July 2, 2025 • 23 mins
Listen & Watch:
Apple Podcasts | YouTube | Spotify
In this deeply moving episode, Lindsay sits down with Laura Evens—friend, mentor, and founder of the Willowfield Foundation—to discuss the traumatic events that changed her family forever. Laura shares the heartbreaking story of her daughter’s sexual abuse and suicide attempt, the hidden dangers of grooming, and the shocking reality that abuse often hides in plain sight. This conversation covers the painful truth about child sexual abuse, trafficking, and the signs parents usually miss. Laura also explains her work with NAMI and the importance of access to mental health support. This episode is a call to action for all of us: to be aware, ask better questions, and protect the most vulnerable in our lives.
Key Takeaways
Listen in to learn more
01:58 – Laura's background and transition from corporate to mission-driven work
05:16 – The traumatic experience that changed everything
07:25 – Warning signs, grooming, and the importance of adult responsibility
11:56 – Empowering kids to speak up without fear
15:08 – Laura’s work with NAMI and crisis response
16:58 – Founding the Willowfield Foundation and its mission
19:41 – Letting go of guilt as a parent
20:44 – Shocking statistics about abuse and why awareness matters
22:39 – Where to find more information
Resources & Next Steps
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-lindsey-elmore-show--5952903/support.
Apple Podcasts | YouTube | Spotify
In this deeply moving episode, Lindsay sits down with Laura Evens—friend, mentor, and founder of the Willowfield Foundation—to discuss the traumatic events that changed her family forever. Laura shares the heartbreaking story of her daughter’s sexual abuse and suicide attempt, the hidden dangers of grooming, and the shocking reality that abuse often hides in plain sight. This conversation covers the painful truth about child sexual abuse, trafficking, and the signs parents usually miss. Laura also explains her work with NAMI and the importance of access to mental health support. This episode is a call to action for all of us: to be aware, ask better questions, and protect the most vulnerable in our lives.
Key Takeaways
- Child abuse thrives in silence, secrecy, and “nice” neighborhoods.
- Grooming is subtle, manipulative, and often misunderstood.
- Trafficking and abuse aren’t always strangers or abductions: 90% of abusers are known and trusted.
- Ask better questions as a parent—don’t just ask if they were polite, ask if anything felt uncomfortable.
- Secrets are never safe; surprises are fun, but secrets need to be shared.
- Parents should show up unannounced and trust their gut feelings.
- The Willowfield Foundation provides mental health therapy scholarships for children.
- Forgiveness and healing are daily choices, not one-time events.
Listen in to learn more
01:58 – Laura's background and transition from corporate to mission-driven work
05:16 – The traumatic experience that changed everything
07:25 – Warning signs, grooming, and the importance of adult responsibility
11:56 – Empowering kids to speak up without fear
15:08 – Laura’s work with NAMI and crisis response
16:58 – Founding the Willowfield Foundation and its mission
19:41 – Letting go of guilt as a parent
20:44 – Shocking statistics about abuse and why awareness matters
22:39 – Where to find more information
Resources & Next Steps
- Willowfield Foundation
- NAMI – National Alliance on Mental Illness
- Stewards of Children Training – Darkness to Light
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-lindsey-elmore-show--5952903/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
We have to be responsible, We have to pay more attention,
we have to learn, we have to listen to things
like this to create awareness, to talk about things that
are uncomfortable, because in the darkness and in the silence
is where this abuse thrives.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Welcome back, everybody to this week's edition of The Lindsay
Elmore Show. We're doing things a little bit different this week,
and that is because my guest is one of the
greatest mentors of my life, Laura Evans, and she tells
her story so much better than I can, so I'm
(00:42):
gonna let her introduce herself in just a moment. However,
I did want to give just a little bit of
a trigger warning. Today we are going to be talking
about mental health and wellness. We're going to be talking
about PTSD, We're going to be talking about human trafficking
and the impact that sexual abuse can have on families.
(01:04):
So if any of that sounds triggering to you, maybe
skip this episode and we'll see you next week. Laura Evans,
I am so excited to finally have you on the
Lindsay Elmore Show.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Uh, We're doing this. We're finally doing this.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
We are You and I have worked together for several
years now, and we've been through ups, we've been through downs.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
You have absolutely seen me at my best and seen
me at my worst and loved me through all of it,
prayed me through all of it.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
I am so.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Honored to get to interview you today and to truly
call you a friend and a mentor. So tell us
a little bit about your background.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Well, thank you so much, Lindsay. You know that I
started as a fangirl of yours following the Doctor Lindsay
Elmore Show and then communicating with you and connecting and
we had some things in common.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
So this is equally a really.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Cool thing for me to be able to be able
to talk through these experiences and for your audience to
hear and the impact and the awareness that we can create.
