May 11, 2025 • 27 mins
Marty Klein returns for a bonus episode where we dive into his journey since his original appearance on The Life Shift Podcast. The main takeaway from our chat is how sharing his story about losing his mom at a young age has impacted him and helped him reflect on the deeper shifts it created in his life.
We discuss the nuances of dealing with grief, the importance of talking about it openly, and how sharing experiences can lead to unexpected connections with others. Marty shares how he initially felt unsure about sharing his story but found that it sparked important conversations with friends and family. We also touch on how revisiting these stories can help us understand not just the shifts themselves, but the ongoing effects they have on our lives.
The Life Shift Rewind
I’m excited to share bonus episodes from Patreon, where I revisited past guests to discuss what has changed and the value of sharing their stories. Since I currently only have the lower tiers available, I wanted to make these conversations accessible to the public feed. If you'd like to support the show directly, please consider joining the $3 or $5 tier on Patreon – www.patreon.com/thelifeshiftpodcast.
This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:
Podcorn - https://podcorn.com/privacy
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello my friends. I justwanted to drop some special bonus
episodes into the feed thatyou probably have not heard unless
you are a part or an earlypart of the Patreon for the Life
Shift Podcast. If you don'tknow, I do have a Patreon. It currently
only has two tiers. One is athree dollar a month tier just to
(00:21):
support what I'm doing, helpscover production costs. And then
there's a five dollar tierwhich will get you episodes early
and just the, I guess warmfuzzies for help out with the Life
Shift Podcast. But I used tohave other tiers where people were
so generous and were offeringadditional money each month to get
(00:41):
bonus episodes and possiblewinnings of T shirts and all sorts
of things. And then I realizeda couple months ago that I wasn't
able to deliver what I wantedto, especially for those of you that
were giving me the extramoney. So right now we're just kind
of doing the early episodes.You'll always get those. So if you
want to support the Life Shiftpodcast, please jump over to patreon.com
(01:02):
forward/thelifeshiftpodpodcast and you can find that information
there. But I come on herebecause I want to share a series
of these bonus episodes that Idid early on in the Patreon Journey.
There are like 20 plusepisodes in which I had bonus recordings
with previous guests. So Iwould go back and we would have a
(01:23):
conversation about theexperience of sharing their story
on the Life Shift Podcast.Catch up on anything. And I think
these are super important andI know most of them did not see the
light of day from outside ofthe Patreon. So I'm going to be dropping
these episodes. Whateveryou're listening to now is another
episode. So I'm going to usethe same intro for all of them. But
(01:45):
here is one of the bonusepisodes with a former guest from
the Life Shift Podcast. And ifyou like this, let me know because
I'm thinking of bringing someof this back and talking to previous
guests as I go into year four.So enjoy this bonus episode that
was once released on thePatreon feed. I'm Matt Gilhooley
(02:07):
and this is the Life ShiftCandid conversations about the pivotal
moments that have changedlives forever. Marty Klein is here.
He was episode 8 8. So thankyou for being a guinea pig in this
(02:28):
bonus episode Journey.
Thanks for having me back.
Now, before I get started onthe questions, I just want to let
everyone know if you'relistening this bonus episode. I really
want to create an opportunityto revisit with the guests that I
had earlier in the season andkind of ask very similar questions
of everyone to just see like,what the experience was like, sharing
(02:52):
their story, if they heardanything. So we have some standard
questions that we're going togo through. And in this bonus episode,
I think it'll be helpful tojust remind people of your story
and you were around episodeeight. I think it was episode eight.
And I was super interested inhearing your story when we had that
conversation. And I think forboth of us, I think it revealed a
(03:15):
couple things. So you want tojust remind us a snapshot of what
your story was that you sharedon the life shift?
My life shift was that I lostmy mom at age 13 and I talked about
how my life was before that asan only child with my mom and dad
together raising me, and thenthe circumstances surrounding her
(03:35):
death, which was of cancer.And relatively quickly, within about
three months from originaldiagnosis to her passing. We didn't
get too much into the after ofthat, but we did get to at least
discuss how my life has beensince then. And since we share that
event in common, we comparedour stories a little bit, even though
(03:58):
they are different in somepretty profound ways that I'm sure
we'll talk about today alittle bit. But that was mine.
It's funny, I remember afriend of mine was listening and
she found our conversation sointeresting because we had, like
you said, a similar eventhappen in our lives in very different
ways. And the way that ourlives changed were was actually quite
(04:22):
different from each other. Sothat being said, after you share
the story and after it wasdone, how did you feel, you know,
wrapping the recording?
I didn't feel anything inparticular. I just. Other than the
fact that I rarely get to talkabout that subject in a focused setting
for an hour. I don't evenremember the last time I really told
(04:44):
that story. Beginning to end.But I went about my day afterwards.
It wasn't. It didn't make methink so much. I just, I got it all
out. We did our thing.
It was.
You were starting up thepodcast. I don't even remember if
the first episode had come outyet. So I wasn't trying to live up
to anything. I guess I didn'treally get to think about things
(05:05):
more until it came out, untilthe episode dropped and other people
got to hear it.
I mean, that makes sense. Wewere. I don't think we were launched.
I think we had recorded, or Ihad recorded maybe 10 episodes before
we. I launched the podcast. Idon't know why I keep saying we,
but you were part of thatjourney and I remember you were saying,
(05:28):
well, I don't even know, like,I just want to help you out, Matt.
