Episode Transcript
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Christina Smith (00:00):
Welcome
shifters.
Today we are going to talkabout perimenopause and
menopause and all the thingsthat make us really
uncomfortable at least me, and Iknow that when I'm physically
uncomfortable, I can getmentally and emotionally
uncomfortable too, and so todaywe have Melissa Ayres, who's
going to help us really startlooking at all of these
(00:23):
discomforts and how we canmanage them better.
Melissa is a menopause coach, ahomeopath and a theta healing
practitioner.
She has over 15 years ofexperience, so this is what she
focuses on, and I think it'sreally important that we have
people who have lots ofexperience in this, and Melissa
is going to be able to help us.
(00:44):
So, melissa, thank you so muchfor being on the Inviting Shif
podcast.
I appreciate you being there.
Melissa Ayres (00:49):
Hi, christina,
thank you so much for having me
on.
I'm so excited to talk to youand hello to everybody that's
listening.
So, yeah, thank you for thatlovely introduction.
I should probably start with mystory actually.
So, as you said, I've beenworking in natural health care
for over 15 years now.
This is my absolute passion.
(01:11):
I absolutely love what I'mdoing.
I feel I'm on my path andfulfilling my purpose, which is
so lovely.
So, with my background, I'vealways taken really good care of
my health I have to walk thetalk, being a homeopath and a
theta healing practitioner aswell.
So I've always had regularcycle.
(01:33):
As I said, I've alwaysexercised well, I've always
eaten well, make sure I'm wellhydrated, I try and sleep as
well as I can.
And when I got to the age of 47, it was really interesting.
I had kind of perimenopausalsymptoms hit me Like a ton of
bricks, like something I'd neverexperienced before Having had a
regular cycle for many years,never suffered with painful
(01:56):
periods, heavy periods, neverreally had PMT either and all of
a sudden I started to get likea whole host of symptoms, so hot
flushes and night sweats, whichwere quite incredible.
I've always been a chilly personand suddenly it's like this.
I know you've experienced thisas well, christina.
(02:18):
It's like this heat that comesup inside of you like nothing
else.
It's like quite incredible.
It's like your own interiorboiler going off.
I suffered with migraines Again,something I could maybe count
on one hand.
I might have had in my life intimes of real stress, but
suddenly they were quitefrequent and would enable me not
(02:40):
even to be able to finish day.
You know simple daily tasks.
They would have me bedridden,bladder irritability, which is
really interesting, because thisis the reason I became a
homeopath, because I have anamazing cure for chronic UTIs
Gosh 20, 30 years ago now fromhomeopathy, which is what
inspired me to become ahomeopath.
(03:00):
So that all started again,which was really interesting.
And just this real feeling ofwhat's going on in my body.
I'm too young for this.
Average age of menopause is 51here in the UK, so 47 to start
having all of these symptoms wasquite unsettling, and all of
them out of the blue in a one goas well.
(03:21):
So I turned to my toolkit, mynatural toolkit.
So I use homeopathy supplements.
I'm quite well versed insupplements as well nutrition,
and I also work with some herbshomeopathically prepared as well
.
So I manage the physical thingsWithin a couple of weeks, I
(03:41):
have to say, physical things arequite settled.
But there was still this oh mygoodness, what's going on?
And I'm not ready for this andthis sort of anxiety about it
for me.
So when I really tuned in withthat, it was really interesting.
So at the time that this allstarted, I was single.
So I've been divorced foraround I think it's coming up
(04:03):
for around seven years now and Ispent four and a half five
years on my own just me and mychildren.
And this new man had come intomy life and you know this was a
big change for me and thisrelationship was starting to
develop into more serious oneand I kind of connected the dots
.
It was about four months afterwe began dating each other that
(04:26):
all these symptoms suddenlyappeared and when I really tuned
in with it, it was all aboutall these fears about a new
relationship that were coming upfor me.
You know, am I ready to letsomeone else into my life?
You know, I don't want my heartbroken again.
What are my children going tothink?
How is this going to work?
You know, I've been this single, independent woman, good on my
(04:49):
own for so long.
Am I really wanting this?
Once I dealt with all of thosekind of fears and anxieties.
Really interesting that all ofmy hormones settled as well and
all of the symptoms justgradually went away.
So I was like, wow, this isreally really interesting.
And in homeopathy I've mainlyworked with women.
(05:11):
Over my years over 12 and ahalf years now as a professional
homeopath I've mainly workedwith women and lots of hormonal
issues.
So I thought I have to bringthis to the ladies I'm working
with who are in perimenopause ormenopause.
So as well as supporting themwith homeopathy which is really
(05:32):
highly individualized medicinewe can talk about that a little
bit more later if you would likeI started to support them on
the emotional level with whatthey were going through, using
the theta healing, the intuitiveenergy healing, and the results
were just amazing, absolutelyincredible.
So you know I've had women movefrom quite crippling anxiety.
