June 5, 2025 • 27 mins
Ever feel like no matter how hard you try, nothing is flowing—and everything’s working against you? This episode is your roadmap for those moments. When life doesn't go your way, there's a powerful shift you can make—and it starts in your mind.
By the end of this conversation, you’ll know exactly how to interrupt negative thought loops, regulate tough emotions, and turn setbacks into breakthroughs. These are the tools high performers, mindset coaches, and everyday resilient people use to rewire their reality from the inside out.
Here’s what you’ll learn:
✅ How to stop spiraling when things go wrong
✅ The science of emotional regulation and nervous system resets
✅ Why resistance creates more struggle—and what to do instead
✅ The 30-Second Rule to interrupt fear, doubt, and negativity
✅ Tools like cold exposure, breathwork, and movement to shift your state fast
✅ The power of better questions—like “What if something beautiful comes from this?”
✅ Why relief (not perfection) is the feeling to aim for
Through real-life examples of loss, frustration, and turning points, we explore how emotion is the first signal of manifestation—and how to work with your feelings, not against them.
This is more than mindset. It’s about learning how to respond when life doesn’t go your way—and how that moment can become the beginning of something greater.
💬 Because when you change the questions you ask, you change the outcomes you get.
—
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The mind automatically wants to jump to a
negative bias, and the reasonbeing is because it's trying to
control and keep you safe.
But it's only when you caninterrupt and break that pattern
do you become the master ofyour mind, because you're either
the master of your mind oryou're the slave.
And the key thing here in thisepisode that I'm trying to share
(00:20):
with you is how to master that.
Hi, I'm James and you'relistening to the Super Soul
Model Series.
If you feel like the universeisn't playing ball with you
right now, if you feel like theuniverse is kind of going
against you and, no matter whatyou're doing, nothing's sticking
or nothing's flowing and youdon't know what's going on and
you want to try and get out ofthis funk, I just want to let
you know this is just energy,and in this, this episode, what
(00:44):
I'm going to do is I'm going toshare with you some actionable
tools and steps so you canchange your energy and get
different feedback from life,because, in truth, life is
always reflecting and mirroringback our internal states.
When we feel good, we get goodexperiences in green lights, and
when we don't feel great, wefeel like we're up against it,
(01:04):
hence red lights.
So, in this episode, whetheryou are experiencing some real
challenge right now and you'reexperiencing some real adversity
, and perhaps you might be evenat rock bottom, I've got
something to share with you inorder to turn that around.
And if you're in another typeof experience and going through
challenge which may be not assevere, but you feel as though
(01:24):
you've got frustration,irritation, disappointment, you
know you're upset with people,something's going on with your
works, maybe something's goingon with your finances or your
health, I want to share with youtools in which you can turn
things around.
And, in my case, when I had avery, very difficult experience
which was me flying out to seemy family, my mother and father,
only to discover that day thatmy dad had passed away, I'm
(01:48):
going to share with you sometools in which you can turn
things around.
So, when life isn't going yourway and you're getting a
feedback in the form of emotionthat's very uncomfortable,
that's coming in the body, thisis what you need to do.
Number one you need tounderstand, first and foremost,
that the mind automaticallywants to jump to a negative bias
, and the reason being isbecause it's trying to control
(02:10):
and keep you safe.
And you might not think.
If my mind is my friend, whywould it do that?
Because it takes real consciouseffort to focus on the positive
than it does to focus on thenegative, and the mind
automatically wants to go on anegative tailspin and take you
with it.
But it's only when you caninterrupt and break that pattern
(02:31):
do you become the master ofyour mind, because you're either
the master of your mind oryou're the slave.
And the key thing here in thisepisode that I'm trying to share
with you is how to master thatmind so that you get to control
where you want the trajectory ofyour thought and your thinking
to go.
Number two the other thing youneed to be super mindful of is
(02:52):
that when that adversity andthat feeling's well up inside of
your body, that may seem reallyuncomfortable, because you're
either going through some typeof irritation, frustration,
anger, disappointment, whateverit may be.
What you need to do is justaccept that's the way you're
feeling right now, rather thanpush it away, because if you can
accept that feeling right now,it's going to dissipate.
(03:15):
But if you try and push it awayor you try and hide it through
substance or alcohol or whatever, which is what I used to do.
It just gets bigger and itstays in the background and
becomes more and moreuncomfortable every single day.
So the key thing is to do iskind of welcome that feeling,
even though it's reallyunpleasant, and then do this.
(03:35):
Which is the most importantthing you need to understand
that everything is energy andwhen you have an uncomfortable
feeling, that is energy inmotion, which means the thought
and the feeling are in motion,creating that emotion with
inside of your body.
So if it's disappointment orfrustration or irritation,
(03:56):
that's something that youthought about in motion,
creating that feeling.
And, on the higher end of thespectrum, when you feel great,
you have thoughts and feelingsthat are now in motion, creating
that good feeling, emotion.
That's when you get the greenlights of life.
So when we're experiencing thosered lights and those very
challenging emotions that wellup inside of your body, what I
(04:17):
want you to do is feel like youhave this actionable toolkit in
your back pocket and I call itthe 30 second rule.
And the 30 second rule is thisis you count to 30 backwards 30,
29, 28,.
Because actually what you'redoing when you're doing this
very mundane, boring toolexercise is you're giving your
(04:40):
mind focus to focus on somethingand it actually takes about 17
seconds to start changing thetrajectory of your thought.
And when you've got high levelemotion that's uncomfortable
sitting in your system, you needto change that emotion and you
need to actually change thetrajectory.
It's a bit like a fast movingtrain can't go 80 miles one way
(05:00):
and then suddenly stop and go 80miles another way.
It doesn't work like that.
So in order to slow thatprocess down, slow that energy
down, slow that train ofthinking down, we need to go to
the mundane as counting from 30to 1, really slowly, and if it
means you need to do it longer,do it longer.
(05:21):
I have on many occasions justcounted, you know, a whole
minute just to just slow thatenergy down.
