Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I think the more
investment you put between the
(00:02):
six inches between your ears,the better the business does.
It's amazing how much advice Igive that has nothing to do with
the business, but theirbusiness just explodes because
they get correct with themselves.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hello and welcome to
the Super Soil Model Podcast.
In this week's episode I havean incredible guest, matthew
Stafford.
Matthew is an entrepreneur,mentor and expert in e-commerce
and he has helped countlessbusinesses and individuals scale
to seven or eight figures.
But beyond the numbers, heknows success isn't just about
(00:37):
profits.
He knows it's also aboutmindset, resilience, well-being
and in this conversation, we'regoing to dive into the habits.
We're going to dive into thehabits.
We're going to dive into themental shifts and strategies
that's helped fuel both businessgrowth as well as profits and a
thriving life.
So we want to find out howemotions equal profits.
So in this week's episode, I amabsolutely delighted to welcome
(01:02):
Matthew to the Super Soul Modelseries.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Thanks for having me.
I'm looking forward to theconversation.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
So, matthew, I've
been looking forward to this
conversation and I've got to askyou this question, because
success in business, to me,isn't necessarily an easy job.
So how have you managed tobuild a very successful business
, help so many people and yet,at the same time, stay a little
sane?
(01:28):
So, what is your?
You know what's your recipe forsuccess Because, from where I
come from, the research I'vedone and my team has done, it's
like you know what keeps Matthewkeeping sane whilst building
seven and eight figurebusinesses whilst building seven
and eight figure businesses.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Yeah, I think, in all
reality, that part of the
quality of life is tocontinually grow and expand, and
I think that business is theultimate inner game.
It's constantly, as you grow,it's showing you where you're
not showing up or where you needto improve, where you need to
get better or expand in order tohandle, you know, a different
(02:09):
set of problems, and so, for me,uh, I really wake up excited
each day, uh, knowing that itmight not turn out the way that
I want it to, but, uh, it willcertainly be exciting, knowing
it might not turn out the way.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
That's the thing you
know.
It's like you know you.
You want to feel as thoughyou've got some sort of control
over the reins.
But yeah, it doesn't alwayswork like that yeah, I think
control is an illusion.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Um, I certainly think
, uh, the harder I work, the
luckier I get, and so, really,um, preparing uh to do that, I'm
reading a actually I'm goingthrough it a second time a
really, really good book.
It's called the Journey toRemarkable, to Becoming
Remarkable, and he literallysays that we won't find the best
(02:55):
version of ourselves in comfort, and so I think, if you have
that mindset of always trying tobecome a better version, that
mindset of always trying tobecome a better version, you're
gonna have to choose discomfortin order to get there, and
business pretty much providesthat for you every day so I've
(03:16):
read that you've helped a lot ofpeople in e-commerce and you
know scale to past the millionand even the $10 million mark,
yeah, and you know which isincredible by any feat.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
And I just have to
know were you always business
minded?
Were you that kid that was?
You know, selling lemonade on?
You know I was.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I was.
I figured that you might be.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
My first journey into
making money was about 14 years
old.
I sold a paper and this willdate me, um, it was called true
grit and it was like a quarterfor the paper and I made about
60 bucks a week.
So I created quite a route, um,and I used that.
Uh, I saved up that money sothat when I turned 15 I bought
my car.
Then I did a whole bunch ofrepairs to it with my neighbor
(04:09):
so that on my 16th birthday Iwent, got my driver's license
and had a vehicle and so, yeah,that kind of started my journey
of relying on myself.
And then when, from 16 to 18, Ihad two jobs and at 18, I
purchased the business from theguy that I was working for,
(04:31):
which was the paper round?
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Was it the paper
round?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
No, no, that was mine
.
That was from 14 to 16.
From there I went on and Iworked at a body shop and then
from there I worked for the guythat I bought his business and
it was basically landscaping and, uh, work around um people's
homes.
And so I bought that and grewit fantastic.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
And how many people
did you have on board for that
then helping you?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
um, I want to say I
grew that to probably around
nine or ten employees and youwere 18.
You know when you first, yeah,yeah, okay the year that I
bought it was 1989, um, and hehad done about 49 000, so 50
grand back then.
You know 1989 was a decentsalary.
(05:19):
That's amazing, um.
The first year that I owned ittook it to 149.
Okay.
Second year, over 400,000.
Third year, we hit a million.
And then I ended up sellingthat when I was about 23, 24
years old Wow.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Matthew.
That's impressive.
So everyone listening.
It really does take resilienceIn order to run like that type
of business.
What sort of mindset did youhave?
You know what was driving you?
