April 29, 2025 • 21 mins
Weeks after Nadaaniyan that starred his son, Saif Ali Khan’s Jewel Thief: The Heist Begins—inexplicably—further lowers the bar for Netflix India.
We struggle to talk meaningfully about the heist movie and instead find ourselves discussing Netflix’s terrible track record in India.
We wonder why an actor of Jaideep Ahlawat’s talent would put himself through this, and eventually get around to poking holes in the film’s plot and questioning the intelligence of its characters.
—
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:16):
Hi, I'm Okira, welcome to the Logtech.
This week we're discussing the new Indian epics movie.
Jewel Thieve stars Safari Khan and Jedi Berol in the lead and
directed by two people I have not barely heard of before.
Who are these people? What is happening?
Here do you've in fact done one of their movies on the podcast.
Yeah, somewhere. Because he made the big bull OK.
(00:41):
The one where we thought that Hotstar was glitching because it
kept cutting to black. Who is Ravi Reyfa?
The writer. And who is the writer David
Logo? I also want to know that.
Screams of fake name. Yeah, I like, like, I was really
like, I was like someone wrote this, saw the end product and it
was like, I'm out. I'm like so or maybe.
(01:03):
Hell out. Or more realistically, maybe it
was written by like, community, like a sweatshop.
Yeah. Yeah, like Netflix, Indian
executives just came together, served in a room like marketing
plus PR plus like development team.
And they were like, we want a highest movie, what will be
called Julie. But guys, that's just that's
just like, that's literal. But like, you know, that's what
(01:24):
that's how we make movies. I feel like graphics makes
movies like with SEO in mind now.
I mean I wouldn't be surprised if David Logan is just a fake
name for like this script could have been like AI or something
and. I mean, what have you, like AI
might spot, you know, if it tellif you give it the AI is the
script and be like, can you analyze this for like, yeah, can
you analyze this for like, you know, logical inconsistencies
(01:47):
and see if you can add a bit of,you know, like dramatic stuff in
terms of, you know, how the heist is done?
Can you make the heist better? It might actually improve it
because the AI has like read allthe world's best scripts, right?
And this script looks like they've never seen a movie
before in their lives. Yeah, I mean, it's been worth a
few days like, and I have no idea what, and you could quiz me
(02:11):
about this movie and I'll fail that quiz.
Unfortunately, I think I'll bossthe quiz.
But Oh my. God, I think that's a problem
that I need to solve. My brain is that I want to
actually forget this movie, but I feel like I'm like, you know,
almost like PTSD mode right now.So I guess we should just break
it down. I will offer what happened,
context and then you can read ofit.
(02:33):
So I remember that this guy, he kidnaps Jaiti Pallava, kidnaps
somebody, and then he beats themand he kills them and then he's
like, I need some like Ruby or something.
Yep, basically. And then but I don't know why he
goes from killing somebody to saying I want a Ruby and he's
(02:53):
basically. In debt, from what I understand,
like his money, he was whatever in Swiss accounts has been like
lost to enroll or whatever. And now he needs a lot of money.
And then conveniently, a museum person shows up and and then he
tells him that, you know, Oh yeah, we're hosting this thing,
the Ruby, in our museum. And he's like, I'm going to
(03:14):
steal it. Oh yeah, yeah.
But I'm not, I don't know how tosteal it, so I'm going to like
force someone to steal. It I know a guy, yeah, so and
then. It's so dramatic.
Everything is like, so in your face you like we need to call
him and like 3 seconds pause, 3 seconds pause and then it's like
jewel thief. The highest begins.
Yeah. And then again, like, cut to
like some God offer, like no one's seen a real news broadcast
(03:37):
from ever and they can't even recreate a news broadcast.
I'm like, guys, try harder. And then again like Saif Ali
Khan vibes of it like mirror andthen again the dialogue says,
Julie, I'm like you already introduced him, why you would be
introducing him 15 seconds later, so.
I remember more about just a fewdays before Julie if I watched
(04:00):
something called The Diamond Heist OK, which is also on
Netflix, which is like some guy.Oh my God, I'm telling you, like
what is this SEO like naming of Movies Now?
It's just like, you know, they want people to like go in and
like go to the search bar and belike heistful.
They'll write heist and then jewel the heap and Diamond
Heisel show up. Like, literally.
Yeah, no, no. So I mean, Usmito, it's like a
(04:23):
documentary thing, but it's madelike a Guy Ritchie movie because
Guy Ritchie reduced it. Sure.
It's about like it's filled withlike Guy Ritchie characters
here. Like I still don't know if were
we ever in India at all in this movie.
Yeah, like all the Bombay stuff,although it doesn't.
What is Bombay? Like that fake museum where
they're going to steal it from. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, they kept
(04:45):
your what do? You think it's like eventually,
like at the end they want to be in Istanbul, but that's how
they're using Budapest to doublefor Istanbul.
And I'm like guys this is not working and go to Istanbul.
