171. Beyond Time-Outs: Parenting Age-Appropriate Communication Tools for Children’s Aggressive Behaviors

Aggression in kids can be startling. It often signals that they are holding more fear, hurt, or disconnection than they know how to manage.

 

In this episode, Alejandra Siroka sits down with parenting coach and educator Caroline Griswold to talk about the deeper story behind children’s “aggressive” behavior. What looks like defiance or disruption is often a child’s way of expressing fear, overwhelm, or disconnection they don’t yet have words for. So how should parents respond when children engage in “aggressive” behavior? Or when a child screams, throws something, or lashes out in public?

 

Caroline shares how our own fear as parents can quickly lead us to react with sternness or even aggression, which only makes things worse. Instead, she offers grounded strategies like asking “What happened?” instead of “Why did you do that?” These questions help children feel safe enough to open up. She also shares simple practices that build connection, from five minutes of undivided attention in the morning to physical play that helps release emotional tension.

 

Alejandra and Caroline’s conversation is full of gentle reminders and tools for anyone raising or working with kids consciously. If you’ve ever worried that your child’s behavior means something is wrong with them, or with you, you’re not alone. And you’re not without options.

 

Quotes

• “Our children are born good, intrinsically good, deeply good on an essential level. Our kids do not want to be aggressive. As much as it may seem that way… at our baseline level, we’re born to connect.” (09:53 | Caroline Griswold)
• “A child who is aggressive is a child who is feeling fear, who’s feeling scared.” (11:29 | Caroline Griswold)
• “One way to think about it is they’re doing the best that they can with the brain development that they have and with the weight of the feeling that’s on them.” (14:50 | Caroline Griswold)
• “If a child gets to the point of being aggressive and then we come toward them with more aggression, it adds to the hurt. It adds to the fear and often adds to the confusion.” (18:26 | Caroline Griswold)
• “Our children, if we can send them off, if they spend the day without us, even if they don’t, with a little more in the tank, doesn’t solve every problem, but it’s a great start for helping our kids feel us when we’re not with them.” (39:42 | Caroline Griswold)

 

Links

Fertile Ground Parenting: https://www.fertilegroundparenting.com/

The Perfectly Imperfect Family: Real Solutions for Mindful Parents Navigating Today's Biggest Challenges: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F6VJ5BHJ

Roughhousing guide: https://learn.fertilegroundparenting.com/wrestle

 

To leave a review on Apple Podcasts, click: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-language-alchemy-podcast/id1576461366

To leave a review on Spotify, click: https://open.spotify.com/show/5yTj9hSotq8EAjPCYg2jYw?si=aQNuoStRQomTNUKHGSD56A&nd=1&dlsi=064dcb42ba8d4706

To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme

To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com

To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion

To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone

To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples

To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient

To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy

Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm