February 26, 2025 • 30 mins
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Life can throw unexpected challenges our way, causing a significant impact on our self-worth and confidence. In this episode, we tackle the essential distinction between confidence and self-esteem. Drawing from personal journeys, we explore how traumatic experiences, like loss or failure, can affect the way we see ourselves.
Throughout our discussion, we delve deep into transformative strategies that help reshape our narratives. Reframing past experiences becomes a crucial part of healing, encouraging listeners to view their stories through a lens of empowerment rather than limitation. We emphasize that self-worth is inherent and can be reignited through intentional action and support.
Tune in to explore how you can reconnect with your true values and align your life with your authentic self. Each insight shared is designed to motivate and inspire you to step into your magnetic potential. Are you ready to rewrite your story and embrace the fullness of who you are? Join us on this transformational journey today!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you've ever had a moment where you've gone through
something such as a divorce,such as having a boss that has
been particularly toxic, orhaving a business failure or
something in your life that'sjust thrown a wrench in
everything and you're feelinginsecure, like your self-doubt
(00:26):
is riling up and your confidencehas been affected and all this
stuff we're going to get into,how to pull yourself out of that
and move forward with grace andconfidence and like you're on a
(00:48):
whole new tip, so to speak.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Stick around.
This is going to be a good one,living up to your full
potential.
Your energy is magnetic.
Big dreams believe in it.
Wisdom we seeking it.
Everything that you're lookingfor, brought to you by Lisa
Jeffs, the Magnetic Leader.
It's time to soar.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Tap into your power of an entrepreneur.
Level up.
Step it up because I believe,find your purpose.
Time to be a Magnetic Leader.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Hey, welcome to the show leaders.
So I wanted to do an episode onthis because a lot of times I
work with leaders andentrepreneurs and creatives and
artists and these people haveexperienced a lot of confidence
in their life already they haveachieved a lot, so that does
(01:51):
require a level of confidence.
But a lot of times theseindividuals go through something
in their life and it throwsthem off their game.
It is something that creates somuch I'm not even sure what the
word let's go with trauma,because it is a form of trauma
(02:13):
that their self-esteem and theirconfidence just starts to
plummet.
And I'm going to preface thisby saying often it's not that
the self-esteem plummets, it'sthat their self-esteem was
already low and this just tipsit over the edge.
(02:35):
Because you can be veryconfident and when I tell people
this, because they useself-esteem and confidence
interchangeably, right, as ifit's the same thing, and it's
not the same thing at all youcan be very confident, you can
be a very confident person.
You portray yourself as aconfident person, people think
(02:55):
that you're very confident, yougo after things, you take action
and you can still have very lowself-esteem, self-worth, and in
fact, many high achievers havechallenges with their
self-esteem, which is what putsthem on this trajectory of
(03:17):
achieving so right.
We often get on these paths toprove our worth.
So when something happens likea divorce, or something happens
at work, or you even have aclient that's just a monster
type client, it can reallyignite and put gasoline on
(03:47):
what's already there.
Because once we get to a placewhere our self-esteem is truly
high and I don't even want tosay just our self-esteem is high
, but we fully value ourselvesand we see our worth beyond
anything external and we aretruly connected to the whole of
(04:10):
us, the whole of who we are,this divine spark of who we are
things aren't going to have thesame effect as they do when our
self-esteem is on the lower end.
And for those of you who arejust listening to this that may
not know a lot about my story,and some of you that have been
(04:33):
listening and you may not evenknow this about my story, I try
to share different aspects of mystory because there's a lot of
different things I can talkabout that are applicable at
different times.
So there was a time in my lifewhere I was completely lost.
It was right after my father'sdeath.
(04:56):
This was when he passed away, Iwas 19.
I was just graduating highschool, and once I had graduated
high school it was about sixmonths later I completely
spiraled into a world that Inever imagined for myself, and I
(05:17):
was searching for worth, or Iwas searching for something in
places that could never offer it, and I battled addiction.
My self-doubt was sky high andI really, for some reason,
believed that going into theadult entertainment world was my
(05:39):
best option.
I remember a moment where Ifelt like I really had nothing
more to offer and I wasquestioning what I could even do
with my life.
That was one of the lowest ofthe low moments of my
(06:00):
self-esteem.
Now, today, I'm the CEO andfounder of Purpose Academy Pro.
I guide ambitious leaders andentrepreneurs and professionals
to unlock their potential,amplify their impact.
I've been featured on numerousdifferent publications the
National Post, thrive, global,toronto 640, talk Radio, tiny
(06:24):
Buddha, etc.
Etc.
And what I have come to realizeis that the confidence and
self-esteem I have now, I alwayshad it.
