October 23, 2025 • 25 mins
The first weeks of school can feel like juggling knives while riding a scooter—new schedules, new teachers, and kids running on low sleep and big feelings. We share a Strong Start Strategy that turns that chaos into a steady rhythm your family can count on, with easy routines, thoughtful screen limits, and homework habits that build real independence instead of nightly battles.
We start with the foundation that calms everything else: predictable routines. You’ll hear how to shift bed and wake times without drama, why a quick morning “practice run” lowers first-day friction, and how removing screens from wake-up and setting a tech sunset one to two hours before bed can radically improve focus and sleep. From there, we set up a homework system that works in the real world—quiet, stocked spaces; clear timing that respects your child’s energy; and short, purposeful practice that keeps the habit alive without stealing their childhood.
Then we dig into the parent role. Rather than hovering, we coach kids to think for themselves: let them make mistakes, use the “find one error” prompt, and give feedback with the simple sandwich method so confidence grows with competence. We replace nagging with visual checklists that kids can follow on their own, and we make space for a 15–30 minute after-school decompression that smooths the path to dinner, activities, and bedtime. Finally, we close with weekly family huddles that invite kids into problem-solving, building voice, ownership, and resilience across the year.
If this Strong Start Strategy helps, share it with a parent who could use a calmer afternoon, subscribe for more practical tools, and leave a review so others can find the show. For classes, resources, and the Screen Smart Family workbook, visit yourparentingplaybook.com.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hi everyone, this is Dr.
Lisa Petit.
So a quick note before we jumpin with this episode.
So this episode was actuallyrecorded a little bit earlier,
um maybe like a month and a halfago, right around back to school
season.
And I just never got around toposting it because, of course,
(00:23):
as a mom, uh, my husband and Iwere getting our own kids ready
for back to school.
Um, and things just kind of gota little crazy.
So um I never got around toposting it at that time.
But when I listened back, Irealized the tips are still
really relevant even at thispoint in the school year.
So whether you are settling intothe perfect school routine or
(00:45):
you're already hitting thatmid-semester stretch where
things start to get real andreal hectic, these strategies
can really help.
So even though it's October now,consider this your mid-year
reset.
All right, let's get into it.
Hi everyone, and welcome back tothe next episode of The Huddle
(01:08):
with Dr.
Lisa Petit.
I'm Dr.
Petit, and I have to tell youthat this is probably one of my
most exciting topics.
Um, back to school season.
You know, every year around thistime, think back to this TV
commercial that used to come onwhere there's a dad in a store
(01:30):
with a grocery cart or ashopping cart, and the song The
Most Wonderful Time of the Yearis playing.
And of course, it's August, soit's kind of catching you off
guard.
Then you realize as he isjubilantly going through the
store, dancing on the cart,singing, they're in an office
(01:51):
supply store, and then they thecamera shows his two children
standing in the aisle completelyforlorn and miserable, as he is
enjoying himself with the mostwonderful time of the year.
This commercial really hitsdifferently when you're a parent
and you realize that it's timeto send the kids back to school,
(02:15):
and there's actually a sense ofrelief kind of getting back into
the routine of things, eventhough it's nice to have that
summer break.
But the transition from all ofthe fun and the laid-back
atmosphere of summer to the muchmore structured daily routine of
school can really take a bigtoll on families, especially
(02:39):
kids.
You have new schools, newteachers, new schedules, and
there can be a lot of bigfeelings from both kids and
parents.
So, today we're going to talkabout how to set your family up
for a strong start to the schoolyear.
This is my strong startstrategy.
So, we're gonna talk aboutgetting into our routines,
(03:01):
boundaries, and we're even gonnatalk about the great homework
debate because there'sdefinitely been a lot of talk
around whether kids should havehomework, how much parents
should be involved with thehomework, and all of those
things.
So, hopefully, we can avoid someof the transitional stress that
takes place at the beginning ofthe school year.
(03:24):
So, first let's talk about ourroutines.
One of the best gifts that youcan give your child is
predictability.
Anytime you have a routine,anytime you can get into a
rhythm of something, it actuallyreduces anxiety because kids
know exactly what's coming next.
(03:44):
They know what to expect.
So if school is starting upsoon, then you want to make sure
we're starting to get into thatrhythm and start shifting bed
times, shifting wake up times.
You want to really do thatearlier rather than later.
So I recommend about a weekbefore school starts, just maybe
(04:08):
15 to 30 minutes at a time,shift your bed times back so
that you're doing just a littlebit at a time, it's gradual, but
your child is not going to bedat 1 a.m.
every single night, right upuntil school starts.
