Episode 44: Networking 101

Fan Mail Goes Here!!

**Here's a YouTube video courtesy of Vihan Chelliah with the "Man in Arena" speech from Teddy Roosevelt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iD4_o9vi4X0

Sarah and Christine welcome you to another fun-filled episode of 'The Mental Funnybone,' where mental wellness meets hearty laughter. 

The Fan Mail Segment covers a resurgence of positive feedback from old favorites: Elaine C., Ryan and The #1 Boner Kim D.  

The Gaster Story of the Week features the duo sharing their favorite successes and failures on the soccer field. 

The pair weaves in their life observations from Chris’ conference time in Orlando and Sarah shares insights on how Life360 can ruin a surprise and her time spent with the family in Chicago. 

As always, the episode transitions to deeper discussions about mental health. Sarah opens up about recent anxiety and shares her methods for coping, including meditation. The sisters reflect on redefining self-perception and the importance of being curious—valuable insights from 'The First Rule of Mastery'.  They wrap up by highlighting the importance of recognizing whose opinions truly matter in life and the impact of being mindful. 

Tune in for another episode mixing humor and heartfelt conversations!

How to find mental health help when you're struggling. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
https://washingtoncountyhumanservices.com/agencies/behavioral-health-developmental-services
https://www.alleghenycounty.us/Services/Human-Services-DHS/Publications/Resource-Guides
Apps - Just search mental health where you get your apps.
EAP programs are a great place to look for help!!

Additional Resources (Sports Related):
https://globalsportmatters.com/health/2020/12/04/mental-health-resources-2/

Episode Transcript

Sarah (2) (00:03):
Hello and welcome to the Mental Funnybone, where we
strive to create a safe andentertaining space where
listeners can explore mentalhealth topics, find solace, and
enjoy laughter.
We also aim to destigmatizemental health discussions and
empower individuals to approachtheir own well being with humor
and openness.
I am Sarah.

Chris (00:23):
And I'm Christine.
Neither of us are mental healthprofessionals.
Neither of us is, neither of usare, neither of us are.
grammar, police.

Sarah (2) (00:33):
I do have a coffee mug that says I'm silently
correcting your grammar though.
I wish you

Chris (00:37):
would fucking help me right now.

Sarah (2) (00:38):
We are not mental health professionals.
If you need a mental healthprofessional, dial pound 988 on
your phone, on your cellulartelephone, or head to our show
notes and click on one of thoselinks.

Chris (00:52):
Or Sarah, this week, what you could do is find, find your
copy of the Mon ValleyIndependent and as a part of
the, their feature article withus.
it is the, it'll list all of themental health resources we have
in our show notes.

Sarah (2) (01:08):
Yeah.
You can do that.
And also I just realized I saidpound instead of hashtag, right?
Is it a hashtag or a pound?
what do you?
It's

Chris (01:15):
both.
If you're Becca, it's a hashtag.
If you're your mom, it's a poundsign.
Pound nine, eight, eight, allthe kids that listened to this.
So Olivia and one of herfriends, what are we pounding?
Where's Lucas?
All right, guys.
I just, just a little preface.
I would like to thank the AChotel in Orlando for providing
my background today.

(01:36):
I am attending the biggest,fancy ass conference for, for my
profession.
I am once again, blown away bythe, by the number.
of men with shaved heads andtiny glasses and very tight
fitting pants that are requiredto make the pharmaceutical
industry run.
It

Sarah (2) (01:55):
is amazing to me.
I can't.
They're real tight on theirankles and then they have like
big shoes that are skinny toesand I don't, huge shoes.
It's so against everything thatI've.
that I grew up with.
Like I just can't.

Chris (02:08):
The shirts are very tailored.
some of them are hip and trendy.
So they are wearing jeans.
you can clearly say where therewas a directive from a high up
in the organization that we are,we're going.
We're going casual men.
Wear your jeans

Sarah (2) (02:24):
and your untuck it shirt.
Oh, I like it.
The untuck it shirt.
Do they have their, what's itcalled?
I was going to say blazer.
I feel like that's what womenwear a blazer.
Sport coat.
Sport coat.
Yes.
That's it.
I feel like that's the, that'sthe attire that's necessary
these days.

Chris (02:39):
And for us gals, if you will, it's a blazer.
You must wear a blazer.
I

Sarah (2) (02:43):
love a blazer.
I love a good blazer.

Chris (02:45):
Mine was, mine was teal today because we went a little
off brand.

Sarah (2) (02:48):
Ooh, pretty.
I have one.
I actually have two, but I haveone, and that's all.
I just have two and I wear themlike once a year.
but the one that I have, if youlook at it, like if you hold it
up and you look at the inside,the silky part on the inside is
ripped.
Because apparently I wore itwhen I was a little bit bigger
and I wasn't hand having it.
So I just went

Chris (03:08):
fat guy in a little coat, Richard.

Sarah (2) (03:10):
Yep.
That was me.
Yep.
Yep.
That was me.

Chris (03:13):
Fat guy

Sarah (2) (03:14):
in a

Chris (03:14):
little

Sarah (2) (03:14):
coat Yep anyway Continue to tell us about your,
your, what's it called?
conference.

Chris (03:20):
Yeah, it was full of people in this industry.
And I think I've mentioned onceor twice that this is the
biggest, smallest industry inthe whole world.
So you just keep running intothe same people again and again.
and I found that.
for our little podcast, it isone of the most interesting
things that people can talkabout.
and the nice thing is I was ableto say I had a podcast and

(03:42):
people are like, Oh yeah, what'sit about?
And they're expecting you to belike, precious moments, dolls
that I collect.
And I'm like, Oh no, it's acomedy mental health podcast.
And they were like, Ooh.
Oh.
Interesting.
look at the brain on YouTube,look at you guys at doing
something worthwhile in yourcommunity.
and I guess after I've said 19fart jokes at the conference

(04:04):
that the fact that I have a semiserious, semi successful podcast
is surprising.

Sarah (2) (04:09):
That's what I was going to say when we were, when
you were trying to figure outwhat type of podcast you figured
that they thought I was going tosay, about farts.
Because I feel like that's whereeverything goes to.
Like shitting yourself or farts.

Chris (04:20):
you hang out with a lot of teenage boys.
You hang out with a lot ofteenage boys and their moms.
I'm at a conference where peopleare mostly complaining about
their back.

Sarah (2) (04:29):
I also hang out with my husband and his brothers.
And every holiday, we time howlong it takes to start talking
about shit.
And it always ends up with ashitting yourself story.

Chris (04:41):
You gotta have a hobby.

Sarah (2) (04:44):
Yeah, it's, and we'll, we'll tell, normally
there's a new one throughout theyear, but we'll tell the same
ones.
it's fantastic.

Chris (04:51):
All right.
And I just want to mention somefan mail that we got.

Sarah (2) (04:56):
Yeah.

Chris (04:57):
If it came directly to the fan mail, and I didn't
realize this, for you guys thatare older, maybe, when you click
on the fan mail, it's gonna wantyou to send a text message.
because it says mail, I was justassuming that we were getting
emails, but no, these are textmessages.
Text message, also, it doesn't,you can't attach a picture.
one of our, fans ran into me atUniversal Studios in Florida

(05:19):
this week.

Sarah (2) (05:20):
Yeah.

Chris (05:21):
I invited him and I knew he would be there.
quick shout out to James.
I also found out that James isfamous, in our industry.
Oh.
He's, he's 6'4 he looks like afootball player.
and most of the people at theseconferences do not look like
that.
Oh, alright.
he is, he stands out in a crowdand is famous.

(05:42):
I didn't understand that until Iwalked through this conference
with him and everyone was like,James.
Hey, James.
James.
James.
Oh my God.
And one guy, guy ran up to him.
Like he was Santa Claus and he'sOh,
there he is.
I was
like, what is happening?
I can see this.
I can hear it.
Hey bro.

(06:03):
Yeah.
Bro.
Yeah.
It was
like.
It was like, Oh, the sales brosare having a sales meeting.
It's awesome.
but James, James likes thepodcast.
James's wife likes the podcast.
Hi Tiff.
I met her super fun.
Yeah.
Just ran into a couple of peoplewho were like, Hey, listen to
your podcast, listen to yourpodcast.
So I am hoping, coming out ofthis conference that, that we

(06:26):
can leverage a little bit ofthat.
So

Sarah (2) (06:27):
I like it.