I just want to share my story.I don't really know like what's going
to come of it. So when youheard the episode for the first time,
was there, like, what'd you think?
Well, first it had been aboutsix weeks, I think, between recording
and it coming out. And Iremember not knowing if I wanted
(05:50):
to share the episode. I wantedto see how I felt I came across and
if I, what I left out or whatI included that I wished I hadn't
said. And I wasn't reallycommitted to telling anyone about
it other than helping youlaunch your podcast and specifically
my own family members, becausethis was a family event in my life.
(06:14):
I didn't know. I wanted to befully honest about the story. But
also if I put myself in mydad's shoes or my uncle or aunt's
shoes or my cousin's shoes,how would they feel now listening
back? And so that's when itcame out and I listened back to it.
I listened to it especiallywith an ear for that. And immediately
(06:35):
when it was over, I knew Iwanted to share it not just with
friends and maybe Facebookacquaintances, but with family members.
I didn't mind. I didn't carewho would hear about it because it
was a subject that, not that Idon't talk about, but that I'm rarely
asked about and thereforedon't get to talk about. I think
(06:56):
I even said that at the end ofmy episode of both specifically with
my story and many of this.Some of these stories that are on
your podcast over time aresubjects that other people will shy
away from or assume are taboo.When I will mention that my mom passed
away when I was younger, Irarely get follow up questions to
(07:18):
that. And one thing I wantedpeople to hear from this is that
at least in my case, I don'tmind, I don't mind talking about
it. In fact, you could sayit's a way to keep my mom's memory
alive or whatnot. And that'sone of the things that came out of
sharing the story is theunderstanding that it's okay to talk
about delicate subjects.
(07:40):
I remember at the end of yourepisode you said I invite more people
to ask me about it and sharethese stories. And I definitely connected
with that. I, I am differentfrom you in that way, is that I'm
very much will share itwithout people asking and, and give
more Details. And I think partof that comes from my experience
(08:03):
compared to your experienceafter losing our mothers. In my case,
I felt very alone, as I wasthe only person who had ever lost
a mother. Nobody around meknew how to support that. And my
life was so different the nextday. Not saying that yours wasn't,
but I moved from one state toanother. I had to start at a different
(08:28):
school. And in yourexperience, when I was listening
to it, I don't know if jealousis the right word, but the experience
of hearing how you had thistragic event in your life, but you
were also able to continuethings that were comfortable and
things that felt normal inother aspects of your life. And so
(08:51):
that's really what stood outto me. And the reason that I do this
podcast and the reason that Ishare so much, I think stems from
the fact that I felt so alonein that, that I just wanted to be
heard.
Yeah. Again, after the episodecame out, I really considered more
of what it means, what thetitle means. The Life Shift. I assumed,
(09:14):
oh, pick me, I have a greatlife shift. My mom died at 13. And
someone externally can say,absolutely, that must have been a
huge life shift for you. AfterI got done telling the story, beginning,
middle, and end, and with someof the context that you just mentioned,
again, compared to your ownlosing of your mom when you were
(09:36):
young, there wasn't that muchof a shift right away. My life did
not completely change.Obviously it did in certain ways,
but my routine didn't change.My house didn't change, my school
didn't change, My friendsdidn't change. And I think because
of that, I was able to latchon to what was consistent in what
(09:58):
had not changed in my life andmove on and move forward, using those
skills that I had built up tothe age of 13 almost to minimize
the shift in my life. And I'vejust understood that to be my story.
And I'm very comfortabletalking about my story. But it wasn't
(10:19):
until really since thisepisode came out that I've started
to think about that more interms of maybe I'm not. I've buried
or have not really unpacked asmuch. The ways that my life did shift
since then. Maybe not that dayor the following week or the following,
(10:40):
you know, several yearscontinuing at my own school, but
how my life really did shift,having lost my mom in ways that I
had not really understood. AndI think that this show had just kind
of reopened that topic for meto really to dive deeper into those
areas.
(11:01):
I think sometimes we tend toAlso minimize things that, to others
would be a very significantshift. So I think it's not fair to
use to say, oh, maybe itwasn't quite a life shift. It was.
It was a big thing. And it isprobably why both of us are the way
(11:21):
we are at this point in ourlives, because of the things that
happened around that maybe,like you said, maybe not the week
after, maybe not the dayafter, but because of that, we are
who we are. But I like that itcaused you to kind of maybe see if
there was more to unpack or atleast think about it. And for those
(11:41):
of you listening to theepisode, Marty is, like, very much
my weekly critic, in a goodway, because he's so invested in
hearing the stories of, like,what life was like, and then what
moment changed things and,like, what was that change and how
do we react to it?
I think you can learn a lotfrom somebody in crisis. Now, I understand
(12:05):
that not every guest of theLife Shift podcast is talking about
a crisis moment or a death orsome sort of grief. Sometimes it's
something that they'rechoosing to do to shift their life,
and those have been verycompelling as well. But maybe because
of my story, I learned more orI'm more drawn to. To those stories
(12:29):
where the shift happenedexternally and their attitude or
their reaction is tested. Whathappens next? This is. It's been
very. You called me a weeklycritic. I listened to every episode,
and I. And I love it, but I. Ijust. I love the ones that have a
(12:49):
direct Life Shift, becausethat's the name of the show. Those
are my favorites.
