4 Parenting Pitfalls—and Simple Fixes That Work

Meltdowns at dinner, endless negotiating, and that nagging sense you’re doing too much yet still not getting through—sound familiar? We take a practical, compassionate look at the four parenting mistakes we see most often and share small, high-impact shifts that calm the chaos and build real connection at home.

First, we unpack inconsistent follow-through and why kids, like tiny scientists, test for weak spots in our rules. You’ll hear how clear expectations and calm, steady action create trust—without lectures or power struggles. Then we tackle the urge to over-explain in heated moments. Through a vivid clinic story (and a few stickers), we show how brief, firm language beats a ten-minute monologue when emotions run high, and why teaching lands better after the storm passes.

Next, we address comparison—the quiet thief of progress. From sibling contrasts to social media highlight reels, we explore how comparison shrinks confidence and stalls growth. Instead, we model process praise, celebrate unique timelines, and reframe “falling behind” as “developing differently.” Finally, we talk about ignoring our own needs and why self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a parenting skill. You’ll leave with a simple plan for one non-negotiable daily habit that refuels your patience, sharpens your responses, and shows your kids what healthy balance looks like.

If you’ve been craving steady, usable tools—not theory—you’ll find them here: hold the line with kindness, use fewer words when it’s hot, stop the compare-and-despair loop, and protect your oxygen mask. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a review to tell us which small tweak helped most.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:07):
Hi everyone, and welcome back to the Huddle
Podcast with Dr.
Lisa Petit, where we cometogether for real talk, real
tools, and real wins inparenting.
I'm Dr.
Lisa Petit, and today we aregoing to talk about four of the
most common parenting mistakesthat I see in my practice.
And if I'm being honest,sometimes I even see these in my

(00:29):
own life.
But we're also going to talkabout ways to avoid these
mistakes.
And before we get started, Ijust want to be very clear that
these topics we're talkingabout, it's not about blaming,
it's not about shaming anyone.
It's just about being aware ofthese mistakes so that we can
make the tiny tweaks that weneed that are actually going to

(00:51):
make a huge difference in yourparenting game and in your
house.
So mistake number one,inconsistent follow-through.

So picture this (01:01):
you've just come home from a long day of
work and you're getting dinnerready and you've told your
child, okay, iPad turns off infive minutes so that we can get
ready for dinner.
So five minutes pass, dinner'sready, and then your house turns
into Wine Central Stationbecause your child is having the

(01:24):
biggest meltdown on the planetjust because you tried to tell
them that the iPad needs to beput away.
So they're having a meltdown,you're exhausted.
So what do you do?
Maybe you ignore it and hopethat it'll go away.
Maybe you give in and give theiPad back just so you can have a
moment's peace.

(01:44):
Maybe you even allow them to usethe iPad during dinner just so
you can keep the peace, eventhough you know that's not
technically what you're supposedto do.
But hey, we've all been therewhere after a long day, you're
exhausted.
Maybe it's feeling guilty thatyou haven't been with them all
day, or maybe you just don'thave the energy or bandwidth to

(02:06):
handle their meltdown in thatmoment because you're about to
have one of your own.

But here's the problem (02:11):
kids are really, really smart.
They are expert scientists.
You know, scientists will doresearch by starting with a
theory and then they gatherevidence to either confirm or
disprove that theory.
Well, that's exactly how kidstest the quote laws in their own

(02:33):
world.
So if the law changes dependingon your mood or energy level,
they learn that persistence paysoff and not in the way that you
want.
They also will learn whatever itis that you teach them.
So, for example, if they knowthat after five minutes, ten

(02:54):
minutes of having a meltdown,you're gonna go ahead and give
them what they want, thenessentially what you've taught
them is that all they have to dois cut up for another five or
ten minutes and they'll getexactly what they want.
And they will continue to repeatthat because the law in their
world now confirms that tenminutes is the breaking point.

