September 19, 2024 • 50 mins
Welcome to our cozy corner where we dive into all things perimenopause and menopause with a mix of honesty, humor, and heart! In this chat, we’re sharing our own journeys through the ups and downs of menopause, from the surprising symptoms to the lifestyle tweaks that help us feel our best. We know firsthand how little info is out there, so we’re shining a light on what we’ve learned—especially the importance of talking openly with our partners and each other.
We’ll cover everything from hot flashes to the magic of self-care, and we’re not shying away from the real stuff like how exercise, diet, and even that glass of wine can play a role in how we feel. Plus, Jenny and Christina are here to share why open conversations about women’s health are a game-changer, along with some breathwork tips to help keep calm during those intense moments.
So grab your favorite drink, get comfy, and join us as we explore this transformative stage of life with a little laughter and a lot of love. We’re in this together!
Our Guests:
Peach Grayson is a seasoned writer and dedicated healthcare researcher with over 30 years of experience. Known for her witty and informative series of books titled Let’s Talk Menopause. Peach has managed to strike a perfect balance between humor and education.
Connect with Peach:
Instagram | TikTok | Facebook | Website
Jamie Bessler is a retired educator. Empty nester. Seeker of personal enrichment. You can find more about Woman Within here.
Jenny Cheifetz is a life and breathwork coach at Jentle Coaching. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband, two teenage children, and two dogs.
She energizes busy, no-bullsh*t women to take back their power, reignite their passions, and step off the sidelines. Her clients want to feel calm, confident, free, and excited about life.
Connect with Jenny:
Instagram | Facebook | Website | Podcast
Host:
Christina Smith is a life coach specializing in confidence and self-love in midlife so that women can finally truly like themselves and how they show up for themselves and their relationships.
CONNECT with Inviting Shift & Christina on Social:
Instagram | Facebook
FREE GIFT: The Confidence Tool Kit is here to help you walk into the second half like a queen (because you are one already). Get it here.
Email me and tell me what you think: christina@christina-smith.com
TUNE IN wherever you listen to podcasts:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This week's circle we're going to talk about some
things that some of us know,things about some of us don't
know, so much about, and I lovethat that's our conversation in
this group, because I think thatwe're learning off of each
other from different things andwe're just having conversations.
So today we're going to talk alot about perimenopause and
menopause and what we can expectif we haven't been through it
(00:25):
or other people's experiencesfrom being through it and
they're not always a nightmare,although they're not always
pleasant.
So we're going to get an arrayof views today and I'm really
excited about that.
Before we go on, I just want tohave our guests introduce
themselves so we know a littlebit about who they are.
So Peach Grayson has writtensome books about menopause.
(00:48):
Do you want to introduceyourself?
I'd love to hear.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Sure.
So, like you said, I'm PeachGrayson.
I am your typical middle-agedwoman, and recently I have
published three books onmenopause and communication with
your partners.
And I did that really with theidea that I couldn't find what I
was looking for when I finallyrealized I was going through
menopause, and so, aftersearching for a couple of years,
(01:14):
not really seeing what was onthe market that gave me the
information I wanted, I decidedI'd write it myself.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
I think that's lovely , because there definitely is
not enough information out thereon menopause for sure.
Thanks so much, peach Jamie,welcome to the podcast again.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Thank you.
I'm Jamie Bessler.
I am an empty nester, a retirededucator, and I spend a fair
amount of my time volunteeringwith Women Within International,
which is an organization it's anonprofit whose goal is to
(01:54):
empower women.
Thanks, Jamie.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
And.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Jenny, welcome, thank you.
My name is Jenny Chaffetz and Ihave two teens.
One is headed off to college,one is about to finish high
school.
That's exciting, and I am alife and breathwork coach for
midlife women.
(02:19):
So I aim to support midlifewomen on the journey, like
myself, who just experience allthe feels of what it's like to
be in this time of life ofsometimes feeling stuck,
sometimes feeling overwhelmed,confused, happy, resentful,
(02:44):
joyful, excited, confident,doldrums all the things
sometimes all in one day, andjust how to navigate that.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Beautiful.
Yeah yeah, mood swings right.
So what a great entry.
And talking about perimenopause, it's so funny because it
reminds me of my mother said tome I don't, I didn't have any
problem going through menopause.
And I was like, well, the restof us had a problem with you
(03:15):
going through menopause.
Maybe you didn't notice, but weall knew what was going on, or
we suspected anyway.
So I think it's interesting, um, how some women are not
impacted as heavily by menopauseor perimenopause, which is that
period before which I I'm in.
(03:36):
I get the hot flashes already.
I can feel it right now.
I was just telling these lovelywomen before we got on, like
I'm already having one right now.
I had to turn the AC up or down, I guess, and and I can feel my
heart just like pounding away.
And I've had a lot of otherexperiences.
Luckily, I've had people on mypodcast in the past who have
(03:57):
explained to me what's going onfor me, because I was never
taught about menopause.
In fact, until I asked my momabout it just this past year,
she'd never mentioned it to me,nobody had ever mentioned it to
me or what would happen.
It really was.
It's like this unknown thingand it was really hard for me,
(04:19):
as like it's not like one day,like perimenopause just shows up
and goes, hey, I'm here now,like you just have to go through
and experience all these things, or we're going to a doctor and
get some testing done, orwhatever.
But what I'm really excited tohear is, peach, what did you
learn in your exploration ofmenopause, since you wanted to
(04:42):
write the book and I think it'sreally.
I think it's awesome, becausethere's definitely not enough
information out there for women.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
My books are really almost a layman style.
There's a lot of medical jargonout there that's published and
originally, when I was realizedthat I was probably in a
perimenopausal phase, I bet Ihad been going and having
symptoms for five years and Ilost my mom when I was 18.
(05:12):
So I didn't have an olderperson to go and talk to and ask
questions and I just didn'trealize it.
I had depression, I had hotflashes, I had night sweats, I
was moody, I mean, I waseverything.
I just thought you know I'mstressed, my children are just
(05:33):
leaving home, you know work isdifficult, and so I chalked it
all up to that and eventuallythe light bulb kind of went off
and I thought, huh, you know,maybe all this time I've been
going through menopause.
So I started doing a littledigging, looking at everything.
I could talk to every doctorbecause I work in the medical
field.
So I talked to every doctorunderneath the sun, even those
(05:56):
that don't even specialize inwomen's health or menopause or
general practitioner anything.
Anybody that would listen to meI talked to, I asked questions
and I just honestly didn't get awhole lot of information out of
physicians like I had hoped andeverything that I found online
or written, even some verbalthings, was just medical jargon
(06:20):
and it's like and I get themedical aspect of it, but I just
kind of wanted to know thenitty gritty on what the heck is
happening to my body and andhow do I fix this?
Um, so I learned that one.
There's not a whole lot offixing.
There's a lot of things that Ifigured and figured out how to
do to make my symptoms lesssevere.
(06:41):
Um, and unfortunately, time,time was probably the biggest
asset for me.
The farther I went along, theless symptoms were there.
But I learned things like sugar.
Sugar was a horrible triggerfor my hot flashes and my night
sweats.
And I love sugar.
You know, I enjoy my sweets.
(07:01):
That's just me.
I've always had a bowl of icecream every night and never
realized that that was a majortrigger for some of these
symptoms that we go throughduring menopause.
So once I cut out sugar, man, Imean, I was like a new person.
And alcohol when I stoppedalcohol which I thought, oh, a
(07:21):
glass of wine, it's relaxing no,it literally made my night
sweats 10 times worse.
Of course, I didn't know ituntil I stopped.
Once I stopped having a glassof wine at night.
All of a sudden I'm sleeping,and once I start sleeping then
I'm not so grumpy during the day, and once I'm not so grumpy
during the day, my relationshipsimproved.
I mean, it was just thesnowball effect and it was some
(07:43):
very simple things.
I never used any hormonereplacement therapy.
It wasn't something that I wasinterested in.
So I kind of went all naturaland I found that there were a
lot of lifestyle changes that Icould make that really did have
a big impact on my signs andsymptoms.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Yeah, and I can tell you that that's true, because
even though I have not given updrinking, I know that I cannot
drink the week before my periodbecause anytime I have I get
something that somebody elsetold me was called the period
flu.
And I was like, why is it?
When I get my period I feellike I feel like I'm dying, like
(08:23):
I have the flu.
I mean I can't tell you howmany periods I was testing
myself for COVID because I waslike something has got to be
wrong with me.
And finally I talked tosomebody who knew more like
yourself and she was like, oh,that's called the period flu.
She's like, yeah, menopausal,perimenopausal menopausal and
adolescence.
They get it because of the fluxof the hormone change and your
(08:47):
liver gets overwhelmed because Iguess apparently hormones need
to be processed through theliver to rich yourself of them.
But I would have the sweats,the shakes, the hot, cold fever,
my whole body would ache.
It was crazy town and now thatI don't drink as much during
that week or the week before, sothere's like half the month is
(09:09):
like alcohol free.