Um, it's a lot easier gettinginto that rhythm when you just
gradually move those bed times,move those waking times back.
(04:33):
So, you know, instead of wakingup at noon every day, you're
starting to gradually get backto 6 o'clock, 7 o'clock,
whatever time you have to get upfor school.
And if you're feelingparticularly determined, you can
even do a few practice runs ofthe morning routine.
So get up, get dressed, get yourbreakfast together, and
(04:56):
everything like that, and thenleave the house, even if you go
to the library or the park orsomething like that, just so
that you kind of get used tothat getting up and out.
And that way, the first day ofschool is not your first trial
run for a new routine,especially if you're starting a
new school or there aredifferent start times for your
(05:18):
school system.
It's really important to be ableto adjust to that because it's a
big shock if you don't reallyhave that transition period.
One thing that I reallyemphasize in terms of that is to
also include your screen timelimits as part of that routine.
I know a lot of times during thesummer kids are on their tablets
(05:40):
more, maybe um chilling andwatching TV a little bit more.
Um, but when we get back intothe school year, obviously we
sort of pull back on that.
I was working with the family,had set up a behavior
consultation with me.
And as we went through ourdiscussion and we were trying to
figure out ways that we couldcreate a little more structure
(06:00):
at home, it it was discovered,or um, the mom had mentioned
that one big struggle was themorning time, just getting up
and out of the house.
And as we continued theconversation, we realized that
the biggest meltdowns came whenthe child was playing on the
tablet or watching um videos onthe mom's phone or on the
(06:21):
parents' phone.
And the child would wake up anddo that while they were getting
the other children ready.
But then when it was time forthe child himself to get ready,
he didn't want to put down thetablet.
He didn't want to brush histeeth or get breakfast together
because, of course, all thoseare very boring.
Why would you want to stophaving fun in order to do those
(06:42):
things?
So I actually recommend thatscreens should not be the first
thing your child sees in themorning.
As a matter of fact, if we canget rid of all of the iPads and
social media and phone usage inthe morning, that would be great
because it's really a hugeslowdown when you're trying to
(07:05):
get ready and having to keeppulling your child from the
screens.
I also recommend, as part ofyour routine, having an evening
sunset or an evening bedtime foryour tablets and electronics
about an hour or two before bed.
So if we can give your child'sbrain a chance to wind down
(07:26):
before bedtime, they're gonna beable to fall asleep faster, stay
asleep longer, and really get abetter quality sleep.
So now let's talk about homeworkbecause as you get into school,
you start getting into theroutines, um, it's important to
talk about homework.
(07:46):
The kids get homework afterschool, it's really important
for them to have a consistentplace where they can do their
homework.
Sometimes the kitchen table isgreat, but if there are other
things going on, let's say it'san open floor plan in your house
and you're at the kitchen table,but then the TV is on, sort of
(08:09):
right nearby, and people aretalking and there's a lot of
distraction going on, that wasnot gonna be your best place for
homework.
If you have a desk, if you havea room that is designated, a
quiet space, that is gonna bethe best thing for you.
I also recommend having all yoursupplies handy, whether it's in
(08:32):
a basket or a little organizeror a pencil case, something like
that, so that you're not huntingfor pencils every time you're
sitting down to do homework.
So having a designated homeworkspot with minimal distractions
that also has the supplies thatyou need is important and really
trying to set that up before thefirst day of school because
(08:54):
again, you come home from schooland depending on the grade,
there's gonna be some homework.
So having a place alreadydesignated where you can do that
is gonna be really important.
Having a routine for homework isis also gonna be really helpful.
So some kids work best when theycome home from school and get
(09:15):
started on homework right away.
However, they're getting upearly.
A lot of times schools willstart at 7 o'clock, 7:30, and
depending on how long yourcommute is, sometimes kids are
having to get up at 5:30, 6o'clock in the morning, then
they come home after school, andit might be 3, 4 o'clock.
(09:36):
It's a long day.
So some kids actually need tohave a snack, they need to have
a little bit of some downtimefirst, and there is nothing
wrong with that.
Each child is different, eachperson is different.
So just make sure that you havethat routine or a general idea
of how much time is needed forthe homework so that you can
(09:58):
plan accordingly.
Taking 15, 20, even 30 minutesfor a snack and some rest is
totally reasonable.
Just make sure that you have away to ensure that the homework
gets started after that.
Again, the goal is to begenerally predictable, but you
don't have to be perfect withit.
And while we're talking abouthomework, there are two topics
(10:23):
that come up that create a lotof debate with homework.