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Honestly, if you
asked me, then I would have just
said you know it wasentrepreneurial.
But I think I've learned overmy journey in the last four
years that I probably,realistically, was running from
a childhood that had produced alot of unhealthy stories of not
(06:10):
good enough, that I had to provemyself, and it became very
transactional.
So I would love to say it wasall entrepreneurial, but I think
a lot of it was reallyemotionally driven, that is a
very interesting thing for youto be able to be completely
(06:34):
aware of, and healthy as well,maybe not, yeah, I wasn't then.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Yeah, not at the time
.
But now you can look back inhindsight and go, wow, I'm a lot
more well-rounded.
And what was I running from andwhat was I trying to prove?
Where was I trying to getvalidation from?
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Yeah, and was that
actually the right way to go
about it?
And so certainly in my journeyas I've shared my story with
other people or otherentrepreneurs because that tends
to be the people that I hangout with yeah, it's given them
permission to share theirs too.
And what I found is themajority of entrepreneurs have a
(07:13):
you know, have a story oftrauma or hardship when they're
younger, and so I kind of justlike I went after websites and
tried to figure them out.
I said, now that I'vediscovered this about myself and
I'm seeing this and otherentrepreneurs, I really went
pretty deep over the last fouror five years and tried to
(07:36):
figure that out as well.
And I really believe, talkingabout business, you never really
feel like you're in controlbecause things are always
changing.
Well, the definition of traumais a feeling of loss of control,
and so what makes anentrepreneur choose to be inside
(07:57):
of that environment willingly,unless they've already probably
developed a coping mechanismthat allows them to be inside of
that environment and function?
Because a lot of employees lookat what we do and they're like
no way, I don't want anything todo with that.
I want to check out at fiveo'clock and go home and not
(08:18):
think about it, and mostentrepreneurs can't do that.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yeah.
So a question is did you have acoping mechanism back then when
you first started, because youmust have hit the first million?
Was it in the year three oryear four?
Is that?
Speaker 1 (08:29):
right, yeah, yeah,
yeah, going into the fourth year
?
Yeah, I think 22 23.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Yeah, what was your
coping mechanism back then?
Speaker 1 (08:37):
it was workaholism
workaholic yeah, for sure I.
Uh.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
I got my validation
from people um seeing how hard a
worker I was, okay yeah, andwere they saying things to you
or were they writing in or howwere you getting that feeling of
validation that was actuallyfilling a void of that trauma
you were feeling?
Speaker 1 (08:58):
it was in person back
then there wasn't really the
internet and and um social mediaor anything like that, and so
it was basically the businessthat I was building was, you
know, recognized by my peers andthe people that we did the work
for?
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Did you know back
then what was driving you?
Speaker 1 (09:14):
No, no, I absolutely.
That didn't happen till alittle over four years ago,
honestly.
So in my late forties and I hadbuilt several businesses and
sold them a couple of them, youknow, weren't successful either,
but I've always worked formyself and don't know any other
way or don't think I would enjoyany other way.
(09:36):
And but yeah, I had arelationship fail and I was like
, man, this hurts so bad.
I don't want to feel this wayever again and I'm the common
denominator.
So I'm going to figure out whatit is about me that attracts
this type of environment andfigure that out, and then that
(10:00):
way, when I build a business,it's going to be something that
I love, not something I'm doingfor validation Amazing.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
And you know, can I
just take my hat off to you,
because that is looking atthings from a holistic
perspective, then, because whenwe feel the pain in whether
that's health, relationships orfinances, or perhaps even a
blend of all three, we have toturn inward because there's no
other way to turn to.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Yeah, the ego always
wants us to blame the
circumstances or the otherperson, but in all reality, if
we do that, then we're givingaway our power to change the
situation, and so, for me, Ithink, I kept getting served the
lesson until I finally listened, and once I did, that changed
(10:49):
everything, and in all realitynow, I think that is why I get
up happy every day, because myvalidation isn't tied to how
well the business does.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
It's tied to my
quality of life, which is my
relationship with myself, withother people and uh, you know,
my health it's huge people goingthrough things that are similar
, maybe not exactly the same aswhat you have, matthew, but you
know they can.
I think stories really relate,yeah, and I think they join us
(11:26):
together, not only as, uh, humanbeings, but like, as you know,
with our hearts and minds aswell, and I think that's really
powerful.
Like stories is there.
Is there a story that you couldshare, which which sort of just
sort of just makes you think,hey, this, this was a turning
point, this was a strategy, thiswas something that I used to
begin to turn something aroundI'll share a story of something
(11:48):
that I just did about four orfive months ago.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
That was it's
probably been one of the most
transformational things thatI've done.
