April 27, 2025 • 27 mins
Rachel Fiorello returns to The Life Shift Podcast to share her journey since her first appearance, where she opened up about the profound loss of her husband, Matt. This conversation digs into how sharing her story has helped her navigate grief, allowing her to honor Matt while creating new memories with their daughters. Rachel reflects on the cathartic nature of storytelling and the importance of maintaining connections to loved ones, even after they are gone.
We explore the challenges she faces as a single parent and how she’s making an effort to embrace experiences that Matt would have enjoyed with the family, like trips to Disney. It’s a heartfelt reminder of the ongoing journey of grief and the significance of cherishing the moments we have.
The Life Shift Rewind
I’m excited to share bonus episodes from Patreon, where I revisited past guests to discuss what has changed and the value of sharing their stories. Since I currently only have the lower tiers available, I wanted to make these conversations accessible to the public feed. If you'd like to support the show directly, please consider joining the $3 or $5 tier on Patreon – www.patreon.com/thelifeshiftpodcast.
This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello, my friends. I justwanted to drop some special bonus
episodes into the feed thatyou probably have not heard unless
you are a part or an earlypart of the Patreon for the Life
Shift Podcast. If you don'tknow, I do have a Patreon. It currently
only has two tiers. One is athree dollar a month tier just to
(00:21):
support what I'm doing, helpscover production costs. And then
there's a five dollar tierwhich will get you episodes early
and just the, I guess, warmfuzzies for help out with the Life
Shift Podcast.
But I used to have other tiers.
Where people were so generousand were offering additional money
each month to get bonusepisodes and possible winnings of
(00:44):
T shirts and all sorts ofthings. And then I realized a couple
months ago that I wasn't ableto deliver what I wanted to, especially
for those of you that weregiving me the extra money. So right
now we're just kind of doingthe early episodes. You'll always
get those. So if you want tosupport the Life Shift Podcast, please
jump over to patreon.comforward/thelifeshiftpod podcast and
you can find that informationthere. But I come on here because
(01:08):
I want to share a series ofthese bonus episodes that I did early
on in the Patreon journey.There are like 20 plus episodes in
which I had bonus recordingswith previous guests. So I would
go back and we would have aconversation about the experience
of sharing their story on theLife Shift podcast. Catch up on anything.
(01:30):
And I think these are superimportant and I know most of them
did not see the light of dayfrom outside of the Patreon. So I'm
going to be dropping theseepisodes. Whatever you're listening
to now is another episode, soI'm going to use the same intro for
all of them. But here is oneof the bonus episodes with a former
guest from the Life ShiftPodcast. And if you like this, let
(01:52):
me know because I'm thinkingof bringing some of this back and
talking to previous guests asI go into year four. So enjoy this
bonus episode that was oncereleased on the Patreon feed. I'm
Matt Gilhooley and this is the.
Life Shift candidconversations about the pivotal.
Moments that have changedlives forever.
(02:22):
Here we are with another bonusepisode and as a reminder, I'm talking
to former guests of the LifeShift Podcast and today is my friend
Rachel. Hey, Rachel.
Hi.
It's nice to see you again andnice to have you back. You were so
early in the Life ShiftPodcast journey that it's been a
while.
Yeah. Thanks for having me.I'm excited to be back.
(02:44):
So, as you know, I'm justgoing to kind of talk about, you
know, any kind of feelings orthings that happened after we had
our conversation and releasedthe episode. And just as a reminder
to. To the people listening,you were episode nine, and you took
us on a journey and your life.You're still, you know, kind of working
through that journey, but yourstory was about when you lost your
(03:06):
husband, Matt, and how youwere able to find a new normal with
your daughters and continuehonoring your husband, which I think
was the most impactful for meof your story was what you do regularly
to remind your daughters andremind yourself of the journey that
(03:27):
you were on with your husband.Mat. You know, that's just a brief
recap of what your episode wasabout, saying that how did you feel
after we pressed stop. Afterwe stopped talking about kind of
recording your story?
For me, I. It's weird. It'salmost cathartic in a way, to share
(03:50):
what has happened to us. Fornot only, like, I think myself, but
also I have friends who alwayslisten to my story any way I tell
it. So I think personally, forme, it's. I. I will talk about my
story as much as I can,because just like you said, it also
(04:11):
helps me keep Matt here. Like,it keep. And it helps me remember
those little things from justbefore that day, on that day. Like,
you know, little moments thathave happened that you. That kind
of drop off on the spectrum,like, as life continues, you know,
And I. I genuinely, like. Ithink sometimes people don't know
(04:35):
what to say to me or don'tknow how. And I'm like, no, please.
Like, I will tell you thestory again. Like, I want to talk
about him. I want to talkabout what happened. Because sometimes
I feel like I'm still livingin a bit of a fog. And when I say
it again, I'm like, oh, mygosh. Or, like, each time I say it,
I'm like, oh, I can't believethat happened. Or, you know, something
(04:55):
like that. So I genuinely feelgood and also get a chance to kind
of reflect and, like, honorMatt. Each time I talk about it,
you.
Know, I vividly remember,like, towards the end of the episode,
you kind of took a moment toreflect on how far you've also come
(05:18):
and kind of mentioned how faryou came, but how far you haven't
gone in that journey. And soit's always interesting to me when
we look to your point ofsharing these stories. I will Forever
talk about my grief journeyand the things that I did wrong.
