October 6, 2025 • 58 mins
What does it mean to be truly useful rather than just busy? In this profound conversation, Dr. B welcomes Mista Yu, a coach and communicator whose journey from the concrete jungle of New York to finding his purpose offers wisdom for anyone seeking meaningful direction in life.
Growing up in Brooklyn without consistent mentors, Mista Yu describes how voracious reading expanded his worldview beyond the limitations others tried to place on him. "When reading, it opens your imagination, it takes you to places your eyes haven't seen yet, but you can see in your mind," he shares, revealing how this practice helped him dream beyond his circumstances.
The conversation takes a powerful turn when Mista Yu discusses his revolutionary approach to relationships. After discovering the concept of "vetting relationships" in his 50s, he began carefully evaluating who deserves access to different areas of his life. Using the biblical tabernacle as a metaphor, he explains how this framework transformed his connections: "People in my outer courts that should be out there with the animals, I had them in my inner court." This boundary-setting wisdom alone could transform how you approach your own relationships.
Without a father figure to model after, Mista Yu shares how he navigated parenthood through personal development. Now celebrating nearly 30 years of marriage with three grown daughters and grandchildren, he attributes his success to continuous growth: "I was trying to learn how to father these three beautiful princesses without having any idea how to be a father in the first place."
Perhaps most compelling is his perspective on finding purpose through spiritual usefulness: "If I'm useful to God, I can't get fired." This framework offers a refreshing alternative to hustle culture, focusing on alignment rather than achievement.
Ready to transform how you approach relationships, purpose, and personal development? Connect with Mista Yu for a free 30-minute strategy call through theycallmemisteryou.buzzsprout.com or find him on social media platforms. Your journey to usefulness begins now.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
All right, all right, all right.
Welcome to another edition ofthe Journey to Freedom podcast.
I am Dr B, I am your host.
Welcome to another edition ofthe Journey to Freedom podcast.
I am Dr B, I am your host and,as always, super excited to be
able to get one done and talk tosome of the most amazing people
on the planet.
And today you were in for atreat you were going to enjoy.
(00:39):
You know, we were just talkingin the green room right before
and you know, would you like togo by, mr?
Is that the best way to go orhow do you?
It's.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
OK, people call me Mr you all over the place.
I didn't plan that, just soeverybody knows.
I accept it.
Mr you, yusef, you, any ofthose apply for me, I'm good.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
I love it, I love it.
So, mr Yu, one of the thingsthat we learn, especially as we
get a little bit older, is thatwe are probably good at several
different things and it's justfinding that one thing that
really creates the purpose inour lives.
And sometimes it takes us awhile to get to that point, but
(01:20):
I would never be ashamed ofbeing good at more than one
thing.
You know, some people say, well, I do all these things.
I probably should just calm itdown and trim it down to one
thing and eventually, yes, I dobelieve that eventually you
should kind of hone in on whatyou enjoy doing the most.
But that doesn't mean you're notstill good at doing other stuff
.
You know, like I was mowing thelawn the other day and I, you
(01:41):
know I can keep a pretty goodlawn and it looks nice and I can
mow it.
I promise you that's not what Iwant my life's work to be.
It's my, my ability.
There are some greatlandscapers out there and I
don't have any problem payingthem and you know, and doing
stuff.
But sometimes I just enjoygoing out there a little bit.
You know, that doesn't meanthat that needs to be your
life's work.
I was a physical educationteacher for a long time.
(02:04):
You know which has been.
You know it was fun.
But then as soon as I got mymaster's in educational
technology I moved over toteaching computers and I just
kind of been evolving throughthe different levels of my life.
I don't want to go back and bea PE teacher, you know that was
and I'm good at it and I'm, youknow, the kids love me and that
(02:25):
kind of stuff.
I've been coaching for some 38years in track and field and I'm
a very good, incredible trackcoach.
I, you know, I've coached someOlympians.
I coached some high schoolstate champions.
I enjoy coaching track, but Idon't know if that defines me.
One of the things that we willtalk through when I talk to Mr U
(02:47):
today is what is it that?
You know, that journey that wewent through to get to where
we're at, but then kind of whatwe want the world to define us
as as we move forward.
Here's what I know.
I'm 60 years old now and Idon't even know if I'm there yet
.
Like, I might not define myselffor another five or six years.
I'm doing some stuff that I love, like doing this podcast.
I love doing this podcast.
I just don't know where it'sgoing to lead to.
(03:07):
I love when I get on stage andI get to do speaking engagements
.
I love, you know.
You know teaching people how todo podcasting.
I love, you know you know doingsome of the living trust stuff
I do.
I'm starting a community, andso there's all these things that
we can do, and so I can't waitto hear his story.
Miss, as I've told everybodyelse and all my other guests,
you get to start your storywherever you want.
(03:27):
I hope you're not going tostart it way before you were
born, but at least at the timeyou were born.
Some people tell me I come fromthe ancestors of which is
nothing really.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Don't worry about that happening today.
That won't happen to me.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yeah, take your time, just tell us about your journey
and you know, for wherever youwant to start, to where you're
at now, and then we'll just chopit up after that.
So thanks for being on the showtoday.
Thanks for availing yourself.
I love talking to people.
He's currently in the South,right now, in South Carolina,
from New York, and just has lotsof wisdom from what I can
(04:05):
ascertain at this point rightnow.
So thank you for being on thefloor is yours.
Can't wait to hear it.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Thank you for having me in here, man, I appreciate it
.
I think I'll start here.
Being from New York, I thinkthat kind of set the table for a
lot of things that happened.
I'm pretty confident if I wasborn in Colorado or if I was
born in the south, my situationwould be a lot different, it
would look different.
But being born in new york, Ireally believe that it created
(04:35):
and I don't use the word grindanymore, I've taken out of my
vernacular because it has anegative connotation for me
personally.
But for me, the hustle, thehaving multiple ventures, trying
to make ends meet, trying to dosomething for my family, those
things kind of got baked into me.
So that kind of sparked why Ithink I was so easily prone to
(04:57):
doing multiple different things,being different genres and not
just kind of sticking to onething only.
I really feel like that playeda part in that.
So it kind of helped me to getto a place where I didn't bounce
around because I was unhappy orbounce around from different
jobs and vocations because theydidn't pay enough.
I think I got to the places inthose areas, in those situations
(05:18):
where I feel like I got all thetools I needed, and when I
realized there was nowhere elsefor me to grow and learn for
many more, I wanted to make surethat, as always, we hit us in
business circles all the time.
I don't want to be the smartestperson in the room.
If I am, it's time to get intoa different room.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
So for me.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
I always try to find ways to challenge myself and I
mean some people who might watchthis podcast right now, or even
things that I've done on my ownpodcast and they may say, you
know what?
You can't find a job you canwork at for 40 years.
That's great Right To me.
That's a prison.
That's not great to me becauseI doubt really highly I'm
growing.
I've been in long term job withthe government, with the state
(05:57):
government, things like that,and I realized what my growth
level was like.
I saw how I was limited in myability to grow personally and
for me that's the most importantthing, because that job's gonna
come and go.
They can downsize, they canclose up shop altogether and
guess who's still gonna besitting here?
That's gonna be me.
So I gotta make sure that Iprioritize developing me.
So all the places I've been, allthe jobs I had as a chef, as a
(06:20):
supervisor in the StateDepartment, doing passports and
border security and visas, whenit comes to being a computer
technologist, whether it was medoing ministry in official
capacity, all the things thatI've done, they all led to me
growing personally and helped meto be a more well-rounded
(06:42):
person.
And that's what I kind of donow.
When I coach other people, Ihelp them understand.
You know what?
The journey isn't thedestination, it's the process to
get to the destination.
That's how we grow the most,that's what we learn the most.
That's how we find out what welike about ourselves, what we
don't like about ourselves.
All those things happen on thejourney.
So I help people do that,because that's what I learned
how to do.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Oh, absolutely, and it's so fun to kind of think of.
You know the things that we'vebeen able to do or the things
that have grown us.
You know one of the things thatyou said I've grown personally
and I would love, in yourjourney, maybe talk about that a
little bit.
You know, I'm kind of to thepoint now where I believe about
20% of my life or 20% of mywaking life, I don't want to, I
(07:27):
don't want to screw the skew thedata with saying I sleep for
however many hours, I sleep,right, but my waking life I want
about 20% of that to be me,working on me, so I can be
better for others.
And so maybe kind of talk aboutyour personal development
journey and what that lookedlike as far as you know who, who
you are or who you were, maybeeven as a young man, to compare
(07:52):
to who you are now and know thethings that you did to change
that.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Sure, I can definitely do that.
I had a coming from New York.
It wasn't.
It's not a catchphrase, I'm nottrying to sound cool and hip
and sharp and whatnot, but Iknow it was rough to come up
where I come from.
It was, uh, it was.
It was a rough journey.
They call it the concretejungle for a reason.
It's really that In a lot ofways is dog-eat-dog and I think
I had little tools that I didn'trealize.
(08:18):
They were intangibles at thetime to me.
They shaped so much of who I amtoday.
My mom she was a very higheducation.
She's from the Virgin Islands.
She learned that work ethic.
Her mother-in-law was fromPanama, so they had a strong
work ethic, servants loyal to afault.
They had that kind of mindsetthat they brought with them to
this country and for me Ilearned in that about the
(08:40):
importance of education.
I was a voracious reader.
My mom is still a lifetimestudent.
She's still going to school forsomething, learning something.
So I learned that from her.
I learned about reading.
I read multiple books a year.
I'm still doing that now.
I go through books a lot withinthe course of a year.
I lower the numbers so I cankind of inhale and receive more
from it.
So I don't have the number thatI'm like 30 a year.
(09:03):
I'm not doing that anymore.
I'm kind of shortening that soI can learn more.
I've always been a virtuousreader.
That helped me stay creative,but also not let me get limited
to my environment.
I saw things outside of myworld and it makes me know okay,
there's possibilities out here,because where I come from, you
can really feel closed in.
You feel like this is your life, this is the best you can do.
(09:39):
The ceiling is right here.
You're not going to pass that.
But when reading it opens yourimagination, it takes you to
places that your eyes haven'tseen yet, but you can see it in
your mind and it kind of helpedme to kind of hope and dream and
believe again't have anybody.
That was a consistent mentor inmy life.
So for me, I really tried toput myself in situations where I
can have community around me,put myself in places where
people who are doing what Iwanted to accomplish put myself
in that spot.
That was a big part of mygrowing up.
That was a big part of myevolution into adulthood.
I read a lot, I listened to alot of things.
(10:02):
I fed myself voraciously onthings that would help me to
grow my mindset and to changehow I view things.
Because again, coming from aplace where you're, from the
inner city, the whole world istelling you you don't really
matter.
The whole world is telling youyou can't go, but so far.
But when you come from thisneighborhood, right here, this
is the best anybody's ever done,and those are like big hills to
(10:22):
climb when you're a youngperson.
So I'm sitting here like, okay,I got a little rebel in me and
I'm like, yeah, I hear whatyou're saying, but I'm from New
York, I can do.
I can do anything I put my mindto it.
My mother always told me that.
And guess what?
That's how I approach life.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Oh, my God, I love it , love it.
So, as we think of you know,the things that you did to get
better and the books that youread and the people that you
hung out with your identity,like the person that you know,
when I think of our identity,that's the person that shows up
in front of what we believe onthe inside and maybe shows up
(11:00):
than the person.
But when we look in the mirrorand that identity of you know, I
know, you said I'm from NewYork and I believed I can do
anything.
You know, did that identitystay with you and make things
happen for you by having thatidentity?
Or was there something in theresometimes that said you know
what I know?
I'm saying that but when I showup, sometimes I don't feel that
(11:21):
way.
Sometimes kind of walk methrough the identity changes in
your life a little bit that havemade a difference for you.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I would probably say this is not a geographical thing
, as much as it may be a genderthing.
Perhaps Men have a challengewith and we talk about this on
one of our shows that we do forall men we deal with men having
the willingness to betransparent about what they're
feeling rather than having itbeing bottled up and it comes
(11:51):
out in negative ways.
I know I've spent a lot of timeprobably covering up what I
thought were perceivedweaknesses, so I spent a lot of
time covering those things upFor me.
It took me quite a while.
I'm not proud of how long ittook me.
I'll just say it took me awhile to get to the place where
(12:11):
I can be transparent and open,because I was walking in
introversion for quite a while,didn't know what it was, I
thought it was shyness, but itwas just really more about me
not getting my energy from thenormal places that extroverts do
and mines come from otherplaces.
I need to recharge in adifferent way.
I don't need to be around awhole crowd of people.
I don't enjoy that and in newyork that's life, that's
(12:33):
everything.
So imagine how it was growingup to be around all the people
in parades.
I'm like I don't like none ofthis stuff.
Get me out of here.
As fast as you can, parachuteme out of here, I don't care,
just get me out of here, justget me out, yeah.
So that's what that's.
It lift me out of here.
So that's the kind of thingthat I was dealing with all that
time, keeping things bottled up, man.
But you know, moving honestly, Iwon't say move to the south to
(12:56):
get your, to get your healing,but moving down here.
I moved down here for formusical purposes.
But moving down here here andgetting a chance to be out of my
environment and kind of relearn, reload at the same time, life
changing me.
I became more transparent, Ibecame more emotionally okay
with myself.