(03:15):
So here's how we fix that.
First, give clear expectations.
In the scenario that Imentioned, you actually said,
hey, iPad turns off in fiveminutes, and that's great.
But the next step is to followthrough and to stick with that
expectation.
So you can use a calm phraselike, hey, the timer went off,
it's time for dinner, and thenif they start having the

(03:38):
meltdown, then you can walk awayand ignore it.
But whatever you do, don't givein.
Just make sure you hold theline.
You don't need to give them alecture, you don't even need to
get angry.
Consistency is the most lovingthing that you can do because it
builds trust in your word.
They know that what you saymatters and that you're going to

(04:00):
follow through.
If they do have the meltdown andthe tantrum, like I said, you
can ignore it or you can use acounting method, which I love to
teach.
It's actually called 1, 2, 3magic, and I will be having a
class on that coming up soon,but that is a wonderful
technique for those moments.

(04:21):
So the next mistake that parentsmake is talking too much during
discipline.
Okay, I see this all the time inmy office.
Parents talk way too much andway too soon while they're
trying to correct their child.
Now, don't get me wrong, itcomes from a good place because
you're trying to teach them,you're trying to reason with

(04:42):
them, and you're trying toconnect with them.
But in the heat of the moment,it usually backfires.
So I'm going to tell you a truestory here.
So one day I walk into an examroom for a child's well visit,
and this little girl is probablyfour or five years old, and she
was happily, very happily, gluedto her tablet while waiting for

(05:03):
me to come in.
Her mom had already warned herwhen Dr.
Petit comes in, we'll put thetablet away.
So great job, mom.
You set it up perfectly.
But then I walk in and the momtakes the tablet appropriately
because we are also trying toteach our kids that people are
more important than devices, andwe put the devices away when
people come in.

(05:24):
So again, I applaud her becauseshe is doing all the right
things.
But then when she takes thetablet, the child loses it.
I mean, full meltdown, she getsmad and whack hits her mom.
So then the mom gasps, as do I.
But then the mom stays very calmand launches into a very
thoughtful explanation about howyou know, sweetie, that's not

(05:49):
nice.
Hitting hurts people, we shoulduse our words when we're angry,
and before the mom can evenfinish her sentence, boom, the
girl hits her again.
And then a third time.
Now, at this point, I have tostep it.
Because honestly, the mom isn'twrong about anything that she's
telling the child, but thischild is entering into full

(06:12):
emotional meltdown mode, sothat's just she's just not
hearing it, she's just notlistening.
So, like I said, at that point Iintervene and I say, Mom, would
you mind if I try somethingdifferent with um with her?
So the mom, of course, lookingvery relieved, says, Yes,
please.
So I turn to the child, and inmy best serious mom voice, which

(06:36):
fortunately most of my patientsactually don't even know that I
possess this voice because veryrarely do they ever have to see
it.
But we all have that voiceinside of us.
So I very sternly looked at herand said, We don't hit in Dr.
Petit's office.
Now your mommy said, No tabletright now, so I need you to be a

(06:58):
good listener.
Hopefully, you can be a goodlistener for the rest of your
visit because you'll be able toearn some of our new stickers.
But if I see anything like thatagain, there will not be any
stickers today.
That was it.
No lecture, no 10-minute TEDtalk, just clear, calm, and
done.
And the child considered it, andthen we were able to move on

(07:22):
with the visit.
Now, some kids, sure, you canreason with them right away, and
that works.
They're able to have a littlebit more of that emotional
regulation and and settlethemselves down.
That's fantastic.
Congratulations for them.
But for most kids, like thislittle girl, when they're upset,
the logic part of their brainjust turns off.