I came into the world with it.
It was simply the stories andthe aspects of my environment
(06:52):
and traumatic experiences fromchildhood, all the little things
that have happened.
I'm an adopted child, so I grewup in my days, started in the
foster home when I was reallylittle and even though I've had
a great experience being adopted, I haven't had a poor
(07:14):
experience at all that cancreate certain, it can have an
effect on our abandonment, ourabandonment wounds our
self-esteem and all that stuff.
So I am under the full beliefthat we come into this world
whole and it is the stuff thathappens to us that we can impact
(07:40):
how we see ourself, how we viewourself, our self-image, and
that all impacts our self-worthand our self-esteem.
And then when these certainthings happen in our life so for
me, losing my dad at that youngage where my brain wasn't even
(08:01):
fully developed and I had nocoping skills to cope with the
emotions and I didn't have thosetools and I didn't get those
tools it sent me into a reallylow spiral and I didn't really
understand my potential at thattime.
(08:23):
So I felt powerless and I feltlost.
And Going back to that story,everything changed for me the
moment that I found out I waspregnant at 23.
And all of that past image andmy self-image it just started to
(08:52):
shatter and I knew somethinghad to change, not only for
myself but for my daughter aswell and literally in an instant
I left the adult entertainmentworld.
I ended my substance abuseliterally cold turkey and I took
(09:18):
a.
I got a job.
My friend got me a job servingcoffee at SickKids Hospital in
the Tim Hortons in the hospital,and it was a humble beginning,
but it was my bridge back tothat light.
That was that's always beenwithin me and a reminder that I
(09:41):
was more so much more than mypast choices fire within me,
(10:02):
that I was going to live up tomy potential and start
understanding what that was.
I no longer subscribe to the oldstories that I was not good
enough, for whatever reason.
I always had challenges inschool, more so challenges
around focus because I do haveADHD and understanding a lot of
(10:23):
the content that was beingtaught and the way it was being
taught, and so I never felt thatI was stupid, but I didn't feel
like I was as smart as a lot ofother people that didn't have
the same challenges in the waythings were being taught in the
(10:43):
school board, but I no longerwanted to subscribe to that.
That was no longer somethingthat I was okay with.
So pretty quickly after havingmy daughter, I went back to
school.
I earned my advanced diplomaand then I earned my degree in
(11:04):
counseling and I started torebuild my life and my
self-identity and my self-esteemand my self-confidence from
there.
And then I realized that, okay,I'm really good at helping
other people with similarchallenges I went through.
(11:25):
This is when I really started toget involved with coaching and
understood that this story thatwe tell ourselves, it's almost
like a snapshot of our past.
When we keep telling ourselvesthe same story over and over
(11:47):
again, we're just cementing inthis snapshot, as if we are the
movie, is our life and we arethe director and we're just
saying, yes, this scene is inthe movie, this scene is in the
movie, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,instead of saying, hold on, I
(12:08):
don't want this scene in themovie anymore.
This isn't actually serving me,it's not serving where I want
to go.
What do I need to do to shiftor cut this scene?
And it's not about justdeleting things from our life or
(12:29):
pretending they didn't happenor they didn't exist, but one of
the things we can do to startto shift the past, which human
beings have a way of allowing toimpact their present and their
future, is to reframe the past.
(12:49):
So when we are living with anoutdated self-identity that's
keeping us stuck.
So when we are living with anoutdated self-identity that's
keeping us stuck, we need to seewhat the story is that we are
telling ourselves and then weneed to rewrite that narrative.
We have to redefine whathappened, reframe it.
(13:16):
So for me, part of it is and I'mgoing to sidetrack here for a
sec that if this were, if youhave certain things in your past
, certain traumatic events, andget the help you need to do this
work, it's because there's afine line between being able to
reframe experiences and bringingup and reliving past trauma,
(13:41):
and we don't want to do that.
We don't want to be reliving atraumatic experience.
So if me sharing this with youbrings up a lot of fear and
feelings of oh my God, I can'tgo in my past and bring that
stuff up, and a sense of traumaand your whole nervous system is
(14:03):
on fire, then either gettingsupport, healing support, or
don't do this, okay.
So this is for someone who isready and they've either already
done healing work or what is inthe past is not sending their
(14:26):
entire system on fire because itwas that traumatic when they
went through it.
So and only you know that.
So for me, there's many thingsin my past that have impacted my
self-esteem Many things fromfamily, from neglect, from
(14:49):
school, like we can go down alist.
But for me, reframing it was tosee certain experiences that
really left a sting in my lifeand, going back, and how can I
shift the perspective of whathappened.
