Limerence, Attachment Trauma & Over-Functioning: How Hypervigilant ‘Serial Fixing’ Shapes Our Relationships

In this episode of The Light Inside, we delve into the intricate dynamics of limerence and its connection to attachment trauma. Joined by licensed psychotherapist Leah Marrone, author of Serial Fixer: Breaking Free of the Habit of Solving Other People's Problems, we explore how unresolved attachment imprints shape our behaviors and relationships.

Limerence, often mistaken for intense longing, is revealed as a response to old wounds, manifesting as hypervigilance, overfunctioning, and a compulsive need to fix or rescue others. These patterns, while appearing as care, often mask deeper fears of abandonment and a struggle for self-worth.

Leah shares insights on how early attachment experiences condition us to regulate anxiety by overcommitting to others' needs, often at the expense of our own well-being. We discuss the importance of self-awareness, setting boundaries, and the power of validation in creating healthy, balanced relationships.

Throughout the conversation, we emphasize the need for practitioners and caregivers to recognize their own patterns of overfunctioning and to cultivate self-trust and resilience. By doing so, we can better support others without falling into the trap of serial fixing.

Tune in to learn how to navigate these complex dynamics and foster genuine connections that allow for mutual growth and healing.

"Serial Fixer: Breaking Free of The Habit of Solving Other People's Problems"

Timestamps:

00:00:00 - Introduction to Limerence and Attachment Trauma
00:01:15 - Mint Mobile Advertisement
00:02:19 - Limerence and Attachment Patterns
00:03:04 - Introduction of Guest: Leah Marrone
00:03:42 - Childhood Conditioning and Over-committing
00:06:02 - Hyper-responsibility and Nervous System Safety
00:08:10 - Emotional Suppression and Connection
00:10:39 - Threat and Safety in Emotional Responses
00:12:48 - Recognizing Somatic Cues
00:15:02 - Differentiating Roles in Relationships
00:18:09 - Supporting vs. Solving in Therapy
00:21:03 - Invisible Labor and Emotional Interactions
00:24:01 - Urgency and Shame in Fixing Behavior
00:27:04 - Effective Listening and Present Moment Awareness
00:30:19 - Building Resilience and Self-trust
00:33:04 - Vulnerability in Guiding Conversations
00:36:09 - Holding Space and Managing Tension
00:38:46 - Monitoring Unconscious Over-resourcing
00:41:15 - Social Stigma and Mental Health
00:43:57 - Self-martyrdom in Caregiving Roles
00:45:36 - Personal Reflection on Fixing Behavior

—Credits

Featured Guest: Leah Marone

• Host: Jeffrey Besecker
• Executive Program Director: Anna Getz
• Production Team: Aloft Media Group
• Music: Courtesy of Aloft Media Group

Connect with host Jeffrey Besecker on LinkedIn.

Music by Aloft Meade and Jeffrey Besecker

“Anxiety Effect” by Aloft Media

“Falling Down”  written by Aloft Media

“Wanting and Waiting” by Aloft Media