Episode 43: Feral Piano Lessons

Fan Mail Goes Here!!

**Here's a YouTube video courtesy of Vihan Chelliah with the "Man in Arena" speech from Teddy Roosevelt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iD4_o9vi4X0

In this episode of 'The Mental Funny Bone,' hosts Sarah and Christine create a humorous and supportive environment as they discuss mental health disclaimers and their personal limitations as non-professionals. They encourage listeners needing professional help to dial 988 or refer to their show notes for resources. The episode unfolds with the duo hilariously critiquing their own voices and segueing into missed fan mail, revealing their humorous disorganization and playful remorse. Shifting gears, Christine recounts amusing memories of her piano lessons as a child, including a moldy piano, a blind piano tuner, and the emotional toll of quitting piano, all while underlining their parents' efforts to provide enriching experiences despite financial constraints. They focus on interconnectedness and personal growth within the context of elaborating from their book's chapters on how the brain perceives reality and the importance of social connections over isolated individualism. Through laughter and reflection, they stress the significance of embracing one’s community and remaining open-minded.

How to find mental health help when you're struggling. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
https://washingtoncountyhumanservices.com/agencies/behavioral-health-developmental-services
https://www.alleghenycounty.us/Services/Human-Services-DHS/Publications/Resource-Guides
Apps - Just search mental health where you get your apps.
EAP programs are a great place to look for help!!

Additional Resources (Sports Related):
https://globalsportmatters.com/health/2020/12/04/mental-health-resources-2/

Episode Transcript

(00:03):
Hello, and welcome to The MentalFunnybone, a podcast where we
strive to create a safe andentertaining space where
listeners can explore mentalhealth topics, find solace, and
enjoy laughter.
The podcast aims to destigmatizemental health discussions and
empower individuals to approachtheir own well being with humor
and openness.
I'm Sarah.

(00:23):
And I'm Christine, and we arenot mental health professionals
or doctors of any sort.
If you need professional mentalhealth, you should dial 988 from
your cellular telephone.
Is it dial?
do we still say dial?
I think you still have to dial.
I think you still have to dial,yeah.
It just didn't seem right.
Or check out our show notes.

(00:44):
We have lots of links there,that you can use.
But please do not rely on us foractual, mental health doctor
stuff.
Yeah, we can't, we can only makeyou understand that you're not
alone and some of this shit isfor me.
Yeah.
All that we have, that's all wehave to offer, which is a good,
I think that's a good thing tooffer.
Yeah.

(01:04):
I think it's solid.
I like it.
I enjoy listening to my ownvoice.
So this is good for me.
So are you okay with your ownvoice now?
No, it's still, it still soundsridiculous.
Like I'm starting, I'm gettingit.
You know that's what we hearthough.
you might not, but that's whatwe hear.
And the more I think about that,the worse it is.

(01:25):
Like, how has no one just comeup and punched me dead in the
face?
It's not bad.
I don't think your voice is bad.
I guess it's just so different.
Like I was I was reading aboutit and why it is that way.
I guess it's just so differentthat it's annoying to us.
I don't know.
I've gotten used to my voice.
I'm okay with it.
I sound like a boy.
I don't, and like I've smoked afew cigarettes, Marge Simpson's

(01:47):
sister.
Patty.
Yep.
That's what I sound like.
Yep.
Okay.
Alright, you want to get usstarted?
What are we doing?
Some fan mail updates.
I guess we missed some shit.
Yeah.
We are, we ask people to send usfan mail.
We beg for the stuff.
And then we can't even bebothered to look in all the
places where fan mail can comein.
And then we ignore it and thenwe get mad cause we don't get

(02:07):
the fan mail, right?
I don't know what happens withus, but, on our, platform on our
Buzzsprout there's a featurewhere you can just hit a fan
mail and you can send us a textmessage fan mail, I think.
And this one is from November8th.
Shut the fuck up.
And it's me.
Emily has sent us a.

(02:29):
A nice hex.
We're the worst.
We are terrible.
November 8th.
What, it is, that is a series ofweeks.
is it my Emily with the I E?
Yeah, it's me, Emily.
Yeah, I've talked to Emily, Idon't know, 17, 000 times since
November 8th.
And not acknowledged this in anymanner whatsoever.

(02:49):
She's probably been like, what adick.
I go through the effort ofputting this here.
I'm going out to lunch with hernext weekend.
So I will definitely mention itthen.
But anyway, go ahead.
Emily mentions how the Decembertourney outdoors and heated
items, she feels like she's ateensy bit her recommending
those items.

(03:10):
She hates that you're inLancaster while they have to go
to Richmond.
Yeah.
That happened already.
Yeah.
and at the Milan bubble in WestVirginia, that place is the
worst.
And I couldn't agree more.
Have you gone there?
Yeah.
Okay.
This is where, I don't know, Ican't remember if I told this
story, but no one told me.
it sounds familiar.
Nobody told me it was cold.

(03:30):
So I was there in a leathersweater and jeans.
Because you're inside.
It's like the, it's like thesunburn in the Rose Bowl.
Why would I need sunscreen?
I'm in the Rose Bowl.
Why would the kids need to dresswarm?
We're inside.
ha.
And I was like, Oh, cause we'rein fucking West Virginia.
That's why.
yeah, and then I had to borrowall the warm clothes off the
moms that care and payattention.

(03:52):
Olivia had on half a glove.
She's the one mom's I have anextra sock.
I've definitely heard this.
Olivia's playing with socks onher hands.
Could my kid wear one of thesocks?
And, we're both awesome andamazing.
She loves us.
And now she wants Cinnabon.
I don't know.
Because that was, we weretalking about you working at
Cinnabon.

(04:12):
It's tragic.
It was either you working atCinnabon or it was me leaving
the Cinnabons, Cinnabon buns onthe floor in Century 3 Mall
because you wouldn't hold them.
And I believe I said somethinglike, you want them more than I
do.
I put them down and locked themaway.
Accurate.
Accurate.
It's one of my favorite storiesever.
And that story also reminds meof the tobacco shop there that I

(04:35):
sent you a text about.
It was in the same place, right?
It was around like the grotto,what I'd like to refer to as the
grotto of the Century ThreeMall.
The fake stone floor.
That's the best.
I think that's where I went topoop.
no, I went to Kaufman's, I wentto Kaufman's to poop.
Told that story before.

(04:55):
like in Century Three Mall, thatwas like the Paris, like there
were, cafe tables.
Fancy street light, yeah.
where you could eat yourblizzard from the Dairy Queen
there.
Dairy Queen?
Yeah.
There was the tobacco shop, andthere was a sticker shop there
for a while.
I really liked the sticker shop.
Oh, we had to buy stickers allthe time.
I don't think kids these daysreally appreciate stickers I had

(05:17):
a sticker book, though.
Like I feel like all my friendshad fancy sticker books, and I
was just in their pocketstickers and put them on my door
and and shit.
Every, put them on every mirrorthat would piss mommy off.
Oh, another fucking mirror, I'mgonna have to get that sticker
off.
Goddamn, I'm gonna have to get arazor blade, where do I even
find one?
let me ask you this before weget into our Gaster story and

(05:38):
some other fan mail news.
I know that you're on a hiatusfrom doing, online shopping.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I have to ask you what it islike to visit the Middle Ages.
Are you okay?
Oh my gosh.
Do you need me to order stuffonline for you?
No, I'm so digging it actually.
I've saved a shit ton of moneybecause literally multiple times

(05:59):
a day, I'm like, Ooh, I needthat.
And I would just go on Amazonand order it, pay zero attention
to the budget, pay zeroattention to how much it was.
And then when I would do thebudget and have to put it in the
budget, boop.
Also known as a checkbookonline.
I would be like, shit, fuckFuck.
I don't have money for that.
I don't have money for that.
ooh, oh my, how did I spend$300and what?

