December 20, 2023 • 44 mins
Ending up in the hospital after experiencing chronic pain caused Lee Smart to rethink what was important in his life. Jenn talks with Lee about how meeting his wife Tonya and walking away from a lucrative business and from a focus on achievement to focusing on helping himself and others heal put him on a path from surviving to thriving.
Guest Bio: Read more about Lee here
Guest Location: Louisiana, US
Resources from Lee's Journey:
- Lee's website - Lee Smart Life & Business Coaching
- The New Man Podcast with Tripp Lanier
- Jon Mitchell – Functional Medicine Health Consulting
- How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera
- How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
- The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.
- When the Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Mate
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Hi, welcome to this episode of the High Note Healing
Inspirations from Life.
I'm your host, jen Nguyen, andtoday we talk to Lee Smart about
healing childhood trauma andthe journey from surviving to
thriving.
You can read Lee's full bio inthe show notes, but I'll say
this Lee is an amazingstoryteller who has a playful
(00:41):
energy and is someone who thinksdifferently from those around
him.
I met Lee at a virtualconference for leadership
coaches a few years ago and Ithought I need to know more
about his story and all thathe's learned from it.
So Lee and I talk about how hejourneyed from surviving to
thriving in his life, fromdealing with domestic violence
(01:02):
and addiction in his childhoodhome to finding the love of his
life and his wife, tanya, tohealing his body from chronic
pain, even when fewprofessionals could explain what
was happening to him.
I learned a lot from Lee inthis conversation, so stick
around afterwards for my loveand learning.
Outro, which is a shortreflection from me about my key
(01:24):
takeaways from this conversation.
Let's get started.
Hi, I'm very excited fortoday's guest.
I'll let you introduce yourself.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Well, hi, my name is Lee Aaron Smart and I am a coach
.
Do quite a few things in mywork, but number one is trying
to help build people.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Awesome.
I want to hear as a child or ateenager, when you were a kid,
what was something you could dofor hours on end and never get
tired.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
One of the first things that comes to mind for me
was the first time I everstarted riding a bicycle.
I had been trying for months totry and figure out how to ride
this bicycle and it justwouldn't click.
And then all of a sudden oneday I picked up and started
riding, and it was early in themorning and I did not stop until
the sun went down.
(02:15):
My mom told me you got to comein.
And I remember when I got upthe next day I had been riding
so much that I couldn't walk thenext day.
I had so much soreness inbetween my legs from that seat
that walking around.
Funny, and part of the joy ofthat you look back on those
(02:36):
types of moments is that joy ofconquering, of really struggling
to accomplish something, andyou fight, and you fight and you
fight and it just gets to whereit's frustrating and then all
of a sudden something will click, bam.
And that's where the real joylies, is not these simple
pleasures.
(02:56):
It's where you really findsomething that you're working
for and then striving for, andthen you just struggle through
it and you get frustrated andyou want to throw things around
and finally, whenever it clicksand you get good at it.
It's just so much amazing, justenergy there, and it allows
(03:19):
somebody to go out and ride abicycle for all day long, even
though never did it before.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
I love that.
I'm imagining you feeling likeSuperman, Like wow, and you're,
how old were you that time?
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Probably six, seven, somewhere around there.
You say Superman.
I used to have a Supermanoutfit that the first time I put
it on I jumped off the porchand I couldn't fly and I got
angry.
So probably three at about thatpoint.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Oh man, I could see you with the cape being like why
am I not soaring?
That's awesome, lee.
I also hear, in addition to thejoy of the journey and the
beauty of the effort, I alsohear a physicality like the
physical work to figure out thebike and then conquer the bike.
(04:14):
It felt good to you.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Oh, certainly there is joy in being physical.
There's joy in running aroundand chasing kids around, and so
I'll tell you about an exercisethat I did.
My mentor had me do an exercisewhere I had to figure out an
identity that I embodied for myoverall energy throughout the
(04:37):
day, and his was he wanted to bea world-class athlete.
He wanted to have enough energyand go about his day where he
was a world-class athlete.
That just never clicked with meand I stood on it for probably
two months trying to figure outwhat it was.
And I was in the kitchen and Iwas making food one day and my
youngest daughter jumped up offthe floor and started running
(05:00):
around the couch in circles forno reason whatsoever.
And whenever that startedhappening, I was like that is it
, that is what I want rightthere.
I want that childlike energy tojust get up and start running
around for no freaking reason.
And it was just so amazingwhenever that clicked for me
because now every day, wheneverI do that journal entry, I write
(05:22):
down as my identity for energy.
It's childlike, because Ireally love bringing that kind
of energy into the world.
It's a real challenge for mebecause as adults we just have
so much to do and in our cultureit's just this go, go, go, more
and more and more, push, push,push all the time, and it can be
(05:44):
heavy.
It can be so heavy and weforget how awesome it is to play
.
So you have to bring that tothe front of our mind day in and
day out if we want to live ourday intentionally with that kind
of energy.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yes to the spontaneous, fun, freedom of
childlike play and childlikeenergy.
That's awesome, okay, I alsolike, though, how real you're
being about how hard it is totap into that when we are busy
adulting and taking care of ourkids and going to work and
taking care of the house or theapartment and paying the bills
(06:17):
and all the things right.
So I'm going to ask you aboutthe effort and the attention and
the journey that got you to thepoint where you could write in
your gratitude journal aboutplay.
So take me back.
What's the moment you startedyour healing journey, lee, and
what were you healing from?
Speaker 2 (06:35):
So how do you feel about me just starting from the
beginning and working to thispoint?
Is that okay with you?
Yes, lots of commission onthattoo so— Started off, when I
was born, my mom and dad hadalready split.
They were married and split.
She was unfaithful, she had alot of issues and her pain ended
(06:56):
up spreading a lot of pain toeverybody that she touched,
because she was just one ofthose souls that was absolutely
amazing.
Whenever she was sober, so smart, so gifted, but hurt, she was
hurt and that hurt wasdefinitely passed down from her
father, which was passed downfrom his father as many of the
things that we see from theolder generation on how to raise
(07:20):
children come to find out.
It's just wrong.
We're going to beat you intoplace.
We're going to force you to dowhat I think is necessary.
You're not allowed to be you.
You're not allowed to live byyour own freedoms.
It was just a nasty place togrow up from.
So my grandfather highlyabusive man.
He made my backside black andblue, from the backs of my knees
(07:44):
to the tops of my shoulders acouple of times, and I watched
him grab my mom by the neck andthrow her up against the wall
one time because she allowed meto pierce my ear.
And that's it.
I pierced my ear, I was inmiddle school and he grabbed a
hold over and threw her againstthe wall.
She stayed drunk for a long time.
(08:06):
When she was sober she wasphenomenal.
She died in her early 50s andthat caused a lot of pain
because as a child, we take onthat it's all our fault.
As a child, we think that we'reresponsible for everything in
our life as a child.
So what's wrong with me thatshe would do that to herself?
She says she loves me but yetshe won't quit drinking.
(08:26):
And then I've got peopletelling me how great of a person
my grandfather is, highlyverbally abusive.
Growing up there was just whatthe hell's wrong with me.
You know why do I have to gothrough this?
And I hate to be dramatic aboutit?
Because there's a lot of peoplewho have some really bad things
that happen to them.
But at the same time, trauma isnot what happened to you.
(08:51):
Trauma is how your bodyresponds to it and some people
have one event that was a 10 offthe charts, off the scales, a
10 trauma boom right there.
But that's still the same thingas plus one plus one plus one,
day in and day out, plus oneplus one.
You know it all adds up andyour body hang on to it.
(09:14):
Mine did, and so I ended up withan inflammatory disorder.
Gut pain, back pain started topresent whenever I was about 10.
My uncle was physical therapist.
I remember going to him aboutthat age and there was just no
fix for it.
It wasn't physical, but nobodyknew that.
He later on died in a boatingaccident and that was the end of
(09:35):
that family.
It took about seven more yearsafter that, but whenever he died
that family just went crazy.
There was so much pain, so muchdepression.
It was just nasty right.
It tore everybody apart so itended up getting bad.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
I'm sorry for that devastating loss.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Yeah, we lost my uncle.
We lost both my grandparents.
