September 26, 2024 • 28 mins
Have you ever considered that your constant need for external validation could be fueling your anxiety?
In this episode, I dive deep into my personal transformation from being a chronic people-pleaser to embracing emotional ownership. By facing my relentless desire for approval and taking responsibility for my own feelings, I shifted from a place of victimhood to empowerment.
I’ll walk you through practical, actionable strategies that helped me reduce anxiety and reclaim control. From grounding yourself in nature and setting clear boundaries to confronting your fears head-on, I share how these steps transformed my mental and emotional well-being.
Through candid stories and real-life examples, you'll discover the power of acknowledging your true emotions rather than hiding behind them. Learn how confronting your feelings can calm your nervous system and foster emotional resilience.
This episode is packed with insights that will inspire you to take charge of your emotions, turning anxiety into personal empowerment and leading to lasting peace and balance.
If you would like to show your support - Thank you🙏
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
In this episode of the Super Soul Model series, I'm
sharing with you the philosophybehind owning it, because when
you truly learn how to own it,you release the negative charge
that holds you back fromenjoying the life that awaits
you.
Hello and welcome to the JamesGrantrum Podcast, super Soul
(00:29):
Model Series.
In this episode, I'm going toshare with you owning it the
secret to reducing anxiety.
Now, I've struggled withanxiety in the past, and when I
started doing this, which isowning it, it reduced and it
reduced significantly.
Doing this, which is owning it,it reduced and it reduced
significantly.
Now, from occasion, I still getbouts of anxiety, but it is so
much smaller these days as aresult of the thing that I'm
(00:52):
going to share with you in thisepisode.
So if you've been strugglingwith anxiety or frustration or
experiencing any challenge, inthose emotions have risen up,
those unpleasant emotions, thenthis episode is for you, because
what's going to happen is isyou're going to learn some
strategies to owning thatemotion so that you can move
beyond it, because you can'tmove beyond it unless you own it
(01:14):
, and that's what I want toshare Now.
My clients pay me a lot ofmoney to help share the
information I'm going to sharewith you in today's episode, and
they may not be the bestpleased that I do it for free,
but I firmly believe thatsharing this information is so
important because we need tohelp each other as much as
possible, and I just want to tryand help you.
(01:34):
I want to try and help as manypeople as possible enjoy a
greater quality of life, becausethen we lift the consciousness
of the people, of those aroundus.
We lift humanity to the nextlevel, and I firmly believe,
instead of life getting worse,it can get way better when we
understand ourselves.
And that is what this podcastis all about.
It's helping you awaken andrise to the next level of
(01:59):
consciousness so you can enjoy agreater quality of life.
I mean, how good is that whenyou understand yourself?
Most people never get taughtthis information at school, yet
get taught by their parents.
So that's why podcasts likethese episodes like these are
meant to empower you, and theidea of taking ownership is
(02:19):
helping you move from a victimmentality to an ownership
mentality.
This is the transformation.
So that's what this episode isall about.
It's helping you reduce anxietyby taking ownership, and I want
to share with you how you'regoing to do that Now.
Before I do that, I want toshare with you some of my own
contrasting experiences.
My contrast means I'm puttingmy heart and my own story on the
(02:43):
table here, because when Inoticed that I was feeling
anxiety, I was feeling that sortof victim mentality of, oh,
these emotions are raw, thatanxiety is rising up.
I want to share with you howthat came about in the first
place, before I started takingaction and changing the way I
perceived it, which might becomea little bit more relatable to
(03:04):
you in your own story.
So for me, it first startedbecause I cared so much about
what other people thoughtinitially, and whilst it seemed
so easy that you could perhapsnegate that and go, oh, you
don't have to think about otherpeople, I really thought that.
I really felt that because I wasconditioned to a certain extent
growing up that I had to peopleplease.
(03:26):
I had to care about what otherpeople thought, number one
because I watched my parents doit, and then, number two, when I
moved into modeling, Irecognized that I needed to be
somebody that I wasn't to firststart with with my career.
I needed to portray this person, but I wasn't that person and I
(03:46):
kept on looking for externalvalidation at the beginning of
my modeling career and I foundthat really, really difficult
and it probably shook myconfidence for almost three
years, and that's a long way tofeel out of balance, feeling
highly anxious in your work andeven though it's supposed to be
a job or a career where you'resupposed to be feeling confident
(04:08):
, I felt less than confidentbecause I constantly felt judged
, and the reason why I feltjudged was because I always
cared about what other peoplethought.
So that's where this anxietyreally rose up.
Number two the next call towanting to take ownership, was
because I constantly needed thatvalidation or approval from
(04:31):
other people, and whilst I gotit sometimes, I didn't get it
all the time.
And when you're needing constantapproval from other people, you
can't get it.
Whether it's a loving parent ora loving grandparent, no one's
going to give you their approvalfull time because there's so
many moving parts going on andeven though you look to the
people that have given youstability in their life, they
(04:52):
can't give you approval thewhole time because they've got
things going on and so you startgoing around looking externally
to fill yourself up.
But life won't do that andthat's why people turn to drugs,
or they try to substances orsex or drugs or alcohol.
You know I was turning to likealcohol and drugs as a result,
(05:12):
to try and fill myself up, tostop feeling those fearful,
anxious thoughts, but thatdidn't work either.
So you know, it's amazing whatwe tend to do to try and heal
ourself when we're in this void.
And the next thing I got anxiousand embarrassed in like
everyday moments.
I was a chronic avoider.
(05:33):
I avoided opening my bills, Iavoided speaking to some people,
I avoided life, I avoidedresponsibility and this just
created more anxiousness.
And it sounds silly I mean youcan listen to this or you can
watch this and you can laugh butthe fact of the matter is
that's what I was doing and thatcaused me a lot of pain.
(05:54):
I also noticed that when I wasa child, I went to a boarding
school and I noticed that I hadalways wanted to uplift.
I always wanted to make peoplefeel good, but that was also at
the detriment of my ownwell-being, because I was trying
to get other people's approvalby trying to uplift them.
