From Marine Corps Grit To Parent-Child Bonds: How Olaolu Built Leadership At Home And In Community

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What if four generations could line up on a track and show you what legacy looks like in motion? That’s the energy we bring as Olaolu—Marine officer, father of three, and founder of Parent Child Connect—joins us for a candid, practical, and heartfelt exploration of identity, time, and the stories we tell our kids.

We start with roots in Ruston, Louisiana, where power-out nights turned into lantern-lit singalongs and a community that refused to let kids fall through the cracks. 

Olaolu shares how Alpha Phi Alpha and the Marine Corps shaped his service mindset, why identity cannot be outsourced to a job title, and how a rebellious decision to chart his own path became the first real step toward self-definition. 

From there we tackle influence in the age of algorithms: why adults must reclaim mentorship, and how to build proximity and trust before screens do.

Olaolu’s daily framework is refreshingly doable: morning devotion and meditation, physical training, and reading—small, consistent deposits that compound. He reframes time as a non-renewable investment and lays out a simple time budget: track a week honestly, map hours to goals, and realign what doesn’t serve your future. 
We dig into his children’s book Crow From The Shadow, an unlikely-hero tale that helps families name their “shadow” and spark brave conversations. He previews Lead Last, his leadership philosophy centered on listening first, pushing from behind, and lifting from beneath.

Faith anchors the toughest chapter of his story: releasing control during his son’s epilepsy journey and finding peace in trust rather than constant striving. We finish with fatherhood truths—moving from performing to being present, letting each child teach you the leader they need, and guarding the words that shape a child’s narrative. If you care about parenting, leadership, faith, and community, this conversation will give you tools you can use today.

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Explore Olaolu’s resources and books at Parent Child Connect, and tell us: what’s one habit you’ll add to your morning tomorrow?

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:17):
All right, welcome to another edition.
Man, exciting edition of theJourney to Freedom Podcast.
And I am Dr.
B.
I am your host tonight.
And when I get to say I'm host,that means I don't have to talk
as much as I would if I wasdoing the podcast, which is
really kind of cool.
But tonight, you guys are in fora treat.
You're in for some fun.

(00:38):
I have Olulu with me.
And he's going to tell us allabout his new book.
He's going to tell us aboutthings that he's been doing.
He has the pleasure right now,which I keep saying I'm never
going back to school again,right?
Say that because, but you dohave these breaks where you get
to think about yourself and youget to think about how you're

(00:59):
going to make a difference andan impact in the world without
the daily grind, without the Igot to get up at this time in
the morning.
I got to go report to somebody.
I usually have somebody tellingme what to do.
You know, when you get to thisentrepreneurship, uh, like you
know, like I've been doingalmost the last 20 years, it's
not like a boss who's telling mewhat to do, other than my wife
who's telling me what to do allthe time.

(01:21):
But it's it's just you tellingyourself, this is what I got to
get done today.
And when you're doing the schoolthing, you know, you you pretty
much are learning a whole bunchof stuff, you know, sometimes
without having to do, oh man, ifI don't do this, I have to eat.
And so uh just excited to hearhis story.
He's got some kids.

(01:42):
Uh, you know, I I keep thinkingabout my, you know, mine.
I I have eight children.
I don't know if I told you thatat the in the green room.
So I have eight children and 16grandkids.
And so I, yes, it is it isphenomenal.
Uh, my dad uh just flew out toSacramento and he got to to see
a couple of my my grandkids thathe's never seen before.

(02:05):
My dad just turned 86 and gotmarried, and now he took his new
wife.
So those grandkids had neverseen his new wife.
Uh oh my gosh.
And they were telling me all thestories and having fun and all
that kind of stuff.
And so, how important family is,and I know it is as important to
you uh as it is to me.
And so I asked a little loot touh kind of just tell his story.

(02:26):
I said you can start anywhere inyour life, like I tell all my
guests, whether it's you know,at your mama's womb till now,
uh, and then we're just gonnachop it up after that.
And so uh I love the fact that II say when I get to do this
podcast, I'm the luckiest man onearth because I get to learn
from, you know, we're at like250 episodes now, and so we get
to learn from all of you guysand and share it and all the

(02:49):
wonderful things that we get todo.
I get to find out why you got 22on your hat and all those all
those things that you got going.
And so please tell us who youare, and then we'll just go from
there.

SPEAKER_00 (03:00):
Yeah, Dr.
B, thank you so much.
I've been looking forward tothis uh really all week, really
since I I I reached out to you.
So I'm really appreciative ofthis.
So thank you for theopportunity.
Uh, I gotta acknowledge thatthat generational thing you just
mentioned, that is beautiful.
I mean, to to know that uh yourdad can spend time with his
great grandchildren, man, thatthat's really awesome, man.

(03:20):
That that is a beautiful legacy,and and I I commend you guys for
that because that's all what myplatform is about.
And I'll get to parent childconnect uh a little bit later in
the story.

SPEAKER_01 (03:28):
But let me and let me jump in just for a second
because what we did in July, um,I have I have other grandkids or
southern California, not theones he met in Northern
California, uh, but they cameout in July.
Well, my dad is 86 and he'sstill running track meets, and
so we went, I know exactly.
So we decided to go to one onein Boulder over at CU.

(03:50):
And so we did four generationsin the track meet.
So I had you know, my dad wasthere, I ran in it, uh, my my uh
son ran in it, and my uh grandtwo of my grandkids, we all ran
in one race together, and Idon't know how often that gets
to happen, but to have fourgenerations, we put these shirts
on that said four generations,and you know, I don't know if
we'll ever get to do it again.

(04:12):
Uh, but it was so fun at 86years old to have us all running
down the track, and you know,and I was a track guy, and so I
I think I told you about that alittle bit before the show.
Uh, my son was on a trackscholarship that he went, you
know, we'll see what happens tothe my grandkids, see if they
end up there.
But it was just so fun to bethere, and so it is it family is

(04:32):
so cool, especially when we canshare uh those four generations.
My mom's the same way, she's in.
I think how old is my mom?
So she's seven, oh eighty.
So she's 80 now, and she's stillhanging out with the grandkids
and making great grandkids, andoh man, making us food and all
the wonderful stuff, making usfoo-foo sometimes, right?
I think my Nigerian roommatestaught her how to do that, so

(04:54):
you know, we have to you knowjust have some fun, fun, fun all
the time.
So, thank you for sharing uhthat you appreciate the
generations, and I'll let youget back to your story.

SPEAKER_00 (05:04):
Yeah, that's beautiful, and and so I'll I'll
remove the part of my storywhere I'm gonna complain about
my knees hurting because yourdad has completely and utterly
showed us all up, uh, runningtrack meetings at the age of 86.
I gotta get rid of that part ofmy story, but I will start with
being from Ruston, Louisiana.
So I was born uh in Louisiana uhat the Lincoln General Hospital.

(05:27):
Uh and it's it's one of thethings that I'm very proud of
being from Ruston.
I was a fifth of six children.
Um, and what I learned from thatuh is being a close-knit family.
Like me and my siblings, we talkall the time.
My parents, we have a group chatset up and WhatsApp, and every
single day we're checking in oneach other.
And God forbid, if one of usdon't check in, uh you may have
almost like an APB out for you,uh, where they're checking in,

(05:49):
trying to find where you are.
Uh, but that came from usgrowing up in the same house.
And one of the things Iappreciated uh growing up is how
my parents emphasized uhcloseness, they emphasized us
always being there with eachother.
Uh, we we lived again inLouisiana, uh, where we we
weren't on the coast.
If those aren't familiar withRustin, Rustin is in northeast

(06:10):
Louisiana, so we're away fromthe coast.
Uh, but during hurricane season,it'll kick up tornadoes and
stuff like that.
When you live in a trailer, uh,tornadoes tend to make you a
little nervous.
Uh, but one of my fondestmemories growing up uh was
spending those times because wewere always anything could
happen.
It could rain uh for two minutesand then the power would go out.
Um, but to me, those are likethe most fondest memories with

(06:31):
my family.
We'll sit around a lantern as ifwe were back in the you know
19th century, but we'll sitaround a lantern and we'll just
sing and we'll just enjoy eachother's company and laugh.
And those kind of memories justI will never forget those
things.
And I tell this story because uhthat's a huge part of who I am,
and it's formed who I am as afather, as a husband, and as my
as a founder of Parent ChildConnect.

