January 27, 2025 • 27 mins
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Unlock the secrets to reviving a struggling marriage with insights from Cody Butler, a seasoned relationship coach and founder of Better Marriage. Cody shares his structured approach to reignite hope in relationships teetering on the edge of divorce. Learn how unwavering faith and understanding the true meaning behind a spouse's words can reveal and address the core issues in a marriage. By focusing on effective communication and avoiding complacency, you can transform your relationship into a thriving partnership.
Explore Cody's personal journey through addiction and its impact on his marriage, as he candidly opens up about the challenges he faced and overcame. Discover the transformative power of vulnerability and honesty as Cody recounts how confessing his struggles to his wife created a safe emotional space for healing. With a focus on emotional safety, mutual respect, and a shared vision, Cody emphasizes the importance of rebuilding a marriage through genuine change and support.
Take a step towards personal growth and marital transformation with Cody's metaphor of fruit-bearing trees, illustrating how personal identity shapes relationships. Learn why addressing personal traumas and committing to a year-long program for self-improvement can lead to better relationships with your partner and family. This episode offers a compelling invitation to embark on a journey of self-acceptance and growth, promising to foster a happier and more fulfilling marriage.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, cody Butler here , relationship coach and founder
of Better Marriage, and I'mmaking this video today for men
whose marriage is in real, realtrouble, in the process of
divorce, on the brink of divorce, or divorce or separation is
being threatened, and I want toshare with you some steps to
where you can put that on hold,to where you can slow that or
stop that down and actuallystart to reverse the process.
And I'm here to tell you thatit doesn't matter where your
(00:21):
marriage is right now.
I want you to have hope and Iwant you to have faith and
belief that the marriage can berestored, because we've worked
with literally hundreds of menand there's a process that you
can follow where restoration, ifyou do it, is assured and it's
a certainty for you.
So this is not going to be atypical sales video, like you
probably used to see, andthere's no flashy presentations.
I haven't got some reallycatchy title for you.
(00:43):
I'm not going to spend 20minutes talking about myself and
my clients and how great I am.
So if you want to know about me, then check out the website,
check out my YouTube channel.
I've got loads of interviewsout there.
I've done for various newsprograms and radio shows,
podcasts and got loads ofreviews on the website.
So if you want to find that out, that's where you can find that
(01:09):
.
But I want to make this videoabout you today and what you
need to do to turn your marriagearound.
So the first thing I want tosay is that you have to have an
unwavering faith and belief thatit is possible.
It's possible.
If you believe that it ispossible, it is possible.
As Henry Ford said, whether youbelieve you're right or whether
you believe you're wrong,you're right.
You have to have a positiveattitude and faith that this can
take place, and I want to sharewith you some stuff that by the
end of this video, you're goingto see a path to it.
(01:32):
You're going to find out as youspend some time with me.
I'm not the kind of guy thatsays you need to do something
and then doesn't tell you how todo it, or says that you just
need to have faith and believeand then doesn't give you a way
to develop that faith, because Iknow you're in a difficult
situation right now and I knowthat things look difficult for
you or even impossible.
But here's what I want to sayright, when your attitude is
(01:52):
right, the facts don't matter,and I can tell you for a fact,
after working with hundreds ofmen, that is true when your
attitude is right, the factsdon't matter.
So please don't look at yoursituation and go well, my wife's
doing this, my wife's livingwith another man, she's had an
affair, she's done this.
I've had an affair, I've donethis, I've done that.
It does not matter, there is away back.
(02:13):
The only question that you needto ask yourself is what is the
right attitude?
Because when you adopt that,everything will change.
So, that being said, let's getinto this right, let's start
talking about this.
So a lot of you watching thisright now, maybe you in a
situation where your wife istelling you that this is
hopeless, I'm not willing to try, I'm done, I don't want to do
(02:34):
counseling, I don't want to workthis out, I don't want to try
anymore, and you're looking atthe situation as hopeless.
Well, let me tell you whatshe's actually saying here,
because here's the first bigproblem that we've got to
address.
Right, women speak a differentlanguage.
They're a different species.
They literally speak adifferent language to us, and
what a woman says is not what aman would say.
(02:55):
A man would interpret itdifferently, right?
So when a woman says, I'm done,I don't want to try, a man
interprets that as I'm done, Idon't want to try.
But let me tell you what itreally means.
What she's actually saying isI've tried so many times to
change you.
I've tried to so many times towork on this relationship.
I've given you so many chances,I've given you so much
direction.
I've done this, I've done that,I've given everything of myself
(03:16):
to this relationship andthrough all of that, you have
not changed and the situationhas not changed.
So I am completely out of ideasat this point in time.
I have nothing left to do hereand I simply do not believe that
you can change.
Therefore, this situation ishopeless.
When she's in a situation thatshe does not believe can change
(03:38):
and the situation is not asituation she can stay in she
has no choice but to leave.
And a great thing to rememberhere is marriages end when hope
leaves the marriage, when hopeleaves the relationship.
That's when one or two, one orboth of the partners walk out of
the door.
So if she's saying it'shopeless, if she's saying I
don't want to even try, whatshe's actually saying is, in my
mind, this is hopeless.
(03:59):
So if we can inject some hopeback into the relationship, if
we can show her that we canactually change and that we
understand the problem and we'retaking steps to rectify that,
then the situation can and willturn around.
And, as I've said, I've seenthis so many times, literally
hundreds of times now that whenyou can show that you genuinely
understand the problem and youare genuinely concerned and you
(04:21):
are genuinely taking steps, shewill start to soften, she will
start to come around.
So let's look at some of thethings that she's seeing as
hopeless, because there's reallyonly two things that are going
wrong in your relationship.
Everything else is just asymptom of these two main
problems.
Now, maybe you're fighting allthe time, maybe you can't get
along, maybe you can'tcommunicate, maybe you've got
differences in views offinancing child raising, maybe
(04:42):
someone's had an affair itdoesn't matter, right, like
these are all just symptoms of abigger problem.
And when people say that theseare the problems in my marriage,
the problem is the arguing.
The problem is this the problemis that what they're actually
saying is the same as thesespots on my face are causing
these measles.
It's not true at all.
The measles are causing thespots and it's the same in your
(05:03):
marriage.
There are some fundamental,underlying issues that are
causing all of these problems,and these problems are simply
symptoms of the underlyingproblems.
If we want to stop the symptomsand show her that there is hope
, then we've got to understandthe core underlying problem and
address it.
It's really not that difficult,so let's get into that.
So there are two reasons, twothings that are going wrong here
(05:24):
, and to understand how to fixthem we've got to go back to the
very beginning of the marriage,where she said yes to you.
Because she's saying no rightnow.
So let's go back to where shesaid yes and see what's changed.
So there's only two reasonswhen you invited her to spend
the rest of her life with you,to go on this journey with you,
that she said yes.
And one is that she loved theway you made her feel.
She liked how she felt aroundyou.
She loved how you felt aroundyou.
(05:44):
She liked feelings.
You made her feel special.
You built up her self-esteem.
You made her feel beautiful.
You made her feel important.
You validated her feelings andher emotions and she really
enjoyed that and she wanted moreof it.