Okay, it was a dark retreat, soI spent 121 hours in the dark
and how many days sorry, 120,five days, five days did you do
it in the states or do you know?
I did it down in mexico.
Um, I was booked for uh, infact, I'll give you the journal
(12:12):
and you could share it with theshow notes.
Um, I booked it for in Oregonand they sent me an email and
said, hey, does November 27ththrough December 4th work?
And I'm like yep, sure does.
And cleared my calendar andmade all that work.
Well, about three months beforethat, I sent him an email and
(12:33):
I'm like, hey, I need moredetails, I don't even have my
flight.
Yeah, like, oh, we're sorry,that's for 2025, not this year.
And I was like, oh, bummer, Ihave my calendar scheduled
cleared.
And so I got online and found acouple other places and found
one that could match the dates.
And so I went down to Mexicoand did that.
(12:54):
And I will tell you, when youhave zero distraction, your body
and your mind kind of detoxfrom all the things that we have
in daily life, and then youhave a chance to face all the
thoughts or things that youdistract yourself from in the
regular world.
And now, for the past fourmonths, things continue to shift
(13:15):
and it's really been a verygentle experience where some of
the other plant medicines andthings like that I've done were
a little more harsh.
This one also seems like.
Let me go back into it.
On the third day I was sittingon the edge of the bed and my
brain literally recreated theentire room that I was in and
(13:36):
turned the lights on and I wasjust like really amazed and kind
of caught up in this image thatmy mind had created and I
thought, wow, I'm going to getback up and go over and sit on
the meditation bench.
And I got up and took aboutthree steps and walked right
into a concrete wall.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Yeah, they're quite
small, those dark rooms right,
yeah, yeah, it's just a bed, abench.
Yep steps and walked right intoa concrete wall.
Yeah, they're quite small.
Those dark rooms, right?
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:57):
yeah, it's just a bed
, um yep, some water in a
bathroom and they deliver youfood.
Is that right?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
yeah, through a chute
, yeah, so there's no, no light
at any point, it's fascinatinghow the mind begins to play
tricks or shares differentimages or lights or visuals that
you get because there's nostimulation, and then suddenly
another area of the brain isopened yep, that's exactly what
happened and so I walked intothis concrete wall and, like,
(14:25):
stunned me and what I hadrealized?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
um, you know, after
the experiences, how many places
in our life does our mindcreate what we consider to be
reality?
And we just haven't walked intothe concrete wall yet to
realize that the way we believethem to be, instead of the way
that they actually are.
And so, for me, the lastseveral months has been really
(14:52):
trying to walk into as manywalls as possible and figure out
where my limiting beliefs arepreventing me from seeing the
things that are true when youwalked out of that, did you have
a bump on your head?
number one yeah, no, thank.
Thankfully I didn't smash myface, but uh, um, I I did
actually two more times walkinto the wall and and realize
(15:16):
like man, um, until my mindstops playing these tricks, I
need to walk with my hands infront of me.
So it it took, you know, justlike real life.
It took a couple experiences,um, for it to sink in and go,
hey, um, your mind is playingtricks or your mind is, you know
, essentially creating a reality.
(15:37):
That's not true.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
And uh, until until
you get out of here, you need to
protect, you know, you need towalk with your hands out so as a
strategy to cleanse the mind,to detoxifying the mind from all
types of uh emotions andday-to-day life and past trauma,
etc.
When you walked out of thatdarkness retreat after five days
(16:02):
, what was your emotion?
How were you feeling?
Speaker 1 (16:05):
yeah, um, the fifth
day for me was really difficult
because I fasted 70 hours and so, um, your brain produces like a
dmt.
Yeah, uh, starting around thethird day.
Usually, if you're eating, it'smild and then it goes away, but
because I was fasting, it gotstronger and stronger, and so I
(16:26):
was actually pretty relieved tocome out on day five and we were
on the ocean.
So we walked out to the cliffand watched the sunrise ocean.
So we walked out to the cliffand watched the sunrise and I
had, uh, was talking with thehost, lady Um, and she started
sharing some difficulties thatshe had with their family, and
so I shared a little bit of whatI had dealt with growing up.
(16:49):
My dad was abusive and my mom,um, kind of emotionally, had
withdrawn and so I didn't have aclose relationship with my
father, but then the last 13days of his life I spent with
him in hospice and really hadhealed a lot of that
(17:10):
relationship.
Well, when I was, I've toldthat story probably 30, 40 times
over the last 10 years andthere's never been a lot of
emotion attached to it, justbecause I didn't have that
emotion tied to my father.
And when I was sharing thatwith her.