(06:21):
Oh, that's all the same date,shit.
Wow.
So it's actually very freeingbecause now I can do the budget
every day without having a heartattack as to what I spent.
Oh, I love it.
Yes.
So now I have a list that I haveon my phone.
That when I think of somethingthat I want, I put it in there.

(06:41):
By the time I have to go to thestore, I'm able to remove 75
percent of the list.
I've been keeping this list fora while, and I'm going to the
store tonight, and I have threethings I need to buy.
And one of those I added today.
Because I might join yourbandwagon, just like all of your
bandwagons, because they seem sofun when you're doing them.
Because I bought this waterbottle.

(07:03):
Yeah, how many fucking waterbottles do you have?
I have a lot, but I needed thisone.
It's wondering.
Right.
I'm just, I'm in the same boat.
This is, I'm not giving youshit.
Yeah, I have a lot of waterreceptacle.
This one, I will say the Oualawater bottles, the free sip with
the straw and the chugging,mechanism.

(07:24):
they're my favorite.
But I have a green one thatlooks exactly like this.
Exactly like it, except that itis green.
I don't need this.
Yes, excuse me.
The way that echoed in myheadphones.
I feel like I haven't given agood one of those.
I'm cutting it out.
Oh, no, you're editing.
No, I'm even in I'm editing thisone Whoo.

(07:47):
Yeah, you're not looking at me.
Whoo Yeah, I see you.
yeah, I highly recommend and Ididn't I'm not online shopping
because I'm boycotting anythingI don't give a fuck.
I am NOT online shopping so Ican Not spend the money like
this is the legit reason.
I think it's a I think it's agood idea it doesn't matter It

(08:10):
doesn't matter how much moneyyou make or you have It is nice
to keep the money rather thanspend it on 30 water bottles
that you do not need I hopeDavid listens to this because I
explained to him how much Ineeded that water bottle.
I get it.
It's like Noah's getting a newjob, we gotta save a little bit
of money, and I refuse to stopgetting my eyelashes or my nails

(08:33):
done.
Yeah.
it's prioritization.
I think we're talking about thattoday.
Yeah.
Maybe.
I don't know.
All right.
other, important in mail notes,Jamie R.
sent us a note and said that wecan call her Rudder on the show.
Ah, that's awesome.
Jamie Rudder.
Woo! Gay brother.
Oh, it feels so good.
It feels so good.
Thank you, Rudder.
It's so liberating.
Oh.

(08:54):
Thank God.
Jamie Rudder.
Jamie Rudder.
Jamie Russer.
Russer.
Rudder.
Rudder.
Rudder.
Rudder.
Rudder.
Rudder.
Can't even get it right.
Can't even get it right.
And one, one final note, Kim D,have you checked on her?
Can she come back, please?
Yeah, I believe that you owe heran apology and she'll come back.
Kim D, for whatever shitty faceI made, or expression, or

(09:16):
however I said Kim D, I didn'tmean it, and I want you to come
back, and I miss you, and, Itwas probably because my medicine
ran out or I was hungry.
I can back that up.
Might have been a combination ofboth, which is fucking lethal.
My god.
Lethal.
I don't take the medicine untillater in the day now.

(09:37):
I'm all for it.
I feel like you're veryagreeable right this moment.
I like it.
Yes.
Because I'm asking somebody elseto do something for me.
KimD, come back and tell us howmuch you love us.
Empty, we miss you and yourpotato drawings.
All of it.
All of it.
Okay.
All right.
what are we doing?
Gaster, our Gaster story.
Yeah, what is it?
I'm excited because I didn't, Idon't think I looked.

(09:57):
It didn't look.
If I did, I don't remember.
Piano lessons.
Oh, that piano.
I don't remember.
I, yeah, I remember the piano.
I didn't take the lessons.
No, I took the lessons.
I think I just banged on thepiano like animals.
That is why, you were a littleyounger, I was probably 5th
grade, so how old were you?
Like 10?
You were maybe kindergarten, youwere probably 5.

(10:18):
Can you hold that thought realquick?
Yes, Ellen.
Okay, go ahead.
I'm sorry, piano lessons, mebanging on the piano.
Piano lessons.
5th grade, so I was in 1stgrade?
Kindergarten?
Yeah.
I wanna, no.
I'm trying to remember cause I,I wanted to take piano lessons
and I took them when I wasreally young.
your mom told everyone like howyoung I was, taking piano
lessons, like I was a prodigy.

(10:39):
You were gonna be a prodigy forsure.
I may have been eight ish.
Let's say eight ish.
I'm sure you were like fuckingphenomenal at it because you
just refused to be anything but.
Which is amazing, We're gonnatalk about that in a minute.
Oh, I can't wait.
I think I was eight.
The problem was I had real tinyhands, cause I'm real tiny.
Aw, little tiny hands.

(11:01):
Like when I went to take the tethe, to meet the teacher, she
was like, normally we would waitfor her hands to grow a little
bit.
Ooh, her hands are a bit tiny.
This one is small.
And why do our eyes do that?
anyway, so it's time.
Hold on.
Uno is now wanting to be a partof the podcast.
Uno, Ivan.
Hello, Ivan.
Show us your one eye.

(11:21):
Show us your one eye.
no, he's upset.
I want to see his one eye.
No, he's gone.
He's gone.
All right, piano lessons.
I had wanted to take themforever, and I was really
excited, and Nita was reallyexcited.
because she likes to do thingsfor us, and give us things that,
that she didn't have growing up.
Um.
piano lessons, making sure thatwe read, Shakespeare, making

(11:42):
sure that we could go to theballet, like doing fancy shit.
I'd like that you say we.
I mean me.
Okay.
Then, hey.
you've required a different kindof energy.
Yeah.
You were a different child.
Give her that bucket to bang on.
Make her stop.
Shut up.
God, why she never sleeps?
This one never sleeps.
That one slept.

(12:03):
This one never sleeps.
I'm tired.
But, Nita was all about mehaving piano lessons, so we
needed to get a piano.
And I think you will recall thatwe didn't have a whole ton of
spare cash laying around to buysaid piano.
no.
This was like in the middle oftimes where steel workers would
go on strike and not get paid atall.

(12:27):
So we didn't have a shit ton ofmoney, but I recall that your
dad took us to the fancy pianostore.
I remember the piano store.
I feel like everything has asmell.
every time I say something, Isay, I could smell it.
The piano store had a smell.
There was a smell.
I believe.
Or was that the billiard store?