One is whether the kids shouldhave homework or not.
I remember when my kids were inelementary school, the
administration felt that kidsare in school long enough, so
homework wasn't really assignedregularly.
(10:43):
However, when you get to middleschool and high school, yeah,
there's homework.
Nothing has changed there.
So I personally think that it'sa good idea to have some level
of after-school academicassignment that kids need to do
just to practice what they'velearned, even if it's just 15
(11:06):
minutes, and then they can goplay or do whatever your evening
activities are.
But that way they get used tothe idea that hey, there's
something that we need to doafter school, even if it's doing
10 math facts, even if it'swriting a sentence about what's
happened in school today, orreading a book for 10-15
(11:29):
minutes.
Again, all of this is going tohave to be adjusted for your
child's grade level and theircapabilities, but again, just
having something there as partof a routine is going to be very
helpful later on.
The other part of this debate,in addition to trying to
(11:50):
determine whether kids should orshould not have homework in the
first place, is how much shouldparents be involved with the
homework?
There's research that shows thatthe parental involvement with
homework actually makes a hugedifference in the effectiveness
(12:10):
of the assignment.
So if a parent tells the child,go do your homework, and then
the parent is hovering over thechild, saying, Oh, you made a
mistake there, oh you need to dothis, wait, that's not what the
directions asked for.
You actually aren't giving yourchild a chance to practice.
(12:31):
Remember, homework is actuallydesigned to allow your child
time to practice what they'velearned in school.
So you have to give them anopportunity to practice it.
That's gonna mean letting themmake mistakes.
That's going to mean lettingthem kind of figure things out a
little bit on their own withoutyour help.
(12:52):
Because otherwise, they are justgoing to be writing down what
you're telling them to writedown, but then the next day they
go to school, sure, they got allthe problems right on their
homework, but they don'tunderstand it any more than they
did the day before.
And then the teacher is going towonder, well, you did your
homework, why are you notdemonstrating the understanding
(13:13):
of it?
And so that is going to set yourchild up for a lot of confusion
and angst.
So the best way for parents tobe involved is one, making sure
that your child does it, andthen when they come to you, you
have an option depending againon your preference and on your
comfort level.
(13:34):
You can look at the homework,look over it just to make sure
that it was reasonably done.
If there are mistakes, don't doanything.
You can just let the teachertake care of teaching because
that's actually their job.
And when the teacher is able tosee the types of mistakes your
child is making, that actuallyhelps them to adjust their
(13:58):
teaching method or adjust theassignments to maybe be able to
reflect the concept that they'retrying to teach.
Another option that parents havewhen it comes to looking over
homework is to look over thehomework and say, This is really
good, but there's one spot wherewe made a mistake.
(14:19):
I want you to find that mistake.
And then that way the child hasto kind of go through and
reassess, but then they'recoming to the answer themselves.
That way you're kind of lettingthem still work through it, but
you're you're helping them alittle bit.
When you do go over homework,remember that the goal is not
for homework to be perfect, thegoal is actually to build
(14:42):
resilience and practice andresponsibility for your child as
well as problem-solving skills.
So don't deny them thatopportunity.
But when you are going over thehomework, I like to also
emphasize the sandwich method.
So the sandwich method is a wayof giving feedback where you say
(15:03):
one thing that's positive, thenyou give the constructive
criticism, the constructivefeedback, and then you reiterate
and close out with somethingpositive.
So that way you're not soundingoverly critical, but you are
still providing the feedbackthat the person needs.
So, for example, you can look attheir homework and say, Wow, you
(15:24):
finished this entire worksheet.
That's a really great job.
There are a few things where youneed to make some corrections,
so why don't you go ahead and dothat?
But I'm really proud of thiswork that you did.
Just by saying that, is it itcan build their self-esteem.
Um, I'm also a big fan ofpraising effort, not just the
(15:47):
outcome.
So if they worked and worked andworked on a math problem and
still came to the wrong answer,but you see a lot of eraser
marks, my kids know in my housethat is a beautiful thing
because it shows that you triedand you continue to try even
when you made mistakes, becausethat is ultimately what's going
(16:07):
to build their self-esteem andbuild their resilience later on.
So we should allow homework toagain do its job while also
building our kids up.
Here's another tip as we arepreparing to get back into our
back to school routine.
(16:28):
We know that kids needreminders.
When you tell your kids, hey,let's get home and do all the
things you need to do, they aregoing to forget all the things.
Um, one thing that I like tohave in place are checklists.