(13:17):
I'm able to cry, able to behonest when I'm in situations
where honesty and authenticityis required, I can do it, I can
be there, I can be present.
In the moment I'm still growingin that.
I'm in situations where honestyand authenticity is required, I
can do, I can be there, I canbe present in the moment.
I'm still growing in that.
I'm still learning that I'm ingroups and communities that
allow me to have that kind ofopportunity.
But, man, it's been gamechanging for me to be able to do
that.
I mean, like you said earlieron in the show, I've done a lot
(13:39):
of different things and I don'tknow how to pinpoint what that
one thing, like you said, maybewe should try to find that, but
if I can say that, you know,being a coach and a communicator
was something I can put my hangmy hat on.
I would do that because I was.
I was seeing that stuff evenwhen I was little.
People would come to me thatwere way older than me and they
(14:00):
were telling me their problems.
I'm like what do you want me todo with that?
I can't even drive.
Why are you telling me thisstuff?
So these are kind of thingsthat I I didn't read out until
now.
I look back like wow, inretrospect, I'm like I've been
doing this for a long time I'vebeen giving people pearls of
wisdom, if you will, for a longtime like where's it coming from
?
I know it's not coming from me.
(14:21):
I I get the credit who itbelongs to, but you know it just
.
These are things I feel like inall the things that I've done,
where they've been podcasting asa chef, coaching, whatever it
is, in a supervisory,administrative or whatever what
I was doing always was thatperson that I thought was just
an introvert, that was justnon-existent.
The communicator is coming outnow and it shows on all of the
(14:43):
shows that I do, all the showsthat I guest on.
It really comes out and I'mlike wow, for somebody who don't
want to talk a lot, you suretalk a lot, but that's so.
I guess I hope to answer thequestion because I kind of just
wear, you know, I just seemyself evolving into a man.
Does that make sense?
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
And one of the things that I think is misunderstood
about introverts because youobviously show up as an
extrovert, as you had, and youwalk with people and talk with
people.
But I think that what I see,some of the best or the most
successful people in life areintroverts, because they're
(15:23):
introspective of what's going onaround them.
They recharge by themselves,and I think that's what the
difference is.
It's not how you are in a crowd, it's what recharges you, what
ignites you.
Like for me, I am an extrovert,so when I go to a place, I get
energy from who's around me.
But I have other people in mylife who get energy from sitting
(15:45):
down with the book and justwith nobody else in the room,
and both of those okay, but weboth show up on stage with tons
of energy, tons of ready to go,and they don't have to be the
life of the party to createenergy, which almost makes it to
me.
It's kind of like you knowyou're always jealous of what
(16:05):
you don't have, but I wish thatI could just sit down with a
book and not need a crowd to getenergy, so that I could just
sit down and think and process,because I think so many people
who are introverted process muchbetter because they can have
that alone time, and so thankyou for sharing that.
When I started the Journey toFreedom podcast and the Journey
(16:27):
to Freedom initiative that Ihave, I went to a.
It was an event.
It was called the TrustLeadership, trusted Edge.
A guy named David Horsager, outof Minnesota, you know, does
this thing.
He's probably one of the whenyou think of trust and the word
trust and how we have to show uptrusting others, and he's
probably one of the leadingexperts in the world in that
(16:47):
realm.
Well, there's 500 people at thisseminar conference and I look
around the room and, you know, Isay it doesn't matter that
folks that look like me can dothings.
But you know why am I lookingaround the room?
Counting, right?
So because it doesn't matter,right, but I'm counting.
And so you know there's 30folks of color that are in the
(17:08):
room and you know theinformation is so good, it's so
worthy, and I'm thinking back,while I'm sitting there, to my
barbershops, I'm thinking backto the street corners, I'm
thinking back to the basketballgames that they get, you know,
or the pickup games, and I'mthinking why are we not?
Why is our culture, not gettinga lot of this information.
So I came back and I startedJourney to Freedom and so far
(17:30):
we've interviewed over 200 blackmen about what does it mean to
be here?
And so one of the questionsthat I'd love to ask is trust,
because you are from New Yorkand you know a lot of people
that I've interviewed from NewYork said I didn't trust nobody
at all.
I trust my mama, and that wasit.
That was what we were taught todo.
(17:50):
And then I have others that sayno, I give everybody the
benefit of the doubt.
It's bit me in the butt a wholebunch of times, but I still do
it and then I'll trust later.
Kind of walk through your trustjourney of how do you decide
who you're going to trust, whoyou're not going to trust, and
is that ever been an issue thathas either helped you or hurt
(18:12):
you?
Speaker 2 (18:14):
That's a great question, dr B.
Great question, man.
It started off like youdescribed DTA don't trust
anybody.
It started that way beside mymom and my grandmama.
My uncle had a shot beside that, nope, wasn't able to do it.
(18:34):
I didn't trust my teacher,thought of a lion to me.
I didn't trust a guy on theserver.
I didn't trust nobody.
So it's just how much thisthing costs at the bodega.
I didn't trust him either.
I'm like, nah, I don't, there'sa real price.
You kind of gala to me.
So I didn't trust anybody.
But I think that's in therevolution, if you will, came.
Or the transmission came when Iread a book called the ten laws
(18:57):
of relationship.
Mmm, we're not, we're not.
When I know it's another partof the name, I'm blanking out.
I'm looking to see what it is.
I can find it.
Yeah, is that a Maxwell book?
No, okay, oh gosh, I'm lookingover here trying to find a book,
(19:17):
or live on your show, but it'suh.
But if you, if you google thechin loss of listen, you'll see
the name is.
It's a fantastic book.
It is the consummaterelationship book, if I can say
that out loud.
What it taught me to do wassomething that I didn't even
almost say in catch in this book.
What it taught me to do was tovent relationships.
(19:41):
That's something that I neverthought was a real thing.
I thought that I was supposedto get whatever I was given and
it was my lot in life and that'swhat it was going to be.
And Nobody, ever, nobody ever,dissuaded me from that set.
Maybe my mother, with some ofthe mindset about you know how
to let people treat you and howto you know and how to deal with
(20:02):
relationships.
But honestly, I had to learn alot of stuff for myself and that
book it it changed my mindsetand I didn't talk about five
years ago basically.
So all my life I was thinkingyou know what the stuff I was
given is?
Just, it's just what I wassupposed to get.
And the book is called the 10critical law I'm a little
missing the word the 10 criticallaws of relationship.
(20:24):
So so my apologies on that one,but what it talks about when I
get into the whole book, wasthat you need to vet
relationships.
Now I say vetting how can I,how can I apply that?
And the book breaks it down.
But think about when you'revetting somebody for a job.
You're the owner of the company.
You're the founder or CEO ofthe company People.
You're the owner of the company.
(20:45):
You're the founder or CEO ofthe company.
People are coming in wanting towork for you.
How do you vet them?
People want to be on your board.
How do you vet them?
People want to work under youas a supervisor.
How do you vet them?
Guess what you do, rob DThompson.
Thank you, sir, appreciate that.
This is what you do.
You ask, you ask questions, youexamine, you determine and then
(21:14):
you make a decision.
And I'm like, wow, because Ihave some friends that I wish I
vetted them, especially backhome in New York.
I wish I had vetted them beforeI invited them into the inner
sanctum and made them my friendsand made them privy to my life
and all the intimate secretthings that happened in my life
and to me that was a gamechanger right there.
That book.
So in a relationship now as anadult that's more mature, now I
(21:36):
don't have the approach that Idon't trust anybody.
I do give people the benefit ofthe doubt.
At the same time, there's going, there's gonna be a, there's
gonna be an open book.
And you know what if you, ifyou fail that nothing but love
for you.
I'm not gonna let you back inhere.
We can be, we can be here, butyou can't be here and I just and
(21:59):
we had to decide.
You know what, who's gonna be,where who's gonna.
You know you have to decidewhat the priority is gonna be.
We want people in your life.
One of the biggest things Ilearned this is a biblical thing
.
I won't try to bar you, showdown with this, but if you
remember how the tabernacle wasconstructed in the old testament
, there was the outer courtswhere anybody can be, no matter
what faith or, uh, denominationyou were, and even animals that
(22:23):
were considered unclean could bean outer court.
Inner court was where peoplewho were initiated could be,
people who were of the faith,people who had clearance as
ministers or leaders of somesort to be there, and the
innermost is where it would beyou and God community.
Nobody could be inside therebut you and him.
It's that personal what we donow, and God gave me revelation
(22:43):
about this.
He showed me that how thepeople in my outer courts that
should be out there with theanimals, so to speak, hate to
put it like that.
But they're not initiated.
They have no loyalty.
They shouldn't be there.
I got them in my inner courtand I have people you know,
happy, happy but out of position, misplaced priorities.
So that book helped me to getpeople in in their proper order
(23:07):
in the proper place.
People, people watching my, saidyou know what I just messed up
me about?
To be in the same place?
Yeah right, I'm sorry.
Yeah, this, I don't have thatkind of mentality.
You can call it sociallywherever you want, I don't.
I don't do that.
Everybody can't be inintercourse because everybody
don't.
You have to earn that.
Yeah, absolutely.
If you can't, socially,whatever you want, I don't do
that.
Everybody can be anintercourser.
Because you have to earn that,you can't be in that place.
(23:27):
It sounds simple, but peopledon't realize how much we do
that I coach people all the time.
I have, over almost 30 yearsnow, the same problem.
Why you had this problem?
Well, this person in my life,right here, and they said, once
you find out who they are,you're like, wow, you gave them
the keys to the castle and youdon't mind them robbing you
blind.
You know what I'm saying.
Who let them in here?
(23:48):
Who let the dogs in?
Who let them in?
That's the question when Ilearned that.
I don't know how to describe it.
It was just it was gamechanging man for me when that
happened.
So now I don't get stressed outby people in my life who's
messing things over.
I know where to put them, howto guard my heart and guard my
(24:10):
situation and have people in aproper perspective.
So yeah, I'm not going to say Itrust every single body.
I don't invite everybody to myhouse and go sit and say have
your way, I don't do that.
That's nonsense, but you know.
But now I'm more strategicabout who I give my space to, my
time to, even as a coach andjust as a person.
(24:31):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Oh gosh, it makes so much sense.
One of the things you just saidthat just super hit home for me
, especially in our culture, isyou said I needed to vet, I
needed my relationships.
I need to kind of know.
You said I needed to vet, youknow I needed my relationships.
I need to kind of know who youare a little bit before I'm
going to start letting you intoplaces and when I think of you
know, obviously we have familyand you know we were saying you
(24:57):
can't choose your family, yourfamily chooses you.
So you got to do, but you stilldon't have to let them in to
every part of your circle.
And then we have, like, likethe dudes that we grew up with,
right, and there's a lot of mybaby and them can't come through
oh no, just because we grew up,don't mean we need to hang
right now, right.
and these associations that weallow in our life, that we
(25:20):
continue to allow in our life,and we know that they're bad, we
know that they don't service,they know that they get us in
trouble and we somehow thinkthat, well, because we have
history, we have to hang withthem.
So let me just talk about thata little bit, about these
associations and finding thepeople that you should move
(25:41):
forward with.
You talked about rooms earlier,and not everybody needs to be
in your life forever, right.
People that you should moveforward with.
You talked about rooms earlier,but and and not everybody needs
to be in your life forever,right.
I mean, talk about that alittle bit, for me.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Yeah, I can tell you a very funny, poignant story.
The guys may not even watchthis show, but that's okay, I
will talk about them anyway.
But I was in a music group witha couple buddies of mine from
new york.
Uh, we had a independent recorddeal and we were getting ready
to be the next.
Whatever had talent, had greatideas.
(26:11):
We kind of just got hindered bythe system.
I'll just put it like that.
But I came across these guys.
I don't think we stayed up asmuch as we could have over the
years, but I reconnected withthem and this is me, you know,
not thinking about all I said.
I didn't have the vettingmindset yet.
So I found them, located them,reached back out to them and
(26:34):
whatnot, and in a matter ofminutes I realized this is it.
This part is over.
We can't bring the temptationsback.
We can't, we can't do a reuniontour.
This ain't, this ain't gonnahappen.
You know what I'm saying and ithad me hit me real quick.
They didn't understand it atfirst.
They were trying to keep thingsgoing like no, this is I'm.
(26:56):
I'm far away from where this,this whole situation, is.
I'm not here and you know I hadto make a decision.
My wife even she noticed it too.
I said you know what?
I'm gonna get decisions.
Go ahead and let the history bethe history.
I Ain't got to bring it back.
I ain't got to do a sequel.
I think I do a part seven and apart eight, like on Mission
Impossible.
Part one was good, it was whatit was.
(27:18):
I learned a lot.
I think they did too.
Time for brother bounced on toon to a new story, a new chapter
, a new movie, a new book, a new, whatever it was the time for
it.
Does that make sense?
That's the way it was.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Sometimes you have to let go of the past in order to
be able to move forward.
The people that are now part ofyour associations they see you
over there and they're like, ooh, now they're questioning your
character because they see whoyou're bringing up in here, I
guess, is another way to put itRight.
It's so important, as we'retalking about relationships,
because I can tell that you havean incredible relationship with
(27:54):
your spouse and you know, maybekind of talk about the
evolution of that and what thathas meant to you over time, the
evolution of that and what whatthat has meant to you over time,
and you know, when you find theright person that you can do
life with and, uh, and as apartner, instead of you know
this, this, this person that youknow I'm like, I just I'll just
let you talk about yourrelationship fair enough.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
yeah, I mean honestly , you know that's my best friend
we, we, we established thatwe've been through wars together
when the whole world the wholefamily turned on us.