We lost my mom all within a 12year period and it was just the
decline for my grandparents.
The decline from a mom was slowand achingly slow.
So I spent the first half of mylife sex, drugs and rock and
roll, was it?
I did a lot to numb myself.
(10:14):
I started smoking weed wheneverI was 12.
I started drinking regularlywhenever I was 15.
I started smoking weed with mymom whenever I was 15.
It was all about numbing andforgetting and dissociation.
You start talking about fightor flight.
There's also the freezeresponse.
There's this thing that happenswhere your brain will shut off
(10:36):
and you just don't rememberdetails of things because your
brain says I've had enough.
And now that I look back, nowthat I know what I know, now I
see that I have a buddy that canremember just about everything
we did and I can't remember anyof it.
It's amazing.
So that's how I lived.
The first part it was all aboutsex, drugs and rock and roll.
Got into weightlifting justbecause I wanted the body, so I
can attract women, because I'mgoing to get somebody to love me
(10:59):
, right, alcohol all the time.
But then that lifestyle ends up, managed to get a woman
pregnant.
That same year that I got herpregnant, both my grandparents
died and a hurricane wiped outmy hometown, 2005.
So all that happened in oneyear Wiped out my hometown.
My hometown was shut down fromOctober all the way until May,
(11:23):
barely functioning.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Was this Hurricane Katrina?
Speaker 2 (11:26):
No, that was Hurricane Rita.
We don't get the press coveragethat New Orleans gets because
we're on the opposite side ofLouisiana, we don't have nearly
the population.
So Katrina came in, wiped outNew Orleans, all the media,
everything was in New Orleans.
Hurricane Rita came in a monthlater and absolutely devastated
my hometown, so much so that Ihad to move.
(11:46):
I moved 16 times in 2005.
Here comes turn number one.
We were in that hospital and mydaughter was being born.
My dad came up to me.
Now here's the bright side ofmy life.
Right, he's my dad, not a veryemotionally regulated man, but a
very solid, very disciplinedman.
He showed us his love justbecause he supported us.
(12:08):
He didn't know how to show itotherwise.
I see that now we're in thehospital and he turns around and
tells me boy, you better makeyourself into something she
could be proud of.
Yes, sir, you got it.
So what I saw at that point waspeople that you can be proud of
worked.
So I started working and Iworked my ass off and I ended up
falling into a trade, fallinginto the mechanic industry, and
(12:30):
I just had a natural knack forit.
So I did that for years and Iworked and I worked, and I
worked and ended up starting myown business, and that business
became highly successful.
I was making about $40,000 aweek, but all this time I had
this inflammatory disorder.
Ankylosing spinalitis is what Iwas diagnosed with twice.
I still don't 100% believe thatand I'll get to that here in a
(12:53):
second, but my body started togive out on me the stress of
running that job, running thatwork and the fact that I was
still numbing myself.
I would stress myself to themax and I would numb myself in
the evening with beer, so that'swhat it took for me to go to
sleep.
I had to drink four or fivebeers every day.
So fast forward a few years andI almost died on top of the
(13:19):
mountain and I ended up in thehospital room.
In the meantime, I had left thewoman I was with and I ended up
finding my wife and along thisjourney she and I became very,
very close, truly wonderfulwoman, and we had three more
children.
By the time I started havingthis health crisis, we had four
(13:42):
children.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Wonderful.
What's your wife's name?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Tanya.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Tanya what a blessing .
Speaker 2 (13:48):
I will most certainly talk a little bit more about
that blessing here in just asecond, because there really
truly has not been a betterblessing in my life than that
woman.
I'm getting two sponges eventhinking about where I am now
and where I would have been ifit wasn't for her.
We had our four children and mywife and I was in the hospital
bed and I remember my sonwalking up to me in that
(14:10):
hospital bed and immediately hejust started crying.
I think he was seven, six orseven about that time and just
seeing me strapped to all themachines and monitors and
everything, it just was like ajust seeing his face.
You know you make it to the topof the first mountain sometimes
(14:32):
and it's hollow.
You know our society holds somuch stock and work and push and
more and money and things andit doesn't.
I can't imagine anybody sittingon their death bed going Dan, I
wish I'd worked another day.
What do people say?
Whenever I was there, I wantedmore time with those people.
(14:54):
I wanted more time with my wifeand my three daughters and my
son and my dad and my brothersand my sister and I didn't want
to work anymore.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Relationships are the greatest well.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
I realized at that point that my work in the world
was to spread that message that,yes, work is important,
surviving is important andhaving enough money to survive,
but we don't have to have allthe stuff and the things and the
house and the picket fence andthe car and the two dogs and the
two and a half children.
(15:25):
And that's not where joy andhappiness comes from.
It comes from having amazingexperiences with amazing people.
There's really not much elseout there that is really truly
important.
Yes, you have to work enough tosurvive.
Yes, you have to be secureenough to allow your body to go.
Okay, I'm set, I've got enough,I'm not going to be in danger.
(15:49):
Tomorrow we start and talkabout Maslow's hierarchy of
needs.
Right, there's so much more, somuch more than working and
money.
So all along this time I've beena self-improvement junkie.
That's been a huge thing for meto constantly improve myself
through books, and so much sothat it became information as
(16:11):
entertainment.
So I would spend my time.
You know most people watchNetflix.
I would read self-improvementbooks.
You know people are amazed.
They had some friends come overand their kids walked in the
house and they said there's noTV in here.
What is going on.
That's about the point Irealized that I needed to turn
(16:34):
my focus from business and moneyand achievement and acquiring
to other things.
And even now, with all the workthat I've done, I realized that
the work is never done.
There's always going to be anext step, another wound,
another, something that'llhappen.
(16:55):
So you end up working on onething and you put everything
else on maintenance and you justcontinue moving forward
throughout all of it.
The work is never done.
Whenever I made it to the top ofthat mountain and then I ended
up in that hospital bed and allI can think about was I don't
(17:15):
want to keep silent about this,I want to bring as many people
along with me as I can.
So what I did next was start toheal my body, and I did that.
So I used to listen to or usedto I still listen to a podcast
called the New man podcast.
The host is Triplenir and hehad a guest on.
(17:38):
His name was John Mitchell.
His name is John Mitchell,functional medicine doctor Got
with John and John Mitchell hehad the hardest time with me
because I'm obstinate, as can besometimes.
We ended up fixing me and Iended up better off than I've
ever been in my life.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
Wow, by doing what?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Yeah, that's a whole can of worms there.
What do I do in what?
The short and skinny of it Deepis the foundation that all the
pillars of health rest on.
And then the pillars of healthare food and movement and
gratitude and celebration,breathing and I could probably
(18:25):
throw a couple of other ones inthere, but that really is truly
the foundation that you want torest your entire well-being on.
It's just food and movement andbreathing, and you cannot be
healthy without good sleep.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
All of that sounds like the house of longevity.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
A little bit.
Yeah, it's more than longevity,though.
It's current well-being.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yes, being fully alive in the moment to enjoy
life now.
Yes, okay, so you've got thepodcast.
You've got Dr John Mitchellhelping you lay the foundation
of rest, put in the pillars forwell-being.
Now what becomes possible?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Oh.
So I tell you, the next turnwas whenever a hurricane came
through and wiped out thatbusiness that was making me all
that money.
So here we go again, right InLaura, almost the category five,
one mile per hour short,completely devastated us even
(19:37):
worse than Rita did in 2005.
Wow, it took my building andpicked it up and put it in the
neighbor's parking lot.
Unbelievable and this was inthe middle of me doing this
whole healing process I washealing from all the other stuff
(19:57):
when this happened.
So, yeah, absolutelydevastating at that point.
So I ended up taking a littlebit of a backwards slide, but I
had been studying to be a coachat that point.
It gave me the opportunity,after we cleaned up from the
storm.
I took that opportunity to shutthat business down, because
(20:19):
I'll tell you the truth thatthere was a major disconnect.
I felt like I was doing nothingbut polishing turds all day and
it sucked the life out of me.
It wasn't about the moneyanymore, it was about what kind
of service can I bring into thisworld?
So I decided to shut it down,which was an agonizing decision,
(20:43):
because here it is, I've gotthis cash cow that I'm sitting
on and I'm just going to give itup.