But then I felt really upset orridiculed by the fact that
(06:18):
maybe not everybody was up tospeed with being upliftment, so
they put you down and yeah, soagain anxiousness can really
kick in and I remember thinkingto myself when's this ever going
to change?
And you know when it startedchanging?
It started when I began to takeownership of the way that I
(06:38):
felt and recognizing that no onewas creating my own reality
except for myself and, despitemy setup, despite my challenges,
despite those knee-jerk anxietyresponses that were rising up
in my system, that the onlyperson who was ever gonna do
anything about it was myself.
So I remember asking myselfwhen is this gonna change?
(06:59):
When is this emotional anxietyfeedback gonna change?
And it changed when I began tosee the truth.
And the truth was this everyfeeling that I'm feeling is just
a response to the thoughts thatI've been thinking prior to
this event, prior to thisexperience.
And this emotional feedback isjust a signal saying you're not
(07:20):
quite on track right now andit's okay.
So when you start owning thisemotion, just recognizing what
it is, which is this is feedback, this ownership calms you down,
meaning there might not beanything you need to do right
now, in this moment, other thanfind a way to begin to center
(07:41):
yourself, because this emotionor this anxiety that comes up is
just a response to the thoughtsthat you've been thinking prior
to this experience.
And that is when I noticed that, when I took ownership of that,
that it began to dissipate,that it began to reduce to
(08:02):
dissipate, that it began toreduce.
And that's when I started to doother things, such as meditate,
to begin to make my system, myenergetic system, begin to find
this beautiful state ofequilibrium.
And then, when things stillturned up in my life, meaning
contrasting events and emotionscame up, such as the death of my
father or the death of my bestfriend, when that happened, then
(08:23):
I recognized I was like right,this is just still more feedback
.
And I found that regulating mysystem energetically gave me
greater confidence, gave megreater strength, gave me
greater ownership, and they willfor you when you begin to
implement them.
Nothing can come in yourexperience that's uninvited,
unless it comes through yourenergy.
(08:43):
So there's no need to fear,there's no need to be truly
anxious, although anxiousnessmay come up in the system.
It comes up as an experience ora wound that comes up feeling
you've got no control.
But the fact of the matter isyou do have control when you
begin to take ownership.
So all emotions are energy inmotion and they are just going
(09:05):
to happen, and sometimes theyhappen just like that, in the
spur of a moment.
So the more you begin toregulate your energetic system
meaning meditation, meaningspending time in nature, meaning
spending time around theelements even doing things like
yoga and stretching and workingout begins to regulate your
system.
If you're doing anything that'schaotic to your system, your
(09:26):
system is going to be respondingand getting used to that.
So children that grow up invery noisy environments want to
be around more noisyenvironments because that's what
they're used to, and somepeople prefer a busy, noisier
home, some people prefer a quiet, calmer home.
But either way, however youcondition your environment,
(09:47):
meaning your environment at home, what you listen to, what
you're reading, what you'reabsorbing, the food you're
ingesting, how clean yourenvironment is, the music, the
TV that you're absorbing all ofthat is conditioning your
environment and conditioningyour nervous system.
If you've grown up with traumasof any sort, conditioning your
environment that you can controlwill absolutely heal you, and
(10:12):
I've noticed this in my own lifeand I've noticed this in my
clients' lives.
And this happens because you'retaking control of your
environment and making yourenvironment absolutely at the
forefront of the thing that youcan control, because you can't
control everything in life, butyou can do your best to make
your environment as beautifuland as clean and as peaceful as
(10:33):
possible, because this regulatesyour nervous system and when
triggers turn up, you can justreframe them.
When anxiety turns up up, youcan go.
Oh, that was a response to theway I was thinking about this.
There is still time for acomeback.
There is still time forsomething in this to work out,
even if it's not now.
Every time you reframesomething that happens, that
(10:56):
negative, you can see it as alesson or a blessing in disguise
that's going to set you up forsomething future that you're
going to walk into that will bebeautiful.
You know, like I've mentionedbefore, every bit of crap or
manure that you experience inlife is fertilizer for something
beautiful that will happen inanother season, because every
time you can reframe anychallenge or any nervousness or
(11:19):
anxiety that's coming on, don'tworry, that's a larger call for
something good to happen at alater date and it's when you
begin to take ownership of thatthat things will begin to
dissipate, in terms of thatenergetic, reactive feedback and
every trigger that you get,every feeling that comes up that
gives you that all that ickyfeeling that's a wound in place
(11:43):
somewhere or another.
So that means you have to learnto regulate your system and
reframe that wound and see it asoh, this is something I need to
look at, and in looking at it,meaning you're not afraid to
avoid looking at it, you'reafraid to look at it head on.
When you look the monster inthe face, it seems a lot easier.
So how do you own it?
So these are my five ways thatyou can own it when you're
(12:07):
experiencing any challenge.
So taking responsibility for thechoices that you're making is
number one.
So, instead of like blamingexternal or blaming other people
and a lot of people love toplay the blame game but really
effectively, all you're doing isyou're still masking the ego
when you're blaming, saying I'mright and everybody else is
wrong.
Every time you're blaming, whatyou're also doing is just
(12:31):
heightening and strengtheningthe ego, and you need to just
let that go, because you'reclaiming that you're right
meaning you're a victim andeveryone else is wrong.
Now, however hard that seems,is that if an experience has
happened in your life at someenergetic level, even if you
don't even know you've attractedthat experience and even if
(12:52):
it's incredibly painful, thereis a way out, and that is by
reframing it, by looking at itfrom a new perspective.
Instead of blaming theexternals or blaming other
people, you want to take fullownership, because when you're
blaming, you're onlystrengthening the ego and whilst
it's easier to blame, whatyou're still doing is
heightening that ego and makingyou drop out of the heart.
(13:14):
And that is not where yourpower lies.
Your power lies in your heartand your ability to look at it
from an elevated viewpoint,meaning I can make a better
decision about this.
I can acknowledge it, that thisis not what I want, but I can
acknowledge it and own it sothat I can make more favorable
choices going forward.
