January 23, 2025 • 52 mins
In this engaging episode of 'The Mental Funny Bone,' hosts Sarah and Christine, with their silent intern Becca, explore mental health resources, share listener feedback, and delve into personal anecdotes. They recount a hilarious trip to Flagstaff with their Taekwondo Grandmaster trophy, including their misadventures at a creepy hotel, an unexpected bar exit, and breakfast with Drew Carey lookalikes. The hosts also discuss the impact of external validation on self-worth, drawing wisdom from the book 'The First Rule of Mastery.' They challenge listeners to embrace mindfulness and authenticity, sharing relatable everyday experiences and offering tools to combat the fear of others' opinions (FOPO). With a perfect mixture of humor and deep reflections, this episode highlights the joys and struggles of staying true to oneself.
How to find mental health help when you're struggling. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
https://washingtoncountyhumanservices.com/agencies/behavioral-health-developmental-services
https://www.alleghenycounty.us/Services/Human-Services-DHS/Publications/Resource-Guides
Apps - Just search mental health where you get your apps.
EAP programs are a great place to look for help!!
Additional Resources (Sports Related):
https://globalsportmatters.com/health/2020/12/04/mental-health-resources-2/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sarah (00:02):
Hey, and welcome to the Mental Funny Bone.
I'm Sarah
Chris (00:08):
and I'm Christine,
Sarah (00:09):
and we are not mental health professionals.
If you need immediate mentalhealth, help, you should dial
988.
and we also have a plethora oflinks that you can click on in
our show notes.
I'm not sure if five equals aplethora, but we're going to go
with it.
I think
Chris (00:28):
relatively speaking, five is plenty.
Okay.
Plenty.
Sarah (00:31):
Plenty.
So we have plenty of links.
feel free to check those out.
Christine, do you want to talkabout Becca or do you want me to
talk about Becca?
Chris (00:39):
you go ahead.
You're good at talking.
Sarah (00:41):
Just so everybody knows, we've got our intern with us
today, Becca.
She's in the background.
She's on mute.
we're not letting her talk.
Nah.
I'm kidding.
When she
grows up.
When she grows
up.
So, Becca's with us.
She's in the background.
You might hear us as we record,tell Becca to write something
down or keep us.
(01:02):
I don't know what.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I don't know.
So we
tell the interns, get us a cupof coffee.
I'm not sure.
Yeah.
Coffee is kind of difficult.
We've talked about that before.
We're geographically challenged.
yeah.
So anyway, Becca's in thebackground.
Thank you for joining us, Becca.
Yay.
Chris (01:18):
Becca the intern.
Sarah (01:19):
Yay.
Okay.
we're going to start.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to do that because Ihave the wrong thing up here.
Chris (01:26):
I like it when you point the camera at your microphone
Sarah (01:30):
Okay.
so I'm going to start out, withsome fan mail today.
We really didn't have fan mail,but I just wanted to make some
comments on some Facebook stuffafter our Michelle Kapats
interview.
That seemed to be, everybodyreally, really enjoyed that.
Our friends at, March 4th,Jackie and Ed, put a little
post, this episode was awesome.
(01:51):
Thank you for sharing.
And then they also shared it onFacebook.
So thank you guys for alwaysbeing so supportive.
another one of our, what's theword?
Dedicated.
I was going to say committed.
Dedicated followers, Heather S.
noted on Facebook, I reallyliked listening to Michelle.
She gave me so much to thinkabout from meditation to the
words we use.
Thank you.
(02:12):
so again, thank you Heather forfollowing.
And then Jamie M, another one ofour, very dedicated followers.
She said it was a hell of aninterview.
Love all three of you.
And I'm so proud of all of youfor doing your thing.
so absolutely.
Love all you guys and thank youfor continuing to make these
comments and share everythingthat we ask you to.
(02:34):
and a big shout out to mybrother in law, David.
he shared it on Facebook.
Yeah.
Yes.
David shared the Kapotzinterview.
Chris (02:44):
I didn't know he knew how to do that.
Sarah (02:46):
I, I was, that's why I'm calling it out.
Cause I feel like that'spositive reinforcement, right?
Like, yeah, David, I don't know.
I don't think he listens,
Chris (02:55):
David does not listen because yeah, his philosophy is
I don't need to listen to youtoo, because I live it.
that is amazing.
David is getting quiteproficient at Facebook.
Yeah.
These days he sends me abouteight or 800 reels to watch
because he's into them now too.
So every time he toddles off tothe potty, I am assured of
(03:17):
getting at least 14 while that'sgoing on.
Shit Reels.
Sarah (03:21):
That's what those are called.
Shit Reels.
Chris (03:23):
Everyone is about a cat or somebody who has Attention
Deficit Disorder.
Sarah (03:27):
So, we'll ask all of our listeners to continue to share,
as much as you can.
we had some great success lastyear and we want to continue
that moving forward.
the gastro story, you haveanything else you want to add
before we get to the gastrostory?
Chris (03:42):
Thanks guys.
Okay.
Appreciate the support.
Sarah (03:44):
the Gaster story this week, I had one in there, but
I'm not really in a great spaceto tell that one.
So I have decided to, make anaudible, that, that's what it's
called, right?
When they change the play infootball, it's an audible.
Yeah.
Mm hmm.
Right?
Yes.
What did Peyton Manning, whatwas his thing that he always
yelled?
Omaha.
Omaha.
Ah, I was going to say Oklahoma.
(04:06):
No.
I'm going to give it an Omaha.
anyway, and I didn't reallywrite out a lot of it, so you're
going to have to help me,Christine.
And we may have talked about it,but I'm going to stop saying
that because we're just going totalk about shit over and over
again.
the Flag Staff Trip.
Oh, I love it.
Did we, we may have talked about it.
We're talking about it again.
(04:27):
When we lived in Arizona,Flagstaff, for those of you who
are not, familiar, Flagstaff isthe cold place.
I don't know.
It's on a mountain.
That's where you go skiing.
Yeah.
That's where you go skiing.
you live in
Chris (04:40):
Arizona, if you live in Phoenix and you want to go to
the mountains, you just headnorth and you end up in
Flagstaff.
It's also on Route 66.
If, if, and if there are any oldtimey people listening, when you
would travel across the country,you would drive on route 66.
Sarah (04:54):
You'd get your kicks.
Chris (04:56):
On route 66.
Also a Depeche Mode song that Ithink was a cover of a real old
song.
So
Sarah (05:03):
yeah.
Chris (05:03):
There you go.
That's what I know aboutFlagstaff.
Before I move to Arizona.
Sarah (05:07):
I said, when you said it's on Route 66, I was like, Mm
hmm.
Like I knew.
Chris (05:12):
I don't.
Sarah (05:12):
Right.
I don't fucking know.
I don't even.
It's, it's up a mountain.
Anyway, we went to Flagstaff.
and I, am I going to combine twostories?
Did we go to Flagstaff and dothe.
skiing.
Chris (05:27):
Two different stories.
So why,
Sarah (05:29):
why did we go to Flagstaff with Grandmaster?
That was just to takeGrandmaster to Flagstaff?
Chris (05:35):
Cause yeah, we were, we needed to, to get out of town.
We were going to Sedona.
Sarah (05:39):
Okay.
Anyway, so it was just the twoof us and we needed to get out
of town and we did Taekwondo atthe time and Grandmaster was
like the head of everything atTaekwondo.
and I don't know what type ofevent we did, but we got, or you
got, or I got, I don't know.
Somebody got a Grandmasterstatue.
We
(05:59):
both got trophies.
Yeah, and the Grandmaster is standing very stoic with his
hands crossed, as you should, toshow respect to the Grandmaster,
I don't know, but it was justthis gold statue.
Anyway, and we decided to takehim to Flagstaff with us and
drive around and get him out ofthe car and place him in areas
(06:20):
and take pictures.
this the time that we stayed inthe creepy shining motel and we
got kicked out of the bar?
Yeah.
Chris (06:27):
Yes.
Yes.
All of it.
We had breakfast with DrewCarey.
There were a whole series ofevents.
But I really, I really feel likewe glossed over the fact that, I
have a black belt in taekwondo.
I feel like we just skip that.
Sarah (06:41):
I have a recommended black belt.
Chris (06:44):
And I, I, I, I want everyone to know.
Sarah (06:47):
That
Chris (06:47):
fun fact about me is that I do have a black belt in
Taekwondo that I earned bytaking classes at the, at the
ATA school of Taekwondo inArizona.
when you moved eventually outto, out to Phoenix, you worked
at the ATA Taekwondo studioselling memberships and black
(07:12):
belts to children.
Thank you.
Sarah (07:14):
Yeah, that was my job.
That was my job.
Chris (07:17):
I think you glossed over it a little too quickly.
And you made it all the way upto recommended Black Belt, which
is almost Black Belt.
Sarah (07:24):
Yeah, yeah.
It was all kind of rushedbecause I work there and then
They wanted me to teach kids.
And then I realized I didn'tlike the kids and that led to me
having to change my whole majorin school.
It was a lot.
There was a lot going on in thatperiod of my life.
not, I'm on the fence of whatwas good and what was bad about
(07:45):
it.
But anyway, so, so we go to, wego to Flagstaff,
Chris (07:48):
we check
Sarah (07:49):
into a hotel.
Chris (07:50):
Again, you're glossing over the fact that we went to a
Karate Kid style tournament,which is where we won these
statues.
Sarah (07:58):
You, what you really need to do is just tell the story.
So.
Chris (08:02):
No, I feel like you're just glossing over some of the
important details.
Nope, you're tagged in.
Sarah (08:05):
Nope, you're tagged in.
Don't be like that.
Nope, you're tagged in.
You're done.
Fine.
I tagged you.
This might
Chris (08:11):
have been the tournament we went to where the there were,
there were always very limitedgrownups at these tournaments,
as you can imagine, becausethat's
Sarah (08:19):
how we got trophies
Chris (08:21):
and activity for children.
Yeah, I, I was 29 at the time,and I was in an age group with
someone who was 18, I believe.
this is.
You were
Sarah (08:32):
younger than that because I was 21.
Chris (08:33):
26, 27.
I was.
26.
Early.
Sarah (08:36):
Yeah.
Chris (08:37):
Mid 20s.
Mid to late 20s.
We'll go with that.
There were several years.
Like if you just didn't walk upand they handed you a black
belt, it took like a coupleyears for me to get the black
belt of dedication,determination and.
Knee surgeries, different story.
so I squared up against this 18year old girl and she, they
said, they said fight just likethey do on the karate kid and
(09:00):
then you fight.
and she kicked me in the headand then, and you get like three
points for that year, like raceand didn't nine or whatever.
So I stood back and then shekicked me in the head again,
same thing happened.
Sarah (09:10):
And then I
Chris (09:11):
stood back and she kicked me in the head again.
Like, three times.
Like, that's all I'll tell you.
The whole thing took about fourseconds.
No one had to sweep the leg.
No one got me a body bag.
Like, none of it.
It took, it took less than 30seconds for this young lady to
kick my ass.
good news is we were the onlytwo in that age group.
So she got like a big life sizestatue of the Grand Master and I
(09:33):
got like a little one, like alittle teeny statue of the Grand
Master.
Sarah (09:38):
Exactly.
So,
Chris (09:39):
I, I think same thing happened to, to you in, in, in
your, whatever you were doing.
I think that was sparring whereI got my thing and you got it
in,
Sarah (09:48):
doing
Chris (09:49):
the forms.
Sarah (09:49):
The forms.
I remember doing the sparringpart, like we must have had four
people.
Because I don't think, because Iwas fourth, I guess, because I
didn't get an award in that one.
and yeah, I remember laughing.
And I feel like that was never athing that anybody wanted you to
do, because everybody was soserious.
the same thing, like, right tothe head.
And I was like, ah, shit.
(10:11):
Then it happened again.
And I laughed.
I was like, huh, you think I'dlearn?
And I don't think anybody there,like the ref or my opponent,
thought I was funny in theslightest, which made me laugh
harder.
All right.
So
Chris (10:23):
we,
we collect
our little statues and I, I, I think.
spring break?
Like, I don't know why, I, like,no one was chasing us, like, we
weren't being, hunted by the mobor anything, like, we didn't
have to get out of town, we justdecided we wanted to, to head up
north without, without Michael.
Yeah.
And, yeah, we, we get toFlagstaff.
(10:44):
And, we check into, what I thinkis the Bates Motel,
Sarah (10:48):
Oh, it was terrible.
It was fucking terrible.
No wonder I got so drunk thatnight.
That was the only way I couldsleep in that fucking place.
Chris (10:56):
It is a, it is a very classic old hotel in Flagstaff.
And I'm sure if you're listeningfrom the, That area, you know,
the hotel we're talking about,everybody like, kind of like,
Oh, it's so nice.
but, we go out and apparentlythere's a nightclub in Flagstaff
for people who have been skiing.
So we go there and we have acouple of soda pops and, we are
(11:16):
dancing at this nightclub likewe do in the nineties.
Like, I'm sure that there's, I'msure they played Hootie and the
Blowfish at one point at a danceclub.
Sarah (11:25):
And,
Chris (11:27):
it's, it's the end of the night.
And it's time for everyone to goback to their creepy ass,
shining hotel where obviouslysome twins are going to drown in
blood and ride their littletricycles down the hallway.
yep.
for some reason, you had beenpaying for the drinks.