So my background is really a professional one for some
large corporations brand names that folks may recognize like j
cru and Disney, and then I began working for some
(02:33):
large companies in the network marketing industry.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
I was president for a couple of.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Different companies that are a billion dollars in size and
really enjoyed that. And after about ten years at my
last company in a corporate role, I just felt a
real conviction in my heart and my spirit that I
was neglecting my family in a pursuit of what I
thought was providing for them, and I needed more balance,
(02:57):
I needed to prioritize better, and I transitioned away from
running a corporation to having my own small business. Having
my own business. While I say small, the business that
we have now is over forty eight million a year
in revenue just just from what we've started and collected here.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Which is absolutely amazing because we're talking more than one
hundred and twenty five thousand families.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
And why why.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Do you do this? Because this is not the easiest
of industries. But you have a really different reason for
being within network marketing.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, you know, coming from the corporate side, let's let's
address that.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
When you are an executive.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
In large companies and president of large companies, I was.
I was compensated very well for that, and I enjoyed
that compensation. It allowed me to have some savings, have
investments that I'm very grateful for. So I feel very
blessed and thankful for that. And then striking out on
your own and creating your own business, you're not really
(04:08):
sure where that check is going to come from. You're
not an employee anymore. You don't know that that check
is going.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
To show up.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
You've got to create a little bit of interest and
hustle on your own to create that.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
So that was a little scary to me.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
But the reason that I wanted to do that and
make that shift was to have that flexibility with my family.
And for me, I resonate so much more with what
I'm able to do with the money I generate. You know,
one of my dear friends, Brooke Thomas, says that you
have to generate to be generous, and that means a
lot to me because I'm looking at how i can
(04:41):
pay it forward, and that's why I'm doing what I'm
doing here. For me, I don't connect with being a
seven figure earner or an eight figure earner, or any
of those kind of things that folks say. For me,
I want to be a six figure giver. I want
to find a way to give back, and in particular
from our lived experiences and our families story, there's a
foundation that's super important to us that we're the primary
(05:03):
contributors to.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
So talk to us about those personal experiences that you
went through that caused you to focus on mental health.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
So we are the proud, very proud parents of four
amazing children who are grown and pretty much gone now.
But at that time, several years ago, one of our
teenage daughters attempted suicide and that was very, very alarming
for us. She is doing very well now and I
(05:37):
want everyone to know that we're super proud of her.
And she recently graduated from college with a plant biology degree,
and she kind of likes plants more than people, and
you'll understand more about that. But she had gone through
some experiences we were not aware of, and her outcry.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
During that during that time.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
With us, was revealing that she had been sexually abused
and trafficked by her best friend's dad, which was our
next door neighbor in an upstanding neighborhood area in Texas.
And so that was it was just it just shook us,
and all I could focus on was her choosing to live.
(06:18):
All I wanted was for her to choose to live.
A lot of people say, you know, did you get
justice right away?
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Were you angry? Yes? I felt all the feelings.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
I was angry, I was sad, I felt responsible, I
felt guilty. I blamed myself all of those things I felt,
But the reality was what I cared most about was
her choosing to live. So we focused on her journey
and her choice to any type of modalities that we
could find. And I believe that it is a multifaceted process,
(06:47):
and you certainly know this to be true as well,
and you teach this as well, that it's not just
you know, getting therapy and meeting with the psychiatrist and
perhaps getting on some type of medication for her PTSD
and for her night tares and for those kinds of
things she was experiencing, but it is also what can
(07:08):
we do holistically that walks alongside for things to work
at their best. And so we were pursuing all of
it at one time, just like frantically pursuing everything for
help for her, and we got it.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
So talk to us about when you look back at
it now, were there warning signs that you missed or
was this guy just so cunning and manipulative that it
went kind of straight over your head? And what if
you learned in your work with Nami and your work
(07:48):
with the willow Field Foundation about what parents can look
out for even in what you just mentioned a very
affluent neighborhood that can help to protect their children.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Well, I've learned so much.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
And of course you know, as a parent, you're replaying
scenes over in your head over and over and over again.
But did I miss And how come I ton't notice that?
Speaker 3 (08:15):
And and I'll tell you some of the things.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
But I will also tell you one of the things
that I chose to do was to seek information out
and I actually became a certified facilitator on Stewards of Children,
which is produced by Darkness to Light, a nonprofit organization
that for over twenty years has been doing education around
child sexual abuse prevention and obviously trafficking prevention as well.
