August 14, 2025 • 68 mins
Join The Podcasting Challenge at www.Thepodcastingchallenge.com
Explore personal growth at www.becomingtheperson.com
Book a session at www.BookWithBrian.us
Join an inspiring conversation with Dominic Petty, a coach who helps high achievers find deeper purpose. Explore how self-awareness and understanding your Enneagram type can reshape your relationships and life.
What if everything you were certain about wasn't actually true? In this profound conversation, coach Dominic Petty reveals why increasing our self-awareness may be the most transformative journey we can undertake.
Drawing from his upbringing in South Chicago and his evolution from corporate leadership to becoming a coach for high-achievers, Dominic shares how our rigid perspectives often limit our relationships and happiness. "The only true wisdom is to know you know nothing," he reminds us, challenging the certainties we cling to that may be causing unnecessary suffering.
The discussion takes a fascinating turn when Dominic explains how many successful people use insecurity as fuel—constantly chasing external validation through achievements, status, or possessions without ever feeling "enough." This endless pursuit can never satisfy because it fails to address the core issue: how we see ourselves. Instead, Dominic suggests developing radical self-acceptance and understanding our triggers through tools like the Enneagram personality system.
Perhaps most valuable is Dominic's insight that relationships are skills to be developed, not abilities we naturally possess. "You get what you tolerate in this world," he observes, explaining how understanding our boundaries transforms our connections with others. Dr. B and Dominic also explore the differences between therapy and coaching, concluding that while therapy helps resolve past trauma, coaching provides actionable solutions for those ready to move forward.
If you're seeking deeper self-understanding, more fulfilling relationships, or simply wondering why success hasn't brought the happiness you expected, this conversation offers a roadmap to greater consciousness and joy. Connect with Dominic at dominic@innerpeaceadvisor.com or find him on LinkedIn and Instagram @innerpeaceadvisor to continue your journey toward authentic living.
Gain practical insights on overcoming personal triggers and building meaningful connections. Stay tuned for tips on embracing your strengths and living with intention.
👋 Follow me for more podcasting tips and exclusive offers:
🔥 Instagram: / drbrianearnold
🚀 Facebook: / brianearnold
📺 YouTube: / @brianearnold1
💼 LinkedIn: / brianearnold
🐦 X: https://x.com/DrBearnold
📱 TikTok: / brianearnold1
📚 Books: www.brianearnold.com/books
#SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth #LifeCoaching
http://thepodcastchallenge.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I don't think anyone can spend too much time on
trying to get to know themselvesbetter, trying to help them
understand that what they're socertain of they shouldn't be so
certain of.
The only true wisdom is to knowyou know nothing.
He taught me a lot aboutboundaries.
He taught me a lot aboutstanding up for myself.
A real big rule that I helpother people with is you get
(00:21):
what you tolerate in this world.
I think what I experienced whenI was younger was a lack of
consciousness, and so my gift tothe world is, I said well, I
think if we increaseconsciousness to a sufficient
level, the world gets a lot morepleasant.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
All right, welcome to yet another edition of the
Journey to Freedom podcast, andI'm Dr B, I'm your host and just
always excited, always excitedto be able to talk to new people
and find out what it is thatthey're doing in their lives
that are making the world abetter place.
I got to talk a little bit toDominic before the show and
(01:12):
realize he's one of those folksI always talk about living
boldly, with purpose, livingwith purpose.
One of the things that maybeyou can answer this, as maybe
you're telling the story alittle bit after is I don't
think you can live in purposeand not serve others, and so I
don't know if it's possible, ifthere's a way to do it, but I've
(01:33):
been so fortunate on my showI've only, I believe, I had one
guest that desired not to serveanybody ever and wanted
everybody to serve him.
His name was the Kingmaker, andit's one of my shows that I did
put it up there, but with adisclaimer that says I don't
know where this thought processcame from.
(01:53):
I don't know how he does it andI don't know how he's
successful, but if you want to,I guess, subscribe to his
ideology, then knock yourselfout, but for me, I have to look
at that one and see how it'sdone.
(02:14):
Well, I mean, even with his wife, he's like you know, she gets
to be my wife and I tell herwhat to do, when to do it, how
to do it, and she knows she'sgoing to be a better, she's
going to have a better life,because I'm here and I'm like,
okay, that's how it works, man.
I've been on that train a wholelot.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
And I've done just about 400 podcasts now, and for
all of it, most people want todo something for impact.
A lot of people want to dosomething to serve others, and
so, you know, I love the factthat we get to do that.
We get it, we get to cometogether.
You were talking about becoming, you know, the person, one of
(02:58):
the things that I'm actuallystarting this next, and for
those of you who are watching orlistening, and at this time,
probably by the time you watch,this we'll have already launched
, but I'm actually starting thisnext and for those of you who
are watching or listening, andat this time, probably by the
time you watch, this we'll havealready launched but I'm
starting a community calledBecoming the Person Universe,
and it's going to be all aboutfolks that are wanting to become
that person that I believe gotput us on the surf to do, and so
, whether we have we havespeakers, we have events, we
(03:21):
have, you know community thatwe're doing.
We have events.
We have you know community thatwe're doing.
We have helping you take action, all that kind of stuff that
most of all my podcast folks aregrandfathered in, you know, to
the to being part of this.
So I mean, you get to, you getto be part of the community and,
you know, grandfathered in asfar as what do we do to help,
(03:44):
what do we do to make sure thatthere's folks out there who want
to achieve that, want to winthat, want to move forward, and
we get to help them be able todo that.
So you know, just so cool thatyou're here today and you get to
talk about some of these things.
I can't wait to hear your story.
Like all of our guests, I'veasked everybody to tell a story.
You know, like I tell all ourguests too, you can start
(04:04):
whatever in your life that youwant to.
People love to hear so muchabout who we are before they get
to hear what we do and thenthey know life will trust us so
that we can open that door to beable to either influence, share
influence or just make adifference in their life.
So thank you for being on today, thank you for taking your time
(04:26):
.
Dominic happens to be inGermany right now and so it is
late, it's not, you know, early,you know in the day, where he's
, you know, towards the end ofthe night, and so to take your
time to say hey, I want to bepart of this.
I just I've been on.
I just love the fact thatyou're willing to do that.
So it's your, the floor isyours, let's hear your story,
(04:48):
can't wait to hear it, and we'lljust chop it up after that All
right, beautiful, thank you.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Thank you.
Yeah, I'm not sure how longthis will take, but you know,
bear with me, you know everyone.
So I'll start with where I wasborn.
I was born in Chicago.
I've got two older brothers andlet's see South side of the
city and you know, I guess I'll,I'll, I'll put maybe two place
(05:16):
holders, well, a few.
So, like mom, amazing,incredible, couldn't have been
better.
Uh, dad, you know, similar, butyou know, like good things, you
know people need things to workwith with within life.
Um, and uh, yeah, being theyoungest, uh, I guess, uh,
(05:39):
there's a certain perspective,you know, I may, may have on
life or or other people may haveperspectives on, on on the
youngest.
So, uh, I think a lot of thingsI would say were normal in the
sense that went to school, gradeschool, mba, went to Wharton in
(06:10):
Pennsylvania and did consultingfor a bit, did a little bit of
tech after that and the lastposition I had, before I became
a coach and just worked formyself, was a director at
Leadership and DevelopmentInstitute for Homeland Security.
So this was a place largelythat did exactly that leadership
(06:32):
development for the seniormanagement and senior executives
for Homeland Security and Ilearned a lot in that position
First time in that position hadan amazing team, the information
being taught there wasincredible, and I always felt
(06:52):
like we could go a little bitdeeper.
And so by deeper I mean so wemay work on things like, you
know, time management andproductivity.
There's also communication, youknow, crucial conversations,
many things like that.
But you know, I was alwayscurious why people had certain
like ways of acting or ways ofbeing.
(07:13):
You know, some people were justangrier types, or some people
had a lot of insecurity, or somepeople had, like, a lot of
anxiety or fear, and so theycould actually be, say, like top
performers and, at the sametime, they could still have
these waves of being.
That I thought, I guess acouple of things.
One did affect theirperformance in many ways, and
(07:35):
the other thing is, I think itprevented them from being a
person that they would enjoymore and also others would enjoy
interacting with them more.
So, as, as my mind will do, Isaid well, you know, let me, let
me see what, what I can do togo deeper.
So, uh, I was, uh, blessedenough to be able to get a
(07:58):
coaching certification while Iwas in the same position and at
um and shortly thereafter Istarted, uh, coaching and so at
first I just had clients on theside, did that for for many
years, um, and you know, then Ilearned about entrepreneurship,
that I learned about, uh,charging clients and I learned
(08:20):
about, like you know, marketingand sales and like other stuff,
but eventually I went off anddid this on my own.
So largely this is what myprimary focus is.
You know, I work one on onewith people.
A lot of people are verysimilar to the background I had,
so these people would be peoplehave done really well at, kind
(08:43):
of like, hitting a target, andso they got the education they
wanted income, career, maybe,relationship and perhaps they
reached a place where they'relike, hmm, is this all there is?
Or it was like, what well, whatelse is there to life are?
They've got this, these things,but somehow it's like shaking
apart and you know they can'tget to the next wrong.
(09:05):
In terms of their career.
They stalled in some ways, rand their relationship their
primary one is not one thatthey're passionate about or
they're super interested in.
So I mainly help people turndials A lot of times very subtle
(09:26):
things that create dramaticchange in their lives and I
would say the key to that is atremendous increase I help them
with in self-awareness.
You know, there's that sayingyou know, know thyself, and so I
don't think anyone can spendtoo much time on trying to get
(09:47):
to know themselves better.
So that's one of the big things, and the other thing is trying
to help them understand thatwhat they're so certain of they
shouldn't be so certain of.
So I think another one of thesephrases of ancient wisdom is
you know.
The only true wisdom is to know.
You know nothing.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
You don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Yeah, so that that I share that gift with everyone.
Because I had a hugerealization at some point.
I said wow, for a guy who's hadlike a really good education
and thinks he knows a lot.
You know the real truth nowthat I think about it is I I
don't, I don't know, I don'tthink about it is I don't know.
I think most things I don'tknow.
And so I said, well, let meapproach it another way, let me
(10:30):
just be present to whatever ishappening and then use the
information in front of me, sayto make decisions or to interact
with people.
So that's me in a nutshell.
I think something might behelpful or maybe something to
dig into.
People might say, well, whycoaching, why are you driven to
do this type thing?
(10:51):
As near as I can tell it, I'mstill trying to know myself.
So, as near as I can tell, Ithink there are two primary
things.
So when I was growing up, goingback to my father wonderful man
but very strict he had a veryblack and white view of the
world in terms like you know,you do this, you don't do that.
So a lot of what I grew up withit was very much thinking like
(11:14):
you know the things are right orwrong or this is good or bad,
and I definitely found out thatthat lacked nuance for what I
needed in the world to you know,have good relationships to you
know, get along with people youknow in friendship as well as
like personal relationships.
(11:34):
And the other thing is one ofmy brothers, the middle brothers
.
I'll just say it was adifficult relationship.
I mean not a bad guy, butduring the time, the younger
years, my only real recollectionof him is being what people
call like a bully.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Hello, this is Dr B and I want to ask you one simple
question what if you died,having never become you Now?
I don't mean the version of youthat worked the job, raised the
kids or chased security.
I mean the person God actuallydesigned you to be, the real you
, because there's a version ofyour life that's already been
written and it's full of peace,it's full of boldness, it's full
of purpose and, of course, it'sfull of power.
(12:14):
But most people, many people,they miss it.
They live distracted, doubting,disconnected and deep down,
they wonder is this really allthere is?
But not you, and not today.
That's why we created theBecoming, the Person universe.
It's a living, breathingcommunity of people saying I
want to be who God called me tobe, not someday, but right now.
(12:35):
So inside, we'll walk youthrough three levels of
transformation.
Level one is all about identity, where you finally see yourself
clearly and know exactly whoyou are and who you need to
become.
Level two is about mastery,where we develop the disciplines
to grow.
And then, finally, level threeis legacy, where your life
begins to matter beyond you.
(12:56):
And hear me, I want you to hearme clear here this is not a
place to passively belong.
This is a place to grow, leadand thrive.
We even have ways for you toshare in the revenue as we grow.
Because we believe in buildinglegacy together.
And I want you to know, thefounders and I are praying for
you.
We have been praying for me.
(13:17):
You have been on our hearts.
Yes, you have been on ourhearts.
You're not watching this byaccident, and I want to
personally invite you to thenext info meeting, where we will
go over all this community hasto offer.
All you do is just click thelink before you know what to do.
But now it's your turn.
I want to ask you, to askyourself what if this is the
(13:38):
moment everything changes?
What if this is the reasonyou've been searching?
What if all God has beenwaiting for is for you to say
yes, there's a seat for you here, whether you're rediscovering
yourself or finally ready toleave a legacy and are ready to
(13:59):
contribute.
Either way, this is theBecoming, the Person universe,
and once you're in, your lifewill never be the same.
So I can't wait to meet you.
I can't wait to spend time withyou.
I can't wait to see you on theother side.
So let's go live in thatpurpose and let's do it together
(14:19):
.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
And I must say he's been one of my best teachers in
the world.
You know, he taught me a lotabout boundaries.
He taught me a lot aboutstanding up for myself.
He taught me like a real bigrule that I help other people
with is like you, you get whatyou tolerate in this world.
Um, so a lot of things.
Um, I think that drive me today.
(14:44):
I got from him and I think oneof the reasons I like coaching
and getting into that and Ishared with you a little bit
before.