I was literally sobbing tryingto get it out, and I don't
(17:33):
remember having thought aboutthat one time in the dark, and
so that was my first indicationthat a lot of stuff below the
surface had been shifted or waschanging.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Into the dark of even
your subconscious mind.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Yeah, during the dark
.
And so yeah, and it's proventrue over the last four months
that, yeah, there's been a lotof shifts.
I think Carl Jung is the onethat said until you make the
unconscious conscious, you'll gothrough life and call it fate.
And so so much of our life isreally on autopilot from our old
(18:13):
stories and until we can seethose stories, our mind won't
really upgrade them to the newversion of ourselves.
And I think that's really whatthe experience in the dark was.
So I would say that this was ahuge turning point for me.
I was aware of a lot of stuff,but this kind of turned that
(18:33):
awareness into an integration,which has been really beautiful.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Thank you so much for
sharing, because I know it's
not for the faint-hearted goinginto the dark yeah, about 50
percent of people leave early.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Yeah, a little over
50 percent leave early.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
I haven't done what
you've done, but I've had other
very unusual spiritualexperiences in the dark, um, I
spent two days in the darkfasting, um, and it's amazing,
I've stood still in the sameplace for a whole day, not
allowed to move on a pillow,because if I fall off then you
really hurt yourself.
So, yes, just to try and stillthe mind, to see what surfaces,
(19:10):
and it's very interestingbecause you know anyone who's
tuning in.
We have so much that we kind ofstuff down inside of ourselves,
like Matthew's experience andhe wasn't even aware.
That's what you're saying,matthew what's in there.
Until you can get still, untilyou can distract yourself.
And most people say, oh, try anddo a digital detox or try and
(19:33):
do a fast, or you know whateverit may be, detox or try and do a
fast, or you know whatever itmay be.
Yes, these are great becausethese help you get to see what's
under the layers of what'sreally happening with you.
And I think if you want to bereally, really happy, healthy
and successful in life, you'vegot to see what's driving you.
And that's where we've startedthis conversation with matthew
(19:54):
what's the driver?
Speaker 1 (19:55):
100% agree with that
sentiment.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Yeah, so do you feel
like now you're driving in the
right direction?
That's the million dollarquestion, right?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Yeah, I genuinely do.
I find a lot of fulfillment inhelping other people hit their
goals and dreams.
And also, again, I think mydefinition of success isn't just
monetary.
We certainly need money, andit's important for choice, and
so I like it just as much asanyone else and I want it.
(20:29):
I think that we can have moreimpact if we make more money,
and so that's certainly still adriver for me, but it's not for
validation from other people.
It's more of validation thatI'm providing value, and then it
gives me the opportunity to usethat in a way that I see fit.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
I think that's
beautiful.
Can you just say that again,just so that everybody hears,
because I think that that's sucha pure, pure insight that I
think people can really get.
You were saying something aboutwhen you're providing value.
It's like I'm on the righttrack.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Yeah, so the money
that we make is tied to the
value that we create, and ifwe're not making the money that
we want to make, then it's areally good opportunity for us
to self-reflect and askourselves are we actually
providing value that people arewilling to pay for?
Yeah, and when you are makingthat money, it gives you the
(21:32):
ability to then contribute tothings that you want to have
impact with you know, I believethat money is a beautiful source
of energy.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
That's a part of us
and it's an expression or an
extension.
And, you know, value is a, thevalue is what we give and the
money is what we receive, and Ithink that money always, uh,
shows you more of who you are.
So if you're a good guy it'sgonna amplify you, and if you're
if you're a bit of a douche,then it's gonna amplify that as
(22:06):
well.
Yes, and I I see thateverywhere and I just constantly
bless everybody because, youknow, the mind is the driver,
the body is the car, and somepeople are very good at driving
and some people aren't so goodat driving.
So it just depends on how youhandle it.
And if you're not handling it,well then maybe spending a bit
of time in the dark seeingwhat's uh, you know, going on
(22:30):
and ticking your limitingbeliefs, bump into a few
concrete walls to go.
Hey, maybe I need to change theway I'm looking at things and I
love the way you're speakingabout, like, your own experience
.
Even though you, like, madesome fantastic financial,
monetary success earlier on inlife, you still realize that
(22:50):
whilst that's my doing, that'snot the purity of who I am and
what I'm choosing to do now yeah, and I also, you know, damaging
a mission.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
um, my success that I
had achieved didn't match my
internal story of myself, so Ifound ways to turn the
thermostat back down and alignmy life with where I felt I was
worthy.
During this healing journey,I've realized that a lot of the
(23:24):
bumps in the road wereself-imposed.