I think there is something tosay that having had an uncontrollable
shift in our lives, we mightnaturally be drawn to that and to
see how others reacted versushow we reacted or how we were able
(13:09):
to use those moments. So Ithink whether that's conscious or
not, I think. I think that itis something that I am also drawn
to, not to say that I'm notmesmerized by people that, you know,
like my friend Shauna, whoopened her mailbox one day and that
was, like, done. My life haschanged from this moment. Looking
(13:30):
at a male, and I'm like, youknow what that can happen? I just
recorded with someone who aphone call really was the thing.
And so you never know. And Ithink what I like about this show
is that I'm able to talk topeople about the human experience
and whether we've learned fromwhat we've been given and are we
grateful for those moments, astough as they may be, or as positive
(13:54):
as they may be. So back toyou, though. After you release it,
I know you shared it withother people. Did you get any feedback
from unexpected people or nofeedback from the expected ones?
Yeah, actually, both. Both ofthose two, actually. I'll start with
the second one because Ididn't. I didn't really try hard
(14:16):
to get everybody to listen. Iput it up on Facebook and I shared
your story, your Instagramstory on my Instagram. And I actually,
I got more of the eclecticgroup that then I heard from a day
or two later and said, I justlistened to your episode, which was
kind of out of the blue, andit opened up a new conversation with
(14:37):
someone maybe I didn't have asregular a communication with. But
by contrast to that, there aresome people whom I thought would
be first on it that might wantto learn about a different side of
me or really get to hear moreabout something that they knew about.
But to my point earlier,didn't really want to ask about or
hadn't asked about. And theydidn't. Either they didn't listen
(15:00):
or they didn't tell meafterwards, which would be more unusual.
So that. That did surprise mea bit. But those who did were complimentary,
of course. And one evenapologized for not asking me more
about that topic. And he said,I'm so sorry. I'm one of those people
(15:21):
that you mentioned at the endthat I knew that you lost your mom,
but I didn't know why,actually. And even some who I'm closer
to just didn't remember. Oh, Ijust remembered I heard from a very
close friend of mine from.From that time again, I was 13. So
this is middle school andwe're Facebook friends. Like I said,
(15:41):
he saw it on Facebook, helistened to it, he reached out to
me. We are not regularly incontact anymore, but that spurred.
We were in close contact forthe next two weeks. We got on the
phone with each other, talkedfor 90 minutes. Not specifically
about this, but he rememberedsome details that I didn't leave
out. I just didn't remembermyself. He remembered that I came
(16:04):
into school that day for aboutan hour because he remembered sitting
in the administrator's officewith me. I said, no, I don't think
I did that. He's like, no, no,I was. I was there too, and my mom
hadn't just died. So I think Ido remember this a little bit. So
that rekindled thatrelationship, so to speak. And it
really brought to light, notjust in that one example, but he
(16:27):
was remembering things fromOur childhood that I had no memory
of. I had different memoriesthat he had forgotten. We had some
memories of the same eventsthat were different. It just goes
to show over the years howwith the things that stick in our
memories and the things thatdon't. And I was very thankful, I
will say, to. To rekindle thatrelationship from, from back then.
(16:48):
I don't know if you want totalk about it, but I feel like you
mentioned that a family memberreached out to you, like an aunt
or something along thoselines, to. To mention some stuff
about listening. I don't knowif there's any details there, but
I feel like there's not.
A lot of detail there. It wasa cousin of mine who was traveling
with my aunt. My aunt I hadactually mentioned in the episode
(17:09):
is she was the first. Shedidn't live in California where this
took place. And she and myuncle got on a plane after she passed
that morning to come out tosee us. And she was the one that
immediately I broke down withwhen she arrived. As a mother herself,
as I was relatively close toher, my cousin, her daughter reached
(17:32):
out to me, like the day thatit came out, the episode that is,
and said, oh, my gosh, I'mgonna listen. I'm gonna be on an
airplane soon. I'm gonnalisten to this on the airplane and
I'm gonna share it with mymom, who's not as tech savvy, I don't
think, but make sure that shelistens to it. And I heard back from
my cousin afterwards. Andagain, even though we're family members,
she didn't live in California,didn't have as thorough of a memory.
(17:55):
She didn't remember how quickthe illness was. She gave me a little
bit of feedback, but I. I didnot hear directly back from my aunt.
I. I have to assume that shedidn't end up listening or she forgot,
because I think had she, Iwould have. And maybe I'll follow
up with her, but that's not. Idon't want to be like, hey, did you
listen to my podcast? I mean,I don't. It didn't feel right to
(18:18):
keep following up with otherpeople about it. They'll listen if
they want to.
Of course. I. I think there'ssomething to be said about sharing
our story. I know earlier youmentioned how you weren't sure if
you were going to share itbecause you didn't want other people
to feel a certain way. And I,and I get that as well. When I did
(18:40):
my episode, I just shared itall and I knew that there was a chance
that certain people were goingto listen to it. And what came from
that for me was I had a reallygreat conversation with my dad afterwards.
