October 31, 2023 • 28 mins
Do you ever wonder why some people seem to bounce back from life's hardships with grace and strength, while others get bogged down? That's the power of resilience, and we're breaking it down for you in this enlightening discussion. Resilience, contrary to common belief, isn't about numbing yourself to feelings or submitting to life's ups and downs. It's about deeply feeling, genuinely caring, and taking control of what you can. It's about not allowing emotions to hijack your actions and words and being able to bounce back without getting embroiled in difficult emotions.
As we unfold the wisdom of resilience, we also embrace the Crone archetype, an empowering retreat when discomfort strikes. Stepping into the crone archetype isn't about retreating into weakness, but about stepping into a resilient, empowered energy. We explore how embracing this archetype and harnessing resilience can lead to transformation. Our most challenging experiences can be our greatest teachers, fostering compassion, wisdom, and empathy within us. Join us as we guide you through exercises to connect with your Wise Woman Energy and channel the crone archetype to journey beyond our wounds and into our power. Embrace discomfort, harness resilience, and connect with your inner Wise Woman.
Want to celebrate your Crone?
Try a Croning Ceremony here.
Join us in the Modern Midlife Mentorship.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back, shifters.
This week, we're gonna talkabout something that we're
probably feeling hot and coldabout, which is resiliency, and
we're gonna talk about the cronearchetype, because I also get a
little questionable about theword resilient, right?
I hate when people are like, oh, you're so resilient, as if
(00:21):
that's not work, as if it's nottrying to figure out how not to
lose my shit, right?
Resiliency, though, the truedefinition of it is the ability
of a person to adjust or recoverreadily from illness, adversity
, major life changes, and Ithink we all want that part,
(00:41):
right.
Of course, we don't want it tobe so hard, but that's life, and
that's why we're gonna talkabout the crone today, because
the crone is just used to seeingthe bumps in the road as part
of the journey, not these majorlife disruptions.
So let's talk about whatresilience is not.
Resilience is not that we don'tfeel things.
(01:02):
Sometimes people think, oh,resilient people, they must not
feel as deeply, and often that'sactually the opposite that the
more that we feel, the more wehave to work on how, how those
emotions come out, how we reactto them, how we notice them
earlier, so that they don't haveto go to like a full 10 before
(01:26):
you know, we just blow up at thewrong person.
So it doesn't mean that wedon't feel things.
We do feel things withresiliency.
It also doesn't mean that wedon't care.
Sometimes when people are like,oh, if you become too resilient
, you just accept everything.
And I don't think that that'swhat resiliency is.
It's not about, you know, juststoically kind of going through
(01:50):
life and again not feeling ornot caring that these things are
happening.
I think resiliency is likebeing able to feel that and move
through it.
And resiliency also related tothat does not mean that we don't
act or shift the way that weshow up so that we can have the
best circumstances.
(02:10):
It doesn't mean that we justsurrender to whatever is going
to happen to us.
It means that we still can actand we still can make shifts in
our lives.
So what does resiliency actuallymean?
To me, it means that we feelthings without letting them
direct our words and behaviorright.
So the reason where we'reafraid of a lot of what people
(02:34):
call negative I calluncomfortable feelings, is
because no one ever showed us agood way of going through them.
If we ever saw aggressive angerand it was scary to us right,
then that makes us not want tobe angry because we're afraid
that we will also show up in anaggressive manner, and that's
(02:55):
not the best way to deal withthat.
Right, that's allowing ourfeelings to direct how we're
going to show up, how we'regoing to react in life, and that
is not helpful.
So resiliency helps us feel thefeelings but also manage them
in a good way so that we're notgetting stuck there.
(03:17):
It does mean that we care and wehave the wisdom to know nothing
new is really happening in theworld.
All of the things that arehappening today, outside of some
technology perhaps, all ofthese same type of problems that
people have always had, theywill always have, right, like
war.
We're gonna have war becausethat's the human cycle, right,
(03:42):
maybe one day we'll figure thatout, but in the meantime we know
that you know people are goingto die, people are gonna hurt us
, even when they don't intend to, and we care about those things
.
But we can also see them as,with an acceptance of that is
how humans are sometimes.
We can do our best to changethat in the future, but that
(04:04):
doesn't mean that, of all ofhistory, that this stuff isn't
going to repeat.
So we have to know that thesethings are going to happen, we.
It would be easier for us toaccept that these things are
going to happen.
Resiliency also means that we dowhat we can, we control what we
can control and we keep movingforward.
(04:25):
Right, because we don't reallydon't have a choice.
We have to move forward,whether or not we control
ourselves or not.
So the only thing that we canactually control is how we see
things, how the stories we tellourselves, all the I statements
right, I can control me.
That's it.
And it also means that webounce back without getting
(04:49):
stuck in these deep emotions.
What can happen withoutresiliency is we allow our brain
to go haywire and that innercritic to come in and constantly
tell us stories about how itshouldn't be the way that it is.
