November 14, 2024 • 44 mins
What happens when you take the leap into volunteering during midlife? This episode of the Inviting Shift podcast explores that transformative journey, guided by host Christina Smith and her insightful panel of guests—Melissa, Maryam, and Jamie. Discover how Melissa's lifelong dedication to animal organizations, Maryam's expertise as a resilience coach, and Jamie's reflections as a retired educator offer diverse perspectives on giving back. Christina also shares her personal story of embracing volunteerism later in life.
Our conversation doesn't shy away from the real challenges of volunteering, whether it's navigating emotional situations or managing disagreements in intense environments. Listen as we discuss the perseverance required to face these complexities head-on and the joy that comes from committing with an open heart. Humility and a willingness to learn prove essential, as we emphasize how stepping into volunteer roles allows for personal growth and meaningful connections, even through tasks that might initially seem daunting or mundane.
OUR GUESTS:
Jamie Bessler is a retired educator. Empty nester. Seeker of personal enrichment. You can find more about Woman Within here.
Maryam Solhjou supports mid-lifers to cultivate intention and wisdom in their relationships so they feel connected and nourished in life's second half.
Connect: Facebook | Instagram | Website
Melissa Simon is an analyst and an animal-lover who volunteers by ofstering animals and running events for her spiritual community. If you have a message for Melissa, please forward it to the host and she'll pass it on.
THE HOST:
Connect with Christina Smith & Inviting Shift on Social: Instagram | Facebook
Free Gift: The Confidence Tool Kit is here to help you walk into the second half like a queen (because you are one already). Get it here.
Email me and tell me what you think: christina@christina-smith.com
Tune In:
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Well, welcome back to the Inviting Shift podcast.
I'm your host, christina Smith,and I have my hair up today
because I have my midlife hotflashes going on, so hopefully
we're going to be okay throughthis conversation.
But I have this reallybeautiful panel of women here to
have a little conversationaround volunteering, because,
(00:21):
well, actually, miriam and Iwere talking about it a few
weeks ago and we're like thisactually is like a bigger deal
for midlife women because wesuddenly have like a little bit
more space often in our lives aswe're letting go of children
and maybe our career is becominga little bit more settled and
we're starting to think aboutthe future and how it is that we
want to make an impact, and atleast that's what it is for me.
(00:43):
So with that, I'm going to haveour guests introduce themselves
.
So, melissa, can you tell us alittle bit about you?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
So I'm a friend of Christina's and I have done a
lot of volunteering throughoutmy life through different
organizations and most currentlyworking with animals, cats in
particular, for our local SPCA,um and churches and charitable
(01:12):
auctions and those sorts ofthings.
You know it's.
It's really brought a lot to mylife, um and and um.
Similarly to Jamie, I justlearned um.
I grew up doing it as well.
It's always just been part ofmy world of giving back, even if
I didn't really have anythingmonetarily to give.
(01:36):
I always have my time.
My time is valuable.
It's become something thatfeels good.
It gives back to me as well asto my community.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Nice, beautiful.
Thank you, melissa.
Sure Mariam.
We've had Mariam on before.
We just love having her, sohere she is again.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Hey, christina, thanks for having me.
Yes, I'm Miriam.
I am a resilience coach and Iwork with folks in midlife men
and women, both to help themcultivate more intention and
wisdom in their relationships.
So the second half of theirlife looks more like they want
it to, and we'll dive into thevolunteer stuff later, right?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Sure, yeah, I would talk about it.
Thanks for sharing who you areand Jamie, who's also been a
part of our panel a couple oftimes before, thank you for
being here.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
Jamie, I am a retired educator and an empty nester
and I have volunteered from anearly age, as a child, and I'm
still doing it now and I get somuch back for myself.
But I like giving, I like whatI see when I'm volunteering.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Thank you, so we're going to start this conversation
off and, as we started, I feellike called because, like many
of you, have been volunteeringfor your entire life.
And that was not me Um, that isnot somehow that I was raised.
Um, we didn't go, we wereconveniently Catholic.
So when my mom thought weneeded it, we went to church,
but we didn't really uhparticipate in, you know, doing
(03:20):
volunteer things.
Um, it was really.
My mom worked two or three jobswhen we were young because she
was a single mom, and so I dowant to put this out there for
those women who are like holycow, I'm working two jobs,
raising children, doing all thisstuff.
How can I possibly think aboutuh volunteering one, it is a
(03:42):
privilege to be able to giveyour time and not have to
survive all of the time, yeah,um.
And two, as we age, or as youage, you might find that this
changes that you have less onyour to-do list and more open
time, if you create that.
So, you know, take thisgingerly and know that we're
(04:04):
going to talk about the factthat we do have some time Now.
For me, the earliest I canremember of actually
volunteering, my time was, Imean, of course, I think in most
high schools some high schoolsthey kind of force you to do
some kind of volunteer work, andso I did that.
I did the requirements right,but I think when I first started
(04:25):
volunteering it was simple,things Like I didn't.
I did the requirements Right,but I think when I first started
volunteering it was simple,things Like I didn't have to
show up anywhere.
It was like making hats for thehomeless or um gathering old
sheets and towels from neighborsand donating them to, like you
know, the SPCA or other sheltersthat needed them.
So I guess what I'm trying tosay is, even if we don't have a
(04:45):
lot of time, there are stillthings that you can do.
I have a friend who doespostcards for, uh, the political
elections, to remind people togo vote or make sure that
they're registered to vote.
So this is always that we cando things that are kind of on
our own time as well.
But tell me, for those of youwho've been volunteering since
(05:10):
you were young, was this likeyou were following in your
parents' footsteps or was thissomething new, or this was just
something like kind of built inas you're being educated by your
parents and teachers?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
So I'll, I'll jump in Um, my, my mom.
I grew up with a single mom.
My mom, um, worked crazy, crazyhours during the week and so
all the volunteering that shewould do from the time I was a
small little girl was on theweekends and um, it was donate,
donating time at um animalshelters, and it was.
(05:44):
We did stuff with the SalvationArmy and we, my mom, was in
real estate and we did quite abit with, even as a young child,
habitat for Humanity just islike.
I have memories of that as ayoung kid could do a lot, but I
was there with my mom and itcontinued on and it made an
(06:08):
impact, especially like throughhigh school and in college, and
it's continued on throughout mylife.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Yeah, I would echo that that my parents,
particularly my mom, would oftenvolunteer and I was just sort
of along for the ride and itbecame not only you know, I was
learning a lot um skills andthings.
I mean, we had some buildingprojects and things that we
would help with too, and um, forme, gave me like a foundation
(06:38):
of this is what community canfeel like and and in, in a way
that we didn't have to be thereright, it wasn't a requirement,
it was something we werechoosing to do and choosing to
help with and be participants in, and so that became really
meaningful for me of you know.
This is somewhere where I canbe with people who not even
(07:01):
necessarily like-mindedness, butsame goal, same target, and we
can work towards that together,regardless of background or, you
know, opinions or anything likethat.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I love that because I think I think it's so much like
for for introverts that I'mmore of an introvert.
It's easier for me to be withpeople when I have something to
do, like when I have a job or ashared goal or a shared
something.
So that's what I'm hearing isone of the benefits that you get
is like it feels good toaccomplish something together,
(07:39):
um, and getting to have thoseconnections, which is also
important in midlife.
So you know if we need moreconnections.
I'm guessing Miriam's going totell me about this, because I
know Miriam makes someconnections.
You want me to dive?
Speaker 3 (07:54):
in, yeah, dive in talk about how they were with
their families and kind oftagging along while their
parents were volunteering.
I didn't have that experience,at least I don't remember
(08:16):
Outside of what was required forme to volunteer.
Most of my just volunteeringstarted I think I was in mid to
late 30s and dabbling indifferent things.
And then, you know, I'vedabbled in different, various
ways of volunteering, likeserving on boards, you know,
(08:38):
donating money, working with therefugees, but all of them have
kind of been short, but all ofthem have kind of been short.
This last year I startedvolunteering at the, my local
animal shelter and it's the mostI've ever been this involved
with volunteering and feelsreally it feels fulfilling.