And once you do that, yourecognize that feeling begins to
dissipate inside the body.
This gives you mastery overthose emotions that well up when
you least expect them andthey're very, very uncomfortable
.
(05:41):
Now, just recently, somethinghappened to me, very, very small
, but nonetheless it made methink about this episode and
think that most people justaccept that that's the way it is
.
But it isn't the way it is.
It's the way that you've beenflowing your energy and I woke
up on monday morning to have anappointment, only to discover
(06:01):
that that appointment wascancelled, whilst I, when I
nearly arrived at thatappointment and what I
discovered was instead of meautomatically flowing irritation
and frustration energy thatsomeone hadn't kept their word.
I decided to do this, and thisnext actionable tool is
(06:22):
something that made me reframethis challenge completely
differently, because, as Imentioned, the mind naturally
wants to go into a negative bias.
It naturally wants to think theworst of people, it naturally
wants to make you separated fromeverybody else, but the fact of
the matter is we live in aconnected universe.
(06:45):
We are all connected on aquantum field.
We're all atoms and molecules,all connected to one another,
and so when we're having ournormal day, waking up, you've
got your appointments, you'vegot your work, you've got your
family, you've got the meals,you've got your gym that you
might be going to, whatever yourlife may be, we have to
remember we are all connectedand we're all connected by
(07:07):
energy, and this quantum soup ischanging with all these
superpositions of us feeling indifferent ways, because when we
feel differently, we start totap into different aspects of
what we can attract into ourlife.
So, when we feel less than goodand what I call that red light
(07:28):
feeling, we're only attractingevents that won't make us feel
good.
We're attracting people thatlet us down.
We're attracting experiencesthat feel less than great.
If you're with me so far on theother side of this is all the
beautiful stuff, but what I'mtruly trying to maximize and
pinpoint here in this episode ishow for you to turn things
(07:49):
around when you're feeling thatred light energy Because it's
easy to get feeling good andstay feeling good than it is to
feel bad and not feel great andhave loads of challenges and hit
rock bottom and have the darknights of the soul.
But it's really our comebackthat makes us feel powerful,
because the contrastingexperiences are actually setups
(08:12):
in disguise.
I wouldn't change any of thechallenges that I've had in the
last 15, 20 years for anything,because they've taught me how to
come back time and time again.
This gives us a feeling of realpower.
So just to conclude on thisparticular segment, you've got
to make sure that you can ownthe feeling, even if it's
(08:36):
unpleasant.
Own it, let it sit with you.
As the Navajo Indians say saylet that anxiety sit at the
table, let that fear sit at thetable with you, because if you
don't invite it, it will bargeits way into your life over and
over again.
But if you make space for it,if you let it sit there, if you
welcome it, it will eventuallyleave, because we always get
(08:57):
more of what we try to push away, because in the universe,
whatever you resist persists.
So if you're trying to try topush away, because in the
universe, whatever you resistpersists, so if you're trying to
resist and push away thoseunpleasant feelings, they're
going to come back with greaternoise.
That's what I found in myexperience.
So welcome that feeling,whether you like it or not.
Then, number two, one of thethings you have to remember is
the mind is seeking a negativebias.
(09:19):
So when that mind of yoursstarts to go on that negative
bias, just recognize that that'sjust trying to keep you safe.
But then, number three, youhave to master your mind and
slow that energy and thatemotion down.
And the way you do that is bycounting from one to 30.
This allows your mind to focuson something completely
(09:41):
different than what's going on.
Just remember, you don't needto fix anything today.
You just need to start to be incontrol of your mind when it
starts to go on a tailspin, andthe way you take ownership back
of your mind when it starts togo on a tailspin is to take one
bold move that soothes yourself,because when you begin to
(10:02):
soothe yourself, you slow thatenergy and emotion right down
from red light energy to aneutral territory.
That's when you can starttaking back off and getting into
that green light territoryagain.
So the next thing you need to doin order to change that state
is you need to use your physicalbody and you need to use your
mental discipline.
(10:23):
And I'm going to just startwith the physical, because if
you're feeling veryuncomfortable and that emotion
feels very uncomfortable withyou, what I noticed when I was
experiencing death in my lifeand people I love, close to me
had died, what I recognized is Ineeded to get back into the
heart rather than being in themind, thinking about the
situation with grief or upset,and what I chose to do was I
(10:45):
choose to go running everymorning.
So I went running for 20minutes every single day.
This made the physiology of mybody, just made me get back in
my body, and I felt greatercapacity to deal with the things
that were in front of me.
So getting physical is reallyimportant.
So for me, I recognize thatrunning was great, but for you
it might be jumping.
(11:06):
A cold shower.
You know, one minute of coldshower every morning can really
release that funky energy, thatunpleasant energy inside of your
body.
On many occasions I've had coldshowers.
I've actually then changed myclothes to just get in a
different feeling state.
I've gone for a run, I'vejumped up and down, you know,
I've gone skipping with a jumprope, all these things to change
(11:29):
my energetic state, becausewhen you change the way you feel
, you change what you attract.
So getting physical is the mostimportant thing.
And also you can do a breathingexercise, and one of the things
that I've shared with myclients, and particularly that
professional athletes do whenthey're really up against it in
a very important moment, is abreathing technique called the
(11:50):
double inhale and the longexhale, and it goes like this so
what you're actually doing isforcing more oxygen into your
lungs and the long exhale isexpelling carbon dioxide and on
a biological level, this is oneof the best ways you can
(12:13):
actually change your state ifyou're going in a frustration or
irritation.
I use it all the time in sportand I teach my clients to use it
in sport as well, particularlywhen they're up against a very
difficult moment, because thisresets and recalibrates your
nervous system just through thebreath alone.
But if you're having challengesgoing through the day and
you're not doing sports the coldshower, perhaps a run, very
(12:37):
brisk walk, getting out intonature think of all these things
in which you can do to top upthe energy, because when you
change that emotional responsein your body by physical
activity, you feel a lot better.