So suddenly you foundconfidence from real
(05:55):
relationship difficulties whichcan come up at menopause as well
, you know, especially withintimacy issues, with our bodies
changing to, you know,reigniting their love lives and
their passion with their husband, which is just so wonderful.
And when we cured theseemotional stuff, the physical
things also settled, and withthe assistance of the homeopathy
as well, but a lot, a lot morequickly, because we're kind of
(06:18):
removing like the underlyingreasons as to why hormones have
become imbalanced.
And that's like my superpower,if you like.
I'm a clair sentient so I cantune in intuitively with
someone's body and read themenergetically and really get to
the root causes of why the bodyis presenting these hormonal
symptoms.
So for me I like to describe itas like a hormonal hissy fit my
(06:40):
body was having.
It was kind of showing me howunsettled I was really feeling.
You know, on the inside,despite everything being, you
know on the surface.
Okay, if that makes sense.
So what I've also realized withmyself and the women I've worked
with is that when we get toperimenopause and menopause, a
(07:01):
lot of our unhealed emotionaltrauma whether that's present
stuff as what was happening withme, or past stuff or childhood
or things, can also come up ontheir genetic, ancestral level.
So you know how our motherswent through manopause.
All of these things will comeup to be healed because we're
going into a new phase of lifeas women.
(07:24):
I believe we have three lifestages of women, so we have the,
the virgin, the maiden stage.
We have the mother stage,whether we've actually had
children or not.
That mother stage is a timewhen we would have been creating
things in our life if even ifit wasn't actually having
children.
And then we go into the wisewoman phase, which is our most
powerful phase of womanhood.
(07:46):
So this is a time when we arenot wanting to carry or any
accumulated emotional baggageinto that next phase.
So that's what I believe a lotof the physical symptoms and
comfortable physical symptomsaround perimenopause and
menopause actually are.
It's like messages from thebody is what needs to be healed,
(08:07):
so that we're not carrying thisinto this next life phase,
which is when we're almostpowerful as women.
The wise woman is highlyintuitive.
It's her time you know she'sraised her children and now it's
you know women do amazingthings new careers, you life
path past, new partners in mycase, all of these things.
(08:27):
So it's wanting to kind of shedthat old emotional load and I
found as well, the moreemotional baggage we have, it's
like the worst hormonal symptomswill be and I love yeah, and I
love so much that you just saidso.
Christina Smith (08:48):
This month, as
this podcast is published, I'm
actually turning 47 and I've hadmenopausal symptoms for like
the last year.
They really started creeping inserious time.
Like I have more anxiety than Iever had before.
So all of this is making senseand it really makes sense to me
because about 15 years ago I wasgetting sick often and I
(09:12):
couldn't figure out why, right,and what I realized was that
that was my body telling me thatthere was stuff that needed to
be figured out.
Like I feel like I was holdingso much emotional and trauma
baggage that I just keptstuffing down going no, no, it's
fine, it's fine, it's fine.
(09:32):
And my body was telling me allkinds of crazy things, like
first I started with migrainesin my 20s and I took a pill and
they went away, so I ignoredthem, right, and then my joints
got really inflamed and I like I, so I could barely walk and I
would take a pill and the pain,the symptoms, would go away, and
(09:55):
then I would ignore it.
And then in my 30s I got really, really sick, where I was like
going to the ER few times a year, not being able to get out of
bed for a month or two and theycouldn't find anything.
So they just kept giving mepills, different pills, to
figure out what it was, and whatI realized was that I actually
(10:18):
needed to go to therapy.
And after two years of therapya lot of those problems changed.
Now did I also change my diet?
I did.
I actually went to healthcoaching school because I
thought it must be my food,right, that's where we all go,
it's like it must be my food.
But what I really found out wasthat it was all of the stress,
(10:41):
all of that other stuff, theemotional baggage, the amount of
pressure I was putting onmyself, always being in that.
So I talk about archetypes andfor women, they put the mother
stage at the same stage as wheremen would have their warrior
stage.
Right, because it's the samething.
(11:01):
That's our job during themiddle of our life, right,
that's the thing that we'redoing and again, like you said,
it doesn't mean that we'rebirthing children.
It could be that we're birthingideas, we're birthing
businesses, we're being creative, whatever that thing is that
we're doing in our lives, right?
And I put so much pressure onthat part of me that it was like
(11:24):
I was always in that warriorstage where I was just always
like let's go, let's go, let'sgo, and I realized that the way
I was living my life was havinga huge impact on my health and
by me taking all those pills, Iwas just kind of ignoring the
symptoms.
Basically, I was just puttingthat bandage on the symptom and
(11:45):
saying, no, that's OK.
So we think that our bodiesreally are informing and I think
what happens for a lot of womenat least my clients in midlife
is that they never had theproblems that I had, where they
had to start listening to theirbody earlier in their life, and
now it's all coming to fruitionat once because, like you said,
(12:07):
there's so much change going onin our bodies and, with all this
extra gunk, I guess, and thisprevious stuff that we've been
holding on to, there aresymptoms and instead of just
numbing the symptoms, one of thethings that we can do is start
actually listening to them andgoing, wow, what is it that my
body needs?