(08:58):
Yeah, it feels, feelsfulfilling and exactly what
Melissa said, you have thisshared.
We have this shared interest, ashared passion.
You know we have shared joy andwe also have shared grief,
right when there are certainanimals that we cannot help and
the animals that slip throughthe cracks.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
So we also share in the joy and the grief and for me
it's been like the last 15years I've been volunteering and
most of my volunteering isactually around women's circles
and women's groups, and I havealso served on the board of
Women Within the internationalboard, and here's the thing that
(09:43):
they don't always tell youabout volunteering when we talk
about volunteering, I think weautomatically can get this like
really feel good feeling in ourheart and we're like, oh, isn't
that nice of me to donate mytime and and um, what you know
Miriam slightly alluded to isthat it's not always easy Miriam
(10:06):
slightly alluded to is thatit's not always easy, right,
it's not always the feel goodfeeling.
And so, just in case you aresitting there and going, I
volunteered, man, that was likeit was hard Because, again, like
as, even though we're all havethe same, maybe, goal and
passion in mind, we're stilldifferent people and so there's
still going to be challenges.
(10:27):
And especially when I sat on aboard and I mean that's kind of
what the board is supposed to dohash out those hard things and
come up with better ways ofdoing things, even though some
people think how we're doing itis fine and other people are
like, no, it really needs to bechanged.
So there's always going to bechallenges, I think, when we go
(10:49):
to volunteering.
So just assuming that ifthere's a challenge cause I've
seen this happen to many, manyboards is like, if there's a
challenge, like I want to giveup because suddenly it's like,
um, I must not belong here ifI'm having a hard time.
And I would encourage people tolook further than that and
(11:13):
really stick through some of it.
Sure, there might be placeswhere you're giving your time
and if it's like over timeyou're like, wow, this really is
giving me nothing, then that'ssomething like over time you're
like, wow, this really is givingme nothing, and that that's
something.
But I think the hardestvolunteer position I ever had
was on that international board,and it's because at the time I
was on there, we were talkingabout some really dicey issues
(11:35):
and you know, people had very,very different ways of believing
around it and they were quitepassionate about their beliefs.
And what was really lovelyabout that is we were lucky to
have a woman named Shartosi, whofounded the organization, who
would stop everything and makeus do our own work about things
(12:00):
and get through it.
So at the end of the day wecould still have dinner together
and nobody was angry about whatwas going on.
They were just.
They all felt heard and allfelt loved and cared for, which
doesn't happen everywhere.
That's a women's organization.
I'm willing to bet that some ofyou have some stories about how
(12:20):
it wasn't great sometimes, andI'd be happy to hear them, just
that we can really have arealistic look at volunteering.
And this is not to discourageanyone.
This is to get like the realityof it, so that we're all
prepared for what it is thatthat we want to do.
And you know we'll talk aboutthe benefits and all the
(12:42):
beautiful things that we'vegotten from it too.
But I just I want to get thehard stuff out of the way, cause
I know that we can create thislike fairytale around, like, oh,
you just show up, you bang somenails and you built a house and
it's beautiful.
Everybody's just laughingtogether.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
I can definitely speak to that.
I think the greatest skill Igandered from volunteering is it
really really helped me learnboundaries.
Because if you're with anorganization that maybe doesn't
have so many volunteers, it'svery easy to be the it for all
(13:27):
the things.
And so knowing exactly what youwant to be able to contribute,
what you're willing tocompromise on versus you know
whether that's time or theenergy, or you know you know
whether that's time or theenergy, or you know dealing with
conflict resolution, you knowjust knowing where you are going
(13:55):
into it can be really reallyhelpful because it sets a tone
that you know from the secondyou start.
Because if you don't, what Ifound for myself is if I didn't
set those boundaries that I waswalked all over and ended up
putting, putting in so much morethan I was getting out of it
and then trying to get back outof that is is even trickier.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yes, cause once you start saying yes, they're like
oh, call Christina, she says yesto everything.
In fact, I remember a few yearsago when I was moving from the
East Coast to the West Coast Iwas still traveling and there
was people from the West CoastWomen Organization that was like
hey, do you want to be on ourboard, do you want to volunteer?
And it's like I haven't evengotten a house yet.
(14:40):
Hold on, give me a second.
But that's I mean, and it feelslovely to be wanted and loved.
And it was really important forme to go to really check in
with myself and say is thisright for me?
Is how much do I want to give,in what capacity do I want to
(15:01):
give it and where are myboundaries?
And I mean not that any ofthese organizations are bad,
it's just it's easy to go to theperson who says yes, and
especially if they don't haveboundaries, but it's really easy
because it's like Melissa'salways going to say yes, no
problem, just ask her She'll getit done.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
I'll jump in on that.
And I think boundaries, likeMelissa said, are like just yeah
, like having the attitude of Iwant to keep learning about
(15:42):
myself and about other peopleand that there may be some
discomfort, and what can I learnfrom that?
You know what?
Speaker 1 (15:51):
I say Discomfort is growth, discomfort is important,
it is how we grow.
If we didn't, we're notuncomfortable, we would not grow
.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Yeah, didn't we're not uncomfortable, we would not
grow.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Yeah, so, yeah.
So boundaries are really,really important for you to be
clear on what is it that youwant to give.
I think that that's probablyone of the biggest spots, and I
love the idea that Jamie justbrought up about growth, because
it, like volunteering, hastaught me a lot about myself.
In fact, like a lot of myoriginal confidence comes from
(16:25):
sitting on that board, becausewhen they asked me to be on the
board and we did the wholeinterview and everything, it was
like I was like nervous.
I was like these are women whohave years and years and years
of experience.
They know what they're talkingabout and in their different
like you know their littledifferent director roles, like
you know, the finance personknew everything.
(16:47):
The person who knew how tocreate structure in a nonprofit
she knew everything.
And I just was like wow, I'mjust sitting here feeling really
small at first and over time, Ireally grew into my confidence
because I was like wow, theyactually respect what it is that
I do and what I give and thewisdom that I have, and that was
(17:09):
pretty amazing.
So sometimes stepping up intosomething is pretty amazing and
those are just some of thebenefits that I got was like I
really started seeing myself asone of those queens at the table
, rather than the person at thelow end of the totem pole.
I'm wondering what otherbenefits have you all gotten
(17:32):
from volunteering?
Why is it that we want to giveour time?
Because we don't have to right.
We could be doing somethingelse.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
We could be Netflixing could be doing
something else.
We could be Netflixing.
Well, christina, I can justspeak to speaking to what you
just mentioned, because you andI had this conversation before
where you had to step up intothat role, like for me, like
this last year working at theshelter, you know, there were
often times where I had to stoopdown and actually clean up
(18:02):
crates with poop and pee anddirty blankets and at first I
was like wait a minute, I have agraduate degree, I should be
doing, I should be doingsomething different.
And it was so.
It was really humbling and likewell, after a while it's like
well, why shouldn't I do this?
This dog needs a clean crate.
Why shouldn't I get down andand clean up the crate?
(18:24):
So it was just a kind ofopposite of what you were
talking to earlier.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
To piggyback on that a little bit too.
I, when Christina was talking,you know, I was reminded of, you
know, coming into it with asense of humility too.
Right, like this, this to me,this is a new organization and I
don't know all the things, so,you know, being open to what,
(18:53):
what information, what learning,what processes are working for
for whatever I'm doing, humilitybecame really important for me
to not not that I'm, you know,have a whole lot of ego going
into something, but you know we,especially at this point in my
(19:13):
life, right, like I've got somethings figured out in my head,
right, somebody else might haveit figured out better than me
being open to oh, I see whatyou're doing there.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, I love that Cause I've seen people step up
to like board positions causethey like the name or the title
and then it's like but theydidn't really want to do the
work, um, and that was reallyreally challenging Cause.
Then it's like okay, so why areyou here If, like, you can't
(19:45):
just grab the title right, youcan't just be like oh, I'm a
volunteer, I do this thing, I'ma director, but most nonprofits
that I've worked for are not thehuge ones that pay people.