Now, the second thing that shesaid yes to was that she saw
that a future with you wassignificantly better than a
future without you.
(06:05):
She saw and believed thatjoining herself to you would be
a better decision than going italone or going with something
else.
Now she's turned.
Now she's saying no to themarriage and she's wanted to
leave.
These are the two things thathave changed.
She no longer likes the waythat she feels around you and
she no longer sees that a futurewith you is better than a
future without you.
(06:25):
So she doesn't like how she'sfeeling and she's seeing that
leaving you is going to presenta better option, even as bad as
that option really is right.
Hopefully this makes sense toyou, that you can see.
Why would she not say yes toyou?
If she loves the way she feelsaround you and she sees that a
future with you is a great thing, why would she not say yes to
that?
And in fact, she did say yes tothat and vice versa.
(06:48):
When these things change, whywould she not want to leave?
And this is where, as men, we'vegot to raise our hands and
we've got to take ownership andsay I got complacent, I got lazy
, I stopped caring how she felt,I stopped thinking that it was
important to make her feelspecial.
I stopped making the effortthat I made in the beginning and
the same with our future right,and the same with the future
that you presented together.
It was the biggest sales job inthe world.
(07:10):
You were the best salesman inthe world to get her to say yes
to you.
You sold yourself to her bymaking her feel good, by
promising her the world, byshowing her a bright, sparkling
future.
And then, as she says, yes, weget married.
We move into that zone ofcomplacency where we stop
looking at the future.
And then, as she says, yes, weget married, we move into that
zone of complacency where westop looking at the future and
we stop building that future, westop presenting that future and
(07:31):
we stop really caring so muchabout how she feels or how our
actions are impacting our, herfeelings towards you.
And we've got to raise ourhands and own that as men and
say, hey, we did that.
And when we can start to dothat, then we start to shift the
blame away from her and sayingmy wife's done this, my wife's
done that, my wife's behaving inthis way, she is the problem.
(07:52):
She's not the problem, brother.
She's not.
We're going to get into this ina minute, but we are the problem
and I'm going to be honest withyou.
I'm going to say some stuffthat's quite harsh, quite raw,
but I'm here to save yourmarriage, or to help you save
your marriage, and it's thetruth that's going to save your
marriage.
It's the truth.
It's not telling you thingsthat you want to hear or telling
you things that make you feelgood.
It's telling you the truth.
(08:14):
And quite often, if our wife isleaving us, we've behaved in
ways that we don't necessarilyrealize it but are very
inappropriate, and we've done alot of damage and we don't
really realize it.
So the first thing isrecognizing that we've become
very, very complacent in therelationship and we stopped
caring about how she feels andthe future that we're presenting
.
Now we understand this.
(08:35):
These are the two areas that wehave to work on right now.
We've got a goal Now, we've gotsome direction and we've got a
compass for what we're doing.
So my advice at this point now,and my advice to the men that I
work with, is that everycommunication that you comes out
of your mouth has to be withthe intention of this is going
to make her feel good aboutherself, and not in a
manipulative way, but in acaring, sensitive I love you and
(08:58):
I care about you way.
So if we go back and we reviewthe communications that we've
had with our wife and the waythat we've talked to her and the
conversations that we'veengaged in, I think you can
probably see that if we askourselves how did that
communication, or how has theongoing communication over an
extended period of time, madeher feel about herself, the
answer is going to be not verygood.
(09:18):
And if we look at the futurethat we're painting for her
again, if we're honest withourselves, the answer to that
question is going to be thefuture probably doesn't involve
her or it's pretty muchnon-existent.
Right, the future really hasshifted from in the beginning of
the relationship, when it wasabout us and what we're going to
do and the journey we're goingto go on and the adventure we
(09:40):
together are going to have.
As we move into therelationship and we get
comfortable, it becomes moreabout our goals and what we want
and what we need and we inviteher into our vision.
It's no longer a shared vision,which really brings us nicely
into the next stage of this,which is what needs to be
present for reconciliation.
Now there are three things thatneed to be present for a very
(10:03):
healthy marriage, for a thrivingmarriage, and if your marriage
is failing right now, one ormore probably all of these
aspects are now missing fromyour marriage.
And again, once we understandthis and we can start to
implement these back into therelationship, then it becomes
very easy to see what's gonewrong.
It becomes very easy to turn itaround.
So the three things that arerequired for the relationship to
turn around are emotionalsafety and security, shared
(10:25):
vision and goal, mutualadmiration and respect.
These are the three things.
Now let me show you how thisworks together, to where your
marriage when you canreintroduce these into the
marriage, your marriage can turnaround literally in the snap of
a finger, which is exactly whathappened to me.
Now, to tell you my story, mymarriage was disastrous, it was
on the brink of failure and Iwas a real dickhead.
(10:48):
To be honest with you, I wasnot nice to my wife, and the
reason for that was because Iwas heavily dependent on drugs
and alcohol and I'm talkingserious, serious drug abuse and
serious alcohol use and itreally turned me into a demon, a
really very nasty person, and Iwas very mean and very nasty to
my wife and to be honest withyou and I'm not proud to say
this, but I was really abusiveto her in every way other than
(11:10):
physical.
I was never physically abusive,but I was definitely
psychologically abusive to herand I did things and said things
that she had every reason toleave the relationship.
And the alcohol was changing me, the drugs were changing me and
it had a hold of me and Ireally couldn't.
I really couldn't change, Ireally couldn't kick it and it
would have a very negative,detrimental effect.
So I had a loft in my house andI go up to that loft at night
(11:32):
and I drink and I'd take thedrugs that I was taking and it
would impact me and that's whereI would be all night and then
I'd come down at the end of thenight and I just be really mean
to my wife.
Basically then I'd go to bedand we'd do the same thing the
next day.
But one day I was up there and Ithought no, I'm going to, I
can't do this by myself.
I know I knew that I was doingwrong, but the alcohol and the
(11:52):
drugs had such a strong hold ofme I couldn't defeat it and I
was up.
I was up in my loft space and Ijust go.
I can't do this by myself andthis is unacceptable.
I need help and I'm going to dowhat needs to be done here.
I'm going to stand up, I'mgoing to own this and I'm going
to go talk to my wife right now.
And I went down from the loftand she was in the shower and I
remember going in there and theshower water was still running
(12:14):
and I said I need to tell yousomething.
I need to tell you something.
And she goes what is it?
I said when I go up to the roofevery night, I'm drinking
alcohol and I'm smoking crack.
Basically, is what I'm doing.
To be perfectly honest with you.
Now, again, it's hard for me tosay that because I'd like to
just forget and pretend itdidn't happen, but it did happen
and it's an important part ofthe story, because I want to
show you how this can change soquickly.
(12:35):
So her response to me was Ilove you and thank you for
sharing that with me.
I appreciate that.
We that with me.
I appreciate that we're goingto get through this together.
We're going to get through thistogether and that was the
turning point of the marriage.
That was the turning point,really, of my life.
Things improved at such a fastrate after that.
From being on the brink ofdivorce, she was at the point
(12:57):
where she really had to leavefor her own sanity, for her own
security and for her well-being.
