May 22, 2025 • 58 mins
When Lorin Krenn heard “I love you” from his father for the first time — just moments before he passed — it cracked open a lifelong quest. That loss became Lorin’s greatest teacher, inspiring him to break the cycle of emotional disconnection and redefine what true masculinity means.
In this powerful episode, Lorin explores how many men unknowingly live out of alignment with their integrity — and how reclaiming that alignment unlocks freedom, presence, and personal power. He shares insights on the three core masculine archetypes, the shadow of hyper-independence in the feminine, and how sacred union becomes the ultimate spiritual practice.
This is a heart-opening conversation about love, truth, polarity, and the kind of relationships that evolve your soul.
You’ll hear about:
- The hidden cost of living out of integrity
- Masculine archetypes: the pleaser, the dominator & the awakened man
- Why the feminine is the Oracle, not the overachiever
- Sacred intimacy as embodied spirituality
- How presence, alignment & polarity create abundance and magnetism
If you're ready to embody your truth and deepen your relationships — this one’s for you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Most men don't realize the energetic and
emotional and psychologicalimpact of living out of
alignment, of not saying whatwe're going to do, not keeping
our promises.
We don't understand how deeplythat impacts us and it actually
doesn't allow us to fully expandin the way we're meant to
(00:22):
expand.
It doesn't allow us to feelfree, it doesn't allow us to
have that sense of thrust, tohave that sense of power in our
presence.
There is just something that'senergetically holding us back.
And when we reclaim integrityfirst, we feel shame very often
because things have to becleared up and we face that
(00:44):
shame of having been out ofintegrity which every man, if he
is honest with himself, willeventually face.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Hi, I'm James and you're listening to the Super
Soul Model Series.
Today, I'm joined by LaurenKrenn.
Lauren is a globallysought-after coach, author,
hypnotherapist and host of theMasculine Feminine Dynamics
podcast.
Lauren's work is known forbeing both spiritually deep and
refreshingly real.
Through his teachings onpolarity, presence and intimacy,
(01:16):
Lauren's helped countlessindividuals navigate the
sometimes messy but magicalterrain of conscious
relationships.
And he speaks the language ofthe heart without shying away
from the shadow, and he helpsguide men and women to greater
truth, greater love and inneralignment.
(01:36):
So it gives me great pleasureto welcome this week's guest,
Lauren Krenp.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I'm honored to be here.
Thanks for that powerfulintroduction, james.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
So I guess I think the best place to begin is at
the beginning.
How did this journey ofteaching the masculine and
feminine dynamics sort of stiryour soul?
How, what was your calling?
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yeah, it's a great question and it makes sense to
start at the beginning, as manyteachings and sayings go that
the medicine and the gift webring to this world or our
deepest service is often startswith a very strong wound, starts
with a lot of pain.
I lost my father very early inmy life.
(02:20):
He died of colon cancer andthat was a really brutal battle.
I mean, there were challengesin my childhood before that.
But when he became ill, it wasa three-year battle with cancer
and almost four years, and inthe end I was holding his hand
and he took his last breath andthat was the first time he said
to me I love you.
(02:40):
He couldn't say it properlyanymore because he was already
in a stage where his soul wasabout to leave his body, but I
could read it from his lips andsomehow I could hear it in my
mind, almost like an echo inthat moment.
And that experience really didchange everything for me, as
painful and also traumatizing asit was, because the ground
(03:04):
taken underneath my feet, mymasculine role model disappeared
from one day to the other andvery soon realizing that the
inevitability of death.
So many of us are not awarethat death is something that
eventually will come, and I wasvery soon confronted with that.
What I call a masterful teacher.
(03:26):
Death that it is, and of courseat the beginning I didn't see
it that way.
There was so much pain.
Who am I as a man?
Still, my father and I had achallenging relationship,
although in my healing work Inow have come to appreciate him
much more now than I couldappreciate him back then.
(03:46):
But it was a very challengingrelationship because his
generational trauma, which forso many men was around emotional
unavailability, beingdisconnected.
I mean, he was there as afather and supportive, but
emotionally he didn't reallyknow what to do.
And because his father didn'tknow what to do and his
grandfather didn't know what todo, and because his father
didn't know what to do and andhis grandfather didn't know what
(04:07):
to do and and so on and so on,right that generational trauma
that is passed down fromgeneration to generation.
Um, long story short, all thispain and all this suffering
about what it means to be a manled to a deep soul search and it
made me realize that, insteadof projecting onto the world,
(04:30):
trying to look for a role model,I realized that perhaps I've
been gifted with the gift ofvision and seeing the gap I'm
seeing in the world and the gapin my own life meant I had to
learn how to embody this.
I refer to it differently backthen, but finding a place of
internal security and safety andworking for the trauma.
(04:52):
So that was the beginning ofeverything, of course, many,
many years of deep, deep soulsearching and facing myself in
nature, being alone and goingdeep, essentially this kind of
laid laid down the path, and itwas the beginning of everything
thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
I know it's it's, it's raw, but I think, you know,
every human being can relate tothose really tough emotions,
because we all go through themand you can't, uh, shy away from
the tough emotions that we allhave to deal with from time to
time.
And death is a teacher, and Ireally liked what you said, that
you had to find a security in avoid, which wasn't really
(05:34):
available, so it had to comefrom within, because sometimes
we're gifted to have parents toguide us and give us that
security, that home base, butwhen it's pulled from you by
something like death, the onlyplace you can go now is within,
otherwise that just pain justcontinues and gets louder.
So how did you deal with that?
(05:54):
How did you, how did you findthat piece?
You mentioned nature, but youknow what was.
You know, lauren was a young boywhen that happened.
So how did he come back to findhis center?
And sure, it might have takensome time, but I think this is
the thing that we all need tolearn and we can learn from you
and your story.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Thank you for that.
Yeah, it took many years andthere was a lot of suffering and
I also, after his death, I hadthis reoccurring intrusive
thoughts about what if I'm goingto die and the fear of death
crept in.
So there was a lot at playthere, not just losing my role
model, but also what does itmean to be a man afraid of death
(06:37):
and the inevitability of death.
There was a lot going on andthere wasn't necessarily just
one specific practice thathelped me.
It was many different things.
I would spend a lot of time innature, but I would use this
time very intentionally.
It wasn't just me being innature and being distracted.
It was me walking for hours andhours and hours in deep nature
(07:01):
and also specifically stoppingin certain spots in nature, like
a beautiful lake or a beautifultree, and sitting down and
meditating.
And another thing I did a lotwas breath work.
I trained myself with my breathand many, many different
modalities and specificallybreathing methods around.
Holding my breath I found foundextremely powerful, because in
(07:24):
these moments of being able tohold my breath for, let's say,
two, three minutes or so, Iwould notice for a short moment
that suffering and that pain andthese intrusive thoughts.
For two minutes it was gone andthat was enough.
Or sitting in nature and justclosing my eyes, or just looking
(07:45):
at nature and becoming stillFor a short moment.
I would experience thesemoments of, I could say, feeling
myself as consciousness, butwithout even putting too much
abstract spiritual language toit.
I would just experience momentsof non-suffering, the opposite
of what I was experiencing,moments of freedom.
And even though it was only fora brief moment, it was enough,
(08:08):
like 24 hours of suffering, orlet's say, 16 hours of suffering
and two minutes of short, veryshort peace and freedom.
But I was enough because Irealized that was so sweet, that
was so, so powerful and sodivine and sacred in a sense,
that it just kept me going andkept me going.
(08:30):
There was a lot of releasing oftrauma, specifically through
breath work.
I took this to an extreme.
So there were moments where Idid breath work for three, four
hours.
I wouldn't necessarilyrecommend that to everyone.
I took it to an extreme, but Ifelt called and guided and at
all times I felt the guidance tothis train with this didn't
always make sense to me, but Ijust went deep into it and in
(08:53):
all of this, after many years oftrauma releasing, so to speak.
At some point I started to feelmore safe, more secure.
And in all of this I found mypurpose as well, my calling, my
service in this life.
And as painful as it all was, Iwouldn't change anything now
because it was exactly the pathI had to go.
(09:14):
It forced me, like you saidpowerfully before, james.
You said I had to go withinbecause there was no alternative
felt too unbearable the pain,so either go within or endure
unbearable suffering.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I I love what you've just shared there, because when
we can all look at our ownstories, there is a there's this
beautiful relatability in ourpain and in our struggle and in
our awareness of, like, how wemove through it.
In my case, you know, I began adaily meditation practice,
amongst other things, but thatwas the first thing and my
(09:51):
audience knows this because Ishare it pretty much all the
time but it was the bit thatallowed that peace for 10
seconds or a minute in a 20minute meditation.
Like, oh, I've got silence forone minute, wow.
And I was sharing somethingwith a client the other day.
I was like, look how, how'syour meditation going?
And it's like, well, it's messy, it's not always perfect, it's
(10:12):
not always quiet, it's notalways still, but if there's 10
seconds or a minute of silence,there's no thought and with no
thought there's peace, there'ssilence.
And then suddenly, uh, youexperience that lovely, that
lovely moment of whereeverything's right again and
you're not battling with the dayand this becomes fun and I call
(10:33):
this the green light zone whereall the good stuff happens.
So thank you for sharing,because there's this lovely
relatability on that silencethat you had or that space,
because that just makes you feellike, wow, I'm tuning back into
Lauren.
What do you believe is the mostmisunderstood thing about that
(10:54):
masculine energy?
Because you've talked a littlebit briefly about the
generational emotionalunavailability.
You know, if we're men in this,this world, and even the
feminine in this world, how canwe show up to have more
beautiful relationships?
And often it seems quitemisunderstood.
Yeah, what's your take on that?
(11:15):
Because this is really powerful.
I've come from a modelingindustry where I've been a male
model for 20 years and you'rejudged on the way you look, but
it's also the dynamics of what'shappening on the inside, and if
we can balance this out orlearn from some of your work,
then we can actually functionbeautifully with our partners
(11:35):
and and our relationships Ithink that it's a great question
.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I think the confusion is very much related to that.
We haven't yet seen andexperienced many men who
actually model what we can calldeep masculine or healthy
masculine, or I like to call itawakened masculine energy,
simply because the models we'reseeing right now are, in a way,
(12:02):
outdated and also they'reunconscious models of what it
means to embody masculine energy.
That's where the confusioncomes from.
Let's talk about what we'reseeing in today's world and what
I believe is actually going tohappen more and more unless a
man does the deep inner work.
One thing we're seeing more andmore is the pleaser archetype,
(12:22):
right, or in other words, thenice guy archetype, which I
believe is actually becomingmore and more so.
It's 20, 30 years ago it alreadyexisted the pleaser archetype,
but I believe, actually becauseof the world we're in and the
confusion that we experience andalso the um, the kind of shift
around, okay, men need to bemore connected to their heart,
(12:45):
for instance, in that we losethe primal.
