September 25, 2025 • 22 mins
Ever find yourself stuck in a spiral of overthinking, especially during times of grief or challenge? In this episode, we explore why your brain clings to “what ifs” when life feels uncertain — and how to break free from the mental whirlpool.
You’ll learn simple reframes, grounding practices, and small actions that shift you from victim to creator. Discover how to reclaim your energy, find inner calm, and trust that life is working for you, even when it doesn’t make sense.
What one small step can you take today to quiet the mind and move toward healing?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Have you ever found yourself spiraling out of
control and it feels as thoughyour thoughts are getting away
from you?
I'm going to share with you howto master the mind from that
incessant overthinking when youmight be struggling with
something like grief, loss,challenge and you just do not
know what to do.
Welcome back to the JamesGranstrom podcast, super Soul
(00:24):
Model series, and managingoverthinking and finding a way
back to your center again is askill.
Now, we all overthink.
We all have those moments whereit feels as though our thoughts
are running away from us.
Well, the real reason why ourthoughts can run away from us,
particularly when we've beengoing through a difficult
(00:45):
situation Maybe you'veexperienced grief or loss, or a
relationship has ended, orthere's been a financial
challenge, or you've beendiagnosed with something,
whatever those challenges arethe real reason why we overthink
is because we desperately needa sense of security.
We want to feel control.
What actually happens when wefeel pain inside of us from a
(01:08):
situation of loss or a challengeor something that's very
difficult?
What actually happens is thebrain registers what's actually
happening and that emotionalpain is equivalent in the
amygdala of the brain tophysical pain.
So that's why emotions can bereally, really difficult.
So when we learn how to manageour mind, particularly when
(01:29):
times are tough, it will showyou that you can come back to
your center again.
You can come back to balanceover and over again.
One of the things that is reallyimportant is our need for
certainty.
In fact, tony Robbins goes onto find that there are six human
needs that are really important, and they are certainty, which
(01:50):
is about feeling safe.
There's uncertainty, which isabout excitement.
There is a feeling ofsignificance, where you feel
important.
There's a feeling of growth,like you're doing something
important.
There's love and connection,where you feel bonding with
other human beings.
And, last but not least,contribution, which is where you
are adding value to the worldand something that's bigger than
(02:11):
just yourself.
And when those human needs aremet, you feel whole, you feel
amazing.
But when they're not, that'swhen the challenge kicks in,
that's when the overthinkingkicks in.
Everyone experiences loss or orhardship.
You can't get away from that inthis human experience.
But what actually happens whenwe have that emotional
experience?
The feedback is the what ifs,the what went wrong, how could I
(02:35):
fix it, how can I make itbetter, what did I do wrong?
And it starts to go on amassive spiral.
So that's why learning how tochange the thought process when
challenges happen maybe you'vehad a financial struggle, or
maybe you're going through afinancial struggle, maybe you're
going through a relationshipbreakup, a divorce, a close
(02:56):
relationship, or maybe it's ahealth diagnosis or a challenge
you've been that the situationcannot change until your
perception of the event beginsto shift.
And I love this from abrahamhicks because it's really
powerful.
Abraham hicks is a a wonderful,energetic teacher and although
(03:17):
they talk a lot aboutmanifestation, the one thing
that they talk about when itcomes to emotions is that
emotions are manifestations andthat is the precursor to
something happening is theemotion that you have about it.
So if you're feeling disturbedabout something emotionally,
that might attract an event thatwill match that emotion, but
when you're feeling joy and calmand love, that may also attract
(03:40):
the event as well.
So all your emotions lead up.
I remember in my own experiencewhen I've had my own challenges
and I had a challengingaccident years and years ago.
I remember the emotions I hadleading up to that made absolute
sense, meaning that I couldfeel that my emotions and my
emotional center was way off.
(04:01):
So the event was just, oh, thatmakes sense.
And also when I've been veryfortunate and blessed and lucky,
I've also recognized that theemotions I've had going up to
that I felt very light, full ofjoy, full of anticipation, full
of excitement.
Again a human need, which isthat uncertainty.
I wonder what good could happen.
That is when the brain isoperating in a different space,
(04:23):
the mind is operating in adifferent space, the mind is
operating in a different space.
But if I go back to abrahamhicks, what they mention about
overthinking, which makes a lotof sense, is that overthinking
occurs when we find a negativethought and then stack another
negative thought and it goes onand on and law of attraction
takes care of it, meaning thatwhich you focus on grows bigger.
So overthinking when we'relooking at a challenge or a
(04:46):
hardship creates more thoughtsof like energy and then they
stack and that's when we beginto overthink and it gets out of
control.
And the only way that we canbreak the pattern, the only way
we can become pattern breakersof that rhythm of negativity, of
that overthinking, is byinterrupting it with some better
questions.
(05:07):
This is really powerful.
I noticed this in my ownexperience until we reframe the
challenge that we've goingthrough in a different light, it
will continue to play out withthat negative spiral, that
overthinking.
And, like I said, the realreason why that happens is
because we have a desperate needfor security, a desperate need
(05:27):
for control.