(12:47):
Or were they the same thing?
No, they definitely weren't thesame thing.
Same thing.
Same concept.
Different items.
okay.
There were billiard tablesaround.
There were pianos around.
It was a store.
It was a store that sold thingsthat were expensive.
So your dad puts on hisexpensive buying voice.
And I know that you know exactlywhat I'm talking about.
When I say his expensive buyingvoice and what you could do back

(13:11):
in the day was you could get apiano and you could try it in
your home for 90 days, but thenyou had to give it back or you
had to buy it.
And their thought was, if youhad it in your home and your
children were playing it,there's no way you're gonna,
you're gonna want to send itback.
and that piano was awesome.
It was at the top of our stairs,we had a split level house, so

(13:33):
it was at the top of the landingright in front of the kitchen.
And I would sit there and I'dpractice my piano and play my
piano and I'd have my littleCatholic schoolgirl outfits on
playing the piano, doingeverything that my mother didn't
get to do when she was my age.
thank you Nita for making it allpossible, but they came and they
took that piano away.
So then I didn't have any pianoto practice on, which makes it

(13:55):
hard to play the piano.
Jumbo searches through Theclassified ads and he finds a
piano for sale that these peoplehad apparently kept in a damp
basement.
It had mold on it.
I can smell that too.
Just a damp basement.
I can smell it.
Yes.
And for it was an upright piano,so it didn't have, it wasn't

(14:16):
like a grand piano, like it hadall the strings were up in the
air.
So your dad refinished all ofthe wood and it was beautiful.
Like he did a great job when heset his mind to stuff like that.
It was.
Fantastic.
Like it, it went from being anugly eyesore, but your dad also
had to go to someplace in likeMcKeesport or Duquesne and move

(14:40):
a piano with, I think, just hisbare hands and the two of us.
I have no recollection of howthis piano got out of these
people's basement and into apickup truck.
I'm not even sure we had twocars then, a Reliant K Car,
cool, a Reliant Automobile.
The K, into a K car?
I'm not sure.

(15:01):
but there it is transported toour house.
Can you see the K car drivingalong with the upright piano
just on the top of it?
In the truck.
In the truck.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I want to think that we hadalready, your dad had already
purchased a car or a truck forpulling campers that was older
than you.
that was the thing.
it was, this was a truck fromthe 1970s, 60s maybe.

(15:21):
Anyway.
So we get it, Jumbo restores it,it looks beautiful, I'm super
happy to play it.
and the guy, it needed tuned.
Obviously it needed new stringsand needed tuned.
And needed everything.
The guy that came to tune thepiano was a blind guy.
And I thought that was the mostfascinating thing on the planet.
I was like, this is amazing.

(15:42):
Of course, he's going to be ableto tune the piano.
He can't see.
But I think he had like a helperand we're going to have to,
we're going to have to go tothe, have to go to the tape on
this and get Nina and Jumbo toweigh in.
I can't remember how he figuredout.
I don't remember how he gotthere.
Like, how do you get there?
You don't drive.
So like we can call them.
We can call them right now.

(16:03):
Remember that one episode whenwe called them?
Yeah, but we'd have to get them,we'd have to, eh, no.
we could call them.
I'm not going to do it.
Okay, no.
No.
okay, finally I have my pianoand it doesn't come upstairs
like the other piano, like theother studio piano.
This one is downstairs in ourbasement, which we talked about
in a couple of previous episodesthat had red shag carpet, looked

(16:25):
like the floor is lava,literally.
Yeah.
And a fake fireplace with thelogs in it that had the little
paper that made noise when itflopped.
So now I'm into the pianolessons and.
At first it was nice, it waslike, I really enjoyed it and
reading music was fun andlearning about the notes.

(16:45):
and then because I am the waythat I am, but we didn't realize
I am the way that I am backthen.
I got bored with playing thepiano.
And then it was just a series offights, between me and your mom
about practicing the piano.
did you practice your piano?
No, I didn't practice my piano.
Because I want to do 19 othernew things that aren't the piano

(17:08):
and then it got to be wherepiano lessons were on Thursday
And I would start being anxiousabout the piano lessons on a
Monday I wouldn't practice likeand then it would get to Tuesday
or Wednesday and I would try tolearn the whole piece by
Thursday before I had to go topiano lessons and Like it was
awful and I was like 11 11 andyour mom would be like Why don't

(17:32):
you just practice?
And I was like, I forgot.
I don't want to.
Plus I don't want to.
Plus I don't, plus I don't wantto.
And it, it got harder, like thelonger You have to, progress.
I don't remember the musicbooks.
I would like the long one.
The, landscape one.
Oh, yeah.
And I couldn't tell you what wasin it, but I know that one of
them was a landscape and that'sthe one I liked.

(17:54):
And I knew how to play one songand I didn't learn, I never
learned how to read musicbecause that was just too much.
But I just learned how to playone song and I can't even
remember, I wish I rememberedwhat it was.
I, Christmas time, cause I couldplay, we could skip the, we
could skip the lessons and wecould just play fun Christmas
songs.
that would be my lesson would beto learn the Christmas songs.

(18:14):
Yeah.
I like that.
I'm typing into Google rightnow, Landscape, Landscape, Piano
Lesson Book.
the song that I know is the onethat everybody knows.
I'm getting a text message froma number that has 17, 000 digits
that's telling me I need to payE ZPass immediately.
Oh, I got that one earlier thisweek.

(18:35):
Can I just send back a middlefinger or will that still give
them access to my shit?
I don't know how it worksanymore.
I responded the people who wereasking me about the house, if we
wanted to sell it.
I asked them for five milliondollars.
They never got back to me.
Are you interested in selling?
Yes, sure.
Five million.
So what we need, that's what weneed.
But, okay, back to the anxietyof the piano lessons.

(18:57):
Yes.
But, I, I would, I just starteddreading, Thursday.
And it, wasn't that I didn'tlike the piano, and it wasn't
that I didn't want to play thepiano.
I was just done with it.
And I, I also then could notexplain to your mother that I
wanted to quit taking the pianolessons.
Because, she didn't want me toquit taking the piano lessons.

(19:19):
And then I had to go and I hadto fess up and it was awful
because you could see on herface that she did not want me to
quit the piano lessons.
And she was like, it's tough tobreak mommy's heart.
It really is.
It really is.
Awful experience.
Also, piano lessons makes methink of the 1980s.

(19:40):
Because do you remember how Iwould get to piano lessons?
You probably walked.
I rode my bike.
I rode my bike.
Where was your, where were thepiano lessons?
They were, it was still in OakHill.
So I think the second dead endmaybe.
So I rode my bike and I had mypiano book like tucked into the

(20:01):
reflector in the front and itripped like the cover of the
piano book and I remember yourdad being upset by that.
Wow.
God damn it.
This is why we can't have nicethings.
Look at this.
We ruined everything.
But I didn't want to, I neededboth hands to ride the bike.
Yeah, of course you did.
And I It makes sense.
I also remember once or twicewhere your mom and dad forgot to

(20:21):
come pick me up at pianolessons.
you just rode your boat.
Your boat.
You just rode your boat.
Why don't you ride your boathome?
And the winter, I couldn't ridemy bike.
Okay.
All right.
They had to drop me off.
Put your boots on and startwalking.
that, at one point I was like,the piano lesson lady, who was
very nice, and I cannot rememberher name.