But since I did that it's beena lot better in the other ways
and I'm sure that maybe I'd getless night sweats if I didn't
have my vodka, but I'm in areally weird place in my life
where I like my vodka, so I'mnot ready to give it up yet, and
I do know that that's one thingthat we could be doing.
So what I'm hearing is like it'salmost like perimenopause is a
(09:30):
calling for us to take bettercare of ourselves and, um, you
know, for me it's like theexercise.
I really need to keep up myexercise or else I can gain
weight easily, which was neverthe truth in my life.
I always used to be so thinthat people would ask me how
much I weighed because I was sothin, and now it's easy.
(09:51):
I could watch somebody else eatice cream.
And as we talk about all this,I just want Jamie to chime in,
because Jamie had a differentexperience with menopause, where
a lot of stuff didn't come upfor you.
Jamie, tell us a little bitabout it.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
So, I consider myself very I'm going to use the word
just blessed that my momdiscussed her menopausal
symptoms.
She went through menopause, herlate fees, early fees, and it
was an open topic.
She would come to the dinnertable and say she was, I just
(10:32):
had a hot flash and could askwhatever questions that I wanted
to, and then um and and moodswings like she would like, she
goes.
I'm telling you I'm havinghaving a menopausal kind of day.
I'm totally grouchy today and Ithink that kind of set the stage
for what I thought I might havewhen I went through and I had
my blood checked when I was inmy late forties and I was
(10:55):
perimenopausal, then symptomsand my period was still regular
until I hit almost late.
I still had a period, was veryregular, and then all of a
sudden it was irregular formaybe three months and then I
was done and I went, I had myblood drawn again and he goes
you're done, menopausal isyou're, you're done.
(11:17):
And I know I'm maybe anexception because my friends
around me had the hot flashesand just not feeling well in
general and I'm going to choppart of maybe lesser symptoms or
no symptoms in is just, I'vewatched my sugar intake and I
(11:38):
don't drink and I've alwaysexercised and I do think that it
helps, especially with bonedensity and everything, as, as
I'm aging, I was going to askyou about that Cause I know that
you take really good care ofyourself now and I was wondering
if, while you were goingthrough that, if you were taking
(11:59):
good care of yourself.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
So that goes back to what Peach was saying, that like
once she had like some betterhabits, it really had this like
ripple effect on her life whereit was like of course I'm
grouchy if I'm not sleeping atnight, of course I'm grouchy if
I'm like having these hot sweatsand so uncomfortable, right,
like all of those things, and sotaking really good care of
(12:22):
yourself seems to be the dealio.
Now, jenny, tell us a littlebit about your experience or
non-experience.
Speaker 4 (12:32):
So far, non-experience.
Awesome, yeah, similar to Peach, I also lost my mother when I
was 18.
I was 18 and probably I'massuming, like peach then our
mothers probably hadn't gonethrough menopause, so I didn't
(12:53):
have an example of what thatlooked like.
So, yeah, I didn't have a modelfor what.
I have friends that have thatare currently going through that
.
I certainly hear stories andI've listened to enough podcasts
at this point to understandwhat to expect.
(13:17):
So I kind of have that on myradar.
But again, similar to what youladies are expressing, take or
try my best to take good care ofmyself.
I try to exercise.
That seems to be the harder ofthe things for me to get in
(13:43):
Somehow.
Before COVID, that was mucheasier for me.
Once the gyms closed, I don'tknow.
Then then you know, then all ofa sudden being home and I've
never seemed to get back outthere.
But, um, but yeah, I do, I dostruggle with that fitness,
(14:04):
fitness and fitness taco andit's easy.
But I'm sorry, I'm trying to,I'm trying to make jokes, but no
, but fitness has always been alove-hate struggle with me, just
for the history of disorderedeating, disordered fitness.
(14:25):
But walking is very easy for me, but the more rigorous stuff is
a little more challenging, butI know that the weight bearing
is much more important as we getolder, so I'm working on
bringing more of that.
I've reduced dramatically thesugar intake of late.
(14:54):
I have tried to go whole foods,plant-based.
I've been a vegan for a longtime but I've done it kind of
quote dirty for a while.
So I am trying to reduce theprocessed foods almost entirely,
(15:15):
and that includes alcohol.
So I'm hoping that that, basedon what Peach is saying, will
maybe ease my transition.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Yeah, I love that because I was lucky enough to
have a lot of gut problems in mythirties.
So I don't do sugar because mygut doesn't like it at all.
So I mean I shouldn't say Idon't do it completely.
It's very rare, do I often buysweets?
(15:48):
I do, cause when I'm at thestore I'm like I'll be so good,
I'm just going to have one.
And then in my house they'regone before I even get to them
anyway, because I'll like myhusband's like they were there
for a week.
I had to eat them, and so I getaway with not eating any sugar,
and they're like, how can youjust see this stuff sitting here
and not eat it?
I'm like, cause every time Ilook at it my gut goes this
(16:10):
isn't the right time.
And so at least the food thingI am really good at as well, it
is the exercise for me, and Iknow how good I feel when I go
for like a more rigorous hike.
I love walking too and I canget myself to walk, but like
going, like committing to like afive mile hike is like a lot
more than just walking aroundthe neighborhood, you know, five
(16:32):
mile hike is like a lot morethan just walking around the
neighborhood, you know,especially when it's like warm
out or up up a mountain, um,which is where I live in
mountains.
So, um, but the exercise,definitely I am.
I am trying to get somestrength training and now,
because I'm hearing that that'sreally really important, um, and
I can feel it in my muscles andmy joints that I really need
(16:53):
that strength training.
And maybe, peach, you got moreto say about exercise.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Well, I definitely have struggled with the exercise
, part of everything and I dothink weight training and
strength training because welose a lot of muscle mass during
menopause and if you can kindof ward it off before it happens
, it's a lot easier to maintainyour muscle mass than it is to
build it back up.
(17:19):
Because I'm kind of at a pointnow where I'm trying to build up
muscle mass.
You know, I hold my arms outand I find my little bat wings
hanging there, going what isthat?
And even if I do all kinds ofstrength training and weight
training, I think I'm nevergoing to fill up all the skin.
I don't know what to do aboutit.
But yeah, if there's anythingyou can do to maintain it, it's
(17:42):
a lot easier than trying torepair it after the fact.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Yeah, absolutely, and I fear that I've waited a
little too long to really getinto it as well.
So if you're listening to thisand you're like I'm not
menopausal or very menopausal,Well great, Get on the strength
training now, because you coulduse it.
You build those muscles.
Listen to Peach, to build thosemuscles.
(18:07):
Before I want to go back toJamie was saying how her mom
actually was really out loudabout it.
You know she spoke about it notin a complaining way, but in a
hey, warning mom's feeling alittle, you know, off kilter
today, and so that's what'sgoing on for me, and I know that
there's so many people thatdon't talk about it.
(18:28):
I know this because if peoplewere really talking about it,
wouldn't we have heard about it.
I mean, even even if we didn'thave a mother as we were growing
up, like there would have beenaunties or friends or coworkers
or somebody like talking aboutit.
But it seems to be a thing thatwomen don't bring up, Um, and
(18:49):
so I know, Peach, you wrote someinformation about how we can
talk to our partner and I'm likeI'm way too vocal, Like I don't
have this problem.
If there's something going onwith me, I will tell him and he
knows, like, all of the thingsthat are going on with me
because, well, we work and livetogether in the same house all
(19:12):
the time, so you know whatever'sgoing on for me.
He pretty much knows and we'vehad lots of conversations about
my podcast, but I'm assuming inthe average house or in many
other homes that we don't talkto our spouses about what's
going on.
How can we do that?
Speaker 2 (19:36):
our spouses about what's going on.
How can we do that?
Well, one of the books that Iwrote really is about that
communication with your partner,and it's a comical book, you
know.
It's meant to be verylighthearted, so that the goal
was men would be interested inreading it, because they have no
desire to read anything aboutmenopause.
But it's written in a way thatis a Wednesday night beer
drinking in the neighborhood,and I thought that that might
(19:58):
encourage men to considerreading it.
But having those conversationswith your partner is it's hard,
and I'm very open with myhusband, but it still was very
difficult for me to say thingslike look, if I have hairs
coming out of my chin and my lip, you're going to have to tell
me, because, one, I can't seehim anymore.
Two, they show up overnight andthey look like whiskers and
(20:20):
it's like I want him to see meas a beautiful person, you know,
and in my best light.
And it was hard to have thoseconversations.
It was hard to haveconversations about intimacy and
maybe changes that I neededbecause of menopause, and so I
really had hoped that this bookwould just spark communication
(20:41):
so that people would feelcomfortable telling their
partners the hard things, thethings that are happening to
their body, that really aren'talways necessarily so pleasant.
But at least if our partnershear us and understand, then
they'll be a little bit moreempathetic.
Because you know, sometimes Iam just hormonal and I know it
(21:02):
and I tell everybody now I'mmenopausal, you know, you just
don't even listen to me, becauseI'm having a menopausal moment
and I've gotten to where, evenat work, I will say to my boss
look, I'm having a menopausalmoment.
