February 13, 2025 • 19 mins
Ever wondered why some people navigate challenges with grace while others crumble under pressure? It all comes down to emotional intelligence (EQ)—the silent force that shapes our relationships, decisions, and overall success.
In this episode, we’re diving deep into the true power of EQ, breaking it down into self-awareness, empathy, and emotional resilience. You’ll hear how legends like Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic use EQ to stay calm and focused in the most intense moments—and how you can apply the same principles in your own life.
We’ll explore:
🔹 How EQ often outweighs IQ in high-stakes situations
🔹 The art of active listening—a game-changer for deeper relationships and stronger leadership
🔹 Why men, in particular, can benefit from engaging with feminine energy through presence, not just problem-solving
🔹 The power of patience, self-control, and emotional balance in creating a fulfilling life
And as we wrap up, I encourage you to take these insights beyond this conversation. Who in your life could benefit from a little more understanding, patience, and presence? Share this episode, spark a meaningful conversation, and be the ripple effect that helps create a more connected world.
Let’s dive in. 🎙️✨
📲 Follow James on Instagram
🔗 Follow James on Tik Tok
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Have you ever wondered why some people succeed
yet others really struggle?
And the answer to that meansthey may have a different level
of intelligence.
And I don't mean IQ, I mean EQ.
And that EQ means emotionalintelligence.
Welcome to the Super Soul Modelseries, where I help you tune
(00:25):
and tap into your natural stateof well-being.
In this episode, we'rediscussing the topic of
emotional intelligence and whysome people have it and some
people don't.
And if you're feeling likeperhaps you're lacking emotional
intelligence, don't worry, I'vegot your back because I'm going
to share with you how you candevelop it.
I spent years studying emotionalintelligence, which was first
(00:49):
coined back in early 1990 by twogentlemen who wrote the paper
on emotional intelligencecoining that phrase and they
were Peter Saloni and John DMayer which then, five years
later, was actually popularizedby a gentleman who wrote a book
Emotional Intelligence why Doesit Matter?
(01:09):
And his name was Daniel Goldman.
And what I'm excited to sharewith you in this episode is how
emotional intelligence cantransform your life, can
transform your relationships,can transform your career, can
transform you as a human beinginto becoming a better leader.
There's not one area of lifethat won't thrive when you
(01:31):
understand your emotionalintelligence, because our
emotions are what make us human,and when we're able to govern
them, when we're able to masterthem, we become the best
versions of ourselves.
So I'm looking forward todiving deep about this topic
with you in this episode.
So what is emotionalintelligence?
Emotional intelligence is theability to recognize, understand
(01:55):
and manage your emotions andyour emotional state, and it's
also the ability to recognizeand understand and influence the
emotional state of other humanbeings.
So what are the five componentsof emotional intelligence?
Number one it's self-awareness.
Self-awareness meaning knowingyour emotions and their impact
(02:16):
on others.
Number two self-regulationmanaging emotions in healthy
ways.
Number three motivationharnessing your emotions to
pursue your goals.
Number four empathyunderstanding and sharing the
feelings of other.
And number five social skillsmanaging relationships and
building networks.
So what is emotionalintelligence and why does it
(02:37):
matter?
The reason why emotionalintelligence matter is because
studies have shown that weactually perform better once we
have a certain level ofunderstanding within ourselves
and how we relate to otherpeople.
We are not robots, meaning weare not human doings.
We are human beings, andsometimes, when we're emotional,
we don't think logically.
(02:58):
Then we're using our emotionsto make choices that perhaps we
wouldn't normally make if wewere centered, because when
we're centered emotionallymeaning emotional intelligence
it means that we would make goodchoices.
But we don't always make goodchoices because sometimes those
emotional overrides take over us, which is why we can make poor
(03:19):
choice making when we don't feelgreat.
I've seen it time and time againin my life, but I've also seen
it in success, and some of thebest people we can witness to
hold this idea as true areathletes.
Sometimes athletes that werevere the most make amazing
choices on match point or whenthey're a set point down in a
(03:41):
game of tennis.
I've seen it with Roger Federer, I've seen it with Rafa Nadal,
I've seen it with Novakerer,I've seen it with Rafa Nadal,
I've seen it with Novak Djokovic.