You know, I feel I'm here toincrease consciousness.
It's because I think what Iexperienced when I was younger
was a lack of consciousness, andso my gift to the world is, I
(15:04):
said well, I think if weincrease consciousness to a
sufficient level, the world getsa lot more pleasant.
And I realized when I wasyounger, like I did do something
I think was really good that alot of people don't do Like when
there's adversity let's saybullies, you know someone gets
picked on A lot of times.
People say, well, it must bebecause something I'm doing, and
(15:34):
I never thought that for asecond.
I said I don't know what'sgoing on, but you have some
stuff that you haven't resolvedand for some reason you want to
work that out by taking it outon me, and that doesn't work for
me, and so I'm not old enoughor strong enough yet to like
unwind this.
But I'm not going to compoundit by assuming like there's
something like wrong with me inthis picture and I don't know
(15:57):
how I came to that conclusion atsuch a young age.
But I can tell you it'sdefinitely very valuable
conclusion.
I do share that with people,because a lot of times it's
amazing People who achieve a lotin life.
A lot of what they're using veryfrequently is insecurity as
fuel, and so they don't feelthat they're good enough, and so
(16:19):
that means they need more,sometimes of everything.
They need more money.
They need more sometimes ofeverything.
They need, um, more money.
They need more status, theyneed a better position, better
house, better partner, that typeof thing, and so, no matter
what they have, they're tryingto accrue things external to
(16:40):
them to say, well, if I get thisthing, and then I'll be okay,
surely I'll be worthy at thispoint, and it's it's, it's a
game you can never win.
So, um, that's also one of thethings I help people with a lot
I, I, I help them see the game,or the games that they're
playing, and just let it go Umand yes, increase self-awareness
(17:03):
and try to pepper in withincreasing consciousness.
So that's, uh, that's me in anutshell.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
All right, well, thank you for sharing that.
I want to jump back to SouthChicago.
Uh, you, kind of you, you blewover that, like you know.
Cause South Chicago is not, uh,from my understanding.
Cause, you know, I've been toChicago, which I've never lived
in Chicago.
I even worked in Chicago but Iwould fly in, stay in a hotel
for a week and then come back toDenver, but that was like it
(17:34):
was North Chicago, but all thestories I hear is that is a
portion of Chicago that may notbe the easiest place to grow up,
with all the distractions andeverything else.
That didn't happen.
Did you find your childhood tobe, you know, just like, would
you consider normal, becausethat's what you knew, compared
(17:55):
to what you know now?
Or was it you know, or was?
Was there some trying stuffthat went on while you were
growing up?
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah, you know it's.
What is that thing we callnormal?
It's kind of hard to define andI would say whatever I grew up
with I thought definitely wasnormal, so I guess so along the
way, I mean I can say thingslike I did see a tremendous
(18:27):
amount of I don't know how tosay it.
So it's just, yeah, at times Iwould see, you know, like you
know, fisticuffs, violence, youknow people going at it and some
of that was involved and nottoo much um, and I also realized
(18:55):
, um it it came in that peopleare raised very differently in
different homes.
Because I knew what was goingon in my home, which was a lot
of just, I'd say really goodbehavior, Because you know my
dad and I would observe otherkids and you know, very
(19:19):
belligerent, very reactive, knewall the language, used it and
you know very it was veryunsettling to be around them.
I'll definitely say that Iremember.
You know, one time I went to apark with my brothers.
My mom dropped us off and liketwo minutes later I'm getting
(19:40):
hit in the head by by some bigkid.
And I'm not saying this is aneveryday occurrence, but you
know I still do remember itright now.
It hasn't, you know, gone frommy understanding.
Some neighborhoods, I meanChicago, it's probably still the
(20:01):
same way but they were veryparticular about like ethnicity.
I mean they wanted to know likeBlack, Polish, Irish, Hispanic,
I mean they, yeah, it reallymattered.
So I remember, while enjoyingmy bike rides, like you know,
(20:21):
some neighborhoods I would getchased out of or you know, I
have like rocks thrown and stuff.
So, and I want to stress, itwasn't like it was an everyday
occurrence, but I will say I didgain a lot of like awareness to
say how to navigate Definitelylike a big city, how to navigate
like different people, you knowwhole thing, like you know,
(20:43):
watch your back, yeah, so sothat was was there.
Maybe in modern times we mightsay I could have developed
something that we callhypervigilance, so, but in in
sure, there was definitely likea good amount of gang activity.
(21:03):
But.
But what I really want to addto this is what was going on
inside my house, completelydifferent, Like my dad was a
very much no-nonsense person.
Like you knew exactly where youstood.
With him there was no ambiguity.
Really big heart, do it?
(21:29):
Um, really big heart, um, andit was also very important to
him that you acted like acertain like way, and so, um, I
think, another way to say thatyou know he set a certain
certain standard, and so Iprefer to meet my dad's standard
and then not meet it and dealwith those consequences.
Um, and the other thing is, likeboth my parents were, were in
(21:49):
the house, and so and here'ssomething I think that, um, it's
probably my greatest asset inlife like with both of my
parents, the only thing Iunderstood from them is that
they were very happy to havetheir children.
They were enthusiastic parents,Like they embrace the role.
(22:12):
They loved spending time witheach of us.
They didn't play favorites atall, and my mom's, like, main
interest for me was she says Ijust want you to be a good
person.
Yeah, so it's kind of.
I mean, when you grow up withthose things, I I would go so
(22:35):
far as to say it doesn't matterwhat's going on outside because
you're kind of insulated from it.
You know I was not going to berunning the streets, I was not
going to be part of a gang oranything like that, because you
know dad wouldn't have stood forthat and because they were so
present and, like you know, mymom had standards too.
(22:56):
You know they.
They very quickly said, well,well, why would you be involved
with this?
All right.
So it's like are you likeyou're not going to do this?
And so there was always like avery strong guiding, guiding
hand.
So, yeah, I mean everything youheard about chicago.
Yes, it was still there, andI'm not sure if we're still
(23:17):
there, but I think it reachedrecently like murder capital of
the world.
I mean, it wasn't when I grewup, but I'm sure those
beginnings were there along theway, Not my reality, even though
it was the reality.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
It was your community but not your specific reality.
I can remember in 1980, we haveour family reunion.
I don't know why we have afamily reunion.
We go to Chicago for our familyreunion, but that's what we did
.
Maybe it was 1982.
I may have written it before,but it was in that 78 to 83 time
(23:54):
.
I can remember part of ourfamily reunion was we were in
Hyde Park and then we literallywent to Caprini Green as part of
the tour of Chicago.
Why are we here?
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Why are we here?
Speaker 2 (24:11):
It's going to Sears Tower.
This is awesome.
Why are we going to Sears Tower?
Why are we?
Why are we?
We just got you know, this ishow folks live.
Like I didn't get it and youknow.
And the reason I ask thosequestions is I think about
identity, right, and I thinkabout the identity that became
who Dominic is today based onand I think you alluded to it
(24:31):
Like, I have both parents in thehome.
I have both parents that werehome.
I had both parents that werepresent.
I had both presidents who knewexactly what we were doing.
That shaped your identity morethan the community itself.
And there's so many people whoI guess I don't know if you want
to say succumbed, but get soinvolved in their community
because maybe their parentsaren't.
I bet you knew a whole lot ofyour.
(24:52):
You know your friends and thepeople you went to school with
that probably were, you know,had single parents at home that
had parents that were out in thestreets doing stuff, parents
that were, you know, not present, caring, not that they didn't
care about their kids, but maybedidn't know how, maybe didn't
know that there were otheroptions that their kids could
(25:13):
have.
You know, like when I took tobruny green.
I can't think of.
You know why you're there going.
People here are surviving.
This isn't where you knowyou're thriving, because you
know your environment is.
Every day.
It's like, wow, what's going tohappen?
Today, compared to you're,you're you're in the same city,
in the same vicinity obviously,obviously not at the project
(25:34):
housing, but where your dad'ssaying, okay, we're going to
make the best out of whateverthe situation is and we're going
to have a loving family.
We're going to do whatever weneed to do, and my kids are
going to grow up and go toStanford, grow, get out, grow
and end up at the university,and it sounds like education was
super important to them as well.
(25:55):
And so maybe talk about youridentity a little bit and maybe
some of those transitions inyour identity throughout your
career that helped you becomethe person who can now coach
people about it.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Yeah, you know it's interesting you say that I don't
.
I don't think I thought aboutthose terms, particularly at a
younger age.
Um, I think my identitythinking back to this at a
younger age.
I, I just wanted to be goodperson, not just good right yeah
, yeah, and it wasn't like to begood enough or be worthy.
(26:29):
It was more like I uh I'll keepgoing back to my father was a
strong influence.
So I wanted, I wanted my dad tothink I was good because, um,
uh, yeah, he, he took swiftaction.
So, um, there's also anassessment out there, like
enneagram, so on that there'snine types on the enneagram.
(26:50):
I'm a one, and so each of thesekind of has a a particular like
guiding light, and so the typeone is it's to be good, that's,
that's, that's what we want, andso that you know, be a good son
, be a good student, and so Ithink that was pretty much like
the, the youth.
(27:11):
You know, I just just want to,I want to be good.
So also, I think, if therepretty much like the youth, you
know, I just wanted to be good.
So also I think if there wereauthority figures, I wanted them
to like think I was good, andso I think also it gets in there
.
It's a bit of a facade.
I mean, you know, I'm a kid,I'm not going to be good all the
time.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
You're attempting to be good.
You're not, you know.
You're just not doing whateverybody else is doing.
You're actually, you care, andthere's probably guilt if you,
you know, do something thatyou're probably not supposed to
do.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Yeah, yeah, but there's also the seeds in there.
You know we hear about peopleand their shadow, and so the
shadow is basically, you know,the aspects of ourself that you
know we don't like.
You know we don't want anyoneto see, and so, of course, the
thing I didn't want people tosee was that I did have bad
aspects or misbehavior orwhatever, and so that's also
(28:03):
cause there's nine differenttypes of the Enneagram, so
everyone has their particularflavor and like the shadow side
of it.
And so you know, as an adult,what I ran into at something I
said wait a second, like I'mtrying to be so hard to be good
for all these like differentpeople that I'm being
inauthentic, are.
(28:23):
You know?
There's actually things I wantto try that they're not bad.
They're just different thanwhat I have been doing, or they
may be they're out of line ofexpectations of other people,
and so, yeah, I could actuallydo some different things that,
from a different lens, they'renot bad, but they're also not in
line with, like you know, whatother people say would like care
(28:46):
for me to do, and I have tolearn to be like okay with that.
You know I get out in theworkforce.
You know I'm continuing thesame thing.
You know the same game.
You know I want to be a goodemployee and so you know, as a
type one, it's not necessarily abad game to play in a very
traditional life because youknow, good student, good
(29:08):
employee, you know there'sthere's there's payoffs to it.
Um, I'd say the downside ofthat along the way is it can be
a life that is somewhat rigid orhemmed in or you know you're
not trying different experiences, and then there's a there's a
big judgmental side to the typeone.
You know, if, if you don't workon it, I'd like to say I've
(29:30):
worked on it, but since I'mmaking so many things wrong for
myself, I can very easily makethings wrong for other people.
So I gained awareness on this,understand it.
So, like I, I'm not sayingdon't judge anymore, um, but
what I I focus now more is justwhat I just say discernment,
trying to do things with wisdomand not really defining things
(29:54):
by like right or wrong or goodor bad.
It's just just differentchoices with with different
outcomes.
So, um, let's see modern timehere.
I'm a coach, so I I do have thisidentity as as a coach, but I
also have come to understandsomething else.
No matter what I I say I am.
I know I'm not that, and so ifsomeone says, like what do you
(30:16):
do?
I can say, like I'm a coach,but in the background, all I
know is I think what I really amis a person who's just trying
to understand things at deeperand deeper levels, understand
things at deeper and deeperlevels, and it's.
I'm at the point where I wouldsay I know there's an objective
(30:43):
reality, but I think my abilityto perceive it, or other
people's ability to perceivethat objective reality, is very
limited or non-existent.
And so, instead of trying todeal with what other people call
like true, not true, that'sactually a game I don't play.
All I know is, when people tellme things, they're telling me
things from their perspectiveand they believe it, and so I'm
just focused on trying tounderstand their perspective.
(31:04):
I'm not trying to say, well,you're right or you're wrong, or
what you said is true or false.
I said, let me just understandit, and so that's more of the
identity I am in right now.
I don't know what the title ofthat is, but hey, it's.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Dr B, and let me ask you something just here real
quick.
Are you tired of doing the samething over and over and not
getting the results you want?
Are you serious about makingsome changes this year that will
impact you in a huge way?
Maybe you're putting outcontent right now and it's not
turning into customers.
Or maybe you're uploadingvideos but you're not sure why
or how it's even going to help.
You know, I've seen a lot ofpeople that are making a whole
(31:39):
bunch of cold calls to the wrongpeople and no one's answering.
No one wants to talk to you.
It might just be that you'rejust doing what you've been
doing and crossing your fingers,hoping it finally works this
year, but let me tell you what.
That is not a strategy and itwill continue not to work.
That's why I created thepodcasting challenge and it's
coming up fast.
(31:59):
In just a few days, I'm goingto walk you through the mindset,
the tool set and the skill setyou need to create a powerful
podcast.
That's right, a podcast.
You won't believe what apodcast can do One that builds
real value and creates newclients.
And if you grab a VIP ticket,you'll get to join me for a
daily Zoom Q&A sessions whereI'll personally answer your
(32:20):
questions and help you tailoreverything to your goals.