(20:43):
She's should I call your mom?
I was like, I'm not the grown uphere.
Great, I don't, what do youthink?
you could drive me home.
She was like, I'll call yourmom.
You could kick me out.
I could walk, it's like 3o'clock, and it's dark.
Kidnapped.
Either way, whatever, buteventually, there's Uno.
Hey, Uno! Eventually, your mom,took the piano lessons for

(21:06):
herself.
Yeah, she enjoyed the pianolessons.
Yeah, which I thought wasprobably the best outcome.
And I really enjoyed that forher.
Just like when we went to thelibrary and got books, your mom
read Shakespeare and she readSteinbeck.
And what a, I love that for ourmom, that she got to, that she
got to do a lot of things thatshe didn't get to do as a kid

(21:27):
because she got out of her smallhometown.
So good job, Nita.
I wanted to expose us to things,expose you to things, because
I'm fairly certain I wasn'tallowed in the library.
Just tired.
You had it.
You had it.
Too loud.
You had other gifts.
You had other gifts.
I also had to go to brownies,which I didn't like either.
I didn't do that.
less excited.

(21:48):
Everything you did, I didn'thave to do.
I did like the dance for asecond, I, and then they saw
that and they were like, yeah,that's not.
No.
Then I tried gymnastics and theysaw that and they were like,
ooh, yeah, that's not, it's notgonna work.
Yeah.
The only thing that stuck wassoccer.
I didn't get to do thegymnastics.
I don't, I'd wanted to, causeHeather's It was up at Blainhill
fire hall.

(22:08):
Oh yeah.
We did.
Did we both do the batontwirling?
You did the baton twirling and Iwas super jealous cause you had
those cowboy boots that had thetassels on front of them and I
wanted them so bad.
My God.
Would have killed myself thatbaton.
Oh my God.
And I recall, New Horizons, wasthat the name?

(22:29):
New Horizons.
Yeah, the uniforms were brownand yellow.
Yes.
Very hip.
Very sexy.
Those fucking boots with thosetassels, what the fuck, I just,
I can remember you being in aparade and me sitting on the
sideline and wanting thoseboots.
That's what I was going to dowhen I grew up.
And when I got to your age, Iwas like, no, that's, don't want
it.
Do that.
I know you don't remember this,but those boots were made for

(22:52):
girls with skinny legs.
So you had the calf problem evenwhen you were little.
My, I have always been sturdy, Ithink is the way we say it.
I've always been sturdy, andthose boots were narrow and made
for someone who was much lesssturdy.
Less sturdy.
So the tops of the cowboy bootsrubbed against my calves.
Oh god.

(23:13):
The blisters that I had.
The thing is like you, you weresuffer in silence.
this is again where we are soopposite.
Like you were suffer in silence.
As soon as I felt the slightestbit of uncomfortable, I would
lose my fucking shit.
Everybody knew about it.
You, your foot, like those.
Those boots could have slicedyour foot off and you would have

(23:36):
continued to wobble and beenlike, no, it's fine.
I Don't draw any attention toyourself dear Lord And the thing
was like if you got tired likewe were five we were babies Like
we didn't learn any batonroutines We just did the thing
we just flip it back and forthfor an hour and a half during
the parade You were definitelyolder than five, because I

(23:57):
remember it.
Okay, yeah.
it was right around the sametime.
we weren't doing a, nothing wascatching on fire.
no one was, say, flipping oranything.
we weren't letting go of them.
We weren't throwing them intothe air and catching them.
if you got tired, or you didn't,you just didn't want to do it
anymore, they had, a littlecart, and they would put you in
the cart, and you can ride inthe cart, and wave.

(24:17):
I don't remember the cart.
Except you had to say somethingabout how miserable you were.
I was going to say, you neverrode in the cart.
You were jealous of the girlswho rode in the cart.
I was.
I was like, I'm going to ride inthe cart.
no, instead I will have the topof the boot shaped cuts.
Scabs on my legs.
Bleeding into the boot.

(24:39):
I can see it.
Or I can.
For sure.
I read a quote today that said,in some parts of our mind, we
measure the depth of our love bythe amount that we will
tolerate.
Yeah.
And I was like, I need to getthat tattooed right on my
goddamn chest.
Or on your feet.
Right over that blister.
Right over that scar.
Depth of how much I love theseshoes.

(25:00):
How much I will tolerate my loveof my shoes is in blood.
No problem.
I'm not scared.
so yeah, thank you, Nita andJumbo for doing all of that to
make sure that I could takepiano lessons, even though I
didn't appreciate it at thetime.
and I'd like to note, like wementioned earlier, the striking
of the, the steel workers andhow they wouldn't get paid and

(25:23):
shit like that, and how wedidn't have a lot of money.
The thing is, Nita and Jumbowere such great parents.
I don't know about you,Christine, but I never had a
fucking clue that we didn't havemoney.
Never.
Never?
we went and got food stamps, andI still didn't even, I didn't
know that wasn't normal.
I was like, yeah, alright, fine,I don't give a shit.
Awesome.
Do we get to go to the store andget, fucking fruit, Fruit Loops

(25:45):
with that?
Awesome, great.
Sounds great.
yeah, I never had a clue that wedidn't have money.
I never felt a lack of anything.
I think the only time wasprobably one of the last times
your dad went on strike and Ihad to be like 12 or 13, like
junior high age.
And I wanted to go rollerskating in industry.
And I had to.

(26:05):
Collect, enough coins to makethat possible.
I think it was like a dollar 25to get in and a dollar 25 to
rent skates.
So I had to go through andcollect a bunch of quarters and
then call somebody and be like,Hey, I have$2 and 50 cents of
change.
Can I go now?
that is the extent of it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We never wanted for anything.
We never, nope.

(26:27):
I never felt like we were anyless than anybody else.
So I get good job guys.
Well done.
Love you guys.
Well done.
Amen.
All right, are we moving on tothe book now?
We're moving on to mentalwellness in chapter 9.
Okay, we're gonna cover chapter9 and 10 of the first rule of
mastery.
I don't know about you guys, butpersonally, I have never really

(26:47):
wondered about how the brainperceives reality.
Like I was just like, yeah, itdoes, right?
I guess I'm just naive that way,like I just don't think about
some of that stuff.
Amazingly enough, it turns outit's not quite as simple as
that.
It's not quite as simple as itjust does.
Our perception isn't justpassive observation, it's a

(27:08):
really complex process.
Who knew?
And that complex process isshaped by our beliefs and
experiences.
The brain doesn't merelyregister what's in front of us.
It actively constructs ourreality through a filter of
beliefs and expectations.
Again, I was like, what, Ithought you just saw it, right?
I don't know.
isn't just what in front of you,but no, it's influenced by the

(27:31):
context, by past experiences.
And what's amazing is it's alsoinfluenced by what we think is
going to happen next.
And one thing I thoughtinteresting, if you think about
it, when you get newinformation, when new
information comes your way, ourbrains aren't saying, come on
in.
Let me look at you from allaspects.
Let me look at you superneutrally.
It doesn't really work that way.