At that point and therelationship turned around.
Well, what happened in thatmoment?
Well, when I, when I told herwhat was going on right, and she
said I love you, thank you forsharing, she created an
environment of emotional safetyand security to where I felt
like, okay, now I can start toopen up and I can start to let
(13:19):
out some of this stuff that'sgoing on inside, some of this
pain that's causing this, someof this trauma, some of this
stuff that's going on inside,some of this pain that's causing
this, some of this trauma, someof this turmoil, some of this
lack of self-love, self-respectall of the things that we all
have to deal with, brother,that's in all of us, that's
causing us problems in therelationship, in the marriage
right now.
A lot of what's going on in themarriage, on a side note here,
(13:40):
is.
It's your own trauma that'scoming out, that's coming up,
and it's manifesting in the formof problems within the
relationship.
It's you can't love somebodyelse properly until you love
yourself.
You can't respect somebody elseuntil you respect yourself.
You can't treat somebody elseproperly until you treat
yourself properly, and a lot ofthe problems is that we need to
find that sense of self-peace.
(14:01):
There's turmoil, there'strouble, there's trauma, there's
depression, there's anxiety,there's stress.
There's all of these thingsthat are going on inside of us
that we have to work on.
We have to get them out of us.
We have to release them fromourselves so we can release them
from the marriage.
And when that happens, when youstart to heal and when you
start to develop a positiverelationship with yourself, then
(14:21):
that allows your wife to have apositive relationship with you
also.
That's a side note, though, butwhat happened was by my wife
allowing me the space to havethat emotional freedom.
She could have said are youserious?
Are you serious?
You've been putting me throughthis because you're up there
drinking alcohol, smoking crack.
You've put me through thismisery because this is what
(14:42):
you're doing every night.
She would have shut me down,and that would have been the end
of that.
Without that emotional security, I couldn't have opened up and
the relationship couldn't havechanged.
But the next thing that happenedwas there was a mutual
admiration and respect that wasrecreated instantaneously.
She did not respect me at thatpoint.
She did not respect me as herhusband.
All she could see was the demonthat I've become, the way that
(15:03):
I treated her.
And she stayed with me becauseshe was a good, godly woman.
She didn't stay with me becauseshe wanted to.
She stayed with me because shemade a promise to me, because
she made a vow, and at thatpoint in time, there was a
mutual admiration.
She respected what I did and Irespected the way that she
handled it.
And that mutual admiration andrespect was created.
And, of course, when she said,I love you and we're gonna get
through this together, we'regonna solve this, then it
(15:25):
created a mutual vision, ashared vision and a goal for the
relationship.
So, in the snap of a finger,there was emotional safety
created, there was a sharedvision and a goal and there was
mutual admiration and respect.
And we have to create these inyour marriage as well, and the
way that we do that is that westart to come to terms with
ourself, when we start to dealwith the trauma that's inside,
(15:46):
when we start to deal with thepain and we start to release
that, and when we start tobecome bigger and better, your
wife is going to say I love theman you are becoming.
I love the man you have become.
What she's saying right now isI don't like the man you have
become very much.
I don't like the man you haveturned into much.
I don't like the man you haveturned into.
He is not the person that Iwant to spend the rest of my
(16:08):
life with.
The key to this is not to tryand convince her that she is
wrong and the problem is withher.
It's not to try and convinceher that these issues can be
solved.
The solution to this problem,brother, is for you to turn into
the man that she looks at andsays I love the man that you're
becoming, I love the man thatyou're becoming, and that is
(16:29):
going to free her up to becomethe woman that she wants to
become again and again.
This is a much deeper level ofjust saying here's some flowers,
or you're really pretty, or Ilove you, or you look nice in
that dress.
It's about how she feels at adeep emotional level, and you,
as the leader, have to stand upand lead your wife into this.
You have to set yourself freefrom the trauma.
(16:51):
You have to set yourself freefrom the pain, and if you don't
love the way that you feel aboutyourself right now, if you
don't love the man that you are,then she does not have the
freedom and you are not leadingher to a place where she can
love how she feels and she canlove the woman that she's
turning into.
It's for you, brother, to standup and to take responsibility
and to address your demons andto deal with the things that
(17:14):
you're dealing with and torelease the trauma.
And this is where the realmagic happens.
This is where I can really helpyou make a difference in your
life, in your marriage, in yourchildren's lives, because you
are going to lead the way here.
You are going to show them howto become a better version of
you.
You're going to show them howto release the trauma, how to
(17:35):
relate to yourself better, howto love yourself at a very, very
deep level.
Now a quick test here.
Say to yourself I love myself,I feel great about myself, I
feel positive about myself.
Can you say that?
And if you can say it, howauthentic, how real does that
feel If there's some tensionthere, if you can't really say
that, if you don't feel that ata deep level?
Or if there's some tensionthere, if you can't really say
(17:56):
that, if you don't feel that ata deep level, or if there's some
anxiety there, when you say Ilove myself, it's like, oh, I
don't quite feel right aboutthat, then this really,
ultimately, is the cause of thetrauma and the trouble within
your marriage.
You're leading your wife to thesame place.
When you're in that state of alack of self-love, your wife is
following your lead and she isreplicating your feelings, and
(18:18):
that's what she's saying no to.
She's saying no to not lovingmyself anymore.
I'm tired of this trauma, I'mtired of this pain, I'm tired of
how I feel about myself.
As hard as it is to leave,leaving is a better decision,
because I stand a chance offinding these things that I'm
looking for, which, ultimately,is self-acceptance.
And, brother, I can tell you100%, if your marriage is
(18:40):
failing right now, this is theissue.
It's a lack of self-acceptancewithin you, and this is where
what we do is different.
This is where what we do variesgreatly from therapy, and this
is why what we do has a 90% plussuccess rate, where therapy has
pretty much a zero success rate.
And this is why your wife doesnot need to participate in the
(19:02):
process.
When she can start to see youchange, that is giving her the
cues that, if you can change,the situation can change and
that is going to bring her backinto the relationship.
Hopefully that makes sense toyou.
If that does not make sense toyou, if you're thinking this
guy's crazy, I've got no ideawhat he's talking about right
now, this is not for you.
What I offer, what I do, thetransformation that we bring, is
(19:23):
not going to be for you right.
But if you're connecting withthis and going, that is right,
that is absolutely right then Iwant to invite you to schedule a
call with us to talk about howwe can help you with this.
The real magic takes place iswhen we can create an
environment where you are ableto open up, you're able to be
yourself and you're able torelease that trauma.
(19:44):
As men, we have been pushed downin society too much.
We've been told to suppressthese feelings and I'm telling
you, brother, I know how you'refeeling because I am you and you
are me.
We're one in the same.
My marriage was where yourmarriage is, and what's caused
that in my marriage is what'scaused it in your marriage.
And I can tell you 100%assuredly that the solution to
this is we go to work and webring you to a better place.
(20:08):
And, of course, marriage skillsare necessary.
Right, we need to know how tohave a conversation.
We need to know how to interactwith our wife appropriately.
We need to know how to interactwith our wife appropriately.