So having an evening checklist,maybe having a morning
checklist, something that canserve as a visual reminder or
(16:52):
give your child some visual cuesas to what they should be doing
at any given moment, especiallyat the beginning of the school
year when they've had two tothree months of not having as
much structure, they're gonnaneed some reminders about what
the school year routine is.
So that can be things like okay,when we come home, we wash our
(17:16):
hands, get a snack, take abreak, and then after 30
minutes, we start our homework.
Or it can be just having alittle sticky note somewhere
that says, Don't forget to packyour book bag for the next day,
or um, don't forget to lay outyour clothes, different things
like that that can be veryhelpful.
Um, don't forget your nighttimechores, you know, all of those
(17:39):
can be really helpful in termsof letting the kids be a little
bit more independent, but alsokeeping you as the parent from
having to nag them because whenparents nag, kids will tune us
out, and then we get very upsetbecause they're ignoring us, and
it can create a lot moreconflict, and it almost goes
(18:01):
down the rabbit hole.
And we do not want that at all,and certainly not every single
day.
So have these cues for your kidsbecause that lets them feel more
independent, it builds theirself-esteem, and it takes the
pressure off of you to have togo behind them or to remind them
of every single thing that theyare supposed to be doing.
(18:22):
Because after all, our job asparents is not just to tell them
what to do, but to teach themhow to be able to do those
things on their own.
So, my next tip is reallyreiterating one of the
statements that I mentionedduring our discussion about
homework.
School is a long day, it is veryexhausting.
(18:45):
So I recommend for everyone,kids, parents, everyone to
incorporate an after-school calmdown, an after-school chill
time, something where they canjust come home, decompress, plan
for about 15 to 30 minutes justso they can decompress before
(19:06):
homework or before the eveningactivities or routines or
chores.
That can be a snack, that can bequiet time, that can be just
unstructured play time that cansort of recharge their
batteries, it can make homeworkgo smoother, it can make your
entire evening, dinner time andbedtime just go a lot smoother
(19:29):
when they've had a little bit oftime just to unwind and um not
feel as structured.
Again, structure is good, buttoo much structure can really be
um can really cause a lot ofpushback and and really, you
know, we don't want to take awaytheir entire childhood, but
having that unstructuredplaytime, really minimizing the
(19:53):
screens during that time,because again, their brain often
needs a little bit of some resttoo.
And they these sort of thingscan really set you up for a much
better evening just by investing15 to 30 minutes into some
mindful, intentionaldecompression time.
And then the last tip I have foryou is just to make sure that we
(20:17):
are checking in with our kidsand with our families.
So we call them family meetingswhere you know, but sometimes
you can call it a weekly huddle,a weekly check-in, just
something where you canperiodically check in.
So after the first week ofschool, sit down as a family and
say, hey, this was the firstweek of school.
(20:39):
How do we think things went?
Did things work really well?
Are there some challenges thatwe still need to work out?
And having the kids involvedwith it allows them to practice
their problem-solving skillsbecause one of the first things
is to identify a problem.
So you're allowing them anactive part in that.
So you're not telling them whatwent wrong, you're having them
(21:01):
tell you, which means thatthey're also reflecting on how
things are going and being veryintrospective as well, you know,
so that they can say, Well, Icould have done this better, I
probably need to get up fiveminutes earlier to make sure I
have time for breakfast,different things like that.
This builds theirproblem-solving skills, it
builds their communicationskills because they learn how to
(21:23):
communicate these frustrationsand different challenges, but in
a way that is respectful, thatcan also allow them to feel
heard.
Um, and then that, of course, isa very important aspect of a
family and just of your child'sdevelopment, feeling heard,
feeling that they have a say inthings, especially as they get
(21:45):
to be adolescents and teenagers,that is a very critical part of
their lives.
But even for the younger kids,the first, second, third
graders, and beyond, feelinglike they have some control over
their lives is very important.
You go to school, the teachertells you where to go, the the
(22:08):
teacher tells you how to line upin class and all the rules and
things like that, and that'sgreat.
We need that, but they also needto know that they have some say
in the the day-to-day comingsand goings, so that way they
also kind of build theirself-esteem and their and their
voice.
So, as we close, I just like toremind you that this strategy is
(22:33):
not about perfection.
The first week of school, nomatter how well you plan it, it
can definitely have some somespeed bumps along the way.
The whole name of the game isjust having a plan in place and
then some flexibility to be ableto make adjustments to it.
So as you head into the schoolyear, remember it's important to
(22:56):
have routines in place becausethey help your child reduce
anxiety and increasepredictability.
It's important to allow yourchildren some independence
that's built in through thestructure and maintain the
connection and communicationthroughout the school year
(23:16):
because it makes all of us worktogether better.