And because we're so stuck onit shouldn't be the way that it
is, we can't accept it.
(05:09):
Until we can accept what'sgoing on, we can't move forward
and find an empowered place towork from.
So it's resiliency to me isabout not getting stuck in the
emotions, not getting stuck in adeep depression and you know
medical depression, I understand, but we can get to a sad place
(05:31):
or a grieving place or an angryplace or a fearful place, and
tell ourselves so many storiesabout it that we get stuck in
those feelings and thosefeelings start directing us and,
you know, telling us how we'regoing to show up, what we're
going to say, rather than usreally acknowledging wow, I have
some feelings here, what do Iwant to do about them?
(05:53):
From an empowered place.
So the crone is an empoweredplace.
Often when we are going throughhard things, we hit that wounded
child era right and our woundedchild will come up.
Whether or not you had aperfect childhood or not, we all
(06:13):
have wounds and that woundedchild loves to come up when
we're uncomfortable.
In the addiction groups theyuse a term called halt, meaning
hungry, angry, lonely, tired.
I add an S for sick because Ithink that also makes us very
uncomfortable.
You can also add in thereanything that creates physical
(06:37):
discomfort in our body PMS,perimenopause, whatever is
happening.
It's serious emotions.
We easily go back to thatwounded child and the problem
with the wounded child is thatshe has no power to fix the
problem.
She needs healing and she can'tdo her own healing.
She needs other archetypes tocome in and often in this area
(07:00):
we talk about the mother.
But today, since we're talkingabout resilience, I really want
to talk about the crone, becausethe crone's got this ancient
wisdom.
She understands the tides, sheunderstands the cycles of life,
she understands paradox, thatlife and death are really not
(07:21):
one is better than the other,that we need death in order to
have more life and vice versa.
Right, and so she can see goodand bad, as it just depends
whose perspective you're lookingat it.
Right that light and dark areboth needed, or else you
wouldn't have light or dark.
Right, and so she understandsthat all of these things are
(07:47):
just part of the cycle of life,and that is pure wisdom, let me
just make sure.
So she also understands thatpeople are going to hurt each
other, that we have this ego, wehave deep emotions, we have all
these human parts of ourselves,and so, even though we want to
(08:11):
show up, perfect, and we want toshow up in this ideal, higher
self kind of light, that it'sjust not possible to do that,
whatever we think is perfectly.
So she understands that, eventhough we don't mean to, we're
going to hurt each other, evenwhen that's not our intention,
because we all have differentperspectives and different
(08:31):
wounds, and what I say to youmight trigger you, but not the
next person, and that is aboutour individual understanding,
our stories that we're tellingourselves right, and she can do
that.
She is able to see thatsuffering is really about our
(08:54):
expectations not being met right.
So she has a lot of hope, butshe doesn't create a lot of
detailed expectations of theworld.
She just kind of takes thingsas they come and she asks the
question that I want you tostart asking yourself when you
start looking back at your lifewhat?
What if the bumps in the roadare really the journey?
(09:16):
What if?
That's our human challenge Isaccepting the things that we
don't like, accepting that theworld is as it is, not saying
that we can't change things.
But before we can changeanything, we have to be able to
(09:37):
accept what's happening rightnow.
Not settle, not settle, but wehave to accept.
Acceptance just means this iswhat's happening right now.
I can change that in the future, maybe, but I have to be able
to accept it.
And one of my favorite quotesis by a Daniela Porte, and she
says that radical transformationstarts with the radical
(09:59):
acceptance of what is, becausein order to change anything, we
have to accept that it is whatit is or else there's no jumping
off.
Point right and that's reallythe crone is that she can accept
what's going on right nowwithout getting into that denial
area, and she can then movewith her wisdom forward however
(10:24):
she wants to.
The problem is that oursuffering stories, right, like I
was just telling you, when wecome upon these bumps that we
find painful or it feels likewe're suffering, that is really
about discomfort, and we'vetalked about this before on this
podcast.
(10:44):
But I just want to remind youthat there's a huge difference
between safety and discomfort,and most of the things that we
need to accept are uncomfortable.
They're not what we planned,they're not what we foresaw,
they weren't our expectations,and that's what's stopping us
from really accepting it.
(11:05):
Right, but when we can askourselves to go back to that
question is this unsafe oruncomfortable?
Chances are we're not going torealize it's uncomfortable, and
just because it's uncomfortabledoesn't mean that we can't move
through it, that we can't sitwith it right and be
uncomfortable, and when we're inthat spot, we get into that
(11:25):
wounded child again.
Right, that's what can oftenhappen when we're in that
uncomfortable spot, especiallyif we haven't asked the question
between safety and discomfortbecause our child's going to see
anything uncomfortable asunsafe.
And so that wounded child comesup and she starts telling us
all kinds of disempoweringstories.
(11:46):
Oh, I can't ever change this.
I'm not good enough, I'mfailing.
Whatever those stories are foryou, I'm not enough, I'm too
much.
