October 7, 2024 • 24 mins
Children left home? Feeling a sense of redundancy in your life? This episode has you covered! It's all about navigating empty nest syndrome while learning to embrace change and accept a new phase for self-rediscovery.
In this episode, your host Mary opens Season Two by discussing her personal experiences with empty nest syndrome, particularly after her daughter's recent move to university. She offers insights drawn from her emotional journey and shares strategies to cope with these feelings, such as focusing on self-care, rediscovering old passions, planning for the future, and building a strong support network.
The episode is designed to provide comfort and guidance to those experiencing similar life transitions, fostering conversations about the often-overlapping phases of empty nest syndrome and menopause.
Mary invites listeners to join her Facebook group to connect with others and build a network of support.
Take your menopause mastery to a whole new level. Mary's exclusive online, self-paced learning program has launched. Check out her digital course, Menopause Intelligence, a transformative path of discovery where confusion, overwhelm, and frustration give way to empowerment, knowledge, and agency.
00:00 Welcome to Season Two; It's World Menopause Month
00:45 A Personal Story: My September Break
01:34 Understanding Empty Nest Syndrome
03:42 Stages of Empty Nest Syndrome
11:40 Coping Strategies and Self-Care
13:46 Rediscovering Passions and Planning for the Future
17:07 Building a Support Network
19:59 Embracing Gratitude
Let us know if you're liking the show!
Mary is a Licensed Menopause Champion, certified Menopause Doula and Woman's Coaching Specialist supporting high-achieving women embrace her transition - peri to post. Mary coaches individuals and guides organizations to create a menopause friendly workplace, helping forward-thinking CEOs design policies to accommodate employees at work.
Let’s connect:
Learn how Mary can support you or your organization: Book a free consultation call at https://www.emmeellecoaching.com
Take your menopause mastery to a whole new level with an exclusive online, self-paced signature program Menopause Intelligence. A transformative path of discovery where confusion, overwhelm, and frustration give way to empowerment, knowledge, and agency. Visit: https://www.emmeellecoaching.com/menopause-intelligence.
*****************
Disclaimer: Information shared is for educational and entertainment purposes only and doesn’t replace medical advice. Always consult with the healthcare professional.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hey, this is Mary, your host ofall things menopausal.
we are at season two.
And it is also the month ofOctober, which is recognized as
world menopause month, a time tobuild awareness and to courage
conversation and more educationaround him.
Very important phase in awoman's life.
(00:22):
I am so pleased that you'rehere.
And this episode is aboutsomething very important to me
that I'm experiencing.
I'm going to share it in thecontext of storytelling.
To build that awareness and havethat conversation.
if this is the first time thatyou're landing on this podcast
and haven't been falling on realtime.
Welcome.
(00:43):
For those that have beenfollowing me in real time.
And you're probably wonderingwhere did I go in the month of
September?
Well, my family took a muchneeded holiday for three weeks
To tour around Italy and Greece.
we brought the daughters with usalong with their boyfriends.
What a wonderful vacation.
It was so hard to come back.
(01:03):
Especially coming back, knowingfull well that we were moving my
daughter out of the house.
For university packing up all ofher stuff To start her life.
In her new apartment with herboyfriend.
And I was in complete denialthat she was leaving.
So when we finally came back, Itwas with such heaviness.
(01:25):
And so I thought what a greatway to start off season two.
by being open and real andhonest, and sharing with you.
My story.
About empty nest syndrome andhopes that something I will
share can help you or mayberesonate with you.
You've already gone through it.
But wherever you are at.
In this stage in life and let'sface it.
(01:47):
Many of us moms will go throughemptiness in term or we're
taking care of loved ones.
On the other end or parents, thesandwich generation.
Wherever you might be at, evenif you don't have children of
your own.
There is.
A message in here as we gothrough the changes in life.
That are similar to emptinesssyndrome, but they happen in
(02:09):
many aspects of our lives.
And I'm going to get into thatin this episode.
So I'm so happy for you to join.
And I encourage you Please jointhe Facebook group.
If you want to have more.
Personal.
Intimate conversations.
And share information about themenopausal journey.
My face book group is calledpersonal and universal.
I love to have you joined me.
(02:32):
So as we got back last weekendand literally just happened last
weekend that we moved mydaughter.
I must have cried for a solid 48hours.
It was such a heaviness on myheart.
I was just consumed.
And now I'd heard about emptynest syndrome.
But until you're going throughit, walking through that fire.
(02:52):
You can't actually feel theintensity of it.
Well, let me tell you it wasintense.
And so I poured over theinternet.
Dr.
Google trying to find all kindsof information.
On it and what to do, but itfrom.
You know, sites like the betterup or a good therapy.
(03:14):
Insight psychological, even somehealth sites such as the Mayo
clinic, for example.
And then I landed on calm.comthat beautiful meditation app.
They have great articles ontheir blog.
And so I wanted to take all thesnippets of information I found.
And compress it into what I hopeto be a really helpful.
(03:37):
And informative.
Episode.
So let's dive in.
Shall we.
I think a great place to startis defined what emptiness
syndrome is.
And then look at.
Different stages and phases.