We need to set boundarieswithin the marriage.
We need the skills to reconcile.
We need those marriage skills.
But giving you those skillswithout first addressing the
underlying, core root of theproblem is to give you a Ferrari
when you don't even have adriver's license.
(20:29):
It's just going to do no goodwhatsoever.
We've got to address the rootNow.
If you want to see the fruit ofyour marriage change, if you
want to see the fruit of yourlife change, then we can't
actually address the fruitdirectly.
We can't go okay, well, we'refighting all the time.
Here's a script on how to havea conversation.
We've got to address the root.
If we want to change the fruit.
We have to address the root,which is an identity change.
(20:52):
Your identity has to change,brother.
Your identity that you holdright now is one of inferiority.
It's one of a man who's lessthan what he could be.
It's one of a man who has lessthan what he deserves.
And I can tell you that if yourmarriage is failing, then it's
because your identity is not bigenough and strong enough to
feel like you deserve thatrelationship and ultimately,
(21:15):
you're going to self sabotage it.
And it doesn't matter whetherit's this relationship or
whether it's the nextrelationship.
You're going to continue to dothat.
You're going to continue to dothat.
We have to change the identityfor the change to be permanent.
An apple tree will never produceanything other than apples.
An orange tree will neverproduce anything other than
oranges.
If you are getting sour fruitin your relationship right now,
(21:38):
or if you're getting inadequatefruit, we need to cut that tree
down, we need to throw it intothe fire and we need to plant a
new tree.
There needs to be a newidentity inside of you, brother,
and that identity needs tosupport a healthy relationship,
and that starts with you havinga healthy relationship with
yourself.
And if you think that you havea healthy relationship with
yourself now, god bless you.
(21:59):
Power to you.
I hope that you're right and Iwish you the best.
But if you recognize at thispoint that you don't have that
relationship with yourself, youdon't have that self-love, you
don't have that self-esteem, youdon't have what it is that you
know that you need and that youknow that you deserve.
And you are absolutely right aswell.
You deserve it.
It is your birthright, it isyour God-given inheritance to be
(22:22):
the man that you know youshould be.
We've just been beaten down bysociety.
Maybe it was our father, maybeit was school, maybe it was
something around us that told usthat we don't deserve nice
things, that told us that we'renot worthwhile, that made us to
believe that we're notworthwhile, that made us to
believe that we're somethingother than what we actually are,
which is divine, perfect anddeserving of all good things.
We're going to get you back tothat state.
We're going to get you back tothat state of knowing that you
(22:45):
are a worthwhile human being,knowing that you deserve love
and all of the good things thatthe world and relationships and
marriage has to offer.
That is what I want to sharewith you.
If that's something that you'reinterested in, there's a link
below this call, below thisvideo, to book a call with us.
Now here's the thing, brother Iget 50 to 100 applications at
least every single week of menwanting to go through this
(23:08):
transformation, wanting torelease the trauma in their own
life so they can release thetrauma from the marriage and
heal, restore, reconcile andbring back peace, love and
restoration into the marriage.
It can be done.
We can show you how to do it.
There is a way, I promise you.
So we can only deal with somany of those applications, so
I'm gonna make you jump throughsome hoops to get on a call with
(23:29):
us.
Right, there's an applicationyou need to fill out.
You need to fill that outthoroughly, you need to fill
that out properly and you needto pour your heart out into that
application.
If we don't feel like you'regiving a hundred percent, then
we're just gonna, we're just notgoing to accept the application
, we're going to cancel the calland we're going to give the
slot to somebody else.
So I really need you to reallypour your heart into the
(23:51):
application so we can see whoyou are and we can see who you
want to become and we can seethe sincerity of the change that
you want to make.
Now, after you fill out theapplication, you are also going
to receive some communicationfrom us.
It might be an SMS message, itmight be an email.
We need you to respond to thatbecause, again, we're getting
literally 50 to 100, sometimes200 applications every single
(24:13):
week and we can only help somany men.
So we only take confirmedbookings.
So once you've filled out yourapplication and you've booked a
time, we're going to ask for youto respond to a communication
whether it's SMS or text fillingout, confirming that you will
be attending, because if not,we're going to cancel that.
We're going to have to cancelit and we're going to have to
give that spot to somebody else.
(24:34):
There are just too many peoplethat need help and too many
people that want help for peoplethat are I'm just going to be
honest with you that arehalf-arsed, that are not really
committed to this.
So I need to see commitment andwhatever level of commitment
you give me and my team, givethat commitment back to you.
If you're all in, we're all in.
If you give 100% percent, wegive a hundred percent.
If you half-ass it, we're gonnahalf-ass it as well.
(24:55):
So, whatever you give to theprocess, we are going to give
that back to you.
And, just to be clear, we dooffer a program at the end of
the phone call.
We're going to give you someclarity on the call.
We're going to give you somesteps to help you take the next
steps to get to where you needto be, not just in your life,
but in your kids, kids' liveshow to become a better father,
how to become a better husband,how to heal all of these
(25:18):
relationships.
Because it's all related, right?
If you're not relating, ifyou're having problems in your
marriage, then you're probablyhaving problems with your kids
as well.
Right, you're having problemswith yourself, you're having
problems in other areas of yourlife.
All of this stuff is related.
We're going to show you up andbe that man that you know you
were born to be, to be thatleader, and to heal those
relationships with your kids,with your wife, with your family
(25:39):
, with everybody around you.
And this is serious business,right, this is serious business
At the end of it, if we do worktogether.
It's a year long program.
This is not a joke.
This is a year long programbecause this is about serious,
total life transformation.
Your marriage being saved isgoing to be a byproduct of us
working together.
It's going to be a byproduct.
The restoration of therelationship between you and
(26:00):
your children is going to be abyproduct.
We are going to work oncreating a brand new, better
version of yourself that youlove, and your wife is going to
say I love the man that you'rebecoming, I love the man that
you've become.
Your children are going to lookat you and say, dad, I love the
dad that you've become.
Your children are going to lookat you and say, dad, I love the
dad that you're becoming.
You've really stepped it up.
You've really done what neededto be done and we're really
proud of you.
(26:21):
Takes a little bit of time to dothat.
That's why we work with you fora whole year.
So be aware of that.
This is not a two-week programor three sessions or something
like that.
So if you're interested inpursuing that learning more
about that and potentiallyWorking with us because I
promise you we can get you theresults, or at least we can show
you how to get the results youhave to do the work yourself,
right?
There's a link below this video.
(26:42):
Start to fill out.
Just just follow the process,fill out the application
schedule, schedule a time andthen confirm the booking.
Once we send you a confirmationand then jump on a call.
Now the call might be withmyself or it might be one of my
team.
Like I say, I get a lot ofthese calls every week.
I can't take all of them, sodon't be surprised.
The team are amazing.
If you speak with one of myteam members, they are amazing,
(27:05):
amazing people and they're goingto give you some incredible,
some incredible clarity intoyour situation and some
incredible life advice into yourlife to change your life.
But if we do work together, ifyou do decide to join us in the
win your life back, change yourlife.
But if we do work together, ifyou do decide to join us in the
win your life back program, youget unlimited access to me.