And remember, a family is ateam.
So no matter what your familylooks like, you have to be able
to come together and setyourselves up for success.
So if you found today's episodehelpful, please feel free to
share it with another parent whois getting ready for this back
(23:38):
to school rush because we areall in this in this time of
year.
And please make sure that yousubscribe to this podcast so
that you don't miss any comingepisodes.
For more information, includingmy upcoming classes for the
fall, make sure you head to yourparentingplaybook.com for
details about signing up for theclasses, as well as resources
(24:02):
like my Screen Smart Familyworkbook to give extra tools to
be able to set yourselves up forsuccess this school year.
Thanks for tuning in and we willsee you next time.
Hi everyone, this is Dr.
Lisa Petit.
So a quick note before we jumpin with this episode.
So this episode was actuallyrecorded a little bit earlier,
um maybe like a month and a halfago, right around back to school
season.
And I just never got around toposting it because, of course,
(00:23):
as a mom, uh, my husband and Iwere getting our own kids ready
for back to school.
Um, and things just kind of gota little crazy.
So um I never got around toposting it at that time.
But when I listened back, Irealized the tips are still
really relevant even at thispoint in the school year.
So whether you are settling intothe perfect school routine or
(00:45):
you're already hitting thatmid-semester stretch where
things start to get real andreal hectic, these strategies
can really help.
So even though it's October now,consider this your mid-year
reset.
All right, let's get into it.
Hi everyone, and welcome back tothe next episode of The Huddle
(01:08):
with Dr.
Lisa Petit.
I'm Dr.
Petit, and I have to tell youthat this is probably one of my
most exciting topics.
Um, back to school season.
You know, every year around thistime, think back to this TV
commercial that used to come onwhere there's a dad in a store
(01:30):
with a grocery cart or ashopping cart, and the song The
Most Wonderful Time of the Yearis playing.
And of course, it's August, soit's kind of catching you off
guard.
Then you realize as he isjubilantly going through the
store, dancing on the cart,singing, they're in an office
(01:51):
supply store, and then they thecamera shows his two children
standing in the aisle completelyforlorn and miserable, as he is
enjoying himself with the mostwonderful time of the year.
This commercial really hitsdifferently when you're a parent
and you realize that it's timeto send the kids back to school,
(02:15):
and there's actually a sense ofrelief kind of getting back into
the routine of things, eventhough it's nice to have that
summer break.
But the transition from all ofthe fun and the laid-back
atmosphere of summer to the muchmore structured daily routine of
school can really take a bigtoll on families, especially
(02:39):
kids.
You have new schools, newteachers, new schedules, and
there can be a lot of bigfeelings from both kids and
parents.
So, today we're going to talkabout how to set your family up
for a strong start to the schoolyear.
This is my strong startstrategy.
So, we're gonna talk aboutgetting into our routines,
(03:01):
boundaries, and we're even gonnatalk about the great homework
debate because there'sdefinitely been a lot of talk
around whether kids should havehomework, how much parents
should be involved with thehomework, and all of those
things.
So, hopefully, we can avoid someof the transitional stress that
takes place at the beginning ofthe school year.
(03:24):
So, first let's talk about ourroutines.
One of the best gifts that youcan give your child is
predictability.
Anytime you have a routine,anytime you can get into a
rhythm of something, it actuallyreduces anxiety because kids
know exactly what's coming next.
(03:44):
They know what to expect.
So if school is starting upsoon, then you want to make sure
we're starting to get into thatrhythm and start shifting bed
times, shifting wake up times.
You want to really do thatearlier rather than later.
So I recommend about a weekbefore school starts, just maybe
(04:08):
15 to 30 minutes at a time,shift your bed times back so
that you're doing just a littlebit at a time, it's gradual, but
your child is not going to bedat 1 a.m.
every single night, right upuntil school starts.
Um, it's a lot easier gettinginto that rhythm when you just
gradually move those bed times,move those waking times back.
(04:33):
So, you know, instead of wakingup at noon every day, you're
starting to gradually get backto 6 o'clock, 7 o'clock,
whatever time you have to get upfor school.
And if you're feelingparticularly determined, you can
even do a few practice runs ofthe morning routine.
So get up, get dressed, get yourbreakfast together, and
(04:56):
everything like that, and thenleave the house, even if you go
to the library or the park orsomething like that, just so
that you kind of get used tothat getting up and out.
And that way, the first day ofschool is not your first trial
run for a new routine,especially if you're starting a
new school or there aredifferent start times for your
(05:18):
school system.