They are volunteer positionsonly, and when it comes to that,
they need people who areactually going to do the work
and sometimes clean up the poopand the pee.
(20:07):
Right, like, yes, would yourather be using your skills in
some other way?
Sure, but there is somethingreally beautiful about being
humbly open to doing whatever isactually needed, right, like if
I'm, if I'm really good at Idon't know, making straws, like,
but nobody needs a straw, thenthat's going to be a problem.
(20:29):
Right, I need to be able togive in ways in which an
organization can actuallyreceive that too.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
So I think for myself like especially now as starting
year two, as an empty nester.
For me, it's like I getconnection out of volunteering.
I've made like lovely friendsand even acquaintances, and the
other part of this for me is isjust like I grew up volunteering
(20:58):
.
I want my daughters to see whatI'm giving back of myself and
you know, my young, 19 year old,was like mom, why are you doing
this?
And I we had a discussion andum it prompted her to figure out
how she can volunteer um on hercollege campus Awesome.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Lovely?
Yeah, I think it.
I think it is something that Imean.
I know we talked about it beingprivilege earlier, but I think
a lot of us have a little bit oftime.
We could be giving here orthere and again, even if that's
like crocheting hats for thehomeless or going to the local
shelter and saying, do you justneed somebody to walk the dogs
(21:44):
once a day?
Or something you know like,whatever it is, how can we fit
that in?
Because to me there is like asense of pride that I'm offering
something without anyexpectation of return, and
that's really what brings me joyis that I'm not there for the
money.
I'm not there for um, sometitle or better, you know better
(22:11):
idea of who I am all the time,but sometimes it's just about
being able to give freely, whichis really really sweet, um, and
there's so many ways of doingit.
Um.
So what can women do if theywant to volunteer?
I loved what um Jamie said.
One of the biggest things Icontinue to volunteer for is
(22:34):
cause I meet women and I, likehave groups of women that I've
met from volunteering indifferent aspects.
Men too, but I cherish my womenfriends more.
I really do, um, but I causeI've I've done like other
volunteered for um, the men'sorganization, to come talk to
(22:54):
them to do workshops with myhusband, um, so we've done that
too.
But I guess, um, there's somany opportunities out there and
I think that we forget aboutthat, and I'm always the one who
was like, well, if it's not outthere, you should just create
it.
Um, so I'm curious as to whatare some unique volunteer
(23:20):
positions that maybe you've hador even heard of, that you
haven't had or maybe you want toexplore in the future.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
So I actually, after the pandemic, I approached
several of the senior centersand there were people not that
much older than me who needed tolearn how to use Zoom, older
than me who who needed to learnhow to use zoom, and it was like
(23:50):
, okay, like I'm giving my timeand and I felt really good doing
it, and people were soappreciative.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Such a simple thing, right Like, and you would think,
like what is the big deal?
But it is a big deal to anelder person who their only
contact is now through Zoombecause everything's on lockdown
or you know they and to be ableto connect with people that
they love or just to meet newpeople via Zoom.
Such a big, such a big impact.
(24:16):
I can imagine that made intheir lives and even though it
might have felt so small to you,like what is this their lives?
And even though it might havefelt so small to you, like what
is this?
But all those elders thatdidn't have young grandchildren
or whatever to teach them how todo it I know that you've also
volunteered your timetranslating as well in the past.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
I'm, spanish is my second language and, yeah, I've
translated pretty much a lot ofthe time.
When my kids were in school, ifthey needed a translator, I was
approached and I translated atquite a few of the special ed
meetings.
And now I mean there's apossibility, like the airport,
(25:00):
the Phoenix airport needstranslators right now, and so
it's.
There's so much out there.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yeah, what I love about that is like you use your
specific gifts right.
I mean, like that's the thingthat you have you can speak a
second language.
That's such a great gift to beable to provide Right.
Such a great gift to be able toprovide Right.
And so we all use our differentgifts, whether that's like
(25:29):
loving animals or being able todo organization in a nonprofit
and even just organize theiradministrative processes, or the
way that they do things.
Who else is using their special, special gifts?
I love gifts and strengths.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
And I love when we lean into them.
Well, you know I can chime inon that and you know this goes
to me failing a few times beforeI finally found how I can make
it work for me.
So, given this whole situationwith we had so many dogs in the
shelters, I thought I would letme foster a dog to help out the
community.
Right?
Ended up being just a disasterfor me and the dog and I had to
(26:09):
give the dog back.
I was crying for several days.
So I started to do a littledigging and just I took a step
back and I thought to myselfokay, let me think differently
about this situation.
What are my skills?
So I have a background inorganizational psychology.
I'm like, okay, let me thinkdifferently about this situation
.
What are my skills?
So I have a background inorganizational psychology.
I'm like, okay, so how can Iuse my background and my skills
(26:30):
to maybe help the rescues getmore organized, maybe help the
shelters get more organized,right?
So that's when I started doingdigging and contacting these
organizations to see, you know,which one of them needs help.
So right now, at the shelterthat I'm working at, I spend the
majority of my time using myorganizational psych skills and
(26:53):
then just like maybe a quarterof the time actually working
with animals, because this wayI'm making more of an impact on
the organization right andimpacting more animals than if I
were to just to work with oneanimal at a time.
So that's how it's.
It's worked for me so far.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
And I love that, because by midlife we each have
like a set of our own specialgifts and skills, and so being
able to identify that there's alot of you know, because high
schools require some students togo do volunteer work, they have
a lot of inexperienced peoplethat can be, you know, doing the
cleanup and can do all theseother things, and often some of
(27:32):
these nonprofits need thesehigher skills that they would
otherwise either have to pay for, which they may not be able to
afford, or they just forego itand then they're not as
efficient and productive as theycould be.
So, really, looking at, whatskills did you have in your
career and how can you movethose forward?
(27:53):
And I know Melissa uses a lotof them because she's a really
smart cookie and she's got a lotof skills.
Share with us how you use yourskills and in your work.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
I feel like I'm on the spot, but I know you do it
for um, for your church.
Yes, so for many years I haverun they.
They do an annual um auctionwhere people create things and
they donate them and wecoordinate that.
(28:27):
So I've been the coordinatorfor the whole thing for 20 years
now.
So my mom used to run it and soI kind of inherited it for a
while and so I kind of inheritedit for a while and so I think
learning how to manage peoplebecame a big part of that.
(28:49):
And it is interesting becauseit does sort of go back and
forth right, like what skills doI innately bring to it?
You know, learned through workand professional growth, and
then and then vice versa, whathave I learned from from this
volunteering that I bring backto my professional life?
(29:10):
And, um, I mean, I've gotten somuch growth on on both sides
and can pull from from thosevarious things.
Um, that's been it's.
It's been really helpful.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Yeah, I love that Cause you can like it's when you
volunteer at a shelter.
It doesn't have to be justwalking dogs, it doesn't have to
be just fostering.
However, those are often skillstoo.
We have a friend, john McCartan, that I'm putting his name out
there.
I hope you're okay with that,but he, uh, his whole like life
(29:44):
has been like finding coloniesof cats that are just out there
and taking care of them andtrapping them one by one to make
sure that they've, all you know, gotten fixed, and then he
releases them again if, if,they're fit to be released.
Um, but he's, he's been doingthat for decades and that's just
who he is.
He doesn't do it for any onespecific organization, he just
(30:07):
does it because he loves thecats and he's really good with
them.
They come right up to him andthey tend to, like you know,
trust him.
So his skill is like being likethe cat whisperer.
That's what I call him.
Oh, beautiful.
One more thing I wanted to talkabout is just that knowing when
(30:29):
it's time to move on and I knowthat this is hard, but like
knowing when either you want tovolunteer in a different way or
you want to volunteer, like, ata different organization or
whatever.
And I guess this comes up forme because one of the hardest
things about volunteering for mewas when I was on the board
(30:51):
they had asked me to stay asecond term, even though I knew
in my heart there was no way Icould manage it, because what
was expected of that positionwas way beyond what I could give
it and that was really hard forme.