(12:27):
How do I need to move forwardand start giving it a little bit
of attention rather than?
I know so many women and myselfat times included, where I just
get really frustrated and Iwant to dislike my body because
it's like my body is I hear thisall the time that my body is
betraying me.
(12:47):
And it's like it's notbetraying you, it's doing this
normal cycle that it's supposedto do.
Is it completely physicallyuncomfortable At times?
Yes, I had this huge hot flashlast week when I was making
macaroni and cheese and mywarrior inside was going you
(13:09):
just finish it, it's going totake you five more minutes, and
this hot flash was like you needto go sit down and I didn't
really want to take advice andso I made quite a mess out of
the kitchen.
I felt like throwing the potacross the kitchen.
I didn't do that, but I knowthat when I get physically
uncomfortable and I can't stayfocused, I can get completely
(13:35):
emotionally and mentallyuncomfortable as well.
And when I go there, that'swhat shifts that mood that I'm
having and almost makes me feellike an out of control teenager.
I mean, that's really, and theysay, like menopause is like the
second adolescence and that'swhat it makes me feel like right
(13:57):
.
But yes, if you've neverexperienced a hot flash before,
whoo, holy cow, it's like you'reburning from the inside out.
Melissa Ayres (14:05):
Yeah, oh, that's
so interesting and how amazing
that your intuition and yourbody led you to that.
And so many interesting thingsyou said there that I want to
kind of pick up on.
But absolutely, symptoms areour body's way to heal itself.
That's one of the fundamentalprinciples of homeopathy.
The body would never doanything to its detriment.
(14:26):
And suppressing symptoms, likeyou say, as you said, with the
painkillers and the pill foryour stomach and the pill for
your migraines, it's really justdealing with it on a very
superficial level.
It's not getting to the deep,deep root.
So I like to use the analogythat your car and your dashboard
(14:47):
.
You have a warning light comingup, just taking a pill to
suppress that symptom, which ishelpful in the moment.
Sometimes we do need that,that's OK, but it's almost like
smashing out that warning light,whereas what we do with
homeopathy and veta is we kindof lift up the bonnet and we
have a look at really what'sgoing on underneath that's
(15:08):
causing those symptoms.
And the body is so clever, it'sso clever.
We're born with highly, highlysophisticated immune systems.
Our bodies are alwaysperforming thousands of
functions, millions of functionsevery day, just to keep us
alive.
We're walking miracles and inhomeopathy we're very much
trained to look at why someone'sbody is perhaps stuck in a
(15:31):
symptom or keep presenting asymptom.
Because it's just trying tosolve something.
It's trying to bring the bodyback into balance homeostasis.
So fever, for example, iswonderful because it's the body
burning off virus and bacteria.
So by raising our body'stemperatures, our white blood
cells, our natural killer cells,can work more effectively
against virus and bacteria whocan't survive at that high
temperature.
(15:51):
Any kind of discharge in thebody is the body clearing
something out In theta healing.
We look at where a symptom islocated and the body can be
really interesting as well.
So anything left-sided with thebody is often to do with the
future, right-sided can be to dowith the past.
(16:12):
Symptoms in the bladder areoften old resentment and anger
what's pissing you off, for wantof a better expression.
Symptoms in the lungs or thechest are to do with grief.
So very much if we and this iswhat we're great at as women and
certainly coming into this wisewoman we get even better at is
(16:34):
tuning into that intuition andwhat we really need.
It's very easy, like you talkedabout.
One of the other things you said, christina, was about not
listening to your body takingthe pill, trying to carry on In
the West Western lifestyles.
We've become very disconnectedfrom that.
We are not separate from nature.
(16:54):
We're part of it and as women,we're very much part of nature's
cycles.
Our menstrual cycle is 28 days,like the moon cycle, and we can
actually follow the moon cyclewith our periods as well,
because we menstruate at the newmoon and we ovulate at the
filming.
So when we've become reallydisconnected from that, it's
like our bodies will shouttogether our attention and just
(17:18):
coming back into that, as yousaid, once you slow down and you
listen and you sit down ratherthan trying to keep on with
cooking the macaroni cheese,it's like OK, the body, you know
things will actually calm downbecause we've listened and then
we can tune in and see what itis that's really going on and
that really needs our attentionand support.
Christina Smith (17:38):
Yeah, I love
that.
Yeah, I love that.
And for me one of the hardestthings is to give myself
permission just to slow down,like it's OK, like this rest of
the stuff can get done later,which I think is really one of
those huge lessons for us aswe're moving into this wise
(17:58):
woman stage that you weretalking about, because we have
this idea that everything needsto be done now and it really
doesn't Like.
I think that wise woman stagekind of feels more into our
intuition and like is this right?