It was just me and her,literally against the world, and
it's been our motto for quite awhile.
We have a different motto now.
We don't think the whole worldis against us, even though at
that time it was essentiallythat the entire world that we
(28:41):
lived in not the world world,but our world was against us and
it wasn't for our good and wefought, battled that and we were
in the trenches together and itforged a really strong
relationship.
Next month excuse me, next weekI know our anniversary.
She forgets it sometimes.
I remember it, though.
Our anniversary is going to benext week and it's going to be
(29:04):
29 years of marriage.
We've been in the household forquite a while.
We got three grown daughters,six grandkids and one great
grandchild that are a part ofour union together and honestly,
I wouldn't do that for anybodyelse.
I know people are out theredoing date naps and I don't
fault you.
People are out there hittingthe spots trying to find
(29:26):
eligible bachelors andbachelorettes.
I'm not going to tell you whatto do, but for me I didn say to
model after, didn't know aboutbeing a father, didn't have that
option either.
To model after.
(29:48):
I'm just going to attribute itall to God because I can't put
it nowhere else.
I can't put it in what I read,what I listened to, people
around me who helped.
I got to give God the credit.
Who would have thought that acrazy Brooklyn kid would move to
the South For any reason?
Move to the south, find your,your best friend in the whole
(30:10):
world there, your soul mate ifyou will, and be and be able to
have a growing family from thatand almost a 30-year marriage,
and you never even seen that inyour lifetime anywhere in your
entire family.
How do you explain that?
There ain't no explanation.
So I mean, I don't know howpeople are finding their
situation.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Everybody's probably gonna be a little bit different,
but that's just my story andit's a beautiful story it's oh,
it's an amazing story and, asyou think of the that, you that
you've been able to do that, andthen it's okay when you have
somebody with you to be againstthe world.
It's not okay when it's youagainst the world and the person
(30:53):
that you're with.
You talked about being a dad alittle bit, and so one of the
things that I talk about a lotin this show, especially when I
talk with Black men, is, Ibelieve we all know how
important it is that childrenhave dads in their life and it's
super important that the dad isavailable as much as the dad
can be.
But sometimes what we don'ttalk about is what does it mean
(31:15):
to be a dad?
How did that change your life,as you now you know, before life
, before being a dad, as you nowyou know, before life, before
being a dad?
Then you become a dad and asyou grow as a dad, how has that
changed the person that you are.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Well, one of the things that you know I was just
sharing about this on anothershow recently, the when you grow
up, like I did, without afather and, honestly, a lot of
resentment of resentment, a lotof anger, a lot of questions
that didn't get answered, evenin his, even before his passing.
They would never answer.
You know, you, you carry, youcarry that stuff around and it's
(31:52):
like what was important to mewas that I didn't take.
It's almost like, if you knowand I don't want to use COVID
because it's just to bring backbad memories for everybody so
let's just say, you have the flu.
Okay, we know the flu iscontagious, right, you know you
got the flu.
But you're going to go in acrowd of people, in a room of
people, and you're going to hugthem, You're going to kiss them
(32:13):
on the cheek, you're going to doall that stuff and you know you
got the flu.
You just didn't tell them aboutit.
That wrong, right?
Yes, that's wrong, right.
Well, for me, that's how I feltabout having children.
I didn't want to contaminatethem because I didn't want to
have children.
I definitely wanted to havechildren, but I didn't want to
contaminate them with what I hadI wanted to get.
(32:34):
I wanted to get that situationright first and uh, and honestly
, I I didn't get a chance to doit the way I wanted to, which is
fine, because this was clearlyprobably the best way, but I was
still dealing with that stuffand still having children, so,
figuring the thing out on thefly Besides the Cosby show, I
(32:54):
didn't have a picture of what ahealthy family looks like.
Besides that show, that waskind of my barometer.
I even wrote about it in thebook, so that's how prevalent
that was for me.
I was trying to learn how tofather these three beautiful
princesses without having anyidea of how to be a father in
the first place.
I learned a lot of it on thefly.
(33:15):
I didn't have people speakinginto my life telling me what's
the best thing to do and how todo it.
I didn't really have any ofthat stuff.
People might look at this andsay, oh, I was there.
Nah, you wasn't there.
Yeah, it wasn't what I needed.
Yeah, despite what people mightthink I need, it wasn't what I
(33:36):
needed to be able to do.
Yeah, and honestly, I have togive.
I want to turn your pocketsinto something else.
But I mean I had to give godthe glory for it again because I
learned something that honestlythey know explanation for how I
was able to do that.
I mean, our children got theirissues, they deal with some
things and they're working ontheir personal testimonies.
They're still doing that.
But you know, I was a waybetter father than I ever
imagined I could be and stilltrying to do that right now and
(33:58):
I think to some degree some someof them credit me for that.
Still, and it's a testimonybecause I got no background.
It's not a book that I read.
I don't know how it evenhappened.
It just happened over the yearsthrough trial and error and
through the fire and theimportant part that we started
off the show with wanting todevelop myself.
(34:19):
If I didn't have that, we'dhave had a cluster in this
family.
It's because I said, you know,I'm going to develop myself.
If I didn't, if I didn't havethat, we'd have a cluster in
this family.
It's because I said you know,I'm gonna develop myself, I
wanna grow, I wanna be betterand not be all the things that
the world says I should be,society said I should be.
All my even family members sayI should be.
I want to be who I, who I'mmeant to be, who I'm designed to
be.
So I worked on me and I thinkour daughters are better as a
(34:43):
result.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
So good.
Thank you.
Yeah, there's so much time whenwe talk about, especially in our
culture, we talk about a lot of, you know, men being absent and
men not being there, and youknow I've met so many men who've
tried, you know, whether it'slike the, the, the mom who is
doing everything they can not tolet the dad see it, how that
(35:06):
hurts our hearts and stuff, andso I don't want folks to get the
idea that being a dad is just,it's a responsibility, only it's
our life, it's what we want todo, it's what we want to pour
into.
So, thank you, thank you, thankyou for sharing that, thank you.
I want to jump in becauseyou've mentioned it a few times
(35:29):
and it's something I talk aboutall the time and that is our
faith, and I want to kind ofknow where, how much of your
life and who you are today isbecause of your faith and
because of that journey you'vehad with your father.
And so please let me know.
You know in your mind how it is, how you've integrated, how
(35:51):
you've made it part and how youcontinue to get, like you've
been saying.
Give God the glory.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
I started off.
My mother and my grandmotherwere very faithful, if you will.
My mother and my grandmotherwere very faithful.
If you will, there's an elementof religion in that.
I've seen that come out fromtime to time, but I think I
(36:19):
would spend a lot of time thentrying to be a good person,
thinking that that was my ticket, it.
And I realized even in morerecent years I'll probably say
the last 30 years it's been anabiding understanding that my
goodness don't move the needle,not when it comes to eternity
and not when it comes to liningup with biblical standards.
So it's about Jesus'righteousness, not my
(36:43):
righteousness.
And when I figured that partout, you know it changed the way
I approached.
Every day I looked at mymortality on a regular basis.
If this was it, if this was thelast week, did I accomplish all
the things I'm supposed to beable to do here?
You know what I'm supposed tobe able to do here.
(37:08):
You know, say, and every time Idid that the answer was no
every time on thisself-exploring journey, and so
was nor every time.
There's still more work to bedone.
Even though I didn't havementors in my life, there's some
mentors that we got, my wifeand I through books and through
interactions and videos and suchand a gentleman by the name of
dr miles Monroe, big mentor inour life.
We miss him so much.
His, his ministry literallychanged our lives and even
helped us through our marriagein rough spots, and he has two
(37:31):
quotes that I always love toshare, but one of them is it's
too long a quote to try to quoteus.
I won't.
I don't want to pick it up, butI'll just go ahead and give you
the quick note.
We're saying the richest placein the world is a cemetery.
Yes, because all of the songs,the inventions, the books, the
ideas, they haven't been created, haven't been made and people
(37:54):
take it to the grave with them.
And that struck me as okay.
You know what?
At the end of my story, I wantto go to my end empty and not
full.
So it's why I coach the way Ido, it's why I kind of not
attack, but it's my mentality,it's just, it's an athletic
something.
That's how I approach clientsand people who want me to work
(38:17):
with them, and that's how Iapproach this.
If you work with me, you'regoing to hear this in great
detail, because you got a chanceof being one of those people
who took all the gifts andabilities to the grave with them
and you never touched it.
There was no time to accomplishthose things and you fell short
of your purpose on the earth.
A lot of folks might love youand be crying at the funeral,
(38:39):
but you fell short of yourGod-given purpose.
I try to help folks find that.
And at the funeral.
But you fell short of yourGod-given purpose and I try to
help folks find that and at thesame time make sure I don't lose
it myself.
So for me that quote has beenabiding for me and I stick with
it.
I try to live it out on aneveryday basis.
His other quote, the second one,I'll end that with this.
He says that when the purposeof a thing is not known, abuse
(39:03):
is inevitable.
End that with this.
He says that when the purposeof a thing is not known, abuse
is inevitable.
So I go out of my way tounderstand who I am and who I'm
supposed to be and to get allthe layers that people try to
put on you and all the things Iimagine for myself.
I want to make sure I'm in aplace where I'm fully
functioning and operating at thehighest level of who I'm
supposed to be, and if I can dothat every single day.
(39:29):
I'm always going to be closerto him and closer to that
purpose and fulfilling somethings than I would be without
that, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
Amen, thank you.
Talk about health a little bit.
One of the things that, um,that we know, that you know the
average in our case we'retalking about Black men live to
be 72.
I'm 60, and I don't think I'mgoing to get going until I'm 70.
My dad's 86, and he's runningtrack meets.
(39:55):
I'm just thinking through whatare some things that you do or
purposely make sure happens sothat you get to stay around here
a little bit longer.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
Hmm, this is going to sound crazy, okay, but I talk
crazy all the time, so thatwould be a big deal.
And I don't mean to mentioncoaching, like I'm trying to
plug it, I just it's just a goodanalogy okay, you got a
(40:29):
business that you need people togo to and talk to you about I
do, man, but that's not, that'snot the motivation here.
I'll make that clear, but it'sjust like okay.
Next question for anything thatyou want to have clients for
you, what you want your businessfor right, one of the things
that help you do that, is notyour promotions, not your social
media stuff.
It's none of that.
It's not business cards beingpassed out of networking events.
(40:52):
It's you being used for thepeople.
Yes, okay, what.
What area can dr b meet?
Whatever can mr you meet?
And it sounds it's sometimes inmy head something be useful.
What you mean you want to tryto use me.
It sounds messed up in my head,but I get it.
Though.
Where are you most useful?
And for me, I'm like I seepeople who are healthy, super
(41:14):
healthy, got great dies and whenI guess what it is, yeah, they
was that.
I'm not saying go eat junk food, that's not.
I'm not saying flip that.
Conversely, I'm just sayingthat that's not the answer, the
only answer.
So for me and this is somethingthat's a recent revelation,
like less than three minutes agothey just came to me I'm like
you know what I want to beuseful to god?
(41:35):
Oh god, if I'm used for the god, I can't get.
I can't get fired.
That's how I look at it.
If I'm useful to God, if I'mpurposeful, if I'm doing what
needs to be done, I can't getfired.
I can't lose my role.
I can't be taken out of hereprematurely because I'm doing
(41:56):
what I'm supposed to be doingand I'm in the flow.
I'm in partnership with him andI'm doing what he wants me to
do.
He ain't going to find me whenthat's happening.
People.
People think they're doing thatby doing the good thing they're
doing when it comes to churchand religion, but like you're
just doing what you want to do,yes, it ain't.
It ain't because even when youthink where you think he's at,
(42:16):
he's not even in there anymorethat box.
You try to put him in.
He been out that box.
He's not even there anymore.
Check the box, he ain't there.
Look for him, he ain't dead, hegone.
You know he done, moved on andyou haven't moved with him
because your heart's not aligned.
It's not his fault, it's yourfault.
So for me, I want to make sureI'm aligned with him, I'm in
partnership with him and I'mwhere he's at.
(42:36):
If he's working here, that'swhere I want to be.
If he's working here, I don'twant to be there without him.
There's a mountain for me toclimb.
I can't do it if he ain't goingwith me.
Sorry, I'd be without him.
That's worse than death itselfto be without him.
So to me I'm sitting here like,okay, if I'm useful to him and
(42:57):
his purposes, I can't get fired.
I can't get laid off, I can'tget furloughed.
Yeah, none of that stuff.
You can't not untouchable, butI, I have, I have a place.
So that's my goal to be useful,as useful to god as possible.
So I don't get let go.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
I love that well with that, I mean and part of part
of the responsibility, I think,is on us to be useful, right,
because the things that we dowhen we get up, the things that
we do before we go to bed, thethings that we do while we're
awake, if we're striving to beuseful to God and I love how you
said that, I mean, that wasjust so spot on Then what are
(43:39):
some things that maybe you do orthat you think about in your
daily routine?
Then what are some things thatmaybe you do or you think about
in your daily routine?