It's really important to be ableto adjust to that because it's a
big shock if you don't reallyhave that transition period.
One thing that I reallyemphasize in terms of that is to
also include your screen timelimits as part of that routine.
I know a lot of times during thesummer kids are on their tablets
(05:40):
more, maybe um chilling andwatching TV a little bit more.
Um, but when we get back intothe school year, obviously we
sort of pull back on that.
I was working with the family,had set up a behavior
consultation with me.
And as we went through ourdiscussion and we were trying to
figure out ways that we couldcreate a little more structure
(06:00):
at home, it it was discovered,or um, the mom had mentioned
that one big struggle was themorning time, just getting up
and out of the house.
And as we continued theconversation, we realized that
the biggest meltdowns came whenthe child was playing on the
tablet or watching um videos onthe mom's phone or on the
(06:21):
parents' phone.
And the child would wake up anddo that while they were getting
the other children ready.
But then when it was time forthe child himself to get ready,
he didn't want to put down thetablet.
He didn't want to brush histeeth or get breakfast together
because, of course, all thoseare very boring.
Why would you want to stophaving fun in order to do those
(06:42):
things?
So I actually recommend thatscreens should not be the first
thing your child sees in themorning.
As a matter of fact, if we canget rid of all of the iPads and
social media and phone usage inthe morning, that would be great
because it's really a hugeslowdown when you're trying to
(07:05):
get ready and having to keeppulling your child from the
screens.
I also recommend, as part ofyour routine, having an evening
sunset or an evening bedtime foryour tablets and electronics
about an hour or two before bed.
So if we can give your child'sbrain a chance to wind down
(07:26):
before bedtime, they're gonna beable to fall asleep faster, stay
asleep longer, and really get abetter quality sleep.
So now let's talk about homeworkbecause as you get into school,
you start getting into theroutines, um, it's important to
talk about homework.
(07:46):
The kids get homework afterschool, it's really important
for them to have a consistentplace where they can do their
homework.
Sometimes the kitchen table isgreat, but if there are other
things going on, let's say it'san open floor plan in your house
and you're at the kitchen table,but then the TV is on, sort of
(08:09):
right nearby, and people aretalking and there's a lot of
distraction going on, that wasnot gonna be your best place for
homework.
If you have a desk, if you havea room that is designated, a
quiet space, that is gonna bethe best thing for you.
I also recommend having all yoursupplies handy, whether it's in
(08:32):
a basket or a little organizeror a pencil case, something like
that, so that you're not huntingfor pencils every time you're
sitting down to do homework.
So having a designated homeworkspot with minimal distractions
that also has the supplies thatyou need is important and really
trying to set that up before thefirst day of school because
(08:54):
again, you come home from schooland depending on the grade,
there's gonna be some homework.
So having a place alreadydesignated where you can do that
is gonna be really important.
Having a routine for homework isis also gonna be really helpful.
So some kids work best when theycome home from school and get
(09:15):
started on homework right away.
However, they're getting upearly.
A lot of times schools willstart at 7 o'clock, 7:30, and
depending on how long yourcommute is, sometimes kids are
having to get up at 5:30, 6o'clock in the morning, then
they come home after school, andit might be 3, 4 o'clock.
(09:36):
It's a long day.
So some kids actually need tohave a snack, they need to have
a little bit of some downtimefirst, and there is nothing
wrong with that.
Each child is different, eachperson is different.
So just make sure that you havethat routine or a general idea
of how much time is needed forthe homework so that you can
(09:58):
plan accordingly.
Taking 15, 20, even 30 minutesfor a snack and some rest is
totally reasonable.
Just make sure that you have away to ensure that the homework
gets started after that.
Again, the goal is to begenerally predictable, but you
don't have to be perfect withit.
And while we're talking abouthomework, there are two topics
(10:23):
that come up that create a lotof debate with homework.
One is whether the kids shouldhave homework or not.
I remember when my kids were inelementary school, the
administration felt that kidsare in school long enough, so
homework wasn't really assignedregularly.
(10:43):
However, when you get to middleschool and high school, yeah,
there's homework.
Nothing has changed there.
So I personally think that it'sa good idea to have some level
of after-school academicassignment that kids need to do
just to practice what they'velearned, even if it's just 15
(11:06):
minutes, and then they can goplay or do whatever your evening
activities are.
But that way they get used tothe idea that hey, there's
something that we need to doafter school, even if it's doing
10 math facts, even if it'swriting a sentence about what's
happened in school today, orreading a book for 10-15
(11:29):
minutes.