We revere people who areemotionally centered, which
means in their gut, listening totheir intuition, and it's so
easy for us to judge otherpeople but are not really
understanding how they've beenfeeling when making such a
choice.
Which is why some otherathletes, although good, are not
(04:05):
at that very high top echelonof the game, because they're not
being able to respond in acentered, emotionally
intelligent way.
Which is why this theory thatemotional intelligence is
important as IQ, if not moreimportant, because when we are
under pressure, how do we reallyperform?
That's why emotionalintelligence is so, so important
(04:28):
and significant.
So the studies have shown thateq meaning emotional
intelligence it actuallycontributes to a greater level
of success.
So much so that there's a studythat shows that 32 percent of
people with emotionalintelligence tend to succeed
more than just the norm, andthat's because they have this
(04:49):
human understanding, this humanunderstanding of their emotional
well-being, their emotionalcenter and the ability to try
and put themselves in otherpeople's shoes, yet still
remaining centered to their owncause.
This is incredibly powerful.
A story I would like to share isa challenge I had fairly
recently, and it was a propertydeal that I was doing, and what
(05:12):
we wanted to do was come to acommon agreement, and yet both
of us came from two differentpoints of view and all we wanted
to do was get the deal done.
But there was emotions involved, there was a lot of money
involved, and so how do we findthe best win-win scenario when
we feel both right in our ownway?
(05:34):
And the answer is we want tocome from a calm, poised
perspective where everybody wins, and so that's really what I
worked on, and I had one or twosleepless nights, trying to get
to this point of feelingemotionally centered, so I could
make an emotionally intelligentsuggestion and offer so that
both parties could win in thisproperty deal, and that's when
(05:57):
great success came about,because we both wanted the same
thing.
We both wanted to feel calm andsafe, given the amount of money
that was being transferredbetween us, and we both wanted
to make sure that there wassecurity involved.
This happens all the time inbusiness and in our real life,
but ultimately, what we'rereally looking for is a calm,
centered outlook, because calmand steady always wins the race.
(06:21):
So let's look at some practicalways in which you can develop
your emotional intelligence,because, remember, when you're
developing your emotionalintelligence, you're developing
the skills that will help yousucceed in life.
Again, remember that statistic32% of people go on to perform
and succeed even greater becausethey have emotional
intelligence.
It's like having another skillin your back pocket when you're
(06:43):
showing up in day-to-day lifeand one of the most important
things in your life is yourrelationships.
So having emotionalintelligence is going to serve
you incredibly well.
So let's look at the first wayin which you could develop
emotional intelligence, and thatwould be to first become
self-aware.
Now, when I wasn't self-awareand I was asking the question
there's got to be a bit more tolife than what I'm living and
(07:06):
what I'm looking at I was led tolearn how to meditate and this
might be the perfect way for youto start to become a little bit
more self-aware, because whenyou quiet the mind, all the
emotions begin to rise and whenthey arise, eventually they
spill out and what's left isthis beautiful still pond inside
of your mind.
But at the beginning, when youhave a meditation practice, it's
(07:26):
like all hell breaks loose.
Initially because there's somany emotions rising to the
surface and thoughts and yourmind is just full of stuff.
But eventually, when the mindsettles down and it becomes
still, you begin to hear theclarity come through.
But on top of a meditationpractice, you could become more
(07:47):
mindful.
Meaning in every action thatyou're taking.
Are you present to that action?
And one of the ways you can dothat in really small and
incremental ways is when you'rehaving a cup of tea or making a
cup of coffee.
Be really present with everyaction that you're taking.
Think about the cup that you'repulling out, the cupboard, the
hot water that you're boiling,the coffee that you're putting
(08:10):
in the cup, the sugar thatyou're putting in the cup, every
action that you're boiling, thecoffee that you're putting in
the cup, the sugar that you'reputting in the cup, every action
that you're taking.
Be really mindful of that Inthis mundane everyday task.
Often people think about otherthings whilst they're doing that
.
How often when you've beendriving are you thinking about
other things rather than beingpresent on the road?
Because when you're drivingit's like this other part of you
(08:33):
is taking control, so your mindcan be free.
But usually what happens tobecome more emotionally
intelligent is we've got tolearn how to become more present
.