For me, right now I can changemy mind, which I think is like a
(18:20):
big thing people don't want todo.
But there's this other piecelike you were saying, in our
culture the way that we treatour bodies is more like treating
them like their machines.
Oh, if there is a problem, puta little oil on it, you know, as
if we can just go get new partsor something somewhere, and
(18:41):
instead of really sitting downand going, wow, what is my gut
trying to tell me if I'm in painright now?
What sure it could be that Iate something.
But it could be telling mesomething deeper.
And I think that when we talkabout the wise women, we call
her the crone in archetypes islike she's the intuitive one.
(19:02):
But the reason she's sointuitive is because she's taken
time to really honor her bodyrather than treat it like it's
like our car, where okay, well,what needs to be fixed?
And just fix it and let's go,you know, and because that's
just not how we are.
But we do treat our bodies asif it's an object and not part
(19:23):
of nature like you're talkingabout.
So I want to hear more abouttheta healing, because I don't
think enough people know aboutthat and what that actually does
, and so I know that you cantell us all about it.
So tell us a little bit moreabout that and when it might be
the right time for some datahealing.
Melissa Ayres (19:43):
Sure.
Yes, I just want to pick up onsomething as well.
You just said, christina, thatkind of taking the pill and
carrying on and plowing onthrough.
That's the very masculine wayto do things, and you know, it's
Western society.
Again.
It's, you know, push, push,push, strive, strive, strive for
the results, and that masculinemodel.
(20:05):
What that does is thatimbalances are masculine and
feminine energies which need tobe in balance.
And what's really interestingas well I'm going to go on to
talk about theta but if we'retoo much in our masculine, that
can mean that estrogen levelscan be low.
Sometimes, if we're too much inour feminine, that can mean
estrogen levels can be too high.
(20:25):
So it's about having thatbalance you know of.
Yes, we do need to take actionand be busy and do things, but
at the same time is having thattime to slow down, as you say,
to listen, to be receptive andintuitive.
It's not about one or the other, it's about finding that
balance.
So it's a great point.
Christina Smith (20:44):
It's a great
point.
Yes, that's a great point.
Melissa Ayres (20:47):
And then with
beta healing.
Again, my story with betahealing, how I came to it, is a
little bit like homeopathy.
So with homeopathy I struggledwith these terrible chronic UTIs
for years and years, since achild.
And I met someone when Istarted working and I haven't
always worked in health care, Iworked in television many years
(21:08):
ago and when I started working Imade new friends and someone
said to me why haven't you seena homeopath?
Well, what's that?
Within three months complete,your never again actually till
those perimenopause symptoms,have I suffered with any kind of
bladder irritability at all.
So, beta how I came to that wasI.
(21:29):
My marriage fell apart aboutjust over seven years ago now
and I turned to someone for areading because I needed some
advice and support from someonewho just didn't know me and
could see the situationobjectively and connect with
their guides and give me thebest course of action to take.
And she said to me you could dowith some beta healing.
(21:50):
And I thought again a bit like,have you ever?
Well, what's that?
I've never heard of it.
And I found this wonderful ladyand I had a tea-ling session
with her.
And a bit like homeopathy, itjust absolutely blew me away and
I thought I have to go andtrain in this.
It absolutely got me throughwhat was a really, really
difficult time in my life.
I thought marriage was for lifeand sadly it fell apart and I
(22:15):
had two children and I had tomake things work on my own as
well as go through Divorce isnever the easiest of life
situations to deal with.
But I have to say, hand onheart, that theta really got me
through that.
Theta is a brainwave that we gointo when we're in a very
(22:35):
relaxed state.
So that's, we go into the thetabrainwave when we're in sleep
and when we're over a very deepstate of meditation.
And when we're in that energywe can literally change feelings
, we can heal trauma very, veryquickly and easily.
So in the face of healing so ina session with a client, what I
(22:56):
would do is I can scan theirbody energetically, I go into
the theta brainwave and Inaturally who I'm working with
comes into that lovely, relaxed,it's like the energy of all,
that is the energy of pure love.
They come into that brainwaveas well with me and I'm shown
blocks to emotional health which, as we've talked about, have a
(23:18):
huge impact on physical healthas well and in theta healing,
this can be on four differentlevels.
So the core level, which we'vetalked a little bit about, and
if I'm not sure, if there'sanything in this lifetime, so
you know with myself, that wasdivorce.
That could be childhood traumasthat come up, it could be birth
trauma, it could be somethingfrom school time, something from
(23:41):
friendships all sorts of thingscan come up and we hold this
emotional trauma within thecells of our body and if they're
not properly addressed anddealt with, that's when they
will kind of cry out forattention.
We also have symptoms on thegenetic, ancestral level.
So you might have somethinggoing on which actually are not
(24:02):
even sort of consciously awareof.
Theta is very much about workingwith the subconscious.
So in theta we believe that ourbeliefs, our subconscious
beliefs, create our reality.