I can't think of a word, Ican't make a complete sentence,
whatever it might be, becausethe reality is that's what's
happening to me, that's what'shappening to my cognition and my
(21:24):
inability to think straight andmy inability to kind of control
my emotions sometimes.
And so I try to just be veryfrank.
But it's hard, it's hard to saythose things to people that we
love or even people that wedon't even know that well.
And the more that we can sharewith one another, the easier it
is to get through this time, andthen people can kind of
(21:46):
understand what you're goingthrough.
You know, you go to a businessmeeting and everybody's sitting
around a table and all of asudden you've got beads of sweat
on your top lip and you'reembarrassed.
You know you don't.
All these men in the room, theydon't have any clue what's
going on and you're fanningyourself and you're thinking.
You know, I hope nobody thinksI'm having a heart attack right
here in the middle of our, ofour conference, and it's just,
(22:09):
it's just hard.
They're hard conversations butthey really do need to be had,
whether it's with your mom oryour friend or your boss or your
husband, whoever it is.
I think we we just have toliterally speak up and say this
is what's happening to me rightnow and deal with it.
Other people have to learn todeal with it.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
So yeah, I think in the past we you know it was a
taboo topic, because we justdon't talk about women's issues
and mixed company Do we like?
That just wouldn't beacceptable.
In the past times it just, andso I think women have always at
least I feel like, yeah, I feellike for me it's like I want to.
(22:48):
I want to hide that stuff, likethere's something wrong or dirty
or tainted about it, ratherthan it just this is the way it
goes.
And when we talk aboutmenopause and about the
forgetting, the words and thesweating and the shaking and the
hot flashes and the discomfort,first thing that comes to mind
(23:10):
is my adolescence.
Every time I think about myadolescence I start sweating in
my armpits a little bit becauseit was so uncomfortable and such
an uncomfortable time.
But it's really kind of.
Menopause is like the secondadolescence, because we have
this huge flush of emotion orhormones that are shifting in a
(23:30):
completely different direction,just like they were when we were
adolescents, just kind ofundoing themselves.
But it's not always thesmoothest time and I know that I
can tend to be really hard onmyself, especially if I'm like
guesting on a podcast andsuddenly I'm like what's that
word?
You know the word and like theword you know, with the thing
(23:52):
and the thing, and that can beso frustrating at the time and
I've learned how to laugh atmyself about it instead of
getting really hard on myself,and that's really made it a
little bit easier.
It was making me think of yourbook and how you wrote it in a
very light kind of tone, to makeit fun, you know, and make
(24:13):
lightness out of some subjectsthat are really serious and
really uncomfortable and reallyhard.
And so I try to be really lightwith myself around these things
and be like oh, here comes thathot flash again.
I've even given myself like nowyou get to go lay down for 15
minutes until your heart comesback to a normal you know beat
(24:34):
and you cool your butt down andand so you know, I try to make
it seem like oh well, it's veryexciting, I get to go lay down
now instead of before.
It was like what aninterruption in my day.
I can't focus.
I am trying to get stuff doneso for me.
I am trying to get stuff doneso for me.
Perimenopause has been like thisjourney of listening to my body
(24:57):
a little bit more and reallyhonoring it and whatever it is
that it needs at the moment,which was not something I would
have done before, because we'reall too busy to do this.
Jamie was your dad in the housewhen your mom was going through
menopause.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
Did she have a partner my stepdad absolutely
and there was a lot of humoraround her menopausal symptoms
even way back then, and I dothink that it I'm going to say
it normalized it.
It was just, I mean, my brotherwas just 20 months younger than
(25:38):
me and was like I don't reallywant to hear about this, but it,
it helped me and it also itshowed a lot of communication
between them and respect.
And I know that like when,actually when my period got a
little irregular, like rightbefore it completely stopped, I
(26:01):
used to do this thing.
My husband would travel forwork and I.
We started this thing off likeyears ago, where I would stick a
Tampax in his suitcase when heleft on a business trip and he
would find it He'd be off insome other state and there was
always a random Tampax in hissuitcase.
(26:22):
And when my period stopped, heactually was back then intuitive
enough and said back thenintuitive enough and said why
weren't there any TAMPACs inhere?
And I said there's no more,it's all there, it's all done.
And so again, I do think thatit was how it was, how I, how I,
(26:46):
what I saw and what was modeledfor me, beautiful, and I mean
now, like when I went through,my daughters were like seven
years younger, but I do rememberlike having a discussion with
them when they were like 12 and13 years old about what you know
.
Here they are.
They're not even, they hadn'teven had their first period yet,
(27:06):
and I'm discussing menopausewith them, and my older daughter
actually, like, googled it tosee what it meant, and so
they're already, even as youngadults, they're aware of what is
to come.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
That's lovely, yeah, so challenging.
I mean, some of us weren't eventold about our periods.
We sure as heck weren't goingto hear about menopause.
Jenny, I'm curious about you Doyou have a partner at the time,
right now?
Yeah, yeah.
So how do you feel abouttalking to your partner about
(27:45):
potential, um, you know,menopausal issues and challenges
?
Speaker 4 (27:52):
you know menopausal issues and challenges.
Good, fine, I mean, luckily.
It's kind of kind of humorousthat my husband is one of three
boys and his mother was stillaround.
She's a hoot and she is, andalways has been, very open about
(28:16):
everything.
So she, you know, he tells mestories about how she would just
undress in front of them.
You know, get home from workand just need to take off her
bra after a long day of work,and I mean not completely naked
in front of them, but you know,do that sort of like take off
(28:37):
the bra yeah, take off the brathing and comment on how she
needed to take off her, like,let the girls loose and just,
was very just open about herbodily discomfort, sort of
things.
Despite having boys in the houseshe had no girls to talk to, so
(28:57):
, uh, so she had to say whatevershe was going to say in front
of her sons.
She had no other options and sowhatever I might say has sort
of been said to him before.
So if I had, you know, periodcramps or you know, my daughter
(29:20):
is actually incredibly open,isn't the right word?
Vulgar might be moreappropriate Descriptive,
descriptive.
She might talk about her flowand he's just like do I need to
know all the details?
So he's sort of primed it forwhatever I might need to share.
(29:44):
He's just ready for it.
More from my daughter thanprobably his mother.
So yeah, we're, we're, we'repretty open household.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
That is awesome and I think that there, I mean, I
think it's great that she choseto talk about these things in
front of um her voice, becausethat's what makes them better
partners later in life.
Should they be a heterosexualRight?
Um, so, but it helps themunderstand even having women
friends.
You know, and I know, I knowthat there's a couple of
(30:16):
teenagers one day, uh, that wereover talking to my son, his
friends, and when my son was ateenager and he said he had a
tampon with him and I was likewhat are you doing?
He's like my mom told me alwayscarry one with me, just in case
somebody needs one.
And I was like what?
I'm like, I don't know that Ieven carry an extra one during
(30:41):
the weeks that I'm not, you know, bleeding, and so it was a
funny.
So they had a really openhousehold too, and I think that
we're going towards more openhouseholds, but we can also see
that there's definitely a lot ofhouseholds where, like my, my
ex-husband had a friend who hewent to go get something out of
my car and he was like I can'tget it, and I was like what do
(31:03):
you mean?
It's just in the back seat.
He's like there's a box oftampons back there and I was
like they're not going to biteyou.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
They're not alive anymore.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
You're going to be fine.
I promise nothing will happen.
But like he couldn't even likelook at the Tampax kind of name,
like it just freaked him out.
It was.
It was crazy.
And I'm thinking how can youget that freaked out by
something that is completelyfreaking natural, like there's.
We're not going out of our wayto be gross or disgusting, you
(31:36):
know what I mean.
Like this is all just naturalbody things, and one day you
might have a daughter and youmight need to go get, you know,
a tampon or a pad for her.
You're going to have to figurethat out.
Yeah, she's just going to bestuck.
(31:59):
We're just gonna have to waittill your mother gets home.
Yeah, it's insane to me thatthat's.
It's very interesting how somepeople are really open about
those things and other peopleare not.
Yeah, so we lost Peach.
I think the storm in Montanamust've taken over, so what
we'll do is I would like you toclose out, but I would love,
(32:21):
even though neither of you hadstruggled in menopause, so you
still have a lot of wisdom, andso I'd like you to check out
with one thing.
Oh, actually, before we gothere, I did want to ask you,
jenny, what about breath work?
What kind of breath work do youthink that we could be doing to
get through some of some of thehot flashes?
(32:41):
Or because for me, it's like Iknow I need to stop when I'm
having a hot flash, because I'vetried to like move through them
and it makes me feel like I'mhaving a heart attack, almost
like my heart goes so fast.
So I bet that there's something, some kind of breath work that
we could be doing to make that alittle bit easier?
Speaker 4 (33:01):
Well, you know, what I find interesting is, when we
were speaking at the beginningabout the emotional fluctuations
that surround this time, thismidlife time, that it's almost
(33:22):
like the Venn diagram of thisperiod of our lives, of of this
period of our lives of is itmenopause, perimenopause or is
it midlife, and what's thedifference?