When something's gone wrong, wewant to have certainty that
it's going to be okay.
But usually when something'spulled away from us, like loss
the loss of a loved one, or ahealth or financial challenge,
we need to understand that.
We need to look at thissituation not immediately, but
(05:47):
with a sense of calm and peaceon ourselves, because until you
look at the situationdifferently, it can't change.
Because when we're looking at asituation, and it's difficult,
that's when the emotions come upand they continue to go on that
trajectory.
But when we give ourself alittle time, a little space, a
(06:07):
little healing, we can look atit from a different situation.
One of the things that preventsus overthinking is to ask
ourselves what if this is goingto be all right?
What is trying to emerge fromthis that I don't understand yet
?
What if this is going to createspace for something even better
?
What if this is exactly thewake up that I need to start
(06:28):
changing and transforming to bethe better version of myself.
These questions that we askourselves is what could I do?
What did I do wrong?
Wrong or why did that happen?
They don't help.
They just create thattrajectory of overthinking, a
negative emotion, which doesn'tchange the situation.
It just creates more pain and,like I mentioned, the brain
(06:50):
registers the difficulty and thepain is similar to physical
pain.
That's how the amygdalaresponds to emotional pain, so
that's why we want to deal withit differently.
We can only begin to heal whenwe begin to feel relief, and one
of the best ways we can feelrelief is by saying to ourselves
regularly I don't need tofigure out this red hot moment.
(07:10):
This is a really powerful waythat we can stop the need to try
and control and fix, fix, fix,because sometimes the fixing is
creating more of what we'relooking at that we don't like.
Our overthinking can cause us alot of problems and I've noticed
this in my own experience.
But one thing that reallyoccurs is that when you're
(07:31):
overthinking, it generallywastes your energy and steals
and robs you of presence, and ifyou're feeling any grief or
loss, that can also create adelay on your healing and coming
back to your center again, andalso the challenge with that is
it might make you feel guilt andit might also make you question
(07:53):
everything like what if?
What if I could have done this?
What if I could have done this?
This actually only delays theand and actually sets you up for
less success, because whenwe're asking those questions
what if?
In a negative way, it onlytakes us away from our center
and creates that trajectory thatI was talking about, which is a
tailspin.
And when I look at my ownexperience and I've been
(08:15):
overthinking, I remember when myfather died.
I arrived to my parents' housein another country in Spain the
day he died and I'd alreadyspent five months looking after
him during COVID.
And when I arrived, the griefwas there.
I really needed to find a wayto be able to help my mom, who'd
(08:35):
had a stroke, to be able tosell the land, sell the villa,
get her back to the UK, and allthat whilst that grief was
coming up.
I was asking myself a questionWell, what if I could have
helped him?
You know, not go back intohospital again?
(08:56):
And instead of feeling thatguilt, I decided to switch it up
.
I decided to start running,start physically moving the body
, because I believe being in thebody is greater than being in
the mind, because all fear andproblems arise in the mind.
So I wanted to get back in thebody.
So I really went into trainingimmediately and, even though I
train already, I made it adiscipline daily, first thing in
the morning, to feel betterafter meditation.
(09:16):
I made it a discipline daily,first thing in the morning, to
feel better after meditation.
And instead of trying to battlethat grief or battle any guilt
of thinking I could have donebetter to help him, what I did
instead was to ask myself iswhat can I do next?
Because I really believe yourresourcefulness changes
everything.
So I had to figure out buildnew relationships.
Needed to sell the property.
(09:38):
Needed to find a way to get mymom back to the UK.
And yes, there were challenges.
Yes, there was struggle, yes,there was overthinking, but what
I realized was I'll figure itout, and I used that all the
time I'll figure it out.
I don't know how to do this,but I'll figure it out.
And I love a little thing thatI picked up from different
people in different industriesall the time I remember Tom
(09:59):
Cruise being invited on GrahamNorton back in 2016.
It was a long time ago and Iremember this, and he was asked
oh, you've been presented with aTop Gun 2 uh script.
And he goes yeah, we're justtrying to figure it out.
And he goes do people want that?
And the whole crowd was roaringyes, we want that.
And we found out in 2021, Ibelieve the movie came out.
(10:21):
And he kept on saying I don'tknow, but we'll figure it out.
And this actually stopsoverthinking, because we don't
have solutions to the challengesor hardships or difficulties in
the moment.
But every time we use somethingthat brings us relief, it helps
us just feel a little lighter.
If you've ever gone throughanything before, did you get
(10:42):
through it?
So when you tell yourself it'snot my job to really figure
everything out right now, but ifI can find the thought that
brings me relief, that's goingto be okay.
And if you're feeling a littlebetter, you could say this too
shall pass Now.
That phrase was originatedcenturies ago by Persian mystics
.
This too shall pass, and evenGeorge Harrison, one of the
(11:05):
Beatles, wrote that as one ofthe albums.
This too shall pass Now.
Not always easy to say whenyou're going through the thick
of it, when you're going throughgrief, when you're going
through loss, when you're goingthrough hardship.
This too shall pass, but that'sif you can't do anything about
it.