So, for example, if someonebelieves that they're going to
have a bad menopause, we are sopowerful on our subconscious
that we could go on to createthat in the body and ancestrally
(24:24):
, genetically, we might not evenbe aware of this.
So when I've worked with women,I've gone up to eight
generations back that we can becarrying things from our
ancestors.
If you think about it as women,we were once an egg in our
grandmother's womb because wewere once in our mother's womb.
So we carry not any physicaltraits from our relatives and
(24:44):
ancestors, we can carryenergetic threads of belief
systems as well.
So if our ancestors, as women,went through very difficult
times maybe they didn't evenlive to a very good age because
we didn't have the level ofhealth care and hygiene and
(25:04):
nutrition that we have thesedays Then we're carrying all of
that kind of subconscious beliefsystem that can have an impact
on us now and I'm able to tunein with that and see where
that's coming in.
The other two levels we dealwith with theta is past life and
soul level as well.
These tend not to come up somuch at peremenopause and
(25:25):
menopause, but then again I haveworked with women whereas these
things have come up.
So what we do is I identifythese limiting beliefs, things
that are holding us back.
We get right to the root ofwhat it is.
It's a little bit like a houseof cards.
If we pull the root belief,then everything goes and we get
the learnings, because everysubconscious belief is serving
(25:47):
us in some way.
So I'll give you anotherexample.
If someone believes that theywill always be ill, I would have
a look at how is that servingthem.
And that might sound strange but, for example, I worked with
someone who keeps gettingsymptoms all the time colds and
viruses and all kinds of thingsand when we dug into that, when
(26:09):
she was ill, when she was alittle girl, that was the time
she got most attention from hermother.
Her mother was really busy, acareer woman, and didn't have a
huge amount of time to spendwith her children.
But when she was unwell, all ofa sudden her mother took the
time off work and spent lots andlots of time with her.
So she's running thatsubconscious program of when I'm
(26:30):
unwell, I get attention and Iget love.
So by bringing in the learnings, what I mean is we teach her
and in the theta brain, maybe wecan just change things
instantly that she can have loveand attention without her body
having to have symptoms, and wejust heal it.
And it's instant and it'spermanent and it's it changes
our energy.
(26:50):
When we change our energy aswomen, our vibration, it's
wonderful because we thathealing automatically happens
for our children and thosearound us as well.
So what can happen when I'mworking with women is
relationships and things willchange and improve, because
people in our lives are a littlebit like mirrors, especially
people that are very, very closeto us.
(27:11):
They're showing us withinourselves what needs to be
healed, and if we've healed thatwithin ourselves, then that
removes the lesson.
So, in a long-winded way, Ihope that explains what theta is
.
I think you can use theta at anytime of life.
It's an incredibly powerfulmodality that gets to the root
of emotional issues incrediblyquickly, and I mean right to the
root of them.
(27:31):
It's not a grueling.
You know painful experience.
Okay, we find we dig up whatthe emotion is and that might be
a little bit.
There might be a little bit ofemotional charge there, but I'm
very quickly able to releasethat and most women will say,
even after an hour, they justfeel so much better.
(27:51):
A lighter is a subject is acomment.
I hear quite a lot from women.
I just feel lighter.
I think that we've shifted aload and then, once we've
shifted that load, we can allowmore of the good to come in.
Christina Smith (28:06):
I love this
because, like a lot of people
are like, oh, how could mychildhood trauma be still
affecting me today?
And it's like it is whatever itis.
It's impacting you todaybecause I mean, I even went to
my therapist when I was going tomy therapist for a few years
and she was like, oh, but youknow, you mentioned that you
(28:27):
were sexually abused when youwere young.
I mean like, oh, yeah, yeah,that's not no problem, I just
dealt with that.
And it's like, no, I didn't, itwas still in my body.
It may have been like a fewlayers down from where I was at
the time that I needed to workon in order to get there, but
these things stay trapped in ourbodies is what I believe is
like all that emotion that wedon't have that chance to feel
(28:52):
into.
Or maybe, like I grew up with aparent who is like that's
nothing to be sad about, that'snothing to be angry about.
So I started learning that myfeelings were really like this
inconvenience that just cameinto life because they didn't
really matter.
Really right, at least.
Maybe that's just me, or maybethat's just growing up in the
(29:14):
80s, I don't know.
But my mother was pretty muchlike, yeah, your feelings don't
matter, put on your big girlpants and let's go.
And so I got really good at thatmasculine side of like.
We don't worry about that, wejust keep moving, we keep doing
the thing, we keep being in thatwarrior energy, and that's what
(29:34):
really hurt me in my physicalhealth later.
Was that not listening to mybody?
And it was just getting worseand worse and worse.
And no matter what I did, Ijust looked at my body as an
inconvenience, rather than this,really like you said, this
really clever being that wastelling me what it could in its
(29:59):
way of communicating.
You know, it's not like my bodyis going to go hey, christina,
might be time for a break, right, but there's other ways that we
start learning that we need tobreak these hot flashes, the
migraines that we get, right.