Chris (06:28):
Yeah.
It made me feel good.
I like it a lot.
Good.

Sarah (2) (06:31):
Do you want me to go to, Oh yeah, we could talk about
Chicago and then I'll go to therest of our fan mail because we
actually have a few.
I'll go through them quickly.
Chicago, Noah and Owen and Iwent to Chicago to, we also had
in tow, Noah's two brothers andour sister in law, so Steven and

(06:52):
Danny and Sam.
this was hysterical just becauseall of us are a bunch of cutups
and.
Sam and I are also both on theXanax.
Owen is on crutches, and weflew.
Steven got a new fanny pack forthe trip.
There was a lot of funniness,and we hadn't even, I hadn't

(07:13):
even taken the Xanax yet, and Ialready peed my pants a few
times.
but we went to Chicago tosurprise Noah's sister, Noah,
Jen, and Danny's sister, Noah,Jen, and Danny's Noah, Steve.
Okay.
We went to surprise Jen for her50th birthday.
Noah's embarrassed because thethree of us get on first, like
it's Southwest.
So I get the pre boarding passfor my anxiety and then Owen had

(07:37):
a pre boarding pass because wehad his ass in a wheelchair.
or it was more like a stroller,I'd like to say so.
And he gets a handler with him.
So all three of us got to get onfirst.
Noah's 100 percent embarrassedby all of this.
Fantastic.
So we get there.
Jennifer, we are surprisingJennifer.
Jennifer does not know that weare going to meet her.
She doesn't

Chris (07:57):
know who she's getting.
Does her husband know?
Does anyone in their

Sarah (2) (08:00):
household know?
Ivan and I set it up.
Ivan and I set everything up.
So we're going to meet her thefollowing day for brunch.
This is the plan.
I wake up, that was Friday, Iwake up on Saturday and I have a
text from Jennifer that says, Iforget exactly what, Oh, it
says, what kind of fuckery isthis?

(08:21):
And I was like, Oh God.
And then I remembered that sheput me in a Life360 circle.
So Life360 is so fuckingincredible.
It told her when I landed inMidway.
It's so nice of it.
So fucking nice of it.
huh.

Chris (08:36):
I should have warned you.
I didn't realize that you didthat.
Yeah.

Sarah (2) (08:39):
I didn't remember.
What the fuck?
I didn't remember.
I was like, yeah, cool.
I'll see where Jennifer is onher adventures.
Like I whatever, didn't know,didn't think about it.
So I was like, fuck God.
anyway, so I just told her that,we had a work emergency and it
was a last minute trip and Iwas.
I wasn't even thinking about it.

(09:01):
We should get together.
then, so then she sends me atext, she's Hey, Ivan and I are
going out to brunch.
If you don't have anything goingon with your work friends, are
you able to meet up with us?
And I was like, perfect.
This works out well.
You guys can drop me off therebeing my Uber.
You guys just duck down ifthey're there, drop me off and
then we can go in and then youguys can surprise her.

(09:22):
So that's what we did.
It turned out very nice.
Yeah.
I feel like there's a lot ofother things that I should be
talking about because Sammentioned a few times that we
were going to, that I was goingto mention it on the podcast and
I can't remember one of thosethings.
We went to see the big, silverbeam.
Yeah.
We went to see the beam.
Yeah.
We got lots of pictures.

(09:43):
Yeah.
I also got that picture taken ofmy eyeball, which we talked
about.
My eyeball's very boring.
so yeah.
Chicago is wonderful.
That's it.
let's go to fan mail.
We're going to get through fanmail because we're trying to
make these quicker.
And, yeah, anyway, Ryan was ourfirst fan mailer and he titles
it number one fan mailer becausehe knows who he is.

(10:04):
He knows.
yeah, he, he, when he sent this,he had just listened to the
latest episode, which is when Ispelled out to the bartender.
This was Grandmaster goes toFlagstaff.
Also he's very appreciative ofthe KF mother fucking C.
which I don't see why youwouldn't be.
He also was in some sort oftaekwondo shit and also

(10:26):
participated in a karate kidtype tournament.
Yep.
Love it.
Did he get a trophy?
He doesn't say, he wanted, hesaid he wanted to acknowledge
your black belt, even thoughthat you got kicked in the head.
And, P.
S.
good job, Becca.
So he's our number one fanmailer and he recognizes our
intern.
So we love you, Ryan.

(10:48):
We love you, Ryan.
Keep them coming.
the next one came in from ElaineCope, who is a former co worker
of yours.
Is that who that is?
Okay.
We work together.
She's Elaine.
Yeah.
Elaine, sends us messages quiteoften.
So I'll go ahead and read it.
Had a little bit of a slow startto my podcast listening in 2025,

(11:08):
but I'm all caught up.
I confess a little tear leakedout of my eye at the end of
episode 40, when Sarah said shefeels like a different person
compared to a year ago.
yay.
I don't want to make you crylike that, but that's

Chris (11:21):
anyway.
Good tears.

Sarah (2) (11:22):
You are both an inspiration to me as I listened
to all the positive changes youcontinue to make and admire your
dedication to helping each otherand anyone else who is
struggling with mental healthissues in their families.
Thank you for your commitment tothe process, and for sharing
your journey and all the laughsalong the way.
So thank you, Elaine.
We love it.
Keep sharing shit.

(11:43):
Keep fan melon and let's seewho's next.
Oh Guess who came back?
Yes, Kim motherfucking D Yeah,girl, and she says he heard the
title the subject.
Is that what they're called foremos?
Yeah subject is your boner ishere Yep, yep, and she said I

(12:08):
heard my name And this boner didnot want to disappoint.
Love your hairy dog porcupinestory.
Heard about I heard about theass scabs right when my Chick
fil A drive thru order wasready.
The dog butthole story is aclassic.
Wish I knew Jigs.
You should post a pic.
Say hi to the intern for me.
You guys are classing it up.

(12:29):
So yeah, I, so I have to tellyou, I made the boys being my
son and one of his buddies onthe way home from school
yesterday, listened to the Jigsbutthole story.
And I can't tell the storywithout doing this.
poking with my finger becauseit's funny as fuck like the pink
target.
Okay.

Chris (12:47):
so I, I also have to share that at my very
professional conference wherewe're talking about changing and
growing an industry.
Please

Sarah (2) (12:56):
tell me you talked about jigs, jigs butthole.

Chris (12:59):
Yes, we did.
it came up numerous times.
They're like.
Somebody would mention, likesomebody would come over and be
like, Hey, did you know thatChristine has a podcast?
just stand here for 14 secondsand she'll tell you.
like making fun of me and I waslike, but, and then somebody
would come over and be like,yeah, I listened to it.
And there's a fantastic storyabout her childhood pet.

(13:21):
And they were like, tell them.
And because I'm a ham and can'tsay no to a spotlight, I
definitely told, the, head ofdata management at some big
pharma company that somebody ata party my parents had chased
the dog around, tried to sticktheir finger in his butthole.

Sarah (2) (13:38):
I fucking love this.
Yeah.
I don't know why I'm not runninga major

Chris (13:42):
corporation now.

Sarah (2) (13:43):
I was like, I listened to it before I picked
the boys up and I had to set itup for them.
I was laughing so fucking hardgoing to pick them up and they
got in the car.
I was like, you guys have tolisten.
I'm going to make you listen.
It's fucking funny.

Chris (13:56):
Becca, make a note.
That if someone is coming to thepodcast, like if they should
start with 42, episode 42 iswhere you want to go.

Sarah (2) (14:05):
All right, I'm going to move on.
So Gaster's story this week,there's not a lot.
I feel like I'm really bad atthe Gaster stories anymore.
I feel like I can't even thinkof anything anymore, but I think
that we may have shared.
A few of these, if not all ofthem already, but I also wanted
to see if you had any, soccerfails and soccer triumphs with
jumbo.

Chris (14:25):
Oh, yeah, for sure.
For sure.
do you want, do you want mysoccer fail?

Sarah (2) (14:31):
Yeah, I have two sales and a triumph.

Chris (14:34):
Oh, like two truths and a lie.

Sarah (2) (14:35):
That's exactly what I thought of too.

Chris (14:37):
Okay.
I think we've talked.
We're

Sarah (2) (14:38):
not breaking ice.
We're talking gasters.
Let's go.