Again, all of this is going tohave to be adjusted for your
child's grade level and theircapabilities, but again, just
having something there as partof a routine is going to be very
helpful later on.
The other part of this debate,in addition to trying to
(11:50):
determine whether kids should orshould not have homework in the
first place, is how much shouldparents be involved with the
homework?
There's research that shows thatthe parental involvement with
homework actually makes a hugedifference in the effectiveness
(12:10):
of the assignment.
So if a parent tells the child,go do your homework, and then
the parent is hovering over thechild, saying, Oh, you made a
mistake there, oh you need to dothis, wait, that's not what the
directions asked for.
You actually aren't giving yourchild a chance to practice.
(12:31):
Remember, homework is actuallydesigned to allow your child
time to practice what they'velearned in school.
So you have to give them anopportunity to practice it.
That's gonna mean letting themmake mistakes.
That's going to mean lettingthem kind of figure things out a
little bit on their own withoutyour help.
(12:52):
Because otherwise, they are justgoing to be writing down what
you're telling them to writedown, but then the next day they
go to school, sure, they got allthe problems right on their
homework, but they don'tunderstand it any more than they
did the day before.
And then the teacher is going towonder, well, you did your
homework, why are you notdemonstrating the understanding
(13:13):
of it?
And so that is going to set yourchild up for a lot of confusion
and angst.
So the best way for parents tobe involved is one, making sure
that your child does it, andthen when they come to you, you
have an option depending againon your preference and on your
comfort level.
(13:34):
You can look at the homework,look over it just to make sure
that it was reasonably done.
If there are mistakes, don't doanything.
You can just let the teachertake care of teaching because
that's actually their job.
And when the teacher is able tosee the types of mistakes your
child is making, that actuallyhelps them to adjust their
(13:58):
teaching method or adjust theassignments to maybe be able to
reflect the concept that they'retrying to teach.
Another option that parents havewhen it comes to looking over
homework is to look over thehomework and say, This is really
good, but there's one spot wherewe made a mistake.
(14:19):
I want you to find that mistake.
And then that way the child hasto kind of go through and
reassess, but then they'recoming to the answer themselves.
That way you're kind of lettingthem still work through it, but
you're you're helping them alittle bit.
When you do go over homework,remember that the goal is not
for homework to be perfect, thegoal is actually to build
(14:42):
resilience and practice andresponsibility for your child as
well as problem-solving skills.
So don't deny them thatopportunity.
But when you are going over thehomework, I like to also
emphasize the sandwich method.
So the sandwich method is a wayof giving feedback where you say
(15:03):
one thing that's positive, thenyou give the constructive
criticism, the constructivefeedback, and then you reiterate
and close out with somethingpositive.
So that way you're not soundingoverly critical, but you are
still providing the feedbackthat the person needs.
So, for example, you can look attheir homework and say, Wow, you
(15:24):
finished this entire worksheet.
That's a really great job.
There are a few things where youneed to make some corrections,
so why don't you go ahead and dothat?
But I'm really proud of thiswork that you did.
Just by saying that, is it itcan build their self-esteem.
Um, I'm also a big fan ofpraising effort, not just the
(15:47):
outcome.
So if they worked and worked andworked on a math problem and
still came to the wrong answer,but you see a lot of eraser
marks, my kids know in my housethat is a beautiful thing
because it shows that you triedand you continue to try even
when you made mistakes, becausethat is ultimately what's going
(16:07):
to build their self-esteem andbuild their resilience later on.
So we should allow homework toagain do its job while also
building our kids up.
Here's another tip as we arepreparing to get back into our
back to school routine.
(16:28):
We know that kids needreminders.
When you tell your kids, hey,let's get home and do all the
things you need to do, they aregoing to forget all the things.
Um, one thing that I like tohave in place are checklists.
So having an evening checklist,maybe having a morning
checklist, something that canserve as a visual reminder or
(16:52):
give your child some visual cuesas to what they should be doing
at any given moment, especiallyat the beginning of the school
year when they've had two tothree months of not having as
much structure, they're gonnaneed some reminders about what
the school year routine is.
So that can be things like okay,when we come home, we wash our
(17:16):
hands, get a snack, take abreak, and then after 30
minutes, we start our homework.
Or it can be just having alittle sticky note somewhere
that says, Don't forget to packyour book bag for the next day,
or um, don't forget to lay outyour clothes, different things
like that that can be veryhelpful.
Um, don't forget your nighttimechores, you know, all of those
(17:39):
can be really helpful in termsof letting the kids be a little
bit more independent, but alsokeeping you as the parent from
having to nag them because whenparents nag, kids will tune us
out, and then we get very upsetbecause they're ignoring us, and
it can create a lot moreconflict, and it almost goes
(18:01):
down the rabbit hole.