That's backwards, isn't it?
But it's not about the cash,it's about the work I want to do
.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
What I'm hearing is you made a choice to put down
the survival mountaintop, gothrough the valley of letting go
of the business and choosing toclimb up the thriving mountain
by starting coaching.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
I would also label that thriving mountain as a
service mountain, because at myheart it's always it's been
about service every step of theway.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
What does service mean to you?
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Service depends on the person that I'm with.
There's so many programs outthere that I have the method.
Use my process and we'll getyou where you need to go.
It's these cookie cuttermethods that don't exactly fit
everybody.
Service depends 100% on theperson that I'm trying to serve.
(21:46):
We learn this together inCoactive Coaching.
The more I treat people likethey are naturally creative or
sourceful in whole, then weempower them to take control of
their own life.
That is true power.
Rather than giving somebody afish, you guide them to the
riverbank and you show them howto tie their hook.
(22:08):
You show them how to bait thathook and you allow them to cast
that line into the water.
You allow them to catch thatfish, that service because
you've taught them how to takecare of anything.
Because if you look at whathappens to people throughout the
journey of their life and youstart off as a baby and wham,
(22:28):
wham, wham, and somebody comesin, oh, something's wrong, and
they figure it out for youbecause you can't talk.
Is it food?
Wham, wham, nope.
Is it diaper?
Oh, yep, that's it Right.
And so somebody comes in andfigures it out for you and many
people still go through theirlives like that Wham wham and
they expect somebody else tocome in and take care of them,
(22:50):
and that's not how you operateas an adult.
You have to take care of you,because the only person really
and truly that you can count onis yourself.
Yes, you have to have a supportnetwork.
Yes, you have to have peoplethat you can count on to walk
with you, but they're not goingto carry you.
You got to walk on your own twofeet.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
I love how, the moment you shifted to thriving,
it became not just about youthriving, but everyone around
you thriving as well.
That thriving was an act ofservice and an act of
empowerment for your community,for the loved ones and the
(23:32):
people around you.
So it makes me curious what hashealing made possible for you,
lee, and for the people aroundyou?
Speaker 2 (23:42):
The stronger I am, the better able I am to lift
others, and I encourage that somuch so in the people that I
work with, because a lot of thepeople I work with have given
themselves over to their career,they've given themselves over
to their children and they giveand they give and they give and
(24:07):
they don't take care ofthemselves and it absolutely
wears them out.
And whenever we start to worktogether many people have this
I'm being selfish.
If I take care of myself, Ican't do that.
I've got too many peoplerelying on me, I've got too many
responsibilities.
If I take care of myself, theneverything's going to fall apart
(24:30):
.
And whenever we really take alook at it, if we are stronger,
if we take care of ourselves, ifwe heal ourselves, if we do the
mental fitness, if we do thephysical fitness, we become
greater.
And the greater we become, thebetter able we are to bring
(24:52):
others with us.
I think about one of myfavorite things you cannot feel
somebody else's vessel if yoursis empty.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
I can't pour from an empty cup, so it sounds to me
like there have been a few keypeople who have poured into you
when you've felt you're emptious.
So can you tell me about yourwife, tanya?
What role has Tanya played inyour healing journey and your
(25:25):
life?
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Thank you for bringing that back up.
I hate to leave loose ends.
Wonderful thing about ourrelationship is never, ever,
ever, never, ever along the way,did she ever make me feel less
than without a doubt.
Every step of the way, she justloved and gave love, and gave
(25:50):
love no matter what I was goingthrough, no matter how nasty I
became, she just loved.
And anytime I was going throughsomething, and she I just want
you to be happy.
I cannot tell you how manytimes she told me I want you to
be happy, I just want you to behappy.
And through that justunconditional love, I wanted to
(26:16):
be a better person because Iwanted to be worthy of it, which
that's a different thing there.
Right, you have to just acceptthat you are worthy of it.
You don't have to earn it.
Why have you finally acceptthat you can be worthy of such
love?
Then whole new doors open upand just taking that love, and
(26:39):
it just really made me a betterperson all around Because she
accepted me for me, even asflawed as I was.
Through all of it, she acceptedme for me.
What a wonderful, wonderfulplace to be.
I wish everybody on this planetcould experience something like
that Wow.
And I guarantee you, if youcould be that person, if you
(27:03):
could be the person that lovesunconditionally, you will
receive it back.
Same thing with money, samething with being a friend, same
thing with anything that youwant.
If you give it, it can't helpbut come back to you.
And it's not going to come backto you the way that you
expected either.
It'll just come back to you injust the most unexpected ways.
(27:24):
You give love, you give moneymoney in the fact that you're
not afraid to give it to peoplethat need it and do well and run
their craft well.
As a business owner, I'vethought that I had to do it all.
So I'd scarcity mindset.
I've got to do it all.
I'm not giving anybody anymoney and just me, me, me, me.
(27:48):
Whenever I finally let that goand started letting people take
care of what they're good at andI did what I was good at I
started making a whole lot moremoney.
Friendship's the same thing.
The more you can be a friendand go out there and just serve
somebody.
I've got a buddy right now thathis truck went down.
The first thing I did was gopick him up, brought him to the
(28:08):
house, put him in my truck andsaid here you go.
As soon as your truck is done,I'll take it back.
Don't you dare rush, that's anabundance mindset.
That's it abundance.
A lot of people think if I giveyou a slice of my pie, I've got
less pie.
And that's not the way theworld works.
If I give you a slice of my pie, my pie gets bigger.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Given that she has given you life and made so much
possible for you and I get toexperience this awesome version
of you.
Lee, I'm curious where do yousee your journey, your healing
journey, leading you next?
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Currently I'm working on an addiction issue.
I thought whenever I kicked thebeer that I kicked the
addiction issue, and that's nottrue.
I found myself addicted toexercise, which I bet you didn't
know that could happen.
There's a thing calledovertraining and you can go so
far that you start to experiencethe same nervous system issues
(29:08):
as if you were traumatized insome way, shape or form.
Your nervous system gets so farstuck on the sympathetic side
that you stay in fight or flightpretty much the whole time.
You can always tell wheneveryou get too far, because
everybody has their own symptomsand just signs that you know
(29:32):
that you're off track.
Mine are lack of playfulness isone of them.
Irritability, sensitivity tonoise I haven't developed
tinnitus in my ear that the moreon point I am, the less it
presents, the more stressed I amand the more off kilter I am,
the louder the ringing in myears and the more I can't
(29:55):
understand what people aresaying.
My hearing actually goeswhenever I know I'm off.
I find that I I isolatesocially.
I isolate because there's thisI've got to get stuff done.
Things become more importantthan relationships at that point
.
The to-do list becomes moreimportant than relationships and
(30:16):
that's from being stuck in thatgo, go, go, go mindset.
So, and there's a few other keyindicators for me, but
everybody has their own and someof them we share as people, but
without a doubt, you can startto notice them if you really pay
attention.
Another thing that's beenabsolutely phenomenal that goes
(30:37):
from the athletic world tooverall healing is tracking HRV.
So HRV is heart ratevariability and you can tell,
based on the space between yourheartbeats and how variable they
are, whether or not you're in arest and digest and cognitive
performing state of mind versusbeing amped up and excited and
(31:05):
talk about fight or flight.
And one of the things thatdrives me nuts is oh, we don't
have to worry about tigersanymore because they're not
jumping out of the bushes likethey were.
Well, those people that saythat you don't enter fight or
flight because we don't have itanymore haven't driven through
downtown Houston, traffic andrush hour.
You wanna talk about fight foryour life?
(31:26):
Good Lord, that's a surefireway to make sure that your HRV
tanks.
But anyway, the higher your HRV, the it's kind of a scientific
way to measure the meditativestate, for lack of a better way
to describe it.
So the calm, another way todescribe it.
(31:48):
If you're really, really low inHRV, it's kind of like you
study for a test.
You know you got all theinformation in your brain and
you sit down to take that testand it won't come out because
you're panicking.
And when you panic it shuts offthe prefrontal cortex and
whenever you start to lose that,all of a sudden you can't think
straight and the informationjust won't come out.