This is all I believe, at leastfor me, the message that I get
from all these things is likeokay, you got a lot going on.
(30:21):
It's time to slow down andreally tune into what's going on
.
And I think it's such a shamebecause, as you were talking
about the masculine and thefeminine, it's like the feminine
has been devalued, at least inour society, at least here,
where it's like nobody careswhat your body is saying to you.
(30:43):
It's just about productivityand getting stuff done Instead
of like.
Really, this is like abeautiful temple that we have,
this beautiful temple of a bodythat we have, but we don't treat
it that way.
We treat it as if it shouldjust work.
We should just get an oilchange every few years and it
(31:06):
should be fine.
And I think that that's thepart that we really struggle
with.
And what I really struggled withwas I was telling you this
earlier is when I'm physicallyuncomfortable, and I say this to
my clients all the time ifyou're in hulks hungry, angry,
lonely, tired, sick, pms,menopause, peremonopause any of
(31:27):
these things that are going tomake you feel uncomfortable your
emotional and your mental bodyis going to suffer as well.
It doesn't go any other way.
It means that we're feelingstressed, we're not feeling
excited about life anymore.
There's a lot of things thatcan be taken away, and I think
it's a really huge block forpeople who have never listened
(31:51):
to their bodies that all of asudden, their body is like
throwing fireworks and stuff andyou're like what is going on
with all of this?
So I think that that is so whata great perspective to say.
This part is where our body isreally asking ourselves to clear
(32:11):
a lot of things, clear them outof our way, clear a lot of our
blocks so that we can step intothis really beautiful, intuitive
, wise woman, which obviously isnot valued enough in our
culture, but I think it is theultimate.
I think the reason why it's apatriarchy is that wise women
(32:33):
were too powerful, almost theyfelt like they were too powerful
, and that's why we've had thisreal negative skew towards aging
and women that were not allowedto age or we should stay young,
because we can get too powerfulas we age.
(32:53):
Right, because this is a truepower is like being able to step
into your body.
I get more confidence, I feel.
I feel proud to like speak mymind and my truth as I age.
So all of these things we can'tget comfortable with until we
get really comfortable withourselves.
What I'm hearing from you isthat part of that is physical,
(33:16):
part of that is emotional andpart of that is mental and they
all work together because thoseare the message coming from this
beautiful, clever temple thatwe have.
I love that you say that Ourbody is so clever?
Melissa Ayres (33:28):
I think that
that's absolutely true, and
that's a whole huge conversation, isn't it?
The patriarchy and thesuppression of the feminine.
But again, as women, all of usare carrying that collective
feminine wounding as well.
And it's interesting what youwere saying about your own
childhood.
A lot of us now, myselfincluded, coming into
(33:49):
perimenopause and up tomenopause we were 70s babies and
that was so different to how Ibrought my children up, for
example.
So with my children, you know,children are very much, you know
, the center of our world andthey're given a lot of attention
and at school especially,everyone's a winner, everyone's
(34:11):
got a gift, everyone's special.
Well, when we were at school,that was very, very different.
Like you say that don't cry,it's weak to cry.
Quite harsh judgments fromteachers.
There was no beating about thebush.
All those things we form inchildhood, all these beliefs
about ourselves.
(34:31):
I remember in school well, youraverage, you know.
Well you'll do okay.
Christina Smith (34:39):
No one was
special in the 80s.
Melissa Ayres (34:41):
I mean I had this
conversation the other day with
a friend, I mean seeing otherchildren.
Physical punishment was eventhere still when we were at
school.
So we've grown up with all ofthat.
So, as I talked about, all ofthese things then come up for us
to heal.
It's kind of no wonder, I think, women of our generation are
now having to resolve all ofthis because we are coming back
(35:02):
to more of a time of thefeminine and more of a balance.
There's nothing wrong with themasculine energy the patriarchy
is such.
It's just that we need to comeback to balance.
And what's really interesting aswell is how this has an impact
directly on hormones of women.
So any stress emotional,physical has a real biochemical
(35:25):
effect on the body and ourstress hormones caught us on the
adrenaline.
Adrenaline.
The body priorities,prioritizes those over the
production of all other hormones, including our reproductive
ones, because there are basicsurvival mechanisms.
So for our ancestors, manyyears ago, we needed that in
(35:48):
order to maybe run from aninvading tribe or a predator.
What's happening now is is we'rein this state of fight or
flight and adrenal a lot of thetime.
Our bodies can't directlyinteract with the outside world.
They respond to our thoughtsand feelings.
And now we're going into thatadrenaline rush, huge cortisol
(36:11):
overload.
You know, from things like atraffic jam or a large bill that
comes in Nothing, that'sactually a direct threat to our
lives, but that's the way ourbody perceives it.
So, as I talked about we arewalking miracles.
Our bodies are amazing.