So once you've got physical, oneof the things you need to do is
get to the mental disciplinewhich is asking yourself better
questions, because when you aska better question, you interrupt
(13:00):
that negative bias that themind often wants to take you on.
And one of the things that Ioften ask myself is what's this
trying to teach me, this setback, what's it actually setting me
up for?
I noticed when I had achallenge recently, when I was
supposed to have an appointmentand it was cancelled whilst I
was nearly there, one thing thatI did was to ask an empowering
(13:20):
question, which was what ifsomething good comes out of this
Number one?
And then I asked what ifsomething beautiful happens
today that's unexpected?
And what if I can use this timewisely and use it for something
even better?
Now, this might be afrustration, but when you start
to ask a what if?
(13:41):
Question or a wouldn't it benice?
Question, even though you'vebeen experiencing frustration
and irritation and perhapsnegativity, this changes the
trajectory of your negativemind's bias.
This actually puts the mindinto curiosity and you start to
lead the mind instead of beingthe slave to it from the
(14:04):
negative bias.
This is really powerful.
The problem that most peoplehave if they're having a very
challenging life is they don'task themselves good questions
and because of that they'realways a slave to the negative
bias of the mind.
But once you start to getcontrol of the mind, you start
to become free and you start tofeel more powerful.
You're not actually everpowerless.
(14:25):
It's just that you probablyhaven't learned the tools yet
how to come back and ask abetter question.
That's why Einstein said thatif I have a problem, I will
spend 55 minutes within an hourtrying to ask and create what
the correct question is, andthen within five minutes I will
know I'll have the answer.
That's because Einsteinintuitively and instinctively
(14:48):
knew that when you ask a betterquestion you always get the
answer.
So, just in conclusion to this,you might ask what's this trying
to teach me?
What if something good comesout of this?
What if this setback isactually a setup in disguise?
These are really empoweringquestions and if you ask
yourself, what if somethingbeautiful comes out of this, you
(15:10):
will feel empowered and one ofthe powerful incantations you
can always take away withyourself.
When I've been challengedpreviously, I've often used this
incantation, which is why am Isafe and sound and why am I
going to be all right?
Because when you ask the why,you're going to the emotional
aspect of the brain that is youremotional driver, and when you
(15:33):
make a pre-assumption that whyam I always safe and sound, the
brain will figure out a way foryou to be safe and sound.
This is really really powerfuland you can use these types of
mental disciplines andinterruptions of breaking
patterns of negative bias thatwill really really help you go
(15:54):
from a place of feeling thatyour life isn't working to it
really working.
So the next thing that you cando is what I call soothing
yourself.
So the main emotion that you'realways trying to find when
you're experiencing thoseuncomfortable emotions that
arise for one reason or anotherin our life, the main emotion
that we're always trying to feelis the emotion of relief.
(16:16):
And when we feel relief, you'renow not pushing against life,
you're now flowing with life.
And when we feel relief, you'renow flowing with life.
And when we feel relief,everything begins to change on
the external world because, intruth, any outer chaos is a
reflection of inner chaos.
I've seen this time and timeagain that when I've been
meditating and it's been noisyoutside, as soon as I started to
(16:39):
calm my mind, those sirensstarts to go down.
The city starts to feel quieter.
I can hear the birds tweetingagain when I'm in this really
present, beautiful state.
But when I'm chaotic in my mindand when there's a lot of
thoughts going on, I can hearthat external world really
chaotic and bustling, like acity with all the sirens and all
(17:01):
the noise.
So I see the whole world as areflection of my inner world and
whilst that might be a lot totake on board right now, just
notice that when you feelpeaceful and you feel calm,
notice how the environment is,just use it as an indicator and
a feedback.
So, in order to get to that calmstate, after all, that heavy
(17:22):
energy is presented itself inyour body and in your belly.
You need to talk to yourself ina soothing manner.
This is really powerful and oneof the ways you can do this is
you can say everything's goingto be okay, everything's going
to be all right in time.
This will pass, things arecoming together, but all is well
.
I've been through things likethis before.
Things have improved, sothere's no reason why this can't
(17:45):
improve as well.
Everything will be okay,everything will be all right,
it's going to be okay, it'sgoing to be all right.
Just even that soothing tone andtalking to yourself in this
soothing manner actually calmsthe nervous system down, because
in truth, we're talking to thatinner child of ourselves that
feels scared, that feels uptight, that feels worried or feels
(18:08):
angry or feels discouraged, andwe soothe that with that gentle
talk.
And when you do that, you'resoothing your nervous system,
Because in truth, that's thetype of conversation you would
have liked to have heard whenyou were five years old and you
were going through thatdifficult moment.
But if there was no adult tosay that to you, you felt that
(18:30):
real fear or you felt that realconcern.
So in order to heal ourselvesand reset our nervous system, we
have to understand that we'rein control of our mind and that
our mind will be shaped by theway we think and the way we talk
to ourselves.
So a soothing talk is reallypowerful.
(18:51):
But if you need to get going, ifyou are not proud of yourself
and you need to change, that'swhen you need to pipe up.
You're like come on, I've beenin this before, I can turn it
around.
And this is a different type ofenergy.
It's a more empowering,encouraging energy for you not
to wallow, for you not to feeldiscouraged.
You need to give yourself thatpersonal pep talk, but
(19:11):
ultimately you're stillrelieving yourself of the energy
.
So, whether you need to sootheyourself or you need to give
yourself, that you know, pick meup type of conversation.
And you need to do it for 60seconds, because in 60 seconds
you will change the energy andthe emotion.
Because it takes about 60 oddseconds for us to change the
(19:32):
feeling states inside of ourbody from not feeling good to
feeling better.
This is when the outer worldbegins to change doesn't change
immediately, but it changes.
Emotion is the first sign of amanifestation.
So when you start to feelrelief, you notice that you're
on a good train.
When you start to feelempowered, you know that you're
(19:53):
on a good train.
