April 25, 2025 • 63 mins
Could sexual intimacy be better than it ever was before menopause?
In this episode of the Menopause Disruptor Podcast, host Mary Lee explores the often neglected topic of sexual intimacy and libido during midlife with renowned relationship and intimacy expert, Susan Bratton. Susan shares insights on how extending your sex span can increase longevity and enhance overall health.
The discussion delves into the complexities of female sexuality, the impact of menopause on libido, and the importance of reclaiming one's sensuality. Susan emphasizes the physical, emotional, and spiritual benefits of sexual pleasure, offering practical advice and tools like Yoni massage and her ever-popular Expand Her Orgasm program.
This conversation will shatter outdated beliefs - largely created by social and religious constructs - and empower midlife women to embrace their divine right to pleasure, ultimately contributing to a longer, healthier, and more fulfilling life.
Susan Bratton, "Intimacy Expert to Millions," is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy. She’s created hundreds of techniques that transform “having sex” into making love and is the world’s most well-respected sexual biohacker.
She is co-founder and CEO of two companies: Personal Life Media, Inc., a publisher of the Better Lover brand of heart-connected lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills and sexual regenerative therapies. And The20, LLC., a manufacturer of organic and botanical supplements that enhance sexual vitality.
Connect:
Resources:
- Claim your freebie: 38 Fascinating Facts That Supercharge Your Sex Drive
- A free ebook: Revealing How Expanded Orgasm Can Improve Your Love Life
Let us know if you're liking the show!
Mary is a Licensed Menopause Champion, certified Menopause Doula and Woman's Coaching Specialist supporting high-achieving women embrace her transition - peri to post. Mary coaches individuals and guides organizations to create a menopause friendly workplace, helping forward-thinking CEOs design policies to accommodate employees at work.
Let’s connect:
Learn how Mary can support you or your organization: Book a free consultation call at https://www.emmeellecoaching.com
Take your menopause mastery to a whole new level with an exclusive online, self-paced signature program Menopause Intelligence. A transformative path of discovery where confusion, overwhelm, and frustration give way to empowerment, knowledge, and agency. Visit: https://www.emmeellecoaching.com/menopause-intelligence.
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Disclaimer: Information shared is for educational and entertainment pur
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Susan Bratton (00:00):
Extending your sex span expands and extends
your health span.
It increases your longevity.
There are a number of reasonswhy that it does.
some of them are things like,it reboots your nervous system.
It generates oxytocin.
We haven't had all theseexperiences and we now suddenly
(00:23):
we're having them and we'regetting these neural pathways
and we're having moreexperiences, and that's making
us feel more confident, and thenwe can move from the receive of
our feminine to the activationof the masculine in our
sexuality where we begin to say,oh, I know what I want.
Let's try this today.
(00:43):
You know what would turn me on?
I wanna try this.
Mary Lee (00:49):
To the Menopause Disruptor Podcast, the space
where we break the silence,debunk the myths.
Boldly reframe what it means tothrive in midlife and beyond.
And today we're leaning into atopic that too often gets pushed
into the shadows.
Sexual intimacy, low libido,and unspoken shame that can come
(01:12):
with it.
And if you've ever felt likeyou've lost your spark or that
desire is something that quietlyfaded into the background of
your busy hormonally shiftinglife.
You're not alone, but you'realso not broken.
My guest today is here toremind us that pleasure is not a
luxury, it's a birthright.
Joining me is the unbelievableSusan Bratton, a renowned
(01:35):
relationship in intimacy expert,the CEO of the 20 and personal
life media.
The bestselling author of astaggering 34 books, including
Relationship Magic, revive, herDrive and Sexual Soulmates, the
Six Essentials for ConnectedSex.
Susan has been featured acrosscountless major platforms in the
(01:56):
US and beyond, including theinternationally claimed podcast
diary of A CEO with StephenBartlett, where she captivated
audiences with her trailblazinginsights and disarmingly honest
approach to sex.
Connection, orgasms and thetruth about what really goes on
behind closed doors.
Susan is unapologeticallypassionate about helping women,
(02:20):
especially women in midlife,reclaim their libido, redefine
intimacy, and reconnect to tothe sensual, powerful beings we
are.
And in this conversation, wedive deep into the hidden, often
taboo issues that hold us backfrom experiencing true,
nourishing pleasure.
Explore why intimacy is notseparated from health, but
(02:43):
fundamental to it mentally,physically, emotionally, and
spiritually.
This conversation is not justabout sex.
It's about sovereignty, and thedivine right to experience
pleasure in our bodies at everyage.
I am certain this episode willexpand your thinking, dissolve
some outdated beliefs, and sparksomething within you that might
(03:06):
just change your life or yourbedroom for the better.
but before we begin, here'ssomething you need to know about
Susan Bratton.
Susan is hailed as the intimacyexpert to millions.
Is a champion and advocate forall those who desire intimacy
and passion She's createdhundreds of techniques that
transform having sex into makinglove, and is the world's most
(03:31):
well-respected sexual biohacker.
Fun fact, Susan did mannequinmodeling in department stores to
put herself through college.
She became a multimillionaireby the age of 37.
lost everything, and then wenton to build her business with
incredible success.
Her core expertise lies in theintersection between passionate
(03:51):
lovemaking techniques andbedroom communication skills,
and she has studied extensivelywhat makes intimacy truly
passionate, surrendered, andconnected, and she boils down
those skills to simple practicesthat anyone can use to achieve
profound, pleasurable results.
So get ready to feel seen,inspired, and maybe even a
(04:11):
little turned on in the best waypossible.
Good morning, Susan.
I am so thrilled to have you onthe show.
We are gonna talk aboutsomething that's really
important in the menopauseexperience.
I mean, we lose our memory andwe are so many other things.
We lose, uh, our muscle mass.
Susan Bratton (04:32):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (04:32):
thing that we lose that we're not talking about and
is so critical, and I thinkthere's a, a beautiful tie in
with mental health and that islosing our sex drive, our
libido, and our to, or desire toexplore sexually.
Essentially, you're here totalk about we can do about it,
(04:52):
become better lovers, and thisis so significant as we go
through a menopause journey toreclaim our power as divine
feminine women.
Susan Bratton (05:02):
Mm-hmm.
Yes, thank you, Mary Lee.
Yeah, there is, um, so muchthat goes on with us physically
that can be really overwhelmingduring the time of menopause.
things that affect us like, uh,thinning of the entire vulval.
tissue system, the erectiletissue system, which makes it
(05:24):
harder to achieve orgasm, makesex painful, increases
difficulty for lubrication.
And I want to give yourlisteners some really helpful
tips about lubrication.
I'm going to tell you all thedifferent things I do to keep my
yoni.
And that's, that's a word thatI really love to use for Our
entire female genital systembecause I don't like the word
(05:47):
vulva because that's just theoutside.
I don't like the word vaginabecause it feels very
patriarchal.
Like, the only thing thatmatters is the place that the
penis goes in and the baby comesout, you know, like we're not,
we're not breeding stock.
We're pleasure beings.
And, The difficulty achievingorgasm as we age, what can be
done about that, um, so loss ofsensation, loss of lubrication,
(06:09):
incontinence, things like that,but then overall just beginning
to lose internal systemresources around mitochondrial
function, lower energy, theheavy load.
of stress and how it takes itstoll and often that we don't
acknowledge the powerful impactthat is having on us.
(06:33):
that's gut punching us andwe're thinking it's like we
don't have enough Estrogen.
Estrogen is not going to solvethat.
So, you know, what do you doabout that?
And, um, I want to want him,but I don't, I feel guilty.
I feel broken.
I'm, I feel, embarrassed.
I don't like the way my body'schanging.
(06:55):
We've got body image issues.
Often those, and not wanting,not having desire.
When our partners still havemore testosterone, uh, than we
do, also makes us feel guiltythat we're doing a bad job being
a partner.
I mean, it is just an absolutegrenade of issues that detonates
(07:18):
in midlife, but I havesolutions for everything,
honestly, for everything.
And I think the most importantthing is that anybody who's
listening to this episode thatwe're doing together, Mary Lee,
that's someone who hasn't yetgiven up their sex life.
The women who are normallisteners on your show, who
(07:41):
listen to other shows, but don'tlisten to this, they've already
given up.
they're glad to be out fromunder it.
They've shut it down and movedon.
And that's a true, that's areasonable choice.
So I want to talk today to thewomen who haven't given up.
And are looking for answers,solutions, workarounds, ideas,
(08:05):
et cetera.
Because I think that's the mostimportant thing is that there's
a fork in the road.
And I can, I can say thisbecause the people, the women
who are listening are still,yes, how, what, hope, please
tell me.
And they, if they continue toseek information and solve their
(08:28):
problems, then they'll take afork in the road toward long
term intimate pleasure andconnection, which will add years
to their life, literally makethem look younger than their
cohorts who took the other forkin the road, and they will be
(08:48):
happier at the end of theirlife, which is one of the
biggest contributors.
to living longer is of coursebeing in relationship and
happier.
So we're really talking about along, it's longevity.
When you pull, tease it allapart, the ultimate, the
(09:11):
ultimate goal is a longer,healthier, happier life.
And that's what passionatelovemaking, good intimacy,
sexual pleasure does for us.
So I'm 63 now, and I'm havingthe best sex of my life.
I'm also still menstruating.
It's my choice to do it becauseI've been taking Bioidentical
(09:33):
Hormone Replacement for decadesnow, since my 40s.
I've been keeping my hormonestopped up.
I'm a bit of an odd bird inthat I want to menstruate as
long as possible because for me,it feels good and it's a signal
of fertility that makes me feela little less put out to
(09:57):
pasture.
Not every woman, very few womenlike me to say it.
They get really triggered byit.
I've gotten hate comments forit.
It's triggering for peoplebecause they don't want their
period.
They want to be done.
They don't like it and they'reafraid of hormones and I
understand that.
(10:17):
So that's why I really want to,I'm saying some things because
I am a, I'm really a longevity.
oriented person.
Everything that I'm doingaround my aging is to live to a
hundred and have hot sex tillthe day I die.
Mary Lee (10:33):
Beautiful.
Amen to that.
Sign me up.
Susan Bratton (10:38):
Good.
Mary Lee (10:40):
That's incredible,
Susan Bratton (10:41):
You're on the list.
Mary Lee (10:43):
Well after I, after we unpack what you have to share
Susan Bratton (10:47):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (10:48):
keeping ourselves healthy
Susan Bratton (10:51):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (10:51):
a pleasurable way for long, long-term health
Susan Bratton (10:55):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (10:55):
goals and, and I love that, but 63 and still
menstruating.
I can't let that one go withoutlooking into this.
Now, of course, we all knowthat everybody's, uh, menopause
journey is unique and personalto them.
And this is probably a rarity.
Susan Bratton (11:10):
It is.
Mary Lee (11:11):
I'm not sure how the doctor has explained because
bioidentical starting and now weare understanding that starting
bioidenticals earlier and,
Susan Bratton (11:21):
Mm.
Mary Lee (11:21):
then the Menopause Society formerly NAMS is backing
this 100%.
The earlier you can get on it,the better you're setting
yourself up for long-term healthgoals.
For a number
Susan Bratton (11:31):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (11:31):
heart health, brain
Susan Bratton (11:32):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (11:33):
uh,
Susan Bratton (11:33):
Bone health.
Mary Lee (11:35):
bone health,
Susan Bratton (11:35):
God health, hard health.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mary Lee (11:40):
be able to still, menstruate into
Susan Bratton (11:43):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (11:43):
that is, that is an anomaly, I will have to say
Susan Bratton (11:46):
I am an anomaly.
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (11:47):
But, I love how that aside, how you've reframed it in
such a way that you are, andit's the whole thing about
pleasure maintaining your divinefeminine birthright
Susan Bratton (12:03):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (12:04):
it and stepping into that power.
Susan Bratton (12:06):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (12:06):
that alone, that mindset has been, uh, uh, it
number one step in anything thatwe want to accomplish or go
through the challenges is themindset work and recognizing
that we're stepping into such abeautiful opportunity in our
lives as we go through themenopause transition.
But this, the sexual pleasure.
(12:28):
I never really equated it topleasure being that, that golden
ticket, if you will, to stillmaintain vitality and longevity.
Susan Bratton (12:40):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Mary Lee (12:42):
dive into the whole issue about pleasure and I think
one area I'd like to start is,why do women feel they have to
give up their desire to havepleasure?
Why are they denying themselvesthe right to still seek
pleasure sexually?
Susan Bratton (13:00):
Yeah.
Okay, good.
And I want to comment on onething that you said in your
response to my last question aswell.
Um, but I've got it.
Why do women think they have togive it up?
Um, and that is that you saidliving into our full femininity,
and I live into my fullfemininity, but I also live into
(13:21):
my full masculinity.
When I do hormone replacement,I'm not only taking estrogen and
progesterone, I'm also takingtestosterone.
And I am, I am a, very bigwoman.
I'm almost six feet tall, Iweigh over 160 pounds.
It's mostly muscle.
(13:41):
I'm wearing my workout clothesright now because I'm going to
go lift after this episode.
And I am really focused on notshrinking.
That's how I think about it.
And I'm not shrinking fromanything.
anyone, anywhere, anytime, orany place.
(14:04):
Now, that being said, I ammarried to my husband of 33
years, and I had a very,insecurely attached, traumatic
childhood, and I really needsafety and security as my number
one relationship value, andyet, equally, I'm a warrior
(14:27):
princess.