(27:52):
And another surprise for you is.
We are not big fans ofsurprises.
Our brains don't handle thatwell.
We like to be little predictivemachines and constantly guess
what's gonna happen based on,again, our past experiences.
So in this chapter, there were acouple of stories about

(28:13):
perception.
Did you read the chapter?
I did.
Yeah.
So the first one, maybe you canhelp me because I don't
understand it.
Okay.
Okay, good.
It's the dress one, do you knowwhat I'm talking about?
So it's the dress one that goesviral.
The mom sends her daughter twopictures of dresses for the
wedding and the daughter's oh,did you pick the white and black
one?

(28:33):
And she was like, no, I pickedthe red and blue one.
And it's this same dress.
But they both see it, somehow,this ended up on Ellen.
It started a big debate.
So many people saw two, saw blueand red, or whatever the colors
were.
And other people saw the whiteand black, or white and gold, or
whatever the other colors were.
And it, it went viral.

(28:53):
I don't, I still don'tunderstand that.
like a, to me, a color is acolor.
Unless you're color blind.
And I don't think they're colorblind.
was that explain more and I justmissed it, or?
That there was like a sentenceabout it because I had the same
thought while I was listening tothat story I was like, yeah, how
is the break don't like I getthe story like it's about

(29:13):
perception And I like thank youfor that story.
But during your telling of thestory.
I am distracted by why don'twhy?
Why do we see two differentthings?
Yeah Like that.
here's why.
my shirt here is pink, but if Iturn off my monitor, if I change
the lighting, the color of myshirt changes a little bit.

(29:34):
It's still pink.
But you can see the difference.
if I hold this.
Bottle up here.
It's a real, real white, butit's actually pink because there
was a little bit of a pinkshadow from your sweatshirt, but
the way the light hits, it has abig impact on how you see that,
that color.
And there are some colors thatare more affected by that than
others.
And it turns out coincidence ofall coincidences.

(29:56):
It is that sort of colorcombination that.
Changes, depending on the lightthat hits it and the way that
you've seen that colorcombination with that amount of
light before.
So it's fucking nuts, right?
It's fucking nuts.
It's right.
So your brain makes anassumption that either there's a

(30:18):
lot of light shining directly onthat dress and it's all washed
out in white.
Or, your brain makes theassumption that it's deep in the
shadows, and that's why you'relooking at two different colors.
It's fucking baffling.
It's so baffling.
Baffling to me.
Like when you look at a flatimage, picture this in your
head, like a paper plate withdifferent sections.

(30:41):
Are we in Sicily?
I'm just wondering.
I'm picturing it as it's notSicily.
Okay, go ahead.
1942.
If you look at that, you'relike, that's the holes or the
indentations go down.
But, if you flip that over, theshadows are almost identical,
but reversed.
It just depends on theassumption your brain makes
first.

(31:01):
That's what Nuts.
Completely nuts.
It is.
So the other one is thebasketball one with the gorilla.
Oh, I don't remember that one.
Okay, so they have, there'smultiple people, they're dressed
in either black or white, andthey have a basketball and
they're passing it to each otherand they're moving around and
you're told to watch the videoand count how many times they
pass the ball.

(31:21):
So I actually.
I watched the video after I readabout it.
So I knew what was happening,but I invited Noah to watch it
because I was, I wanted to seewhat will happen.
So he counted the amount oftimes that they passed it.
He was like 15.
And I said, Did you notice thegorilla that walked through
them?
And he was like, yeah, butapparently like 50 percent of

(31:42):
people who watch that had nofucking clue.
A group, a gorilla walkedthrough them as they're passing
the ball.
Your brain is crazy.
First of all, I was like, Ithink that's really dangerous.
Like, why are we putting agorilla in with these people who
are throwing basketballs?
It's not a real gorilla.
It wasn't a real gorilla.
It was somebody dressed in agorilla costume.

(32:04):
That's really dangerous.
But yeah, that was, again,fucking baffling to me.
So this, I guess it shows thatwe have that selective
perception there.
And also, it's not just what wesee, but it's also about how we
interpretate, interpret otherpeople's opinions, which is what
we've been talking about.

(32:25):
We often assume that we knowwhat other people are thinking,
and it's obviously not alwaysthe truth.
In fact, most of the time, it'snot the truth at all.
And especially when it comes toacceptance and rejection, our
minds work complete over time.
Because we try to anticipatewhat others are thinking and

(32:48):
avoid, do things that wouldavoid the rejection and increase
the acceptance.
So it's like a littlepsychological dance that we're
doing.
Where the insecurities anddesires are really shaping our
perceptions.
And especially when shit's underthreat.
Oh, what's going on over there?
Sorry, I dinged my water bottle.

(33:08):
Fuck that water bottle.
So under threat, we really clingto those things.
So when the acceptance ischallenged, we dig even deeper.
And that reinforces those madeup convictions that we've come
up with.
Makes sense.
So the one thing it talks aboutis interpersonal expectancy
effect.
So it's when our beliefs aboutothers.
About what others expect shapeus from no, let me read again

(33:32):
It's when our beliefs about whatothers expect from us shape the
behavior So it's in a way thatwe're creating our own reality,
right?
I can't do that.
No one expects me to do that,right?
We're creating a real realitybased on what our brain has
already decided Which is superdumb when you think about it,

(33:53):
right?
Yeah, it's limiting In a waythat's not fun at all.
So and then he touched onconfirmation bias, but I feel
like we talked about that in oneof the other chapters too,
didn't we?
Okay.
Yeah.
So I'm not really gonna.
There's a lot of crossover.
overlapping themes in this oneof being open minded and not

(34:14):
assuming that you can readsomebody's mind, I think, and
how that comes back inside yourown brain.
what's the next step after wedecide I can't read somebody's
brain?
Yeah, and that's what, like, howhe ends this chapter is, the
good news here is that we have achoice.
now that we know that our brainsare doing this fucked up shit,
we now have the opportunity todecide how we're going to view

(34:37):
the moment.
So are we going to view eachmoment through a lens of what
happened in the past?
Or are we going to treat it likeit is a new moment?
And embrace that.
So that's the good thing, isthat we have that choice.
It's, this conversation feelsreally familiar.
Because I think we, we did a lotof talking about perception when

(35:00):
we were talking aboutmeditation.
Sorry, you have to cut thatcoughing out.
when we were talking aboutmeditation.
And how the lights on theChristmas tree are lights on the
Christmas tree only because mybrain perceives them as lights
on the Christmas tree.
Like, the way that we interpretwhat's happening to us is really
filtered by what our brainsthink about that piece of

(35:23):
consciousness.
And it's the same thing here.
Like we think that we'reexpected to do X, Y, or Z
because something in our pasthas said you can only do X, Y,
and Z.
Don't do that unexpected thingbecause no one will like you.
And then don't wear that pair ofsocks.
Be coven.
Don't.
Don't write, don't telleverybody you're deaf.