But if you can do somethingabout it, maybe you're having a
financial challenge.
What can you do about it?
How much more resourceful canyou be?
(11:27):
What can you do to be able tochange your money blueprint?
What can you do to become moreclued up financially?
This is important because whenyou begin to do that, you begin
to shift.
But if you are only looking atoh, poor me, poor difficulty,
look at the challenge I've got,I'm a victim, you lose control
(11:47):
and your identity only stays asa victim.
So to be way more powerful andstop overthinking, you have to
realize whatever's happening.
I will accept and I will do mybest to realize whatever's
happening.
I will accept and I will do mybest to find relief.
Whatever I've got.
That might mean I'll go for awalk in nature.
That might mean I have littlemantras that everything is
working out, even though I can'tsee it yet.
That has been one of myall-time favorite mantras.
(12:10):
This gives me a light reliefand I've looked into my own
experience from the past thathas said things have worked out
even though I went through loss,even though.
I went through hardship, and ifyou look in your own experience
, is that true for you too?
Just remember if you're stillalive, you're still breathing.
There's more life for you.
(12:30):
This is not the end.
It's merely a becoming.
It's maybe a new birth, a newchapter for you.
And when you start to thinkcorrectly, instead of what if I
could have done something?
Start saying what if this iscreating space for something
even better?
What you need to do is shiftthe questions from the victim to
the creator.
In the book Conversations withGod, neil Donald Walsh is told
(12:53):
by God when we look at the wordcreate and we look at the word
react, the only thing we neededto do was change how we see
everything, and that's a realwonderful play on words.
But essentially, when we beginto create, it's because we're
looking at things differently.
We're looking at things from adifferent perspective instead of
feeling like the victim andI've lost.
(13:15):
Yes, you might have done, butthat might clear the way for
something better, a new versionof yourself to rise.
If we look at the phoenix,after everything is burnt down,
something arises.
If we look at volcanoes, afterchallenge and burning, and the
hot lava may melt cities or maymelt.
Towns and villages Again, lushvegetation grows.
(13:39):
Every difficulty has somebeautiful silver lining in it.
It's like fertilizer forsomething beautiful to come.
Yet we can't see it when we'rein there, and overthinking only
allows us to stay in thatchallenge zone.
I have this little inner toolkitfor dealing with overthinking,
and one of the things that Ilove to do is act quickly.
(14:00):
I have like a five second ruleGo do that.
I'm going to go and make a cupof tea.
I'm going to go and do fivepushups.
I am going to go and do a walk.
I am going to go and do fivepush-ups.
I am going to go and do a walk.
I am going to go and do thatworkout, decide and commit.
This really creates moreempowerment, self-empowerment,
particularly when we feel asthough we've lost control.
So you're taking the controlback by making decisions and
following through.
The other thing is whatever yousay, make sure you follow up
(14:22):
and do, because your words havepower, but action combined with
your words create somethingphenomenal, which is integrity,
which ups and increases yourvibration.
The other thing that's reallyimportant if you're going
through a challenge the innertoolkit you could be able to
understand and be aware thatyou're in a moment and you're
feeling that massive emotionaloverload, one of the things you
(14:44):
want to do is I'm feeling thisright now and sit with it.
Sit with that feeling, you now,and sit with it.
Sit with that feeling.
You don't have to changeanything.
But one of the things you couldask yourself whilst you're
accepting that emotion to flowrather than push it away.
I used to push these away, bythe way, and I noticed it didn't
do me any good.
But when I sat with the emotion, however uncomfortable, it
(15:05):
began to dissipate.
And if I notice I'm spiralingout of control or I have
previously what I tend to do isjust be a witness and observe
that emotion as it rises, and Imight say I'm spiraling, but
it's going to be okay, and thatreally simple phrase it's going
to be okay really soothes thenervous system.
(15:26):
Allow the tears to come, allowthe emotions to flow, because if
we block them, we're blockingpart of our humanity and usually
, when those emotions flow, whatwe're actually doing is
allowing our part of ourself toheal, and when we heal, we
become more whole.
Other things you can do aside,if you're overthinking, one of
(15:47):
the things you can do is makesure you're doing breath, work,
meditation, walking a lot,spending a lot of time in nature
, drinking a lot of water.
Every time we're doing thesetypes of things, moving the body
, we're actually moving energyaround, because when we're
feeling difficulty or emotionalhardship or overthinking, which
is a lot in the head, we need toget back in the body.
Remember what I said about whenmy dad had passed away?
(16:08):
I went straight into running,because usually what happens
when we feel grief or challenge,it affects the heart and our
heart feels as though it'sbroken.
So what I decided to do waswalk, walk uphill, go for little
runs Just to make sure theheart was trying to stay open,
because cardio is related toheart and when we're exercising
our heart gently, that meansit's allowing the energy to flow
(16:31):
and for us to heal, becausegrieving is part of healing and
the reason why we grieve anywayis because we love deeply.
So be gentle with yourself.
Part of the inner toolkit is tobe gentle with yourself.