So, I like what testosteronereplacement gets me too, which
is Confidence balls.
It gives you balls.
You know, it makes you notafraid to drive on the freeway.
It makes you stand up foryourself.
It makes you have more sexualdesire.
(14:48):
It is such and it helps youbuild muscle.
And I'm focused on musclebuilding.
I'm focused on bone growth.
Osteoblasts are my friend.
I really like to, one of theworkout things that I do is
called the ARX machine.
I did it yesterday, and it'sthis machine that does eccentric
(15:10):
and concentric Motions theunderweight very slowly and they
you push it really, reallyslowly and maintain this even
push against the machine andthen it pushes back against you
and you resist it.
All the way back for a minute,and then you do other exercises
(15:31):
and things like that.
And what that does is it buildsnot only muscle, but bone
density, which is so importantfor us.
Hip fractures and urinaryincontinence are the top two
things that put us in assistedliving, And the second thing
that I want to say about themasculinity is because I'm a
sexuality educator, what Iactually do is I teach
(15:56):
passionate lovemakingtechniques, bedroom
communication skills, andintimate wellness.
And now I'm going to move intoanswering your second question
about female pleasure.
The reason that I do it, andthe reason that I do what I do,
teach passionate, it's heartconnected, passionate,
conscious, love makingtechniques.
(16:19):
Because essentially, they arethe antidote to everything we
see in the media andpornography, which is All male
pleasure centered women don'teven see any images.
We get no education about whatthe female body wants for
(16:42):
pleasure.
What we need for pleasure.
So the reason that those womenwho gave up gave is that they
likely never had sex that waspleasurable enough to bother
continuing to do it.
Mary Lee (17:00):
uh,
Susan Bratton (17:01):
Because if you love the sex you're having with
your partner and you've gotvaginal thinning, loss of
lubrication, more difficultyorgasming, you go out and you
fix it.
The other women are like, I'mjust gonna let it go.
So, if you think about what itis that holds us back from
having the pleasure that wewant, it is that we've never
(17:23):
seen what that can really looklike for us.
It's, it's pushed down, it'shidden from us.
That's why I think tantriclovemaking, and I don't
necessarily teach tantra, but Iteach the techniques that are
tantra techniques withoutcalling them tantra.
I teach the heart connection, Iteach the closeness, getting
into this Theta brainwave stateof connection that you don't
(17:47):
know where your pleasure andorgasm start and your partner's
pleasure and orgasms end.
It's all just this beautifulkind of intertwined DNA helix,
kind of a spiritual experienceof just incredible pleasure
together.
It's slower paced.
It's less the kind of sex thatwe see is, is what I would call
(18:07):
grab a boob and stick it in,right?
It's just driven topenetration.
I was on a show the other daywith the lovely Karen Martell,
another menopause show.
And I was talking to her aboutfemale libido desire and arousal
and how libido is your physicalhealth.
(18:30):
When you're not healthy, thatlow resource thing that I was
talking about, themitochondrial, like the, the
losing of your mitochondrialefficiency and things like that,
that it makes you tired.
And it, your body's not workingas well as you two and it's
harder to do anything, it'shard, it's harder just to change
the darn sheets on the bed, youknow, so you just, you get
(18:53):
fatigued.
so that's libido, desire is,how do I feel about myself?
How do I feel about my partner?
God, our self talk, look atyour fat butt, we got to let
that stuff go.
We got to love ourselves.
And when we're walking aroundwith core wounds, fears, poor,
secure attachments, low selfworth.
feeling unlovable, that reallyaffects our desire.
(19:18):
And how do we feel about ourpartner?
Are they meeting our needs inthe other aspects of our
relationship?
Have they let themselves go?
You know what?
There's a million things aboutour partner.
And then arousal.
And this is where I really feellike we get tripped up in our
own lingerie.
And that is that if you thinkabout a male body partner, his
(19:40):
penis, it gets an erectionreally quickly.
The testosterone, thehemodynamics, he just, He's
ready to go.
And everything we see on themovies is, he rips off her shirt
and he pulls down her pants andhe plunges into her and she
starts having an orgasm and it'sjust incredible.
And women are like, I don't,that doesn't happen for me.
What, what's wrong with that?
(20:01):
What's wrong with me?
And that's not what our bodiesneed.
Our bodies take about 20minutes for that same erectile
tissue that we have in ourvulva.
It's the same.
If I took all the erectiletissue out of your husband's
penis and laid it in one hand,it would cover your palm.
If I took it out of your vulvaand put it in the other hand, it
would cover your palm.
(20:21):
But his is like three tubes.
It's like a banana.
Ours is little nooks andcrannies, little tiny things,
little arms, little legs, littleshafts, little glands, little
sponges, little tubes,literally.
That's what that looks like inthere.
And so it just takes longer forthe blood to seep in because we
(20:42):
don't need it to Shoot in andlock off to hold our erection.
Our erection comes slowly.
And every time we have sex, anykind of sex, whether it's oral
pleasuring, intercourse,whatever it might be, any time
we rush through, before we'rewhat's called fully engorged, I
(21:05):
like to call it our lady boner,before we get to that point, if
we've already been penetrated,It's not gonna feel good.
We don't have our erection.
Your husband's not gonna havelovemaking without a, a, you
know, engorged penis, right?
(21:26):
A hard, firm erection.
But we do it constantly becausenobody told us.
And we see no evidence of it.
And that's societal repression,religious repression.
It's all the control mechanismsfor owning women's bodies
instead of giving us informationand autonomy.
And, we don't have pleasurebased sex education.
(21:48):
We don't see it in the movies.
We don't see any of that stuff.
So how would we know?
We're just trying to have sex.
We've been having sex like meninstead of having sex like
women.
I do not blame men.
They don't know either.
they didn't get the memo.
They didn't get anything thatwe didn't get.
And so they're just doing whatthey see.
They're just doing what theythink and they're doing what
feels good to them.
So I think that's a very, veryimportant part of it is that
(22:10):
you've never probably achievedthe level of pleasure.
So I was talking to Karen and Iwas talking about Yoni massage.
Yoni massage using certaintools that I like.
Um, I really recommend havingYoni massages and having your
partner give them to you andusing Volvo massage tools.
there's a couple that I like.
One is called the Queen and oneis literally simply called the
(22:31):
Vibe.
And they're external massagersthat help.
Accelerate the engorgement ofblood flow and start priming
your orgasmic so that you becomevery multi orgasmic from oral
pleasuring, manual pleasuring,love making, etc.
And, let me give you a link forit too, Mary Lee, because I
(22:56):
found that people get reallyfrustrated if I don't say
exactly where to go to find it.
they're at drivedesire.
com.
And the queen is a littlestronger.
I prefer it, I like the deeperpenetrative sensation of it, but
some women are more sensitive,more delicate, or more kind of
(23:17):
highly sensitive people whodon't like noisy things.
And the queen's not noisy, butthe vibe is completely quiet.
Like if you have kids in thehouse and you're worried about
using anything, and a lot ofpeople do.
And, uh, they want somethingcompletely silent.
If I turn this on and turn thisup to full blast, you could not
hear it if I held it right tothe microphone.
So, have a yoni massagepractice, and don't tie it.
(23:41):
To penetration or sex of anykind, just start this practice
with your partner if you'relucky enough to have one and it
could take 10 times for you toget all that blood flow really
into all that tissue for you tofeel what I mean.
It could take two times.
It could be the first time.
But when you lay down with yourpartner and you give them the
(24:05):
opportunity to pleasure you andto find your way together to
what feels good and where youneed it, which by the way is
different every time, becauseeven after menopause, we run
with the moon cycle, and sosometimes we need more pressure,
faster, harder, deeper,sometimes it's light, Verily
touch me.
You know, so delicate.
(24:26):
And we have to tune into that.
We have to use ourinterception, one of our senses,
because sex is sensual.
That is the way we scan ourbody.
You know how if you're like,oh, I've got gas, I've got you
know, or Oh, I've got a stomachache, or, oh, I stu my toe and I
think I really heard it, orwhatever.
That's called interoceptionand.
(24:46):
Your vulva, your yoni, she'stalking to you all the time.
If you tune into her andlisten, she'll tell you and then
you tell your partner whatshe's telling you because you
have to team together.
You can't expect your partnerto know what to do.
You can't expect yourself toknow what to do.
And what you did last time isnot what you're going to want
(25:08):
now.
So really tuning in andbeginning that communication so
your partner can win.
And you, you give him a lot ofrespect for a job well done
because he got the informationthat he needed.
That's what he's looking for.
So when women shy away frompleasure, it's because they
(25:28):
honestly have never really feltit.
And they're so used to puttingthemselves last, of course, as
well, and they're like doing itfor him or whatever.
And that's just a bad, that's abad road to go down.
Working on expanding yourpleasure is The best thing and
that's why I think Yoni massagesare a really good place to
start because then you'reintroducing a tool into your
(25:50):
lovemaking into your intimatetime where your partner is not
going to feel like, Oh, she, I'mnot giving her enough pleasure.
It's more like when you talk tohim about it being a tool, he
understands tools.
I often joke that if Makita orsome, Home Depot or whatever,
those, man's tools whatever theyare.
I don't even know what man'stools are.
(26:10):
This is why I like men becausethey know what man's tools are.
Mary Lee (26:15):
Yeah.
Susan Bratton (26:16):
if it was like an electric screw drill or
something, I was like, I soundlike such a dummy.
Mary Lee (26:21):
A ban.
I don't know.
Susan Bratton (26:23):
It just like electric drill.
But it was a yoni massagebrand.
It was that brand, but it was ayoni massager.
A dude would be like, yeah,I've got the best one in the
business.
This is, my wife is just likereally loving sex now because I
give her these yoni massage.
Oh, you don't give your wife,you don't even say, oh, you
gotta get this tool.
Yeah, I got that down at thedepot.
you gotta work with them theway they're, and you know what
they like, right?
(26:43):
We want jewelry, we wantflowers, we want candy.
They like tools.
But if you posit it in theright way, it empowers them.
You're so good with your hands.
You're so good with tools.
I wanna try this.
You know.
Mary Lee (26:58):
this is fascinating.
Susan Bratton (27:00):
Good.
Mary Lee (27:01):
you did say, and I, I'm gonna jump on this.
Expand your pleasure.
And I think of expansion againas we enter into our age of
wisdom and elevated philosophy.
Menopause is the age of wisdomwhere we step into this new
role.
We're not birthing childrenwhether we've had them or not,
but that role of reproduction,we're birthing into something
(27:23):
great or something that iscentered on us, which again,
you're societal and religiousconstruct that says, how dare we
be so self-centered andegotistical.
But it isn't because we'restepping into a time expansion.
We're expanding everythingabout our feminine side.
(27:43):
and I do appreciate that yousaid the, the masculine too,
because a well-balanced system,if we
Susan Bratton (27:50):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (27:51):
for example,
Susan Bratton (27:52):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (27:53):
Is the balance between the masculine and feminine
side, not necessarily malefemale, but the, the masculine
being things that are morestructured and things that are,
Susan Bratton (28:03):
Goal oriented.
Mary Lee (28:04):
goal
Susan Bratton (28:05):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (28:05):
Exactly.
Whereas the feminine isnurturing,
Susan Bratton (28:09):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (28:10):
self-exploration.
And I really love how you saidexpand your pleasure.
It's a moment of expansion.
So when you're working withpeople, how, when they're coming
to this pivotal point in theirlives, especially for the women,
but midlife for men and
Susan Bratton (28:25):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (28:26):
where this intimacy, heart-centered intimacy and
connection
Susan Bratton (28:30):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (28:31):
and being aware that pleasure is, something that
allows us to maintain health andvitality.
Susan Bratton (28:39):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (28:41):
coach them?
Susan Bratton (28:42):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (28:43):
To embrace this idea is this is your moment to
expand.
If you've never had it beforeor what you have right now, on
it.
So there is the opportunity formulti orgasms.
'cause women don't know oftenthat they can go beyond the
first one,
Susan Bratton (28:59):
Yep.
Mary Lee (29:00):
Yeah.
So
Susan Bratton (29:00):
Yeah,
Mary Lee (29:01):
let's get into that.
Susan Bratton (29:02):
so our body has, our body has over 20 ability to
have over 20 different kinds oforgasms locations to touch
techniques, to use objects ofdesire like, the queen and the
vibe.
And, we often have learned onepathway and we can get there if
we just do it this one way.
(29:23):
The problem is that reallylimits you.
A lot of women also, when theyare shy about their genitals,
they don't necessarily wantanyone to touch them or for them
to be seen or they feel like.
That doesn't even, I don't, Ican't even feel anything when
you touch that, part of me or Ifeel kind of ashamed that you're
(29:45):
looking at me or you'retouching me, or it hurts.
I feel pain.
And so the way to think aboutthis is that your biggest sex
organ is your brain, and it'snot your biggest sex organ
because, oh, I, I like dirtytalk or pillow talk, or I want,
when, any of those kinds ofthings, it's, it's more that
(30:06):
it's the processor of sensation.
Mary Lee (30:09):
Of course,
Susan Bratton (30:10):
So when you touch your various parts of your
vulva, you are feeling eitherpleasure or pain or shame or
numbness, but your entire vulvacan become activated.
You can step into and expandyour pleasure starting today for
the rest of your life.
I'm having all the kinds oforgasms and they feel much more
(30:34):
pleasurable.
They're more intense.