(32:10):
Versus high HRV, that's a verycalm state.
That is where your higher levelthinking lies.
I'm finding all this out throughathletics and so I've
experimented with CrossFit forthe last year and I'm noticing
that I have less and lesscognitive performance as I do it
(32:33):
, because I'm addicted to it andI'm reliant on it to get me to
that state, that higher state ofendorphin rush.
And you know it's some of thesame things that happen whenever
you ingest chemicals.
You know your body justproduces them naturally and
we've figured out a way to stokethose chemicals.
(32:53):
And you go in there and youexercise really hard and your
body goes whoop.
We're surviving.
Let's kick up the endorphins.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
I appreciate your immense self-awareness to say
you know what I know.
Society tells me exercise isgood, but at the end of the day,
I have physical cues you knowthe ringing in the ears, the
things you described.
I have emotional cues,irritability, I don't wanna be
around others, et cetera.
I have indicators and cues thatare telling me I am not the
(33:25):
most regulated, centered,grounded version of myself and
therefore this isn't the way togo.
And it doesn't mean throw thebaby out with the bathwater,
right like.
There's a version, I'm sure, ofexercise that is very healthy
in your life.
But I so admire yourself-awareness to say this
version, ain't it?
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Yes, like that you said self.
I think of that big S self likethe higher self, the best
version of you, and it lives inyou.
Allowing that version to runthe show, rather than the little
monkey brain that can run theshow sometimes, you'll end up in
a far better spot without fail.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
I'm so, so happy we're doing this.
Lee, okay, I would love to hearwhat do you wish for others
when it comes to healing?
Speaker 2 (34:17):
The first thing that comes to my mind what I wish for
others when it comes to healingis being okay with slowing down
.
Everything in our life ispushing us and pushing us and we
think we have to do all thethings.
And whenever I finally getthrough that to-do list, I'm
(34:38):
finally gonna be set free.
And every time we lock off thehead of one of these tasks, two
more grow back in its place,just like the Hydra from Greek
mythology.
Every time you get somethingdone, two more always grow back,
if not three.
And it just grows and it growsand it never stops.
And whenever we actually takethe time to slow down,
(35:04):
everything gets better.
And they have a saying.
In the military, I wanna saythe Navy SEALs came up with it
first.
Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
I love that quote.
What does it mean to you?
Speaker 2 (35:19):
It means I need to spend some more time sitting on
my porch.
Is what it means?
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Yes, is sitting on your porch an opportunity for
play?
Is it an opportunity for rest?
Is it an opportunity forgratitude?
All what does slowing down inyour porch make possible for you
?
Speaker 2 (35:40):
There's a little bit of everything out there for me
sometimes.
One is I get the opportunity togo watch my kids play in the
yard.
Many times I do that with mywife, so there's just gratitude
for that and there's love withher and there's appreciation of
the beauty that surrounds me.
So I live on a piece ofproperty that's 10 acres that is
(36:01):
completely surrounded by woods.
Yesterday my wife and I weretaking a walk through the woods
and we came very close to a packof coyotes that were howling
and screaming, and we've seensnakes and bunnies and deer and
alligators.
So there's appreciation ofbeauty, appreciation of nature,
(36:23):
and then there's the rest.
But I do some of my bestjournaling sitting out there in
the sun, because we, as humans,it's necessary for us to get
sunshine on our skin and in oureyes.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Vitamin D.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
We're not meant to be inside, we're meant to be
outside for sure.
So there's so many things, somany things out there.
And then I've spent a lot oftime on that porch, after a hard
day's work in the yard on theweekend, building this piece of
property and building that porchand building my kid's tree
house, building the shop.
And sit on that porch and aftera good hard day's work and just
(37:03):
take in the joy of being ableto do those things and just
sitting back and admiring whatI've been able to build and
admiring that I get theopportunity to build.
Creation is such an importantpart of my life.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
And it's us that are highest selves when we're
creating the world we wanna livein.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
Yes, yes, very much so.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
For those who are on their healing journeys.
They may be at the beginning,they may be in another valley or
up on another mountaintop.
What resources do you recommendfor healing?
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Currently I am reading a book called how to Do
the Work, Dr Nicole LaPera.
I'm not sure if I pronouncedthat right, but that one's been
pretty phenomenal.
How to Win Friends andInfluence People is a fantastic
book.
There's so many of them.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
These are a great start.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
It's going to vary so much based on who needs what.
So I think if I were to thinkabout a specific subject, a
specific topic, I could come upwith something off the top of my
head.
Being general like that, Ican't think of a whole lot right
off.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
I agree with you, Leigh Each of us is going to
have to discover where we are inour journey and what speaks to
us for that point in time, thatmoment on our path.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
Two more books real fast.
The Body Keeps the Score.
Wonderful book when it comes tohealing from trauma, when the
body says no, it's anotherreally, really good one.
But, like I said, it justdepends on where you are in your
journey, what kind of resourcesthat you need, and you'll find
that, if you start to look,you'll find what you need.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
I love that.
What a perfect note to end on.
I love this conversation.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
I love your energy and you do a phenomenal job of
pulling things out that are keymoments and key pieces.
Absolutely so much appreciationfor this opportunity and being
a part of my journey and sharingthis little piece with me.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
What a conversation.
Thank you for sticking aroundfor my love and learning
reflection.
Here's what I'm loving andlearning from my conversation
with Leigh the value of bothsameness and difference across
people, the importance ofslowing down and a house of
well-being.
So I'll say a bit about each,on the value of both sameness
(40:00):
and difference across people.
I'll say a little bit moreabout me and Leigh.
So on the outside, looking in,leigh and I are really different
.
Leigh is a man, I'm a woman.
Leigh is from the South, I'mfrom the North.
Leigh is white, I'm black andLatina.
And yet we have a lot ofsameness around what we think is
(40:21):
important in life, like service, relationships and love.
And what we have in common isso much more present than our
differences when we're talking.
And I don't mean to suggest atall that sameness is better than
difference.
Instead, what I'm saying isthat both are valuable, the
sameness and the difference.
(40:42):
Some of us have probably heardthe quote.
It's often attributed to JFK,president Kennedy, what unites
us is greater than what dividesus, and I think I'm adding that
it's both the sameness and thedifference that make us humans
so powerful when we cometogether and can make our lives
richer, more full the importanceof slowing down.
(41:05):
Leigh shared a quote from theNavy and I've heard it quoted
from sailors in the maritimeworld more broadly slow is
smooth and smooth is fast.
What stands out to me is theimportance of slowing down
sometimes to get to where I'mheaded in life, even when I feel
the pressure to speed it up.
And that's really hard for meto do.
(41:27):
To slow down, I'm just beingreal, but I'm guessing the point
isn't to always go slow.
It's to choose withintentionality and presence when
to go fast and when it servesme best to go slow.
Because I hear the power ofslowing down for many reasons
(41:50):
One, so that we don't burnourselves out.
Two, so that we can notice thecues in our lives when something
isn't working for us Physicalcues, emotional cues, cognitive
cues, etc.
And three, so that we can focuson what matters most, namely
human connection and healthyrelationships.
(42:11):
And it's reminding me of anawesome line from the rapper
Toby and Weigwe from Houston,who has such awesome music.
Toby says relationships are thegreatest.
Well, another essential sourceof richness in my life is health
, which connects to Leigh'shouse of well-being.
(42:31):
So Leigh is actively buildingwell-being into his life.
He said his foundation forcurrent well-being is sleep, and
the pillars of that well-beinghome, so to speak are food,
movement, gratitude andcelebration and breath, and I
like how simple and clear eachof those pillars in that
(42:52):
foundation are.
Even more so, though, I likethe reminder that to help myself
and others best, I have tostart from a place of wellness
across multiple arenas physical,mental, emotional and spiritual
.
And when I do take care ofmyself in those ways, it doesn't
(43:13):
just serve me.
The stronger and healthier I am, the more I can uplift others.
So for me, it was an importantreminder that my thriving
enables me to more effectivelycontribute to others thriving.
So my question for you is whatare you loving and what are you
learning from this conversation?
I hope you were inspired by atleast one thing for your own
(43:35):
healing journey, and if you wereinspired, please share this
episode with someone you love orsomeone you think who might
appreciate it.