Meditation does that.
Becoming more present in thesimple, mundane tasks like
washing dishes or making coffee.
That is another way to becomepresent, and also another way
you could do it is to have andkeep a journal of the emotions
(08:55):
that you're feeling throughoutthe day, because when you can
feel your emotions and recognizehow you were feeling and you
write them down, this equates tohaving your first level of
self-awareness.
The second way you can developemotional intelligence is by
self-regulation.
Is by self-regulation, and thatmight mean taking longer deep
(09:15):
breaths throughout your day,because as you're doing that,
you're slowing down the cortisolin your system.
You're becoming more present.
Long, deep breaths equate tomore oxygen going into your
system and it lowers thefrequency of your brainwaves and
usually your waking state,which is your beta brainwave
state, which is quite a fastbrain cycle.
When you begin to slow it downthrough deep breathing you can
(09:38):
enter alpha, which is a wakingstate, but you're in the flow.
This helps you become a lotmore present athlete, become so
graceful in their sport, or atennis player or a swimmer or a
gymnast or any time that you'veever had those green lights in
(10:00):
your life where you've glidedthrough the day and things have
just gone very smoothly for you.
What you'll have noticed is youspent more time in this alpha
rhythm, this brain wave, whereyou've been in flow by
self-regulating through deeperbreaths.
And one of the things that Iabsolutely love is breathing in
for three and exhaling for fiveand doing a few rounds of this.
(10:23):
What this actually does is juststeady the mind.
Also, if you're under stress,you could breathe in with a
double inhale and a long exhaleand you do about 20 breaths of
that, which takes about a minute.
That actually slows yourbrainwaves down and helps you
enter that flow state.
(10:44):
By self-regulating, you alsodevelop greater emotional
intelligence, and the reasonbeing is because you're
recognizing that your emotionsare always being reflected
through every interaction thatyou have throughout your day.
The better you feel, the moreyou're in harmony with your
emotions.
The worse you feel, the moreyour emotions are out of check.
(11:05):
And another way that you couldbecome and develop greater
emotional intelligence with yourself-regulation it could be to
take a pause before reacting toanything.
When a phone rings, take yourtime before you answer it.
If you choose to answer it inthis moment, before someone says
something to you, take yourtime and pause before you answer
(11:26):
.
When you take your time, youcome from a position of
emotional centeredness that isself-regulation.
You come from a position ofemotional centeredness that is
self-regulation, and with thatwe hold our power rather than
giving away to knee-jerkreaction.
Number four empathy.
This is another way we candevelop greater emotional
intelligence.
When we put ourselves in otherpeople's shoes, what we're
(11:47):
actually doing is learning tofeel how they feel, and this is
one of the greatest ways we canend conflicts by trying to put
ourselves in other people'sshoes as to why they make the
choices that they make, and thisis so important when we are
trying to find win-wins, whenwe're trying to find the best
common ground, we need to tryand empathize with other people
(12:09):
initially, and having empathydoesn't mean being a walkover.
Empathy just means I canunderstand how those other
people are feeling, but thatdoesn't mean I'm going to take
all their emotions on me.
When I was growing up, I washighly empathetic, and if any of
you are listening and arehighly empathetic, one of the
key things is to understand thatit's okay that other people
(12:33):
don't feel great, but it's alsonot your job to fix them.
But it is perhaps a great jobto listen, and in listening
listening you are then helpingthe healing process.
But it's really imperative thatif you are becoming highly
empathetic, which leads togreater emotional intelligence,
it almost certainly means thatyou also have to have healthy
(12:57):
boundaries in place as well, sothat you don't feel that your
warmth is being taken advantageof.
It's okay to be able to putyourself in other people's shoes
, but there's also a line thatpeople shouldn't cross with you,
and that is what I would callself-respect.
So having emotionalintelligence is the ability to
make some great choices, butalso having your needs met as
(13:17):
well, whilst others are havingtheir needs met.
So try actively listening toothers without interjecting, so
that they can get their feelingsacross.
And usually what happens iswhen you're actively listening
to somebody, you're just lettingthem speak it out.
And more recently I was havinga chat with somebody and they
were just so happy that I justlistened to them and there was
(13:40):
no retort, there was no responsefrom me.
