154. How to Talk to Your In-laws When They Think Differently From You

“Stop thinking about the differences. Try to find the similarities. Try to find the things you do feel similarly about. And don’t go trying to convince anybody else that your way is right. It’s obviously right for you. It may not even be right for them.” Dr. Ellen Siroka Robinson, a seasoned psychologist with decades of experience in family dynamics and Alejandra’s mother-in-law, gives heartfelt advice in this episode of The Language Alchemy. In a world where family gatherings often bring together different perspectives, beliefs, and cultures, Ellen and Alejandra offer a compassionate way to navigate those differences with grace.

 

Ellen shares her thoughts on building relationships with in-laws who come from different backgrounds or hold opposing views. How can we focus on what connects us instead of what divides us? By letting go of the need to prove your point, Ellen suggests, you open the door to mutual respect and understanding, which are both essential for creating harmony in family dynamics.

 

As Ellen and Alejandra vulnerably share how the two of them cultivated an adult loving relationship, they highlight the importance of intentional communication. Could it be that these differences, instead of being obstacles, are opportunities for deeper understanding? Their conversation is a reminder that when we listen and seek common ground, relationships have the potential to grow, even when beliefs or cultures don’t fully align.

 

Quotes

• “I thought about all the mother-in-law jokes that we have in our culture, which are so negative and so disparaging. And why is it? Because we are afraid that whatever special relationship we have with our child is going to be disturbed in some way. We're not understanding that we have different kinds of love. We love our spouses in one way. We love our children in one way. We love our friends in one way.” (10:38 | Dr. Ellen Siroka Robinson)
• “Our relationship has also been a great gift to me. Gift often implies that you don’t do anything to get it, but that’s really not the case. I think you’ve said very clearly that we had a lot of work to do. And what was the work? I mean, you came from a different culture. I had to learn about the culture. The difference is to respect it and not ever see it as something less than, or than the culture I was raised in.” (12:50 | Dr. Ellen Siroka Robinson)
• “If somebody’s idea is, you think, in opposition to you, I think it’s more helpful just to think of it as a different idea, a very different idea, and not one that you’re probably going to talk them out of.” (23:05 | Dr. Ellen Siroka Robinson)
• “Stop thinking about the differences. Try to find the similarities. Try to find the things you do feel similarly about. And don’t go trying to convince anybody else that your way is right. It’s obviously right for you. It may not even be right for them.” (32:49 | Dr. Ellen Siroka Robinson)

 

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