It would mean so much to me.
And not everything will be foreveryone, and that's A-OK.
Take what you need, leave whatyou don't, and, based on what
you're loving and learning fromthis conversation, what's one
(43:57):
thing you commit to doing nextfor your healing?
Thank you so much for listening.
Much love everyone.
Hi, welcome to this episode of the High Note Healing
Inspirations from Life.
I'm your host, jen Nguyen, andtoday we talk to Lee Smart about
healing childhood trauma andthe journey from surviving to
thriving.
You can read Lee's full bio inthe show notes, but I'll say
this Lee is an amazingstoryteller who has a playful
(00:41):
energy and is someone who thinksdifferently from those around
him.
I met Lee at a virtualconference for leadership
coaches a few years ago and Ithought I need to know more
about his story and all thathe's learned from it.
So Lee and I talk about how hejourneyed from surviving to
thriving in his life, fromdealing with domestic violence
(01:02):
and addiction in his childhoodhome to finding the love of his
life and his wife, tanya, tohealing his body from chronic
pain, even when fewprofessionals could explain what
was happening to him.
I learned a lot from Lee inthis conversation, so stick
around afterwards for my loveand learning.
Outro, which is a shortreflection from me about my key
(01:24):
takeaways from this conversation.
Let's get started.
Hi, I'm very excited fortoday's guest.
I'll let you introduce yourself.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Well, hi, my name is Lee Aaron Smart and I am a coach
.
Do quite a few things in mywork, but number one is trying
to help build people.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Awesome.
I want to hear as a child or ateenager, when you were a kid,
what was something you could dofor hours on end and never get
tired.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
One of the first things that comes to mind for me
was the first time I everstarted riding a bicycle.
I had been trying for months totry and figure out how to ride
this bicycle and it justwouldn't click.
And then all of a sudden oneday I picked up and started
riding, and it was early in themorning and I did not stop until
the sun went down.
(02:15):
My mom told me you got to comein.
And I remember when I got upthe next day I had been riding
so much that I couldn't walk thenext day.
I had so much soreness inbetween my legs from that seat
that walking around.
Funny, and part of the joy ofthat you look back on those
(02:36):
types of moments is that joy ofconquering, of really struggling
to accomplish something, andyou fight, and you fight and you
fight and it just gets to whereit's frustrating and then all
of a sudden something will click, bam.
And that's where the real joylies, is not these simple
pleasures.
(02:56):
It's where you really findsomething that you're working
for and then striving for, andthen you just struggle through
it and you get frustrated andyou want to throw things around
and finally, whenever it clicksand you get good at it.
It's just so much amazing, justenergy there, and it allows
(03:19):
somebody to go out and ride abicycle for all day long, even
though never did it before.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
I love that.
I'm imagining you feeling likeSuperman, Like wow, and you're,
how old were you that time?
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Probably six, seven, somewhere around there.
You say Superman.
I used to have a Supermanoutfit that the first time I put
it on I jumped off the porchand I couldn't fly and I got
angry.
So probably three at about thatpoint.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Oh man, I could see you with the cape being like why
am I not soaring?
That's awesome, lee.
I also hear, in addition to thejoy of the journey and the
beauty of the effort, I alsohear a physicality like the
physical work to figure out thebike and then conquer the bike.
(04:14):
It felt good to you.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Oh, certainly there is joy in being physical.
There's joy in running aroundand chasing kids around, and so
I'll tell you about an exercisethat I did.
My mentor had me do an exercisewhere I had to figure out an
identity that I embodied for myoverall energy throughout the
(04:37):
day, and his was he wanted to bea world-class athlete.
He wanted to have enough energyand go about his day where he
was a world-class athlete.
That just never clicked with meand I stood on it for probably
two months trying to figure outwhat it was.
And I was in the kitchen and Iwas making food one day and my
youngest daughter jumped up offthe floor and started running
(05:00):
around the couch in circles forno reason whatsoever.
And whenever that startedhappening, I was like that is it
, that is what I want rightthere.
I want that childlike energy tojust get up and start running
around for no freaking reason.
And it was just so amazingwhenever that clicked for me
because now every day, wheneverI do that journal entry, I write
(05:22):
down as my identity for energy.
It's childlike, because Ireally love bringing that kind
of energy into the world.
It's a real challenge for mebecause as adults we just have
so much to do and in our cultureit's just this go, go, go, more
and more and more, push, push,push all the time, and it can be
(05:44):
heavy.
It can be so heavy and weforget how awesome it is to play
.
So you have to bring that tothe front of our mind day in and
day out if we want to live ourday intentionally with that kind
of energy.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yes to the spontaneous, fun, freedom of
childlike play and childlikeenergy.
That's awesome, okay, I alsolike, though, how real you're
being about how hard it is totap into that when we are busy
adulting and taking care of ourkids and going to work and
taking care of the house or theapartment and paying the bills
(06:17):
and all the things right.
So I'm going to ask you aboutthe effort and the attention and
the journey that got you to thepoint where you could write in
your gratitude journal aboutplay.
So take me back.
What's the moment you startedyour healing journey, lee, and
what were you healing from?
Speaker 2 (06:35):
So how do you feel about me just starting from the
beginning and working to thispoint?
Is that okay with you?
Yes, lots of commission onthattoo so— Started off, when I
was born, my mom and dad hadalready split.
They were married and split.
She was unfaithful, she had alot of issues and her pain ended
(06:56):
up spreading a lot of pain toeverybody that she touched,
because she was just one ofthose souls that was absolutely
amazing.
Whenever she was sober, so smart, so gifted, but hurt, she was
hurt and that hurt wasdefinitely passed down from her
father, which was passed downfrom his father as many of the
things that we see from theolder generation on how to raise
(07:20):
children come to find out.
It's just wrong.
We're going to beat you intoplace.
We're going to force you to dowhat I think is necessary.
You're not allowed to be you.
You're not allowed to live byyour own freedoms.
It was just a nasty place togrow up from.
So my grandfather highlyabusive man.
He made my backside black andblue, from the backs of my knees
(07:44):
to the tops of my shoulders acouple of times, and I watched
him grab my mom by the neck andthrow her up against the wall
one time because she allowed meto pierce my ear.
And that's it.
I pierced my ear, I was inmiddle school and he grabbed a
hold over and threw her againstthe wall.
She stayed drunk for a long time.
(08:06):
When she was sober she wasphenomenal.
She died in her early 50s andthat caused a lot of pain
because as a child, we take onthat it's all our fault.
As a child, we think that we'reresponsible for everything in
our life as a child.
So what's wrong with me thatshe would do that to herself?
She says she loves me but yetshe won't quit drinking.
(08:26):
And then I've got peopletelling me how great of a person
my grandfather is, highlyverbally abusive.
Growing up there was just whatthe hell's wrong with me.
You know why do I have to gothrough this?
And I hate to be dramatic aboutit?
Because there's a lot of peoplewho have some really bad things
that happen to them.
But at the same time, trauma isnot what happened to you.
(08:51):
Trauma is how your bodyresponds to it and some people
have one event that was a 10 offthe charts, off the scales, a
10 trauma boom right there.
But that's still the same thingas plus one plus one plus one,
day in and day out, plus oneplus one.
You know it all adds up andyour body hang on to it.
(09:14):
Mine did, and so I ended up withan inflammatory disorder.
Gut pain, back pain started topresent whenever I was about 10.
My uncle was physical therapist.
I remember going to him aboutthat age and there was just no
fix for it.
It wasn't physical, but nobodyknew that.
He later on died in a boatingaccident and that was the end of
(09:35):
that family.
It took about seven more yearsafter that, but whenever he died
that family just went crazy.
There was so much pain, so muchdepression.
It was just nasty right.
It tore everybody apart so itended up getting bad.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
I'm sorry for that devastating loss.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Yeah, we lost my uncle.
We lost both my grandparents.
We lost my mom all within a 12year period and it was just the
decline for my grandparents.
The decline from a mom was slowand achingly slow.
So I spent the first half of mylife sex, drugs and rock and
roll, was it?
I did a lot to numb myself.
(10:14):
I started smoking weed wheneverI was 12.
I started drinking regularlywhenever I was 15.