In my opinion, having faced adifferent bout of grief later on,
(05:40):
losing my grandmother. Andit's interesting because people shy
away from it. Like you said.Like, a lot of people will be like,
oh, I don't want to touch thattopic because I don't want to do
xyz. I don't want to upsether. I don't want, you know, whatever
that may be, when in allreality, many of us want to talk
about it for a myriad ofreasons. Okay, first question. Did
(06:03):
you listen to yourself? Didyou listen to the episode after?
Absolutely. Of course I did. Yeah.
How did you feel listening toyourself tell your story?
I only have two recordedversions of me talking about what
happened. One is on my ownpodcast and one is on yours. And
(06:26):
I've gone back and listened toboth multiple times because, again,
it helps kind of keep me inthe before sometimes, which I miss
and want to remind myself of.So, absolutely, I listen to it. I.
(06:51):
Every time I hear it, it makesme sad, like, and it brings you right
back to the emotions you feltas you're sharing. Like, as if I'm
sitting right there. And eventhough I may not remember, like,
oh, I said it that way, or,like, oh, I said this in this way,
it. You can feel your ownemotions watching, you know, or hearing
yourself tell your story.
(07:12):
I always listen. My favoritething about listening to my own episodes,
and this sounds really, like,narcissistic or something, but I
feel like I don't remember theconversations because I try to be
so present in the actualconversation that sometimes I'm listening.
I'm like, I don't remembersaying that. Did you have any of
those moments where you'relike, oh, wow, that's not something
(07:34):
I normally share.
Not really. But what I doafterwards, I'm always like, oh,
my gosh, did I really saythat? Or did I go too far into this
topic? Or did I say too muchabout this? And when I go back and
listen, I'm like, oh, okay.No, I kind of left myself where I
wanted to be or didn't divetoo far into that one topic as I
(07:54):
thought I did or didn't wantto. And I'd walk away usually feeling
like, okay, it was okay.
It worked out.
Yeah.
Did you get any. I guess thequestion is more feedback related.
Did you hear from people youdidn't expect to hear from? Did you
hear or did you not hear frompeople you expected to hear from?
(08:18):
Either way, No, I. Idefinitely. I mean, I heard from
people who listened and whoare close to me. And they, you know,
say, like, you know, you did.It was beautiful. Like, you, you
know, you. You did a greatjob. And it was. You did a beautiful
job sharing the story. Therewere some things, and I don't know
(08:39):
if this is what you were justasking me a minute ago, but something
I really actually did want totalk about is what I kind of revealed
to myself within my story, forsure, because I actually sent the
episode to some people wantingthem to hear certain things I said
(08:59):
in my story. And. Andactually, you just brought it up
a minute ago when you said,you know, at the end, you kind of,
you know, talked about how faryou've come and how far you haven't
come. And it was in thatmoment and listening back to myself
that I was actually reallyproud of myself, and I was really
(09:24):
surprised at how I said orexplain my current outlook on life.
That's one of the things Ilook, you know, thought back on after
I recorded and was like, oh,shoot, like, what did I say there?
Did I, you know, say too much?Did I not say enough? Did I sound
weird? And, like, have peoplethink, you know, that I'm, like,
(09:44):
off on this weird path? Andwhen I listened back to it, I was,
like, really proud of the waythat I verbalize my thoughts. And
that is what I wanted peopleto kind of take away from it. So
when I heard it back, I, likeI said, I took it and I sent it to
some people, wanting them tolisten to that, because I don't think
when it comes to grief, andespecially, you know, all grief is
(10:08):
terrible. None of it iscomparable. No one should ever, you
know, people have told me,like, well, yours is much worse than
mine. No, everybody.Everybody's grief is the same because
to them, it's a part of theirworld that is now gone, right, or
missing or. Or whatever thecase may be. I think for me personally,
the. The trauma that wasassociated with it in how young Matt
(10:29):
was and how unexpected it wasand how young our daughters are,
what our future looks like.You know, all these things that I
really want. I. When I talk topeople about grief, I could say it
a million times. Any one of uswho have. Who have experienced grief
(10:51):
can say it a million times.You don't understand or feel the
magnitude of it until you'refaced, you know, with a situation
like that. And I thinkespecially, and for you, too, with
your mom, like, being so youngand having it truly affect and mold
where your life went fromthere. And I try to explain to people.
(11:12):
And you hear this all thetime. You read it all the time. Like,
oh, appreciate every day. Younever know what you have until it's
gone. You know, you're. Youtake advantage, you know, while you
have it. Tomorrow is notpromised, but truly like it. My outlook
on life is completelydifferent because I could walk out
of my house after we get off,you know, here, and that could be
(11:34):
it for me. So I don't thinkpeople realize how true that is and
to, like, truly live and feelwhat you have, like, everybody there
is somebody who has it wayworse at all times. And I try to
tell myself that, like, I. Mycleaning ladies are here right now,
(11:57):
and I was just talking to herabout it and like, the stuff she
was telling me, I was like,oh, my gosh, like, it's awful. And.
And then I'm sitting herethinking, like, you know, she's talking
a little bit about herhusband, and I'm like, oh, geez,
I just wish my husband werehere, you know, and so. But it doesn't
matter because, like, I am solucky. Like, I am so lucky to have
(12:19):
had this love and thisbeautiful life. And. And I still
do, you know, and so it's justthis weird dynamic that I try to,
like, explain to people. And Ithink that's the biggest thing that
I took away from it. That'slike the biggest thing I kind of
revealed to myself. Like, yes,that is so true. You just. You have
(12:43):
to look at life differentlythan, like, I'm waking up today and
I gotta go to work and, youknow, and I'm just living the moat,
like, what. The motions andall those things. It's so much deeper
than that. And we can'treally, like, experience and appreciate
life until you can, like, feelthe enormity of that.