(06:53):
Uh, so I graduated from GramleyState University.
I did not run tracking college,I was by far uh too lazy for
that.
Um, so I decided instead to jointhe Marine Corps.
So I don't know uh kind of lazy,uh but I decided to join the
Marine Corps.
Uh and so uh I joined the MarineCorps not knowing any Marines.

(07:13):
Uh the only two Marines I know,and I tell people this all the
time, I knew Gunny Ermy and Iknew Major Payne.
Those are the two Marines Iknew.
Uh and then I won the only otherMarine I knew was a recruiter
that I met.
Uh and so it just went fromthere.
I mean, I I I had a lot of Armymentors who were who were trying
to talk me into going to Army,um, but I felt like I wanted to
one up them.
That's just literally how I madethe decision in my life to uh to

(07:36):
make what I think is alife-altering decision.
And quite honestly, uh, it'sbeen phenomenal.
I've had the opportunity to meetsome great people, I've had the
opportunity to work alongside,deploy with, and just learn from
people.
And that was that's been thebest thing that I've had in the
Marine Corps.
Uh, I graduated with a degree incomputer information systems
from Gram League StateUniversity.
Uh, and I am a member of thebest fraternity, Alpha Phi Alpha

(07:59):
Fraternity Incorporated.
Uh, and that that alsocontributed a lot to my uh
willingness and uh and effortsuh to do community service and
things of that nature.
Uh I had a brief stint before uhgoing active duty in the Marine
Corps, so I did work as acomputer programmer analyst at
Tyson Foods, um, which I thoughtwas a phenomenal company at the
time.
I learned a lot from that CEO.

(08:21):
Uh, one thing that Donnie Smithused to do at the time uh is he
would always memorize your nameand the project you're working
on.
And he did that for an intern.
Uh, when I got when I wasinterning there, and he did that
as a new hire.
And that was just a thing hedid.
And I thought that wasphenomenal.
And again, that's just one ofthose moments in my life.
Like I call them flashpoints,flashpoints in my life that

(08:41):
shapes who I am today and myphilosophy on leading.
Uh, so fast forward, uh Iactually got married uh the day
after I graduated college.
Uh so uh graduation andcommission in the Marine Corps
one day and then got married thenext day.
Uh and I always tell my wifethat that means that the Marine
Corps is technically therefirst.
Uh that doesn't go well for me.

(09:02):
So I just know I'm not amarriage counselor.
Uh, but I do also like to tellpeople that uh I graduated, I
was 22 years old, and I had athree-year-old.
Uh, because I already told youuh in the green room that I have
a 15-year-old.
And I was completely clueless onhow to be a parent.
Of course, I had I believe Ihave phenomenal examples uh of
what it meant to be a parent.

(09:23):
Um, but you just don't know whatyou don't know.
Uh, and that was who that's whatI learned.
I was just completely lost onhow to be a parent, uh, which
fed uh my willingness to try tocome up with things that could
help me connect with mychildren, specifically like my
oldest daughter first, uh,because I always imagined I was
gonna have all these boysbecause that, you know, I had
two older sisters and then fourboys, and I was just convinced I

(09:45):
was gonna have a bunch of abunch of boys, you know.
And and God said, absolutelynot.
Uh so then first thing I had agirl, uh graduated college, uh,
had my boy five years later, uh,when I was just starting the
Marine Corps, uh, really gettingwell about a year in, uh, and
then had my last daughter, uh,she's six.
So two girls, one boy.
Uh, so that that was how I'vebeen shaped.

(10:07):
That's that's really theenvironment I grew up in.
Uh, and again, it was all aboutfamily, it was all about growing
together.
And that's what I try to do inmy in my leadership.
And then lastly, uh, I found aparent child connect uh in order
to not just find a way toconnect my own children, but to
help other parents connect withtheir children's and children as
well.
So we provide resources forparents, teachers, mentors, and

(10:28):
caregivers so they can providethose, uh, that that connection.
Uh, because I grew up at a timeuh in a place where I wanted to
be uh I wanted to be somebodyelse.
I wanted to fit in.
I've very insecure growing up.
Uh and so some of the friends Ihad, they just weren't uh
necessarily influencing me to dothe right thing.
And so uh what I realized thoughis people would go to my parents

(10:51):
and say, hey, you're you knowbetter than that, and they'll
call my parents and I'llstraighten up.
But unfortunately, some of myfriends didn't have that same
kind of uh influence.
Unfortunately, some of them uhdidn't have their fathers in the
home, their fathers were inprison.
Uh, and some of them, their momswere working three jobs, you
know, just trying to keep thelights on.
And so they were being raisedand influenced uh by people who

(11:12):
weren't uh raising them,influencing uh right.
Uh so that's why uh again, justpart of my story that led to me
wanting to create a community uhto support these individuals and
to support our own family andfriends uh so that we can grow
our next generation.
So that's uh me in a nutshell.

SPEAKER_01 (11:30):
Oh man, well, thank you.
Well, one of the things I lovethat to kind of ask as as we
have begin the conversation isabout identity.
And it seems like there was afew identity shifts uh, you
know, from your family.
I know your family, like yourparents grew up in in a
different country, and so they,you know, they came here and
then they had you guys, and youknow, so I don't know if there

(11:52):
was ever any time where you'reokay, our identity is this, you
know, people see us as this, butme as an individual, this is who
I'm gonna be.
And kind of walk us throughmaybe some of your identity
shifts and who is the man thatis now uh Lou, uh, and some of
those things that that went youwent through in your life.

SPEAKER_00 (12:13):
Yeah, that's a great question because I I've gone Dr.
B from uh being the uh cowboy tothe future president of the
United States to uh a guy with amohawk that quite literally
stuck up straight on my headthat I I use uh axe staying jail
to keep it up.
Uh so I I've I've gone throughthe phases of trying to uh find
what my identity is.

(12:34):
Um, and a lot of it, I will sayearly on, a lot of it was tied,
like I said, to fitting in.
It was tied to not wanting to bemade fun of.
And so I just wanted to blend into the environment.
I wanted to be everybody elsewanted me to be.
And so that what that caused mea lot of different turn turn and
caused me a lot of differentlearning experiences uh that I

(12:56):
probably didn't have to learn.
Uh so I would say that youridentity, my identity is the
foundation for me.
Uh, I would say that it is whatallows me to uh uh let me go
back.
Uh in my opinion, if you don'tknow who you are, uh then you
just don't have a future, youdon't know where to go from
there.
Uh you don't know how to uh togo through life because you're

(13:18):
just living by someone'sdefinition or someone else's
definition of who you are.
And so that was just my biggestthing for identity.
I had to find uh who I am andthe things that I enjoy.
And it took me a lifelongjourney to even get anywhere
close to that.
Uh, because I wanted to be atone point a rapper.
I wanted to be uh, you know, Idecided I wanted to join the
Marine Corps, but I wanted to bea CEO, I wanted to be a computer

(13:41):
programmer, I wanted to do allthese things.
And honestly, I believe the mydecision to join the Marine
Corps was the first step in mefinding my identity.
Not because I'm I'm just aMarine.
Um I never believe in tellingpeople that um you are what your
profession is.
Um, but the reason I say that isbecause a lot of people,
especially because I was asalutatorian in my class, uh

(14:03):
high graduating high school, alot of people told me military
is a last resort.
Don't even try that.
Um, but then I was sitting in incollege and I was like, dude,
nobody could tell me what to doright now.
So I decided to join the MarineCorps, right?
And that that was just that wasa decision I made, and I it went
from there.
And so that's where I believethat that switch uh of me really
honestly being rebellious, uh,is what helped me to understand

(14:26):
that I am the only one who candetermine my future, and that
helped me to find who I was, uh,and that was really uh the
foundation for me.

unknown (14:35):
Wow.

