April 6, 2025 • 29 mins
The Life Shift Rewind
I’m excited to share bonus episodes from Patreon, where I revisited past guests to discuss what has changed and the value of sharing their stories. Since I currently only have the lower tiers available, I wanted to make these conversations accessible to the public feed. If you'd like to support the show directly, please consider joining the $3 or $5 tier on Patreon – www.patreon.com/thelifeshiftpodcast.
Christin Lindley joins me on The Life Shift Rewind for a bonus episode that digs into her journey of resilience and transformation over the past couple of years. We chat about how sharing her story on the podcast was a cathartic experience that helped her process significant loss and trauma. Christin reflects on the importance of therapy and the concept of "radical acceptance," emphasizing that feeling whatever you're feeling is totally valid. It’s a reminder that even through tough times, we can find growth and healing. If you’re on your own journey of self-discovery or grappling with change, this episode is a treasure trove of insight and inspiration.
Listen to Christin's full episode on The Life Shift podcast: https://www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com/compounding-grief-radical-acceptance-christin-lindley/
Resources: To listen in on more conversations about pivotal moments that changed lives forever, subscribe to "The Life Shift" on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate the show 5 stars and leave a review! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello, my friends. I justwanted to drop some special bonus
episodes into the feed thatyou probably have not heard unless
you are a part or an earlypart of the Patreon for the Life
Shift podcast. If you don'tknow, I do have a Patreon. It currently
only has two tiers. One is athree dollar a month tier just to
(00:21):
support what I'm doing, helpscover production costs. And then
there's a five dollar tierwhich will get you episodes early
and just the, I guess, warmfuzzies for help out with the Life
Shift podcast. But I used tohave other tiers where people were
so generous and were offeringadditional money each month to get
(00:41):
bonus episodes and possiblewinnings of T shirts and all sorts
of things. And then I realizeda couple months ago that I wasn't
able to deliver what I wantedto, especially for those of you that
were giving me the extramoney. So right now we're just kind
of doing the early episodes.You'll always get those. So if you
want to support the Life Shiftpodcast, please jump over to patreon.com
(01:02):
forward/thelifeshiftpodpodcast and you can find that information
there. But I come on herebecause I want to share a series
of these bonus episodes that Idid early on in the Patreon journey.
There are like 20 plusepisodes in which I had bonus recordings
with previous guests. So Iwould go back and we would have a
(01:23):
conversation about theexperience of sharing their story
on the Life Shift podcast.Catch up on anything. And I think
these are super important andI know most of them did not see the
light of day from outside ofthe Patreon. So I'm going to be dropping
these episodes. Whateveryou're listening to now is another
episode. So I'm going to usethe same intro for all of them. But
(01:45):
here is one of the bonusepisodes with a former guest from
the Life Shift podcast. And ifyou like this, let me know because
I'm thinking of bringing someof this back and talking to previous
guests as I go into year four.So enjoy this bonus episode that
was once released on thePatreon feed. I'm Matt Gilhooley
(02:07):
and this is the Life Shiftcandid conversations about the pivotal
moments that have changedlives forever. Hey everyone. I am
here with the first episodeguest, Kristen. Hey, Kristen.
(02:30):
Hi. I was expecting you totalk longer and I took a sip of my
drink. Hello.
This is how it's gonna go, folks.
Yep. How are you?
It's honestly a pleasure to beable to reconnect. It's Been a while
since we've actually talked,but for this podcast specifically,
(02:51):
you were the first episodereleased on March 22, 2022, which
is almost two years ago by thetime that this bonus episode comes
out. So the nice thing aboutthis for me, or what's really special
about this for me, is the factthat this was an assignment when.
When we recorded this episodetogether, and you and a handful of
(03:15):
other people, like, trusted meenough to come on and, like, share
your personal story and kindof unveil that with me live, not
knowing exactly what was goingto happen in our conversation. So
just thank you for that. Ireally appreciate it.
Yeah, absolutely. I know itwas. I mean, I was interested in
(03:35):
it for so many reasons. One,because, you know, we've. We've been
friends for a while, and. AndI was just really excited. It sounded
like an interesting premise.And so you're like, will you do this?
I'm like, yeah, absolutely.I'll throw myself out there.
Yeah. And you did. And we. Andyou were the first episode, and I.
And the reason I chose yourepisode first and released yours
with my friend Shauna as well.And so there were two episodes that
(03:57):
came out on the first day, andI chose yours to be the first one
because personally, I couldidentify with your life shift moments
more. And I naturally havefound over the last 122 episodes
that I've recorded is that Igravitate more towards, like, the
trauma and the things that. Ofovercoming these and. And trying
(04:19):
to find our way through theworld after loss. And so that's truly
why I picked yours to be,like, the first one. I mean, Shauna's
came out a couple hours later,so it wasn't that different. You
know, it was just. Your storywas just loss after loss after loss.
And I had one loss that reallyI struggled with for decades, and
(04:41):
I was like, oh, man, how doessomeone like Kristen move through
so many back to back to backto back? And you. You shared with
us that vulnerability and. Andhow you did it. So really appreciate
that. How did you feel aftersharing that story? So you go into
it thinking, okay, well, Ilike the premise, but, like, was
(05:01):
there anything about the wayyou felt after we recorded that episode
that was kind of notable inany kind of way?
Yes, it was. It was catharticin a way, to get it all out in a,
like, in one fell swoop, like,all at the same time. At that point,
(05:25):
when you and I talked aboutit, I had talked about it in therapy
a bunch. Right. I was actuallyseeing a therapist when my dad died.
So I was seeing the therapistkind of in and amongst the time.