If you feel anxious, worried oreven fearful to a certain extent
(13:37):
, or frustrated, own it, justown.
That's how you feel right now.
You can't hide how you feel,because the universe doesn't
know what you say or what youthink.
If you're just going, how areyou?
And you go I'm fine, everybodyknows you're not fine.
I remember my friends used tosay how are you, but I'm fine?
They're like, no, you're not.
I went yes, I am, and they werelike no, you're not.
And I could just tell that,even though I was just trying to
(14:00):
brush that, to not have thatconversation, I was constantly
trying to avoid how I felt andmask that through just having a
stronger sense of ego, astronger sense of I can handle
this by myself, instead ofactually saying you know what?
I don't feel that great rightnow, but it's temporary.
This is owning your emotions andeven though you might
(14:22):
experience a trigger or a woundor some type of energetic
feeling, an icky feeling thatcomes up in your body of anxiety
or whatever when that turns up,just say oh, I recognize this
feeling of anxiety.
This has turned up in my life,this has been triggered again
for one reason or another.
And instead of like runningaway from it, you just say to
(14:44):
yourself in that moment it iswhat it is.
This feelings come up, this,too, shall pass, everything's
going to be okay.
What if whatever I'm focused onworks out right now?
Instead of trying to run awayfrom that emotion, you're just
owning it, saying you know it iswhat it is, this will pass,
this is temporary.
Out of this situation,something will work out.
(15:05):
And what if something works outtoday?
And what if this feeling passes?
You know what if?
I'm going to be okay?
And you know, sometimes we needto soothe ourselves, but so that
anxiousness can dissipate.
Sometimes we need to sootheourselves not by going oh, I
feel great when you don't.
That's not what you want to.
Sometimes we need to sootheourselves not by going oh, I
feel great when you don't.
That's not what you want to say.
You want to go.
I don't feel that marvelousright now, but wouldn't it be
(15:27):
nice to feel good again andwouldn't it be nice to see
evidence of things comingtogether again?
You know, like the what if andthe.
Wouldn't it be nice?
And you know this will pass andit is what it is right now, and
I'm just going to let this gofor right now, these types of
statements for about a minute ortwo begin to soothe your
nervous system and also couplethat with grounding, spending
(15:52):
time in nature, outside, gettingbarefoot, or in the water, or
in the sea, or in the forest orin the parks.
Do it because that groundingenergy of mother nature begins
to soothe your nervous systemand helps you come back to
reduce that anxiety and youstart to own your power again.
Your power is not given to thatexperience or given to that
(16:12):
anxiety.
What it's done is, it's givento your control these subtle
statements.
All they do is just buildemotional resilience, and that
helps you regain control, regainyour power.
Another way you can own it is byfacing your fears.
Things like public speaking, ormaybe even jumping out of an
airplane, or, you know, makingsure that you are getting ready
(16:36):
for a big interview yeah,there's that nervousness starts
to really come up.
Or maybe something like askingthat person out on a date, or
managing money in a certain way,or even moving large sums of
money, or you know, investing insomething where you're trying
to study for some exams andyou're really anxious about them
(16:57):
.
All of these feelings that comeup are just feedback about the
way you're thinking abouteverything and when you can
acknowledge those feelings andif you could speak to somebody
about them that this is just theway I'm feeling about it.
What you're doing iseliminating that emotional
weight on your chest and thenyou can confront those fears
(17:19):
head on.
And that is the best thing.
And I remember reading a book byRichard Branson.
He goes one of the things thatwe do when we are looking at
virgin companies is that we arelooking to face our problems
head on.
And that's exactly what youneed to do Once you've spoken to
a trusted friend and sharedthose emotions, as long as you
feel that that's a person youcan super trust and that will
(17:39):
give you honest feedback,because when those emotions come
up, they're real and thoseemotions are energy in motion.
Be honest to yourself thatacknowledging and owning it and
recognizing that you can dosomething about it is going to
(18:03):
make sure that you feel back incontrol, because one thing that
I know for sure that doesn'twork is avoiding stuff, because
when you're avoiding thesefeedback, this emotional
feedback systems in the form ofthose anxious thoughts and
feelings that come up in thebody, when you avoid them, they
(18:24):
only get bigger and they screamlouder, like when we don't feel
great.
You know you experience them,you experience things that
represent that, but when youfeel really good, you experience
what I call lucky experiences,and that's just the law of
attraction at work, because youremotions are like iron filings
to a magnet.
So avoidance drains your energy, whilst taking control and
(18:47):
owning it brings it back.
And whilst it's not going to beperfect every day, owning the
emotion that you feel right nowand doing your best to try and
feel just a little better willimprove your emotions, and the
reason why I'm sharing that isbecause I've done all of these
things.
Number four setting clearboundaries.
This is absolutely pivotal foryour well-being.
(19:10):
If you feel overwhelmed byanything, that is because your
time is so precious and it feelsreally limited, and unless you
begin to set healthy boundarieswith others, this is going to
prove to be really difficult.
One of my clients had a very,very difficult christmas and
they were so concerned with somany people coming all over to
come and spend time at christmasat their house, only to
(19:33):
discover that previousChristmases that were really,
really challenged and thingsdidn't go well and there was a
lack of family harmony and itwas just unpleasant.
Until I said you've got to putyour boundaries in place, this
is what time you can stay andthis is what time they've got to
leave by.
And when those boundaries wereput in place, everybody knew
(19:53):
where they stood and that wasbecause number one, they began
to value that their time wasprecious, their home was
precious, and then they didn'twant people out staying there.
Welcome, and that is the samefor you.
So you've got to protect yourprecious time and your precious
energy with setting healthyboundaries and when you begin to
do this, you grow in confidence.
(20:15):
The amount of times I've said noto people and this is my time
cut off and this is what I'vegot to do.
And even to my partners I'll belike, look, I've got to go by
this time, that's it.
Everybody knows where theystand with me because I'm always
extremely clear and and I liketo be honest, I like to be
truthful and I like to tell youexactly how it is.