Chris (14:42):
What are we breaking ice for?

Sarah (2) (14:43):
Ice breakers.
Two truths and a lie is an icebreaker.
When I have to explain the joke,it makes it not as funny.
Actually, it's really fuckingfunny now.
Just cut that out.
Oh, no.
I am not, no.
That is not being cut out.
Why are we breaking ice?
Do you have a beverage

Chris (15:02):
What?
is it somebody gonna fallthrough?
I'm not,
okay.
Go ahead.
soccer successes and soccerfailures.
so my first failure was, back inthe day on the Elizabeth Forward
Warriors, varsity soccer team.
I Warriors.
100 percent sure that I wasgoing to be the captain of that
team, 100 percent sure.
There was no, no reason for menot to be the captain of that

(15:25):
soccer team.
And when it came time to pickcaptains, I was standing there
like ready to accept, like I wasstanding there with my hand out,
just waiting for him.
Jack Jacobs, the coach of thevarsity lady boyars.
Team to hand me my captain bandor whatever it is we did back
then.
I don't even think we had thelittle ask things.

(15:46):
You just, somebody told you werecaptain, and you got a special
picture in the yearbook.
Which
I was very much looking forward to.
and then he said, that it's notyou.
And I think because, and becausemy face is the way that it is,
it went from this.
And it, I know it's a soundshow.
It went from very excited tovery sad and disappointed and
then mad.

(16:06):
all in 14 seconds.
And and that is, when I wenthome and I told Jumbo and
Jumbo's response was, Meh.
Meh.

Sarah (2) (16:15):
Meh.

Chris (16:16):
That's terrible.
Can you tell your mom to putmore peas in the things?
Dad, can you help me?
He's so what?

Sarah (2) (16:25):
Yeah, not everybody gets to

Chris (16:26):
be captain.

Sarah (2) (16:27):
Yeah, it's listen get like just suck it up.
Yeah, it's fine.
Move on.
It's time for dinner.
Now,

Chris (16:34):
your mom on the other hand was like, Oh, honey.
Oh, this is a travesty.
Now, who's captain?
And I was like, Heather andShelley are captain.
And she was like, oh, It's okay.
I don't, it's okay.
you're the best.
You're the best in all of this,Amber.
Oh, it's okay.
you're the best.
I know you're the best.
And your dad was like, so what?
Yeah.
Tell your mom, make rule fordinner.
I'm like, okay, thanks.

(16:55):
Thanks.
so I think the other, Okay.
The other soccer failure, and Ihaven't really talked about this
one, hopefully you can come upwith, funny things to get us
back on the humor track, butwhen I was Sophomore.
So I had started out my freshmanyear.
I was like the leading scorer atElizabeth forward high school.
I was all set to go to collegeand score a bunch of goals.

(17:17):
And it turns out when you get tocollege, everybody is the best
person on their team.
And it's really hard, to do abunch of things.
Turns out I have the touch of anelephant, on the soccer field.
And the only position that I wasreally qualified to play was
the, brutal football.
left back.
I would just break your legrather than let you squirrel.
I'm playing left back in our,sweeper.

(17:39):
What was the one in the veryback?
They don't do this anymore.
Sweeper.
So I was explaining this

Sarah (2) (17:43):
to Owen the other night too.

Chris (17:44):
when did we get all these new positions?
I should keep up with soccer alot more.
anyway, the sweeper wasgraduating was graduating and
the thought was I would justslide on over into that
position, and everything wouldbe great.
we got to camp that fall and wewere playing three days and
they're putting me there and Ilook like a deer caught in
headlights.
I look like I don't even knowhow to play soccer.

(18:07):
Like I've never been on thefield before.
Like I have absolutely noconcept of how to do anything
but play left back now.
don't put me anywhere else causeI can't do it.
And it was one of the most likehumiliating things in my whole
life.
Like coach Forstie had to lookat me like.
very confused about what I wasdoing on the field, and you can

(18:27):
clearly see that she had a planfor that, and the expectation
was I would just be able toadapt and learn and overcome,
and all I did was leave everypractice and cry because I
didn't know what I was doing,and I was really bad at it.
they moved me back to Left Back,where I belong, and they put
Twiggy, in AdSweeper, and Iremember

(18:48):
her.
And it was great.
she was really good at it.
And I think, ultimately I wasjust very nervous about being in
charge of other people.
And, it just shows how much I'vegrown that I just want to yell
at everybody now.

Sarah (2) (19:00):
Yeah.
I feel like you had been goodthere.
But

Chris (19:04):
I know I would be great because I would be able to
control a defense back then Iwas like, Oh, I don't deserve
this position.
And that's what it was.
I just didn't have enoughconfidence to really embrace
what needed to happen backthere.
And it really bothered me for areally long time that I just
wasn't up to the task.
I'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
so I will follow that secondfailure up with a success story

(19:25):
and it's got to be this slipperyrock tournament that we talked
about a couple of times.
Oh yeah.
so my little club soccer teamcoached by Stan Muir, Officer
Muir.
he, he was a soccer dad.
Like he had no, he'd never seenthe sport before.
I never played it before, but hewas our coach from when we were
little kids up until highschool.
And we were going to our lastTournament, I think, because I

(19:46):
could drive at this point and,we're at Slipper Rock, all of
the, all the, and we're not thatgreat.
We're going to lose immediatelyand Jumbo was counting on us
losing so that we could go onvacation, right?
So, but we didn't lose.
we kept winning like the firstgame we won.
Everyone's Oh, I so good to win.
that first win.
So nice.

(20:07):
And then you play like twogames.
Two games on, Saturday.
So we won the second and thething was we were supposed to
lose.
That way we could leave forvacation on Sunday morning or
night, like Saturday night, likeyou were supposed to be done.
Yeah, I ruined it.
I ruined it.
And now we'd won the second oneand now we've won too.
And we're going to play Sunday.

(20:27):
And if we win Sunday morning,then we have to play again on
Sunday.
And now we're not leavingSlippery Rock until three
o'clock in the afternoon to goon vacation.
And one of the reasons we keptwinning is because I kept my
socks on.
So we end up winning the entiretournament.
So that is four games of soccerwith these socks I refuse to
change.

Sarah (2) (20:47):
huh.

Chris (20:48):
Yep.
And then, I'm like, oh, I'mgoing to go back and shower it.
And your dad lost his mind.
He was like, get in the goddamncar,

Sarah (2) (20:55):
get in the car with your shoes on, with your socks
on, get

Chris (20:59):
in, tournament.
Mindset, right?
you want him to do good, but youalso want him to lose so you can
go home at a reasonable hour.

Sarah (2) (21:07):
As a parent, I now understand.
As a parent.
God, I hope we lose this fuckinggame.
please.
Get me the fuck out of thiscold.
please.

Chris (21:14):
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
Good effort.
Let's pack up your stuff.
We'll get an ice cream.
And then when they score, you'relike, yay! Yay! Anyway, so your
dad is having none of meshowering, and like I said, I
had those socks on all weekend.
Yeah.
from the weekend.
Oh, I was there.
I know.
I know.
And we had a car where I wouldcomfortably rest by leaning back
in my seat and putting my feetup on his headrest.

(21:35):
One on each side of his head.
Like I can see him turning hishead and smelling.
huh.
we had to pull over an hour intothe trip and put those socks in
the trunk.

Sarah (2) (21:43):
Yeah.
It was fucking terrible.
I love that's your successfulstory.
I think the successful part ofit was you winning, but right.
Not, but to talk about, but totalk about your socks.
I love it because daddy wasdisgusted as was I being your
little sister and how fuckingdisgusting your feet were.

(22:03):
And I mean it's still, you cantake the socks out, the shoes,
put them in the trunk, that shitstill stunk.
That was a good nine hours ofstank ass car because of your
feet.
Were you with us?
I don't think you were with uswhen we went to Ugh, where the
hell was it?
Seven Springs, and Daddy steppedin duck shit?

Chris (22:20):
No.
Yeah.
I'm with you.