Of the emotions that come withemptiness syndrome.
by definition, emptinesssyndrome.
(03:57):
It's not a clinical diagnosis,but rather an emotional phase
that many parents experiencewhen they're.
Only child or their last childleaves the home.
It can evoke these feelings ofgrief and loneliness.
As us parents, we confront thisshift in our roles and the loss
of our daily connections withour children.
(04:18):
It's a big change and it'scompletely normal to feel a mix
of emotions.
Sadness loneliness and even asense of redundancy.
And I'll get into that.
You know, after all, as parents,we've devoted years to be
actively involved.
Raising our children involved intheir lives.
And now that chapter has come toa close.
(04:40):
So, what are we going to doabout it?
I think it's really importantfirst to understand that phases
of emptiness syndrome.
This can be so immenselybeneficial one because it helps
you recognize.
The strange emotion that you'regoing through.
And to be able to accept thatit's happening.
This is a healthy way to movethrough each of the stages.
(05:03):
I find that it allows mepermission.
Too.
Allow that sensation, thatfeeling and going through to
happen.
And to let it come up.
And then.
Not deny it, or if you will, orshove it away because That can
be terribly unbeneficial andemotionally unhealthy.
(05:24):
In the long run.
So by recognizing these stages,you can see where you're at with
the hopes of knowing that thisthe next stage will come.
And then this too will pass.
How long does emptiness syndromelast?
Well, that's very personal toevery individual.
Of course.
Some, it could be just a fewdays.
Others have to move through itover several weeks.
(05:46):
And I've even found thereferences said it can last up
to two months.
And it's a form of grieving too.
So again, give yourselfpermission.
But recognize what each of thesestages are and those stages, the
first.
Is denial.
That initial shock that can leadto this.
Disbelief about your childmoving out.
(06:07):
I for one had gone throughdenial under vacation
Fortunately, the vacation helpedme suppress that because I was
having so much joy.
being in Italy and Greece.
And so I could shove thatemotional way.
But getting closer to the end ofthat vacation and coming home,
this.
Denial was coming up like, oh mygoodness, this very next
(06:29):
weekend.
After we get off this airplanewithin a few days.
We're packing everything up.
Uh, loading up the trailers andheading down.
To move my daughter out.
But.
In denying myself.
They're privileged to experiencethis new phase.
I felt that it was making thesituation worse.
(06:52):
The important thing is toacknowledge and accept these
feelings.
This is a normal response.
The denial is normal.
And denial.
Is met with the hardest part.
And for me, this was terriblyheavy.
Anger and sadness.
I was angry at my spouse.
I mean, he had nothing to dowith it, but I just felt this.
Boiling up emotion that neededto come out.
(07:14):
So I was getting angry.
At silly things and for noreason, and I'm still doing it.
But I'm now recognizing thatthis is part of the empty nest
syndrome stages.
So after that denial hashappened and.
Physically in our case,physically seen the space
change.
It has completely emptied rightout.
All of her, furniture's gone.
(07:35):
Many of her clothing, actually,almost all of it is gone.
Every little sign and detailthat she ever existed in the
house.
Most of it is gone.
And.
this is when the grief came inand it is okay.
So when you're feeling thissadness and this anger, some of
the healthy responses is toshare these feelings with a
(07:57):
trusted friend.
And let me tell you, I poured myheart out with my husband one
day expressing just.
How heavy it felt, it felt goodto cry like that as well.
And man was, I saw big, big.
Bucketfuls of tears.
And finding a trusted friend.
Maybe you can talk to, I evenhad a good cry out in public.
(08:18):
I'm sure people who are gazingover thought what is happening
here.
But I think most of us arecompassionate enough to
recognize.
When somebody needs to be.
Consoled in there in theirgrief.
Even working it out with acounselor.
And I've said this before inprevious episodes.
Cognitive behavior therapy,working with a counselor, a
(08:39):
therapist is so beneficial.
For menopausal women because ofso many changes that are
happening that are hard to workthrough.
At therapist, we could again bea family member, a loved one.
They don't have to be.
Board certified.
Somebody who can just take that.
These feelings, that pain, whatyou're expressing and reframe
it.
(09:00):
In such a way that it brings youa better perspective.
That to me is therapy.
So work through those emotionswith someone.
And recognize that the anger andthe sadness is all part of it.
Moving on is the acceptancestage.
And that is when we graduallyfind yourselves accepting this
new reality.
And then seeking.
(09:20):
New joy in our lives.
And I'm going to get into thatin a moment.
But figuring out how can we nowfeel our space, like physically
in our house, it was fill thatspace.
And bring joy.
Or fill that void in our livesand in our hearts and find new
meaning.
You know, when we moved Jillianout, her bedroom was completely
(09:40):
empty.
I mean, there was echoes in theroom.
It was daunting.
And.
As I started to accept this newphase.
I just haphazardly, maybesubconsciously.
Thought well, what a great.
Place to move.
Some of the outdoor furniture injust for now as a temporary.
And we have this cute littlemetal bistro set that sit on,
(10:02):
sits on our front porch.
And the weather's starting toturn fall like, and it's damp.
And.
Very windy.
And I said, it's a great timenow to bring that in.