But when you don't feel anybetter, when you feel like
nothing's actually changedemotionally, you know that what
you haven't done yet has causedthat state of relief or caused
that state of encouragement.
Because, ultimately, the onlypeople that can really get our
physical energy state to changeis ourselves and the way we
think about ourselves and theway we're thinking about a
(20:15):
situation.
Because in truth, allunhappiness is caused by the way
we're perceiving a situation.
That is it, and if we were togive it no thought, we would
just witness it as it is.
This is what Eckhart Tolletalks about in the Power of Now
he goes.
Most unhappiness is caused bythe way we think about things.
(20:35):
And if you're thinking aboutthings negatively and the mind
is constantly looking at thingson a negative bias, then
negativity will be on your slant.
Then you know negativity willbe on your slant.
And when the challenges insideof our day have been persistent,
it's because we've spent lesstime focusing on the good.
And in truth, there are so manymore things working in life
(20:55):
than not working.
And if you're able to listen tothis, that means something's
working.
And if you've got a roof overyour head, that means
something's working.
And if you've got food everyday, that means something's
working.
And your life can get so muchbetter when you focus on what
you have rather than focusing onwhat you don't have.
And because of the mind'sconstant negative bias, we're
(21:17):
always looking about what wedon't have.
Shortage is really onlysomething inside the human mind,
and in the gospel of Matthewewit says to he who has more shall
be given, and to who he who hasnot, more shall be taken away.
And basically, in short, allthis is saying is that when the
mind is thinking about what hehas or what she has, more shall
(21:39):
be given because the mind isfocused on what that person has.
And vice versa, if they'refocusing on what they don't have
, more will be taken awaybecause I don't have this.
This is why, when people say Idon't have enough, don't have
enough time or don't have enoughmoney, the mind will go.
I believe you, so I'll send youless, but when you always go, I
(22:00):
have more than enough time tofigure this out.
I have more than enough moneyto be able to figure this out.
The mind than enough time tofigure this out.
I have more than enough moneyto be able to figure this out.
The mind begins to change, butit's more important to ask a
more empowering question what ifthis is going to be okay?
What if this is going to be allright?
This changes the trajectory.
So when we come from a state ofgratitude, we return to a state
of alignment.
When we come from a state aboutasking ourselves what's
(22:23):
actually working rather thanwhat isn't working, we return to
a state of alignment.
When I was having a challengewith my family and my father
died, the challenge wasn't oh,I've lost my father.
Oh, what am I going to do?
My challenge is I've goteverything I need.
I've got to figure.
I'm going to find a way tofigure this out.
(22:43):
I've got everything I need.
I need to figure out what Ineed to do next to support my
loved ones now.
This allows us to use our mindin a powerful way rather than oh
, poor me.
Or what am I going to do?
Who's going to help me now?
Because the mind doesn't worklike that.
You need to ask yourself theempowering question and then you
(23:03):
can move forward.
I would always say that the mostcontrasting experiences that
you have, the toughest ones whenyou hit the rock bottom,
there's always a beautiful storyand lesson that you can take
from that, even if it's veryuncomfortable because I couldn't
be sitting here today beingable to share candidly some of
(23:26):
the things that I've gonethrough, that haven't felt great
and come back and say it'sgoing to be okay because I do
know it's going to be okaybecause I've had tough moments
and if you're listening to thisor watching this, of course
you've had tough moments.
But now it's time to askyourself better questions,
because this is how you turn itaround.
This moves you to relief andcuriosity and optimism, then
(23:47):
taking you away.
You know most people don't askwhat if something beautiful is
going to happen today, they justlook at what is and go, oh, I
don't like it or I don't likewhat happened today.
That's never empowering.
You're never going to get themagic and miracles vibe.
Thinking like that, you'realways going to have magic and
miracles vibe.
Thinking like that, you'realways going to have magic and
miracles vibe and those greenlights and opportunities coming
(24:09):
your way and beautiful jobs andwonderful new relationships by
going.
I wonder what amazing thingscould happen.
This is just an absolutemindset shift.
That is it.
Your questions will determineyour reality and if you're
asking bad questions, you'regoing gonna stay in that
negative loop.
That was me for so long and assoon as I asked a good question,
(24:29):
it literally took about one ortwo days for things to really
turn for me, and they will foryou.
But do not believe me.
Get your own experience andstart asking some better
questions and witness andobserve what shows up in your
life.
So in this episode's bigtakeaway, just remember this the
feelings that you have arevalid.
Don't try and push them away.
Accept them and you can breathethrough them.
(24:51):
You can change your physiologyand you can change that
physiology by jumping in coldshowers, going for a run,
getting out into nature,whatever it takes for you to
shift.
And remember counting down from30 can really focus your mind
in a new direction whensomething wells up and it feels
very uncomfortable, and thenalso asking those what if
(25:13):
questions?
Remember you're either a slaveto your mind or you're the
master.
And you will be the master ofyour mind when you can control
the way you think about certainsituations and perspectives and
the more you return to yourcenter through things like
gratitude, through things likebeing present, by things like
owning how you feel, even ifit's imperfect.
(25:36):
This powers you up, and youwill only ever move forwards in
your life when you take a boldaction that's actually going to
help you move forward in theright direction.
And sometimes, if things aren'tgoing great, you might need to
take a bold action today,whatever it may be.
One of the firm things I reallyreally believe in is always
(25:57):
present yourself the best youcan, even if life isn't great.
So show up looking smart,looking fantastic, the best of
what you've got available.
Try and present yourself thebest possible way, because when
you present yourself the bestpossible way, the universe and
life contained with all thesepeople could offer you an
opportunity that can change yourfate, will change your
(26:20):
direction.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand there are some practical
tools for you to take away, andif you can share this with
somebody who you think needs it,this will actually help not
only improve the quality oftheir life, but it's also going
to help the quality of yours,because when you give, you also
receive.
So if you're giving empoweringcontent to help other people,
you're also empowering yourself,and this is how life really
(26:42):
works.