The dude who Jaidi owes he is like stationed in like Griffith
Observatory in Los Angeles. But somehow that's like
(05:08):
Istanbul, that's not because they never say LA.
They keep showing, as you said, the Griffith Observatory.
So I'm like confused. I'm like, OK, it is.
They want us to just get it because people know that it
looks like or they think we're so dumb that Griffith we will
buy as Istanbul. Budapest and LA are combined
(05:28):
together, doubling for Istanbul.Why can't you people go to
Istanbul? I don't get it.
Or why can't you just say it's Budapest in LA?
Like who cares? Like what?
It's not like the what's his name?
The villain have forgotten. The only reason they care is
because the flight is going to London and they can't divert the
flight to LA. They're gonna have to.
Honestly, they can divert it to anywhere like I don't remember,
like mid flight U-turn mare, yeah.
(05:52):
That was Patrick A Utah as well.In the sky.
I love it. I'm just like, yeah, that's how
planes work, guys. Who is the the the the guy who
JD pose Also, it's like some just some.
It's not like he has like some ethnicity that is specific.
No, it's just some dude. Yeah, and he could be anywhere,
(06:15):
like they could have said this movie in like Jupiter or
something and. Yeah, because anywhere, like,
people are like, passing for like 30 years.
They're young humans. So then the writers will be
aliens at this point, Yeah. How old?
Because the Doo Doo shows up earlier and like says ke Papa
like sefco. I'm like, I thought he was SEF
(06:36):
son, but then he's no he's SEF. 'S brother, yeah, these guys
born 30 years apart. Like what was Kulbhushan
Karbandar doing? I'm sorry but like Kulbhushan
and like SEF are probably too close to an age in real life to
even be like dad and son. Possible, but at least I'll
overlive. I'll buy that.
Yeah, yeah, because like you're like you're giving a 30 year old
(06:59):
or 40 year old guy hairstyle to serve and that's the only way to
make him look young at this point.
Like is there a lack of actors in India?
Like what is what is the problem?
Like why do we need to cast a 60year old dude to play a 30?
Year old thief? No, honestly, I'll take you like
square one pair. This movie is produced by
Siddharth Anand, whose company is called Modflix.
(07:23):
Which is like so close to Netflix you always feel like
they're like pranking you. Yeah.
Or MATLAB job was announced company and I remember this
because it was after Pathan or something.
I was like, he's going to get sued, Yeah.
But now he's working. Which is like just in a nutshell
what this industry is, right? Which is why you get movies like
(07:43):
Jewel Thief. Like not only have they not sued
him, they have collaborated withhim to make one of their worst
ever movies. Which is saying a lot because
they made Mrs. Serial Killer andNadania not too long ago.
Yep. So how do you mean Maharaj with
this guy? Who?
Guy Jaideep. Oh.
Yes, Jaideep has like 2 on like the top bottom 5 now, which is
saying something because I thought like that honour was
(08:04):
always going to belong to like Jacqui Fernandez.
And he's like Nope. I know I'm known for Pata, a lot
of people love me, but I also wish to compete for this honour.
I also wish to make a lot of money.
The exact thing is that you can't make money in Bollywood
unless you do Jewel Thief and Maharaj.
Is that the truth? I don't think Maharaj is like he
was paid a lot. Honestly, that movie does not
(08:26):
look like it had money. Wasn't that made like post
pathal look? Yeah, it was, but like it
doesn't seem like he did. I mean, if he did die for money,
like I don't see where the moneyis going unless it's in his
pocket. All of it because he was not in
the screen. You can tell that they hired a
lot of, like, generators on set.Yeah.
Like Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3.
(08:48):
OK, let's shoot. Yeah, everybody got like, good
catering, probably. Yeah.
You know, I mean, at least Khan,I probably like, there's no like
there's no way you can defend what's like a scheme to turn
like black money into white or something.
At this point I'm not sure what Netflix India's like overall
plan is like if they had one to begin with.
(09:09):
They seem to announce plans, then midway through forget that
they made those plans. Yeah, because there wasn't like
a similar like highest movie being coming from like some
Abbas Moustan like 4 years ago that never told my.
God, yeah, that is the that. In fact, let's forget Jewel
Thief and discuss that. What happened to Abbas Moustan's
(09:30):
penthouse? It was announced, it was like a
first look, so the movie was like close to ready.
It's a show, Abbas. Sure.
Amazing. So they.
Filmed it, it's done and I know this because I was watching some
random Cyrus Brocha podcast and Cyrus Brocha is in it and he was
very upset. You know you got me out of my
(09:52):
house and I desktop for it and if now you haven't released it,
what's happening? It's a job to do the hall, but
OK. And was like years ago that they
announced it as a part of the slave thing.
And then and then it was later Ithink somebody said that they
sold it to Jio and Geo releases stuff for free.
(10:12):
Like, you know, it just they don't really they have even
they. Don't have no filter?
Yeah, the entire catalog is Mr. Serial Killer.