(07:43):
It checks out.
So this is like trying to teachalgebra during a fire drill.
Nobody's learning anything,everything is just too hyped up.
So here's the fix.
Save the lecture for later.
In the moment, fewer words arebetter.
You just need to get your pointacross, and then that's it.
So sometimes you might just needto say, you know what, I can't

(08:05):
hear you when you're shouting.
We can talk later once you'vecalmed down, and then walk away.
Then once the emotional stormpasses, that's when you can
circle back and teach thelesson.
Just in case you're wondering,that little girl was a perfect
angel the rest of the visit.
So she did earn some of our verycool stickers.
Then I was able to remind her ofhow she earned those stickers,

(08:29):
not that we gave them to her,she earned them by being a good
listener, and she was even ableto apologize to her mom for
mistreating her earlier.
So we we definitely do not wantto talk too much in the moment
because again, we want to makesure that the message is
received and that we're beingeffective.

Mistake number three (08:52):
comparing kills progress.
A lot of times, parents willcompare siblings to each other,
or we'll compare ourselves toother families, and that one
really sneaks up on all of us,even the ones who are the most
self-aware.
So sometimes it can sound like,hey, why can't you be more like

(09:16):
your sister?
Or man, I never had this problemwith your older brother.
But other times it's quieter,and sometimes it's even more in
our heads.
So you're scrolling throughsocial media, sitting at a
school concert, thinking, wow,that family looks so put
together.
How do they do it?
Or man, they look like they'rehaving the time of their lives,

(09:37):
all their kids are smiling inthe pictures, no one's clothing
tags are showing, um, you know,everything looks wonderful.
And we've all been there.
The problem is, comparison is atrap.
It robs us of the ability to seeour child's unique strengths and
our families too.
And it really doesn't motivatekids, it actually makes them

(10:00):
feel like they'll never measureup, and it puts a spotlight on
their shortcomings, which nobodyreally enjoys having that
happen.
I remember once in my office Ihad two siblings who were close
in age, but both wonderful kidsin very different ways.
They had different temperamentsand everything.
One was more outgoing, a littlechattier, um, and the other was

(10:24):
very deep in thought and maybe alittle more introverted.
And their mom, who adored themboth, was actually kind of
worried that the quiet onewasn't being as social and kind
of corrected her and was tellingher to really talk and engage
more.
And the mom even said, Well, shejust doesn't make friends as
easily as her sister does.

(10:45):
I don't know what I'm doingwrong.
And when I asked the little girlwhat she enjoys doing, she said
she likes to draw, she um enjoysmusic and was really into kind
of the individual creativity.
And as I was talking to the mom,I was explaining that this child
is amazing and she just has herdifferent comfort zone, her

(11:07):
different gifts, and canactually celebrate and embrace
that.
And yes, every child needssocial skills.
Some of us come by it verynaturally and very outgoing and
extroverted.
Some kids just kind of developthat maybe a little later, maybe
they develop it in a differentway where they're just very

(11:27):
comfortable with their smallgroup of friends and and they're
okay.
Kids develop at their own pace.
You know, eventually we all getthere.
The timeline just isn't the samefor everybody, and neither are
the gifts.
So we don't want to comparesiblings.
We also don't want to compareourselves because again, there
is no perfect family.
So when you see those quoteperfect pictures online and you

(11:51):
think, oh, that family's got itall figured out, just remember
you're only seeing theirhighlight reel.
You're not really seeing thebehind the scenes, and it can
actually be helpful to take astep back and you know, when you
look past the sibling arguments,the spilled milk, the piles of
laundry, and all of thosethings, you realize how special

(12:14):
your family is.
So focus on progress, notperfection.
Celebrate your child'smilestones, no matter how small
they are, and without measuringagainst anyone else's.
When your child learns somethingnew, say, wow, you really worked
hard on that, or see, you arereally putting a lot of effort
into that.
And look how your work paid off.
Instead of saying, see, nowyou're catching up with your

(12:37):
brother.
And give yourself that samegrace too.
Parenting isn't about winningsome invisible race, it's about
raising your kids and enjoyingtime with your family and
celebrating your values.
That simple mindset shift canturn a comparison into
confidence, and that's when youcan start really enjoying your

(12:57):
family and each person'sindividual gifts.
And finally, mistake numberfour, ignoring your own needs.
You know, sometimes people willtalk about having a tank, an
emotional tank, right?