And to your point about, youknow, your classmate remembering
(19:01):
things differently, like hismemory of those moments are different
than mine as well, and it justled to a really nice conversation
in which he was like, I'msorry, I didn't realize that you
felt certain ways. And. And Iwas like, that's fine. We were doing
the best that we knew how todo. We weren't equipped, not a lot
(19:23):
of people are equipped to. Tohandle this situation. And so, you
know, it's always interestingto me when someone close hears one
of these more traumaticexperience stories and how. And how
that connection goes. Sothat's why I asked you a little bit
about that.
In your case, you had a lot ofupside down moments during that period
(19:47):
at the time. And in myretelling of the story, I don't think
anybody would say, I didn'tknow you were feeling those things
at that time, because I reallydid keep going. I just put cruise
control on and kept going.However, now we're recording this
right around Thanksgiving.This is one of the examples of how
(20:10):
just the retelling of this andthinking about it. In the last few
months, this topic has been onmy mind, maybe in the background.
We're right aroundThanksgiving and my family is different
from others. I don't have thestereotypical mom in the kitchen,
or at least at Thanksgiving,hosting a dozen people. I don't have
(20:32):
the kind of family that maybeI wish I did or that, or that others
do that I see. You know, allmy life I've been. If I can't control
it, I just shut it out. Andthis year in particular, since this
episode came out, I've beenmore likely to allow myself to recognize
(20:56):
that my life turned out alittle different because of this.
I did have a shift, and it'sokay to be a little sad or jealous
or wonder what my life wouldhave been like otherwise. Whereas
I probably in the past 30years, 25 years, have been more likely
to just ignore those types of feelings.
(21:17):
I say that's a win. I think.You know, I think that's. That's
a good thing. I think a lot ofpeople don't ask us about our situations
because they're uncomfortablewith what comes next. Right. And
if we are vulnerable afterthat fact and then we get shut down,
we're afraid of that. So I'mproud of you for just even saying
(21:39):
that. Out loud that, thatmaybe there are things that, that
you do miss and that Iunderstand that jealousy thing. I
think that that family pieceis. Is different. I found, you know,
having my life changed so muchled me to seek out other mothers
always. So whenever I wouldmake friends, their mom would almost
(22:02):
become that mother figure inthat space. And so I've been fortunate
enough to find that each timeor each like, phase of my life, I
should say. And so sometimesthe holidays get filled by those
moments. So fortunately I havethat. But I understand what you're
saying.
Not only have you been a goodexample of that, but many of your
(22:25):
guests have also. Like I said,just listening to other guests on
the Life Shift podcast hasimproved my perspective maybe or
just changed it or seeing howothers have reconciled or coped with
their feelings. That's my newnot challenge. Maybe it is a challenge
for me, but in this nextchapter, I'm challenging myself.
(22:49):
Well, and speaking of that,were there episodes that stood out
to you more than others orthat maybe you connected with.
Our brains just can't operateat this crisis mode forever. We have
to come down to stasis at somepoint. Hearing about those stories,
in watching a dramatic thinghappen and then how to. How to put
(23:14):
the pieces back together,things will never be normal again.
But in establishing the nextchapter or the new normal, maybe
without that person, it can'talways be dramatic. You have to eventually
settle into new routines andfind ways to memorialize that person
or move on. And that processcan be faster or slower based on
(23:37):
the person, but it's alwayscompelling to hear those stories.
It's interesting how theseother stories resonate with us. I
know there's even otherstories where you're like this random
moment that so and so saidthis. It really made me think about
this part of my life. Andthat's kind of the goal, right, of
(23:58):
this whole show. And, andthat, that this human experience
is a lot more, you know,similar to each other than it is
different. Whether theexperience is crazy different or
the same there I.
Unfortunately, I can'tremember the details or exactly the
guest or what was said at thispoint in time, but I've. I have been
(24:20):
listening to every episode,but some episodes I have stopped
the episode just to spend afew minutes reverberating what the
guest just said, whether it'ssomething that they, that they learned
or something that happened inthat. In their story to them. That
there's been, there's beentimes that have really kind of been
(24:42):
mind blowing for me justlistening. So hopefully Every episode
will have that for somebody,and I'm sure they do.
No, I appreciate it. Pleasedon't stop sharing your thoughts
on these episodes because itreally, it's just so interesting
to just have theseconversations. And I like having
the conversation with youabout someone else's story. So I
(25:04):
appreciate you and being apart of this early part of the journey.
And now that we're in seasontwo, I just recorded episode 47.
So, I mean, this is justgoing. You were number eight. Thank
you for that. Is thereanything else that you would want,
people that are consideringsharing their story or anything about
being a part of this? I'llcall it a community of the life shift
(25:27):
guests. Is there anything youwant others to know?
Well, certainly if somebody isconsidering it, stop considering
it and just do it. Also, onething that's come out of certain
episodes has been they've comeon to talk about their life shift.
And through discussing it andyou leading the story along and actually
going back and pausing andasking more about certain pieces,
(25:50):
have revealed that their realshift was maybe just before or just
after what they thought theywere talking about. And. And that's
been pretty profound to listento also. So, yeah, I would encourage
more people to. To be openabout whatever big shifts that they
have had in their lives. Ican't say it was scary for me necessarily
(26:13):
to agree to record, butcertainly scary for me to be more
public about it and to reallynot care who listens to it. And that's
only. I've never regrettedthat at all since doing this. So
if anything, it's shown methat these are the subjects that
we should be talking aboutmore than just what did you watch
(26:35):
on TV this weekend?