(13:06):
Well, and it's hard too,right? Because how do you tell someone
until you. Until you gothrough it yourself and have such
a tragic, traumaticexperience, you're not really going
to understand. But I think youarticulated that very well in your
episode. And I, you know, it.It was clear you're still on your
journey. And I think we allare, right? And we have to. Not every
(13:29):
day is going to be the mostbeautiful day ever, right? But there
are moments probably in everyday that we can appreciate that we
can see the growth that we'vehad. I mean, I shared on my story,
my grief journey when I lostmy mom since I was so young. It took
me 20 plus years to.
(13:50):
To.
To feel like I had. I don'tknow if Close the door on grief is.
Is the right term, but feellike I was no longer living in that
grief journey, if that makessense. And it's like, I don't know.
I mean, I think you're on agood place or you're in a good place
(14:12):
because you have thisawareness now of what this grief
journey looks like. You havethis experience of the before, right?
You have the experience of themoment, you have the experience after.
But you're so hyper aware ofhow your daughters are experiencing
life now and how you'recommitting to maintaining the memory
(14:33):
of their father and yourhusband and doing things in service
of that, but also stillcreating this new version of life
for your daughters. And Ithink I didn't have that because
I think, you know, at thetime, my dad was forced into being,
you know, a dual parentwithout the equipment, without the
ability or the wherewithal.And because society wasn't there
(14:57):
yet, like, we weren't justtalking about it. We didn't have,
you know, podcasts where otherpeople are sharing their stories
to realize, oh, I'm not theonly one facing all these things.
And so I. I completely getthat. I. I love that you. You saw
that in yourself or that itrevealed to you, you know, this.
That life should be cherishedor time is valuable. On one of these
(15:22):
other bonus episodes, I talkedto my friend Adrian, and she. She
said, you know, time is the.The biggest gift you can give someone
else. Right. And so as we. Ifwe can honor that in everything that
we do, I think we win.
I was actually talking tosomeone yesterday. She was telling
me she, you know, she and herhusband are having a hard time and
they're considering divorce.And I told her, like, and she looked
(15:45):
so sad, and she was so upsetand looked at her, and I was like,
it will get better. No matterwhat the outcome is, it will get
better. Nobody is ever goingto be stuck in this place forever.
Right. And I was trying to,like, relay that message to her.
And you can't see it whenyou're in it. You know, you can look
(16:06):
back and.
Be like, you're never getting out.
Yeah. Like, so I was justtrying to remind her of that. And
I think that's something thatwe need to do a good job at helping
people remember when ourfriends or family members are having
a bad day, like, you are notgoing to be in this place forever.
It is going to get better. Andactually, on the flip side of, like,
as positive as I try to be,and as you know, I try to share all
(16:30):
of the things that I try to doto keep Matt's memory alive. I have
to say that, you know, there'sa lot of negative that has affected
my life currently. And youknow, what I assume to be most likely
long term. Like it is. This isso weird maybe for some people to
(16:55):
understand, but, you know, myMatt and I would go to my dad's house
very often and we would spend,I don't know, maybe like I want to
say, if not once a week, likeevery other week we would have dinner
there. You know, we bring thegirls and. And everybody. My brother
would be there, my. My nephewsand I have a really hard time now
going to my dad's house. Andit's my dad, it's my family. I love
(17:18):
my family with all my heart. Ihave such a hard time doing certain
things that seem to, like,make sense. Like, why would I not.
Why would that be an issue?And I think it's just like the. Everything
falls on my shoulders. So,like, I now have to, like, plan the
(17:38):
day to like, you know, gothere and spend time there. And then
I got to get the girls homeand then it's late and then I'm by
myself and I still have towalk the dog and I have to get the
girls to in bed. And it's allthese things. And so sometimes in
my mind it's easier to like,not do it. So while I say, like,
we have to appreciate thesemoments and do all these things,
(18:00):
like, I fall into that samerut because sometimes I find that,
like, it's really hard for meto do some things that we always
did.
I mean, I get that. I. Ithink, you know, nobody wants to
hear advice when they're goingthrough something, right? Like you're
like, in this moment and youtell your friends it's going to get
(18:22):
better, and they're like, no,it's not. It's going to be terrible
forever. So my. I've. I'vekind of resorted to telling people
that are going through reallytough moments that it is okay to
feel however you are feelingat any moment in time. You are a
human. So, like, you know,maybe that situation will get better,
(18:44):
you know, over time and maybethose situations. And it's totally
fine to feel fine to feelterrible about it or to like, hate
doing something, or to justwake up and just not have a good
day. Like, just feel liketoday sucks. That's okay. Like, at
this journey in my life orthis point in my journey, I just.
(19:04):
I just acknowledge it and I'mlike, I just don't feel right today.
I'm just going to go throughthe motions. I know I'm not going
to stay in this momentforever. I know it's, you know, things
are going to change, and thensuddenly, like a day later, I'm like,
I feel fine now. You know,like, it's. We're humans. It's this
whole science thing that's,you know, creating all these moments.
And I think the best piece ofadvice I can give people is to just
(19:27):
be okay being whatever you areat whatever moment in time. Just
be. Be a dang human, you know?You know, going back to that, the
feedback question, I will saythat I had so many of my friends,
or even not friends, justlisteners, reach out to me after
your episode, and I had onefriend. Just like your storytelling
(19:48):
was also just reallycompelling because you. You painted
the picture. You put us in themoment, and you made people feel.