And it could be all mentalstuff that you're doing, or it
could be all servant type stuffyou're doing, or it could be do
you have things that you do on adaily basis that are looking up
and saying this is what Ibelieve God is asking me to do?
And there's a differencebetween hearing God saying
(44:01):
asking you to do something, andthen actually doing it, because
I think a lot of us here, oh, Ishould be doing this, and then
you're out there doing somethingtotally different and then you
say, okay, god, am I useful toyou?
But, yeah, kind of, maybe walkthrough some of the things you
do, or even maybe some of thethings you would coach somebody
as a coach to do Through aroutine through the day that
(44:23):
would help them to be successful, what you're talking about yeah
, people talk about mind, bodyand spirit and they kind of
throw that thing around.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
I, I feel the same way about it, except I have a
different approach to it.
Uh, from a body perspective, mywife and I've been on this
journey recently where we justkind of cut two specific things
out of our diet and not only arewe feeling better now, we could
be more active without the painthat normally used to come with
the activity.
We're able to do things thatyou know.
(44:53):
Sometimes you eat a certain way, you go to bed, you feel pain
in your body when you're in bed.
We're not experiencing any ofthat stuff and I feel like this
is, if we acknowledge this as atemple, you're careful about
what you put into it and youcare.
That's the body part.
The mind part, that's where Ihave the majority of my
challenges with coaching clientsor people who may not want me
(45:14):
to coach them because they don'twant to deal with this part, so
they bail on me.
It's happened before.
You know what I'm saying.
But the mind part, like I wastalking about, the reading and
the listening and the feedingmyself, that's for me Because
even if I'm not, if I don't havea coaching client in that
moment.
If I did, what am I going togive them?
This bottle was empty.
I can't pour nothing out.
So that mind part is me feedingmyself.
(45:37):
I'm a voracious eater.
I'm a voracious reader.
I read at a high level, Iintake information at a high
level because I want to be ableto understand the things that I
don't understand, so I can helpsomebody else who doesn't
understand either.
So the mind part I'll behelping people with habits,
daily disciplines.
What are you doing?
People tell me that they're ona journey to success.
(45:58):
They're on a road to success,asking what a day in the life of
them looks like.
And guess what I see oversleeping, overeating or eating
junk food.
No activity, no connections, nocommunications, really, except
texting stuff, playing games ontheir phone.
I'm like you're an emotionalsuccess you waiting for to come
(46:20):
and smack you down or you go.
Are you getting after it?
No, so we get.
So we get into that part of it.
So that's one thing that'd be abig emphasis on me if I was
coaching somebody who desired tohave this kind of coaching,
because this is the.
This is the uh, this is thequiet it takes and I understand
that and it's okay.
(46:40):
But I'm just I know issue onthe spirit part.
I deal with that too, but it'sdifferent because people think
you know what I am and this issomething that's going to blow
some religious folks minds.
I hope they don't come afteryou.
You can send them to me andthey come after you.
Come to me, I'm willing to handit.
I'm not afraid of this.
This is a battle I'm willing tofight.
But the spirit part, this isthe part that people get wrong.
They think, oh, I'm serving atchurch.
(47:02):
I used to have nine jobs atchurch.
It didn't afford me anyprivileges with God.
I was just stretched out andtired and busy and burnt out.
That's what I got out of that.
It didn't make me closer to God.
It didn't bring me any closer.
That's called duty-basedworship.
It didn't get me any closer.
I was stressed out, issue withmy family, sniping at my wife,
(47:23):
sniping at my kids, aggravatedand frustrated at the drop of a
dime ready to snap because I wasdoing too many things.
That wasn't helping God.
So people who serve people inthe church and say yes to
everything the pastor wasn't todo.
You're not helping God, youjust helping the pastor.
Yeah, he knows another thing.
There's not the same thing.
No, people who are Prone to dogood deeds I do this good.
(47:47):
Oh, that's my Willy Walkergolden ticket.
No, it's not.
Some days, think are open foryou Because you did good things
for people.
People did that in theinscription thing and what did
he get them?
He's a pad with a rich youngruler.
He did all the good things inlife and Jesus said you know
what you did?
Great, but there's one thingyou're missing.
So all your stuff.
Because he knew the money had ahole in the young man.
(48:09):
He said give away all yourstuff and come follow me.
The Bible said the young manwalked away sorrowful because he
had many things.
Translation, the Mr Utranslation many things had him.
That's what happened.
That's why he walked away.
People who are trying to growfrom a spiritual standpoint.
It's not happening through whatyou do and how much of it you
(48:32):
do, how many good things you doand how many charities you give
to.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing.
I don't know how many causesyou have that you donate to.
I'm not saying there's nothingwrong with that, but please
don't think that's enough foryou to get what God has for you.
That's enough of a tradeoff foryou to be in a place where
you'd be in a relationship withGod.
(48:54):
You got to work that, you gotto walk in that and for me, I
spend a lot of time, my spirittime, if you will, out of those
three a lot of that time is mekind of just sitting and
listening.
One thing that I taught foryears, years.
It never goes over well, andI'm just glad you let me say
this on your show, because I'mlike, wow, I appreciate the
(49:14):
privilege.
Man, people go with god.
I'm gonna pray.
I know people who are cussing,drinking everything.
Somebody go and pray.
I'm like, okay, let me know howit turns out.
The bible says you know whatyour sin is going to hinder your
prayers.
Okay, let me know how it turnsout.
Cool, so people pray and theydon't wait around for an answer.
(49:36):
It's like if I'm talking to youand then, while you answer my
question, I get up, take myheadphones off and walk away,
how's that going to sell?
How's that going to fly?
That's not how you do people.
That's not religion.
That's not how you do people.
(49:57):
That's not what.
It's not dialogue.
If your wife is talking to youand you get up and leave, you
could be in court in in in ashort time or have a pan a
frying pan on your head.
What is the other?
Or both?
But the point is that you haveto take the time to hear the
answer.
You pray to god for this.
You pray to god for that.
I've been praying to god allweek.
How long have?
How long were you on your kneeslisten for the answer?
Quiet silence, no noise, noworship music just listening.
How long were you waiting forthe answer?
(50:20):
God is a person and when you'retalking to him, he's not it,
he's not a thing, he's a person.
So if you're talking to aperson, it's respectful that we
ask them a question.
You wait for the response, likesomebody say how you doing and
they walk away.
Don't you just hate thatAbsolutely?
Why you ask me how I'm doing?
You don't want.
If you leave, I can see yourback.
(50:40):
You're already five feet awayfrom me.
Why you ask me that?
Why you bothering me?
Yeah, so that's the kind ofthing that we have to start
doing when it comes to thespirit aspect of things Taking
the time to sit and listen, sitand soak in whatever it is
you're dealing with, that you'refrustrated with or that you're
crying out to God for, and wait.
Yeah, we forgot how to learnhow to wait.
(51:00):
We just want to have amicrowave generation that wants
everything fast, everythingquick.
Give it to me now, give it tome big, give it to me quickly.
And everything quick.
Give it to me now, give it tome big, give it to me quickly.
And it's not how things work.
That's not the reality where weactually are.
Take the time to sit and listen.
So those my three things Iwould deal with with people who
were potentially a client, whowant to walk through that.
(51:20):
Hope that makes sense.
Man, long answer.
I apologize, brother no, that'sperfect.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
Well, almost perfect, because I know you're not gonna
leave us hanging where you.
My wife and I took these out ofour diet.
We feel great and then didn'ttell us what it was that you
took out, because that's notfair.
You know I feel good, right.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
Oh man, okay, I didn't.
Okay, my bad, I didn't thinkpeople would know that, but for
us we were.
We normally do a lot of fasting, so we kind of got a sense of
what affects us in certain waysand what doesn't.
But we just remove starch andsugar from our diet completely.
It's kind of a uh, it's kind ofa heart, a hybrid of a
(52:00):
carnivore not exactly the same.
It's a little bit different ifwe have some vegetables and
salads in it, but it's kind of acarnivore hybrid and it really
works for us.
I'm not saying this is somethingthat we invented no, people are
doing that somewhere but it wasjust our thing that we came up
with.
We started.
It worked and immediately I'mtalking about in less than 24
hours We've seen a difference inour bodies, how we felt, energy
(52:23):
levels, uh, flattened stomachs.
We've seen a thing in like 24hours.
So I'm not saying do that, andand I'm putting my stamp on it
I'm just telling you whathappened in our bodies.
Everybody's different.
I don't know your life, I don'tknow how many years you've been
putting stuff in there, so thatplays a part too.
Like I said, we fast a lot, sowe always were abstaining from
certain things over certainperiods anyway.
(52:44):
So they kind of helped,probably to make the transition
easy.
But we got starch and sugar outcompletely.
We may, you know, have a dayhere and there that we might,
you know, had that specificthing that we had a, a lunch
with our grandson and we hadbeignets at the restaurant.
You know, I haven't had nothinglike that in several weeks now,
but I had it.
I had one, I had two and thatwas it.
(53:07):
I love it.
Can't get to my regular thingand we're good.
No after effects, no headaches.
Speaker 1 (53:13):
I'm back on my routine and that's the answer
man Starts with sugar years agoand the doctors have been just
trying to give me just the stuffthat was killing me and I
(53:36):
finally found a doctor who saidtake some stuff out your diet,
you'll feel great, you know.
So I took out dairy, I took outsoy, I took out corn, I took
out gluten and the processedsugars and I feel great every
single day, which is pretty muchwhat you just said starts with
sugars.
I feel great every single day,which is pretty much what you
just said starts with sugars,and it does.
It changes your life overnight.
It is, it is.
(53:57):
I mean you know my A1C was high.
Now you would know I haddiabetes.
And I'm not on any meds so it'slike oh my gosh, it's just if we
take care of this temple thatGod gave us man, the can go out
there and do it just, like yousaid, be useful.
I love that Be useful.
So thank you for being on today, but I want to make sure you
(54:17):
get the opportunity because I'vebeen super selfish.
I apologize.
I've been asking you.
Speaker 2 (54:21):
You're on the industry.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
I wasn't so good, and so I want you to tell us
whatever it is that we didn'ttalk about that.
You want to make sure I wantyou to tell us whatever it is
that we didn't talk about that.
You want to make sure.
I want to make sure you givethe folks here how to get a hold
of you if they want to get thatacquired taste coaching that's
going to make a difference intheir life.
However they do, that may berecommended, but whatever you
(54:42):
want to talk about the next fouror five minutes, I want you to
have the opportunity to do thatOkay?
Speaker 2 (54:47):
No, no worries.
I sent you the link for thepeople who want to have a free
30 minute strategy.
Call with me, no stringsattached.
I kind of just want to hearyour heart, what you're dealing
with, and if I can help yousolve a problem and you want to
move forward beyond that, that'sgreat.
If I help you solve a problemand you never want to see me
again, that's okay too.
Those options are always there.
(55:08):
I I have no problem.
I have no ego about it.
I know I'm gonna providewonderful one way or the other,
so I'm not worried about it.
So if you want to help folks out, but as far as our social media
stuff in our podcast, westarted this in 2020 and we got
maybe three seasons of all audiopodcast.
I'll be honest, that's my bestwork, best I've ever done.
I was free than I ever havebeen.
(55:29):
When you're on video, you payattention to details and it
takes you off a little bit, butthen on the audio, I was flowing
.
It was the most insightfulthing I've ever done in my
entire life.
I go back and listen to it andcry.
I'm like, wow, this is powerful.
You can find all of thoseepisodes from 2020 all the way
up to now attheycallmemisteryoubuzzsproutcom
.
They call me, mr UM-I-S-T-A-Y-U spelled the same
(55:52):
way on screen buzzsproutcom.
Our coaching website is not upyet, but you can still reach out
to me and set up a free30-minute strategy call if you'd
like to.
Or you can go onto social media.
I'm on Facebook, instagram,linkedin, even TikTok, but I
don't use it that much Twittereverywhere, and you're going to
hit me up in the DMs.
(56:12):
If you use those social mediaplatforms and reach out to me,
I'd love to hear from you guys.
And our YouTube channel also.
You can reach out there ifyou'd like to as well, man.
But thank you for thisopportunity, drb.
It's been fantastic.
Man.
I really enjoyed being here.
Man, you stretched me out today.
Man, you stretched me man.
I'm stressed.
Speaker 1 (56:28):
I love it.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for beingpart of it.
They call me Mr.
You Go watch that podcast.
You are going to find some gemsin there, especially when
somebody tells you they've donetheir best work.
That's the work you want to gohere.
You know, some people tell mewell, I don't know if I could be
a podcast person, well, goingto be very good at at the
beginning, but once you get inthat flow and once you get going
(56:48):
, there's going to be some gemsin here.
And so if this is the firstepisode you've ever watched of
the Journey to Freedom podcast,please go ahead and hit
notifications and subscribe,because you don't want to miss
some of these incredible people.
This is not me, this is my God,who's given me the right people
to talk to all the time.
That just hit it out of thepark every time, and you just
(57:11):
heard one of those today.
I'm going to go back, I'm goingto listen to it, I'm going to
take notes I got, I just had.
I have all these little piecesof papers in it.
I'm just writing.
Speaker 2 (57:19):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 1 (57:20):
You're writing notes.
I got so many.
That's crazy.
So thank you for being on.
Hey, I don't want you guys toforget that you're God's
greatest gift.