This is your moment.
This is your year.
Go to thepodcastingchallengecomright now and save your seat.
The link is in the show notesand the description.
Thank you for watching thesepodcasts.
Now let's get back to theconversation.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
I would say if there's any identity I would
give myself, it's that of truthseeker, meaning I'm just trying
to understand things as theyactually are not the way I want
them to be or I need them to be,and just understand them as
they are.
You know my circumstances aswell as other people, and you
(32:59):
know that's the main thing I'mtrying to help my clients with,
and you know they're very muchin a reality of they want the
world to be a certain way and Ijust tell them it's not.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
It's not the way that they think it is, and so once
they can see it with accuracy,we can make a lot of progress
well, and you think that youknow, as folks are experiencing,
we, we all look from our ownvision and from our own
perspective and until weactually moved and tried to I
(33:30):
remember that I think it was amovie called Viewpoint or
something like that I didn'teven film in Chicago with that
forest, I can't even think of itright now, but anyways, they
just they went around with thecamera and showed everybody's
viewpoint to where they're from,and I think it's until we are
able to come outside of our own,you know, because we have our
(33:52):
own experiences, so we can'tchange that.
But that doesn't mean we can'ttry to learn from others as to
what might be their perspectiveand try to understand from them
and then, like you said, thenyou can find truth.
But you know, I guess I getconfused sometimes when people
say, well, this is my truth.
Well, I mean, that's yourperspective.
(34:13):
But truth is truth as far as Iunderstand it.
I try to think of it as there'sthings that are true and
gravity is true If I throwsomething off a building, it's
going to fall.
If you jump off and say, well,I shouldn't really fall because
my truth says I'm going to float, well, it might be your truth
that you're going to float, butthe truth is gravity is going to
(34:36):
drop you on the ground andyou're going to die.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Yeah, I mean the thing is like we want simple
solutions, we want the world tobe simple, and the thing is we
want the black and white, andthe thing is there's a lot of
grays, or we can say there'smillions of colors to use.
And when people say my truth,already I know we have issues,
(35:03):
because there's, as you said,you don't have a truth, you just
have a perspective, and all ofus running around on the planet
we don't have truths either.
We all just have perspectives,and so all we're doing is just
sharing perspectives with eachother, and so I mean I can't
agree.
There are facts.
I mean, you mentioned gravity.
(35:24):
I mean maybe a certain thinghappened on a certain date, sure
, I mean maybe a certain thinghappened on a certain date, sure
, but I think, if anything, whatthe Internet has shown us, with
so many people online andsharing viewpoints, is that we
don't agree on anything, nothing.
(35:45):
So, rather than still trying tohave that conversation where I
try to convince you I'm right, Iwould just say you know, let,
let me hear what you have to say.
You know it, it actually goesto.
You know, it's it's it's a bitof older management book now,
now, but it's it's stillvaluable, like you know.
Seven habits of highlyeffective people.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Even Cubbies, yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
You know that one rule.
It says seek first tounderstand than to be understood
.
And that's the thing.
If we just do that, we're good.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Well, and I don't think you can seek to understand
if all you're doing is thetalking and you're doing the
listening.
You know, I always hear thatyou've got two ears and one
mouth.
You should use them in that wayand then so many of us don't
don't really listen to whatother perspectives are trying or
put ourselves in in thoseplaces, which brings me to.
And if we're seeking this andand everybody, like you said,
(36:42):
everybody you know we don'tagree on anything, but yet I
believe we're called to be in arelationship, or where should be
in a relationship with both.
I can't imagine what life wouldbe like if you're out in the
middle of the woods by yourselffor your whole life.
In fact, people who do thatcome back because they need to
be in a relationship.
So part of the human experience,I believe, is relationship.
(37:05):
So how do we do that and do itwell?
Relationship.
So how do we do that and do itwell?
And I can imagine part of yourcoaching is okay.
So there are relationships andour status is inside of those
relationships and how wemanipulate our worlds through
those.
What is your thoughts on deeprelationships, surface
relationships, all relationships, and you do it in the next
(37:28):
three months, it takes you totalk about this.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Yeah Well, I only need 30 seconds.
So I think a good startingpoint is think of it as like
skill building.
So you know, every everythingwe have in our life is typically
the result of some set ofskills.
If we can ride a bike, we learnto ride a bike.
We spent time learning how toride a bike.
If we know how to swim, samething.
(37:58):
If we're being compensated fora job, particularly if we're
highly compensated, then we havea tremendous skill stack.
And so to have a goodrelationship, it's a skill stack
.
And so to have a goodrelationship, it's it's a skill
stack.
And so, you know, one might say,well, what is that, that skill
stack?
And I would say, you know,first of all, realize, like, no
(38:19):
one's taught to have goodrelationships, so just assume
you don't have it.
Or assume that you actuallysuck at relationships.
Assume you're bad, like youknow you wouldn't jump in the
ocean without learning how toswim and say, like I'm probably
going to be great at it.
You know, you say, no, let melife preserver.
You know work with someone, andso, like, if you assume you're
(38:41):
bad at relationships, then Ithink you're in a much better
place because you can say okay,well, how do I get competent?
How, okay, well, how do I getcompetent, how do I get good?
And so, um, we mentioned itbefore self-awareness, so the
more you know yourself.
And so why would that help?
Because we all will have whatwe call triggers in relationship
.
Um, so when we get triggered,our self-awareness understands
(39:05):
why we would get triggered.
So I mentioned my enneagram.
I'm type one.
So anything where someonereflects back to me or they give
me an impression that theydon't think I'm good, I can have
this trigger and get angry andI can say, well, I feel
threatened, like how, how, howdare you question my character?
How dare you tell me, like mywork is not not good enough?
(39:25):
You know, and though you know,the mistake would be for me to
start attacking them or saying,like you know, you're a
difficult person, or like I, Idon't care to be around you, or,
like you, you have these typeof issues.
It would just be able to say,okay, well, I'm triggered and
this is for me to deal with.
And this is part of mychildhood stuff where, you know,
(39:47):
I'm trying to be good for, likemy father in school and whoever
else, and I also get to let itgo.
So I think that's a very goodthing in relationships.
It's like you're going to feeldiscomfort and understand that
discomfort you're feeling likeyou're the source of it.
It's not the other person You'rethe one creating, like the
(40:08):
feelings source of it.
It's not the other person,you're the one creating the
feelings inside of you.
And so, to the extent thatthey're uncomfortable, just
understand that this friendship,this relationship, they're
mirroring back to you, they'reshowing you you in a way that
you can use to be really helpfulfor yourself to figure out how
(40:28):
to be less triggered, that youcan use to be really helpful for
yourself to figure out how tobe less triggered.
And so the more you knowyourself, the more you know your
triggers, the more youunderstand how to diffuse your
triggers, which means inherentlyyou're a much more pleasant
person to be around.
So in relationship, you don'twant the other person or other
people to carry the burden ofyour unresolved issues.
(40:51):
So if, if you know like you'requick to anger, or you know that
, like you have a lot of anxiety, or you know that you're very
judgmental, or some people theysay I'm a lot to handle, like,
so if you know you're a lot tohandle, work on yourself until
(41:12):
you're a pleasure to handle,you're a pleasure to be with,
and then that's when you'regoing to have really harmonious
relationships.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
Well, I mean, there's so much to impact in some of
the things you just said that Ikind of want to go deeper with.
But first, for those of you whocontinue to hear Dominic talk
about the Enneagram, which isthe great personality test, I
believe that you can go onlineand there's ways to take it.
(41:44):
One which they call a reformeror maybe even a perfectionist,
somebody who, you know, wantseverything it says.
The core fear is being bad,wrong or corrupt.
The core desire is to be good,ethical and right, and then
integrity and improvement arepart of it.
I happen to be a number two,which is what they call a helper
(42:04):
or a giver.
I'm a two of seven.
Almost equally you core fear isbeing the ones who are involved,
or desires to feel loved andneeded and motivated by helping
others.
The three is what they call anachiever or performer.
Their core fear is beingworthless or failing, or feeling
(42:26):
that worthless.
Then the core desire is to feelvaluable and successful.
The desire is to feel valuableand successful and the
motivation is to achieve statusand admiration.
There's only nine, so I'll getthrough them really quick.
The individual list is theromantic person.
That's number four.
Their fear is beinginsignificant or having no
identity, and their desire is tofind themselves and their great
(42:47):
significance.
Their motivation is expressinguniqueness and authenticity.
Number five is what they callan investigator or an observer.
If core fear is beingoverwhelmed or incapable, the
desire is to be capable andcompetent and the motivation is
understanding self-sufficiency.
(43:08):
Then they have what they callthe loyalists, which is the
guardian.
Their core fear is beingwithout support or guidance.
Their desire is to feel secureor supported, and the motivation
is safety, loyalty andpreparedness.
Seven is the enthusiast.
This is the other half of me.
The fear would be beingdeprived or in pain.
(43:31):
The desire is to be happy andsatisfied and motivation is
enjoying life, avoiding pain andseeking excitement.
Then they have number eight,which is the challenger or
protector.
Their core fear is beingcontrolled or weak or desire to
be independent and strong, andthe motivation is to control
power and protection to self andothers.
(43:52):
And then the last one is whatthey call a peacemaker or a
mediator, and their core of fearis conflict and disconnection.
Their desire is inner peace andharmony and they avoid conflict
almost at all costs.
Keeping peace and merging withothers is what they do, and so
(44:15):
if that gives you a little bitof insight for those listening
that haven't heard of this thing.
That is what he's talking about.
I'm a number one.
He is talking about his statusin that personality test and
something A really good one togo out there and do.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Thank you for the summary of that.
I'm glad you put it out there.
It's one of the top tools I usewith people oh, is it Okay?
Yeah, and to add to your likewell, how do you have a good
relationship?
Well, self-awareness, know yourEnneagram type and if you can
know your partner's Enneagramtype, because then you can see,
(44:54):
oh, this is where our woundsstart to battle each other.
So we can just step out of thegame we're playing and just say,
hey, you know, this is what'sgoing on with me, I'm dealing
with it.
Let's just focus on what theissue is rather than beating
each other up.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
Well that let's just focus on what the issue is
rather than beating each otherup.
Well, you think, like for someof those personality types, the
person needs to be right to feelwhole, and I may not, so, okay,
I don't need to be right now.
Let's get over this and get tothe next thing.
I'll let you be right, you know, and we can move on with our
relationship, because it is soamazing how you know, we have
(45:32):
that conflict within some ofthese relationships.
You know I do a podcast thatwe're going to bring back and we
have different hosts called whyLove Wait at least the one I've
been studying with it, which isblack men and women that the
statistic is that 49% of blackwomen that are over the age of
(45:56):
40 have never been married, andyou start thinking why that is.
What are the relationshipboundaries?
Over 40 that are married, 75%of them have at least one child,
(46:17):
and so there's this belief thatmen are their taught or, as
we've been exploring it, thatthis relationship is not as
important as the relationshipyou can have with your child or
the relationship that you won'thave and the better off you'll
be if you're not in arelationship.
But when we think of true joy.
(46:38):
We think of the happiness thatwe achieve.
I think of you talking aboutyour parents and how much they
loved you as kids.
I can imagine theirrelationship with each other was
probably pretty harmonious andjoyful as well.
It's really hard to give thatto other human beings in the
same household if you don't haveit with each other.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
Yeah, very much.
So I mean, you know the waythings go.
It's like there's so manypatterns in life and I would say
there's good patterns andthere's bad patterns.
The good patterns we kind ofdon't need to worry about
because they're working for us.
The bad patterns are whetherpatterns that give us results
(47:23):
that we don't want are ones wekind of want to unpack, and, and
I would tell everyone, theyounger you are, the closer you
are to having many unresolvedissues that you're unaware of,
and so, just by definition, aperson in their 30s is going to
(47:44):
have a bit more wisdom and haveworked out things than, say, a
teenager.
Or a person in their 30s isgoing to have a bit more wisdom
and have worked out things than,say, like a teenager, a person
in their 20s.
Um, now, where you canaccelerate.
That is just as, as I saidbefore, if you want to learn how
to swim, you learn how to swim.
If you want to learn how toride a bike, you learn how to
(48:05):
ride a bike.
If you want to learn how tohave harmonious relationships,
you learn how to do that,largely by, like, increasing the
self-awareness, um, but youalso can do a more, a broader
look, and saying, well, you knowwhat?
I hear there's something outthere called therapy.
Like, what is that like?
Would I benefit from it?
Or I hear there's something outthere called like coaching.
(48:26):
You know, could I benefit fromthat?
Like, what I love aboutcoaching is you can.
You can see top performers havemultiple coaches.
You know they have a nutritioncoach, they have a strength
coach, they have a sleep coach.
Um, they have like aflexibility coach.
They and and the teams areplaying on like they've hired
(48:47):
coaches for them to work on,work with and stuff.
So you know, at least once inone person's life, at least once
, it might behoove you, if youwant.
Like, just a quantum shift islike, hire a coach or hire
someone that just maybe has 10,15, 20 years experience of
(49:11):
helping people perform better.
Because, I mean, the best thingI can offer people is a
perspective they don't have.
That's really it, becausepeople's problems come from a
limited set of perspectives.
They can't see another way ofdoing things or they can't see
their blind spots, and so if youwork with someone who has done
(49:34):
that for a huge amount, of time,I mean they're going to be able
to see your blind spot, youknow pretty much before you open
your mouth, um, so, yeah, Imean I I think this is like a
big way for people to to getahead of it, um, and and there's
other things you know.