(08:40):
But some of the things that and there's a link
to an online training anyone can go through for that,
and I highly recommend it to all adults because the
the ending of this, of this just awful thing from happening,
is not and should not be solely dependent on the
courage of a child.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
To speak up. It has to be on us as adults.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
We have to be responsible, we have to pay more attention,
we have to learn, we have to listen to things
like this to create awareness, to talk about things that
are uncomfortable because in the darkness and in the silence
is where this abuse thrives. And he was a master manipulator.
And part of the pleasure that he took out of
(09:23):
this whole unfortunate circumstance was the power trip that he
had on convincing all of us that he was a
you know, regular nice guy. He was the most liked
guy in the neighborhood. He was popular with the kids.
The kids always wanted to hang out with him. He
had no criminal record or history. It was not the
(09:44):
way that you would think that it would happen. And
the things that I learned, for example, I'll throw a
couple of them out here, is that when I picked
my daughter up from ever staying, you know, hanging out,
she never spent the night away from us, by the way,
So that's the other myth that a lot of people think, well,
I don't let my child spend the night away. Well
good for you, I didn't either. This happened in the daytime,
(10:05):
like in the normal hours, like after school or Saturday mornings,
and it happened over time through a grooming process for
years that then escalated and escalated into abuse and then
further but An example is you know, when you pick
your kids up from playtime or time hanging out with
another group of kids, you ask them, hey, did you listen?
(10:28):
Were you polite? Did you follow what the rules were?
And you know what to Heck with that, I'm never
asking my grandkids that. The reality is that our children
are better behaved out of our site most of the
time than they are with.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Us because they're so comfortable with us.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
And when we are asking questions like that, we are
reinforcing a narrative that the manipulator and the abuser is
using against you to control your child. Well, your mom
said you got to listen to what I say. I'm
the one in charge. I'm the adult. I wouldn't ask
you to do anything that not right to do because
I'm the adult, and little.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Things like that I learned.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
The other thing I learned is I would show up unannounced.
I always thought it was polite to say, hey, i'm
running late, I'm gonna be there five minutes late.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
Or i'd say hey.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
I'm coming early. I'm gonna come over early and pick
up pick her up. Forget that. If somebody has your
child at their house, and even if they're a trusted person.
You think they're a trusted person. You feel absolutely comfortable
showing up whenever you please, and you don't announce that
you're showing up because you'll be more likely to see
what's really going on.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Talk to us about the grooming process, you know, what
does that mean? And what might a child be telling
you that they don't quite understand, but there's something kind
of in their heart of hearts that's going something's wrong here.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Yeah, yes, that's such a good question. So the grooming
process is just pushing boundaries, pushing limits to see how
far out a line can the manipulator get before the
child is uncomfortable enough to wrap them out to the
parent and so, and it's it's gaining the child's trust
(12:15):
and confidence. So it could also be gift giving and
making a child feel super special, developing that relationship to
make that relationship between No adult should have a stronger
relationship with your child than you as the parent or
the gardener child and aleaning adult that wants to be
more important in your child's life should be given some
(12:37):
consideration as to what should behind it. But it can
also be little things like maybe using off color language,
maybe sharing an off color joke. Maybe just gradually turning up,
like the heat turning up the inappropriateness, to see how
(12:57):
far do I have to push it before this child
is uncomfortable and also runs.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
And tells their parents, and then they come back and
say something to me.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
And that's how they that's how they test. They test
and test and test until it escalates too far, and
then the child feels like it's their fault and the
manipulator tells them that.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
You know, I think of I just listened to an
ed milette show yesterday with Elizabeth Smart, and I think
about how she was groomed and they took her all
over town, right in her hometown, and she never spoke up.
She never, you know, went and ran to someone else
(13:39):
and said, I need help something, something is wrong. How
can parents teach their kids to be empowered to speak
up for themselves without scaring a child?
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Yes, so parents can do that a couple of different ways. One,
it's so important to tell your children over and over
and over again that you can tell me anything, and
that there there's and I always tell I always tell parents,
and I teach my grandkids secrets are not safe. Surprises
are fun, but secrets are not safe. If anyone says
(14:15):
let's keep a secret, find out if it's a surprise,
like if we're having a surprise birthday party for Lindsey,
that's a surprise and that's fun. But someone asking you
to keep a secret, you need to tell mom and
dad if someone's asking you to keep a secret. And
you know, I would ask better questions, and that was
something I learned as well. Is you know, I would
(14:36):
ask my daughter, did you have a good time? You know,
what did you guys do? And she would give like
kind of generic answers. But I didn't take the time
to be present enough in my own you know, criticism
of how I could have done it better to have
asked the next question, you know, did anything happen that
made you feel uncomfortable? Was there anything weird that happened.