Yeah, like they have, they have one, I don't know if you know
this. They have a movie starring
Vikrant Mercy and Vijay Sethupathi, directed by Santosh
Sivan, which is which exists, and nobody knows about it
(10:33):
because it's that bad. Wow.
But I'm like Tumne, Jio, Kobe, HT or whatever.
Yeah, even Jio was like, no, excuse me, we can't do
Penthouse. Same way I want to know what
happened to like Anusha Sharma'slike chakra express.
Chakra Express, which was also filmed apparently.
Yeah, fully filmed like a multiple Apathi filming like
additional pickups. And then it's like the radio
(10:54):
silence. Like who doesn't release the
cricket movie in India? Like you just that just gets
eyeballs like for free. Because she left her own company
apparently. Wow.
So maybe she just doesn't want people to see it.
Like imagine the movie is so badand I was like I quit by the
company I. Founded.
No, this is again, this brings us to like our favorite topic,
(11:15):
right? Yeah, which is Baahubali.
Yes, like imagine. Yeah, like things are so bad.
Like Chuck it up and house in Baahubali.
Like it must be so bad because if you're leaving jewel thief
and this is serial killer on a regular basis.
Oh, OK, OK, something he was theMaharaj.
I don't. I can't even imagine.
(11:36):
How can something and twice? Yeah, I.
Hated first time and they were like you can there and they made
it again. They were like Oh my God, you're
vegan God, if because, because then you raise questions not
like you thought jewel thief wasOK good to go.
Yeah, like, at least. You thought Jewel thief was OK,
good to go. You thought Maharaj was like,
not offensive at all at any level.
(11:57):
You're like, let's release this thing, let's put it on this. 195
countries can see this. Yes, please see it.
It's humiliation. Actually, it is humiliation.
That's only thing, that's why I brought up the question.
I was like, at this point why dowe need Netflix India offices
other than to collect subscription money?
Why do they need to exist? I remember in the latest like
whatever quarterly earnings call, they again mentioned
(12:19):
India, but this time they started positively K9 and Hamara
Bada acha potential have a Harper this time, which we've
been hearing for like a decade now, yeah.
Exactly. We've been doing this for
decades, so we know what's been happening.
For a decade, yeah. And honestly like subscribers to
bad gayai generally overall and India may obviously second most
populous country, it's after China.
(12:41):
China doesn't have all this. So it's in effect the biggest
potential market. Which is why they don't want to
go up. Yeah, yeah.
It makes sense not give up, but it doesn't make sense to hire
new regimes and all of them because Mrs. Hill Killer was
responsible. People were responsible.
Who? Guy?
They're not here. Jewel thief.
New people are responsible. But you can tell that the
(13:02):
sensibilities are exactly the same.
Yeah. Which means finally, the
directive is written somewhere else, right?
Like it's clearly been told thatyou have to make these kind of
movies to succeed in India. Like someone believes this?
But they haven't, Have they not figured out that you are not
succeeding in India but. Yeah.
I think from the sentiment you told me in their quarterly
report, it seems like they've deluded themselves into thinking
(13:24):
that this is the way to succeed and then whatever success
they're seeing is because of this.
Stuff possible. And like the fact that
obviously, like, yeah, they keeppaying for like terrible bored
movies to like, we have a. 110% sure that those get more
eyeballs. Yeah, for sure.
So which is why I was thinking like beyond like licensing stuff
and collecting subscription money from people, why do they
(13:46):
need an Indian entity? Because the original piece is
basically like entirely useless.Like whatever good stuff they
have has always been acquired bylike Netflix International.
Yeah, exactly. And honestly, like we, I have no
interest in talking about jewel thief anymore.
So let's talk about Saif Ali Khan's role in all of this.
Yeah. So it's Saif Ali Khan, star of
the first Netflix original series, Sacred Games.
(14:06):
Different time, different era. Then he's the star of a show
called Thunderv, which basicallychanges the entire landscape of
Indian scream. Do you mean because of Thunderv?
People's cancel shows, cancel movies?
They're like, no, no, no, we can't take any sort.
Of risk, Kashyap loses like two or three things at Netflix.
(14:27):
Yeah, Thandav is the moment where the entire industry
decides that no, we have to be dumb.
Yeah, we have to make stylish forever.
So like, what is this trifecta of theft?
I mean, somebody should study this.
Yeah, this is basically like a full journey.
This is like see what Indian streaming the could be because
(14:47):
was like hired by Netflix international.
There was an Indian team back then.
It was directly less like the CEO her Hastings and his like
second next type level guy loving this book and thinking
that they should be just was solutional.
That was like HBO level imagination for like the
beginning and then derailment since then.
And just four years, no, two years later, yeah.
Yeah, two years later, derailment.
(15:09):
And now five years after that, we are in absolute muck.
Yeah. Like, it's never been this bad.
And I'm not talking about just streaming.
Like even theatrically at the level of output has never been
this bad as far as I can remember in the last 15 years
because mid 2000s was when I think Hindi cinema peaked, which
(15:30):
was when Kashyap and Debarkar Banerjee, all those guys had
their kind of runs when the studios are supporting them.