I said was is there anythingelse you'd like to say?
And they felt so heard.
Because you know, the mostimportant things that we need as
human beings is to feel heard,to be seen and to be appreciated
and acknowledged.
And sometimes, when we're notheard, that is when we get
emotionally out of balance, andthat is such an important aspect
(14:02):
of us, not only as human beings, but in our relationships as
well.
So be mindful and be an activelistener, which means you're not
interjecting in conversation.
It means you're allowing theother person to really share
themselves and their feelingswith you.
Particularly us men, we need tobe able to really listen to the
(14:24):
feminine energy without tryingto fix them.
If any of you ladies arelistening, how often do you like
to just be heard, without beingfixed with a solution by your
man?
It's so important as us menthat we allow the female energy
to just allow that emotion toflow.
Us men tend to be more logicaland women tend to be more
(14:46):
emotional, but when we becomemore emotionally intelligent and
intelligent as human beings,then we've got a lovely balance.
This becomes a nice female andmasculine balanced energy, and
this actually helps society growand evolve to a higher
conscious level.
And last but not least, anotherway you can develop emotional
intelligence is by having greatsocial skills, and having great
(15:09):
social skills requires thisclear and concise communication
with a little warmth.
This is really important.
If we show that we have levelsof competence, we are respected.
If we show that we have levelsof warmth, we're loved.
But to be a great consciousleader and become a better human
being, we need to show thatwe're both competent, which is
(15:32):
meaning we're clear and conciseand have healthy boundaries,
whilst demonstrating a warmth,which shows emotional
intelligence.
At the top tiers of clients andpeople that I tend to work with,
I noticed that the trustcircles are really really small,
and that's because people needto demonstrate a competence, but
(15:52):
they also need to demonstrate awarmth, and the greatest
leaders demonstrate both ofthese things, not one of these
things, and it's one thing to beliked, but it's another thing
to be competent, and if you'renot competent, you're not going
to be listened to.
So if you're not feeling heardor you're not feeling listened
to, it's probably because you'renot being clear and concise and
(16:13):
you're not demonstrating alevel of competence in your life
, in your social skills.
And if you're finding yourselfbeing too nice, that is offering
warmth where people want tooffload emotions on you.
But that's about as far as itgoes.
So having competence and warmthhelps you become not only a
better leader but a morerespected member of the
(16:34):
community, better partner, allof those things.
So this week, when a stressfulsituation presents itself, try
doing this exercise, try pausingbefore responding to anything.
I have this thing that whenpeople call me, I tend not to
pick up the phone unless I knowfor sure I'm in a good mood,
which means I'm in my emotionalcenter, because anything on the
(16:55):
end of that line won't behelpful and I'll just be
reacting to the energy that I'mfeeling in the moment.
So often I wait 15-20 minutesand I get myself in a steady,
accepting, better place than inthat high stressful state, and
then I notice that myconversation is far more
productive.
When I was talking earlierabout that property deal that I
(17:18):
was doing, I needed to reallytake my time and I chose to
sleep on it before I got on thephone the next day to try and
find a common win-win scenario.
That was really important and Inoticed I felt so much better
and even the person I wasdealing with was so grateful
that we'd taken the time to becalm, clear and concise with our
(17:38):
deal that we were both in on.
You will always are in aposition of power.
When you take time before yourespond because response means
to be response able, responsible, rather than to react Then
maybe when you just react,you're going to say something
that you may regret this week.
I challenge you to try one ofthe things I've shared in this
(17:59):
episode to enhance youremotional intelligence.
Now you're not going to beamazing out the starting gate,
but just pick one and try and gowith it.
Maybe it's pausing before youspeak, or maybe it's journaling,
or maybe it's trying to putyourself in other people's shoes
before you make a response.
This is going to be really,really powerful for you.
(18:20):
Just remember emotionalintelligence isn't something you
were born with.
It's something that you have tocultivate.
It's almost a bit likecultivating a sense of patience
as well, and we tend to alwaysrevere the people who are
emotionally steady, and thatprobably is because they're
really demonstrating emotionalintelligence.
(18:41):
When we become moreself-disciplined, more
self-control, developing some ofthese areas, you're going to
recognize that your life isgoing to improve and thrive
beyond anything you could everimagine.