We have, above our kidneys, wehave our adrenal glands that
(36:32):
create all of these stresshormones.
And what's designed.
What happens for women is, youknow, I firmly believe we're
born with all the hormones weneed to sustain us right
throughout life.
So what happens atperimenopause and menopause is
where the production of estrogenand progesterone, which are the
main reproductive hormones thatwe produce, where that's
(36:53):
naturally declining in theovaries at perimenopause and
menopause, because we're nolonger going to be able to be
physically reproductive, theadrenal glands will pick up that
where it's declining in theovaries.
You know, nature doesn't get itwrong.
It's all designed to workperfectly.
(37:13):
But when we're in that reallyhigh adrenaline state, our other
hormones don't really have ahope of becoming balanced.
As I talked about, it's goingto prioritise those hormones
that are about our basicsurvival.
So that's why it is importantnot just to go on this deep
healing journey to heal all ofthe emotional baggage.
(37:36):
But actually for our hormonalhealth this can have a big
difference as well, because ifwe are less stressed internally
and it's bringing down all ofthe cortisol, adrenaline or the
spike in those stress hormones,then the other hormones can
start to rebalance themselves aswell, which leads to a more, a
smoother, easier transition intomenopause.
Christina Smith (37:59):
Yeah, I love
that.
Yeah, I love that, and I talkabout that with my clients too.
I always ask them is thisunsafe or is this unconservable?
Because, like you said, we canget our brains have that way of
like trying to find any type ofthreat, and in this world, where
we're a lot safer, safer we canconfuse things that are
(38:23):
uncomfortable, like a trafficjam, with things that are
actually unsafe, like like alion chasing us, and those are
not the same right, but our bodycan treat them the same if we
give them the same value, and soI think that that's really,
really important.
I want to just sum this up byby.
(38:44):
What are some steps that wecould be taking is and Whoo,
what I'm hearing is there wasBalancing the masculine and the
feminine.
Again, we're not, we don't needto be all of one or the other.
In fact, I I have found it'sreally great when I'm in between
(39:05):
the two, like I want to getstuff done and I want to give
myself Time to go within as well.
So creating that balanceinstead of just allowing my
to-do list To overrun my life,because I can always come up
with more tasks that canpossibly be done in a day right,
but, but learning how to takebreaks was a big part for me of
(39:30):
being like it's okay for me torelax and just receive, rather
than constantly push, push,pushing, which is what the
masculine energy always feelslike to me like there is like a
force to it, like I have to godo the thing, I have to go put
it out rather than the feminineis very about receiving for me.
(39:54):
So that's one that we talkedabout was balancing that.
I love the idea.
I wish people will go out now.
Theta healing Can you also dothat virtually, or is that
something that has to be done inperson, just so people know
Okay, awesome, yeah.
(40:24):
So anybody listening, if you'reinterested in learning more,
make sure that you go toMelissa's links below, because
she's going to.
She'll be able to have a chatwith you and see if what she has
to offer Fits for what you need, and I think that that's really
important that you can do thatfrom anywhere.
That's very exciting, so that'sanother option that we could
(40:46):
take.
I Really just want to encouragewomen to give themselves
permission To step back.
Stop what you're doing.
Even if you're in the middle offinishing your macaroni and
cheese, just take a breath andsay what is it that I actually
need now.
That's like one of the firstquestions that we can start
(41:07):
tuning into our body so that wecan be this really beautiful.
Why is woman that we want tostep into that stage?
What else might you say?
I may have missed some things.
What else can we do?
Melissa Ayres (41:19):
a really lovely
way to do that, christina, is to
tune back into our naturalcycle as women.
You know our periods.
They are a gift.
Our periods are more than aRelease of blood.
We as women, we store up a lotof emotions in that sacral
chakra, a pelvic region.
It's a release of emotions aswell.
(41:40):
So we've actually got this aneat way to tune in and
understand our bodies and whento slow down.
So If you are having a regularcycle, once your period is
finished you're going into thatestrogen Phase where we can
actually be more productive, wehave a little more energy.
(42:00):
It's a great time to socialize,start a project, you know, be
active and do those things.
After ovulation we go into thatbutyl progesterone phase and
that is when we need to slowdown more.
You know, withdraw, be withself, perhaps don't do quite as
much socializing and andrecognize that.
You know we're always told PMTis wrong or it's undesirable.
(42:23):
That about.
Actually it's a time you knowour ancestors would have gone
off to bleed together.
That's where the term the redtent comes from.
So just following your ownnatural cycle, it's a really
good way to understand whereyour body is.
So if you're in that first twoweeks in that estrogen phase.
That's okay to be doing lots ofthings and be busy and be
(42:43):
creative.
But if you're in thatprogesterone phase, take the
time to slow down a little bitmore.
You know, perhaps do more yogaor pilates instead of I don't
know if you do a lot of cardioor running around and what
you'll find is is Coming back toyour body.
Your body really likes you tobe in tune with it, and that's a
really lovely way to know as awoman.