And
Sarah (11:42):
I think it was just, let's see which, which one of
our cards was going to work atthe end of the night.
How are we so bad with money?
How?
How?
Throw them both, both up there, see which one sticks.
Try not to put any drinks onthat card, the advice.
Chris (11:58):
And you, you were, you were a little bit bitter that
the bar was going to close.
You were?
Sarah (12:03):
Yeah.
I don't know what I thought was,ha Oh, I may, I think because we
were in the mountains, theyclosed at like one instead of
two, and I was like pissed offabout it.
No, they all closed
Chris (12:11):
at one.
They all closed at one.
But maybe they, they, they wereattempting to shut it down and
tick early, like, I don't know.
12, 15.
You were like, listen, and likeyou had your hands on the bar
and I don't know what you werestanding on, like if it was like
the little rail around it, butyou were, you were up.
Sarah (12:28):
And
Chris (12:28):
you were like, listen, I am not leaving here until you
spell out.
Sarah (12:33):
Yeah.
Chris (12:34):
And this guy went, O U T, and you were thrown off your
game.
Like, I don't know if youexpected him not to be able to
spell.
Like, I'm not, I'm
Sarah (12:44):
not sure, like I have no clue where this came from
because I can't, like, it, ithappened after this.
Like, I think after this it wasjust a joke.
Like, no, I'm not leaving untilyou spell out.
Like, but I don't know wherethis came from.
I don't know why.
I would ask any, like, what, wasthere a movie?
Was there something, if anybodyis listening that may have known
(13:04):
me back then, that has any cluewhere I took this from, please
let me know, because I haveobviously scrapped it from my
memory.
But I, don't know what the pointwas.
I don't know what I was tryingto do.
You,
Chris (13:20):
You thought you were a character in the, in whatever
movie this is from.
And then the guy was like, allright, O U T.
O U
Sarah (13:27):
T.
I was like, fuck.
Chris (13:28):
You're like all deflated.
And I think he tried to handback your card and you just
walked away.
Sarah (13:32):
yeah.
I don't, I don't know.
I, I don't know.
And then we went to breakfastand that's when I realized that
I didn't have a card.
Did we make those guys pay forthe Breakfast.
Yeah, we
sure did.
Yeah.
Yeah, we did.
Yeah, we did.
So, yeah.
So, we, we went to breakfastwith Drew, Drew Carey and his
buddy, because those are thetype of people we picked up at
the bar.
Chris (13:50):
I don't recall, I, it's, it's been a while, so I don't
recall whether we met them onthe walk to the diner or if we
just went there and sat downwith them.
Sarah (14:02):
I'm, I'm not sure.
I feel like for the sake of astory, it sounds great if we
show up and we're like, hey,there's Two seats and just sit
with these guys because itwasn't like, it wasn't like
we're trying to make out likethey weren't trying to make out
with us.
We weren't trying to make outwith them.
It wasn't.
We just, we just wanted to havesome breakfast.
We were hungry and wanted eggs,hash browns, bacon, and a Coke.
(14:23):
Not even eggs.
And apparently you didn't have any way of paying.
I don't know why, but my cardwas at the bar.
That place was shut the fuckdown.
So yeah.
So they, they bought usbreakfast.
Chris (14:34):
I think they offered.
I think that when you said thatyour credit card was left at the
bar, they just assumed we weredestitute and needed help.
Sarah (14:41):
Yeah.
Chris (14:42):
Yeah.
Which kind of makes sense.
Sarah (14:44):
Yeah.
I think the next day is whenGrandmaster and this was KF
motherfucking see a trip.
Wasn't it?
Chris (14:52):
Yes, I was just gonna say it.
Apparently, we didn't getenough, we didn't get enough
food at breakfast.
So we went back and I, I thinkthat we left the lights on in
this creepy ass motel room wherelike the wallpaper's peeling
slowly off the wall.
I was like, we can't turn thelights off.
It
Sarah (15:09):
was probably me.
Like, I, yeah, I'm not turningthe lights off.
I think either of us.
There
were two single beds and I slept in the bed, the single
bed with you.
clinging on to me like I wasgoing to do anything against the
ghost and the paranormal.
Yeah.
Chris (15:20):
Just pretend it's not happening.
Sarah (15:22):
on.
I have, I have a side, I have aside story.
Feel free to take it out if weneed to, but I saw a real, saw a
real, I feel like it's a goodone though.
You might just have to go andwatch it.
It was an Ellen DeGeneres oneand Kevin Hart was on the show
and she was talking about ghosthunters and he was like, who's
hunting ghosts?
What are you talking about?
(15:43):
And she's like, well, when theygo and he, he does like a.
Double take.
He's like, what do we talk?
Where are we?
What are we talking about?
What do you like?
It's you have to watch it.
And then it's, it's very funnyanyway.
So that reminded me of ghosts.
So go check out the EllenDeGeneres, Kevin Hart talking
about ghost hunters.
Cause it's just go searchanything, Kevin Hart and you'll
(16:04):
piss yourself.
So it's great.
Chris (16:05):
I, I agree.
I agree.
So I, I, I don't know if thiswas our plan when we brought
our, statues, our trophies alongwith us, but what we did the
next day was drive around sceniclocations in Flagstaff and pose
this little statue, like in atiny bit of snow next to a
(16:26):
beautiful baby pine tree andtake his picture.
With a, with a camera, becauseback in the day, as I look at
Becca's young intern face, toexplain that back in the day,
you used to have to get a cameraand film, put those together,
and then take pictures.
Sarah (16:45):
It's weird.
So weird.
Chris (16:46):
Right.
Sarah (16:47):
Right.
Mind blowing.
Mind fucking blowing.
Chris (16:50):
Right.
I don't even think I had a cellphone at this point.
Sarah (16:53):
No.
No, I didn't have a cell phoneuntil I moved back home.
Chris (16:56):
They were huge.
Huge.
Yeah.
Sarah (16:58):
Yeah, no, absolutely not.
I had a beeper.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
Paging Dr.
Sarah.
Paging Dr.
Sarah.
Fuck's sake.
So, do you have any of thosepictures?
I have, I, I, I don't
Chris (17:10):
know.
Sarah (17:11):
Cause I, I'm pretty sure I do not.
Like I, I think of all this shitwe did and how much of it, like
I always say I'm glad we didn'thave cell phones.
But I would really like thatthere's shit that I did not need
to get caught on film.
Right, right.
But there's some shit that I'mlike, man, I wish I did have a
cell phone.
'cause that those fuckingpictures would be.
(17:34):
Would be amazing.
Chris (17:35):
That photo study, if you will, of Grandmaster on his
journey from Flagstaff to Sedona
Sarah (17:42):
and
Chris (17:43):
watching him enjoy the vortexes and the realignment of
his chakras in Sedona.
Sarah (17:50):
He felt really, really comfortable and at home in all
those trees.
He likes the nature.
Chris (17:57):
Right.
We laid him out on the pillow.
I think he took a nap.
Sarah (18:00):
He took a nap while we were at the bar.
My God, I wish everyone was usso that they could appreciate
how funny this is.
You were 26 years old.
I was 21 and we had basicallyhad a trophy that we were
treating like a baby doll.
I was a professional.
I had already graduated.
was working in my current field.
FYI.
(18:20):
this is why on.
I don't know.
I feel bad for people who don't have these experiences.
I
do too.
Anyway.
Freaking hilarious.
yeah.
So that's, that's Grandmaster.
Oh, and on our way out, we werehungry.
Chris (18:34):
Oh, yeah.
And, you know, neither of usreally had a whole ton of money.
So we're driving past the,Kentucky Fried Chicken.
And I was like, should we stop?
What do you want to eat?
And she was like, Sarah.
would be me.
K.
F.
motherfuckin C.
Sarah (18:48):
Yeah.
I was super excited about it.
I was so, I had never been, norhave I since then, been so
excited about K.
F.
motherfuckin C.
I was so, I was hungover.
So that just, like, all of it.
Seemed right.
yeah.
Chris (19:08):
Looking forward to
Sarah (19:10):
Chicken.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Chris (19:12):
Let's jump back in to our friend, Michael Gervais.
I think the last time I wasbragging because I remembered
the name of the book.
And now, the first rule ofmastery is the name of the book.
Sarah (19:23):
Very good.
Very good.
I have to interject real quick.
Macho just came in with Humper,for those of you that don't know
Humper.
Humper is a puppy, a stuffedpuppy, stuffed puppy, a fake
puppy, not a real puppy.
That, well, you use yourimagination if it's, his name's
Humper.
There you go.
Chris (19:44):
okay, so we've done, four chapters of the first Rule of
Mastery and, we talked all aboutfopo, the fear of other people's
opinions, and we've talked abouthow that is an actual fear
response, and we've talked abouthow.
Getting yourself in a cycle ofFOPO takes away from your
(20:04):
ability to, do really greatthings, because you're so
constantly in this cycle of fearand adjusting your behavior and
making sure that, that you'refitting in and that, no one in
the crowd is giving you signalsof, not being good enough or
whatever.
and.
Kind of how damaging that is.
(20:25):
And then last week, we spent agood deal of time talking about
identity.
Talking about how important itis to understand who you are as
a person as a way to avoidgetting in these, faux pose
situations.
so this week we're going to talkabout, chapter five, which is
outsourcing your self worth.
And when Sarah and I weretalking.
(20:45):
earlier about this chapter, sheasked me what the difference
between identity and self worthwas.
So I thought they
Sarah (20:52):
sound a lot alike in the chapters.
I feel like they do sound a bitalike,
Chris (20:56):
a good place to start for us would be here's, here's what
I mean by identity and here'swhat I mean by self worth.
So when we're looking atidentity, going with a tree
metaphor, cause it comes up inthe book a lot, identity is
where you plant your roots.
And self worth is how tall andbeautiful you let your tree
grow.
(21:16):
So, where are you grounded?
Where do you, look for youridentity?
the place for you.
Are you alright?
Are you alright?
I, I hope people are.
If you haven't.
Gone to watch us on YouTube, youreally do, just to see that last
four seconds of Sarah getting
Sarah (21:32):
stuck in
Chris (21:34):
a sweatshirt.
I'm not distracted by what'shappening on the screen at all.
I thought I could, I thought Icould do it without you.
Like actively stuck in asweatshirt struggling.
You look like Tommy boy, fat guyin a little coat, Richard.
Oh, fuck.
Sarah (21:50):
Okay.
Back in a little
coat.
All right.
Give me a second.
Chris (21:53):
your identity is kind of the place where you ground
yourself.
The, the.
Your, values where you plantyour roots, the way that it
comes across in the chapter isthere's a, a whole slew of
places where you can plant yourroots and, some psychiatrists
and psychologists and researchertype people whose names I never
(22:13):
remember in these books.
they did a lot of research in,how college students saw
themselves and came up with somedimensions and there's actually
a really nice, exercise at theend that kind of lists a bunch
of these dimensions where youcan start to think about where
are, are my roots and the rootsare kind of the places where you
can, Find yourself falling intoFopo.
(22:36):
So if you have your identitybased in a lot of things that
are, Sort of external to you.
So when we're talking aboutperformance based identities,
we're talking about people whoare really grounded in being
better than the person next tothem.
People who are really groundedin having having success based
on external measurement.
(22:58):
And I think you had a reallygood quote.
Sarah (23:00):
Oh, well, I just wrote down, I just wrote down here
that the self worth is dependenton the objectives in the world.
So you have your external, whichis appearance, academics,
competition, approval fromothers and family support.
And then you have your internal,which are the faith and virtue,
objectives.
Chris (23:19):
The dimensions in the study were college kids see
themselves reflected in theexternal.
So am I getting good grades?
And I think we talked about thisa lot when we were talking
about, kind of, Identity andbasing yourself in in that space
where looking to internalsources for validation and
(23:42):
determining if you are enough.
So what we find is if we baseour self worth in places that
require external validation.
If we place our self worth insomething like academics where
someone has to give me a grade,then I'm always kind of on the
cusp of failing, right?
Because I'm always waiting forsomebody else to tell me if I'm
(24:03):
good enough, and what we want totry to do is move to, self worth
being based on how we seeourselves and understanding that
we are enough.
I think is the, the whole pointof chapter five is going from
looking for external validationto understanding that at some
point in your life, you have toaccept that you are enough just
(24:27):
as you are.
I like to go back to my girl,Bridget Jones, I love Bridget
Jones.
Everybody loves Bridget Jones.
I mean, if you're a youngergeneration, I see, I see Becca,
over there, I need to
Sarah (24:40):
watch that again.
Chris (24:41):
You really got to check out Bridget Jones's diary.
all of them read
Sarah (24:44):
it.
Yeah.
Read
Chris (24:45):
the book, Janet Fielding.
I can remember her name.
I can't remember, smart people'sresearch studies names.
Sarah (24:51):
Yeah, that's just, I do.
I, I, is this the quote you weretalking about?
We become trapped when our selfself worth is a consequence
rather than the cause.
Chris (25:01):
Yeah, like, when, when your self worth is based on
something that somebody has totell you, like, I, to this day,
will find myself kind of holdingmy breath.
If I share a, share an idea, orshare something during a
meeting, I mean, during ameeting is where I come up with
like the worst faux pas, and itdoes kind of hold you back.