(20:36):
So you know where you standwith me and this is because I'm
owning it.
I'm owning my power, I've gotmy control, I've got confidence,
and what they think about meisn't really that important,
because this is what I have todo and this is what I need to
execute With some of my otherclients.
They are so good at this becausetheir time is the most precious
commodity.
(20:56):
Some of the wealthiest peoplethat I work with and that I've
studied recognize their time isabsolutely precious.
They've got 20 minute meetings.
They send one answer text whenthey go to the restaurant.
All they're doing is they knowwhat they're ordering off the
menu.
It's already sorted and paidfor as soon as they've left.
Their time is so limited and soprecious.
(21:20):
So if you really really want toenjoy a great state of
well-being and success andconfidence, set your boundaries
and set them well and let peopleknow where they stand with you
in a loving way.
But make sure you giveeverybody warning, because this
is really important yourintentions when they're very,
very clear, people feel verycomfortable as long as you
(21:42):
execute on your intentions.
Owning your mistakes andlearning from them is perhaps,
last but not least, the mostessential part of reducing
anxiety, because when you'reowning your mistakes and
recognizing, hey, I could havedone better there what you are
doing is you're disarming thatemotional charge behind the
error by accepting theresponsibility from a challenge
(22:05):
and then doing something toimplement and go about changes.
What this actually does is itcreates empowerment, it helps
you go from regret to growth andit helps your failures become
valuable learning opportunities.
One of the things I rememberthat I'll never forget is when
some friends of mine went intobusiness and they put five
million pounds into property andit went wrong.
(22:26):
What they recognized was thiswas a valuable learning
opportunity, even though it wasincredibly costly.
And even when we're looking ata lot of things that are
creating turmoil in the world,can we see and learn from the
past and use them as valuablelearning opportunities.
That's when we're looking atthings like wars.
You know, I'm a firm believer increating more peace, but peace
(22:47):
has to start with us firstbefore it can get out into the
world.
Make your environment peaceful,make your family a peaceful
environment which to live in,and that is determined by your
level of consciousness.
So anytime you're takingownership of any negative
experience in your life, whatyou're beginning to do is
transmute it.
For me, when I had a car crashand I knew I'd done wrong and
(23:11):
I'd taken my dad's car andwithout his permission, and I'd
been drinking all of thosethings, I had to take full
responsibility.
And it was the first time I'dactually owned everything in my
life and it was an absolute messthat I'd left behind.
Fortunately, no one had died.
But when I owned that error, Ibecame free, because I looked at
(23:33):
this mess that I'd created andI'd gone.
I'm going to own this.
This is this is the first timeI'm actually going to take
responsibility for everythingthat's going wrong in my life.
And then there became thissense of peace because, even
though I'd made this grave error, I had to sort out those
emotions and those choices I'dmade to make better choices
(23:56):
going forward.
And whilst it took quite a fewyears to really come to grips
with all that, that energy thatI'd left of owning that mess
gave me greater confidence goingforwards and it helped me
reshape my life.
And that could be in the case ofbusiness, where you know some
people you know work incompanies where they're trying
(24:18):
to execute and send a lot ofmoney in transfers, but they
forget one digit and you know,suddenly that puts the the
company out millions of dollars.
And I've read about this andpeople have made these mistakes.
And instead of like shouting atpeople whilst you can be truly,
you know upset that theseerrors have cost the company,
(24:41):
ultimately you've got to own itand learn from it.
And then what can you do aboutit?
Going forwards?
You've got to always have, likethis, understanding that things
can go wrong and that human domake mistakes.
But we all make mistakes andsometimes, even in relationships
, you can say that you're goingto do something and didn't do it
(25:01):
and instead of getting upsetand blaming the other person,
you've just got to own that youdidn't do it and it wasn't right
.
Just let that ego go aside andgo right, I could make a better
choice going forwards.
Because every time you're doingthat, you're disarming the
negative energy.
And I love this in business aswell, because I remember when I
set up my first business, myplanner came along with me and
(25:26):
said we're going to order allthis stock, but we need to at
least give room for some error.
I am so grateful for thatbecause when that stock did come
, it wasn't all perfect.
There was a few broken bottlesin that large stock that I had
placed a very large order from.
And that's exactly the same inlife.
Not everything is going to beabsolutely pitch perfect.
(25:49):
So when you make room forowning mistakes, recognizing
that they're going to bemistakes but you can move
forward by making responsiblechoices from the errors that
you've made, your life's goingto be far more empowered,
because you only learn reallythrough making mistakes.
So, accepting responsibility,learning from the experience,
(26:11):
all this does is helps negatethat negative charge where you
become free and empowered andtake your control back, because
if you don't say anything, allyou're gonna do is you're gonna
exacerbate that anxious feelinggoing on inside the body.
So when Nick's mistakes come,own them.
When you've made an error, ownthem.
Even if you look at comedians,even Kevin Hart one of the
(26:33):
things I love about kevin hartis one of the funniest guys on
the planet, but the press findit very difficult to actually
take the mickey out of him oreven write bad press about him,
because kevin's jokes are allbased on his own
self-deprecation of owning allhis errors and all his mistakes.
They are the source of all hisjokes.
Eminem does exactly the same inhis movie eight mile, which I
(26:57):
watched recently, and what Iloved about it was that there's
a standoff between two people onthe mic at the end and eminem
was asked to go first.
And you know what he does is hejust takes full responsibility
for all the mess in his life andthe other guy has nothing.
He's got no emotional charge inwhich to feed on.
(27:17):
So owning your mistakes, owningthe errors, owning of how not
amazing everything is goingright now, but you're on your
path will set you free, andtaking this level of ownership
will change the course of yourentire life and give you back
the confidence that you sorichly deserve.
So, in conclusion, reducingyour anxiety comes from this.
(27:38):
When you own it, you move fromhelpless to empowered, from
anxious to controlled.
So this mindset fosterspersonal growth, self-discipline
and lasting confidence.
So next time a challenge comesup, own it.
Next time the emotions come up,own them.