So I just subconsciously broughtit right into her front bedroom
where her bedroom was.
And set it up this cute little.
Uh, Italian Cafe and I pulledout these two tea cups.
(10:24):
Of my grandmothers.
Yeah.
I tend to hold on to things.
Not everything.
I'm not a hoarder.
But there are little items thatI still hold on to.
If my grandmother's.
My mom's and even my daughtersstill has a few little things
lying about.
But in this particular case, Iset it up like this.
French bistro.
And it helped me move from somesadness quite quickly into
(10:46):
acceptance.
Accepting this new reality,accepting that I have to do
something with this space.
And that brought me some joy.
And then the fourth phase isrenewed perspective.
This is when we embrace this newchapter with open arms.
Reluctantly.
You're not, some are justelated.
Let's face it.
Some.
Are cheering.
We're empty nesters.
Hooray.
(11:06):
Let's celebrate what's frontaround the house, like children,
ourselves.
Not the case for me.
So.
Having this new foundperspective.
And for me, it was that newperspective of looking at this
empty space down, figure outwhat I can do about it.
This is an opportunity also forfresh starts and planning for
the future.
And I'm going to get into that.
(11:27):
So if these patterns of anxietyand sadness linger, it's
essential to note that thesefeelings are valid.
The good news, there areeffective strategies to help you
move through the empty nestsyndrome.
Four steps, four things that youcan do.
And these are four things that Ipulled from some of the
reference material that I foundonline.
(11:48):
It's been helpful for me.
And I'm hoping that you'll getsome benefit out of it as well.
And the first one, and I saythis a lot.
With menopause in general.
Focus on self care.
Treat yourself with the samelove and attention that you've
given your children.
We spend years of putting ourchildren, our loved ones first.
(12:08):
And now it's your turn to starta new hobby.
take up a yoga class that you'vebeen thinking about.
Join a gym.
Start a dance class, maybe go tothe local community club and
take up art.
Whatever it is.
This is your time.
Don't feel that empty space nowwith doing more scrolling on
(12:31):
Facebook.
Um, and I've caught myself.
I've been doing more Wordle,more New York times, crossword
puzzles.
I mean, it's great for the brainbut it can come at a detriment
if I'm using that.
As a crutch to fill the time.
And quite honestly, This is hardwork, self care.
It seems like self care having abubble bath.
(12:53):
Oh, so luxurious, but honestlyfor us, women is so hard because
we have spent so many years.
Denying ourselves as simplepleasures.
And so now is your time.
Now is your time to.
Try something new.
But remember put yourself first.
And one of the things that Ihave been doing.
(13:13):
Or self care.
Is.
To practice.
Some self-compassion.
And way back in season one, thevery first episode.
We started off on a talk onself-love.
It is so important because weare the root of everything.
And if we are not caring forourselves or take care of
(13:34):
ourselves, In such a way.
That we can be a benefit toothers.
And what good are we?
So put yourself first and giveyourself permission to do so.
And that leads to the next one.
And that is rediscovering oldpassions.
I found this.
Heaviness in my heart because.
When I asked myself, what did Ienjoy or what did I do before
(13:57):
parenthood?
Well, I was in the military.
I was in uniform.
I was serving.
Active duty Canadian armedforces.
And in fact, my daughter, shewas conceived when I was
deployed on a tour.
And it was during the time offthat you get to meet with your
loved one.
And we were touring aroundGreece.
(14:20):
And oops.
She was conceived.
And I will say that touringaround Greece on this recent
vacation and pointing out to mydaughter.
You know, different places thatour father and I had gone to
brought me so much joy.
It was, but it was, it.
Big feeling of melancholy.
And I had to stop myself becauseI quickly was going to that
(14:40):
place of, oh my goodness.
I'm going to be an empty nestersoon.
And then asking myself, what didI enjoy before she was born?
Well, Before I had bladderissues as a result of pregnancy.
I was a serious, long distancerunner.
It brought me joy.
Fitness's always brought me joy.
Um, but I did find myself lacingup my running shoes the other
(15:03):
day.
And I went out for a run.
And now I'm making plans to domore distances.
with my stepdaughter, who is amarathon runner.
So that was me in her shoesliterally several years ago.
So.
Rediscovering.
Oh passions.
What brought you joy before?
(15:23):
What purpose did you havebefore?
And this can be really toughwork.
For many women to reconnect withtheir old selves.
It's important to take thattime.
and silence and quietly.
Um, meditation or get someintrospective work, sit down and
journal.
And take the time to say, who amI?
(15:43):
Who was I then?
And who will I be today?
And tomorrow.
And this leads to the next tip.
And that is to plan for thefuture.
This can be planning forexploring new hobbies or
planning to get out with yourfriends more often.
Even if you have plans that havebeen put aside, now's the time
(16:05):
to see.
Plan for your educational goals.
What was that course that I'vealways wanted to take.
Either at the community collegeor online.
This is your time to find newfound passions.
It's new found time, literallyin your schedule.
From my husband and I, we getreally, quite excited about
planning for our next vacation.
(16:26):
I mean, literally getting offthe plane.
And we're already talking about,okay, where will we go?