Sarah (2) (22:22):
Yeah, that was the best.
Because as we're pulling out ofSeven Springs, we're like,
something stinks.
Holy shit.
There's a dead animal in thiscar.
So it smelled so bad, we had tostop and figure it out, and it
was, Daddy's oh, I stepped insomething.
It must be that duck shit, orwhatever.
And apparently that duck waseating tar.
And then shit it out and it wasstuck to his, he could not get

(22:44):
it off of his shoe.
He threw his shoe away.
I'm pretty sure it definitelydid not get back in the car.
Yeah.
He

Chris (22:50):
never

Sarah (2) (22:50):
threw anything away.
Yeah.
And that shoe was eaten up.
That was bad news.
The duck shoe, duck, shit, shoe,

Chris (22:58):
duck, shit, shoe.
what are your successes andfailure?

Sarah (2) (23:01):
so I can't, I was probably 14 maybe and, we were
up at Edinburgh for the sametournament that you were talking
about, but it moved toEdinburgh, the state, the PA
cup, PA, whatever.
and, this girl was doing exactlywhat she was told to do and she
was really good at it, which wasto piss me off.
And she was just mine and shewas going to pull my shirt and

(23:22):
she was gonna jab me in the sideand she was gonna do all that
shit.
And she was gonna do illegalshit.
more so than that.
and I fucking enough.
I had had enough, and shetripped me.
She did something.
I got up and punched her.
So I get a red card, like I knowimmediately, like I hit her and
I look at the ref, I'm like,fuck.
All right.
So I could walk like I knowwhat's happening.
And I'm walking off the fieldand your dad is like shaking his

(23:47):
head and I'm like, Oh, I amfucked.
Like he is going to kill me.
So I try, I avoid him the restof the game.
I just.
nope.
after the game, I'm walking upto him and I'm like getting
ready for the tears.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
She was just making it so bad.
And he said, if you're going toget kicked out of a game for
punching someone, you betterlearn how to punch.

(24:09):
Because that was embarrassing.

Chris (24:11):
what did you did this.
I gave her a swat.
Like this.
Yeah.

Sarah (2) (24:15):
Cause I had never punched anybody before.
And I never practiced punching.
I don't know how you, I seepeople punch and that seemed
right, but no, it was like a catswiping at her.
That's what I did.
So after that, daddy taught mehow to punch.
So that was the, that was thefirst fail.
The second fail, I'm pretty surewe told this.
It went along with when daddy,when mommy cut daddy's hair that

(24:36):
first time and shaved him baldback here and it was the bad
haircut and he had to drive thevan for the ODP.
Our first ODP trip to EasternPennsylvania.
So he had to drive the van withthe older girls in it.
Like they volunteered to do thathim and mommy.
Can you imagine like those girlsloved him and mommy?
They thought they were fuckinghysterical.

(24:58):
So I'm in the big bus and thereand they're driving this van
with all these kids They don'tknow but anyway, I'm fairly
certain back then you didn'tneed clearances or shit either

Chris (25:07):
You can

Sarah (2) (25:08):
anyway so The first game.
It's my first ODP game.
For those of you who don't know,don't follow soccer.
This is the state team.
So this is the Pennsylvania Weststate team.
It's my first game.
I'm 13 years old playing defenseOlympic development program,
nervous as shit.
And, I was on the B team.

(25:30):
and I don't know, it might'vebeen like the first 15 minutes
of the game.
I scored a goal.
But it was for the other team.

Chris (25:38):
Congratulations.
I

Sarah (2) (25:39):
scored in my first State game, my first ODP game, I
scored a goal for the otherteam.
I couldn't even tell you how ithappened.
I just remember that ithappened.
And I remember looking at yourdad and thinking, Oh, fuck.
And he will tell you that I'mpretty sure that's what he did.

(26:01):
Like he was like, oh, there's noC team.
She's just gonna be out thedoor.
She's out the door.
This is what's going to happen.
Oh man.
it was good knowing all yourgirls.
See you.
Peace out.
yeah, so it wasn't my finestmoment and poor daddy thought
for sure I was getting kickedoff the team.
The good news is I had greatcoaches and they laughed.
And gave me a pat on the backand we're like, shit happens.

(26:25):
What are you going to do aboutit?
And this was when I was 13, so Iwas still into soccer and I was
still working hard and trying toimprove.
So I, I actually came back fromthat and the rest of the time I
played for ODP, I played on theA team.
Bam.

Chris (26:39):
That's not my success.

Sarah (2) (26:41):
B.
A.
Baracus.
and here's my, this is my last.
This is my favorite daddy soccerstory.

Chris (26:48):
Okay.

Sarah (2) (26:49):
Lay it on me.
Slippery Rock.
So this is my last away game atSlippery Rock.
My last away game ever.
And mommy and daddy traveledwith us everywhere.
It was, I forget the school, itwas somewhere on Eastern
Pennsylvania.
and I scored a diving header,which again, for those of you
that don't watch soccer is

Chris (27:09):
the only thing better is to score a goal off a bicycle
kick.
So Becca, and those of you whomight not have grown up playing
soccer, a bicycle kick is whenyou launch yourself in the air
and kick it with your feet upover your head.
Awesome.
Yeah.
Diving header also veryimpressive.

Sarah (2) (27:25):
Yeah.
So this was like always my goal.
Like I was practicing divingheaders in high school and I
always, I just wanted to do itso bad.
And, and yeah, so I did it andeverybody fucking goes nuts.
I'm going nuts.
The first girl I get to after Iscore the goal, I fucking tackle
her.
First thing out of my mouth is Iquit.
I'm done.
I'm done.
She's what?

(27:45):
I was like, that's all I want todo.
Peace.
Yep.
See you guys.
And I look up at your father andit's probably the only game in
this time that I've ever playedthat nobody recorded.
Of course, but I look up at yourdad and it was the best daddy
thing ever.
Because he was just sittingthere with his chest all puffed
up, his arms all, and going witha big smile on his face.

(28:10):
And I was like, yeah.
Fuck yeah.

Chris (28:12):
Our dad has a belly, but he also has like this, he's like
a big justice.
So he has his arms on his chestand he's all puffed up, but his
arms are resting on his

Sarah (2) (28:21):
belly.
But this is the It's adorable.
Oh, I'm gonna cry.
That's it.
That's my girl.
There she is.
And then I broke their heartsand quit after that.

Chris (28:29):
Not literally, like not right after that.

Sarah (2) (28:31):
no, I actually, I played the rest of the year.
I did, went into the spring,like I did everything for the
rest of the year.
But I knew I was, but I toldsome people and that was pretty
cool.
my coach, she gave me one ofthese from the sidelines.
Did a little bow down, which waspretty fucking cool.
The other team was.
Yeah.
It was like, I was like afucking celebrity afterwards.

(28:52):
Yeah.
It was fucking great.
People are like, I hate your

Chris (28:55):
autograph.
Where are you?

Sarah (2) (28:56):
And I was like, yeah, I did it.
that's it.
That's it.
I did everything I want to do.
I played for Beatling, I playedfor the state, I Played for a
college all of this shit.
I started I did what I want todo now I scored a diving header.
So but that was my dad.
That was my proud daddy momentThose are our soccer moments.
We have talked entirely too muchabout all of this shit.

Chris (29:17):
no, we're right on we're right on track We're right on
track So

Sarah (2) (29:20):
it's time to talk about, I do want to mention
really quick, and if you guysdon't like this, we can cut it
out, but I do want to mention myincreasing anxiety.

Chris (29:32):
Oh, yes, we should, it is time to talk about mental health
and mental wellbeing stuff.
So I would love to hear aboutyour increasing anxiety.

Sarah (2) (29:39):
Um, I think we try not to talk the politics and
shit.
but in re like any otherelection, any other president, I
have, I voted for my guy, if myguy lost.
or woman, this year.
But I went with it.
there's not much you can do, andhonestly, not much is gonna
change for me.
So I don't really get thatworked up about it, right?
I can't seem to do that thistime.

(30:02):
I am having major anxiety aboutthings that are going on.
So in order to combat that I'vebeen meditating twice a day.

Chris (30:11):
Is that, do you feel better once you meditate the
twice a day?
is it, do you feel like it'shelping?

Sarah (2) (30:17):
I do.
I feel like it's helping and Ilike to do the, the meta, the,
gratitude, the Yeah.
I think that's what it is.
The meta, meditation.
So I just, I'm having someanxiety and I just wanted to
express that and I feel like alot of people are feeling the
same and I feel like it is goingto affect us a lot more quickly
than,

Chris (30:36):
yeah,

Sarah (2) (30:37):
than I thought it would.
And in worse ways.