It wasn't bad luck from theoutside.
It was literally my internalworld showing up in my external
world.
And so, yeah, you can achievereally cool things and create a
bunch of money, but if you don'tfeel like you deserve it or
(23:46):
that you're worthy of that, youwill find ways to get rid of it
as well, just as quickly.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yeah, because the
worthiness is not.
It would just feel like I don'tfeel worthy of this.
You know, I've got a $10million villa.
You know, don't worry, you'llfind something like a crack and
you've got to replace a wall andthat's going to cost you this
and then leaks and all thesetypes of things.
So can I be so bold as to askthe question?
If you called it success andyou were just thinking I can
(24:11):
create this, maybe we shouldfind another word for it.
That isn't success, because itsounds as though to me you're
defining it differently.
Success is different nowadaysto what you define it, to what
it was.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Yeah, I would term it
.
What I'm seeking is fulfillment, yeah, and uh, not success,
because fulfillment um is a.
It embodies more than just themonetary.
It also and embodies thefeeling and contribution.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Yeah, I like the word
fulfillment.
It's beautiful because it'slike you're.
You're full up with life,you're full up with energy and
you can see it in the eyes, youcan hear it in the contentment,
in the voice that I'm relaxed,I'm calm, I'm doing what I'm
meant to be doing, I'mcontributing and I'm quietly
going about my business.
Yeah, and I'm on the right.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
yeah, and and I've
the journey has been really
beautiful because, as I healedand started sharing that with my
friends and clients, I've beenable to go deep and learn some
modalities of healing, and sowhat I would say is, yeah, my
discovery was that mostentrepreneurs think their
(25:24):
feelings instead of feel theirfeelings Really.
What happens is, until we feelour feelings and process them,
it becomes this stuck energy andwhen we feel it, our body
releases it, and I think that'swhere a lot of the removing the
emotional baggage and businessbecomes more fun, life becomes
(25:46):
more fun, relationships become,you know, more ease and flow.
You know there's more fun andplay, and it's just a different.
It's a different experience oflife when you can feel your
feelings instead of think yourfeelings so how do?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
okay, so let's go go
into this, because this is quite
great.
Someone listening in right nowis thinking, well, okay, that
sounds right, but what's thedifference?
Like think a feeling and feel afeeling.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Yeah.
So I ask people, ask them.
They go, oh, I'm angry, and I'mlike, okay, where do you feel
angry?
And they'll tell you a story.
Well, the story is themthinking what anger is to them.
It's not a feeling.
A feeling is where do you feelanger in your body?
Oh, it's like in my chest, oroh, it's in my face.
(26:33):
And then, is it warm or cold?
Is there a shape?
That's a feeling, that's not astory.
And the thing is, when I wentinto the dark, you can't see
anything and so you're forced tofeel.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
What emotions did you
feel in the dark?
Because this is enlightening.
The idea of being in the darkmeans that you're going to see
your own light in the dark.
So you become.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Yeah, so in my
journal and, like I said, I'll
share that with you and you canput it in the show notes I
journaled each day when I gotout what my experience was, and
on the third day I laid there onthe bed and would think of a
memory and feel the sensationthat it would create in my body,
and then I would just sit thereand observe that sensation
(27:23):
until it dissolved and then Iwould think of another
experience, and I did that forhours and at the end of that I
literally, like my body, justfelt like this ball of energy.
It was really remarkable and itjust highlighted to me that I
was on the right path over thelast few years of learning to
(27:45):
feel and observe instead ofjudge and make things right or
wrong.
In all reality, hurt peoplehurt people.
So most of the people that dothings that hurt us, they're
hurting themselves and they areprojecting their feelings on us
and the ego is saying it's ourfault instead of theirs, so that
they don't have to face thefeelings.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Yeah, so everyone
who's hurting is having in their
own experience and they'reprojecting their energy out onto
the person who's the recipient,who's in the closest range of a
similar frequency, but maybe ata victim sort of feeling, and
then that's going on andcreating this energetic
entanglement yes, 100.
And when you step out of that,what happens?
Speaker 1 (28:24):
While you give
yourself some grace and
recognizing and being humbleenough to see that you're doing
that, you start to give otherpeople a lot more understanding
and grace, and that allows themthe space for them to recognize
and heal it.
So when you show up, it'samazing how, when you take 100%
(28:45):
responsibility for everything inyour life and you show up that
way, how much people change inrelation to you and how much
easier things get.
We don't realize that weliterally are the ones that are
creating the tension and untilwe release that, they can't,
they're not even capable ofdoing that they're not even
(29:07):
capable of doing that.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
This is fascinating
and I'm just still stunned by
this lovely comparison that wementioned success versus
fulfillment, that real successis a sense of fulfillment.