And that's kind of the partthat I address with women, and
(33:44):
it almost doesn't matter,because we're emotional and I
shouldn't even say that becauseI feel like that's the label
that society might put on us.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Everybody's emotional .
Men are allowed to go straightto anger and women are just too
messy emotional, so it'd be okayif we went straight to like
fighting.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
But I think everybody's emotional.
We'll just agree that Right,right, right, right.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
But I think everybody's emotional.
Speaker 4 (34:08):
We'll just agree that Right.
So we're having these confusingemotions, or this, the variety
of emotions, and what I likeabout breathwork is that we have
this tool that allows us toshift from one to another or
choose a different emotion.
(34:30):
So if we are experiencingsadness, we can sit in the
sadness and then process it andchoose not bypass it, not ignore
it, but process it and thenchoose to move into calm or joy
(34:58):
or gratitude, something that'smore positive, something that
would allow us to feel moreenjoyment in the day.
So, but but to address what youwere just saying, if you're in
(35:19):
an anxious state or goingthrough a hot flash, maybe that
wouldn't be the best time to doa specific high intensity
pattern.
I have yet to work with someonewho hasn't found slow, deep
(35:39):
breathing soothing.
I mean, I have yet to to findthat.
So, even just for a shortperiod of time maybe not for
extended it's not going to solvethe problem You're still going
to have, whatever it is thatyou're reacting to.
No, no, and I haven't found thatto harm anyone.
(36:02):
So, even if it's three to five,slow, deep inhaling through the
nose, exhaling through themouth and having that exhale be
extended, and making sure thatyour body is fully relaxed and
that you've dropped theshoulders and unclenched your
jaw and softened your brow andsat into, you know, relax the
(36:26):
hips and the soften the belly,and really felt into whatever
that desired intention is.
So, if it's to you know, ifyou're, if you're really
frustrated with your ex or yourhigh MX bill or the traffic that
you're sitting in, or being inmenopause or you know whatever
(36:47):
it is that might be going on foryou, trying to release the
irritation or the anger aboutthat thing and then feeling what
could I be more at peace with?
What could I feel?
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Whatever your happy is.
So with my clients, we workwith intentions, which is
exactly what I was successful.
You know I would feel open andloving and you know whatever
those things are.
So how can we use thoseintentions?
Is like this is the perfectcombination is to do some
breathing.
Let go of whatever we're goingthrough.
Speaker 4 (37:27):
Breathing, let go of whatever we're going through,
yeah, and sometimes theintention is just to, to bring
more energy into this moment,you know, to feel more energized
, to feel more connected, to fitwhatever the exactly, whatever
the intention is, and then tojust drop into the moment and
(37:49):
breathe in, breathe out, breathein and certainly I have more
involved breath patterns.
Sure, that's the easiest isjust in and out, and sometimes
the in and out is just with thenose, but the most common people
do is in through the nose, outthrough the mouth and even, just
(38:13):
, like I said, doing that forthree or five cycles can usually
allow someone to okay, okay, Ihave a grasp on the moment.
If I I was ready to, you know,kick down my neighbor's door
(38:33):
because they, you know like,drove over my rosebush, okay, I
can, I can release a little ofthat rage and now I'm not about
to commit a crime.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Just to become more grounded and so that, because I
think what happens, at least forme, is when I'm feeling
feelings and I'm stuck in mybrain, that's when, like Ooh,
I'm creating stories, I'mgetting more fueled up, I want
to like, I do want to kick downthat door.
It sounds so good Like.
I want to smash things againstit.
(39:08):
But if we can breathe, whathappens for me is I get back
into my body and when I'm in mybody.
I'm like, oh right, that's justan anger sensation.
I feel that anger and that'sokay.
That's okay.
Then I'm feeling anger.
Now how do I want to moveforward?
It gives us a moment to atleast for me, it gives me a
moment to pause and get a littlebit more grounded.
(39:31):
Okay, how is it that I actuallywant to show up Like, yes, I'm
angry and it's okay to expressthat anger, but we can do it in
a way in which I'm not going tohave to apologize or go to jail
for later.
Speaker 4 (39:42):
Right, we humans love our stories.
I mean we take the story so far.
I mean I love that Peach wrotethe books.
But we all love our stories.
We all love to say OK, theydrove over the rosebush, that
must mean I'm a terrible humanand they're a jerk and we're
going to go to bed.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
They don't even care.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blahLike right right.
Speaker 4 (40:05):
They hate me and they think I'm a terrible person.
Well, I am a terrible personbecause remember that time in
third grade when I didn't dowell on the spelling test and
then my father, you know, tookthe belt out, and I mean, it's
just.
We go on and on and on.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Yeah, so breathing helps us get back into our body,
and what I love about like thatmore in-depth breath work that
you do is I think midlife,especially for midlife women, is
like it's so needed because Ibelieve that, like at midlife,
when we're starting to let go ofour kids, we have a little bit
more time to ourselves, ourcareers or whatever it is that
we do Um, it's a little bit moresettled.
(40:42):
Then we can really startlooking at what are all these
challenges that I have had inthe last 20 years when I was too
busy to deal with them, Causethey all come.
Like anything that we haven'thealed by midlife it'll show up
right around 50 and you're goingto have to deal with.
At least for me, like it waslike 45 to and I'm not 50 yet,
(41:04):
but I'm still going through itbut there's a lot of things that
I was like.
I'm looking back at them nowand I'm like I told my therapist
that was not a problem, like 15years ago, and I'm like, oh,
that's a problem, yeah.
Speaker 4 (41:16):
Yeah, and when the house gets a little quieter
you're like Jew, like all of asudden the noise in your head
gets a little bit louder as thehouse gets quieter and and, like
you said, you thought you dealtwith that a few years ago or 10
years ago why is that stillthere?
(41:36):
Oh, because you didn't.
And I'm not knocking therapy,because I have a therapist too
but talking about it, talking,talking, talking, talking.
You could talk yourself incircles for years.
We often have to process it out.
(41:56):
And if it's not breathworkbecause breathwork isn't for
everyone and I'm not suggestingthat everyone has to breathe I
mean, it's my modality of choice, but it doesn't have to be for
everyone Maybe it's tapping,maybe it's hypnotherapy, maybe
it's yoga.
There's a lot of differentmodalities out there.
I suggest people try everything.
(42:19):
Try all the different thingsthat are available.
Find the thing that works foryou, but you might need
something other than talk.
That do do.
Talk therapy, yeah somethingtherapists.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
I've learned that there's some therapists that are
really great for hearing me andthen there's other ones that
are really great for calling meout on my shit which are two
different things yeah, mine's,mine's awesome at he.
Speaker 4 (42:47):
He doesn't listen, he's like he yells at me and
that's great, that's great.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Yeah, I need that kind of kick in the butt too.
I think anybody who's a lifecoach needs somebody who can
fish out the bullshit, becausewe're really good at knowing
what we're supposed to say andnot necessarily you know being
there completely so lovely,lovely conversation, okay.
(43:15):
So, as we exit, we're going toum one piece of wisdom, and if
you want people to know where tofind you, share that.
If you don't, don't, jamie, doyou want to check out with one
piece of wisdom?
Speaker 3 (43:32):
or I will check out with my wisdom has been to like,
as menopause actually happensand I exit out of menopause, I
found that that was a perfecttime to really like ground, my
like self, self-care, self-loveand that being there.
You know, I had several friendswho went through menopause and
(43:53):
they were like, oh my God, Ifeel so old and it was like you
know what it's actually.
I mean my take on it as it'sjust, it's another chapter, it's
another rebirth and, in fact, alot of ways, it's wonderful
when it's done and over with andum, so much freedom, so much,
(44:17):
um, so much time to learn aboutyourself and um.
I actually, if somebody has anyquestions, can reach out to me
through the woman within WesternUSA website.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
Awesome, or they can message me and I will pass that
on.
Well, um, I love thatrebirthing of yourself because I
think that there's like so many, we have so many new eras.
Like, if Taylor Swift hastaught us nothing else, then we
can build a brand new us everyfew years.
I think that that's reallyamazing, and midlife is really
(44:52):
just one of those, and what Ilove about it is there is a lot
more freedom, because when I hadlittle, when I had kids, it was
more challenging, right, it waslike always how much am I
giving to them?
How much am I giving to them?
And now I have lots and lots ofspace.
So I love midlife.
(45:13):
Anyway, I'm not going to say Ilove menopause.
I can also not wait till that'sover.
And where's my damn switchCause I'm complete.
I'm complete with my cycle,experienced it.
I'm good, jenny, how about you?
Speaker 4 (45:28):
I love that.
Well, jamie took the wordself-care out of my mouth, so I
just I love to say thatself-care is not a luxury, it is
a priority, priority, and Ibelieve breathwork is a type of
(45:59):
self-care.
So if anyone would like to playwith breathwork, they can
contact me.
They can try it out.
I'd be happy to gift breathwork.
There is, I have, a a samplesession on my website, but I can
certainly do a one-on-one trialwith anyone who would like to
(46:23):
try it.