I mean, for some reason, likeyoga is really good at doing
(49:56):
that.
You know some people get itwith their their um, their
church groups, you knowreligious affiliation, um, but
in anything, anything that getsyou to look at perspectives
outside of yourself is going tohelp you.
I mean you, you will becrippled by what you don't know,
(50:18):
and so what you want to do israpidly increase your knowledge
of things that you're unaware of, just different ways of looking
at things aware of justdifferent ways of looking at
things.
Speaker 2 (50:32):
I'm so glad you're here because in the last few
podcasts that I've had in thelast few whether it's coaches or
I'm on a show we've really beendiving into the difference
between therapy and coaching,and one of my guests asked a
good question.
He says if you have a high-endcoach that is helping you get to
where you want to be, do youtruly need a therapist?
(50:53):
You know I'm going to let youanswer, but one of the things
that I'm really grappling withis there is a place for therapy
and that there's unresolvedissues that need to be resolved.
That needs to happen, but theroles of each are so much
different.
You know the role of therapistis to look at the past and bring
(51:13):
you to maybe a baseline level,but the role of the coach is to
look into the future and helpyou get to where you want to be.
And almost collapsed time frameswhen you think of you know how
much time does it take to getthere?
Can you get there without acoach?
Possibly maybe, but can you doit?
How much time does it take toget there?
Can you get there without acoach?
Possibly maybe, but can you doit.
In the time They'll say are youa millionaire?
(51:38):
And you say, well, my lifetimeor in the last year or the last
month.
Because if I make $25,000 ayear and I've worked for 40
years, I've made a milliondollars, but I probably don't
feel too much like a millionairewhen I've done it.
But if I collapse that intomaking $100,000 a month now, in
(52:01):
10 months, I'm a millionaire.
Now that's considered somebodywho we would, as a society, say
that's a millionaire-worthyperson.
Well, the same thing goes onwith our thought process where
we want to achieve and where ourgoals are and where we want to
go, and without a coach, I guess, or somebody to help you see
those blind spots, becausethey're looking into the future
(52:21):
and collapsing those time frames, whereas a therapist on the
other side of it is really justresolving and getting you to a
place where maybe a coach couldjump in.
I mean, what's your thought onthose two things, since you
brought them both up, and so Iwould love to kind of hear this.
Speaker 1 (52:37):
I can't wait to hear it I mean I, I I would say, you
know, treat yourself, use both.
Yeah, um, you know it's, it'sit's interesting on the therapy
side.
Like you said, you know there'sa lot of the thinking is it's
looking at the past, um, and andI've, I've looked into this and
(53:01):
you know there's this debatewell that you know where does
therapy in and coaching begin,and it's there's like a good
amount of overlap and I, I candefinitely answer from like what
I've experienced, because I'veI've worked with a number of
people who have seen therapistsand more often than not, they'll
tell me like a session with meis been like a session, not
(53:26):
several, but a session has beenmore helpful than, say, years of
being with with the therapist.
And I, I've heard that so manytimes I've tried to like really
figure it out and I startedasking questions and and I think
what I was able to discern, umand I'm not saying this would
apply to all therapists, butwhat I was able to discern, I
think in a lot of times, yes, itis looking at the past and you
(53:51):
will talk a lot.
So, as long as you want to talkabout things, you'll be kind of
rehashing these things, and soit seems what I was hearing from
my clients that I asked.
It's like there was a lot oftalking but not necessarily key
(54:17):
steps on, like, what to do next.
And the reason I'm a coach andthe reason I love it is because
it's all about resolution.
In fact, for me it fits with me.
It's a very masculine energytype coaching at least the way
(54:39):
I'm doing it it's very solutionfocused.
And so because at the end ofthe day, I know, no matter where
you are, what's going to getyou out of it is action.
You have to take action.
And so I help my clientsformulate, you know, actions, a
list of options.
I give them like multipledifferent things they can do,
(55:01):
and I say, but at the end of theday, you have to do this or you
have to do these things.
And I think what I've been ableto discern and I'm willing to to
say like maybe I'm not righthere is I don't think that comes
across as as strongly intherapy, but but here's the
thing, like there are manypeople that I know I couldn't
(55:23):
connect with as a coach that Ithink do need therapy.
So like if someone comes to meand say you know they're,
they're dealing with, um, youknow, sexual trauma, physical
abuse, like drug addiction, andit's it's really um,
interrupting their lives, likemeaning it's, it's, it's it's
(55:46):
they're not able to hold downthe job or, you know, they're
not able to like havefriendships, like it's, it's
it's they're not able to holddown the job or you know,
they're not able to like havefriendships, like it's, it's,
it's a life that's kind ofdysfunctional.
I'm actually not able to workwith, with those people because
I don't really connect withthose things.
It really hasn't been myexperience.
Like I said, you know the peopleI'm working with.
(56:07):
They're very good at hitting atarget, and so there's something
called like executive function.
They're very good withexecutive function, and so they
may get into areas like burnout.
They may have things like, youknow, depression or anxiety.
But I'll tell you what they'llbe at the job every day, they'll
(56:27):
hit every deadline, they'll hitall those performance goals.
So those are the people that I'mworking with, and so it's not
to say that those people haven'thad physical abuse or sexual
trauma or stuff, but they'vebeen able to at least put a life
together where those things aremore in the background than the
foreground, than the foreground.
(56:52):
Um, so I would say, at least inthe coaching I'm familiar with,
that I do.
That's the bigger difference.
And so I would say, for peoplewho, if you find that you know
your life is just not working ata very fundamental level, like
you know, just recurring healthproblems, um, like you know,
everyone has ostracized you,that type thing, I'm not saying
there's something inherentlywrong with you, I'm just saying,
(57:13):
like you, you have some corethings that need to be resolved
and in those cases I think Ithink therapy can be invaluable
great and I also think you know,when you know, I just finished
a book called we do that andit's all about becoming the
person you need to be before youstart to do and have, and so we
(57:34):
spend so much time trying to dostuff, and when I think of joy
and happiness, that's what we'redoing is we're trying to have
these incredible lives thatbring us joy and happiness.
Speaker 2 (57:45):
One of the core things about being is learning
the more that we learn.
I mean, if you learn something,you can't wait to share it with
somebody else.
You can't wait to do a littlebit more that first time you
learned how to ride that bike orthat first time you learned how
to do that swimming and youcould do it on your own.
That's when we're most excitedand we're joyous.
That's where I guess the joy ofcoaching comes in.
(58:08):
I've been coaching track nowfor 38 years at all levels.
To have an athlete or somebodybe able to achieve something
they've never done before andthen seeing the elation and the
joy that that brings, then thatmoves into learning.
Now we talk about relationshipswhere I've got to share that
with somebody.
(58:28):
It's no fun to climb a mountainand get to the top and not have
anybody to share it with, likeI still imagine people nowadays
on their cell phones going I'mat the top, I'm at the top, I
did it, you know instead of liketaking pictures or selfies or
whatever, so not for themselves,because they want to share that
with others.
And then the contribution sideof having is now we get excited
(58:54):
when we get to give and we getto help somebody else or sponsor
somebody else into somethingthat brings them joy.
And when I see those things, Idon't see people walking out of
therapy that excited.
You know I've learned something.
Now they come to grips withwhere they're at in life and now
they feel like I've been nowreleased so that I can go do
those things.
And so I guess that's where Isee this big, definitely
(59:19):
necessary.
I mean, and like you said, doboth.
If you've got the ability to doboth, you know there's all the
things, but then the things thatreally truly bring us joy are
something I think we need thatother perspective of somebody
who can help us get there.
And you know, and maybe thetherapists do help you get there
, you know I haven't been in anyof the of any therapy sessions
(59:40):
where I come out of there.
You know, if I'm happy, youknow I think it's been very
helpful, but not to the pointwhere I'm ready to go change the
world, where I definitely hadcoaches that I know I'm changing
the world, because he told meI'm changing the world and I can
imagine the sessions that youdo with folks that they would
(01:00:01):
say that at the end because theybelieve now you've given them
the tools.
That they would say that at theend because they believe now
you've given them the tools thatthey need.
You know, and coaching isn't,you know, the better coach you
get to be and this is for youknow, I don't know this, and for
those you're out there, ifyou're looking for a good coach
and that coach talks all thetime and never asks you
questions, then you probablydon't have a really good coach,
(01:00:23):
because they gotta know whereyou're at at At all times.
They have this line, they gookay, now we're going to work.
This is when I first startedcoaching.
Oh, I would just tell them allthe things to do, all the
mechanics of everything.
I didn't care where they wereat.
Like everybody's the same.
Right Now, most of my coaching Idon't talk at all.
I ask people what do you thinkwe need to do next?
(01:00:45):
You know, is that working foryou?
You know, whatever thosequestions are, where I'm getting
that constant feedback and then, like you said at the beginning
, which I thought was reallycool, I'm just turning a little
dials Because most of the timeyou already know what to do.
You just don't know how to doit or you don't know the next.
You know iteration of the stepsto be able to do that, and
(01:01:08):
let's find that together so youcan repeat it instead of me
telling you what to do all thetime.
Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:01:11):
That was just super interesting.
Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
Yeah, I'm amazingly quiet in a lot of my coaching
sessions.
Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
If you're not, then you're not coaching.
As far as I'm concerned, youknow what, when I'm going to
yell at you, I mean to get youto do something.
It's a good thing to lay overto yell at me, but you know,
when I think of the best, like,let's say, you're Michael
Jordan's coach, you're PhilJackson and you're Coach Michael
Jordan, what skill could youpossibly feel that you already
(01:01:56):
have and make it even great?
You know, and I think that'sthe true sign of a coach yeah
man.
This has been a man.
We're having this greatconversation.
I hope that we get to continueit.
And what?
What didn't we talk about inour in our time together that
you wanted to make sure I wantyou to tell everybody how to get
a hold of you, how to utilizeall that kind of stuff.
Is there any other specificthing that you want to make sure
(01:02:16):
we talked about today?
Speaker 1 (01:02:22):
I guess there would be so many things, but I would
just have people, um, just Iwould say keep focusing on the
possibilities available withyourself.
And I think a lot of people getcaught up with what they don't
like about themselves.
(01:02:43):
You know, know, I'm I'm notproductive enough, I'm too lazy,
not pretty enough, I'm too fat,you know, it goes on and on.
And so, like most people, um,they're hyper focused on what
they don't appreciate aboutthemselves.
And I would just say switch it,you know, hyper-focused on what
(01:03:06):
you do appreciate aboutyourself.
And if you don't have a list ofthose, then, like you know,
come up with with things.
And you know it can start small.
It's like you got up in themorning, great, you know you,
you ate a nutritious breakfast.
Wonderful, you're a good friendto people.
I mean, those are good starts,um, but you can go much deeper.
(01:03:31):
Um, we all have certainstrengths, um, that we don't
really see as strengths becausewe just do them effortlessly, um
, and so we kind of assumeeveryone's able to do this.
But if we really look atourselves, we can see like, wow,
I'm really good at this andthis is actually something that
(01:03:55):
I can at least acknowledge andand tell myself, you know, give
myself a pat on the back for it,and then you know that can lead
to other things, and so much ofour, our experience of the
world in fact, our onlyexperience of the world is just
our perspective on how we seethings, and the core perspective
(01:04:19):
that we have of life is our ownidentity, so just how we see
ourselves.
And so I fully encourage peopleto learn about yourself really
well.
You know that self-awareness,um, you know, focus on things
are your strengths or focus onthings that you just like to to
celebrate.
And I would say, you know,understand the power of story or
(01:04:41):
understand the power of myth.
And so when you think ofyourself, you know you're
involved in a story.
I mean, like, like, what'sheroic about what you're doing?
Or what could be heroic aboutwhat you're doing?
Um, how can you see yourself ina good light?
And what I don't?
I don't mean, like you know,gaslight yourself or, like you
(01:05:03):
know, give yourself credit whereit isn't due, but most people
are way overdue in terms ofappreciating themselves.
And I mean I tell you, I meanthere's, there's something about
self-acceptance which is great.
We should all have that.
Most of us don't, but imaginejust like radical enthusiasm for
(01:05:27):
yourself.
You know, or put simply, umfeel about yourself the way your
dog feels about you wow,assuming your dog didn't try to
bite you Right?
The lovely dog.
Speaker 2 (01:05:47):
When you have him abused.
Oh gosh, thank you for takingthe time to do that.
It's been enlightening.
We're going to find a way tocommunicate some more.
I got plans for you and Itogether because there's so many
really cool things that youwere able to say, and so I mean,
(01:06:09):
if you've been watching thisand you're feeling what I'm
feeling, that, man, this hasbeen some things.
Go back and watch it, go aheadand hit pause, go back, take
some notes, write some stuffdown.
At least go take the Enneagramtest and find out exactly who
you are, At least yes, I meanyou know, so that you can be the
best that you can be.
I mean, there's other ones outthere like you know, taking the
(01:06:30):
DISC one and taking the, youknow, myers-briggs there's
different personalities, but Ithink Enneagram is one of my
favorites.
You know we talk aboutextrovert, introvert and
Myers-Briggs all the time, but,man, what a great time that you
got together.
So, thank you for being here.
If this is your first episodeand you go ahead to subscribe
(01:06:56):
and notification, we'll betalking again.
I assure you that, and soyou're going to want to know
when we do that.
You know, as we get thecommunity together and you're
part of it and maybe talking tosome folks, I think it be just
this is going to be fantastic.
So, uh, I would just say thisis the beginning, this is the
end.