And I sat in this position of,well, I have to cause, nobody
else will do it, what if theycan't get someone else to do
(31:13):
this?
And I guess one of the biggestlessons I learned was um, I
finally did leave, but I leftwhen it got to be so much that I
was like I finally did leave,but I left when it got to be so
much that I was like way over myhead and I left with a fury and
a fit and a like I just can'tdo this like a breakdown.
But what was really beautifuland a huge lesson that it taught
(31:35):
me was when I moved out of theway.
They got like four or five womento come in and one of them
became director, but the rest ofthem actually supported her.
And it happened right beforethe pandemic, and during the
pandemic they built this wholelike online site for the
organization.
(31:55):
They did things that I wouldhave never been able to get to,
that I could have only havedreamt of, and if I had stayed
in that position, that may nothave happened, right?
So sometimes abdicating is alsogetting somebody else in this
space, and I bring this upbecause it's also about, um,
like what Jamie was saying abouther daughters, like it's also
(32:17):
about bringing new people intothe fold, or Melissa's mom to
like bringing new people in thefold and going.
Mom to like bringing new peoplein the fold and going okay,
somebody else should know thisskill.
Somebody else has gifts to givehere, and how can we create
space for other people to sharetheir gifts, get the growth that
we've all gotten from beingvolunteers?
(32:39):
Um, however uncomfortable thatis and you know, has this ever
even occurred for anybody else?
I'm the only one that's standinghere and going.
Maybe I should just do this forthe rest of my life, just to
make other people happy.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 4 (32:58):
What I can think of, like presently volunteering.
Um, the thing that like and itdawned on me like last week is I
like, actually I'm going tostart actively seeking shadows,
for people to shadow me, so thatit is not just me, and at that,
and that when I am ready tomove on, it may mean stepping
(33:22):
into leadership, it may meancompletely different direction,
that it just won't be a big deal.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Beautiful.
That's a beautiful thought.
Melissa, you had something.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
It's funny that you mentioned this, because just
today I stepped down from doingthe auction this year officially
and there's there's a littlebit of scrambling, you know now.
Now what do we do?
And I've been, I've been askingfor a couple of years for
(33:57):
shadowing for um.
You know we need to grow thisteam.
You know it's becoming too much, you know.
And so even last year I createdsome space for other people to
step in and I still had to kindof do it.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
We talked about this because the thing is that when
you let go, you have to let go.
And that's the hard part right?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Well, because I don't want to watch it.
I want it, Right, that'sbecause I don't want to watch it
.
You know I want it.
So, so, officially this year.
Literally like a couple ofhours ago, I had a conversation
and said you know, no, I cannotdo it this year.
I'm willing to, you know, passthe baton Right.
(34:44):
I'm not, I'm not about to, youknow, say I'm over my head, I've
had enough.
You know, go go find somebodyelse.
I want to gracefully pass thatbaton, Um, but I need somebody
else to pick it up.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
And then there's this balance of like, what do you
let go of of it not being theway that you want it to be right
?
Like what is unsafe versusuncomfortable?
We know all this question.
I ask it a lot, but what is?
Um, yeah, what can I let go ofthat?
Okay, it's not going to be theway that I do it and I'm going
to have to allow that to be okay, because, just the example I
(35:22):
was giving, if I would have beenlike, oh, you have to do it the
way that I was doing it, wellthen we wouldn't have this
influx of women who did newthings and did awesome things
that I probably never would havethought of.
Or I'd have been like oh, thatway sounds like way too much,
too ambitious, can't do that.
And we don't want to like,stall other people's ideas as
(35:42):
well.
So, yeah, there's definitely abalance between like how can I
teach this?
And creating those boundariesof like I'm teaching it, I'm not
doing it Right.
I know that's a big one for you, because it's easier, as we all
know, it's easier just to do ityourself sometimes than to do
it, than to teach someone else,but that is the legacy that we
(36:05):
have to leave, as we have totake the time to teach the
things as well.
So, yeah, how about you, miriam?
Anything around that?
Have you had to let go ofpositions or volunteering?
That was hard.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
Yeah, I've stayed in.
Exactly what you said stayed intoo long, sometimes Wish that I
had left earlier, but I alsothink that it's a learning
process, right?
So I've got to get over my head.
I had to get over my head a fewtimes and get stretched too
thin for me to finally learn toset those boundaries and say,
(36:40):
okay, no, I can't do anymoreright, or I'm stepping down, or
you know it's enough.
So, um, yeah, I've been there.
I think.
I think everybody whovolunteers has probably been
there at some point.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Yeah, and I just I want I love to mention it,
though, cause I don't I wantpeople to go volunteer and I
want them to know that they'regoing to come up against these
walls Most of us have.
Most people who give their timeare often asked to give more
because they've already said yes.
It's an easy end, right?
It's harder to convincesomebody to volunteer for the
first time than just to say yesto one more thing, and so that's
(37:16):
really important, awesome.
So we're going to close thisout with one piece of wisdom
from each person, and I'll golast, because I know I'll
probably repeat some of thethings that y'all say anyway.
So, um, let me see if I cancome up with something unique,
but with that, melissa what'syour takeaway or piece of wisdom
?
Speaker 2 (37:36):
Say you know, something that I've I've heard
Christina say over the years isbe curious, allow yourself to.
It's an opportunity to trythings that, um, it's an
opportunity to try things thatyou may not have had any
exposure to in community gardens, and you know the SPCA, and
there's just, there's so manybeautiful organizations that are
(37:57):
doing so many good things thatyou know, just, let yourself be
curious of of.
You know, try it for a month,try it for, you know, a quarter,
a year, whatever, and, and youdon't, there doesn't need to be
a commitment out of the gate.
Speaker 3 (38:13):
Two things that I want to stress in in relation to
the stage of life that we're inis one is in this stage of life
we tend to become lonelier.
I see this in my clients and Isee this in my circle of friends
, and I think volunteering withsomething that we're passionate
about and sharing that passionwith a community of people is so
(38:36):
undervalued in our age group.
So that's like a one big thingthat I want to encourage people
in our age group to.
You know, just get out thereand get curious and, you know,
try out different, various formsof volunteering, because that
really is the key to connectingus to other people and, you know
(38:58):
, creating that connection.
So that's one really importantthing.
And the second thing aroundthat is also in our age and
stage that we're at, we'relooking for more meaning and
purpose in our life and thisreally is the pathway to get us
there right Getting curiousabout what our passions are and
how we can find that meaning andpurpose through volunteering in
(39:21):
those industries.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
Beautiful.
And Miriam, how can peoplereach you?
Speaker 3 (39:26):
Beautiful and Miriam, how can people reach you?
They have my website.
I'm stumbling on my words.
I'm on Instagram at Embraceyour Wisdom.
You can find me at Embrace yourWisdom on Instagram and I think
you're going to put a link tomy website and how they can
contact me if they'd like to.
Speaker 4 (39:44):
Yeah, Sure will Thanks Miriam and Jamie they can
contact me if they like to.
Yeah, sure.
Well, thanks, miriam and Jamie.
Well, after the two beautifulum, I think what I'll add is is
just be open to possibilities,that even at this emptiness
stage of my life, um, I liketrying new things and if it
(40:04):
doesn't fit and it's not, itdoesn't feel comfortable I'll
try something else, and I likebeing open to that.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
I like that, yeah, beautiful.
And anybody who wants toconnect with Melissa or Jamie
can do that through me.
Just send me an email.
My information is below and Iwill make sure that that gets
passed on to them.
My piece of wisdom, let's see.
Well, we've mentioned boundarieslots and lots of time, but I
think I would just go heavy intowhat is your skillset and what
(40:38):
are your passions, right, andget that Venn diagram together
and then start looking uporganizations.
If animals are your passion,look up the shelters and see
what kind of help that theycould actually use, or even
email them, because some of themI mean some of them might not
know that they need a Miriam whocan come in and like, organize
their processes and make themmore efficient.
(40:59):
So, really reaching out to theplaces that you want and asking
them, put the question out there.
You know how.
These are my skills.