It was after my mom had died,so it was after my grandfather had
died, but I think it wasbefore my grandmother had died while
(05:47):
I was pregnant, then when Ihad the baby. So I had, you know,
I had talked about it withtherapists and with my family, of
course, but like sitting downand being like, I'm going to talk
about this, you know, 18 monthto 24 month period in my life, all
in one, kind of one spot, onetime. I had never really put it all
(06:10):
together like that, all in onepackage. And I think after we talked,
I had to kind of sit with itfor a little bit and really be like,
wow, I really. That was a lot,right? That was a lot that I experienced.
(06:31):
And it's surreal. When youlook back at traumatic events, I
think that shock period lastsfor way longer than you realize.
And I had even said that inthe moment. I remember saying that
during our recording thatlike, you know, I was in shock, we
(06:52):
were in shock. That that firstyear was a blur. And that's true.
I didn't realize at the timethat I was still in shock, you know,
And I probably will even lookback at this moment, you know, in
a few years and be like, yeah,I was still recovering because I've
done a heck of a lot morehealing and grieving really in the
(07:14):
last two years since then.
I think there's somethingabout the human condition in which
when we have these traumas, welike, we compartmentalize them because
we need to move through. Andthen another one happens. So then
that gets put in its ownbucket and then another one happens
and gets put in its ownbucket, you know. But I think what
(07:35):
I really remember from yourepisode was like, how much we talked
about the importance oftherapy and the value that it can
bring. Because I think youeven, you know, in mentioning how
having the conversation inthis way was kind of cathartic. It's
like so many of the thingsthat we worry about or stress about
or are grieving or whatever,in our head, they somewhat seem like
(08:00):
worse. And then when we'reable to kind of verbalize it and
put it out and someone elsecan listen to it without any biases,
I. It changes the game in someway because it's not. It's no longer
just sitting in our head, likebouncing back and forth, but now
it's out there. So now we cando something with it.
I call that brainregurgitation. Isn't that a lovely
(08:22):
visual? It Is yeah, you gottalike, you just need to get it out
and get it all out of thebrain and get it out all whatever
that is. Like I visualize likethrowing it all out of my brain onto
a desk and it's everything.It's like words and images and colors
(08:43):
and just being able to have itin front of you and seeing it makes
it, it gives you like actualperspective. Like I visualize being
able to have my thoughts allon this table all jumbled up and
I'm physically stepped backaway from it and looking at and for
(09:06):
whatever reason that is alittle bit more manageable than it
all being jumbled up in mybrain with ping ponged thoughts going,
bouncing off of everything,reacting off things, you know, jumping
from memory to memory andhaving a therapist, you know, if
you can, or at the very leasta very, you know, easygoing friend
(09:29):
who can help you likeregurgitate that brain junk and then
look at it from a distance andget a different perspective on it.
It really does help. And I'llsay too like, especially now, two
years from when we recordedthat, like I'm still a flag flying.
(09:51):
Therapy is for everyone.Therapy is for all times. And I would
like to add to that with like,if you're not vibing with your therapist
or if things change in yourlife where you have different needs
to meet with therapy, switchyour therapists. Because different
therapists have differentexperience and different perspective.
(10:13):
And those differentperspectives can help you look at
things in a completelydifferently, different way to just
help process. I saw a newtherapist, you know, in the last
year and it was remarkable howdifferently I was able to like look
at and process things that Ihad gone over a million times before.
(10:34):
You know, it's like, no, I've,I've talked about this before. I'm
not, I'm not soul traumatizedby this. And I talk about it with
a new therapist and she'slike, I think you are.
I think, yeah, I agree. It's.You have to find the right fit first
too. Like if it's your firsttime, you don't assume that the first
person you find in, you know,your work list of therapists that
(10:59):
you can go to for insurance orwhatever that may be is going to
be the one that is perfect foryou. Definitely be okay with being
like, well, this one didn'tfeel right. It needs to feel, you
need to feel safe. You need to feel.
Yes.
That it is something where youcan share it without. I mean, I don't
think it's a judgment thatthey Have. It's just you need to
(11:21):
feel safe to do it. And Ithought, you know, what was. What's
great about that conversationwas really just the emphasis on therapy.
And you also coined. I don'tknow if you coined it.
I did not. I stole it.
You also stole and saidradical acceptance. And it really
stuck with me, especially for,like, the first year, because, you
(11:43):
know, I think. I think. Ithink part of the reason that it
stuck with me personally isbecause when you start a new project,
like a. Like a podcast, youstart a new something, you kind of
feel like an imposter. Andit's a. Yeah. And like, sometimes
it's okay to do that. And so,like, that radical acceptance idea
was always like, you know,you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed
(12:03):
and whatnot. But that's okay.You're human and you're moving through
this process. And so that wasjust really pivotal in a way that
I kept bringing it up withpeople for a while just because I
loved that idea that, like,however we are, at whatever time,
it's okay. We're human. We'rekind of working through this. This
process together.
You know what's funny aboutthat is, like, I did re. Listen to
(12:26):
my own episode, and then Ilistened to a bunch of episodes that.
That first year, and I would.Every time you would bring it up,
the radical acceptance, Iwould, like, giggle just because
I was like, yeah, he's. Youknow, whatever. It was funny. What's
interesting is, like, I keepreminding myself of that. That radical
(12:47):
acceptance, because it's soeasy to either get bogged down in
whatever it is you're feeling,you're frustrated about something
or stressed out. It's so easyto either get bogged down in it that
you can't see the forest forthe trees. Like, all you can do is
focus that feeling and notpast it. Or what I tend to do is
(13:13):
ignore it. Like, oh, Ishouldn't be. I shouldn't be feeling
like this. And then I just,like, pop it in a little box in my
brain and ignore it. And like,well, I'm just not gonna feel that.