And I did not tell you to saythat, but I think that's a perfect
encapsulation of the goal isjust like, share the story, share
the human experiences and thegood, bad, ugly. All the parts of
us are important and we shouldtalk about them because I'm pretty
sure that there's at least oneother person out there that's going
(26:57):
to connect with what you'resaying or feel the same way. So thank
you again for being a part ofthis, being a part of the bonus material,
just being a listener. It'sgood to know you, my friend.
My pleasure. And likewise.Thanks for having me again.
(27:25):
For more information, pleasevisit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.
Hello my friends. I justwanted to drop some special bonus
episodes into the feed thatyou probably have not heard unless
you are a part or an earlypart of the Patreon for the Life
Shift Podcast. If you don'tknow, I do have a Patreon. It currently
only has two tiers. One is athree dollar a month tier just to
(00:21):
support what I'm doing, helpscover production costs. And then
there's a five dollar tierwhich will get you episodes early
and just the, I guess warmfuzzies for help out with the Life
Shift Podcast. But I used tohave other tiers where people were
so generous and were offeringadditional money each month to get
(00:41):
bonus episodes and possiblewinnings of T shirts and all sorts
of things. And then I realizeda couple months ago that I wasn't
able to deliver what I wantedto, especially for those of you that
were giving me the extramoney. So right now we're just kind
of doing the early episodes.You'll always get those. So if you
want to support the Life Shiftpodcast, please jump over to patreon.com
(01:02):
forward/thelifeshiftpodpodcast and you can find that information
there. But I come on herebecause I want to share a series
of these bonus episodes that Idid early on in the Patreon Journey.
There are like 20 plusepisodes in which I had bonus recordings
with previous guests. So Iwould go back and we would have a
(01:23):
conversation about theexperience of sharing their story
on the Life Shift Podcast.Catch up on anything. And I think
these are super important andI know most of them did not see the
light of day from outside ofthe Patreon. So I'm going to be dropping
these episodes. Whateveryou're listening to now is another
episode. So I'm going to usethe same intro for all of them. But
(01:45):
here is one of the bonusepisodes with a former guest from
the Life Shift Podcast. And ifyou like this, let me know because
I'm thinking of bringing someof this back and talking to previous
guests as I go into year four.So enjoy this bonus episode that
was once released on thePatreon feed. I'm Matt Gilhooley
(02:07):
and this is the Life ShiftCandid conversations about the pivotal
moments that have changedlives forever. Marty Klein is here.
He was episode 8 8. So thankyou for being a guinea pig in this
(02:28):
bonus episode Journey.
Thanks for having me back.
Now, before I get started onthe questions, I just want to let
everyone know if you'relistening this bonus episode. I really
want to create an opportunityto revisit with the guests that I
had earlier in the season andkind of ask very similar questions
of everyone to just see like,what the experience was like, sharing
(02:52):
their story, if they heardanything. So we have some standard
questions that we're going togo through. And in this bonus episode,
I think it'll be helpful tojust remind people of your story
and you were around episodeeight. I think it was episode eight.
And I was super interested inhearing your story when we had that
conversation. And I think forboth of us, I think it revealed a
(03:15):
couple things. So you want tojust remind us a snapshot of what
your story was that you sharedon the life shift?
My life shift was that I lostmy mom at age 13 and I talked about
how my life was before that asan only child with my mom and dad
together raising me, and thenthe circumstances surrounding her
(03:35):
death, which was of cancer.And relatively quickly, within about
three months from originaldiagnosis to her passing. We didn't
get too much into the after ofthat, but we did get to at least
discuss how my life has beensince then. And since we share that
event in common, we comparedour stories a little bit, even though
(03:58):
they are different in somepretty profound ways that I'm sure
we'll talk about today alittle bit. But that was mine.
It's funny, I remember afriend of mine was listening and
she found our conversation sointeresting because we had, like
you said, a similar eventhappen in our lives in very different
ways. And the way that ourlives changed were was actually quite
(04:22):
different from each other. Sothat being said, after you share
the story and after it wasdone, how did you feel, you know,
wrapping the recording?
I didn't feel anything inparticular. I just. Other than the
fact that I rarely get to talkabout that subject in a focused setting
for an hour. I don't evenremember the last time I really told
(04:44):
that story. Beginning to end.But I went about my day afterwards.
It wasn't. It didn't make methink so much. I just, I got it all
out. We did our thing.
It was.
You were starting up thepodcast. I don't even remember if
the first episode had come outyet. So I wasn't trying to live up
to anything. I guess I didn'treally get to think about things
(05:05):
more until it came out, untilthe episode dropped and other people
got to hear it.
I mean, that makes sense. Wewere. I don't think we were launched.
I think we had recorded, or Ihad recorded maybe 10 episodes before
we. I launched the podcast. Idon't know why I keep saying we,
but you were part of thatjourney and I remember you were saying,
(05:28):
well, I don't even know, like,I just want to help you out, Matt.
I just want to share my story.I don't really know like what's going
to come of it. So when youheard the episode for the first time,
was there, like, what'd you think?
Well, first it had been aboutsix weeks, I think, between recording
and it coming out. And Iremember not knowing if I wanted
(05:50):
to share the episode. I wantedto see how I felt I came across and
if I, what I left out or whatI included that I wished I hadn't
said. And I wasn't reallycommitted to telling anyone about
it other than helping youlaunch your podcast and specifically
my own family members, becausethis was a family event in my life.