SPEAKER_01 (14:36):
You talk a little bit about, you know, you said
the greatest fraternity, youknow, in the world, you know.
I get different people on theshows as I as I interview a lot
of black men.
And one of the things that Ithink kind of helps shape is the
the fraternity life and thethings that are taught and
learned.
Did that brotherhood help you inany way kind of solidify who you

(15:00):
wanted to be, or just know thathey, this is I'm my own
individual as a result of it?
I mean, as I'm thinking of youngfolks that are watching this, I
happen to go to a school thatdidn't have that ability.
Um, you know, all my cousins andfamilies are kappas, but it's
because there was nothing whenyou know to pledge, I didn't
pledge anybody.
But at the same time, I think Imight have missed out on some of

(15:22):
that uh that brotherhood thatthat could help out.
Maybe kind of talk about that alittle bit.

SPEAKER_00 (15:27):
Yeah, absolutely.
Because what what the fraternitydoes uh for all of them, really,
and and I and I love obviouslyI'm gonna call out alpha because
that's what I'm a part of.
But what I noticed about all thefraternities is they all have
their own identity and they havesomething for you to to fit into
and be a part of somethingbigger than yourself.
And I believe, Dr.
B, that uh one of the problemsthat we have is when the

(15:49):
fraternities lose their way.
And that that's not just talkingabout uh alpha or or or any of
them in particular, that's justin general.
When fraternities lose their wayand and unfortunately are led
astray and they start to worrymore about identity in regards
to trying to be unique, uh, Ithink that's where we we fail
sometimes.
Uh, but in reality, when youhave the overall identity, so uh

(16:11):
you know, for alphas, we talkedabout being gentlemen, we talked
about being scholarly, whichmeant which meant we attracted
people uh who wanted to beentrepreneurs, who wanted to
actually learn in class.
But what we did when we werethere is we actually went out
and looked for athletes as well.
We wanted to make sure that uhthe athletes knew that you had a
path to work alongside people.

(16:32):
You don't have to be or identifywith people who are uh perhaps
you know jumping around andbarking.
Uh you could you could be agentleman, you can uh walk
around and and and maybe uh takecare of people and be a little
bit more thought thoughtfulabout people.
So I do believe that thefraternity uh was a huge part of
who I am.
Um and just to put in context,all my father and my brothers

(16:53):
and my oldest nephew are allalphas.
Uh so we all uh we all are partof this close-knit organization.
Uh, but it did shape it.
It's it's like this is thestandard uh growing up.
Those are the men I grew upseeing and my dad going to
chapter meetings, those are menI knew who were contributing to
the community, and so it made methink okay, well, if they are
scholars and if they arecontributing to the community,

(17:15):
then what should I be doing?
And that's what attracted me tothem, and then that's what
helped form me and my identity.

SPEAKER_01 (17:22):
I love that because one of the things that I love to
talk about a lot isassociations, right?
And the people that we hang outwith and who we spend our time
with.
And uh, one of the things thatuh I think as I'm listening to
your story, is it wasn't just,you know, I grew up in high
school, which I hear a lot offolks that are kind of just
trying to figure it out, orelementary and junior high, but

(17:44):
it sounds like you had some menin your life, or just some
people in your life that wereable to be not only mentors, but
examples as you were trying tocreate that identity of who I'm
gonna be.
And so many kids, you know, intoday's world are missing that,
I think, because they think it,and I know you like to talk
about family a lot, but I seethese video games and I see

(18:06):
these YouTube videos, and I seethe social media that they get
on maybe too early where there'snot these physical examples of
people that they can log on.
You know, now it's like, okay,somebody I don't know,
somebody's life that I'm seeingtheir best life, and now I'm
comparing my life as a you know,14-year-old or 15-year-old to

(18:29):
somebody that I that I have noidea what their daily life is
like.
All I know is what they put onsocial media.
Maybe kind of speak to that asyou know, what you've learned as
when you were a kid by thesefolks, and then maybe how now
you see the differences asyou're getting older and working
in this space.

SPEAKER_00 (18:47):
Yeah, absolutely.
Uh, one of the biggestdifferences is ownership.
Uh, so when I was growing up,uh, there was not a young man or
excuse me, an older man thatwouldn't pull me in and talk to
me.
That was just one of things, uh,especially in my area.
They uh my I call him my papa,uh, but he was he's he's
actually our pastor a long time.
And and so my my grandfather, Ididn't meet either one of them

(19:09):
uh because they both passedbefore I was born.
So he really was like mygrandfather, or one of my
grandfathers.
Uh, and so every time I saw himuh pulling in these young men,
because what he was trying todo, one of the problems that he
noticed, especially in our areaand a lot of areas uh like it,
uh, is that young men were outthere trying to make a quick
dollar.
They were learning and beinginfluenced by the economic

(19:30):
needs, right?
So they needed food, and thusthey were going out and getting
money to make food.
Uh, and so what one thing hedid, he didn't care who you
were.
Uh, he'll pull you in, he'llhe'll find work for you to do,
and he'll pay you.
And those just little things,and while he's working out there
beside you, because he neverjust sent people about along the
way, he's working alongside you.
He was always trying to mentorit, always talking to you.

(19:53):
And oh, yeah, he became asheriff deputy within uh in
Ruston.
And I know a lot of people arein bigger cities, but this is
just my small hometown.
Uh, but he was became a sheriffdeputy.
So when people were gettingabout to get in trouble, uh, he
can show up and be be the, Iwould say, like the liaison
between the police force andthis other group because there
was this disconnect there.
And so that's one of the biggestthings I I believe is the

(20:16):
difference uh in my life is thatpeople were taking ownership.
Uh, whether it's your child ornot, they will walk up and be
like, hey man, come here.
Why are you acting like that?
And now, and I I understand someof it is uh we we become a
little bit more isolationist uhas parents and we think that we
know better.
I I ascribe to the um to thebelief that uh we need a little

(20:37):
bit more intellectual humilityand know that we don't know it
all, and we probably should uhtry to work alongside people.
Um, I think that's part of it.
Another part of it is we just wejust we take it and we throw it
off on the intangibles.
Uh we say things like, Well,this generation is just uh they
just want to play on phones, sothis generation is that
undisciplined, and thisgeneration, well, we have to
take ownership, right?
Because we are the people whoare responsible for mentoring

(20:59):
and guiding this generation.
And I believe that uh I wasreading a book, one of my
favorite books that I've read,it's called Hold On to Your Kids
by Dr.
Gordon Newfeld and Dr.
Gabor Marty.
And one of the things they talkabout, and the premise of the
book, is that our children willbe influenced, and we have to
accept that as a fact.
And when I say our children, Imean the community's children

(21:21):
will be influenced.
And so the question is if it'snot adults mentoring them or
influencing them, who isinfluencing them?
And the problem is, it turns outto be their older sip, excuse
me, older siblings, their olderfriends, uh, people who are not
there to nurture them andthey're not there to truly guide
them.
They don't know what's best forthem.
And even those who have the bestinterests at heart for these

(21:44):
young people are not going toguide them in the right way.
And that's why the children areturning to these technologies
and they're constantly gettingaddicted to it, is because we've
now allowed them to beinfluenced by everything else.
We don't spend time connectingwith them, we don't spend time
trying to learn more about them,we don't spend time bringing
them under our wings and talkingto them.
And it is tough, uh, but we wehave to become uh more

(22:07):
comfortable with reaching out tothese children and bringing them
under our wing and working withthem.