This podcast is just a ripple ofpositivity, trying to share
with people how to manage theirlife and manage their minds so
you can have a higher quality oflife, because, ultimately, when
you have a higher quality oflife, you're living in heaven on
earth, and that is what thismission is all about.
It's not always easy, but itdoes take self-control and
self-discipline does takeself-control and self-discipline
(27:07):
, and I hope this episode hasinspired you to take some sort
of action and recognize thatnothing is out of your control.
Things are within your control.
You're never out of power andyou do have a mind and a body in
which you can change the wayyou feel, to change what you
receive and change what you'regetting in life.
Until the next episode, I wishyou a wonderful weekend and
(27:27):
green lights all the way.
The mind automatically wants to jump to a
negative bias, and the reasonbeing is because it's trying to
control and keep you safe.
But it's only when you caninterrupt and break that pattern
do you become the master ofyour mind, because you're either
the master of your mind oryou're the slave.
And the key thing here in thisepisode that I'm trying to share
(00:20):
with you is how to master that.
Hi, I'm James and you'relistening to the Super Soul
Model Series.
If you feel like the universeisn't playing ball with you
right now, if you feel like theuniverse is kind of going
against you and, no matter whatyou're doing, nothing's sticking
or nothing's flowing and youdon't know what's going on and
you want to try and get out ofthis funk, I just want to let
you know this is just energy,and in this, this episode, what
(00:44):
I'm going to do is I'm going toshare with you some actionable
tools and steps so you canchange your energy and get
different feedback from life,because, in truth, life is
always reflecting and mirroringback our internal states.
When we feel good, we get goodexperiences in green lights, and
when we don't feel great, wefeel like we're up against it,
(01:04):
hence red lights.
So, in this episode, whetheryou are experiencing some real
challenge right now and you'reexperiencing some real adversity
, and perhaps you might be evenat rock bottom, I've got
something to share with you inorder to turn that around.
And if you're in another typeof experience and going through
challenge which may be not assevere, but you feel as though
(01:24):
you've got frustration,irritation, disappointment, you
know you're upset with people,something's going on with your
works, maybe something's goingon with your finances or your
health, I want to share with youtools in which you can turn
things around.
And, in my case, when I had avery, very difficult experience
which was me flying out to seemy family, my mother and father,
only to discover that day thatmy dad had passed away, I'm
(01:48):
going to share with you sometools in which you can turn
things around.
So, when life isn't going yourway and you're getting a
feedback in the form of emotionthat's very uncomfortable,
that's coming in the body, thisis what you need to do.
Number one you need tounderstand, first and foremost,
that the mind automaticallywants to jump to a negative bias
, and the reason being isbecause it's trying to control
(02:10):
and keep you safe.
And you might not think.
If my mind is my friend, whywould it do that?
Because it takes real consciouseffort to focus on the positive
than it does to focus on thenegative, and the mind
automatically wants to go on anegative tailspin and take you
with it.
But it's only when you caninterrupt and break that pattern
(02:31):
do you become the master ofyour mind, because you're either
the master of your mind oryou're the slave.
And the key thing here in thisepisode that I'm trying to share
with you is how to master thatmind so that you get to control
where you want the trajectory ofyour thought and your thinking
to go.
Number two the other thing youneed to be super mindful of is
(02:52):
that when that adversity andthat feeling's well up inside of
your body, that may seem reallyuncomfortable, because you're
either going through some typeof irritation, frustration,
anger, disappointment, whateverit may be.
What you need to do is justaccept that's the way you're
feeling right now, rather thanpush it away, because if you can
accept that feeling right now,it's going to dissipate.
(03:15):
But if you try and push it awayor you try and hide it through
substance or alcohol or whatever, which is what I used to do.
It just gets bigger and itstays in the background and
becomes more and moreuncomfortable every single day.
So the key thing is to do iskind of welcome that feeling,
even though it's reallyunpleasant, and then do this.
(03:35):
Which is the most importantthing you need to understand
that everything is energy andwhen you have an uncomfortable
feeling, that is energy inmotion, which means the thought
and the feeling are in motion,creating that emotion with
inside of your body.
So if it's disappointment orfrustration or irritation,
(03:56):
that's something that youthought about in motion,
creating that feeling.
And, on the higher end of thespectrum, when you feel great,
you have thoughts and feelingsthat are now in motion, creating
that good feeling, emotion.
That's when you get the greenlights of life.
So when we're experiencing thosered lights and those very
challenging emotions that wellup inside of your body, what I
(04:17):
want you to do is feel like youhave this actionable toolkit in
your back pocket and I call itthe 30 second rule.
And the 30 second rule is thisis you count to 30 backwards 30,
29, 28,.
Because actually what you'redoing when you're doing this
very mundane, boring toolexercise is you're giving your
(04:40):
mind focus to focus on somethingand it actually takes about 17
seconds to start changing thetrajectory of your thought.
And when you've got high levelemotion that's uncomfortable
sitting in your system, you needto change that emotion and you
need to actually change thetrajectory.
It's a bit like a fast movingtrain can't go 80 miles one way
(05:00):
and then suddenly stop and go 80miles another way.
It doesn't work like that.
So in order to slow thatprocess down, slow that energy
down, slow that train ofthinking down, we need to go to
the mundane as counting from 30to 1, really slowly, and if it
means you need to do it longer,do it longer.
(05:21):
I have on many occasions justcounted, you know, a whole
minute just to just slow thatenergy down.
And once you do that, yourecognize that feeling begins to
dissipate inside the body.
This gives you mastery overthose emotions that well up when
you least expect them andthey're very, very uncomfortable
.
(05:41):
Now, just recently, somethinghappened to me, very, very small
, but nonetheless it made methink about this episode and
think that most people justaccept that that's the way it is
.
But it isn't the way it is.
It's the way that you've beenflowing your energy and I woke
up on monday morning to have anappointment, only to discover
(06:01):
that that appointment wascancelled, whilst I, when I
nearly arrived at thatappointment and what I
discovered was instead of meautomatically flowing irritation
and frustration energy thatsomeone hadn't kept their word.