(06:14):
I didn't know. I wanted to befully honest about the story. But
also if I put myself in mydad's shoes or my uncle or aunt's
shoes or my cousin's shoes,how would they feel now listening
back? And so that's when itcame out and I listened back to it.
I listened to it especiallywith an ear for that. And immediately
(06:35):
when it was over, I knew Iwanted to share it not just with
friends and maybe Facebookacquaintances, but with family members.
I didn't mind. I didn't carewho would hear about it because it
was a subject that, not that Idon't talk about, but that I'm rarely
asked about and thereforedon't get to talk about. I think
(06:56):
I even said that at the end ofmy episode of both specifically with
my story and many of this.Some of these stories that are on
your podcast over time aresubjects that other people will shy
away from or assume are taboo.When I will mention that my mom passed
away when I was younger, Irarely get follow up questions to
(07:18):
that. And one thing I wantedpeople to hear from this is that
at least in my case, I don'tmind, I don't mind talking about
it. In fact, you could sayit's a way to keep my mom's memory
alive or whatnot. And that'sone of the things that came out of
sharing the story is theunderstanding that it's okay to talk
about delicate subjects.
(07:40):
I remember at the end of yourepisode you said I invite more people
to ask me about it and sharethese stories. And I definitely connected
with that. I, I am differentfrom you in that way, is that I'm
very much will share itwithout people asking and, and give
more Details. And I think partof that comes from my experience
(08:03):
compared to your experienceafter losing our mothers. In my case,
I felt very alone, as I wasthe only person who had ever lost
a mother. Nobody around meknew how to support that. And my
life was so different the nextday. Not saying that yours wasn't,
but I moved from one state toanother. I had to start at a different
(08:28):
school. And in yourexperience, when I was listening
to it, I don't know if jealousis the right word, but the experience
of hearing how you had thistragic event in your life, but you
were also able to continuethings that were comfortable and
things that felt normal inother aspects of your life. And so
(08:51):
that's really what stood outto me. And the reason that I do this
podcast and the reason that Ishare so much, I think stems from
the fact that I felt so alonein that, that I just wanted to be
heard.
Yeah. Again, after the episodecame out, I really considered more
of what it means, what thetitle means. The Life Shift. I assumed,
(09:14):
oh, pick me, I have a greatlife shift. My mom died at 13. And
someone externally can say,absolutely, that must have been a
huge life shift for you. AfterI got done telling the story, beginning,
middle, and end, and with someof the context that you just mentioned,
again, compared to your ownlosing of your mom when you were
(09:36):
young, there wasn't that muchof a shift right away. My life did
not completely change.Obviously it did in certain ways,
but my routine didn't change.My house didn't change, my school
didn't change, My friendsdidn't change. And I think because
of that, I was able to latchon to what was consistent in what
(09:58):
had not changed in my life andmove on and move forward, using those
skills that I had built up tothe age of 13 almost to minimize
the shift in my life. And I'vejust understood that to be my story.
And I'm very comfortabletalking about my story. But it wasn't
(10:19):
until really since thisepisode came out that I've started
to think about that more interms of maybe I'm not. I've buried
or have not really unpacked asmuch. The ways that my life did shift
since then. Maybe not that dayor the following week or the following,
(10:40):
you know, several yearscontinuing at my own school, but
how my life really did shift,having lost my mom in ways that I
had not really understood. AndI think that this show had just kind
of reopened that topic for meto really to dive deeper into those
areas.
(11:01):
I think sometimes we tend toAlso minimize things that, to others
would be a very significantshift. So I think it's not fair to
use to say, oh, maybe itwasn't quite a life shift. It was.
It was a big thing. And it isprobably why both of us are the way
(11:21):
we are at this point in ourlives, because of the things that
happened around that maybe,like you said, maybe not the week
after, maybe not the dayafter, but because of that, we are
who we are. But I like that itcaused you to kind of maybe see if
there was more to unpack or atleast think about it. And for those
(11:41):
of you listening to theepisode, Marty is, like, very much
my weekly critic, in a goodway, because he's so invested in
hearing the stories of, like,what life was like, and then what
moment changed things and,like, what was that change and how
do we react to it?
I think you can learn a lotfrom somebody in crisis. Now, I understand
(12:05):
that not every guest of theLife Shift podcast is talking about
a crisis moment or a death orsome sort of grief. Sometimes it's
something that they'rechoosing to do to shift their life,
and those have been verycompelling as well. But maybe because
of my story, I learned more orI'm more drawn to. To those stories
(12:29):
where the shift happenedexternally and their attitude or
their reaction is tested. Whathappens next? This is. It's been
very. You called me a weeklycritic. I listened to every episode,
and I. And I love it, but I. Ijust. I love the ones that have a
(12:49):
direct Life Shift, becausethat's the name of the show. Those
are my favorites.
I think there is something tosay that having had an uncontrollable
shift in our lives, we mightnaturally be drawn to that and to
see how others reacted versushow we reacted or how we were able
(13:09):
to use those moments. So Ithink whether that's conscious or
not, I think. I think that itis something that I am also drawn
to, not to say that I'm notmesmerized by people that, you know,
like my friend Shauna, whoopened her mailbox one day and that
was, like, done. My life haschanged from this moment. Looking
(13:30):
at a male, and I'm like, youknow what that can happen? I just
recorded with someone who aphone call really was the thing.