And we do not want that at all,and certainly not every single
day.
So have these cues for your kidsbecause that lets them feel more
independent, it builds theirself-esteem, and it takes the
pressure off of you to have togo behind them or to remind them
of every single thing that theyare supposed to be doing.
(18:22):
Because after all, our job asparents is not just to tell them
what to do, but to teach themhow to be able to do those
things on their own.
So, my next tip is reallyreiterating one of the
statements that I mentionedduring our discussion about
homework.
School is a long day, it is veryexhausting.
(18:45):
So I recommend for everyone,kids, parents, everyone to
incorporate an after-school calmdown, an after-school chill
time, something where they canjust come home, decompress, plan
for about 15 to 30 minutes justso they can decompress before
(19:06):
homework or before the eveningactivities or routines or
chores.
That can be a snack, that can bequiet time, that can be just
unstructured play time that cansort of recharge their
batteries, it can make homeworkgo smoother, it can make your
entire evening, dinner time andbedtime just go a lot smoother
(19:29):
when they've had a little bit oftime just to unwind and um not
feel as structured.
Again, structure is good, buttoo much structure can really be
um can really cause a lot ofpushback and and really, you
know, we don't want to take awaytheir entire childhood, but
having that unstructuredplaytime, really minimizing the
(19:53):
screens during that time,because again, their brain often
needs a little bit of some resttoo.
And they these sort of thingscan really set you up for a much
better evening just by investing15 to 30 minutes into some
mindful, intentionaldecompression time.
And then the last tip I have foryou is just to make sure that we
(20:17):
are checking in with our kidsand with our families.
So we call them family meetingswhere you know, but sometimes
you can call it a weekly huddle,a weekly check-in, just
something where you canperiodically check in.
So after the first week ofschool, sit down as a family and
say, hey, this was the firstweek of school.
(20:39):
How do we think things went?
Did things work really well?
Are there some challenges thatwe still need to work out?
And having the kids involvedwith it allows them to practice
their problem-solving skillsbecause one of the first things
is to identify a problem.
So you're allowing them anactive part in that.
So you're not telling them whatwent wrong, you're having them
(21:01):
tell you, which means thatthey're also reflecting on how
things are going and being veryintrospective as well, you know,
so that they can say, Well, Icould have done this better, I
probably need to get up fiveminutes earlier to make sure I
have time for breakfast,different things like that.
This builds theirproblem-solving skills, it
builds their communicationskills because they learn how to
(21:23):
communicate these frustrationsand different challenges, but in
a way that is respectful, thatcan also allow them to feel
heard.
Um, and then that, of course, isa very important aspect of a
family and just of your child'sdevelopment, feeling heard,
feeling that they have a say inthings, especially as they get
(21:45):
to be adolescents and teenagers,that is a very critical part of
their lives.
But even for the younger kids,the first, second, third
graders, and beyond, feelinglike they have some control over
their lives is very important.
You go to school, the teachertells you where to go, the the
(22:08):
teacher tells you how to line upin class and all the rules and
things like that, and that'sgreat.
We need that, but they also needto know that they have some say
in the the day-to-day comingsand goings, so that way they
also kind of build theirself-esteem and their and their
voice.
So, as we close, I just like toremind you that this strategy is
(22:33):
not about perfection.
The first week of school, nomatter how well you plan it, it
can definitely have some somespeed bumps along the way.
The whole name of the game isjust having a plan in place and
then some flexibility to be ableto make adjustments to it.
So as you head into the schoolyear, remember it's important to
(22:56):
have routines in place becausethey help your child reduce
anxiety and increasepredictability.
It's important to allow yourchildren some independence
that's built in through thestructure and maintain the
connection and communicationthroughout the school year
(23:16):
because it makes all of us worktogether better.
And remember, a family is ateam.
So no matter what your familylooks like, you have to be able
to come together and setyourselves up for success.
So if you found today's episodehelpful, please feel free to
share it with another parent whois getting ready for this back
(23:38):
to school rush because we areall in this in this time of
year.
And please make sure that yousubscribe to this podcast so
that you don't miss any comingepisodes.
For more information, includingmy upcoming classes for the
fall, make sure you head to yourparentingplaybook.com for
details about signing up for theclasses, as well as resources
(24:02):
like my Screen Smart Familyworkbook to give extra tools to
be able to set yourselves up forsuccess this school year.
Thanks for tuning in and we willsee you next time.
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