The more open you are with your conversation with them,
(15:00):
the word likely tell you and then you can keep
asking the next question and their confidence grows to tell you.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Mm hmmm hmm. So talk to us about NAMI and
what that organization is, what it does, and why you
decided to get involved with it.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
N ME is the National Alliance for Mental Illness and
it's a grassroots organization that was started by families who
had children or loved ones that were diagnosed with a
mental illness.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
And you know, many.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Years ago this was more and more around specific mental
illness diagnoses such as schizophrenia or bipolar or it's become
even more broad today with the with the kind of
things that we see our society faces. What I love
about it is it's families helping families.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
It's a nonprofit and so.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Families are providing resources such as recommendations of care centers
or doctors.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
And we also do training in the community.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
We train first responders on how to de escalate and
diffuse a mental health crisis, because first responders are often
on the scene and it's not necessarily a criminal act,
but it is a mental health crisis, So how do
you de escalate that? How do you handle that so
that you can avoid hospitalization and incarceration in a circumstance.
(16:26):
We also do we also do speaking engagements and this
is something I am very passionate about speaking at schools
about ending the silence, which is suicide prevention because but
for my daughter's best friend who contacted me and waved
the flag and said, this is serious. You guys need
to know something's going to happen. We may have a
(16:48):
very different story that I would be sharing with you today.
So I'm forever grateful for if you if you know something,
say something, get to an adult.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
Help m H.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
And what about the your foundation, the willow Field Foundation,
talk to us about why you decided to start it
and what your mission and vision is.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Sure so our daughter inspired this foundation out of her
heart of gratitude. She we had the resources to provide
her with whatever support she needed, whether it was covered
by insurance or not, and other children that were like
her did not have those resources, and she just felt
such a debt of gratitude of I got to do something,
(17:30):
or I want to do something.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
I want to help others.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
And her therapist team join together to create a foundation
that would provide mental health therapy scholarships. And that's really
important because when you're working through a mental health situation,
it's not just one appointment that's going to help remedy it.
Need you need a lifetime scholarship. And so that's what
the foundation. That's what the foundation does. And I always
(17:57):
say God named it because he did. He gets the
credit for aiming the foundation.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
And it's named in a beautiful way, So dullus tell
us the story of how it got how God named.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
So the therapist encouraged our daughter to pick the second
word of the street name where her abuse had occurred,
because she wanted our daughter to hold onto, let go
of the pain of the past, and hold on to
the promise of hope and good that she would be
doing in the future through this foundation.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
So that word is Field.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
And then the therapist looked out the window and picked
the first thing that she saw, which happened to be
a willow tree, So she named it willow Field Foundation.
Now what God and God alone knew, Lindsey, was that
the very place where I was working, miles and miles
away states away from my daughter during the very moments
where she was most vulnerable and abused, was on Willow
(18:49):
Road in another state. So that was God's way of
saying to me, let go of the pain.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Of the past, let go of the guilt that was.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Racking me feeling that I was responsible and that I
was a bad parent in some way, because that shame
is not going to serve me or help anybody else.
And to boldly step into his provision to do good
through this company and help countless others.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
I mean, I feel like parents listening who It doesn't
even have to be as severe as having a child
who has been trafficked or has attempted suicide, but just
that like parental guilt that every parent has. You know,
when you say, God just told me I need.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
To let it go.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
How how did you let it go?
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Well, it's a daily decision, sometimes hourly, but it's a decision.
It's not always a feeling. Just like I don't feel forgiving.
I don't feel forgiving. I choose forgiveness in different circumstances
in life because that's what I need to do for
me and to move. So it's a decison vision that
I make. I've got an affirmation that I say daily
(20:03):
that God forgives me and I forgive myself, and I
remind myself that I did the best I could with
what I knew at the time. And my daughter is
so generous about that too, she said, Mom, the whole
plan was for you not to know, So you can't
really be upset with yourself for not knowing, because that
was the whole plan was for you.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Not It is just so scary that you know, you
think about these things happening in kind of like back
alleys and you know, ceedy neighborhoods, but it's happening everywhere.
It really truly is Do you know any statistics off
the top of your head related to human trafficking or
(20:42):
childhood's suicide.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Well, especially for child abuse, I can say that I
can say most of our society challenges, whether it is
suicidal or drug addiction or alcoholism, the high percentage of
it is rooted in some kind of abuse.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
It's happened, so.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
I can say that for sure. I can also say
that it's thought to be one in every four children
before the age of eighteen have been sexually abused, and
that it is shocking.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
Now.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
The reality is more than half the time it's not
reported because because children are afraid they won't be believed,
or they are living with their abuser, or they're in
a situation where they just feel.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
They cannot come forward.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
And I can tell you that that is true because
as we've shared our story, how many people have come
to me and told me about what's happened to them,
and they've never told anybody before, and they never reported it.