Uh, my website is gentlecoaching gentle with a j for
jenny and all the differentoffers are available on the
offers page.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
There's a bunch of freebies there and my instagram
is gentle coaching and you canall those links will be in the
show notes so that they can justclickety, click it, right.
Yeah, very easily.
So go get those freebies.
They sound really good.
I might go download it myselfin a second, because we can all
(46:57):
use a little bit more breathwork, and really, I think you
know, self-care was the thingthat we talked about today.
I think for me, perimenopausehas really made me have to it's
kind of forced my hand at beinglike okay, how am I taking care
of myself?
Because that whole period fluthat I was getting and then
(47:17):
having to relearn how to takecare of my body with all this
freedom, I should have plenty ofspace to do it, though, right?
Thank you, women for being onhere.
Thanks to Peach, herinformation is below.
She did drop off during a storm, but her information is below,
so go check out her books andmake light of what we have to go
(47:40):
through, if we're going to gothrough it.
Anyway, it might as well be alittle funny, right?
And thank you all for tuning in.
We'll see you next week.
This week's circle we're going to talk about some
things that some of us know,things about some of us don't
know, so much about, and I lovethat that's our conversation in
this group, because I think thatwe're learning off of each
other from different things andwe're just having conversations.
So today we're going to talk alot about perimenopause and
menopause and what we can expectif we haven't been through it
(00:25):
or other people's experiencesfrom being through it and
they're not always a nightmare,although they're not always
pleasant.
So we're going to get an arrayof views today and I'm really
excited about that.
Before we go on, I just want tohave our guests introduce
themselves so we know a littlebit about who they are.
So Peach Grayson has writtensome books about menopause.
(00:48):
Do you want to introduceyourself?
I'd love to hear.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Sure.
So, like you said, I'm PeachGrayson.
I am your typical middle-agedwoman, and recently I have
published three books onmenopause and communication with
your partners.
And I did that really with theidea that I couldn't find what I
was looking for when I finallyrealized I was going through
menopause, and so, aftersearching for a couple of years,
(01:14):
not really seeing what was onthe market that gave me the
information I wanted, I decidedI'd write it myself.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
I think that's lovely , because there definitely is
not enough information out thereon menopause for sure.
Thanks so much, peach Jamie,welcome to the podcast again.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Thank you.
I'm Jamie Bessler.
I am an empty nester, a retirededucator, and I spend a fair
amount of my time volunteeringwith Women Within International,
which is an organization it's anonprofit whose goal is to
(01:54):
empower women.
Thanks, Jamie.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
And.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Jenny, welcome, thank you.
My name is Jenny Chaffetz and Ihave two teens.
One is headed off to college,one is about to finish high
school.
That's exciting, and I am alife and breathwork coach for
midlife women.
(02:19):
So I aim to support midlifewomen on the journey, like
myself, who just experience allthe feels of what it's like to
be in this time of life ofsometimes feeling stuck,
sometimes feeling overwhelmed,confused, happy, resentful,
(02:44):
joyful, excited, confident,doldrums all the things
sometimes all in one day, andjust how to navigate that.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Beautiful.
Yeah yeah, mood swings right.
So what a great entry.
And talking about perimenopause, it's so funny because it
reminds me of my mother said tome I don't, I didn't have any
problem going through menopause.
And I was like, well, the restof us had a problem with you
(03:15):
going through menopause.
Maybe you didn't notice, but weall knew what was going on, or
we suspected anyway.
So I think it's interesting, um, how some women are not
impacted as heavily by menopauseor perimenopause, which is that
period before which I I'm in.
(03:36):
I get the hot flashes already.
I can feel it right now.
I was just telling these lovelywomen before we got on, like
I'm already having one right now.
I had to turn the AC up or down, I guess, and and I can feel my
heart just like pounding away.
And I've had a lot of otherexperiences.
Luckily, I've had people on mypodcast in the past who have
(03:57):
explained to me what's going onfor me, because I was never
taught about menopause.
In fact, until I asked my momabout it just this past year,
she'd never mentioned it to me,nobody had ever mentioned it to
me or what would happen.
It really was.
It's like this unknown thingand it was really hard for me,
(04:19):
as like it's not like one day,like perimenopause just shows up
and goes, hey, I'm here now,like you just have to go through
and experience all these things, or we're going to a doctor and
get some testing done, orwhatever.
But what I'm really excited tohear is, peach, what did you
learn in your exploration ofmenopause, since you wanted to
(04:42):
write the book and I think it'sreally.
I think it's awesome, becausethere's definitely not enough
information out there for women.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
My books are really almost a layman style.
There's a lot of medical jargonout there that's published and
originally, when I was realizedthat I was probably in a
perimenopausal phase, I bet Ihad been going and having
symptoms for five years and Ilost my mom when I was 18.
(05:12):
So I didn't have an olderperson to go and talk to and ask
questions and I just didn'trealize it.
I had depression, I had hotflashes, I had night sweats, I
was moody, I mean, I waseverything.
I just thought you know I'mstressed, my children are just
(05:33):
leaving home, you know work isdifficult, and so I chalked it
all up to that and eventuallythe light bulb kind of went off
and I thought, huh, you know,maybe all this time I've been
going through menopause.
So I started doing a littledigging, looking at everything.
I could talk to every doctorbecause I work in the medical
field.
So I talked to every doctorunderneath the sun, even those
(05:56):
that don't even specialize inwomen's health or menopause or
general practitioner anything.
Anybody that would listen to meI talked to, I asked questions
and I just honestly didn't get awhole lot of information out of
physicians like I had hoped andeverything that I found online
or written, even some verbalthings, was just medical jargon
(06:20):
and it's like and I get themedical aspect of it, but I just
kind of wanted to know thenitty gritty on what the heck is
happening to my body and andhow do I fix this?
Um, so I learned that one.
There's not a whole lot offixing.
There's a lot of things that Ifigured and figured out how to
do to make my symptoms lesssevere.
(06:41):
Um, and unfortunately, time,time was probably the biggest
asset for me.
The farther I went along, theless symptoms were there.
But I learned things like sugar.
Sugar was a horrible triggerfor my hot flashes and my night
sweats.
And I love sugar.
You know, I enjoy my sweets.
(07:01):
That's just me.
I've always had a bowl of icecream every night and never
realized that that was a majortrigger for some of these
symptoms that we go throughduring menopause.
So once I cut out sugar, man, Imean, I was like a new person.
And alcohol when I stoppedalcohol which I thought, oh, a
(07:21):
glass of wine, it's relaxing no,it literally made my night
sweats 10 times worse.
Of course, I didn't know ituntil I stopped.
Once I stopped having a glassof wine at night.
All of a sudden I'm sleeping,and once I start sleeping then
I'm not so grumpy during the day, and once I'm not so grumpy
during the day, my relationshipsimproved.
I mean, it was just thesnowball effect and it was some
(07:43):
very simple things.
I never used any hormonereplacement therapy.
It wasn't something that I wasinterested in.
So I kind of went all naturaland I found that there were a
lot of lifestyle changes that Icould make that really did have
a big impact on my signs andsymptoms.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Yeah, and I can tell you that that's true, because
even though I have not given updrinking, I know that I cannot
drink the week before my periodbecause anytime I have I get
something that somebody elsetold me was called the period
flu.
And I was like, why is it?
When I get my period I feellike I feel like I'm dying, like
(08:23):
I have the flu.
I mean I can't tell you howmany periods I was testing
myself for COVID because I waslike something has got to be
wrong with me.
And finally I talked tosomebody who knew more like
yourself and she was like, oh,that's called the period flu.
She's like, yeah, menopausal,perimenopausal menopausal and
adolescence.
They get it because of the fluxof the hormone change and your
(08:47):
liver gets overwhelmed because Iguess apparently hormones need
to be processed through theliver to rich yourself of them.
But I would have the sweats,the shakes, the hot, cold fever,
my whole body would ache.
It was crazy town and now thatI don't drink as much during
that week or the week before, sothere's like half the month is
(09:09):
like alcohol free.
But since I did that it's beena lot better in the other ways
and I'm sure that maybe I'd getless night sweats if I didn't
have my vodka, but I'm in areally weird place in my life
where I like my vodka, so I'mnot ready to give it up yet, and
I do know that that's one thingthat we could be doing.
So what I'm hearing is like it'salmost like perimenopause is a
(09:30):
calling for us to take bettercare of ourselves and, um, you
know, for me it's like theexercise.
I really need to keep up myexercise or else I can gain
weight easily, which was neverthe truth in my life.
I always used to be so thinthat people would ask me how
much I weighed because I was sothin, and now it's easy.
(09:51):
I could watch somebody else eatice cream.
And as we talk about all this,I just want Jamie to chime in,
because Jamie had a differentexperience with menopause, where
a lot of stuff didn't come upfor you.
Jamie, tell us a little bitabout it.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
So, I consider myself very I'm going to use the word
just blessed that my momdiscussed her menopausal
symptoms.
She went through menopause, herlate fees, early fees, and it
was an open topic.