(35:44):
Beethoven, did you know thatBenjamin Franklin killed,
Beethoven?
Say what?
No.
That's com compiracy theory.
It might be.
It might be.
Benjamin Franklin invented ainstrument called the,
harmonica, or glass harmonica.
and you would take the glassesand filled them up with water
and do this whirly thing on thetop, except he turned that into

(36:06):
an instrument somehow.
Okay.
The glass was always full oflead.
Beethoven liked the instrumentsand he played it all the time
and then he died.
Of lead poisoning.
Benjamin Franklin killedBeethoven.
Wow.
Bit of a stretch, but there youare.
History fact.
Feel free to omit.
That's really interesting.
It's almost as wow, really?

(36:27):
As when I found out John Holmeskilled somebody or was involved
in a murder.
I was like, what?
I was like, wait a minute.
Dirk Diggler?
anyway, so here was my nugget oftruth from chapter 9, that you
can change.
You are not necessarily lockedinto a behavior.
People can change.
People are not necessarily goingto do exactly what you think

(36:48):
they're going to do based onyour brain.
And if you approach things withan open mind, you give yourself
more options, which I think wasthe fundamental thing that Jumbo
wanted to leave us with growingup as children.
Give yourself options to growand be the person that you want
to be.
And finally, just because it is,doesn't mean that it always has

(37:09):
to be.
So you can continue to take innew information and you can
continue to say, I don't thinkThe hardest part.
I don't think that, everyonewill hate me because I'm deaf.
And even if they hate me, I justam deaf.
So just what it is.
I'm not gonna assume the worst.
Again, all this shit's hard.
it sounds easy.
Oh yeah.
Beethoven, get yourself outthere.
Don't worry about your career.

(37:31):
It's fine.
You'll be fine.
It's not my career.
Don't get yourself thatinstrument that will eventually
kill you.
You're fine.
You'll be best friends with BenFranklin.
Do you know Ben Franklin?
Yeah, let me introduce you.
I thought Beethoven was likehundreds and hundreds of years
before Ben Franklin.
I think that is maybe.
The age, ages of people around,in that aren't my age, it's like

(37:55):
geography to me.
Zero concept.
Zero.
As far as I'm concerned, anypresident before Reagan, they
were all, they all lived at thesame time.
I don't fucking know when theylived.
Maybe before Kennedy.
I feel like I maybe knew aroundthen.
But, before that, fuck, I don'tknow.
Yeah.
I'm so you even saying that.

(38:16):
Like you had an inkling, isamazing to me.
Things this podcast is good at.
Not geography.
Not history.
No.
Not accurate fact checking.
None of us.
No, I did, I did our last livepodcast today with Dan Harris
and, who was on?
what's her name?
Because I really liked her.
So I'm gonna look up her name.

(38:38):
Her name is Sharon McMahon.
Are you aware of Sharon McMahon?
So she is, she's a history ladyand she was fucking spectacular.
I have absolutely no idea why Istarted talking about it.
None.
Because we're bad.
We're bad at history.
Ha! Yeah.
Bad at history.
Because she was talking abouthistory and I so badly wanted to
comment.
Damn.
I wish I paid attention tohistory like before the last few

(39:00):
years.
And that's all the history we'repaying attention to.
If it happened in the 90s.
Wish I was paying attention toMr.
Kochenar.
Damn it.
Oh my god.
Anyway.
Alright.
So let's move on to Chapter 10because Chapter 10 is a bit, it
was very interesting to me.
The name of the chapter isSocial Beings Masquerading as

(39:21):
Separate Selves.
So it starts out with aprisoner's dilemma, which in
essence is where you're in ahigh stakes game and your
outcome depends not just on whatyou do, but what somebody else
does.
It's like a psychological tug ofwar.
And you have to decide whetheryou want to make that selfish
decision that's going tomaximize your personal gain at
the expense of the group or Doyou act cooperatively to

(39:42):
strengthen the collective, evenif that means giving up a little
bit of your personal advantage?
It's yeah.
Prisoner still, it seems to benamed properly and most people,
again, I am just shocking youguys with the facts here today.
Most people go the selfishroute.
Amazing.
Amazing.
So this chapter really talksabout how.

(40:03):
We're not individuals who havelearned to be social.
We are actually social animalswho have learned to identify as
individuals.
Our biology, our emotions, evenour survival instincts were all
wired for connection.
And yet we live in our culturethat promotes the independence,
self sufficiency and individualachievement over.

(40:26):
That collective well being.
Christine, you have your handup.
I wanted to talk just a tickmore about the prisoner's
dilemma.
Yeah.
when you present it to peoplelike, Hey, if you make this
choice, you get more stuff, andsomebody else gets, slightly
less.
Then, People overwhelminglychoose the selfish route, which
is funny because if you thenspin it to something like, Hey,

(40:48):
this isn't a prisoner's dilemma.
This is the community game.
if you change it to, if youchange it to that, if you turn
it into something that isdesigned to foster social
connections, if you remind thedumb ass human brain that we are
in fact social, then he makes adifferent decision.
But it's so funny to me that,that humans always need

(41:11):
reminding that we need eachother.
Even though we feel internallyso shitty when we continue to
cut ourselves off from makingthose connections.
And I think he talks a littlebit about his experience being a
disconnected, 11 year old or 12year old.
And how It just feels shitty,but I'm missing something, But

(41:32):
we're all about like socialmedia.
We're all about me getting thelikes.
Like we're all aboutKardashians.
Sorry, Kardashians.
You're I'm sure you're lovelyhuman beings, but we are
constantly bombarded by this meuntil someone reminds us that,
you're a social person and thensomething just clicks.
I know, which is why I think Iliked this chapter because, As

(41:53):
dumb as it sounds, I was like,that makes sense.
Like I've always been a personwho was like, Oh, I hate people.
I'd like to be by myself, whichI mean, these things are not
untrue.
I like to be by myself.
I do actually like people, butyeah, so this was eyeopening.
And I, by the time I'm donereading it and by the time I
start like preparing notes forit, I'm thinking, wow, how is

(42:14):
this like a revelation for me?
This should not be a revelationat the age of 46, right?
Yeah, it was this, the samething, as I'm, and I listened to
the book in the car, as I'mlistening to this, I was like,
yeah, I'm picking the, I'mpicking the selfish thing,
especially if it's one personthat's going to suffer.
I got to choose, so I'm going topick the selfish thing.

(42:35):
and then when you would call ita community game, I would 100
percent have changed my answer.
I'd have been like, oh, that'sthe frame, that's the sack we're
putting this in, Yeah.
Yeah.
And being able to identify that,yeah, when I'm cut off, when
I'm, when I spend too much timein my house by myself doing
myself things, then yeah, I dostart to feel a little shitty.

(42:56):
Yeah.
And it, even then it's hard forme to recognize it's time to get
out and do something social.
Yeah.
It's still difficult.
And I think it's good to know,like these again are things that
aren't easy, but.
Now that we know these things,even though I feel like we
should have known them a longtime ago, it makes it a little
bit slightly easier to makethose decisions.