Chris (30:40):
I think that this.
All falls in with the stuffthat, that we're talking about,
right?
Like the fear of other people'sopinions, the first rule of
mastery, a lot of this book,Atomic Habits, like all of the
things that we've been trying todo this year is all about
letting go of the uncontrollableand focusing Shit you can't

Sarah (2) (31:02):
control.

Chris (31:03):
On the things that you can control a lot of what Dan
Harris talks about is themeditation and being more
mindful and thoughtful in it.
Being a part of that communitydoesn't make me any less
aggressive in my job.
It doesn't make me any, lessambitious.
What it does is give me controlover what I'm thinking about and

(31:26):
what I'm doing, about whatactions I'm taking.
giving myself that pause andbeing like, yeah, that is
something I don't have anycontrol over.
And being able to, like I havebeen saying, I've been saying
all this week while I'm with mywork peeps that my choice this
year is choose violence.
a lot of last year was aboutbeing curious and that felt good

(31:48):
and that felt right.
And we're going to talk a littlebit about being curious this
week in the mastery.
But choosing violence for me,isn't punching you in the face
cause you don't do what I wantyou to do.
Choosing violence is being selfaware enough to understand when
it's appropriate for me to staytrue to who I am in a way that

(32:10):
gives me, not necessarilycontrol over the things that I
can't control, but gives me theability to respond in a way that
lets me grow.
does that make sense?
Like for me choosing violence isall about in the past times I
would have been like, okay.
this isn't bothering me.
I'm going to pretend this isn'tbothering me.

(32:31):
and now Being able to be alittle bit mindful about some
things gives me a little bit ofclarity on what's really
important And when I have adiffering opinion than somebody
in the room, it isn't aboutimposing my will on them, but it
is about being able to go.
That is an interesting way toview that.
Thank you for doing that.
in that case, like my choosingviolence is looking at ways that

(32:54):
I can make a difference beingsupportive of my friends who
need it, advocating for changewhere it has to happen.
Being able to actually talk, saythe words, I have a mental
health podcast because it isimportant to me in ways that
might be uncomfortable for youto hear.
Yeah.
and that is where I found a lot of solace in some of the

(33:16):
things and Not just politics,but a lot of the chaos in my
life, Olivia going back toschool, Olivia going through all
the things that, that collegekids go through, deciding a
major.
And as much as I know, she's agrownup and that's her life.
It still does give a lot ofuncertainty to me too.
are you going to be home?
Are you okay?
What if you're not okay?

(33:36):
what, the thing

Sarah (2) (33:36):
you mentioned there that I find interesting, It's
not just about politics and butit all has that same for me,
most of it has that same anxietyinducing.
And that's what I'm trying to,that's what I'm working on is
being able to do my, this is.
That's what I do.
I do this and throw it away.
I do this and throw it away.

(33:57):
that's my thought.
This is my thought and I'mthrowing it away.

Chris (34:00):
Sarah is pulling the thoughts out of her face with
her hands.
That's what

Sarah (2) (34:03):
I do.

Chris (34:03):
in case you guys are just listening and not watching.
She's

Sarah (2) (34:05):
pulling it out of her face

Chris (34:06):
and throwing it away.

Sarah (2) (34:07):
I literally do that when I meditate.
I go, Oh,

Chris (34:10):
Thank you.
So it's off you go.
so I think those are importantthings to remember.
it's not just about politics.
It's not just about, somepropensity A few of us have to
be more anxious than others.
It's about understanding what'shappening and reacting to it in
a way that, that helps you bemore you, than sinking into,

(34:32):
stuff that you don't want to be.
you could, in other ways, justLet the anxiety take over,
right?
You could just sink into thatstart like Cycling through some
of the stuff that who was thefirst guy?
Who's the first book?
feedback loop from hell MarkManson subtle art of not giving
a fuck.
Yeah, you could get into yourfeedback loop from hell.

(34:53):
Oh, I shouldn't be anxiousYou're like, no, you're going to
be anxious.
It's how you control and dealwith that.
It's accepting the anxiety andbeing like, it's okay.
I know how to deal with thisanxiety.
I know that it's all right.
And being able to come on yourpodcast that you own, manage and
run and be like, Hey guys, is itall right if I do this?
is another way that, that wemake all of this okay.

(35:15):
Yeah.
And that is one of the bigthings I took away from this
week, even though it's onlyWednesday.
just spending three days aroundpeople who want to talk about
mental health and want to talkabout these things, but are
still holding back because Oh, Idon't know if we can.
Yeah, we definitely can.
We definitely can.
And we'll make it funny andyou'll love it.
Yeah, so again, let me bringthis back to me.

(35:38):
Yeah.

Sarah (2) (35:38):
no, it's good.
it's a good lead in to whatyou're gonna lead us.
It's a good lead in to whatyou're gonna lead us in today.

Chris (35:45):
Yep, exactly.
I did part three, which isredefine.
So in the, First rule of masterywe've been talking about it.
The thing that holds you back isBeing afraid of somebody else's
opinion being able Being afraidof people not accepting you for
who you are and then we got intopart two which is more about
acceptance of who you are andBridget Jones and finally

(36:06):
understanding that everybodyloves Bridget just as she is And
being able to take the stuffthat's you and show it to other
people.
And once you can do that, yourability to do even more of what
you were put here to do isyou're able to do more of what
you want to do without beingafraid of what people are going
to think without being worriedthat, Oh, I can't say that out

(36:30):
loud.
because somebody, we will thinkI'm an idiot.
once you understand that, A, noone thinks about you that much
at all anyway, and, No onethinks you're an idiot, and even
if they do, they only think itfor a second, and it is in the
big grand scheme of things, it'sso irrelevant compared to what
you think you are, and if youcan figure out who you are and

(36:51):
you can learn to like who youare, then yeah.
Everyone else can go suck a bagof dicks.

Sarah (2) (36:57):
Oh, I love it.
Yes.
I love when we can integrate bagof dicks into an episode.

Chris (37:02):
these last three chapters are.
It's all about redefining youand your view of yourself and
how you can move from someonewho's Oh, I don't like I can.
And a very real example of this.
I was talking to somebody that Ireally like and I really respect
in our industry and I wasapologizing for something and

(37:25):
somebody across the bar, andthey're like, stop apologizing
because you are a great athlete.
You are a great leader.
You are all of these things makeyou important to the work that
we do here and the work that youdo on your podcast.
So stop apologizing for yourpodcast.
Stop apologizing for, Stopworrying so much.

(37:45):
And for me, the epiphany of allthis was, I'm not necessarily
worried About not being goodenough myself because I think
I've worked hard and I've workedenough to know that I do I'm
good at a lot of things I have alot of gifts and I bring a lot
to the table, not just to work,but to, to you, to Olivia, to
David.

(38:05):
100%.
I'm getting emotional about it.
Oh my gosh, I'm so excited.
You're going to cry and it's notme.
It's so weird.
But it's so
weird.
it was the epiphany of I'm notapologizing and I'm not toning
it back because I don't thinkI'm enough.
I'm so worried that I'm going tohurt somebody else's feelings.
a lot of my apology is I don'twant to come off as a dick.

(38:29):
Do you know what I mean?

Sarah (2) (38:30):
100%.

Chris (38:33):
And that frankly doesn't make any sense because I'm not a

Sarah (2) (38:36):
dick.
It's dumb.
And just because we're proud ofsomething doesn't mean that we
are, being boastful about it.
yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
I get what you're saying.
Cause I feel like that too.
I feel if this is all I talkabout there, people are going to
not want to talk to me anymore.
Cause this is all I talk about.
And I talk about how awesome thepodcast, Yeah, no, I 100 percent

(38:56):
agree.

Chris (38:58):
And someone said, Oh, you were a fantastic athlete.
And my initial reaction to thatis, Oh no, I played division
three.
No, I wasn't a fantasticathlete.
Like what the fuck?

Sarah (2) (39:07):
Yeah.
Cause it's what we've done ourwhole fucking lives.
It's what we're, we've donewithout even knowing it.
We have done, I hate to make itthis I don't know, dramatic, but
we've done so much damage toourselves.
We continue to do so much damageto ourselves and that's what
we're talking about.
We're trying to figure out andidentify the damage that we've
done.

(39:28):
And if you don't mind, I'm goingto tell a story real quick.