How can I help you?
I'd love to do that.
I think would be a great thing.
Good, and sometimes, if we can'tfind what we're looking for, we
have to build it, and I thinkthat that's really important.
I've there's been plenty ofplaces where I did not have a
(41:21):
women's circle and I built it.
Um, I volunteered my time.
I ran lots of open circles andI built what I wanted.
I've done that with networkinggroups out of volunteering all
kinds of things.
So if you don't see it, maybeconsider building it and with
that, thank you all youbeautiful women for showing up
(41:42):
today and volunteering your timeno one was paying for this and
just sharing how it is thatvolunteering has been supporting
your life, and I think thatmidlife is a stage where we can
start to think about that againas our lives settle a little bit
.
So thank you all and thank you,audience, for tuning in.
(42:03):
We'll talk to you next week.
Are you ending?
Well, welcome back to the Inviting Shift podcast.
I'm your host, christina Smith,and I have my hair up today
because I have my midlife hotflashes going on, so hopefully
we're going to be okay throughthis conversation.
But I have this reallybeautiful panel of women here to
have a little conversationaround volunteering, because,
(00:21):
well, actually, miriam and Iwere talking about it a few
weeks ago and we're like thisactually is like a bigger deal
for midlife women because wesuddenly have like a little bit
more space often in our lives aswe're letting go of children
and maybe our career is becominga little bit more settled and
we're starting to think aboutthe future and how it is that we
want to make an impact, and atleast that's what it is for me.
(00:43):
So with that, I'm going to haveour guests introduce themselves
.
So, melissa, can you tell us alittle bit about you?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
So I'm a friend of Christina's and I have done a
lot of volunteering throughoutmy life through different
organizations and most currentlyworking with animals, cats in
particular, for our local SPCA,um and churches and charitable
(01:12):
auctions and those sorts ofthings.
You know it's.
It's really brought a lot to mylife, um and and um.
Similarly to Jamie, I justlearned um.
I grew up doing it as well.
It's always just been part ofmy world of giving back, even if
I didn't really have anythingmonetarily to give.
(01:36):
I always have my time.
My time is valuable.
It's become something thatfeels good.
It gives back to me as well asto my community.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Nice, beautiful.
Thank you, melissa.
Sure Mariam.
We've had Mariam on before.
We just love having her, sohere she is again.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Hey, christina, thanks for having me.
Yes, I'm Miriam.
I am a resilience coach and Iwork with folks in midlife men
and women, both to help themcultivate more intention and
wisdom in their relationships.
So the second half of theirlife looks more like they want
it to, and we'll dive into thevolunteer stuff later, right?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Sure, yeah, I would talk about it.
Thanks for sharing who you areand Jamie, who's also been a
part of our panel a couple oftimes before, thank you for
being here.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
Jamie, I am a retired educator and an empty nester
and I have volunteered from anearly age, as a child, and I'm
still doing it now and I get somuch back for myself.
But I like giving, I like whatI see when I'm volunteering.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Thank you, so we're going to start this conversation
off and, as we started, I feellike called because, like many
of you, have been volunteeringfor your entire life.
And that was not me Um, that isnot somehow that I was raised.
Um, we didn't go, we wereconveniently Catholic.
So when my mom thought weneeded it, we went to church,
but we didn't really uhparticipate in, you know, doing
(03:20):
volunteer things.
Um, it was really.
My mom worked two or three jobswhen we were young because she
was a single mom, and so I dowant to put this out there for
those women who are like holycow, I'm working two jobs,
raising children, doing all thisstuff.
How can I possibly think aboutuh volunteering one, it is a
(03:42):
privilege to be able to giveyour time and not have to
survive all of the time, yeah,um.
And two, as we age, or as youage, you might find that this
changes that you have less onyour to-do list and more open
time, if you create that.
So, you know, take thisgingerly and know that we're
(04:04):
going to talk about the factthat we do have some time Now.
For me, the earliest I canremember of actually
volunteering, my time was, Imean, of course, I think in most
high schools some high schoolsthey kind of force you to do
some kind of volunteer work, andso I did that.
I did the requirements right,but I think when I first started
(04:25):
volunteering it was simple,things Like I didn't.
I did the requirements Right,but I think when I first started
volunteering it was simple,things Like I didn't have to
show up anywhere.
It was like making hats for thehomeless or um gathering old
sheets and towels from neighborsand donating them to, like you
know, the SPCA or other sheltersthat needed them.
So I guess what I'm trying tosay is, even if we don't have a
(04:45):
lot of time, there are stillthings that you can do.
I have a friend who doespostcards for, uh, the political
elections, to remind people togo vote or make sure that
they're registered to vote.
So this is always that we cando things that are kind of on
our own time as well.
But tell me, for those of youwho've been volunteering since
(05:10):
you were young, was this likeyou were following in your
parents' footsteps or was thissomething new, or this was just
something like kind of built inas you're being educated by your
parents and teachers?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
So I'll, I'll jump in Um, my, my mom.
I grew up with a single mom.
My mom, um, worked crazy, crazyhours during the week and so
all the volunteering that shewould do from the time I was a
small little girl was on theweekends and um, it was donate,
donating time at um animalshelters, and it was.
(05:44):
We did stuff with the SalvationArmy and we, my mom, was in
real estate and we did quite abit with, even as a young child,
habitat for Humanity just islike.
I have memories of that as ayoung kid could do a lot, but I
was there with my mom and itcontinued on and it made an
(06:08):
impact, especially like throughhigh school and in college, and
it's continued on throughout mylife.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Yeah, I would echo that that my parents,
particularly my mom, would oftenvolunteer and I was just sort
of along for the ride and itbecame not only you know, I was
learning a lot um skills andthings.
I mean, we had some buildingprojects and things that we
would help with too, and um, forme, gave me like a foundation
(06:38):
of this is what community canfeel like and and in, in a way
that we didn't have to be thereright, it wasn't a requirement,
it was something we werechoosing to do and choosing to
help with and be participants in, and so that became really
meaningful for me of you know.
This is somewhere where I canbe with people who not even
(07:01):
necessarily like-mindedness, butsame goal, same target, and we
can work towards that together,regardless of background or, you
know, opinions or anything likethat.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I love that because I think I think it's so much like
for for introverts that I'mmore of an introvert.
It's easier for me to be withpeople when I have something to
do, like when I have a job or ashared goal or a shared
something.
So that's what I'm hearing isone of the benefits that you get
is like it feels good toaccomplish something together,
(07:39):
um, and getting to have thoseconnections, which is also
important in midlife.
So you know if we need moreconnections.
I'm guessing Miriam's going totell me about this, because I
know Miriam makes someconnections.
You want me to dive?
Speaker 3 (07:54):
in, yeah, dive in talk about how they were with
their families and kind oftagging along while their
parents were volunteering.
I didn't have that experience,at least I don't remember
(08:16):
Outside of what was required forme to volunteer.
Most of my just volunteeringstarted I think I was in mid to
late 30s and dabbling indifferent things.
And then, you know, I'vedabbled in different, various
ways of volunteering, likeserving on boards, you know,
(08:38):
donating money, working with therefugees, but all of them have
kind of been short, but all ofthem have kind of been short.
This last year I startedvolunteering at the, my local
animal shelter and it's the mostI've ever been this involved
with volunteering and feelsreally it feels fulfilling.
(08:58):
Yeah, it feels, feelsfulfilling and exactly what
Melissa said, you have thisshared.
We have this shared interest, ashared passion.
You know we have shared joy andwe also have shared grief,
right when there are certainanimals that we cannot help and
the animals that slip throughthe cracks.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
So we also share in the joy and the grief and for me
it's been like the last 15years I've been volunteering and
most of my volunteering isactually around women's circles
and women's groups, and I havealso served on the board of
Women Within the internationalboard, and here's the thing that
(09:43):
they don't always tell youabout volunteering when we talk
about volunteering, I think weautomatically can get this like
really feel good feeling in ourheart and we're like, oh, isn't
that nice of me to donate mytime and and um, what you know
Miriam slightly alluded to isthat it's not always easy Miriam
(10:06):
slightly alluded to is thatit's not always easy, right,
it's not always the feel goodfeeling.