SPEAKER_01 (22:12):
I love how you say that because so many people want
to blame or complain about thisgeneration.
It's like, so what are you doingabout it to make a difference?
You know, uh, you know, when Isay I see them on the electronic
devices, that doesn't mean Ilike love to see it.
You know, it's like, what do Iget to do?
What can I do as an elder in thecommunity now to make sure that

(22:35):
there's something that they canhang on to that is, you know,
everything doesn't have to beabout entertainment, right?
Everything doesn't have to beabout instantaneously, right?
And how do we teach them thatpatience?
And how do we teach them, youknow, those those different
things that we go through?
And I think part of it justmight be, you know, maybe some
personal development, you know,the things that we say is

(22:55):
personal development.
And and I can tell you're aperson who subscribes to, you
know, working on you and goingback to school and making sure
all those things happen.
How much of your time in yourlife, if you were to give an
example of is has been spent onmaking sure you work on you so
you're a better person?

SPEAKER_00 (23:13):
Oh, yeah, that's a non-negotiable, and I recommend
that for everybody.
Uh first thing in the morning,uh, at for for me, it's no less
than an hour and a half, but atleast I recommend 10 minutes per
per category.
Your physical, mental,emotional, and spiritual.
Every single morning, Irecommend you spend at least 10
minutes doing that.
So for me, I wake up everymorning and the first thing I do

(23:35):
is my devotion and meditation.
That's my opportunity to notjust uh connect with my
spiritual and what I believe,because I'm a Christian.
Uh, it's not just my spiritualtime there, but it's also the
meditation.
It's my time to clear my mindand really focus myself and
prepare for the day.
Uh, then I go to the gym and Iwork out.
That's me good doing my physicalfitness.
It's now me paying attention andbuilding my own physical

(23:57):
fitness.
And then after that, either Ipick up a physical book and read
it, or I listen to an audiobook.
And now I'm working on my mentalpsyche.
And so every single morning, bythe time I actually talk to the
first person or engage with thefirst person, I've already
invested in myself.
And so that's what I recommend.
Before we uh even talk tosomebody, I would say seven days
a week, make that anon-negotiable.

(24:18):
You should be investing inyourself so that way you can
pour into somebody else.
And the problem with our ourlife in many ways is that we try
to pour from an empty vessel,right?
We don't we don't give ourselvesany care, we don't go into and
do anything.
We're just like going from dayto day and just trying to figure
this thing out.
And and anytime we mentionself-care, well, it seems a

(24:38):
little selfish, right?
Why am I looking out for myselfwhen I have kids and I have this
baby and all this kind of stuff?
Well, I always tell you that nomatter what's going on in your
life, do your best to try toinvest in those four areas
because it's free, right?
All you have to do ispotentially get up early in the
morning or maybe stay up just afew minutes later.
I'm talking 40 minutes a day.
Uh, pick up a book, find a wayto incorporate that into your

(25:00):
schedule.
And you'd be surprised uh thekind of progress you're going to
see.
What it may take is it may takeyou to spend a less little less
time on scrolling on socialmedia.
Uh, but that will allow you toenhance yourself and continue to
grow yourself and then progressinto things that you really want
to progress with in the future.

SPEAKER_01 (25:19):
Yeah, that's so cool because I I think about time,
and and it's so uh the older Iget, the more time becomes
precious, you know, the more thethat time is like it can be
wasted or it can be invested orit can be harnessed.
You know, I'm starting acommunity this weekend called
Becoming the Person Universe,which is all about helping
people become that person thatGod put them on deserve to be,

(25:42):
you know, and one of the keyfactors in that is where do you
spend your time?
And then how precious is thetime when others, if it's about
relationship, you will spendwith you.
Like I honor the time thatyou're spending with me now
because you could be taking thesame time and doing something
different in your life.
And then I watch folks that thatwill tell me about like all

(26:04):
these shows and all thesethings, and I think, man,
somebody spent, you know, ifsomebody spent a half hour
listening to one of my podcastsinstead of watching Law and
Order or watching a show on TVwhere millions and millions of
dollars have been spent toattract that person to be
entertained, you know, or afootball game or something like
that, how precious that is.

(26:26):
And when you think about thisthis limited thing, you know, of
time that we have, where do webest spend it?
And I, you know, I'm not sayingdon't ever scroll, or I'm not
saying don't ever, you know,watch TV or be entertained or be
in the sports, but sometimesmaybe you can you can kind of
speak to this a little bit.
I'll see, like, you know, thisweekend, we were there, somebody

(26:47):
was talking about we we havethis fantasy football thing that
we do with our family, right?
And it's just, you know, we'rejust we're just having fun with
it.
But like one of our familymembers is so into some of these
athletes, like he knows moreabout the athletes than he
probably knows about his kids.
Like, he knows probably likewhen Patrick Mahomes goes to the
bathrooms and stuff.
I mean, like, oh my gosh, like,but if Patrick Mahomes seen him,

(27:10):
he wouldn't give him the time ofday, right?
So, how do we get away fromthis?
I gotta know everything that'sgoing on.
Like, I gotta get up in themorning, like you're going to
the gym and you're you knowworking on your meditation and
you're working on yourphysicalness, and they're
watching ESPN, like celebratingthese other folks.
And I'm not saying that that'syou know, hey, that's not good

(27:32):
to know, but I don't need toknow like what Patrick Mahomes,
you know, eats for dinner orwhat um what's that that girl
who's marrying um the thereceiver from Kansas City?
Yeah, you know, Taylor Swift,that's her, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (27:48):
Like there you go.
I didn't think of it.
Well, I put that out of my mind.

SPEAKER_01 (27:54):
I'm just like, you know, like I see these people
are like, I'm a Swifty.
I'm like, what the heck is aSwifty?
What is I'm not so maybe kind ofspeak to that a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 (28:04):
Yeah, sorry to the Swifties out there, but every
time they they cut the camera toher during the Super Bowl, I was
just getting so upset, Icouldn't believe it.
Uh, but yeah, I will tell you.
So for me, uh always tell peopleto budget your time the same way
you would budget your money.
Uh, because we're talking aboutinvesting.
I use the word investing for areason because I want that to

(28:26):
trigger something in people'sminds.
That means you invest.
The reason you we invest is toget a return, which means
everything that you do shouldgive you some return.
So if you're scrolling, what'sthe return that you're getting
on that?
What's the return on yourinvestment?
Uh, if you're reading, what'sthe return on investment?
If you're engaging or watchingpodcasts, what the return on
your investment?
Are you taking notes during thatpodcast?

(28:48):
Or what are you doing?
Like, why are you doing whatyou're doing?
And so that's what I always tellpeople start thinking of time
like money.
Except one big fact, as yousaid, uh, time is a
non-renewable resource, right?
We can always go out and findmore money, but you're not going
to be able to find more time.
So we should, I think,prioritize uh time, budgeting

(29:09):
time the more the more than weprioritize budgeting money.
The problem is it's intangible,and that goes back to what I was
talking about earlier.
Those intangibles sometimes geta little tough because when we
don't think about time, we wejust start thinking about it as,
oh, well, you know, like yousaid, as I get older, I think
about it being more precious.
But all of us should be lookingat time as precious, all of us
should be looking at time asvaluable because you can't get

(29:31):
it back.
But if you go through and lookat what you do, I I've always
told people don't change athing.
The first thing I've alwaysrecommended, uh, people with
time is just write down what youdid uh throughout the day.
Start writing it down, take ajournal, do that for about a
week.
Don't change a thing.
Uh I mean, don't don't get uhstart judging yourself.
That's not what we're here for.

(29:52):
Just write down what you'redoing.
If you spend you know 30 hours aweek on social media, good,
write it down.
Uh, and then I want you to do goback.
And look at your goals.
What are your goals in life andwhat do you want to achieve?
Okay, so now we have we'vewritten down our seven days
worth of data.
So we know how much uh timewe're spending in certain areas,
and then we have our goals.