Uh, this is, you know, thestart of what I would call
something special and, like Isaid, I appreciate, appreciate
you being uh on the show today.
(01:07:18):
One last one, last thought togive out to everybody that can
help them and also give you, youknow, know, your website or
whatever it is that people needto get a hold of.
Speaker 1 (01:07:29):
Yeah, pretty simple.
You can reach me at an email Iknow it might be a little bit
old school, but Dominic D O M IN I C at inner peace advisorcom.
And you can also find me onLinkedIn, dominic Petty.
And you can also find me onInstagram, which the handle, the
(01:07:52):
username is innerpeaceadvisor,don't forget, I believe your God
is great.
Speaker 2 (01:08:02):
He loves you.
If you allow him to.
It's time for you to become theperson he puts you on the
search to be, and so what Iwould just say is let's go,
let's grow, let's become.
We look forward Every singleday.
I want you to have a great dayin every way and then, every
(01:08:25):
single day, just do a little bitbetter for somebody else in
your life.
You'll be amazing if you let itdo it, alright, so we'll see
you on the next one.
Have an amazing day.
I don't think anyone can spend too much time on
trying to get to know themselvesbetter, trying to help them
understand that what they're socertain of they shouldn't be so
certain of.
The only true wisdom is to knowyou know nothing.
He taught me a lot aboutboundaries.
He taught me a lot aboutstanding up for myself.
A real big rule that I helpother people with is you get
(00:21):
what you tolerate in this world.
I think what I experienced whenI was younger was a lack of
consciousness, and so my gift tothe world is, I said well, I
think if we increaseconsciousness to a sufficient
level, the world gets a lot morepleasant.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
All right, welcome to yet another edition of the
Journey to Freedom podcast, andI'm Dr B, I'm your host and just
always excited, always excitedto be able to talk to new people
and find out what it is thatthey're doing in their lives
that are making the world abetter place.
I got to talk a little bit toDominic before the show and
(01:12):
realize he's one of those folksI always talk about living
boldly, with purpose, livingwith purpose.
One of the things that maybeyou can answer this, as maybe
you're telling the story alittle bit after is I don't
think you can live in purposeand not serve others, and so I
don't know if it's possible, ifthere's a way to do it, but I've
(01:33):
been so fortunate on my showI've only, I believe, I had one
guest that desired not to serveanybody ever and wanted
everybody to serve him.
His name was the Kingmaker, andit's one of my shows that I did
put it up there, but with adisclaimer that says I don't
know where this thought processcame from.
(01:53):
I don't know how he does it andI don't know how he's
successful, but if you want to,I guess, subscribe to his
ideology, then knock yourselfout, but for me, I have to look
at that one and see how it'sdone.
(02:14):
Well, I mean, even with his wife, he's like you know, she gets
to be my wife and I tell herwhat to do, when to do it, how
to do it, and she knows she'sgoing to be a better, she's
going to have a better life,because I'm here and I'm like,
okay, that's how it works, man.
I've been on that train a wholelot.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
And I've done just about 400 podcasts now, and for
all of it, most people want todo something for impact.
A lot of people want to dosomething to serve others, and
so, you know, I love the factthat we get to do that.
We get it, we get to cometogether.
You were talking about becoming, you know, the person, one of
(02:58):
the things that I'm actuallystarting this next, and for
those of you who are watching orlistening, and at this time,
probably by the time you watch,this we'll have already launched
, but I'm actually starting thisnext and for those of you who
are watching or listening, andat this time, probably by the
time you watch, this we'll havealready launched but I'm
starting a community calledBecoming the Person Universe,
and it's going to be all aboutfolks that are wanting to become
that person that I believe gotput us on the surf to do, and so
, whether we have we havespeakers, we have events, we
(03:21):
have, you know community thatwe're doing.
We have events.
We have you know community thatwe're doing.
We have helping you take action, all that kind of stuff that
most of all my podcast folks aregrandfathered in, you know, to
the to being part of this.
So I mean, you get to, you getto be part of the community and,
you know, grandfathered in asfar as what do we do to help,
(03:44):
what do we do to make sure thatthere's folks out there who want
to achieve that, want to winthat, want to move forward, and
we get to help them be able todo that.
So you know, just so cool thatyou're here today and you get to
talk about some of these things.
I can't wait to hear your story.
Like all of our guests, I'veasked everybody to tell a story.
You know, like I tell all ourguests too, you can start
(04:04):
whatever in your life that youwant to.
People love to hear so muchabout who we are before they get
to hear what we do and thenthey know life will trust us so
that we can open that door to beable to either influence, share
influence or just make adifference in their life.
So thank you for being on today, thank you for taking your time
(04:26):
.
Dominic happens to be inGermany right now and so it is
late, it's not, you know, early,you know in the day, where he's
, you know, towards the end ofthe night, and so to take your
time to say hey, I want to bepart of this.
I just I've been on.
I just love the fact thatyou're willing to do that.
So it's your, the floor isyours, let's hear your story,
(04:48):
can't wait to hear it, and we'lljust chop it up after that All
right, beautiful, thank you.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Thank you.
Yeah, I'm not sure how longthis will take, but you know,
bear with me, you know everyone.
So I'll start with where I wasborn.
I was born in Chicago.
I've got two older brothers andlet's see South side of the
city and you know, I guess I'll,I'll, I'll put maybe two place
(05:16):
holders, well, a few.
So, like mom, amazing,incredible, couldn't have been
better.
Uh, dad, you know, similar, butyou know, like good things, you
know people need things to workwith with within life.
Um, and uh, yeah, being theyoungest, uh, I guess, uh,
(05:39):
there's a certain perspective,you know, I may, may have on
life or or other people may haveperspectives on, on on the
youngest.
So, uh, I think a lot of thingsI would say were normal in the
sense that went to school, gradeschool, mba, went to Wharton in
(06:10):
Pennsylvania and did consultingfor a bit, did a little bit of
tech after that and the lastposition I had, before I became
a coach and just worked formyself, was a director at
Leadership and DevelopmentInstitute for Homeland Security.
So this was a place largelythat did exactly that leadership
(06:32):
development for the seniormanagement and senior executives
for Homeland Security and Ilearned a lot in that position
First time in that position hadan amazing team, the information
being taught there wasincredible, and I always felt
(06:52):
like we could go a little bitdeeper.
And so by deeper I mean so wemay work on things like, you
know, time management andproductivity.
There's also communication, youknow, crucial conversations,
many things like that.
But you know, I was alwayscurious why people had certain
like ways of acting or ways ofbeing.
(07:13):
You know, some people were justangrier types, or some people
had a lot of insecurity, or somepeople had, like, a lot of
anxiety or fear, and so theycould actually be, say, like top
performers and, at the sametime, they could still have
these waves of being.
That I thought, I guess acouple of things.
One did affect theirperformance in many ways, and
(07:35):
the other thing is, I think itprevented them from being a
person that they would enjoymore and also others would enjoy
interacting with them more.
So, as, as my mind will do, Isaid well, you know, let me, let
me see what, what I can do togo deeper.
So, uh, I was, uh, blessedenough to be able to get a
(07:58):
coaching certification while Iwas in the same position and at
um and shortly thereafter Istarted, uh, coaching and so at
first I just had clients on theside, did that for for many
years, um, and you know, then Ilearned about entrepreneurship,
that I learned about, uh,charging clients and I learned
(08:20):
about, like you know, marketingand sales and like other stuff,
but eventually I went off anddid this on my own.
So largely this is what myprimary focus is.
You know, I work one on onewith people.
A lot of people are verysimilar to the background I had,
so these people would be peoplehave done really well at, kind
(08:43):
of like, hitting a target, andso they got the education they
wanted income, career, maybe,relationship and perhaps they
reached a place where they'relike, hmm, is this all there is?
Or it was like, what well, whatelse is there to life are?
They've got this, these things,but somehow it's like shaking
apart and you know they can'tget to the next wrong.
(09:05):
In terms of their career.
They stalled in some ways, rand their relationship their
primary one is not one thatthey're passionate about or
they're super interested in.
So I mainly help people turndials A lot of times very subtle
(09:26):
things that create dramaticchange in their lives and I
would say the key to that is atremendous increase I help them
with in self-awareness.
You know, there's that sayingyou know, know thyself, and so I
don't think anyone can spendtoo much time on trying to get
(09:47):
to know themselves better.
So that's one of the big things, and the other thing is trying
to help them understand thatwhat they're so certain of they
shouldn't be so certain of.
So I think another one of thesephrases of ancient wisdom is
you know.
The only true wisdom is to know.
You know nothing.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
You don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Yeah, so that that I share that gift with everyone.
Because I had a hugerealization at some point.
I said wow, for a guy who's hadlike a really good education
and thinks he knows a lot.
You know the real truth nowthat I think about it is I I
don't, I don't know, I don'tthink about it is I don't know.
I think most things I don'tknow.
And so I said, well, let meapproach it another way, let me
(10:30):
just be present to whatever ishappening and then use the
information in front of me, sayto make decisions or to interact
with people.
So that's me in a nutshell.
I think something might behelpful or maybe something to
dig into.
People might say, well, whycoaching, why are you driven to
do this type thing?
(10:51):
As near as I can tell it, I'mstill trying to know myself.
So, as near as I can tell, Ithink there are two primary
things.
So when I was growing up, goingback to my father wonderful man
but very strict he had a veryblack and white view of the
world in terms like you know,you do this, you don't do that.
So a lot of what I grew up withit was very much thinking like
(11:14):
you know the things are right orwrong or this is good or bad,
and I definitely found out thatthat lacked nuance for what I
needed in the world to you know,have good relationships to you
know, get along with people youknow in friendship as well as
like personal relationships.
(11:34):
And the other thing is one ofmy brothers, the middle brothers
.
I'll just say it was adifficult relationship.
I mean not a bad guy, butduring the time, the younger
years, my only real recollectionof him is being what people
call like a bully.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Hello, this is Dr B and I want to ask you one simple
question what if you died,having never become you Now?
I don't mean the version of youthat worked the job, raised the
kids or chased security.
I mean the person God actuallydesigned you to be, the real you
, because there's a version ofyour life that's already been
written and it's full of peace,it's full of boldness, it's full
of purpose and, of course, it'sfull of power.
(12:14):
But most people, many people,they miss it.
They live distracted, doubting,disconnected and deep down,
they wonder is this really allthere is?
But not you, and not today.
That's why we created theBecoming, the Person universe.
It's a living, breathingcommunity of people saying I
want to be who God called me tobe, not someday, but right now.
(12:35):
So inside, we'll walk youthrough three levels of
transformation.
Level one is all about identity, where you finally see yourself
clearly and know exactly whoyou are and who you need to
become.
Level two is about mastery,where we develop the disciplines
to grow.
And then, finally, level threeis legacy, where your life
begins to matter beyond you.
(12:56):
And hear me, I want you to hearme clear here this is not a
place to passively belong.
This is a place to grow, leadand thrive.
We even have ways for you toshare in the revenue as we grow.
Because we believe in buildinglegacy together.
And I want you to know, thefounders and I are praying for
you.
We have been praying for me.
(13:17):
You have been on our hearts.
Yes, you have been on ourhearts.
You're not watching this byaccident, and I want to
personally invite you to thenext info meeting, where we will
go over all this community hasto offer.
All you do is just click thelink before you know what to do.
But now it's your turn.
I want to ask you, to askyourself what if this is the
(13:38):
moment everything changes?
What if this is the reasonyou've been searching?
What if all God has beenwaiting for is for you to say
yes, there's a seat for you here, whether you're rediscovering
yourself or finally ready toleave a legacy and are ready to
(13:59):
contribute.
Either way, this is theBecoming, the Person universe,
and once you're in, your lifewill never be the same.
So I can't wait to meet you.
I can't wait to spend time withyou.
I can't wait to see you on theother side.
So let's go live in thatpurpose and let's do it together
(14:19):
.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
And I must say he's been one of my best teachers in
the world.
You know, he taught me a lotabout boundaries.
He taught me a lot aboutstanding up for myself.
He taught me like a real bigrule that I help other people
with is like you, you get whatyou tolerate in this world.
Um, so a lot of things.
Um, I think that drive me today.
(14:44):
I got from him and I think oneof the reasons I like coaching
and getting into that and Ishared with you a little bit
before.
You know, I feel I'm here toincrease consciousness.
It's because I think what Iexperienced when I was younger
was a lack of consciousness, andso my gift to the world is, I
(15:04):
said well, I think if weincrease consciousness to a
sufficient level, the world getsa lot more pleasant.
And I realized when I wasyounger, like I did do something
I think was really good that alot of people don't do Like when
there's adversity let's saybullies, you know someone gets
picked on A lot of times.
People say, well, it must bebecause something I'm doing, and
(15:34):
I never thought that for asecond.
I said I don't know what'sgoing on, but you have some
stuff that you haven't resolvedand for some reason you want to
work that out by taking it outon me, and that doesn't work for
me, and so I'm not old enoughor strong enough yet to like
unwind this.
But I'm not going to compoundit by assuming like there's
something like wrong with me inthis picture and I don't know
(15:57):
how I came to that conclusion atsuch a young age.
But I can tell you it'sdefinitely very valuable
conclusion.
I do share that with people,because a lot of times it's
amazing People who achieve a lotin life.
A lot of what they're using veryfrequently is insecurity as
fuel, and so they don't feelthat they're good enough, and so
(16:19):
that means they need more,sometimes of everything.
They need more money.
They need more sometimes ofeverything.
They need, um, more money.