So I try to make this practicalbecause there is a lot here,
but I want to answer thisquestion as powerfully as I can
so we can see the pleaserarchetype, a lot, which is all
about not confronting, trying toaccommodate, and that mindset
(13:06):
of if I just does, let's say ina relationship, if I just does
everything she or their partnerwants, then I'm going to get my
needs met right.
It's also called covertcontracts.
In a sense I like that covertcontracts.
Covert contracts, because it's acontract that that hasn't been
agreed upon.
(13:26):
And yet it's okay.
I'm gonna do all these thingsthat no one necessarily asked me
to do, yeah, in the hope thatI'm gonna get x, y and z back.
It's very transactional andthen, if I don't get these
things met, anger is gonna erupt, resentment or a sense of even
passive aggressivity.
Aggression makes sense.
(13:47):
So we see that.
And then we also see the otherextreme.
We see men who areovercompensating for the lack of
safety and security they feel,whether it's father moon wounds
or mother wounds.
We've got the kind of man whotries to be this alpha but in
this attempt is actually showingthat it's a mask, it's an
(14:11):
insecurity.
There's a need to dominateothers, there's a need to still
be seen strong and I would saythe man who's still trying to be
seen as strong by others isstill doing it for validation.
So, whether it's theovercompensating, or whether
through domination or aggression, or it is the people pleaser,
(14:34):
it all comes down to that needfor validation, that need to be
validated, often through thefeminine or other means,
validated in one's masculinity,validated in one's manhood.
And the third model is what Icall the awakened man, which is
the man who is not losinghimself in just being vulnerable
(14:56):
all the time.
But you've got both.
You've got a strong spine andyou have an open heart.
You've got what called inbuddhism, I believe, the middle
ground.
You've got both.
There is fierceness, there isopenness, and the more we see
that, the more it starts to makesense.
(15:16):
What is real masculinityactually about?
Speaker 2 (15:21):
I love that there's.
I had dan millman, who wrotethe book where the peaceful
warrior on the show a littlewhile back it's a powerful book,
by the way, yeah, yeah, anddan's a great guy and he is a
fantastic teacher.
And there was something that hewrote about in that book which
really reminds and reminds me ofwhat you were just saying.
(15:42):
And I was taking a walk in the,the forest and around the lakes
where I live, and a few weeksback, when we were supposed to
have this interview, there wasan outage, right.
So instead of me having anoutage, I did an image.
So I went to go and tune myselfback up.
I thought, oh, there's noelectricity, no wi-fi.
So Lauren and I couldn't do thisconversation, we couldn't have
(16:04):
this podcast, so I wrote itwherever I could, hopefully that
it would get through.
We didn't know whether it wasgoing to get to Lauren's team,
but I decided there was nothingI could do.
So I left my office.
I left because there wasnothing I could do.
No electricity, no, nothing.
(16:25):
And I decided, okay, let'sreconnect with James, let's get
back into his warrior spiritagain.
And what does that look like?
What does that sound like?
So I was like, right, I'm goingto go for a hike and just go
and lose myself and power up,and how this relates to what you
just said about that middleground, holding that fierceness
(16:46):
whilst being an open heart.
What I really love is how dantalked about.
The peaceful warrior is a manwho has strength and power and
always has his blade sharpened,but it's always kept firmly in
its sheath, never really to beused, but it's kept sharp
through his discipline and henever really needs to use that
(17:08):
blade, that warrior, because herecognizes his heart and his
boundaries are so strong that heis always in this beautiful
middle ground.
And I really like the way youmentioned the buddhism and as
well as that third archetype,the awakened man.
I think that's really fantasticand, funnily enough, when I
came out of that hike for a fewhours, then the electricity
(17:34):
gently came back on where I was.
So I was really taken back byhow you know, when we take care
of our inner world, our outerworld resets again or reboots,
and I think that we can rebootsociety.
We can reset the masculineenergy that's within us, innate
(17:55):
within every one of the men,which also is a guiding light
for the feminine energy for themto feel safe.
So that takes me into my nextquestion.
What is the misconception aboutfeminine energy that we don't
know about?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
it's a powerful question as well, and also I
really like that metaphor ofkeeping the.
No need to draw the blade, butto keep it sharpened at all
times.
Yeah, it's an incrediblemetaphor.
I really liked that.
Um, what?
What is it about the feminine?
I'd say um for the feminine, forso many women in today's world,
(18:37):
what's happening?
Actually, there's a, there's aleaning more now towards um,
actually an avoidant attachmentstyle for women.
So there's a lot going on intoday's world, right, where in
the past, women would more andstill, of course, but in the
past maybe 20, 30 years agowomen lean more towards
overgiving and pleasingtendencies, whereas now you
(19:00):
still have that and you havemore and more women who find
themselves in this state ofhyper independence, a state of
being where, um, and as it's soimportant, women empowerment is
so important, but it's almostlike it.
It starts to get to an extreme,an extreme of we don't need men
anymore, right, men are notimportant, the masculine is not
(19:23):
important, you can do everythingon your own, and that in itself
leads to a different sense ofwound, right, and I believe
that's a big, big, bigmisconception that the idea of a
, of a strong woman, is one whois hyper independent.
I actually see strength in thefeminine, as the woman who
(19:44):
chooses to embody love, nomatter what.
It's what drew me to my wife.
I would just feel in herpresence this deep sense of love
.
I could just feel it in myheart.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
This is really interesting because you know,
having read some of your workand some of the things that
you've been putting up on socialand your newsletters, I think
this is really interesting forthe people who don't know you in
the audience.
You did have this very unusualattraction to your wife.
Can you just tell us a littlebit and and try and make it sort
(20:20):
of in a way that they can belike, wow, okay, this is, this
is how that magnetism came about, because I think it's a really
beautiful story of how you'veshared it.
Have you shared it?
Speaker 1 (20:31):
thanks for that.
Yeah, I I'd call it.
My wife was drawn magneticallyto my truth.
I was drawn magnetically to herlove and of course, truth and
love are one and the same.
At the end of the day, the onewho seeks truth will always find
love.
The one who seeks or embodieslove will always speak and
(20:51):
embody their truth, but withoutgetting too abstract here, when
my, my wife and I knew or feltthat there was something deeper
awaiting us, like that same Wereyou friends before or how was
it?
Speaker 2 (21:03):
you know, like in the relatability factor?
Speaker 1 (21:06):
you know what was the set we were friends before we
met, okay, and in that momentour life changed.
Okay, and we both felt beforelike that, that saying of the
invisible thread that connectstwo souls.
We felt it.
It was a deep, deep knowing.
It was incredibly intuitive,and when we met I could just
(21:27):
feel she's different.
She's different to anyone whoI've ever seen or met in my life
before.
And I felt this deep knowing Iam meant to be with this person.
This is the one for me.
And that wasn't a concept, itwas even beyond the feeling, it
was transcendental.
(21:47):
That experience, atranscendental spiritual
experience.
I mean, in my case, I evenheard a voice that said wherever
you go, go with her, whateveryou do, do it with her.
So it was crystal clear for meand, um, one of the first things
I actually said to her when Imet her, I said to her here,
(22:07):
this is my deepest purpose.
And then I expressed to herwhat my deepest purpose in life
was, and it was just everythingwas different and it was clear
to us that we're meant to betogether.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Okay, this is a really interesting thing you've
just said here, because I thinkthis really goes into the next
question I want to ask could youtell us a little bit about what
makes the man magnetic and theright or the healthy feminine
attract to the healthy male, sowe can understand what the
patterns we are in, or someonewho's listening, so that they
(22:39):
can then begin to change whatneeds to be changed if it's not
healthy and messy?
yeah and it's to do with purposeis where I'm sort of leading
with this, because a man with apurpose is magnetic, but a man
without any purpose is notmagnetic, or at least not
magnetic to the right type ofperson.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
We step even a level deeper.
I would say there's evenanother word that kind of
describes it all, and that istruth.
A man who lives and follows histruth will number one naturally
find in him and connect withhis purpose and true soul's
mission in this life.
But it's that element of truth,a man who makes the decision
(23:27):
that he will only follow thetruth, speak his truth, and what
this naturally means is thatreclaiming of integrity, which
is one of the key foundations ofthe work I do in my men's
groups.
Reclaiming integrity, I like tosay a man who looks in the
(23:48):
mirror and looks at himself.
There are truths that haven'tbeen spoken, lies have been said
, things are built on illusionsthen he can never truly look in
his eyes in the mirror and it'sa man who reclaims integrity.
(24:15):
He can face himself in themirror because he knows he lives
a life of truth.
And that is what I believe notbelieve, that is what I know
makes a man incredibly magnetic,that seeker of truth.
There are no emotional games,there is no running, there is
none of that.
There is just truth.
This is who I am, this is whatI want and this is where I'm
going.
And that level of clarity, thatlevel of presence, that level
(24:39):
of direction, purpose and truthultimately makes a man
incredibly magnetic.
And, of course, not every womanwill be drawn to him.
Because if a woman is comingfrom a deep place of trauma, she
might still be attracted to aman who is emotionally
unavailable and not her nervoussystem might confuse someone who
is um, someone who is veryunsafe with the familiar.
(25:01):
But a woman who's done work onherself, that's the man she'll
be drawn to oh, this isinteresting to go really deep.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
I just wanted to just touch briefly back on integrity
before we can go to the nextquestion which I really wanted
to go to.
Like integrity, um, it was alittle quote that I wrote today
and I and I shared and posted.
And for me, years ago, I didn'tdo what I said I was going to
do.
You know, I, I was the guy whoI feel like wisdom has only come
(25:30):
to me because I've made so manyerrors until I'm going.
I'm not going to do thatanymore.
So I like to be grounded, havehumor, still look back on that
other aspect of myself that wasjust learning or remembering who
I really was, and I like to belight on myself.
But I can look back and go.
Oh God, I caused myselfunnecessary, unconscious
(25:53):
suffering Until it becomesconscious to go.
I'm not going to do thatanymore.
But with regards to integrity,when you can actually look
yourself in the mirror and go, Ido what I say I'm going to do.
I keep my promises, I keep mywords.
Anything that I've got that'sout of balance, I try to rectify
(26:14):
, I try to put right, I try tobring back into balance again.
This puts peace back in mymasculine heart and then from
that I feel like I gained thisreal power, because, in my own
experience of coming fromunconscious behavior to
conscious behavior, it's justbecause I've experienced more
peace in my heart, because Ijust keep it simple and I'm not
(26:38):
saying that I'm perfect, but Iam saying that I do what I say
I'm going to do, and anybodythat knows me, I do fulfill what
I can say, and it also helps mymind believe that whatever
goals I set, whatever it is thatI'm drawn to, I know that it's
possible for me, because my mindgoes oh, he does do what he
says he's going to do.