They last longer, they're moresatisfying than they've ever
been for me because I'vesystematically just experimented
with my partner and learnedthem all as I've gone through
them and discovered them.
And then that's what I teach,my followers and I don't work
with anybody one-on-one.
I'm not a coach nor atherapist.
(30:56):
I'm an author of passionatelove making techniques.
I essentially think aboutmyself like I'm writing
cookbooks.
It's a very, very similar kindof a thing where you get a
recipe and it gives you thedirections and you chop, you
dice, you mix, you bake, youturn out a recipe the first time
(31:18):
you make it.
It might not be perfect thesecond time you make it.
You knew more what you weregoing for.
The third time you made it,your family's oh, this is the
best thing you've ever made, andwould you please add this to
the weekly rotation?
And that's literally how goodsex and orgasms are.
You, you read my recipe, stepby step how to have the effect
(31:41):
on the human operating systemthat gets the result that you
want.
It's like yoga Juujitsu TaiChi.
It's a form that let NLP theyare forms that when you follow
them, they give you the outputand, women think there's
something wrong with 'em.
I can't have an orgasm fromintercourse.
Oh, I, I only have this oneway.
I can come more.
(32:01):
Is it bad if I only, you know,my husband just, he just enters
me right away and usually I canget to an orgasm.
Isn't that good enough?
No, my God.
Have you ever had a yonimassage?
Have you ever had a g-spotactivation?
Have you ever ha enjoyedreleasing your feminine waters
in female ejaculation?
Have you ever had oralpleasuring where you are having
(32:21):
an orgasm the entire time?
Your partner is lovinglypleasuring you with his tongue
and fingers.
Have you ever had a breast gsm,a nipple gsm, a throat gsm, a
foot gsm, a orgasm?
Have you ever had an expandedorgasm?
Have you ever becomemulti-orgasmic?
Have you, there's just, we arelike, oh, I didn't even realize
there were that many kinds oforga, you know?
(32:42):
And so I didn't know.
I didn't know I could havethem.
I thought I could only haveone.
I didn't even think I couldhave any.
I thought other people werejust having them.
I didn't know there were somany kinds, and I didn't know
that I could use my brain togenerate new neural pathways
that would transform pain,shame, and numbness into
pleasure.
Holy cow, you just blew mymind.
(33:02):
Well, that's interesting.
So I'm 42.
I'm gonna go on this journey.
I'm not, I'm just, pretending Iam.
'cause that's what I was 42 andI ha was ha not having orgasms
from intercourse.
I could only have an orgasmfrom my rabbit vibrator on my
clitoris.
This was 20 something yearsago.
21 years ago.
I.
And I just decided to figure itout.
(33:25):
And when I realized that I havethe easiest job in the world,
writing pleasure recipes andgiving them to people, and they
try them through, and I alwayssay it's, it's gonna be three
times you're, it's new.
You've gotta lay down theneural pathway so your brain
knows it's pleasure.
And for many women, they'venever gotten enough loving touch
because they've been harmed,shamed, abused, shut down, never
(33:51):
touched, right, et cetera.
Mary Lee (33:53):
Exactly,
Susan Bratton (33:53):
you can touch yourself through solo pleasuring
and be touched by your partnerin these ways, you'll expand
your orgasmic capacity.
And we started off talkingabout how.
Extending your sex span expandsand extends your health span.
It increases your longevity.
(34:15):
There are a number of reasonswhy that it does.
some of them are things like,it reboots your nervous system.
It generates oxytocin.
we haven't had all theseexperiences and we now suddenly
we're having them and we'regetting these neural pathways
and we're having moreexperiences, and that's making
(34:36):
us feel more confident, and thenwe can move from the receive of
our feminine.
To the activation of themasculine in our sexuality where
we begin to say, oh, I knowwhat I want.
Let's try this today.
You know what would turn me on?
I wanna try this.
Once you get all that releasefrom the sexual pleasure, and
(35:00):
you start to have orgasms, itbegins to oxygenate your brain.
Every single location you touchon your vulva, that is
pleasurable.
Oxygenates a different part,brings blood flow through
sensory processing to adifferent part of your brain.
You get all this blood flowgoing to your brain, which of
course is healthy.
(35:20):
It detoxes your brain, it keepsyour cognitive function high.
Now you've rebooted yournervous system.
You've got this oxytocinflowing from the skin to skin
contact, and oxytocin isessentially.
The antidote, if you will.
This is non-scientificexplanation, obviously, but the
antidote to cortisol.
Cortisol is what you dump.
(35:42):
That's your adrenaline that youdump in stress, oxytocin It
tones it down, and oxytocin notonly makes you feel closer to
yourself, but closer to peoplein general.
It also inspires awe again,where if you felt flat, you felt
(36:05):
depressed or anxious.
Oxytocin generating a wholebunch more of it really, really
helps attenuate depression andanxiety.
It also triggers a cascade offeel-good hormones.
Of course, you're dumpingserotonin, you're having a
dopamine hit.
(36:25):
It also gives you.
IG F1.
More natural killer cellproduction, which is those
killer cells are what?
Chomp, chomp, chomp, likepacman on your senescent cells,
your broken cells, your damagedcells, your precancerous cells.
And so it actually producesmore nk cells, which is one of
(36:49):
the reasons it extendslongevity.
And if you're in relationshipwith a male body partner, his
semen is a real longevity giftto us because it not only has
testosterone in it, so itimproves your libido.
The more sex you have, the moresex you want, the more sexual
pleasure you experience.
(37:10):
It also gives you, serotoninfor a mood lift.
It also releases endorphins, Iforgot to say that's not the
semen, but your body releasesendorphins, lowers pain.
in semen is sperm dine,sperming and reine, which are.
polyA means that now areavailable in supplement form
(37:34):
that actually support nine ofthe 12 hallmarks of longevity.
in ancient Daoist practices,when the Daoist masters used
semen retention, the reason theywere doing semen retention is
that they were getting holdinghigh amounts of sperming, sperm
(37:56):
and Racine, which helpedlengthen their telomeres and
things like this.
It's crazy.
They're lytic in nature.
They help you do go intoautophagy and rid yourself of
these broken cells, which thenincreases your mitochondrial
function, which results in moreenergy, so you get more
confidence, more energy, morecognitive function, better
(38:17):
sleep, lower pain, betternervous system, higher oxytocin.
You like people better.
I mean, just liking peoplebetter would be enough for me.
But then you begin to love artand music and cooking and the
joy of your family and yourfriends at a higher level
because your oxytocin is pumpingthrough your system again.
Mary Lee (38:35):
And
Susan Bratton (38:36):
benefits are incredible.
Mary Lee (38:38):
and then another spinoff I can see from that is
when you have this high hit ofoxytocin and endorphins,
self-love comes out of it aswell.
Make
Susan Bratton (38:49):
does.
Mary Lee (38:49):
you feel good about, regardless of what you might
look like or think that yourbody should look like
Susan Bratton (38:56):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (38:56):
Society tells us what we should look like,
Susan Bratton (38:59):
Yeah,
Mary Lee (38:59):
and certain size, but when you have that rush of
pleasure, you can't help butfeel
Susan Bratton (39:08):
exactly.
Yeah.
Mary Lee (39:10):
And I can hear all the men out there just probably
thinking, see, honey, I told youwhy you need more semen.
all the good stuff in it.
Susan Bratton (39:19):
And your vaginal mucosal lining is a sponge, so
it absorbs it, which is reallynice.
it's a very good way to do it.
Um, the oxytocin is a reallyinteresting thing, I don't know
if you know Dr.
William Davis.
He wrote weak belly, super gut,un doctored.
Bill is fantastic.
If you have him on your show,I, good friend of mine, if you
email me and I'll introduce you.
(39:39):
He is,
Mary Lee (39:40):
Make that
Susan Bratton (39:41):
he is my, the one of the loves of my life and he,
um, he teaches people how touse lactobacillus rooti to which
is a probiotic and culture itin yogurt you can do nut milk or
cow milk or goat milk orwhatever you, well, whatever you
(40:04):
like.
I use heavy cream 'cause I likethe fat because I like the C 15
fatty acids.
The EFAs that you get from milkand, the.
When you culture your ownyogurt at home, then you make
your morning smoothie with it,with your collagens and your
proteins and your berries and,very, very healthy and really
(40:25):
good for helping build muscle aswell.
And the lactobacillus root eyecultured in this homemade yogurt
means you're eating yogurtthat's not made with thickeners.
It doesn't come in a plasticbottle.
You're not making more trash inthe world.
And the colonizing units arevery high when you ferment it
slowly at home.
(40:46):
And you need lactobacillus Ruifor oxytocin production.
and most of us have killed off.
Our oxytocin production becauseLactobacillus Red Dry is a
very, very delicate bacteria, soyou have to reestablish the
bacterial colonies.
As a matter of fact, I had anearache all week in my ES esta
(41:08):
eustachian tube, and I have totake antibiotics.
So I'm literally, after I workout today, I am going to go to
the store and make a fresh batchof yogurt and start eating that
up again because it willrestore my oxytocin levels.
I will feel them be hit fromhaving to take an antibiotic,
(41:32):
which I do not like to do.
So quite interesting that youcan reestablish your colonies
and then you will feel so muchmore love and calmness.
Mary Lee (41:44):
Yeah.
Yeah.
balance microbiome.
Susan Bratton (41:49):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (41:49):
good bacteria, the diversity in our gut microbiome.
And this, Susan, this has beenthe best science on
Susan Bratton (41:59):
Oh,
Mary Lee (42:00):
I could ever imagine.
Susan Bratton (42:01):
oh, thanks Mary.
Mary Lee (42:03):
We need to be teaching this.
Susan Bratton (42:05):
I know I am.
Mary Lee (42:06):
even at a younger age, rather than sex being, okay,
consent and, yeah, reproduction.
We have to
Susan Bratton (42:16):
Pleasure.
Mary Lee (42:17):
the whole idea.
And on that note, was it verydifficult, 'cause we spoke
earlier, before we hit record,
Susan Bratton (42:24):
Mm.
Mary Lee (42:25):
it being still lumped into
Susan Bratton (42:29):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (42:29):
Has it been difficult for you on your journey to share
your message?
Susan Bratton (42:35):
Very, very difficult because, um, anything
sexual is censored in mycountry.
And I live in the us I'm inCalifornia, and, it's only
getting worse.
As a matter of fact, I havesome programs that show
pleasuring skills and I am veryconcerned about even publishing
(42:58):
them many more.
I don't wanna put myself atrisk and the hammer is falling
hard here right now, we are onthe brink of going into dark
ages again, and I'm extremelyconcerned about myself, my
family, and my livelihood.
I had my worst year last yearafter 18 years of doing this.
(43:19):
It is just harder and harder.
There's more and morecensorship just talking about
female pleasure, just talkingabout the things that I talk
Mary Lee (43:28):
Mm-hmm.
Susan Bratton (43:29):
yeah, I'm concerned that we're really
accelerating backward.
Like you said, your analogy wasso good that you said to me.
Mary Lee (43:37):
Yes, I mentioned that pulling back the arrow and we're
pulling it back, trying to goback in time.
But that tension is building soheavy the, you can only pull it
back so far, but once thattension breaks, you're gonna, I
feel I'm holding out hope thatwe will thrust ourselves so far
(43:57):
forward beyond where we startedand see these systems break down
so that we can enter a new era
Susan Bratton (44:06):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (44:06):
get out of this mindset that we've been living
into the patriarchal mindset forso long, which has been
damaging for women
Susan Bratton (44:13):
Damaging for everyone.
It's a bad mindset.
Mary Lee (44:16):
this is true,
Susan Bratton (44:17):
We need women to start taking everything over and
fixing it.
All it, that's what it's gonnatake.
Mary Lee (44:21):
Yeah.
goodness.
Susan Bratton (44:23):
we are lucky to be white women.
That we're not even feeling thereally big brunt of it.
So I know it's very scary.
I wanted to close a loop onsomething I dropped.
Um, and that is that, when Iwas talking about, rushing
yourself, okay, I'm gonna justjump into intercourse and I'll
get there.
(44:43):
the problem with that is thatit, it's a path.
Okay.
I'm just, you know, gonna, I'mgonna do what I've been doing.
'cause I, I can,
Mary Lee (44:52):
Mm.
Susan Bratton (44:52):
have an orgasm if my husband penetrates me and I
can get there.
The problem is that it's kindof like, and I need a good
analogy for this Mary Lee, andyou're really, I think you're
really good at this.
So I'm putting this in yourbrain.
Um, what I wanna say about thatkind of a thing is.
Why do you wanna slow down andexpand your pleasure pathways?
(45:12):
What, why do you wanna do that?
And that's because I believe inthe richness of sex.
The, the bounty of pleasure.
And the more pleasure we cansaturate into our bones, the
better life we will have.
The more calm, the morehealthy, the longer we'll live,
(45:34):
the better we'll look.
Because when you're having hotsex, you just keep yourself a
little more together.
you make yourself feel a littlehappier.
you really honor the vessel ina way that you don't, when
you're not having incredible sexwith it.
And it makes you take bettercare of yourself and love
(45:54):
yourself more.
And when you have really hotsex, you also, I.
women, we have body imageissues and it's the trick of
estrogen, estrogen's doing it tous.
And that's why we women acrossthe board have body image
issues.
It's not any individual one ofus.
and our society leverages thisand takes advantage of us in
(46:16):
this way to make us feel likethere's something not beautiful
about us, but they're onlytaking advantage of a system
that already existed becauseestrogen is a mo is the molecule
of safety.