That's. That's. That's. Idon't have time for that. And that
radical acceptance, if you'reactually practicing it, what that
(13:34):
means is paying attention andvalidating your feelings to yourself,
whatever that is. And you haveto actually process those feelings
in order to move past them.Yeah, yeah.
You put them away, they'restill going to come back.
Right. That doesn't work verywell. Yeah. So I re. Relearn from
(14:02):
myself. The radical acceptancepart, like, daily. I don't know,
at least weekly, a lot. Yeah.
It aligns nicely with theidea, I think, you know, for those
of us that have experiencedgreat loss in our life and great
meaning big. It aligns with,like, the only advice I can ever
give people after they losesomeone is really, truly allowing
(14:26):
yourself to feel however youfeel and be okay with that. If you
are so devastatingly sad,that's okay. If you're mad and you're
angry, that's okay. If youlaugh once in a while, that's okay,
too. And so it kind of really,like, aligns with that only advice
that I can give people after aloss is. Is truly, like, something
(14:48):
like, radical acceptance.Like, it's all okay. You're just
being a human.
Absolutely. You know what'sinteresting is literally, Matt, just,
like, Monday, I think I. I'mgonna say I had the epiphany. I knew
this, but I had an epiphanythat in the midst of all the losses
(15:11):
that I talked to you aboutduring my podcast, I'd forgotten
one DJ passed away. Our coworker, and he was a very close friend
of mine in between all ofthat. He passed away about a month
after I had had Oliver, andhe. Before I had moved to Louisiana,
(15:35):
he had come to visit me inAustin. Like, we were close, and
we had literally just talked.The night before the hurricane was
coming in, he was having ahurricane party. I was in bed with
my newborn baby, nursing orsomething, and he and I were texting,
and he was telling me aboutall the food he was gonna cook, and
I was like, okay, I love youso much. Be safe. I hope you don't
lo. And the next. Let's see. Ididn't hear from him the next day.
(16:00):
And then the day after, ourother friend Chi Chi texted me and
said, did you hear about dj?And I was like, no. What happened?
Did his house get hit orsomething? And she's like, no, he
died. And I'm like, I'm sorry.What? You know, like, just complete
bewilderment and that. I thinkbecause he was so young and because
(16:23):
I just talked to him and Ijust had a baby and whatever. I'm
not sure why, but I had, like,forgotten is the only word I can
use to describe it. Like,basically forgotten about that until,
like, literally Monday thisweek, it was like, he popped up in
(16:43):
my Facebook feed, and I waslike, oh, shit. Wow. And I cried
for, like, five hours. I wentthrough, like, Facebook posts and
found videos that he'd sent Meand like just cried. Well, apparently
I'm grieving DJ right nowbecause it's cause grief and loss.
It is weird and it comes backand hits you at the strangest times
(17:09):
when you're not expecting it.And let me tell you, I cried for
a little bit and then I wasokay. And then suddenly I realized
my daughter, her name isPenelope, but I call her pj. And
I was like, oh my God, have Imade. Have I, like not knowing, unknowingly
(17:34):
named her after dj? And justthe thought of that, like, I got
so overwhelmed and then I justcried more.
You know, I think there's thatradical acceptance piece. It's like
we can't tell when this griefjourney how long it's going to be
and when it's going to happen.And sometimes it takes years and
years. And sometimes, likewhen my grandmother died, I felt
(17:55):
like so equipped to move intothat grief space and move through
it very quickly. And I justlike moved with intention and it
felt so different than the 20years that it took me to process
the grief, losing my mom. Andso, you know, like, that's just part
of being a weird human, youknow, like we, it's. Nothing's linear,
(18:17):
it seems, except for actualtime. And so I think that, I think
that's a wonderful story. I'mglad that it happened. You know,
I'm glad you were able to havethose memories and hopefully process
some of them. And you'reprobably not done, but, you know,
it changes things and itchanges you. So kudos to you. You
know, this episode was like abrand new podcast. Like I, you know,
(18:39):
who knows who was gonnalisten? Did you have anyone that
you knew listen and give youany feedback or did you hear anything
from anyone that maybe listenand you're like, oh, that's the part
you attach to.
No one that I know listened toit, as far as I'm aware. Or they
didn't. It's not very goodfriend, if they did. I don't know.
(19:01):
I mean, I don't, I don't knowbecause I put it on my Facebook and
I think I put it on myLinkedIn too. I don't know how many
people that I'm actuallyconnected with that listen to podcasts.
Who knows, whatever, that'sfine. But we did that like follow
up zoom chat or whatever a fewmonths later. And it was nice to
hear from a few people, youknow, like, that they had listened
(19:23):
to it and what they got out ofit. I'll be honest, I don't know
that anything Surprised meabout what other people got out of
it. But what I will say is Iam surprised listening back to it.
In what way?
Well, without going into toomuch detail, I've had significant
(19:47):
changes in my life since werecorded that. I sold everything.
I sold the business. I soldall the property in Louisiana. I
moved to Washington state, gota new job, and I'm divorced now for
a variety of reasons.
So life looks a little different.
Life is a little different. Right.
So.
And I. And I'm. I don't saythis lightly. I am thriving. And
(20:12):
I will say that there weretimes where I almost wanted to reach
out to you and ask you to,like, take down my episode because
I felt like I was notdisingenuous, but, like, I learned
(20:34):
new things about myself and mysituation that changed my mind about
my relationship. Right. Andbrought some different things into
focus. And I like listeningback to it and hearing a lot of,
(20:55):
like, hope and positivityabout that in particular. Almost
made me want to be like, Idon't want that out there kind of
thing. But then I had toreally, like, sit on it and be like,
you know what? That was myreality then, and that is important.
(21:15):
Like, that doesn't make theKristen of 2022 any less valid than
the Kristen of January 2024.Right. Like, I had grown to that
point. The way I. Where I was,I had learned what I had learned.