It's usually what they comedown to in some area.
And so we make up those storiesand we can get stuck in those
stories.
What we want to do is step moreinto our crone archetype,
(12:07):
because our crone archetype isgoing to be able to have more
power than that wounded child.
Right?
Think of yourself as a child.
We didn't make our own choices.
We did the things that ourparents told us to do, right,
and our parents solved a lot ofour problems or worked at,
walked us through those problems.
(12:28):
We didn't have a lot of poweron our own, but the crone
archetype is the way that we canstep into more power.
She has the power to see allkinds of perspectives, right,
and some women call this innercrone the wise woman or the
(12:50):
elder, something like that.
They are slightly separatearchetypes but they're very,
very close.
So you call it a wise woman ifcrone really bothers you,
because I know it does bothersome people, but she understands
that the lows and the highs oflife are so intertwined that
there's no way that we couldtake out all the stuff that made
(13:11):
us uncomfortable withoutchanging who we are and how we
show up now.
So one of the beautiful giftsof resilience is that when we do
have to go through thesemoments where we have to be
strong or we're going throughsome kind of struggle or
challenge, when we get to theother side, we're usually wiser,
(13:32):
we're usually more empowered,we usually know more about
ourselves.
Now I'm not saying, go causeyour own sufferings so that you
can do all of this, but I'm justsaying some of the worst things
that happened to me createdcompassion and wisdom and
empathy and listening to otherpeople, right.
(13:53):
So, and I wouldn't have thesame amount of those skills or
the same skills and the way thatthey show up, if those things
that I don't like didn't happento me.
And that's not a silver lining,but that's everyone's journey.
Sometimes the worst things thathappen to us, when we get
through them, when we can workthrough them, they turn out to
(14:16):
be real gifts, and so I justwant us to consider that,
because that's the stance of theof the crown.
When we look back at ourjourney, we want to be able to
see that the bumps were actuallyparts where we were kind of
crowned.
Some people see it as acrowning, basically of our
(14:43):
beautiful silver hair.
It's a crown and so all thosebumps helped create the crown,
the beautiful, wise woman thatwe are.
So I can also say, for anexample, that my first marriage
I could also say, oh, I wishthat that wouldn't have happened
(15:03):
.
And yeah, like I mean, we canalways wish and regret or want
to change I wouldn't have theawesome son that I have today if
it wasn't for that firstmarriage, and that, to me, is
worth it, right.
So we have to be able to seethat sometimes the things that
we don't like lead us to otherthings.
Some of the things in my lifethat I didn't like turned into
(15:27):
much better things for me than Icould have ever dreamed myself.
But I had to get to the pointof accepting it and moving
through it to see how this oneturn that didn't work out the
way I wanted actually was for mybenefit, and I love Rumi's
quote.
Rumi has a quote that says livelife as though it's rigged in
(15:50):
your favor, because whether welive like it's rigged in our
favor or think that the world'sagainst us, we're probably right
.
So I wanted to just talk aboutagain resilience isn't about not
caring or not feeling.
It's not just about silverlinings, because I know
(16:10):
sometimes when we're like ohgood can come out of bad, it
seems like we're silver liningit right.
But this isn't jumping straightto positivity.
It's jumping to reality, towhat is actually true.
We're still going to feel thefeelings.
In fact, I suggest you go andfeel the feelings, because we
(16:30):
need to feel the feelings inorder to become more resilient,
because the more comfortable weget with that discomfort, the
more resilience we're going tohave, the faster we're going to
be able to recover from some ofthose uncomfortable feelings or
those challenges or thosestruggles as well, if we can
feel the feelings.
(16:51):
The only reason that feelingscares us so much is because
maybe nobody ever taught us howto manage them in a really safe,
good way, how to work throughthem without letting those
feelings poop on everybodyaround us, and so this is about
feeling our feelings,understanding that it's all part
(17:14):
of the journey and that wedon't make up stories about them
anymore.
It's just I'm feeling angry, Iknow that I have that wound
about, I don't know, being smartor whatever.
Our wound is right and somebodysaid something where my wounded
little child go.
Are they making fun of me?
Are they trying to say that I'mnot smart, and when the next
(17:36):
person probably wouldn't botherthem if they didn't have that
same wound?
And so when we recognize that,we can move through it.
So I'm gonna give you my littleprocess of how we can move more
into an empowered energy, aresilient, empowered energy when
we're going through challenges,so that you have the tools to
(17:57):
kind of move yourself through.
So the first thing that we wannado is recognize what energy
that we're in.
Remember the halt right.
Hungry, angry, lonely, tired,sick.
Whenever we're in physicaldiscomfort, our wounded child
can pop up real easily and haltsis really easy to take care of
Go eat, go find a friend.
You know these are easier waysto manage, right?
(18:21):
Take a break, take care ofwhatever it is that's going on
for you physically as well asyou can, and then come back to
the feeling right, am I feelingpowerless?