It's very true that the number is larger than what
we think, and that's why we've got to wake up.
We've got to be responsible as adults, and we've got
to pay attention to what's happening around us, and we've
(21:47):
got to be present with our children to pay attention
to what they're talking about and what they're experiencing. But
I'll also tell you ninety percent of the time, the
abuser is a trusted adult, stranger danger that we all
thought it was. It's not always the Internet. It's not
always the way it's portrayed, especially trafficking on TV or
(22:08):
movies that somebody's kidnapped and taken to another country. That
does happen, But in most cases that's the minority. That's
the very small fraction. It's happening in your city, in
possibly your neighborhood, right under your nose. I'm telling you
it is, and there are subtle signs you can pick
up on it. But the main thing is that you
(22:29):
that you that you be aware and that you also
be kind because you don't know what other people may
be going through and experiencing.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Uh, you know, in their lives.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Oh, Laura, I love every time that I get to
share time and space with you and to learn more
about the willow Field Foundation and the work that you
do with NAMI and really helping parents and children to
empower themselves to speak up when they think that something
(22:58):
is going Where can people find out more information about
you and the work that you do.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Sure, where you can go to trust your gut feelings.
Dot com is a great place to go, and we'll
put some links to the resources for NAMI and also
the Darkness to Light Stewards of Children online training that
you can take so that you can be aware and informed,
and also the Willowfield Foundation.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
All Right, Laura Evans, thank you so much for being
a guest today on the Lindsay Elmore Show.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Thank you, Lindsey
We have to be responsible, We have to pay more attention,
we have to learn, we have to listen to things
like this to create awareness, to talk about things that
are uncomfortable, because in the darkness and in the silence
is where this abuse thrives.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Welcome back, everybody to this week's edition of The Lindsay
Elmore Show. We're doing things a little bit different this week,
and that is because my guest is one of the
greatest mentors of my life, Laura Evans, and she tells
her story so much better than I can, so I'm
(00:42):
gonna let her introduce herself in just a moment. However,
I did want to give just a little bit of
a trigger warning. Today we are going to be talking
about mental health and wellness. We're going to be talking
about PTSD, We're going to be talking about human trafficking
and the impact that sexual abuse can have on families.
(01:04):
So if any of that sounds triggering to you, maybe
skip this episode and we'll see you next week. Laura Evans,
I am so excited to finally have you on the
Lindsay Elmore Show.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Uh, We're doing this. We're finally doing this.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
We are You and I have worked together for several
years now, and we've been through ups, we've been through downs.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
You have absolutely seen me at my best and seen
me at my worst and loved me through all of it,
prayed me through all of it.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
I am so.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Honored to get to interview you today and to truly
call you a friend and a mentor. So tell us
a little bit about your background.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Well, thank you so much, Lindsay. You know that I
started as a fangirl of yours following the Doctor Lindsay
Elmore Show and then communicating with you and connecting and
we had some things in common.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
So this is equally a really.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Cool thing for me to be able to be able
to talk through these experiences and for your audience to
hear and the impact and the awareness that we can create.
So my background is really a professional one for some
large corporations brand names that folks may recognize like j
cru and Disney, and then I began working for some
(02:33):
large companies in the network marketing industry.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
I was president for a couple of.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Different companies that are a billion dollars in size and
really enjoyed that. And after about ten years at my
last company in a corporate role, I just felt a
real conviction in my heart and my spirit that I
was neglecting my family in a pursuit of what I
thought was providing for them, and I needed more balance,
(02:57):
I needed to prioritize better, and I transitioned away from
running a corporation to having my own small business. Having
my own business. While I say small, the business that
we have now is over forty eight million a year
in revenue just just from what we've started and collected here.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Which is absolutely amazing because we're talking more than one
hundred and twenty five thousand families.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
And why why.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Do you do this? Because this is not the easiest
of industries. But you have a really different reason for
being within network marketing.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, you know, coming from the corporate side, let's let's
address that.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
When you are an executive.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
In large companies and president of large companies, I was.
I was compensated very well for that, and I enjoyed
that compensation. It allowed me to have some savings, have
investments that I'm very grateful for. So I feel very
blessed and thankful for that. And then striking out on
your own and creating your own business, you're not really
(04:08):
sure where that check is going to come from. You're
not an employee anymore. You don't know that that check
is going.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
To show up.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
You've got to create a little bit of interest and
hustle on your own to create that.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
So that was a little scary to me.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
But the reason that I wanted to do that and
make that shift was to have that flexibility with my family.