(25:21):
I mean, you can, I can feel it.
A
Sarah (25:23):
lot, yeah.
Chris (25:24):
I worked really hard on this, I really have my points
laid out, I know that it's good,I know that what I'm trying to
do here is, I know that it'squality stuff, but as soon as I
go to say it in a meeting, I'mlike, Hey, and then I find
myself like holding my breathand waiting for someone to go,
what a great idea when, youknow, in reality, I already know
(25:45):
that it's a great idea.
And I think some of, Some of theconsequence to having that
moment of waiting for someone totell me it's a great idea is
that I lose out on theopportunity to really engage in
discussion about the ideabecause I'm just waiting for
someone to tell me it's good.
Yeah.
Sarah (26:03):
Yeah.
You're on the edge of your seat,like waiting, like, Hey, I said
that.
I said it.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Right.
And I mean, most of the, atleast with me, most of the time,
like they're decent, they'regood ideas, but it's nothing
that's going to be like meetingstopping Right.
So just having the expectationof someone.
Stopping and saying, great ideais kind of setting, setting
(26:26):
yourself up for a little bit ofdisappointment.
Chris (26:29):
coming back to some of this stuff we were talking about
in, in chapter four, it's theopportunity to learn from that
feedback.
If you're waiting for someone totell you how good it is, you're
going to miss the opportunityfor someone to say, it's great.
Or if someone to say, wouldn'tit be better if we did like
something slightly different?
Cause you're so married to theidea that if you don't tell me
it's a great idea, then I'm acomplete failure rather than
(26:51):
being someone who contributesand continues to bring good
ideas.
Sorry.
And that
Sarah (26:57):
also, no, but it also leads to, immediately you go on
the defensive if anybody has anycriticism instead of, hearing
that feedback.
You're immediately thrown intothat zone of, Oh my gosh, I'm a
terrible human being.
I'm the worst.
I need to defend this.
I need to make it right.
And it's not, that's not whatit's all about all the time.
Chris (27:16):
There are, dimensions, that he lists in the, in the
last, like the last littletaking action part of the
chapter.
And I found it really helpful tokind of read through there.
And what I tend to do is thinkI'm better than I am when I do
little exercises like that.
And I'm like, Oh my God, I sodon't care about what people
think about what I look like.
And yet I put on eyeliner andmascara every morning before I
(27:38):
log in.
and,
Sarah (27:39):
but I'm going to defend that.
I am going to defend thatbecause, like, I have my
eyelashes on and people wouldsee that as me getting my
eyelashes done because I want tolook a certain way for someone
else.
But that's not, I mean, I canvalidly say that I have these
eyelashes on my face becausethey make me feel better.
And if I feel better, I do abetter job.
(28:00):
So there are things like that aswell.
There are people who do a lot ofshit for other people, but there
are People who validly do shitfor themselves,
Chris (28:11):
right?
Sarah (28:11):
So good
Chris (28:12):
looking at, looking at perspective, I think is where I
was getting with it is the samething you just said.
Like, yeah, I'll put on eyelinerand mascara every day because I
feel good when I do it.
Not because I need someone totell me how pretty my eyeliner
is.
I feel good.
And when I put on the eyelinerand the mascara, that's me doing
(28:36):
me.
I'm not doing it to pleasesomebody else.
I'm not doing it to.
You know, reject, stereotypicalbeauty.
I am being me.
And, and part of who I am, partof my identity is, really liking
when I look in the mirror andsee, that I have eyeballs.
Which is hard to do if I don'twear eyeliner and mascara.
(28:57):
so I, I think it's a lot ofperspective shifting about
looking at those dimensions andlike kind of going through there
and reading them off and beinglike, part of, and then I found
ones that were actually stickyfor me, like.
somebody to tell me, that I hada great idea, being socially
conscious about, about somethingand, and someone telling me that
(29:19):
I'm better than somebody else.
Like, those are ones that Ireally had to take a little bit
of a 2nd glance at, but.
Having an awareness of that iskind of where we can derail that
faux pas.
Understanding that, yeah, that'swhere I have, that's where I
have a root.
That's where I have an identity.
So I need to start looking atthat and shifting my
perspective, maybe, so that Ican avoid, really sinking into
(29:43):
that fear.
So that I can avoid being animmediate and being like, oh
gosh, someone should tell methat this was a good idea or I'm
gonna take it back.
Sarah (29:51):
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And I know there's in, in thebook, there was a note of
studies being done about theexternal and the internal and
that data shows that theexternal, those who are basing
self worth on externalobjectives that negatively
impacts their physical andmental health, those individuals
(30:14):
have a greater tendency to leantowards, alcohol, Drug abuse and
eating disorders.
Chris (30:21):
Right and it kind of tracks it because you're always
afraid like you're right.
You just live in the wholecortisol loop yeah, and you're
you're constantly up here andlike
Sarah (30:32):
we all have bits of these that that are bringing us here.
And that's why we're doing thisto.
Call attention to that and howwe can help ourselves get out of
that.
I don't think I'll ever live alife where I have all internal
objectives.
Like it's just not, I'm, I'm notenlightened like that.
Chris (30:48):
I think it's looking at the, at their perspective.
Am I really waiting for externalvalidation for this or is this
just who, who I am?
And yeah, am I being my mostauthentic person by doing just
as I want to do like our friendBeethoven?
Beethoven was it he's reallygood at writing music But he is
also really worried about notbeing able to write music and
(31:13):
then he was like fuck it I I'mgonna do this because this is
who I am and this is a part ofmy this is a part of my identity
and I'm gonna separate it out ofWaiting for everybody's
approval.
I'm going to separate my musicand my, my jam from that being
so tied to, to approval, I'mgoing to write music because I
(31:35):
love to write music and.
You know, damn the consequences.
If you don't want to like it,then you don't have to like it.
But I'm going to be true to whoI am because that's a part of my
identity that I really enjoy andI really like.
It's, it's that kind of shiftingfrom external validation to
internal validation.
Like, there's nothing wrong withwanting to get good grades.
(31:55):
There's nothing wrong withwanting to succeed in your
career.
It's about understanding.
But if you're basing.
Yeah.
Sarah (32:02):
Go ahead.
If you're basing everything off,if you're basing everything off
of that, you're setting yourselfup.
I, those things, it's possibleand those are great things to,
to do.
but that's not sustain,sustainable to base everything.
All of your self worth cannot bethrown into that basket.
Chris (32:19):
Right.
Right.
Right.
Exactly.
Okay.
Exactly.
Sarah (32:22):
can I, may I.
wrap up chapter five with alittle bit of reading from the
book.
I would love it.
I like this.
I would love it.
Okay.
Cause I think it puts it all together.
So you simply, and I love thesimply of all of this.
It's so simple, so fucking hard,but it's so simple.
So simple.
you simply need to recognizethat you are worthy exactly as
you are.
You are not your grade, whetherit's an A or an F.
(32:44):
You're not your job, your age,your marathon time, your place
on the org chart, yourrelationship status, your gold
bars or your prison bars.
You have inherent value and it'snot conditioned on anything you
do or have done.
Your value stems from yourbeing, not your doing.
Chris (32:59):
I mean, a hundred percent looking back to, looking back to
our girl, Bridget Jones.
I mean, I'll, I'll kind of, I'llkind of tie those two quotes
together.
There's a, there's Did we get
Sarah (33:09):
to the Bridget Jones quote at all?
I don't think we did.
I don't think we we
Chris (33:12):
did.
This is why we need, this is whywe need, Becca.
But I will attempt to, to bringit up,
here.
So there's a point in the story where, where, Bridget is
always trying to be somethingfor somebody else.
She's writing in her diary andshe's like, I smoked 800
cigarettes.
I weigh 9, 000 pounds and she'salways anxious about it.
Right.
(33:32):
And at some point Bridgetdecides that, you know, enough
with that, enough with trying todate my boss enough with trying
to impress everybody enough withall of this.
I'm going to, I'm going to do,I'm going to get a job.
I'm going to do my job.
I'm going to have my friends.
And, when she decides that.
she, she ends up with a surplusof everything that, that she
(33:54):
wanted before.
and she, she ends up having thisdinner party at her house with
all of her weirdo littlefriends.
And she puts
Sarah (34:01):
the leeks in the soup.
Chris (34:03):
There's blue soup.
If you haven't seen it, you,you, you got to check it out
there.
All of her friends are eatingher blue soup that she has tried
to make.
And they, one of them gives atoast and says to Bridget.
We love her just as she is, andit kind of, it's the same thing,
like, when you can appreciateyourself and your gifts and what
(34:26):
you are in a way that doesn'tdepend on somebody else's
opinion.
Like, Bridget finallyunderstands that she is a full
and complete person if shedoesn't have a boyfriend, if she
stays a singleton forever, ifshe makes blue soup because she
Screwed something up like I loveCasey.
Everything about that makesBridget, Bridget, and everything
(34:46):
about Bridget is wonderful andappealing just as she is.
And it, I saw that movie andread that book at a time in my
life when I needed to hear that.
And it's so fun to, to kind ofsee those lessons come back.
Sarah (35:01):
I need to go back and read it.
Like, I feel like it was areally, like, it was right at
the same, like same, same stage.
I, I remember going to themovies by myself.
see them like I felt like it wasvery liberating.
It was very liberating.
So
Chris (35:15):
good stuff good stuff
Sarah (35:16):
and
Chris (35:17):
Hugh Grant Definitely easy on the eyes.
So yeah, yeah, you can't losewith a Bridget Jones
Sarah (35:23):
No.
Chris (35:24):
Just as she is.
I think that is the, that is thesecret sauce
Sarah (35:28):
All right.
Are you going to
Chris (35:29):
chapter six?
yeah.
Chapter five.
find out who you are.
So, chapter six kind of moves usoutside of identity and self
worth and starts talking aboutthe neurobiology of FOPO.
And, there are some concepts inhere, that are really
fascinating.
So again, there's a, there's ascience guy and he does a bunch
(35:50):
of experiments and thoseexperiments are what happens in
our brains when we're doingthings.
So what happens in our brainswhen we're doing little tasks?
What happens in our brains whenwe're doing big tasks?
What happens in our brains whenwe stop doing those tasks?
And one of the sort ofgroundbreaking things that he
came up with in the 90s, soright around this same time, was
(36:13):
that your brain never sits stilllike it, it's engaged and,
firing, when you're doing atask, a complicated, hard,
mentally challenging task.
And when you flip over to notdoing that task, when you're
like, just have an idle brain,there are different parts of
your brain that are workingequally as hard.
(36:35):
So your brain is never quiet.
Your brain is always throwingthings at you in your head.
NNN me, Sarah.
Your NMNN Neuro.
Sarah (36:47):
D-M-D-N-D-M-N.
Default.
Default
Chris (36:52):
Neuro
Sarah (36:53):
Mode Network.
Chris (36:54):
Default.
Mode Network.
DMS,
Sarah (36:56):
default mode network.
Chris (36:58):
Cool.
yes.
So even when you are justsitting still, these things are,
these things are firing and itturns out, this might be where
all of our fopo, where all ofour, quote unquote suffering.
Comes from because the tendencyof those just, churning in the
background kind of defaults,network is that it, it, it asks
(37:22):
all kinds of questions thataren't that great.
if you let your mind just sithere, it'll constantly ask you
questions about the
Sarah (37:28):
shitty things
Chris (37:29):
like,
Sarah (37:31):
yeah, they, they talk about it at the beginning, like
the studies that they did, um,it shows that people are
actually happier when they arefocused on a very specific task
and they're doing somethingthat's more challenging.
Like we think like, I'm stressedout.
I want, I don't want to do it.
Like, I just want to sit downand not think about anything.
Well, that's not fuckingpossible.
If you're going to sit down andnot think about anything, your
(37:51):
mind's not.
You know, if you're not doingthe right things, your mind's
going to go to that, thoseshitty places all the time.
That's just, just how it is.
And that's why we meditate.
Chris (38:02):
Thank you for stealing the punchline.
Sarah (38:04):
Okay.
Sorry.
It
Chris (38:05):
is, it is my week to lead.
Sarah (38:08):
Sorry.
Chris (38:09):
And you're.
You ruined it.
Sarah (38:11):
You, you, well.
Chris (38:13):
You ruined it.
Sarah (38:13):
Okay.
Chris (38:15):
Fine.
so, I will mention before I getto the mindfulness part of this,
that, this is one of the bigproblems with, ADHD, is that,
ADHDers tend to sit more intheir DMN.
Then, then, people with normalbrains, like we just get there
quicker.
regardless of what we're doing,our tendency is to even pop out
(38:38):
of a task we're supposed to befocused on and just live in our,
our, our DMN.
And for the most part, that's anuncomfortable place for, for
people to be.
That's why, ADD is a problembecause then we, we do whatever
we can to kind of.
Get our brains to work in theright way.
We don't necessarily get thesame rush of focusing on a task
(38:59):
that everybody else does.
So we kind of create our ownrush.
and one of the, one of the waysthat you can sort of combat this
is mindfulness.
how do we develop mindfulness,Sarah?
Sarah (39:10):
Am I allowed to talk now?
Chris (39:11):
Don't shake your head like you don't want to say it.
Sarah (39:14):
I didn't know if I was allowed to talk now.
I didn't want to get yelled at.
Chris (39:17):
Talk.
You say it.