Because we are prey, becausemen prey on us.
They are the predators in thehomo sapien kingdom.
Not all, but a lot
Mary Lee (46:40):
Mm-hmm.
Susan Bratton (46:40):
more than you, than we say.
More than it, it is comfortablefor us to discuss.
We, almost every woman we talkto has had some.
Sort of abuse, assault, shame,repression, what have you.
You, you can't live in thissociety unscathed.
But the problem is thatestrogen is in some ways here to
(47:05):
keep us safe.
We are the horses and the menare the mountain lions, and we
are flight or fright.
We are, we or feed.
Some of us get overweight toassuage
Mary Lee (47:22):
free.
Susan Bratton (47:22):
and we run away and we're scared.
We're skitting.
It's hard for us to get out ofour head.
We, we look at a million thingssimultaneously.
We're amazing multitaskers.
We've got an incrediblereticular activation systems
constantly scanning for dangerbecause we're in danger.
And so when we try to slow downand get out of our heads and
(47:47):
into our bodies, it is so hardfor us compared to our male body
partners who walk in the worldsafely.
They're not worried aboutthings.
Testosterone makes them overlyconfident.
It gives them instant erectilefunction.
They've got competitiveadvantages in this way.
Now we've got many competitiveadvantages too, but we think
(48:10):
there's something wrong with us.
'cause we don't have theresponse times of men.
We're not ready to go.
we need to feel safe to relax,to let the lubrication flow, to
let the blood flow down into ourpelvic bowl, to expand that
tissue, to plump it up so thatwhen it's touched, it feels good
and sends the signals to ourbrain.
(48:31):
estrogen makes us so judgy it.
It's because judgment keeps ussafe.
Is that danger?
Is that a problem?
And that judgment, we reflectback on ourselves as body image
issues.
Mary Lee (48:47):
That's so true.
Susan Bratton (48:48):
So the minute that you start pulling yourself
down, Ooh, you fat bitch, thingslike that.
Oh, no, no, no.
You gotta switch the cha.
You gotta go.
Oh, no, estrogen.
Not today.
Not today.
Switch the channel to KLUV.
Tune into your love foryourself.
Tune into your body.
(49:08):
Love your body.
It's never gonna get better.
It's you're gonna age.
Take your pleasure, get theoxytocin.
Get the cognitive function, theorgasms.
Let your partner look at yourvulva.
Look at your own vulva.
Learn more paths to pleasure,expand it.
(49:30):
Have more intensely passionatesex.
Mary Lee (49:35):
Yes.
Susan Bratton (49:36):
get better unless you do something about it.
Take the risk to have thepleasure.
Mary Lee (49:43):
Okay.
I got an analogy.
I,
Susan Bratton (49:45):
Ah, good.
I knew you would.
Mary Lee (49:49):
Well, it's very much akin to, and you said it
earlier, yoga practices
Susan Bratton (49:55):
Yep.
Mary Lee (49:55):
whether it's Tai Chi or Qigong, there's an element of
going inward, veryintrospective, using the body as
the vessel to go through thesepostures so that we can connect
with the breath
Susan Bratton (50:11):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (50:12):
the nervous system.
Susan Bratton (50:14):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (50:15):
And by doing so, we have a, a deeper understanding
of who we are as, a human vessel
Susan Bratton (50:25):
Yeah,
Mary Lee (50:25):
a.
Or I've heard it before, we arespirits having a human
experience, not a
Susan Bratton (50:31):
yeah.
Mary Lee (50:31):
a spiritual experience.
those modalities by which wecan tap into that spirituality,
and spirituality can be assimple as whatever it takes for
you to feel good about yourself,that spirituality.
And we will do yoga to explorewho we are
Susan Bratton (50:52):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (50:53):
or going to the gym and lifting weights,
Susan Bratton (50:56):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (50:56):
great we feel after a
Susan Bratton (50:59):
Mm-hmm.
All those endorphins
Mary Lee (51:00):
powerful work at all those endorphins
Susan Bratton (51:02):
testosterone.
Mary Lee (51:04):
and, and I don't know about the listeners, but I can
say in my experience, and I betyou the other listeners will say
the same thing.
And if you haven't noticed it,start taking note.
After you've been doing weighttraining and exercise for a long
time, your sex drive justpeaks.
It does.
All of a sudden you feelattracted about yourself and
you're
Susan Bratton (51:23):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (51:24):
partner.
So I say that my best analogyhere is that menopause is the
time of the great reveal.
So whatever we have not beendealing with before, it's gonna
show its face because estrogenis leaving the body.
Susan Bratton (51:39):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (51:40):
But I say it's an opportunity to explore who we
truly are.
And I feel that all thoseprotocols were what we can do
for a lifestyle change isexercise, eat right, sleep
improvement, stress reduction.
Susan Bratton (51:55):
And love yourself.
Mary Lee (51:56):
should be the pleasure
Susan Bratton (51:58):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (51:59):
and exploring who we truly are and who we are truly
meant to be as women.
that includes n denying.
We won't deny we speak ourtruth.
We shouldn't be denying all theother chakras as well.
Susan Bratton (52:16):
Yes.
Mary Lee (52:16):
in my power center, I'm in my creative center.
My sacred chakra creativecenter deserves to be turned on
to be creative.
And that involves pleasure.
Susan Bratton (52:25):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (52:26):
So I really feel that this is our time to step into
that power, as we said earlier
Susan Bratton (52:31):
Mm-hmm.
Me too.
Mary Lee (52:34):
yeah.
And intimacy and, and sexualpleasure is just that gateway to
tap into who we truly are meantto be, without the shame and
the blame.
Yeah.
Susan,
Susan Bratton (52:44):
I have, um, a practice that I've been teaching
for a couple of decades anddoing myself that was handed
down to me.
It's a lineage and it's aclitoral stroking technique.
And, I'd, I'm, I moved to giveit to your listeners if they'd
like to have it.
It was taught to me by, it's apaid program, but, I'll, I'm
gonna give it to anybody wholistens to this episode and is
(53:07):
called to this.
And I'm gonna send it to you aswell.
it's called Expand Her OrgasmTonight.
And a technique, it's a formlike yoga and tai chi that uses
a very, very light, delicateclitoral stroke.
You do need a partner to do it.
It's hard to do yourself.
And, it's a practice thatallows you to get into the
(53:29):
moment of climax and stay in itto expand the moment of climax,
expand like time, like you'repulling time like taffy, and it
gets you and your partner in alimbic connection and a
conjoined trance, state ofbliss.
And it's very empowering forthe giver, the doer, as well as
(53:55):
the receiver.
And what's really interestingabout it is that it allows you
to touch source, to feel GodGaia, uh, whatever you wanna
call it.
it's equally a spiritualpractice as much as it's a
pleasure practice.
And one of the paths, one ofthe most beautiful paths to
(54:19):
palpably.
Feeling our consciousconnection to all that is alive
and has been, is through thisexpanded orgasm practice, and I
can remember.
Talking to, it's written by andcreated by Dr.
Patty Taylor.
She is, I have been very, Ibelieve in lineages and I have
(54:42):
been very, very fortunate to sitat the feet of some incredible
people and published their work.
So I've published 44 books andprograms.
I've only written 34 of them.
I have 10 programs that are thelineage of my teachers and
(55:03):
expand her.
Orgasm.
Tonight is the most beautifulpractice.
I still do it a couple of timesa week with my husband, and it
is often for us, the beginningof our love making because it
allows me to calm, get out ofthe flight and fright, get into
my heart connection, connectdeeply with my partner, and move
(55:26):
into my pleasure and awakenmyoni for more.
And I have really learned thata non-negotiable for me is to be
easy on myself around myarousal response because like
every woman listening to this,it's, there's no way to, to make
a.
Your turn on go faster thanabout 20 minutes.
(55:49):
That's what it takes for theblood to seep in for you to calm
down, relax, and begin theheavy lifting of the first
couple of steps of the femalearousal ladder.
And when your husband begins tounderstand that putting the
time and upfront is what's gonnacreate that wild, passionate
tigress in the bedroom whofinally has broken open.
(56:12):
She's activated her G-spot,she's releasing her feminine
water, she's having expandedorgasm dates, she's loving oral
pleasuring, she's havingmultiple orgasms from
intercourse.
She's scheduling dates with youbecause she loves it now and
she's going through this massivesexual renaissance For me, the
beginning of all of that was theexpanded orgasm practice, and
(56:34):
it comes with 21 erotic playdates that you can do with your
partner.
When you think about thepractice of expanded orgasm, it
you, it has a lot of facets.
It's a gem, a many faceted gem,and each one of the 21
practices is a facet of yourexperience to create this
(56:55):
incredible experience together.
And it's, it's almost like you,you're doing like a little mini
couples workshop.
Each time you try, one of thepractices, one of the erotic
play dates, the sandbox dates,they're called in the program.
And it's one of those thingswhere if you've been listening
to this show and you're thinkingto yourself, oh gosh, I, I
don't even know where to start.
(57:16):
I, I would start Yoni massageand I would start with the
expanded orgasm practice andthey work together.
You can do the yoni massage andthen he can start doing the
stroking technique.
it's three opening strokes, abread and butter stroke, and a
closing stroke.
Very easy to learn, but ittakes five to seven times before
you feel like you're beginningto feel each other enough to,
(57:38):
for him to be not only find thatspot in the moment, that is
what's gonna really feel good toyou.
'cause it moves around.
But it also lets him take youon the ride.
Once he locks in and he's gotyou, you just surrender and ride
his ride.
He's taking you on the ride.
it's just really an incrediblepractice for feeling more
(58:03):
comfortable with each other,slowing down, dropping in heart,
connecting, all of thosethings.
And so it's just been such alovely time to talk to you
today.
And I don't normally do thisbecause it's extra work.
I'm gonna get a bunch of emailsthat I have to give to my team
to get you access and all thatstuff.
And.
But I wanna do it.
send me an email,susan@betterlover.com.
(58:27):
And my team, will give youaccess to that program to expand
her orgasm tonight.
And if you want to check itout, it's at expand her orgasm
tonight.com.
start with the three freepleasure reports that are on the
page, you can just opt right inand start reading What is
Expanded Orgasm Touch forRapture and the Power of
(58:48):
Peaking.
And that'll get you started.
And if you like what you'rereading and it sounds like
something you want, then I'lljust give it to you.
Mary Lee (58:56):
That's right.
Yeah.
Those who want it will
Susan Bratton (58:59):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah,
Mary Lee (59:00):
important to them.
And this is a very importanttopic and I am so delighted I
was, we were able to connect andI could share your wisdom the
science, the spirituality,that's exactly what I'm all
about.
Susan Bratton (59:13):
I know we're really a good fit.
We're we, we vibe Mary Lee.
Mary Lee (59:17):
you have to come on up to Canada and Take your
business, expand out here
Susan Bratton (59:23):
Oh, you're so sweet.
Oh, I love that.
Thank you so much.
Mary Lee (59:27):
Thank you, Susan.
I'll get those links in theshow notes.
It's been
Susan Bratton (59:30):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (59:31):
absolute pleasure
Susan Bratton (59:33):
Thank you.
it has.
Thank you.
Mary Lee (59:35):
Wow, I don't even know where to begin.
Best sex talk ever on so manylevels.
From the physical aspects ofour bodies and the structure of
our own vulva and its connectionto the brain, to the spiritual
awakening that we can achieve bytapping into our pleasure
centers.
Like just wow.
This conversation with sexeducator, author, and intimacy
(59:58):
expert.
Susan Bratton has probably leftyou with some profound insights
into the complexities of femalesexuality And all I have to say
was that Susan cleverlymagically descriptively,
honestly in boldly illuminatedthe crucial role of the female
orgasm.
Not just as a source ofpleasure, but also as a catalyst
(01:00:22):
for increased serotonin levelsand its benefits for several
health markers, but also wasable to educate us wisely that
sexual enjoyment is not just anindulgence, it's an essential
aspect of mental and physicalwellness.
We explored the intricacies oflibido, uncovering the fact that
(01:00:42):
sexual desire is often muchmore than just hormonal
imbalances, such as lowtestosterone.
It can reflect deeper issues,particularly in women
experiencing menopause, and thisis often intertwined with
hidden beliefs about sex.
Past traumas and feelings ofshame or body image concerns, it
is vital to recognize thatthese factors can significantly
(01:01:03):
impact mental health and overallquality of life.
If you're grappling with sexualdysfunction or low libido,
seeking insight from a therapistcan be transformative.
Unpacking these underlyingissues can pave way for healing
and improved self-worth,ultimately enhancing your mental
and physical health.
As well as emotional andspiritual.
Remember, prioritizing intimacyand understanding your own
(01:01:27):
bodies can lead to a morefulfilling life.
I encourage you to reflect onSusan's insights and consider
how they might be resonating inyour own menopause journey.
I have left a number of linksin the show notes.
For access to Susan's work, herbooks, her free offerings, so
be sure to take advantage of hergenerosity, to use these
resources that she haspersonally crafted.
(01:01:49):
She can help us seek, feel, andachieve pleasure in the manner
we deserve as women.
You can findsusan@susanbratton.com.
She's on Facebook as thetrusted hot sex advisor to
millions.
Her Instagram handle is SusanBratton You can find her YouTube
channel, better Lover theresources she's offered.
(01:02:11):
To listeners include 38Fascinating Facts that
Supercharge Your Sex Drive.