I decided to do this, and thisnext actionable tool is
(06:22):
something that made me reframethis challenge completely
differently, because, as Imentioned, the mind naturally
wants to go into a negative bias.
It naturally wants to think theworst of people, it naturally
wants to make you separated fromeverybody else, but the fact of
the matter is we live in aconnected universe.
(06:45):
We are all connected on aquantum field.
We're all atoms and molecules,all connected to one another,
and so when we're having ournormal day, waking up, you've
got your appointments, you'vegot your work, you've got your
family, you've got the meals,you've got your gym that you
might be going to, whatever yourlife may be, we have to
remember we are all connectedand we're all connected by
(07:07):
energy, and this quantum soup ischanging with all these
superpositions of us feeling indifferent ways, because when we
feel differently, we start totap into different aspects of
what we can attract into ourlife.
So, when we feel less than goodand what I call that red light
(07:28):
feeling, we're only attractingevents that won't make us feel
good.
We're attracting people thatlet us down.
We're attracting experiencesthat feel less than great.
If you're with me so far on theother side of this is all the
beautiful stuff, but what I'mtruly trying to maximize and
pinpoint here in this episode ishow for you to turn things
(07:49):
around when you're feeling thatred light energy Because it's
easy to get feeling good andstay feeling good than it is to
feel bad and not feel great andhave loads of challenges and hit
rock bottom and have the darknights of the soul.
But it's really our comebackthat makes us feel powerful,
because the contrastingexperiences are actually setups
(08:12):
in disguise.
I wouldn't change any of thechallenges that I've had in the
last 15, 20 years for anything,because they've taught me how to
come back time and time again.
This gives us a feeling of realpower.
So just to conclude on thisparticular segment, you've got
to make sure that you can ownthe feeling, even if it's
(08:36):
unpleasant.
Own it, let it sit with you.
As the Navajo Indians say saylet that anxiety sit at the
table, let that fear sit at thetable with you, because if you
don't invite it, it will bargeits way into your life over and
over again.
But if you make space for it,if you let it sit there, if you
welcome it, it will eventuallyleave, because we always get
(08:57):
more of what we try to push away, because in the universe,
whatever you resist persists.
So if you're trying to try topush away, because in the
universe, whatever you resistpersists, so if you're trying to
resist and push away thoseunpleasant feelings, they're
going to come back with greaternoise.
That's what I found in myexperience.
So welcome that feeling,whether you like it or not.
Then, number two, one of thethings you have to remember is
the mind is seeking a negativebias.
(09:19):
So when that mind of yoursstarts to go on that negative
bias, just recognize that that'sjust trying to keep you safe.
But then, number three, youhave to master your mind and
slow that energy and thatemotion down.
And the way you do that is bycounting from one to 30.
This allows your mind to focuson something completely
(09:41):
different than what's going on.
Just remember, you don't needto fix anything today.
You just need to start to be incontrol of your mind when it
starts to go on a tailspin, andthe way you take ownership back
of your mind when it starts togo on a tailspin is to take one
bold move that soothes yourself,because when you begin to
(10:02):
soothe yourself, you slow thatenergy and emotion right down
from red light energy to aneutral territory.
That's when you can starttaking back off and getting into
that green light territoryagain.
So the next thing you need to doin order to change that state
is you need to use your physicalbody and you need to use your
mental discipline.
(10:23):
And I'm going to just startwith the physical, because if
you're feeling veryuncomfortable and that emotion
feels very uncomfortable withyou, what I noticed when I was
experiencing death in my lifeand people I love, close to me
had died, what I recognized is Ineeded to get back into the
heart rather than being in themind, thinking about the
situation with grief or upset,and what I chose to do was I
(10:45):
choose to go running everymorning.
So I went running for 20minutes every single day.
This made the physiology of mybody, just made me get back in
my body, and I felt greatercapacity to deal with the things
that were in front of me.
So getting physical is reallyimportant.
So for me, I recognize thatrunning was great, but for you
it might be jumping.
(11:06):
A cold shower.
You know, one minute of coldshower every morning can really
release that funky energy, thatunpleasant energy inside of your
body.
On many occasions I've had coldshowers.
I've actually then changed myclothes to just get in a
different feeling state.
I've gone for a run, I'vejumped up and down, you know,
I've gone skipping with a jumprope, all these things to change
(11:29):
my energetic state, becausewhen you change the way you feel
, you change what you attract.
So getting physical is the mostimportant thing.
And also you can do a breathingexercise, and one of the things
that I've shared with myclients, and particularly that
professional athletes do whenthey're really up against it in
a very important moment, is abreathing technique called the
(11:50):
double inhale and the longexhale, and it goes like this so
what you're actually doing isforcing more oxygen into your
lungs and the long exhale isexpelling carbon dioxide and on
a biological level, this is oneof the best ways you can
(12:13):
actually change your state ifyou're going in a frustration or
irritation.
I use it all the time in sportand I teach my clients to use it
in sport as well, particularlywhen they're up against a very
difficult moment, because thisresets and recalibrates your
nervous system just through thebreath alone.
But if you're having challengesgoing through the day and
you're not doing sports the coldshower, perhaps a run, very
(12:37):
brisk walk, getting out intonature think of all these things
in which you can do to top upthe energy, because when you
change that emotional responsein your body by physical
activity, you feel a lot better.
So once you've got physical, oneof the things you need to do is
get to the mental disciplinewhich is asking yourself better
questions, because when you aska better question, you interrupt
(13:00):
that negative bias that themind often wants to take you on.
And one of the things that Ioften ask myself is what's this
trying to teach me, this setback, what's it actually setting me
up for?
I noticed when I had achallenge recently, when I was
supposed to have an appointmentand it was cancelled whilst I
was nearly there, one thing thatI did was to ask an empowering
(13:20):
question, which was what ifsomething good comes out of this
Number one?
And then I asked what ifsomething beautiful happens
today that's unexpected?