Sarah (39:19):
Meditation.
Chris (39:20):
Meditation.
Exactly right.
Gold star for you.
Gold star.
Sarah (39:23):
Can we talk about this experiment they did with the
college students and this kidthat zapped himself 490 times?
We don't even have to, we don'thave to really get into it.
There was a study.
They put these college studentsin a room where they couldn't do
anything.
The only thing they could do wasgive themselves electric shocks
if they wanted to, like theydidn't have to, but like before
(39:44):
they threw them in there.
They were like, Hey, shockyourself and tell us now, like,
would you do that voluntarily?
And they all said no.
And then they get in there andthey're so bored that they, they
all start zapping themselves alittle bit like here and there.
But the one kid says, and Ilove, I love this guy just
because he included this, but itends with a one outlier push the
(40:07):
button 490 times.
Imagine being in that guy'shead.
He just couldn't
stand it.
Like, I would rather justelectrocute myself than listen
to my own brain anymore.
That guy had ADD so bad.
So bad.
Yeah.
I love you.
yes, I mean, that is one of thebig takeaways from that chapter
(40:28):
is that in general, we would
Chris (40:31):
rather give ourselves an electric shock than sit quietly
and let our brains, meanderwhere they will.
Like, that is how, that is howfrequently those thoughts turn
dark, is I would rather shockmyself and, and have that be an
activity than for me to sit inmy default, thingy thingy.
Sarah (40:52):
Yeah.
So I laugh about it.
but I shouldn't laugh about itbecause now I literally just
like, just now, which kind ofpisses me off because I read it
17 times, but just now thoughtabout it.
Yeah.
Like.
You think about people who, goto that place, who decide that
suicide is the way to go.
This is where their minds, likethis is, they would rather not
(41:16):
be here than deal with what'sgoing on in their minds like
that.
And that's what lead, likethat's, you know, I'm not saying
that's what leads to it, but youget what I'm saying.
Like that's,
Sometimes.
Like.
Heck
yeah.
And this kid was just like, fuck it.
I'm going to shock myself untilI pass out.
Like.
Rather than.
I mean that's.
Sit in stillness.
Right.
(41:36):
Right.
So that's.
It's.
Now I feel really fucking badthat I was laughing about it 490
times.
Like that's a lot of shocking.
Anyway.
Chris (41:44):
Yeah.
Imagine living in that guy'sbrain.
Sarah (41:46):
Fuck.
Right.
So yeah.
It's.
It's fucked up.
Anyway.
Go ahead.
Sorry.
I just got that.
Chris (41:52):
No, I love that story.
And I love the way that we cancombat the FOPO is understanding
who we are as people and what'simportant and what we value and
being able to sit with ourthoughts about that, being able
to sit with our thoughts about,Here's my grounding things.
(42:13):
Here's where my roots are andbeing able to kind of go back to
that, but also being able tohave the pause and the
mindfulness to take yourselffrom one perspective to another,
from sitting there and beinglike, I'm not good enough.
I'm never going to be goodenough.
of course, I'm not going to saythis idea in the meeting because
someone might call me dumb orsomeone might think I'm dumb and
(42:35):
I can't.
I can't do it to, you know,giving yourself the opportunity
to kind of take a breath andredirect like the perspective we
were talking about in Chapterfive and the.
The way you do that a lot oftimes is being mindful and
giving yourself the heartbeat tosay, I don't need to shock
myself right now because yeah,I'm bored.
(42:56):
And yeah, I don't like thedirection my brain is taking.
But these are thoughts that arein my head.
And they are not real.
They are transient.
They are not the part of me thatthat I ground myself in.
These are things that are comingin and out of my consciousness
all the time, and I can chooseto give them attention or I can
choose not to give themattention.
(43:17):
I think that is one of the mostpowerful things that I'm finding
in meditation is that you dogive yourself that pause to make
a good decision.
You do give yourself that pauseto align yourself with a value.
I don't have to pay attention tothat thought about how I'm
worthless because I, I have toput on eyeliner, like don't be
(43:38):
silly, like I don't have to givecredence to any of these
thoughts that are coming in andout of my consciousness when
they do.
I can make that decision becauseI am more mindful than I was a
week ago.
I mean, and if you think abouthow, how hard we fought the
meditation at the beginning.
If you think about how hard wewere like, I can't, I can't do
(43:59):
that.
I'd like, there's no way I cansit quietly.
There's no way I can sit in thisroom and not shock myself.
Sarah (44:06):
I just think of like, like, Things I heard at the
beginning like I think one ofthe first things I listened to
was Dan Harris's website podcastwhere he He did with his
brother.
Yeah
talking to because his brother was very Resistant to
meditating and blah blah blahanyway I remember one of them
talking about your thoughtsbeing the waterfall and you
(44:26):
being behind the waterfall and Iwas like the fuck Like this,
jeez, I need to way more gummiesto figure this shit out.
And I didn't need to.
I didn't even need the gummies.
I figured it, like, those are,like, that makes sense to me
now.
Chris (44:39):
Right.
And I, the, the fact that that'sprotective of FOPO is, Is not a
surprise to me at this point,understanding who you are and
having the, having the gap and Ithink we've talked about that
gap through all of the bookslike building atomic habits and
having the gap, the space tosay, yeah, I don't really wanna,
(45:01):
but I'm gonna is one of thethings that makes that atomic
habits work.
I don't want to take my medsevery day, but I'm going to
because it's habit now.
I don't want to exercise everyday, but I found something, I
found a routine that works.
And having the ability to workthrough, I'm just not going to
do it, is what kind of thatmindfulness creates.
(45:23):
So,
Sarah (45:24):
so this is what we need to remember when we need to get
back into these routines afterthe holidays.
And this is something that Noahwill want to argue with me after
he listens to this because he'salready argued this point to me
because I said, I'm, I need toadjust my routine.
Yeah.
And he was like, no, you don't.
You just need to get your mindstraight that you're going to do
what you were doing before andget back to it.
(45:46):
And you just need to be mindfulof that.
And I was like, yeah, I guessso, but, I'm going to adjust the
routine.
Yeah.
Yeah, I have the ability toadjust the routine because that
one works better for me, but
Chris (45:57):
I mean if you go back to Atomic Habits and Atomic Habits
is a, is a book about buildinghabits because it works.
Like the reason that book is sosuccessful is because when you
pay attention to how you'rebuilding the habit, it works.
Atomic habits isn't aboutforcing yourself to do shit.
You don't want to do atomichabits is about finding routines
(46:18):
that work.
Sarah (46:19):
And I think that's kind of how I explained it to him.
Like, okay, well, we got intothose routines and, and we both
have kind of changed.
I I've changed my routine a bit.
anyway.
Yeah.
Chris (46:31):
Yeah.
I mean, it's, it always strikesme how everything kind of ties
together.
Like mindfulness is importantin, not giving a fuck, right?
Because you pick the things thatare important to you, you pick
your values, and then you give alot of fucks about those values
and being able to build a habitaround a value.
Again, it's mindfulness kind ofweaving its way through
(46:54):
everything that we've talkedabout until we get here, and
we're like, oh, FOPO, ugh, noone likes it.
Oh, you know how to fix it?
Mindfulness.
Sarah (47:02):
I read this one, to you earlier, I believe, But I'm
going to read something first.
and this is just a study found.
The average we spend on average,we spend nearly 47 percent of
our waking hours in a mindwandering state.
Chris (47:16):
I love it
Sarah (47:17):
from this.
Our real power lies in beingable to choose where to place
our attention and having themental skills to do so, which is
exactly what we were justtalking about,
Chris (47:27):
right?
It's not motivation.
It's not dedication.
It's.
Having that space to giveyourself to make a good
decision.
And the
Sarah (47:35):
So I want my superpower to be mindfulness.
What kind of leotards would Iwear for mindfulness?
Chris (47:41):
Invisible
ones.
I
Sarah (47:43):
feel like
my, my outfit
might be fun.
It's just, you're just
like a Buddhist monk.
Your robes, your leotard isorange.
My leotard.
Oh my God.
I'll stop talking.
I think we're done.
I think
Chris (48:00):
we're, I think we're done.
I think next week we're going togo into, we're going to go into
part two.
And I think the first chapter isone about Barry Manilow and I
know we're both looking forwardto that.
Sarah (48:10):
Exactly what, as soon as I turned the page and saw that
it's, Barry Manilow and theSpotlight Effect.
I was like, wow, does that soundfucking fun.
I can't wait to get into it.
Yep.
And
I'm, I'm leading that one.
So I'm super excited about it.
Chris (48:25):
I am too.
I am really excited about that.
Sarah (48:29):
Yikes.
Chris (48:30):
And my ability to interrupt and interject the
whole time.
Sarah (48:33):
I interrupted you one fucking time.
Chris (48:35):
I don't need your, I don't need your sass.
Remember
Sarah (48:38):
that time early in the podcast when you didn't take
your meds the one day and I wastelling a story and you were
like, and you weren't payingattention.
And I said, why, what are youdoing?
Why are you not paying attentionto me?
And you literally were like,Because you're not saying what
you should be saying.
You're not saying what I wantyou to say.
You should be saying this.
Chris (48:58):
That never happened.
Sarah (49:00):
The great thing about a podcast is we can go back to the
tape.
I thought we won't.
Throw in my red flag.
Replay.
I can't believe you're gonnacall a replay on this.
Nah, I'm too fucking lazy.
I don't care.
Alright,
Chris (49:12):
so, Right.
Looking forward to all that.
so tomorrow's, tomorrow'sSteeler game.
Is that a, is that a playoffgame?
If we lose, are we done, are wedone with the Steelers?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I got a sweatshirt that says play
Renegade and I feel like I wantto wear it some more.
Sarah (49:28):
if we, if, if we win, I feel like, and how I, I mean, I
love to have faith in my teamand all but, it will be a
fucking miracle.
A miracle It, I mean, I can'timagine they have to be a whole
different team than they havebeen in the last four weeks.
Chris (49:46):
I mean,
Sarah (49:47):
it's, and I love that this is gonna come out in like a
few weeks, so done.
Right.
Chris (49:50):
Everyone will already know, we'll be able to look back
on this and be like, listen tothe optimism.
Listen to the optimism.
God bless you guys.
Sarah (49:58):
I hope the Steelers are going to win the Super Bowl and
we'll come back to this episode.
Right.
And you know what?
If they win next week, I'll besaying the same thing.
Oh, if we win this one, it'll bea fucking miracle.
Chris (50:08):
I feel like we had a, we had a Super Bowl run where we,
where we ended up winning.
Like we, We were like four gamesaway from the end of the season.
And we were like, we got to winat, I
Sarah (50:18):
think it was, Ben Roethlisberger's first
Superbowl.
Chris (50:21):
Can't remember.
Sarah (50:22):
I feel like it was, cause I remember, I distinctly
remember watching that.
And we, when we beat thePatriots, like that was like.
Cause that was, that was thegame you're going into like, and
there's no fucking way.
yeah, so that was fun.
So maybe that'll happen again.
I mean,
Chris (50:36):
I mean, that's the fun thing about the sports luckily,
Sarah, this is not a podcastabout football or Superbowl.
Yeah.
Sarah (50:43):
Yeah.
Or calendar.
Definitely not the Kelseybrothers.
I mean, we're
getting there though.
We're getting there.
Right.
Got like 40 followers.
Right.
Oh my God.
and then Noah can have his ownpodcast.
Yeah.
It'll be awesome.
It'll build
off the success of our podcast.
It'll be amazing.
I love it.
He, he'll love this.
Yesterday he was talking andhe's, he was telling his, you
know, normal story and he wentthis, that, and the other, and
(51:04):
the other thing, this, that, andthe other.
And I said, will you pleasestop, stop saying this, that,
and the other.
He was like, I don't say that alot.
Go to the tape.
Wow.
Wow.
And he just sat there andlaughed.
I was like, just think about itfor a little bit.
And now every time you go to sayit, and in the, the two minute
conversation that followed that,he had to stop himself like 17
(51:25):
times from saying this, that,and the other.
Chris (51:28):
I mean, you, you open up a whole new perspective when you
start recording yourself andlistening to how.
Dumb you sound.
Sarah (51:35):
Yeah, it's pretty amazing.
It's pretty, pretty fuckingamazing.
Chris (51:39):
Every week, constantly amazed by the amount of editing
it takes for me not to soundlike some dum dum.
Sarah (51:46):
I don't think I sound dum dum, dum dum,
Chris (51:48):
dum dum like
Sarah (51:50):
gum gum.
Chris (51:51):
How many likes, how many ums, how many, how many times
Sarah (51:54):
do I
Chris (51:55):
repeat words just to change the end of the sentence
so it doesn't make sense withthe beginning of the sentence?
A lot.
A lot.
Sarah (52:02):
It's fuckin great.
It's fuckin great.
yeah,
Chris (52:04):
good thing, in our, in our new era, in our new era, we
were aiming to have shorterepisodes.
Great.
we're an hour and ten minutes,and I think by the time we
release this That's actuallygood! it'll be 45 minutes.
By the time we cut out all the
Sarah (52:17):
Yeah.
'cause we have a good, we have agood 15 minutes of us.
the, we have a great amount ofthose to get rid of.
We're fine.
you went pee.
Oh yeah.
I forgot I had
Chris (52:27):
go pee.