You can find that at hot totrot book.com and a free
workbook revealing how expandedorgasm can improve your love
life.
You can find that at expand toorgasm tonight.com.
all those links will be in theshow notes.
(01:02:31):
If today's insights resonatedwith you, I'd love for you to be
part of our growing communityof menopause disruptors.
Hit that subscribe buttonwherever you're listening right
now.
And if you know someone who canbenefit from these
conversations, please share thisepisode.
Sometimes a simple act ofsharing can be the first step in
someone's healing journey.
And hey, if you're ready totake the next step in your
menopause journey, I'm here tosupport you.
(01:02:53):
You can find all my services.
Including my comprehensiveMenopause Intelligence digital
course, one-on-one coachingprograms and workplace education
services@mlcoaching.com.
I wanna stay connected and getregular doses of menopause
wisdom.
Follow me in Instagram atMenopause Disruptor Podcast,
where I share tips, insights,and real conversations about
navigating this transformativephase of life.
(01:03:14):
Let's continue to disrupt thismenopause conversation together.
Remember, midlife should be thebest life and it will be
namaste.
Extending your sex span expands and extends
your health span.
It increases your longevity.
There are a number of reasonswhy that it does.
some of them are things like,it reboots your nervous system.
It generates oxytocin.
We haven't had all theseexperiences and we now suddenly
(00:23):
we're having them and we'regetting these neural pathways
and we're having moreexperiences, and that's making
us feel more confident, and thenwe can move from the receive of
our feminine to the activationof the masculine in our
sexuality where we begin to say,oh, I know what I want.
Let's try this today.
(00:43):
You know what would turn me on?
I wanna try this.
Mary Lee (00:49):
To the Menopause Disruptor Podcast, the space
where we break the silence,debunk the myths.
Boldly reframe what it means tothrive in midlife and beyond.
And today we're leaning into atopic that too often gets pushed
into the shadows.
Sexual intimacy, low libido,and unspoken shame that can come
(01:12):
with it.
And if you've ever felt likeyou've lost your spark or that
desire is something that quietlyfaded into the background of
your busy hormonally shiftinglife.
You're not alone, but you'realso not broken.
My guest today is here toremind us that pleasure is not a
luxury, it's a birthright.
Joining me is the unbelievableSusan Bratton, a renowned
(01:35):
relationship in intimacy expert,the CEO of the 20 and personal
life media.
The bestselling author of astaggering 34 books, including
Relationship Magic, revive, herDrive and Sexual Soulmates, the
Six Essentials for ConnectedSex.
Susan has been featured acrosscountless major platforms in the
(01:56):
US and beyond, including theinternationally claimed podcast
diary of A CEO with StephenBartlett, where she captivated
audiences with her trailblazinginsights and disarmingly honest
approach to sex.
Connection, orgasms and thetruth about what really goes on
behind closed doors.
Susan is unapologeticallypassionate about helping women,
(02:20):
especially women in midlife,reclaim their libido, redefine
intimacy, and reconnect to tothe sensual, powerful beings we
are.
And in this conversation, wedive deep into the hidden, often
taboo issues that hold us backfrom experiencing true,
nourishing pleasure.
Explore why intimacy is notseparated from health, but
(02:43):
fundamental to it mentally,physically, emotionally, and
spiritually.
This conversation is not justabout sex.
It's about sovereignty, and thedivine right to experience
pleasure in our bodies at everyage.
I am certain this episode willexpand your thinking, dissolve
some outdated beliefs, and sparksomething within you that might
(03:06):
just change your life or yourbedroom for the better.
but before we begin, here'ssomething you need to know about
Susan Bratton.
Susan is hailed as the intimacyexpert to millions.
Is a champion and advocate forall those who desire intimacy
and passion She's createdhundreds of techniques that
transform having sex into makinglove, and is the world's most
(03:31):
well-respected sexual biohacker.
Fun fact, Susan did mannequinmodeling in department stores to
put herself through college.
She became a multimillionaireby the age of 37.
lost everything, and then wenton to build her business with
incredible success.
Her core expertise lies in theintersection between passionate
(03:51):
lovemaking techniques andbedroom communication skills,
and she has studied extensivelywhat makes intimacy truly
passionate, surrendered, andconnected, and she boils down
those skills to simple practicesthat anyone can use to achieve
profound, pleasurable results.
So get ready to feel seen,inspired, and maybe even a
(04:11):
little turned on in the best waypossible.
Good morning, Susan.
I am so thrilled to have you onthe show.
We are gonna talk aboutsomething that's really
important in the menopauseexperience.
I mean, we lose our memory andwe are so many other things.
We lose, uh, our muscle mass.
Susan Bratton (04:32):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (04:32):
thing that we lose that we're not talking about and
is so critical, and I thinkthere's a, a beautiful tie in
with mental health and that islosing our sex drive, our
libido, and our to, or desire toexplore sexually.
Essentially, you're here totalk about we can do about it,
(04:52):
become better lovers, and thisis so significant as we go
through a menopause journey toreclaim our power as divine
feminine women.
Susan Bratton (05:02):
Mm-hmm.
Yes, thank you, Mary Lee.
Yeah, there is, um, so muchthat goes on with us physically
that can be really overwhelmingduring the time of menopause.
things that affect us like, uh,thinning of the entire vulval.
tissue system, the erectiletissue system, which makes it
(05:24):
harder to achieve orgasm, makesex painful, increases
difficulty for lubrication.
And I want to give yourlisteners some really helpful
tips about lubrication.
I'm going to tell you all thedifferent things I do to keep my
yoni.
And that's, that's a word thatI really love to use for Our
entire female genital systembecause I don't like the word
(05:47):
vulva because that's just theoutside.
I don't like the word vaginabecause it feels very
patriarchal.
Like, the only thing thatmatters is the place that the
penis goes in and the baby comesout, you know, like we're not,
we're not breeding stock.
We're pleasure beings.
And, The difficulty achievingorgasm as we age, what can be
done about that, um, so loss ofsensation, loss of lubrication,
(06:09):
incontinence, things like that,but then overall just beginning
to lose internal systemresources around mitochondrial
function, lower energy, theheavy load.
of stress and how it takes itstoll and often that we don't
acknowledge the powerful impactthat is having on us.
(06:33):
that's gut punching us andwe're thinking it's like we
don't have enough Estrogen.
Estrogen is not going to solvethat.
So, you know, what do you doabout that?
And, um, I want to want him,but I don't, I feel guilty.
I feel broken.
I'm, I feel, embarrassed.
I don't like the way my body'schanging.
(06:55):
We've got body image issues.
Often those, and not wanting,not having desire.
When our partners still havemore testosterone, uh, than we
do, also makes us feel guiltythat we're doing a bad job being
a partner.
I mean, it is just an absolutegrenade of issues that detonates
(07:18):
in midlife, but I havesolutions for everything,
honestly, for everything.
And I think the most importantthing is that anybody who's
listening to this episode thatwe're doing together, Mary Lee,
that's someone who hasn't yetgiven up their sex life.
The women who are normallisteners on your show, who
(07:41):
listen to other shows, but don'tlisten to this, they've already
given up.
they're glad to be out fromunder it.
They've shut it down and movedon.
And that's a true, that's areasonable choice.
So I want to talk today to thewomen who haven't given up.
And are looking for answers,solutions, workarounds, ideas,
(08:05):
et cetera.
Because I think that's the mostimportant thing is that there's
a fork in the road.
And I can, I can say thisbecause the people, the women
who are listening are still,yes, how, what, hope, please
tell me.
And they, if they continue toseek information and solve their
(08:28):
problems, then they'll take afork in the road toward long
term intimate pleasure andconnection, which will add years
to their life, literally makethem look younger than their
cohorts who took the other forkin the road, and they will be
(08:48):
happier at the end of theirlife, which is one of the
biggest contributors.
to living longer is of coursebeing in relationship and
happier.
So we're really talking about along, it's longevity.
When you pull, tease it allapart, the ultimate, the
(09:11):
ultimate goal is a longer,healthier, happier life.
And that's what passionatelovemaking, good intimacy,
sexual pleasure does for us.
So I'm 63 now, and I'm havingthe best sex of my life.
I'm also still menstruating.
It's my choice to do it becauseI've been taking Bioidentical
(09:33):
Hormone Replacement for decadesnow, since my 40s.
I've been keeping my hormonestopped up.
I'm a bit of an odd bird inthat I want to menstruate as
long as possible because for me,it feels good and it's a signal
of fertility that makes me feela little less put out to
(09:57):
pasture.
Not every woman, very few womenlike me to say it.
They get really triggered byit.
I've gotten hate comments forit.
It's triggering for peoplebecause they don't want their
period.
They want to be done.
They don't like it and they'reafraid of hormones and I
understand that.
(10:17):
So that's why I really want to,I'm saying some things because
I am a, I'm really a longevity.
oriented person.
Everything that I'm doingaround my aging is to live to a
hundred and have hot sex tillthe day I die.
Mary Lee (10:33):
Beautiful.
Amen to that.
Sign me up.
Susan Bratton (10:38):
Good.
Mary Lee (10:40):
That's incredible,
Susan Bratton (10:41):
You're on the list.
Mary Lee (10:43):
Well after I, after we unpack what you have to share
Susan Bratton (10:47):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (10:48):
keeping ourselves healthy
Susan Bratton (10:51):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (10:51):
a pleasurable way for long, long-term health
Susan Bratton (10:55):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (10:55):
goals and, and I love that, but 63 and still
menstruating.
I can't let that one go withoutlooking into this.
Now, of course, we all knowthat everybody's, uh, menopause
journey is unique and personalto them.
And this is probably a rarity.
Susan Bratton (11:10):
It is.
Mary Lee (11:11):
I'm not sure how the doctor has explained because
bioidentical starting and now weare understanding that starting
bioidenticals earlier and,
Susan Bratton (11:21):
Mm.
Mary Lee (11:21):
then the Menopause Society formerly NAMS is backing
this 100%.
The earlier you can get on it,the better you're setting
yourself up for long-term healthgoals.
For a number
Susan Bratton (11:31):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (11:31):
heart health, brain
Susan Bratton (11:32):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (11:33):
uh,
Susan Bratton (11:33):
Bone health.
Mary Lee (11:35):
bone health,
Susan Bratton (11:35):
God health, hard health.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mary Lee (11:40):
be able to still, menstruate into
Susan Bratton (11:43):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (11:43):
that is, that is an anomaly, I will have to say
Susan Bratton (11:46):
I am an anomaly.
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (11:47):
But, I love how that aside, how you've reframed it in
such a way that you are, andit's the whole thing about
pleasure maintaining your divinefeminine birthright
Susan Bratton (12:03):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (12:04):
it and stepping into that power.
Susan Bratton (12:06):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (12:06):
that alone, that mindset has been, uh, uh, it
number one step in anything thatwe want to accomplish or go
through the challenges is themindset work and recognizing
that we're stepping into such abeautiful opportunity in our
lives as we go through themenopause transition.
But this, the sexual pleasure.
(12:28):
I never really equated it topleasure being that, that golden
ticket, if you will, to stillmaintain vitality and longevity.
Susan Bratton (12:40):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Mary Lee (12:42):
dive into the whole issue about pleasure and I think
one area I'd like to start is,why do women feel they have to
give up their desire to havepleasure?
Why are they denying themselvesthe right to still seek
pleasure sexually?
Susan Bratton (13:00):
Yeah.
Okay, good.
And I want to comment on onething that you said in your
response to my last question aswell.
Um, but I've got it.
Why do women think they have togive it up?
Um, and that is that you saidliving into our full femininity,
and I live into my fullfemininity, but I also live into
(13:21):
my full masculinity.
When I do hormone replacement,I'm not only taking estrogen and
progesterone, I'm also takingtestosterone.
And I am, I am a, very bigwoman.
I'm almost six feet tall, Iweigh over 160 pounds.
It's mostly muscle.
(13:41):
I'm wearing my workout clothesright now because I'm going to
go lift after this episode.
And I am really focused on notshrinking.
That's how I think about it.
And I'm not shrinking fromanything.
anyone, anywhere, anytime, orany place.
(14:04):
Now, that being said, I ammarried to my husband of 33
years, and I had a very,insecurely attached, traumatic
childhood, and I really needsafety and security as my number
one relationship value, andyet, equally, I'm a warrior
(14:27):
princess.
So, I like what testosteronereplacement gets me too, which
is Confidence balls.
It gives you balls.
You know, it makes you notafraid to drive on the freeway.
It makes you stand up foryourself.
It makes you have more sexualdesire.
(14:48):
It is such and it helps youbuild muscle.
And I'm focused on musclebuilding.
I'm focused on bone growth.
Osteoblasts are my friend.
I really like to, one of theworkout things that I do is
called the ARX machine.
I did it yesterday, and it'sthis machine that does eccentric
(15:10):
and concentric Motions theunderweight very slowly and they
you push it really, reallyslowly and maintain this even
push against the machine andthen it pushes back against you
and you resist it.
All the way back for a minute,and then you do other exercises
(15:31):
and things like that.
And what that does is it buildsnot only muscle, but bone
density, which is so importantfor us.
Hip fractures and urinaryincontinence are the top two
things that put us in assistedliving, And the second thing
that I want to say about themasculinity is because I'm a
sexuality educator, what Iactually do is I teach
(15:56):
passionate lovemakingtechniques, bedroom
communication skills, andintimate wellness.
And now I'm going to move intoanswering your second question
about female pleasure.