I started smoking weed with mymom whenever I was 15.
It was all about numbing andforgetting and dissociation.
You start talking about fightor flight.
There's also the freezeresponse.
There's this thing that happenswhere your brain will shut off
(10:36):
and you just don't rememberdetails of things because your
brain says I've had enough.
And now that I look back, nowthat I know what I know, now I
see that I have a buddy that canremember just about everything
we did and I can't remember anyof it.
It's amazing.
So that's how I lived.
The first part it was all aboutsex, drugs and rock and roll.
Got into weightlifting justbecause I wanted the body, so I
can attract women, because I'mgoing to get somebody to love me
(10:59):
, right, alcohol all the time.
But then that lifestyle ends up, managed to get a woman
pregnant.
That same year that I got herpregnant, both my grandparents
died and a hurricane wiped outmy hometown, 2005.
So all that happened in oneyear Wiped out my hometown.
My hometown was shut down fromOctober all the way until May,
(11:23):
barely functioning.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Was this Hurricane Katrina?
Speaker 2 (11:26):
No, that was Hurricane Rita.
We don't get the press coveragethat New Orleans gets because
we're on the opposite side ofLouisiana, we don't have nearly
the population.
So Katrina came in, wiped outNew Orleans, all the media,
everything was in New Orleans.
Hurricane Rita came in a monthlater and absolutely devastated
my hometown, so much so that Ihad to move.
(11:46):
I moved 16 times in 2005.
Here comes turn number one.
We were in that hospital and mydaughter was being born.
My dad came up to me.
Now here's the bright side ofmy life.
Right, he's my dad, not a veryemotionally regulated man, but a
very solid, very disciplinedman.
He showed us his love justbecause he supported us.
(12:08):
He didn't know how to show itotherwise.
I see that now we're in thehospital and he turns around and
tells me boy, you better makeyourself into something she
could be proud of.
Yes, sir, you got it.
So what I saw at that point waspeople that you can be proud of
worked.
So I started working and Iworked my ass off and I ended up
falling into a trade, fallinginto the mechanic industry, and
(12:30):
I just had a natural knack forit.
So I did that for years and Iworked and I worked, and I
worked and ended up starting myown business, and that business
became highly successful.
I was making about $40,000 aweek, but all this time I had
this inflammatory disorder.
Ankylosing spinalitis is what Iwas diagnosed with twice.
I still don't 100% believe thatand I'll get to that here in a
(12:53):
second, but my body started togive out on me the stress of
running that job, running thatwork and the fact that I was
still numbing myself.
I would stress myself to themax and I would numb myself in
the evening with beer, so that'swhat it took for me to go to
sleep.
I had to drink four or fivebeers every day.
So fast forward a few years andI almost died on top of the
(13:19):
mountain and I ended up in thehospital room.
In the meantime, I had left thewoman I was with and I ended up
finding my wife and along thisjourney she and I became very,
very close, truly wonderfulwoman, and we had three more
children.
By the time I started havingthis health crisis, we had four
(13:42):
children.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Wonderful.
What's your wife's name?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Tanya.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Tanya what a blessing .
Speaker 2 (13:48):
I will most certainly talk a little bit more about
that blessing here in just asecond, because there really
truly has not been a betterblessing in my life than that
woman.
I'm getting two sponges eventhinking about where I am now
and where I would have been ifit wasn't for her.
We had our four children and mywife and I was in the hospital
bed and I remember my sonwalking up to me in that
(14:10):
hospital bed and immediately hejust started crying.
I think he was seven, six orseven about that time and just
seeing me strapped to all themachines and monitors and
everything, it just was like ajust seeing his face.
You know you make it to the topof the first mountain sometimes
(14:32):
and it's hollow.
You know our society holds somuch stock and work and push and
more and money and things andit doesn't.
I can't imagine anybody sittingon their death bed going Dan, I
wish I'd worked another day.
What do people say?
Whenever I was there, I wantedmore time with those people.
(14:54):
I wanted more time with my wifeand my three daughters and my
son and my dad and my brothersand my sister and I didn't want
to work anymore.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Relationships are the greatest well.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
I realized at that point that my work in the world
was to spread that message that,yes, work is important,
surviving is important andhaving enough money to survive,
but we don't have to have allthe stuff and the things and the
house and the picket fence andthe car and the two dogs and the
two and a half children.
(15:25):
And that's not where joy andhappiness comes from.
It comes from having amazingexperiences with amazing people.
There's really not much elseout there that is really truly
important.
Yes, you have to work enough tosurvive.
Yes, you have to be secureenough to allow your body to go.
Okay, I'm set, I've got enough,I'm not going to be in danger.
(15:49):
Tomorrow we start and talkabout Maslow's hierarchy of
needs.
Right, there's so much more, somuch more than working and
money.
So all along this time I've beena self-improvement junkie.
That's been a huge thing for meto constantly improve myself
through books, and so much sothat it became information as
(16:11):
entertainment.
So I would spend my time.
You know most people watchNetflix.
I would read self-improvementbooks.
You know people are amazed.
They had some friends come overand their kids walked in the
house and they said there's noTV in here.
What is going on.
That's about the point Irealized that I needed to turn
(16:34):
my focus from business and moneyand achievement and acquiring
to other things.
And even now, with all the workthat I've done, I realized that
the work is never done.
There's always going to be anext step, another wound,
another, something that'llhappen.
(16:55):
So you end up working on onething and you put everything
else on maintenance and you justcontinue moving forward
throughout all of it.
The work is never done.
Whenever I made it to the top ofthat mountain and then I ended
up in that hospital bed and allI can think about was I don't
(17:15):
want to keep silent about this,I want to bring as many people
along with me as I can.
So what I did next was start toheal my body, and I did that.
So I used to listen to or usedto I still listen to a podcast
called the New man podcast.
The host is Triplenir and hehad a guest on.
(17:38):
His name was John Mitchell.
His name is John Mitchell,functional medicine doctor Got
with John and John Mitchell hehad the hardest time with me
because I'm obstinate, as can besometimes.
We ended up fixing me and Iended up better off than I've
ever been in my life.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
Wow, by doing what?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Yeah, that's a whole can of worms there.
What do I do in what?
The short and skinny of it Deepis the foundation that all the
pillars of health rest on.
And then the pillars of healthare food and movement and
gratitude and celebration,breathing and I could probably
(18:25):
throw a couple of other ones inthere, but that really is truly
the foundation that you want torest your entire well-being on.
It's just food and movement andbreathing, and you cannot be
healthy without good sleep.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
All of that sounds like the house of longevity.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
A little bit.
Yeah, it's more than longevity,though.
It's current well-being.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yes, being fully alive in the moment to enjoy
life now.
Yes, okay, so you've got thepodcast.
You've got Dr John Mitchellhelping you lay the foundation
of rest, put in the pillars forwell-being.
Now what becomes possible?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Oh.
So I tell you, the next turnwas whenever a hurricane came
through and wiped out thatbusiness that was making me all
that money.
So here we go again, right InLaura, almost the category five,
one mile per hour short,completely devastated us even
(19:37):
worse than Rita did in 2005.
Wow, it took my building andpicked it up and put it in the
neighbor's parking lot.
Unbelievable and this was inthe middle of me doing this
whole healing process I washealing from all the other stuff
(19:57):
when this happened.
So, yeah, absolutelydevastating at that point.
So I ended up taking a littlebit of a backwards slide, but I
had been studying to be a coachat that point.
It gave me the opportunity,after we cleaned up from the
storm.
I took that opportunity to shutthat business down, because
(20:19):
I'll tell you the truth thatthere was a major disconnect.
I felt like I was doing nothingbut polishing turds all day and
it sucked the life out of me.
It wasn't about the moneyanymore, it was about what kind
of service can I bring into thisworld?
So I decided to shut it down,which was an agonizing decision,
(20:43):
because here it is, I've gotthis cash cow that I'm sitting
on and I'm just going to give itup.
That's backwards, isn't it?
But it's not about the cash,it's about the work I want to do
.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
What I'm hearing is you made a choice to put down
the survival mountaintop, gothrough the valley of letting go
of the business and choosing toclimb up the thriving mountain
by starting coaching.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
I would also label that thriving mountain as a
service mountain, because at myheart it's always it's been
about service every step of theway.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
What does service mean to you?