If you think someone willbenefit from this episode number
one, please subscribe.
And number two, please share itwith them, because when you
(19:02):
share this type of informationwith other people, you're
actually creating positiveripple effects in the people and
the sphere of influence thatyou have.
This is incredibly empoweringand will create a better future
for other people to also enjoy.
Peace isn't outside of us, it'sinside of us, and if we want to
(19:22):
enjoy a more peaceful, happyfuture, it starts with you now.
Until the next episode, I wishyou a wonderful week ahead and
green lights all the way.
Have you ever wondered why some people succeed
yet others really struggle?
And the answer to that meansthey may have a different level
of intelligence.
And I don't mean IQ, I mean EQ.
And that EQ means emotionalintelligence.
Welcome to the Super Soul Modelseries, where I help you tune
(00:25):
and tap into your natural stateof well-being.
In this episode, we'rediscussing the topic of
emotional intelligence and whysome people have it and some
people don't.
And if you're feeling likeperhaps you're lacking emotional
intelligence, don't worry, I'vegot your back because I'm going
to share with you how you candevelop it.
I spent years studying emotionalintelligence, which was first
(00:49):
coined back in early 1990 by twogentlemen who wrote the paper
on emotional intelligencecoining that phrase and they
were Peter Saloni and John DMayer which then, five years
later, was actually popularizedby a gentleman who wrote a book
Emotional Intelligence why Doesit Matter?
(01:09):
And his name was Daniel Goldman.
And what I'm excited to sharewith you in this episode is how
emotional intelligence cantransform your life, can
transform your relationships,can transform your career, can
transform you as a human beinginto becoming a better leader.
There's not one area of lifethat won't thrive when you
(01:31):
understand your emotionalintelligence, because our
emotions are what make us human,and when we're able to govern
them, when we're able to masterthem, we become the best
versions of ourselves.
So I'm looking forward todiving deep about this topic
with you in this episode.
So what is emotionalintelligence?
Emotional intelligence is theability to recognize, understand
(01:55):
and manage your emotions andyour emotional state, and it's
also the ability to recognizeand understand and influence the
emotional state of other humanbeings.
So what are the five componentsof emotional intelligence?
Number one it's self-awareness.
Self-awareness meaning knowingyour emotions and their impact
(02:16):
on others.
Number two self-regulationmanaging emotions in healthy
ways.
Number three motivationharnessing your emotions to
pursue your goals.
Number four empathyunderstanding and sharing the
feelings of other.
And number five social skillsmanaging relationships and
building networks.
So what is emotionalintelligence and why does it
(02:37):
matter?
The reason why emotionalintelligence matter is because
studies have shown that weactually perform better once we
have a certain level ofunderstanding within ourselves
and how we relate to otherpeople.
We are not robots, meaning weare not human doings.
We are human beings, andsometimes, when we're emotional,
we don't think logically.
(02:58):
Then we're using our emotionsto make choices that perhaps we
wouldn't normally make if wewere centered, because when
we're centered emotionallymeaning emotional intelligence
it means that we would make goodchoices.
But we don't always make goodchoices because sometimes those
emotional overrides take over us, which is why we can make poor
(03:19):
choice making when we don't feelgreat.
I've seen it time and time againin my life, but I've also seen
it in success, and some of thebest people we can witness to
hold this idea as true areathletes.
Sometimes athletes that werevere the most make amazing
choices on match point or whenthey're a set point down in a
(03:41):
game of tennis.
I've seen it with Roger Federer, I've seen it with Rafa Nadal,
I've seen it with Novakerer,I've seen it with Rafa Nadal,
I've seen it with Novak Djokovic.
We revere people who areemotionally centered, which
means in their gut, listening totheir intuition, and it's so
easy for us to judge otherpeople but are not really
understanding how they've beenfeeling when making such a
choice.
Which is why some otherathletes, although good, are not
(04:05):
at that very high top echelonof the game, because they're not
being able to respond in acentered, emotionally
intelligent way.
Which is why this theory thatemotional intelligence is
important as IQ, if not moreimportant, because when we are
under pressure, how do we reallyperform?
That's why emotionalintelligence is so, so important
(04:28):
and significant.