So I'll give you an example,and this is an example that I
(15:12):
think a lot of people can relateto, because when I tell it, a
lot of people can relate to it.
So I remember a time in gymclass and it's funny because now
when I tell the story, I haveno, there's no sting or anything
to it but when it happened, andyears after, when I would think
about this, it would bring upso much hurt and pain.
(15:34):
It would bring up so much hurtand pain.
And it was when I was in gymclass and there was a group we
were picking teams.
I wasn't picking, I was at thewall and there was two people
picking their teams and it wasgetting down to the last couple
people and it was me and thisone other person and her name
(15:55):
was close to mine and I thoughtthey said my name and I was like
, thank God, I'm not the lastperson.
Geez, that sucks to be the lastperson.
And then when I started walkingover, the team member was like
no, not you, lisa, and theypointed at the other girl and
(16:15):
then I realized, oh shit, I amthe last person, and for the
longest time.
That sent me into a place whereI felt not good enough.
I felt worthless.
Keep in mind, at this age, Iwas very young I can't remember
if it was grade one or two orsomething like that and every
(16:39):
time I thought of that it wouldjust bring up so much pain.
Part of me reframing it wasgoing back in that time and
really looking at it and saying,why was I picked last?
Oh, okay, I was picked lastbecause I was terrible at
dodgeball.
I didn't enjoy it, or was it?
Yeah, it was dodgeball, Ididn't enjoy it.
I didn't go after the ball, Iwould hide in the corner.
(17:01):
I had a lot of other skills,including writing, writing
stories, writing poetry, writingall that stuff which if I had,
if it was a team to writestories, I'm sure I would be
picked first.
But it wasn't my zone of genius, and reframing that for myself
(17:22):
allowed me to release so muchpain and hurt to where?
Now I see it and I can laughabout it Not that anyone's pain
and trauma is something to laughabout, but for me it just feels
so light now.
There's no emotional sting, andthat is what I'm talking about
(17:45):
when I say reframing your pastright, really seeing what
happened.
And for me, what helps is it'sjust not identifying with that
story anymore.
There's many stories I haverelated to the group.
I would hang around and we allstruggled.
(18:07):
We all struggled to find ourplace in the world in this group
.
None of us were particularlygreat at school, none of us were
talking about going to collegeand having a life.
It was all very much how are wegetting through today, type of
thing.
And I really had to do workaround reframing that identity
(18:31):
and not making it about who Iwas, not making it about who I
was, but rather what Iexperienced, and taking the
strength from those experiences,which is immense, because those
experiences now give my work somuch depth.
(18:51):
I'm able to relate to people,their challenges and their
struggles with so much moredepth because of what I've gone
through in the past hadsomething happen to you like a
(19:19):
divorce, or something hashappened at work and your
confidence is just in the gutter.
How can we go and either lookback in time and see when your
self-esteem was first impactedin life, can we go back and
reframe some of those moments,and how can we reframe what has
(19:40):
just happened to you?
Again, this isn't about forcingstuff.
So if you're still in a momentwhere you're grieving or you're
going through the experience, behonor yourself and your
progress.
The next step in this processand this is the work that I do
(20:06):
with my one-on-one clients or inthe Magnetic Leader Accelerator
is we have to start learningabout you.
A lot of people struggle withlow self-esteem and they have no
idea who they are.
They have no idea what theyvalue, their gifts, the
(20:27):
magnificence of themselves.
They have no clue and we got tostart doing that work to
understand you, clarifying whoyou are, not the programmed
society imposed version thattries to make us or put us into
(20:48):
a box, but getting clear on yourauthentic values.
Who are you, your true values.
When you connect and align yourlife and career with your true
values, success becomesinevitable, fulfillment becomes
inevitable, purpose becomesinevitable.
Then we got to get clearGreatness isn't found within the
(21:12):
lines.
It's found in the boldness andthe creating a life and business
or career or work that isaligned with you, your purpose
and your vision, and reallystretching the boundaries of
what you previously thought waspossible.
(21:37):
I can't even tell you how havingthis business now coaching
people all over the world,having this business now
coaching people all over theworld, has impacted my life in
just the most amazing,miraculous ways.
It's exploded what I thoughtlife could be Like.
When I think back to before,when I was, my only goal was to
(21:59):
work in the school board and toget a position in the school
board, my view of life was sotiny.
It was so tiny of what Ithought was possible.
And now I'm literally workingwith people all over the world
that I never thought I wouldeven have a chance to speak to,
let alone be doing deep workwith.
(22:21):
Doing deep work with.
It's incredible.
So we want to startunderstanding what is possible
for us in this world, pushingthose boundaries, dropping
labels, dropping the box thatkeeps us stuck.