Sarah (52:29):
Yeah, we're fucking golden.
This'll be 45 minutes tops.
Chris (52:32):
Exactly.
Sarah (52:33):
Okay.
Chris (52:34):
All right.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna, we'regonna stop recording.
Hey, love you.
Sarah (52:37):
Love you.
Bye.
Chris (52:39):
Sorry that I yelled at you for, taking my spotlight.
Sarah (52:43):
It's all right.
It was fun to give you shitafter all of it.
Okay.
Chris (52:45):
Alright.
Love you.
Sarah (52:47):
Love you, bye.
Love
Chris (52:47):
you, bye.
Hey, and welcome to the Mental Funny Bone.
I'm Sarah
Chris (00:08):
and I'm Christine,
Sarah (00:09):
and we are not mental health professionals.
If you need immediate mentalhealth, help, you should dial
988.
and we also have a plethora oflinks that you can click on in
our show notes.
I'm not sure if five equals aplethora, but we're going to go
with it.
I think
Chris (00:28):
relatively speaking, five is plenty.
Okay.
Plenty.
Sarah (00:31):
Plenty.
So we have plenty of links.
feel free to check those out.
Christine, do you want to talkabout Becca or do you want me to
talk about Becca?
Chris (00:39):
you go ahead.
You're good at talking.
Sarah (00:41):
Just so everybody knows, we've got our intern with us
today, Becca.
She's in the background.
She's on mute.
we're not letting her talk.
Nah.
I'm kidding.
When she
grows up.
When she grows
up.
So, Becca's with us.
She's in the background.
You might hear us as we record,tell Becca to write something
down or keep us.
(01:02):
I don't know what.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I don't know.
So we
tell the interns, get us a cupof coffee.
I'm not sure.
Yeah.
Coffee is kind of difficult.
We've talked about that before.
We're geographically challenged.
yeah.
So anyway, Becca's in thebackground.
Thank you for joining us, Becca.
Yay.
Chris (01:18):
Becca the intern.
Sarah (01:19):
Yay.
Okay.
we're going to start.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to do that because Ihave the wrong thing up here.
Chris (01:26):
I like it when you point the camera at your microphone
Sarah (01:30):
Okay.
so I'm going to start out, withsome fan mail today.
We really didn't have fan mail,but I just wanted to make some
comments on some Facebook stuffafter our Michelle Kapats
interview.
That seemed to be, everybodyreally, really enjoyed that.
Our friends at, March 4th,Jackie and Ed, put a little
post, this episode was awesome.
(01:51):
Thank you for sharing.
And then they also shared it onFacebook.
So thank you guys for alwaysbeing so supportive.
another one of our, what's theword?
Dedicated.
I was going to say committed.
Dedicated followers, Heather S.
noted on Facebook, I reallyliked listening to Michelle.
She gave me so much to thinkabout from meditation to the
words we use.
Thank you.
(02:12):
so again, thank you Heather forfollowing.
And then Jamie M, another one ofour, very dedicated followers.
She said it was a hell of aninterview.
Love all three of you.
And I'm so proud of all of youfor doing your thing.
so absolutely.
Love all you guys and thank youfor continuing to make these
comments and share everythingthat we ask you to.
(02:34):
and a big shout out to mybrother in law, David.
he shared it on Facebook.
Yeah.
Yes.
David shared the Kapotzinterview.
Chris (02:44):
I didn't know he knew how to do that.
Sarah (02:46):
I, I was, that's why I'm calling it out.
Cause I feel like that'spositive reinforcement, right?
Like, yeah, David, I don't know.
I don't think he listens,
Chris (02:55):
David does not listen because yeah, his philosophy is
I don't need to listen to youtoo, because I live it.
that is amazing.
David is getting quiteproficient at Facebook.
Yeah.
These days he sends me abouteight or 800 reels to watch
because he's into them now too.
So every time he toddles off tothe potty, I am assured of
(03:17):
getting at least 14 while that'sgoing on.
Shit Reels.
Sarah (03:21):
That's what those are called.
Shit Reels.
Chris (03:23):
Everyone is about a cat or somebody who has Attention
Deficit Disorder.
Sarah (03:27):
So, we'll ask all of our listeners to continue to share,
as much as you can.
we had some great success lastyear and we want to continue
that moving forward.
the gastro story, you haveanything else you want to add
before we get to the gastrostory?
Chris (03:42):
Thanks guys.
Okay.
Appreciate the support.
Sarah (03:44):
the Gaster story this week, I had one in there, but
I'm not really in a great spaceto tell that one.
So I have decided to, make anaudible, that, that's what it's
called, right?
When they change the play infootball, it's an audible.
Yeah.
Mm hmm.
Right?
Yes.
What did Peyton Manning, whatwas his thing that he always
yelled?
Omaha.
Omaha.
Ah, I was going to say Oklahoma.
(04:06):
No.
I'm going to give it an Omaha.
anyway, and I didn't reallywrite out a lot of it, so you're
going to have to help me,Christine.
And we may have talked about it,but I'm going to stop saying
that because we're just going totalk about shit over and over
again.
the Flag Staff Trip.
Oh, I love it.
Did we, we may have talked about it.
We're talking about it again.
(04:27):
When we lived in Arizona,Flagstaff, for those of you who
are not, familiar, Flagstaff isthe cold place.
I don't know.
It's on a mountain.
That's where you go skiing.
Yeah.
That's where you go skiing.
you live in
Chris (04:40):
Arizona, if you live in Phoenix and you want to go to
the mountains, you just headnorth and you end up in
Flagstaff.
It's also on Route 66.
If, if, and if there are any oldtimey people listening, when you
would travel across the country,you would drive on route 66.
Sarah (04:54):
You'd get your kicks.
Chris (04:56):
On route 66.
Also a Depeche Mode song that Ithink was a cover of a real old
song.
So
Sarah (05:03):
yeah.
Chris (05:03):
There you go.
That's what I know aboutFlagstaff.
Before I move to Arizona.
Sarah (05:07):
I said, when you said it's on Route 66, I was like, Mm
hmm.
Like I knew.
Chris (05:12):
I don't.
Sarah (05:12):
Right.
I don't fucking know.
I don't even.
It's, it's up a mountain.
Anyway, we went to Flagstaff.
and I, am I going to combine twostories?
Did we go to Flagstaff and dothe.
skiing.
Chris (05:27):
Two different stories.
So why,
Sarah (05:29):
why did we go to Flagstaff with Grandmaster?
That was just to takeGrandmaster to Flagstaff?
Chris (05:35):
Cause yeah, we were, we needed to, to get out of town.
We were going to Sedona.
Sarah (05:39):
Okay.
Anyway, so it was just the twoof us and we needed to get out
of town and we did Taekwondo atthe time and Grandmaster was
like the head of everything atTaekwondo.
and I don't know what type ofevent we did, but we got, or you
got, or I got, I don't know.
Somebody got a Grandmasterstatue.
We
(05:59):
both got trophies.
Yeah, and the Grandmaster is standing very stoic with his
hands crossed, as you should, toshow respect to the Grandmaster,
I don't know, but it was justthis gold statue.
Anyway, and we decided to takehim to Flagstaff with us and
drive around and get him out ofthe car and place him in areas
(06:20):
and take pictures.
this the time that we stayed inthe creepy shining motel and we
got kicked out of the bar?
Yeah.
Chris (06:27):
Yes.
Yes.
All of it.
We had breakfast with DrewCarey.
There were a whole series ofevents.
But I really, I really feel likewe glossed over the fact that, I
have a black belt in taekwondo.
I feel like we just skip that.
Sarah (06:41):
I have a recommended black belt.
Chris (06:44):
And I, I, I, I want everyone to know.
Sarah (06:47):
That
Chris (06:47):
fun fact about me is that I do have a black belt in
Taekwondo that I earned bytaking classes at the, at the
ATA school of Taekwondo inArizona.
when you moved eventually outto, out to Phoenix, you worked
at the ATA Taekwondo studioselling memberships and black
(07:12):
belts to children.
Thank you.
Sarah (07:14):
Yeah, that was my job.
That was my job.
Chris (07:17):
I think you glossed over it a little too quickly.
And you made it all the way upto recommended Black Belt, which
is almost Black Belt.
Sarah (07:24):
Yeah, yeah.
It was all kind of rushedbecause I work there and then
They wanted me to teach kids.
And then I realized I didn'tlike the kids and that led to me
having to change my whole majorin school.
It was a lot.
There was a lot going on in thatperiod of my life.
not, I'm on the fence of whatwas good and what was bad about
(07:45):
it.
But anyway, so, so we go to, wego to Flagstaff,
Chris (07:48):
we check
Sarah (07:49):
into a hotel.
Chris (07:50):
Again, you're glossing over the fact that we went to a
Karate Kid style tournament,which is where we won these
statues.
Sarah (07:58):
You, what you really need to do is just tell the story.
So.
Chris (08:02):
No, I feel like you're just glossing over some of the
important details.
Nope, you're tagged in.
Sarah (08:05):
Nope, you're tagged in.
Don't be like that.
Nope, you're tagged in.
You're done.
Fine.
I tagged you.
This might
Chris (08:11):
have been the tournament we went to where the there were,
there were always very limitedgrownups at these tournaments,
as you can imagine, becausethat's
Sarah (08:19):
how we got trophies
Chris (08:21):
and activity for children.
Yeah, I, I was 29 at the time,and I was in an age group with
someone who was 18, I believe.
this is.
You were
Sarah (08:32):
younger than that because I was 21.
Chris (08:33):
26, 27.
I was.
26.
Early.
Sarah (08:36):
Yeah.
Chris (08:37):
Mid 20s.
Mid to late 20s.
We'll go with that.
There were several years.
Like if you just didn't walk upand they handed you a black
belt, it took like a coupleyears for me to get the black
belt of dedication,determination and.
Knee surgeries, different story.
so I squared up against this 18year old girl and she, they
said, they said fight just likethey do on the karate kid and
(09:00):
then you fight.
and she kicked me in the headand then, and you get like three
points for that year, like raceand didn't nine or whatever.
So I stood back and then shekicked me in the head again,
same thing happened.
Sarah (09:10):
And then I
Chris (09:11):
stood back and she kicked me in the head again.
Like, three times.
Like, that's all I'll tell you.
The whole thing took about fourseconds.
No one had to sweep the leg.
No one got me a body bag.
Like, none of it.
It took, it took less than 30seconds for this young lady to
kick my ass.
good news is we were the onlytwo in that age group.
So she got like a big life sizestatue of the Grand Master and I
(09:33):
got like a little one, like alittle teeny statue of the Grand
Master.
Sarah (09:38):
Exactly.
So,
Chris (09:39):
I, I think same thing happened to, to you in, in, in
your, whatever you were doing.
I think that was sparring whereI got my thing and you got it
in,
Sarah (09:48):
doing
Chris (09:49):
the forms.
Sarah (09:49):
The forms.
I remember doing the sparringpart, like we must have had four
people.
Because I don't think, because Iwas fourth, I guess, because I
didn't get an award in that one.
and yeah, I remember laughing.
And I feel like that was never athing that anybody wanted you to
do, because everybody was soserious.
the same thing, like, right tothe head.
And I was like, ah, shit.
(10:11):
Then it happened again.
And I laughed.
I was like, huh, you think I'dlearn?
And I don't think anybody there,like the ref or my opponent,
thought I was funny in theslightest, which made me laugh
harder.
All right.
So
Chris (10:23):
we,
we collect
our little statues and I, I, I think.
spring break?
Like, I don't know why, I, like,no one was chasing us, like, we
weren't being, hunted by the mobor anything, like, we didn't
have to get out of town, we justdecided we wanted to, to head up
north without, without Michael.
Yeah.
And, yeah, we, we get toFlagstaff.
(10:44):
And, we check into, what I thinkis the Bates Motel,
Sarah (10:48):
Oh, it was terrible.
It was fucking terrible.
No wonder I got so drunk thatnight.
That was the only way I couldsleep in that fucking place.
Chris (10:56):
It is a, it is a very classic old hotel in Flagstaff.
And I'm sure if you're listeningfrom the, That area, you know,
the hotel we're talking about,everybody like, kind of like,
Oh, it's so nice.
but, we go out and apparentlythere's a nightclub in Flagstaff
for people who have been skiing.
So we go there and we have acouple of soda pops and, we are
(11:16):
dancing at this nightclub likewe do in the nineties.
Like, I'm sure that there's, I'msure they played Hootie and the
Blowfish at one point at a danceclub.
Sarah (11:25):
And,
Chris (11:27):
it's, it's the end of the night.
And it's time for everyone to goback to their creepy ass,
shining hotel where obviouslysome twins are going to drown in
blood and ride their littletricycles down the hallway.
yep.
for some reason, you had beenpaying for the drinks.
And
Sarah (11:42):
I think it was just, let's see which, which one of
our cards was going to work atthe end of the night.
How are we so bad with money?
How?
How?
Throw them both, both up there, see which one sticks.
Try not to put any drinks onthat card, the advice.
Chris (11:58):
And you, you were, you were a little bit bitter that
the bar was going to close.
You were?
Sarah (12:03):
Yeah.
I don't know what I thought was,ha Oh, I may, I think because we
were in the mountains, theyclosed at like one instead of
two, and I was like pissed offabout it.
No, they all closed
Chris (12:11):
at one.