Which I think is the mostimportant thing about this podcast
is, like, that people can makethese connections. Like, we're, you
know, like I was just saying,we're all human. And to be able to
relate to another human thatyou don't necessarily know is so
(20:11):
impactful. So I heard from somany people, and they were just sending
their love and light to you,you know, not even knowing you because
of the impact that you made ontheir heart. Even when I ask other
people, like, what's yourfavorite episode? Or which one's?
I don't know. Favorite's theright word. But what episode sticks
with you the most? A lot ofthem say you. And, you know, and
(20:32):
so they're all thinking of youwhether you know them or not, you
know, and that's such a coolthing. And you do the same thing
on your podcast that you mightresurrect at some point that we were
talking about before werecorded. But, you know, you do the
same thing. You're sharingthese love stories in all different
facets of life, and people arefeeling a connection to other humans.
(20:55):
So thank you. I appreciatethat. Thank you.
I just want to say thank youfor just. For being a part of it.
Do you have any updates aboutyour life? Anything good going on
or anything that you want toshare that's different from when
you recorded?
Oh, gosh, let's see. You know,I'm trying to. This is another one
(21:18):
of those things I have a hardtime with is. This is also going
to sound awful, but I have ahard time doing things with the girls,
like, because I feel like I'malone and not, you know, Experiencing
it with Matt. So I have beentrying to do a better job at taking
(21:38):
them on fun adventures, and Ithink this past year, I've done that.
We just went to Kennedy Spacecenter. We. For Arden's birthday,
she wanted to go to Disney. SoI was like, usually I would have
tried to talk her out of it.And I was like, nope, if that's what
she wants to do, we're gonnago to Disney. And that's something
that Matt really enjoyed doingwith the girls going to Disney. And
that's something like, myoldest always talks about being in
(22:01):
Disney with Matt. So that, tome, was a huge step. You know, little
things like that, like tryingnot to say no to things that just
make it EAS easier for me andjust doing it.
How do you feel after those moments?
I'm so happy all the time thatI did it, you know, and seeing the
girls happy about it, ofcourse. And I always know that that's
going to be the case. I thinkI'm in my personality as well. I'm
(22:24):
very like, type A, so I'mvery, like, regimented and scheduled.
And so when it throws us offand then they're not going to bed
on time or, like, gettingenough sleep, I'm trying to work
through it on my own to, like,get over that aspect of it. So. And
I think it's helping as theyget older, right, because they're.
They're able to do more forthemselves. And. And we can. We can
come home a little bit laterand everybody go, you know, take
(22:45):
care of yourself, and. Andwe'll reconvene, you know, or even
helping me, like, being a bitmore helpful to me, it just, It.
It adds to it and I think ishelping me work through that stage
that I'm having a strugglewith. But that is something that
I am always actively workingon and proud of that, you know, we
were able to kind of push. WeMe, I was able to kind of through
(23:09):
that the past. I would say thepast year or so.
That's great. I mean, Iunderstand that. I think it's so.
It's very easy to say no. Andwe can give all the reasons why we
should say no and not dothings. And sometimes it's really
hard to say yes. But I'll tellyou, some of my biggest wins and
things that I've done and beenreally proud of have come from that.
(23:30):
Like, okay, yes, I will do it,you know, so you never know what's
going to come out of it. I'mhappy to hear that. I'M happy that
you're creating these newmemories with attachments to matte
memories for your daughters aswell, which is. Is probably interesting,
but also, you know, heart, youknow, fill in your heart and fill
(23:51):
in your cup there as well. So.And I'm sure your daughters are so
grateful and thankful and alsoprobably crazy at times.
Oh, that's an understatement.
Yes, I've seen, I've seen somevideos and they, they look like they're
doing very well and nice andsassy like little girls should be.
(24:12):
That is exactly it. You nailed it.
Oh, well, I appreciate you. Isthere anything that you could tell
someone that might beconsidering sharing a deeply personal
story for the first time andmaybe doing it on the podcast or
not just with other people? Isthere something that you could give
(24:33):
advice to someone like thatbased on what you've experienced
by sharing your story?
So I think we all have to dowhat works within our comfort level,
right? Our comfort zone. Andfor me, like I said before, it is
very cathartic for me to talkabout it. I think for someone who
maybe doesn't feel that way oris unsure of how they'll feel after
(24:54):
sharing their story, just areminder to themselves, themselves,
they are talking to you andpeople will hear their story, right?
They maybe they don't feelcomfortable sharing it to their network
personally, and that's okay.But I think taking that first step,
(25:15):
talking to you, you're sharingthe story and maybe it's not people
they know that hear the storyand they start to get positive feedback
and they start to, you know, Ithink it kind of sometimes for people
who aren't as comfortable cantake these little levels to just
get past to the point wherethey do now feel comfortable. Then
it's just a click of a buttonto then now share their story with
(25:36):
their own network in terms of,you know, opening up to something
that may be personal thatpeople don't know about. So I think
it is. I am a huge advocate.You can ask anyone in my life on
communication. And I thinktalking through things is what will
help you work through anythingin your life. So you could be having
(25:57):
this internal battle, thisinternal struggle with some situation
in your life. And I thinktalking through it is the only way
to get through it. And I thinkthis is a perfect platform and a
perfect opportunity to dothat. And they just need to remember
that they don't necessarilyneed to share it with every person
in their life. Take that firststep, have the conversation, see
how they feel from there, andthen they can you know, push past
(26:18):
that as needed.
Well, I appreciate that. Plugfor me. But, you know, I. I think
I agree with you oncommunication. Sometimes we get stuck
in our head and then we saythe words out loud, even if it's
not to someone else. You sayit out loud and you're like, that
doesn't sound so bad. Or that,you know, like, that sounded much
worse up in here without,like, me vocalizing them. So I agree.