And I think that this, thisgenerates a power, an unseen
(27:02):
power that you feel when youwalk throughout your day if
you're a man, and and I thinkthat that's really important for
the feminine energy as well sogive me a little take on that,
if possible, please, because Ithink that's you just spoke to
the core of it very powerfully,james.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
You said it gives you that sense of power, and that's
exactly what it is.
Of course it's.
It's what makes the femininefeel safe.
But before we even go there,it's about what makes, what
allows us to truly step in ourpower.
We're not doing integrity forothers because others feel safer
with us.
(27:39):
We're doing it for ourselves aswell, because it frees up all
of that unnecessary suffering.
We don't realize most men don'trealize the energetic and
emotional and psychologicalimpact of living out of
alignment, of not saying whatwe're going to do, not keeping
(28:01):
our promises.
We don't understand how deeplythat impacts us and it actually
doesn't allow us to fully expandin the way we're meant to
expand.
It doesn't allow us to feelfree.
It doesn't allow us to havethat sense of thrust, to have
that sense of power in ourpresence.
There is just something that'senergetically holding us back.
(28:24):
And when we reclaim integrity,first we feel shame very often
because things have to becleared up.
And we face that shame ofhaving been out of integrity
which every man, if he is honestwith himself, will eventually
face.
And at first it's notempowering.
(28:44):
At first it's painful becauseyou realize fuck's an incredible
level of peace, oneself or tosomeone to get validation.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
How can you still remain in a healthy sense of
self, a healthy masculinity inthis case I'm just going to talk
about men to still be a highachiever, yet still keep that,
because there's still this woundwhere someone needs to prove
themselves to somebody orsomething, or a lot of people.
(29:42):
So what's your take on that?
Speaker 1 (29:47):
I think that we often like to put things into boxes
in the sense of or someone whois a high achiever.
They're just doing it to provethemselves, and then in that
moment it's a very negative box,isn't it?
It's like oh, look at that.
Yeah, we've already established, look at that high achiever who
(30:07):
is overworking himself, burninghimself to the ground, just
doing this because he wants tostill prove to his father or to
anyone else.
And when we're honest.
There might be an element ofthat in many overachievers, yet
there is also a natural drive inmany overachievers and there is
(30:28):
beauty in ambition.
There is power in a man whosays I want to gain mastery in
something.
There is power in a man whosays I want to create something
big.
I want to make a true impact inthe world.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
I love that.
I love that.
I love what you've just saidthere, because there's a couple
of things where I've noticedsports men and women say
particularly men where thefather hasn't recognized the son
who's now performing at a superhigh level in sports.
I'll give you an example davidbeckham's father didn't give him
any credit until he got hishundredth english cap in
(31:05):
football and he's like, oh, hesaid, well done, son.
He was like, wow, that was thefirst time I'd heard that after
his hundredth english cap.
And then when I've looked atyou know different people either
that I've worked with orstudied.
There's this similar thing.
But I think what I really likethat has made some clarity.
You said there's beauty inambition and I really really
(31:28):
like that because that justmakes it all clear.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
It's like it's good to want to succeed, it's natural
for you to succeed, but you'vegot to have the want to have the
drive, as long as you're usingit for a force for good exactly,
and that's the power of it,because, at the end of the day,
if we were to say that havingdrive and ambition is solely
trauma and unworthiness, itwould mean no one would really
(31:52):
make a big impact who steps intheir power and truth.
But we need people who make abig impact, who step in their
power and truth.
But we need people who make abig impact, who step in their
power and truth, because thetruth is, there are people who
are not coming from a place ofgenuine intentions and who very
much succeed in their life.
So we do need ambition, we needpeople, and there is nothing
(32:13):
wrong with with with beingdriven, with being driven and
really wanting to succeed inlife, and there's even that that
, too, is part of healthymasculine energy.
It's just when it's only aboutneeding to prove.
It leads to burnout.
There is no moment of receiving, there is a sense of, well, I
(32:33):
could burn myself to the groundand then I don't receive
anything Like I push everyoneaway who wants to give me love.
That is when it gets out ofbalance.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
I think it's those relationships that can be pulled
, or very challenging at leastfor the clients that I have
worked with is that they find itvery challenging because
they've succeeded in their work,succeeded in doing financially
very well, but found itparticularly challenging with
their relationships becausethere's a pull on that and maybe
(33:04):
it's to do with presence, orshould I say a lack of presence,
in relationships.
But I really like the way yousaid that, because if you're
using it for good, it's almostfueling back the heart, because
I think it's a natural fuel forthe heart to be open, for the
man to be in his power.
So what does it take for awoman to open her heart?
(33:25):
Then?
If the masculine seeks truthand the feminine seeks or is
love, how does that feminineenergy stay in her heart or love
?
Speaker 1 (33:39):
as the feminine.
I sometimes refer to it as theOracle.
The feminine has that intrinsic, deeper connection the more she
awakens with an almost like asense of internal guidance,
which I call the mirror.
(33:59):
It's a part inside her that isable to spot our blind spots as
men in a way hardly anyone couldever do.
That is why so much of oursuffering and emotional
suppression as men inrelationships is being exposed.
She doesn't do that consciously, but somehow it comes up in the
(34:22):
relationship.
We cannot get away with a lackof presence.
We cannot get away with totaldisconnect.
We cannot get away withemotional suppression, because
in the relationship and in themirror of the feminine it
becomes exposed, it becomesrevealed right.
That is the mirror of thefeminine.
It becomes exposed, it becomesrevealed right.
That is the medicine of thefeminine.
(34:43):
And for a woman to open herheart, it's all about being able
to give herself permission tofully become that, to become
that oracle.
To become that oracle, tobecome that oracle that is not
afraid to choose love whateverthe moment requires, and
(35:04):
sometimes choosing love meansbeing fierce.
The way I like to put it is avery conscious woman will love
in a very unconditional or asclose as unconditional love as
it gets, because she rather losea man who is losing himself
than keep him for her ownselfish gain.
(35:27):
What I mean by that is that ifthe moment requires it, and
choosing love means choosing herown heart and being fierce, or
guarding her own heart even fora moment, not from a place of
hyper vigilance but from a placeof truth.
That is what choosing lovemeans.
It's not over giving, it's notover extending.
(35:48):
It all depends on the momentand when a woman allows herself
to fully become that, withoutshrinking, without bending, or
without going into a state ofhyper vigilance and all men are
bad right or demanding men tocompensate for the, the pain she
(36:08):
experienced with the masculinemany women with father wounding,
they will demand an impossiblelevel of safety from the
masculine, for instance.
But without going too deep intointo these nuances, here it's
really about the ability tobecome the oracle, fully and
(36:28):
wholeheartedly, and such a woman.
You can feel it in her presence.
It's different.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
So what does her presence feel like that?
So if a man meets a woman who'sin her heart, who's in this
oracle, is it an archetype orwhat would you call it?
Speaker 1 (36:49):
We can call it an archetype.
That's fine.
I love archetypes.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
If she's in the energy where her heart is open.
What will an mass, what would?
What will an unhealthymasculine feel and what would a
healthy masculine feel?
Speaker 1 (37:04):
because that's probably that's a great question
, I would say.
The unhealthy masculine energywould feel that she's a threat.
A threat to what?
To her ego and to his ego andto his shadow.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
Love it Okay, and then the healthy masculine would
feel.
What would he feel?
Speaker 1 (37:28):
The healthy masculine would still perhaps feel
challenged in that moment, whichis a natural part of expansion
for us men, but at the same timehe will feel the power and the
courage and warriorship in thesemoments to not run away, to
shrink to um, close his heartand shut down, but instead to
(37:49):
stay with an open heart in thatstorm, in the fire of love, to
stay with the fire of love.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
This is a really interesting thing, right?
So here's something that Ithink most men can relate to
when men have a challenge withtheir partner, men tend to run
away, but that's very, very hardfor the feminine energy,
because when the fire's there,the man just just naturally
(38:17):
wants to draw back.
It's a bit like you know, if welook at the biology of the man
and the woman, the masculinegives and the feminine receives,
but when, when the fire ishappening, the men the men just
tend to want I'm just going toget out of here.
It's going to be way easierthat I don't have to deal with
this chaotic feminine energy.
Right now, let me go to the baror the pub or whatever.
(38:40):
Tell me why that happens andwhy that energetically happens
with regards to the masculineand feminine.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
What's so interesting in that moment is that a man
who is unconscious he will blameher, he will say I'm feeling
not good, right, she's chaotic,she's crazy, she is X, y, z, but
the fundamental truth in thislife remains no one can make you
feel anything.
In that sense, no one has thepower to just place a feeling
(39:16):
right now into your body.
There is something inside usthat is responding, something
inside us that is becomingreactive, and it's that
reactivity that we need to lookat, because if a man says, okay,
this relationship is really notin alignment, there is a sense
(39:37):
of grounded energy around it,there is clarity is really not
in alignment.
There is a sense of groundedenergy around it, there is
clarity.
This is not an alignment, butthere is no running to the pub,
there is no running to the bar,there is no need to escape that
reactivity, and that escapereveals that something has been
touched, and what has beentouched?
The things he most likely hasbeen avoiding a lifetime.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
Love it.
So it's basically trueavoidance, right.
So you're avoiding a difficultdiscussion, you're avoiding
opening up, you're avoidingperhaps even speaking your truth
, which is probably what thehealthy masculine does.
This is my truth.
And then the feminine can openher heart if the man's speaking
her truth.
But if he's not speaking histruth, challenge.
(40:22):
That makes total sense.
Okay.
So next question what aboutavoidance, not avoidance.
Polarities, the polarities, sothat the man can really really
be strong in his polarity, thewoman can be in her polarity.
Have we discussed this properlyor is there anything else that
(40:44):
you could add so that peoplecould understand what the
polarity is and to be in thathealthy polarity in a
relationship?
Speaker 1 (40:51):
The biggest misconception people have about
polarity is that they believe itmeans becoming something
they're not.
A man has to be masculine, awoman has to be feminine, but
that has to be a certain way.
It's just not a box, and theidea of polarity, or at least
sacred polarity and theseancient teachings which are as
old as time itself, is not toplace someone in a box, but it's
(41:16):
just a returning to our trueessence.
Many men have a masculineessence, which doesn't mean they
don't have feminine energy, butthe masculine energetic is the
more dominant energetic.
Many women have a more dominantfeminine energetic, but that's
not always the case.
Either way, whatever one's coreessence is, this work is about
(41:40):
returning to our true essence.
And when we return to our trueessence, it's not that we try to
mold ourselves to becomesomething.
It's that we become fully andwholeheartedly ourselves.
And only when we become fullyand wholeheartedly ourselves can
the natural flow of intimacyand love actually be there,
(42:01):
because love is not something wecreate.
Love is not even something wedo.
Love is something that isalready there.
So it's a natural flow that isalready there when we return to
who we truly are.