They all closed at one.
But maybe they, they, they wereattempting to shut it down and
tick early, like, I don't know.
12, 15.
You were like, listen, and likeyou had your hands on the bar
and I don't know what you werestanding on, like if it was like
the little rail around it, butyou were, you were up.
Sarah (12:28):
And
Chris (12:28):
you were like, listen, I am not leaving here until you
spell out.
Sarah (12:33):
Yeah.
Chris (12:34):
And this guy went, O U T, and you were thrown off your
game.
Like, I don't know if youexpected him not to be able to
spell.
Like, I'm not, I'm
Sarah (12:44):
not sure, like I have no clue where this came from
because I can't, like, it, ithappened after this.
Like, I think after this it wasjust a joke.
Like, no, I'm not leaving untilyou spell out.
Like, but I don't know wherethis came from.
I don't know why.
I would ask any, like, what, wasthere a movie?
Was there something, if anybodyis listening that may have known
(13:04):
me back then, that has any cluewhere I took this from, please
let me know, because I haveobviously scrapped it from my
memory.
But I, don't know what the pointwas.
I don't know what I was tryingto do.
You,
Chris (13:20):
You thought you were a character in the, in whatever
movie this is from.
And then the guy was like, allright, O U T.
O U
Sarah (13:27):
T.
I was like, fuck.
Chris (13:28):
You're like all deflated.
And I think he tried to handback your card and you just
walked away.
Sarah (13:32):
yeah.
I don't, I don't know.
I, I don't know.
And then we went to breakfastand that's when I realized that
I didn't have a card.
Did we make those guys pay forthe Breakfast.
Yeah, we
sure did.
Yeah.
Yeah, we did.
Yeah, we did.
So, yeah.
So, we, we went to breakfastwith Drew, Drew Carey and his
buddy, because those are thetype of people we picked up at
the bar.
Chris (13:50):
I don't recall, I, it's, it's been a while, so I don't
recall whether we met them onthe walk to the diner or if we
just went there and sat downwith them.
Sarah (14:02):
I'm, I'm not sure.
I feel like for the sake of astory, it sounds great if we
show up and we're like, hey,there's Two seats and just sit
with these guys because itwasn't like, it wasn't like
we're trying to make out likethey weren't trying to make out
with us.
We weren't trying to make outwith them.
It wasn't.
We just, we just wanted to havesome breakfast.
We were hungry and wanted eggs,hash browns, bacon, and a Coke.
(14:23):
Not even eggs.
And apparently you didn't have any way of paying.
I don't know why, but my cardwas at the bar.
That place was shut the fuckdown.
So yeah.
So they, they bought usbreakfast.
Chris (14:34):
I think they offered.
I think that when you said thatyour credit card was left at the
bar, they just assumed we weredestitute and needed help.
Sarah (14:41):
Yeah.
Chris (14:42):
Yeah.
Which kind of makes sense.
Sarah (14:44):
Yeah.
I think the next day is whenGrandmaster and this was KF
motherfucking see a trip.
Wasn't it?
Chris (14:52):
Yes, I was just gonna say it.
Apparently, we didn't getenough, we didn't get enough
food at breakfast.
So we went back and I, I thinkthat we left the lights on in
this creepy ass motel room wherelike the wallpaper's peeling
slowly off the wall.
I was like, we can't turn thelights off.
It
Sarah (15:09):
was probably me.
Like, I, yeah, I'm not turningthe lights off.
I think either of us.
There
were two single beds and I slept in the bed, the single
bed with you.
clinging on to me like I wasgoing to do anything against the
ghost and the paranormal.
Yeah.
Chris (15:20):
Just pretend it's not happening.
Sarah (15:22):
on.
I have, I have a side, I have aside story.
Feel free to take it out if weneed to, but I saw a real, saw a
real, I feel like it's a goodone though.
You might just have to go andwatch it.
It was an Ellen DeGeneres oneand Kevin Hart was on the show
and she was talking about ghosthunters and he was like, who's
hunting ghosts?
What are you talking about?
(15:43):
And she's like, well, when theygo and he, he does like a.
Double take.
He's like, what do we talk?
Where are we?
What are we talking about?
What do you like?
It's you have to watch it.
And then it's, it's very funnyanyway.
So that reminded me of ghosts.
So go check out the EllenDeGeneres, Kevin Hart talking
about ghost hunters.
Cause it's just go searchanything, Kevin Hart and you'll
(16:04):
piss yourself.
So it's great.
Chris (16:05):
I, I agree.
I agree.
So I, I, I don't know if thiswas our plan when we brought
our, statues, our trophies alongwith us, but what we did the
next day was drive around sceniclocations in Flagstaff and pose
this little statue, like in atiny bit of snow next to a
(16:26):
beautiful baby pine tree andtake his picture.
With a, with a camera, becauseback in the day, as I look at
Becca's young intern face, toexplain that back in the day,
you used to have to get a cameraand film, put those together,
and then take pictures.
Sarah (16:45):
It's weird.
So weird.
Chris (16:46):
Right.
Sarah (16:47):
Right.
Mind blowing.
Mind fucking blowing.
Chris (16:50):
Right.
I don't even think I had a cellphone at this point.
Sarah (16:53):
No.
No, I didn't have a cell phoneuntil I moved back home.
Chris (16:56):
They were huge.
Huge.
Yeah.
Sarah (16:58):
Yeah, no, absolutely not.
I had a beeper.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
Paging Dr.
Sarah.
Paging Dr.
Sarah.
Fuck's sake.
So, do you have any of thosepictures?
I have, I, I, I don't
Chris (17:10):
know.
Sarah (17:11):
Cause I, I'm pretty sure I do not.
Like I, I think of all this shitwe did and how much of it, like
I always say I'm glad we didn'thave cell phones.
But I would really like thatthere's shit that I did not need
to get caught on film.
Right, right.
But there's some shit that I'mlike, man, I wish I did have a
cell phone.
'cause that those fuckingpictures would be.
(17:34):
Would be amazing.
Chris (17:35):
That photo study, if you will, of Grandmaster on his
journey from Flagstaff to Sedona
Sarah (17:42):
and
Chris (17:43):
watching him enjoy the vortexes and the realignment of
his chakras in Sedona.
Sarah (17:50):
He felt really, really comfortable and at home in all
those trees.
He likes the nature.
Chris (17:57):
Right.
We laid him out on the pillow.
I think he took a nap.
Sarah (18:00):
He took a nap while we were at the bar.
My God, I wish everyone was usso that they could appreciate
how funny this is.
You were 26 years old.
I was 21 and we had basicallyhad a trophy that we were
treating like a baby doll.
I was a professional.
I had already graduated.
was working in my current field.
FYI.
(18:20):
this is why on.
I don't know.
I feel bad for people who don't have these experiences.
I
do too.
Anyway.
Freaking hilarious.
yeah.
So that's, that's Grandmaster.
Oh, and on our way out, we werehungry.
Chris (18:34):
Oh, yeah.
And, you know, neither of usreally had a whole ton of money.
So we're driving past the,Kentucky Fried Chicken.
And I was like, should we stop?
What do you want to eat?
And she was like, Sarah.
would be me.
K.
F.
motherfuckin C.
Sarah (18:48):
Yeah.
I was super excited about it.
I was so, I had never been, norhave I since then, been so
excited about K.
F.
motherfuckin C.
I was so, I was hungover.
So that just, like, all of it.
Seemed right.
yeah.
Chris (19:08):
Looking forward to
Sarah (19:10):
Chicken.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Chris (19:12):
Let's jump back in to our friend, Michael Gervais.
I think the last time I wasbragging because I remembered
the name of the book.
And now, the first rule ofmastery is the name of the book.
Sarah (19:23):
Very good.
Very good.
I have to interject real quick.
Macho just came in with Humper,for those of you that don't know
Humper.
Humper is a puppy, a stuffedpuppy, stuffed puppy, a fake
puppy, not a real puppy.
That, well, you use yourimagination if it's, his name's
Humper.
There you go.
Chris (19:44):
okay, so we've done, four chapters of the first Rule of
Mastery and, we talked all aboutfopo, the fear of other people's
opinions, and we've talked abouthow that is an actual fear
response, and we've talked abouthow.
Getting yourself in a cycle ofFOPO takes away from your
(20:04):
ability to, do really greatthings, because you're so
constantly in this cycle of fearand adjusting your behavior and
making sure that, that you'refitting in and that, no one in
the crowd is giving you signalsof, not being good enough or
whatever.
and.
Kind of how damaging that is.
(20:25):
And then last week, we spent agood deal of time talking about
identity.
Talking about how important itis to understand who you are as
a person as a way to avoidgetting in these, faux pose
situations.
so this week we're going to talkabout, chapter five, which is
outsourcing your self worth.
And when Sarah and I weretalking.
(20:45):
earlier about this chapter, sheasked me what the difference
between identity and self worthwas.
So I thought they
Sarah (20:52):
sound a lot alike in the chapters.
I feel like they do sound a bitalike,
Chris (20:56):
a good place to start for us would be here's, here's what
I mean by identity and here'swhat I mean by self worth.
So when we're looking atidentity, going with a tree
metaphor, cause it comes up inthe book a lot, identity is
where you plant your roots.
And self worth is how tall andbeautiful you let your tree
grow.
(21:16):
So, where are you grounded?
Where do you, look for youridentity?
the place for you.
Are you alright?
Are you alright?
I, I hope people are.
If you haven't.
Gone to watch us on YouTube, youreally do, just to see that last
four seconds of Sarah getting
Sarah (21:32):
stuck in
Chris (21:34):
a sweatshirt.
I'm not distracted by what'shappening on the screen at all.
I thought I could, I thought Icould do it without you.
Like actively stuck in asweatshirt struggling.
You look like Tommy boy, fat guyin a little coat, Richard.
Oh, fuck.
Sarah (21:50):
Okay.
Back in a little
coat.
All right.
Give me a second.
Chris (21:53):
your identity is kind of the place where you ground
yourself.
The, the.
Your, values where you plantyour roots, the way that it
comes across in the chapter isthere's a, a whole slew of
places where you can plant yourroots and, some psychiatrists
and psychologists and researchertype people whose names I never
(22:13):
remember in these books.
they did a lot of research in,how college students saw
themselves and came up with somedimensions and there's actually
a really nice, exercise at theend that kind of lists a bunch
of these dimensions where youcan start to think about where
are, are my roots and the rootsare kind of the places where you
can, Find yourself falling intoFopo.
(22:36):
So if you have your identitybased in a lot of things that
are, Sort of external to you.
So when we're talking aboutperformance based identities,
we're talking about people whoare really grounded in being
better than the person next tothem.
People who are really groundedin having having success based
on external measurement.
(22:58):
And I think you had a reallygood quote.
Sarah (23:00):
Oh, well, I just wrote down, I just wrote down here
that the self worth is dependenton the objectives in the world.
So you have your external, whichis appearance, academics,
competition, approval fromothers and family support.
And then you have your internal,which are the faith and virtue,
objectives.
Chris (23:19):
The dimensions in the study were college kids see
themselves reflected in theexternal.
So am I getting good grades?
And I think we talked about thisa lot when we were talking
about, kind of, Identity andbasing yourself in in that space
where looking to internalsources for validation and
(23:42):
determining if you are enough.
So what we find is if we baseour self worth in places that
require external validation.
If we place our self worth insomething like academics where
someone has to give me a grade,then I'm always kind of on the
cusp of failing, right?
Because I'm always waiting forsomebody else to tell me if I'm
(24:03):
good enough, and what we want totry to do is move to, self worth
being based on how we seeourselves and understanding that
we are enough.
I think is the, the whole pointof chapter five is going from
looking for external validationto understanding that at some
point in your life, you have toaccept that you are enough just
(24:27):
as you are.
I like to go back to my girl,Bridget Jones, I love Bridget
Jones.
Everybody loves Bridget Jones.
I mean, if you're a youngergeneration, I see, I see Becca,
over there, I need to
Sarah (24:40):
watch that again.
Chris (24:41):
You really got to check out Bridget Jones's diary.
all of them read
Sarah (24:44):
it.
Yeah.
Read
Chris (24:45):
the book, Janet Fielding.
I can remember her name.
I can't remember, smart people'sresearch studies names.
Sarah (24:51):
Yeah, that's just, I do.
I, I, is this the quote you weretalking about?
We become trapped when our selfself worth is a consequence
rather than the cause.
Chris (25:01):
Yeah, like, when, when your self worth is based on
something that somebody has totell you, like, I, to this day,
will find myself kind of holdingmy breath.
If I share a, share an idea, orshare something during a
meeting, I mean, during ameeting is where I come up with
like the worst faux pas, and itdoes kind of hold you back.
(25:21):
I mean, you can, I can feel it.
A
Sarah (25:23):
lot, yeah.
Chris (25:24):
I worked really hard on this, I really have my points
laid out, I know that it's good,I know that what I'm trying to
do here is, I know that it'squality stuff, but as soon as I
go to say it in a meeting, I'mlike, Hey, and then I find
myself like holding my breathand waiting for someone to go,
what a great idea when, youknow, in reality, I already know
(25:45):
that it's a great idea.
And I think some of, Some of theconsequence to having that
moment of waiting for someone totell me it's a great idea is
that I lose out on theopportunity to really engage in
discussion about the ideabecause I'm just waiting for
someone to tell me it's good.