Next time anything turns up,just recognize it's a blessing
(27:58):
in disguise, cloaked for you tobecome a more evolved version of
yourself.
And they'll come up time andtime again until you can find
that peaceful, harmonious middleway.
I hope you've enjoyed thisepisode and if you've enjoyed it
, please remember to like,subscribe and share, and if
you'd like to leave your support, please do so.
You can keep getting the bestcontent.
(28:18):
That's life transforming.
Until the next episode, I wishyou a wonderful week ahead and
green lights all the way.
In this episode of the Super Soul Model series, I'm
sharing with you the philosophybehind owning it, because when
you truly learn how to own it,you release the negative charge
that holds you back fromenjoying the life that awaits
you.
Hello and welcome to the JamesGrantrum Podcast, super Soul
(00:29):
Model Series.
In this episode, I'm going toshare with you owning it the
secret to reducing anxiety.
Now, I've struggled withanxiety in the past, and when I
started doing this, which isowning it, it reduced and it
reduced significantly.
Doing this, which is owning it,it reduced and it reduced
significantly.
Now, from occasion, I still getbouts of anxiety, but it is so
much smaller these days as aresult of the thing that I'm
(00:52):
going to share with you in thisepisode.
So if you've been strugglingwith anxiety or frustration or
experiencing any challenge, inthose emotions have risen up,
those unpleasant emotions, thenthis episode is for you, because
what's going to happen is isyou're going to learn some
strategies to owning thatemotion so that you can move
beyond it, because you can'tmove beyond it unless you own it
(01:14):
, and that's what I want toshare Now.
My clients pay me a lot ofmoney to help share the
information I'm going to sharewith you in today's episode, and
they may not be the bestpleased that I do it for free,
but I firmly believe thatsharing this information is so
important because we need tohelp each other as much as
possible, and I just want to tryand help you.
(01:34):
I want to try and help as manypeople as possible enjoy a
greater quality of life, becausethen we lift the consciousness
of the people, of those aroundus.
We lift humanity to the nextlevel, and I firmly believe,
instead of life getting worse,it can get way better when we
understand ourselves.
And that is what this podcastis all about.
It's helping you awaken andrise to the next level of
(01:59):
consciousness so you can enjoy agreater quality of life.
I mean, how good is that whenyou understand yourself?
Most people never get taughtthis information at school, yet
get taught by their parents.
So that's why podcasts likethese episodes like these are
meant to empower you, and theidea of taking ownership is
(02:19):
helping you move from a victimmentality to an ownership
mentality.
This is the transformation.
So that's what this episode isall about.
It's helping you reduce anxietyby taking ownership, and I want
to share with you how you'regoing to do that Now.
Before I do that, I want toshare with you some of my own
contrasting experiences.
My contrast means I'm puttingmy heart and my own story on the
(02:43):
table here, because when Inoticed that I was feeling
anxiety, I was feeling that sortof victim mentality of, oh,
these emotions are raw, thatanxiety is rising up.
I want to share with you howthat came about in the first
place, before I started takingaction and changing the way I
perceived it, which might becomea little bit more relatable to
(03:04):
you in your own story.
So for me, it first startedbecause I cared so much about
what other people thoughtinitially, and whilst it seemed
so easy that you could perhapsnegate that and go, oh, you
don't have to think about otherpeople, I really thought that.
I really felt that because I wasconditioned to a certain extent
growing up that I had to peopleplease.
(03:26):
I had to care about what otherpeople thought, number one
because I watched my parents doit, and then, number two, when I
moved into modeling, Irecognized that I needed to be
somebody that I wasn't to firststart with with my career.
I needed to portray this person, but I wasn't that person and I
(03:46):
kept on looking for externalvalidation at the beginning of
my modeling career and I foundthat really, really difficult
and it probably shook myconfidence for almost three
years, and that's a long way tofeel out of balance, feeling
highly anxious in your work andeven though it's supposed to be
a job or a career where you'resupposed to be feeling confident
(04:08):
, I felt less than confidentbecause I constantly felt judged
, and the reason why I feltjudged was because I always
cared about what other peoplethought.
So that's where this anxietyreally rose up.
Number two the next call towanting to take ownership, was
because I constantly needed thatvalidation or approval from
(04:31):
other people, and whilst I gotit sometimes, I didn't get it
all the time.
And when you're needing constantapproval from other people, you
can't get it.
Whether it's a loving parent ora loving grandparent, no one's
going to give you their approvalfull time because there's so
many moving parts going on andeven though you look to the
people that have given youstability in their life, they
(04:52):
can't give you approval thewhole time because they've got
things going on and so you startgoing around looking externally
to fill yourself up.
But life won't do that andthat's why people turn to drugs,
or they try to substances orsex or drugs or alcohol.
You know I was turning to likealcohol and drugs as a result,
(05:12):
to try and fill myself up, tostop feeling those fearful,
anxious thoughts, but thatdidn't work either.
So you know, it's amazing whatwe tend to do to try and heal
ourself when we're in this void.
And the next thing I got anxiousand embarrassed in like
everyday moments.
I was a chronic avoider.
(05:33):
I avoided opening my bills, Iavoided speaking to some people,
I avoided life, I avoidedresponsibility and this just
created more anxiousness.
And it sounds silly I mean youcan listen to this or you can
watch this and you can laugh butthe fact of the matter is
that's what I was doing and thatcaused me a lot of pain.
(05:54):
I also noticed that when I wasa child, I went to a boarding
school and I noticed that I hadalways wanted to uplift.
I always wanted to make peoplefeel good, but that was also at
the detriment of my ownwell-being, because I was trying
to get other people's approvalby trying to uplift them.
But then I felt really upset orridiculed by the fact that
(06:18):
maybe not everybody was up tospeed with being upliftment, so
they put you down and yeah, soagain anxiousness can really
kick in and I remember thinkingto myself when's this ever going
to change?
And you know when it startedchanging?
It started when I began to takeownership of the way that I
(06:38):
felt and recognizing that no onewas creating my own reality
except for myself and, despitemy setup, despite my challenges,
despite those knee-jerk anxietyresponses that were rising up
in my system, that the onlyperson who was ever gonna do
anything about it was myself.