We're getting out of the box,we're getting out of the labels,
(22:44):
we're getting out of all that.
People get stuck on me.
I don't know why this divorcekeeps coming up, if it's
something that someone needs tohear.
Listening to this Also, it cameup in a client session earlier
today.
But even the label of I'm adivorced mom or I'm a divorced
dad or I'm a divorcee I'm adivorced mom or I'm a divorced
(23:10):
dad or I'm a divorcee All thatbrings with it is so much of
this energetic connotations,this energetic frequency that is
filled with a whole bunch ofnonsense, although it can also
be filled with a lot of goodthings as well.
So I'm not saying it's allnegative or bad, but we don't
(23:35):
want all that stuff.
Those labels, those names,those boxes are a limitation
unless they are serving you inyour vision.
Because there are some labelsor boxes that you may thrive in
and that's great.
Utilize them.
But if they're limiting you, welet them go.
We create a vision for you.
So you need to start thinkingwhat am I moving towards?
Because the worst thing that wecan do is sit and stew in our
(24:03):
low self-esteem and our lowconfidence and ruminate over
what has happened.
Lord have mercy.
Did I used to ruminate?
Did I used to think like overand over about things that were
(24:24):
very traumatic and hurtful, andI was locked in that story.
I was locked in that image andwe get stuck there.
I don't think people understandhow powerful our thoughts are,
how powerful our imagination isin creating our reality and when
(24:50):
all we're doing is thinkingabout all the things that went
wrong and feeling guilt andshame and all these feelings
we're creating, we're expandingthat reality.
Not that we don't want to feel,of course.
We want to feel all ouremotions and let them go.
(25:10):
We don't want to suppress anyfeelings, we don't want to
ignore the feelings, but wedon't want to ruminate in the
feelings.
So, getting clear what ourvision is, and then the next
step is getting theaccountability to take those
actions necessary taking actionsand through taking aligned
(25:43):
action that are meaningful andhelpful and fill us up.
So I'm not talking about justactions to serve everyone else,
unless that's part of what'sgoing to fill you up.
Maybe you haven't been doingthat and you need some of that,
(26:04):
but this is really understandingfor you and a lot of the
clients that I work with.
They don't have any problemhelping other people.
In fact, they've been helpingother people for forever.
Their biggest challenge isreally turning that energy and
turning that love and caretowards themselves and start to
feed themselves and fillthemselves up and prioritize
(26:27):
what they need.
So taking those actionsnecessary and this is a place
where a lot of people drop theball because it's hard to take
actions.
It's a lot easier to do thework, the very necessary deep
inner work, but it can bechallenging taking those new
actions because we really got tocommit to a new way of being
(26:52):
and a new reality.
But I promise you, when youstart to do this, when you start
to do all of this reframing thepast, understanding yourself do
you actually value what do youcare about?
What is going to light you upat that soul level?
And when you find that place orthat group or that coach that
(27:14):
can hold you accountable totaking these necessary actions,
I can't tell you how fast thingscan move.
This is what we do in theMagnetic Leader Accelerator.
This is what I do with myone-on-one clients.
If you think that working withme or applying for the
accelerator is going to supportyou, then please do.
(27:35):
Do not hesitate, do not wait.
The simple act of reaching outfor help, the simple act of
reaching out for help, evenbefore you even get the help,
can help to increase yourself-esteem and your confidence,
believing in yourself, knowingthat this is just a season, this
(28:00):
is just a blip in the wholenessof who you are and what is
capable and available for you.
That's really important to know.
I'm going to say it again thisis just a season, as long as you
commit to showing up and doingthe work to get yourself out of
(28:20):
it and it can be easier than wemake it out to be, and I can
promise you I will make iteasier for you if being in the
accelerator is a good fit foryou, because it's not that hard.
(28:41):
The hardest part is getting outof our own way and saying yes to
something different.
But I believe in you and Iappreciate you and I love you
and thank you for being here andif you're still listening, I
know this resonates with you.
Believe me, I've been there andit's a journey.
Right, I can still find myselfin moments where old stuff comes
(29:04):
up again and it's just aprocess of acknowledging it,
letting it go, reframing it andtuning into the fullness and
bigness and just the majestic,divine wonder of who you are.
I know that sounds a littlecorny, but it's so, so true.
(29:26):
You're so much bigger thananything that has happened to
you and your future is going tobe just out of this freaking
world when you show up and youdo the work for yourself.
I'm going to wrap it up.
Thank you for being here.
I appreciate you.
Send me a text if you wouldlike to hear me talk about a
(29:49):
certain subject even more.
If you'd like to apply for theaccelerator, I'm going to put
that in the show notes of thepodcast, and if you'd like to
talk to me about privatecoaching, I will also put a link
to apply for a test driveconsult.