The reason that I do it, andthe reason that I do what I do,
teach passionate, it's heartconnected, passionate,
conscious, love makingtechniques.
(16:19):
Because essentially, they arethe antidote to everything we
see in the media andpornography, which is All male
pleasure centered women don'teven see any images.
We get no education about whatthe female body wants for
(16:42):
pleasure.
What we need for pleasure.
So the reason that those womenwho gave up gave is that they
likely never had sex that waspleasurable enough to bother
continuing to do it.
Mary Lee (17:00):
uh,
Susan Bratton (17:01):
Because if you love the sex you're having with
your partner and you've gotvaginal thinning, loss of
lubrication, more difficultyorgasming, you go out and you
fix it.
The other women are like, I'mjust gonna let it go.
So, if you think about what itis that holds us back from
having the pleasure that wewant, it is that we've never
(17:23):
seen what that can really looklike for us.
It's, it's pushed down, it'shidden from us.
That's why I think tantriclovemaking, and I don't
necessarily teach tantra, but Iteach the techniques that are
tantra techniques withoutcalling them tantra.
I teach the heart connection, Iteach the closeness, getting
into this Theta brainwave stateof connection that you don't
(17:47):
know where your pleasure andorgasm start and your partner's
pleasure and orgasms end.
It's all just this beautifulkind of intertwined DNA helix,
kind of a spiritual experienceof just incredible pleasure
together.
It's slower paced.
It's less the kind of sex thatwe see is, is what I would call
(18:07):
grab a boob and stick it in,right?
It's just driven topenetration.
I was on a show the other daywith the lovely Karen Martell,
another menopause show.
And I was talking to her aboutfemale libido desire and arousal
and how libido is your physicalhealth.
(18:30):
When you're not healthy, thatlow resource thing that I was
talking about, themitochondrial, like the, the
losing of your mitochondrialefficiency and things like that,
that it makes you tired.
And it, your body's not workingas well as you two and it's
harder to do anything, it'shard, it's harder just to change
the darn sheets on the bed, youknow, so you just, you get
(18:53):
fatigued.
so that's libido, desire is,how do I feel about myself?
How do I feel about my partner?
God, our self talk, look atyour fat butt, we got to let
that stuff go.
We got to love ourselves.
And when we're walking aroundwith core wounds, fears, poor,
secure attachments, low selfworth.
feeling unlovable, that reallyaffects our desire.
(19:18):
And how do we feel about ourpartner?
Are they meeting our needs inthe other aspects of our
relationship?
Have they let themselves go?
You know what?
There's a million things aboutour partner.
And then arousal.
And this is where I really feellike we get tripped up in our
own lingerie.
And that is that if you thinkabout a male body partner, his
(19:40):
penis, it gets an erectionreally quickly.
The testosterone, thehemodynamics, he just, He's
ready to go.
And everything we see on themovies is, he rips off her shirt
and he pulls down her pants andhe plunges into her and she
starts having an orgasm and it'sjust incredible.
And women are like, I don't,that doesn't happen for me.
What, what's wrong with that?
(20:01):
What's wrong with me?
And that's not what our bodiesneed.
Our bodies take about 20minutes for that same erectile
tissue that we have in ourvulva.
It's the same.
If I took all the erectiletissue out of your husband's
penis and laid it in one hand,it would cover your palm.
If I took it out of your vulvaand put it in the other hand, it
would cover your palm.
(20:21):
But his is like three tubes.
It's like a banana.
Ours is little nooks andcrannies, little tiny things,
little arms, little legs, littleshafts, little glands, little
sponges, little tubes,literally.
That's what that looks like inthere.
And so it just takes longer forthe blood to seep in because we
(20:42):
don't need it to Shoot in andlock off to hold our erection.
Our erection comes slowly.
And every time we have sex, anykind of sex, whether it's oral
pleasuring, intercourse,whatever it might be, any time
we rush through, before we'rewhat's called fully engorged, I
(21:05):
like to call it our lady boner,before we get to that point, if
we've already been penetrated,It's not gonna feel good.
We don't have our erection.
Your husband's not gonna havelovemaking without a, a, you
know, engorged penis, right?
(21:26):
A hard, firm erection.
But we do it constantly becausenobody told us.
And we see no evidence of it.
And that's societal repression,religious repression.
It's all the control mechanismsfor owning women's bodies
instead of giving us informationand autonomy.
And, we don't have pleasurebased sex education.
(21:48):
We don't see it in the movies.
We don't see any of that stuff.
So how would we know?
We're just trying to have sex.
We've been having sex like meninstead of having sex like
women.
I do not blame men.
They don't know either.
they didn't get the memo.
They didn't get anything thatwe didn't get.
And so they're just doing whatthey see.
They're just doing what theythink and they're doing what
feels good to them.
So I think that's a very, veryimportant part of it is that
(22:10):
you've never probably achievedthe level of pleasure.
So I was talking to Karen and Iwas talking about Yoni massage.
Yoni massage using certaintools that I like.
Um, I really recommend havingYoni massages and having your
partner give them to you andusing Volvo massage tools.
there's a couple that I like.
One is called the Queen and oneis literally simply called the
(22:31):
Vibe.
And they're external massagersthat help.
Accelerate the engorgement ofblood flow and start priming
your orgasmic so that you becomevery multi orgasmic from oral
pleasuring, manual pleasuring,love making, etc.
And, let me give you a link forit too, Mary Lee, because I
(22:56):
found that people get reallyfrustrated if I don't say
exactly where to go to find it.
they're at drivedesire.
com.
And the queen is a littlestronger.
I prefer it, I like the deeperpenetrative sensation of it, but
some women are more sensitive,more delicate, or more kind of
(23:17):
highly sensitive people whodon't like noisy things.
And the queen's not noisy, butthe vibe is completely quiet.
Like if you have kids in thehouse and you're worried about
using anything, and a lot ofpeople do.
And, uh, they want somethingcompletely silent.
If I turn this on and turn thisup to full blast, you could not
hear it if I held it right tothe microphone.
So, have a yoni massagepractice, and don't tie it.
(23:41):
To penetration or sex of anykind, just start this practice
with your partner if you'relucky enough to have one and it
could take 10 times for you toget all that blood flow really
into all that tissue for you tofeel what I mean.
It could take two times.
It could be the first time.
But when you lay down with yourpartner and you give them the
(24:05):
opportunity to pleasure you andto find your way together to
what feels good and where youneed it, which by the way is
different every time, becauseeven after menopause, we run
with the moon cycle, and sosometimes we need more pressure,
faster, harder, deeper,sometimes it's light, Verily
touch me.
You know, so delicate.
(24:26):
And we have to tune into that.
We have to use ourinterception, one of our senses,
because sex is sensual.
That is the way we scan ourbody.
You know how if you're like,oh, I've got gas, I've got you
know, or Oh, I've got a stomachache, or, oh, I stu my toe and I
think I really heard it, orwhatever.
That's called interoceptionand.
(24:46):
Your vulva, your yoni, she'stalking to you all the time.
If you tune into her andlisten, she'll tell you and then
you tell your partner whatshe's telling you because you
have to team together.
You can't expect your partnerto know what to do.
You can't expect yourself toknow what to do.
And what you did last time isnot what you're going to want
(25:08):
now.
So really tuning in andbeginning that communication so
your partner can win.
And you, you give him a lot ofrespect for a job well done
because he got the informationthat he needed.
That's what he's looking for.
So when women shy away frompleasure, it's because they
(25:28):
honestly have never really feltit.
And they're so used to puttingthemselves last, of course, as
well, and they're like doing itfor him or whatever.
And that's just a bad, that's abad road to go down.
Working on expanding yourpleasure is The best thing and
that's why I think Yoni massagesare a really good place to
start because then you'reintroducing a tool into your
(25:50):
lovemaking into your intimatetime where your partner is not
going to feel like, Oh, she, I'mnot giving her enough pleasure.
It's more like when you talk tohim about it being a tool, he
understands tools.
I often joke that if Makita orsome, Home Depot or whatever,
those, man's tools whatever theyare.
I don't even know what man'stools are.
(26:10):
This is why I like men becausethey know what man's tools are.
Mary Lee (26:15):
Yeah.
Susan Bratton (26:16):
if it was like an electric screw drill or
something, I was like, I soundlike such a dummy.
Mary Lee (26:21):
A ban.
I don't know.
Susan Bratton (26:23):
It just like electric drill.
But it was a yoni massagebrand.
It was that brand, but it was ayoni massager.
A dude would be like, yeah,I've got the best one in the
business.
This is, my wife is just likereally loving sex now because I
give her these yoni massage.
Oh, you don't give your wife,you don't even say, oh, you
gotta get this tool.
Yeah, I got that down at thedepot.
you gotta work with them theway they're, and you know what
they like, right?
(26:43):
We want jewelry, we wantflowers, we want candy.
They like tools.
But if you posit it in theright way, it empowers them.
You're so good with your hands.
You're so good with tools.
I wanna try this.
You know.
Mary Lee (26:58):
this is fascinating.
Susan Bratton (27:00):
Good.
Mary Lee (27:01):
you did say, and I, I'm gonna jump on this.
Expand your pleasure.
And I think of expansion againas we enter into our age of
wisdom and elevated philosophy.
Menopause is the age of wisdomwhere we step into this new
role.
We're not birthing childrenwhether we've had them or not,
but that role of reproduction,we're birthing into something
(27:23):
great or something that iscentered on us, which again,
you're societal and religiousconstruct that says, how dare we
be so self-centered andegotistical.
But it isn't because we'restepping into a time expansion.
We're expanding everythingabout our feminine side.
(27:43):
and I do appreciate that yousaid the, the masculine too,
because a well-balanced system,if we
Susan Bratton (27:50):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (27:51):
for example,
Susan Bratton (27:52):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (27:53):
Is the balance between the masculine and feminine
side, not necessarily malefemale, but the, the masculine
being things that are morestructured and things that are,
Susan Bratton (28:03):
Goal oriented.
Mary Lee (28:04):
goal
Susan Bratton (28:05):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (28:05):
Exactly.
Whereas the feminine isnurturing,
Susan Bratton (28:09):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (28:10):
self-exploration.
And I really love how you saidexpand your pleasure.
It's a moment of expansion.
So when you're working withpeople, how, when they're coming
to this pivotal point in theirlives, especially for the women,
but midlife for men and
Susan Bratton (28:25):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (28:26):
where this intimacy, heart-centered intimacy and
connection
Susan Bratton (28:30):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (28:31):
and being aware that pleasure is, something that
allows us to maintain health andvitality.
Susan Bratton (28:39):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (28:41):
coach them?
Susan Bratton (28:42):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (28:43):
To embrace this idea is this is your moment to
expand.
If you've never had it beforeor what you have right now, on
it.
So there is the opportunity formulti orgasms.
'cause women don't know oftenthat they can go beyond the
first one,
Susan Bratton (28:59):
Yep.
Mary Lee (29:00):
Yeah.
So
Susan Bratton (29:00):
Yeah,
Mary Lee (29:01):
let's get into that.
Susan Bratton (29:02):
so our body has, our body has over 20 ability to
have over 20 different kinds oforgasms locations to touch
techniques, to use objects ofdesire like, the queen and the
vibe.
And, we often have learned onepathway and we can get there if
we just do it this one way.
(29:23):
The problem is that reallylimits you.
A lot of women also, when theyare shy about their genitals,
they don't necessarily wantanyone to touch them or for them
to be seen or they feel like.
That doesn't even, I don't, Ican't even feel anything when
you touch that, part of me or Ifeel kind of ashamed that you're
(29:45):
looking at me or you'retouching me, or it hurts.
I feel pain.
And so the way to think aboutthis is that your biggest sex
organ is your brain, and it'snot your biggest sex organ
because, oh, I, I like dirtytalk or pillow talk, or I want,
when, any of those kinds ofthings, it's, it's more that
(30:06):
it's the processor of sensation.
Mary Lee (30:09):
Of course,
Susan Bratton (30:10):
So when you touch your various parts of your
vulva, you are feeling eitherpleasure or pain or shame or
numbness, but your entire vulvacan become activated.
You can step into and expandyour pleasure starting today for
the rest of your life.
I'm having all the kinds oforgasms and they feel much more
(30:34):
pleasurable.
They're more intense.
They last longer, they're moresatisfying than they've ever
been for me because I'vesystematically just experimented
with my partner and learnedthem all as I've gone through
them and discovered them.
And then that's what I teach,my followers and I don't work
with anybody one-on-one.
I'm not a coach nor atherapist.
(30:56):
I'm an author of passionatelove making techniques.
I essentially think aboutmyself like I'm writing
cookbooks.
It's a very, very similar kindof a thing where you get a
recipe and it gives you thedirections and you chop, you
dice, you mix, you bake, youturn out a recipe the first time
(31:18):
you make it.
It might not be perfect thesecond time you make it.
You knew more what you weregoing for.
The third time you made it,your family's oh, this is the
best thing you've ever made, andwould you please add this to
the weekly rotation?
And that's literally how goodsex and orgasms are.
You, you read my recipe, stepby step how to have the effect
(31:41):
on the human operating systemthat gets the result that you
want.
It's like yoga Juujitsu TaiChi.
It's a form that let NLP theyare forms that when you follow
them, they give you the outputand, women think there's
something wrong with 'em.
I can't have an orgasm fromintercourse.
Oh, I, I only have this oneway.
I can come more.