(26:42):
And you know what? I. I was sohonored that you one asked me to
share my story on your podcastway back when. That was a long time
ago, it seems. Maybe two,probably. Yeah, something like that.
And then so honored that youagreed to be a part of the Life Shift
podcast when it was just anidea for my class that I was doing
(27:03):
in at uf. So thank you forbeing a part of it and thank you
for being a part of this bonusepisode. I appreciate you, my friend.
Yeah, thanks for having me. Foreign.
For more information, pleasevisit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.
Hello, my friends. I justwanted to drop some special bonus
episodes into the feed thatyou probably have not heard unless
you are a part or an earlypart of the Patreon for the Life
Shift Podcast. If you don'tknow, I do have a Patreon. It currently
only has two tiers. One is athree dollar a month tier just to
(00:21):
support what I'm doing, helpscover production costs. And then
there's a five dollar tierwhich will get you episodes early
and just the, I guess, warmfuzzies for help out with the Life
Shift Podcast.
But I used to have other tiers.
Where people were so generousand were offering additional money
each month to get bonusepisodes and possible winnings of
(00:44):
T shirts and all sorts ofthings. And then I realized a couple
months ago that I wasn't ableto deliver what I wanted to, especially
for those of you that weregiving me the extra money. So right
now we're just kind of doingthe early episodes. You'll always
get those. So if you want tosupport the Life Shift Podcast, please
jump over to patreon.comforward/thelifeshiftpod podcast and
you can find that informationthere. But I come on here because
(01:08):
I want to share a series ofthese bonus episodes that I did early
on in the Patreon journey.There are like 20 plus episodes in
which I had bonus recordingswith previous guests. So I would
go back and we would have aconversation about the experience
of sharing their story on theLife Shift podcast. Catch up on anything.
(01:30):
And I think these are superimportant and I know most of them
did not see the light of dayfrom outside of the Patreon. So I'm
going to be dropping theseepisodes. Whatever you're listening
to now is another episode, soI'm going to use the same intro for
all of them. But here is oneof the bonus episodes with a former
guest from the Life ShiftPodcast. And if you like this, let
(01:52):
me know because I'm thinkingof bringing some of this back and
talking to previous guests asI go into year four. So enjoy this
bonus episode that was oncereleased on the Patreon feed. I'm
Matt Gilhooley and this is the.
Life Shift candidconversations about the pivotal.
Moments that have changedlives forever.
(02:22):
Here we are with another bonusepisode and as a reminder, I'm talking
to former guests of the LifeShift Podcast and today is my friend
Rachel. Hey, Rachel.
Hi.
It's nice to see you again andnice to have you back. You were so
early in the Life ShiftPodcast journey that it's been a
while.
Yeah. Thanks for having me.I'm excited to be back.
(02:44):
So, as you know, I'm justgoing to kind of talk about, you
know, any kind of feelings orthings that happened after we had
our conversation and releasedthe episode. And just as a reminder
to. To the people listening,you were episode nine, and you took
us on a journey and your life.You're still, you know, kind of working
through that journey, but yourstory was about when you lost your
(03:06):
husband, Matt, and how youwere able to find a new normal with
your daughters and continuehonoring your husband, which I think
was the most impactful for meof your story was what you do regularly
to remind your daughters andremind yourself of the journey that
(03:27):
you were on with your husband.Mat. You know, that's just a brief
recap of what your episode wasabout, saying that how did you feel
after we pressed stop. Afterwe stopped talking about kind of
recording your story?
For me, I. It's weird. It'salmost cathartic in a way, to share
(03:50):
what has happened to us. Fornot only, like, I think myself, but
also I have friends who alwayslisten to my story any way I tell
it. So I think personally, forme, it's. I. I will talk about my
story as much as I can,because just like you said, it also
(04:11):
helps me keep Matt here. Like,it keep. And it helps me remember
those little things from justbefore that day, on that day. Like,
you know, little moments thathave happened that you. That kind
of drop off on the spectrum,like, as life continues, you know,
And I. I genuinely, like. Ithink sometimes people don't know
(04:35):
what to say to me or don'tknow how. And I'm like, no, please.
Like, I will tell you thestory again. Like, I want to talk
about him. I want to talkabout what happened. Because sometimes
I feel like I'm still livingin a bit of a fog. And when I say
it again, I'm like, oh, mygosh. Or, like, each time I say it,
I'm like, oh, I can't believethat happened. Or, you know, something
(04:55):
like that. So I genuinely feelgood and also get a chance to kind
of reflect and, like, honorMatt. Each time I talk about it,
you.
Know, I vividly remember,like, towards the end of the episode,
you kind of took a moment toreflect on how far you've also come
(05:18):
and kind of mentioned how faryou came, but how far you haven't
gone in that journey. And soit's always interesting to me when
we look to your point ofsharing these stories. I will Forever
talk about my grief journeyand the things that I did wrong.
In my opinion, having faced adifferent bout of grief later on,
(05:40):
losing my grandmother. Andit's interesting because people shy
away from it. Like you said.Like, a lot of people will be like,
oh, I don't want to touch thattopic because I don't want to do
xyz. I don't want to upsether. I don't want, you know, whatever
that may be, when in allreality, many of us want to talk
about it for a myriad ofreasons. Okay, first question. Did
(06:03):
you listen to yourself? Didyou listen to the episode after?
Absolutely. Of course I did. Yeah.
How did you feel listening toyourself tell your story?
I only have two recordedversions of me talking about what
happened. One is on my ownpodcast and one is on yours. And
(06:26):
I've gone back and listened toboth multiple times because, again,
it helps kind of keep me inthe before sometimes, which I miss
and want to remind myself of.So, absolutely, I listen to it. I.