Have an amazing day whereveryou are and, as always, let's
(30:13):
stay connected for potential.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Your energy is magnetic.
Big dreams believe in it.
Wisdom, we seeking it.
Everything that you're lookingfor, brought to you by lisa
jeffs, the magnetic leader it'stime to soar.
Tap into your power of anentrepreneur.
If you've ever had a moment where you've gone through
something such as a divorce,such as having a boss that has
been particularly toxic, orhaving a business failure or
something in your life that'sjust thrown a wrench in
everything and you're feelinginsecure, like your self-doubt
(00:26):
is riling up and your confidencehas been affected and all this
stuff we're going to get into,how to pull yourself out of that
and move forward with grace andconfidence and like you're on a
(00:48):
whole new tip, so to speak.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Stick around.
This is going to be a good one,living up to your full
potential.
Your energy is magnetic.
Big dreams believe in it.
Wisdom we seeking it.
Everything that you're lookingfor, brought to you by Lisa
Jeffs, the Magnetic Leader.
It's time to soar.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Tap into your power of an entrepreneur.
Level up.
Step it up because I believe,find your purpose.
Time to be a Magnetic Leader.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Hey, welcome to the show leaders.
So I wanted to do an episode onthis because a lot of times I
work with leaders andentrepreneurs and creatives and
artists and these people haveexperienced a lot of confidence
in their life already they haveachieved a lot, so that does
(01:51):
require a level of confidence.
But a lot of times theseindividuals go through something
in their life and it throwsthem off their game.
It is something that creates somuch I'm not even sure what the
word let's go with trauma,because it is a form of trauma
(02:13):
that their self-esteem and theirconfidence just starts to
plummet.
And I'm going to preface thisby saying often it's not that
the self-esteem plummets, it'sthat their self-esteem was
already low and this just tipsit over the edge.
(02:35):
Because you can be veryconfident and when I tell people
this, because they useself-esteem and confidence
interchangeably, right, as ifit's the same thing, and it's
not the same thing at all youcan be very confident, you can
be a very confident person.
You portray yourself as aconfident person, people think
(02:55):
that you're very confident, yougo after things, you take action
and you can still have very lowself-esteem, self-worth, and in
fact, many high achievers havechallenges with their
self-esteem, which is what putsthem on this trajectory of
(03:17):
achieving so right.
We often get on these paths toprove our worth.
So when something happens likea divorce, or something happens
at work, or you even have aclient that's just a monster
type client, it can reallyignite and put gasoline on
(03:47):
what's already there.
Because once we get to a placewhere our self-esteem is truly
high and I don't even want tosay just our self-esteem is high
, but we fully value ourselvesand we see our worth beyond
anything external and we aretruly connected to the whole of
(04:10):
us, the whole of who we are,this divine spark of who we are
things aren't going to have thesame effect as they do when our
self-esteem is on the lower end.
And for those of you who arejust listening to this that may
not know a lot about my story,and some of you that have been
(04:33):
listening and you may not evenknow this about my story, I try
to share different aspects of mystory because there's a lot of
different things I can talkabout that are applicable at
different times.
So there was a time in my lifewhere I was completely lost.
It was right after my father'sdeath.
(04:56):
This was when he passed away, Iwas 19.
I was just graduating highschool, and once I had graduated
high school it was about sixmonths later I completely
spiraled into a world that Inever imagined for myself, and I
(05:17):
was searching for worth, or Iwas searching for something in
places that could never offer it, and I battled addiction.
My self-doubt was sky high andI really, for some reason,
believed that going into theadult entertainment world was my
(05:39):
best option.
I remember a moment where Ifelt like I really had nothing
more to offer and I wasquestioning what I could even do
with my life.
That was one of the lowest ofthe low moments of my
(06:00):
self-esteem.
Now, today, I'm the CEO andfounder of Purpose Academy Pro.
I guide ambitious leaders andentrepreneurs and professionals
to unlock their potential,amplify their impact.
I've been featured on numerousdifferent publications the
National Post, thrive, global,toronto 640, talk Radio, tiny
(06:24):
Buddha, etc.
Etc.
And what I have come to realizeis that the confidence and
self-esteem I have now, I alwayshad it.
I came into the world with it.
It was simply the stories andthe aspects of my environment
(06:52):
and traumatic experiences fromchildhood, all the little things
that have happened.
I'm an adopted child, so I grewup in my days, started in the
foster home when I was reallylittle and even though I've had
a great experience being adopted, I haven't had a poor
(07:14):
experience at all that cancreate certain, it can have an
effect on our abandonment, ourabandonment wounds our
self-esteem and all that stuff.