So when you got out of the umthe dark, did you feel the urge
to call people, say sorry topeople, to to do anything like
that?
Did you have any sort offeelings like I've got something
that I may need to address,that I haven't addressed?
(29:30):
Where was your heart and mindat the end of that, those five
days?
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Yeah, there was some
of that.
I think I've done that healingprior to going into the dark.
I've reached out to people.
You know I went through acouple of different experiences
where that was part of it.
You know, write a letter andsend it and do the different
things.
So I've done that, I think forme, and everybody's journey will
be unique to them.
(29:56):
For me, it was more of actuallyforgiving myself and not being
so hard on myself and expectingperfection, and not being so
hard on myself and expectingperfection, really coming to a
true belief of whatever happenedcouldn't have happened any
other way, because it didn't.
And that allowed me to not lookbackwards and try to change
(30:17):
things, because you can't Justunderstand that what happened
happened and the way it wassupposed to happen and moving
forward.
I can use that lesson to makenew choices and, in all reality,
the only moment that we have isthe one that we're in, so that
we have the opportunity tochange who we are and how we're
(30:37):
being at every moment, at everymoment, every moment's a new
moment.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Thank you for sharing
.
I know it's quite daunting tosort of share your story when
you know you're going.
Oh, I haven't been the perfectperson and none of us have right
.
Right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
We're total
imperfection.
That's what makes us kind ofbeautiful.
And if, when, really hard onpeople because they're comparing
their real life with otherpeople's highlight reels and
thinking that know lacking, whenin all reality, that highlight
reel is just a snippet that thatperson felt safe enough to
(31:31):
share, because they haven'tshared the ones that weren't the
highlight reels.
All, all everything, withradical honesty.
And I will tell you thatthere's a lot of growth that
comes from that when you facethe things that you're ashamed
(31:54):
of and share them so that youcan take accountability instead
of avoid or suppress it.
And, yeah, I think the mostinteresting person in the room
is the person who's willing tobe radically honest about
everything and that typicallywill draw people to you, even
(32:15):
though your brain is telling youthat, oh, if I share this,
they're not going to like me.
I think one of the probably thelargest lie that our brain
tells us is that I have tofigure this out to be okay.
And, in all reality, if you'rejust okay with the way things
are, you have a lot more clarityand you can make much better
(32:39):
decisions than when you'retrying to figure it out.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
I feel that when
we're able to be open and honest
with the challenges that wehave, it makes us more relatable
as well.
You know that.
That that's that's I mean.
That's that makes us humanright.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
Human gives other
people permission to accept.
Hey, I'm perfect.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
I you know I haven't
done the greatest there.
I could have done better.
And you know, tomorrow'sanother day.
I'll give it a, you know I'mgonna have.
I can reflect a little bit.
Um, one of the reasons why, uh,you know, I began to change my
life is because I had anear-death car crash and came
back from that.
I should have really died.
It's a miracle I'm here.
(33:20):
It took me another eight or nineyears to to stop drinking and
taking drugs, to be able to to,to look at life through a new
lens.
So I started meditating twice aday, not once a day, but you
know, my emotions were just souncentered, yeah, and even
though in in my heart of heartsI knew that there was this
(33:41):
beautiful person inside, I wasreally not reflecting that with
my actions on the outside.
And it was only when I beganmeditating that I was like, oh,
reflecting that with my actionson the outside.
And it was only when I beganmeditating that I was like, oh,
that's coming to the surfacetoday.
That's coming to the surfacetoday.
And you know, I've beenmeditating for I don't know,
since 2004, no, 2003 every day,so that's daily.
I've done over like 20 000hours, I don't know, maybe more
(34:01):
meditation.
Like I worked it out, was likesix months of my life I've been
meditating non-stop, um, and I'mjust trying to live in the
world and enjoy being in thisworld, be human, be both perfect
and imperfect, and be happy andat peace with that, knowing
that I'm not always going to beright about things.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
I would say that, on
my journey, um, meditation and a
journal have been the twogreatest gifts that I've given
myself.
And it's funny, I suffered fromthis too.
In the beginning.
I would start and then stop,and start and stop and wasn't
consistent about it because Ijust thought like I couldn't
calm my mind down.
(34:41):
And what really happened wassomeone said to me they said
well, because I was like, yeah,I just I can't meditate.
And they're like what do youmean?
And I said I just constantlyhave all these thoughts.
And they said you realize thatmeditating is observing your
thoughts.
And I'm like, yeah, but I'mtrying to stop them.