Up until that point, I waswhere I needed to be. I was doing
(21:37):
the things I thought I neededto be doing, and I was passionately
and positively going to dothem. Because that's how I do things
is passionately and withpositivity and with more learning
and more growing. I changed mymind on some things, and now I am
passionately and positivelydoing those things. And I think it's.
(22:00):
What is it, a Maya Angelouquote who says, we do the best we
can until we know better andthen we do better? Right. It's something
like that. I totally garbledthat up. But basically that we can
only do the best. We're alldoing our best. Given the level of
awareness and knowledge wehave in any moment, that's all we
(22:22):
can do.
Well, I'm just thinking, youknow, like, to look at that past
version of you, you were. Youwere who you were at that moment
in time. Whether you weremasking some things, whether you
were lying to yourself aboutsome things, that was the level and
the abilities that you had atthat moment. And like, what is evolution
if we can't look at priorversions of ourself? With love and
(22:45):
compassion, you know, I feel like.
Exactly. That's. And that'swhere I was going with that, is that.
That is where I was with thelevel of aw that I was capable of
in that moment. And I am luckythat I have a different level of
awareness now. And that'sgreat. I have grown, and I'm so proud
of that. And I don't look downon my past self at all, because I
(23:08):
was doing the best I could dowith what I had in that moment, and
good job for me, and I havelearned, and I'm so grateful for
it. So that was. It's been alittle humbling for me in that way.
Which is probably not exactly.Exactly what you were going for.
Well, no, I mean, I thinkit's. I. You're not the first person
(23:29):
that's really said that in,like, how different they were in
the time that they recordedwith me.
Yeah.
But I think it's. It's nice tohave this little, like, spot in history
of our life, recording what wesounded like, how we looked at the
world and what we talkedabout. It's kind of interesting in
a. It really isanthropological way.
(23:52):
Exactly. No, you're absolutelyright. And in that way. And that's.
And that's really. You know,once I processed it better, I was
like, okay, you know, this isimportant because it really is. It's
a marker in time that. That isexactly. This is where I was in March
of 2022, and this is where Iam in January of 2024. And in a lot
(24:14):
of ways, I'm the same person.And in some very specific and very
important ways, I have grownleaps and bounds, and I'm so grateful
for the ability to do that,you know, And I couldn't have grown
in this way if I wasn't atthat point two years ago. So.
Yeah. And also in the idea ifwe don't have these markers in time,
if, like, even people that,like, I look at stuff that I wrote
(24:36):
maybe 10 years ago, and I'mlike, who is that person? But also,
you don't realize how muchyou've changed until you see things
like that or hear things likethat, and then you're like, damn,
you know, like, good for me.Yeah, I've done what I needed to
do. And, you know, so I think.And maybe two years from now, you're
going to be like, what was Idoing there? Exactly. And so I think
(25:00):
that's important. And I. Ikind of love that. I love that you
have that journey of, like,oh, crap. I need him to take this
down. But wait a second. Yeah,you know, and you gave yourself grace,
you gave your, your past selfpermission, radical acceptance.
Exactly. Exactly. Like, Ididn't want to have a knee jerk reaction
to anything. So I was like,I'm gonna validate that feeling for
(25:22):
myself that this feelsuncomfortable, that this is out there
and that that's okay. I canfeel that way. And I'm going to sit
on that and really process itand analyze for myself. Why does
it feel uncomfortable? What isit, what is it exactly that I'm uncomfortable
with? Am I, you know, am Ilying to people? No, I'm not. I,
you know, I was genuine when Imade that recording. It's just not.
(25:45):
There's some of it in therethat is no longer true today, but
that's okay. Like that, thatdoesn't have any impact on that,
on its truth from two yearsago. So. Yeah.
Yeah, I love that journey andI think it's important to, to vocalize
and I hope people listeningcan kind of relate to that. And you
(26:07):
know, I think it, it kind offeeds nicely into the way I like
to wrap these up. And I'mwondering if there is someone out
there that's, that's kind oflike itching to maybe share their
story with someone. It doesn'tnecessarily have to be on a podcast
or anything official, but, butmaybe they haven't shared it before.
Is there, is there anyrecommendations or advice you could
give to someone that's liketeetering on the edge of, of, of
(26:31):
letting people in to a littlebit deeper version of themselves?
Yeah, I mean, I tell peopleall the time. I've, I've actually
recommended a few people toyou, but absolutely take the leap
in telling your story tosomeone. It, it's validating in so
many ways, just having someonelisten to your story first of all.
(26:54):
And then the way you do, whereyou listen and you ask very interesting
questions that really helpsomeone to think about their own
story in unique ways, that'svery validating. But also just going
through the motions of puttingyour story all together in a nice
(27:17):
little package and thinkingabout it, it's kind of like that
brain rig regurgitation wetalked about earlier. Like, it's
getting it all out there in away that you maybe not, maybe you
haven't done it before, itjust, it gives you a different perspective
on your own story. Like, yeah,you lived it, but maybe you haven't
actually told it in one, inone's space. Yeah. So anyone who's
(27:43):
on the fence, who's thinkingabout it. I would say just. Just
do it. Just go. Go tell yourstory. Yeah.
Storytelling, I've learnedthrough this process. You know, just
seeing so many people telltheir story, you can tell when they're
ready to tell their story. Youcan tell when they're not ready to
tell their story. But you canalso see the power in telling their
story and the lightness orlike the catharsis like you mentioned.
(28:05):
Yeah.
You know, there's. There'sjust so much power in it and, you
know, the freedom to be trulyyou and share your full, vulnerable
self. I think there's so muchpower in that. I just want to say
thank you for being a part ofthis journey from the very, very
beginning. And then for comingback and doing this Patreon episode.