And for me, I resonate so much more with what
I'm able to do with the money I generate. You know,
one of my dear friends, Brooke Thomas, says that you
have to generate to be generous, and that means a
lot to me because I'm looking at how i can
(04:41):
pay it forward, and that's why I'm doing what I'm
doing here. For me, I don't connect with being a
seven figure earner or an eight figure earner, or any
of those kind of things that folks say. For me,
I want to be a six figure giver. I want
to find a way to give back, and in particular
from our lived experiences and our families story, there's a
foundation that's super important to us that we're the primary
(05:03):
contributors to.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
So talk to us about those personal experiences that you
went through that caused you to focus on mental health.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
So we are the proud, very proud parents of four
amazing children who are grown and pretty much gone now.
But at that time, several years ago, one of our
teenage daughters attempted suicide and that was very, very alarming
for us. She is doing very well now and I
(05:37):
want everyone to know that we're super proud of her.
And she recently graduated from college with a plant biology degree,
and she kind of likes plants more than people, and
you'll understand more about that. But she had gone through
some experiences we were not aware of, and her outcry.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
During that during that time.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
With us, was revealing that she had been sexually abused
and trafficked by her best friend's dad, which was our
next door neighbor in an upstanding neighborhood area in Texas.
And so that was it was just it just shook us,
and all I could focus on was her choosing to live.
(06:18):
All I wanted was for her to choose to live.
A lot of people say, you know, did you get
justice right away?
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Were you angry? Yes? I felt all the feelings.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
I was angry, I was sad, I felt responsible, I
felt guilty. I blamed myself all of those things I felt,
But the reality was what I cared most about was
her choosing to live. So we focused on her journey
and her choice to any type of modalities that we
could find. And I believe that it is a multifaceted process,
(06:47):
and you certainly know this to be true as well,
and you teach this as well, that it's not just
you know, getting therapy and meeting with the psychiatrist and
perhaps getting on some type of medication for her PTSD
and for her night tares and for those kinds of
things she was experiencing, but it is also what can
(07:08):
we do holistically that walks alongside for things to work
at their best. And so we were pursuing all of
it at one time, just like frantically pursuing everything for
help for her, and we got it.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
So talk to us about when you look back at
it now, were there warning signs that you missed or
was this guy just so cunning and manipulative that it
went kind of straight over your head? And what if
you learned in your work with Nami and your work
(07:48):
with the willow Field Foundation about what parents can look
out for even in what you just mentioned a very
affluent neighborhood that can help to protect their children.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Well, I've learned so much.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
And of course you know, as a parent, you're replaying
scenes over in your head over and over and over again.
But did I miss And how come I ton't notice that?
Speaker 3 (08:15):
And and I'll tell you some of the things.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
But I will also tell you one of the things
that I chose to do was to seek information out
and I actually became a certified facilitator on Stewards of Children,
which is produced by Darkness to Light, a nonprofit organization
that for over twenty years has been doing education around
child sexual abuse prevention and obviously trafficking prevention as well.
(08:40):
But some of the things that and there's a link
to an online training anyone can go through for that,
and I highly recommend it to all adults because the
the ending of this, of this just awful thing from happening,
is not and should not be solely dependent on the
courage of a child.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
To speak up. It has to be on us as adults.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
We have to be responsible, we have to pay more attention,
we have to learn, we have to listen to things
like this to create awareness, to talk about things that
are uncomfortable because in the darkness and in the silence
is where this abuse thrives. And he was a master manipulator.
And part of the pleasure that he took out of
(09:23):
this whole unfortunate circumstance was the power trip that he
had on convincing all of us that he was a
you know, regular nice guy. He was the most liked
guy in the neighborhood. He was popular with the kids.
The kids always wanted to hang out with him. He
had no criminal record or history. It was not the
(09:44):
way that you would think that it would happen. And
the things that I learned, for example, I'll throw a
couple of them out here, is that when I picked
my daughter up from ever staying, you know, hanging out,
she never spent the night away from us, by the way,
So that's the other myth that a lot of people think, well,
I don't let my child spend the night away. Well
good for you, I didn't either. This happened in the daytime,
(10:05):
like in the normal hours, like after school or Saturday mornings,
and it happened over time through a grooming process for
years that then escalated and escalated into abuse and then
further but An example is you know, when you pick
your kids up from playtime or time hanging out with
another group of kids, you ask them, hey, did you listen?
(10:28):
Were you polite? Did you follow what the rules were?
And you know what to Heck with that, I'm never
asking my grandkids that. The reality is that our children
are better behaved out of our site most of the
time than they are with.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Us because they're so comfortable with us.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
And when we are asking questions like that, we are
reinforcing a narrative that the manipulator and the abuser is
using against you to control your child. Well, your mom
said you got to listen to what I say. I'm
the one in charge. I'm the adult. I wouldn't ask
you to do anything that not right to do because
I'm the adult, and little.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Things like that I learned.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
The other thing I learned is I would show up unannounced.