The program is with me, youwork with me.
We do one-to-one phone calls.
(27:25):
The team will tell you allabout that.
We'll go into all the detailsof how all that works on our
phone call.
But just so you know, you willbe working with me directly in
the program.
You will have direct access tome.
So that's it.
So there's a link below thisvideo or somewhere around here.
If you're serious about doingthis, go ahead and fill that out
.
If you're just informationgathering mode, if you're not
serious, if you're not committed, then please don't do this.
(27:47):
Give the slot to somebody elsebecause, like I say, our
calendar books out and we'rejust not interested in people
that are not.
Hey, cody Butler here , relationship coach and founder
of Better Marriage, and I'mmaking this video today for men
whose marriage is in real, realtrouble, in the process of
divorce, on the brink of divorce, or divorce or separation is
being threatened, and I want toshare with you some steps to
where you can put that on hold,to where you can slow that or
stop that down and actuallystart to reverse the process.
And I'm here to tell you thatit doesn't matter where your
(00:21):
marriage is right now.
I want you to have hope and Iwant you to have faith and
belief that the marriage can berestored, because we've worked
with literally hundreds of menand there's a process that you
can follow where restoration, ifyou do it, is assured and it's
a certainty for you.
So this is not going to be atypical sales video, like you
probably used to see, andthere's no flashy presentations.
I haven't got some reallycatchy title for you.
(00:43):
I'm not going to spend 20minutes talking about myself and
my clients and how great I am.
So if you want to know about me, then check out the website,
check out my YouTube channel.
I've got loads of interviewsout there.
I've done for various newsprograms and radio shows,
podcasts and got loads ofreviews on the website.
So if you want to find that out, that's where you can find that
(01:09):
.
But I want to make this videoabout you today and what you
need to do to turn your marriagearound.
So the first thing I want tosay is that you have to have an
unwavering faith and belief thatit is possible.
It's possible.
If you believe that it ispossible, it is possible.
As Henry Ford said, whether youbelieve you're right or whether
you believe you're wrong,you're right.
You have to have a positiveattitude and faith that this can
take place, and I want to sharewith you some stuff that by the
end of this video, you're goingto see a path to it.
(01:32):
You're going to find out as youspend some time with me.
I'm not the kind of guy thatsays you need to do something
and then doesn't tell you how todo it, or says that you just
need to have faith and believeand then doesn't give you a way
to develop that faith, because Iknow you're in a difficult
situation right now and I knowthat things look difficult for
you or even impossible.
But here's what I want to sayright, when your attitude is
(01:52):
right, the facts don't matter,and I can tell you for a fact,
after working with hundreds ofmen, that is true when your
attitude is right, the factsdon't matter.
So please don't look at yoursituation and go well, my wife's
doing this, my wife's livingwith another man, she's had an
affair, she's done this.
I've had an affair, I've donethis, I've done that.
It does not matter, there is away back.
(02:13):
The only question that you needto ask yourself is what is the
right attitude?
Because when you adopt that,everything will change.
So, that being said, let's getinto this right, let's start
talking about this.
So a lot of you watching thisright now, maybe you in a
situation where your wife istelling you that this is
hopeless, I'm not willing to try, I'm done, I don't want to do
(02:34):
counseling, I don't want to workthis out, I don't want to try
anymore, and you're looking atthe situation as hopeless.
Well, let me tell you whatshe's actually saying here,
because here's the first bigproblem that we've got to
address.
Right, women speak a differentlanguage.
They're a different species.
They literally speak adifferent language to us, and
what a woman says is not what aman would say.
(02:55):
A man would interpret itdifferently, right?
So when a woman says, I'm done,I don't want to try, a man
interprets that as I'm done, Idon't want to try.
But let me tell you what itreally means.
What she's actually saying isI've tried so many times to
change you.
I've tried to so many times towork on this relationship.
I've given you so many chances,I've given you so much
direction.
I've done this, I've done that,I've given everything of myself
(03:16):
to this relationship andthrough all of that, you have
not changed and the situationhas not changed.
So I am completely out of ideasat this point in time.
I have nothing left to do hereand I simply do not believe that
you can change.
Therefore, this situation ishopeless.
When she's in a situation thatshe does not believe can change
(03:38):
and the situation is not asituation she can stay in she
has no choice but to leave.
And a great thing to rememberhere is marriages end when hope
leaves the marriage, when hopeleaves the relationship.
That's when one or two, one orboth of the partners walk out of
the door.
So if she's saying it'shopeless, if she's saying I
don't want to even try, whatshe's actually saying is, in my
mind, this is hopeless.
(03:59):
So if we can inject some hopeback into the relationship, if
we can show her that we canactually change and that we
understand the problem and we'retaking steps to rectify that,
then the situation can and willturn around.
And, as I've said, I've seenthis so many times, literally
hundreds of times now that whenyou can show that you genuinely
understand the problem and youare genuinely concerned and you
(04:21):
are genuinely taking steps, shewill start to soften, she will
start to come around.
So let's look at some of thethings that she's seeing as
hopeless, because there's reallyonly two things that are going
wrong in your relationship.
Everything else is just asymptom of these two main
problems.
Now, maybe you're fighting allthe time, maybe you can't get
along, maybe you can'tcommunicate, maybe you've got
differences in views offinancing child raising, maybe
(04:42):
someone's had an affair itdoesn't matter, right, like
these are all just symptoms of abigger problem.
And when people say that theseare the problems in my marriage,
the problem is the arguing.
The problem is this the problemis that what they're actually
saying is the same as thesespots on my face are causing
these measles.
It's not true at all.
The measles are causing thespots and it's the same in your
(05:03):
marriage.
There are some fundamental,underlying issues that are
causing all of these problems,and these problems are simply
symptoms of the underlyingproblems.
If we want to stop the symptomsand show her that there is hope
, then we've got to understandthe core underlying problem and
address it.
It's really not that difficult,so let's get into that.
So there are two reasons, twothings that are going wrong here
(05:24):
, and to understand how to fixthem we've got to go back to the
very beginning of the marriage,where she said yes to you.
Because she's saying no rightnow.
So let's go back to where shesaid yes and see what's changed.
So there's only two reasonswhen you invited her to spend
the rest of her life with you,to go on this journey with you,
that she said yes.
And one is that she loved theway you made her feel.
She liked how she felt aroundyou.
She loved how you felt aroundyou.
(05:44):
She liked feelings.
You made her feel special.
You built up her self-esteem.
You made her feel beautiful.
You made her feel important.
You validated her feelings andher emotions and she really
enjoyed that and she wanted moreof it.
Now, the second thing that shesaid yes to was that she saw
that a future with you wassignificantly better than a
future without you.
(06:05):
She saw and believed thatjoining herself to you would be
a better decision than going italone or going with something
else.
Now she's turned.
Now she's saying no to themarriage and she's wanted to
leave.
These are the two things thathave changed.
She no longer likes the waythat she feels around you and
she no longer sees that a futurewith you is better than a
future without you.
(06:25):
So she doesn't like how she'sfeeling and she's seeing that
leaving you is going to presenta better option, even as bad as
that option really is right.
