the
wrong thing out of everythingyou just said.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
What's prep?

Speaker 5 (56:35):
okay, so prep is a uh you don't know about you
wouldn't know as a antibiotic, Iwould say that is uh.
It prevents you from getting.

Speaker 1 (56:43):
HIV.
Oh, I can love that.
When you said there's a drugthat stops from STDs, I was like
where was?

Speaker 5 (56:49):
this in college.
Doc prevents you from gettingSTDs, and PrEP prevents you from
getting HIV, okay, okay.
That's post-exposure.
If you did come in contact withsomebody who has HIV, you can
take PrEP Get the fuck out ofhere, Baby get onto it Hello.

Speaker 3 (57:08):
I don't want to get onto it because I'm not fucking
anybody.
I don't want to be Sorry, goahead.
I didn't know these thingsexisted.

Speaker 5 (57:13):
They're making it so easy for people to go out here
and be whores.

Speaker 3 (57:15):
Yeah, I didn't know these things.

Speaker 5 (57:18):
That's not what we're here to do.
That will sprinkle a littleslut.
I will have my moments.
I will have my horse slutmoments.
Absolutely I'm going to.
I'm.
I mean, I'm a sinner.
I was born that person.
You know I was born a sinner.
I live in the flesh sometimesbut at the end of the day we're
not meant to be out here able tohave sex.
I know gay men who clean outevery single day.

(57:39):
That's not good for your system.
You know you clean your ass outevery day so you can get fucked
we are gonna go to the lastquestion what's the point?
what is the point you?

Speaker 3 (57:50):
are absolutely.
It's not gonna get you nowhereyou're not getting nothing from
this we finna wrap this shit up,if you that's what I did that's
what he said that's exactlywhat he's saying okay we finna
wrap this the fuck up.
Okay, If you Holy shit, I meanyou invited me here.
I love you to pieces and Iswear to God.

(58:13):
We asked last week what ourfavorite episode.
We needed this one, becausethis one is it for me, baby.
Well, you thought I was gonnacome over here and pop it.

Speaker 5 (58:21):
I knew, indeed, I knew.
I'm sorry that I use so muchlike vulgarity.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
I know that the people from our church come up
with all this.
We cuss all the time.
We cuss every episode.

Speaker 5 (58:29):
I'm a part of a church community and stuff.

Speaker 3 (58:31):
I'm a Christian, or whatever this nigga wants to
bend his wife over the balconyand pound her every episode,
baby you are just fine there.
Balcony sex is top five.

Speaker 5 (58:42):
He finna, go Go ahead .

Speaker 4 (58:45):
Let.

Speaker 3 (58:45):
Kevin answer the question.

Speaker 4 (58:46):
Fuck the balcony.
Go ahead, sprinkle the slut inthere, kevin.

Speaker 3 (58:50):
He said throw that little slut in there, baby,
Sprinkle a little slut in thatthing.

Speaker 5 (58:54):
You know what I'm saying Every now and then you
got to sprinkle a little slut.

Speaker 3 (58:56):
Kevin, just on a serious note to men's mental
health, kevin, if you couldspeak to your 18 year old self,
what coping skills would youprovide for mental health issues
?

Speaker 1 (59:10):
jesus 18, I don't know 18 I was, where was.

Speaker 3 (59:16):
I was arizona fucking oh he was fucking in arizona he
was sprinkling a little slack,a little bit, that's my baby
scare.

Speaker 1 (59:23):
That's when I had that baby scare.
Uh, oh, you sure it wasn'tyours, it wasn't, it didn't
happen, she was lying.
I mean, you know it was alittle late, a little late, so,
but anywho, uh, I don't know, Idon't think I'd have much.
Just stay the course, man,because I feel like where I'm at

(59:45):
now in my life is just whereI'm supposed to be at, like it's
not.
I don't feel like up or down,so like I don't think I want
anything to be different, cause,like I learned when I was
supposed to, you know what Imean.

Speaker 3 (01:00:02):
So I feel that yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:00:05):
Um, I'd probably just tell myself to get comfortable
with the uncomfortable.

Speaker 3 (01:00:10):
That's the only way you're going to grow, and to
that I was not doing myself anyfavor, harboring the hatred and
the anger inside.
I ain't gonna say nothingbecause you're gonna be like
quit trying to fuck, go ahead.

Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
I ain't gonna say nothing because then you're
gonna be like quit, trying tofuck.
Go ahead that.
You are who you're supposed tobe and I don't feel like there's
something wrong with you, anddon't let people take advantage
of you that's right.

Speaker 3 (01:00:40):
Better not no Bash.
Can I repeat the question?

Speaker 5 (01:00:43):
18 year old self.
What coping skills.
What advice would you give?

Speaker 3 (01:00:44):
your 18 year old self .
What coping skills.
What advice would you give your18 year old?

Speaker 5 (01:00:48):
self 18, I would say workout, go to the gym, move
your body, get active.
I was very stagnant at 18.
I was very overweight, I wasvery uncomfortable with myself.

(01:01:08):
Um, if I would have just knownthat just like getting out and
just walking would make mehappier, I would have done that.
So that's definitely somethingthat I would tell myself at 18.
And also just like be yourself,yeah, and be like yourself
unapologetically, like stopallowing people to dictate how
you speak, how you do, how youwalk.
I came in here and I was 100%myself, like you know what I'm

(01:01:29):
saying, like I spoke, I poppedmy shit, like that's how I am
every day.
This is how I am every singleday.

Speaker 3 (01:01:36):
I can vouch for that.
I can vouch for that Like thisis just who I am.

Speaker 5 (01:01:40):
I'm an outspoken person.
I'm a very loving person.
I love people, I respecteverybody and I just feel like
if we did that, the world wouldbe a lot better place, if
everybody just loved and respecteach other.

Speaker 3 (01:01:51):
Like you know, I agree, I agree, and let me give
you your kudos because, first ofall, I'm not going to say on
camera how much weight I've lostsince speaking to you about my
health, but when I go to the gym, baby, I be hearing you saying
okay, girl, health is wealth,health as well.
You look good, though, thankyou.
You look good, thank you.

(01:02:11):
I'm a little thick right now.
I'm not gonna hold you, I'm alittle 50, but you look good,
but the body still t baby, doyou?

Speaker 5 (01:02:14):
hear me, body still t you.
Feel me, the body is definitelygonna always be t her, her
middle initial period.

Speaker 1 (01:02:18):
You're saying that was a nikki reference hearing it
, I got one more thing, ofcourse, I would also say uh, do
the shrooms in the woods hey,hey and uh hey microdose find

Speaker 3 (01:02:34):
the dmt does cure a lot of shit you said find the
what the dmt.

Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
Okay, that's what, that's what you tell your 18
year old.
Yeah, yeah, because I waitedtoo long to do the shrooms.
To do the shrooms, I.

Speaker 5 (01:02:45):
To do the shrooms.

Speaker 3 (01:02:46):
Man, I want to end it you sound like an old person.

Speaker 5 (01:02:49):
The weed Smoking a little bit of the weed.

Speaker 3 (01:02:51):
I want to end the episode by saying men, it's okay
for you to be in touch withyour emotions.
Yes, and women, women, I'mspeaking to you directly.
You need to get better withopening the safe space for that.
Men should feel comfortable intheir homes speaking to you
about things that are hurtingthem and things that they want
to address, and it not be anissue.
You not downplay them.
The same way, you don't wantyour pain and suffering

(01:03:14):
minimized.
They don't want it and don'tdeserve it either.
So, women, I think wedefinitely need to collectively
do better.

Speaker 5 (01:03:19):
One hundred percent.

Speaker 3 (01:03:20):
I mean that wholeheartedly, and for black
men specifically, especiallybecause you're expecting these
men to go out and provideinfrastructure for you.
You're asking them to provide alifestyle for you, but you're
not providing a safe space.
So why the fuck should anybodyprovide anything for anybody
that's not providing a safespace?

Speaker 5 (01:03:36):
you have the usher concert, that is, they can feed
you cherries.

Speaker 3 (01:03:38):
Yes, let me tell you something I'm going through a
divorce man I'm going through adivorce.
Usher, come out with them.
Motherfucking cherries bitch.
There's whole happily married.

Speaker 5 (01:03:47):
I'm gonna eat the cherry and I'm gonna tie.

Speaker 3 (01:03:50):
The ruin their lives.
I'm kidding, though, butseriously.
No, I definitely agree thereneeds to be a level of respect.
Um, no, I Y'all know who thelove of my life Is.
Is it?
Is it Usher, or is it Chris,the fuck brown?
Now I'm telling you right now,baby, how'd you do that?