If, if you're noticing thefeeling, let it rise, let it
flow and just notice and acceptthat you are spiraling in that
(16:53):
moment, but it's going to beokay, and make lots of little
decisions and follow through.
That gives you a sense ofempowerment.
And, last but not least, one ofthe other toolkits is just to
remember, say lots of what ifs,what if this works out, what if
this creates space, what if I'mgoing to be all right, what if
this is going to be?
If you do that for a period ofone to two minutes and write it
(17:14):
down or say it or speak it outloud I like writing it down it
can shift your energy.
It's not going to changeeverything, but it allows you to
have more of a positive slantthan to go on that negative
trajectory of overthinking.
This is really powerful andyou've got these little tools
that you can be able to use thataren't going to fix everything
(17:34):
in the moment, but they aregoing to give you a sense of
control, and that's reallypowerful, because usually when
we're going through difficulty,we've lost control.
Our energy has been out there.
Now we're trying to reclaim it,and we reclaim it with our
inner toolkit.
And, last but not least, a partof this reframe that I love to
do is I like to look at thesituation with compassion, which
(17:56):
is everyone was doing the bestthey can.
I was doing the best I can withwhat I knew at the time they
were doing the best that theycould.
And if you can really honestlyunderstand that everyone is
doing the best that they can,that's enough, because that
allows us to have compassion.
And the little bonus part is toreally go into what you're
(18:16):
grateful for, because usuallywith loss we feel very
vulnerable.
But when we're grateful forwhat we have and we're grateful
for the things that have broughtus happiness, love and joy, we
reclaim our energy and maybethere'll be tears with that
gratitude, but that's when youknow it's real and that's part
of the healing.
(18:36):
We need to emotionally cleanseourself when there's a lot of
overthinking, because all energyis sent out.
When we're overthinking, whatwe're doing is we're scattering
our energy, we're leaking energy, we're splitting our energy.
We're leaking energy, we'resplitting energy and we need to
reclaim that energy back towardsourselves again and have some
love and compassion forourselves.
Just remember that innertoolkit is there to help you
feel relief, because relief isthe first step towards a really
(19:00):
healing.
Also, remember that lots ofoverthinking is really based on
the ego's desperate need forcontrol and whilst it's very
difficult to release the need tocontrol, when we do it we're
actually moving with our soulbecause there's a higher purpose
going on, even though it makesno sense to us in the moment and
may not make any sense forquite some time.
(19:22):
But that's why I believe thathaving prayer and meditation.
Prayer is like speaking to God,speaking to energy, speaking to
intelligence, whatever you wishto call it, and meditation is
like receiving, and every timewe meditate we're like tuning
our energy up to a higherfrequency which allows us to
heal faster.
(19:42):
But sometimes in meditation,particularly if you're going
through grief, your mind mightbe again being overactive.
That's why I like to bring itback to the center again and
just focus on the breath.
So the universal takeaway iswhether you're experiencing
great stress or you'reexperiencing grief, what's
required more than anything elseif you want to find harmony is
to find a state of personalpresence, being in the moment,
(20:06):
rather than trying to find greatdeep analysis of what went
wrong.
What solves it is you findingpresence again and acceptance.
The mind is always trying tofigure out if it can be smart
enough.
How can I think my way out ofthis?
You can't think your way out ofthis, but what you could do is
you can act your way out of this, because action actually breeds
certainty.
(20:27):
So be someone who acts ratherthan just sits there on the
fence doing nothing and feelingsorry for themselves.
You've got to act to feelbetter, and if you don't act or
take any action, you're reducingthat certainty, whether you
like it or not.
After loss, you still got tokeep putting one foot after the
other, otherwise you're nothelping yourself, you disempower
(20:48):
yourself and overthinking isjust a part of yourself that's
gotten way out of control.
And if you're experiencinggrief, the need for certainty is
so much larger and there's agreat instability and the need
for how can I find stability inthis?
Well, it doesn't actually evenexist.
So one thing in grief that yoube able to lean on, to feel a
(21:10):
little better, to stop thatoverthinking, is to trust in
something greater than you iscreating space for something
even better.
So I'm going to give you aninvitation this week.
Instead of asking yourself whatwent wrong, how can I think
myself out of this, you've gotto just ask yourself is what's
the next best thing I can doright now?
Because action leads to agreater sense of peace.
(21:32):
What action could I do thatwill make me feel happier?
What would love do right here?
What action could I take thatwould be loving for myself.
Could it be a walk?
Could it be a cup of tea?
Could it be a nice meal?
Could I watch a gentle moviethat feels good?
Because we don't want toaggravate the emotions that we
want, we want to make them finda sense of relief.
(21:53):
And just remember this claritydoesn't come from thinking more
cleverly or deeply.
Clarity comes from finding away to trust life.
Finding a way to trust thatlife is working out, even though
it makes no sense right now.
You know, challenges anddifficulty that happen aren't
there to test you.
They're there actually to helpyou grow, to become an even
(22:14):
stronger, more resilient, morepowerful, more beautiful, more
loving, more compassionateversion of yourself.
And that wouldn't happenwithout that being revealed to
you through different eventsthat happen.