Then streaming came and we were like, oh, and now we're in jewel
thief territory where basically like Siddharth Anand is like.
I'm guessing I'm guessing right?Sure, but his name is like above
(15:54):
the title. On which seems like he like
where is the there is why? Why is no QC ever happened with
an Indian epic movie? Like at no point they see
something and they're like, you know what?
Let's just kill it. Why don't you go back to the
drawing board and try again? Yeah, just do Baahubali.
You've done it before, you've done it twice.
You've done it thrice if you count Penthouse now.
And who knows how many other things chakra I expressed.
(16:16):
So we've mentioned Charti. Yeah, why not Jewel thief?
Because honestly nobody like I doubt safe even likes this.
Right. Yeah, nobody likes this.
Yeah, how can you stand your ownperformances where the direction
is so bad they're making actually good actors look like
amateurs? Yeah, it's like that Ayushwan
(16:36):
Khurana movie just made. Jaideep was the villain again.
It was so bad. Oh, the what was it called?
Action. No.
Similar vibes in this. Yeah.
Like I don't know what he's doing.
Is he supposed to be like when he's saying he's supposed to be
Samajini? Yatam was just a character he's
supposed to be like from a smalltown in India.
Right, Yeah, but he is supposed to come up with menacing like
any guy who's like given the thing that he's going to shoot
(16:58):
his dog in front of the protagonist, like only like
Rehans dog, his own dog. Like that's like you are
intrigued putting him in a territory of like, yeah, this
guy is like mania don't like mess with.
Him. Yeah.
Which is like an unwritten rule in movies.
You don't do children and animals.
You don't. Yep.
So if you push level, you are saying that yeah, this guy is
like irredeemable territory completely.
(17:18):
But then immediately after that he's basically the parallel
protagonist of the movie before being.
Because there's no other character to for Rihan to bounce
off, but he's gonna bounce off those idiot like cops.
Like why is every Indian highestmovie of any nature?
Like the agents are always like terribly stupid.
These are people who India are sending abroad.
(17:39):
Like they are being paid to livein Budapest to track a guy but
there was then some local cop you can find in your Puri thana.
And like partially the movie is aware also because Kunal Kapoor
is supposed to be competent but the 2 Thompson and Thompson
Sardarji people are supposed to be idiots.
It's like, I guess how Kapoor competent though, because he
shows up at like Ryan, like residents, his dad, he's
(18:01):
questioning him. He's really not like, have you
had any contact with this guy like a son?
Yeah I only have one son blah blah blah blah blah and then he
ask his other like brother he's like have you contacted with
him? Just check his damn passport it
will tell you. 2 days ago he wasin Budapest.
Guys. Conspiracy Khatam.
Arrest him, get him to reveal where he is.
Done. Yeah, and this, in the movie's
(18:22):
eyes, is supposed to be the smart one.
Yeah, that's. What?
I think he's standing right there.
And the other, as you said, Thomson?
Thomson, I'm willing to go aheadwith the tickets, but this is
the baseline you want to give sothat Vikram can look smart, but
Vikram is also not smart, guys. And then for a few minutes I was
(18:49):
like fool into thinking this might be like a sub versus movie
where like we're dealing with like 2, you know, male male
people were like men. Sorry, were trying to steal this
jewel. And eventually they'll reveal at
some point that the innocent Farah is actually like, you
know, plotting. And she'll, like, get her way
out or steal the jewel in the. Flower or whatever.
Yeah, like she's like, she's just pretending to be like, I'm
(19:10):
getting abused by Rajan, and then she'll turn the flip on
like Rihanna, the end. I'd be like, OK, goodbye,
Ascari. No, Why was I thinking that?
I have no idea. Yeah, it, but this the movie
makes you stupid while you watchit, Yeah.
Expecting too much from these people, yeah.
I mean, it's I don't know, I don't, I don't think there's a
single like towards the end, JoeHeist, Hota here, I don't
(19:32):
remember a single thing. About it, it is so dumb to
everything is so dumb. It's like everything has
happened because it wanted to happen.
I like museum. He just figured everything out.
He'll just be like, yeah, you have power trip cutting your
bike. That's a red flat.
The museum would just like be like things are happening which
are not out of the normal. Let's not boast the red sun.
Forget it. Then play.
(19:53):
Play in Majora or private plane.So he's gonna fly commercial.
Why? He'll just wait a few days.
No, but like the thing you know how like your team is only as
strong as the weakest member so.It's similar with movies like
this. Movies like this aren't a
reflection of the industry, They're a reflection of what the
industry thinks of you. Yeah, like these people think
(20:15):
that this is your level of Internet.
Yeah, but we will pass. Like we will think that this is
a great heist movie. Yeah, so that's that is why I'm
always insulted by stuff like this and that's why I'm always
angry and stuff like this. OK no we might not be geniuses
but we aren't this stupid. Also please stop with this
(20:39):
honestly waste of time. That's a helpful.
I have no energy to like discussthis anymore.