Yeah.
Sarah (26:03):
Yeah.
You're on the edge of your seat,like waiting, like, Hey, I said
that.
I said it.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Right.
And I mean, most of the, atleast with me, most of the time,
like they're decent, they'regood ideas, but it's nothing
that's going to be like meetingstopping Right.
So just having the expectationof someone.
Stopping and saying, great ideais kind of setting, setting
(26:26):
yourself up for a little bit ofdisappointment.
Chris (26:29):
coming back to some of this stuff we were talking about
in, in chapter four, it's theopportunity to learn from that
feedback.
If you're waiting for someone totell you how good it is, you're
going to miss the opportunityfor someone to say, it's great.
Or if someone to say, wouldn'tit be better if we did like
something slightly different?
Cause you're so married to theidea that if you don't tell me
it's a great idea, then I'm acomplete failure rather than
(26:51):
being someone who contributesand continues to bring good
ideas.
Sorry.
And that
Sarah (26:57):
also, no, but it also leads to, immediately you go on
the defensive if anybody has anycriticism instead of, hearing
that feedback.
You're immediately thrown intothat zone of, Oh my gosh, I'm a
terrible human being.
I'm the worst.
I need to defend this.
I need to make it right.
And it's not, that's not whatit's all about all the time.
Chris (27:16):
There are, dimensions, that he lists in the, in the
last, like the last littletaking action part of the
chapter.
And I found it really helpful tokind of read through there.
And what I tend to do is thinkI'm better than I am when I do
little exercises like that.
And I'm like, Oh my God, I sodon't care about what people
think about what I look like.
And yet I put on eyeliner andmascara every morning before I
(27:38):
log in.
and,
Sarah (27:39):
but I'm going to defend that.
I am going to defend thatbecause, like, I have my
eyelashes on and people wouldsee that as me getting my
eyelashes done because I want tolook a certain way for someone
else.
But that's not, I mean, I canvalidly say that I have these
eyelashes on my face becausethey make me feel better.
And if I feel better, I do abetter job.
(28:00):
So there are things like that aswell.
There are people who do a lot ofshit for other people, but there
are People who validly do shitfor themselves,
Chris (28:11):
right?
Sarah (28:11):
So good
Chris (28:12):
looking at, looking at perspective, I think is where I
was getting with it is the samething you just said.
Like, yeah, I'll put on eyelinerand mascara every day because I
feel good when I do it.
Not because I need someone totell me how pretty my eyeliner
is.
I feel good.
And when I put on the eyelinerand the mascara, that's me doing
(28:36):
me.
I'm not doing it to pleasesomebody else.
I'm not doing it to.
You know, reject, stereotypicalbeauty.
I am being me.
And, and part of who I am, partof my identity is, really liking
when I look in the mirror andsee, that I have eyeballs.
Which is hard to do if I don'twear eyeliner and mascara.
(28:57):
so I, I think it's a lot ofperspective shifting about
looking at those dimensions andlike kind of going through there
and reading them off and beinglike, part of, and then I found
ones that were actually stickyfor me, like.
somebody to tell me, that I hada great idea, being socially
conscious about, about somethingand, and someone telling me that
(29:19):
I'm better than somebody else.
Like, those are ones that Ireally had to take a little bit
of a 2nd glance at, but.
Having an awareness of that iskind of where we can derail that
faux pas.
Understanding that, yeah, that'swhere I have, that's where I
have a root.
That's where I have an identity.
So I need to start looking atthat and shifting my
perspective, maybe, so that Ican avoid, really sinking into
(29:43):
that fear.
So that I can avoid being animmediate and being like, oh
gosh, someone should tell methat this was a good idea or I'm
gonna take it back.
Sarah (29:51):
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And I know there's in, in thebook, there was a note of
studies being done about theexternal and the internal and
that data shows that theexternal, those who are basing
self worth on externalobjectives that negatively
impacts their physical andmental health, those individuals
(30:14):
have a greater tendency to leantowards, alcohol, Drug abuse and
eating disorders.
Chris (30:21):
Right and it kind of tracks it because you're always
afraid like you're right.
You just live in the wholecortisol loop yeah, and you're
you're constantly up here andlike
Sarah (30:32):
we all have bits of these that that are bringing us here.
And that's why we're doing thisto.
Call attention to that and howwe can help ourselves get out of
that.
I don't think I'll ever live alife where I have all internal
objectives.
Like it's just not, I'm, I'm notenlightened like that.
Chris (30:48):
I think it's looking at the, at their perspective.
Am I really waiting for externalvalidation for this or is this
just who, who I am?
And yeah, am I being my mostauthentic person by doing just
as I want to do like our friendBeethoven?
Beethoven was it he's reallygood at writing music But he is
also really worried about notbeing able to write music and
(31:13):
then he was like fuck it I I'mgonna do this because this is
who I am and this is a part ofmy this is a part of my identity
and I'm gonna separate it out ofWaiting for everybody's
approval.
I'm going to separate my musicand my, my jam from that being
so tied to, to approval, I'mgoing to write music because I
(31:35):
love to write music and.
You know, damn the consequences.
If you don't want to like it,then you don't have to like it.
But I'm going to be true to whoI am because that's a part of my
identity that I really enjoy andI really like.
It's, it's that kind of shiftingfrom external validation to
internal validation.
Like, there's nothing wrong withwanting to get good grades.
(31:55):
There's nothing wrong withwanting to succeed in your
career.
It's about understanding.
But if you're basing.
Yeah.
Sarah (32:02):
Go ahead.
If you're basing everything off,if you're basing everything off
of that, you're setting yourselfup.
I, those things, it's possibleand those are great things to,
to do.
but that's not sustain,sustainable to base everything.
All of your self worth cannot bethrown into that basket.
Chris (32:19):
Right.
Right.
Right.
Exactly.
Okay.
Exactly.
Sarah (32:22):
can I, may I.
wrap up chapter five with alittle bit of reading from the
book.
I would love it.
I like this.
I would love it.
Okay.
Cause I think it puts it all together.
So you simply, and I love thesimply of all of this.
It's so simple, so fucking hard,but it's so simple.
So simple.
you simply need to recognizethat you are worthy exactly as
you are.
You are not your grade, whetherit's an A or an F.
(32:44):
You're not your job, your age,your marathon time, your place
on the org chart, yourrelationship status, your gold
bars or your prison bars.
You have inherent value and it'snot conditioned on anything you
do or have done.
Your value stems from yourbeing, not your doing.
Chris (32:59):
I mean, a hundred percent looking back to, looking back to
our girl, Bridget Jones.
I mean, I'll, I'll kind of, I'llkind of tie those two quotes
together.
There's a, there's Did we get
Sarah (33:09):
to the Bridget Jones quote at all?
I don't think we did.
I don't think we we
Chris (33:12):
did.
This is why we need, this is whywe need, Becca.
But I will attempt to, to bringit up,
here.
So there's a point in the story where, where, Bridget is
always trying to be somethingfor somebody else.
She's writing in her diary andshe's like, I smoked 800
cigarettes.
I weigh 9, 000 pounds and she'salways anxious about it.
Right.
(33:32):
And at some point Bridgetdecides that, you know, enough
with that, enough with trying todate my boss enough with trying
to impress everybody enough withall of this.
I'm going to, I'm going to do,I'm going to get a job.
I'm going to do my job.
I'm going to have my friends.
And, when she decides that.
she, she ends up with a surplusof everything that, that she
(33:54):
wanted before.
and she, she ends up having thisdinner party at her house with
all of her weirdo littlefriends.
And she puts
Sarah (34:01):
the leeks in the soup.
Chris (34:03):
There's blue soup.
If you haven't seen it, you,you, you got to check it out
there.
All of her friends are eatingher blue soup that she has tried
to make.
And they, one of them gives atoast and says to Bridget.
We love her just as she is, andit kind of, it's the same thing,
like, when you can appreciateyourself and your gifts and what
(34:26):
you are in a way that doesn'tdepend on somebody else's
opinion.
Like, Bridget finallyunderstands that she is a full
and complete person if shedoesn't have a boyfriend, if she
stays a singleton forever, ifshe makes blue soup because she
Screwed something up like I loveCasey.
Everything about that makesBridget, Bridget, and everything
(34:46):
about Bridget is wonderful andappealing just as she is.
And it, I saw that movie andread that book at a time in my
life when I needed to hear that.
And it's so fun to, to kind ofsee those lessons come back.
Sarah (35:01):
I need to go back and read it.
Like, I feel like it was areally, like, it was right at
the same, like same, same stage.
I, I remember going to themovies by myself.
see them like I felt like it wasvery liberating.
It was very liberating.
So
Chris (35:15):
good stuff good stuff
Sarah (35:16):
and
Chris (35:17):
Hugh Grant Definitely easy on the eyes.
So yeah, yeah, you can't losewith a Bridget Jones
Sarah (35:23):
No.
Chris (35:24):
Just as she is.
I think that is the, that is thesecret sauce
Sarah (35:28):
All right.
Are you going to
Chris (35:29):
chapter six?
yeah.
Chapter five.
find out who you are.
So, chapter six kind of moves usoutside of identity and self
worth and starts talking aboutthe neurobiology of FOPO.
And, there are some concepts inhere, that are really
fascinating.
So again, there's a, there's ascience guy and he does a bunch
(35:50):
of experiments and thoseexperiments are what happens in
our brains when we're doingthings.
So what happens in our brainswhen we're doing little tasks?
What happens in our brains whenwe're doing big tasks?
What happens in our brains whenwe stop doing those tasks?
And one of the sort ofgroundbreaking things that he
came up with in the 90s, soright around this same time, was
(36:13):
that your brain never sits stilllike it, it's engaged and,
firing, when you're doing atask, a complicated, hard,
mentally challenging task.
And when you flip over to notdoing that task, when you're
like, just have an idle brain,there are different parts of
your brain that are workingequally as hard.
(36:35):
So your brain is never quiet.
Your brain is always throwingthings at you in your head.
NNN me, Sarah.
Your NMNN Neuro.
Sarah (36:47):
D-M-D-N-D-M-N.
Default.
Default
Chris (36:52):
Neuro
Sarah (36:53):
Mode Network.
Chris (36:54):
Default.
Mode Network.
DMS,
Sarah (36:56):
default mode network.
Chris (36:58):
Cool.
yes.
So even when you are justsitting still, these things are,
these things are firing and itturns out, this might be where
all of our fopo, where all ofour, quote unquote suffering.
Comes from because the tendencyof those just, churning in the
background kind of defaults,network is that it, it, it asks
(37:22):
all kinds of questions thataren't that great.
if you let your mind just sithere, it'll constantly ask you
questions about the
Sarah (37:28):
shitty things
Chris (37:29):
like,
Sarah (37:31):
yeah, they, they talk about it at the beginning, like
the studies that they did, um,it shows that people are
actually happier when they arefocused on a very specific task
and they're doing somethingthat's more challenging.
Like we think like, I'm stressedout.
I want, I don't want to do it.
Like, I just want to sit downand not think about anything.
Well, that's not fuckingpossible.
If you're going to sit down andnot think about anything, your
(37:51):
mind's not.
You know, if you're not doingthe right things, your mind's
going to go to that, thoseshitty places all the time.
That's just, just how it is.
And that's why we meditate.
Chris (38:02):
Thank you for stealing the punchline.
Sarah (38:04):
Okay.
Sorry.
It
Chris (38:05):
is, it is my week to lead.
Sarah (38:08):
Sorry.
Chris (38:09):
And you're.
You ruined it.
Sarah (38:11):
You, you, well.
Chris (38:13):
You ruined it.
Sarah (38:13):
Okay.
Chris (38:15):
Fine.
so, I will mention before I getto the mindfulness part of this,
that, this is one of the bigproblems with, ADHD, is that,
ADHDers tend to sit more intheir DMN.
Then, then, people with normalbrains, like we just get there
quicker.
regardless of what we're doing,our tendency is to even pop out
(38:38):
of a task we're supposed to befocused on and just live in our,
our, our DMN.
And for the most part, that's anuncomfortable place for, for
people to be.
That's why, ADD is a problembecause then we, we do whatever
we can to kind of.
Get our brains to work in theright way.
We don't necessarily get thesame rush of focusing on a task
(38:59):
that everybody else does.
So we kind of create our ownrush.
and one of the, one of the waysthat you can sort of combat this
is mindfulness.
how do we develop mindfulness,Sarah?
Sarah (39:10):
Am I allowed to talk now?
Chris (39:11):
Don't shake your head like you don't want to say it.
Sarah (39:14):
I didn't know if I was allowed to talk now.
I didn't want to get yelled at.
Chris (39:17):
Talk.
You say it.
Sarah (39:19):
Meditation.
Chris (39:20):
Meditation.
Exactly right.
Gold star for you.
Gold star.
Sarah (39:23):
Can we talk about this experiment they did with the
college students and this kidthat zapped himself 490 times?
We don't even have to, we don'thave to really get into it.
There was a study.
They put these college studentsin a room where they couldn't do
anything.
The only thing they could do wasgive themselves electric shocks
if they wanted to, like theydidn't have to, but like before
(39:44):
they threw them in there.
They were like, Hey, shockyourself and tell us now, like,
would you do that voluntarily?
And they all said no.