They need more status, theyneed a better position, better
house, better partner, that typeof thing, and so, no matter
what they have, they're tryingto accrue things external to
(16:40):
them to say, well, if I get thisthing, and then I'll be okay,
surely I'll be worthy at thispoint, and it's it's, it's a
game you can never win.
So, um, that's also one of thethings I help people with a lot
I, I, I help them see the game,or the games that they're
playing, and just let it go Umand yes, increase self-awareness
(17:03):
and try to pepper in withincreasing consciousness.
So that's, uh, that's me in anutshell.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
All right, well, thank you for sharing that.
I want to jump back to SouthChicago.
Uh, you, kind of you, you blewover that, like you know.
Cause South Chicago is not, uh,from my understanding.
Cause, you know, I've been toChicago, which I've never lived
in Chicago.
I even worked in Chicago but Iwould fly in, stay in a hotel
for a week and then come back toDenver, but that was like it
(17:34):
was North Chicago, but all thestories I hear is that is a
portion of Chicago that may notbe the easiest place to grow up,
with all the distractions andeverything else.
That didn't happen.
Did you find your childhood tobe, you know, just like, would
you consider normal, becausethat's what you knew, compared
(17:55):
to what you know now?
Or was it you know, or was?
Was there some trying stuffthat went on while you were
growing up?
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah, you know it's.
What is that thing we callnormal?
It's kind of hard to define andI would say whatever I grew up
with I thought definitely wasnormal, so I guess so along the
way, I mean I can say thingslike I did see a tremendous
(18:27):
amount of I don't know how tosay it.
So it's just, yeah, at times Iwould see, you know, like you
know, fisticuffs, violence, youknow people going at it and some
of that was involved and nottoo much um, and I also realized
(18:55):
, um it it came in that peopleare raised very differently in
different homes.
Because I knew what was goingon in my home, which was a lot
of just, I'd say really goodbehavior, Because you know my
dad and I would observe otherkids and you know, very
(19:19):
belligerent, very reactive, knewall the language, used it and
you know very it was veryunsettling to be around them.
I'll definitely say that Iremember.
You know, one time I went to apark with my brothers.
My mom dropped us off and liketwo minutes later I'm getting
(19:40):
hit in the head by by some bigkid.
And I'm not saying this is aneveryday occurrence, but you
know I still do remember itright now.
It hasn't, you know, gone frommy understanding.
Some neighborhoods, I meanChicago, it's probably still the
(20:01):
same way but they were veryparticular about like ethnicity.
I mean they wanted to know likeBlack, Polish, Irish, Hispanic,
I mean they, yeah, it reallymattered.
So I remember, while enjoyingmy bike rides, like you know,
(20:21):
some neighborhoods I would getchased out of or you know, I
have like rocks thrown and stuff.
So, and I want to stress, itwasn't like it was an everyday
occurrence, but I will say I didgain a lot of like awareness to
say how to navigate Definitelylike a big city, how to navigate
like different people, you knowwhole thing, like you know,
(20:43):
watch your back, yeah, so sothat was was there.
Maybe in modern times we mightsay I could have developed
something that we callhypervigilance, so, but in in
sure, there was definitely likea good amount of gang activity.
(21:03):
But.
But what I really want to addto this is what was going on
inside my house, completelydifferent, Like my dad was a
very much no-nonsense person.
Like you knew exactly where youstood.
With him there was no ambiguity.
Really big heart, do it?
(21:29):
Um, really big heart, um, andit was also very important to
him that you acted like acertain like way, and so, um, I
think, another way to say thatyou know he set a certain
certain standard, and so Iprefer to meet my dad's standard
and then not meet it and dealwith those consequences.
Um, and the other thing is, likeboth my parents were, were in
(21:49):
the house, and so and here'ssomething I think that, um, it's
probably my greatest asset inlife like with both of my
parents, the only thing Iunderstood from them is that
they were very happy to havetheir children.
They were enthusiastic parents,Like they embrace the role.
(22:12):
They loved spending time witheach of us.
They didn't play favorites atall, and my mom's, like, main
interest for me was she says Ijust want you to be a good
person.
Yeah, so it's kind of.
I mean, when you grow up withthose things, I I would go so
(22:35):
far as to say it doesn't matterwhat's going on outside because
you're kind of insulated from it.
You know I was not going to berunning the streets, I was not
going to be part of a gang oranything like that, because you
know dad wouldn't have stood forthat and because they were so
present and, like you know, mymom had standards too.
(22:56):
You know they.
They very quickly said, well,well, why would you be involved
with this?
All right.
So it's like are you likeyou're not going to do this?
And so there was always like avery strong guiding, guiding
hand.
So, yeah, I mean everything youheard about chicago.
Yes, it was still there, andI'm not sure if we're still
(23:17):
there, but I think it reachedrecently like murder capital of
the world.
I mean, it wasn't when I grewup, but I'm sure those
beginnings were there along theway, Not my reality, even though
it was the reality.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
It was your community but not your specific reality.
I can remember in 1980, we haveour family reunion.
I don't know why we have afamily reunion.
We go to Chicago for our familyreunion, but that's what we did
.
Maybe it was 1982.
I may have written it before,but it was in that 78 to 83 time
(23:54):
.
I can remember part of ourfamily reunion was we were in
Hyde Park and then we literallywent to Caprini Green as part of
the tour of Chicago.
Why are we here?
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Why are we here?
Speaker 2 (24:11):
It's going to Sears Tower.
This is awesome.
Why are we going to Sears Tower?
Why are we?
Why are we?
We just got you know, this ishow folks live.
Like I didn't get it and youknow.
And the reason I ask thosequestions is I think about
identity, right, and I thinkabout the identity that became
who Dominic is today based onand I think you alluded to it
(24:31):
Like, I have both parents in thehome.
I have both parents that werehome.
I had both parents that werepresent.
I had both presidents who knewexactly what we were doing.
That shaped your identity morethan the community itself.
And there's so many people whoI guess I don't know if you want
to say succumbed, but get soinvolved in their community
because maybe their parentsaren't.
I bet you knew a whole lot ofyour.
(24:52):
You know your friends and thepeople you went to school with
that probably were, you know,had single parents at home that
had parents that were out in thestreets doing stuff, parents
that were, you know, not present, caring, not that they didn't
care about their kids, but maybedidn't know how, maybe didn't
know that there were otheroptions that their kids could
(25:13):
have.
You know, like when I took tobruny green.
I can't think of.
You know why you're there going.
People here are surviving.
This isn't where you knowyou're thriving, because you
know your environment is.
Every day.
It's like, wow, what's going tohappen?
Today, compared to you're,you're you're in the same city,
in the same vicinity obviously,obviously not at the project
(25:34):
housing, but where your dad'ssaying, okay, we're going to
make the best out of whateverthe situation is and we're going
to have a loving family.
We're going to do whatever weneed to do, and my kids are
going to grow up and go toStanford, grow, get out, grow
and end up at the university,and it sounds like education was
super important to them as well.
(25:55):
And so maybe talk about youridentity a little bit and maybe
some of those transitions inyour identity throughout your
career that helped you becomethe person who can now coach
people about it.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Yeah, you know it's interesting you say that I don't
.
I don't think I thought aboutthose terms, particularly at a
younger age.
Um, I think my identitythinking back to this at a
younger age.
I, I just wanted to be goodperson, not just good right yeah
, yeah, and it wasn't like to begood enough or be worthy.
(26:29):
It was more like I uh I'll keepgoing back to my father was a
strong influence.
So I wanted, I wanted my dad tothink I was good because, um,
uh, yeah, he, he took swiftaction.
So, um, there's also anassessment out there, like
enneagram, so on that there'snine types on the enneagram.
(26:50):
I'm a one, and so each of thesekind of has a a particular like
guiding light, and so the typeone is it's to be good, that's,
that's, that's what we want, andso that you know, be a good son
, be a good student, and so Ithink that was pretty much like
the, the youth.
(27:11):
You know, I just just want to,I want to be good.
So also, I think, if therepretty much like the youth, you
know, I just wanted to be good.
So also I think if there wereauthority figures, I wanted them
to like think I was good, andso I think also it gets in there
.
It's a bit of a facade.
I mean, you know, I'm a kid,I'm not going to be good all the
time.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
You're attempting to be good.
You're not, you know.
You're just not doing whateverybody else is doing.
You're actually, you care, andthere's probably guilt if you,
you know, do something thatyou're probably not supposed to
do.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Yeah, yeah, but there's also the seeds in there.
You know we hear about peopleand their shadow, and so the
shadow is basically, you know,the aspects of ourself that you
know we don't like.
You know we don't want anyoneto see, and so, of course, the
thing I didn't want people tosee was that I did have bad
aspects or misbehavior orwhatever, and so that's also
(28:03):
cause there's nine differenttypes of the Enneagram, so
everyone has their particularflavor and like the shadow side
of it.
And so you know, as an adult,what I ran into at something I
said wait a second, like I'mtrying to be so hard to be good
for all these like differentpeople that I'm being
inauthentic, are.
(28:23):
You know?
There's actually things I wantto try that they're not bad.
They're just different thanwhat I have been doing, or they
may be they're out of line ofexpectations of other people,
and so, yeah, I could actuallydo some different things that,
from a different lens, they'renot bad, but they're also not in
line with, like you know, whatother people say would like care
(28:46):
for me to do, and I have tolearn to be like okay with that.
You know I get out in theworkforce.
You know I'm continuing thesame thing.
You know the same game.
You know I want to be a goodemployee and so you know, as a
type one, it's not necessarily abad game to play in a very
traditional life because youknow, good student, good
(29:08):
employee, you know there'sthere's there's payoffs to it.
Um, I'd say the downside ofthat along the way is it can be
a life that is somewhat rigid orhemmed in or you know you're
not trying different experiences, and then there's a there's a
big judgmental side to the typeone.
You know, if, if you don't workon it, I'd like to say I've
(29:30):
worked on it, but since I'mmaking so many things wrong for
myself, I can very easily makethings wrong for other people.
So I gained awareness on this,understand it.
So, like I, I'm not sayingdon't judge anymore, um, but
what I I focus now more is justwhat I just say discernment,
trying to do things with wisdomand not really defining things
(29:54):
by like right or wrong or goodor bad.
It's just just differentchoices with with different
outcomes.
So, um, let's see modern timehere.
I'm a coach, so I I do have thisidentity as as a coach, but I
also have come to understandsomething else.
No matter what I I say I am.
I know I'm not that, and so ifsomeone says, like what do you
(30:16):
do?
I can say, like I'm a coach,but in the background, all I
know is I think what I really amis a person who's just trying
to understand things at deeperand deeper levels, understand
things at deeper and deeperlevels, and it's.
I'm at the point where I wouldsay I know there's an objective
(30:43):
reality, but I think my abilityto perceive it, or other
people's ability to perceivethat objective reality, is very
limited or non-existent.
And so, instead of trying todeal with what other people call
like true, not true, that'sactually a game I don't play.
All I know is, when people tellme things, they're telling me
things from their perspectiveand they believe it, and so I'm
just focused on trying tounderstand their perspective.
(31:04):
I'm not trying to say, well,you're right or you're wrong, or
what you said is true or false.
I said, let me just understandit, and so that's more of the
identity I am in right now.
I don't know what the title ofthat is, but hey, it's.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Dr B, and let me ask you something just here real
quick.
Are you tired of doing the samething over and over and not
getting the results you want?
Are you serious about makingsome changes this year that will
impact you in a huge way?
Maybe you're putting outcontent right now and it's not
turning into customers.
Or maybe you're uploadingvideos but you're not sure why
or how it's even going to help.
You know, I've seen a lot ofpeople that are making a whole
(31:39):
bunch of cold calls to the wrongpeople and no one's answering.
No one wants to talk to you.
It might just be that you'rejust doing what you've been
doing and crossing your fingers,hoping it finally works this
year, but let me tell you what.
That is not a strategy and itwill continue not to work.
That's why I created thepodcasting challenge and it's
coming up fast.
(31:59):
In just a few days, I'm goingto walk you through the mindset,
the tool set and the skill setyou need to create a powerful
podcast.
That's right, a podcast.
You won't believe what apodcast can do One that builds
real value and creates newclients.
And if you grab a VIP ticket,you'll get to join me for a
daily Zoom Q&A sessions whereI'll personally answer your
(32:20):
questions and help you tailoreverything to your goals.
This is your moment.
This is your year.
Go to thepodcastingchallengecomright now and save your seat.
The link is in the show notesand the description.
Thank you for watching thesepodcasts.
Now let's get back to theconversation.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
I would say if there's any identity I would
give myself, it's that of truthseeker, meaning I'm just trying
to understand things as theyactually are not the way I want
them to be or I need them to be,and just understand them as
they are.
You know my circumstances aswell as other people, and you
(32:59):
know that's the main thing I'mtrying to help my clients with,
and you know they're very muchin a reality of they want the
world to be a certain way and Ijust tell them it's not.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
It's not the way that they think it is, and so once
they can see it with accuracy,we can make a lot of progress
well, and you think that youknow, as folks are experiencing,
we, we all look from our ownvision and from our own
perspective and until weactually moved and tried to I
(33:30):
remember that I think it was amovie called Viewpoint or
something like that I didn'teven film in Chicago with that
forest, I can't even think of itright now, but anyways, they
just they went around with thecamera and showed everybody's
viewpoint to where they're from,and I think it's until we are
able to come outside of our own,you know, because we have our
(33:52):
own experiences, so we can'tchange that.
But that doesn't mean we can'ttry to learn from others as to
what might be their perspectiveand try to understand from them
and then, like you said, thenyou can find truth.