I know that's the case for me,particularly with loved ones
lost, and that is also true foryou, because I believe this is a
universal truth.
Thank you for tuning in.
(22:35):
I hope this episode reallyresonates and until the next
episode, I wish you a wonderfulweekend and green lights all the
way.
Have you ever found yourself spiraling out of
control and it feels as thoughyour thoughts are getting away
from you?
I'm going to share with you howto master the mind from that
incessant overthinking when youmight be struggling with
something like grief, loss,challenge and you just do not
know what to do.
Welcome back to the JamesGranstrom podcast, super Soul
(00:24):
Model series, and managingoverthinking and finding a way
back to your center again is askill.
Now, we all overthink.
We all have those moments whereit feels as though our thoughts
are running away from us.
Well, the real reason why ourthoughts can run away from us,
particularly when we've beengoing through a difficult
(00:45):
situation Maybe you'veexperienced grief or loss, or a
relationship has ended, orthere's been a financial
challenge, or you've beendiagnosed with something,
whatever those challenges arethe real reason why we overthink
is because we desperately needa sense of security.
We want to feel control.
What actually happens when wefeel pain inside of us from a
(01:08):
situation of loss or a challengeor something that's very
difficult?
What actually happens is thebrain registers what's actually
happening and that emotionalpain is equivalent in the
amygdala of the brain tophysical pain.
So that's why emotions can bereally, really difficult.
So when we learn how to manageour mind, particularly when
(01:29):
times are tough, it will showyou that you can come back to
your center again.
You can come back to balanceover and over again.
One of the things that is reallyimportant is our need for
certainty.
In fact, tony Robbins goes onto find that there are six human
needs that are really important, and they are certainty, which
(01:50):
is about feeling safe.
There's uncertainty, which isabout excitement.
There is a feeling ofsignificance, where you feel
important.
There's a feeling of growth,like you're doing something
important.
There's love and connection,where you feel bonding with
other human beings.
And, last but not least,contribution, which is where you
are adding value to the worldand something that's bigger than
(02:11):
just yourself.
And when those human needs aremet, you feel whole, you feel
amazing.
But when they're not, that'swhen the challenge kicks in,
that's when the overthinkingkicks in.
Everyone experiences loss or orhardship.
You can't get away from that inthis human experience.
But what actually happens whenwe have that emotional
experience?
The feedback is the what ifs,the what went wrong, how could I
(02:35):
fix it, how can I make itbetter, what did I do wrong?
And it starts to go on amassive spiral.
So that's why learning how tochange the thought process when
challenges happen maybe you'vehad a financial struggle, or
maybe you're going through afinancial struggle, maybe you're
going through a relationshipbreakup, a divorce, a close
(02:56):
relationship, or maybe it's ahealth diagnosis or a challenge
you've been that the situationcannot change until your
perception of the event beginsto shift.
And I love this from abrahamhicks because it's really
powerful.
Abraham hicks is a a wonderful,energetic teacher and although
(03:17):
they talk a lot aboutmanifestation, the one thing
that they talk about when itcomes to emotions is that
emotions are manifestations andthat is the precursor to
something happening is theemotion that you have about it.
So if you're feeling disturbedabout something emotionally,
that might attract an event thatwill match that emotion, but
when you're feeling joy and calmand love, that may also attract
(03:40):
the event as well.
So all your emotions lead up.
I remember in my own experiencewhen I've had my own challenges
and I had a challengingaccident years and years ago.
I remember the emotions I hadleading up to that made absolute
sense, meaning that I couldfeel that my emotions and my
emotional center was way off.
(04:01):
So the event was just, oh, thatmakes sense.
And also when I've been veryfortunate and blessed and lucky,
I've also recognized that theemotions I've had going up to
that I felt very light, full ofjoy, full of anticipation, full
of excitement.
Again a human need, which isthat uncertainty.
I wonder what good could happen.
That is when the brain isoperating in a different space,
(04:23):
the mind is operating in adifferent space, the mind is
operating in a different space.
But if I go back to abrahamhicks, what they mention about
overthinking, which makes a lotof sense, is that overthinking
occurs when we find a negativethought and then stack another
negative thought and it goes onand on and law of attraction
takes care of it, meaning thatwhich you focus on grows bigger.
So overthinking when we'relooking at a challenge or a
(04:46):
hardship creates more thoughtsof like energy and then they
stack and that's when we beginto overthink and it gets out of
control.
And the only way that we canbreak the pattern, the only way
we can become pattern breakersof that rhythm of negativity, of
that overthinking, is byinterrupting it with some better
questions.
(05:07):
This is really powerful.
I noticed this in my ownexperience until we reframe the
challenge that we've goingthrough in a different light, it
will continue to play out withthat negative spiral, that
overthinking.
And, like I said, the realreason why that happens is
because we have a desperate needfor security, a desperate need
(05:27):
for control.
When something's gone wrong, wewant to have certainty that
it's going to be okay.
But usually when something'spulled away from us, like loss
the loss of a loved one, or ahealth or financial challenge,
we need to understand that.