Next?
Spain, Portugal.
We have always wanted to go seeIreland.
I like to go back to Germanyagain, We were getting excited
about planning for.
Hikes with the dogs on theweekend.
Like where do you want to gowalk with the dogs this weekend?
Let's go out on this hike here.
We've never been on this hikebefore.
(16:47):
It's been years.
Well before parenthood, sincewe've done this hike.
So planning for the future is agreat way to start shifting.
Your life out of that heavinessof being an empty-nester in,
into a new opportunity.
With this new found time, thisnew found space.
(17:07):
And then the last tip I want toshare is to build your support
network.
This is so very important.
I know I've talked about thisbefore.
Women need a community of womento get through.
The transition to share a nursestories because it helps
validate or symptoms.
It helps validate.
Our emotional and our mentalexperiences or physical
(17:28):
experiences when we have thoseopen conversations with honest
conversations.
Just the sheer little stories.
through our journey.
And in those stories andexperiences, we're helping each
other so important.
We are social creatures.
And we need to strengthen oursocial connections for our
mental and emotional wellbeing.
(17:48):
So reach out to friends, oldfriends, new friends.
Loved ones, relatives.
And share with someone who canrelate with you, this profound
lifestyle change of yours and.
Maybe can share in part on you.
Some of.
Some of their tips and tricks toget through it.
You know, one of the things thatI did recently.
My support.
(18:09):
Network, fortunately has beenwith a yoga studio.
Right.
Both practice and teach a class.
And in this particular season onteaching a bar class, And I was
just leading a class two daysago.
And we like to share often.
No.
I'll put in a little remark inmy classes about hot flashes or
sore achy joints or stiffmuscles.
(18:31):
But I do so in such a way as toinform and educate, but build.
A sense of awareness withoutsounding too lecture-y but more,
insightful and enjoyable.
And in this particular classtowards the end, when I was
allowing the participants justto lie in stillness, to
assimilate all their hard workfrom the class.
I was recounting my heaviness ofempty nest syndrome.
(18:55):
And I saw one of the ladies notin the corner.
And I said, While you're lyinghere.
I want you to lie here ingratitude and appreciation for
your hard work during this barclass.
And your commitment just to showup.
Because gratitude really canshift our emotional energy or
frequency or vibration.
And.
Allows us to go into that heartspace.
(19:17):
So I shared with them that in myemptiness syndrome, grief and
pain.
I had to go into the heartspace, using gratitude as a tool
as this little secret.
Weapon, if you will.
To help us.
Move past.
Uh, state of.
Low energy to a state of highvibration.
(19:38):
And so gratitude has been.
The most important thing that Ican do in this moment.
But to be able to share thatwith the social connection that
I have created, and it's beenafforded to me, the gratitude I
have for that.
Helped me.
Except some of the grief, thesadness that I had been moving
through.
(19:59):
Now I do want to elaborate alittle bit more on gratitude.
When you're feeling thatheaviness and sadness.
Place your hand on your heart.
And I made this reference in.
A few other episodes in seasonone, Definitely.
When we talked about self careand self love.
When you can find that moment ofstillness in gratitude and give
(20:20):
thanks for the opportunity forparenthood, the gift.
Of being a mom.
The joy and the gratitude of theyears of raising the child and
the gratitude for the youngwoman.
In my case, my daughter, or theyoung man that you have raised.
This is such a beautifulpractice of self care.
(20:42):
That you can move past.
Some of the heaviness and thosefour stages.
Of the emptiness syndrome, theempty nest.
Grieving process, if you will.
If you are in that feeling.
Right now have empty nestsyndrome or have gone through it
or.
Anticipating it to come.
I really do hope that thisepisode has brought you some.
(21:05):
At Feis or some feeling ofconnection.
And you can relate to thestories.
Please share it with a friend.
A loved one who could use someof The Sage advice of empty nest
syndrome or of any of the thingsthat we talk about on all things
menopausal.
I mean, this really is aplatform to bring in.
(21:26):
Experts and to share stories.
Maybe my stories.
Stories of others.
About women's health and thewoman's journey, you know,
elevated philosophy says thatthe.
Midlife transition.
From peri-menopause through topost-menopause.
Is stepping into the age ofwisdom.
So I say it's time to get wise,get wise with each other, open
(21:48):
up that conversation and sharein that dialogue so that we can
feel comforted and not alone.
And they sensation in this pain.
Of empty nest syndrome or in thechallenges of going through
menopause, because this is agreat opportunity.
To birth a second spring.
If you will.
to find.
New purpose and rediscover apiece of us that we've maybe put
(22:11):
away on the shelf.
While we were parenting.
And now it's time to dust thatback off.
And be experimental.
Explore.
How'd that childlike spirit.
As Robert Green says in his bookmastery.
It's really as a time.
For mastering.
Mastering menopause, forexample.
(22:34):
And on that note.
I do invite you to check out.
My new digital course.
Menopause intelligence.
It is a online self-pacedself-directed course.
That covers eight modules,everything.
From the.
Science of menopause and ourbiological changes in her body.
To the spiritual hope personthat we are the energetic and
(22:55):
emotional person.