(43:17):
today I had a conversation withOwen that kind of goes along
with this, that makes me feellike I need to do a lot of work.
I asked him how he felt aboutsomething, cause I wanted his
opinion because I'm trying to becurious.
And he said, I don't care.
It doesn't affect me.
And then I cried.
Oh, why did you cry?
Because your kid isn't entitledto have I was like, dude, that

(43:37):
could affect, like, how What?
that could be you one day.
that could affect you.
I'm gonna tell a story.
Do you remember when we were ata soccer tournament and Olivia
grabbed that girl by the hairand punched her in the face?
Oh yeah, I Their brains aren'tdone cooking yet.
So they are way more, they areway more susceptible to all of

(43:58):
these things.
They'll get there eventually.
Don't cry.
It was just, I thought it was, Ithought it was funny that, that
conversation happened today.
And I was like, fuck.
God, a lot more parenting to dohere.
Fucking failed.
Which is exactly what I thoughtwhen Olivia grabbed that girl
and punched her in the face.
I was like, oh, alright.
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Alrighty.
Yeah, there's some, there'stime.

(44:18):
There's time.
We'll figure it out.
We got it.
So anyway, let's get back toFOPO.
yeah.
chapter 10.
So in order to, there's a coupleof things that we can do that
goes along with the wholeconnected thing that helps us to
combat FOPO.
The first one is a genuine loveand care for others well being,
contributing to the socialfabric that our biology is built

(44:42):
for, that connection.
The second is a commitment toact in alignment with our
purpose, values, and goals.
Because when we do that,external validation starts to
matter less.
Again, super easy shit that I'mlike, obviously, yes, all of us
are born a hundred percenthaving purpose, values, and
goals really clear.

(45:03):
So aligning with them is.
Super easy.
Wildly easy.
Okay, yeah.
That's, so that's not easy.
At all.
I, yeah.
Yeah, that one's not easy.
I thought the first bit, alittle bit more interesting,
having deep love and care forothers well being and that
social fabric, because that'sthe, it leads into the second
one.
when we line up what our.

(45:23):
Bodies and brains naturallyneed, which is to be connected
to other human beings.
We're happier.
And a lot of what we hear fromthe outside, a lot of the
external is, Oh, you're a lonewolf.
I don't need anybody to succeed.
Why do I, why would I rely onanyone for my success when I can
do it on my own?

(45:44):
I am a rebel.
I am a cowboy.
And in fact, these are mythscreated by advertisers for the
most part.
Yeah.
And that's what, like the nextpart that I, that he talks about
is like the modern obsessionwith self care.
obviously we like self care.
Self care is good if we'relooking at it the right way.
If you're picking up all thebooks and Barnes and Noble that

(46:06):
say, you can do everything byyourself, alone, you don't need
anybody that's, that's notgonna, it's not gonna help
because when you're so focusedon your personal happiness,
you're missing out on what.
What truly fulfills us as humanbeings, which is that
connectedness.
Did you, when you were ateenager or a young adult, did

(46:27):
you read The Fountainhead?
Sorry, I didn't start readinguntil I was 31.
And it was Twilight, I remember.
And it was Twilight.
I just watched those movies thisweekend.
God.
Anne Rand wrote TheFountainhead.
She's a, like a mid centuryphilosopher, right?
And her philosophy is, if youare constantly and

(46:49):
unapologetically working in yourown self interest, you will
benefit society, but you have tobe working in your own self
interest all the time.
how we talk about doing gooddeeds just to do good deeds and
how we do good deeds to makeourselves feel better, like when
I'm reading this, I'm like, Ihave my fountainhead philosophy

(47:10):
and this is why I asked you ifyou read it when you were like a
teenager or a young adult,because that's usually when
people find it, because they'relike, this tells me I can be a
complete shithead and still be aproductive member of society.
And that's not quite what it'ssaying at all.
it turns out that the guy in thebook is a shithead.
But, he's also He's a shithead.
it, he is.
It's the crux of the book.

(47:30):
Is that this guy's a, anasshole.
He's a Frank Lloyd Wright esquekind of guy.
Okay.
And he's constantly looking forprojects to do that feed his
need to create.
Which is that.
And need to expand.
Yeah.
But he inadvertently creates a,a public housing, complex that,
that really works.

(47:50):
So he's constantly feeding hisown self interest, but he's also
doing things that benefitsociety.
And there's like a foil in thebook where there's a, there's a
girl who just gives herself,she's doing charity work.
She's constantly exhaustedbecause she's doing things that
she doesn't really care aboutthat much.
She doesn't really believe init, but this is what she's
supposed to be doing.

(48:11):
as I sat and thought a littlebit with the fountainhead and
Unapologetic self interest andlooking at, being connected and
contributing in good ways andlining up your values.
I think that they both workbecause as long as you're, as
long as you're acting in a waythat, that does benefit society
and you're acting in a way thatlines up your values and you're

(48:32):
unapologetic about it, thenthese things all work.
The guy in the book is a dick,but he's true to being a dick.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
he's creating those connectionswith a very specific few people
who can take his work and makeit work for the masses.
So you get that, to me, it'she's doing all those little
things, like it ends up to bethat cycle that kind of goes

(48:54):
back to not being fullysustainable.
And yeah, in his case, which I'msure, like you said, it happens
that these good things dohappen.
And then you go to the.
the woman who's just doingthings because she thinks that's
what she's supposed to be doing,that's where you need to find
that connection to make it moresustainable, the connection to
your purpose.

(49:14):
And then to me, that's whereself, like the self care that we
want to focus on comes into playbecause if you're just doing
shit.
To get your wheels running andthat's exhausting you, you're,
it's not going to really be thebest for anybody.
yeah, there is a level of selfcare we have to take, I guess
it's kind of cliche, but wecan't take care of other people
if we're not taking care ofourselves.

(49:35):
there's a lot of, there's a lotof contradictions.
Yeah, that you could create fromthis chapter, going back to
lining up what you're doing withwho you are and your values and
that, that may be, and I thinkhe gets more into this later in
the book, hopefully being ableto identify when something is
feeding who you are inside andwhen something is.

(49:55):
draining you is one of the waysthat we take care of ourselves.
Like I don't have to be a partof every community.
I don't have to be a part ofcommunities where people think I
need to be a part of.
I don't have to be a PTA mom ifthat's not feeding me.
I don't have to run the soccerclubs because it's not a good
fit for me.
That doesn't make me a badperson.

(50:16):
That makes me aware of whatfeeds my personality.
And the same, I don't know,maybe this doesn't go in with
it, but like the same on theother side of it, I feel like I
say, yeah, I'm on the boosterboard and people are like, how
would you do that?
Why do you get talked into thatstuff?
And and I'm like, cause no oneelse wants to do it.
No, I do it because I actuallydo enjoy it.