(28:26):
I. I just appreciate you.
Thank you so much. And thankyou for having me and inviting me
back.
And with that, I will saygoodbye to Kristen. And for those
of you listening to thePatreon episode, thank you so much
for your support. I'm doingthis all myself, so your extra money
that you put towards me everysingle month is really going towards
(28:47):
paying for the software andthe hardware, the cool stuff, and
helping me bring these storiesto light. So thank you again for
that, and I will bring anotherPatreon bonus episode to your ears
next month. So thanks again.For more information, please visit
(29:10):
www.thelife shift podcast.com.
Hello, my friends. I justwanted to drop some special bonus
episodes into the feed thatyou probably have not heard unless
you are a part or an earlypart of the Patreon for the Life
Shift podcast. If you don'tknow, I do have a Patreon. It currently
only has two tiers. One is athree dollar a month tier just to
(00:21):
support what I'm doing, helpscover production costs. And then
there's a five dollar tierwhich will get you episodes early
and just the, I guess, warmfuzzies for help out with the Life
Shift podcast. But I used tohave other tiers where people were
so generous and were offeringadditional money each month to get
(00:41):
bonus episodes and possiblewinnings of T shirts and all sorts
of things. And then I realizeda couple months ago that I wasn't
able to deliver what I wantedto, especially for those of you that
were giving me the extramoney. So right now we're just kind
of doing the early episodes.You'll always get those. So if you
want to support the Life Shiftpodcast, please jump over to patreon.com
(01:02):
forward/thelifeshiftpodpodcast and you can find that information
there. But I come on herebecause I want to share a series
of these bonus episodes that Idid early on in the Patreon journey.
There are like 20 plusepisodes in which I had bonus recordings
with previous guests. So Iwould go back and we would have a
(01:23):
conversation about theexperience of sharing their story
on the Life Shift podcast.Catch up on anything. And I think
these are super important andI know most of them did not see the
light of day from outside ofthe Patreon. So I'm going to be dropping
these episodes. Whateveryou're listening to now is another
episode. So I'm going to usethe same intro for all of them. But
(01:45):
here is one of the bonusepisodes with a former guest from
the Life Shift podcast. And ifyou like this, let me know because
I'm thinking of bringing someof this back and talking to previous
guests as I go into year four.So enjoy this bonus episode that
was once released on thePatreon feed. I'm Matt Gilhooley
(02:07):
and this is the Life Shiftcandid conversations about the pivotal
moments that have changedlives forever. Hey everyone. I am
here with the first episodeguest, Kristen. Hey, Kristen.
(02:30):
Hi. I was expecting you totalk longer and I took a sip of my
drink. Hello.
This is how it's gonna go, folks.
Yep. How are you?
It's honestly a pleasure to beable to reconnect. It's Been a while
since we've actually talked,but for this podcast specifically,
(02:51):
you were the first episodereleased on March 22, 2022, which
is almost two years ago by thetime that this bonus episode comes
out. So the nice thing aboutthis for me, or what's really special
about this for me, is the factthat this was an assignment when.
When we recorded this episodetogether, and you and a handful of
(03:15):
other people, like, trusted meenough to come on and, like, share
your personal story and kindof unveil that with me live, not
knowing exactly what was goingto happen in our conversation. So
just thank you for that. Ireally appreciate it.
Yeah, absolutely. I know itwas. I mean, I was interested in
(03:35):
it for so many reasons. One,because, you know, we've. We've been
friends for a while, and. AndI was just really excited. It sounded
like an interesting premise.And so you're like, will you do this?
I'm like, yeah, absolutely.I'll throw myself out there.
Yeah. And you did. And we. Andyou were the first episode, and I.
And the reason I chose yourepisode first and released yours
with my friend Shauna as well.And so there were two episodes that
(03:57):
came out on the first day, andI chose yours to be the first one
because personally, I couldidentify with your life shift moments
more. And I naturally havefound over the last 122 episodes
that I've recorded is that Igravitate more towards, like, the
trauma and the things that. Ofovercoming these and. And trying
(04:19):
to find our way through theworld after loss. And so that's truly
why I picked yours to be,like, the first one. I mean, Shauna's
came out a couple hours later,so it wasn't that different. You
know, it was just. Your storywas just loss after loss after loss.
And I had one loss that reallyI struggled with for decades, and
(04:41):
I was like, oh, man, how doessomeone like Kristen move through
so many back to back to backto back? And you. You shared with
us that vulnerability and. Andhow you did it. So really appreciate
that. How did you feel aftersharing that story? So you go into
it thinking, okay, well, Ilike the premise, but, like, was
(05:01):
there anything about the wayyou felt after we recorded that episode
that was kind of notable inany kind of way?
Yes, it was. It was catharticin a way, to get it all out in a,
like, in one fell swoop, like,all at the same time. At that point,
(05:25):
when you and I talked aboutit, I had talked about it in therapy
a bunch. Right. I was actuallyseeing a therapist when my dad died.
So I was seeing the therapistkind of in and amongst the time.
It was after my mom had died,so it was after my grandfather had
died, but I think it wasbefore my grandmother had died while
(05:47):
I was pregnant, then when Ihad the baby. So I had, you know,
I had talked about it withtherapists and with my family, of
course, but like sitting downand being like, I'm going to talk
about this, you know, 18 monthto 24 month period in my life, all
in one, kind of one spot, onetime. I had never really put it all
(06:10):
together like that, all in onepackage. And I think after we talked,
I had to kind of sit with itfor a little bit and really be like,
wow, I really. That was a lot,right? That was a lot that I experienced.
(06:31):
And it's surreal. When youlook back at traumatic events, I
think that shock period lastsfor way longer than you realize.