So I am under the full beliefthat we come into this world
whole and it is the stuff thathappens to us that we can impact
(07:40):
how we see ourself, how we viewourself, our self-image, and
that all impacts our self-worthand our self-esteem.
And then when these certainthings happen in our life so for
me, losing my dad at that youngage where my brain wasn't even
(08:01):
fully developed and I had nocoping skills to cope with the
emotions and I didn't have thosetools and I didn't get those
tools it sent me into a reallylow spiral and I didn't really
understand my potential at thattime.
(08:23):
So I felt powerless and I feltlost.
And Going back to that story,everything changed for me the
moment that I found out I waspregnant at 23.
And all of that past image andmy self-image it just started to
(08:52):
shatter and I knew somethinghad to change, not only for
myself but for my daughter aswell and literally in an instant
I left the adult entertainmentworld.
I ended my substance abuseliterally cold turkey and I took
(09:18):
a.
I got a job.
My friend got me a job servingcoffee at SickKids Hospital in
the Tim Hortons in the hospital,and it was a humble beginning,
but it was my bridge back tothat light.
That was that's always beenwithin me and a reminder that I
(09:41):
was more so much more than mypast choices fire within me,
(10:02):
that I was going to live up tomy potential and start
understanding what that was.
I no longer subscribe to the oldstories that I was not good
enough, for whatever reason.
I always had challenges inschool, more so challenges
around focus because I do haveADHD and understanding a lot of
(10:23):
the content that was beingtaught and the way it was being
taught, and so I never felt thatI was stupid, but I didn't feel
like I was as smart as a lot ofother people that didn't have
the same challenges in the waythings were being taught in the
(10:43):
school board, but I no longerwanted to subscribe to that.
That was no longer somethingthat I was okay with.
So pretty quickly after havingmy daughter, I went back to
school.
I earned my advanced diplomaand then I earned my degree in
(11:04):
counseling and I started torebuild my life and my
self-identity and my self-esteemand my self-confidence from
there.
And then I realized that, okay,I'm really good at helping
other people with similarchallenges I went through.
(11:25):
This is when I really started toget involved with coaching and
understood that this story thatwe tell ourselves, it's almost
like a snapshot of our past.
When we keep telling ourselvesthe same story over and over
(11:47):
again, we're just cementing inthis snapshot, as if we are the
movie, is our life and we arethe director and we're just
saying, yes, this scene is inthe movie, this scene is in the
movie, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,instead of saying, hold on, I
(12:08):
don't want this scene in themovie anymore.
This isn't actually serving me,it's not serving where I want
to go.
What do I need to do to shiftor cut this scene?
And it's not about justdeleting things from our life or
(12:29):
pretending they didn't happenor they didn't exist, but one of
the things we can do to startto shift the past, which human
beings have a way of allowing toimpact their present and their
future, is to reframe the past.
(12:49):
So when we are living with anoutdated self-identity that's
keeping us stuck.
So when we are living with anoutdated self-identity that's
keeping us stuck, we need to seewhat the story is that we are
telling ourselves and then weneed to rewrite that narrative.
We have to redefine whathappened, reframe it.
(13:16):
So for me, part of it is and I'mgoing to sidetrack here for a
sec that if this were, if youhave certain things in your past
, certain traumatic events, andget the help you need to do this
work, it's because there's afine line between being able to
reframe experiences and bringingup and reliving past trauma,
(13:41):
and we don't want to do that.
We don't want to be reliving atraumatic experience.
So if me sharing this with youbrings up a lot of fear and
feelings of oh my God, I can'tgo in my past and bring that
stuff up, and a sense of traumaand your whole nervous system is
(14:03):
on fire, then either gettingsupport, healing support, or
don't do this, okay.
So this is for someone who isready and they've either already
done healing work or what is inthe past is not sending their
(14:26):
entire system on fire because itwas that traumatic when they
went through it.
So and only you know that.
So for me, there's many thingsin my past that have impacted my
self-esteem Many things fromfamily, from neglect, from
(14:49):
school, like we can go down alist.
But for me, reframing it was tosee certain experiences that
really left a sting in my lifeand, going back, and how can I
shift the perspective of whathappened.
So I'll give you an example,and this is an example that I
(15:12):
think a lot of people can relateto, because when I tell it, a
lot of people can relate to it.
So I remember a time in gymclass and it's funny because now
when I tell the story, I haveno, there's no sting or anything
to it but when it happened, andyears after, when I would think
about this, it would bring upso much hurt and pain.
(15:34):
It would bring up so much hurtand pain.
And it was when I was in gymclass and there was a group we
were picking teams.