I always thought it was polite to say, hey, i'm
running late, I'm gonna be there five minutes late.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
Or i'd say hey.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
I'm coming early. I'm gonna come over early and pick
up pick her up. Forget that. If somebody has your
child at their house, and even if they're a trusted person.
You think they're a trusted person. You feel absolutely comfortable
showing up whenever you please, and you don't announce that
you're showing up because you'll be more likely to see
what's really going on.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Talk to us about the grooming process, you know, what
does that mean? And what might a child be telling
you that they don't quite understand, but there's something kind
of in their heart of hearts that's going something's wrong here.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Yeah, yes, that's such a good question. So the grooming
process is just pushing boundaries, pushing limits to see how
far out a line can the manipulator get before the
child is uncomfortable enough to wrap them out to the
parent and so, and it's it's gaining the child's trust
(12:15):
and confidence. So it could also be gift giving and
making a child feel super special, developing that relationship to
make that relationship between No adult should have a stronger
relationship with your child than you as the parent or
the gardener child and aleaning adult that wants to be
more important in your child's life should be given some
(12:37):
consideration as to what should behind it. But it can
also be little things like maybe using off color language,
maybe sharing an off color joke. Maybe just gradually turning up,
like the heat turning up the inappropriateness, to see how
(12:57):
far do I have to push it before this child
is uncomfortable and also runs.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
And tells their parents, and then they come back and
say something to me.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
And that's how they that's how they test. They test
and test and test until it escalates too far, and
then the child feels like it's their fault and the
manipulator tells them that.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
You know, I think of I just listened to an
ed milette show yesterday with Elizabeth Smart, and I think
about how she was groomed and they took her all
over town, right in her hometown, and she never spoke up.
She never, you know, went and ran to someone else
(13:39):
and said, I need help something, something is wrong. How
can parents teach their kids to be empowered to speak
up for themselves without scaring a child?
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Yes, so parents can do that a couple of different ways. One,
it's so important to tell your children over and over
and over again that you can tell me anything, and
that there there's and I always tell I always tell parents,
and I teach my grandkids secrets are not safe. Surprises
are fun, but secrets are not safe. If anyone says
(14:15):
let's keep a secret, find out if it's a surprise,
like if we're having a surprise birthday party for Lindsey,
that's a surprise and that's fun. But someone asking you
to keep a secret, you need to tell mom and
dad if someone's asking you to keep a secret. And
you know, I would ask better questions, and that was
something I learned as well. Is you know, I would
(14:36):
ask my daughter, did you have a good time? You know,
what did you guys do? And she would give like
kind of generic answers. But I didn't take the time
to be present enough in my own you know, criticism
of how I could have done it better to have
asked the next question, you know, did anything happen that
made you feel uncomfortable? Was there anything weird that happened.
The more open you are with your conversation with them,
(15:00):
the word likely tell you and then you can keep
asking the next question and their confidence grows to tell you.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Mm hmmm hmm. So talk to us about NAMI and
what that organization is, what it does, and why you
decided to get involved with it.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
N ME is the National Alliance for Mental Illness and
it's a grassroots organization that was started by families who
had children or loved ones that were diagnosed with a
mental illness.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
And you know, many.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Years ago this was more and more around specific mental
illness diagnoses such as schizophrenia or bipolar or it's become
even more broad today with the with the kind of
things that we see our society faces. What I love
about it is it's families helping families.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
It's a nonprofit and so.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Families are providing resources such as recommendations of care centers
or doctors.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
And we also do training in the community.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
We train first responders on how to de escalate and
diffuse a mental health crisis, because first responders are often
on the scene and it's not necessarily a criminal act,
but it is a mental health crisis, So how do
you de escalate that? How do you handle that so
that you can avoid hospitalization and incarceration in a circumstance.
(16:26):
We also do we also do speaking engagements and this
is something I am very passionate about speaking at schools
about ending the silence, which is suicide prevention because but
for my daughter's best friend who contacted me and waved
the flag and said, this is serious. You guys need
to know something's going to happen. We may have a
(16:48):
very different story that I would be sharing with you today.
So I'm forever grateful for if you if you know something,
say something, get to an adult.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
Help m H.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
And what about the your foundation, the willow Field Foundation,
talk to us about why you decided to start it
and what your mission and vision is.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Sure so our daughter inspired this foundation out of her
heart of gratitude. She we had the resources to provide
her with whatever support she needed, whether it was covered
by insurance or not, and other children that were like
her did not have those resources, and she just felt
such a debt of gratitude of I got to do something,
(17:30):
or I want to do something.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
I want to help others.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
And her therapist team join together to create a foundation
that would provide mental health therapy scholarships. And that's really
important because when you're working through a mental health situation,
it's not just one appointment that's going to help remedy it.