But you know, I guess I getconfused sometimes when people
say, well, this is my truth.
Well, I mean, that's yourperspective.
(34:13):
But truth is truth as far as Iunderstand it.
I try to think of it as there'sthings that are true and
gravity is true If I throwsomething off a building, it's
going to fall.
If you jump off and say, well,I shouldn't really fall because
my truth says I'm going to float, well, it might be your truth
that you're going to float, butthe truth is gravity is going to
(34:36):
drop you on the ground andyou're going to die.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Yeah, I mean the thing is like we want simple
solutions, we want the world tobe simple, and the thing is we
want the black and white, andthe thing is there's a lot of
grays, or we can say there'smillions of colors to use.
And when people say my truth,already I know we have issues,
(35:03):
because there's, as you said,you don't have a truth, you just
have a perspective, and all ofus running around on the planet
we don't have truths either.
We all just have perspectives,and so all we're doing is just
sharing perspectives with eachother, and so I mean I can't
agree.
There are facts.
I mean, you mentioned gravity.
(35:24):
I mean maybe a certain thinghappened on a certain date, sure
, I mean maybe a certain thinghappened on a certain date, sure
, but I think, if anything, whatthe Internet has shown us, with
so many people online andsharing viewpoints, is that we
don't agree on anything, nothing.
(35:45):
So, rather than still trying tohave that conversation where I
try to convince you I'm right, Iwould just say you know, let,
let me hear what you have to say.
You know it, it actually goesto.
You know, it's it's it's a bitof older management book now,
now, but it's it's stillvaluable, like you know.
Seven habits of highlyeffective people.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Even Cubbies, yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
You know that one rule.
It says seek first tounderstand than to be understood
.
And that's the thing.
If we just do that, we're good.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Well, and I don't think you can seek to understand
if all you're doing is thetalking and you're doing the
listening.
You know, I always hear thatyou've got two ears and one
mouth.
You should use them in that wayand then so many of us don't
don't really listen to whatother perspectives are trying or
put ourselves in in thoseplaces, which brings me to.
And if we're seeking this andand everybody, like you said,
(36:42):
everybody you know we don'tagree on anything, but yet I
believe we're called to be in arelationship, or where should be
in a relationship with both.
I can't imagine what life wouldbe like if you're out in the
middle of the woods by yourselffor your whole life.
In fact, people who do thatcome back because they need to
be in a relationship.
So part of the human experience,I believe, is relationship.
(37:05):
So how do we do that and do itwell?
Relationship.
So how do we do that and do itwell?
And I can imagine part of yourcoaching is okay.
So there are relationships andour status is inside of those
relationships and how wemanipulate our worlds through
those.
What is your thoughts on deeprelationships, surface
relationships, all relationships, and you do it in the next
(37:28):
three months, it takes you totalk about this.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Yeah Well, I only need 30 seconds.
So I think a good startingpoint is think of it as like
skill building.
So you know, every everythingwe have in our life is typically
the result of some set ofskills.
If we can ride a bike, we learnto ride a bike.
We spent time learning how toride a bike.
If we know how to swim, samething.
(37:58):
If we're being compensated fora job, particularly if we're
highly compensated, then we havea tremendous skill stack.
And so to have a goodrelationship, it's a skill stack
.
And so to have a goodrelationship, it's it's a skill
stack.
And so, you know, one might say,well, what is that, that skill
stack?
And I would say, you know,first of all, realize, like, no
(38:19):
one's taught to have goodrelationships, so just assume
you don't have it.
Or assume that you actuallysuck at relationships.
Assume you're bad, like youknow you wouldn't jump in the
ocean without learning how toswim and say, like I'm probably
going to be great at it.
You know, you say, no, let melife preserver.
You know work with someone, andso, like, if you assume you're
(38:41):
bad at relationships, then Ithink you're in a much better
place because you can say okay,well, how do I get competent?
How, okay, well, how do I getcompetent, how do I get good?
And so, um, we mentioned itbefore self-awareness, so the
more you know yourself.
And so why would that help?
Because we all will have whatwe call triggers in relationship
.
Um, so when we get triggered,our self-awareness understands
(39:05):
why we would get triggered.
So I mentioned my enneagram.
I'm type one.
So anything where someonereflects back to me or they give
me an impression that theydon't think I'm good, I can have
this trigger and get angry andI can say, well, I feel
threatened, like how, how, howdare you question my character?
How dare you tell me, like mywork is not not good enough?
(39:25):
You know, and though you know,the mistake would be for me to
start attacking them or saying,like you know, you're a
difficult person, or like I, Idon't care to be around you, or,
like you, you have these typeof issues.
It would just be able to say,okay, well, I'm triggered and
this is for me to deal with.
And this is part of mychildhood stuff where, you know,
(39:47):
I'm trying to be good for, likemy father in school and whoever
else, and I also get to let itgo.
So I think that's a very goodthing in relationships.
It's like you're going to feeldiscomfort and understand that
discomfort you're feeling likeyou're the source of it.
It's not the other person You'rethe one creating, like the
(40:08):
feelings source of it.
It's not the other person,you're the one creating the
feelings inside of you.
And so, to the extent thatthey're uncomfortable, just
understand that this friendship,this relationship, they're
mirroring back to you, they'reshowing you you in a way that
you can use to be really helpfulfor yourself to figure out how
(40:28):
to be less triggered, that youcan use to be really helpful for
yourself to figure out how tobe less triggered.
And so the more you knowyourself, the more you know your
triggers, the more youunderstand how to diffuse your
triggers, which means inherentlyyou're a much more pleasant
person to be around.
So in relationship, you don'twant the other person or other
people to carry the burden ofyour unresolved issues.
(40:51):
So if, if you know like you'requick to anger, or you know that
, like you have a lot of anxiety, or you know that you're very
judgmental, or some people theysay I'm a lot to handle, like,
so if you know you're a lot tohandle, work on yourself until
(41:12):
you're a pleasure to handle,you're a pleasure to be with,
and then that's when you'regoing to have really harmonious
relationships.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
Well, I mean, there's so much to impact in some of
the things you just said that Ikind of want to go deeper with.
But first, for those of you whocontinue to hear Dominic talk
about the Enneagram, which isthe great personality test, I
believe that you can go onlineand there's ways to take it.
(41:44):
One which they call a reformeror maybe even a perfectionist,
somebody who, you know, wantseverything it says.
The core fear is being bad,wrong or corrupt.
The core desire is to be good,ethical and right, and then
integrity and improvement arepart of it.
I happen to be a number two,which is what they call a helper
(42:04):
or a giver.
I'm a two of seven.
Almost equally you core fear isbeing the ones who are involved,
or desires to feel loved andneeded and motivated by helping
others.
The three is what they call anachiever or performer.
Their core fear is beingworthless or failing, or feeling
(42:26):
that worthless.
Then the core desire is to feelvaluable and successful.
The desire is to feel valuableand successful and the
motivation is to achieve statusand admiration.
There's only nine, so I'll getthrough them really quick.
The individual list is theromantic person.
That's number four.
Their fear is beinginsignificant or having no
identity, and their desire is tofind themselves and their great
(42:47):
significance.
Their motivation is expressinguniqueness and authenticity.
Number five is what they callan investigator or an observer.
If core fear is beingoverwhelmed or incapable, the
desire is to be capable andcompetent and the motivation is
understanding self-sufficiency.
(43:08):
Then they have what they callthe loyalists, which is the
guardian.
Their core fear is beingwithout support or guidance.
Their desire is to feel secureor supported, and the motivation
is safety, loyalty andpreparedness.
Seven is the enthusiast.
This is the other half of me.
The fear would be beingdeprived or in pain.
(43:31):
The desire is to be happy andsatisfied and motivation is
enjoying life, avoiding pain andseeking excitement.
Then they have number eight,which is the challenger or
protector.
Their core fear is beingcontrolled or weak or desire to
be independent and strong, andthe motivation is to control
power and protection to self andothers.
(43:52):
And then the last one is whatthey call a peacemaker or a
mediator, and their core of fearis conflict and disconnection.
Their desire is inner peace andharmony and they avoid conflict
almost at all costs.
Keeping peace and merging withothers is what they do, and so
(44:15):
if that gives you a little bitof insight for those listening
that haven't heard of this thing.
That is what he's talking about.
I'm a number one.
He is talking about his statusin that personality test and
something A really good one togo out there and do.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Thank you for the summary of that.
I'm glad you put it out there.
It's one of the top tools I usewith people oh, is it Okay?
Yeah, and to add to your likewell, how do you have a good
relationship?
Well, self-awareness, know yourEnneagram type and if you can
know your partner's Enneagramtype, because then you can see,
(44:54):
oh, this is where our woundsstart to battle each other.
So we can just step out of thegame we're playing and just say,
hey, you know, this is what'sgoing on with me, I'm dealing
with it.
Let's just focus on what theissue is rather than beating
each other up.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
Well that let's just focus on what the issue is
rather than beating each otherup.
Well, you think, like for someof those personality types, the
person needs to be right to feelwhole, and I may not, so, okay,
I don't need to be right now.
Let's get over this and get tothe next thing.
I'll let you be right, you know, and we can move on with our
relationship, because it is soamazing how you know, we have
(45:32):
that conflict within some ofthese relationships.
You know I do a podcast thatwe're going to bring back and we
have different hosts called whyLove Wait at least the one I've
been studying with it, which isblack men and women that the
statistic is that 49% of blackwomen that are over the age of
(45:56):
40 have never been married, andyou start thinking why that is.
What are the relationshipboundaries?
Over 40 that are married, 75%of them have at least one child,
(46:17):
and so there's this belief thatmen are their taught or, as
we've been exploring it, thatthis relationship is not as
important as the relationshipyou can have with your child or
the relationship that you won'thave and the better off you'll
be if you're not in arelationship.
But when we think of true joy.
(46:38):
We think of the happiness thatwe achieve.
I think of you talking aboutyour parents and how much they
loved you as kids.
I can imagine theirrelationship with each other was
probably pretty harmonious andjoyful as well.
It's really hard to give thatto other human beings in the
same household if you don't haveit with each other.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
Yeah, very much.
So I mean, you know the waythings go.
It's like there's so manypatterns in life and I would say
there's good patterns andthere's bad patterns.
The good patterns we kind ofdon't need to worry about
because they're working for us.
The bad patterns are whetherpatterns that give us results
(47:23):
that we don't want are ones wekind of want to unpack, and, and
I would tell everyone, theyounger you are, the closer you
are to having many unresolvedissues that you're unaware of,
and so, just by definition, aperson in their 30s is going to
(47:44):
have a bit more wisdom and haveworked out things than, say, a
teenager.
Or a person in their 30s isgoing to have a bit more wisdom
and have worked out things than,say, like a teenager, a person
in their 20s.
Um, now, where you canaccelerate.
That is just as, as I saidbefore, if you want to learn how
to swim, you learn how to swim.
If you want to learn how toride a bike, you learn how to
(48:05):
ride a bike.
If you want to learn how tohave harmonious relationships,
you learn how to do that,largely by, like, increasing the
self-awareness, um, but youalso can do a more, a broader
look, and saying, well, you knowwhat?
I hear there's something outthere called therapy.
Like, what is that like?
Would I benefit from it?
Or I hear there's something outthere called like coaching.
(48:26):
You know, could I benefit fromthat?
Like, what I love aboutcoaching is you can.
You can see top performers havemultiple coaches.
You know they have a nutritioncoach, they have a strength
coach, they have a sleep coach.
Um, they have like aflexibility coach.
They and and the teams areplaying on like they've hired
(48:47):
coaches for them to work on,work with and stuff.
So you know, at least once inone person's life, at least once
, it might behoove you, if youwant.
Like, just a quantum shift islike, hire a coach or hire
someone that just maybe has 10,15, 20 years experience of
(49:11):
helping people perform better.
Because, I mean, the best thingI can offer people is a
perspective they don't have.
That's really it, becausepeople's problems come from a
limited set of perspectives.
They can't see another way ofdoing things or they can't see
their blind spots, and so if youwork with someone who has done
(49:34):
that for a huge amount, of time,I mean they're going to be able
to see your blind spot, youknow pretty much before you open
your mouth, um, so, yeah, Imean I I think this is like a
big way for people to to getahead of it, um, and and there's
other things you know.
I mean, for some reason, likeyoga is really good at doing
(49:56):
that.
You know some people get itwith their their um, their
church groups, you knowreligious affiliation, um, but
in anything, anything that getsyou to look at perspectives
outside of yourself is going tohelp you.
I mean you, you will becrippled by what you don't know,
(50:18):
and so what you want to do israpidly increase your knowledge
of things that you're unaware of, just different ways of looking
at things aware of justdifferent ways of looking at
things.
Speaker 2 (50:32):
I'm so glad you're here because in the last few
podcasts that I've had in thelast few whether it's coaches or
I'm on a show we've really beendiving into the difference
between therapy and coaching,and one of my guests asked a
good question.
He says if you have a high-endcoach that is helping you get to
where you want to be, do youtruly need a therapist?
(50:53):
You know I'm going to let youanswer, but one of the things
that I'm really grappling withis there is a place for therapy
and that there's unresolvedissues that need to be resolved.
That needs to happen, but theroles of each are so much
different.
You know the role of therapistis to look at the past and bring
(51:13):
you to maybe a baseline level,but the role of the coach is to
look into the future and helpyou get to where you want to be.
And almost collapsed time frameswhen you think of you know how
much time does it take to getthere?
Can you get there without acoach?
Possibly maybe, but can you doit?
How much time does it take toget there?
Can you get there without acoach?