Yeah. That's all for this episode of
The Long Take. You can follow us on Facebook,
Instagram threads and YouTube atthe Long Take part.
You can write to us at the Long takepart@gmail.com.
Please leave us a rating and a review and we will see you next
week. Thanks for listening.
Bye.
Hi, I'm Okira, welcome to the Logtech.
This week we're discussing the new Indian epics movie.
Jewel Thieve stars Safari Khan and Jedi Berol in the lead and
directed by two people I have not barely heard of before.
Who are these people? What is happening?
Here do you've in fact done one of their movies on the podcast.
Yeah, somewhere. Because he made the big bull OK.
(00:41):
The one where we thought that Hotstar was glitching because it
kept cutting to black. Who is Ravi Reyfa?
The writer. And who is the writer David
Logo? I also want to know that.
Screams of fake name. Yeah, I like, like, I was really
like, I was like someone wrote this, saw the end product and it
was like, I'm out. I'm like so or maybe.
(01:03):
Hell out. Or more realistically, maybe it
was written by like, community, like a sweatshop.
Yeah. Yeah, like Netflix, Indian
executives just came together, served in a room like marketing
plus PR plus like development team.
And they were like, we want a highest movie, what will be
called Julie. But guys, that's just that's
just like, that's literal. But like, you know, that's what
(01:24):
that's how we make movies. I feel like graphics makes
movies like with SEO in mind now.
I mean I wouldn't be surprised if David Logan is just a fake
name for like this script could have been like AI or something
and. I mean, what have you, like AI
might spot, you know, if it tellif you give it the AI is the
script and be like, can you analyze this for like, yeah, can
you analyze this for like, you know, logical inconsistencies
(01:47):
and see if you can add a bit of,you know, like dramatic stuff in
terms of, you know, how the heist is done?
Can you make the heist better? It might actually improve it
because the AI has like read allthe world's best scripts, right?
And this script looks like they've never seen a movie
before in their lives. Yeah, I mean, it's been worth a
few days like, and I have no idea what, and you could quiz me
(02:11):
about this movie and I'll fail that quiz.
Unfortunately, I think I'll bossthe quiz.
But Oh my. God, I think that's a problem
that I need to solve. My brain is that I want to
actually forget this movie, but I feel like I'm like, you know,
almost like PTSD mode right now.So I guess we should just break
it down. I will offer what happened,
context and then you can read ofit.
(02:33):
So I remember that this guy, he kidnaps Jaiti Pallava, kidnaps
somebody, and then he beats themand he kills them and then he's
like, I need some like Ruby or something.
Yep, basically. And then but I don't know why he
goes from killing somebody to saying I want a Ruby and he's
(02:53):
basically. In debt, from what I understand,
like his money, he was whatever in Swiss accounts has been like
lost to enroll or whatever. And now he needs a lot of money.
And then conveniently, a museum person shows up and and then he
tells him that, you know, Oh yeah, we're hosting this thing,
the Ruby, in our museum. And he's like, I'm going to
(03:14):
steal it. Oh yeah, yeah.
But I'm not, I don't know how tosteal it, so I'm going to like
force someone to steal. It I know a guy, yeah, so and
then. It's so dramatic.
Everything is like, so in your face you like we need to call
him and like 3 seconds pause, 3 seconds pause and then it's like
jewel thief. The highest begins.
Yeah. And then again, like, cut to
like some God offer, like no one's seen a real news broadcast
(03:37):
from ever and they can't even recreate a news broadcast.
I'm like, guys, try harder. And then again like Saif Ali
Khan vibes of it like mirror andthen again the dialogue says,
Julie, I'm like you already introduced him, why you would be
introducing him 15 seconds later, so.
I remember more about just a fewdays before Julie if I watched
(04:00):
something called The Diamond Heist OK, which is also on
Netflix, which is like some guy.Oh my God, I'm telling you, like
what is this SEO like naming of Movies Now?
It's just like, you know, they want people to like go in and
like go to the search bar and belike heistful.
They'll write heist and then jewel the heap and Diamond
Heisel show up. Like, literally.
Yeah, no, no. So I mean, Usmito, it's like a
(04:23):
documentary thing, but it's madelike a Guy Ritchie movie because
Guy Ritchie reduced it. Sure.
It's about like it's filled withlike Guy Ritchie characters
here. Like I still don't know if were
we ever in India at all in this movie.
Yeah, like all the Bombay stuff,although it doesn't.
What is Bombay? Like that fake museum where
they're going to steal it from. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, they kept
(04:45):
your what do? You think it's like eventually,
like at the end they want to be in Istanbul, but that's how
they're using Budapest to doublefor Istanbul.
And I'm like guys this is not working and go to Istanbul.
The dude who Jaidi owes he is like stationed in like Griffith
Observatory in Los Angeles. But somehow that's like
(05:08):
Istanbul, that's not because they never say LA.
They keep showing, as you said, the Griffith Observatory.
So I'm like confused. I'm like, OK, it is.