And I had even said that inthe moment. I remember saying that
during our recording thatlike, you know, I was in shock, we
(06:52):
were in shock. That that firstyear was a blur. And that's true.
I didn't realize at the timethat I was still in shock, you know,
And I probably will even lookback at this moment, you know, in
a few years and be like, yeah,I was still recovering because I've
done a heck of a lot morehealing and grieving really in the
(07:14):
last two years since then.
I think there's somethingabout the human condition in which
when we have these traumas, welike, we compartmentalize them because
we need to move through. Andthen another one happens. So then
that gets put in its ownbucket and then another one happens
and gets put in its ownbucket, you know. But I think what
(07:35):
I really remember from yourepisode was like, how much we talked
about the importance oftherapy and the value that it can
bring. Because I think youeven, you know, in mentioning how
having the conversation inthis way was kind of cathartic. It's
like so many of the thingsthat we worry about or stress about
or are grieving or whatever,in our head, they somewhat seem like
(08:00):
worse. And then when we'reable to kind of verbalize it and
put it out and someone elsecan listen to it without any biases,
I. It changes the game in someway because it's not. It's no longer
just sitting in our head, likebouncing back and forth, but now
it's out there. So now we cando something with it.
I call that brainregurgitation. Isn't that a lovely
(08:22):
visual? It Is yeah, you gottalike, you just need to get it out
and get it all out of thebrain and get it out all whatever
that is. Like I visualize likethrowing it all out of my brain onto
a desk and it's everything.It's like words and images and colors
(08:43):
and just being able to have itin front of you and seeing it makes
it, it gives you like actualperspective. Like I visualize being
able to have my thoughts allon this table all jumbled up and
I'm physically stepped backaway from it and looking at and for
(09:06):
whatever reason that is alittle bit more manageable than it
all being jumbled up in mybrain with ping ponged thoughts going,
bouncing off of everything,reacting off things, you know, jumping
from memory to memory andhaving a therapist, you know, if
you can, or at the very leasta very, you know, easygoing friend
(09:29):
who can help you likeregurgitate that brain junk and then
look at it from a distance andget a different perspective on it.
It really does help. And I'llsay too like, especially now, two
years from when we recordedthat, like I'm still a flag flying.
(09:51):
Therapy is for everyone.Therapy is for all times. And I would
like to add to that with like,if you're not vibing with your therapist
or if things change in yourlife where you have different needs
to meet with therapy, switchyour therapists. Because different
therapists have differentexperience and different perspective.
(10:13):
And those differentperspectives can help you look at
things in a completelydifferently, different way to just
help process. I saw a newtherapist, you know, in the last
year and it was remarkable howdifferently I was able to like look
at and process things that Ihad gone over a million times before.
(10:34):
You know, it's like, no, I've,I've talked about this before. I'm
not, I'm not soul traumatizedby this. And I talk about it with
a new therapist and she'slike, I think you are.
I think, yeah, I agree. It's.You have to find the right fit first
too. Like if it's your firsttime, you don't assume that the first
person you find in, you know,your work list of therapists that
(10:59):
you can go to for insurance orwhatever that may be is going to
be the one that is perfect foryou. Definitely be okay with being
like, well, this one didn'tfeel right. It needs to feel, you
need to feel safe. You need to feel.
Yes.
That it is something where youcan share it without. I mean, I don't
think it's a judgment thatthey Have. It's just you need to
(11:21):
feel safe to do it. And Ithought, you know, what was. What's
great about that conversationwas really just the emphasis on therapy.
And you also coined. I don'tknow if you coined it.
I did not. I stole it.
You also stole and saidradical acceptance. And it really
stuck with me, especially for,like, the first year, because, you
(11:43):
know, I think. I think. Ithink part of the reason that it
stuck with me personally isbecause when you start a new project,
like a. Like a podcast, youstart a new something, you kind of
feel like an imposter. Andit's a. Yeah. And like, sometimes
it's okay to do that. And so,like, that radical acceptance idea
was always like, you know,you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed
(12:03):
and whatnot. But that's okay.You're human and you're moving through
this process. And so that wasjust really pivotal in a way that
I kept bringing it up withpeople for a while just because I
loved that idea that, like,however we are, at whatever time,
it's okay. We're human. We'rekind of working through this. This
process together.
You know what's funny aboutthat is, like, I did re. Listen to
(12:26):
my own episode, and then Ilistened to a bunch of episodes that.
That first year, and I would.Every time you would bring it up,
the radical acceptance, Iwould, like, giggle just because
I was like, yeah, he's. Youknow, whatever. It was funny. What's
interesting is, like, I keepreminding myself of that. That radical
(12:47):
acceptance, because it's soeasy to either get bogged down in
whatever it is you're feeling,you're frustrated about something
or stressed out. It's so easyto either get bogged down in it that
you can't see the forest forthe trees. Like, all you can do is
focus that feeling and notpast it. Or what I tend to do is
(13:13):
ignore it. Like, oh, Ishouldn't be. I shouldn't be feeling
like this. And then I just,like, pop it in a little box in my
brain and ignore it. And like,well, I'm just not gonna feel that.
That's. That's. That's. Idon't have time for that. And that
radical acceptance, if you'reactually practicing it, what that
(13:34):
means is paying attention andvalidating your feelings to yourself,
whatever that is. And you haveto actually process those feelings
in order to move past them.Yeah, yeah.
You put them away, they'restill going to come back.
Right. That doesn't work verywell. Yeah. So I re. Relearn from
(14:02):
myself. The radical acceptancepart, like, daily. I don't know,
at least weekly, a lot. Yeah.