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Service depends on the person that I'm with.
There's so many programs outthere that I have the method.
Use my process and we'll getyou where you need to go.
It's these cookie cuttermethods that don't exactly fit
everybody.
Service depends 100% on theperson that I'm trying to serve.
(21:46):
We learn this together inCoactive Coaching.
The more I treat people likethey are naturally creative or
sourceful in whole, then weempower them to take control of
their own life.
That is true power.
Rather than giving somebody afish, you guide them to the
riverbank and you show them howto tie their hook.
(22:08):
You show them how to bait thathook and you allow them to cast
that line into the water.
You allow them to catch thatfish, that service because
you've taught them how to takecare of anything.
Because if you look at whathappens to people throughout the
journey of their life and youstart off as a baby and wham,
(22:28):
wham, wham, and somebody comesin, oh, something's wrong, and
they figure it out for youbecause you can't talk.
Is it food?
Wham, wham, nope.
Is it diaper?
Oh, yep, that's it Right.
And so somebody comes in andfigures it out for you and many
people still go through theirlives like that Wham wham and
they expect somebody else tocome in and take care of them,
(22:50):
and that's not how you operateas an adult.
You have to take care of you,because the only person really
and truly that you can count onis yourself.
Yes, you have to have a supportnetwork.
Yes, you have to have peoplethat you can count on to walk
with you, but they're not goingto carry you.
You got to walk on your own twofeet.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
I love how, the moment you shifted to thriving,
it became not just about youthriving, but everyone around
you thriving as well.
That thriving was an act ofservice and an act of
empowerment for your community,for the loved ones and the
(23:32):
people around you.
So it makes me curious what hashealing made possible for you,
lee, and for the people aroundyou?
Speaker 2 (23:42):
The stronger I am, the better able I am to lift
others, and I encourage that somuch so in the people that I
work with, because a lot of thepeople I work with have given
themselves over to their career,they've given themselves over
to their children and they giveand they give and they give and
(24:07):
they don't take care ofthemselves and it absolutely
wears them out.
And whenever we start to worktogether many people have this
I'm being selfish.
If I take care of myself, Ican't do that.
I've got too many peoplerelying on me, I've got too many
responsibilities.
If I take care of myself, theneverything's going to fall apart
(24:30):
.
And whenever we really take alook at it, if we are stronger,
if we take care of ourselves, ifwe heal ourselves, if we do the
mental fitness, if we do thephysical fitness, we become
greater.
And the greater we become, thebetter able we are to bring
(24:52):
others with us.
I think about one of myfavorite things you cannot feel
somebody else's vessel if yoursis empty.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
I can't pour from an empty cup, so it sounds to me
like there have been a few keypeople who have poured into you
when you've felt you're emptious.
So can you tell me about yourwife, tanya?
What role has Tanya played inyour healing journey and your
(25:25):
life?
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Thank you for bringing that back up.
I hate to leave loose ends.
Wonderful thing about ourrelationship is never, ever,
ever, never, ever along the way,did she ever make me feel less
than without a doubt.
Every step of the way, she justloved and gave love, and gave
(25:50):
love no matter what I was goingthrough, no matter how nasty I
became, she just loved.
And anytime I was going throughsomething, and she I just want
you to be happy.
I cannot tell you how manytimes she told me I want you to
be happy, I just want you to behappy.
And through that justunconditional love, I wanted to
(26:16):
be a better person because Iwanted to be worthy of it, which
that's a different thing there.
Right, you have to just acceptthat you are worthy of it.
You don't have to earn it.
Why have you finally acceptthat you can be worthy of such
love?
Then whole new doors open upand just taking that love, and
(26:39):
it just really made me a betterperson all around Because she
accepted me for me, even asflawed as I was.
Through all of it, she acceptedme for me.
What a wonderful, wonderfulplace to be.
I wish everybody on this planetcould experience something like
that Wow.
And I guarantee you, if youcould be that person, if you
(27:03):
could be the person that lovesunconditionally, you will
receive it back.
Same thing with money, samething with being a friend, same
thing with anything that youwant.
If you give it, it can't helpbut come back to you.
And it's not going to come backto you the way that you
expected either.
It'll just come back to you injust the most unexpected ways.
(27:24):
You give love, you give moneymoney in the fact that you're
not afraid to give it to peoplethat need it and do well and run
their craft well.
As a business owner, I'vethought that I had to do it all.
So I'd scarcity mindset.
I've got to do it all.
I'm not giving anybody anymoney and just me, me, me, me.
(27:48):
Whenever I finally let that goand started letting people take
care of what they're good at andI did what I was good at I
started making a whole lot moremoney.
Friendship's the same thing.
The more you can be a friendand go out there and just serve
somebody.
I've got a buddy right now thathis truck went down.
The first thing I did was gopick him up, brought him to the
(28:08):
house, put him in my truck andsaid here you go.
As soon as your truck is done,I'll take it back.
Don't you dare rush, that's anabundance mindset.
That's it abundance.
A lot of people think if I giveyou a slice of my pie, I've got
less pie.
And that's not the way theworld works.
If I give you a slice of my pie, my pie gets bigger.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Given that she has given you life and made so much
possible for you and I get toexperience this awesome version
of you.
Lee, I'm curious where do yousee your journey, your healing
journey, leading you next?
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Currently I'm working on an addiction issue.
I thought whenever I kicked thebeer that I kicked the
addiction issue, and that's nottrue.
I found myself addicted toexercise, which I bet you didn't
know that could happen.
There's a thing calledovertraining and you can go so
far that you start to experiencethe same nervous system issues
(29:08):
as if you were traumatized insome way, shape or form.
Your nervous system gets so farstuck on the sympathetic side
that you stay in fight or flightpretty much the whole time.
You can always tell wheneveryou get too far, because
everybody has their own symptomsand just signs that you know
(29:32):
that you're off track.
Mine are lack of playfulness isone of them.
Irritability, sensitivity tonoise I haven't developed
tinnitus in my ear that the moreon point I am, the less it
presents, the more stressed I amand the more off kilter I am,
the louder the ringing in myears and the more I can't
(29:55):
understand what people aresaying.
My hearing actually goeswhenever I know I'm off.
I find that I I isolatesocially.
I isolate because there's thisI've got to get stuff done.
Things become more importantthan relationships at that point
.
The to-do list becomes moreimportant than relationships and
(30:16):
that's from being stuck in thatgo, go, go, go mindset.
So, and there's a few other keyindicators for me, but
everybody has their own and someof them we share as people, but
without a doubt, you can startto notice them if you really pay
attention.
Another thing that's beenabsolutely phenomenal that goes
(30:37):
from the athletic world tooverall healing is tracking HRV.
So HRV is heart ratevariability and you can tell,
based on the space between yourheartbeats and how variable they
are, whether or not you're in arest and digest and cognitive
performing state of mind versusbeing amped up and excited and
(31:05):
talk about fight or flight.
And one of the things thatdrives me nuts is oh, we don't
have to worry about tigersanymore because they're not
jumping out of the bushes likethey were.
Well, those people that saythat you don't enter fight or
flight because we don't have itanymore haven't driven through
downtown Houston, traffic andrush hour.
You wanna talk about fight foryour life?
(31:26):
Good Lord, that's a surefireway to make sure that your HRV
tanks.
But anyway, the higher your HRV, the it's kind of a scientific
way to measure the meditativestate, for lack of a better way
to describe it.
So the calm, another way todescribe it.
(31:48):
If you're really, really low inHRV, it's kind of like you
study for a test.
You know you got all theinformation in your brain and
you sit down to take that testand it won't come out because
you're panicking.
And when you panic it shuts offthe prefrontal cortex and
whenever you start to lose that,all of a sudden you can't think
straight and the informationjust won't come out.
(32:10):
Versus high HRV, that's a verycalm state.
That is where your higher levelthinking lies.
I'm finding all this out throughathletics and so I've
experimented with CrossFit forthe last year and I'm noticing
that I have less and lesscognitive performance as I do it
(32:33):
, because I'm addicted to it andI'm reliant on it to get me to
that state, that higher state ofendorphin rush.