Then I'm probably in myadolescent or my child energy
and they don't have a lot ofpower.
So when you think about being akid again.
(18:44):
You just didn't have that muchpower.
Everybody kind of told you whatto do.
You didn't know how to solveproblems.
That those are all skills thatwe got through our adolescence
and even through our young andadulthood and probably until
today, right.
But we want to be able to beable to notice when we're in
(19:08):
this wounded child and there'susually physical sensations to
it, right, when I'm in woundedchild I can see myself crouching
down a little bit more.
I kind of want to go in my bedand suck my thumb Not really,
not literally, but we want toget up in the fetal position, we
want to go hide from the world.
(19:28):
That's how we know that we'rein our wounded child.
The second thing after we notice, what energy am I in?
What am I feeling?
Is this unsafe or uncomfortable?
We want to ask ourselves thatbecause most of the time we're
not in physical danger.
Sometimes we are, sometimesthere's safety issues.
We should take care of those,right, but most of the time it's
(19:50):
just discomfort, fear, anger,shame, maybe is coming up, and
so it's not physically unsafe,it's just emotionally
uncomfortable.
Once we address the safety, wecan take a moment to breathe and
check in with ourselves.
Wow, I am feeling anger, I amfeeling shame, I am feeling
(20:15):
sadness or grief, right, andthen we can accept that feeling.
Right now, this is how I'mfeeling and that's OK.
We can feel it, we can cry itout.
If we need to, we can beat ourcouch with a tennis racket my
favorite way of getting angerout because usually on the other
(20:36):
side of anger for me is sadnessor fear that I am, even though
you, you know something thatsomeone else said to me was
angering.
It's.
Usually I'm sad because theydon't see me the way that I want
them to see me.
They don't see me.
They don't see our relationshipthe same.
They don't see the triggers orwounds that I have and how that
(21:00):
hit it right.
They don't see the button thatthey just pushed.
And so if we can get throughthe feeling, then we can
understand it more and we canjust get used to that discomfort
in our body, not saying Ialways want to be angry or sad,
but saying right now, this ishow I'm feeling and letting that
(21:24):
be okay.
Then I want us to look at ourexpectations and grief that it
didn't go the way that we wantedto, right, because usually when
there's a challenge, it's likesomething came up that I wasn't
expecting, that I hadn't plannedon, that wasn't supposed to be
there, and we get this fightwithin ourselves that says that
(21:45):
I'm feeling whatever.
I'm feeling because, right, I'msuffering, because the world's
not showing up the way that Iwant it to, and so what is it
that I need to accept that ishappening, even if I don't want
it to be happening.
Right, getting to thatacceptance part and then breathe
(22:07):
into your own wisdom.
I often put my hands on my gutwhen I'm trying to talk to my
crone.
I don't know if it's my midlifebelly that's growing or what,
but I often put my hands on mytummy when I'm trying to feel
into my crone.
It's just what works for me.
You might have a differentritual.
You might see her sitting orstanding in a different position
(22:31):
.
Use whatever position you thinkyour wise woman would sit into
and imagine that your inner wisewoman and she can look however
she looks.
She may look like an olderversion of you, she may not.
She may look like someone youknow, she may just be a figment
or a cartoon, or I don't know.
(22:52):
It's all up to you what yourinner wise woman feels like and
looks like, right?
So just imagine that she'sprobably calm, peaceful,
resilient, and just breathe intothat energy of being a wise
woman and ask her what wisdom doyou have for me today, as I sit
(23:18):
here with these uncomfortablefeelings?
What wisdom do you have for metoday, right?
So you can do a wholevisualization with her, or you
can just imagine it on your own,because all of these archetypal
(23:38):
energies are within you.
Whether you use them or feelthem or not, or notice them.
All of the archetypal energiesare within you, and so I know
that you have a wise woman.
We're born with that archetype,so you don't have to be of a
certain age.
You have a wise woman insideyou.
(23:58):
We just need to get to a calmer, more peaceful state in order
to connect with her, and thenshe can help you accept what's
going on, so that you can movethrough it, so that you can
build that resilience right,meaning I still feel things.
I probably feel things moredeeply because I'm resilient,
(24:21):
but I work through them insteadof avoiding them.
I get to know them.
I know what it feels like tohave anger in my body or sadness
in my body.
I know what it feels like tohave fear or shame.
Those all show up withdifferent physical sensations
and so because I've gotten usedto the physical sensations,
(24:41):
knowing that they're not goingto hurt me, they're just going
to be uncomfortable, I can movethrough challenges more swiftly.
I can move through feelingsmore easily without letting them
control me, just letting themgive me the information that
they have and that's allfeelings are.
(25:01):
They're giving you informationabout what's going on in your
body and when we learn to tuneinto that instead of ignoring or
avoiding that, we candefinitely become more resilient
, because we can pick ourselvesup out of that wounded child
energy and move more into thatwise woman energy.
(25:21):
I hope that you try theseexercises.