(06:51):
Every time I hear it, it makesme sad, like, and it brings you right
back to the emotions you feltas you're sharing. Like, as if I'm
sitting right there. And eventhough I may not remember, like,
oh, I said it that way, or,like, oh, I said this in this way,
it. You can feel your ownemotions watching, you know, or hearing
yourself tell your story.
(07:12):
I always listen. My favoritething about listening to my own episodes,
and this sounds really, like,narcissistic or something, but I
feel like I don't remember theconversations because I try to be
so present in the actualconversation that sometimes I'm listening.
I'm like, I don't remembersaying that. Did you have any of
those moments where you'relike, oh, wow, that's not something
(07:34):
I normally share.
Not really. But what I doafterwards, I'm always like, oh,
my gosh, did I really saythat? Or did I go too far into this
topic? Or did I say too muchabout this? And when I go back and
listen, I'm like, oh, okay.No, I kind of left myself where I
wanted to be or didn't divetoo far into that one topic as I
(07:54):
thought I did or didn't wantto. And I'd walk away usually feeling
like, okay, it was okay.
It worked out.
Yeah.
Did you get any. I guess thequestion is more feedback related.
Did you hear from people youdidn't expect to hear from? Did you
hear or did you not hear frompeople you expected to hear from?
(08:18):
Either way, No, I. Idefinitely. I mean, I heard from
people who listened and whoare close to me. And they, you know,
say, like, you know, you did.It was beautiful. Like, you, you
know, you. You did a greatjob. And it was. You did a beautiful
job sharing the story. Therewere some things, and I don't know
(08:39):
if this is what you were justasking me a minute ago, but something
I really actually did want totalk about is what I kind of revealed
to myself within my story, forsure, because I actually sent the
episode to some people wantingthem to hear certain things I said
(08:59):
in my story. And. Andactually, you just brought it up
a minute ago when you said,you know, at the end, you kind of,
you know, talked about how faryou've come and how far you haven't
come. And it was in thatmoment and listening back to myself
that I was actually reallyproud of myself, and I was really
(09:24):
surprised at how I said orexplain my current outlook on life.
That's one of the things Ilook, you know, thought back on after
I recorded and was like, oh,shoot, like, what did I say there?
Did I, you know, say too much?Did I not say enough? Did I sound
weird? And, like, have peoplethink, you know, that I'm, like,
(09:44):
off on this weird path? Andwhen I listened back to it, I was,
like, really proud of the waythat I verbalize my thoughts. And
that is what I wanted peopleto kind of take away from it. So
when I heard it back, I, likeI said, I took it and I sent it to
some people, wanting them tolisten to that, because I don't think
when it comes to grief, andespecially, you know, all grief is
(10:08):
terrible. None of it iscomparable. No one should ever, you
know, people have told me,like, well, yours is much worse than
mine. No, everybody.Everybody's grief is the same because
to them, it's a part of theirworld that is now gone, right, or
missing or. Or whatever thecase may be. I think for me personally,
the. The trauma that wasassociated with it in how young Matt
(10:29):
was and how unexpected it wasand how young our daughters are,
what our future looks like.You know, all these things that I
really want. I. When I talk topeople about grief, I could say it
a million times. Any one of uswho have. Who have experienced grief
(10:51):
can say it a million times.You don't understand or feel the
magnitude of it until you'refaced, you know, with a situation
like that. And I thinkespecially, and for you, too, with
your mom, like, being so youngand having it truly affect and mold
where your life went fromthere. And I try to explain to people.
(11:12):
And you hear this all thetime. You read it all the time. Like,
oh, appreciate every day. Younever know what you have until it's
gone. You know, you're. Youtake advantage, you know, while you
have it. Tomorrow is notpromised, but truly like it. My outlook
on life is completelydifferent because I could walk out
of my house after we get off,you know, here, and that could be
(11:34):
it for me. So I don't thinkpeople realize how true that is and
to, like, truly live and feelwhat you have, like, everybody there
is somebody who has it wayworse at all times. And I try to
tell myself that, like, I. Mycleaning ladies are here right now,
(11:57):
and I was just talking to herabout it and like, the stuff she
was telling me, I was like,oh, my gosh, like, it's awful. And.
And then I'm sitting herethinking, like, you know, she's talking
a little bit about herhusband, and I'm like, oh, geez,
I just wish my husband werehere, you know, and so. But it doesn't
matter because, like, I am solucky. Like, I am so lucky to have
(12:19):
had this love and thisbeautiful life. And. And I still
do, you know, and so it's justthis weird dynamic that I try to,
like, explain to people. And Ithink that's the biggest thing that
I took away from it. That'slike the biggest thing I kind of
revealed to myself. Like, yes,that is so true. You just. You have
(12:43):
to look at life differentlythan, like, I'm waking up today and
I gotta go to work and, youknow, and I'm just living the moat,
like, what. The motions andall those things. It's so much deeper
than that. And we can'treally, like, experience and appreciate
life until you can, like, feelthe enormity of that.
(13:06):
Well, and it's hard too,right? Because how do you tell someone
until you. Until you gothrough it yourself and have such
a tragic, traumaticexperience, you're not really going
to understand. But I think youarticulated that very well in your
episode. And I, you know, it.It was clear you're still on your
journey. And I think we allare, right? And we have to. Not every
(13:29):
day is going to be the mostbeautiful day ever, right? But there
are moments probably in everyday that we can appreciate that we
can see the growth that we'vehad. I mean, I shared on my story,
my grief journey when I lostmy mom since I was so young. It took
me 20 plus years to.