So I remember asking myselfwhen is this gonna change?
(06:59):
When is this emotional anxietyfeedback gonna change?
And it changed when I began tosee the truth.
And the truth was this everyfeeling that I'm feeling is just
a response to the thoughts thatI've been thinking prior to
this event, prior to thisexperience.
And this emotional feedback isjust a signal saying you're not
(07:20):
quite on track right now andit's okay.
So when you start owning thisemotion, just recognizing what
it is, which is this is feedback, this ownership calms you down,
meaning there might not beanything you need to do right
now, in this moment, other thanfind a way to begin to center
(07:41):
yourself, because this emotionor this anxiety that comes up is
just a response to the thoughtsthat you've been thinking prior
to this experience.
And that is when I noticed that, when I took ownership of that,
that it began to dissipate,that it began to reduce to
(08:02):
dissipate, that it began toreduce.
And that's when I started to doother things, such as meditate,
to begin to make my system, myenergetic system, begin to find
this beautiful state ofequilibrium.
And then, when things stillturned up in my life, meaning
contrasting events and emotionscame up, such as the death of my
father or the death of my bestfriend, when that happened, then
(08:23):
I recognized I was like right,this is just still more feedback
.
And I found that regulating mysystem energetically gave me
greater confidence, gave megreater strength, gave me
greater ownership, and they willfor you when you begin to
implement them.
Nothing can come in yourexperience that's uninvited,
unless it comes through yourenergy.
(08:43):
So there's no need to fear,there's no need to be truly
anxious, although anxiousnessmay come up in the system.
It comes up as an experience ora wound that comes up feeling
you've got no control.
But the fact of the matter isyou do have control when you
begin to take ownership.
So all emotions are energy inmotion and they are just going
(09:05):
to happen, and sometimes theyhappen just like that, in the
spur of a moment.
So the more you begin toregulate your energetic system
meaning meditation, meaningspending time in nature, meaning
spending time around theelements even doing things like
yoga and stretching and workingout begins to regulate your
system.
If you're doing anything that'schaotic to your system, your
(09:26):
system is going to be respondingand getting used to that.
So children that grow up invery noisy environments want to
be around more noisyenvironments because that's what
they're used to, and somepeople prefer a busy, noisier
home, some people prefer a quiet, calmer home.
But either way, however youcondition your environment,
(09:47):
meaning your environment at home, what you listen to, what
you're reading, what you'reabsorbing, the food you're
ingesting, how clean yourenvironment is, the music, the
TV that you're absorbing all ofthat is conditioning your
environment and conditioningyour nervous system.
If you've grown up with traumasof any sort, conditioning your
environment that you can controlwill absolutely heal you, and
(10:12):
I've noticed this in my own lifeand I've noticed this in my
clients' lives.
And this happens because you'retaking control of your
environment and making yourenvironment absolutely at the
forefront of the thing that youcan control, because you can't
control everything in life, butyou can do your best to make
your environment as beautifuland as clean and as peaceful as
(10:33):
possible, because this regulatesyour nervous system and when
triggers turn up, you can justreframe them.
When anxiety turns up up, youcan go.
Oh, that was a response to theway I was thinking about this.
There is still time for acomeback.
There is still time forsomething in this to work out,
even if it's not now.
Every time you reframesomething that happens, that
(10:56):
negative, you can see it as alesson or a blessing in disguise
that's going to set you up forsomething future that you're
going to walk into that will bebeautiful.
You know, like I've mentionedbefore, every bit of crap or
manure that you experience inlife is fertilizer for something
beautiful that will happen inanother season, because every
time you can reframe anychallenge or any nervousness or
(11:19):
anxiety that's coming on, don'tworry, that's a larger call for
something good to happen at alater date and it's when you
begin to take ownership of thatthat things will begin to
dissipate, in terms of thatenergetic, reactive feedback and
every trigger that you get,every feeling that comes up that
gives you that all that ickyfeeling that's a wound in place
(11:43):
somewhere or another.
So that means you have to learnto regulate your system and
reframe that wound and see it asoh, this is something I need to
look at, and in looking at it,meaning you're not afraid to
avoid looking at it, you'reafraid to look at it head on.
When you look the monster inthe face, it seems a lot easier.
So how do you own it?
So these are my five ways thatyou can own it when you're
(12:07):
experiencing any challenge.
So taking responsibility for thechoices that you're making is
number one.
So, instead of like blamingexternal or blaming other people
and a lot of people love toplay the blame game but really
effectively, all you're doing isyou're still masking the ego
when you're blaming, saying I'mright and everybody else is
wrong.
Every time you're blaming, whatyou're also doing is just
(12:31):
heightening and strengtheningthe ego, and you need to just
let that go, because you'reclaiming that you're right
meaning you're a victim andeveryone else is wrong.
Now, however hard that seems,is that if an experience has
happened in your life at someenergetic level, even if you
don't even know you've attractedthat experience and even if
(12:52):
it's incredibly painful, thereis a way out, and that is by
reframing it, by looking at itfrom a new perspective.
Instead of blaming theexternals or blaming other
people, you want to take fullownership, because when you're
blaming, you're onlystrengthening the ego and whilst
it's easier to blame, whatyou're still doing is
heightening that ego and makingyou drop out of the heart.
(13:14):
And that is not where yourpower lies.
Your power lies in your heartand your ability to look at it
from an elevated viewpoint,meaning I can make a better
decision about this.
I can acknowledge it, that thisis not what I want, but I can
acknowledge it and own it sothat I can make more favorable
choices going forward.
If you feel anxious, worried oreven fearful to a certain extent
(13:37):
, or frustrated, own it, justown.
That's how you feel right now.
You can't hide how you feel,because the universe doesn't
know what you say or what youthink.
If you're just going, how areyou?
And you go I'm fine, everybodyknows you're not fine.
I remember my friends used tosay how are you, but I'm fine?
They're like, no, you're not.
I went yes, I am, and they werelike no, you're not.