Remember just to notice what'sgoing on in your body.
Am I in a wounded space?
Am I overwhelmed with emotion?
Let me sit here and feel it, dothe things, maybe journal, and
then connect to that wise womanenergy within you.
I know that you have it and Iknow that you can do this.
(25:43):
If you have any questions, ofcourse, reach out, let's have a
conversation about it.
I love to talk about the croneand resiliency and even the
wounded child.
So reach out or message me insome way, and I'd love to have a
conversation.
That's all I have for you thisweek, shifters, so I will see
(26:06):
you again next week.
Bye.
Welcome back, shifters.
This week, we're gonna talkabout something that we're
probably feeling hot and coldabout, which is resiliency, and
we're gonna talk about the cronearchetype, because I also get a
little questionable about theword resilient, right?
I hate when people are like, oh, you're so resilient, as if
(00:21):
that's not work, as if it's nottrying to figure out how not to
lose my shit, right?
Resiliency, though, the truedefinition of it is the ability
of a person to adjust or recoverreadily from illness, adversity
, major life changes, and Ithink we all want that part,
(00:41):
right.
Of course, we don't want it tobe so hard, but that's life, and
that's why we're gonna talkabout the crone today, because
the crone is just used to seeingthe bumps in the road as part
of the journey, not these majorlife disruptions.
So let's talk about whatresilience is not.
Resilience is not that we don'tfeel things.
(01:02):
Sometimes people think, oh,resilient people, they must not
feel as deeply, and often that'sactually the opposite that the
more that we feel, the more wehave to work on how, how those
emotions come out, how we reactto them, how we notice them
earlier, so that they don't haveto go to like a full 10 before
(01:26):
you know, we just blow up at thewrong person.
So it doesn't mean that wedon't feel things.
We do feel things withresiliency.
It also doesn't mean that wedon't care.
Sometimes when people are like,oh, if you become too resilient
, you just accept everything.
And I don't think that that'swhat resiliency is.
It's not about, you know, juststoically kind of going through
(01:50):
life and again not feeling ornot caring that these things are
happening.
I think resiliency is likebeing able to feel that and move
through it.
And resiliency also related tothat does not mean that we don't
act or shift the way that weshow up so that we can have the
best circumstances.
(02:10):
It doesn't mean that we justsurrender to whatever is going
to happen to us.
It means that we still can actand we still can make shifts in
our lives.
So what does resiliency actuallymean?
To me, it means that we feelthings without letting them
direct our words and behaviorright.
So the reason where we'reafraid of a lot of what people
(02:34):
call negative I calluncomfortable feelings, is
because no one ever showed us agood way of going through them.
If we ever saw aggressive angerand it was scary to us right,
then that makes us not want tobe angry because we're afraid
that we will also show up in anaggressive manner, and that's
(02:55):
not the best way to deal withthat.
Right, that's allowing ourfeelings to direct how we're
going to show up, how we'regoing to react in life, and that
is not helpful.
So resiliency helps us feel thefeelings but also manage them
in a good way so that we're notgetting stuck there.
(03:17):
It does mean that we care and wehave the wisdom to know nothing
new is really happening in theworld.
All of the things that arehappening today, outside of some
technology perhaps, all ofthese same type of problems that
people have always had, theywill always have, right, like
war.
We're gonna have war becausethat's the human cycle, right,
(03:42):
maybe one day we'll figure thatout, but in the meantime we know
that you know people are goingto die, people are gonna hurt us
, even when they don't intend to, and we care about those things
.
But we can also see them as,with an acceptance of that is
how humans are sometimes.
We can do our best to changethat in the future, but that
(04:04):
doesn't mean that, of all ofhistory, that this stuff isn't
going to repeat.
So we have to know that thesethings are going to happen, we.
It would be easier for us toaccept that these things are
going to happen.
Resiliency also means that we dowhat we can, we control what we
can control and we keep movingforward.
(04:25):
Right, because we don't reallydon't have a choice.
We have to move forward,whether or not we control
ourselves or not.
So the only thing that we canactually control is how we see
things, how the stories we tellourselves, all the I statements
right, I can control me.
That's it.
And it also means that webounce back without getting
(04:49):
stuck in these deep emotions.
What can happen withoutresiliency is we allow our brain
to go haywire and that innercritic to come in and constantly
tell us stories about how itshouldn't be the way that it is.
And because we're so stuck onit shouldn't be the way that it
is, we can't accept it.
(05:09):
Until we can accept what'sgoing on, we can't move forward
and find an empowered place towork from.
So it's resiliency to me isabout not getting stuck in the
emotions, not getting stuck in adeep depression and you know
medical depression, I understand, but we can get to a sad place
(05:31):
or a grieving place or an angryplace or a fearful place, and
tell ourselves so many storiesabout it that we get stuck in
those feelings and thosefeelings start directing us and,
you know, telling us how we'regoing to show up, what we're
going to say, rather than usreally acknowledging wow, I have
some feelings here, what do Iwant to do about them?