They want us to just get it because people know that it
looks like or they think we're so dumb that Griffith we will
buy as Istanbul. Budapest and LA are combined
(05:28):
together, doubling for Istanbul.Why can't you people go to
Istanbul? I don't get it.
Or why can't you just say it's Budapest in LA?
Like who cares? Like what?
It's not like the what's his name?
The villain have forgotten. The only reason they care is
because the flight is going to London and they can't divert the
flight to LA. They're gonna have to.
Honestly, they can divert it to anywhere like I don't remember,
like mid flight U-turn mare, yeah.
(05:52):
That was Patrick A Utah as well.In the sky.
I love it. I'm just like, yeah, that's how
planes work, guys. Who is the the the the guy who
JD pose Also, it's like some just some.
It's not like he has like some ethnicity that is specific.
No, it's just some dude. Yeah, and he could be anywhere,
(06:15):
like they could have said this movie in like Jupiter or
something and. Yeah, because anywhere, like,
people are like, passing for like 30 years.
They're young humans. So then the writers will be
aliens at this point, Yeah. How old?
Because the Doo Doo shows up earlier and like says ke Papa
like sefco. I'm like, I thought he was SEF
(06:36):
son, but then he's no he's SEF. 'S brother, yeah, these guys
born 30 years apart. Like what was Kulbhushan
Karbandar doing? I'm sorry but like Kulbhushan
and like SEF are probably too close to an age in real life to
even be like dad and son. Possible, but at least I'll
overlive. I'll buy that.
Yeah, yeah, because like you're like you're giving a 30 year old
(06:59):
or 40 year old guy hairstyle to serve and that's the only way to
make him look young at this point.
Like is there a lack of actors in India?
Like what is what is the problem?
Like why do we need to cast a 60year old dude to play a 30?
Year old thief? No, honestly, I'll take you like
square one pair. This movie is produced by
Siddharth Anand, whose company is called Modflix.
(07:23):
Which is like so close to Netflix you always feel like
they're like pranking you. Yeah.
Or MATLAB job was announced company and I remember this
because it was after Pathan or something.
I was like, he's going to get sued, Yeah.
But now he's working. Which is like just in a nutshell
what this industry is, right? Which is why you get movies like
(07:43):
Jewel Thief. Like not only have they not sued
him, they have collaborated withhim to make one of their worst
ever movies. Which is saying a lot because
they made Mrs. Serial Killer andNadania not too long ago.
Yep. So how do you mean Maharaj with
this guy? Who?
Guy Jaideep. Oh.
Yes, Jaideep has like 2 on like the top bottom 5 now, which is
saying something because I thought like that honour was
(08:04):
always going to belong to like Jacqui Fernandez.
And he's like Nope. I know I'm known for Pata, a lot
of people love me, but I also wish to compete for this honour.
I also wish to make a lot of money.
The exact thing is that you can't make money in Bollywood
unless you do Jewel Thief and Maharaj.
Is that the truth? I don't think Maharaj is like he
was paid a lot. Honestly, that movie does not
(08:26):
look like it had money. Wasn't that made like post
pathal look? Yeah, it was, but like it
doesn't seem like he did. I mean, if he did die for money,
like I don't see where the moneyis going unless it's in his
pocket. All of it because he was not in
the screen. You can tell that they hired a
lot of, like, generators on set.Yeah.
Like Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3.
(08:48):
OK, let's shoot. Yeah, everybody got like, good
catering, probably. Yeah.
You know, I mean, at least Khan,I probably like, there's no like
there's no way you can defend what's like a scheme to turn
like black money into white or something.
At this point I'm not sure what Netflix India's like overall
plan is like if they had one to begin with.
(09:09):
They seem to announce plans, then midway through forget that
they made those plans. Yeah, because there wasn't like
a similar like highest movie being coming from like some
Abbas Moustan like 4 years ago that never told my.
God, yeah, that is the that. In fact, let's forget Jewel
Thief and discuss that. What happened to Abbas Moustan's
(09:30):
penthouse? It was announced, it was like a
first look, so the movie was like close to ready.
It's a show, Abbas. Sure.
Amazing. So they.
Filmed it, it's done and I know this because I was watching some
random Cyrus Brocha podcast and Cyrus Brocha is in it and he was
very upset. You know you got me out of my
(09:52):
house and I desktop for it and if now you haven't released it,
what's happening? It's a job to do the hall, but
OK. And was like years ago that they
announced it as a part of the slave thing.
And then and then it was later Ithink somebody said that they
sold it to Jio and Geo releases stuff for free.
(10:12):
Like, you know, it just they don't really they have even
they. Don't have no filter?
Yeah, the entire catalog is Mr. Serial Killer.
Yeah, like they have, they have one, I don't know if you know
this. They have a movie starring
Vikrant Mercy and Vijay Sethupathi, directed by Santosh
Sivan, which is which exists, and nobody knows about it
(10:33):
because it's that bad. Wow.
But I'm like Tumne, Jio, Kobe, HT or whatever.