(30:12):
And I like to do this on awhiteboard or at least on a
sheet of paper where I can drawa line.
And if I could look at thethings that I spend my most time
on and draw a line to one of mygoals, then I'm like, okay,
cool.
Then I know that my prioritiesare in order.
But if you say that your goal isto uh to go be uh, I don't know,
a professional athlete and yourphysical fitness that you spent

(30:32):
that week is 10 minutes and yoursocial media is 30 minutes or 30
hours, then perhaps you may needto restructure your day a little
bit.
And that's why I always that'sthe way I look at it.
I start looking at it, and Iknow people think I've talked to
people one time and they theythink of that regimen it uh way
of thinking.
They say, man, that's justthat's just so boring.
No, because you can actuallybudget in time to even be

(30:54):
spontaneous.
Uh, because one of the things Irealize about spontaneity and
and people who are trying toalways do something new is
typically they don't do it asoften as they think they do.
Uh, they think they're veryspontaneous, but they're not
doing it as often as they thinkthey do uh because they haven't
budgeted the time for it.
So I always recommend if youwant to do something
spontaneous, you can think ofit.
If I'm gonna do it once a week,you can pick a different day

(31:16):
every single week and budgetthat time for it.
That's the way I recommendpeople doing it.
That's what I try to do in myown life.
I call it zero-based budgeting.
I I believe it was uh Peter Fur,uh Zur, I think his name is.
Forgive me if I forgot his name.
Uh, but he talked about uhzero-based budgeting.
And so that's one thing I alwaysrecommend is it's you go out and
budget your time the same wayyou do with your money.

(31:38):
You have 24 hours a day.
Hopefully, you're spending atleast six to eight of it
sleeping.
And the rest of it, how are youspending?
Uh, are you allocating everyhour of your day or every minute
of your day in a positive way?
If not, then there's probablysome room for refinement.
And I'm not saying becomeobsessed with it, because if you
become obsessed with it, thenthat's when you start losing.
But at least uh find out whereyour time is going because I can

(32:01):
promise you that one thing thatit is going somewhere, and if
it's not going towards yourpriorities, then your life may
not be as aligned as you want itto be.

SPEAKER_01 (32:10):
Lou, man, you just dropped a whole bunch of stuff
on it.
This is gonna be because I lovethis fact where you're just
talking about your return,right?
What is that return on the time?
Are you investing it or is itjust going, is it just going by
you?
Are you just you know, passiveto you know, yeah?
I'd love to watch a sunset,right?

(32:31):
But that's at one point in time,you say like spontaneity.
We are such creatures of habit.
We don't realize how big of, butif you go through your day, I
bet you will look at when youwrite that down the exact same
things that you're doing everysingle day at the same time that
they're doing it the same way,and we and we don't think about
okay, what if I just changedsomething little, like maybe

(32:54):
started reading for 10 minutesduring the time that I'm doing
something else, watching youknow, ESPN, like like it's say I
watch ESPN for an hour.
What if I took 10 minutes ofESPN and read a book that
pertained to the life that I'mtrying to build or I'm trying to
go?
I would love for you to come on,uh, you know, as I do becoming

(33:15):
the universe is for folks thatare, you know, all the all of my
uh podcast uh guests are are arefounders in it, and they come in
and maybe teach, you know, abook, you know, do a um what do
you call it, uh a book uh bookclub on that book you caught,
you know, hold on to your kidsor something like that, where
you can go, okay.
No, I do have kids, and maybeI'm not the best parent in the

(33:37):
world, so maybe I go learn aboutit a little bit instead of
yelling at it for 10 minutesbecause I can't understand where
they're at, right?
Maybe learn about love languagesand learn about some of those
things.
Oh my gosh.
So now, as um, I know you're anauthor, and so you've written
and you're writing, and youcontinue.
Maybe kind of talk about some ofthe things you're writing and
why you're doing it.

(33:57):
I would love to just kind ofhear your thought process.
I've written now four books.
I have one coming out in um uhonce to speed out this week.
It's called Be Do Have, theUltimate Success Principle.
And I have one calledRelationship versus AI, where
I'm really talking about theethics of AI and how to use AI
and the tools of AI and how I'mgonna, if you want to come, this

(34:18):
is my plug, right?
It uh summit on October 18th.
It's a free summit.
Uh, you know, if this is 2025.
So if you're watching this 2027,just look up on our website and
see when the next summit is.
But how important you know, wewe can get into something and
have take over our lives.
But now this relationship is soimportant.
So we kind of talk about yourbooks and what what you why

(34:41):
you're writing them and how youyou believe it's making an
impact.

SPEAKER_00 (34:44):
Yeah, absolutely.
Uh, so I will say the firstthree books that you see behind
me.
So uh I started off mychildren's book series uh with
the goal of helping parents andchildren sit down together and
learn.
Now, why did I do this?
Number one, again, as I told youbefore, uh, I wanted to connect
with my children.
And so that's where mychildren's book journey started.

(35:04):
I literally was just writing abook for me and my children to
sit down and enjoy a momenttogether because I learned that
from my mom.
My mom sat down and she madestorytime fun.
And my idea was to increase theliteracy in my home and create a
connection with my children byreading books.
Uh, but then after I startedreading with them, the books I
wrote, I was like, Man, this isthe first one called Crow from
the Shadow was a truly personalstory.

(35:26):
Uh, because I use the crow,which is not not your not likely
hero.
Uh, is the crow is one that wetend to uh think that it's
annoying.
He's picking through trash, it'sdoing all these things.
Yeah, that's exactly right,right?
Uh, but the reason I chose thecrow is because many of us are
probably more like the crow thanany of the other superheroes

(35:47):
that we read about.
Uh, the crow is just trying tosurvive, right?
That's why he's so annoying.
He's picking through trashbecause he's just trying to eat,
right?
And so I chose that as my maincharacter for that one reason,
and I'll tell you the otherreason later.
Uh, but as I go through thebook, it's called Crow from the
Shadow.
Um, the idea behind it is thatthere's this shadow throughout

(36:07):
the story.
It's just telling Crow that hecannot be or he cannot do, or
what everything that he cannotbe or do.
Uh, and so the shadow representsa place, a person, uh, a uh
anything that's that's tellingyou that you cannot achieve your
destiny.
And in the end, Crow realizesthat only one can determine my
future, that one is me.

(36:28):
So that's what Crow from theShadow is all about.
And that became the foundationfor my entire brand.
And the reason I the secondreason I use the crow is because
I wanted people to know everytime they see a crow fly by, I
want them to remember, thinkabout it.
Only I can determine my future,right?
And that's what we're trying todo is rebrand the crow.
The crow, the unlikely hero.
Uh, the crow is the the one thatpicks through the trash, the

(36:50):
annoying one, the one thatdoesn't truly know his identity.
Uh, finally, he finds out whohis identity is.
He learns how to overcome theshadow and become who he's meant
to be.
Now, that would be nothing if Ididn't get feedback from a
parent.
Uh, and that was probably that'sprobably my favorite part about
writing any of these stories.
Uh, it's the feedback from theparents.

(37:12):
And and I really appreciate theparents, teachers, mentors,
caregivers, coaches, all of themwho took the book and sat down
with the child and gave mefeedback because one of the
things that they talked about isthey read the stories, uh, they
looked at the continue theconversation questions in the
back, again, because this iswritten in order to help guide
and direct and coach children.
And so once they start havingthese conversations, the

(37:34):
feedback that they got fromtheir children was the most
important part because what itdid is it opened aligned
communication that didn'tpreviously exist.
Uh, for example, when I wastalking to Crow from the Shadow,
one of the uh parents, a coupleof parents, hit me up and said,
Man, this book is crazy, man.
It truly, as I sat down with mykids, I had the conversation
with them and they told me whattheir shadow was.