And you know it's some of thesame things that happen whenever
you ingest chemicals.
You know your body justproduces them naturally and
we've figured out a way to stokethose chemicals.
(32:53):
And you go in there and youexercise really hard and your
body goes whoop.
We're surviving.
Let's kick up the endorphins.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
I appreciate your immense self-awareness to say
you know what I know.
Society tells me exercise isgood, but at the end of the day,
I have physical cues you knowthe ringing in the ears, the
things you described.
I have emotional cues,irritability, I don't wanna be
around others, et cetera.
I have indicators and cues thatare telling me I am not the
(33:25):
most regulated, centered,grounded version of myself and
therefore this isn't the way togo.
And it doesn't mean throw thebaby out with the bathwater,
right like.
There's a version, I'm sure, ofexercise that is very healthy
in your life.
But I so admire yourself-awareness to say this
version, ain't it?
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Yes, like that you said self.
I think of that big S self likethe higher self, the best
version of you, and it lives inyou.
Allowing that version to runthe show, rather than the little
monkey brain that can run theshow sometimes, you'll end up in
a far better spot without fail.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
I'm so, so happy we're doing this.
Lee, okay, I would love to hearwhat do you wish for others
when it comes to healing?
Speaker 2 (34:17):
The first thing that comes to my mind what I wish for
others when it comes to healingis being okay with slowing down
.
Everything in our life ispushing us and pushing us and we
think we have to do all thethings.
And whenever I finally getthrough that to-do list, I'm
(34:38):
finally gonna be set free.
And every time we lock off thehead of one of these tasks, two
more grow back in its place,just like the Hydra from Greek
mythology.
Every time you get somethingdone, two more always grow back,
if not three.
And it just grows and it growsand it never stops.
And whenever we actually takethe time to slow down,
(35:04):
everything gets better.
And they have a saying.
In the military, I wanna saythe Navy SEALs came up with it
first.
Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
I love that quote.
What does it mean to you?
Speaker 2 (35:19):
It means I need to spend some more time sitting on
my porch.
Is what it means?
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Yes, is sitting on your porch an opportunity for
play?
Is it an opportunity for rest?
Is it an opportunity forgratitude?
All what does slowing down inyour porch make possible for you
?
Speaker 2 (35:40):
There's a little bit of everything out there for me
sometimes.
One is I get the opportunity togo watch my kids play in the
yard.
Many times I do that with mywife, so there's just gratitude
for that and there's love withher and there's appreciation of
the beauty that surrounds me.
So I live on a piece ofproperty that's 10 acres that is
(36:01):
completely surrounded by woods.
Yesterday my wife and I weretaking a walk through the woods
and we came very close to a packof coyotes that were howling
and screaming, and we've seensnakes and bunnies and deer and
alligators.
So there's appreciation ofbeauty, appreciation of nature,
(36:23):
and then there's the rest.
But I do some of my bestjournaling sitting out there in
the sun, because we, as humans,it's necessary for us to get
sunshine on our skin and in oureyes.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Vitamin D.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
We're not meant to be inside, we're meant to be
outside for sure.
So there's so many things, somany things out there.
And then I've spent a lot oftime on that porch, after a hard
day's work in the yard on theweekend, building this piece of
property and building that porchand building my kid's tree
house, building the shop.
And sit on that porch and aftera good hard day's work and just
(37:03):
take in the joy of being ableto do those things and just
sitting back and admiring whatI've been able to build and
admiring that I get theopportunity to build.
Creation is such an importantpart of my life.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
And it's us that are highest selves when we're
creating the world we wanna livein.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
Yes, yes, very much so.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
For those who are on their healing journeys.
They may be at the beginning,they may be in another valley or
up on another mountaintop.
What resources do you recommendfor healing?
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Currently I am reading a book called how to Do
the Work, Dr Nicole LaPera.
I'm not sure if I pronouncedthat right, but that one's been
pretty phenomenal.
How to Win Friends andInfluence People is a fantastic
book.
There's so many of them.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
These are a great start.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
It's going to vary so much based on who needs what.
So I think if I were to thinkabout a specific subject, a
specific topic, I could come upwith something off the top of my
head.
Being general like that, Ican't think of a whole lot right
off.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
I agree with you, Leigh Each of us is going to
have to discover where we are inour journey and what speaks to
us for that point in time, thatmoment on our path.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
Two more books real fast.
The Body Keeps the Score.
Wonderful book when it comes tohealing from trauma, when the
body says no, it's anotherreally, really good one.
But, like I said, it justdepends on where you are in your
journey, what kind of resourcesthat you need, and you'll find
that, if you start to look,you'll find what you need.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
I love that.
What a perfect note to end on.
I love this conversation.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
I love your energy and you do a phenomenal job of
pulling things out that are keymoments and key pieces.
Absolutely so much appreciationfor this opportunity and being
a part of my journey and sharingthis little piece with me.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
What a conversation.
Thank you for sticking aroundfor my love and learning
reflection.
Here's what I'm loving andlearning from my conversation
with Leigh the value of bothsameness and difference across
people, the importance ofslowing down and a house of
well-being.
So I'll say a bit about each,on the value of both sameness
(40:00):
and difference across people.
I'll say a little bit moreabout me and Leigh.
So on the outside, looking in,leigh and I are really different
.
Leigh is a man, I'm a woman.
Leigh is from the South, I'mfrom the North.
Leigh is white, I'm black andLatina.
And yet we have a lot ofsameness around what we think is
(40:21):
important in life, like service, relationships and love.
And what we have in common isso much more present than our
differences when we're talking.
And I don't mean to suggest atall that sameness is better than
difference.
Instead, what I'm saying isthat both are valuable, the
sameness and the difference.
(40:42):
Some of us have probably heardthe quote.
It's often attributed to JFK,president Kennedy, what unites
us is greater than what dividesus, and I think I'm adding that
it's both the sameness and thedifference that make us humans
so powerful when we cometogether and can make our lives
richer, more full the importanceof slowing down.
(41:05):
Leigh shared a quote from theNavy and I've heard it quoted
from sailors in the maritimeworld more broadly slow is
smooth and smooth is fast.
What stands out to me is theimportance of slowing down
sometimes to get to where I'mheaded in life, even when I feel
the pressure to speed it up.
And that's really hard for meto do.
(41:27):
To slow down, I'm just beingreal, but I'm guessing the point
isn't to always go slow.
It's to choose withintentionality and presence when
to go fast and when it servesme best to go slow.
Because I hear the power ofslowing down for many reasons
(41:50):
One, so that we don't burnourselves out.
Two, so that we can notice thecues in our lives when something
isn't working for us Physicalcues, emotional cues, cognitive
cues, etc.
And three, so that we can focuson what matters most, namely
human connection and healthyrelationships.
(42:11):
And it's reminding me of anawesome line from the rapper
Toby and Weigwe from Houston,who has such awesome music.
Toby says relationships are thegreatest.
Well, another essential sourceof richness in my life is health
, which connects to Leigh'shouse of well-being.
(42:31):
So Leigh is actively buildingwell-being into his life.
He said his foundation forcurrent well-being is sleep, and
the pillars of that well-beinghome, so to speak are food,
movement, gratitude andcelebration and breath, and I
like how simple and clear eachof those pillars in that
(42:52):
foundation are.
Even more so, though, I likethe reminder that to help myself
and others best, I have tostart from a place of wellness
across multiple arenas physical,mental, emotional and spiritual
.
And when I do take care ofmyself in those ways, it doesn't
(43:13):
just serve me.
The stronger and healthier I am, the more I can uplift others.
So for me, it was an importantreminder that my thriving
enables me to more effectivelycontribute to others thriving.
So my question for you is whatare you loving and what are you
learning from this conversation?
I hope you were inspired by atleast one thing for your own
(43:35):
healing journey, and if you wereinspired, please share this
episode with someone you love orsomeone you think who might
appreciate it.
It would mean so much to me.
And not everything will be foreveryone, and that's A-OK.
Take what you need, leave whatyou don't, and, based on what
you're loving and learning fromthis conversation, what's one
(43:57):
thing you commit to doing nextfor your healing?
Thank you so much for listening.
Much love everyone.
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