And what if I can use this timewisely and use it for something
even better?
Now, this might be afrustration, but when you start
to ask a what if?
(13:41):
Question or a wouldn't it benice?
Question, even though you'vebeen experiencing frustration
and irritation and perhapsnegativity, this changes the
trajectory of your negativemind's bias.
This actually puts the mindinto curiosity and you start to
lead the mind instead of beingthe slave to it from the
(14:04):
negative bias.
This is really powerful.
The problem that most peoplehave if they're having a very
challenging life is they don'task themselves good questions
and because of that they'realways a slave to the negative
bias of the mind.
But once you start to getcontrol of the mind, you start
to become free and you start tofeel more powerful.
You're not actually everpowerless.
(14:25):
It's just that you probablyhaven't learned the tools yet
how to come back and ask abetter question.
That's why Einstein said thatif I have a problem, I will
spend 55 minutes within an hourtrying to ask and create what
the correct question is, andthen within five minutes I will
know I'll have the answer.
That's because Einsteinintuitively and instinctively
(14:48):
knew that when you ask a betterquestion you always get the
answer.
So, just in conclusion to this,you might ask what's this trying
to teach me?
What if something good comesout of this?
What if this setback isactually a setup in disguise?
These are really empoweringquestions and if you ask
yourself, what if somethingbeautiful comes out of this, you
(15:10):
will feel empowered and one ofthe powerful incantations you
can always take away withyourself.
When I've been challengedpreviously, I've often used this
incantation, which is why am Isafe and sound and why am I
going to be all right?
Because when you ask the why,you're going to the emotional
aspect of the brain that is youremotional driver, and when you
(15:33):
make a pre-assumption that whyam I always safe and sound, the
brain will figure out a way foryou to be safe and sound.
This is really really powerfuland you can use these types of
mental disciplines andinterruptions of breaking
patterns of negative bias thatwill really really help you go
(15:54):
from a place of feeling thatyour life isn't working to it
really working.
So the next thing that you cando is what I call soothing
yourself.
So the main emotion that you'realways trying to find when
you're experiencing thoseuncomfortable emotions that
arise for one reason or anotherin our life, the main emotion
that we're always trying to feelis the emotion of relief.
(16:16):
And when we feel relief, you'renow not pushing against life,
you're now flowing with life.
And when we feel relief, you'renow flowing with life.
And when we feel relief,everything begins to change on
the external world because, intruth, any outer chaos is a
reflection of inner chaos.
I've seen this time and timeagain that when I've been
meditating and it's been noisyoutside, as soon as I started to
(16:39):
calm my mind, those sirensstarts to go down.
The city starts to feel quieter.
I can hear the birds tweetingagain when I'm in this really
present, beautiful state.
But when I'm chaotic in my mindand when there's a lot of
thoughts going on, I can hearthat external world really
chaotic and bustling, like acity with all the sirens and all
(17:01):
the noise.
So I see the whole world as areflection of my inner world and
whilst that might be a lot totake on board right now, just
notice that when you feelpeaceful and you feel calm,
notice how the environment is,just use it as an indicator and
a feedback.
So, in order to get to that calmstate, after all, that heavy
(17:22):
energy is presented itself inyour body and in your belly.
You need to talk to yourself ina soothing manner.
This is really powerful and oneof the ways you can do this is
you can say everything's goingto be okay, everything's going
to be all right in time.
This will pass, things arecoming together, but all is well
.
I've been through things likethis before.
Things have improved, sothere's no reason why this can't
(17:45):
improve as well.
Everything will be okay,everything will be all right,
it's going to be okay, it'sgoing to be all right.
Just even that soothing tone andtalking to yourself in this
soothing manner actually calmsthe nervous system down, because
in truth, we're talking to thatinner child of ourselves that
feels scared, that feels uptight, that feels worried or feels
(18:08):
angry or feels discouraged, andwe soothe that with that gentle
talk.
And when you do that, you'resoothing your nervous system,
Because in truth, that's thetype of conversation you would
have liked to have heard whenyou were five years old and you
were going through thatdifficult moment.
But if there was no adult tosay that to you, you felt that
(18:30):
real fear or you felt that realconcern.
So in order to heal ourselvesand reset our nervous system, we
have to understand that we'rein control of our mind and that
our mind will be shaped by theway we think and the way we talk
to ourselves.
So a soothing talk is reallypowerful.
(18:51):
But if you need to get going, ifyou are not proud of yourself
and you need to change, that'swhen you need to pipe up.
You're like come on, I've beenin this before, I can turn it
around.
And this is a different type ofenergy.
It's a more empowering,encouraging energy for you not
to wallow, for you not to feeldiscouraged.
You need to give yourself thatpersonal pep talk, but
(19:11):
ultimately you're stillrelieving yourself of the energy
.
So, whether you need to sootheyourself or you need to give
yourself, that you know, pick meup type of conversation.
And you need to do it for 60seconds, because in 60 seconds
you will change the energy andthe emotion.
Because it takes about 60 oddseconds for us to change the
(19:32):
feeling states inside of ourbody from not feeling good to
feeling better.
This is when the outer worldbegins to change doesn't change
immediately, but it changes.
Emotion is the first sign of amanifestation.
So when you start to feelrelief, you notice that you're
on a good train.
When you start to feelempowered, you know that you're
(19:53):
on a good train.
But when you don't feel anybetter, when you feel like
nothing's actually changedemotionally, you know that what
you haven't done yet has causedthat state of relief or caused
that state of encouragement.
Because, ultimately, the onlypeople that can really get our
physical energy state to changeis ourselves and the way we
think about ourselves and theway we're thinking about a
(20:15):
situation.
Because in truth, allunhappiness is caused by the way
we're perceiving a situation.
That is it, and if we were togive it no thought, we would
just witness it as it is.
This is what Eckhart Tolletalks about in the Power of Now
he goes.
Most unhappiness is caused bythe way we think about things.
(20:35):
And if you're thinking aboutthings negatively and the mind
is constantly looking at thingson a negative bias, then
negativity will be on your slant.