(37:55):
Uh, some said the shadow is umthey they're ashamed of their
gap in their mouth or they'reshame of this.
Or one of them said their shadowis their parents, uh, which that
I think I think the mom at thispoint in this context, uh, she
was initially offended, but thenrealized what he meant by that,
why her child said that she washis shadow and not in a positive

(38:16):
way.
And that helped her as she beganto develop her relationship
further with her son andstarting to understand that, you
know, as she's trying to coachhim and mentor and guide him,
she's actually holding him backfrom the things that he could
potentially achieve just becauseshe's trying to be protective.
And I I have no, I don't seethere's no fault in it, uh, but
it was good for her to have thatconversation.

(38:36):
So that's what the children'sbook series is all about.
It's about bringing adults backinto the children's bedrooms and
doing and establishing thisconnection with children.
Uh so that way we can guide andmentor and lead them.
And then my next book that'scoming out is called Lead Last.
Uh, this is my first leadershipbook, and I'm very excited about
this one.
I'm actually uh working withAmplify Publishing Group to

(38:57):
publish it uh early next year.
Uh and this book is exactly whatit sounds like.
Uh Lead Last uh is is it's thephilosophy that I learned uh as
a young officer.
Uh, and I I've I've messed it upplenty of times, and I'm sure
there's plenty of Marines outthere that can tell you that.
Uh, and as a as a husband andfather, I've messed that up too.
Uh, but what I realized is thatum we're trained in a way to

(39:20):
say, you know, you know, we'resupposed to be out in the front.
We always have to have ouropinion.
We have to be the loudest voicein the room, and so on and so
forth.
But in reality, what I learnedis that when we're talking about
lead last, uh it sometimes youhave to be behind your team and
push them forward.
Sometimes you have to be beneaththe team and lift them up.
But really, what we're talkingabout is we have to have the

(39:41):
ability to lead them in a waythat that we never sometimes we
don't even think about.
So active listening, uh gettingto know them, getting to know
yourself, uh, and creating anenvironment to help them grow
and develop.
So uh really that I'm veryexcited about that book as well.
Um, my journey as an author uhwas not one that I truly
planned.
Uh it just to be honest withyou, just sort of happened.

(40:02):
Uh, and and I I just I'mgrateful every single day that I
have an opportunity to connectwith people uh through books.

SPEAKER_01 (40:10):
And so, I mean, how this is a question I was asked
just not too long ago, and I'dlove to ask it to to somebody
else because he asked me, like,how many more books do you think
you have in you?
Have you even thought aboutthat, or is it just as they
come, they go, or as as thatleads to me, where are you at
with that?

SPEAKER_00 (40:29):
That's a great question.
Uh, I have no idea.
I at this point, I'm just havingfun, right?
So I I uh so aside from thebooks, I I do articles.
Uh, I have a partnership withthe UVersion Bible app where I
provide content uh for ParentChild Connect, which is probably
one of the most unique andexciting opportunities for my
brand.
Uh, and it's just those thingsthat we have the opportunity to

(40:50):
do.
So uh writing for me is is morethan just uh um just a thing
that I do for money.
It's truly a hobby.
I really enjoy it.
Uh and it it's a it's an outletfor me.
Uh it's exciting.
I love, I used to be very, verynervous.
And this this is for thoseauthors out there, aspiring
authors who are who are writing,and maybe you have this
phenomenal book that's beensitting on your shelf for years.

(41:13):
Uh hopefully I'm just looking atthe camera and tell you stop
doing that.
Get that book off the shelf uhand put it back on your table,
get it edited and publish itbecause there's so many people
that need to see your message,and a lot of times we're holding
back because we're scared forthat feedback, and that's the
point I'm making.
There's a lot of feedback thatwe get uh and we're afraid of
it.
But I started looking at it asiron sharpening iron.

(41:35):
So if I put a book out andsomething's wrong, I had a
one-star review on uh BillyDipper's Time to Shine.
Uh, and you know what?
Initially I got um, I was in myfeelings.
Uh, who in the world?
Who in the world one star reviewon a children's book, right?
Um, I was in my feelings, but uhit was something that we learned
and and grew through.
So uh publish that book.

(41:57):
Uh, I don't know how many leftin me.
Uh I'm gonna do them until uhthe Lord decides to take me off
this earth, probably.
Uh, but I'm enjoying it rightnow.

SPEAKER_01 (42:05):
Yeah, oh my gosh.
Well, for those of you for thatquestion you just asked when we
do that event on the 18th, uh,and it is it's live and it's
free, and it's on you know, justgo to becoming the person.com.
But I'm gonna teach people howto at least get an ebook going
so they have something in theirhands to get published.
Use the AI as a tool to helpwith outlining and getting it at
least to the point where you'rethere, uh, because it is so

(42:28):
important.
There's so many people who haveso many great things and amazing
things to say.
I'd love to go pivot a littlebit because I want to hear a
little bit about your faith andhow your faith has played a part
in who you are.
I mean, we talked about identityearlier, uh, but just you know,
I think faith faith plays such apart in our lives that sometimes
we don't say it enough as to whowe've become as a result of it.

(42:51):
And maybe kind of share with usjust a little bit about who you
are in in your area of faith.

SPEAKER_00 (42:57):
Yeah, my faith is what's grounded me and got me
through some rough times.
Uh, because uh one of my biggestuh uh I guess vulnerabilities or
faults is that I feel like Ineed to control everything,
right?
Uh and it wasn't until I trulyrealized that I couldn't control
everything, and that's when Irealized I had to have faith.

(43:17):
And my faith, my faith in God iswhat got me through rough
situations.
And one in particular uh is whenmy son uh was diagnosed with
complex partial epilepsy.
Uh, it was out of the blue forus.
Um, but you have no idea howmany sleepless nights I had, uh,
whether it'd been just likestaring.
So I put a monitor in his roomand I was just staring at him,
just trying to make sure if heif he twitched a little bit, I

(43:39):
had to run in there just tocheck on him.
Or uh me staying up late atnight trying to look up Eastern
medicine.
I was I was looking up where Icould fly and get him this care.
And then eventually, after doingnight after night just like
that, and still just trying tokeep on this facade that I'm I'm
so happy and joyous, uh, it gotexhausting.
And I could tell that it wasstarting to weigh on my mental

(44:00):
psyche uh way too much.
And so I decided, okay, you knowwhat?
This I need to take a break.
Uh, this isn't me uh beingfaithful or allowing myself to
believe in God the way I say Ido, uh, because I wanted
something quick, right?
I wanted to be able to say, uh,well, I prayed to God and He
healed him, right?
And and that didn't happen foryears, right?

(44:21):
And I wanted to be able to say,well, you know, if I can't pray
and get it healed, then maybeGod's giving me the ability to
pay for this and I can go takehim this and get it and get his
mind looked at and see what'sgoing on with his brain, and all
these kind of things just didn'tnecessarily add up.
And that's when I trulyrealized, like, dude, you're
losing sleep at night, you'remaking yourself, you're

(44:41):
stressing yourself out allbecause you want to be in
control.
And once I learned to be out ofcontrol, let go of my control
and have to trust.
I had to trust in God, I had totrust in in what all the things
that I said that I believed in.
Uh, once I finally did that, uh,that's when I learned that you
know that God is a person I hadto rely on.

(45:02):
And so my faith is huge for me.
Uh, it's it's one of the thingsthat again it's grounded me and
it's letting me know that youknow I can't control every
situation, and and it forced meto have faith in God.

SPEAKER_01 (45:13):
And just having to give that up, right?
When you give it up to God andthen let Him take and then the
peace, right?
The peace that just beyond allunderstanding.
What I'd love to do, you know,and I and I asked, you know,
most on this podcast with thejourney to freedom and talking
to black men.
Um, and we think about beingdads, right?
Because in the black community,a dad is is a whole bunch of

(45:33):
things, right?
A dad is a hero in some of thecommunity, and the dad is the
deadbeat dad that we hear about,you know, from from but and I
believe that we all know howimportant our kids are, and that
the kid every kid needs to havea dad.
It's just we all believe that,but sometimes we don't talk a
lot about what does it mean tobe a dad and the responsibility

(45:56):
that comes on us to be a dad,and and how much we're willing
to go through in order to bethat great dad.
And so, how has that changed?
You have three kids, and youknow, and you had one that when
you were you real young, andmaybe tell me a little bit about
the evolution of fatherhood foryou, uh, having some great
examples.
You know, I know you said yourgrandfather passed away uh, you

(46:18):
know, before you had, but youhad you know people in the
community that kind of took onthat role.
Talk to me about being what doesit mean to be a dad?