That we are, as we move throughthis time in our lives.
When hormones are changing.
When our roles in life arechanging and we're just
rediscovering these newopportunities.
This new growth and strength.
So do check that out.
I have a link in the show notes.
For my.
Digital course menopauseintelligence.
(23:15):
And if you want to learn moreabout that.
Consider booking A freeconsultation.
Call To ask questions, to learna little bit more about our
offerings.
I offer one-on-one clientcoaching.
Small group classes andcoaching.
And of course my new digitalcourse.
I am so thankful that you arehere.
You've joined me.
(23:36):
You're here for season two.
And again, like I said, ifyou're landing on this for the
first time, welcome, welcomelisteners.
New listeners.
Welcome back old listeners.
Go back and listen to some ofthose older episodes that you've
never had a chance to listen to.
There's so much that we coverfrom heart health, physical
fitness, pelvic floor health.
(23:57):
Aerobatic practices.
And the lineup of guests that Ihave coming up in this season.
Are quite amazing.
We cover it all.
From the mental, physical,emotional, spiritual whole
person that we are.
I am so glad to have you here.
Hey, this is Mary, your host ofall things menopausal.
we are at season two.
And it is also the month ofOctober, which is recognized as
world menopause month, a time tobuild awareness and to courage
conversation and more educationaround him.
Very important phase in awoman's life.
(00:22):
I am so pleased that you'rehere.
And this episode is aboutsomething very important to me
that I'm experiencing.
I'm going to share it in thecontext of storytelling.
To build that awareness and havethat conversation.
if this is the first time thatyou're landing on this podcast
and haven't been falling on realtime.
Welcome.
(00:43):
For those that have beenfollowing me in real time.
And you're probably wonderingwhere did I go in the month of
September?
Well, my family took a muchneeded holiday for three weeks
To tour around Italy and Greece.
we brought the daughters with usalong with their boyfriends.
What a wonderful vacation.
It was so hard to come back.
(01:03):
Especially coming back, knowingfull well that we were moving my
daughter out of the house.
For university packing up all ofher stuff To start her life.
In her new apartment with herboyfriend.
And I was in complete denialthat she was leaving.
So when we finally came back, Itwas with such heaviness.
(01:25):
And so I thought what a greatway to start off season two.
by being open and real andhonest, and sharing with you.
My story.
About empty nest syndrome andhopes that something I will
share can help you or mayberesonate with you.
You've already gone through it.
But wherever you are at.
In this stage in life and let'sface it.
(01:47):
Many of us moms will go throughemptiness in term or we're
taking care of loved ones.
On the other end or parents, thesandwich generation.
Wherever you might be at, evenif you don't have children of
your own.
There is.
A message in here as we gothrough the changes in life.
That are similar to emptinesssyndrome, but they happen in
(02:09):
many aspects of our lives.
And I'm going to get into thatin this episode.
So I'm so happy for you to join.
And I encourage you Please jointhe Facebook group.
If you want to have more.
Personal.
Intimate conversations.
And share information about themenopausal journey.
My face book group is calledpersonal and universal.
I love to have you joined me.
(02:32):
So as we got back last weekendand literally just happened last
weekend that we moved mydaughter.
I must have cried for a solid 48hours.
It was such a heaviness on myheart.
I was just consumed.
And now I'd heard about emptynest syndrome.
But until you're going throughit, walking through that fire.
(02:52):
You can't actually feel theintensity of it.
Well, let me tell you it wasintense.
And so I poured over theinternet.
Dr.
Google trying to find all kindsof information.
On it and what to do, but itfrom.
You know, sites like the betterup or a good therapy.
(03:14):
Insight psychological, even somehealth sites such as the Mayo
clinic, for example.
And then I landed on calm.comthat beautiful meditation app.
They have great articles ontheir blog.
And so I wanted to take all thesnippets of information I found.
And compress it into what I hopeto be a really helpful.
(03:37):
And informative.
Episode.
So let's dive in.
Shall we.
I think a great place to startis defined what emptiness
syndrome is.
And then look at.
Different stages and phases.
Of the emotions that come withemptiness syndrome.
by definition, emptinesssyndrome.
(03:57):
It's not a clinical diagnosis,but rather an emotional phase
that many parents experiencewhen they're.
Only child or their last childleaves the home.
It can evoke these feelings ofgrief and loneliness.
As us parents, we confront thisshift in our roles and the loss
of our daily connections withour children.
(04:18):
It's a big change and it'scompletely normal to feel a mix
of emotions.
Sadness loneliness and even asense of redundancy.
And I'll get into that.
You know, after all, as parents,we've devoted years to be
actively involved.
Raising our children involved intheir lives.
And now that chapter has come toa close.
(04:40):
So, what are we going to doabout it?
I think it's really importantfirst to understand that phases
of emptiness syndrome.
This can be so immenselybeneficial one because it helps
you recognize.
The strange emotion that you'regoing through.
And to be able to accept thatit's happening.
This is a healthy way to movethrough each of the stages.
(05:03):
I find that it allows mepermission.
Too.
Allow that sensation, thatfeeling and going through to
happen.
And to let it come up.
And then.