Already there, when we return towho we truly are, that flow of
intimacy, the flow of love wecan call it.
We create intimacy effortlessly.
(42:23):
Right, because it's notsomething we have to do.
It's something that's naturallythere when we return to who we
truly are, and that's what thisis about.
So when a man has a masculineessence and he returns to who he
truly is which means no longeravoiding or running, but facing
himself in the fire of painfulemotions or a painful
(42:46):
conversation or something comingup in relationship to the
feminine, for instance thatnaturally creates intimacy.
And that is why so much of whatwe hear about masculinity is
rooted in insecurity, becauseit's rooted in becoming
something we are not.
(43:06):
But when we return to who wetruly are, that just flows
effortlessly.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
I'm quite candid and happy to share.
But when I look into my ownexperience and have challenges
with my partner, it's alwayslike I'm happy to share my
feelings and I'm to share whereI'm at and speak my truth.
And I always find that inspeaking the truth, whilst it's
(43:34):
a storm and very uncomfortable,I always feel better knowing
that I've been able to be direct, even though it's hard.
But, yeah, what have you got tolose?
Because death is the ultimateright.
So if you think that death isthe most scary and I've had
plenty of death in my life, so Irecognize well if that's as
(43:56):
hard as it can be, when someoneyou love up, close and personal
takes off from this worldphysically not not, uh,
soulfully, but physically thenwhat's left is really facing you
.
So I, I see, and I'd really liketo to know, to know what your
thoughts and feelings are withregards to your work.
(44:18):
I see the relationships betweentwo people, or any people for
that matter, as an absolutemirror, total mirror.
It's the most spiritual,strongest training you have to
go through as a warrior to knowyourself, to find peace with
(44:40):
yourself, so that your mirror,or your partner, meaning your
mirror, can be at peace too andcan you be at peace and harmony
and return to love time and timeagain when that mirror gets a
little dirty or gets a bit messy?
What's your take on that?
Speaker 1 (45:00):
I like to say relationships are spirituality,
embodied.
Love it.
We're on the mat, we're doing ameditation, beautiful, but it's
the preparation for the realdojo, for the real training
ground, which is relationships,the art of relating.
It's the place where we show tothe universe and to ourselves.
(45:26):
Can I actually bring this intothe everyday?
Can I bring it into theimperfect?
Can I bring it to the mess thatthen turns into almost a form
of divine mess?
In all of this?
I completely agree with that.
That's the core of what my workis about, that I see the art of
(45:47):
relating as perhaps even thehighest spiritual path, because
it is exactly what you saidalready.
There is something in union andin relationships that is nowhere
else.
It's that constant mirror, thatconstant feedback.
Where are you not showing up?
Where are you not in integrity?
(46:07):
How are you still closing yourheart?
How are you still projectingonto others?
How are you still punishingothers for not having
unrealistic expectations met?
How are you still going cold?
All these things are revealedand then most people run away
from that.
And those who actually pauseand face that, they will
(46:30):
experience the highest spiritual, emotional expansion and
maturity for relationships.
Speaker 2 (46:37):
So I've got a couple more questions, lauren and I.
I really want people to to go,wow, this could really make my
life so much better.
The sacredness of, uh, or thesacred union between, let's just
say, an instance in a same-sexrelationship, a masculine and
feminine.
Let's talk about if that is asacred union.
(47:02):
How does that become sacred?
Is that only when one hashealed their wounds?
Because people hear oh, what'sa sacred union or a tantric
union?
You have this philosophy, butlet's just put it in a grounded
understanding.
What does that actually mean?
And then how would you stepinto that?
Speaker 1 (47:30):
It doesn't mean we have to become perfectly healed,
because when are we everperfectly healed?
As long as we're here, there ishealing to do.
As long as we breathe, as longas we breathe, there is work to
do.
All it means is that two peoplemake the choice to choose
evolution over everything, theevolution of their soul, to
choose growth, to chooseexpansion, to choose awakening
(47:50):
and awareness and consciousnessabove everything.
And it's that mutual choice andthat coming together that then
naturally brings the sacred intoa relationship.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
Oh, I love that.
So if one person seeks that butthe other person don't, does
that mean the parties will drift?
Speaker 1 (48:12):
Yes, they would.
So eventually, what happens, Ilike to say, when we reach a
certain level of awakening andspiritual expansion in our life?
There are only two responses tous people fall away or people
deepen with us.
But there really isn't a third,because the third is still tied
(48:33):
to us shrinking, playing small,not confronting and being
afraid to live and embody ourhighest truth.
So yes to your question itwould drift and eventually it
would get so challenging thateither the party that is still
hiding and running away makesthe choice to shift or it would
(48:55):
lead to parting of ways okay.
Speaker 2 (48:58):
So if a man is in his healthy, masculine, how does
that affect abundance, theabundant, abundant, embodiment,
and the same for the feminine.
Speaker 1 (49:12):
Now, there are two elements to this.
There is the individual elementand then there is the union
element.
Talking about the union element, when a conscious man or a man
who chooses this work is to istogether with a woman who also
chooses this work from thedepths of her heart, then there
is a natural element ofabundance that will enter.
(49:32):
Why?
Because I mean everyonelistening, you can see it from,
you can feel into this.
From this perspective, if youfeel deeply at home, if your
heart feels so open and you'rebecoming more and more of
yourself and and speaking yourtruth leads to you being seen
and heard and deeper intimacyand love, then quite naturally
(49:55):
in that energy we become moreabundant, because our energy is
abundant in that sense.
An abundance of love, anabundance of safety, right, and
then financial abundance issomething that very often will
naturally follow from that,because we're in such alignment.
But there is also, of course,the individual.
For for the people who arestill on the journey, which are
(50:15):
many, many on the journey ofattracting their, their divine
counterpart or or therelationship that truly meets
them in their heart's depth, andfor them too, of course, this
applies, because when we embodyour healthy masculine or healthy
feminine energy, then by naturewe're in alignment.
(50:36):
And when we're in alignment wejust become much more powerful
creators, because what we speak,as weight behind it, our energy
, our presence, is different andpeople can can feel that.
I mean everyone listening hereor watching.
When someone is in deep pain,they cannot really serve you and
(50:58):
be there for you, or at leastonly to a certain degree.
But if someone is truly inalignment, right, their presence
has a completely differentquality to it.
Speaker 2 (51:10):
Yeah, I really like the way you've said that.
That's really beautiful, and Ijust wanted to sort of just
touch on something you saidthere, which was when you are
speaking your truth, there'sthis security that you have.
That security is like your root, that keeps you grounded.
And then also, when you'respeaking your truth and you're
not afraid to speak it, you haveincredible self-worth, all tied
(51:33):
to financial abundance, so thatenergy is naturally aligned,
which means you're magneticallysending out to life and the
quantum field.
Hey, I feel very comfortablewith myself, I'm very proud of
myself and I can be of service,which means that you are
naturally magnetic and attractgreater abundance, and it might
(51:54):
be financial abundance thatcomes to you as a result.
We can see that from this typeof work of why it's so powerful.
And leading into my lastquestion, lauren, because this
is so, uh, enlightening andinteresting um is when we can
have that sacred union and bewith ourselves.
How does our sexualrelationship deepen?
(52:18):
Because I think that this isreally really important, that
that men and women can recognizethat sex can be even better
when we do the work on ourselves.
And I'm not saying you have todo any sort of strange sexual
practices.
What I'm trying to talk, talk,talk about really is talk about
(52:38):
that set.
We are sexual beings and youcan't deny that.
But when we understandourselves and try and grow as
into our healthy masculine orinto our healthy feminine, what
actually happens, I believe, isan absolute unfolding of a
deepening sexual enjoyment andnourishment.
(53:01):
What's your take on that?
Speaker 1 (53:04):
You said it already really well here, james sex is
very much dependent on our stateof consciousness, because if
we're in a state ofconsciousness of complete
avoidance and disconnect andbeing unconscious, then our sex
life will resemble that.
It will be just another mirrorfor that.
(53:25):
So it might just be atransaction instead of something
nourishing and enjoyable, or itmight even be trauma, which I
call eroticized wounds.
Speaker 2 (53:36):
Okay, fair.
Speaker 1 (53:38):
Where, not working through our trauma, becomes this
strong sexual pull towards, forinstance, someone who is
emotionally unavailable orsomeone who is playing hot and
cold dynamics right.
That in itself resembles a veryunconscious dynamic and, as you
said, as we do the work, as wego deeper, there is a natural
(54:02):
deepening in every dimension,whether it's relationships or
sex or or business or evenfinances, in every dimension.
And sex is a good example,because it's something where
it's so tangible, because nowthere isn't just eroticized
wounds or just fantasy or justtransactional, as you said just
(54:22):
now.
There is some.
There is a deeper componenthere.
Now the heart is open andactivated.
In that moment the breath isdeeper, there is this element of
presence and the experience ofsex becomes one that is so
infinitely more nourishing thananything else before.
Speaker 2 (54:47):
Oh, I like that and I think that you know, if you
want to enjoy life, I think youwant to do the work, because
then that aspect of yourself canbe awakened and you'll have a
level of deeper satisfactionthat we're not always familiar
with because we haven't beentold, because it's generational
or whatever you've been pickedup, it's societal.
(55:10):
But there's, like, this otherlevel of energy that is now
present, that wasn't presentbefore, because you grew as an
individual.
You grew to heal the challengesthat you've had, grew to heal
the challenges that you've hadto look at yourself and speak
your truth If you're a male, andopen your heart and be love if
(55:31):
you're the female.
So I'm really in awe of of yourwork and what you've you shared
, and you know I've reallyenjoyed this conversation.
Is there anything, lauren, thatyou would like you know I've
really enjoyed this conversation?
Is there anything, lauren, thatyou would like you know people
to really sort of take away thatmaybe you hadn't touched on?
That could be something forthem to go.
(55:52):
I could improve my life just bysomething that you could share
now.
Speaker 1 (55:59):
One other thing I would give to everyone listening
or watching this episode isthat, at the end of the day, our
journey of healing, what wedesire in a relationship, what
we desire in business, what wedesire for ourselves, for our
(56:23):
own individual goals, all istied to our level of healing and
our level of consciousness.
So many times, specifically,men, there is this idea okay,
I'm doing the work because of,but it's only when it becomes
this choice that one says okay,okay, this now becomes the
highest priority becauseeverything else depends on it.
(56:46):
That's where life just gains amuch deeper vastness and depth.
It's, it's the choice from wemake from deep within, to not
constantly need to facesuffering and experience
consequences to change things,but to decide, from this moment
forward, that one choosesevolution and expansion and
(57:10):
growth above all, and when thatchoice is made, then everything
else naturally falls into place.
Speaker 2 (57:19):
Oh, lauren, thank you so much, and thank you for
sharing your wisdom, your heartand your truth and your presence
with us today.