SPEAKER_00 (46:26):
Yeah, so I that's a great question, uh, because I
started off my dad journeytrying not to be a deadbeat or
trying to be there for mydaughter in order to not be what
I saw other men out, uh,especially with daughters.
Uh, and I was like, Well, Ican't be like that, I need to be
there.
And so my idea of what it meantto be a dad early on was to just

(46:48):
be there doing everything withthem at all times, right?
Uh, and then that led to uh meuh getting cramps in my back and
trying to do a backband.
Uh, and it was actuallyembarrassing at a park.
I uh legitimately was trying todo a backband, like walking down
a tree and my bot my back lockedup and I just fell.
And all the parents were like,Are you okay?
Uh, so that's me.

(47:09):
I got stuck in Chuck E.
Cheese and all these things I'mdoing, just trying under this
umbrella of I just want to bethere for my daughter.
I want to be everything withher, I want to do everything
with her.
I don't want to let her down andall this, which is was
admirable.
Um, but I was doing it for allthe wrong reasons.
I was doing it because I Ithought that you know every dad
should be there for hisdaughter.
You got to be your protector,you got to be this.

(47:30):
And I was like, okay.
So what I did is I evolved overtime, and I learned this from my
dad.
My dad said, Allow your childrento teach you what kind of leader
they need.
And that's the same thing Ilearned for the workforce.
I learned that in the MarineCorps.
Uh, that same lesson applies,but your children will teach you
who you have to who you need tobe for them.
And so that was probably thething that helped me to evolve

(47:50):
is I started looking at, okay,what do my children truly need?
Does my daughter really need meout there doing backbands?
No, all she wants to do is showme her backband.
I don't have to do all thatextra stuff.
Uh, does my son need me uh tocoach him through every single
thing and um force him to carryheavy?
No, I don't have to do all thatstuff.
And so once I learned uh how touh tailor my my parenting and my

(48:13):
leadership style to the childinstead of trying to be what I
saw on TV or what I saw otherdads doing, I think that's when
I started to evolve as a fatherand truly create moments that
are that are memorable.
Because the most memorablemoments are the ones that you
actually are sharing with themand you're connecting with them,
not the situations.

(48:34):
What I was trying to do isfabricate situations, fabricate
fun and create memories when inreality I was actually missing
them because perhaps uh themoment would have been us
talking and having a greatconversation.
Uh, but instead, because I'm thedad, I needed to teach my son a
lesson using this as a thisanalogy.
Uh, you know, so it's it's thosethose kind of things I've grown

(48:54):
through, I've learned, uh,nowhere close to perfect.
Um, but I was able to learnthese things and and really
start to refine and continue torefine my my leadership style as
a father.

SPEAKER_01 (49:05):
Oh my gosh, that is so cool.
I'm as you're talking, I'm justI'm hearing a book like being a
dad or what it meant for me andmy son, or you know, because it
made me remember like there wasa time when my my son uh was in
I guess he was in eighth gradeor something like that, or
seventh grade, and he decided hewas gonna play baseball.

(49:25):
Well, we did, I don't knownothing about baseball.
I'm a track guy, it's the sameseason.
There's nothing I absolutelyknow about baseball, and I just
know uh yeah, I was still a Pteacher, so I mean I knew enough
about it to know how the sportworks, but at the same time, you
know, they had like 69 games, itfelt like, anyways.
I'm like, I can't go to 69baseball games, and first I

(49:48):
don't even know enough about it.
He wants to try it.
Well, we missed about nine yearsof him starting when he was two
and a half years old, like allthese other kids.
And so the coach puts him outlike in I guess it was right,
Phil, uh, and you know, and andthen doesn't let him bat.
And then the coach getssuspended from three games
because he's not very good.
And all I could do is be the dadwho says, you know, maybe we

(50:12):
should do something else, ormaybe we could, you know, I
believe in you, you can do this.
I couldn't be that that coach, Icouldn't be in control of the
parents that were mad that myson was up to bat and was not
going to hit the ball at all,you know, that he was a good
athlete, but it just it wasn'thappening, you know, and to see
that evolution and then me pourinto them him and then go to

(50:37):
years later, uh, where now he'sa high school senior, we gave up
the baseball.
We went into something I knowlike track, right?
I still let him have a high jumpcoach, and now he's like second
in the state of California, andall those other kids are not
doing anything, ends up anational champion high jumper in
college, you know.
But it was just what does itmean?

(50:57):
Me saying, wait, I don't need toknow how to do big, I don't know
how to know everything.
I just love how you you put thatbecause it just puts it into
perspective of wait a minute,you know, you don't have to be
everything to all of your kidsat all of the time.
You just they just want you tobe there, right?
They just want you, you know,and then you just say, Hey,

(51:18):
you're important to me.
And there's so you know, I knowhow hard it is.
You know, I'm fortunate enough.
I we didn't have to have ablended family, and you know,
all those other things that thatare part of it.
Um, but at the same time, youjust go, Oh my gosh, you know,
for some of these kids that arejust you know, they sit on a
step or they sit on a stool andthey wait for dad to show up and

(51:39):
then dad doesn't show up, andthen you know, dad trying to buy
him ice cream or something likethat to to to win because he's
you know, um yeah, I guess Idon't have to go on because we
know it, but thank you forsharing that because that was so
the way you just put it was justwas so neat.
I can't wait to I hate to sayit, but I can't wait to see that
in a children's book that Iwould have buyed me and my dad

(52:00):
or whatever you decide uh uh tocall it.
What at this point I I've beensuper selfish because I've been
asking you all the things that Iwant to know.
What is it that you truly, Imean, you came on my podcast and
you you're you've honored uswith your time.
What is it that you truly wantedto share with our audience
tonight and uh drop some more ofthis incredible knowledge that
you're giving us today?

SPEAKER_00 (52:21):
No, I thought your your questions were phenomenal,
man.
I I love the conversationbecause it what it's doing is
it's growing my mind.
I love uh conversations that arecontinually to uh helping us
grow.
And that's one of the thingsthat as we are talking about,
you're talking about the stressthat parents undergo.
Uh, you talk about the thefathers in the African-American
community, there's a lot ofthings there that I want to

(52:42):
point out too.
Uh, and I will say the one thingis we're talking about parenting
in general and things of thatnature.
I would say be careful what yousay to your children.
Uh, because uh I've always heardpeople, if I hear people tell
call their children bad, if Iknow them, I I don't I tend to I
try to leave people alone ifthey I don't know them.
But if they call their childrenbad or something like that, I
tell them be careful what youtell them, right?