So the studies have shown thateq meaning emotional
intelligence it actuallycontributes to a greater level
of success.
So much so that there's a studythat shows that 32 percent of
people with emotionalintelligence tend to succeed
more than just the norm, andthat's because they have this
(04:49):
human understanding, this humanunderstanding of their emotional
well-being, their emotionalcenter and the ability to try
and put themselves in otherpeople's shoes, yet still
remaining centered to their owncause.
This is incredibly powerful.
A story I would like to share isa challenge I had fairly
recently, and it was a propertydeal that I was doing, and what
(05:12):
we wanted to do was come to acommon agreement, and yet both
of us came from two differentpoints of view and all we wanted
to do was get the deal done.
But there was emotions involved, there was a lot of money
involved, and so how do we findthe best win-win scenario when
we feel both right in our ownway?
(05:34):
And the answer is we want tocome from a calm, poised
perspective where everybody wins, and so that's really what I
worked on, and I had one or twosleepless nights, trying to get
to this point of feelingemotionally centered, so I could
make an emotionally intelligentsuggestion and offer so that
both parties could win in thisproperty deal, and that's when
(05:57):
great success came about,because we both wanted the same
thing.
We both wanted to feel calm andsafe, given the amount of money
that was being transferredbetween us, and we both wanted
to make sure that there wassecurity involved.
This happens all the time inbusiness and in our real life,
but ultimately, what we'rereally looking for is a calm,
centered outlook, because calmand steady always wins the race.
(06:21):
So let's look at some practicalways in which you can develop
your emotional intelligence,because, remember, when you're
developing your emotionalintelligence, you're developing
the skills that will help yousucceed in life.
Again, remember that statistic32% of people go on to perform
and succeed even greater becausethey have emotional
intelligence.
It's like having another skillin your back pocket when you're
(06:43):
showing up in day-to-day lifeand one of the most important
things in your life is yourrelationships.
So having emotionalintelligence is going to serve
you incredibly well.
So let's look at the first wayin which you could develop
emotional intelligence, and thatwould be to first become
self-aware.
Now, when I wasn't self-awareand I was asking the question
there's got to be a bit more tolife than what I'm living and
(07:06):
what I'm looking at I was led tolearn how to meditate and this
might be the perfect way for youto start to become a little bit
more self-aware, because whenyou quiet the mind, all the
emotions begin to rise and whenthey arise, eventually they
spill out and what's left isthis beautiful still pond inside
of your mind.
But at the beginning, when youhave a meditation practice, it's
(07:26):
like all hell breaks loose.
Initially because there's somany emotions rising to the
surface and thoughts and yourmind is just full of stuff.
But eventually, when the mindsettles down and it becomes
still, you begin to hear theclarity come through.
But on top of a meditationpractice, you could become more
(07:47):
mindful.
Meaning in every action thatyou're taking.
Are you present to that action?
And one of the ways you can dothat in really small and
incremental ways is when you'rehaving a cup of tea or making a
cup of coffee.
Be really present with everyaction that you're taking.
Think about the cup that you'repulling out, the cupboard, the
hot water that you're boiling,the coffee that you're putting
(08:10):
in the cup, the sugar thatyou're putting in the cup, every
action that you're boiling, thecoffee that you're putting in
the cup, the sugar that you'reputting in the cup, every action
that you're taking.
Be really mindful of that Inthis mundane everyday task.
Often people think about otherthings whilst they're doing that
.
How often when you've beendriving are you thinking about
other things rather than beingpresent on the road?
Because when you're drivingit's like this other part of you
(08:33):
is taking control, so your mindcan be free.
But usually what happens tobecome more emotionally
intelligent is we've got tolearn how to become more present
.
Meditation does that.
Becoming more present in thesimple, mundane tasks like
washing dishes or making coffee.
That is another way to becomepresent, and also another way
you could do it is to have andkeep a journal of the emotions
(08:55):
that you're feeling throughoutthe day, because when you can
feel your emotions and recognizehow you were feeling and you
write them down, this equates tohaving your first level of
self-awareness.
The second way you can developemotional intelligence is by
self-regulation.
Is by self-regulation, and thatmight mean taking longer deep
(09:15):
breaths throughout your day,because as you're doing that,
you're slowing down the cortisolin your system.