Chris (39:30):
yeah.
Go ahead.

Sarah (2) (39:31):
Go ahead.
Michelle and I.
So those of you who listen toMichelle Kapat's interview,
she's a transformational coachand I actually have worked with
her, over the past three months.
And she has been coaching me.
we finished up last week and wehave, three month plan like
this.
The experience with her was lifechanging, absolutely life

(39:52):
changing.
And the epiphany happened lastweek.
I'm going into some work stuffcoming up soon that I'm taking a
little bit of a risk and it'sbeen in the back of my mind.
We were talking about it and Iwas like, yeah, I just, I get
excited about it.
And then I think, they're notgoing to let me do this.
They don't want, they're notgonna want to hear this.
They don't want to do it.

(40:12):
And all of a sudden I thought,wait a second, but what if they
do, and this is the face I madeand this.
This smile goes all throughoutthe whole body because that's
the excitement that I got.
if they do, which I think theyshould, and I think they will
really, if they do, how awesomewill that be?

(40:33):
Like what the kind of shit I'llbe able to do is Amazing.
And it's exactly what I want todo.
So how incredible would that be?
That, to me, was a huge, mindblown, instead of saying,
they're not gonna like this,somebody won't like,

Chris (40:48):
fuck

Sarah (2) (40:48):
yeah, they're gonna like it, because it's a good
fucking idea.

Chris (40:50):
Sorry.

Sarah (2) (40:51):
There I go, apologizing.

Chris (40:53):
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna make fun of youfor saying I'm sorry now, and
you're gonna make fun of me forit, and we're gonna stop doing
it.
anyway, so laying in bedthinking, and this is what
happens, right?
Like I have these interactionsand this is why I don't go into
sales or any of these things.
Cause I have these interactionswith people and then I ruminate
on them for hours.

(41:14):
Which seems alsocounterproductive because I have
other work to do.
so laying in bed and I'm like,what, why would, yeah, what,
just quit doing it.
Just quit doing it.
Go out tomorrow, at the sameconference, talk to some people
and maybe try not, try notapologizing when someone asks
you how you're doing, say greatand tell them what you're doing.

(41:35):
If someone's interested in whatyou're doing outside of work,
tell them about the podcast andtell them how awesome it is.
Don't walk up to a group ofpeople expecting them to not
want to talk to you.
it changed the entire course ofthis conference.
And I had so much more fun, andI talked to people that I would
never have talked to.

(41:56):
I would've been like, oh, whywould those, bald guys with tiny
glasses want to talk to me?

Sarah (2) (42:00):
tight, with their tight pants.

Chris (42:02):
I'm like, oh, you must be a CEO.
I can almost see the outline ofyour tighty whities.
Wow.
That is a tailored jacket.

Sarah (2) (42:12):
Wow.
Does that button?
I don't think that buttons, doesit?
Ooh,

Chris (42:15):
man, it has a button on it.
How do you

Sarah (2) (42:17):
think it has a button on it?
I don't know.

Chris (42:20):
and I'm singing Jimmy Fallon, my tight pants on,

Sarah (2) (42:23):
I forgot all about the tight pants.
Oh, that's fantastic.
Anyway,

Chris (42:27):
so it completely changed, my whole approach to it.
And instead of doing the thingthat I do, which is dreading,
these things, I was excited.
I'm not excited, still a pain inthe ass and not exactly what I
want to be doing during the day,but it changed the way that I
would approach people and talkto people and it wasn't as

(42:48):
awkward as it usually is.
And I did a lot of good thingsthis weekend.
I'm really proud that I was ableto pause, recognize that this is
what's happening.
it was really eye opening in away I didn't expect for a dumb
ass work conference.

Sarah (2) (43:02):
And it's a whole different feeling.
that's the other, I can't dothis now.
but that's the other thing.
like when I first startedworking with Michelle or when
you listen to Dan Harris, theytalk about stepping back and
taking that emotion and feelingit.
And giving it a few seconds andthink about where you feel it
and how you feel it.
And I, like at the beginning waslike, this is ridiculous shit.

(43:25):
It's stupid.
This is stupid.
And I, it's not all the time I'mable to do that, but I've been
trying to do that and realizinglike what certain feelings, what
certain things, how theyphysically affect me.
Like when I had the epiphany andI got the big smile and that big
smile went that's.

Chris (43:43):
I love it.

Sarah (2) (43:44):
that's something to think about to how these things
physically, You have physicalreactions to them as well.
And sometimes the reaction isnot good.
It's not always, here's a smile.
It's going to go through yourbody.
Yay.
Like more times than not, it'sthe, Oh, this is going to make
my shoulders do that.
And my heart do this.
And I'm like, do this! Soanyway, but it's taking stock of

(44:06):
that and what you do with it.

Chris (44:07):
100%.
Yeah.
like talking about the failureof being able to play Sweeper.
Like I haven't been able to saythat before.
And that's.
Bizarre, right?
who cares?

Sarah (2) (44:19):
Yeah, I mean you, You could have told me that a long
time ago.
I would have made fun of you andwe would have never talked about
it again.

Chris (44:27):
Instead I just carried around inside for Yeah, 30
years.
like the shame of just carryingaround inside for 30 years.
that's why you're not a goodleader.
You couldn't even do that.

Sarah (2) (44:37):
Yeah, that's silly.
You're silly.

Chris (44:39):
That is, and once you say it out loud, you're like, that
sounds stupid.

Sarah (2) (44:41):
But it's growth.
that's what, it's wow, holyshit.
I could have said that a longtime, I wish I would have said
that a long time ago.
That's not it.
And I think that kind of goeswith what the last chapter is
about.
beautiful
segway.
I thought you were going to stop talking.
I was like, Oh shit, am I takingit from here?

Chris (44:59):
No, I have to get back to my notes.
Yeah.
part three, the first chapterare talking about your closely
held beliefs and this is a.
This is a really hard one.
this is one that you're going towork on forever.
I feel like because when hesaid, when he first said, all
right, in the exercises, sitdown and write down your closely

(45:20):
held beliefs.
And I was like, I don't have any

Sarah (2) (45:22):
talk about it.
My reaction was exactly what Ijust described.
My shoulders went up and I waslike,

Chris (45:27):
what

Sarah (2) (45:28):
closely held beliefs like.

Chris (45:29):
That, that I'm smarter than the person who sits next to
me.
That my closely held belief isthat Fundamentally people need
to be nice to each other.
Like these are my closely heldbeliefs and they're goddamn
right.

Sarah (2) (45:42):
People who don't, people who don't eat peanut
butter, people who don't likepeanut butter are psychopaths.
That's a closely held belief.
these are

Chris (45:52):
closely held beliefs.

Sarah (2) (45:53):
No, but I know exactly, cause that's exactly
how, that's exactly what Ithought.
yeah, but I'm right.

Chris (45:58):
That's, and I think that's the hard part.
I don't know if it's a closelyheld belief or a fact.
Yeah.
Like.
people who don't use their turnsignals to switch lanes on the
highway should be taken out andsummarily shopped.
If you don't, if you don'tzipper merge, you're fucking
doing it wrong.
Fact.
These are not classical beliefs.

(46:18):
I will

Sarah (2) (46:19):
clarify that for you.

Chris (46:21):
But you get the idea.
the hard one for me is that Ifeel like the way to carry a
conversation on is to disagreewith somebody.
like someone will say somethingand I'm like, yeah, but how
about if we think about it, likemy tactic for speeding along the
small talk is for somebody tosay, Oh yeah, I think that it

(46:42):
happened because of this or ithappened this way.
And I'm like, I can provide acounter argument to that, like
right now, I don't realize howargumentative I am.
Yeah.
Quit nodding.
Like you've known all along.
Quit nodding.
Like we've been havingconversations for 40 years.
And, yeah, that is, that is the.
And instead of being like, Oh, Iknow a better story or I know a

(47:04):
better way to do it.
And a lot of that is ADHDrelated.
Like I want you to understandthat I'm listening to you.
So I give you something back tolet you know.
And sometimes it's acontradictory statement and
sometimes it's a better story.
And I'm not trying to one upyou.
I'm just trying to let you knowthat I'm paying attention.
Yes, and being able to take thatand tweak it a little bit and

(47:26):
either, ask a question insteadof saying that you're wrong or
guide a conversation along thelines of being curious instead
of being right.
Do you know what I mean?
I was just gonna, yeah,

Sarah (2) (47:40):
I was just gonna say the little, not trick, cause
everybody does it, but justtaking the time to sum up what
they've just said to you insteadof immediately telling them
they're a fucking idiot.
Oh my god.
Or maybe repeat what they'vesaid and just say, that's
interesting.
So just to give yourself aminute and you don't always have
to respond like you don't alwayshave to engage either.