(35:02):
And he goes yeah, well, as longas you're observing them, um,
you're actually meditating.
You just need to do it longerand and stick with it and over
time it's, you know, become moreand more and more beautiful.
And uh, yeah, I would say thatthat's one thing that I would
never give up and it's one thingthat doesn't cost us a penny
(35:23):
and it gives you returns likeyou can't even imagine.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Yes, I agree, and the
peace that you can get and the
happiness that you get aboutwhen a challenge comes up, it
doesn't feel as intense orhighly strung.
I like to call it red lights.
You know, when a problem turnsup it doesn't feel like like the
worst red light in the world.
You'd be like, oh okay, I'llfind a solution to this.
Maybe not this red hot second,but I will find one.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Yeah, I think the way
that I describe it is by
meditating.
It teaches you how to respondinstead of react.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Beautifully put
beautifully put and you know,
the more you pay attention tosomething, the bigger it gets.
So if you're paying attentionto your inner world, the bigger.
That gets right, and then thereflection on the outside is
you're able to provide greatervalue.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
Yeah, it gives you a
space between you and the
situation so that you can thinkClearly yeah, that's where the
response rather than reaction,because the reaction is
unconscious, um, we don't say,uh, face, tighten neck, you know
, pump blood, all these thingslike when, when we're reacting
(36:42):
to something, and so that's anunconscious response, and by
meditating it slows.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
It gives us the
ability to create that space to
respond rather than react andand that's where your power is
in the response, because itmeans you're conscious in your
yeah return.
So how do you turn your successin your business, or we could
call it business fulfillment?
How can we use that sort ofmindset for the people tuning in
(37:10):
to be able to create that extrafulfillment?
Speaker 1 (37:13):
yeah, I I wouldn't
say that I have it all figured
out.
I'm getting closer and closer.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
I think that, uh, you
know obviously that's a process
of life, you know yeah, as wegrow.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
I'm learning at 90,
you know yeah, yeah, so I I
would say that I'm still on thatjourney, um, but I am
thoroughly convinced, um, that,uh, we find the best version of
ourselves in the challenges, notin comfort, and so true, I am
always trying to choosechallenging situations so that I
(37:47):
build that mental toughness,because life is inevitably going
to shoot challenges your wayand when you have that mental
toughness, it gives you theresiliency and the ability to
handle them in a powerful way.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
So does Matthew have
any well-being strategies that
he does every day that areabsolute non-negotiables?
Speaker 1 (38:11):
Yeah, I definitely
meditate and journal.
I also have a conversation withmyself where I encourage myself
and give myself encouragementabout the qualities about myself
that I appreciate, and I thinkthat the relationship that we
(38:31):
have with ourself is reflectedin the relationship we build
with others, it's reflected inour relationship with money,
it's reflected in the health ofour body, et cetera, and so
that's a non-negotiable for meto have that conversation,
journal and meditate.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
So I think that what
I would love to say, just sort
of like as we sort of round upthe conversation a little bit,
I'm just I just like to say whatis something that someone in
the audience could do, how theycould relate better to money,
and then we'll do each of thoselittle sections that you've
talked about, because think thisis highly valuable I learned it
through um, a gentleman namedgarrett white.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
It's, you know, four
b's, which is body being,
balance and business.
Okay, and you do them in thatorder because your relationship
with your health, um, is how youexperience this world.
And so, essentially, you know,a man with his health has a
thousand dreams.
A man without his health hasone dream.
(39:31):
And so fixing your health andtaking good care of that, moving
every day, you know, breath, etcetera, exercise, creating a
stressor so that your body cangrow, that's number one.
So I do that the very firstthing when I wake up.
The second thing I do is thatconversation with myself, my
(39:55):
journal and my meditation, andthen I start my day, which is my
work.
So I've won my day already,health-wise, mentally and
physically, before I start myday.
And so I show up from what Iwould consider a powerful state
rather than a reactionary statetrying to put out fires, and
(40:17):
that's just what's worked for me.
And I've tried a milliondifferent things and I think
different things work fordifferent people, but the goal
isn't perfection, it'sconsistency what's your
relationship with your moneythat people could have?
Speaker 2 (40:32):
they're thinking
right how can I build a better
relationship?
Because I'm dealing withsomething that I'm using and
thinking about every day yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
I think a really
important question to ask
yourself is would I?
Would I buy this if nobody knew?
Or I didn't tell anyone?
Oh, interesting, and I buy thisif nobody knew?
Yeah, because then it'sactually something that you want
.
It's not something that you'redoing for external validation.