And so you never know. And Ithink what I like about this show
is that I'm able to talk topeople about the human experience
and whether we've learned fromwhat we've been given and are we
grateful for those moments, astough as they may be, or as positive
(13:54):
as they may be. So back toyou, though. After you release it,
I know you shared it withother people. Did you get any feedback
from unexpected people or nofeedback from the expected ones?
Yeah, actually, both. Both ofthose two, actually. I'll start with
the second one because Ididn't. I didn't really try hard
(14:16):
to get everybody to listen. Iput it up on Facebook and I shared
your story, your Instagramstory on my Instagram. And I actually,
I got more of the eclecticgroup that then I heard from a day
or two later and said, I justlistened to your episode, which was
kind of out of the blue, andit opened up a new conversation with
(14:37):
someone maybe I didn't have asregular a communication with. But
by contrast to that, there aresome people whom I thought would
be first on it that might wantto learn about a different side of
me or really get to hear moreabout something that they knew about.
But to my point earlier,didn't really want to ask about or
hadn't asked about. And theydidn't. Either they didn't listen
(15:00):
or they didn't tell meafterwards, which would be more unusual.
So that. That did surprise mea bit. But those who did were complimentary,
of course. And one evenapologized for not asking me more
about that topic. And he said,I'm so sorry. I'm one of those people
(15:21):
that you mentioned at the endthat I knew that you lost your mom,
but I didn't know why,actually. And even some who I'm closer
to just didn't remember. Oh, Ijust remembered I heard from a very
close friend of mine from.From that time again, I was 13. So
this is middle school andwe're Facebook friends. Like I said,
(15:41):
he saw it on Facebook, helistened to it, he reached out to
me. We are not regularly incontact anymore, but that spurred.
We were in close contact forthe next two weeks. We got on the
phone with each other, talkedfor 90 minutes. Not specifically
about this, but he rememberedsome details that I didn't leave
out. I just didn't remembermyself. He remembered that I came
(16:04):
into school that day for aboutan hour because he remembered sitting
in the administrator's officewith me. I said, no, I don't think
I did that. He's like, no, no,I was. I was there too, and my mom
hadn't just died. So I think Ido remember this a little bit. So
that rekindled thatrelationship, so to speak. And it
really brought to light, notjust in that one example, but he
(16:27):
was remembering things fromOur childhood that I had no memory
of. I had different memoriesthat he had forgotten. We had some
memories of the same eventsthat were different. It just goes
to show over the years howwith the things that stick in our
memories and the things thatdon't. And I was very thankful, I
will say, to. To rekindle thatrelationship from, from back then.
(16:48):
I don't know if you want totalk about it, but I feel like you
mentioned that a family memberreached out to you, like an aunt
or something along thoselines, to. To mention some stuff
about listening. I don't knowif there's any details there, but
I feel like there's not.
A lot of detail there. It wasa cousin of mine who was traveling
with my aunt. My aunt I hadactually mentioned in the episode
(17:09):
is she was the first. Shedidn't live in California where this
took place. And she and myuncle got on a plane after she passed
that morning to come out tosee us. And she was the one that
immediately I broke down withwhen she arrived. As a mother herself,
as I was relatively close toher, my cousin, her daughter reached
(17:32):
out to me, like the day thatit came out, the episode that is,
and said, oh, my gosh, I'mgonna listen. I'm gonna be on an
airplane soon. I'm gonnalisten to this on the airplane and
I'm gonna share it with mymom, who's not as tech savvy, I don't
think, but make sure that shelistens to it. And I heard back from
my cousin afterwards. Andagain, even though we're family members,
she didn't live in California,didn't have as thorough of a memory.
(17:55):
She didn't remember how quickthe illness was. She gave me a little
bit of feedback, but I. I didnot hear directly back from my aunt.
I. I have to assume that shedidn't end up listening or she forgot,
because I think had she, Iwould have. And maybe I'll follow
up with her, but that's not. Idon't want to be like, hey, did you
listen to my podcast? I mean,I don't. It didn't feel right to
(18:18):
keep following up with otherpeople about it. They'll listen if
they want to.
Of course. I. I think there'ssomething to be said about sharing
our story. I know earlier youmentioned how you weren't sure if
you were going to share itbecause you didn't want other people
to feel a certain way. And I,and I get that as well. When I did
(18:40):
my episode, I just shared itall and I knew that there was a chance
that certain people were goingto listen to it. And what came from
that for me was I had a reallygreat conversation with my dad afterwards.
And to your point about, youknow, your classmate remembering
(19:01):
things differently, like hismemory of those moments are different
than mine as well, and it justled to a really nice conversation
in which he was like, I'msorry, I didn't realize that you
felt certain ways. And. And Iwas like, that's fine. We were doing
the best that we knew how todo. We weren't equipped, not a lot
(19:23):
of people are equipped to. Tohandle this situation. And so, you
know, it's always interestingto me when someone close hears one
of these more traumaticexperience stories and how. And how
that connection goes. Sothat's why I asked you a little bit
about that.