(50:36):
I like it.
I enjoy being a part of thatgroup and I enjoy that what I'm
contributing is helping thatgroup.
And I shouldn't, we shouldn'tjust immediately be like, Oh,
yeah, because we had to.
It's not really what it's about.
Yeah.
And I think there's, and you'reprobably going to get a little
more into some of these thingsas we go, as we talk more about

(50:57):
the chapter.
Always feeling like you have toprove yourself to, to other
people.
I don't, I'm not on this thingbecause I have to prove myself
to somebody else.
I'm on this because I think Ican do a good job at it.
I'm doing this because I thinkthat I want to take care of
whatever it is that needs to betaken care of.
We're independent people thatneed other people to socialize

(51:18):
with, to talk to, to be a partof something bigger than
yourself.
And I think that's also one ofthe keys from this chapter that
I wrote down is that havingsomething beyond ourselves means
that we're able to look beyondthat external validation.
Like I don't need this group tovalidate me.
I don't need this group to tellme I'm doing things right.

(51:40):
I need this group to see me aswho I am.
And I think that is, is thetrick.
I don't need the group tovalidate me.
I need the group to be a partof, And that's what, that's the
next thing on my list here totalk about is impostors.
No, that's okay.
No, it's perfect.
Cause this is, this is how itshould be.
This is the shit we should betalking about.
So he talks about impostorsyndrome, which I know that both

(52:00):
of us have thought ourselvesplenty of times.
And he just notes here that,it's exhausting.
It's exhausting always feelinglike you need to prove yourself
to someone else.
And really when you're focusingtoo much on proving your own
worth.
You're actually like shiftingfrom that collaboration to
competition, which thenobviously is going to go nowhere

(52:24):
as far as the greater goal as agroup.
I can't let them find out thatI'm not as good as they think I
am.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I, a hundred times.
Yeah.
I think we even talked about ita couple of weeks ago.
so me at work being like, Oh,it's fine if I'm second, it's,
I'm just always going to besecond.
That way I don't have to worryabout anyone figuring out that
I'm not.
Exactly.
Really is good.

(52:44):
Great.
I don't have to try to be first.
it's fine.
I'm fine.
I'm always gonna compete and besecond.
Yeah.
Or I could just be who I am anddo the stuff that needs to get
done and everything is mucheasier in my stupid brain.
And that's the thing is we causeourselves so much grief, man, we
fuck ourselves, like I've beenfucking myself over for 46 years

(53:05):
and I still do it.
I don't know why.
I still do it.
I did it yesterday.
I asked Owen or Noah a question,again, trying to be curious and
then he said like his responseand I was like, All right, never
mind.
That wasn't right.
Never mind.
I was doing it again.
I was doing it again.
It's, I did it today severaltimes.
I guess the difference is we'reworking on it and becoming aware
of it.
Aware.
Being aware.
Yeah.
Again, mindfulness, looking atit and being like, Hey! Yeah,

(53:28):
that's a thought.
Here.
You feed, you can feed it or youcannot feed it, so you choose.
So I think you touched upon thisabout there's the real question
is are we independent people whohappen to associate with one
another, or does real meaningcome from being in service to
something bigger than ourselves?
And really, if you think aboutit, at the end of the day, no
one does it alone.

(53:48):
Like truly you might.
I think that you've done it allby yourself, but I still feel
like there's, there, there'ssomething else there.
And especially, you're not goingto do it to the best of your
ability, maybe, was what I'mtrying to say.
If you're just relying onyourself, you could be a little
bit better if you get into thatcollaborative swing of things,
and when we're talking aboutsomething bigger than ourselves,

(54:10):
we're not necessarily talkingabout the entire connected
universe.
yeah, like we're not endingworld hunger.
Like for me, something biggerthan myself is making sure that
the shit I do at work has as aconnectedness to all of the
other people that do the samejob I do.
the way that I find this atwork, the way that I'm happiest

(54:30):
at work is if I'm like, Hey, Idid this thing and it worked out
really great.
And if we do this, I can seethree steps down the line where
this is really going to benefitall of us.
And whoever wants to take creditcan take credit.
Yeah.
But I want us to, I want uscollectively as a group of
people who work in thisorganization to be able to do

(54:51):
things better.
So I am going to take my ideasand share them with you.
And that's what, like, whenyou're, when you move beyond,
when we take a purpose thatmoves beyond ourselves, we're
really getting into a deeperawareness of the
interconnectedness.
that's pretty much wraps up thechapter, embracing the fact.

(55:13):
That we're not separate beings,that we need to start embracing
this, the fact that we're, we'vealways been social beings and
having that inner connectednessand we can do more.
Yes, I think that getting backto purpose driven and
performance driven, right?
Like the performance drivendynamic just pushes you to

(55:35):
compete with the people next toyou.
Like the performance driven isalways measure, compare,
measure, compare, measure,compare.
what if I win this, then I'mgoing to be good enough.
If I beat this thing, then I'mgood enough.
Where the purpose driven andmore of the connected kind of
spirit is.
how can we all make this work?
Like it pulls out, I don't haveto compete against you because

(55:57):
fundamentally I know what'simportant to me, and what's
important to me is maintainingsome connection with the people
around me.
And if I can strive to makeeverybody around me a little bit
better, then I automatically getbetter.
And you don't do that by justdoing what you think will please
everybody else.
It's not being a people pleaser.
It's working together.

(56:17):
There's a huge differencebetween being a part of a group
and contributing in a way thatmakes sense by providing
different things than everybodyelse is providing.
Then being a part of a group andjust being like, I'm in the cool
group.
There's a big difference.
I must maintain my space in thecool group where it.
if you're striving to alwaysmaintain your space in the cool

(56:39):
group, if you're volunteeringbecause somebody feels like you
have to volunteer and you'remaking like 85 knitted hats and
you don't feel connected tothose little hats, then your
connectedness isn't the waythat, that it should be.
You're still looking for thatexternal validation rather than
finding what drives you in thatgroup.
I have, I have two morequestions for you.

(57:00):
Okay.
These are off topic, so we'veconcluded our chapters for
today.
Next time, you will be tacklingthe last section that we have to
look at in the book, which isredefine.
Yay! I was telling someone aboutchicken and zoobies.
For anyone who hasn't heard, ourmom used to call our vaginas
chickens and our boobs zoobies.
She sometimes called our teethzoobies too, so it was

(57:22):
confusing.
I feel like I've asked thequestion, and I don't know if
it's one of those where I askthe question, and I just don't
care about the answer enough toremember it, or if I've never
asked the question, like, wheredid these two terms come from?
Need his head.
Need his head.
Okay, so we need to ask Mommy,like, where was this from her
childhood?

(57:42):
Now, I have a theory.
about, the chicken and the factthat the hoo ha looks a bit like
chicken skin.
Okay, we're done.
We're done.
I don't give a fuck aboutZubbies.
I'm done.
I can't talk about it anymore.
Alright everybody, we're goingto wrap it up and we have a
little closing tagline thatwe're going to start using.
It's not just, I love you?
No.

(58:02):
Don't forget to stay curious andkeep laughing.
Or you can continue to interruptme as I try to deliver it.
I'm sorry, I just wanted to sayI love you before you deliver
it.
Please deliver.
Yeah, I was going to do I loveyou after the deliverance.
oh, I didn't.
Okay.
Don't forget to stay curious andkeep laughing.
That's it.
Love you.
Love you.