(13:50):
To.
To feel like I had. I don'tknow if Close the door on grief is.
Is the right term, but feellike I was no longer living in that
grief journey, if that makessense. And it's like, I don't know.
I mean, I think you're on agood place or you're in a good place
(14:12):
because you have thisawareness now of what this grief
journey looks like. You havethis experience of the before, right?
You have the experience of themoment, you have the experience after.
But you're so hyper aware ofhow your daughters are experiencing
life now and how you'recommitting to maintaining the memory
(14:33):
of their father and yourhusband and doing things in service
of that, but also stillcreating this new version of life
for your daughters. And Ithink I didn't have that because
I think, you know, at thetime, my dad was forced into being,
you know, a dual parentwithout the equipment, without the
ability or the wherewithal.And because society wasn't there
(14:57):
yet, like, we weren't justtalking about it. We didn't have,
you know, podcasts where otherpeople are sharing their stories
to realize, oh, I'm not theonly one facing all these things.
And so I. I completely getthat. I. I love that you. You saw
that in yourself or that itrevealed to you, you know, this.
That life should be cherishedor time is valuable. On one of these
(15:22):
other bonus episodes, I talkedto my friend Adrian, and she. She
said, you know, time is the.The biggest gift you can give someone
else. Right. And so as we. Ifwe can honor that in everything that
we do, I think we win.
I was actually talking tosomeone yesterday. She was telling
me she, you know, she and herhusband are having a hard time and
they're considering divorce.And I told her, like, and she looked
(15:45):
so sad, and she was so upsetand looked at her, and I was like,
it will get better. No matterwhat the outcome is, it will get
better. Nobody is ever goingto be stuck in this place forever.
Right. And I was trying to,like, relay that message to her.
And you can't see it whenyou're in it. You know, you can look
(16:06):
back and.
Be like, you're never getting out.
Yeah. Like, so I was justtrying to remind her of that. And
I think that's something thatwe need to do a good job at helping
people remember when ourfriends or family members are having
a bad day, like, you are notgoing to be in this place forever.
It is going to get better. Andactually, on the flip side of, like,
as positive as I try to be,and as you know, I try to share all
(16:30):
of the things that I try to doto keep Matt's memory alive. I have
to say that, you know, there'sa lot of negative that has affected
my life currently. And youknow, what I assume to be most likely
long term. Like it is. This isso weird maybe for some people to
(16:55):
understand, but, you know, myMatt and I would go to my dad's house
very often and we would spend,I don't know, maybe like I want to
say, if not once a week, likeevery other week we would have dinner
there. You know, we bring thegirls and. And everybody. My brother
would be there, my. My nephewsand I have a really hard time now
going to my dad's house. Andit's my dad, it's my family. I love
(17:18):
my family with all my heart. Ihave such a hard time doing certain
things that seem to, like,make sense. Like, why would I not.
Why would that be an issue?And I think it's just like the. Everything
falls on my shoulders. So,like, I now have to, like, plan the
(17:38):
day to like, you know, gothere and spend time there. And then
I got to get the girls homeand then it's late and then I'm by
myself and I still have towalk the dog and I have to get the
girls to in bed. And it's allthese things. And so sometimes in
my mind it's easier to like,not do it. So while I say, like,
we have to appreciate thesemoments and do all these things,
(18:00):
like, I fall into that samerut because sometimes I find that,
like, it's really hard for meto do some things that we always
did.
I mean, I get that. I. Ithink, you know, nobody wants to
hear advice when they're goingthrough something, right? Like you're
like, in this moment and youtell your friends it's going to get
(18:22):
better, and they're like, no,it's not. It's going to be terrible
forever. So my. I've. I'vekind of resorted to telling people
that are going through reallytough moments that it is okay to
feel however you are feelingat any moment in time. You are a
human. So, like, you know,maybe that situation will get better,
(18:44):
you know, over time and maybethose situations. And it's totally
fine to feel fine to feelterrible about it or to like, hate
doing something, or to justwake up and just not have a good
day. Like, just feel liketoday sucks. That's okay. Like, at
this journey in my life orthis point in my journey, I just.
(19:04):
I just acknowledge it and I'mlike, I just don't feel right today.
I'm just going to go throughthe motions. I know I'm not going
to stay in this momentforever. I know it's, you know, things
are going to change, and thensuddenly, like a day later, I'm like,
I feel fine now. You know,like, it's. We're humans. It's this
whole science thing that's,you know, creating all these moments.
And I think the best piece ofadvice I can give people is to just
(19:27):
be okay being whatever you areat whatever moment in time. Just
be. Be a dang human, you know?You know, going back to that, the
feedback question, I will saythat I had so many of my friends,
or even not friends, justlisteners, reach out to me after
your episode, and I had onefriend. Just like your storytelling
(19:48):
was also just reallycompelling because you. You painted
the picture. You put us in themoment, and you made people feel.
Which I think is the mostimportant thing about this podcast
is, like, that people can makethese connections. Like, we're, you
know, like I was just saying,we're all human. And to be able to
relate to another human thatyou don't necessarily know is so
(20:11):
impactful. So I heard from somany people, and they were just sending
their love and light to you,you know, not even knowing you because
of the impact that you made ontheir heart. Even when I ask other
people, like, what's yourfavorite episode? Or which one's?
I don't know. Favorite's theright word. But what episode sticks
with you the most? A lot ofthem say you. And, you know, and
(20:32):
so they're all thinking of youwhether you know them or not, you
know, and that's such a coolthing. And you do the same thing
on your podcast that you mightresurrect at some point that we were
talking about before werecorded. But, you know, you do the
same thing. You're sharingthese love stories in all different
facets of life, and people arefeeling a connection to other humans.