Hopefully this makes sense toyou, that you can see.
Why would she not say yes toyou?
If she loves the way she feelsaround you and she sees that a
future with you is a great thing, why would she not say yes to
that?
And in fact, she did say yes tothat and vice versa.
(06:48):
When these things change, whywould she not want to leave?
And this is where, as men, we'vegot to raise our hands and
we've got to take ownership andsay I got complacent, I got lazy
, I stopped caring how she felt,I stopped thinking that it was
important to make her feelspecial.
I stopped making the effortthat I made in the beginning and
the same with our future right,and the same with the future
that you presented together.
It was the biggest sales job inthe world.
(07:10):
You were the best salesman inthe world to get her to say yes
to you.
You sold yourself to her bymaking her feel good, by
promising her the world, byshowing her a bright, sparkling
future.
And then, as she says, yes, weget married.
We move into that zone ofcomplacency where we stop
looking at the future.
And then, as she says, yes, weget married, we move into that
zone of complacency where westop looking at the future and
we stop building that future, westop presenting that future and
(07:31):
we stop really caring so muchabout how she feels or how our
actions are impacting our, herfeelings towards you.
And we've got to raise ourhands and own that as men and
say, hey, we did that.
And when we can start to dothat, then we start to shift the
blame away from her and sayingmy wife's done this, my wife's
done that, my wife's behaving inthis way, she is the problem.
(07:52):
She's not the problem, brother.
She's not.
We're going to get into this ina minute, but we are the problem
and I'm going to be honest withyou.
I'm going to say some stuffthat's quite harsh, quite raw,
but I'm here to save yourmarriage, or to help you save
your marriage, and it's thetruth that's going to save your
marriage.
It's the truth.
It's not telling you thingsthat you want to hear or telling
you things that make you feelgood.
It's telling you the truth.
(08:14):
And quite often, if our wife isleaving us, we've behaved in
ways that we don't necessarilyrealize it but are very
inappropriate, and we've done alot of damage and we don't
really realize it.
So the first thing isrecognizing that we've become
very, very complacent in therelationship and we stopped
caring about how she feels andthe future that we're presenting
.
Now we understand this.
(08:35):
These are the two areas that wehave to work on right now.
We've got a goal Now, we've gotsome direction and we've got a
compass for what we're doing.
So my advice at this point now,and my advice to the men that I
work with, is that everycommunication that you comes out
of your mouth has to be withthe intention of this is going
to make her feel good aboutherself, and not in a
manipulative way, but in acaring, sensitive I love you and
(08:58):
I care about you way.
So if we go back and we reviewthe communications that we've
had with our wife and the waythat we've talked to her and the
conversations that we'veengaged in, I think you can
probably see that if we askourselves how did that
communication, or how has theongoing communication over an
extended period of time, madeher feel about herself, the
answer is going to be not verygood.
(09:18):
And if we look at the futurethat we're painting for her
again, if we're honest withourselves, the answer to that
question is going to be thefuture probably doesn't involve
her or it's pretty muchnon-existent.
Right, the future really hasshifted from in the beginning of
the relationship, when it wasabout us and what we're going to
do and the journey we're goingto go on and the adventure we
(09:40):
together are going to have.
As we move into therelationship and we get
comfortable, it becomes moreabout our goals and what we want
and what we need and we inviteher into our vision.
It's no longer a shared vision,which really brings us nicely
into the next stage of this,which is what needs to be
present for reconciliation.
Now there are three things thatneed to be present for a very
(10:03):
healthy marriage, for a thrivingmarriage, and if your marriage
is failing right now, one ormore probably all of these
aspects are now missing fromyour marriage.
And again, once we understandthis and we can start to
implement these back into therelationship, then it becomes
very easy to see what's gonewrong.
It becomes very easy to turn itaround.
So the three things that arerequired for the relationship to
turn around are emotionalsafety and security, shared
(10:25):
vision and goal, mutualadmiration and respect.
These are the three things.
Now let me show you how thisworks together, to where your
marriage when you canreintroduce these into the
marriage, your marriage can turnaround literally in the snap of
a finger, which is exactly whathappened to me.
Now, to tell you my story, mymarriage was disastrous, it was
on the brink of failure and Iwas a real dickhead.
(10:48):
To be honest with you, I wasnot nice to my wife, and the
reason for that was because Iwas heavily dependent on drugs
and alcohol and I'm talkingserious, serious drug abuse and
serious alcohol use and itreally turned me into a demon, a
really very nasty person, and Iwas very mean and very nasty to
my wife and to be honest withyou and I'm not proud to say
this, but I was really abusiveto her in every way other than
(11:10):
physical.
I was never physically abusive,but I was definitely
psychologically abusive to herand I did things and said things
that she had every reason toleave the relationship.
And the alcohol was changing me, the drugs were changing me and
it had a hold of me and Ireally couldn't.
I really couldn't change, Ireally couldn't kick it and it
would have a very negative,detrimental effect.
So I had a loft in my house andI go up to that loft at night
(11:32):
and I drink and I'd take thedrugs that I was taking and it
would impact me and that's whereI would be all night and then
I'd come down at the end of thenight and I just be really mean
to my wife.
Basically then I'd go to bedand we'd do the same thing the
next day.
But one day I was up there and Ithought no, I'm going to, I
can't do this by myself.
I know I knew that I was doingwrong, but the alcohol and the
(11:52):
drugs had such a strong hold ofme I couldn't defeat it and I
was up.
I was up in my loft space and Ijust go.
I can't do this by myself andthis is unacceptable.
I need help and I'm going to dowhat needs to be done here.
I'm going to stand up, I'mgoing to own this and I'm going
to go talk to my wife right now.
And I went down from the loftand she was in the shower and I
remember going in there and theshower water was still running
(12:14):
and I said I need to tell yousomething.
I need to tell you something.
And she goes what is it?
I said when I go up to the roofevery night, I'm drinking
alcohol and I'm smoking crack.
Basically, is what I'm doing.
To be perfectly honest with you.
Now, again, it's hard for me tosay that because I'd like to
just forget and pretend itdidn't happen, but it did happen
and it's an important part ofthe story, because I want to
show you how this can change soquickly.
(12:35):
So her response to me was Ilove you and thank you for
sharing that with me.
I appreciate that.
We that with me.
I appreciate that we're goingto get through this together.
We're going to get through thistogether and that was the
turning point of the marriage.
That was the turning point,really, of my life.
Things improved at such a fastrate after that.
From being on the brink ofdivorce, she was at the point
(12:57):
where she really had to leavefor her own sanity, for her own
security and for her well-being.
At that point and therelationship turned around.
Well, what happened in thatmoment?
Well, when I, when I told herwhat was going on right, and she
said I love you, thank you forsharing, she created an
environment of emotional safetyand security to where I felt
like, okay, now I can start toopen up and I can start to let
(13:19):
out some of this stuff that'sgoing on inside, some of this
pain that's causing this, someof this trauma, some of this
stuff that's going on inside,some of this pain that's causing
this, some of this trauma, someof this turmoil, some of this
lack of self-love, self-respectall of the things that we all
have to deal with, brother,that's in all of us, that's
causing us problems in therelationship, in the marriage
right now.