Speaker 4 (01:04:05):
How did you do that?
How did you do that?

Speaker 1 (01:04:07):
how did you do that?
I'm telling you now how did weget there?

Speaker 3 (01:04:10):
I get christopher in every time.
Wow, he getting balconies.
I'm getting christopher period,point blank.
No, but seriously, I Idefinitely think there needs to
be a really serious conversationamongst the women on how we
treat these men 100 because evendown to we you know we we have
father's day approaching andeven down to father's day, it's
not going to be the the love andsupport that women get on

(01:04:31):
mother's day, and some of youwomen are sucky ass mamas fluffy
lobster, I'm waiting for thelobster, definitely.
I also want to mention that ifyou go to your phone and you
press 988, that's going to getyou to the men's suicide hotline
.
You can call, text or chat thatyou can also call everybody's
hotline yeah, you can also call1-800-273-TALK, so that's

(01:04:55):
1-800-273-2855.
Get some help.
Do not be out here sufferingthe long you do not have to and
let the fathers have their day.

Speaker 2 (01:05:03):
Don't call it single mother do not do.

Speaker 3 (01:05:05):
I swear to god, I will block you if I see you
calling it the single mother'sday because you had your day.
We acknowledged you if youdidn't pick a good baby, daddy
every time.

Speaker 4 (01:05:15):
Every time I see that I'm like so you made a bad
choice and then you mad about it.

Speaker 3 (01:05:18):
But it's the truth, but it's the truth.
Don't lay where you don't wantto stay.
If you didn't pick a good babydaddy, you need to start
thinking about your choices now.
That's not to say that some ofyou niggas do not come in here
and be cool and then go out thebag on the bitch.
I'm not speaking to the womenthat that happened to.
I'm speaking to the one thatyou knew this nigga wasn't shit
and you still made a baby withthis nigga and now you were mad

(01:05:39):
and he told you he didn't wantthe baby and you still went the
whole nine months pregnant andhad the baby and now you mad
that he don't want to be in thebaby.
We're not doing that, and thatis why I'm team.

Speaker 4 (01:05:47):
Anthony.

Speaker 5 (01:05:47):
Edwards.
And stop hitting men below thebelt when you're mad.
Stop hitting men, because thewords do hurt.
It definitely does Go to work,take care of home, try to be
there for his kids.

Speaker 3 (01:05:59):
Stop hitting men below the belt because you're
mad, exactly.
I can go on for hours and stopalso using these damn kids as a
pawn.
We're not doing that, no morein 2025.
We're not doing that.
They're not your meal ticket,they're not a pawn.

Speaker 2 (01:06:10):
I don't, I'm not down with that.

Speaker 3 (01:06:12):
I'm not, and listen that women.
That's not to say that I don'tknow, because I am fully aware
that some of these men be doingyou in, but we don't address the
women that are doing the badthings to these men.
It is always the men that gethighlighted for the negative
things they're doing.
We're not doing that here, nomore.
So women be Debbie.

Speaker 5 (01:06:29):
I know some Debbie moms.
I know men who got full custodyof their kids, absolutely,
absolutely.

Speaker 3 (01:06:33):
And I know some men that should have full custody of
their kids that don't.

Speaker 4 (01:06:36):
So we're definitely, and that's just because I'm
trying to give up custody ofmine.

Speaker 5 (01:06:38):
I can't afford her anyway, this has been a heavy
beautiful, amazing episode ofthe heavyweight podcast for
men's mental health.
Man, I got something to say.

Speaker 2 (01:06:54):
Sorry if I was like vulgar.
You're good, rest in peaceuncle elmer rest in peace yes,
definitely rest in peace.

Speaker 3 (01:07:01):
Um, as always, we encourage you to like, subscribe
, emphasize on sharing this weekbecause I think this was
powerful for men and women, gayand straight everybody to see
this particular episode, sodefinitely make sure that you
share it, like subscribe,comment, all that shit Until
next time.
We thank you for watching Peace.

Speaker 4 (01:07:23):
Peace.

Speaker 1 (01:07:24):
Oh, I'm sweating.
That's a wrap, y'all.
That's that's how she wrote, somake sure you click watching
Peace, peace, I'm sweating.
That's a wrap, y'all.
That's how she wrote, so makesure you click like subscribe.
Tune in we're on the Austrianplatform, so until next time
we'll highlight you.