He loves you if you allow himto, and make sure that you do
the things that you know youshould be doing in order to
become the person.
I have a new community that I'mstarting this month.
It's called Becoming the PersonUniverse.
You want to check it out?
Becomingthepersoncom.
(57:40):
We are going to have shows likethis.
We're going to have people likethis.
We're going to haveopportunities like this, where
you'll be able to go and becomethe person that God put you on
this earth to be.
So thank you, guys again.
Look forward to talking to yousoon.
Any one last thought you wantto give everybody?
Speaker 2 (57:55):
No, thank you, Dr B man.
This has been a fantastic show,man.
I hope people got something outof it.
I hope you get many moresubscribers and listeners.
Man, you deserve it.
Man, you do great work.
Man, Thank you for this.
All right, Well, thank you.
Speaker 1 (58:04):
We'll see you guys later.
Have a wonderful, awesome, justincredible day today.
All right, all right, all right.
Welcome to another edition ofthe Journey to Freedom podcast.
I am Dr B, I am your host.
Welcome to another edition ofthe Journey to Freedom podcast.
I am Dr B, I am your host and,as always, super excited to be
able to get one done and talk tosome of the most amazing people
on the planet.
And today you were in for atreat you were going to enjoy.
(00:39):
You know, we were just talkingin the green room right before
and you know, would you like togo by, mr?
Is that the best way to go orhow do you?
It's.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
OK, people call me Mr you all over the place.
I didn't plan that, just soeverybody knows.
I accept it.
Mr you, yusef, you, any ofthose apply for me, I'm good.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
I love it, I love it.
So, mr Yu, one of the thingsthat we learn, especially as we
get a little bit older, is thatwe are probably good at several
different things and it's justfinding that one thing that
really creates the purpose inour lives.
And sometimes it takes us awhile to get to that point, but
(01:20):
I would never be ashamed ofbeing good at more than one
thing.
You know, some people say, well, I do all these things.
I probably should just calm itdown and trim it down to one
thing and eventually, yes, I dobelieve that eventually you
should kind of hone in on whatyou enjoy doing the most.
But that doesn't mean you're notstill good at doing other stuff
.
You know, like I was mowing thelawn the other day and I, you
(01:41):
know I can keep a pretty goodlawn and it looks nice and I can
mow it.
I promise you that's not what Iwant my life's work to be.
It's my, my ability.
There are some greatlandscapers out there and I
don't have any problem payingthem and you know, and doing
stuff.
But sometimes I just enjoygoing out there a little bit.
You know, that doesn't meanthat that needs to be your
life's work.
I was a physical educationteacher for a long time.
(02:04):
You know which has been.
You know it was fun.
But then as soon as I got mymaster's in educational
technology I moved over toteaching computers and I just
kind of been evolving throughthe different levels of my life.
I don't want to go back and bea PE teacher, you know that was
and I'm good at it and I'm, youknow, the kids love me and that
(02:25):
kind of stuff.
I've been coaching for some 38years in track and field and I'm
a very good, incredible trackcoach.
I, you know, I've coached someOlympians.
I coached some high schoolstate champions.
I enjoy coaching track, but Idon't know if that defines me.
One of the things that we willtalk through when I talk to Mr U
(02:47):
today is what is it that?
You know, that journey that wewent through to get to where
we're at, but then kind of whatwe want the world to define us
as as we move forward.
Here's what I know.
I'm 60 years old now and Idon't even know if I'm there yet
.
Like, I might not define myselffor another five or six years.
I'm doing some stuff that I love, like doing this podcast.
I love doing this podcast.
I just don't know where it'sgoing to lead to.
(03:07):
I love when I get on stage andI get to do speaking engagements
.
I love, you know.
You know teaching people how todo podcasting.
I love, you know you know doingsome of the living trust stuff
I do.
I'm starting a community, andso there's all these things that
we can do, and so I can't waitto hear his story.
Miss, as I've told everybodyelse and all my other guests,
you get to start your storywherever you want.
(03:27):
I hope you're not going tostart it way before you were
born, but at least at the timeyou were born.
Some people tell me I come fromthe ancestors of which is
nothing really.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Don't worry about that happening today.
That won't happen to me.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yeah, take your time, just tell us about your journey
and you know, for wherever youwant to start, to where you're
at now, and then we'll just chopit up after that.
So thanks for being on the showtoday.
Thanks for availing yourself.
I love talking to people.
He's currently in the South,right now, in South Carolina,
from New York, and just has lotsof wisdom from what I can
(04:05):
ascertain at this point rightnow.
So thank you for being on thefloor is yours.
Can't wait to hear it.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Thank you for having me in here, man, I appreciate it
.
I think I'll start here.
Being from New York, I thinkthat kind of set the table for a
lot of things that happened.
I'm pretty confident if I wasborn in Colorado or if I was
born in the south, my situationwould be a lot different, it
would look different.
But being born in new york, Ireally believe that it created
(04:35):
and I don't use the word grindanymore, I've taken out of my
vernacular because it has anegative connotation for me
personally.
But for me, the hustle, thehaving multiple ventures, trying
to make ends meet, trying to dosomething for my family, those
things kind of got baked into me.
So that kind of sparked why Ithink I was so easily prone to
(04:57):
doing multiple different things,being different genres and not
just kind of sticking to onething only.
I really feel like that playeda part in that.
So it kind of helped me to getto a place where I didn't bounce
around because I was unhappy orbounce around from different
jobs and vocations because theydidn't pay enough.
I think I got to the places inthose areas, in those situations
(05:18):
where I feel like I got all thetools I needed, and when I
realized there was nowhere elsefor me to grow and learn for
many more, I wanted to make surethat, as always, we hit us in
business circles all the time.
I don't want to be the smartestperson in the room.
If I am, it's time to get intoa different room.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
So for me.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
I always try to find ways to challenge myself and I
mean some people who might watchthis podcast right now, or even
things that I've done on my ownpodcast and they may say, you
know what?
You can't find a job you canwork at for 40 years.
That's great Right To me.
That's a prison.
That's not great to me becauseI doubt really highly I'm
growing.
I've been in long term job withthe government, with the state
(05:57):
government, things like that,and I realized what my growth
level was like.
I saw how I was limited in myability to grow personally and
for me that's the most importantthing, because that job's gonna
come and go.
They can downsize, they canclose up shop altogether and
guess who's still gonna besitting here?
That's gonna be me.
So I gotta make sure that Iprioritize developing me.
So all the places I've been, allthe jobs I had as a chef, as a
(06:20):
supervisor in the StateDepartment, doing passports and
border security and visas, whenit comes to being a computer
technologist, whether it was medoing ministry in official
capacity, all the things thatI've done, they all led to me
growing personally and helped meto be a more well-rounded
(06:42):
person.
And that's what I kind of donow.
When I coach other people, Ihelp them understand.
You know what?
The journey isn't thedestination, it's the process to
get to the destination.
That's how we grow the most,that's what we learn the most.
That's how we find out what welike about ourselves, what we
don't like about ourselves.
All those things happen on thejourney.
So I help people do that,because that's what I learned
how to do.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Oh, absolutely, and it's so fun to kind of think of.
You know the things that we'vebeen able to do or the things
that have grown us.
You know one of the things thatyou said I've grown personally
and I would love, in yourjourney, maybe talk about that a
little bit.
You know, I'm kind of to thepoint now where I believe about
20% of my life or 20% of mywaking life, I don't want to, I
(07:27):
don't want to screw the skew thedata with saying I sleep for
however many hours, I sleep,right, but my waking life I want
about 20% of that to be me,working on me, so I can be
better for others.
And so maybe kind of talk aboutyour personal development
journey and what that lookedlike as far as you know who, who
you are or who you were, maybeeven as a young man, to compare
(07:52):
to who you are now and know thethings that you did to change
that.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Sure, I can definitely do that.
I had a coming from New York.
It wasn't.
It's not a catchphrase, I'm nottrying to sound cool and hip
and sharp and whatnot, but Iknow it was rough to come up
where I come from.
It was, uh, it was.
It was a rough journey.
They call it the concretejungle for a reason.
It's really that In a lot ofways is dog-eat-dog and I think
I had little tools that I didn'trealize.
(08:18):
They were intangibles at thetime to me.
They shaped so much of who I amtoday.
My mom she was a very higheducation.
She's from the Virgin Islands.
She learned that work ethic.
Her mother-in-law was fromPanama, so they had a strong
work ethic, servants loyal to afault.
They had that kind of mindsetthat they brought with them to
this country and for me Ilearned in that about the
(08:40):
importance of education.
I was a voracious reader.
My mom is still a lifetimestudent.
She's still going to school forsomething, learning something.
So I learned that from her.
I learned about reading.
I read multiple books a year.
I'm still doing that now.
I go through books a lot withinthe course of a year.
I lower the numbers so I cankind of inhale and receive more
from it.
So I don't have the number thatI'm like 30 a year.
(09:03):
I'm not doing that anymore.
I'm kind of shortening that soI can learn more.
I've always been a virtuousreader.
That helped me stay creative,but also not let me get limited
to my environment.
I saw things outside of myworld and it makes me know okay,
there's possibilities out here,because where I come from, you
can really feel closed in.
You feel like this is your life, this is the best you can do.
(09:39):
The ceiling is right here.
You're not going to pass that.
But when reading it opens yourimagination, it takes you to
places that your eyes haven'tseen yet, but you can see it in
your mind and it kind of helpedme to kind of hope and dream and
believe again't have anybody.
That was a consistent mentor inmy life.
So for me, I really tried toput myself in situations where I
can have community around me,put myself in places where
people who are doing what Iwanted to accomplish put myself
in that spot.
That was a big part of mygrowing up.
That was a big part of myevolution into adulthood.
I read a lot, I listened to alot of things.
(10:02):
I fed myself voraciously onthings that would help me to
grow my mindset and to changehow I view things.
Because again, coming from aplace where you're, from the
inner city, the whole world istelling you you don't really
matter.
The whole world is telling youyou can't go, but so far.
But when you come from thisneighborhood, right here, this
is the best anybody's ever done,and those are like big hills to
(10:22):
climb when you're a youngperson.
So I'm sitting here like, okay,I got a little rebel in me and
I'm like, yeah, I hear whatyou're saying, but I'm from New
York, I can do.
I can do anything I put my mindto it.
My mother always told me that.
And guess what?
That's how I approach life.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Oh, my God, I love it , love it.
So, as we think of you know,the things that you did to get
better and the books that youread and the people that you
hung out with your identity,like the person that you know,
when I think of our identity,that's the person that shows up
in front of what we believe onthe inside and maybe shows up
(11:00):
than the person.
But when we look in the mirrorand that identity of you know, I
know, you said I'm from NewYork and I believed I can do
anything.
You know, did that identitystay with you and make things
happen for you by having thatidentity?
Or was there something in theresometimes that said you know
what I know?
I'm saying that but when I showup, sometimes I don't feel that
(11:21):
way.
Sometimes kind of walk methrough the identity changes in
your life a little bit that havemade a difference for you.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I would probably say this is not a geographical thing
, as much as it may be a genderthing.
Perhaps Men have a challengewith and we talk about this on
one of our shows that we do forall men we deal with men having
the willingness to betransparent about what they're
feeling rather than having itbeing bottled up and it comes
(11:51):
out in negative ways.
I know I've spent a lot of timeprobably covering up what I
thought were perceivedweaknesses, so I spent a lot of
time covering those things upFor me.
It took me quite a while.
I'm not proud of how long ittook me.
I'll just say it took me awhile to get to the place where
(12:11):
I can be transparent and open,because I was walking in
introversion for quite a while,didn't know what it was, I
thought it was shyness, but itwas just really more about me
not getting my energy from thenormal places that extroverts do
and mines come from otherplaces.
I need to recharge in adifferent way.
I don't need to be around awhole crowd of people.
I don't enjoy that and in newyork that's life, that's
(12:33):
everything.
So imagine how it was growingup to be around all the people
in parades.
I'm like I don't like none ofthis stuff.
Get me out of here.
As fast as you can, parachuteme out of here, I don't care,
just get me out of here, justget me out, yeah.
So that's what that's.
It lift me out of here.
So that's the kind of thingthat I was dealing with all that
time, keeping things bottled up, man.
But you know, moving honestly, Iwon't say move to the south to
(12:56):
get your, to get your healing,but moving down here.
I moved down here for formusical purposes.
But moving down here here andgetting a chance to be out of my
environment and kind of relearn, reload at the same time, life
changing me.
I became more transparent, Ibecame more emotionally okay
with myself.
(13:17):
I'm able to cry, able to behonest when I'm in situations
where honesty and authenticityis required, I can do it, I can
be there, I can be present.
In the moment I'm still growingin that.
I'm in situations where honestyand authenticity is required, I
can do, I can be there, I canbe present in the moment.
I'm still growing in that.
I'm still learning that I'm ingroups and communities that
allow me to have that kind ofopportunity.
But, man, it's been gamechanging for me to be able to do
that.
I mean, like you said earlieron in the show, I've done a lot
(13:39):
of different things and I don'tknow how to pinpoint what that
one thing, like you said, maybewe should try to find that, but
if I can say that, you know,being a coach and a communicator
was something I can put my hangmy hat on.
I would do that because I was.
I was seeing that stuff evenwhen I was little.
People would come to me thatwere way older than me and they
(14:00):
were telling me their problems.
I'm like what do you want me todo with that?