(32:01):
Is it bad if I only, you know,my husband just, he just enters
me right away and usually I canget to an orgasm.
Isn't that good enough?
No, my God.
Have you ever had a yonimassage?
Have you ever had a g-spotactivation?
Have you ever ha enjoyedreleasing your feminine waters
in female ejaculation?
Have you ever had oralpleasuring where you are having
(32:21):
an orgasm the entire time?
Your partner is lovinglypleasuring you with his tongue
and fingers.
Have you ever had a breast gsm,a nipple gsm, a throat gsm, a
foot gsm, a orgasm?
Have you ever had an expandedorgasm?
Have you ever becomemulti-orgasmic?
Have you, there's just, we arelike, oh, I didn't even realize
there were that many kinds oforga, you know?
(32:42):
And so I didn't know.
I didn't know I could havethem.
I thought I could only haveone.
I didn't even think I couldhave any.
I thought other people werejust having them.
I didn't know there were somany kinds, and I didn't know
that I could use my brain togenerate new neural pathways
that would transform pain,shame, and numbness into
pleasure.
Holy cow, you just blew mymind.
(33:02):
Well, that's interesting.
So I'm 42.
I'm gonna go on this journey.
I'm not, I'm just, pretending Iam.
'cause that's what I was 42 andI ha was ha not having orgasms
from intercourse.
I could only have an orgasmfrom my rabbit vibrator on my
clitoris.
This was 20 something yearsago.
21 years ago.
I.
And I just decided to figure itout.
(33:25):
And when I realized that I havethe easiest job in the world,
writing pleasure recipes andgiving them to people, and they
try them through, and I alwayssay it's, it's gonna be three
times you're, it's new.
You've gotta lay down theneural pathway so your brain
knows it's pleasure.
And for many women, they'venever gotten enough loving touch
because they've been harmed,shamed, abused, shut down, never
(33:51):
touched, right, et cetera.
Mary Lee (33:53):
Exactly,
Susan Bratton (33:53):
you can touch yourself through solo pleasuring
and be touched by your partnerin these ways, you'll expand
your orgasmic capacity.
And we started off talkingabout how.
Extending your sex span expandsand extends your health span.
It increases your longevity.
(34:15):
There are a number of reasonswhy that it does.
some of them are things like,it reboots your nervous system.
It generates oxytocin.
we haven't had all theseexperiences and we now suddenly
we're having them and we'regetting these neural pathways
and we're having moreexperiences, and that's making
(34:36):
us feel more confident, and thenwe can move from the receive of
our feminine.
To the activation of themasculine in our sexuality where
we begin to say, oh, I knowwhat I want.
Let's try this today.
You know what would turn me on?
I wanna try this.
Once you get all that releasefrom the sexual pleasure, and
(35:00):
you start to have orgasms, itbegins to oxygenate your brain.
Every single location you touchon your vulva, that is
pleasurable.
Oxygenates a different part,brings blood flow through
sensory processing to adifferent part of your brain.
You get all this blood flowgoing to your brain, which of
course is healthy.
(35:20):
It detoxes your brain, it keepsyour cognitive function high.
Now you've rebooted yournervous system.
You've got this oxytocinflowing from the skin to skin
contact, and oxytocin isessentially.
The antidote, if you will.
This is non-scientificexplanation, obviously, but the
antidote to cortisol.
Cortisol is what you dump.
(35:42):
That's your adrenaline that youdump in stress, oxytocin It
tones it down, and oxytocin notonly makes you feel closer to
yourself, but closer to peoplein general.
It also inspires awe again,where if you felt flat, you felt
(36:05):
depressed or anxious.
Oxytocin generating a wholebunch more of it really, really
helps attenuate depression andanxiety.
It also triggers a cascade offeel-good hormones.
Of course, you're dumpingserotonin, you're having a
dopamine hit.
(36:25):
It also gives you.
IG F1.
More natural killer cellproduction, which is those
killer cells are what?
Chomp, chomp, chomp, likepacman on your senescent cells,
your broken cells, your damagedcells, your precancerous cells.
And so it actually producesmore nk cells, which is one of
(36:49):
the reasons it extendslongevity.
And if you're in relationshipwith a male body partner, his
semen is a real longevity giftto us because it not only has
testosterone in it, so itimproves your libido.
The more sex you have, the moresex you want, the more sexual
pleasure you experience.
(37:10):
It also gives you, serotoninfor a mood lift.
It also releases endorphins, Iforgot to say that's not the
semen, but your body releasesendorphins, lowers pain.
in semen is sperm dine,sperming and reine, which are.
polyA means that now areavailable in supplement form
(37:34):
that actually support nine ofthe 12 hallmarks of longevity.
in ancient Daoist practices,when the Daoist masters used
semen retention, the reason theywere doing semen retention is
that they were getting holdinghigh amounts of sperming, sperm
(37:56):
and Racine, which helpedlengthen their telomeres and
things like this.
It's crazy.
They're lytic in nature.
They help you do go intoautophagy and rid yourself of
these broken cells, which thenincreases your mitochondrial
function, which results in moreenergy, so you get more
confidence, more energy, morecognitive function, better
(38:17):
sleep, lower pain, betternervous system, higher oxytocin.
You like people better.
I mean, just liking peoplebetter would be enough for me.
But then you begin to love artand music and cooking and the
joy of your family and yourfriends at a higher level
because your oxytocin is pumpingthrough your system again.
Mary Lee (38:35):
And
Susan Bratton (38:36):
benefits are incredible.
Mary Lee (38:38):
and then another spinoff I can see from that is
when you have this high hit ofoxytocin and endorphins,
self-love comes out of it aswell.
Make
Susan Bratton (38:49):
does.
Mary Lee (38:49):
you feel good about, regardless of what you might
look like or think that yourbody should look like
Susan Bratton (38:56):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (38:56):
Society tells us what we should look like,
Susan Bratton (38:59):
Yeah,
Mary Lee (38:59):
and certain size, but when you have that rush of
pleasure, you can't help butfeel
Susan Bratton (39:08):
exactly.
Yeah.
Mary Lee (39:10):
And I can hear all the men out there just probably
thinking, see, honey, I told youwhy you need more semen.
all the good stuff in it.
Susan Bratton (39:19):
And your vaginal mucosal lining is a sponge, so
it absorbs it, which is reallynice.
it's a very good way to do it.
Um, the oxytocin is a reallyinteresting thing, I don't know
if you know Dr.
William Davis.
He wrote weak belly, super gut,un doctored.
Bill is fantastic.
If you have him on your show,I, good friend of mine, if you
email me and I'll introduce you.
(39:39):
He is,
Mary Lee (39:40):
Make that
Susan Bratton (39:41):
he is my, the one of the loves of my life and he,
um, he teaches people how touse lactobacillus rooti to which
is a probiotic and culture itin yogurt you can do nut milk or
cow milk or goat milk orwhatever you, well, whatever you
(40:04):
like.
I use heavy cream 'cause I likethe fat because I like the C 15
fatty acids.
The EFAs that you get from milkand, the.
When you culture your ownyogurt at home, then you make
your morning smoothie with it,with your collagens and your
proteins and your berries and,very, very healthy and really
(40:25):
good for helping build muscle aswell.
And the lactobacillus root eyecultured in this homemade yogurt
means you're eating yogurtthat's not made with thickeners.
It doesn't come in a plasticbottle.
You're not making more trash inthe world.
And the colonizing units arevery high when you ferment it
slowly at home.
(40:46):
And you need lactobacillus Ruifor oxytocin production.
and most of us have killed off.
Our oxytocin production becauseLactobacillus Red Dry is a
very, very delicate bacteria, soyou have to reestablish the
bacterial colonies.
As a matter of fact, I had anearache all week in my ES esta
(41:08):
eustachian tube, and I have totake antibiotics.
So I'm literally, after I workout today, I am going to go to
the store and make a fresh batchof yogurt and start eating that
up again because it willrestore my oxytocin levels.
I will feel them be hit fromhaving to take an antibiotic,
(41:32):
which I do not like to do.
So quite interesting that youcan reestablish your colonies
and then you will feel so muchmore love and calmness.
Mary Lee (41:44):
Yeah.
Yeah.
balance microbiome.
Susan Bratton (41:49):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (41:49):
good bacteria, the diversity in our gut microbiome.
And this, Susan, this has beenthe best science on
Susan Bratton (41:59):
Oh,
Mary Lee (42:00):
I could ever imagine.
Susan Bratton (42:01):
oh, thanks Mary.
Mary Lee (42:03):
We need to be teaching this.
Susan Bratton (42:05):
I know I am.
Mary Lee (42:06):
even at a younger age, rather than sex being, okay,
consent and, yeah, reproduction.
We have to
Susan Bratton (42:16):
Pleasure.
Mary Lee (42:17):
the whole idea.
And on that note, was it verydifficult, 'cause we spoke
earlier, before we hit record,
Susan Bratton (42:24):
Mm.
Mary Lee (42:25):
it being still lumped into
Susan Bratton (42:29):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (42:29):
Has it been difficult for you on your journey to share
your message?
Susan Bratton (42:35):
Very, very difficult because, um, anything
sexual is censored in mycountry.
And I live in the us I'm inCalifornia, and, it's only
getting worse.
As a matter of fact, I havesome programs that show
pleasuring skills and I am veryconcerned about even publishing
(42:58):
them many more.
I don't wanna put myself atrisk and the hammer is falling
hard here right now, we are onthe brink of going into dark
ages again, and I'm extremelyconcerned about myself, my
family, and my livelihood.
I had my worst year last yearafter 18 years of doing this.
(43:19):
It is just harder and harder.
There's more and morecensorship just talking about
female pleasure, just talkingabout the things that I talk
Mary Lee (43:28):
Mm-hmm.
Susan Bratton (43:29):
yeah, I'm concerned that we're really
accelerating backward.
Like you said, your analogy wasso good that you said to me.
Mary Lee (43:37):
Yes, I mentioned that pulling back the arrow and we're
pulling it back, trying to goback in time.
But that tension is building soheavy the, you can only pull it
back so far, but once thattension breaks, you're gonna, I
feel I'm holding out hope thatwe will thrust ourselves so far
(43:57):
forward beyond where we startedand see these systems break down
so that we can enter a new era
Susan Bratton (44:06):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (44:06):
get out of this mindset that we've been living
into the patriarchal mindset forso long, which has been
damaging for women
Susan Bratton (44:13):
Damaging for everyone.
It's a bad mindset.
Mary Lee (44:16):
this is true,
Susan Bratton (44:17):
We need women to start taking everything over and
fixing it.
All it, that's what it's gonnatake.
Mary Lee (44:21):
Yeah.
goodness.
Susan Bratton (44:23):
we are lucky to be white women.
That we're not even feeling thereally big brunt of it.
So I know it's very scary.
I wanted to close a loop onsomething I dropped.
Um, and that is that, when Iwas talking about, rushing
yourself, okay, I'm gonna justjump into intercourse and I'll
get there.
(44:43):
the problem with that is thatit, it's a path.
Okay.
I'm just, you know, gonna, I'mgonna do what I've been doing.
'cause I, I can,
Mary Lee (44:52):
Mm.
Susan Bratton (44:52):
have an orgasm if my husband penetrates me and I
can get there.
The problem is that it's kindof like, and I need a good
analogy for this Mary Lee, andyou're really, I think you're
really good at this.
So I'm putting this in yourbrain.
Um, what I wanna say about thatkind of a thing is.
Why do you wanna slow down andexpand your pleasure pathways?
(45:12):
What, why do you wanna do that?
And that's because I believe inthe richness of sex.
The, the bounty of pleasure.
And the more pleasure we cansaturate into our bones, the
better life we will have.
The more calm, the morehealthy, the longer we'll live,
(45:34):
the better we'll look.
Because when you're having hotsex, you just keep yourself a
little more together.
you make yourself feel a littlehappier.
you really honor the vessel ina way that you don't, when
you're not having incredible sexwith it.
And it makes you take bettercare of yourself and love
(45:54):
yourself more.
And when you have really hotsex, you also, I.
women, we have body imageissues and it's the trick of
estrogen, estrogen's doing it tous.
And that's why we women acrossthe board have body image
issues.
It's not any individual one ofus.
and our society leverages thisand takes advantage of us in
(46:16):
this way to make us feel likethere's something not beautiful
about us, but they're onlytaking advantage of a system
that already existed becauseestrogen is a mo is the molecule
of safety.
Because we are prey, becausemen prey on us.
They are the predators in thehomo sapien kingdom.
Not all, but a lot
Mary Lee (46:40):
Mm-hmm.
Susan Bratton (46:40):
more than you, than we say.
More than it, it is comfortablefor us to discuss.
We, almost every woman we talkto has had some.
Sort of abuse, assault, shame,repression, what have you.
You, you can't live in thissociety unscathed.
But the problem is thatestrogen is in some ways here to
(47:05):
keep us safe.
We are the horses and the menare the mountain lions, and we
are flight or fright.
We are, we or feed.
Some of us get overweight toassuage
Mary Lee (47:22):
free.
Susan Bratton (47:22):
and we run away and we're scared.
We're skitting.
It's hard for us to get out ofour head.
We, we look at a million thingssimultaneously.
We're amazing multitaskers.
We've got an incrediblereticular activation systems
constantly scanning for dangerbecause we're in danger.
And so when we try to slow downand get out of our heads and
(47:47):
into our bodies, it is so hardfor us compared to our male body
partners who walk in the worldsafely.