A lot of what's going on in themarriage, on a side note here,
(13:40):
is.
It's your own trauma that'scoming out, that's coming up,
and it's manifesting in the formof problems within the
relationship.
It's you can't love somebodyelse properly until you love
yourself.
You can't respect somebody elseuntil you respect yourself.
You can't treat somebody elseproperly until you treat
yourself properly, and a lot ofthe problems is that we need to
find that sense of self-peace.
(14:01):
There's turmoil, there'strouble, there's trauma, there's
depression, there's anxiety,there's stress.
There's all of these thingsthat are going on inside of us
that we have to work on.
We have to get them out of us.
We have to release them fromourselves so we can release them
from the marriage.
And when that happens, when youstart to heal and when you
start to develop a positiverelationship with yourself, then
(14:21):
that allows your wife to have apositive relationship with you
also.
That's a side note, though, butwhat happened was by my wife
allowing me the space to havethat emotional freedom.
She could have said are youserious?
Are you serious?
You've been putting me throughthis because you're up there
drinking alcohol, smoking crack.
You've put me through thismisery because this is what
(14:42):
you're doing every night.
She would have shut me down,and that would have been the end
of that.
Without that emotional security, I couldn't have opened up and
the relationship couldn't havechanged.
But the next thing that happenedwas there was a mutual
admiration and respect that wasrecreated instantaneously.
She did not respect me at thatpoint.
She did not respect me as herhusband.
All she could see was the demonthat I've become, the way that
(15:03):
I treated her.
And she stayed with me becauseshe was a good, godly woman.
She didn't stay with me becauseshe wanted to.
She stayed with me because shemade a promise to me, because
she made a vow, and at thatpoint in time, there was a
mutual admiration.
She respected what I did and Irespected the way that she
handled it.
And that mutual admiration andrespect was created.
And, of course, when she said,I love you and we're gonna get
through this together, we'regonna solve this, then it
(15:25):
created a mutual vision, ashared vision and a goal for the
relationship.
So, in the snap of a finger,there was emotional safety
created, there was a sharedvision and a goal and there was
mutual admiration and respect.
And we have to create these inyour marriage as well, and the
way that we do that is that westart to come to terms with
ourself, when we start to dealwith the trauma that's inside,
(15:46):
when we start to deal with thepain and we start to release
that, and when we start tobecome bigger and better, your
wife is going to say I love theman you are becoming.
I love the man you have become.
What she's saying right now isI don't like the man you have
become very much.
I don't like the man you haveturned into much.
I don't like the man you haveturned into.
He is not the person that Iwant to spend the rest of my
(16:08):
life with.
The key to this is not to tryand convince her that she is
wrong and the problem is withher.
It's not to try and convinceher that these issues can be
solved.
The solution to this problem,brother, is for you to turn into
the man that she looks at andsays I love the man that you're
becoming, I love the man thatyou're becoming, and that is
(16:29):
going to free her up to becomethe woman that she wants to
become again and again.
This is a much deeper level ofjust saying here's some flowers,
or you're really pretty, or Ilove you, or you look nice in
that dress.
It's about how she feels at adeep emotional level, and you,
as the leader, have to stand upand lead your wife into this.
You have to set yourself freefrom the trauma.
(16:51):
You have to set yourself freefrom the pain, and if you don't
love the way that you feel aboutyourself right now, if you
don't love the man that you are,then she does not have the
freedom and you are not leadingher to a place where she can
love how she feels and she canlove the woman that she's
turning into.
It's for you, brother, to standup and to take responsibility
and to address your demons andto deal with the things that
(17:14):
you're dealing with and torelease the trauma.
And this is where the realmagic happens.
This is where I can really helpyou make a difference in your
life, in your marriage, in yourchildren's lives, because you
are going to lead the way here.
You are going to show them howto become a better version of
you.
You're going to show them howto release the trauma, how to
(17:35):
relate to yourself better, howto love yourself at a very, very
deep level.
Now a quick test here.
Say to yourself I love myself,I feel great about myself, I
feel positive about myself.
Can you say that?
And if you can say it, howauthentic, how real does that
feel If there's some tensionthere, if you can't really say
that, if you don't feel that ata deep level?
Or if there's some tensionthere, if you can't really say
(17:56):
that, if you don't feel that ata deep level, or if there's some
anxiety there, when you say Ilove myself, it's like, oh, I
don't quite feel right aboutthat, then this really,
ultimately, is the cause of thetrauma and the trouble within
your marriage.
You're leading your wife to thesame place.
When you're in that state of alack of self-love, your wife is
following your lead and she isreplicating your feelings, and
(18:18):
that's what she's saying no to.
She's saying no to not lovingmyself anymore.
I'm tired of this trauma, I'mtired of this pain, I'm tired of
how I feel about myself.
As hard as it is to leave,leaving is a better decision,
because I stand a chance offinding these things that I'm
looking for, which, ultimately,is self-acceptance.
And, brother, I can tell you100%, if your marriage is
(18:40):
failing right now, this is theissue.
It's a lack of self-acceptancewithin you, and this is where
what we do is different.
This is where what we do variesgreatly from therapy, and this
is why what we do has a 90% plussuccess rate, where therapy has
pretty much a zero success rate.
And this is why your wife doesnot need to participate in the
(19:02):
process.
When she can start to see youchange, that is giving her the
cues that, if you can change,the situation can change and
that is going to bring her backinto the relationship.
Hopefully that makes sense toyou.
If that does not make sense toyou, if you're thinking this
guy's crazy, I've got no ideawhat he's talking about right
now, this is not for you.
What I offer, what I do, thetransformation that we bring, is
(19:23):
not going to be for you right.
But if you're connecting withthis and going, that is right,
that is absolutely right then Iwant to invite you to schedule a
call with us to talk about howwe can help you with this.
The real magic takes place iswhen we can create an
environment where you are ableto open up, you're able to be
yourself and you're able torelease that trauma.
(19:44):
As men, we have been pushed downin society too much.
We've been told to suppressthese feelings and I'm telling
you, brother, I know how you'refeeling because I am you and you
are me.
We're one in the same.
My marriage was where yourmarriage is, and what's caused
that in my marriage is what'scaused it in your marriage.
And I can tell you 100%assuredly that the solution to
this is we go to work and webring you to a better place.
(20:08):
And, of course, marriage skillsare necessary.
Right, we need to know how tohave a conversation.
We need to know how to interactwith our wife appropriately.
We need to know how to interactwith our wife appropriately.
We need to set boundarieswithin the marriage.
We need the skills to reconcile.
We need those marriage skills.
But giving you those skillswithout first addressing the
underlying, core root of theproblem is to give you a Ferrari
when you don't even have adriver's license.
(20:29):
It's just going to do no goodwhatsoever.
We've got to address the rootNow.
If you want to see the fruit ofyour marriage change, if you
want to see the fruit of yourlife change, then we can't
actually address the fruitdirectly.
We can't go okay, well, we'refighting all the time.
Here's a script on how to havea conversation.
We've got to address the root.
If we want to change the fruit.
We have to address the root,which is an identity change.