(41:00):
So much of our life is tied tostatus because we haven't gotten
comfortable with ourself, andthat's a really good indication
of if you're making purchases orspending money on things that
you're doing it for a reasonother than you want to, then
(41:23):
you're probably using it as atool to feel better about
something that money isn'tactually going to solve.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
I love that Brilliant
.
And the last one.
What was the last one?
Uh, business.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Yeah, that's which I
think.
I think business is yourrelationship with money, cause
the reason why we're in businessis to, you know, make money,
provide value and create money.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
And I think that that
provide money, create value and
contribute to something greaterthan just yourself that
enhances the quality of otherhuman beings or the environment,
or something yeah, um, tonyrobbins has a the six human
needs and one of them iscontribution.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
so once our needs are
covered, uh, you know, we see
that innate need for legacy orto contribute to others and
create something of lastingvalue, and so I think that does
come through contribution toothers.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
And you know, if I
look at my own experience as
well, you know, I had thispodcast is going to be five
sometime soon and prior to thatI was male modeling for 20 odd
years and that felt great to beable to do that, but I felt like
I needed to contribute more tosomething great.
I felt I had a voice.
Um, people would always ask methings and about health or
(42:43):
mindset, because I'd beenmeditating and I didn't drink
and I was like you know, I foundthat it was only when I began
starting this podcast andsharing some stories, my ideas,
my faults, you know and sharingsome stories, my ideas, my
faults, you know where I'd gonewrong that I felt, like you know
, the people can relate at somelevel because we're all human
beings, not human doings andthat area.
(43:07):
So I feel, if anyone's tuningin and they're like thinking do
you know what I need?
To feel fulfilled Matthew wastalking about fulfillment, that
equals success Then it's likewhere can you contribute to
something greater than justyourself?
That is an extension of you?
Yes, I think that's where theactually do.
You know, and it might be, youmight be very good with your art
(43:30):
.
You might be very good withyour voice.
You might be.
You know it could be.
You might be very good atdeveloping like platforms,
whatever it may it could be.
I mean songs, you know it couldbe.
You might be very good atdeveloping like platforms,
whatever it may it could be.
I mean songs, you name it.
What are you naturally good at?
Because that contribution willreally fill you up and then from
that it's almost as if successfinds you then what you consider
(43:50):
success, but really it's justthe fulfillment, because you're
filled up with what I like tocall that naturally high energy
that you have available to whenyou turn the tap on yeah, the,
um, the energy I discovered inthat dark too.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
Um, when you process
those emotions that are stuck,
um, our body has an enormousamount of natural energy and we
know that, like when you'retired and all of a sudden,
something that you're lookingforward to, you get a phone call
or or something happens and allof a sudden, instantly full of
energy.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
Like where did that
come from?
It was internal and that'salways available to us and I
really think that the more ofthe feelings that you feel and
process, it gives you access tothat natural energy much easier,
much greater quantity matthew,it has been so fulfilling to
(44:43):
speak with you today, soenjoyable this conversation.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
You know I've got a
whole bunch of notes here that I
I have, but I decided we'd justfreestyle with matthew today
and it's taken us on a muchricher and deeper meaning about
what success and fulfillment are, and that we're human beings
and we are imperfect and we'veall made mistakes and we've all
had problems, whether it'sfinancial, health or with
(45:07):
relationships.
One of those things, orsometimes all three of those
things and I think that what weI hope you as the audience can
take out of this is that youknow tomorrow's another day.
You can keep going and it'sgood to look to see what's
actually driving you.
And, as Matthew said, I thinkwhen you know what's actually
(45:29):
driving you and it's coming froma place of purity, it's coming
from a place of contribution andoffering value, I think that
maybe you know something greatis going to happen.
You're on the precipice ofsomething beautiful.
So in that closing, matthew,have you got anything that you'd
like to share with the audiencethat you think, hey, this is a
great takeaway for you?
Speaker 1 (45:53):
Yeah, I probably will
go back to that statement that
I said earlier that you won'tfind the best version of
yourself in comfort, so bewilling to challenge, uh, your
status quo and grow and, um,constantly evolve, and I think
(46:13):
that's really where I reallythink that's where the joy of
life is I just want to say,matthew, what a joy.
Speaker 2 (46:19):
Thank you so much.
Thanks for tuning into thisepisode, and if you've enjoyed
this episode or any of theothers, please hit that
subscribe button and share itwith people who you think will
benefit, because when you'resharing, what you're also doing
is uplifting, and you'reuplifting other people's lives
as well as your own.
(46:39):
This is what this community andthis podcast is all about.
Now, until the next episode, Iwish you a wonderful week ahead
and green lights all the way.