Need you need a lifetime scholarship. And so that's what
the foundation. That's what the foundation does. And I always
(17:57):
say God named it because he did. He gets the
credit for aiming the foundation.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
And it's named in a beautiful way, So dullus tell
us the story of how it got how God named.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
So the therapist encouraged our daughter to pick the second
word of the street name where her abuse had occurred,
because she wanted our daughter to hold onto, let go
of the pain of the past, and hold on to
the promise of hope and good that she would be
doing in the future through this foundation.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
So that word is Field.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
And then the therapist looked out the window and picked
the first thing that she saw, which happened to be
a willow tree, So she named it willow Field Foundation.
Now what God and God alone knew, Lindsey, was that
the very place where I was working, miles and miles
away states away from my daughter during the very moments
where she was most vulnerable and abused, was on Willow
(18:49):
Road in another state. So that was God's way of
saying to me, let go of the pain.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Of the past, let go of the guilt that was.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Racking me feeling that I was responsible and that I
was a bad parent in some way, because that shame
is not going to serve me or help anybody else.
And to boldly step into his provision to do good
through this company and help countless others.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
I mean, I feel like parents listening who It doesn't
even have to be as severe as having a child
who has been trafficked or has attempted suicide, but just
that like parental guilt that every parent has. You know,
when you say, God just told me I need.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
To let it go.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
How how did you let it go?
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Well, it's a daily decision, sometimes hourly, but it's a decision.
It's not always a feeling. Just like I don't feel forgiving.
I don't feel forgiving. I choose forgiveness in different circumstances
in life because that's what I need to do for
me and to move. So it's a decison vision that
I make. I've got an affirmation that I say daily
(20:03):
that God forgives me and I forgive myself, and I
remind myself that I did the best I could with
what I knew at the time. And my daughter is
so generous about that too, she said, Mom, the whole
plan was for you not to know, So you can't
really be upset with yourself for not knowing, because that
was the whole plan was for you.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Not It is just so scary that you know, you
think about these things happening in kind of like back
alleys and you know, ceedy neighborhoods, but it's happening everywhere.
It really truly is Do you know any statistics off
the top of your head related to human trafficking or
(20:42):
childhood's suicide.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Well, especially for child abuse, I can say that I
can say most of our society challenges, whether it is
suicidal or drug addiction or alcoholism, the high percentage of
it is rooted in some kind of abuse.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
It's happened, so.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
I can say that for sure. I can also say
that it's thought to be one in every four children
before the age of eighteen have been sexually abused, and
that it is shocking.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
Now.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
The reality is more than half the time it's not
reported because because children are afraid they won't be believed,
or they are living with their abuser, or they're in
a situation where they just feel.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
They cannot come forward.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
And I can tell you that that is true because
as we've shared our story, how many people have come
to me and told me about what's happened to them,
and they've never told anybody before, and they never reported it.
It's very true that the number is larger than what
we think, and that's why we've got to wake up.
We've got to be responsible as adults, and we've got
to pay attention to what's happening around us, and we've
(21:47):
got to be present with our children to pay attention
to what they're talking about and what they're experiencing. But
I'll also tell you ninety percent of the time, the
abuser is a trusted adult, stranger danger that we all
thought it was. It's not always the Internet. It's not
always the way it's portrayed, especially trafficking on TV or
(22:08):
movies that somebody's kidnapped and taken to another country. That
does happen, But in most cases that's the minority. That's
the very small fraction. It's happening in your city, in
possibly your neighborhood, right under your nose. I'm telling you
it is, and there are subtle signs you can pick
up on it. But the main thing is that you
(22:29):
that you that you be aware and that you also
be kind because you don't know what other people may
be going through and experiencing.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Uh, you know, in their lives.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Oh, Laura, I love every time that I get to
share time and space with you and to learn more
about the willow Field Foundation and the work that you
do with NAMI and really helping parents and children to
empower themselves to speak up when they think that something
(22:58):
is going Where can people find out more information about
you and the work that you do.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Sure, where you can go to trust your gut feelings.
Dot com is a great place to go, and we'll
put some links to the resources for NAMI and also
the Darkness to Light Stewards of Children online training that
you can take so that you can be aware and informed,
and also the Willowfield Foundation.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
All Right, Laura Evans, thank you so much for being
a guest today on the Lindsay Elmore Show.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Thank you, Lindsey
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