And so, just in case you aresitting there and going, I
volunteered, man, that was likeit was hard Because, again, like
as, even though we're all havethe same, maybe, goal and
passion in mind, we're stilldifferent people and so there's
still going to be challenges.
(10:27):
And especially when I sat on aboard and I mean that's kind of
what the board is supposed to dohash out those hard things and
come up with better ways ofdoing things, even though some
people think how we're doing itis fine and other people are
like, no, it really needs to bechanged.
So there's always going to bechallenges, I think, when we go
(10:49):
to volunteering.
So just assuming that ifthere's a challenge cause I've
seen this happen to many, manyboards is like, if there's a
challenge, like I want to giveup because suddenly it's like,
um, I must not belong here ifI'm having a hard time.
And I would encourage people tolook further than that and
(11:13):
really stick through some of it.
Sure, there might be placeswhere you're giving your time
and if it's like over timeyou're like, wow, this really is
giving me nothing, then that'ssomething like over time you're
like, wow, this really is givingme nothing, and that that's
something.
But I think the hardestvolunteer position I ever had
was on that international board,and it's because at the time I
was on there, we were talkingabout some really dicey issues
(11:35):
and you know, people had very,very different ways of believing
around it and they were quitepassionate about their beliefs.
And what was really lovelyabout that is we were lucky to
have a woman named Shartosi, whofounded the organization, who
would stop everything and makeus do our own work about things
(12:00):
and get through it.
So at the end of the day wecould still have dinner together
and nobody was angry about whatwas going on.
They were just.
They all felt heard and allfelt loved and cared for, which
doesn't happen everywhere.
That's a women's organization.
I'm willing to bet that some ofyou have some stories about how
(12:20):
it wasn't great sometimes, andI'd be happy to hear them, just
that we can really have arealistic look at volunteering.
And this is not to discourageanyone.
This is to get like the realityof it, so that we're all
prepared for what it is thatthat we want to do.
And you know we'll talk aboutthe benefits and all the
(12:42):
beautiful things that we'vegotten from it too.
But I just I want to get thehard stuff out of the way, cause
I know that we can create thislike fairytale around, like, oh,
you just show up, you bang somenails and you built a house and
it's beautiful.
Everybody's just laughingtogether.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
I can definitely speak to that.
I think the greatest skill Igandered from volunteering is it
really really helped me learnboundaries.
Because if you're with anorganization that maybe doesn't
have so many volunteers, it'svery easy to be the it for all
(13:27):
the things.
And so knowing exactly what youwant to be able to contribute,
what you're willing tocompromise on versus you know
whether that's time or theenergy, or you know you know
whether that's time or theenergy, or you know dealing with
conflict resolution, you knowjust knowing where you are going
(13:55):
into it can be really reallyhelpful because it sets a tone
that you know from the secondyou start.
Because if you don't, what Ifound for myself is if I didn't
set those boundaries that I waswalked all over and ended up
putting, putting in so much morethan I was getting out of it
and then trying to get back outof that is is even trickier.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yes, cause once you start saying yes, they're like
oh, call Christina, she says yesto everything.
In fact, I remember a few yearsago when I was moving from the
East Coast to the West Coast Iwas still traveling and there
was people from the West CoastWomen Organization that was like
hey, do you want to be on ourboard, do you want to volunteer?
And it's like I haven't evengotten a house yet.
(14:40):
Hold on, give me a second.
But that's I mean, and it feelslovely to be wanted and loved.
And it was really important forme to go to really check in
with myself and say is thisright for me?
Is how much do I want to give,in what capacity do I want to
(15:01):
give it and where are myboundaries?
And I mean not that any ofthese organizations are bad,
it's just it's easy to go to theperson who says yes, and
especially if they don't haveboundaries, but it's really easy
because it's like Melissa'salways going to say yes, no
problem, just ask her She'll getit done.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
I'll jump in on that.
And I think boundaries, likeMelissa said, are like just yeah
, like having the attitude of Iwant to keep learning about
(15:42):
myself and about other peopleand that there may be some
discomfort, and what can I learnfrom that?
You know what?
Speaker 1 (15:51):
I say Discomfort is growth, discomfort is important,
it is how we grow.
If we didn't, we're notuncomfortable, we would not grow
.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Yeah, didn't we're not uncomfortable, we would not
grow.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Yeah, so, yeah.
So boundaries are really,really important for you to be
clear on what is it that youwant to give.
I think that that's probablyone of the biggest spots, and I
love the idea that Jamie justbrought up about growth, because
it, like volunteering, hastaught me a lot about myself.
In fact, like a lot of myoriginal confidence comes from
(16:25):
sitting on that board, becausewhen they asked me to be on the
board and we did the wholeinterview and everything, it was
like I was like nervous.
I was like these are women whohave years and years and years
of experience.
They know what they're talkingabout and in their different
like you know their littledifferent director roles, like
you know, the finance personknew everything.
(16:47):
The person who knew how tocreate structure in a nonprofit
she knew everything.
And I just was like wow, I'mjust sitting here feeling really
small at first and over time, Ireally grew into my confidence
because I was like wow, theyactually respect what it is that
I do and what I give and thewisdom that I have, and that was
(17:09):
pretty amazing.
So sometimes stepping up intosomething is pretty amazing and
those are just some of thebenefits that I got was like I
really started seeing myself asone of those queens at the table
, rather than the person at thelow end of the totem pole.
I'm wondering what otherbenefits have you all gotten
(17:32):
from volunteering?
Why is it that we want to giveour time?
Because we don't have to right.
We could be doing somethingelse.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
We could be Netflixing could be doing
something else.
We could be Netflixing.
Well, christina, I can justspeak to speaking to what you
just mentioned, because you andI had this conversation before
where you had to step up intothat role, like for me, like
this last year working at theshelter, you know, there were
often times where I had to stoopdown and actually clean up
(18:02):
crates with poop and pee anddirty blankets and at first I
was like wait a minute, I have agraduate degree, I should be
doing, I should be doingsomething different.
And it was so.
It was really humbling and likewell, after a while it's like
well, why shouldn't I do this?
This dog needs a clean crate.
Why shouldn't I get down andand clean up the crate?
(18:24):
So it was just a kind ofopposite of what you were
talking to earlier.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
To piggyback on that a little bit too.
I, when Christina was talking,you know, I was reminded of, you
know, coming into it with asense of humility too.
Right, like this, this to me,this is a new organization and I
don't know all the things, so,you know, being open to what,
(18:53):
what information, what learning,what processes are working for
for whatever I'm doing, humilitybecame really important for me
to not not that I'm, you know,have a whole lot of ego going
into something, but you know we,especially at this point in my
(19:13):
life, right, like I've got somethings figured out in my head,
right, somebody else might haveit figured out better than me
being open to oh, I see whatyou're doing there.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, I love that Cause I've seen people step up
to like board positions causethey like the name or the title
and then it's like but theydidn't really want to do the
work, um, and that was reallyreally challenging Cause.
Then it's like okay, so why areyou here If, like, you can't
(19:45):
just grab the title right, youcan't just be like oh, I'm a
volunteer, I do this thing, I'ma director, but most nonprofits
that I've worked for are not thehuge ones that pay people.
They are volunteer positionsonly, and when it comes to that,
they need people who areactually going to do the work
and sometimes clean up the poopand the pee.
(20:07):
Right, like, yes, would yourather be using your skills in
some other way?
Sure, but there is somethingreally beautiful about being
humbly open to doing whatever isactually needed, right, like if
I'm, if I'm really good at Idon't know, making straws, like,
but nobody needs a straw, thenthat's going to be a problem.
(20:29):
Right, I need to be able togive in ways in which an
organization can actuallyreceive that too.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
So I think for myself like especially now as starting
year two, as an empty nester.
For me, it's like I getconnection out of volunteering.
I've made like lovely friendsand even acquaintances, and the
other part of this for me is isjust like I grew up volunteering
(20:58):
.