We need to look at thissituation not immediately, but
(05:47):
with a sense of calm and peaceon ourselves, because until you
look at the situationdifferently, it can't change.
Because when we're looking at asituation, and it's difficult,
that's when the emotions come upand they continue to go on that
trajectory.
But when we give ourself alittle time, a little space, a
(06:07):
little healing, we can look atit from a different situation.
One of the things that preventsus overthinking is to ask
ourselves what if this is goingto be all right?
What is trying to emerge fromthis that I don't understand yet
?
What if this is going to createspace for something even better
?
What if this is exactly thewake up that I need to start
(06:28):
changing and transforming to bethe better version of myself.
These questions that we askourselves is what could I do?
What did I do wrong?
Wrong or why did that happen?
They don't help.
They just create thattrajectory of overthinking, a
negative emotion, which doesn'tchange the situation.
It just creates more pain and,like I mentioned, the brain
(06:50):
registers the difficulty and thepain is similar to physical
pain.
That's how the amygdalaresponds to emotional pain, so
that's why we want to deal withit differently.
We can only begin to heal whenwe begin to feel relief, and one
of the best ways we can feelrelief is by saying to ourselves
regularly I don't need tofigure out this red hot moment.
(07:10):
This is a really powerful waythat we can stop the need to try
and control and fix, fix, fix,because sometimes the fixing is
creating more of what we'relooking at that we don't like.
Our overthinking can cause us alot of problems and I've noticed
this in my own experience.
But one thing that reallyoccurs is that when you're
(07:31):
overthinking, it generallywastes your energy and steals
and robs you of presence, and ifyou're feeling any grief or
loss, that can also create adelay on your healing and coming
back to your center again, andalso the challenge with that is
it might make you feel guilt andit might also make you question
(07:53):
everything like what if?
What if I could have done this?
What if I could have done this?
This actually only delays theand and actually sets you up for
less success, because whenwe're asking those questions
what if?
In a negative way, it onlytakes us away from our center
and creates that trajectory thatI was talking about, which is a
tailspin.
And when I look at my ownexperience and I've been
(08:15):
overthinking, I remember when myfather died.
I arrived to my parents' housein another country in Spain the
day he died and I'd alreadyspent five months looking after
him during COVID.
And when I arrived, the griefwas there.
I really needed to find a wayto be able to help my mom, who'd
(08:35):
had a stroke, to be able tosell the land, sell the villa,
get her back to the UK, and allthat whilst that grief was
coming up.
I was asking myself a questionWell, what if I could have
helped him?
You know, not go back intohospital again?
(08:56):
And instead of feeling thatguilt, I decided to switch it up
.
I decided to start running,start physically moving the body
, because I believe being in thebody is greater than being in
the mind, because all fear andproblems arise in the mind.
So I wanted to get back in thebody.
So I really went into trainingimmediately and, even though I
train already, I made it adiscipline daily, first thing in
the morning, to feel betterafter meditation.
(09:16):
I made it a discipline daily,first thing in the morning, to
feel better after meditation.
And instead of trying to battlethat grief or battle any guilt
of thinking I could have donebetter to help him, what I did
instead was to ask myself iswhat can I do next?
Because I really believe yourresourcefulness changes
everything.
So I had to figure out buildnew relationships.
Needed to sell the property.
(09:38):
Needed to find a way to get mymom back to the UK.
And yes, there were challenges.
Yes, there was struggle, yes,there was overthinking, but what
I realized was I'll figure itout, and I used that all the
time I'll figure it out.
I don't know how to do this,but I'll figure it out.
And I love a little thing thatI picked up from different
people in different industriesall the time I remember Tom
(09:59):
Cruise being invited on GrahamNorton back in 2016.
It was a long time ago and Iremember this, and he was asked
oh, you've been presented with aTop Gun 2 uh script.
And he goes yeah, we're justtrying to figure it out.
And he goes do people want that?
And the whole crowd was roaringyes, we want that.
And we found out in 2021, Ibelieve the movie came out.
(10:21):
And he kept on saying I don'tknow, but we'll figure it out.
And this actually stopsoverthinking, because we don't
have solutions to the challengesor hardships or difficulties in
the moment.
But every time we use somethingthat brings us relief, it helps
us just feel a little lighter.
If you've ever gone throughanything before, did you get
(10:42):
through it?
So when you tell yourself it'snot my job to really figure
everything out right now, but ifI can find the thought that
brings me relief, that's goingto be okay.
And if you're feeling a littlebetter, you could say this too
shall pass Now.
That phrase was originatedcenturies ago by Persian mystics
.
This too shall pass, and evenGeorge Harrison, one of the
(11:05):
Beatles, wrote that as one ofthe albums.
This too shall pass Now.
Not always easy to say whenyou're going through the thick
of it, when you're going throughgrief, when you're going
through loss, when you're goingthrough hardship.
This too shall pass, but that'sif you can't do anything about
it.
But if you can do somethingabout it, maybe you're having a
financial challenge.
What can you do about it?
How much more resourceful canyou be?
(11:27):
What can you do to be able tochange your money blueprint?
What can you do to become moreclued up financially?