Not deny it, or if you will, orshove it away because That can
be terribly unbeneficial andemotionally unhealthy.
(05:24):
In the long run.
So by recognizing these stages,you can see where you're at with
the hopes of knowing that thisthe next stage will come.
And then this too will pass.
How long does emptiness syndromelast?
Well, that's very personal toevery individual.
Of course.
Some, it could be just a fewdays.
Others have to move through itover several weeks.
(05:46):
And I've even found thereferences said it can last up
to two months.
And it's a form of grieving too.
So again, give yourselfpermission.
But recognize what each of thesestages are and those stages, the
first.
Is denial.
That initial shock that can leadto this.
Disbelief about your childmoving out.
(06:07):
I for one had gone throughdenial under vacation
Fortunately, the vacation helpedme suppress that because I was
having so much joy.
being in Italy and Greece.
And so I could shove thatemotional way.
But getting closer to the end ofthat vacation and coming home,
this.
Denial was coming up like, oh mygoodness, this very next
(06:29):
weekend.
After we get off this airplanewithin a few days.
We're packing everything up.
Uh, loading up the trailers andheading down.
To move my daughter out.
But.
In denying myself.
They're privileged to experiencethis new phase.
I felt that it was making thesituation worse.
(06:52):
The important thing is toacknowledge and accept these
feelings.
This is a normal response.
The denial is normal.
And denial.
Is met with the hardest part.
And for me, this was terriblyheavy.
Anger and sadness.
I was angry at my spouse.
I mean, he had nothing to dowith it, but I just felt this.
Boiling up emotion that neededto come out.
(07:14):
So I was getting angry.
At silly things and for noreason, and I'm still doing it.
But I'm now recognizing thatthis is part of the empty nest
syndrome stages.
So after that denial hashappened and.
Physically in our case,physically seen the space
change.
It has completely emptied rightout.
All of her, furniture's gone.
(07:35):
Many of her clothing, actually,almost all of it is gone.
Every little sign and detailthat she ever existed in the
house.
Most of it is gone.
And.
this is when the grief came inand it is okay.
So when you're feeling thissadness and this anger, some of
the healthy responses is toshare these feelings with a
(07:57):
trusted friend.
And let me tell you, I poured myheart out with my husband one
day expressing just.
How heavy it felt, it felt goodto cry like that as well.
And man was, I saw big, big.
Bucketfuls of tears.
And finding a trusted friend.
Maybe you can talk to, I evenhad a good cry out in public.
(08:18):
I'm sure people who are gazingover thought what is happening
here.
But I think most of us arecompassionate enough to
recognize.
When somebody needs to be.
Consoled in there in theirgrief.
Even working it out with acounselor.
And I've said this before inprevious episodes.
Cognitive behavior therapy,working with a counselor, a
(08:39):
therapist is so beneficial.
For menopausal women because ofso many changes that are
happening that are hard to workthrough.
At therapist, we could again bea family member, a loved one.
They don't have to be.
Board certified.
Somebody who can just take that.
These feelings, that pain, whatyou're expressing and reframe
it.
(09:00):
In such a way that it brings youa better perspective.
That to me is therapy.
So work through those emotionswith someone.
And recognize that the anger andthe sadness is all part of it.
Moving on is the acceptancestage.
And that is when we graduallyfind yourselves accepting this
new reality.
And then seeking.
(09:20):
New joy in our lives.
And I'm going to get into thatin a moment.
But figuring out how can we nowfeel our space, like physically
in our house, it was fill thatspace.
And bring joy.
Or fill that void in our livesand in our hearts and find new
meaning.
You know, when we moved Jillianout, her bedroom was completely
(09:40):
empty.
I mean, there was echoes in theroom.
It was daunting.
And.
As I started to accept this newphase.
I just haphazardly, maybesubconsciously.
Thought well, what a great.
Place to move.
Some of the outdoor furniture injust for now as a temporary.
And we have this cute littlemetal bistro set that sit on,
(10:02):
sits on our front porch.
And the weather's starting toturn fall like, and it's damp.
And.
Very windy.
And I said, it's a great timenow to bring that in.
So I just subconsciously broughtit right into her front bedroom
where her bedroom was.
And set it up this cute little.
Uh, Italian Cafe and I pulledout these two tea cups.
(10:24):
Of my grandmothers.
Yeah.
I tend to hold on to things.
Not everything.
I'm not a hoarder.
But there are little items thatI still hold on to.
If my grandmother's.
My mom's and even my daughtersstill has a few little things
lying about.
But in this particular case, Iset it up like this.
French bistro.
And it helped me move from somesadness quite quickly into
(10:46):
acceptance.
Accepting this new reality,accepting that I have to do
something with this space.
And that brought me some joy.
And then the fourth phase isrenewed perspective.
This is when we embrace this newchapter with open arms.
Reluctantly.
You're not, some are justelated.
Let's face it.
Some.
Are cheering.
We're empty nesters.
Hooray.
(11:06):
Let's celebrate what's frontaround the house, like children,
ourselves.
Not the case for me.
So.
Having this new foundperspective.
And for me, it was that newperspective of looking at this
empty space down, figure outwhat I can do about it.