She would come to the dinnertable and say she was, I just
(10:32):
had a hot flash and could askwhatever questions that I wanted
to, and then um and and moodswings like she would like, she
goes.
I'm telling you I'm havinghaving a menopausal kind of day.
I'm totally grouchy today and Ithink that kind of set the stage
for what I thought I might havewhen I went through and I had
my blood checked when I was inmy late forties and I was
(10:55):
perimenopausal, then symptomsand my period was still regular
until I hit almost late.
I still had a period, was veryregular, and then all of a
sudden it was irregular formaybe three months and then I
was done and I went, I had myblood drawn again and he goes
you're done, menopausal isyou're, you're done.
(11:17):
And I know I'm maybe anexception because my friends
around me had the hot flashesand just not feeling well in
general and I'm going to choppart of maybe lesser symptoms or
no symptoms in is just, I'vewatched my sugar intake and I
(11:38):
don't drink and I've alwaysexercised and I do think that it
helps, especially with bonedensity and everything, as, as
I'm aging, I was going to askyou about that Cause I know that
you take really good care ofyourself now and I was wondering
if, while you were goingthrough that, if you were taking
(11:59):
good care of yourself.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
So that goes back to what Peach was saying, that like
once she had like some betterhabits, it really had this like
ripple effect on her life whereit was like of course I'm
grouchy if I'm not sleeping atnight, of course I'm grouchy if
I'm like having these hot sweatsand so uncomfortable, right,
like all of those things, and sotaking really good care of
(12:22):
yourself seems to be the dealio.
Now, jenny, tell us a littlebit about your experience or
non-experience.
Speaker 4 (12:32):
So far, non-experience.
Awesome, yeah, similar to Peach, I also lost my mother when I
was 18.
I was 18 and probably I'massuming, like peach then our
mothers probably hadn't gonethrough menopause, so I didn't
(12:53):
have an example of what thatlooked like.
So, yeah, I didn't have a modelfor what.
I have friends that have thatare currently going through that
.
I certainly hear stories andI've listened to enough podcasts
at this point to understandwhat to expect.
(13:17):
So I kind of have that on myradar.
But again, similar to what youladies are expressing, take or
try my best to take good care ofmyself.
I try to exercise.
That seems to be the harder ofthe things for me to get in
(13:43):
Somehow.
Before COVID, that was mucheasier for me.
Once the gyms closed, I don'tknow.
Then then you know, then all ofa sudden being home and I've
never seemed to get back outthere.
But, um, but yeah, I do, I dostruggle with that fitness,
(14:04):
fitness and fitness taco andit's easy.
But I'm sorry, I'm trying to,I'm trying to make jokes, but no
, but fitness has always been alove-hate struggle with me, just
for the history of disorderedeating, disordered fitness.
(14:25):
But walking is very easy for me, but the more rigorous stuff is
a little more challenging, butI know that the weight bearing
is much more important as we getolder, so I'm working on
bringing more of that.
I've reduced dramatically thesugar intake of late.
(14:54):
I have tried to go whole foods,plant-based.
I've been a vegan for a longtime but I've done it kind of
quote dirty for a while.
So I am trying to reduce theprocessed foods almost entirely,
(15:15):
and that includes alcohol.
So I'm hoping that that, basedon what Peach is saying, will
maybe ease my transition.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Yeah, I love that because I was lucky enough to
have a lot of gut problems in mythirties.
So I don't do sugar because mygut doesn't like it at all.
So I mean I shouldn't say Idon't do it completely.
It's very rare, do I often buysweets?
(15:48):
I do, cause when I'm at thestore I'm like I'll be so good,
I'm just going to have one.
And then in my house they'regone before I even get to them
anyway, because I'll like myhusband's like they were there
for a week.
I had to eat them, and so I getaway with not eating any sugar,
and they're like, how can youjust see this stuff sitting here
and not eat it?
I'm like, cause every time Ilook at it my gut goes this
(16:10):
isn't the right time.
And so at least the food thingI am really good at as well, it
is the exercise for me, and Iknow how good I feel when I go
for like a more rigorous hike.
I love walking too and I canget myself to walk, but like
going, like committing to like afive mile hike is like a lot
more than just walking aroundthe neighborhood, you know, five
(16:32):
mile hike is like a lot morethan just walking around the
neighborhood, you know,especially when it's like warm
out or up up a mountain, um,which is where I live in
mountains.
So, um, but the exercise,definitely I am.
I am trying to get somestrength training and now,
because I'm hearing that that'sreally really important, um, and
I can feel it in my muscles andmy joints that I really need
(16:53):
that strength training.
And maybe, peach, you got moreto say about exercise.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Well, I definitely have struggled with the exercise
, part of everything and I dothink weight training and
strength training because welose a lot of muscle mass during
menopause and if you can kindof ward it off before it happens
, it's a lot easier to maintainyour muscle mass than it is to
build it back up.
(17:19):
Because I'm kind of at a pointnow where I'm trying to build up
muscle mass.
You know, I hold my arms outand I find my little bat wings
hanging there, going what isthat?
And even if I do all kinds ofstrength training and weight
training, I think I'm nevergoing to fill up all the skin.
I don't know what to do aboutit.
But yeah, if there's anythingyou can do to maintain it, it's
(17:42):
a lot easier than trying torepair it after the fact.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Yeah, absolutely, and I fear that I've waited a
little too long to really getinto it as well.
So if you're listening to thisand you're like I'm not
menopausal or very menopausal,Well great, Get on the strength
training now, because you coulduse it.
You build those muscles.
Listen to Peach, to build thosemuscles.
(18:07):
Before I want to go back toJamie was saying how her mom
actually was really out loudabout it.
You know she spoke about it notin a complaining way, but in a
hey, warning mom's feeling alittle, you know, off kilter
today, and so that's what'sgoing on for me, and I know that
there's so many people thatdon't talk about it.
(18:28):
I know this because if peoplewere really talking about it,
wouldn't we have heard about it.
I mean, even even if we didn'thave a mother as we were growing
up, like there would have beenaunties or friends or coworkers
or somebody like talking aboutit.
But it seems to be a thing thatwomen don't bring up, Um, and
(18:49):
so I know, Peach, you wrote someinformation about how we can
talk to our partner and I'm likeI'm way too vocal, Like I don't
have this problem.
If there's something going onwith me, I will tell him and he
knows, like, all of the thingsthat are going on with me
because, well, we work and livetogether in the same house all
(19:12):
the time, so you know whatever'sgoing on for me.
He pretty much knows and we'vehad lots of conversations about
my podcast, but I'm assuming inthe average house or in many
other homes that we don't talkto our spouses about what's
going on.
How can we do that?
Speaker 2 (19:36):
our spouses about what's going on.
How can we do that?
Well, one of the books that Iwrote really is about that
communication with your partner,and it's a comical book, you
know.
It's meant to be verylighthearted, so that the goal
was men would be interested inreading it, because they have no
desire to read anything aboutmenopause.
But it's written in a way thatis a Wednesday night beer
drinking in the neighborhood,and I thought that that might
(19:58):
encourage men to considerreading it.
But having those conversationswith your partner is it's hard,
and I'm very open with myhusband, but it still was very
difficult for me to say thingslike look, if I have hairs
coming out of my chin and my lip, you're going to have to tell
me, because, one, I can't seehim anymore.
Two, they show up overnight andthey look like whiskers and
(20:20):
it's like I want him to see meas a beautiful person, you know,
and in my best light.
And it was hard to have thoseconversations.
It was hard to haveconversations about intimacy and
maybe changes that I neededbecause of menopause, and so I
really had hoped that this bookwould just spark communication
(20:41):
so that people would feelcomfortable telling their
partners the hard things, thethings that are happening to
their body, that really aren'talways necessarily so pleasant.
But at least if our partnershear us and understand, then
they'll be a little bit moreempathetic.
Because you know, sometimes Iam just hormonal and I know it
(21:02):
and I tell everybody now I'mmenopausal, you know, you just
don't even listen to me, becauseI'm having a menopausal moment
and I've gotten to where, evenat work, I will say to my boss
look, I'm having a menopausalmoment.
I can't think of a word, Ican't make a complete sentence,
whatever it might be, becausethe reality is that's what's
happening to me, that's what'shappening to my cognition and my
(21:24):
inability to think straight andmy inability to kind of control
my emotions sometimes.
And so I try to just be veryfrank.
But it's hard, it's hard to saythose things to people that we
love or even people that wedon't even know that well.
And the more that we can sharewith one another, the easier it
is to get through this time, andthen people can kind of
(21:46):
understand what you're goingthrough.
You know, you go to a businessmeeting and everybody's sitting
around a table and all of asudden you've got beads of sweat
on your top lip and you'reembarrassed.
You know you don't.
All these men in the room, theydon't have any clue what's
going on and you're fanningyourself and you're thinking.
You know, I hope nobody thinksI'm having a heart attack right
here in the middle of our, ofour conference, and it's just,
(22:09):
it's just hard.
They're hard conversations butthey really do need to be had,
whether it's with your mom oryour friend or your boss or your
husband, whoever it is.