(05:53):
From an empowered place.
So the crone is an empoweredplace.
Often when we are going throughhard things, we hit that wounded
child era right and our woundedchild will come up.
Whether or not you had aperfect childhood or not, we all
(06:13):
have wounds and that woundedchild loves to come up when
we're uncomfortable.
In the addiction groups theyuse a term called halt, meaning
hungry, angry, lonely, tired.
I add an S for sick because Ithink that also makes us very
uncomfortable.
You can also add in thereanything that creates physical
(06:37):
discomfort in our body PMS,perimenopause, whatever is
happening.
It's serious emotions.
We easily go back to thatwounded child and the problem
with the wounded child is thatshe has no power to fix the
problem.
She needs healing and she can'tdo her own healing.
She needs other archetypes tocome in and often in this area
(07:00):
we talk about the mother.
But today, since we're talkingabout resilience, I really want
to talk about the crone, becausethe crone's got this ancient
wisdom.
She understands the tides, sheunderstands the cycles of life,
she understands paradox, thatlife and death are really not
(07:21):
one is better than the other,that we need death in order to
have more life and vice versa.
Right, and so she can see goodand bad, as it just depends
whose perspective you're lookingat it.
Right that light and dark areboth needed, or else you
wouldn't have light or dark.
Right, and so she understandsthat all of these things are
(07:47):
just part of the cycle of life,and that is pure wisdom, let me
just make sure.
So she also understands thatpeople are going to hurt each
other, that we have this ego, wehave deep emotions, we have all
these human parts of ourselves,and so, even though we want to
(08:11):
show up, perfect, and we want toshow up in this ideal, higher
self kind of light, that it'sjust not possible to do that,
whatever we think is perfectly.
So she understands that, eventhough we don't mean to, we're
going to hurt each other, evenwhen that's not our intention,
because we all have differentperspectives and different
(08:31):
wounds, and what I say to youmight trigger you, but not the
next person, and that is aboutour individual understanding,
our stories that we're tellingourselves right, and she can do
that.
She is able to see thatsuffering is really about our
(08:54):
expectations not being met right.
So she has a lot of hope, butshe doesn't create a lot of
detailed expectations of theworld.
She just kind of takes thingsas they come and she asks the
question that I want you tostart asking yourself when you
start looking back at your lifewhat?
What if the bumps in the roadare really the journey?
(09:16):
What if?
That's our human challenge Isaccepting the things that we
don't like, accepting that theworld is as it is, not saying
that we can't change things.
But before we can changeanything, we have to be able to
(09:37):
accept what's happening rightnow.
Not settle, not settle, but wehave to accept.
Acceptance just means this iswhat's happening right now.
I can change that in the future, maybe, but I have to be able
to accept it.
And one of my favorite quotesis by a Daniela Porte, and she
says that radical transformationstarts with the radical
(09:59):
acceptance of what is, becausein order to change anything, we
have to accept that it is whatit is or else there's no jumping
off.
Point right and that's reallythe crone is that she can accept
what's going on right nowwithout getting into that denial
area, and she can then movewith her wisdom forward however
(10:24):
she wants to.
The problem is that oursuffering stories, right, like I
was just telling you, when wecome upon these bumps that we
find painful or it feels likewe're suffering, that is really
about discomfort, and we'vetalked about this before on this
podcast.
(10:44):
But I just want to remind youthat there's a huge difference
between safety and discomfort,and most of the things that we
need to accept are uncomfortable.
They're not what we planned,they're not what we foresaw,
they weren't our expectations,and that's what's stopping us
from really accepting it.
(11:05):
Right, but when we can askourselves to go back to that
question is this unsafe oruncomfortable?
Chances are we're not going torealize it's uncomfortable, and
just because it's uncomfortabledoesn't mean that we can't move
through it, that we can't sitwith it right and be
uncomfortable, and when we're inthat spot, we get into that
(11:25):
wounded child again.
Right, that's what can oftenhappen when we're in that
uncomfortable spot, especiallyif we haven't asked the question
between safety and discomfortbecause our child's going to see
anything uncomfortable asunsafe.
And so that wounded child comesup and she starts telling us
all kinds of disempoweringstories.
(11:46):
Oh, I can't ever change this.
I'm not good enough, I'mfailing.
Whatever those stories are foryou, I'm not enough, I'm too
much.
It's usually what they comedown to in some area.
And so we make up those storiesand we can get stuck in those
stories.
What we want to do is step moreinto our crone archetype,
(12:07):
because our crone archetype isgoing to be able to have more
power than that wounded child.
Right?
Think of yourself as a child.
We didn't make our own choices.
We did the things that ourparents told us to do, right,
and our parents solved a lot ofour problems or worked at,
walked us through those problems.
(12:28):
We didn't have a lot of poweron our own, but the crone
archetype is the way that we canstep into more power.