And I could just tell that,even though I was just trying to
(14:00):
brush that, to not have thatconversation, I was constantly
trying to avoid how I felt andmask that through just having a
stronger sense of ego, astronger sense of I can handle
this by myself, instead ofactually saying you know what?
I don't feel that great rightnow, but it's temporary.
This is owning your emotions andeven though you might
(14:22):
experience a trigger or a woundor some type of energetic
feeling, an icky feeling thatcomes up in your body of anxiety
or whatever when that turns up,just say oh, I recognize this
feeling of anxiety.
This has turned up in my life,this has been triggered again
for one reason or another.
And instead of like runningaway from it, you just say to
(14:44):
yourself in that moment it iswhat it is.
This feelings come up, this,too, shall pass, everything's
going to be okay.
What if whatever I'm focused onworks out right now?
Instead of trying to run awayfrom that emotion, you're just
owning it, saying you know it iswhat it is, this will pass,
this is temporary.
Out of this situation,something will work out.
(15:05):
And what if something works outtoday?
And what if this feeling passes?
You know what if?
I'm going to be okay?
And you know, sometimes we needto soothe ourselves, but so that
anxiousness can dissipate.
Sometimes we need to sootheourselves not by going oh, I
feel great when you don't.
That's not what you want to.
Sometimes we need to sootheourselves not by going oh, I
feel great when you don't.
That's not what you want to say.
You want to go.
I don't feel that marvelousright now, but wouldn't it be
(15:27):
nice to feel good again andwouldn't it be nice to see
evidence of things comingtogether again?
You know, like the what if andthe.
Wouldn't it be nice?
And you know this will pass andit is what it is right now, and
I'm just going to let this gofor right now, these types of
statements for about a minute ortwo begin to soothe your
nervous system and also couplethat with grounding, spending
(15:52):
time in nature, outside, gettingbarefoot, or in the water, or
in the sea, or in the forest orin the parks.
Do it because that groundingenergy of mother nature begins
to soothe your nervous systemand helps you come back to
reduce that anxiety and youstart to own your power again.
Your power is not given to thatexperience or given to that
(16:12):
anxiety.
What it's done is, it's givento your control these subtle
statements.
All they do is just buildemotional resilience, and that
helps you regain control, regainyour power.
Another way you can own it is byfacing your fears.
Things like public speaking, ormaybe even jumping out of an
airplane, or, you know, makingsure that you are getting ready
(16:36):
for a big interview yeah,there's that nervousness starts
to really come up.
Or maybe something like askingthat person out on a date, or
managing money in a certain way,or even moving large sums of
money, or you know, investing insomething where you're trying
to study for some exams andyou're really anxious about them
(16:57):
.
All of these feelings that comeup are just feedback about the
way you're thinking abouteverything and when you can
acknowledge those feelings andif you could speak to somebody
about them that this is just theway I'm feeling about it.
What you're doing iseliminating that emotional
weight on your chest and thenyou can confront those fears
(17:19):
head on.
And that is the best thing.
And I remember reading a book byRichard Branson.
He goes one of the things thatwe do when we are looking at
virgin companies is that we arelooking to face our problems
head on.
And that's exactly what youneed to do Once you've spoken to
a trusted friend and sharedthose emotions, as long as you
feel that that's a person youcan super trust and that will
(17:39):
give you honest feedback,because when those emotions come
up, they're real and thoseemotions are energy in motion.
Be honest to yourself thatacknowledging and owning it and
recognizing that you can dosomething about it is going to
(18:03):
make sure that you feel back incontrol, because one thing that
I know for sure that doesn'twork is avoiding stuff, because
when you're avoiding thesefeedback, this emotional
feedback systems in the form ofthose anxious thoughts and
feelings that come up in thebody, when you avoid them, they
(18:24):
only get bigger and they screamlouder, like when we don't feel
great.
You know you experience them,you experience things that
represent that, but when youfeel really good, you experience
what I call lucky experiences,and that's just the law of
attraction at work, because youremotions are like iron filings
to a magnet.
So avoidance drains your energy, whilst taking control and
(18:47):
owning it brings it back.
And whilst it's not going to beperfect every day, owning the
emotion that you feel right nowand doing your best to try and
feel just a little better willimprove your emotions, and the
reason why I'm sharing that isbecause I've done all of these
things.
Number four setting clearboundaries.
This is absolutely pivotal foryour well-being.
(19:10):
If you feel overwhelmed byanything, that is because your
time is so precious and it feelsreally limited, and unless you
begin to set healthy boundarieswith others, this is going to
prove to be really difficult.
One of my clients had a very,very difficult christmas and
they were so concerned with somany people coming all over to
come and spend time at christmasat their house, only to
(19:33):
discover that previousChristmases that were really,
really challenged and thingsdidn't go well and there was a
lack of family harmony and itwas just unpleasant.
Until I said you've got to putyour boundaries in place, this
is what time you can stay andthis is what time they've got to
leave by.
And when those boundaries wereput in place, everybody knew
(19:53):
where they stood and that wasbecause number one, they began
to value that their time wasprecious, their home was
precious, and then they didn'twant people out staying there.
Welcome, and that is the samefor you.
So you've got to protect yourprecious time and your precious
energy with setting healthyboundaries and when you begin to
do this, you grow in confidence.
(20:15):
The amount of times I've said noto people and this is my time
cut off and this is what I'vegot to do.
And even to my partners I'll belike, look, I've got to go by
this time, that's it.
Everybody knows where theystand with me because I'm always
extremely clear and and I liketo be honest, I like to be
truthful and I like to tell youexactly how it is.
(20:36):
So you know where you standwith me and this is because I'm
owning it.
I'm owning my power, I've gotmy control, I've got confidence,
and what they think about meisn't really that important,
because this is what I have todo and this is what I need to
execute With some of my otherclients.
They are so good at this becausetheir time is the most precious
commodity.
(20:56):
Some of the wealthiest peoplethat I work with and that I've
studied recognize their time isabsolutely precious.
They've got 20 minute meetings.
They send one answer text whenthey go to the restaurant.