And if you've really enjoyedthis conversation, I'm going to
leave all the links for Lauren'swork and his workshops.
Thank you so much for joiningus today.
Speaker 1 (57:37):
Really appreciate the conversation, james.
Pretty powerful questions andyou brought a lot of depth into
this container.
Thank you for that, lauren.
Speaker 2 (57:44):
Is this week's super soft model.
If this episode resonated withyou, share it with someone who
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Leave a review to help uscontinue uplifting and improving
lives.
Thank you for being part ofthis journey.
Most men don't realize the energetic and
emotional and psychologicalimpact of living out of
alignment, of not saying whatwe're going to do, not keeping
our promises.
We don't understand how deeplythat impacts us and it actually
doesn't allow us to fully expandin the way we're meant to
(00:22):
expand.
It doesn't allow us to feelfree, it doesn't allow us to
have that sense of thrust, tohave that sense of power in our
presence.
There is just something that'senergetically holding us back.
And when we reclaim integrityfirst, we feel shame very often
because things have to becleared up and we face that
(00:44):
shame of having been out ofintegrity which every man, if he
is honest with himself, willeventually face.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Hi, I'm James and you're listening to the Super
Soul Model Series.
Today, I'm joined by LaurenKrenn.
Lauren is a globallysought-after coach, author,
hypnotherapist and host of theMasculine Feminine Dynamics
podcast.
Lauren's work is known forbeing both spiritually deep and
refreshingly real.
Through his teachings onpolarity, presence and intimacy,
(01:16):
Lauren's helped countlessindividuals navigate the
sometimes messy but magicalterrain of conscious
relationships.
And he speaks the language ofthe heart without shying away
from the shadow, and he helpsguide men and women to greater
truth, greater love and inneralignment.
(01:36):
So it gives me great pleasureto welcome this week's guest,
Lauren Krenp.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I'm honored to be here.
Thanks for that powerfulintroduction, james.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
So I guess I think the best place to begin is at
the beginning.
How did this journey ofteaching the masculine and
feminine dynamics sort of stiryour soul?
How, what was your calling?
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yeah, it's a great question and it makes sense to
start at the beginning, as manyteachings and sayings go that
the medicine and the gift webring to this world or our
deepest service is often startswith a very strong wound, starts
with a lot of pain.
I lost my father very early inmy life.
(02:20):
He died of colon cancer andthat was a really brutal battle.
I mean, there were challengesin my childhood before that.
But when he became ill, it wasa three-year battle with cancer
and almost four years, and inthe end I was holding his hand
and he took his last breath andthat was the first time he said
to me I love you.
(02:40):
He couldn't say it properlyanymore because he was already
in a stage where his soul wasabout to leave his body, but I
could read it from his lips andsomehow I could hear it in my
mind, almost like an echo inthat moment.
And that experience really didchange everything for me, as
painful and also traumatizing asit was, because the ground
(03:04):
taken underneath my feet, mymasculine role model disappeared
from one day to the other andvery soon realizing that the
inevitability of death.
So many of us are not awarethat death is something that
eventually will come, and I wasvery soon confronted with that.
What I call a masterful teacher.
(03:26):
Death that it is, and of courseat the beginning I didn't see
it that way.
There was so much pain.
Who am I as a man?
Still, my father and I had achallenging relationship,
although in my healing work Inow have come to appreciate him
much more now than I couldappreciate him back then.
(03:46):
But it was a very challengingrelationship because his
generational trauma, which forso many men was around emotional
unavailability, beingdisconnected.
I mean, he was there as afather and supportive, but
emotionally he didn't reallyknow what to do.
And because his father didn'tknow what to do and his
grandfather didn't know what todo, and because his father
didn't know what to do and andhis grandfather didn't know what
(04:07):
to do and and so on and so on,right that generational trauma
that is passed down fromgeneration to generation.
Um, long story short, all thispain and all this suffering
about what it means to be a manled to a deep soul search and it
made me realize that, insteadof projecting onto the world,
(04:30):
trying to look for a role model,I realized that perhaps I've
been gifted with the gift ofvision and seeing the gap I'm
seeing in the world and the gapin my own life meant I had to
learn how to embody this.
I refer to it differently backthen, but finding a place of
internal security and safety andworking for the trauma.
(04:52):
So that was the beginning ofeverything, of course, many,
many years of deep, deep soulsearching and facing myself in
nature, being alone and goingdeep, essentially this kind of
laid laid down the path, and itwas the beginning of everything
thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
I know it's it's, it's raw, but I think, you know,
every human being can relate tothose really tough emotions,
because we all go through themand you can't, uh, shy away from
the tough emotions that we allhave to deal with from time to
time.
And death is a teacher, and Ireally liked what you said, that
you had to find a security in avoid, which wasn't really
(05:34):
available, so it had to comefrom within, because sometimes
we're gifted to have parents toguide us and give us that
security, that home base, butwhen it's pulled from you by
something like death, the onlyplace you can go now is within,
otherwise that just pain justcontinues and gets louder.
So how did you deal with that?
(05:54):
How did you, how did you findthat piece?
You mentioned nature, but youknow what was.
You know, lauren was a young boywhen that happened.
So how did he come back to findhis center?
And sure, it might have takensome time, but I think this is
the thing that we all need tolearn and we can learn from you
and your story.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Thank you for that.
Yeah, it took many years andthere was a lot of suffering and
I also, after his death, I hadthis reoccurring intrusive
thoughts about what if I'm goingto die and the fear of death
crept in.
So there was a lot at playthere, not just losing my role
model, but also what does itmean to be a man afraid of death
(06:37):
and the inevitability of death.
There was a lot going on andthere wasn't necessarily just
one specific practice thathelped me.
It was many different things.
I would spend a lot of time innature, but I would use this
time very intentionally.
It wasn't just me being innature and being distracted.
It was me walking for hours andhours and hours in deep nature
(07:01):
and also specifically stoppingin certain spots in nature, like
a beautiful lake or a beautifultree, and sitting down and
meditating.
And another thing I did a lotwas breath work.
I trained myself with my breathand many, many different
modalities and specificallybreathing methods around.
Holding my breath I found foundextremely powerful, because in
(07:24):
these moments of being able tohold my breath for, let's say,
two, three minutes or so, Iwould notice for a short moment
that suffering and that pain andthese intrusive thoughts.
For two minutes it was gone andthat was enough.
Or sitting in nature and justclosing my eyes, or just looking
(07:45):
at nature and becoming stillFor a short moment.
I would experience thesemoments of, I could say, feeling
myself as consciousness, butwithout even putting too much
abstract spiritual language toit.
I would just experience momentsof non-suffering, the opposite
of what I was experiencing,moments of freedom.
And even though it was only fora brief moment, it was enough,
(08:08):
like 24 hours of suffering, orlet's say, 16 hours of suffering
and two minutes of short, veryshort peace and freedom.
But I was enough because Irealized that was so sweet, that
was so, so powerful and sodivine and sacred in a sense,
that it just kept me going andkept me going.
(08:30):
There was a lot of releasing oftrauma, specifically through
breath work.
I took this to an extreme.
So there were moments where Idid breath work for three, four
hours.
I wouldn't necessarilyrecommend that to everyone.
I took it to an extreme, but Ifelt called and guided and at
all times I felt the guidance tothis train with this didn't
always make sense to me, but Ijust went deep into it and in
(08:53):
all of this, after many years oftrauma releasing, so to speak.
At some point I started to feelmore safe, more secure.
And in all of this I found mypurpose as well, my calling, my
service in this life.
And as painful as it all was, Iwouldn't change anything now
because it was exactly the pathI had to go.
(09:14):
It forced me, like you saidpowerfully before, james.
You said I had to go withinbecause there was no alternative
felt too unbearable the pain,so either go within or endure
unbearable suffering.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I I love what you've just shared there, because when
we can all look at our ownstories, there is a there's this
beautiful relatability in ourpain and in our struggle and in
our awareness of, like, how wemove through it.
In my case, you know, I began adaily meditation practice,
amongst other things, but thatwas the first thing and my
(09:51):
audience knows this because Ishare it pretty much all the
time but it was the bit thatallowed that peace for 10
seconds or a minute in a 20minute meditation.
Like, oh, I've got silence forone minute, wow.
And I was sharing somethingwith a client the other day.
I was like, look how, how'syour meditation going?
And it's like, well, it's messy, it's not always perfect, it's
(10:12):
not always quiet, it's notalways still, but if there's 10
seconds or a minute of silence,there's no thought and with no
thought there's peace, there'ssilence.
And then suddenly, uh, youexperience that lovely, that
lovely moment of whereeverything's right again and
you're not battling with the dayand this becomes fun and I call
(10:33):
this the green light zone whereall the good stuff happens.
So thank you for sharing,because there's this lovely
relatability on that silencethat you had or that space,
because that just makes you feellike, wow, I'm tuning back into
Lauren.
What do you believe is the mostmisunderstood thing about that
(10:54):
masculine energy?
Because you've talked a littlebit briefly about the
generational emotionalunavailability.
You know, if we're men in this,this world, and even the
feminine in this world, how canwe show up to have more
beautiful relationships?
And often it seems quitemisunderstood.
Yeah, what's your take on that?
(11:15):
Because this is really powerful.
I've come from a modelingindustry where I've been a male
model for 20 years and you'rejudged on the way you look, but
it's also the dynamics of what'shappening on the inside, and if
we can balance this out orlearn from some of your work,
then we can actually functionbeautifully with our partners
(11:35):
and and our relationships Ithink that it's a great question
.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I think the confusion is very much related to that.
We haven't yet seen andexperienced many men who
actually model what we can calldeep masculine or healthy
masculine, or I like to call itawakened masculine energy,
simply because the models we'reseeing right now are, in a way,
(12:02):
outdated and also they'reunconscious models of what it
means to embody masculine energy.
That's where the confusioncomes from.
Let's talk about what we'reseeing in today's world and what
I believe is actually going tohappen more and more unless a
man does the deep inner work.
One thing we're seeing more andmore is the pleaser archetype,
(12:22):
right, or in other words, thenice guy archetype, which I
believe is actually becomingmore and more so.
It's 20, 30 years ago it alreadyexisted the pleaser archetype,
but I believe, actually becauseof the world we're in and the
confusion that we experience andalso the um, the kind of shift
around, okay, men need to bemore connected to their heart,
(12:45):
for instance, in that we losethe primal.
So I try to make this practicalbecause there is a lot here,
but I want to answer thisquestion as powerfully as I can
so we can see the pleaserarchetype, a lot, which is all
about not confronting, trying toaccommodate, and that mindset
(13:06):
of if I just does, let's say ina relationship, if I just does
everything she or their partnerwants, then I'm going to get my
needs met right.
It's also called covertcontracts.
In a sense I like that covertcontracts.
Covert contracts, because it's acontract that that hasn't been
agreed upon.