Possibly maybe, but can you doit.
In the time They'll say are youa millionaire?
(51:38):
And you say, well, my lifetimeor in the last year or the last
month.
Because if I make $25,000 ayear and I've worked for 40
years, I've made a milliondollars, but I probably don't
feel too much like a millionairewhen I've done it.
But if I collapse that intomaking $100,000 a month now, in
(52:01):
10 months, I'm a millionaire.
Now that's considered somebodywho we would, as a society, say
that's a millionaire-worthyperson.
Well, the same thing goes onwith our thought process where
we want to achieve and where ourgoals are and where we want to
go, and without a coach, I guess, or somebody to help you see
those blind spots, becausethey're looking into the future
(52:21):
and collapsing those time frames, whereas a therapist on the
other side of it is really justresolving and getting you to a
place where maybe a coach couldjump in.
I mean, what's your thought onthose two things, since you
brought them both up, and so Iwould love to kind of hear this.
Speaker 1 (52:37):
I can't wait to hear it I mean I, I I would say, you
know, treat yourself, use both.
Yeah, um, you know it's, it'sit's interesting on the therapy
side.
Like you said, you know there'sa lot of the thinking is it's
looking at the past, um, and andI've, I've looked into this and
(53:01):
you know there's this debatewell that you know where does
therapy in and coaching begin,and it's there's like a good
amount of overlap and I, I candefinitely answer from like what
I've experienced, because I'veI've worked with a number of
people who have seen therapistsand more often than not, they'll
tell me like a session with meis been like a session, not
(53:26):
several, but a session has beenmore helpful than, say, years of
being with with the therapist.
And I, I've heard that so manytimes I've tried to like really
figure it out and I startedasking questions and and I think
what I was able to discern, umand I'm not saying this would
apply to all therapists, butwhat I was able to discern, I
think in a lot of times, yes, itis looking at the past and you
(53:51):
will talk a lot.
So, as long as you want to talkabout things, you'll be kind of
rehashing these things, and soit seems what I was hearing from
my clients that I asked.
It's like there was a lot oftalking but not necessarily key
(54:17):
steps on, like, what to do next.
And the reason I'm a coach andthe reason I love it is because
it's all about resolution.
In fact, for me it fits with me.
It's a very masculine energytype coaching at least the way
(54:39):
I'm doing it it's very solutionfocused.
And so because at the end ofthe day, I know, no matter where
you are, what's going to getyou out of it is action.
You have to take action.
And so I help my clientsformulate, you know, actions, a
list of options.
I give them like multipledifferent things they can do,
(55:01):
and I say, but at the end of theday, you have to do this or you
have to do these things.
And I think what I've been ableto discern and I'm willing to to
say like maybe I'm not righthere is I don't think that comes
across as as strongly intherapy, but but here's the
thing, like there are manypeople that I know I couldn't
(55:23):
connect with as a coach that Ithink do need therapy.
So like if someone comes to meand say you know they're,
they're dealing with, um, youknow, sexual trauma, physical
abuse, like drug addiction, andit's it's really um,
interrupting their lives, likemeaning it's, it's, it's it's
(55:46):
they're not able to hold downthe job or, you know, they're
not able to like havefriendships, like it's, it's
it's they're not able to holddown the job or you know,
they're not able to like havefriendships, like it's, it's,
it's a life that's kind ofdysfunctional.
I'm actually not able to workwith, with those people because
I don't really connect withthose things.
It really hasn't been myexperience.
Like I said, you know the peopleI'm working with.
(56:07):
They're very good at hitting atarget, and so there's something
called like executive function.
They're very good withexecutive function, and so they
may get into areas like burnout.
They may have things like, youknow, depression or anxiety.
But I'll tell you what they'llbe at the job every day, they'll
(56:27):
hit every deadline, they'll hitall those performance goals.
So those are the people that I'mworking with, and so it's not
to say that those people haven'thad physical abuse or sexual
trauma or stuff, but they'vebeen able to at least put a life
together where those things aremore in the background than the
foreground, than the foreground.
(56:52):
Um, so I would say, at least inthe coaching I'm familiar with,
that I do.
That's the bigger difference.
And so I would say, for peoplewho, if you find that you know
your life is just not working ata very fundamental level, like
you know, just recurring healthproblems, um, like you know,
everyone has ostracized you,that type thing, I'm not saying
there's something inherentlywrong with you, I'm just saying,
(57:13):
like you, you have some corethings that need to be resolved
and in those cases I think Ithink therapy can be invaluable
great and I also think you know,when you know, I just finished
a book called we do that andit's all about becoming the
person you need to be before youstart to do and have, and so we
(57:34):
spend so much time trying to dostuff, and when I think of joy
and happiness, that's what we'redoing is we're trying to have
these incredible lives thatbring us joy and happiness.
Speaker 2 (57:45):
One of the core things about being is learning
the more that we learn.
I mean, if you learn something,you can't wait to share it with
somebody else.
You can't wait to do a littlebit more that first time you
learned how to ride that bike orthat first time you learned how
to do that swimming and youcould do it on your own.
That's when we're most excitedand we're joyous.
That's where I guess the joy ofcoaching comes in.
(58:08):
I've been coaching track nowfor 38 years at all levels.
To have an athlete or somebodybe able to achieve something
they've never done before andthen seeing the elation and the
joy that that brings, then thatmoves into learning.
Now we talk about relationshipswhere I've got to share that
with somebody.
(58:28):
It's no fun to climb a mountainand get to the top and not have
anybody to share it with, likeI still imagine people nowadays
on their cell phones going I'mat the top, I'm at the top, I
did it, you know instead of liketaking pictures or selfies or
whatever, so not for themselves,because they want to share that
with others.
And then the contribution sideof having is now we get excited
(58:54):
when we get to give and we getto help somebody else or sponsor
somebody else into somethingthat brings them joy.
And when I see those things, Idon't see people walking out of
therapy that excited.
You know I've learned something.
Now they come to grips withwhere they're at in life and now
they feel like I've been nowreleased so that I can go do
those things.
And so I guess that's where Isee this big, definitely
(59:19):
necessary.
I mean, and like you said, doboth.
If you've got the ability to doboth, you know there's all the
things, but then the things thatreally truly bring us joy are
something I think we need thatother perspective of somebody
who can help us get there.
And you know, and maybe thetherapists do help you get there
, you know I haven't been in anyof the of any therapy sessions
(59:40):
where I come out of there.
You know, if I'm happy, youknow I think it's been very
helpful, but not to the pointwhere I'm ready to go change the
world, where I definitely hadcoaches that I know I'm changing
the world, because he told meI'm changing the world and I can
imagine the sessions that youdo with folks that they would
(01:00:01):
say that at the end because theybelieve now you've given them
the tools.
That they would say that at theend because they believe now
you've given them the tools thatthey need.
You know, and coaching isn't,you know, the better coach you
get to be and this is for youknow, I don't know this, and for
those you're out there, ifyou're looking for a good coach
and that coach talks all thetime and never asks you
questions, then you probablydon't have a really good coach,
(01:00:23):
because they gotta know whereyou're at at At all times.
They have this line, they gookay, now we're going to work.
This is when I first startedcoaching.
Oh, I would just tell them allthe things to do, all the
mechanics of everything.
I didn't care where they wereat.
Like everybody's the same.
Right Now, most of my coaching Idon't talk at all.
I ask people what do you thinkwe need to do next?
(01:00:45):
You know, is that working foryou?
You know, whatever thosequestions are, where I'm getting
that constant feedback and then, like you said at the beginning
, which I thought was reallycool, I'm just turning a little
dials Because most of the timeyou already know what to do.
You just don't know how to doit or you don't know the next.
You know iteration of the stepsto be able to do that, and
(01:01:08):
let's find that together so youcan repeat it instead of me
telling you what to do all thetime.
Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:01:11):
That was just super interesting.
Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
Yeah, I'm amazingly quiet in a lot of my coaching
sessions.
Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
If you're not, then you're not coaching.
As far as I'm concerned, youknow what, when I'm going to
yell at you, I mean to get youto do something.
It's a good thing to lay overto yell at me, but you know,
when I think of the best, like,let's say, you're Michael
Jordan's coach, you're PhilJackson and you're Coach Michael
Jordan, what skill could youpossibly feel that you already
(01:01:56):
have and make it even great?
You know, and I think that'sthe true sign of a coach yeah
man.
This has been a man.
We're having this greatconversation.
I hope that we get to continueit.
And what?
What didn't we talk about inour in our time together that
you wanted to make sure I wantyou to tell everybody how to get
a hold of you, how to utilizeall that kind of stuff.
Is there any other specificthing that you want to make sure
(01:02:16):
we talked about today?
Speaker 1 (01:02:22):
I guess there would be so many things, but I would
just have people, um, just Iwould say keep focusing on the
possibilities available withyourself.
And I think a lot of people getcaught up with what they don't
like about themselves.
(01:02:43):
You know, know, I'm I'm notproductive enough, I'm too lazy,
not pretty enough, I'm too fat,you know, it goes on and on.
And so, like most people, um,they're hyper focused on what
they don't appreciate aboutthemselves.
And I would just say switch it,you know, hyper-focused on what
(01:03:06):
you do appreciate aboutyourself.
And if you don't have a list ofthose, then, like you know,
come up with with things.
And you know it can start small.
It's like you got up in themorning, great, you know you,
you ate a nutritious breakfast.
Wonderful, you're a good friendto people.
I mean, those are good starts,um, but you can go much deeper.
(01:03:31):
Um, we all have certainstrengths, um, that we don't
really see as strengths becausewe just do them effortlessly, um
, and so we kind of assumeeveryone's able to do this.
But if we really look atourselves, we can see like, wow,
I'm really good at this andthis is actually something that
(01:03:55):
I can at least acknowledge andand tell myself, you know, give
myself a pat on the back for it,and then you know that can lead
to other things, and so much ofour, our experience of the
world in fact, our onlyexperience of the world is just
our perspective on how we seethings, and the core perspective
(01:04:19):
that we have of life is our ownidentity, so just how we see
ourselves.
And so I fully encourage peopleto learn about yourself really
well.
You know that self-awareness,um, you know, focus on things
are your strengths or focus onthings that you just like to to
celebrate.
And I would say, you know,understand the power of story or
(01:04:41):
understand the power of myth.
And so when you think ofyourself, you know you're
involved in a story.
I mean, like, like, what'sheroic about what you're doing?
Or what could be heroic aboutwhat you're doing?
Um, how can you see yourself ina good light?
And what I don't?
I don't mean, like you know,gaslight yourself or, like you
(01:05:03):
know, give yourself credit whereit isn't due, but most people
are way overdue in terms ofappreciating themselves.
And I mean I tell you, I meanthere's, there's something about
self-acceptance which is great.
We should all have that.
Most of us don't, but imaginejust like radical enthusiasm for
(01:05:27):
yourself.
You know, or put simply, umfeel about yourself the way your
dog feels about you wow,assuming your dog didn't try to
bite you Right?
The lovely dog.
Speaker 2 (01:05:47):
When you have him abused.
Oh gosh, thank you for takingthe time to do that.
It's been enlightening.
We're going to find a way tocommunicate some more.
I got plans for you and Itogether because there's so many
really cool things that youwere able to say, and so I mean,
(01:06:09):
if you've been watching thisand you're feeling what I'm
feeling, that, man, this hasbeen some things.
Go back and watch it, go aheadand hit pause, go back, take
some notes, write some stuffdown.
At least go take the Enneagramtest and find out exactly who
you are, At least yes, I meanyou know, so that you can be the
best that you can be.
I mean, there's other ones outthere like you know, taking the
(01:06:30):
DISC one and taking the, youknow, myers-briggs there's
different personalities, but Ithink Enneagram is one of my
favorites.
You know we talk aboutextrovert, introvert and
Myers-Briggs all the time, but,man, what a great time that you
got together.
So, thank you for being here.
If this is your first episodeand you go ahead to subscribe
(01:06:56):
and notification, we'll betalking again.
I assure you that, and soyou're going to want to know
when we do that.
You know, as we get thecommunity together and you're
part of it and maybe talking tosome folks, I think it be just
this is going to be fantastic.
So, uh, I would just say thisis the beginning, this is the
end.
Uh, this is, you know, thestart of what I would call
something special and, like Isaid, I appreciate, appreciate
you being uh on the show today.
(01:07:18):
One last one, last thought togive out to everybody that can
help them and also give you, youknow, know, your website or
whatever it is that people needto get a hold of.
Speaker 1 (01:07:29):
Yeah, pretty simple.
You can reach me at an email Iknow it might be a little bit
old school, but Dominic D O M IN I C at inner peace advisorcom.
And you can also find me onLinkedIn, dominic Petty.
And you can also find me onInstagram, which the handle, the
(01:07:52):
username is innerpeaceadvisor,don't forget, I believe your God
is great.
Speaker 2 (01:08:02):
He loves you.
If you allow him to.
It's time for you to become theperson he puts you on the
search to be, and so what Iwould just say is let's go,
let's grow, let's become.
We look forward Every singleday.
I want you to have a great dayin every way and then, every
(01:08:25):
single day, just do a little bitbetter for somebody else in
your life.
You'll be amazing if you let itdo it, alright, so we'll see
you on the next one.
Have an amazing day.
Popular Podcasts
NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal
Gregg Rosenthal and a rotating crew of elite NFL Media co-hosts, including Patrick Claybon, Colleen Wolfe, Steve Wyche, Nick Shook and Jourdan Rodrigue of The Athletic get you caught up daily on all the NFL news and analysis you need to be smarter and funnier than your friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com