I wasn't picking, I was at thewall and there was two people
picking their teams and it wasgetting down to the last couple
people and it was me and thisone other person and her name
(15:55):
was close to mine and I thoughtthey said my name and I was like
, thank God, I'm not the lastperson.
Geez, that sucks to be the lastperson.
And then when I started walkingover, the team member was like
no, not you, lisa, and theypointed at the other girl and
(16:15):
then I realized, oh shit, I amthe last person, and for the
longest time.
That sent me into a place whereI felt not good enough.
I felt worthless.
Keep in mind, at this age, Iwas very young I can't remember
if it was grade one or two orsomething like that and every
(16:39):
time I thought of that it wouldjust bring up so much pain.
Part of me reframing it wasgoing back in that time and
really looking at it and saying,why was I picked last?
Oh, okay, I was picked lastbecause I was terrible at
dodgeball.
I didn't enjoy it, or was it?
Yeah, it was dodgeball, Ididn't enjoy it.
I didn't go after the ball, Iwould hide in the corner.
(17:01):
I had a lot of other skills,including writing, writing
stories, writing poetry, writingall that stuff which if I had,
if it was a team to writestories, I'm sure I would be
picked first.
But it wasn't my zone of genius, and reframing that for myself
(17:22):
allowed me to release so muchpain and hurt to where?
Now I see it and I can laughabout it Not that anyone's pain
and trauma is something to laughabout, but for me it just feels
so light now.
There's no emotional sting, andthat is what I'm talking about
(17:45):
when I say reframing your pastright, really seeing what
happened.
And for me, what helps is it'sjust not identifying with that
story anymore.
There's many stories I haverelated to the group.
I would hang around and we allstruggled.
(18:07):
We all struggled to find ourplace in the world in this group
.
None of us were particularlygreat at school, none of us were
talking about going to collegeand having a life.
It was all very much how are wegetting through today, type of
thing.
And I really had to do workaround reframing that identity
(18:31):
and not making it about who Iwas, not making it about who I
was, but rather what Iexperienced, and taking the
strength from those experiences,which is immense, because those
experiences now give my work somuch depth.
(18:51):
I'm able to relate to people,their challenges and their
struggles with so much moredepth because of what I've gone
through in the past hadsomething happen to you like a
(19:19):
divorce, or something hashappened at work and your
confidence is just in the gutter.
How can we go and either lookback in time and see when your
self-esteem was first impactedin life, can we go back and
reframe some of those moments,and how can we reframe what has
(19:40):
just happened to you?
Again, this isn't about forcingstuff.
So if you're still in a momentwhere you're grieving or you're
going through the experience, behonor yourself and your
progress.
The next step in this processand this is the work that I do
(20:06):
with my one-on-one clients or inthe Magnetic Leader Accelerator
is we have to start learningabout you.
A lot of people struggle withlow self-esteem and they have no
idea who they are.
They have no idea what theyvalue, their gifts, the
(20:27):
magnificence of themselves.
They have no clue and we got tostart doing that work to
understand you, clarifying whoyou are, not the programmed
society imposed version thattries to make us or put us into
(20:48):
a box, but getting clear on yourauthentic values.
Who are you, your true values.
When you connect and align yourlife and career with your true
values, success becomesinevitable, fulfillment becomes
inevitable, purpose becomesinevitable.
Then we got to get clearGreatness isn't found within the
(21:12):
lines.
It's found in the boldness andthe creating a life and business
or career or work that isaligned with you, your purpose
and your vision, and reallystretching the boundaries of
what you previously thought waspossible.
(21:37):
I can't even tell you how havingthis business now coaching
people all over the world,having this business now
coaching people all over theworld, has impacted my life in
just the most amazing,miraculous ways.
It's exploded what I thoughtlife could be Like.
When I think back to before,when I was, my only goal was to
(21:59):
work in the school board and toget a position in the school
board, my view of life was sotiny.
It was so tiny of what Ithought was possible.
And now I'm literally workingwith people all over the world
that I never thought I wouldeven have a chance to speak to,
let alone be doing deep workwith.
(22:21):
Doing deep work with.
It's incredible.
So we want to startunderstanding what is possible
for us in this world, pushingthose boundaries, dropping
labels, dropping the box thatkeeps us stuck.
We're getting out of the box,we're getting out of the labels,
(22:44):
we're getting out of all that.
People get stuck on me.
I don't know why this divorcekeeps coming up, if it's
something that someone needs tohear.
Listening to this Also, it cameup in a client session earlier
today.
But even the label of I'm adivorced mom or I'm a divorced
dad or I'm a divorcee I'm adivorced mom or I'm a divorced
(23:10):
dad or I'm a divorcee All thatbrings with it is so much of
this energetic connotations,this energetic frequency that is
filled with a whole bunch ofnonsense, although it can also
be filled with a lot of goodthings as well.