I want my daughters to see whatI'm giving back of myself and
you know, my young, 19 year old,was like mom, why are you doing
this?
And I we had a discussion andum it prompted her to figure out
how she can volunteer um on hercollege campus Awesome.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Lovely?
Yeah, I think it.
I think it is something that Imean.
I know we talked about it beingprivilege earlier, but I think
a lot of us have a little bit oftime.
We could be giving here orthere and again, even if that's
like crocheting hats for thehomeless or going to the local
shelter and saying, do you justneed somebody to walk the dogs
(21:44):
once a day?
Or something you know like,whatever it is, how can we fit
that in?
Because to me there is like asense of pride that I'm offering
something without anyexpectation of return, and
that's really what brings me joyis that I'm not there for the
money.
I'm not there for um, sometitle or better, you know better
(22:11):
idea of who I am all the time,but sometimes it's just about
being able to give freely, whichis really really sweet, um, and
there's so many ways of doingit.
Um.
So what can women do if theywant to volunteer?
I loved what um Jamie said.
One of the biggest things Icontinue to volunteer for is
(22:34):
cause I meet women and I, likehave groups of women that I've
met from volunteering indifferent aspects.
Men too, but I cherish my womenfriends more.
I really do, um, but I causeI've I've done like other
volunteered for um, the men'sorganization, to come talk to
(22:54):
them to do workshops with myhusband, um, so we've done that
too.
But I guess, um, there's somany opportunities out there and
I think that we forget aboutthat, and I'm always the one who
was like, well, if it's not outthere, you should just create
it.
Um, so I'm curious as to whatare some unique volunteer
(23:20):
positions that maybe you've hador even heard of, that you
haven't had or maybe you want toexplore in the future.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
So I actually, after the pandemic, I approached
several of the senior centersand there were people not that
much older than me who needed tolearn how to use Zoom, older
than me who who needed to learnhow to use zoom, and it was like
(23:50):
, okay, like I'm giving my timeand and I felt really good doing
it, and people were soappreciative.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Such a simple thing, right Like, and you would think,
like what is the big deal?
But it is a big deal to anelder person who their only
contact is now through Zoombecause everything's on lockdown
or you know they and to be ableto connect with people that
they love or just to meet newpeople via Zoom.
Such a big, such a big impact.
(24:16):
I can imagine that made intheir lives and even though it
might have felt so small to you,like what is this their lives?
And even though it might havefelt so small to you, like what
is this?
But all those elders thatdidn't have young grandchildren
or whatever to teach them how todo it I know that you've also
volunteered your timetranslating as well in the past.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
I'm, spanish is my second language and, yeah, I've
translated pretty much a lot ofthe time.
When my kids were in school, ifthey needed a translator, I was
approached and I translated atquite a few of the special ed
meetings.
And now I mean there's apossibility, like the airport,
(25:00):
the Phoenix airport needstranslators right now, and so
it's.
There's so much out there.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yeah, what I love about that is like you use your
specific gifts right.
I mean, like that's the thingthat you have you can speak a
second language.
That's such a great gift to beable to provide Right.
Such a great gift to be able toprovide Right.
And so we all use our differentgifts, whether that's like
(25:29):
loving animals or being able todo organization in a nonprofit
and even just organize theiradministrative processes, or the
way that they do things.
Who else is using their special, special gifts?
I love gifts and strengths.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
And I love when we lean into them.
Well, you know I can chime inon that and you know this goes
to me failing a few times beforeI finally found how I can make
it work for me.
So, given this whole situationwith we had so many dogs in the
shelters, I thought I would letme foster a dog to help out the
community.
Right?
Ended up being just a disasterfor me and the dog and I had to
(26:09):
give the dog back.
I was crying for several days.
So I started to do a littledigging and just I took a step
back and I thought to myselfokay, let me think differently
about this situation.
What are my skills?
So I have a background inorganizational psychology.
I'm like, okay, let me thinkdifferently about this situation
.
What are my skills?
So I have a background inorganizational psychology.
I'm like, okay, so how can Iuse my background and my skills
(26:30):
to maybe help the rescues getmore organized, maybe help the
shelters get more organized,right?
So that's when I started doingdigging and contacting these
organizations to see, you know,which one of them needs help.
So right now, at the shelterthat I'm working at, I spend the
majority of my time using myorganizational psych skills and
(26:53):
then just like maybe a quarterof the time actually working
with animals, because this wayI'm making more of an impact on
the organization right andimpacting more animals than if I
were to just to work with oneanimal at a time.
So that's how it's.
It's worked for me so far.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
And I love that, because by midlife we each have
like a set of our own specialgifts and skills, and so being
able to identify that there's alot of you know, because high
schools require some students togo do volunteer work, they have
a lot of inexperienced peoplethat can be, you know, doing the
cleanup and can do all theseother things, and often some of
(27:32):
these nonprofits need thesehigher skills that they would
otherwise either have to pay for, which they may not be able to
afford, or they just forego itand then they're not as
efficient and productive as theycould be.
So, really, looking at, whatskills did you have in your
career and how can you movethose forward?
(27:53):
And I know Melissa uses a lotof them because she's a really
smart cookie and she's got a lotof skills.
Share with us how you use yourskills and in your work.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
I feel like I'm on the spot, but I know you do it
for um, for your church.
Yes, so for many years I haverun they.
They do an annual um auctionwhere people create things and
they donate them and wecoordinate that.
(28:27):
So I've been the coordinatorfor the whole thing for 20 years
now.
So my mom used to run it and soI kind of inherited it for a
while and so I kind of inheritedit for a while and so I think
learning how to manage peoplebecame a big part of that.
(28:49):
And it is interesting becauseit does sort of go back and
forth right, like what skills doI innately bring to it?
You know, learned through workand professional growth, and
then and then vice versa, whathave I learned from from this
volunteering that I bring backto my professional life?
(29:10):
And, um, I mean, I've gotten somuch growth on on both sides
and can pull from from thosevarious things.
Um, that's been it's.
It's been really helpful.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Yeah, I love that Cause you can like it's when you
volunteer at a shelter.
It doesn't have to be justwalking dogs, it doesn't have to
be just fostering.
However, those are often skillstoo.
We have a friend, john McCartan, that I'm putting his name out
there.
I hope you're okay with that,but he, uh, his whole like life
(29:44):
has been like finding coloniesof cats that are just out there
and taking care of them andtrapping them one by one to make
sure that they've, all you know, gotten fixed, and then he
releases them again if, if,they're fit to be released.
Um, but he's, he's been doingthat for decades and that's just
who he is.
He doesn't do it for any onespecific organization, he just
(30:07):
does it because he loves thecats and he's really good with
them.
They come right up to him andthey tend to, like you know,
trust him.
So his skill is like being likethe cat whisperer.
That's what I call him.
Oh, beautiful.
One more thing I wanted to talkabout is just that knowing when
(30:29):
it's time to move on and I knowthat this is hard, but like
knowing when either you want tovolunteer in a different way or
you want to volunteer, like, ata different organization or
whatever.
And I guess this comes up forme because one of the hardest
things about volunteering for mewas when I was on the board
(30:51):
they had asked me to stay asecond term, even though I knew
in my heart there was no way Icould manage it, because what
was expected of that positionwas way beyond what I could give
it and that was really hard forme.
And I sat in this position of,well, I have to cause, nobody
else will do it, what if theycan't get someone else to do
(31:13):
this?
And I guess one of the biggestlessons I learned was um, I
finally did leave, but I leftwhen it got to be so much that I
was like I finally did leave,but I left when it got to be so
much that I was like way over myhead and I left with a fury and
a fit and a like I just can'tdo this like a breakdown.
But what was really beautifuland a huge lesson that it taught
(31:35):
me was when I moved out of theway.
They got like four or five womento come in and one of them
became director, but the rest ofthem actually supported her.
And it happened right beforethe pandemic, and during the
pandemic they built this wholelike online site for the
organization.
(31:55):
They did things that I wouldhave never been able to get to,
that I could have only havedreamt of, and if I had stayed
in that position, that may nothave happened, right?