This is important because whenyou begin to do that, you begin
to shift.
But if you are only looking atoh, poor me, poor difficulty,
look at the challenge I've got,I'm a victim, you lose control
(11:47):
and your identity only stays asa victim.
So to be way more powerful andstop overthinking, you have to
realize whatever's happening.
I will accept and I will do mybest to realize whatever's
happening.
I will accept and I will do mybest to find relief.
Whatever I've got.
That might mean I'll go for awalk in nature.
That might mean I have littlemantras that everything is
working out, even though I can'tsee it yet.
That has been one of myall-time favorite mantras.
(12:10):
This gives me a light reliefand I've looked into my own
experience from the past thathas said things have worked out
even though I went through loss,even though.
I went through hardship, and ifyou look in your own experience
, is that true for you too?
Just remember if you're stillalive, you're still breathing.
There's more life for you.
(12:30):
This is not the end.
It's merely a becoming.
It's maybe a new birth, a newchapter for you.
And when you start to thinkcorrectly, instead of what if I
could have done something?
Start saying what if this iscreating space for something
even better?
What you need to do is shiftthe questions from the victim to
the creator.
In the book Conversations withGod, neil Donald Walsh is told
(12:53):
by God when we look at the wordcreate and we look at the word
react, the only thing we neededto do was change how we see
everything, and that's a realwonderful play on words.
But essentially, when we beginto create, it's because we're
looking at things differently.
We're looking at things from adifferent perspective instead of
feeling like the victim andI've lost.
(13:15):
Yes, you might have done, butthat might clear the way for
something better, a new versionof yourself to rise.
If we look at the phoenix,after everything is burnt down,
something arises.
If we look at volcanoes, afterchallenge and burning, and the
hot lava may melt cities or maymelt.
Towns and villages Again, lushvegetation grows.
(13:39):
Every difficulty has somebeautiful silver lining in it.
It's like fertilizer forsomething beautiful to come.
Yet we can't see it when we'rein there, and overthinking only
allows us to stay in thatchallenge zone.
I have this little inner toolkitfor dealing with overthinking,
and one of the things that Ilove to do is act quickly.
(14:00):
I have like a five second ruleGo do that.
I'm going to go and make a cupof tea.
I'm going to go and do fivepushups.
I am going to go and do a walk.
I am going to go and do fivepush-ups.
I am going to go and do a walk.
I am going to go and do thatworkout, decide and commit.
This really creates moreempowerment, self-empowerment,
particularly when we feel asthough we've lost control.
So you're taking the controlback by making decisions and
following through.
The other thing is whatever yousay, make sure you follow up
(14:22):
and do, because your words havepower, but action combined with
your words create somethingphenomenal, which is integrity,
which ups and increases yourvibration.
The other thing that's reallyimportant if you're going
through a challenge the innertoolkit you could be able to
understand and be aware thatyou're in a moment and you're
feeling that massive emotionaloverload, one of the things you
(14:44):
want to do is I'm feeling thisright now and sit with it.
Sit with that feeling, you now,and sit with it.
Sit with that feeling.
You don't have to changeanything.
But one of the things you couldask yourself whilst you're
accepting that emotion to flowrather than push it away.
I used to push these away, bythe way, and I noticed it didn't
do me any good.
But when I sat with the emotion, however uncomfortable, it
(15:05):
began to dissipate.
And if I notice I'm spiralingout of control or I have
previously what I tend to do isjust be a witness and observe
that emotion as it rises, and Imight say I'm spiraling, but
it's going to be okay, and thatreally simple phrase it's going
to be okay really soothes thenervous system.
(15:26):
Allow the tears to come, allowthe emotions to flow, because if
we block them, we're blockingpart of our humanity and usually
, when those emotions flow, whatwe're actually doing is
allowing our part of ourself toheal, and when we heal, we
become more whole.
Other things you can do aside,if you're overthinking, one of
(15:47):
the things you can do is makesure you're doing breath, work,
meditation, walking a lot,spending a lot of time in nature
, drinking a lot of water.
Every time we're doing thesetypes of things, moving the body
, we're actually moving energyaround, because when we're
feeling difficulty or emotionalhardship or overthinking, which
is a lot in the head, we need toget back in the body.
Remember what I said about whenmy dad had passed away?
(16:08):
I went straight into running,because usually what happens
when we feel grief or challenge,it affects the heart and our
heart feels as though it'sbroken.
So what I decided to do waswalk, walk uphill, go for little
runs Just to make sure theheart was trying to stay open,
because cardio is related toheart and when we're exercising
our heart gently, that meansit's allowing the energy to flow
(16:31):
and for us to heal, becausegrieving is part of healing and
the reason why we grieve anywayis because we love deeply.
So be gentle with yourself.
Part of the inner toolkit is tobe gentle with yourself.
If, if you're noticing thefeeling, let it rise, let it
flow and just notice and acceptthat you are spiraling in that
(16:53):
moment, but it's going to beokay, and make lots of little
decisions and follow through.
That gives you a sense ofempowerment.
And, last but not least, one ofthe other toolkits is just to
remember, say lots of what ifs,what if this works out, what if
this creates space, what if I'mgoing to be all right, what if
this is going to be?