Then you know negativity willbe on your slant.
And when the challenges insideof our day have been persistent,
it's because we've spent lesstime focusing on the good.
And in truth, there are so manymore things working in life
(20:55):
than not working.
And if you're able to listen tothis, that means something's
working.
And if you've got a roof overyour head, that means
something's working.
And if you've got food everyday, that means something's
working.
And your life can get so muchbetter when you focus on what
you have rather than focusing onwhat you don't have.
And because of the mind'sconstant negative bias, we're
(21:17):
always looking about what wedon't have.
Shortage is really onlysomething inside the human mind,
and in the gospel of Matthewewit says to he who has more shall
be given, and to who he who hasnot, more shall be taken away.
And basically, in short, allthis is saying is that when the
mind is thinking about what hehas or what she has, more shall
(21:39):
be given because the mind isfocused on what that person has.
And vice versa, if they'refocusing on what they don't have
, more will be taken awaybecause I don't have this.
This is why, when people say Idon't have enough, don't have
enough time or don't have enoughmoney, the mind will go.
I believe you, so I'll send youless, but when you always go, I
(22:00):
have more than enough time tofigure this out.
I have more than enough moneyto be able to figure this out.
The mind than enough time tofigure this out.
I have more than enough moneyto be able to figure this out.
The mind begins to change, butit's more important to ask a
more empowering question what ifthis is going to be okay?
What if this is going to be allright?
This changes the trajectory.
So when we come from a state ofgratitude, we return to a state
of alignment.
When we come from a state aboutasking ourselves what's
(22:23):
actually working rather thanwhat isn't working, we return to
a state of alignment.
When I was having a challengewith my family and my father
died, the challenge wasn't oh,I've lost my father.
Oh, what am I going to do?
My challenge is I've goteverything I need.
I've got to figure.
I'm going to find a way tofigure this out.
(22:43):
I've got everything I need.
I need to figure out what Ineed to do next to support my
loved ones now.
This allows us to use our mindin a powerful way rather than oh
, poor me.
Or what am I going to do?
Who's going to help me now?
Because the mind doesn't worklike that.
You need to ask yourself theempowering question and then you
(23:03):
can move forward.
I would always say that the mostcontrasting experiences that
you have, the toughest ones whenyou hit the rock bottom,
there's always a beautiful storyand lesson that you can take
from that, even if it's veryuncomfortable because I couldn't
be sitting here today beingable to share candidly some of
(23:26):
the things that I've gonethrough, that haven't felt great
and come back and say it'sgoing to be okay because I do
know it's going to be okaybecause I've had tough moments
and if you're listening to thisor watching this, of course
you've had tough moments.
But now it's time to askyourself better questions,
because this is how you turn itaround.
This moves you to relief andcuriosity and optimism, then
(23:47):
taking you away.
You know most people don't askwhat if something beautiful is
going to happen today, they justlook at what is and go, oh, I
don't like it or I don't likewhat happened today.
That's never empowering.
You're never going to get themagic and miracles vibe.
Thinking like that, you'realways going to have magic and
miracles vibe.
Thinking like that, you'realways going to have magic and
miracles vibe and those greenlights and opportunities coming
(24:09):
your way and beautiful jobs andwonderful new relationships by
going.
I wonder what amazing thingscould happen.
This is just an absolutemindset shift.
That is it.
Your questions will determineyour reality and if you're
asking bad questions, you'regoing gonna stay in that
negative loop.
That was me for so long and assoon as I asked a good question,
(24:29):
it literally took about one ortwo days for things to really
turn for me, and they will foryou.
But do not believe me.
Get your own experience andstart asking some better
questions and witness andobserve what shows up in your
life.
So in this episode's bigtakeaway, just remember this the
feelings that you have arevalid.
Don't try and push them away.
Accept them and you can breathethrough them.
(24:51):
You can change your physiologyand you can change that
physiology by jumping in coldshowers, going for a run,
getting out into nature,whatever it takes for you to
shift.
And remember counting down from30 can really focus your mind
in a new direction whensomething wells up and it feels
very uncomfortable, and thenalso asking those what if
(25:13):
questions?
Remember you're either a slaveto your mind or you're the
master.
And you will be the master ofyour mind when you can control
the way you think about certainsituations and perspectives and
the more you return to yourcenter through things like
gratitude, through things likebeing present, by things like
owning how you feel, even ifit's imperfect.
(25:36):
This powers you up, and youwill only ever move forwards in
your life when you take a boldaction that's actually going to
help you move forward in theright direction.
And sometimes, if things aren'tgoing great, you might need to
take a bold action today,whatever it may be.
One of the firm things I reallyreally believe in is always
(25:57):
present yourself the best youcan, even if life isn't great.
So show up looking smart,looking fantastic, the best of
what you've got available.
Try and present yourself thebest possible way, because when
you present yourself the bestpossible way, the universe and
life contained with all thesepeople could offer you an
opportunity that can change yourfate, will change your
(26:20):
direction.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand there are some practical
tools for you to take away, andif you can share this with
somebody who you think needs it,this will actually help not
only improve the quality oftheir life, but it's also going
to help the quality of yours,because when you give, you also
receive.
So if you're giving empoweringcontent to help other people,
you're also empowering yourself,and this is how life really
(26:42):
works.
This podcast is just a ripple ofpositivity, trying to share
with people how to manage theirlife and manage their minds so
you can have a higher quality oflife, because, ultimately, when
you have a higher quality oflife, you're living in heaven on
earth, and that is what thismission is all about.
It's not always easy, but itdoes take self-control and
self-discipline does takeself-control and self-discipline
(27:07):
, and I hope this episode hasinspired you to take some sort
of action and recognize thatnothing is out of your control.
Things are within your control.
You're never out of power andyou do have a mind and a body in
which you can change the wayyou feel, to change what you
receive and change what you'regetting in life.
Until the next episode, I wishyou a wonderful weekend and
(27:27):
green lights all the way.
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