It aligns nicely with theidea, I think, you know, for those
of us that have experiencedgreat loss in our life and great
meaning big. It aligns with,like, the only advice I can ever
give people after they losesomeone is really, truly allowing
(14:26):
yourself to feel however youfeel and be okay with that. If you
are so devastatingly sad,that's okay. If you're mad and you're
angry, that's okay. If youlaugh once in a while, that's okay,
too. And so it kind of really,like, aligns with that only advice
that I can give people after aloss is. Is truly, like, something
(14:48):
like, radical acceptance.Like, it's all okay. You're just
being a human.
Absolutely. You know what'sinteresting is literally, Matt, just,
like, Monday, I think I. I'mgonna say I had the epiphany. I knew
this, but I had an epiphanythat in the midst of all the losses
(15:11):
that I talked to you aboutduring my podcast, I'd forgotten
one DJ passed away. Our coworker, and he was a very close friend
of mine in between all ofthat. He passed away about a month
after I had had Oliver, andhe. Before I had moved to Louisiana,
(15:35):
he had come to visit me inAustin. Like, we were close, and
we had literally just talked.The night before the hurricane was
coming in, he was having ahurricane party. I was in bed with
my newborn baby, nursing orsomething, and he and I were texting,
and he was telling me aboutall the food he was gonna cook, and
I was like, okay, I love youso much. Be safe. I hope you don't
lo. And the next. Let's see. Ididn't hear from him the next day.
(16:00):
And then the day after, ourother friend Chi Chi texted me and
said, did you hear about dj?And I was like, no. What happened?
Did his house get hit orsomething? And she's like, no, he
died. And I'm like, I'm sorry.What? You know, like, just complete
bewilderment and that. I thinkbecause he was so young and because
(16:23):
I just talked to him and Ijust had a baby and whatever. I'm
not sure why, but I had, like,forgotten is the only word I can
use to describe it. Like,basically forgotten about that until,
like, literally Monday thisweek, it was like, he popped up in
(16:43):
my Facebook feed, and I waslike, oh, shit. Wow. And I cried
for, like, five hours. I wentthrough, like, Facebook posts and
found videos that he'd sent Meand like just cried. Well, apparently
I'm grieving DJ right nowbecause it's cause grief and loss.
It is weird and it comes backand hits you at the strangest times
(17:09):
when you're not expecting it.And let me tell you, I cried for
a little bit and then I wasokay. And then suddenly I realized
my daughter, her name isPenelope, but I call her pj. And
I was like, oh my God, have Imade. Have I, like not knowing, unknowingly
(17:34):
named her after dj? And justthe thought of that, like, I got
so overwhelmed and then I justcried more.
You know, I think there's thatradical acceptance piece. It's like
we can't tell when this griefjourney how long it's going to be
and when it's going to happen.And sometimes it takes years and
years. And sometimes, likewhen my grandmother died, I felt
(17:55):
like so equipped to move intothat grief space and move through
it very quickly. And I justlike moved with intention and it
felt so different than the 20years that it took me to process
the grief, losing my mom. Andso, you know, like, that's just part
of being a weird human, youknow, like we, it's. Nothing's linear,
(18:17):
it seems, except for actualtime. And so I think that, I think
that's a wonderful story. I'mglad that it happened. You know,
I'm glad you were able to havethose memories and hopefully process
some of them. And you'reprobably not done, but, you know,
it changes things and itchanges you. So kudos to you. You
know, this episode was like abrand new podcast. Like I, you know,
(18:39):
who knows who was gonnalisten? Did you have anyone that
you knew listen and give youany feedback or did you hear anything
from anyone that maybe listenand you're like, oh, that's the part
you attach to.
No one that I know listened toit, as far as I'm aware. Or they
didn't. It's not very goodfriend, if they did. I don't know.
(19:01):
I mean, I don't, I don't knowbecause I put it on my Facebook and
I think I put it on myLinkedIn too. I don't know how many
people that I'm actuallyconnected with that listen to podcasts.
Who knows, whatever, that'sfine. But we did that like follow
up zoom chat or whatever a fewmonths later. And it was nice to
hear from a few people, youknow, like, that they had listened
(19:23):
to it and what they got out ofit. I'll be honest, I don't know
that anything Surprised meabout what other people got out of
it. But what I will say is Iam surprised listening back to it.
In what way?
Well, without going into toomuch detail, I've had significant
(19:47):
changes in my life since werecorded that. I sold everything.
I sold the business. I soldall the property in Louisiana. I
moved to Washington state, gota new job, and I'm divorced now for
a variety of reasons.
So life looks a little different.
Life is a little different. Right.
So.
And I. And I'm. I don't saythis lightly. I am thriving. And
(20:12):
I will say that there weretimes where I almost wanted to reach
out to you and ask you to,like, take down my episode because
I felt like I was notdisingenuous, but, like, I learned
(20:34):
new things about myself and mysituation that changed my mind about
my relationship. Right. Andbrought some different things into
focus. And I like listeningback to it and hearing a lot of,
(20:55):
like, hope and positivityabout that in particular. Almost
made me want to be like, Idon't want that out there kind of
thing. But then I had toreally, like, sit on it and be like,
you know what? That was myreality then, and that is important.
(21:15):
Like, that doesn't make theKristen of 2022 any less valid than
the Kristen of January 2024.Right. Like, I had grown to that
point. The way I. Where I was,I had learned what I had learned.
Up until that point, I waswhere I needed to be. I was doing
(21:37):
the things I thought I neededto be doing, and I was passionately
and positively going to dothem. Because that's how I do things
is passionately and withpositivity and with more learning
and more growing. I changed mymind on some things, and now I am
passionately and positivelydoing those things. And I think it's.
(22:00):
What is it, a Maya Angelouquote who says, we do the best we
can until we know better andthen we do better? Right. It's something
like that. I totally garbledthat up. But basically that we can
only do the best. We're alldoing our best. Given the level of
awareness and knowledge wehave in any moment, that's all we
(22:22):
can do.