This is an opportunity also forfresh starts and planning for
the future.
And I'm going to get into that.
(11:27):
So if these patterns of anxietyand sadness linger, it's
essential to note that thesefeelings are valid.
The good news, there areeffective strategies to help you
move through the empty nestsyndrome.
Four steps, four things that youcan do.
And these are four things that Ipulled from some of the
reference material that I foundonline.
(11:48):
It's been helpful for me.
And I'm hoping that you'll getsome benefit out of it as well.
And the first one, and I saythis a lot.
With menopause in general.
Focus on self care.
Treat yourself with the samelove and attention that you've
given your children.
We spend years of putting ourchildren, our loved ones first.
(12:08):
And now it's your turn to starta new hobby.
take up a yoga class that you'vebeen thinking about.
Join a gym.
Start a dance class, maybe go tothe local community club and
take up art.
Whatever it is.
This is your time.
Don't feel that empty space nowwith doing more scrolling on
(12:31):
Facebook.
Um, and I've caught myself.
I've been doing more Wordle,more New York times, crossword
puzzles.
I mean, it's great for the brainbut it can come at a detriment
if I'm using that.
As a crutch to fill the time.
And quite honestly, This is hardwork, self care.
It seems like self care having abubble bath.
(12:53):
Oh, so luxurious, but honestlyfor us, women is so hard because
we have spent so many years.
Denying ourselves as simplepleasures.
And so now is your time.
Now is your time to.
Try something new.
But remember put yourself first.
And one of the things that Ihave been doing.
(13:13):
Or self care.
Is.
To practice.
Some self-compassion.
And way back in season one, thevery first episode.
We started off on a talk onself-love.
It is so important because weare the root of everything.
And if we are not caring forourselves or take care of
(13:34):
ourselves, In such a way.
That we can be a benefit toothers.
And what good are we?
So put yourself first and giveyourself permission to do so.
And that leads to the next one.
And that is rediscovering oldpassions.
I found this.
Heaviness in my heart because.
When I asked myself, what did Ienjoy or what did I do before
(13:57):
parenthood?
Well, I was in the military.
I was in uniform.
I was serving.
Active duty Canadian armedforces.
And in fact, my daughter, shewas conceived when I was
deployed on a tour.
And it was during the time offthat you get to meet with your
loved one.
And we were touring aroundGreece.
(14:20):
And oops.
She was conceived.
And I will say that touringaround Greece on this recent
vacation and pointing out to mydaughter.
You know, different places thatour father and I had gone to
brought me so much joy.
It was, but it was, it.
Big feeling of melancholy.
And I had to stop myself becauseI quickly was going to that
(14:40):
place of, oh my goodness.
I'm going to be an empty nestersoon.
And then asking myself, what didI enjoy before she was born?
Well, Before I had bladderissues as a result of pregnancy.
I was a serious, long distancerunner.
It brought me joy.
Fitness's always brought me joy.
Um, but I did find myself lacingup my running shoes the other
(15:03):
day.
And I went out for a run.
And now I'm making plans to domore distances.
with my stepdaughter, who is amarathon runner.
So that was me in her shoesliterally several years ago.
So.
Rediscovering.
Oh passions.
What brought you joy before?
(15:23):
What purpose did you havebefore?
And this can be really toughwork.
For many women to reconnect withtheir old selves.
It's important to take thattime.
and silence and quietly.
Um, meditation or get someintrospective work, sit down and
journal.
And take the time to say, who amI?
(15:43):
Who was I then?
And who will I be today?
And tomorrow.
And this leads to the next tip.
And that is to plan for thefuture.
This can be planning forexploring new hobbies or
planning to get out with yourfriends more often.
Even if you have plans that havebeen put aside, now's the time
(16:05):
to see.
Plan for your educational goals.
What was that course that I'vealways wanted to take.
Either at the community collegeor online.
This is your time to find newfound passions.
It's new found time, literallyin your schedule.
From my husband and I, we getreally, quite excited about
planning for our next vacation.
(16:26):
I mean, literally getting offthe plane.
And we're already talking about,okay, where will we go?
Next?
Spain, Portugal.
We have always wanted to go seeIreland.
I like to go back to Germanyagain, We were getting excited
about planning for.
Hikes with the dogs on theweekend.
Like where do you want to gowalk with the dogs this weekend?
Let's go out on this hike here.
We've never been on this hikebefore.
(16:47):
It's been years.
Well before parenthood, sincewe've done this hike.
So planning for the future is agreat way to start shifting.
Your life out of that heavinessof being an empty-nester in,
into a new opportunity.
With this new found time, thisnew found space.
(17:07):
And then the last tip I want toshare is to build your support
network.
This is so very important.
I know I've talked about thisbefore.
Women need a community of womento get through.
The transition to share a nursestories because it helps
validate or symptoms.
It helps validate.
Our emotional and our mentalexperiences or physical
(17:28):
experiences when we have thoseopen conversations with honest
conversations.
Just the sheer little stories.
through our journey.
And in those stories andexperiences, we're helping each
other so important.
We are social creatures.
And we need to strengthen oursocial connections for our
mental and emotional wellbeing.