(13:26):
And yet it's okay.
I'm gonna do all these thingsthat no one necessarily asked me
to do, yeah, in the hope thatI'm gonna get x, y and z back.
It's very transactional andthen, if I don't get these
things met, anger is gonna erupt, resentment or a sense of even
passive aggressivity.
Aggression makes sense.
(13:47):
So we see that.
And then we also see the otherextreme.
We see men who areovercompensating for the lack of
safety and security they feel,whether it's father moon wounds
or mother wounds.
We've got the kind of man whotries to be this alpha but in
this attempt is actually showingthat it's a mask, it's an
(14:11):
insecurity.
There's a need to dominateothers, there's a need to still
be seen strong and I would saythe man who's still trying to be
seen as strong by others isstill doing it for validation.
So, whether it's theovercompensating, or whether
through domination or aggression, or it is the people pleaser,
(14:34):
it all comes down to that needfor validation, that need to be
validated, often through thefeminine or other means,
validated in one's masculinity,validated in one's manhood.
And the third model is what Icall the awakened man, which is
the man who is not losinghimself in just being vulnerable
(14:56):
all the time.
But you've got both.
You've got a strong spine andyou have an open heart.
You've got what called inbuddhism, I believe, the middle
ground.
You've got both.
There is fierceness, there isopenness, and the more we see
that, the more it starts to makesense.
(15:16):
What is real masculinityactually about?
Speaker 2 (15:21):
I love that there's.
I had dan millman, who wrotethe book where the peaceful
warrior on the show a littlewhile back it's a powerful book,
by the way, yeah, yeah, anddan's a great guy and he is a
fantastic teacher.
And there was something that hewrote about in that book which
really reminds and reminds me ofwhat you were just saying.
(15:42):
And I was taking a walk in the,the forest and around the lakes
where I live, and a few weeksback, when we were supposed to
have this interview, there wasan outage, right.
So instead of me having anoutage, I did an image.
So I went to go and tune myselfback up.
I thought, oh, there's noelectricity, no wi-fi.
So Lauren and I couldn't do thisconversation, we couldn't have
(16:04):
this podcast, so I wrote itwherever I could, hopefully that
it would get through.
We didn't know whether it wasgoing to get to Lauren's team,
but I decided there was nothingI could do.
So I left my office.
I left because there wasnothing I could do.
No electricity, no, nothing.
(16:25):
And I decided, okay, let'sreconnect with James, let's get
back into his warrior spiritagain.
And what does that look like?
What does that sound like?
So I was like, right, I'm goingto go for a hike and just go
and lose myself and power up,and how this relates to what you
just said about that middleground, holding that fierceness
(16:46):
whilst being an open heart.
What I really love is how dantalked about.
The peaceful warrior is a manwho has strength and power and
always has his blade sharpened,but it's always kept firmly in
its sheath, never really to beused, but it's kept sharp
through his discipline and henever really needs to use that
(17:08):
blade, that warrior, because herecognizes his heart and his
boundaries are so strong that heis always in this beautiful
middle ground.
And I really like the way youmentioned the buddhism and as
well as that third archetype,the awakened man.
I think that's really fantasticand, funnily enough, when I
came out of that hike for a fewhours, then the electricity
(17:34):
gently came back on where I was.
So I was really taken back byhow you know, when we take care
of our inner world, our outerworld resets again or reboots,
and I think that we can rebootsociety.
We can reset the masculineenergy that's within us, innate
(17:55):
within every one of the men,which also is a guiding light
for the feminine energy for themto feel safe.
So that takes me into my nextquestion.
What is the misconception aboutfeminine energy that we don't
know about?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
it's a powerful question as well, and also I
really like that metaphor ofkeeping the.
No need to draw the blade, butto keep it sharpened at all
times.
Yeah, it's an incrediblemetaphor.
I really liked that.
Um, what?
What is it about the feminine?
I'd say um for the feminine, forso many women in today's world,
(18:37):
what's happening?
Actually, there's a, there's aleaning more now towards um,
actually an avoidant attachmentstyle for women.
So there's a lot going on intoday's world, right, where in
the past, women would more andstill, of course, but in the
past maybe 20, 30 years agowomen lean more towards
overgiving and pleasingtendencies, whereas now you
(19:00):
still have that and you havemore and more women who find
themselves in this state ofhyper independence, a state of
being where, um, and as it's soimportant, women empowerment is
so important, but it's almostlike it.
It starts to get to an extreme,an extreme of we don't need men
anymore, right, men are notimportant, the masculine is not
(19:23):
important, you can do everythingon your own, and that in itself
leads to a different sense ofwound, right, and I believe
that's a big, big, bigmisconception that the idea of a
, of a strong woman, is one whois hyper independent.
I actually see strength in thefeminine, as the woman who
(19:44):
chooses to embody love, nomatter what.
It's what drew me to my wife.
I would just feel in herpresence this deep sense of love
.
I could just feel it in myheart.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
This is really interesting because you know,
having read some of your workand some of the things that
you've been putting up on socialand your newsletters, I think
this is really interesting forthe people who don't know you in
the audience.
You did have this very unusualattraction to your wife.
Can you just tell us a littlebit and and try and make it sort
(20:20):
of in a way that they can belike, wow, okay, this is, this
is how that magnetism came about, because I think it's a really
beautiful story of how you'veshared it.
Have you shared it?
Speaker 1 (20:31):
thanks for that.
Yeah, I I'd call it.
My wife was drawn magneticallyto my truth.
I was drawn magnetically to herlove and of course, truth and
love are one and the same.
At the end of the day, the onewho seeks truth will always find
love.
The one who seeks or embodieslove will always speak and
(20:51):
embody their truth, but withoutgetting too abstract here, when
my, my wife and I knew or feltthat there was something deeper
awaiting us, like that same Wereyou friends before or how was
it?
Speaker 2 (21:03):
you know, like in the relatability factor?
Speaker 1 (21:06):
you know what was the set we were friends before we
met, okay, and in that momentour life changed.
Okay, and we both felt beforelike that, that saying of the
invisible thread that connectstwo souls.
We felt it.
It was a deep, deep knowing.
It was incredibly intuitive,and when we met I could just
(21:27):
feel she's different.
She's different to anyone whoI've ever seen or met in my life
before.
And I felt this deep knowing Iam meant to be with this person.
This is the one for me.
And that wasn't a concept, itwas even beyond the feeling, it
was transcendental.
(21:47):
That experience, atranscendental spiritual
experience.
I mean, in my case, I evenheard a voice that said wherever
you go, go with her, whateveryou do, do it with her.
So it was crystal clear for meand, um, one of the first things
I actually said to her when Imet her, I said to her here,
(22:07):
this is my deepest purpose.
And then I expressed to herwhat my deepest purpose in life
was, and it was just everythingwas different and it was clear
to us that we're meant to betogether.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Okay, this is a really interesting thing you've
just said here, because I thinkthis really goes into the next
question I want to ask could youtell us a little bit about what
makes the man magnetic and theright or the healthy feminine
attract to the healthy male, sowe can understand what the
patterns we are in, or someonewho's listening, so that they
(22:39):
can then begin to change whatneeds to be changed if it's not
healthy and messy?
yeah and it's to do with purposeis where I'm sort of leading
with this, because a man with apurpose is magnetic, but a man
without any purpose is notmagnetic, or at least not
magnetic to the right type ofperson.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
We step even a level deeper.
I would say there's evenanother word that kind of
describes it all, and that istruth.
A man who lives and follows histruth will number one naturally
find in him and connect withhis purpose and true soul's
mission in this life.
But it's that element of truth,a man who makes the decision
(23:27):
that he will only follow thetruth, speak his truth, and what
this naturally means is thatreclaiming of integrity, which
is one of the key foundations ofthe work I do in my men's
groups.
Reclaiming integrity, I like tosay a man who looks in the
(23:48):
mirror and looks at himself.
There are truths that haven'tbeen spoken, lies have been said
, things are built on illusionsthen he can never truly look in
his eyes in the mirror and it'sa man who reclaims integrity.
(24:15):
He can face himself in themirror because he knows he lives
a life of truth.
And that is what I believe notbelieve, that is what I know
makes a man incredibly magnetic,that seeker of truth.
There are no emotional games,there is no running, there is
none of that.
There is just truth.
This is who I am, this is whatI want and this is where I'm
going.
And that level of clarity, thatlevel of presence, that level
(24:39):
of direction, purpose and truthultimately makes a man
incredibly magnetic.
And, of course, not every womanwill be drawn to him.
Because if a woman is comingfrom a deep place of trauma, she
might still be attracted to aman who is emotionally
unavailable and not her nervoussystem might confuse someone who
is um, someone who is veryunsafe with the familiar.
(25:01):
But a woman who's done work onherself, that's the man she'll
be drawn to oh, this isinteresting to go really deep.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
I just wanted to just touch briefly back on integrity
before we can go to the nextquestion which I really wanted
to go to.
Like integrity, um, it was alittle quote that I wrote today
and I and I shared and posted.
And for me, years ago, I didn'tdo what I said I was going to
do.
You know, I, I was the guy whoI feel like wisdom has only come
(25:30):
to me because I've made so manyerrors until I'm going.
I'm not going to do thatanymore.
So I like to be grounded, havehumor, still look back on that
other aspect of myself that wasjust learning or remembering who
I really was, and I like to belight on myself.
But I can look back and go.
Oh God, I caused myselfunnecessary, unconscious
(25:53):
suffering Until it becomesconscious to go.
I'm not going to do thatanymore.
But with regards to integrity,when you can actually look
yourself in the mirror and go, Ido what I say I'm going to do.
I keep my promises, I keep mywords.
Anything that I've got that'sout of balance, I try to rectify
(26:14):
, I try to put right, I try tobring back into balance again.
This puts peace back in mymasculine heart and then from
that I feel like I gained thisreal power, because, in my own
experience of coming fromunconscious behavior to
conscious behavior, it's justbecause I've experienced more
peace in my heart, because Ijust keep it simple and I'm not
(26:38):
saying that I'm perfect, but Iam saying that I do what I say
I'm going to do, and anybodythat knows me, I do fulfill what
I can say, and it also helps mymind believe that whatever
goals I set, whatever it is thatI'm drawn to, I know that it's
possible for me, because my mindgoes oh, he does do what he
says he's going to do.
And I think that this, thisgenerates a power, an unseen
(27:02):
power that you feel when youwalk throughout your day if
you're a man, and and I thinkthat that's really important for
the feminine energy as well sogive me a little take on that,
if possible, please, because Ithink that's you just spoke to
the core of it very powerfully,james.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
You said it gives you that sense of power, and that's
exactly what it is.
Of course it's.
It's what makes the femininefeel safe.
But before we even go there,it's about what makes, what
allows us to truly step in ourpower.
We're not doing integrity forothers because others feel safer
with us.