(13:18):
Um, if you are trying to parentwhen your tank is empty, it
doesn't just make you tired, itmakes everything harder.
You lose patience more easily,you react to situations instead
of mindfully responding.
And sometimes, when you leastexpect it, you're snapping at
your kids over socks on thefloor.

(13:40):
And then, of course, the guiltrolls in, right?
You didn't want to react likethat, you feel bad for losing
your temper, and sometimes youeven try harder to do everything
for everyone, which only drainsyou even more.
It's a vicious cycle that a lotof us as parents fall into.

But here's the truth (13:58):
we've got to break that cycle, and it
starts with self-care.
It's not being selfish, it'sactually a parenting skill.
Because when you're running onfumes, you just can't show up
and you can't be your best selffor your kids.
They get the leftover version ofyou, the warmed over version of
you.
So, what I often tell parents inmy office is that you can't pour

(14:22):
from an empty cup.
Also, you know, on airplanes,they actually make it a point to
go around to parents and letthem know that if you are in an
emergency situation, you putyour mask on first before
helping your child.
If we put our mask on, we canhelp the child if, God forbid,
that they pass out or anythinglike that.

(14:43):
We can help them put their maskon and then they get oxygen and
then we're both okay.
But if you help your child andthen you pass out or you're
having an emergency, the childcan't help you.
So then your child is stuckwithout their parent there, and
you have no one to really helpyou.
So make sure you put your oxygenmask on first.

(15:06):
Now that's going to lookdifferent for different people.
Sometimes that means a bubblebath or a spa day, but
realistically, sometimes it'sjust taking 10 minutes to go for
a walk.
You know, we bend over backwardsto make sure our kids eat
balanced meals, get enoughsleep, or have their favorite
snacks after soccer practice.

(15:26):
But when was the last time youate lunch before 2 p.m.?
Or when was the last time youactually got to eat dinner
sitting down and it was stillhot?
So, you know, self-care is notjust a luxury, it is a
necessity.
And it's not something to feelguilty about.
You're not just escaping yourfamily, you're actually

(15:47):
refueling so that you can enjoythem more and be there for them
more.
So here's how we fix that.
Find one non-negotiable dailyhabit that refills your tank.
Just one.
It could be a quiet cup ofcoffee before the house wakes
up.
It can be a 10-minute walkoutside after work or during

(16:07):
your lunch break.
It could even be listening toyour favorite podcast, like The
Huddle with Dr.
Lisa Petit on the drive home.
Whatever it is, we're notjudging you.
It can be locking yourself inthe bathroom for three minutes
just to breathe.
But like I said, this is ajudgment-free zone.
But whatever it is, guard it thesame way that you guard your

(16:29):
meal times or your bedtimeroutine for your child.
Put it on the calendar, treat itlike a doctor's appointment
because this is what happenswhen you do that.
Your patience gets longer, yourreactions become mindful
responses, and your kidsactually start seeing what a
healthy balance looks like.
They see as an adult, you'retaking that time for yourself,

(16:53):
and they're seeing that bestversion of you.
So when they're adults, they areactually going to be able to
learn from that pattern andimitate that.
And I'll be honest, that isprobably one of the best lessons
you could ever model for them.
So let's recap.
How do we avoid these commonparenting mistakes?

(17:16):
First, you want to be consistentand follow through.
Second, you want to wait untilemotions calm down before you
try to have a long explanationor a long talk with your child.
Number three, stop thecomparison game because there is
no winner in that.
And then number four, make sureyou fill your own cup and put

(17:37):
your own oxygen mask on so youcan be there for your kids and
your family.
So remember, making mistakesdoes not make you a bad parent.
If anything, it makes you a realparent, and you're just learning
as we go along.
Each of these can be a smallchange that makes a huge
difference in your family, inyour peace, and in your

(17:58):
connection.
So make sure you take that timeout, reflect on all of these
things, and we will see you nexttime here on the huddle with Dr.
Lisa Petit.