Okay, can I?
(43:04):
Is this a good time for me togo and be doing I don't know,
running a half marathon orsomething, or Taking on a huge
project at the school?
Or is this a time when I needto slow down?
And if you're not having aregular cycle, what you can do
is just follow the moon cycle,which is what I do.
My periods, I just accept wheremy body is.
My periods are irregular,they're slowing down.
(43:25):
That's fine.
I I understand that, but what Iwill do is follow the moon
cycle and I just think bringingit's a very easy, simple way to
come back into, into balance andharmony with our bodies.
It's known as menstrual cycleawareness, mca, and there's lots
of information.
There's a lovely book calledand wild power, written by the
two ladies at the.
Christina Smith (43:46):
Red.
Melissa Ayres (43:46):
School, which is
really lovely, about coming into
tune and awareness with our,with our cycles, which is just a
lovely way to know when we canbe doing lots and when actually
we should be pulling back.
Christina Smith (43:57):
Yeah, and the
last yeah, in the last two years
, when the perimenopausesymptoms started, I started
tracking my like it's actuallyon my calendar now because it's
like okay, when I get my period,I know that there's like two or
three days where my brain islike not functioning the right
way, and so I know that that isnot a time for big projects.
(44:20):
That is not a time for a lot ofdeep thinking.
That's more of a time of mejust Kind of tuning into my body
and being okay with where it islike I just know that I'm gonna
have to.
It would behoove me to slowdown and really tune in.
And and then there is thatperiod, like right after my
(44:40):
period, where, after I've gottenenough sleep because I get
really tired during my periodbut after that, like there's
like a good five days where Ican like whip some stuff out
like really well, it's, I'm veryclear, stuff just gets done.
I'm a lot more focused and sothis is really really impacted
(45:03):
the way that I run my business,the way that I plan my trips,
like Everything so that I canmake sure that I am in the right
space for that.
So that is beautiful, and Iknow that you have a free gift
for our listeners?
Melissa Ayres (45:17):
Tell us about
that, I do so I have a free
30-minute masterclass calledmanaging Paramanipause and
menopause, naturally, where Italk about all of these things
we've talked about and more.
I talk about what I think ofthe Five key disruptors to
hormonal health, how you canmanage those, how, again, I go
into a bit more detail of how Imanaged my Paramanipausal
(45:38):
symptoms as well, so it's fullof lots of lovely wisdom Around.
Yeah, managing this, this lifestage you know, which is a
natural life transition, it'snot an illness, it's not a
deficiency, and you know yourbody, you're equipped to get
through this.
So I hope that it brings womensome some confidence about this
stage of life as well, becausethere's a lot of negativity
(46:01):
around menopause and you knowthe symptoms and a lot of fear
generated around it as well, andactually it's coming back to
that.
Your body knows what it's doing.
Trust your body, it's workingwith you, it's working for you,
it's not working against you.
And actually just a few littletweaks in mindset and and
health-wise and you canTransition through this.
(46:23):
Like the 20%, the 20% of womenworldwide actually go through
Menopause without any symptomsat all.
They sail through relativelysymptom-free.
So it it is possible, and youknow, remember that every
woman's experience Will becompletely unique, so it your
experience is not going to benecessarily about on all the
same as anyone else is.
(46:43):
So, yeah, my masterclass istalking about all of those
things and, yeah, sharing mynuggets of wisdom and Hopefully
restoring some confidence aboutwhat is largely seen as quite a
negative life stage in a woman'slife, which is sad.
Christina Smith (47:01):
Yeah, and
there's other ways yeah and
there's other ways to look at it, because I'm really excited
about midlife.
I think it's great.
Like I, I look forward toleaving the menstruation cycle
behind at some point.
It's the getting there.
But we do hear like terriblestories, and it doesn't have to
be terrible, it could also be.
For me, it's been a time of likereally Getting those wise,
(47:25):
intuitive powers, like reallybeing able to start tuning into
my body and just knowing what itneeds, rather than like what
are these feelings mean and whatdoes it mean.
I like it used to be soconfusing and now I feel like
it's become a lot clearer, butthat's because I gave myself
time and permission to slow downand be like what's really going
(47:46):
on, rather than my body isBetraying me or, you know,
acting wrong.
It's not, and I love that.
You say that this is completelynatural and we can get through
it.
We just have to, like you said,just little tweaks to our
perspective of how we'retreating ourselves and how we're
looking at the situation.
Thank you so much, melissa, forjoining us today.
(48:08):
I really appreciate it.
Melissa Ayres (48:09):
I just want to
finish by saying you know,
tuning into that real femininewisdom which we're so blessed to
have as women.
That's where the magic happens.
Christina Smith (48:20):
I love that.
Yes, tune into your femininewisdom.
It's so powerful.
Thank you all for tuning in.
Thank you, melissa for beinghere.
Go check out Melissa's linksbelow so that you can learn more
and get that master class, andwe will all see you soon.