I can't even drive.
Why are you telling me thisstuff?
So these are kind of thingsthat I I didn't read out until
now.
I look back like wow, inretrospect, I'm like I've been
doing this for a long time I'vebeen giving people pearls of
wisdom, if you will, for a longtime like where's it coming from
?
I know it's not coming from me.
(14:21):
I I get the credit who itbelongs to, but you know it just
.
These are things I feel like inall the things that I've done,
where they've been podcasting asa chef, coaching, whatever it
is, in a supervisory,administrative or whatever what
I was doing always was thatperson that I thought was just
an introvert, that was justnon-existent.
The communicator is coming outnow and it shows on all of the
(14:43):
shows that I do, all the showsthat I guest on.
It really comes out and I'mlike wow, for somebody who don't
want to talk a lot, you suretalk a lot, but that's so.
I guess I hope to answer thequestion because I kind of just
wear, you know, I just seemyself evolving into a man.
Does that make sense?
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
And one of the things that I think is misunderstood
about introverts because youobviously show up as an
extrovert, as you had, and youwalk with people and talk with
people.
But I think that what I see,some of the best or the most
successful people in life areintroverts, because they're
(15:23):
introspective of what's going onaround them.
They recharge by themselves,and I think that's what the
difference is.
It's not how you are in a crowd, it's what recharges you, what
ignites you.
Like for me, I am an extrovert,so when I go to a place, I get
energy from who's around me.
But I have other people in mylife who get energy from sitting
(15:45):
down with the book and justwith nobody else in the room,
and both of those okay, but weboth show up on stage with tons
of energy, tons of ready to go,and they don't have to be the
life of the party to createenergy, which almost makes it to
me.
It's kind of like you knowyou're always jealous of what
(16:05):
you don't have, but I wish thatI could just sit down with a
book and not need a crowd to getenergy, so that I could just
sit down and think and process,because I think so many people
who are introverted process muchbetter because they can have
that alone time, and so thankyou for sharing that.
When I started the Journey toFreedom podcast and the Journey
(16:27):
to Freedom initiative that Ihave, I went to a.
It was an event.
It was called the TrustLeadership, trusted Edge.
A guy named David Horsager, outof Minnesota, you know, does
this thing.
He's probably one of the whenyou think of trust and the word
trust and how we have to show uptrusting others, and he's
probably one of the leadingexperts in the world in that
(16:47):
realm.
Well, there's 500 people at thisseminar conference and I look
around the room and, you know, Isay it doesn't matter that
folks that look like me can dothings.
But you know why am I lookingaround the room?
Counting, right?
So because it doesn't matter,right, but I'm counting.
And so you know there's 30folks of color that are in the
(17:08):
room and you know theinformation is so good, it's so
worthy, and I'm thinking back,while I'm sitting there, to my
barbershops, I'm thinking backto the street corners, I'm
thinking back to the basketballgames that they get, you know,
or the pickup games, and I'mthinking why are we not?
Why is our culture, not gettinga lot of this information.
So I came back and I startedJourney to Freedom and so far
(17:30):
we've interviewed over 200 blackmen about what does it mean to
be here?
And so one of the questionsthat I'd love to ask is trust,
because you are from New Yorkand you know a lot of people
that I've interviewed from NewYork said I didn't trust nobody
at all.
I trust my mama, and that wasit.
That was what we were taught todo.
(17:50):
And then I have others that sayno, I give everybody the
benefit of the doubt.
It's bit me in the butt a wholebunch of times, but I still do
it and then I'll trust later.
Kind of walk through your trustjourney of how do you decide
who you're going to trust, whoyou're not going to trust, and
is that ever been an issue thathas either helped you or hurt
(18:12):
you?
Speaker 2 (18:14):
That's a great question, dr B.
Great question, man.
It started off like youdescribed DTA don't trust
anybody.
It started that way beside mymom and my grandmama.
My uncle had a shot beside that, nope, wasn't able to do it.
(18:34):
I didn't trust my teacher,thought of a lion to me.
I didn't trust a guy on theserver.
I didn't trust nobody.
So it's just how much thisthing costs at the bodega.
I didn't trust him either.
I'm like, nah, I don't, there'sa real price.
You kind of gala to me.
So I didn't trust anybody.
But I think that's in therevolution, if you will, came.
Or the transmission came when Iread a book called the ten laws
(18:57):
of relationship.
Mmm, we're not, we're not.
When I know it's another partof the name, I'm blanking out.
I'm looking to see what it is.
I can find it.
Yeah, is that a Maxwell book?
No, okay, oh gosh, I'm lookingover here trying to find a book,
(19:17):
or live on your show, but it'suh.
But if you, if you google thechin loss of listen, you'll see
the name is.
It's a fantastic book.
It is the consummaterelationship book, if I can say
that out loud.
What it taught me to do wassomething that I didn't even
almost say in catch in this book.
What it taught me to do was tovent relationships.
(19:41):
That's something that I neverthought was a real thing.
I thought that I was supposedto get whatever I was given and
it was my lot in life and that'swhat it was going to be.
And Nobody, ever, nobody ever,dissuaded me from that set.
Maybe my mother, with some ofthe mindset about you know how
to let people treat you and howto you know and how to deal with
(20:02):
relationships.
But honestly, I had to learn alot of stuff for myself and that
book it it changed my mindsetand I didn't talk about five
years ago basically.
So all my life I was thinkingyou know what the stuff I was
given is?
Just, it's just what I wassupposed to get.
And the book is called the 10critical law I'm a little
missing the word the 10 criticallaws of relationship.
(20:24):
So so my apologies on that one,but what it talks about when I
get into the whole book, wasthat you need to vet
relationships.
Now I say vetting how can I,how can I apply that?
And the book breaks it down.
But think about when you'revetting somebody for a job.
You're the owner of the company.
You're the founder or CEO ofthe company People.
You're the owner of the company.
(20:45):
You're the founder or CEO ofthe company.
People are coming in wanting towork for you.
How do you vet them?
People want to be on your board.
How do you vet them?
People want to work under youas a supervisor.
How do you vet them?
Guess what you do, rob DThompson.
Thank you, sir, appreciate that.
This is what you do.
You ask, you ask questions, youexamine, you determine and then
(21:14):
you make a decision.
And I'm like, wow, because Ihave some friends that I wish I
vetted them, especially backhome in New York.
I wish I had vetted them beforeI invited them into the inner
sanctum and made them my friendsand made them privy to my life
and all the intimate secretthings that happened in my life
and to me that was a gamechanger right there.
That book.
So in a relationship now as anadult that's more mature, now I
(21:36):
don't have the approach that Idon't trust anybody.
I do give people the benefit ofthe doubt.
At the same time, there's going, there's gonna be a, there's
gonna be an open book.
And you know what if you, ifyou fail that nothing but love
for you.
I'm not gonna let you back inhere.
We can be, we can be here, butyou can't be here and I just and
(21:59):
we had to decide.
You know what, who's gonna be,where who's gonna.
You know you have to decidewhat the priority is gonna be.
We want people in your life.
One of the biggest things Ilearned this is a biblical thing
.
I won't try to bar you, showdown with this, but if you
remember how the tabernacle wasconstructed in the old testament
, there was the outer courtswhere anybody can be, no matter
what faith or, uh, denominationyou were, and even animals that
(22:23):
were considered unclean could bean outer court.
Inner court was where peoplewho were initiated could be,
people who were of the faith,people who had clearance as
ministers or leaders of somesort to be there, and the
innermost is where it would beyou and God community.
Nobody could be inside therebut you and him.
It's that personal what we donow, and God gave me revelation
(22:43):
about this.
He showed me that how thepeople in my outer courts that
should be out there with theanimals, so to speak, hate to
put it like that.
But they're not initiated.
They have no loyalty.
They shouldn't be there.
I got them in my inner courtand I have people you know,
happy, happy but out of position, misplaced priorities.
So that book helped me to getpeople in in their proper order
(23:07):
in the proper place.
People, people watching my, saidyou know what I just messed up
me about?
To be in the same place?
Yeah right, I'm sorry.
Yeah, this, I don't have thatkind of mentality.
You can call it sociallywherever you want, I don't.
I don't do that.
Everybody can't be inintercourse because everybody
don't.
You have to earn that.
Yeah, absolutely.
If you can't, socially,whatever you want, I don't do
that.
Everybody can be anintercourser.
Because you have to earn that,you can't be in that place.
(23:27):
It sounds simple, but peopledon't realize how much we do
that I coach people all the time.
I have, over almost 30 yearsnow, the same problem.
Why you had this problem?
Well, this person in my life,right here, and they said, once
you find out who they are,you're like, wow, you gave them
the keys to the castle and youdon't mind them robbing you
blind.
You know what I'm saying.
Who let them in here?
(23:48):
Who let the dogs in?
Who let them in?
That's the question when Ilearned that.
I don't know how to describe it.
It was just it was gamechanging man for me when that
happened.
So now I don't get stressed outby people in my life who's
messing things over.
I know where to put them, howto guard my heart and guard my
(24:10):
situation and have people in aproper perspective.
So yeah, I'm not going to say Itrust every single body.
I don't invite everybody to myhouse and go sit and say have
your way, I don't do that.
That's nonsense, but you know.
But now I'm more strategicabout who I give my space to, my
time to, even as a coach andjust as a person.
(24:31):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Oh gosh, it makes so much sense.
One of the things you just saidthat just super hit home for me
, especially in our culture, isyou said I needed to vet, I
needed my relationships.
I need to kind of know.
You said I needed to vet, youknow I needed my relationships.
I need to kind of know who youare a little bit before I'm
going to start letting you intoplaces and when I think of you
know, obviously we have familyand you know we were saying you
(24:57):
can't choose your family, yourfamily chooses you.
So you got to do, but you stilldon't have to let them in to
every part of your circle.
And then we have, like, likethe dudes that we grew up with,
right, and there's a lot of mybaby and them can't come through
oh no, just because we grew up,don't mean we need to hang
right now, right.
and these associations that weallow in our life, that we
(25:20):
continue to allow in our life,and we know that they're bad, we
know that they don't service,they know that they get us in
trouble and we somehow thinkthat, well, because we have
history, we have to hang withthem.
So let me just talk about thata little bit, about these
associations and finding thepeople that you should move
(25:41):
forward with.
You talked about rooms earlier,and not everybody needs to be
in your life forever, right.
People that you should moveforward with.
You talked about rooms earlier,but and and not everybody needs
to be in your life forever,right.
I mean, talk about that alittle bit, for me.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Yeah, I can tell you a very funny, poignant story.
The guys may not even watchthis show, but that's okay, I
will talk about them anyway.
But I was in a music group witha couple buddies of mine from
new york.
Uh, we had a independent recorddeal and we were getting ready
to be the next.
Whatever had talent, had greatideas.
(26:11):
We kind of just got hindered bythe system.
I'll just put it like that.
But I came across these guys.
I don't think we stayed up asmuch as we could have over the
years, but I reconnected withthem and this is me, you know,
not thinking about all I said.
I didn't have the vettingmindset yet.
So I found them, located them,reached back out to them and
(26:34):
whatnot, and in a matter ofminutes I realized this is it.
This part is over.
We can't bring the temptationsback.
We can't, we can't do a reuniontour.
This ain't, this ain't gonnahappen.
You know what I'm saying and ithad me hit me real quick.
They didn't understand it atfirst.
They were trying to keep thingsgoing like no, this is I'm.
(26:56):
I'm far away from where this,this whole situation, is.
I'm not here and you know I hadto make a decision.
My wife even she noticed it too.
I said you know what?
I'm gonna get decisions.
Go ahead and let the history bethe history.
I Ain't got to bring it back.
I ain't got to do a sequel.
I think I do a part seven and apart eight, like on Mission
Impossible.
Part one was good, it was whatit was.
(27:18):
I learned a lot.
I think they did too.
Time for brother bounced on toon to a new story, a new chapter
, a new movie, a new book, a new, whatever it was the time for
it.
Does that make sense?
That's the way it was.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Sometimes you have to let go of the past in order to
be able to move forward.
The people that are now part ofyour associations they see you
over there and they're like, ooh, now they're questioning your
character because they see whoyou're bringing up in here, I
guess, is another way to put itRight.
It's so important, as we'retalking about relationships,
because I can tell that you havean incredible relationship with
(27:54):
your spouse and you know, maybekind of talk about the
evolution of that and what thathas meant to you over time, the
evolution of that and what whatthat has meant to you over time,
and you know, when you find theright person that you can do
life with and, uh, and as apartner, instead of you know
this, this, this person that youknow I'm like, I just I'll just
let you talk about yourrelationship fair enough.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
yeah, I mean honestly , you know that's my best friend
we, we, we established thatwe've been through wars together
when the whole world the wholefamily turned on us.
It was just me and her,literally against the world, and
it's been our motto for quite awhile.
We have a different motto now.
We don't think the whole worldis against us, even though at
that time it was essentiallythat the entire world that we
(28:41):
lived in not the world world,but our world was against us and
it wasn't for our good and wefought, battled that and we were
in the trenches together and itforged a really strong
relationship.
Next month excuse me, next weekI know our anniversary.
She forgets it sometimes.
I remember it, though.
Our anniversary is going to benext week and it's going to be
(29:04):
29 years of marriage.
We've been in the household forquite a while.