So I'm not saying it's allnegative or bad, but we don't
(23:35):
want all that stuff.
Those labels, those names,those boxes are a limitation
unless they are serving you inyour vision.
Because there are some labelsor boxes that you may thrive in
and that's great.
Utilize them.
But if they're limiting you, welet them go.
We create a vision for you.
So you need to start thinkingwhat am I moving towards?
Because the worst thing that wecan do is sit and stew in our
(24:03):
low self-esteem and our lowconfidence and ruminate over
what has happened.
Lord have mercy.
Did I used to ruminate?
Did I used to think like overand over about things that were
(24:24):
very traumatic and hurtful, andI was locked in that story.
I was locked in that image andwe get stuck there.
I don't think people understandhow powerful our thoughts are,
how powerful our imagination isin creating our reality and when
(24:50):
all we're doing is thinkingabout all the things that went
wrong and feeling guilt andshame and all these feelings
we're creating, we're expandingthat reality.
Not that we don't want to feel,of course.
We want to feel all ouremotions and let them go.
(25:10):
We don't want to suppress anyfeelings, we don't want to
ignore the feelings, but wedon't want to ruminate in the
feelings.
So, getting clear what ourvision is, and then the next
step is getting theaccountability to take those
actions necessary taking actionsand through taking aligned
(25:43):
action that are meaningful andhelpful and fill us up.
So I'm not talking about justactions to serve everyone else,
unless that's part of what'sgoing to fill you up.
Maybe you haven't been doingthat and you need some of that,
(26:04):
but this is really understandingfor you and a lot of the
clients that I work with.
They don't have any problemhelping other people.
In fact, they've been helpingother people for forever.
Their biggest challenge isreally turning that energy and
turning that love and caretowards themselves and start to
feed themselves and fillthemselves up and prioritize
(26:27):
what they need.
So taking those actionsnecessary and this is a place
where a lot of people drop theball because it's hard to take
actions.
It's a lot easier to do thework, the very necessary deep
inner work, but it can bechallenging taking those new
actions because we really got tocommit to a new way of being
(26:52):
and a new reality.
But I promise you, when youstart to do this, when you start
to do all of this reframing thepast, understanding yourself do
you actually value what do youcare about?
What is going to light you upat that soul level?
And when you find that place orthat group or that coach that
(27:14):
can hold you accountable totaking these necessary actions,
I can't tell you how fast thingscan move.
This is what we do in theMagnetic Leader Accelerator.
This is what I do with myone-on-one clients.
If you think that working withme or applying for the
accelerator is going to supportyou, then please do.
(27:35):
Do not hesitate, do not wait.
The simple act of reaching outfor help, the simple act of
reaching out for help, evenbefore you even get the help,
can help to increase yourself-esteem and your confidence,
believing in yourself, knowingthat this is just a season, this
(28:00):
is just a blip in the wholenessof who you are and what is
capable and available for you.
That's really important to know.
I'm going to say it again thisis just a season, as long as you
commit to showing up and doingthe work to get yourself out of
(28:20):
it and it can be easier than wemake it out to be, and I can
promise you I will make iteasier for you if being in the
accelerator is a good fit foryou, because it's not that hard.
(28:41):
The hardest part is getting outof our own way and saying yes to
something different.
But I believe in you and Iappreciate you and I love you
and thank you for being here andif you're still listening, I
know this resonates with you.
Believe me, I've been there andit's a journey.
Right, I can still find myselfin moments where old stuff comes
(29:04):
up again and it's just aprocess of acknowledging it,
letting it go, reframing it andtuning into the fullness and
bigness and just the majestic,divine wonder of who you are.
I know that sounds a littlecorny, but it's so, so true.
(29:26):
You're so much bigger thananything that has happened to
you and your future is going tobe just out of this freaking
world when you show up and youdo the work for yourself.
I'm going to wrap it up.
Thank you for being here.
I appreciate you.
Send me a text if you wouldlike to hear me talk about a
(29:49):
certain subject even more.
If you'd like to apply for theaccelerator, I'm going to put
that in the show notes of thepodcast, and if you'd like to
talk to me about privatecoaching, I will also put a link
to apply for a test driveconsult.
Have an amazing day whereveryou are and, as always, let's
(30:13):
stay connected for potential.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Your energy is magnetic.
Big dreams believe in it.
Wisdom, we seeking it.
Everything that you're lookingfor, brought to you by lisa
jeffs, the magnetic leader it'stime to soar.
Tap into your power of anentrepreneur.
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