You're becoming more present.
Long, deep breaths equate tomore oxygen going into your
system and it lowers thefrequency of your brainwaves and
usually your waking state,which is your beta brainwave
state, which is quite a fastbrain cycle.
When you begin to slow it downthrough deep breathing you can
(09:38):
enter alpha, which is a wakingstate, but you're in the flow.
This helps you become a lotmore present athlete, become so
graceful in their sport, or atennis player or a swimmer or a
gymnast or any time that you'veever had those green lights in
(10:00):
your life where you've glidedthrough the day and things have
just gone very smoothly for you.
What you'll have noticed is youspent more time in this alpha
rhythm, this brain wave, whereyou've been in flow by
self-regulating through deeperbreaths.
And one of the things that Iabsolutely love is breathing in
for three and exhaling for fiveand doing a few rounds of this.
(10:23):
What this actually does is juststeady the mind.
Also, if you're under stress,you could breathe in with a
double inhale and a long exhaleand you do about 20 breaths of
that, which takes about a minute.
That actually slows yourbrainwaves down and helps you
enter that flow state.
(10:44):
By self-regulating, you alsodevelop greater emotional
intelligence, and the reasonbeing is because you're
recognizing that your emotionsare always being reflected
through every interaction thatyou have throughout your day.
The better you feel, the moreyou're in harmony with your
emotions.
The worse you feel, the moreyour emotions are out of check.
(11:05):
And another way that you couldbecome and develop greater
emotional intelligence with yourself-regulation it could be to
take a pause before reacting toanything.
When a phone rings, take yourtime before you answer it.
If you choose to answer it inthis moment, before someone says
something to you, take yourtime and pause before you answer
(11:26):
.
When you take your time, youcome from a position of
emotional centeredness that isself-regulation.
You come from a position ofemotional centeredness that is
self-regulation, and with thatwe hold our power rather than
giving away to knee-jerkreaction.
Number four empathy.
This is another way we candevelop greater emotional
intelligence.
When we put ourselves in otherpeople's shoes, what we're
(11:47):
actually doing is learning tofeel how they feel, and this is
one of the greatest ways we canend conflicts by trying to put
ourselves in other people'sshoes as to why they make the
choices that they make, and thisis so important when we are
trying to find win-wins, whenwe're trying to find the best
common ground, we need to tryand empathize with other people
(12:09):
initially, and having empathydoesn't mean being a walkover.
Empathy just means I canunderstand how those other
people are feeling, but thatdoesn't mean I'm going to take
all their emotions on me.
When I was growing up, I washighly empathetic, and if any of
you are listening and arehighly empathetic, one of the
key things is to understand thatit's okay that other people
(12:33):
don't feel great, but it's alsonot your job to fix them.
But it is perhaps a great jobto listen, and in listening
listening you are then helpingthe healing process.
But it's really imperative thatif you are becoming highly
empathetic, which leads togreater emotional intelligence,
it almost certainly means thatyou also have to have healthy
(12:57):
boundaries in place as well, sothat you don't feel that your
warmth is being taken advantageof.
It's okay to be able to putyourself in other people's shoes
, but there's also a line thatpeople shouldn't cross with you,
and that is what I would callself-respect.
So having emotionalintelligence is the ability to
make some great choices, butalso having your needs met as
(13:17):
well, whilst others are havingtheir needs met.
So try actively listening toothers without interjecting, so
that they can get their feelingsacross.
And usually what happens iswhen you're actively listening
to somebody, you're just lettingthem speak it out.
And more recently I was havinga chat with somebody and they
were just so happy that I justlistened to them and there was
(13:40):
no retort, there was no responsefrom me.
I said was is there anythingelse you'd like to say?
And they felt so heard.
Because you know, the mostimportant things that we need as
human beings is to feel heard,to be seen and to be appreciated
and acknowledged.
And sometimes, when we're notheard, that is when we get
emotionally out of balance, andthat is such an important aspect
(14:02):
of us, not only as human beings, but in our relationships as
well.
So be mindful and be an activelistener, which means you're not
interjecting in conversation.
It means you're allowing theother person to really share
themselves and their feelingswith you.