We got three grown daughters,six grandkids and one great
grandchild that are a part ofour union together and honestly,
I wouldn't do that for anybodyelse.
I know people are out theredoing date naps and I don't
fault you.
People are out there hittingthe spots trying to find
(29:26):
eligible bachelors andbachelorettes.
I'm not going to tell you whatto do, but for me I didn say to
model after, didn't know aboutbeing a father, didn't have that
option either.
To model after.
(29:48):
I'm just going to attribute itall to God because I can't put
it nowhere else.
I can't put it in what I read,what I listened to, people
around me who helped.
I got to give God the credit.
Who would have thought that acrazy Brooklyn kid would move to
the South For any reason?
Move to the south, find your,your best friend in the whole
(30:10):
world there, your soul mate ifyou will, and be and be able to
have a growing family from thatand almost a 30-year marriage,
and you never even seen that inyour lifetime anywhere in your
entire family.
How do you explain that?
There ain't no explanation.
So I mean, I don't know howpeople are finding their
situation.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Everybody's probably gonna be a little bit different,
but that's just my story andit's a beautiful story it's oh,
it's an amazing story and, asyou think of the that, you that
you've been able to do that, andthen it's okay when you have
somebody with you to be againstthe world.
It's not okay when it's youagainst the world and the person
(30:53):
that you're with.
You talked about being a dad alittle bit, and so one of the
things that I talk about a lotin this show, especially when I
talk with Black men, is, Ibelieve we all know how
important it is that childrenhave dads in their life and it's
super important that the dad isavailable as much as the dad
can be.
But sometimes what we don'ttalk about is what does it mean
(31:15):
to be a dad?
How did that change your life,as you now you know, before life
, before being a dad, as you nowyou know, before life, before
being a dad?
Then you become a dad and asyou grow as a dad, how has that
changed the person that you are.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Well, one of the things that you know I was just
sharing about this on anothershow recently, the when you grow
up, like I did, without afather and, honestly, a lot of
resentment of resentment, a lotof anger, a lot of questions
that didn't get answered, evenin his, even before his passing.
They would never answer.
You know, you, you carry, youcarry that stuff around and it's
(31:52):
like what was important to mewas that I didn't take.
It's almost like, if you knowand I don't want to use COVID
because it's just to bring backbad memories for everybody so
let's just say, you have the flu.
Okay, we know the flu iscontagious, right, you know you
got the flu.
But you're going to go in acrowd of people, in a room of
people, and you're going to hugthem, You're going to kiss them
(32:13):
on the cheek, you're going to doall that stuff and you know you
got the flu.
You just didn't tell them aboutit.
That wrong, right?
Yes, that's wrong, right.
Well, for me, that's how I feltabout having children.
I didn't want to contaminatethem because I didn't want to
have children.
I definitely wanted to havechildren, but I didn't want to
contaminate them with what I hadI wanted to get.
(32:34):
I wanted to get that situationright first and uh, and honestly
, I I didn't get a chance to doit the way I wanted to, which is
fine, because this was clearlyprobably the best way, but I was
still dealing with that stuffand still having children, so,
figuring the thing out on thefly Besides the Cosby show, I
(32:54):
didn't have a picture of what ahealthy family looks like.
Besides that show, that waskind of my barometer.
I even wrote about it in thebook, so that's how prevalent
that was for me.
I was trying to learn how tofather these three beautiful
princesses without having anyidea of how to be a father in
the first place.
I learned a lot of it on thefly.
(33:15):
I didn't have people speakinginto my life telling me what's
the best thing to do and how todo it.
I didn't really have any ofthat stuff.
People might look at this andsay, oh, I was there.
Nah, you wasn't there.
Yeah, it wasn't what I needed.
Yeah, despite what people mightthink I need, it wasn't what I
(33:36):
needed to be able to do.
Yeah, and honestly, I have togive.
I want to turn your pocketsinto something else.
But I mean I had to give godthe glory for it again because I
learned something that honestlythey know explanation for how I
was able to do that.
I mean, our children got theirissues, they deal with some
things and they're working ontheir personal testimonies.
They're still doing that.
But you know, I was a waybetter father than I ever
imagined I could be and stilltrying to do that right now and
(33:58):
I think to some degree some someof them credit me for that.
Still, and it's a testimonybecause I got no background.
It's not a book that I read.
I don't know how it evenhappened.
It just happened over the yearsthrough trial and error and
through the fire and theimportant part that we started
off the show with wanting todevelop myself.
(34:19):
If I didn't have that, we'dhave had a cluster in this
family.
It's because I said, you know,I'm going to develop myself.
If I didn't, if I didn't havethat, we'd have a cluster in
this family.
It's because I said you know,I'm gonna develop myself, I
wanna grow, I wanna be betterand not be all the things that
the world says I should be,society said I should be.
All my even family members sayI should be.
I want to be who I, who I'mmeant to be, who I'm designed to
be.
So I worked on me and I thinkour daughters are better as a
(34:43):
result.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
So good.
Thank you.
Yeah, there's so much time whenwe talk about, especially in our
culture, we talk about a lot of, you know, men being absent and
men not being there, and youknow I've met so many men who've
tried, you know, whether it'slike the, the, the mom who is
doing everything they can not tolet the dad see it, how that
(35:06):
hurts our hearts and stuff, andso I don't want folks to get the
idea that being a dad is just,it's a responsibility, only it's
our life, it's what we want todo, it's what we want to pour
into.
So, thank you, thank you, thankyou for sharing that, thank you.
I want to jump in becauseyou've mentioned it a few times
(35:29):
and it's something I talk aboutall the time and that is our
faith, and I want to kind ofknow where, how much of your
life and who you are today isbecause of your faith and
because of that journey you'vehad with your father.
And so please let me know.
You know in your mind how it is, how you've integrated, how
(35:51):
you've made it part and how youcontinue to get, like you've
been saying.
Give God the glory.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
I started off.
My mother and my grandmotherwere very faithful, if you will.
My mother and my grandmotherwere very faithful.
If you will, there's an elementof religion in that.
I've seen that come out fromtime to time, but I think I
(36:19):
would spend a lot of time thentrying to be a good person,
thinking that that was my ticket, it.
And I realized even in morerecent years I'll probably say
the last 30 years it's been anabiding understanding that my
goodness don't move the needle,not when it comes to eternity
and not when it comes to liningup with biblical standards.
So it's about Jesus'righteousness, not my
(36:43):
righteousness.
And when I figured that partout, you know it changed the way
I approached.
Every day I looked at mymortality on a regular basis.
If this was it, if this was thelast week, did I accomplish all
the things I'm supposed to beable to do here?
You know what I'm supposed tobe able to do here.
(37:08):
You know, say, and every time Idid that the answer was no
every time on thisself-exploring journey, and so
was nor every time.
There's still more work to bedone.
Even though I didn't havementors in my life, there's some
mentors that we got, my wifeand I through books and through
interactions and videos and suchand a gentleman by the name of
dr miles Monroe, big mentor inour life.
We miss him so much.
His, his ministry literallychanged our lives and even
helped us through our marriagein rough spots, and he has two
(37:31):
quotes that I always love toshare, but one of them is it's
too long a quote to try to quoteus.
I won't.
I don't want to pick it up, butI'll just go ahead and give you
the quick note.
We're saying the richest placein the world is a cemetery.
Yes, because all of the songs,the inventions, the books, the
ideas, they haven't been created, haven't been made and people
(37:54):
take it to the grave with them.
And that struck me as okay.
You know what?
At the end of my story, I wantto go to my end empty and not
full.
So it's why I coach the way Ido, it's why I kind of not
attack, but it's my mentality,it's just, it's an athletic
something.
That's how I approach clientsand people who want me to work
(38:17):
with them, and that's how Iapproach this.
If you work with me, you'regoing to hear this in great
detail, because you got a chanceof being one of those people
who took all the gifts andabilities to the grave with them
and you never touched it.
There was no time to accomplishthose things and you fell short
of your purpose on the earth.
A lot of folks might love youand be crying at the funeral,
(38:39):
but you fell short of yourGod-given purpose.
I try to help folks find that.
And at the funeral.
But you fell short of yourGod-given purpose and I try to
help folks find that and at thesame time make sure I don't lose
it myself.
So for me that quote has beenabiding for me and I stick with
it.
I try to live it out on aneveryday basis.
His other quote, the second one,I'll end that with this.
He says that when the purposeof a thing is not known, abuse
(39:03):
is inevitable.
End that with this.
He says that when the purposeof a thing is not known, abuse
is inevitable.
So I go out of my way tounderstand who I am and who I'm
supposed to be and to get allthe layers that people try to
put on you and all the things Iimagine for myself.
I want to make sure I'm in aplace where I'm fully
functioning and operating at thehighest level of who I'm
supposed to be, and if I can dothat every single day.
(39:29):
I'm always going to be closerto him and closer to that
purpose and fulfilling somethings than I would be without
that, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
Amen, thank you.
Talk about health a little bit.
One of the things that, um,that we know, that you know the
average in our case we'retalking about Black men live to
be 72.
I'm 60, and I don't think I'mgoing to get going until I'm 70.
My dad's 86, and he's runningtrack meets.
(39:55):
I'm just thinking through whatare some things that you do or
purposely make sure happens sothat you get to stay around here
a little bit longer.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
Hmm, this is going to sound crazy, okay, but I talk
crazy all the time, so thatwould be a big deal.
And I don't mean to mentioncoaching, like I'm trying to
plug it, I just it's just a goodanalogy okay, you got a
(40:29):
business that you need people togo to and talk to you about I
do, man, but that's not, that'snot the motivation here.
I'll make that clear, but it'sjust like okay.
Next question for anything thatyou want to have clients for
you, what you want your businessfor right, one of the things
that help you do that, is notyour promotions, not your social
media stuff.
It's none of that.
It's not business cards beingpassed out of networking events.
(40:52):
It's you being used for thepeople.
Yes, okay, what.
What area can dr b meet?
Whatever can mr you meet?
And it sounds it's sometimes inmy head something be useful.
What you mean you want to tryto use me.
It sounds messed up in my head,but I get it.
Though.
Where are you most useful?
And for me, I'm like I seepeople who are healthy, super
(41:14):
healthy, got great dies and whenI guess what it is, yeah, they
was that.
I'm not saying go eat junk food, that's not.
I'm not saying flip that.
Conversely, I'm just sayingthat that's not the answer, the
only answer.
So for me and this is somethingthat's a recent revelation,
like less than three minutes agothey just came to me I'm like
you know what I want to beuseful to god?
(41:35):
Oh god, if I'm used for the god, I can't get.
I can't get fired.
That's how I look at it.
If I'm useful to God, if I'mpurposeful, if I'm doing what
needs to be done, I can't getfired.
I can't lose my role.
I can't be taken out of hereprematurely because I'm doing
(41:56):
what I'm supposed to be doingand I'm in the flow.
I'm in partnership with him andI'm doing what he wants me to
do.
He ain't going to find me whenthat's happening.
People.
People think they're doing thatby doing the good thing they're
doing when it comes to churchand religion, but like you're
just doing what you want to do,yes, it ain't.
It ain't because even when youthink where you think he's at,
(42:16):
he's not even in there anymorethat box.
You try to put him in.
He been out that box.
He's not even there anymore.
Check the box, he ain't there.
Look for him, he ain't dead, hegone.
You know he done, moved on andyou haven't moved with him
because your heart's not aligned.
It's not his fault, it's yourfault.
So for me, I want to make sureI'm aligned with him, I'm in
partnership with him and I'mwhere he's at.
(42:36):
If he's working here, that'swhere I want to be.
If he's working here, I don'twant to be there without him.
There's a mountain for me toclimb.
I can't do it if he ain't goingwith me.
Sorry, I'd be without him.
That's worse than death itselfto be without him.
So to me I'm sitting here like,okay, if I'm useful to him and
(42:57):
his purposes, I can't get fired.
I can't get laid off, I can'tget furloughed.
Yeah, none of that stuff.
You can't not untouchable, butI, I have, I have a place.
So that's my goal to be useful,as useful to god as possible.
So I don't get let go.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
I love that well with that, I mean and part of part
of the responsibility, I think,is on us to be useful, right,
because the things that we dowhen we get up, the things that
we do before we go to bed, thethings that we do while we're
awake, if we're striving to beuseful to God and I love how you
said that, I mean, that wasjust so spot on Then what are
(43:39):
some things that maybe you do orthat you think about in your
daily routine?
Then what are some things thatmaybe you do or you think about
in your daily routine?
And it could be all mentalstuff that you're doing, or it
could be all servant type stuffyou're doing, or it could be do
you have things that you do on adaily basis that are looking up
and saying this is what Ibelieve God is asking me to do?
And there's a differencebetween hearing God saying
(44:01):
asking you to do something, andthen actually doing it, because
I think a lot of us here, oh, Ishould be doing this, and then
you're out there doing somethingtotally different and then you
say, okay, god, am I useful toyou?
But, yeah, kind of, maybe walkthrough some of the things you
do, or even maybe some of thethings you would coach somebody
as a coach to do Through aroutine through the day that
(44:23):
would help them to be successful, what you're talking about yeah
, people talk about mind, bodyand spirit and they kind of
throw that thing around.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
I, I feel the same way about it, except I have a
different approach to it.
Uh, from a body perspective, mywife and I've been on this
journey recently where we justkind of cut two specific things
out of our diet and not only arewe feeling better now, we could
be more active without the painthat normally used to come with
the activity.