If you do that for a period ofone to two minutes and write it
(17:14):
down or say it or speak it outloud I like writing it down it
can shift your energy.
It's not going to changeeverything, but it allows you to
have more of a positive slantthan to go on that negative
trajectory of overthinking.
This is really powerful andyou've got these little tools
that you can be able to use thataren't going to fix everything
(17:34):
in the moment, but they aregoing to give you a sense of
control, and that's reallypowerful, because usually when
we're going through difficulty,we've lost control.
Our energy has been out there.
Now we're trying to reclaim it,and we reclaim it with our
inner toolkit.
And, last but not least, a partof this reframe that I love to
do is I like to look at thesituation with compassion, which
(17:56):
is everyone was doing the bestthey can.
I was doing the best I can withwhat I knew at the time they
were doing the best that theycould.
And if you can really honestlyunderstand that everyone is
doing the best that they can,that's enough, because that
allows us to have compassion.
And the little bonus part is toreally go into what you're
(18:16):
grateful for, because usuallywith loss we feel very
vulnerable.
But when we're grateful forwhat we have and we're grateful
for the things that have broughtus happiness, love and joy, we
reclaim our energy and maybethere'll be tears with that
gratitude, but that's when youknow it's real and that's part
of the healing.
(18:36):
We need to emotionally cleanseourself when there's a lot of
overthinking, because all energyis sent out.
When we're overthinking, whatwe're doing is we're scattering
our energy, we're leaking energy, we're splitting our energy.
We're leaking energy, we'resplitting energy and we need to
reclaim that energy back towardsourselves again and have some
love and compassion forourselves.
Just remember that innertoolkit is there to help you
feel relief, because relief isthe first step towards a really
(19:00):
healing.
Also, remember that lots ofoverthinking is really based on
the ego's desperate need forcontrol and whilst it's very
difficult to release the need tocontrol, when we do it we're
actually moving with our soulbecause there's a higher purpose
going on, even though it makesno sense to us in the moment and
may not make any sense forquite some time.
(19:22):
But that's why I believe thathaving prayer and meditation.
Prayer is like speaking to God,speaking to energy, speaking to
intelligence, whatever you wishto call it, and meditation is
like receiving, and every timewe meditate we're like tuning
our energy up to a higherfrequency which allows us to
heal faster.
(19:42):
But sometimes in meditation,particularly if you're going
through grief, your mind mightbe again being overactive.
That's why I like to bring itback to the center again and
just focus on the breath.
So the universal takeaway iswhether you're experiencing
great stress or you'reexperiencing grief, what's
required more than anything elseif you want to find harmony is
to find a state of personalpresence, being in the moment,
(20:06):
rather than trying to find greatdeep analysis of what went
wrong.
What solves it is you findingpresence again and acceptance.
The mind is always trying tofigure out if it can be smart
enough.
How can I think my way out ofthis?
You can't think your way out ofthis, but what you could do is
you can act your way out of this, because action actually breeds
certainty.
(20:27):
So be someone who acts ratherthan just sits there on the
fence doing nothing and feelingsorry for themselves.
You've got to act to feelbetter, and if you don't act or
take any action, you're reducingthat certainty, whether you
like it or not.
After loss, you still got tokeep putting one foot after the
other, otherwise you're nothelping yourself, you disempower
(20:48):
yourself and overthinking isjust a part of yourself that's
gotten way out of control.
And if you're experiencinggrief, the need for certainty is
so much larger and there's agreat instability and the need
for how can I find stability inthis?
Well, it doesn't actually evenexist.
So one thing in grief that yoube able to lean on, to feel a
(21:10):
little better, to stop thatoverthinking, is to trust in
something greater than you iscreating space for something
even better.
So I'm going to give you aninvitation this week.
Instead of asking yourself whatwent wrong, how can I think
myself out of this, you've gotto just ask yourself is what's
the next best thing I can doright now?
Because action leads to agreater sense of peace.
(21:32):
What action could I do thatwill make me feel happier?
What would love do right here?
What action could I take thatwould be loving for myself.
Could it be a walk?
Could it be a cup of tea?
Could it be a nice meal?
Could I watch a gentle moviethat feels good?
Because we don't want toaggravate the emotions that we
want, we want to make them finda sense of relief.
(21:53):
And just remember this claritydoesn't come from thinking more
cleverly or deeply.
Clarity comes from finding away to trust life.
Finding a way to trust thatlife is working out, even though
it makes no sense right now.
You know, challenges anddifficulty that happen aren't
there to test you.
They're there actually to helpyou grow, to become an even
(22:14):
stronger, more resilient, morepowerful, more beautiful, more
loving, more compassionateversion of yourself.
And that wouldn't happenwithout that being revealed to
you through different eventsthat happen.
I know that's the case for me,particularly with loved ones
lost, and that is also true foryou, because I believe this is a
universal truth.
Thank you for tuning in.
(22:35):
I hope this episode reallyresonates and until the next
episode, I wish you a wonderfulweekend and green lights all the
way.
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