She has the power to see allkinds of perspectives, right,
and some women call this innercrone the wise woman or the
(12:50):
elder, something like that.
They are slightly separatearchetypes but they're very,
very close.
So you call it a wise woman ifcrone really bothers you,
because I know it does bothersome people, but she understands
that the lows and the highs oflife are so intertwined that
there's no way that we couldtake out all the stuff that made
(13:11):
us uncomfortable withoutchanging who we are and how we
show up now.
So one of the beautiful giftsof resilience is that when we do
have to go through thesemoments where we have to be
strong or we're going throughsome kind of struggle or
challenge, when we get to theother side, we're usually wiser,
(13:32):
we're usually more empowered,we usually know more about
ourselves.
Now I'm not saying, go causeyour own sufferings so that you
can do all of this, but I'm justsaying some of the worst things
that happened to me createdcompassion and wisdom and
empathy and listening to otherpeople, right.
(13:53):
So, and I wouldn't have thesame amount of those skills or
the same skills and the way thatthey show up, if those things
that I don't like didn't happento me.
And that's not a silver lining,but that's everyone's journey.
Sometimes the worst things thathappen to us, when we get
through them, when we can workthrough them, they turn out to
(14:16):
be real gifts, and so I justwant us to consider that,
because that's the stance of theof the crown.
When we look back at ourjourney, we want to be able to
see that the bumps were actuallyparts where we were kind of
crowned.
Some people see it as acrowning, basically of our
(14:43):
beautiful silver hair.
It's a crown and so all thosebumps helped create the crown,
the beautiful, wise woman thatwe are.
So I can also say, for anexample, that my first marriage
I could also say, oh, I wishthat that wouldn't have happened
(15:03):
.
And yeah, like I mean, we canalways wish and regret or want
to change I wouldn't have theawesome son that I have today if
it wasn't for that firstmarriage, and that, to me, is
worth it, right.
So we have to be able to seethat sometimes the things that
we don't like lead us to otherthings.
Some of the things in my lifethat I didn't like turned into
(15:27):
much better things for me than Icould have ever dreamed myself.
But I had to get to the pointof accepting it and moving
through it to see how this oneturn that didn't work out the
way I wanted actually was for mybenefit, and I love Rumi's
quote.
Rumi has a quote that says livelife as though it's rigged in
(15:50):
your favor, because whether welive like it's rigged in our
favor or think that the world'sagainst us, we're probably right
.
So I wanted to just talk aboutagain resilience isn't about not
caring or not feeling.
It's not just about silverlinings, because I know
(16:10):
sometimes when we're like ohgood can come out of bad, it
seems like we're silver liningit right.
But this isn't jumping straightto positivity.
It's jumping to reality, towhat is actually true.
We're still going to feel thefeelings.
In fact, I suggest you go andfeel the feelings, because we
(16:30):
need to feel the feelings inorder to become more resilient,
because the more comfortable weget with that discomfort, the
more resilience we're going tohave, the faster we're going to
be able to recover from some ofthose uncomfortable feelings or
those challenges or thosestruggles as well, if we can
feel the feelings.
(16:51):
The only reason that feelingscares us so much is because
maybe nobody ever taught us howto manage them in a really safe,
good way, how to work throughthem without letting those
feelings poop on everybodyaround us, and so this is about
feeling our feelings,understanding that it's all part
(17:14):
of the journey and that wedon't make up stories about them
anymore.
It's just I'm feeling angry, Iknow that I have that wound
about, I don't know, being smartor whatever.
Our wound is right and somebodysaid something where my wounded
little child go.
Are they making fun of me?
Are they trying to say that I'mnot smart, and when the next
(17:36):
person probably wouldn't botherthem if they didn't have that
same wound?
And so when we recognize that,we can move through it.
So I'm gonna give you my littleprocess of how we can move more
into an empowered energy, aresilient, empowered energy when
we're going through challenges,so that you have the tools to
(17:57):
kind of move yourself through.
So the first thing that we wannado is recognize what energy
that we're in.
Remember the halt right.
Hungry, angry, lonely, tired,sick.
Whenever we're in physicaldiscomfort, our wounded child
can pop up real easily and haltsis really easy to take care of
Go eat, go find a friend.
You know these are easier waysto manage, right?
(18:21):
Take a break, take care ofwhatever it is that's going on
for you physically as well asyou can, and then come back to
the feeling right, am I feelingpowerless?
Then I'm probably in myadolescent or my child energy
and they don't have a lot ofpower.
So when you think about being akid again.
(18:44):
You just didn't have that muchpower.
Everybody kind of told you whatto do.
You didn't know how to solveproblems.
That those are all skills thatwe got through our adolescence
and even through our young andadulthood and probably until
today, right.
But we want to be able to beable to notice when we're in
(19:08):
this wounded child and there'susually physical sensations to
it, right, when I'm in woundedchild I can see myself crouching
down a little bit more.
I kind of want to go in my bedand suck my thumb Not really,
not literally, but we want toget up in the fetal position, we
want to go hide from the world.