Particularly us men, we need tobe able to really listen to the
(14:24):
feminine energy without tryingto fix them.
If any of you ladies arelistening, how often do you like
to just be heard, without beingfixed with a solution by your
man?
It's so important as us menthat we allow the female energy
to just allow that emotion toflow.
Us men tend to be more logicaland women tend to be more
(14:46):
emotional, but when we becomemore emotionally intelligent and
intelligent as human beings,then we've got a lovely balance.
This becomes a nice female andmasculine balanced energy, and
this actually helps society growand evolve to a higher
conscious level.
And last but not least, anotherway you can develop emotional
intelligence is by having greatsocial skills, and having great
(15:09):
social skills requires thisclear and concise communication
with a little warmth.
This is really important.
If we show that we have levelsof competence, we are respected.
If we show that we have levelsof warmth, we're loved.
But to be a great consciousleader and become a better human
being, we need to show thatwe're both competent, which is
(15:32):
meaning we're clear and conciseand have healthy boundaries,
whilst demonstrating a warmth,which shows emotional
intelligence.
At the top tiers of clients andpeople that I tend to work with,
I noticed that the trustcircles are really really small,
and that's because people needto demonstrate a competence, but
(15:52):
they also need to demonstrate awarmth, and the greatest
leaders demonstrate both ofthese things, not one of these
things, and it's one thing to beliked, but it's another thing
to be competent, and if you'renot competent, you're not going
to be listened to.
So if you're not feeling heardor you're not feeling listened
to, it's probably because you'renot being clear and concise and
(16:13):
you're not demonstrating alevel of competence in your life
, in your social skills.
And if you're finding yourselfbeing too nice, that is offering
warmth where people want tooffload emotions on you.
But that's about as far as itgoes.
So having competence and warmthhelps you become not only a
better leader but a morerespected member of the
(16:34):
community, better partner, allof those things.
So this week, when a stressfulsituation presents itself, try
doing this exercise, try pausingbefore responding to anything.
I have this thing that whenpeople call me, I tend not to
pick up the phone unless I knowfor sure I'm in a good mood,
which means I'm in my emotionalcenter, because anything on the
(16:55):
end of that line won't behelpful and I'll just be
reacting to the energy that I'mfeeling in the moment.
So often I wait 15-20 minutesand I get myself in a steady,
accepting, better place than inthat high stressful state, and
then I notice that myconversation is far more
productive.
When I was talking earlierabout that property deal that I
(17:18):
was doing, I needed to reallytake my time and I chose to
sleep on it before I got on thephone the next day to try and
find a common win-win scenario.
That was really important and Inoticed I felt so much better
and even the person I wasdealing with was so grateful
that we'd taken the time to becalm, clear and concise with our
(17:38):
deal that we were both in on.
You will always are in aposition of power.
When you take time before yourespond because response means
to be response able, responsible, rather than to react Then
maybe when you just react,you're going to say something
that you may regret this week.
I challenge you to try one ofthe things I've shared in this
(17:59):
episode to enhance youremotional intelligence.
Now you're not going to beamazing out the starting gate,
but just pick one and try and gowith it.
Maybe it's pausing before youspeak, or maybe it's journaling,
or maybe it's trying to putyourself in other people's shoes
before you make a response.
This is going to be really,really powerful for you.
(18:20):
Just remember emotionalintelligence isn't something you
were born with.
It's something that you have tocultivate.
It's almost a bit likecultivating a sense of patience
as well, and we tend to alwaysrevere the people who are
emotionally steady, and thatprobably is because they're
really demonstrating emotionalintelligence.
(18:41):
When we become moreself-disciplined, more
self-control, developing some ofthese areas, you're going to
recognize that your life isgoing to improve and thrive
beyond anything you could everimagine.
If you think someone willbenefit from this episode number
one, please subscribe.
And number two, please share itwith them, because when you
(19:02):
share this type of informationwith other people, you're
actually creating positiveripple effects in the people and
the sphere of influence thatyou have.
This is incredibly empoweringand will create a better future
for other people to also enjoy.
Peace isn't outside of us, it'sinside of us, and if we want to
(19:22):
enjoy a more peaceful, happyfuture, it starts with you now.
Until the next episode, I wishyou a wonderful week ahead and
green lights all the way.
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