(17:48):
So reach out to friends, oldfriends, new friends.
Loved ones, relatives.
And share with someone who canrelate with you, this profound
lifestyle change of yours and.
Maybe can share in part on you.
Some of.
Some of their tips and tricks toget through it.
You know, one of the things thatI did recently.
My support.
(18:09):
Network, fortunately has beenwith a yoga studio.
Right.
Both practice and teach a class.
And in this particular season onteaching a bar class, And I was
just leading a class two daysago.
And we like to share often.
No.
I'll put in a little remark inmy classes about hot flashes or
sore achy joints or stiffmuscles.
(18:31):
But I do so in such a way as toinform and educate, but build.
A sense of awareness withoutsounding too lecture-y but more,
insightful and enjoyable.
And in this particular classtowards the end, when I was
allowing the participants justto lie in stillness, to
assimilate all their hard workfrom the class.
I was recounting my heaviness ofempty nest syndrome.
(18:55):
And I saw one of the ladies notin the corner.
And I said, While you're lyinghere.
I want you to lie here ingratitude and appreciation for
your hard work during this barclass.
And your commitment just to showup.
Because gratitude really canshift our emotional energy or
frequency or vibration.
And.
Allows us to go into that heartspace.
(19:17):
So I shared with them that in myemptiness syndrome, grief and
pain.
I had to go into the heartspace, using gratitude as a tool
as this little secret.
Weapon, if you will.
To help us.
Move past.
Uh, state of.
Low energy to a state of highvibration.
(19:38):
And so gratitude has been.
The most important thing that Ican do in this moment.
But to be able to share thatwith the social connection that
I have created, and it's beenafforded to me, the gratitude I
have for that.
Helped me.
Except some of the grief, thesadness that I had been moving
through.
(19:59):
Now I do want to elaborate alittle bit more on gratitude.
When you're feeling thatheaviness and sadness.
Place your hand on your heart.
And I made this reference in.
A few other episodes in seasonone, Definitely.
When we talked about self careand self love.
When you can find that moment ofstillness in gratitude and give
(20:20):
thanks for the opportunity forparenthood, the gift.
Of being a mom.
The joy and the gratitude of theyears of raising the child and
the gratitude for the youngwoman.
In my case, my daughter, or theyoung man that you have raised.
This is such a beautifulpractice of self care.
(20:42):
That you can move past.
Some of the heaviness and thosefour stages.
Of the emptiness syndrome, theempty nest.
Grieving process, if you will.
If you are in that feeling.
Right now have empty nestsyndrome or have gone through it
or.
Anticipating it to come.
I really do hope that thisepisode has brought you some.
(21:05):
At Feis or some feeling ofconnection.
And you can relate to thestories.
Please share it with a friend.
A loved one who could use someof The Sage advice of empty nest
syndrome or of any of the thingsthat we talk about on all things
menopausal.
I mean, this really is aplatform to bring in.
(21:26):
Experts and to share stories.
Maybe my stories.
Stories of others.
About women's health and thewoman's journey, you know,
elevated philosophy says thatthe.
Midlife transition.
From peri-menopause through topost-menopause.
Is stepping into the age ofwisdom.
So I say it's time to get wise,get wise with each other, open
(21:48):
up that conversation and sharein that dialogue so that we can
feel comforted and not alone.
And they sensation in this pain.
Of empty nest syndrome or in thechallenges of going through
menopause, because this is agreat opportunity.
To birth a second spring.
If you will.
to find.
New purpose and rediscover apiece of us that we've maybe put
(22:11):
away on the shelf.
While we were parenting.
And now it's time to dust thatback off.
And be experimental.
Explore.
How'd that childlike spirit.
As Robert Green says in his bookmastery.
It's really as a time.
For mastering.
Mastering menopause, forexample.
(22:34):
And on that note.
I do invite you to check out.
My new digital course.
Menopause intelligence.
It is a online self-pacedself-directed course.
That covers eight modules,everything.
From the.
Science of menopause and ourbiological changes in her body.
To the spiritual hope personthat we are the energetic and
(22:55):
emotional person.
That we are, as we move throughthis time in our lives.
When hormones are changing.
When our roles in life arechanging and we're just
rediscovering these newopportunities.
This new growth and strength.
So do check that out.
I have a link in the show notes.
For my.
Digital course menopauseintelligence.
(23:15):
And if you want to learn moreabout that.
Consider booking A freeconsultation.
Call To ask questions, to learna little bit more about our
offerings.
I offer one-on-one clientcoaching.
Small group classes andcoaching.
And of course my new digitalcourse.
I am so thankful that you arehere.
You've joined me.
(23:36):
You're here for season two.
And again, like I said, ifyou're landing on this for the
first time, welcome, welcomelisteners.
New listeners.
Welcome back old listeners.
Go back and listen to some ofthose older episodes that you've
never had a chance to listen to.
There's so much that we coverfrom heart health, physical
fitness, pelvic floor health.
(23:57):
Aerobatic practices.
And the lineup of guests that Ihave coming up in this season.
Are quite amazing.
We cover it all.
From the mental, physical,emotional, spiritual whole
person that we are.
I am so glad to have you here.
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