So sometimes abdicating is alsogetting somebody else in this
space, and I bring this upbecause it's also about, um,
like what Jamie was saying abouther daughters, like it's also
(32:17):
about bringing new people intothe fold, or Melissa's mom to
like bringing new people in thefold and going.
Mom to like bringing new peoplein the fold and going okay,
somebody else should know thisskill.
Somebody else has gifts to givehere, and how can we create
space for other people to sharetheir gifts, get the growth that
we've all gotten from beingvolunteers?
(32:39):
Um, however uncomfortable thatis and you know, has this ever
even occurred for anybody else?
I'm the only one that's standinghere and going.
Maybe I should just do this forthe rest of my life, just to
make other people happy.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 4 (32:58):
What I can think of, like presently volunteering.
Um, the thing that like and itdawned on me like last week is I
like, actually I'm going tostart actively seeking shadows,
for people to shadow me, so thatit is not just me, and at that,
and that when I am ready tomove on, it may mean stepping
(33:22):
into leadership, it may meancompletely different direction,
that it just won't be a big deal.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Beautiful.
That's a beautiful thought.
Melissa, you had something.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
It's funny that you mentioned this, because just
today I stepped down from doingthe auction this year officially
and there's there's a littlebit of scrambling, you know now.
Now what do we do?
And I've been, I've been askingfor a couple of years for
(33:57):
shadowing for um.
You know we need to grow thisteam.
You know it's becoming too much, you know.
And so even last year I createdsome space for other people to
step in and I still had to kindof do it.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
We talked about this because the thing is that when
you let go, you have to let go.
And that's the hard part right?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Well, because I don't want to watch it.
I want it, Right, that'sbecause I don't want to watch it
.
You know I want it.
So, so, officially this year.
Literally like a couple ofhours ago, I had a conversation
and said you know, no, I cannotdo it this year.
I'm willing to, you know, passthe baton Right.
(34:44):
I'm not, I'm not about to, youknow, say I'm over my head, I've
had enough.
You know, go go find somebodyelse.
I want to gracefully pass thatbaton, Um, but I need somebody
else to pick it up.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
And then there's this balance of like, what do you
let go of of it not being theway that you want it to be right
?
Like what is unsafe versusuncomfortable?
We know all this question.
I ask it a lot, but what is?
Um, yeah, what can I let go ofthat?
Okay, it's not going to be theway that I do it and I'm going
to have to allow that to be okay, because, just the example I
(35:22):
was giving, if I would have beenlike, oh, you have to do it the
way that I was doing it, wellthen we wouldn't have this
influx of women who did newthings and did awesome things
that I probably never would havethought of.
Or I'd have been like oh, thatway sounds like way too much,
too ambitious, can't do that.
And we don't want to like,stall other people's ideas as
(35:42):
well.
So, yeah, there's definitely abalance between like how can I
teach this?
And creating those boundariesof like I'm teaching it, I'm not
doing it Right.
I know that's a big one for you, because it's easier, as we all
know, it's easier just to do ityourself sometimes than to do
it, than to teach someone else,but that is the legacy that we
(36:05):
have to leave, as we have totake the time to teach the
things as well.
So, yeah, how about you, miriam?
Anything around that?
Have you had to let go ofpositions or volunteering?
That was hard.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
Yeah, I've stayed in.
Exactly what you said stayed intoo long, sometimes Wish that I
had left earlier, but I alsothink that it's a learning
process, right?
So I've got to get over my head.
I had to get over my head a fewtimes and get stretched too
thin for me to finally learn toset those boundaries and say,
(36:40):
okay, no, I can't do anymoreright, or I'm stepping down, or
you know it's enough.
So, um, yeah, I've been there.
I think.
I think everybody whovolunteers has probably been
there at some point.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Yeah, and I just I want I love to mention it,
though, cause I don't I wantpeople to go volunteer and I
want them to know that they'regoing to come up against these
walls Most of us have.
Most people who give their timeare often asked to give more
because they've already said yes.
It's an easy end, right?
It's harder to convincesomebody to volunteer for the
first time than just to say yesto one more thing, and so that's
(37:16):
really important, awesome.
So we're going to close thisout with one piece of wisdom
from each person, and I'll golast, because I know I'll
probably repeat some of thethings that y'all say anyway.
So, um, let me see if I cancome up with something unique,
but with that, melissa what'syour takeaway or piece of wisdom
?
Speaker 2 (37:36):
Say you know, something that I've I've heard
Christina say over the years isbe curious, allow yourself to.
It's an opportunity to trythings that, um, it's an
opportunity to try things thatyou may not have had any
exposure to in community gardens, and you know the SPCA, and
there's just, there's so manybeautiful organizations that are
(37:57):
doing so many good things thatyou know, just, let yourself be
curious of of.
You know, try it for a month,try it for, you know, a quarter,
a year, whatever, and, and youdon't, there doesn't need to be
a commitment out of the gate.
Speaker 3 (38:13):
Two things that I want to stress in in relation to
the stage of life that we're inis one is in this stage of life
we tend to become lonelier.
I see this in my clients and Isee this in my circle of friends
, and I think volunteering withsomething that we're passionate
about and sharing that passionwith a community of people is so
(38:36):
undervalued in our age group.
So that's like a one big thingthat I want to encourage people
in our age group to.
You know, just get out thereand get curious and, you know,
try out different, various formsof volunteering, because that
really is the key to connectingus to other people and, you know
(38:58):
, creating that connection.
So that's one really importantthing.
And the second thing aroundthat is also in our age and
stage that we're at, we'relooking for more meaning and
purpose in our life and thisreally is the pathway to get us
there right Getting curiousabout what our passions are and
how we can find that meaning andpurpose through volunteering in
(39:21):
those industries.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
Beautiful.
And Miriam, how can peoplereach you?
Speaker 3 (39:26):
Beautiful and Miriam, how can people reach you?
They have my website.
I'm stumbling on my words.
I'm on Instagram at Embraceyour Wisdom.
You can find me at Embrace yourWisdom on Instagram and I think
you're going to put a link tomy website and how they can
contact me if they'd like to.
Speaker 4 (39:44):
Yeah, Sure will Thanks Miriam and Jamie they can
contact me if they like to.
Yeah, sure.
Well, thanks, miriam and Jamie.
Well, after the two beautifulum, I think what I'll add is is
just be open to possibilities,that even at this emptiness
stage of my life, um, I liketrying new things and if it
(40:04):
doesn't fit and it's not, itdoesn't feel comfortable I'll
try something else, and I likebeing open to that.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
I like that, yeah, beautiful.
And anybody who wants toconnect with Melissa or Jamie
can do that through me.
Just send me an email.
My information is below and Iwill make sure that that gets
passed on to them.
My piece of wisdom, let's see.
Well, we've mentioned boundarieslots and lots of time, but I
think I would just go heavy intowhat is your skillset and what
(40:38):
are your passions, right, andget that Venn diagram together
and then start looking uporganizations.
If animals are your passion,look up the shelters and see
what kind of help that theycould actually use, or even
email them, because some of themI mean some of them might not
know that they need a Miriam whocan come in and like, organize
their processes and make themmore efficient.
(40:59):
So, really reaching out to theplaces that you want and asking
them, put the question out there.
You know how.
These are my skills.
How can I help you?
I'd love to do that.
I think would be a great thing.
Good, and sometimes, if we can'tfind what we're looking for, we
have to build it, and I thinkthat that's really important.
I've there's been plenty ofplaces where I did not have a
(41:21):
women's circle and I built it.
Um, I volunteered my time.
I ran lots of open circles andI built what I wanted.
I've done that with networkinggroups out of volunteering all
kinds of things.
So if you don't see it, maybeconsider building it and with
that, thank you all youbeautiful women for showing up
(41:42):
today and volunteering your timeno one was paying for this and
just sharing how it is thatvolunteering has been supporting
your life, and I think thatmidlife is a stage where we can
start to think about that againas our lives settle a little bit
.
So thank you all and thank you,audience, for tuning in.
(42:03):
We'll talk to you next week.
Are you ending?
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.