And then they get in there andthey're so bored that they, they
all start zapping themselves alittle bit like here and there.
But the one kid says, and Ilove, I love this guy just
because he included this, but itends with a one outlier push the
(40:07):
button 490 times.
Imagine being in that guy'shead.
He just couldn't
stand it.
Like, I would rather justelectrocute myself than listen
to my own brain anymore.
That guy had ADD so bad.
So bad.
Yeah.
I love you.
yes, I mean, that is one of thebig takeaways from that chapter
(40:28):
is that in general, we would
Chris (40:31):
rather give ourselves an electric shock than sit quietly
and let our brains, meanderwhere they will.
Like, that is how, that is howfrequently those thoughts turn
dark, is I would rather shockmyself and, and have that be an
activity than for me to sit inmy default, thingy thingy.
Sarah (40:52):
Yeah.
So I laugh about it.
but I shouldn't laugh about itbecause now I literally just
like, just now, which kind ofpisses me off because I read it
17 times, but just now thoughtabout it.
Yeah.
Like.
You think about people who, goto that place, who decide that
suicide is the way to go.
This is where their minds, likethis is, they would rather not
(41:16):
be here than deal with what'sgoing on in their minds like
that.
And that's what lead, likethat's, you know, I'm not saying
that's what leads to it, but youget what I'm saying.
Like that's,
Sometimes.
Like.
Heck
yeah.
And this kid was just like, fuck it.
I'm going to shock myself untilI pass out.
Like.
Rather than.
I mean that's.
Sit in stillness.
Right.
(41:36):
Right.
So that's.
It's.
Now I feel really fucking badthat I was laughing about it 490
times.
Like that's a lot of shocking.
Anyway.
Chris (41:44):
Yeah.
Imagine living in that guy'sbrain.
Sarah (41:46):
Fuck.
Right.
So yeah.
It's.
It's fucked up.
Anyway.
Go ahead.
Sorry.
I just got that.
Chris (41:52):
No, I love that story.
And I love the way that we cancombat the FOPO is understanding
who we are as people and what'simportant and what we value and
being able to sit with ourthoughts about that, being able
to sit with our thoughts about,Here's my grounding things.
(42:13):
Here's where my roots are andbeing able to kind of go back to
that, but also being able tohave the pause and the
mindfulness to take yourselffrom one perspective to another,
from sitting there and beinglike, I'm not good enough.
I'm never going to be goodenough.
of course, I'm not going to saythis idea in the meeting because
someone might call me dumb orsomeone might think I'm dumb and
(42:35):
I can't.
I can't do it to, you know,giving yourself the opportunity
to kind of take a breath andredirect like the perspective we
were talking about in Chapterfive and the.
The way you do that a lot oftimes is being mindful and
giving yourself the heartbeat tosay, I don't need to shock
myself right now because yeah,I'm bored.
(42:56):
And yeah, I don't like thedirection my brain is taking.
But these are thoughts that arein my head.
And they are not real.
They are transient.
They are not the part of me thatthat I ground myself in.
These are things that are comingin and out of my consciousness
all the time, and I can chooseto give them attention or I can
choose not to give themattention.
(43:17):
I think that is one of the mostpowerful things that I'm finding
in meditation is that you dogive yourself that pause to make
a good decision.
You do give yourself that pauseto align yourself with a value.
I don't have to pay attention tothat thought about how I'm
worthless because I, I have toput on eyeliner, like don't be
(43:38):
silly, like I don't have to givecredence to any of these
thoughts that are coming in andout of my consciousness when
they do.
I can make that decision becauseI am more mindful than I was a
week ago.
I mean, and if you think abouthow, how hard we fought the
meditation at the beginning.
If you think about how hard wewere like, I can't, I can't do
(43:59):
that.
I'd like, there's no way I cansit quietly.
There's no way I can sit in thisroom and not shock myself.
Sarah (44:06):
I just think of like, like, Things I heard at the
beginning like I think one ofthe first things I listened to
was Dan Harris's website podcastwhere he He did with his
brother.
Yeah
talking to because his brother was very Resistant to
meditating and blah blah blahanyway I remember one of them
talking about your thoughtsbeing the waterfall and you
(44:26):
being behind the waterfall and Iwas like the fuck Like this,
jeez, I need to way more gummiesto figure this shit out.
And I didn't need to.
I didn't even need the gummies.
I figured it, like, those are,like, that makes sense to me
now.
Chris (44:39):
Right.
And I, the, the fact that that'sprotective of FOPO is, Is not a
surprise to me at this point,understanding who you are and
having the, having the gap and Ithink we've talked about that
gap through all of the bookslike building atomic habits and
having the gap, the space tosay, yeah, I don't really wanna,
(45:01):
but I'm gonna is one of thethings that makes that atomic
habits work.
I don't want to take my medsevery day, but I'm going to
because it's habit now.
I don't want to exercise everyday, but I found something, I
found a routine that works.
And having the ability to workthrough, I'm just not going to
do it, is what kind of thatmindfulness creates.
(45:23):
So,
Sarah (45:24):
so this is what we need to remember when we need to get
back into these routines afterthe holidays.
And this is something that Noahwill want to argue with me after
he listens to this because he'salready argued this point to me
because I said, I'm, I need toadjust my routine.
Yeah.
And he was like, no, you don't.
You just need to get your mindstraight that you're going to do
what you were doing before andget back to it.
(45:46):
And you just need to be mindfulof that.
And I was like, yeah, I guessso, but, I'm going to adjust the
routine.
Yeah.
Yeah, I have the ability toadjust the routine because that
one works better for me, but
Chris (45:57):
I mean if you go back to Atomic Habits and Atomic Habits
is a, is a book about buildinghabits because it works.
Like the reason that book is sosuccessful is because when you
pay attention to how you'rebuilding the habit, it works.
Atomic habits isn't aboutforcing yourself to do shit.
You don't want to do atomichabits is about finding routines
(46:18):
that work.
Sarah (46:19):
And I think that's kind of how I explained it to him.
Like, okay, well, we got intothose routines and, and we both
have kind of changed.
I I've changed my routine a bit.
anyway.
Yeah.
Chris (46:31):
Yeah.
I mean, it's, it always strikesme how everything kind of ties
together.
Like mindfulness is importantin, not giving a fuck, right?
Because you pick the things thatare important to you, you pick
your values, and then you give alot of fucks about those values
and being able to build a habitaround a value.
Again, it's mindfulness kind ofweaving its way through
(46:54):
everything that we've talkedabout until we get here, and
we're like, oh, FOPO, ugh, noone likes it.
Oh, you know how to fix it?
Mindfulness.
Sarah (47:02):
I read this one, to you earlier, I believe, But I'm
going to read something first.
and this is just a study found.
The average we spend on average,we spend nearly 47 percent of
our waking hours in a mindwandering state.
Chris (47:16):
I love it
Sarah (47:17):
from this.
Our real power lies in beingable to choose where to place
our attention and having themental skills to do so, which is
exactly what we were justtalking about,
Chris (47:27):
right?
It's not motivation.
It's not dedication.
It's.
Having that space to giveyourself to make a good
decision.
And the
Sarah (47:35):
So I want my superpower to be mindfulness.
What kind of leotards would Iwear for mindfulness?
Chris (47:41):
Invisible
ones.
I
Sarah (47:43):
feel like
my, my outfit
might be fun.
It's just, you're just
like a Buddhist monk.
Your robes, your leotard isorange.
My leotard.
Oh my God.
I'll stop talking.
I think we're done.
I think
Chris (48:00):
we're, I think we're done.
I think next week we're going togo into, we're going to go into
part two.
And I think the first chapter isone about Barry Manilow and I
know we're both looking forwardto that.
Sarah (48:10):
Exactly what, as soon as I turned the page and saw that
it's, Barry Manilow and theSpotlight Effect.
I was like, wow, does that soundfucking fun.
I can't wait to get into it.
Yep.
And
I'm, I'm leading that one.
So I'm super excited about it.
Chris (48:25):
I am too.
I am really excited about that.
Sarah (48:29):
Yikes.
Chris (48:30):
And my ability to interrupt and interject the
whole time.
Sarah (48:33):
I interrupted you one fucking time.
Chris (48:35):
I don't need your, I don't need your sass.
Remember
Sarah (48:38):
that time early in the podcast when you didn't take
your meds the one day and I wastelling a story and you were
like, and you weren't payingattention.
And I said, why, what are youdoing?
Why are you not paying attentionto me?
And you literally were like,Because you're not saying what
you should be saying.
You're not saying what I wantyou to say.
You should be saying this.
Chris (48:58):
That never happened.
Sarah (49:00):
The great thing about a podcast is we can go back to the
tape.
I thought we won't.
Throw in my red flag.
Replay.
I can't believe you're gonnacall a replay on this.
Nah, I'm too fucking lazy.
I don't care.
Alright,
Chris (49:12):
so, Right.
Looking forward to all that.
so tomorrow's, tomorrow'sSteeler game.
Is that a, is that a playoffgame?
If we lose, are we done, are wedone with the Steelers?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I got a sweatshirt that says play
Renegade and I feel like I wantto wear it some more.
Sarah (49:28):
if we, if, if we win, I feel like, and how I, I mean, I
love to have faith in my teamand all but, it will be a
fucking miracle.
A miracle It, I mean, I can'timagine they have to be a whole
different team than they havebeen in the last four weeks.
Chris (49:46):
I mean,
Sarah (49:47):
it's, and I love that this is gonna come out in like a
few weeks, so done.
Right.
Chris (49:50):
Everyone will already know, we'll be able to look back
on this and be like, listen tothe optimism.
Listen to the optimism.
God bless you guys.
Sarah (49:58):
I hope the Steelers are going to win the Super Bowl and
we'll come back to this episode.
Right.
And you know what?
If they win next week, I'll besaying the same thing.
Oh, if we win this one, it'll bea fucking miracle.
Chris (50:08):
I feel like we had a, we had a Super Bowl run where we,
where we ended up winning.
Like we, We were like four gamesaway from the end of the season.
And we were like, we got to winat, I
Sarah (50:18):
think it was, Ben Roethlisberger's first
Superbowl.
Chris (50:21):
Can't remember.
Sarah (50:22):
I feel like it was, cause I remember, I distinctly
remember watching that.
And we, when we beat thePatriots, like that was like.
Cause that was, that was thegame you're going into like, and
there's no fucking way.
yeah, so that was fun.
So maybe that'll happen again.
I mean,
Chris (50:36):
I mean, that's the fun thing about the sports luckily,
Sarah, this is not a podcastabout football or Superbowl.
Yeah.
Sarah (50:43):
Yeah.
Or calendar.
Definitely not the Kelseybrothers.
I mean, we're
getting there though.
We're getting there.
Right.
Got like 40 followers.
Right.
Oh my God.
and then Noah can have his ownpodcast.
Yeah.
It'll be awesome.
It'll build
off the success of our podcast.
It'll be amazing.
I love it.
He, he'll love this.
Yesterday he was talking andhe's, he was telling his, you
know, normal story and he wentthis, that, and the other, and
(51:04):
the other thing, this, that, andthe other.
And I said, will you pleasestop, stop saying this, that,
and the other.
He was like, I don't say that alot.
Go to the tape.
Wow.
Wow.
And he just sat there andlaughed.
I was like, just think about itfor a little bit.
And now every time you go to sayit, and in the, the two minute
conversation that followed that,he had to stop himself like 17
(51:25):
times from saying this, that,and the other.
Chris (51:28):
I mean, you, you open up a whole new perspective when you
start recording yourself andlistening to how.
Dumb you sound.
Sarah (51:35):
Yeah, it's pretty amazing.
It's pretty, pretty fuckingamazing.
Chris (51:39):
Every week, constantly amazed by the amount of editing
it takes for me not to soundlike some dum dum.
Sarah (51:46):
I don't think I sound dum dum, dum dum,
Chris (51:48):
dum dum like
Sarah (51:50):
gum gum.
Chris (51:51):
How many likes, how many ums, how many, how many times
Sarah (51:54):
do I
Chris (51:55):
repeat words just to change the end of the sentence
so it doesn't make sense withthe beginning of the sentence?
A lot.
A lot.
Sarah (52:02):
It's fuckin great.
It's fuckin great.
yeah,
Chris (52:04):
good thing, in our, in our new era, in our new era, we
were aiming to have shorterepisodes.
Great.
we're an hour and ten minutes,and I think by the time we
release this That's actuallygood! it'll be 45 minutes.
By the time we cut out all the
Sarah (52:17):
Yeah.
'cause we have a good, we have agood 15 minutes of us.
the, we have a great amount ofthose to get rid of.
We're fine.
you went pee.
Oh yeah.
I forgot I had
Chris (52:27):
go pee.
Sarah (52:29):
Yeah, we're fucking golden.
This'll be 45 minutes tops.
Chris (52:32):
Exactly.
Sarah (52:33):
Okay.
Chris (52:34):
All right.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna, we'regonna stop recording.
Hey, love you.
Sarah (52:37):
Love you.
Bye.
Chris (52:39):
Sorry that I yelled at you for, taking my spotlight.
Sarah (52:43):
It's all right.
It was fun to give you shitafter all of it.
Okay.
Chris (52:45):
Alright.
Love you.
Sarah (52:47):
Love you, bye.
Love
Chris (52:47):
you, bye.
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