(27:39):
We're doing it for ourselves aswell, because it frees up all
of that unnecessary suffering.
We don't realize most men don'trealize the energetic and
emotional and psychologicalimpact of living out of
alignment, of not saying whatwe're going to do, not keeping
(28:01):
our promises.
We don't understand how deeplythat impacts us and it actually
doesn't allow us to fully expandin the way we're meant to
expand.
It doesn't allow us to feelfree.
It doesn't allow us to havethat sense of thrust, to have
that sense of power in ourpresence.
There is just something that'senergetically holding us back.
(28:24):
And when we reclaim integrity,first we feel shame very often
because things have to becleared up.
And we face that shame ofhaving been out of integrity
which every man, if he is honestwith himself, will eventually
face.
And at first it's notempowering.
(28:44):
At first it's painful becauseyou realize fuck's an incredible
level of peace, oneself or tosomeone to get validation.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
How can you still remain in a healthy sense of
self, a healthy masculinity inthis case I'm just going to talk
about men to still be a highachiever, yet still keep that,
because there's still this woundwhere someone needs to prove
themselves to somebody orsomething, or a lot of people.
(29:42):
So what's your take on that?
Speaker 1 (29:47):
I think that we often like to put things into boxes
in the sense of or someone whois a high achiever.
They're just doing it to provethemselves, and then in that
moment it's a very negative box,isn't it?
It's like oh, look at that.
Yeah, we've already established, look at that high achiever who
(30:07):
is overworking himself, burninghimself to the ground, just
doing this because he wants tostill prove to his father or to
anyone else.
And when we're honest.
There might be an element ofthat in many overachievers, yet
there is also a natural drive inmany overachievers and there is
(30:28):
beauty in ambition.
There is power in a man whosays I want to gain mastery in
something.
There is power in a man whosays I want to create something
big.
I want to make a true impact inthe world.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
I love that.
I love that.
I love what you've just saidthere, because there's a couple
of things where I've noticedsports men and women say
particularly men where thefather hasn't recognized the son
who's now performing at a superhigh level in sports.
I'll give you an example davidbeckham's father didn't give him
any credit until he got hishundredth english cap in
(31:05):
football and he's like, oh, hesaid, well done, son.
He was like, wow, that was thefirst time I'd heard that after
his hundredth english cap.
And then when I've looked atyou know different people either
that I've worked with orstudied.
There's this similar thing.
But I think what I really likethat has made some clarity.
You said there's beauty inambition and I really really
(31:28):
like that because that justmakes it all clear.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
It's like it's good to want to succeed, it's natural
for you to succeed, but you'vegot to have the want to have the
drive, as long as you're usingit for a force for good exactly,
and that's the power of it,because, at the end of the day,
if we were to say that havingdrive and ambition is solely
trauma and unworthiness, itwould mean no one would really
(31:52):
make a big impact who steps intheir power and truth.
But we need people who make abig impact, who step in their
power and truth.
But we need people who make abig impact, who step in their
power and truth, because thetruth is, there are people who
are not coming from a place ofgenuine intentions and who very
much succeed in their life.
So we do need ambition, we needpeople, and there is nothing
(32:13):
wrong with with with beingdriven, with being driven and
really wanting to succeed inlife, and there's even that that
, too, is part of healthymasculine energy.
It's just when it's only aboutneeding to prove.
It leads to burnout.
There is no moment of receiving, there is a sense of, well, I
(32:33):
could burn myself to the groundand then I don't receive
anything Like I push everyoneaway who wants to give me love.
That is when it gets out ofbalance.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
I think it's those relationships that can be pulled
, or very challenging at leastfor the clients that I have
worked with is that they find itvery challenging because
they've succeeded in their work,succeeded in doing financially
very well, but found itparticularly challenging with
their relationships becausethere's a pull on that and maybe
(33:04):
it's to do with presence, orshould I say a lack of presence,
in relationships.
But I really like the way yousaid that, because if you're
using it for good, it's almostfueling back the heart, because
I think it's a natural fuel forthe heart to be open, for the
man to be in his power.
So what does it take for awoman to open her heart?
(33:25):
Then?
If the masculine seeks truthand the feminine seeks or is
love, how does that feminineenergy stay in her heart or love
?
Speaker 1 (33:39):
as the feminine.
I sometimes refer to it as theOracle.
The feminine has that intrinsic, deeper connection the more she
awakens with an almost like asense of internal guidance,
which I call the mirror.
(33:59):
It's a part inside her that isable to spot our blind spots as
men in a way hardly anyone couldever do.
That is why so much of oursuffering and emotional
suppression as men inrelationships is being exposed.
She doesn't do that consciously, but somehow it comes up in the
(34:22):
relationship.
We cannot get away with a lackof presence.
We cannot get away with totaldisconnect.
We cannot get away withemotional suppression, because
in the relationship and in themirror of the feminine it
becomes exposed, it becomesrevealed right.
That is the mirror of thefeminine.
It becomes exposed, it becomesrevealed right.
That is the medicine of thefeminine.
(34:43):
And for a woman to open herheart, it's all about being able
to give herself permission tofully become that, to become
that oracle.
To become that oracle, tobecome that oracle that is not
afraid to choose love whateverthe moment requires, and
(35:04):
sometimes choosing love meansbeing fierce.
The way I like to put it is avery conscious woman will love
in a very unconditional or asclose as unconditional love as
it gets, because she rather losea man who is losing himself
than keep him for her ownselfish gain.
(35:27):
What I mean by that is that ifthe moment requires it, and
choosing love means choosing herown heart and being fierce, or
guarding her own heart even fora moment, not from a place of
hyper vigilance but from a placeof truth.
That is what choosing lovemeans.
It's not over giving, it's notover extending.
(35:48):
It all depends on the momentand when a woman allows herself
to fully become that, withoutshrinking, without bending, or
without going into a state ofhyper vigilance and all men are
bad right or demanding men tocompensate for the, the pain she
(36:08):
experienced with the masculinemany women with father wounding,
they will demand an impossiblelevel of safety from the
masculine, for instance.
But without going too deep intointo these nuances, here it's
really about the ability tobecome the oracle, fully and
(36:28):
wholeheartedly, and such a woman.
You can feel it in her presence.
It's different.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
So what does her presence feel like that?
So if a man meets a woman who'sin her heart, who's in this
oracle, is it an archetype orwhat would you call it?
Speaker 1 (36:49):
We can call it an archetype.
That's fine.
I love archetypes.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
If she's in the energy where her heart is open.
What will an mass, what would?
What will an unhealthymasculine feel and what would a
healthy masculine feel?
Speaker 1 (37:04):
because that's probably that's a great question
, I would say.
The unhealthy masculine energywould feel that she's a threat.
A threat to what?
To her ego and to his ego andto his shadow.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
Love it Okay, and then the healthy masculine would
feel.
What would he feel?
Speaker 1 (37:28):
The healthy masculine would still perhaps feel
challenged in that moment, whichis a natural part of expansion
for us men, but at the same timehe will feel the power and the
courage and warriorship in thesemoments to not run away, to
shrink to um, close his heartand shut down, but instead to
(37:49):
stay with an open heart in thatstorm, in the fire of love, to
stay with the fire of love.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
This is a really interesting thing, right?
So here's something that Ithink most men can relate to
when men have a challenge withtheir partner, men tend to run
away, but that's very, very hardfor the feminine energy,
because when the fire's there,the man just just naturally
(38:17):
wants to draw back.
It's a bit like you know, if welook at the biology of the man
and the woman, the masculinegives and the feminine receives,
but when, when the fire ishappening, the men the men just
tend to want I'm just going toget out of here.
It's going to be way easierthat I don't have to deal with
this chaotic feminine energy.
Right now, let me go to the baror the pub or whatever.
(38:40):
Tell me why that happens andwhy that energetically happens
with regards to the masculineand feminine.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
What's so interesting in that moment is that a man
who is unconscious he will blameher, he will say I'm feeling
not good, right, she's chaotic,she's crazy, she is X, y, z, but
the fundamental truth in thislife remains no one can make you
feel anything.
In that sense, no one has thepower to just place a feeling
(39:16):
right now into your body.
There is something inside usthat is responding, something
inside us that is becomingreactive, and it's that
reactivity that we need to lookat, because if a man says, okay,
this relationship is really notin alignment, there is a sense
(39:37):
of grounded energy around it,there is clarity is really not
in alignment.
There is a sense of groundedenergy around it, there is
clarity.
This is not an alignment, butthere is no running to the pub,
there is no running to the bar,there is no need to escape that
reactivity, and that escapereveals that something has been
touched, and what has beentouched?
The things he most likely hasbeen avoiding a lifetime.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
Love it.
So it's basically trueavoidance, right.
So you're avoiding a difficultdiscussion, you're avoiding
opening up, you're avoidingperhaps even speaking your truth
, which is probably what thehealthy masculine does.
This is my truth.
And then the feminine can openher heart if the man's speaking
her truth.
But if he's not speaking histruth, challenge.
(40:22):
That makes total sense.
Okay.
So next question what aboutavoidance, not avoidance.
Polarities, the polarities, sothat the man can really really
be strong in his polarity, thewoman can be in her polarity.
Have we discussed this properlyor is there anything else that
(40:44):
you could add so that peoplecould understand what the
polarity is and to be in thathealthy polarity in a
relationship?
Speaker 1 (40:51):
The biggest misconception people have about
polarity is that they believe itmeans becoming something
they're not.
A man has to be masculine, awoman has to be feminine, but
that has to be a certain way.
It's just not a box, and theidea of polarity, or at least
sacred polarity and theseancient teachings which are as
old as time itself, is not toplace someone in a box, but it's
(41:16):
just a returning to our trueessence.
Many men have a masculineessence, which doesn't mean they
don't have feminine energy, butthe masculine energetic is the
more dominant energetic.
Many women have a more dominantfeminine energetic, but that's
not always the case.
Either way, whatever one's coreessence is, this work is about
(41:40):
returning to our true essence.
And when we return to our trueessence, it's not that we try to
mold ourselves to becomesomething.
It's that we become fully andwholeheartedly ourselves.
And only when we become fullyand wholeheartedly ourselves can
the natural flow of intimacyand love actually be there,
(42:01):
because love is not something wecreate.
Love is not even something wedo.
Love is something that isalready there.
So it's a natural flow that isalready there when we return to
who we truly are.
Already there, when we return towho we truly are, that flow of
intimacy, the flow of love wecan call it.
We create intimacy effortlessly.
(42:23):
Right, because it's notsomething we have to do.
It's something that's naturallythere when we return to who we
truly are, and that's what thisis about.
So when a man has a masculineessence and he returns to who he
truly is which means no longeravoiding or running, but facing
himself in the fire of painfulemotions or a painful
(42:46):
conversation or something comingup in relationship to the
feminine, for instance thatnaturally creates intimacy.