I think we we just have toliterally speak up and say this
is what's happening to me rightnow and deal with it.
Other people have to learn todeal with it.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
So yeah, I think in the past we you know it was a
taboo topic, because we justdon't talk about women's issues
and mixed company Do we like?
That just wouldn't beacceptable.
In the past times it just, andso I think women have always at
least I feel like, yeah, I feellike for me it's like I want to.
(22:48):
I want to hide that stuff, likethere's something wrong or dirty
or tainted about it, ratherthan it just this is the way it
goes.
And when we talk aboutmenopause and about the
forgetting, the words and thesweating and the shaking and the
hot flashes and the discomfort,first thing that comes to mind
(23:10):
is my adolescence.
Every time I think about myadolescence I start sweating in
my armpits a little bit becauseit was so uncomfortable and such
an uncomfortable time.
But it's really kind of.
Menopause is like the secondadolescence, because we have
this huge flush of emotion orhormones that are shifting in a
(23:30):
completely different direction,just like they were when we were
adolescents, just kind ofundoing themselves.
But it's not always thesmoothest time and I know that I
can tend to be really hard onmyself, especially if I'm like
guesting on a podcast andsuddenly I'm like what's that
word?
You know the word and like theword you know, with the thing
(23:52):
and the thing, and that can beso frustrating at the time and
I've learned how to laugh atmyself about it instead of
getting really hard on myself,and that's really made it a
little bit easier.
It was making me think of yourbook and how you wrote it in a
very light kind of tone, to makeit fun, you know, and make
(24:13):
lightness out of some subjectsthat are really serious and
really uncomfortable and reallyhard.
And so I try to be really lightwith myself around these things
and be like oh, here comes thathot flash again.
I've even given myself like nowyou get to go lay down for 15
minutes until your heart comesback to a normal you know beat
(24:34):
and you cool your butt down andand so you know, I try to make
it seem like oh well, it's veryexciting, I get to go lay down
now instead of before.
It was like what aninterruption in my day.
I can't focus.
I am trying to get stuff doneso for me.
I am trying to get stuff doneso for me.
Perimenopause has been like thisjourney of listening to my body
(24:57):
a little bit more and reallyhonoring it and whatever it is
that it needs at the moment,which was not something I would
have done before, because we'reall too busy to do this.
Jamie was your dad in the housewhen your mom was going through
menopause.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
Did she have a partner my stepdad absolutely
and there was a lot of humoraround her menopausal symptoms
even way back then, and I dothink that it I'm going to say
it normalized it.
It was just, I mean, my brotherwas just 20 months younger than
(25:38):
me and was like I don't reallywant to hear about this, but it,
it helped me and it also itshowed a lot of communication
between them and respect.
And I know that like when,actually when my period got a
little irregular, like rightbefore it completely stopped, I
(26:01):
used to do this thing.
My husband would travel forwork and I.
We started this thing off likeyears ago, where I would stick a
Tampax in his suitcase when heleft on a business trip and he
would find it He'd be off insome other state and there was
always a random Tampax in hissuitcase.
(26:22):
And when my period stopped, heactually was back then intuitive
enough and said back thenintuitive enough and said why
weren't there any TAMPACs inhere?
And I said there's no more,it's all there, it's all done.
And so again, I do think thatit was how it was, how I, how I,
(26:46):
what I saw and what was modeledfor me, beautiful, and I mean
now, like when I went through,my daughters were like seven
years younger, but I do rememberlike having a discussion with
them when they were like 12 and13 years old about what you know
.
Here they are.
They're not even, they hadn'teven had their first period yet,
(27:06):
and I'm discussing menopausewith them, and my older daughter
actually, like, googled it tosee what it meant, and so
they're already, even as youngadults, they're aware of what is
to come.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
That's lovely, yeah, so challenging.
I mean, some of us weren't eventold about our periods.
We sure as heck weren't goingto hear about menopause.
Jenny, I'm curious about you Doyou have a partner at the time,
right now?
Yeah, yeah.
So how do you feel abouttalking to your partner about
(27:45):
potential, um, you know,menopausal issues and challenges
?
Speaker 4 (27:52):
you know menopausal issues and challenges.
Good, fine, I mean, luckily.
It's kind of kind of humorousthat my husband is one of three
boys and his mother was stillaround.
She's a hoot and she is, andalways has been, very open about
(28:16):
everything.
So she, you know, he tells mestories about how she would just
undress in front of them.
You know, get home from workand just need to take off her
bra after a long day of work,and I mean not completely naked
in front of them, but you know,do that sort of like take off
(28:37):
the bra yeah, take off the brathing and comment on how she
needed to take off her, like,let the girls loose and just,
was very just open about herbodily discomfort, sort of
things.
Despite having boys in the houseshe had no girls to talk to, so
(28:57):
, uh, so she had to say whatevershe was going to say in front
of her sons.
She had no other options and sowhatever I might say has sort
of been said to him before.
So if I had, you know, periodcramps or you know, my daughter
(29:20):
is actually incredibly open,isn't the right word?
Vulgar might be moreappropriate Descriptive,
descriptive.
She might talk about her flowand he's just like do I need to
know all the details?
So he's sort of primed it forwhatever I might need to share.
(29:44):
He's just ready for it.
More from my daughter thanprobably his mother.
So yeah, we're, we're, we'repretty open household.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
That is awesome and I think that there, I mean, I
think it's great that she choseto talk about these things in
front of um her voice, becausethat's what makes them better
partners later in life.
Should they be a heterosexualRight?
Um, so, but it helps themunderstand even having women
friends.
You know, and I know, I knowthat there's a couple of
(30:16):
teenagers one day, uh, that wereover talking to my son, his
friends, and when my son was ateenager and he said he had a
tampon with him and I was likewhat are you doing?
He's like my mom told me alwayscarry one with me, just in case
somebody needs one.
And I was like what?
I'm like, I don't know that Ieven carry an extra one during
(30:41):
the weeks that I'm not, you know, bleeding, and so it was a
funny.
So they had a really openhousehold too, and I think that
we're going towards more openhouseholds, but we can also see
that there's definitely a lot ofhouseholds where, like my, my
ex-husband had a friend who hewent to go get something out of
my car and he was like I can'tget it, and I was like what do
(31:03):
you mean?
It's just in the back seat.
He's like there's a box oftampons back there and I was
like they're not going to biteyou.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
They're not alive anymore.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
You're going to be fine.
I promise nothing will happen.
But like he couldn't even likelook at the Tampax kind of name,
like it just freaked him out.
It was.
It was crazy.
And I'm thinking how can youget that freaked out by
something that is completelyfreaking natural, like there's.
We're not going out of our wayto be gross or disgusting, you
(31:36):
know what I mean.
Like this is all just naturalbody things, and one day you
might have a daughter and youmight need to go get, you know,
a tampon or a pad for her.
You're going to have to figurethat out.
Yeah, she's just going to bestuck.
(31:59):
We're just gonna have to waittill your mother gets home.
Yeah, it's insane to me thatthat's.
It's very interesting how somepeople are really open about
those things and other peopleare not.
Yeah, so we lost Peach.
I think the storm in Montanamust've taken over, so what
we'll do is I would like you toclose out, but I would love,
(32:21):
even though neither of you hadstruggled in menopause, so you
still have a lot of wisdom, andso I'd like you to check out
with one thing.
Oh, actually, before we gothere, I did want to ask you,
jenny, what about breath work?
What kind of breath work do youthink that we could be doing to
get through some of some of thehot flashes?
(32:41):
Or because for me, it's like Iknow I need to stop when I'm
having a hot flash, because I'vetried to like move through them
and it makes me feel like I'mhaving a heart attack, almost
like my heart goes so fast.
So I bet that there's something, some kind of breath work that
we could be doing to make that alittle bit easier?
Speaker 4 (33:01):
Well, you know, what I find interesting is, when we
were speaking at the beginningabout the emotional fluctuations
that surround this time, thismidlife time, that it's almost
(33:22):
like the Venn diagram of thisperiod of our lives, of of this
period of our lives of is itmenopause, perimenopause or is
it midlife, and what's thedifference?
And that's kind of the partthat I address with women, and
(33:44):
it almost doesn't matter,because we're emotional and I
shouldn't even say that becauseI feel like that's the label
that society might put on us.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Everybody's emotional .
Men are allowed to go straightto anger and women are just too
messy emotional, so it'd be okayif we went straight to like
fighting.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
But I think everybody's emotional.
We'll just agree that Right,right, right, right.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
But I think everybody's emotional.
Speaker 4 (34:08):
We'll just agree that Right.
So we're having these confusingemotions, or this, the variety
of emotions, and what I likeabout breathwork is that we have
this tool that allows us toshift from one to another or
choose a different emotion.
(34:30):
So if we are experiencingsadness, we can sit in the
sadness and then process it andchoose not bypass it, not ignore
it, but process it and thenchoose to move into calm or joy
(34:58):
or gratitude, something that'smore positive, something that
would allow us to feel moreenjoyment in the day.
So, but but to address what youwere just saying, if you're in
(35:19):
an anxious state or goingthrough a hot flash, maybe that
wouldn't be the best time to doa specific high intensity
pattern.