Chris (48:01):
Yeah.
I think that chapter 11 was thehardest chapter because it's
about understanding.
It's about understanding who youare.
And yeah.
I think we have gone over the,this fact, 800 million different
ways from today to Sunday thatknowing who you are is the hard
part.
Yeah.
knowing that I like to wear eyeliner and that's fine is

(48:23):
the hard part.
Yeah.
being able to, to recognize that and being able to
recognize other people who aredifferent than me and accept
them as they are is.
The hard part, right?
and that's the most basic,simple example that I can pull
out from the, past couple ofweeks is that it's okay for me

(48:44):
to want to look pretty.
That's not a character flaw.
That's me.
and it's okay for me to want totalk about my podcast and it's
okay for me to be, for me to usehumor in my professional space.

Sarah (2) (48:55):
Absolutely.
100%.

Chris (48:57):
as long as I am doing it in a way that encourages
conversation and I'm not simplyjust making fun of everybody in
the room, which is a thing thatyou can fall into when you're
being funny.
It happens.
Yeah.
I'm not judging.
I'm just saying that, yeah,sometimes I'm like, oh my God,
tight pants.
What's up?

Sarah (2) (49:16):
Yeah.
Like I can see your butthole.
Oh yeah.
Shout out to Ed Faircloth forhis nickname being Jigs at one
point.
Sorry.
I forgot to mention that.

Chris (49:25):
Cover your butthole, Ed.

Sarah (2) (49:26):
Okay.
Yep.
Watch your butthole.

Chris (49:29):
Okay.
So in chapter 11 is aboutcuriosity, right?
So be curious.
And be able to, approach aconversation with some
curiosity.
And, again, it's really hard todo that because I don't know if
this is a closely held belief ora fact.
I don't know that all that well.
And this is the thing that Ithink we just need to keep

(49:51):
working on.
what are my closely heldbeliefs?
What are my values?
Do you remember how

Sarah (2) (49:55):
It's hard.

Chris (49:57):
Do you remember how we struggled with it when we were
reading The Subtle Art of NotGiving a Fuck?
Yeah.
I'm going to go back and read itI have no idea what my values
are.
I

Sarah (2) (50:06):
don't know what the fuck he's talking about.
This guy.
Yeah, I need to read it again.

Chris (50:11):
Anyway, so chapter 11 is all about that.
Cause again, redefining yourclosely held beliefs and looking
at them in a way that lets yoube more open to, to changing and
more open to, You know what thatsays about you and learning and
growing right because the bigthing that we limit when we give
in to FOPO is our ability tolearn and change and grow.

(50:35):
And if you are holding sotightly onto that belief that
you can't.
That you can't open up andunderstand what's really
happening, then you really arelimiting what you're able to do.
So that was chapter 11.
I really enjoyed it.
Didn't like it as much aschapter 12, which was something
that I thought was a lot easier.
So chapter 12 is Look Who'sTalking.

(50:56):
And it is about understandingwhose opinion matters.
The fear of other people'sopinion is a thing that we have
to overcome, but we also have tounderstand when that survival
mechanism is important and good,whose opinions matter about
what's important and what'sfundamental to you.
And the trick, to this one isback to my girl Brene Brown and

(51:17):
talking about the man in thearena.
And I think if we go back tolike episode four or five, I was
real keen on the man in thearena.
Teddy Roosevelt gave this speechabout, about people, people
dissing on other people.
Dissing, I think is what thekids say.

Sarah (2) (51:34):
Dissing.
In 1982.

Chris (51:36):
And Teddy Roosevelt was like, Teddy Roosevelt was like,
Hey, unless you're in herefighting, unless you're a part
of what I'm doing, and unlessyou understand what I'm about
and what I'm going through andhow much effort I'm putting into
doing this thing, then, fuckoff.
essentially he's like, everyonewill tell you what you're doing
is this, and everyone will giveyou an opinion and everyone will

(51:57):
judge and say that you're doingit wrong or you're not doing it
the way that they would do it.
And when it comes down to it,those people don't matter.
Michael Gervais suggest that youhave a circle and the people who
are in that are the people whoare in the fight with you.
So when I'm worried about Oh, Idon't know if I'm going to share
my sensitive nature of mypodcast because it's really

(52:19):
important and personal to me.
I shouldn't really care aboutwhat, the head of data
management at Pfizer thinksabout it.
Who I should care about is whatSarah thinks about it.
And what Anita thinks about itand what Olivia thinks about it.
Because those are the people whoare in here fighting with me.
Those are the people who, A,understand what my fight is
about.

(52:39):
They are the people thatunderstand what's important.
And they're the people thatunderstand who I am, probably
better than I understand who Iam myself.
And outside of that circle isjust noise.
Like outside that circle areopportunities for learning
because there are people thatare different from me, but
outside of that circle is notsomeone who's going to steer the

(53:00):
course of my life.

Sarah (2) (53:01):
Yeah.
the action at the end of thisone was to create your round
table, define those people whoare in that circle and it
shouldn't be a big list.
Like it should, these should be,this should be a very small
list.
Like I have a ton of friends,but there's not a, there's,
yeah, it's.
Yeah, it's small

Chris (53:18):
and it's funny How the longer we do this the more we
the more throwbacks that werethat we're gonna have I know we
did it We did an episode wherewe talked about how many friends
you have versus how many friendsI have.
Yeah, and It's nice that theseare opportunities to socialize
and these are opportunities tochat and to learn again, because
these people are outside yoursort of roundtable, but I think

(53:40):
when it comes down to it, wehave very similar sizes of
roundtables.
Yeah, for sure.
we have very similar, these arepeople that matter.
We have very

Sarah (2) (53:47):
similar people at the table.

Chris (53:50):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we've spent most of our

Sarah (2) (53:52):
lives together.
So I feel like that's

Chris (53:54):
a good 30 years at this point

Sarah (2) (53:56):
anyway,

Chris (53:57):
anyway.
So I think that is really whatchapter 12 was about to me.
It's about the man in the arenaand being able to be really
vulnerable in front of thosepeople and being able to show
them who you really are andusing those people to help you
understand what your values are.
What your closely held beliefsare, and then being able to help

(54:17):
you evaluate them and trustingtheir opinions about what you're
doing.
and I think one of the, one ofthe best stories that, that
Michael Gervais shares in thewhole book, other than, the
postman doesn't deliver onSunday, is the one about their
professional football player,where he's like, some coaches
matter and some coaches didn't.
I knew who I was and I knew whatmy mission was.
And I knew that I needed to bedoing X, Y, and Z.

(54:40):
I forget.

Sarah (2) (54:42):
I had it written down to read about him.
Nate,

Chris (54:45):
Nate, I don't have my glass on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That guy.
yeah.
I thought that was reallypowerful because these are
people who, whose opinions candestroy you where fear of.
Other people's opinions couldreally hurt.
And it's the same thing asyou're going through your
career.

(55:05):
There are people whose opinionsabout you are going to matter
very much.
And then there are otherpeople's opinions who are, all
right, thanks.
I'll take your advice.
glad that you were available togive me your advice.
I'm not going to listen to itbecause you don't understand
what I'm fighting and what I'mdoing.

Sarah (2) (55:20):
Yeah.
And that's what he said.
He put that screen up and.
to decide what was gonna comethrough that screen and things
that he let through that screenwere the things that he could
learn from and Again, it's sosimple that it's fucking hard

Chris (55:36):
I'm like, oh I can learn from that.
no that person said somethingjust to be mean to you That
person, for whatever reason,whatever they're going on,
whatever arena they're in, ishard for them and they are going
to try to hurt you in order tomake themselves feel better.
And that doesn't have to getthrough your screen.
You just have to recognize thatyou are in control of your
screen.
Yep.
And that's hard too.

(55:57):
I wish it was a literal screenwhere I could be like, Oh, good,
that one didn't matter.
Like your metaphor is very niceand I wish it was real, not a
metaphor.
So if someone could put up ascreen for me and let me know
the ones that I can really learnfrom.
I can see me now.
Or the ones where I'm justletting someone hurt my
feelings.