And that is why so much of whatwe hear about masculinity is
rooted in insecurity, becauseit's rooted in becoming
something we are not.
(43:06):
But when we return to who wetruly are, that just flows
effortlessly.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
I'm quite candid and happy to share.
But when I look into my ownexperience and have challenges
with my partner, it's alwayslike I'm happy to share my
feelings and I'm to share whereI'm at and speak my truth.
And I always find that inspeaking the truth, whilst it's
(43:34):
a storm and very uncomfortable,I always feel better knowing
that I've been able to be direct, even though it's hard.
But, yeah, what have you got tolose?
Because death is the ultimateright.
So if you think that death isthe most scary and I've had
plenty of death in my life, so Irecognize well if that's as
(43:56):
hard as it can be, when someoneyou love up, close and personal
takes off from this worldphysically not not, uh,
soulfully, but physically thenwhat's left is really facing you
.
So I, I see, and I'd really liketo to know, to know what your
thoughts and feelings are withregards to your work.
(44:18):
I see the relationships betweentwo people, or any people for
that matter, as an absolutemirror, total mirror.
It's the most spiritual,strongest training you have to
go through as a warrior to knowyourself, to find peace with
(44:40):
yourself, so that your mirror,or your partner, meaning your
mirror, can be at peace too andcan you be at peace and harmony
and return to love time and timeagain when that mirror gets a
little dirty or gets a bit messy?
What's your take on that?
Speaker 1 (45:00):
I like to say relationships are spirituality,
embodied.
Love it.
We're on the mat, we're doing ameditation, beautiful, but it's
the preparation for the realdojo, for the real training
ground, which is relationships,the art of relating.
It's the place where we show tothe universe and to ourselves.
(45:26):
Can I actually bring this intothe everyday?
Can I bring it into theimperfect?
Can I bring it to the mess thatthen turns into almost a form
of divine mess?
In all of this?
I completely agree with that.
That's the core of what my workis about, that I see the art of
(45:47):
relating as perhaps even thehighest spiritual path, because
it is exactly what you saidalready.
There is something in union andin relationships that is nowhere
else.
It's that constant mirror, thatconstant feedback.
Where are you not showing up?
Where are you not in integrity?
(46:07):
How are you still closing yourheart?
How are you still projectingonto others?
How are you still punishingothers for not having
unrealistic expectations met?
How are you still going cold?
All these things are revealedand then most people run away
from that.
And those who actually pauseand face that, they will
(46:30):
experience the highest spiritual, emotional expansion and
maturity for relationships.
Speaker 2 (46:37):
So I've got a couple more questions, lauren and I.
I really want people to to go,wow, this could really make my
life so much better.
The sacredness of, uh, or thesacred union between, let's just
say, an instance in a same-sexrelationship, a masculine and
feminine.
Let's talk about if that is asacred union.
(47:02):
How does that become sacred?
Is that only when one hashealed their wounds?
Because people hear oh, what'sa sacred union or a tantric
union?
You have this philosophy, butlet's just put it in a grounded
understanding.
What does that actually mean?
And then how would you stepinto that?
Speaker 1 (47:30):
It doesn't mean we have to become perfectly healed,
because when are we everperfectly healed?
As long as we're here, there ishealing to do.
As long as we breathe, as longas we breathe, there is work to
do.
All it means is that two peoplemake the choice to choose
evolution over everything, theevolution of their soul, to
choose growth, to chooseexpansion, to choose awakening
(47:50):
and awareness and consciousnessabove everything.
And it's that mutual choice andthat coming together that then
naturally brings the sacred intoa relationship.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
Oh, I love that.
So if one person seeks that butthe other person don't, does
that mean the parties will drift?
Speaker 1 (48:12):
Yes, they would.
So eventually, what happens, Ilike to say, when we reach a
certain level of awakening andspiritual expansion in our life?
There are only two responses tous people fall away or people
deepen with us.
But there really isn't a third,because the third is still tied
(48:33):
to us shrinking, playing small,not confronting and being
afraid to live and embody ourhighest truth.
So yes to your question itwould drift and eventually it
would get so challenging thateither the party that is still
hiding and running away makesthe choice to shift or it would
(48:55):
lead to parting of ways okay.
Speaker 2 (48:58):
So if a man is in his healthy, masculine, how does
that affect abundance, theabundant, abundant, embodiment,
and the same for the feminine.
Speaker 1 (49:12):
Now, there are two elements to this.
There is the individual elementand then there is the union
element.
Talking about the union element, when a conscious man or a man
who chooses this work is to istogether with a woman who also
chooses this work from thedepths of her heart, then there
is a natural element ofabundance that will enter.
(49:32):
Why?
Because I mean everyonelistening, you can see it from,
you can feel into this.
From this perspective, if youfeel deeply at home, if your
heart feels so open and you'rebecoming more and more of
yourself and and speaking yourtruth leads to you being seen
and heard and deeper intimacyand love, then quite naturally
(49:55):
in that energy we become moreabundant, because our energy is
abundant in that sense.
An abundance of love, anabundance of safety, right, and
then financial abundance issomething that very often will
naturally follow from that,because we're in such alignment.
But there is also, of course,the individual.
For for the people who arestill on the journey, which are
(50:15):
many, many on the journey ofattracting their, their divine
counterpart or or therelationship that truly meets
them in their heart's depth, andfor them too, of course, this
applies, because when we embodyour healthy masculine or healthy
feminine energy, then by naturewe're in alignment.
(50:36):
And when we're in alignment wejust become much more powerful
creators, because what we speak,as weight behind it, our energy
, our presence, is different andpeople can can feel that.
I mean everyone listening hereor watching.
When someone is in deep pain,they cannot really serve you and
(50:58):
be there for you, or at leastonly to a certain degree.
But if someone is truly inalignment, right, their presence
has a completely differentquality to it.
Speaker 2 (51:10):
Yeah, I really like the way you've said that.
That's really beautiful, and Ijust wanted to sort of just
touch on something you saidthere, which was when you are
speaking your truth, there'sthis security that you have.
That security is like your root, that keeps you grounded.
And then also, when you'respeaking your truth and you're
not afraid to speak it, you haveincredible self-worth, all tied
(51:33):
to financial abundance, so thatenergy is naturally aligned,
which means you're magneticallysending out to life and the
quantum field.
Hey, I feel very comfortablewith myself, I'm very proud of
myself and I can be of service,which means that you are
naturally magnetic and attractgreater abundance, and it might
(51:54):
be financial abundance thatcomes to you as a result.
We can see that from this typeof work of why it's so powerful.
And leading into my lastquestion, lauren, because this
is so, uh, enlightening andinteresting um is when we can
have that sacred union and bewith ourselves.
How does our sexualrelationship deepen?
(52:18):
Because I think that this isreally really important, that
that men and women can recognizethat sex can be even better
when we do the work on ourselves.
And I'm not saying you have todo any sort of strange sexual
practices.
What I'm trying to talk, talk,talk about really is talk about
(52:38):
that set.
We are sexual beings and youcan't deny that.
But when we understandourselves and try and grow as
into our healthy masculine orinto our healthy feminine, what
actually happens, I believe, isan absolute unfolding of a
deepening sexual enjoyment andnourishment.
(53:01):
What's your take on that?
Speaker 1 (53:04):
You said it already really well here, james sex is
very much dependent on our stateof consciousness, because if
we're in a state ofconsciousness of complete
avoidance and disconnect andbeing unconscious, then our sex
life will resemble that.
It will be just another mirrorfor that.
(53:25):
So it might just be atransaction instead of something
nourishing and enjoyable, or itmight even be trauma, which I
call eroticized wounds.
Speaker 2 (53:36):
Okay, fair.
Speaker 1 (53:38):
Where, not working through our trauma, becomes this
strong sexual pull towards, forinstance, someone who is
emotionally unavailable orsomeone who is playing hot and
cold dynamics right.
That in itself resembles a veryunconscious dynamic and, as you
said, as we do the work, as wego deeper, there is a natural
(54:02):
deepening in every dimension,whether it's relationships or
sex or or business or evenfinances, in every dimension.
And sex is a good example,because it's something where
it's so tangible, because nowthere isn't just eroticized
wounds or just fantasy or justtransactional, as you said just
(54:22):
now.
There is some.
There is a deeper componenthere.
Now the heart is open andactivated.
In that moment the breath isdeeper, there is this element of
presence and the experience ofsex becomes one that is so
infinitely more nourishing thananything else before.
Speaker 2 (54:47):
Oh, I like that and I think that you know, if you
want to enjoy life, I think youwant to do the work, because
then that aspect of yourself canbe awakened and you'll have a
level of deeper satisfactionthat we're not always familiar
with because we haven't beentold, because it's generational
or whatever you've been pickedup, it's societal.
(55:10):
But there's, like, this otherlevel of energy that is now
present, that wasn't presentbefore, because you grew as an
individual.
You grew to heal the challengesthat you've had, grew to heal
the challenges that you've hadto look at yourself and speak
your truth If you're a male, andopen your heart and be love if
(55:31):
you're the female.
So I'm really in awe of of yourwork and what you've you shared
, and you know I've reallyenjoyed this conversation.
Is there anything, lauren, thatyou would like you know I've
really enjoyed this conversation?
Is there anything, lauren, thatyou would like you know people
to really sort of take away thatmaybe you hadn't touched on?
That could be something forthem to go.
(55:52):
I could improve my life just bysomething that you could share
now.
Speaker 1 (55:59):
One other thing I would give to everyone listening
or watching this episode isthat, at the end of the day, our
journey of healing, what wedesire in a relationship, what
we desire in business, what wedesire for ourselves, for our
(56:23):
own individual goals, all istied to our level of healing and
our level of consciousness.
So many times, specifically,men, there is this idea okay,
I'm doing the work because of,but it's only when it becomes
this choice that one says okay,okay, this now becomes the
highest priority becauseeverything else depends on it.
(56:46):
That's where life just gains amuch deeper vastness and depth.
It's, it's the choice from wemake from deep within, to not
constantly need to facesuffering and experience
consequences to change things,but to decide, from this moment
forward, that one choosesevolution and expansion and
(57:10):
growth above all, and when thatchoice is made, then everything
else naturally falls into place.
Speaker 2 (57:19):
Oh, lauren, thank you so much, and thank you for
sharing your wisdom, your heartand your truth and your presence
with us today.
And if you've really enjoyedthis conversation, I'm going to
leave all the links for Lauren'swork and his workshops.
Thank you so much for joiningus today.
Speaker 1 (57:37):
Really appreciate the conversation, james.
Pretty powerful questions andyou brought a lot of depth into
this container.
Thank you for that, lauren.
Speaker 2 (57:44):
Is this week's super soft model.
If this episode resonated withyou, share it with someone who
needs to hear it.
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Leave a review to help uscontinue uplifting and improving
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Thank you for being part ofthis journey.
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