Yeah, even Jio was like, no, excuse me, we can't do
Penthouse. Same way I want to know what
happened to like Anusha Sharma'slike chakra express.
Chakra Express, which was also filmed apparently.
Yeah, fully filmed like a multiple Apathi filming like
additional pickups. And then it's like the radio
(10:54):
silence. Like who doesn't release the
cricket movie in India? Like you just that just gets
eyeballs like for free. Because she left her own company
apparently. Wow.
So maybe she just doesn't want people to see it.
Like imagine the movie is so badand I was like I quit by the
company I. Founded.
No, this is again, this brings us to like our favorite topic,
(11:15):
right? Yeah, which is Baahubali.
Yes, like imagine. Yeah, like things are so bad.
Like Chuck it up and house in Baahubali.
Like it must be so bad because if you're leaving jewel thief
and this is serial killer on a regular basis.
Oh, OK, OK, something he was theMaharaj.
I don't. I can't even imagine.
(11:36):
How can something and twice? Yeah, I.
Hated first time and they were like you can there and they made
it again. They were like Oh my God, you're
vegan God, if because, because then you raise questions not
like you thought jewel thief wasOK good to go.
Yeah, like, at least. You thought Jewel thief was OK,
good to go. You thought Maharaj was like,
not offensive at all at any level.
(11:57):
You're like, let's release this thing, let's put it on this. 195
countries can see this. Yes, please see it.
It's humiliation. Actually, it is humiliation.
That's only thing, that's why I brought up the question.
I was like, at this point why dowe need Netflix India offices
other than to collect subscription money?
Why do they need to exist? I remember in the latest like
whatever quarterly earnings call, they again mentioned
(12:19):
India, but this time they started positively K9 and Hamara
Bada acha potential have a Harper this time, which we've
been hearing for like a decade now, yeah.
Exactly. We've been doing this for
decades, so we know what's been happening.
For a decade, yeah. And honestly like subscribers to
bad gayai generally overall and India may obviously second most
populous country, it's after China.
(12:41):
China doesn't have all this. So it's in effect the biggest
potential market. Which is why they don't want to
go up. Yeah, yeah.
It makes sense not give up, but it doesn't make sense to hire
new regimes and all of them because Mrs. Hill Killer was
responsible. People were responsible.
Who? Guy?
They're not here. Jewel thief.
New people are responsible. But you can tell that the
(13:02):
sensibilities are exactly the same.
Yeah. Which means finally, the
directive is written somewhere else, right?
Like it's clearly been told thatyou have to make these kind of
movies to succeed in India. Like someone believes this?
But they haven't, Have they not figured out that you are not
succeeding in India but. Yeah.
I think from the sentiment you told me in their quarterly
report, it seems like they've deluded themselves into thinking
(13:24):
that this is the way to succeed and then whatever success
they're seeing is because of this.
Stuff possible. And like the fact that
obviously, like, yeah, they keeppaying for like terrible bored
movies to like, we have a. 110% sure that those get more
eyeballs. Yeah, for sure.
So which is why I was thinking like beyond like licensing stuff
and collecting subscription money from people, why do they
(13:46):
need an Indian entity? Because the original piece is
basically like entirely useless.Like whatever good stuff they
have has always been acquired bylike Netflix International.
Yeah, exactly. And honestly, like we, I have no
interest in talking about jewel thief anymore.
So let's talk about Saif Ali Khan's role in all of this.
Yeah. So it's Saif Ali Khan, star of
the first Netflix original series, Sacred Games.
(14:06):
Different time, different era. Then he's the star of a show
called Thunderv, which basicallychanges the entire landscape of
Indian scream. Do you mean because of Thunderv?
People's cancel shows, cancel movies?
They're like, no, no, no, we can't take any sort.
Of risk, Kashyap loses like two or three things at Netflix.
(14:27):
Yeah, Thandav is the moment where the entire industry
decides that no, we have to be dumb.
Yeah, we have to make stylish forever.
So like, what is this trifecta of theft?
I mean, somebody should study this.
Yeah, this is basically like a full journey.
This is like see what Indian streaming the could be because
(14:47):
was like hired by Netflix international.
There was an Indian team back then.
It was directly less like the CEO her Hastings and his like
second next type level guy loving this book and thinking
that they should be just was solutional.
That was like HBO level imagination for like the
beginning and then derailment since then.
And just four years, no, two years later, yeah.
Yeah, two years later, derailment.
(15:09):
And now five years after that, we are in absolute muck.
Yeah. Like, it's never been this bad.
And I'm not talking about just streaming.
Like even theatrically at the level of output has never been
this bad as far as I can remember in the last 15 years
because mid 2000s was when I think Hindi cinema peaked, which
(15:30):
was when Kashyap and Debarkar Banerjee, all those guys had
their kind of runs when the studios are supporting them.
Then streaming came and we were like, oh, and now we're in jewel
thief territory where basically like Siddharth Anand is like.
I'm guessing I'm guessing right?Sure, but his name is like above
(15:54):
the title. On which seems like he like
where is the there is why? Why is no QC ever happened with
an Indian epic movie? Like at no point they see
something and they're like, you know what?