I have yet to work with someonewho hasn't found slow, deep
(35:39):
breathing soothing.
I mean, I have yet to to findthat.
So, even just for a shortperiod of time maybe not for
extended it's not going to solvethe problem You're still going
to have, whatever it is thatyou're reacting to.
No, no, and I haven't found thatto harm anyone.
(36:02):
So, even if it's three to five,slow, deep inhaling through the
nose, exhaling through themouth and having that exhale be
extended, and making sure thatyour body is fully relaxed and
that you've dropped theshoulders and unclenched your
jaw and softened your brow andsat into, you know, relax the
(36:26):
hips and the soften the belly,and really felt into whatever
that desired intention is.
So, if it's to you know, ifyou're, if you're really
frustrated with your ex or yourhigh MX bill or the traffic that
you're sitting in, or being inmenopause or you know whatever
(36:47):
it is that might be going on foryou, trying to release the
irritation or the anger aboutthat thing and then feeling what
could I be more at peace with?
What could I feel?
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Whatever your happy is.
So with my clients, we workwith intentions, which is
exactly what I was successful.
You know I would feel open andloving and you know whatever
those things are.
So how can we use thoseintentions?
Is like this is the perfectcombination is to do some
breathing.
Let go of whatever we're goingthrough.
Speaker 4 (37:27):
Breathing, let go of whatever we're going through,
yeah, and sometimes theintention is just to, to bring
more energy into this moment,you know, to feel more energized
, to feel more connected, to fitwhatever the exactly, whatever
the intention is, and then tojust drop into the moment and
(37:49):
breathe in, breathe out, breathein and certainly I have more
involved breath patterns.
Sure, that's the easiest isjust in and out, and sometimes
the in and out is just with thenose, but the most common people
do is in through the nose, outthrough the mouth and even, just
(38:13):
, like I said, doing that forthree or five cycles can usually
allow someone to okay, okay, Ihave a grasp on the moment.
If I I was ready to, you know,kick down my neighbor's door
(38:33):
because they, you know like,drove over my rosebush, okay, I
can, I can release a little ofthat rage and now I'm not about
to commit a crime.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Just to become more grounded and so that, because I
think what happens, at least forme, is when I'm feeling
feelings and I'm stuck in mybrain, that's when, like Ooh,
I'm creating stories, I'mgetting more fueled up, I want
to like, I do want to kick downthat door.
It sounds so good Like.
I want to smash things againstit.
(39:08):
But if we can breathe, whathappens for me is I get back
into my body and when I'm in mybody.
I'm like, oh right, that's justan anger sensation.
I feel that anger and that'sokay.
That's okay.
Then I'm feeling anger.
Now how do I want to moveforward?
It gives us a moment to atleast for me, it gives me a
moment to pause and get a littlebit more grounded.
(39:31):
Okay, how is it that I actuallywant to show up Like, yes, I'm
angry and it's okay to expressthat anger, but we can do it in
a way in which I'm not going tohave to apologize or go to jail
for later.
Speaker 4 (39:42):
Right, we humans love our stories.
I mean we take the story so far.
I mean I love that Peach wrotethe books.
But we all love our stories.
We all love to say OK, theydrove over the rosebush, that
must mean I'm a terrible humanand they're a jerk and we're
going to go to bed.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
They don't even care.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blahLike right right.
Speaker 4 (40:05):
They hate me and they think I'm a terrible person.
Well, I am a terrible personbecause remember that time in
third grade when I didn't dowell on the spelling test and
then my father, you know, tookthe belt out, and I mean, it's
just.
We go on and on and on.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Yeah, so breathing helps us get back into our body,
and what I love about like thatmore in-depth breath work that
you do is I think midlife,especially for midlife women, is
like it's so needed because Ibelieve that, like at midlife,
when we're starting to let go ofour kids, we have a little bit
more time to ourselves, ourcareers or whatever it is that
we do Um, it's a little bit moresettled.
(40:42):
Then we can really startlooking at what are all these
challenges that I have had inthe last 20 years when I was too
busy to deal with them, Causethey all come.
Like anything that we haven'thealed by midlife it'll show up
right around 50 and you're goingto have to deal with.
At least for me, like it waslike 45 to and I'm not 50 yet,
(41:04):
but I'm still going through itbut there's a lot of things that
I was like.
I'm looking back at them nowand I'm like I told my therapist
that was not a problem, like 15years ago, and I'm like, oh,
that's a problem, yeah.
Speaker 4 (41:16):
Yeah, and when the house gets a little quieter
you're like Jew, like all of asudden the noise in your head
gets a little bit louder as thehouse gets quieter and and, like
you said, you thought you dealtwith that a few years ago or 10
years ago why is that stillthere?
(41:36):
Oh, because you didn't.
And I'm not knocking therapy,because I have a therapist too
but talking about it, talking,talking, talking, talking.
You could talk yourself incircles for years.
We often have to process it out.
(41:56):
And if it's not breathworkbecause breathwork isn't for
everyone and I'm not suggestingthat everyone has to breathe I
mean, it's my modality of choice, but it doesn't have to be for
everyone Maybe it's tapping,maybe it's hypnotherapy, maybe
it's yoga.
There's a lot of differentmodalities out there.
I suggest people try everything.
(42:19):
Try all the different thingsthat are available.
Find the thing that works foryou, but you might need
something other than talk.
That do do.
Talk therapy, yeah somethingtherapists.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
I've learned that there's some therapists that are
really great for hearing me andthen there's other ones that
are really great for calling meout on my shit which are two
different things yeah, mine's,mine's awesome at he.
Speaker 4 (42:47):
He doesn't listen, he's like he yells at me and
that's great, that's great.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Yeah, I need that kind of kick in the butt too.
I think anybody who's a lifecoach needs somebody who can
fish out the bullshit, becausewe're really good at knowing
what we're supposed to say andnot necessarily you know being
there completely so lovely,lovely conversation, okay.
(43:15):
So, as we exit, we're going toum one piece of wisdom, and if
you want people to know where tofind you, share that.
If you don't, don't, jamie, doyou want to check out with one
piece of wisdom?
Speaker 3 (43:32):
or I will check out with my wisdom has been to like,
as menopause actually happensand I exit out of menopause, I
found that that was a perfecttime to really like ground, my
like self, self-care, self-loveand that being there.
You know, I had several friendswho went through menopause and
(43:53):
they were like, oh my God, Ifeel so old and it was like you
know what it's actually.
I mean my take on it as it'sjust, it's another chapter, it's
another rebirth and, in fact, alot of ways, it's wonderful
when it's done and over with andum, so much freedom, so much,
(44:17):
um, so much time to learn aboutyourself and um.
I actually, if somebody has anyquestions, can reach out to me
through the woman within WesternUSA website.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
Awesome, or they can message me and I will pass that
on.
Well, um, I love thatrebirthing of yourself because I
think that there's like so many, we have so many new eras.
Like, if Taylor Swift hastaught us nothing else, then we
can build a brand new us everyfew years.
I think that that's reallyamazing, and midlife is really
(44:52):
just one of those, and what Ilove about it is there is a lot
more freedom, because when I hadlittle, when I had kids, it was
more challenging, right, it waslike always how much am I
giving to them?
How much am I giving to them?
And now I have lots and lots ofspace.
So I love midlife.
(45:13):
Anyway, I'm not going to say Ilove menopause.
I can also not wait till that'sover.
And where's my damn switchCause I'm complete.
I'm complete with my cycle,experienced it.
I'm good, jenny, how about you?
Speaker 4 (45:28):
I love that.
Well, jamie took the wordself-care out of my mouth, so I
just I love to say thatself-care is not a luxury, it is
a priority, priority, and Ibelieve breathwork is a type of
(45:59):
self-care.
So if anyone would like to playwith breathwork, they can
contact me.
They can try it out.
I'd be happy to gift breathwork.
There is, I have, a a samplesession on my website, but I can
certainly do a one-on-one trialwith anyone who would like to
(46:23):
try it.
Uh, my website is gentlecoaching gentle with a j for
jenny and all the differentoffers are available on the
offers page.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
There's a bunch of freebies there and my instagram
is gentle coaching and you canall those links will be in the
show notes so that they can justclickety, click it, right.
Yeah, very easily.
So go get those freebies.
They sound really good.
I might go download it myselfin a second, because we can all
(46:57):
use a little bit more breathwork, and really, I think you
know, self-care was the thingthat we talked about today.
I think for me, perimenopausehas really made me have to it's
kind of forced my hand at beinglike okay, how am I taking care
of myself?
Because that whole period fluthat I was getting and then
(47:17):
having to relearn how to takecare of my body with all this
freedom, I should have plenty ofspace to do it, though, right?
Thank you, women for being onhere.
Thanks to Peach, herinformation is below.
She did drop off during a storm, but her information is below,
so go check out her books andmake light of what we have to go
(47:40):
through, if we're going to gothrough it.
Anyway, it might as well be alittle funny, right?
And thank you all for tuning in.
We'll see you next week.
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