(20:55):
So thank you. I appreciatethat. Thank you.
I just want to say thank youfor just. For being a part of it.
Do you have any updates aboutyour life? Anything good going on
or anything that you want toshare that's different from when
you recorded?
Oh, gosh, let's see. You know,I'm trying to. This is another one
(21:18):
of those things I have a hardtime with is. This is also going
to sound awful, but I have ahard time doing things with the girls,
like, because I feel like I'malone and not, you know, Experiencing
it with Matt. So I have beentrying to do a better job at taking
(21:38):
them on fun adventures, and Ithink this past year, I've done that.
We just went to Kennedy Spacecenter. We. For Arden's birthday,
she wanted to go to Disney. SoI was like, usually I would have
tried to talk her out of it.And I was like, nope, if that's what
she wants to do, we're gonnago to Disney. And that's something
that Matt really enjoyed doingwith the girls going to Disney. And
that's something like, myoldest always talks about being in
(22:01):
Disney with Matt. So that, tome, was a huge step. You know, little
things like that, like tryingnot to say no to things that just
make it EAS easier for me andjust doing it.
How do you feel after those moments?
I'm so happy all the time thatI did it, you know, and seeing the
girls happy about it, ofcourse. And I always know that that's
going to be the case. I thinkI'm in my personality as well. I'm
(22:24):
very like, type A, so I'mvery, like, regimented and scheduled.
And so when it throws us offand then they're not going to bed
on time or, like, gettingenough sleep, I'm trying to work
through it on my own to, like,get over that aspect of it. So. And
I think it's helping as theyget older, right, because they're.
They're able to do more forthemselves. And. And we can. We can
come home a little bit laterand everybody go, you know, take
(22:45):
care of yourself, and. Andwe'll reconvene, you know, or even
helping me, like, being a bitmore helpful to me, it just, It.
It adds to it and I think ishelping me work through that stage
that I'm having a strugglewith. But that is something that
I am always actively workingon and proud of that, you know, we
were able to kind of push. WeMe, I was able to kind of through
(23:09):
that the past. I would say thepast year or so.
That's great. I mean, Iunderstand that. I think it's so.
It's very easy to say no. Andwe can give all the reasons why we
should say no and not dothings. And sometimes it's really
hard to say yes. But I'll tellyou, some of my biggest wins and
things that I've done and beenreally proud of have come from that.
(23:30):
Like, okay, yes, I will do it,you know, so you never know what's
going to come out of it. I'mhappy to hear that. I'M happy that
you're creating these newmemories with attachments to matte
memories for your daughters aswell, which is. Is probably interesting,
but also, you know, heart, youknow, fill in your heart and fill
(23:51):
in your cup there as well. So.And I'm sure your daughters are so
grateful and thankful and alsoprobably crazy at times.
Oh, that's an understatement.
Yes, I've seen, I've seen somevideos and they, they look like they're
doing very well and nice andsassy like little girls should be.
(24:12):
That is exactly it. You nailed it.
Oh, well, I appreciate you. Isthere anything that you could tell
someone that might beconsidering sharing a deeply personal
story for the first time andmaybe doing it on the podcast or
not just with other people? Isthere something that you could give
(24:33):
advice to someone like thatbased on what you've experienced
by sharing your story?
So I think we all have to dowhat works within our comfort level,
right? Our comfort zone. Andfor me, like I said before, it is
very cathartic for me to talkabout it. I think for someone who
maybe doesn't feel that way oris unsure of how they'll feel after
(24:54):
sharing their story, just areminder to themselves, themselves,
they are talking to you andpeople will hear their story, right?
They maybe they don't feelcomfortable sharing it to their network
personally, and that's okay.But I think taking that first step,
(25:15):
talking to you, you're sharingthe story and maybe it's not people
they know that hear the storyand they start to get positive feedback
and they start to, you know, Ithink it kind of sometimes for people
who aren't as comfortable cantake these little levels to just
get past to the point wherethey do now feel comfortable. Then
it's just a click of a buttonto then now share their story with
(25:36):
their own network in terms of,you know, opening up to something
that may be personal thatpeople don't know about. So I think
it is. I am a huge advocate.You can ask anyone in my life on
communication. And I thinktalking through things is what will
help you work through anythingin your life. So you could be having
(25:57):
this internal battle, thisinternal struggle with some situation
in your life. And I thinktalking through it is the only way
to get through it. And I thinkthis is a perfect platform and a
perfect opportunity to dothat. And they just need to remember
that they don't necessarilyneed to share it with every person
in their life. Take that firststep, have the conversation, see
how they feel from there, andthen they can you know, push past
(26:18):
that as needed.
Well, I appreciate that. Plugfor me. But, you know, I. I think
I agree with you oncommunication. Sometimes we get stuck
in our head and then we saythe words out loud, even if it's
not to someone else. You sayit out loud and you're like, that
doesn't sound so bad. Or that,you know, like, that sounded much
worse up in here without,like, me vocalizing them. So I agree.
(26:42):
And you know what? I. I was sohonored that you one asked me to
share my story on your podcastway back when. That was a long time
ago, it seems. Maybe two,probably. Yeah, something like that.
And then so honored that youagreed to be a part of the Life Shift
podcast when it was just anidea for my class that I was doing
(27:03):
in at uf. So thank you forbeing a part of it and thank you
for being a part of this bonusepisode. I appreciate you, my friend.
Yeah, thanks for having me. Foreign.
For more information, pleasevisit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.
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