Let's just kill it. Why don't you go back to the
drawing board and try again? Yeah, just do Baahubali.
You've done it before, you've done it twice.
You've done it thrice if you count Penthouse now.
And who knows how many other things chakra I expressed.
(16:16):
So we've mentioned Charti. Yeah, why not Jewel thief?
Because honestly nobody like I doubt safe even likes this.
Right. Yeah, nobody likes this.
Yeah, how can you stand your ownperformances where the direction
is so bad they're making actually good actors look like
amateurs? Yeah, it's like that Ayushwan
(16:36):
Khurana movie just made. Jaideep was the villain again.
It was so bad. Oh, the what was it called?
Action. No.
Similar vibes in this. Yeah.
Like I don't know what he's doing.
Is he supposed to be like when he's saying he's supposed to be
Samajini? Yatam was just a character he's
supposed to be like from a smalltown in India.
Right, Yeah, but he is supposed to come up with menacing like
any guy who's like given the thing that he's going to shoot
(16:58):
his dog in front of the protagonist, like only like
Rehans dog, his own dog. Like that's like you are
intrigued putting him in a territory of like, yeah, this
guy is like mania don't like mess with.
Him. Yeah.
Which is like an unwritten rule in movies.
You don't do children and animals.
You don't. Yep.
So if you push level, you are saying that yeah, this guy is
like irredeemable territory completely.
(17:18):
But then immediately after that he's basically the parallel
protagonist of the movie before being.
Because there's no other character to for Rihan to bounce
off, but he's gonna bounce off those idiot like cops.
Like why is every Indian highestmovie of any nature?
Like the agents are always like terribly stupid.
These are people who India are sending abroad.
(17:39):
Like they are being paid to livein Budapest to track a guy but
there was then some local cop you can find in your Puri thana.
And like partially the movie is aware also because Kunal Kapoor
is supposed to be competent but the 2 Thompson and Thompson
Sardarji people are supposed to be idiots.
It's like, I guess how Kapoor competent though, because he
shows up at like Ryan, like residents, his dad, he's
(18:01):
questioning him. He's really not like, have you
had any contact with this guy like a son?
Yeah I only have one son blah blah blah blah blah and then he
ask his other like brother he's like have you contacted with
him? Just check his damn passport it
will tell you. 2 days ago he wasin Budapest.
Guys. Conspiracy Khatam.
Arrest him, get him to reveal where he is.
Done. Yeah, and this, in the movie's
(18:22):
eyes, is supposed to be the smart one.
Yeah, that's. What?
I think he's standing right there.
And the other, as you said, Thomson?
Thomson, I'm willing to go aheadwith the tickets, but this is
the baseline you want to give sothat Vikram can look smart, but
Vikram is also not smart, guys. And then for a few minutes I was
(18:49):
like fool into thinking this might be like a sub versus movie
where like we're dealing with like 2, you know, male male
people were like men. Sorry, were trying to steal this
jewel. And eventually they'll reveal at
some point that the innocent Farah is actually like, you
know, plotting. And she'll, like, get her way
out or steal the jewel in the. Flower or whatever.
Yeah, like she's like, she's just pretending to be like, I'm
(19:10):
getting abused by Rajan, and then she'll turn the flip on
like Rihanna, the end. I'd be like, OK, goodbye,
Ascari. No, Why was I thinking that?
I have no idea. Yeah, it, but this the movie
makes you stupid while you watchit, Yeah.
Expecting too much from these people, yeah.
I mean, it's I don't know, I don't, I don't think there's a
single like towards the end, JoeHeist, Hota here, I don't
(19:32):
remember a single thing. About it, it is so dumb to
everything is so dumb. It's like everything has
happened because it wanted to happen.
I like museum. He just figured everything out.
He'll just be like, yeah, you have power trip cutting your
bike. That's a red flat.
The museum would just like be like things are happening which
are not out of the normal. Let's not boast the red sun.
Forget it. Then play.
(19:53):
Play in Majora or private plane.So he's gonna fly commercial.
Why? He'll just wait a few days.
No, but like the thing you know how like your team is only as
strong as the weakest member so.It's similar with movies like
this. Movies like this aren't a
reflection of the industry, They're a reflection of what the
industry thinks of you. Yeah, like these people think
(20:15):
that this is your level of Internet.
Yeah, but we will pass. Like we will think that this is
a great heist movie. Yeah, so that's that is why I'm
always insulted by stuff like this and that's why I'm always
angry and stuff like this. OK no we might not be geniuses
but we aren't this stupid. Also please stop with this
(20:39):
honestly waste of time. That's a helpful.
I have no energy to like discussthis anymore.
Yeah. That's all for this episode of
The Long Take. You can follow us on Facebook,
Instagram threads and YouTube atthe Long Take part.
You can write to us at the Long takepart@gmail.com.
Please leave us a rating and a review and we will see you next
week. Thanks for listening.
Bye.
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