Sarah (2) (56:13):
Because I like the actions, like the taking the
thought and throwing it out.
So I can see me now being like.
Like a John Cena.
Is it gonna get through thescreen?
Am I gonna let it through thescreen?

Chris (56:23):
So that was chapter 12.
Awesome chapter.
I loved it probably more thanany other chapter in the book.
I found it probably the mosthelpful in being able to help me
prevent, FOPO, mostly because Ijust love that main in the arena
quote.
And the last chapter, just likea lot of our books, seems to end
up on death.
Yeah.

Sarah (2) (56:42):
Because it's something we really should be
aware of.
Like we avoid it.
We avoid it.
We ignore it.
we act as though it's not goingto happen and doing that is not
going to fucking help.

Chris (56:54):
it is so paradoxical to me that.
Thinking about how short life ismakes you appreciate things that
are happening right now.
And, regardless of religion,regardless of, how you feel
about what happens after youdie.
Your life here is confined toyour life here and not being
able to understand that and notbeing able to appreciate that is

(57:19):
Probably one of the things thatwe can let go of easier than
really anything else and IHighlighted one thing in here.
Man, I

Sarah (2) (57:28):
highlighted so much shit.

Chris (57:30):
Yeah, I had I was on my phone I highlighted one thing
that I thought was him and nowyeah, you did It's not a
highlight if you highlight thewhole book.

Sarah (2) (57:37):
yeah, that's what I did.
But this one I gave a star andput a paperclip on because this
is the one I really wanted totalk about.

Chris (57:43):
I wonder if the same one I highlighted, do you want to
know what you'll regret at theend of your life?
Simply ask yourself what youregret right now.
that's not what I highlighted,but yeah, I can't imagine I've,
mine are always just so I'm likethis is, this sums up the entire
chapter and I think that's theimportant thing to think of when
you think about these guyshighlighting death.
It's not a preoccupation withdeath.

(58:04):
It's not a preoccupation withhow we're going to die.
It's not a preoccupation withhow short life is.
It's about taking the end andbringing it closer and thinking
about what you would do.
what would you do if today wasthe last day you were going to
spend on Earth?
I would learn as much as Icould, I would talk to, I would
talk to as many people as Icould, instead of being all

(58:26):
shelled up, I would do so manythings to really expand on
knowledge that it wouldn't be, Iwouldn't spend a whole lot of
time thinking about what otherpeople were thinking about me.
And I think that I wouldn'tspend a whole lot of time
worrying about, things thatweren't important to me.
And again, it gets back to, itgets back to what are your

(58:48):
values?
What's important to you?
Is it important to you to dowell at work?
Then knuckle down and spend sometime doing that.
Is it important to you to havethe, have pretty hair?
Then make sure you're takingcare of it.
Make sure you're setting timedown at the end of the day.
do you regret not, not using,really quality skin care
products at an earlier age?

(59:09):
Say, yes, I do.
So now I'm going to use reallyquality skincare products.
these are silly examples,exactly, exactly what I mean,
like 100 percent what'simportant to me tonight is going
out, eating a nice light dinner,checking out some things at
Disney Springs.
And then coming back here and,finishing or start reading like

(59:30):
the next book we're going toread.
maybe I lied.
Maybe I'm gonna have an oldfashioned with bacon in it
again, just to see if it turnsmy face as red as it did on
Sunday.

Sarah (2) (59:38):
Yes,

Chris (59:38):
I think you should do it.
So I think this whole book isreally so closely tied with Dan
Harris that I'm almostforgetting that they're two
separate books.
Yeah.
Like
the.
The ability to control FOPO andthe ability to understand how
damaging and how hard it is torecognize that FOPO is even a

(01:00:00):
thing, is so closely tied tobeing able to be mindful about
how you react to it.
especially with my spicy littlebrain, like just running around
from topic to topic to topic,being able to have that
heartbeat where I'm like, stopapologizing for being good at
things.
Stop apologizing for the, for.
while you are, you're lucky in,in a couple of ways and you

(01:00:22):
worked really hard in a coupleof other ways and that's it.
This isn't life changing.
There's no need to apologize.
you're not Elon Musk.
You're not mother Teresa.
you're just you, quitapologizing for it.
No one's going to feel bad.
put your ego aside, which is afunny thing, a funny, and that's
the other thing that, that, thatkind of came to me in the

(01:00:43):
shower.

Sarah (2) (01:00:44):
I love that you threw that in the shower.
Okay.

Chris (01:00:46):
That's where all the good ideas come.
yeah,

Sarah (2) (01:00:48):
that's where I have the best conversations really.

Chris (01:00:51):
This is where I replay every fight I've ever had with
anybody and I win every fucking

Sarah (2) (01:00:55):
time.

Chris (01:00:56):
Oh my god, you have no idea how badly I've destroyed
you in an argument in my shower.
Yep.
No idea.
Yep.
but I was thinking like, I'mlike, oh, I don't want to be
egotistical.
I don't want to hurt anyone'sfeelings.
I'm like, who the fuck do youthink you are?

Sarah (2) (01:01:10):
Yeah, exactly.
And that's like Dan Harristalked about that a lot.
He talked about the ego quite abit.

Chris (01:01:17):
Like you're, just do you.
that's really it.
Yeah, these are things that I'mgood at.
Here I am.
I'm not changing the world.
I was good at soccer in college.
I was a really good mom.
these are things that are notYou are a really good mom.
And someone said that.
I bet you're a really good mom.
And I'm like, no, I'm fine.
I'm Heck yeah, I was a reallygood mom.
Look at my kid.
Do you a picture of him?

Sarah (2) (01:01:37):
It's the one thing that I'll say I do well.
I'm a fucking good mom.
I've seen the bad ones,

Chris (01:01:44):
right?
I have a, I have an amazing sheshed.
Why am I apologizing for my sheshed?
Yeah,

Sarah (2) (01:01:49):
no, like

Chris (01:01:50):
it's ridiculous.
But I think over, over the wholecourse of this book, the tie
into meditation and the tie intomindfulness, I think is it can't
be under understated.
And meditation for me these daysis like 30 seconds before I walk
out the door.
Like it is breathe in, breatheout, breathe in, breathe out.
It seems like that's enough forright now.

(01:02:11):
Yeah.
there's no need for you to getall hung up on it.
breathe in, breathe out.
Think about who you are duringthe day.
that's it.
Yeah.
don't get so caught up in thiscrisis or this crisis.
Think about who you are andwhat's important and then make
sure that those things are takencare of.
all in all, this was a reallygreat book.
I don't know if it was yourchoice or my choice, but It was

(01:02:32):
mine.
It was

Sarah (2) (01:02:33):
mine.
It was mine.

Chris (01:02:35):
Obviously.
And I feel like it was mine, butI'm just going to let you have
it.
No.
It was definitely mine.

Sarah (2) (01:02:39):
Definitely.
Definitely mine.

Chris (01:02:42):
but I really, I really like that, that this has given
me, Mastery, right?
Like these are the keys to beingsuccessful.
And there's no age limit onthat.
There's no bad time to startthinking about these things.
And, I know that primarily, Ithink of myself as like towards
the tail end of my career atthis point, but there's no
reason that I can't continue todo really good things in a lot

(01:03:05):
of areas.
and I think that was the otherthing that I got out of this,
just because I've been so blindand so self deprecating and
hiding behind humor a littlebit, there's no need that I
need, there's no reason I needto continue doing that, even
from Sunday night, Monday night,to Tuesday night, there's no
reason I need to keep doing it.
All right, that's what I got.

(01:03:26):
That kind of ties up the book.
Did you like it?
What did you think?

Sarah (2) (01:03:29):
I loved it.
I loved it.
I thought it was a great book.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would love to stop here.
Poor Becca, like just walked infrom class, hasn't eaten
properly.
She's I'm so tired.
I'm starving.
Which she was doing earlier whenshe was, you thought she was
looking out the window.
She was trying to get out of thewindow to get away from us.
Yeah.
jump out of the whole place.
Get the, give me the fuck out ofhere.

(01:03:51):
So we're going to wrap it up.
love you guys.
Bye.

Chris (01:03:54):
Love you sis.
Bye.
Bye Becca.
Love you too.