In your case, you had a lot ofupside down moments during that period
(19:47):
at the time. And in myretelling of the story, I don't think
anybody would say, I didn'tknow you were feeling those things
at that time, because I reallydid keep going. I just put cruise
control on and kept going.However, now we're recording this
right around Thanksgiving.This is one of the examples of how
(20:10):
just the retelling of this andthinking about it. In the last few
months, this topic has been onmy mind, maybe in the background.
We're right aroundThanksgiving and my family is different
from others. I don't have thestereotypical mom in the kitchen,
or at least at Thanksgiving,hosting a dozen people. I don't have
(20:32):
the kind of family that maybeI wish I did or that, or that others
do that I see. You know, allmy life I've been. If I can't control
it, I just shut it out. Andthis year in particular, since this
episode came out, I've beenmore likely to allow myself to recognize
(20:56):
that my life turned out alittle different because of this.
I did have a shift, and it'sokay to be a little sad or jealous
or wonder what my life wouldhave been like otherwise. Whereas
I probably in the past 30years, 25 years, have been more likely
to just ignore those types of feelings.
(21:17):
I say that's a win. I think.You know, I think that's. That's
a good thing. I think a lot ofpeople don't ask us about our situations
because they're uncomfortablewith what comes next. Right. And
if we are vulnerable afterthat fact and then we get shut down,
we're afraid of that. So I'mproud of you for just even saying
(21:39):
that. Out loud that, thatmaybe there are things that, that
you do miss and that Iunderstand that jealousy thing. I
think that that family pieceis. Is different. I found, you know,
having my life changed so muchled me to seek out other mothers
always. So whenever I wouldmake friends, their mom would almost
(22:02):
become that mother figure inthat space. And so I've been fortunate
enough to find that each timeor each like, phase of my life, I
should say. And so sometimesthe holidays get filled by those
moments. So fortunately I havethat. But I understand what you're
saying.
Not only have you been a goodexample of that, but many of your
(22:25):
guests have also. Like I said,just listening to other guests on
the Life Shift podcast hasimproved my perspective maybe or
just changed it or seeing howothers have reconciled or coped with
their feelings. That's my newnot challenge. Maybe it is a challenge
for me, but in this nextchapter, I'm challenging myself.
(22:49):
Well, and speaking of that,were there episodes that stood out
to you more than others orthat maybe you connected with.
Our brains just can't operateat this crisis mode forever. We have
to come down to stasis at somepoint. Hearing about those stories,
in watching a dramatic thinghappen and then how to. How to put
(23:14):
the pieces back together,things will never be normal again.
But in establishing the nextchapter or the new normal, maybe
without that person, it can'talways be dramatic. You have to eventually
settle into new routines andfind ways to memorialize that person
or move on. And that processcan be faster or slower based on
(23:37):
the person, but it's alwayscompelling to hear those stories.
It's interesting how theseother stories resonate with us. I
know there's even otherstories where you're like this random
moment that so and so saidthis. It really made me think about
this part of my life. Andthat's kind of the goal, right, of
(23:58):
this whole show. And, andthat, that this human experience
is a lot more, you know,similar to each other than it is
different. Whether theexperience is crazy different or
the same there I.
Unfortunately, I can'tremember the details or exactly the
guest or what was said at thispoint in time, but I've. I have been
(24:20):
listening to every episode,but some episodes I have stopped
the episode just to spend afew minutes reverberating what the
guest just said, whether it'ssomething that they, that they learned
or something that happened inthat. In their story to them. That
there's been, there's beentimes that have really kind of been
(24:42):
mind blowing for me justlistening. So hopefully Every episode
will have that for somebody,and I'm sure they do.
No, I appreciate it. Pleasedon't stop sharing your thoughts
on these episodes because itreally, it's just so interesting
to just have theseconversations. And I like having
the conversation with youabout someone else's story. So I
(25:04):
appreciate you and being apart of this early part of the journey.
And now that we're in seasontwo, I just recorded episode 47.
So, I mean, this is justgoing. You were number eight. Thank
you for that. Is thereanything else that you would want,
people that are consideringsharing their story or anything about
being a part of this? I'llcall it a community of the life shift
(25:27):
guests. Is there anything youwant others to know?
Well, certainly if somebody isconsidering it, stop considering
it and just do it. Also, onething that's come out of certain
episodes has been they've comeon to talk about their life shift.
And through discussing it andyou leading the story along and actually
going back and pausing andasking more about certain pieces,
(25:50):
have revealed that their realshift was maybe just before or just
after what they thought theywere talking about. And. And that's
been pretty profound to listento also. So, yeah, I would encourage
more people to. To be openabout whatever big shifts that they
have had in their lives. Ican't say it was scary for me necessarily
(26:13):
to agree to record, butcertainly scary for me to be more
public about it and to reallynot care who listens to it. And that's
only. I've never regrettedthat at all since doing this. So
if anything, it's shown methat these are the subjects that
we should be talking aboutmore than just what did you watch
(26:35):
on TV this weekend?
And I did not tell you to saythat, but I think that's a perfect
encapsulation of the goal isjust like, share the story, share
the human experiences and thegood, bad, ugly. All the parts of
us are important and we shouldtalk about them because I'm pretty
sure that there's at least oneother person out there that's going
(26:57):
to connect with what you'resaying or feel the same way. So thank
you again for being a part ofthis, being a part of the bonus material,
just being a listener. It'sgood to know you, my friend.
My pleasure. And likewise.Thanks for having me again.
(27:25):
For more information, pleasevisit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com