All they're doing is they knowwhat they're ordering off the
menu.
It's already sorted and paidfor as soon as they've left.
Their time is so limited and soprecious.
(21:20):
So if you really really want toenjoy a great state of
well-being and success andconfidence, set your boundaries
and set them well and let peopleknow where they stand with you
in a loving way.
But make sure you giveeverybody warning, because this
is really important yourintentions when they're very,
very clear, people feel verycomfortable as long as you
(21:42):
execute on your intentions.
Owning your mistakes andlearning from them is perhaps,
last but not least, the mostessential part of reducing
anxiety, because when you'reowning your mistakes and
recognizing, hey, I could havedone better there what you are
doing is you're disarming thatemotional charge behind the
error by accepting theresponsibility from a challenge
(22:05):
and then doing something toimplement and go about changes.
What this actually does is itcreates empowerment, it helps
you go from regret to growth andit helps your failures become
valuable learning opportunities.
One of the things I rememberthat I'll never forget is when
some friends of mine went intobusiness and they put five
million pounds into property andit went wrong.
(22:26):
What they recognized was thiswas a valuable learning
opportunity, even though it wasincredibly costly.
And even when we're looking ata lot of things that are
creating turmoil in the world,can we see and learn from the
past and use them as valuablelearning opportunities.
That's when we're looking atthings like wars.
You know, I'm a firm believer increating more peace, but peace
(22:47):
has to start with us firstbefore it can get out into the
world.
Make your environment peaceful,make your family a peaceful
environment which to live in,and that is determined by your
level of consciousness.
So anytime you're takingownership of any negative
experience in your life, whatyou're beginning to do is
transmute it.
For me, when I had a car crashand I knew I'd done wrong and
(23:11):
I'd taken my dad's car andwithout his permission, and I'd
been drinking all of thosethings, I had to take full
responsibility.
And it was the first time I'dactually owned everything in my
life and it was an absolute messthat I'd left behind.
Fortunately, no one had died.
But when I owned that error, Ibecame free, because I looked at
(23:33):
this mess that I'd created andI'd gone.
I'm going to own this.
This is this is the first timeI'm actually going to take
responsibility for everythingthat's going wrong in my life.
And then there became thissense of peace because, even
though I'd made this grave error, I had to sort out those
emotions and those choices I'dmade to make better choices
(23:56):
going forward.
And whilst it took quite a fewyears to really come to grips
with all that, that energy thatI'd left of owning that mess
gave me greater confidence goingforwards and it helped me
reshape my life.
And that could be in the case ofbusiness, where you know some
people you know work incompanies where they're trying
(24:18):
to execute and send a lot ofmoney in transfers, but they
forget one digit and you know,suddenly that puts the the
company out millions of dollars.
And I've read about this andpeople have made these mistakes.
And instead of like shouting atpeople whilst you can be truly,
you know upset that theseerrors have cost the company,
(24:41):
ultimately you've got to own itand learn from it.
And then what can you do aboutit?
Going forwards?
You've got to always have, likethis, understanding that things
can go wrong and that human domake mistakes.
But we all make mistakes andsometimes, even in relationships
, you can say that you're goingto do something and didn't do it
(25:01):
and instead of getting upsetand blaming the other person,
you've just got to own that youdidn't do it and it wasn't right
.
Just let that ego go aside andgo right, I could make a better
choice going forwards.
Because every time you're doingthat, you're disarming the
negative energy.
And I love this in business aswell, because I remember when I
set up my first business, myplanner came along with me and
(25:26):
said we're going to order allthis stock, but we need to at
least give room for some error.
I am so grateful for thatbecause when that stock did come
, it wasn't all perfect.
There was a few broken bottlesin that large stock that I had
placed a very large order from.
And that's exactly the same inlife.
Not everything is going to beabsolutely pitch perfect.
(25:49):
So when you make room forowning mistakes, recognizing
that they're going to bemistakes but you can move
forward by making responsiblechoices from the errors that
you've made, your life's goingto be far more empowered,
because you only learn reallythrough making mistakes.
So, accepting responsibility,learning from the experience,
(26:11):
all this does is helps negatethat negative charge where you
become free and empowered andtake your control back, because
if you don't say anything, allyou're gonna do is you're gonna
exacerbate that anxious feelinggoing on inside the body.
So when Nick's mistakes come,own them.
When you've made an error, ownthem.
Even if you look at comedians,even Kevin Hart one of the
(26:33):
things I love about kevin hartis one of the funniest guys on
the planet, but the press findit very difficult to actually
take the mickey out of him oreven write bad press about him,
because kevin's jokes are allbased on his own
self-deprecation of owning allhis errors and all his mistakes.
They are the source of all hisjokes.
Eminem does exactly the same inhis movie eight mile, which I
(26:57):
watched recently, and what Iloved about it was that there's
a standoff between two people onthe mic at the end and eminem
was asked to go first.
And you know what he does is hejust takes full responsibility
for all the mess in his life andthe other guy has nothing.
He's got no emotional charge inwhich to feed on.
(27:17):
So owning your mistakes, owningthe errors, owning of how not
amazing everything is goingright now, but you're on your
path will set you free, andtaking this level of ownership
will change the course of yourentire life and give you back
the confidence that you sorichly deserve.
So, in conclusion, reducingyour anxiety comes from this.
(27:38):
When you own it, you move fromhelpless to empowered, from
anxious to controlled.
So this mindset fosterspersonal growth, self-discipline
and lasting confidence.
So next time a challenge comesup, own it.
Next time the emotions come up,own them.
Next time anything turns up,just recognize it's a blessing
(27:58):
in disguise, cloaked for you tobecome a more evolved version of
yourself.
And they'll come up time andtime again until you can find
that peaceful, harmonious middleway.
I hope you've enjoyed thisepisode and if you've enjoyed it
, please remember to like,subscribe and share, and if
you'd like to leave your support, please do so.
You can keep getting the bestcontent.
(28:18):
That's life transforming.
Until the next episode, I wishyou a wonderful week ahead and
green lights all the way.
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