(20:52):
Your identity has to change,brother.
Your identity that you holdright now is one of inferiority.
It's one of a man who's lessthan what he could be.
It's one of a man who has lessthan what he deserves.
And I can tell you that if yourmarriage is failing, then it's
because your identity is not bigenough and strong enough to
feel like you deserve thatrelationship and ultimately,
(21:15):
you're going to self sabotage it.
And it doesn't matter whetherit's this relationship or
whether it's the nextrelationship.
You're going to continue to dothat.
You're going to continue to dothat.
We have to change the identityfor the change to be permanent.
An apple tree will never produceanything other than apples.
An orange tree will neverproduce anything other than
oranges.
If you are getting sour fruitin your relationship right now,
(21:38):
or if you're getting inadequatefruit, we need to cut that tree
down, we need to throw it intothe fire and we need to plant a
new tree.
There needs to be a newidentity inside of you, brother,
and that identity needs tosupport a healthy relationship,
and that starts with you havinga healthy relationship with
yourself.
And if you think that you havea healthy relationship with
yourself now, god bless you.
(21:59):
Power to you.
I hope that you're right and Iwish you the best.
But if you recognize at thispoint that you don't have that
relationship with yourself, youdon't have that self-love, you
don't have that self-esteem, youdon't have what it is that you
know that you need and that youknow that you deserve.
And you are absolutely right aswell.
You deserve it.
It is your birthright, it isyour God-given inheritance to be
(22:22):
the man that you know youshould be.
We've just been beaten down bysociety.
Maybe it was our father, maybeit was school, maybe it was
something around us that told usthat we don't deserve nice
things, that told us that we'renot worthwhile, that made us to
believe that we're notworthwhile, that made us to
believe that we're somethingother than what we actually are,
which is divine, perfect anddeserving of all good things.
We're going to get you back tothat state.
We're going to get you back tothat state of knowing that you
(22:45):
are a worthwhile human being,knowing that you deserve love
and all of the good things thatthe world and relationships and
marriage has to offer.
That is what I want to sharewith you.
If that's something that you'reinterested in, there's a link
below this call, below thisvideo, to book a call with us.
Now here's the thing, brother Iget 50 to 100 applications at
least every single week of menwanting to go through this
(23:08):
transformation, wanting torelease the trauma in their own
life so they can release thetrauma from the marriage and
heal, restore, reconcile andbring back peace, love and
restoration into the marriage.
It can be done.
We can show you how to do it.
There is a way, I promise you.
So we can only deal with somany of those applications, so
I'm gonna make you jump throughsome hoops to get on a call with
(23:29):
us.
Right, there's an applicationyou need to fill out.
You need to fill that outthoroughly, you need to fill
that out properly and you needto pour your heart out into that
application.
If we don't feel like you'regiving a hundred percent, then
we're just gonna, we're just notgoing to accept the application
, we're going to cancel the calland we're going to give the
slot to somebody else.
So I really need you to reallypour your heart into the
(23:51):
application so we can see whoyou are and we can see who you
want to become and we can seethe sincerity of the change that
you want to make.
Now, after you fill out theapplication, you are also going
to receive some communicationfrom us.
It might be an SMS message, itmight be an email.
We need you to respond to thatbecause, again, we're getting
literally 50 to 100, sometimes200 applications every single
(24:13):
week and we can only help somany men.
So we only take confirmedbookings.
So once you've filled out yourapplication and you've booked a
time, we're going to ask for youto respond to a communication
whether it's SMS or text fillingout, confirming that you will
be attending, because if not,we're going to cancel that.
We're going to have to cancelit and we're going to have to
give that spot to somebody else.
(24:34):
There are just too many peoplethat need help and too many
people that want help for peoplethat are I'm just going to be
honest with you that arehalf-arsed, that are not really
committed to this.
So I need to see commitment andwhatever level of commitment
you give me and my team, givethat commitment back to you.
If you're all in, we're all in.
If you give 100% percent, wegive a hundred percent.
If you half-ass it, we're gonnahalf-ass it as well.
(24:55):
So, whatever you give to theprocess, we are going to give
that back to you.
And, just to be clear, we dooffer a program at the end of
the phone call.
We're going to give you someclarity on the call.
We're going to give you somesteps to help you take the next
steps to get to where you needto be, not just in your life,
but in your kids, kids' liveshow to become a better father,
how to become a better husband,how to heal all of these
(25:18):
relationships.
Because it's all related, right?
If you're not relating, ifyou're having problems in your
marriage, then you're probablyhaving problems with your kids
as well.
Right, you're having problemswith yourself, you're having
problems in other areas of yourlife.
All of this stuff is related.
We're going to show you up andbe that man that you know you
were born to be, to be thatleader, and to heal those
relationships with your kids,with your wife, with your family
(25:39):
, with everybody around you.
And this is serious business,right, this is serious business
At the end of it, if we do worktogether.
It's a year long program.
This is not a joke.
This is a year long programbecause this is about serious,
total life transformation.
Your marriage being saved isgoing to be a byproduct of us
working together.
It's going to be a byproduct.
The restoration of therelationship between you and
(26:00):
your children is going to be abyproduct.
We are going to work oncreating a brand new, better
version of yourself that youlove, and your wife is going to
say I love the man that you'rebecoming, I love the man that
you've become.
Your children are going to lookat you and say, dad, I love the
dad that you've become.
Your children are going to lookat you and say, dad, I love the
dad that you're becoming.
You've really stepped it up.
You've really done what neededto be done and we're really
proud of you.
(26:21):
Takes a little bit of time to dothat.
That's why we work with you fora whole year.
So be aware of that.
This is not a two-week programor three sessions or something
like that.
So if you're interested inpursuing that learning more
about that and potentiallyWorking with us because I
promise you we can get you theresults, or at least we can show
you how to get the results youhave to do the work yourself,
right?
There's a link below this video.
(26:42):
Start to fill out.
Just just follow the process,fill out the application
schedule, schedule a time andthen confirm the booking.
Once we send you a confirmationand then jump on a call.
Now the call might be withmyself or it might be one of my
team.
Like I say, I get a lot ofthese calls every week.
I can't take all of them, sodon't be surprised.
The team are amazing.
If you speak with one of myteam members, they are amazing,
(27:05):
amazing people and they're goingto give you some incredible,
some incredible clarity intoyour situation and some
incredible life advice into yourlife to change your life.
But if we do work together, ifyou do decide to join us in the
win your life back, change yourlife.
But if we do work together, ifyou do decide to join us in the
win your life back program, youget unlimited access to me.
The program is with me, youwork with me.
We do one-to-one phone calls.
(27:25):
The team will tell you allabout that.
We'll go into all the detailsof how all that works on our
phone call.
But just so you know, you willbe working with me directly in
the program.
You will have direct access tome.
So that's it.
So there's a link below thisvideo or somewhere around here.
If you're serious about doingthis, go ahead and fill that out
.
If you're just informationgathering mode, if you're not
serious, if you're not committed, then please don't do this.
(27:47):
Give the slot to somebody elsebecause, like I say, our
calendar books out and we'rejust not interested in people
that are not.
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