We're able to do things thatyou know.
(44:53):
Sometimes you eat a certain way, you go to bed, you feel pain
in your body when you're in bed.
We're not experiencing any ofthat stuff and I feel like this
is, if we acknowledge this as atemple, you're careful about
what you put into it and youcare.
That's the body part.
The mind part, that's where Ihave the majority of my
challenges with coaching clientsor people who may not want me
(45:14):
to coach them because they don'twant to deal with this part, so
they bail on me.
It's happened before.
You know what I'm saying.
But the mind part, like I wastalking about, the reading and
the listening and the feedingmyself, that's for me Because
even if I'm not, if I don't havea coaching client in that
moment.
If I did, what am I going togive them?
This bottle was empty.
I can't pour nothing out.
So that mind part is me feedingmyself.
(45:37):
I'm a voracious eater.
I'm a voracious reader.
I read at a high level, Iintake information at a high
level because I want to be ableto understand the things that I
don't understand, so I can helpsomebody else who doesn't
understand either.
So the mind part I'll behelping people with habits,
daily disciplines.
What are you doing?
People tell me that they're ona journey to success.
(45:58):
They're on a road to success,asking what a day in the life of
them looks like.
And guess what I see oversleeping, overeating or eating
junk food.
No activity, no connections, nocommunications, really, except
texting stuff, playing games ontheir phone.
I'm like you're an emotionalsuccess you waiting for to come
(46:20):
and smack you down or you go.
Are you getting after it?
No, so we get.
So we get into that part of it.
So that's one thing that'd be abig emphasis on me if I was
coaching somebody who desired tohave this kind of coaching,
because this is the.
This is the uh, this is thequiet it takes and I understand
that and it's okay.
(46:40):
But I'm just I know issue onthe spirit part.
I deal with that too, but it'sdifferent because people think
you know what I am and this issomething that's going to blow
some religious folks minds.
I hope they don't come afteryou.
You can send them to me andthey come after you.
Come to me, I'm willing to handit.
I'm not afraid of this.
This is a battle I'm willing tofight.
But the spirit part, this isthe part that people get wrong.
They think, oh, I'm serving atchurch.
(47:02):
I used to have nine jobs atchurch.
It didn't afford me anyprivileges with God.
I was just stretched out andtired and busy and burnt out.
That's what I got out of that.
It didn't make me closer to God.
It didn't bring me any closer.
That's called duty-basedworship.
It didn't get me any closer.
I was stressed out, issue withmy family, sniping at my wife,
(47:23):
sniping at my kids, aggravatedand frustrated at the drop of a
dime ready to snap because I wasdoing too many things.
That wasn't helping God.
So people who serve people inthe church and say yes to
everything the pastor wasn't todo.
You're not helping God, youjust helping the pastor.
Yeah, he knows another thing.
There's not the same thing.
No, people who are Prone to dogood deeds I do this good.
(47:47):
Oh, that's my Willy Walkergolden ticket.
No, it's not.
Some days, think are open foryou Because you did good things
for people.
People did that in theinscription thing and what did
he get them?
He's a pad with a rich youngruler.
He did all the good things inlife and Jesus said you know
what you did?
Great, but there's one thingyou're missing.
So all your stuff.
Because he knew the money had ahole in the young man.
(48:09):
He said give away all yourstuff and come follow me.
The Bible said the young manwalked away sorrowful because he
had many things.
Translation, the Mr Utranslation many things had him.
That's what happened.
That's why he walked away.
People who are trying to growfrom a spiritual standpoint.
It's not happening through whatyou do and how much of it you
(48:32):
do, how many good things you doand how many charities you give
to.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing.
I don't know how many causesyou have that you donate to.
I'm not saying there's nothingwrong with that, but please
don't think that's enough foryou to get what God has for you.
That's enough of a tradeoff foryou to be in a place where
you'd be in a relationship withGod.
(48:54):
You got to work that, you gotto walk in that and for me, I
spend a lot of time, my spirittime, if you will, out of those
three a lot of that time is mekind of just sitting and
listening.
One thing that I taught foryears, years.
It never goes over well, andI'm just glad you let me say
this on your show, because I'mlike, wow, I appreciate the
(49:14):
privilege.
Man, people go with god.
I'm gonna pray.
I know people who are cussing,drinking everything.
Somebody go and pray.
I'm like, okay, let me know howit turns out.
The bible says you know whatyour sin is going to hinder your
prayers.
Okay, let me know how it turnsout.
Cool, so people pray and theydon't wait around for an answer.
(49:36):
It's like if I'm talking to youand then, while you answer my
question, I get up, take myheadphones off and walk away,
how's that going to sell?
How's that going to fly?
That's not how you do people.
That's not religion.
That's not how you do people.
(49:57):
That's not what.
It's not dialogue.
If your wife is talking to youand you get up and leave, you
could be in court in in in ashort time or have a pan a
frying pan on your head.
What is the other?
Or both?
But the point is that you haveto take the time to hear the
answer.
You pray to god for this.
You pray to god for that.
I've been praying to god allweek.
How long have?
How long were you on your kneeslisten for the answer?
Quiet silence, no noise, noworship music just listening.
How long were you waiting forthe answer?
(50:20):
God is a person and when you'retalking to him, he's not it,
he's not a thing, he's a person.
So if you're talking to aperson, it's respectful that we
ask them a question.
You wait for the response, likesomebody say how you doing and
they walk away.
Don't you just hate thatAbsolutely?
Why you ask me how I'm doing?
You don't want.
If you leave, I can see yourback.
(50:40):
You're already five feet awayfrom me.
Why you ask me that?
Why you bothering me?
Yeah, so that's the kind ofthing that we have to start
doing when it comes to thespirit aspect of things Taking
the time to sit and listen, sitand soak in whatever it is
you're dealing with, that you'refrustrated with or that you're
crying out to God for, and wait.
Yeah, we forgot how to learnhow to wait.
(51:00):
We just want to have amicrowave generation that wants
everything fast, everythingquick.
Give it to me now, give it tome big, give it to me quickly.
And everything quick.
Give it to me now, give it tome big, give it to me quickly.
And it's not how things work.
That's not the reality where weactually are.
Take the time to sit and listen.
So those my three things Iwould deal with with people who
were potentially a client, whowant to walk through that.
(51:20):
Hope that makes sense.
Man, long answer.
I apologize, brother no, that'sperfect.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
Well, almost perfect, because I know you're not gonna
leave us hanging where you.
My wife and I took these out ofour diet.
We feel great and then didn'ttell us what it was that you
took out, because that's notfair.
You know I feel good, right.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
Oh man, okay, I didn't.
Okay, my bad, I didn't thinkpeople would know that, but for
us we were.
We normally do a lot of fasting, so we kind of got a sense of
what affects us in certain waysand what doesn't.
But we just remove starch andsugar from our diet completely.
It's kind of a uh, it's kind ofa heart, a hybrid of a
(52:00):
carnivore not exactly the same.
It's a little bit different ifwe have some vegetables and
salads in it, but it's kind of acarnivore hybrid and it really
works for us.
I'm not saying this is somethingthat we invented no, people are
doing that somewhere but it wasjust our thing that we came up
with.
We started.
It worked and immediately I'mtalking about in less than 24
hours We've seen a difference inour bodies, how we felt, energy
(52:23):
levels, uh, flattened stomachs.
We've seen a thing in like 24hours.
So I'm not saying do that, andand I'm putting my stamp on it
I'm just telling you whathappened in our bodies.
Everybody's different.
I don't know your life, I don'tknow how many years you've been
putting stuff in there, so thatplays a part too.
Like I said, we fast a lot, sowe always were abstaining from
certain things over certainperiods anyway.
(52:44):
So they kind of helped,probably to make the transition
easy.
But we got starch and sugar outcompletely.
We may, you know, have a dayhere and there that we might,
you know, had that specificthing that we had a, a lunch
with our grandson and we hadbeignets at the restaurant.
You know, I haven't had nothinglike that in several weeks now,
but I had it.
I had one, I had two and thatwas it.
(53:07):
I love it.
Can't get to my regular thingand we're good.
No after effects, no headaches.
Speaker 1 (53:13):
I'm back on my routine and that's the answer
man Starts with sugar years agoand the doctors have been just
trying to give me just the stuffthat was killing me and I
(53:36):
finally found a doctor who saidtake some stuff out your diet,
you'll feel great, you know.
So I took out dairy, I took outsoy, I took out corn, I took
out gluten and the processedsugars and I feel great every
single day, which is pretty muchwhat you just said starts with
sugars.
I feel great every single day,which is pretty much what you
just said starts with sugars,and it does.
It changes your life overnight.
It is, it is.
(53:57):
I mean you know my A1C was high.
Now you would know I haddiabetes.
And I'm not on any meds so it'slike oh my gosh, it's just if we
take care of this temple thatGod gave us man, the can go out
there and do it just, like yousaid, be useful.
I love that Be useful.
So thank you for being on today, but I want to make sure you
(54:17):
get the opportunity because I'vebeen super selfish.
I apologize.
I've been asking you.
Speaker 2 (54:21):
You're on the industry.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
I wasn't so good, and so I want you to tell us
whatever it is that we didn'ttalk about that.
You want to make sure I wantyou to tell us whatever it is
that we didn't talk about that.
You want to make sure.
I want to make sure you givethe folks here how to get a hold
of you if they want to get thatacquired taste coaching that's
going to make a difference intheir life.
However they do, that may berecommended, but whatever you
(54:42):
want to talk about the next fouror five minutes, I want you to
have the opportunity to do thatOkay?
Speaker 2 (54:47):
No, no worries.
I sent you the link for thepeople who want to have a free
30 minute strategy.
Call with me, no stringsattached.
I kind of just want to hearyour heart, what you're dealing
with, and if I can help yousolve a problem and you want to
move forward beyond that, that'sgreat.
If I help you solve a problemand you never want to see me
again, that's okay too.
Those options are always there.
(55:08):
I I have no problem.
I have no ego about it.
I know I'm gonna providewonderful one way or the other,
so I'm not worried about it.
So if you want to help folks out, but as far as our social media
stuff in our podcast, westarted this in 2020 and we got
maybe three seasons of all audiopodcast.
I'll be honest, that's my bestwork, best I've ever done.
I was free than I ever havebeen.
(55:29):
When you're on video, you payattention to details and it
takes you off a little bit, butthen on the audio, I was flowing
.
It was the most insightfulthing I've ever done in my
entire life.
I go back and listen to it andcry.
I'm like, wow, this is powerful.
You can find all of thoseepisodes from 2020 all the way
up to now attheycallmemisteryoubuzzsproutcom
.
They call me, mr UM-I-S-T-A-Y-U spelled the same
(55:52):
way on screen buzzsproutcom.
Our coaching website is not upyet, but you can still reach out
to me and set up a free30-minute strategy call if you'd
like to.
Or you can go onto social media.
I'm on Facebook, instagram,linkedin, even TikTok, but I
don't use it that much Twittereverywhere, and you're going to
hit me up in the DMs.
(56:12):
If you use those social mediaplatforms and reach out to me,
I'd love to hear from you guys.
And our YouTube channel also.
You can reach out there ifyou'd like to as well, man.
But thank you for thisopportunity, drb.
It's been fantastic.
Man.
I really enjoyed being here.
Man, you stretched me out today.
Man, you stretched me man.
I'm stressed.
Speaker 1 (56:28):
I love it.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for beingpart of it.
They call me Mr.
You Go watch that podcast.
You are going to find some gemsin there, especially when
somebody tells you they've donetheir best work.
That's the work you want to gohere.
You know, some people tell mewell, I don't know if I could be
a podcast person, well, goingto be very good at at the
beginning, but once you get inthat flow and once you get going
(56:48):
, there's going to be some gemsin here.
And so if this is the firstepisode you've ever watched of
the Journey to Freedom podcast,please go ahead and hit
notifications and subscribe,because you don't want to miss
some of these incredible people.
This is not me, this is my God,who's given me the right people
to talk to all the time.
That just hit it out of thepark every time, and you just
(57:11):
heard one of those today.
I'm going to go back, I'm goingto listen to it, I'm going to
take notes I got, I just had.
I have all these little piecesof papers in it.
I'm just writing.
Speaker 2 (57:19):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 1 (57:20):
You're writing notes.
I got so many.
That's crazy.
So thank you for being on.
Hey, I don't want you guys toforget that you're God's
greatest gift.
He loves you if you allow himto, and make sure that you do
the things that you know youshould be doing in order to
become the person.
I have a new community that I'mstarting this month.
It's called Becoming the PersonUniverse.
You want to check it out?
Becomingthepersoncom.
(57:40):
We are going to have shows likethis.
We're going to have people likethis.
We're going to haveopportunities like this, where
you'll be able to go and becomethe person that God put you on
this earth to be.
So thank you, guys again.
Look forward to talking to yousoon.
Any one last thought you wantto give everybody?
Speaker 2 (57:55):
No, thank you, Dr B man.
This has been a fantastic show,man.
I hope people got something outof it.
I hope you get many moresubscribers and listeners.
Man, you deserve it.
Man, you do great work.
Man, Thank you for this.
All right, Well, thank you.
Speaker 1 (58:04):
We'll see you guys later.
Have a wonderful, awesome, justincredible day today.
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