Well, I'm just thinking, youknow, like, to look at that past
version of you, you were. Youwere who you were at that moment
in time. Whether you weremasking some things, whether you
were lying to yourself aboutsome things, that was the level and
the abilities that you had atthat moment. And like, what is evolution
if we can't look at priorversions of ourself? With love and
(22:45):
compassion, you know, I feel like.
Exactly. That's. And that'swhere I was going with that, is that.
That is where I was with thelevel of aw that I was capable of
in that moment. And I am luckythat I have a different level of
awareness now. And that'sgreat. I have grown, and I'm so proud
of that. And I don't look downon my past self at all, because I
(23:08):
was doing the best I could dowith what I had in that moment, and
good job for me, and I havelearned, and I'm so grateful for
it. So that was. It's been alittle humbling for me in that way.
Which is probably not exactly.Exactly what you were going for.
Well, no, I mean, I thinkit's. I. You're not the first person
(23:29):
that's really said that in,like, how different they were in
the time that they recordedwith me.
Yeah.
But I think it's. It's nice tohave this little, like, spot in history
of our life, recording what wesounded like, how we looked at the
world and what we talkedabout. It's kind of interesting in
a. It really isanthropological way.
(23:52):
Exactly. No, you're absolutelyright. And in that way. And that's.
And that's really. You know,once I processed it better, I was
like, okay, you know, this isimportant because it really is. It's
a marker in time that. That isexactly. This is where I was in March
of 2022, and this is where Iam in January of 2024. And in a lot
(24:14):
of ways, I'm the same person.And in some very specific and very
important ways, I have grownleaps and bounds, and I'm so grateful
for the ability to do that,you know, And I couldn't have grown
in this way if I wasn't atthat point two years ago. So.
Yeah. And also in the idea ifwe don't have these markers in time,
if, like, even people that,like, I look at stuff that I wrote
(24:36):
maybe 10 years ago, and I'mlike, who is that person? But also,
you don't realize how muchyou've changed until you see things
like that or hear things likethat, and then you're like, damn,
you know, like, good for me.Yeah, I've done what I needed to
do. And, you know, so I think.And maybe two years from now, you're
going to be like, what was Idoing there? Exactly. And so I think
(25:00):
that's important. And I. Ikind of love that. I love that you
have that journey of, like,oh, crap. I need him to take this
down. But wait a second. Yeah,you know, and you gave yourself grace,
you gave your, your past selfpermission, radical acceptance.
Exactly. Exactly. Like, Ididn't want to have a knee jerk reaction
to anything. So I was like,I'm gonna validate that feeling for
(25:22):
myself that this feelsuncomfortable, that this is out there
and that that's okay. I canfeel that way. And I'm going to sit
on that and really process itand analyze for myself. Why does
it feel uncomfortable? What isit, what is it exactly that I'm uncomfortable
with? Am I, you know, am Ilying to people? No, I'm not. I,
you know, I was genuine when Imade that recording. It's just not.
(25:45):
There's some of it in therethat is no longer true today, but
that's okay. Like that, thatdoesn't have any impact on that,
on its truth from two yearsago. So. Yeah.
Yeah, I love that journey andI think it's important to, to vocalize
and I hope people listeningcan kind of relate to that. And you
(26:07):
know, I think it, it kind offeeds nicely into the way I like
to wrap these up. And I'mwondering if there is someone out
there that's, that's kind oflike itching to maybe share their
story with someone. It doesn'tnecessarily have to be on a podcast
or anything official, but, butmaybe they haven't shared it before.
Is there, is there anyrecommendations or advice you could
give to someone that's liketeetering on the edge of, of, of
(26:31):
letting people in to a littlebit deeper version of themselves?
Yeah, I mean, I tell peopleall the time. I've, I've actually
recommended a few people toyou, but absolutely take the leap
in telling your story tosomeone. It, it's validating in so
many ways, just having someonelisten to your story first of all.
(26:54):
And then the way you do, whereyou listen and you ask very interesting
questions that really helpsomeone to think about their own
story in unique ways, that'svery validating. But also just going
through the motions of puttingyour story all together in a nice
(27:17):
little package and thinkingabout it, it's kind of like that
brain rig regurgitation wetalked about earlier. Like, it's
getting it all out there in away that you maybe not, maybe you
haven't done it before, itjust, it gives you a different perspective
on your own story. Like, yeah,you lived it, but maybe you haven't
actually told it in one, inone's space. Yeah. So anyone who's
(27:43):
on the fence, who's thinkingabout it. I would say just. Just
do it. Just go. Go tell yourstory. Yeah.
Storytelling, I've learnedthrough this process. You know, just
seeing so many people telltheir story, you can tell when they're
ready to tell their story. Youcan tell when they're not ready to
tell their story. But you canalso see the power in telling their
story and the lightness orlike the catharsis like you mentioned.
(28:05):
Yeah.
You know, there's. There'sjust so much power in it and, you
know, the freedom to be trulyyou and share your full, vulnerable
self. I think there's so muchpower in that. I just want to say
thank you for being a part ofthis journey from the very, very
beginning. And then for comingback and doing this Patreon episode.
(28:26):
I. I just appreciate you.
Thank you so much. And thankyou for having me and inviting me
back.
And with that, I will saygoodbye to Kristen. And for those
of you listening to thePatreon episode, thank you so much
for your support. I'm doingthis all myself, so your extra money
that you put towards me everysingle month is really going towards
(28:47):
paying for the software andthe hardware, the cool stuff, and
helping me bring these storiesto light. So thank you again for
that, and I will bring anotherPatreon bonus episode to your ears
next month. So thanks again.For more information, please visit
(29:10):
www.thelife shift podcast.com.
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