(53:03):
Because um you may be reshapingtheir minds.
And I say that because um whenyou talk about a lot of the
things that happen, whether itbe the the fathers that don't
show up at home or whatever itmay be, a lot of times they're
living up to what they were toldthey could they were going to
do.
Um and that I think that's a lotof problems in our our community
as a whole, is that we are tendwe tend to live up to a

(53:25):
stereotype.
And there's stereotypes and thenthere's societal expectations.
And in my opinion, that createsa narrative, right?
And a narrative is just theconnection between events, and
so what that does for us in ourmind is that well, if these
events happen, because our mindsare linear and we love to make
things easier.
I think uh Daniel Kahnemantalked about it being system one
thinking, it helps our brain toautomatically uh create these

(53:49):
things about life so we can havean easier understanding of
what's going on around us, andso we create we connect these
events automatically and say,well, if if my dad's not here,
then this event may happen in mylife, and now I'm going to be a
deadbeat.
Um, but I challenge people andchallenge everyone watching or
listening uh to go in go inthinking about your child as a

(54:10):
frame.
They God gave you a frame thatgave you a He gave you a
foundation from which you canbuild on.
Uh, no matter what the geneticsare, uh my dad ran track, that's
what he came from Nigeria for.
He he immigrated here and he rantrack at Alabama AM.
Uh, but if uh he I was born andI never did anything uh
athletic, I never tried a sport,I can assure you that I wouldn't

(54:32):
have been able to run track.
Uh, genetics is not all.
Uh, just because he started thatstory, he started that narrative
for me doesn't mean I was goingto equate to an athlete in the
future or a Marine in the futureor whatever.
Um, so I I challenge you to knowthat you can create a narrative
in your home and and you shouldbe able to create a positive
narrative.
Um, but if you aren't payingattention and being intentional

(54:54):
about it, a narrative is stillbeing created in your home.
So be careful what events arehappening around your child.
Be to do your best to try not toallow those events to connect
and become something that you'renot intending to do.
And then the last thing I'llleave with everybody is it's all
it takes a community.
It really takes community.
Uh, I was raised by a communityhands down.

(55:15):
Uh, there's things that uh whenmy parents weren't around, there
are people that'll walk up andsmack me in the back of the
head.
Not that I'm advocating forphysical violence, but somebody
like me probably needed.
I was a knucklehead.
Uh, but there are people thatalways who were there to try to
help mentor and guide me.
And so my recommendation to youis if you see a child out there,
whether you're a teacher,mentor, coach, whatever your

(55:36):
position is, do your best toreach out to them.
Uh, try try to bring them underyour arm.
Even if they're the worst, worstthing since whatever in your
mind, uh, do your best to justdon't give up on them.
Uh, because there's gonna be atime when society gives up on
them.
And and quite honestly, whatthat looks like is it is looks
like either the graveyard or itlooks like the penitentiary
system.
And I believe that we can dobetter.

(55:58):
I've seen it happen way too manytimes.
I have good friends, they end upin those two places and or and
they're consistently in there.
Uh, and and I I just believethat we can do better as a
community to uplift these youngmen and women.
Uh, we just have to be willingto do the work.
So I appreciate you, Dr.
B.

SPEAKER_01 (56:15):
Oh my gosh.
Well, before you go on, I I knowyou you talked about parent
child connect a few times.
Maybe you can just tell us alittle bit about that, the
organization and what it what itdoes.

SPEAKER_00 (56:25):
Absolutely.
So parentchildconnect.com.
So it's parent-child dashconnect.com.
What you'll see on that website,uh, first of all, is the blog.
Uh, you'll see my books, allchildren's books.
And eventually, once I publishthe lead last, you'll see it
there too.
Um, you'll see my uh, as I'malluded to before, my content
partnership with UVersion Bibleapp.
You'll see all the Bible plansthat I have there.

(56:47):
Um, you'll see free resources.
I have downloadable resourcesfor you because I want uh
everybody to have the ability tobuild their mental, physical,
emotional strength.
And so I created these PDFs thatyou can just download and
journal in.
So um, and you'll also be ableto reach out to me.
So I love working with parents,teachers, mentors, caregivers,

(57:08):
and helping them to build thatcommunity.
So there's three areas that Ilove.
Uh, number one, I love gettingin schools.
Uh, that's anytime I can get towork with youth, uh, I'm gonna
be there.
Uh, if if I can make it there,or if I can at least do it
virtually, I'm going to doread-alouts and I'm going to do
right writing workshops.
I love engaging with children.
It's like the my favorite thingto do.
It gives me life.

(57:28):
Uh, the second thing I lovedoing is leadership conferences.
I love doing keynote speaking onleadership because that's just
what I enjoy doing.
So you'll see a lot of the I doone-on-one coaching, uh, but
mostly I enjoy the workshops andand the uh keynote engagements.
And then lastly, I write.
Now, like I told you before, Ilove writing.
I've written uh blogs or excuseme, articles for uh many

(57:51):
magazines uh forbes.
I've contributed to Forbes, I'veI've written for several areas.
So uh those are really the threekey areas.
So uh if you want to really makeLou happy one of these days, uh
just hit him up and say, Hey, Ihave uh an elementary teacher
that wants you to come read totheir class.
And boy, man, you're gonna makemy day.
Because those children truly domake my day.
And you'll be surprised uh howmuch it makes a difference uh

(58:13):
when they stand up and ask mequestions as I as I read to a
school, uh, like, hey man, howdo you read so good?
Oh man, I love who you asked methat, young man, because now
we're gonna talk about how wecan learn to read and these kind
of habits.
And then I love following upwith those students uh to help
them grow.
So those are three key areas I Ilove to be in.
And so uh again, Dr.
B, I I would love to talk topeople.

(58:35):
Uh all you have to do is reachout at parent-child-connect.com.

SPEAKER_01 (58:40):
Man, thank you for today.
This has been this has been soamazing.
I as I go through and I have allthese notes that I've you know
written down on ourconversation, and uh and and
because you said earlier, youknow, get a book out, take some
notes.
And I remember like when Istarted watching podcasts and
you know, and and trying to keepup and just you know, from the

(59:00):
mentality of being asix-year-old who's not as bright
as everybody else, but I'm on soI'm trying to take notes and I'm
rushing and I'm and I'm tryingto get it all in, and I'm trying
to remember, and you know, it'slike and then somebody said
something later, and I'm tryingto go back in my mind, and then
I realized that all I have to dois hit the pause button and take
the note and then go on fromthere, right?

(59:23):
I could I could pause for aminute and then oh no, let me
make these connections.
And so I I say that because Ilaugh at myself because
literally I was going throughthese podcasts trying to get
everything written down and youknow organized and realize, man,
just hit the pause button.
And so, if you guys get theopportunity in this here
podcast, I would go back, Iwould hit pause.

(59:44):
I would hit there.
There's a couple sections inthere that Lou just dropped some
knowledge that is just I I'mgonna go back and I'm gonna
listen to it because I thinkit's going to help me become a
better person.
When he started talking aboutpersonal development and the
five things that are the that hedoes every Every single day, and
the amount of time he spends andhow he spends it.
And so uh this is one of thosepodcasts that you do not want to

(01:00:07):
miss.
And if you know you haven'theard any of these before, we
have some really good shows.
We have some fun people, somefamous people, some non-famous
people, but mostly we have folksthat are everyday heroes.
And Lou is one of those.
And so hit the subscribe, hitthe notification.
I can't wait to spend more timewith you.
Can't wait to get you into ourcommunity and have you really

(01:00:29):
even teach some more stuff tofolks and uh go to his website,
uh, go to Parent Child Connectand and and look at the things
that he has there, order hisbooks.
Uh, I promise you, you will notbe sad for the time that you
spend because we talked aboutonly having a limited amount of
it.
Uh, and you will not be sad forthe time you spend if you're

(01:00:50):
giving up.
Maybe it is one of thosemillion-dollar TV shows that
keeps the drama, but it's thesame story that you've heard a
thousand times, just told adifferent way.
How about something differentthat can make an impact in your
life?
And so, uh, Lou, thank you forbeing on today.
Thank you for spending the timewith us.
It has just been one of thefunnest hours of my life, and
I'm so glad that I spent thetime with you.

(01:01:12):
So, thank you again.
Um, for the rest of you, don'tforget you're God's greatest
gift.
He loves you if you allow himto.
And don't forget that.
Lou, you have one couple wordsjust to take us away before I
hit the bumper.

SPEAKER_00 (01:01:24):
Hey, Dr.
B, I really appreciate theopportunity.
Hey guys, if you're watchingthis, you're a winner, and I
appreciate everything that youyou've done to help support me.
And I I I I love you guys, and Ihope you're able to continue to
be a part of this wonderfulcommunity.
All right, thank you.
Have an amazing day.