They're not worried aboutthings.
Testosterone makes them overlyconfident.
It gives them instant erectilefunction.
They've got competitiveadvantages in this way.
Now we've got many competitiveadvantages too, but we think
(48:10):
there's something wrong with us.
'cause we don't have theresponse times of men.
We're not ready to go.
we need to feel safe to relax,to let the lubrication flow, to
let the blood flow down into ourpelvic bowl, to expand that
tissue, to plump it up so thatwhen it's touched, it feels good
and sends the signals to ourbrain.
(48:31):
estrogen makes us so judgy it.
It's because judgment keeps ussafe.
Is that danger?
Is that a problem?
And that judgment, we reflectback on ourselves as body image
issues.
Mary Lee (48:47):
That's so true.
Susan Bratton (48:48):
So the minute that you start pulling yourself
down, Ooh, you fat bitch, thingslike that.
Oh, no, no, no.
You gotta switch the cha.
You gotta go.
Oh, no, estrogen.
Not today.
Not today.
Switch the channel to KLUV.
Tune into your love foryourself.
Tune into your body.
(49:08):
Love your body.
It's never gonna get better.
It's you're gonna age.
Take your pleasure, get theoxytocin.
Get the cognitive function, theorgasms.
Let your partner look at yourvulva.
Look at your own vulva.
Learn more paths to pleasure,expand it.
(49:30):
Have more intensely passionatesex.
Mary Lee (49:35):
Yes.
Susan Bratton (49:36):
get better unless you do something about it.
Take the risk to have thepleasure.
Mary Lee (49:43):
Okay.
I got an analogy.
I,
Susan Bratton (49:45):
Ah, good.
I knew you would.
Mary Lee (49:49):
Well, it's very much akin to, and you said it
earlier, yoga practices
Susan Bratton (49:55):
Yep.
Mary Lee (49:55):
whether it's Tai Chi or Qigong, there's an element of
going inward, veryintrospective, using the body as
the vessel to go through thesepostures so that we can connect
with the breath
Susan Bratton (50:11):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (50:12):
the nervous system.
Susan Bratton (50:14):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (50:15):
And by doing so, we have a, a deeper understanding
of who we are as, a human vessel
Susan Bratton (50:25):
Yeah,
Mary Lee (50:25):
a.
Or I've heard it before, we arespirits having a human
experience, not a
Susan Bratton (50:31):
yeah.
Mary Lee (50:31):
a spiritual experience.
those modalities by which wecan tap into that spirituality,
and spirituality can be assimple as whatever it takes for
you to feel good about yourself,that spirituality.
And we will do yoga to explorewho we are
Susan Bratton (50:52):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (50:53):
or going to the gym and lifting weights,
Susan Bratton (50:56):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (50:56):
great we feel after a
Susan Bratton (50:59):
Mm-hmm.
All those endorphins
Mary Lee (51:00):
powerful work at all those endorphins
Susan Bratton (51:02):
testosterone.
Mary Lee (51:04):
and, and I don't know about the listeners, but I can
say in my experience, and I betyou the other listeners will say
the same thing.
And if you haven't noticed it,start taking note.
After you've been doing weighttraining and exercise for a long
time, your sex drive justpeaks.
It does.
All of a sudden you feelattracted about yourself and
you're
Susan Bratton (51:23):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (51:24):
partner.
So I say that my best analogyhere is that menopause is the
time of the great reveal.
So whatever we have not beendealing with before, it's gonna
show its face because estrogenis leaving the body.
Susan Bratton (51:39):
Mm-hmm.
Mary Lee (51:40):
But I say it's an opportunity to explore who we
truly are.
And I feel that all thoseprotocols were what we can do
for a lifestyle change isexercise, eat right, sleep
improvement, stress reduction.
Susan Bratton (51:55):
And love yourself.
Mary Lee (51:56):
should be the pleasure
Susan Bratton (51:58):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (51:59):
and exploring who we truly are and who we are truly
meant to be as women.
that includes n denying.
We won't deny we speak ourtruth.
We shouldn't be denying all theother chakras as well.
Susan Bratton (52:16):
Yes.
Mary Lee (52:16):
in my power center, I'm in my creative center.
My sacred chakra creativecenter deserves to be turned on
to be creative.
And that involves pleasure.
Susan Bratton (52:25):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (52:26):
So I really feel that this is our time to step into
that power, as we said earlier
Susan Bratton (52:31):
Mm-hmm.
Me too.
Mary Lee (52:34):
yeah.
And intimacy and, and sexualpleasure is just that gateway to
tap into who we truly are meantto be, without the shame and
the blame.
Yeah.
Susan,
Susan Bratton (52:44):
I have, um, a practice that I've been teaching
for a couple of decades anddoing myself that was handed
down to me.
It's a lineage and it's aclitoral stroking technique.
And, I'd, I'm, I moved to giveit to your listeners if they'd
like to have it.
It was taught to me by, it's apaid program, but, I'll, I'm
gonna give it to anybody wholistens to this episode and is
(53:07):
called to this.
And I'm gonna send it to you aswell.
it's called Expand Her OrgasmTonight.
And a technique, it's a formlike yoga and tai chi that uses
a very, very light, delicateclitoral stroke.
You do need a partner to do it.
It's hard to do yourself.
And, it's a practice thatallows you to get into the
(53:29):
moment of climax and stay in itto expand the moment of climax,
expand like time, like you'repulling time like taffy, and it
gets you and your partner in alimbic connection and a
conjoined trance, state ofbliss.
And it's very empowering forthe giver, the doer, as well as
(53:55):
the receiver.
And what's really interestingabout it is that it allows you
to touch source, to feel GodGaia, uh, whatever you wanna
call it.
it's equally a spiritualpractice as much as it's a
pleasure practice.
And one of the paths, one ofthe most beautiful paths to
(54:19):
palpably.
Feeling our consciousconnection to all that is alive
and has been, is through thisexpanded orgasm practice, and I
can remember.
Talking to, it's written by andcreated by Dr.
Patty Taylor.
She is, I have been very, Ibelieve in lineages and I have
(54:42):
been very, very fortunate to sitat the feet of some incredible
people and published their work.
So I've published 44 books andprograms.
I've only written 34 of them.
I have 10 programs that are thelineage of my teachers and
(55:03):
expand her.
Orgasm.
Tonight is the most beautifulpractice.
I still do it a couple of timesa week with my husband, and it
is often for us, the beginningof our love making because it
allows me to calm, get out ofthe flight and fright, get into
my heart connection, connectdeeply with my partner, and move
(55:26):
into my pleasure and awakenmyoni for more.
And I have really learned thata non-negotiable for me is to be
easy on myself around myarousal response because like
every woman listening to this,it's, there's no way to, to make
a.
Your turn on go faster thanabout 20 minutes.
(55:49):
That's what it takes for theblood to seep in for you to calm
down, relax, and begin theheavy lifting of the first
couple of steps of the femalearousal ladder.
And when your husband begins tounderstand that putting the
time and upfront is what's gonnacreate that wild, passionate
tigress in the bedroom whofinally has broken open.
(56:12):
She's activated her G-spot,she's releasing her feminine
water, she's having expandedorgasm dates, she's loving oral
pleasuring, she's havingmultiple orgasms from
intercourse.
She's scheduling dates with youbecause she loves it now and
she's going through this massivesexual renaissance For me, the
beginning of all of that was theexpanded orgasm practice, and
(56:34):
it comes with 21 erotic playdates that you can do with your
partner.
When you think about thepractice of expanded orgasm, it
you, it has a lot of facets.
It's a gem, a many faceted gem,and each one of the 21
practices is a facet of yourexperience to create this
(56:55):
incredible experience together.
And it's, it's almost like you,you're doing like a little mini
couples workshop.
Each time you try, one of thepractices, one of the erotic
play dates, the sandbox dates,they're called in the program.
And it's one of those thingswhere if you've been listening
to this show and you're thinkingto yourself, oh gosh, I, I
don't even know where to start.
(57:16):
I, I would start Yoni massageand I would start with the
expanded orgasm practice andthey work together.
You can do the yoni massage andthen he can start doing the
stroking technique.
it's three opening strokes, abread and butter stroke, and a
closing stroke.
Very easy to learn, but ittakes five to seven times before
you feel like you're beginningto feel each other enough to,
(57:38):
for him to be not only find thatspot in the moment, that is
what's gonna really feel good toyou.
'cause it moves around.
But it also lets him take youon the ride.
Once he locks in and he's gotyou, you just surrender and ride
his ride.
He's taking you on the ride.
it's just really an incrediblepractice for feeling more
(58:03):
comfortable with each other,slowing down, dropping in heart,
connecting, all of thosethings.
And so it's just been such alovely time to talk to you
today.
And I don't normally do thisbecause it's extra work.
I'm gonna get a bunch of emailsthat I have to give to my team
to get you access and all thatstuff.
And.
But I wanna do it.
send me an email,susan@betterlover.com.
(58:27):
And my team, will give youaccess to that program to expand
her orgasm tonight.
And if you want to check itout, it's at expand her orgasm
tonight.com.
start with the three freepleasure reports that are on the
page, you can just opt right inand start reading What is
Expanded Orgasm Touch forRapture and the Power of
(58:48):
Peaking.
And that'll get you started.
And if you like what you'rereading and it sounds like
something you want, then I'lljust give it to you.
Mary Lee (58:56):
That's right.
Yeah.
Those who want it will
Susan Bratton (58:59):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah,
Mary Lee (59:00):
important to them.
And this is a very importanttopic and I am so delighted I
was, we were able to connect andI could share your wisdom the
science, the spirituality,that's exactly what I'm all
about.
Susan Bratton (59:13):
I know we're really a good fit.
We're we, we vibe Mary Lee.
Mary Lee (59:17):
you have to come on up to Canada and Take your
business, expand out here
Susan Bratton (59:23):
Oh, you're so sweet.
Oh, I love that.
Thank you so much.
Mary Lee (59:27):
Thank you, Susan.
I'll get those links in theshow notes.
It's been
Susan Bratton (59:30):
Yeah.
Mary Lee (59:31):
absolute pleasure
Susan Bratton (59:33):
Thank you.
it has.
Thank you.
Mary Lee (59:35):
Wow, I don't even know where to begin.
Best sex talk ever on so manylevels.
From the physical aspects ofour bodies and the structure of
our own vulva and its connectionto the brain, to the spiritual
awakening that we can achieve bytapping into our pleasure
centers.
Like just wow.
This conversation with sexeducator, author, and intimacy
(59:58):
expert.
Susan Bratton has probably leftyou with some profound insights
into the complexities of femalesexuality And all I have to say
was that Susan cleverlymagically descriptively,
honestly in boldly illuminatedthe crucial role of the female
orgasm.
Not just as a source ofpleasure, but also as a catalyst
(01:00:22):
for increased serotonin levelsand its benefits for several
health markers, but also wasable to educate us wisely that
sexual enjoyment is not just anindulgence, it's an essential
aspect of mental and physicalwellness.
We explored the intricacies oflibido, uncovering the fact that
(01:00:42):
sexual desire is often muchmore than just hormonal
imbalances, such as lowtestosterone.
It can reflect deeper issues,particularly in women
experiencing menopause, and thisis often intertwined with
hidden beliefs about sex.
Past traumas and feelings ofshame or body image concerns, it
is vital to recognize thatthese factors can significantly
(01:01:03):
impact mental health and overallquality of life.
If you're grappling with sexualdysfunction or low libido,
seeking insight from a therapistcan be transformative.
Unpacking these underlyingissues can pave way for healing
and improved self-worth,ultimately enhancing your mental
and physical health.
As well as emotional andspiritual.
Remember, prioritizing intimacyand understanding your own
(01:01:27):
bodies can lead to a morefulfilling life.
I encourage you to reflect onSusan's insights and consider
how they might be resonating inyour own menopause journey.
I have left a number of linksin the show notes.
For access to Susan's work, herbooks, her free offerings, so
be sure to take advantage of hergenerosity, to use these
resources that she haspersonally crafted.
(01:01:49):
She can help us seek, feel, andachieve pleasure in the manner
we deserve as women.
You can findsusan@susanbratton.com.
She's on Facebook as thetrusted hot sex advisor to
millions.
Her Instagram handle is SusanBratton You can find her YouTube
channel, better Lover theresources she's offered.
(01:02:11):
To listeners include 38Fascinating Facts that
Supercharge Your Sex Drive.
You can find that at hot totrot book.com and a free
workbook revealing how expandedorgasm can improve your love
life.
You can find that at expand toorgasm tonight.com.
all those links will be in theshow notes.
(01:02:31):
If today's insights resonatedwith you, I'd love for you to be
part of our growing communityof menopause disruptors.
Hit that subscribe buttonwherever you're listening right
now.
And if you know someone who canbenefit from these
conversations, please share thisepisode.
Sometimes a simple act ofsharing can be the first step in
someone's healing journey.
And hey, if you're ready totake the next step in your
menopause journey, I'm here tosupport you.
(01:02:53):
You can find all my services.
Including my comprehensiveMenopause Intelligence digital
course, one-on-one coachingprograms and workplace education
services@mlcoaching.com.
I wanna stay connected and getregular doses of menopause
wisdom.
Follow me in Instagram atMenopause Disruptor Podcast,
where I share tips, insights,and real conversations about
navigating this transformativephase of life.
(01:03:14):
Let's continue to disrupt thismenopause conversation together.
Remember, midlife should be thebest life and it will be
namaste.
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