(19:28):
That's how we know that we'rein our wounded child.
The second thing after we notice, what energy am I in?
What am I feeling?
Is this unsafe or uncomfortable?
We want to ask ourselves thatbecause most of the time we're
not in physical danger.
Sometimes we are, sometimesthere's safety issues.
We should take care of those,right, but most of the time it's
(19:50):
just discomfort, fear, anger,shame, maybe is coming up, and
so it's not physically unsafe,it's just emotionally
uncomfortable.
Once we address the safety, wecan take a moment to breathe and
check in with ourselves.
Wow, I am feeling anger, I amfeeling shame, I am feeling
(20:15):
sadness or grief, right, andthen we can accept that feeling.
Right now, this is how I'mfeeling and that's OK.
We can feel it, we can cry itout.
If we need to, we can beat ourcouch with a tennis racket my
favorite way of getting angerout because usually on the other
(20:36):
side of anger for me is sadnessor fear that I am, even though
you, you know something thatsomeone else said to me was
angering.
It's.
Usually I'm sad because theydon't see me the way that I want
them to see me.
They don't see me.
They don't see our relationshipthe same.
They don't see the triggers orwounds that I have and how that
(21:00):
hit it right.
They don't see the button thatthey just pushed.
And so if we can get throughthe feeling, then we can
understand it more and we canjust get used to that discomfort
in our body, not saying Ialways want to be angry or sad,
but saying right now, this ishow I'm feeling and letting that
(21:24):
be okay.
Then I want us to look at ourexpectations and grief that it
didn't go the way that we wantedto, right, because usually when
there's a challenge, it's likesomething came up that I wasn't
expecting, that I hadn't plannedon, that wasn't supposed to be
there, and we get this fightwithin ourselves that says that
(21:45):
I'm feeling whatever.
I'm feeling because, right, I'msuffering, because the world's
not showing up the way that Iwant it to, and so what is it
that I need to accept that ishappening, even if I don't want
it to be happening.
Right, getting to thatacceptance part and then breathe
(22:07):
into your own wisdom.
I often put my hands on my gutwhen I'm trying to talk to my
crone.
I don't know if it's my midlifebelly that's growing or what,
but I often put my hands on mytummy when I'm trying to feel
into my crone.
It's just what works for me.
You might have a differentritual.
You might see her sitting orstanding in a different position
(22:31):
.
Use whatever position you thinkyour wise woman would sit into
and imagine that your inner wisewoman and she can look however
she looks.
She may look like an olderversion of you, she may not.
She may look like someone youknow, she may just be a figment
or a cartoon, or I don't know.
(22:52):
It's all up to you what yourinner wise woman feels like and
looks like, right?
So just imagine that she'sprobably calm, peaceful,
resilient, and just breathe intothat energy of being a wise
woman and ask her what wisdom doyou have for me today, as I sit
(23:18):
here with these uncomfortablefeelings?
What wisdom do you have for metoday, right?
So you can do a wholevisualization with her, or you
can just imagine it on your own,because all of these archetypal
(23:38):
energies are within you.
Whether you use them or feelthem or not, or notice them.
All of the archetypal energiesare within you, and so I know
that you have a wise woman.
We're born with that archetype,so you don't have to be of a
certain age.
You have a wise woman insideyou.
(23:58):
We just need to get to a calmer, more peaceful state in order
to connect with her, and thenshe can help you accept what's
going on, so that you can movethrough it, so that you can
build that resilience right,meaning I still feel things.
I probably feel things moredeeply because I'm resilient,
(24:21):
but I work through them insteadof avoiding them.
I get to know them.
I know what it feels like tohave anger in my body or sadness
in my body.
I know what it feels like tohave fear or shame.
Those all show up withdifferent physical sensations
and so because I've gotten usedto the physical sensations,
(24:41):
knowing that they're not goingto hurt me, they're just going
to be uncomfortable, I can movethrough challenges more swiftly.
I can move through feelingsmore easily without letting them
control me, just letting themgive me the information that
they have and that's allfeelings are.
(25:01):
They're giving you informationabout what's going on in your
body and when we learn to tuneinto that instead of ignoring or
avoiding that, we candefinitely become more resilient
, because we can pick ourselvesup out of that wounded child
energy and move more into thatwise woman energy.
(25:21):
I hope that you try theseexercises.
Remember just to notice what'sgoing on in your body.
Am I in a wounded space?
Am I overwhelmed with emotion?
Let me sit here and feel it, dothe things, maybe journal, and
then connect to that wise womanenergy within you.
I know that you have it and Iknow that you can do this.
(25:43):
If you have any questions, ofcourse, reach out, let's have a
conversation about it.
I love to talk about the croneand resiliency and even the
wounded child.
So reach out or message me insome way, and I'd love to have a
conversation.
That's all I have for you thisweek, shifters, so I will see
(26:06):
you again next week.
Bye.
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