July 28, 2025 • 61 mins
Welcome to The Mental Funny Bone! In this episode, Sarah, Christine, and Becca dive into the messy, hilarious, and honest side of self-help and mental health. From awkward jiu-jitsu stories and the realities of personal growth, to generational differences in self-improvement and the pitfalls of “toxic self-help,” the hosts share real talk, laughter, and a few hard truths.
They discuss the importance of doing the actual work (not just reading the books), setting boundaries, and building a personal “toolbox” for tough times. Plus, there’s plenty of banter, pet cameos, and relatable moments about family, friendship, and finding contentment in the chaos.
If you’re looking for a podcast that normalizes the mess, makes you laugh, and reminds you that growth is hard but worth it—hit play and join the conversation!
How to find mental health help when you're struggling. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
https://washingtoncountyhumanservices.com/agencies/behavioral-health-developmental-services
https://www.alleghenycounty.us/Services/Human-Services-DHS/Publications/Resource-Guides
Apps - Just search mental health where you get your apps.
EAP programs are a great place to look for help!!
Additional Resources (Sports Related):
https://globalsportmatters.com/health/2020/12/04/mental-health-resources-2/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sarah (00:07):
Welcome to The Mental Funny Bone, a podcast where
something meets something.
Mental health meets humor, heartand healthy dose of laughter.
We are here to talk about thetough stuff, laugh at the
awkward stuff, and remind youand ourselves it's okay to not
be okay.
So settle in, take a breath, andlet's normalize the mess.
One ridiculous fucking story andreal conversation at a time.
(00:30):
My name is Sarah.
Chris (00:31):
Amen.
My name is Christine and I amSarah's sister, and I'm gonna
let our intern introduceherself.
Becca (00:41):
Hi, I'm Becca, the intern.
Chris (00:44):
Here's Becca, the intern.
Yes.
Welcome to the Mental FunnyBone.
And surprisingly this isn't aninterview with somebody.
Super interesting.
That's just the three of us thisweek.
Yay.
Yay.
I'm so excited too,'cause I haveso much pent up stuff to talk
about that I can't talk about infront of strangers.
Aw.
Sarah (01:01):
We definitely won't have time for her caster story, then
Chris (01:06):
we won't.
Um, do you guys want a Juujitsuupdate right off the bat?
Sarah (01:11):
Abso fucking, absolutely.
I
Becca (01:13):
was hoping for one of these, but I never wanted to ask
because I didn't want you tofeel embarrassed to talk about
it.
But you said updates and I waslike, Ooh.
I said
Sarah (01:24):
I I would really like a BJJ to start my,
Chris (01:28):
just start, start my
morning.
Wouldn't we all Just a quick B jj.
Mm-hmm.
Um, I don't know if you guys onYouTube will notice that I do
not have pretty hands anymorebecause it turns out that when,
when you fight someone atJiujitsu, you're grabbing them.
(01:49):
And what you come away withoften is their skin under your
nails.
And I.
Was super grossed out aboutthat.
And then I felt really badbecause I had clawed somebody
because for a little while I waslike, oh yeah, well, short
nails, that's just for the boys,like, Becca, are you growling?
Sarah (02:11):
I thought that was my belly for a second.
I was like, I'm
Becca (02:13):
so sorry.
I was not expecting him to dothat, and I thought I had my
mute on.
Sorry.
I No, I feel like that's
Sarah (02:20):
perfect.
I'm super excited.
We will just say that that wasmy belly,
Chris (02:25):
right?
No, no one likes skin undertheir fingernails, but I thought
it was just for the boys and Iactually, and I don't know why I
thought it was just for theboys, because we're all fighting
the same way.
So then I, I came home with theskin under my nails and I was
like, oh my God, I'vepermanently scarred one of these
children because that's all I'mfighting.
Or like people who are still inelementary school.
(02:48):
I'm like, oh my God.
I've clawed one of these kidsand then I was like, I can't go
back.
And I thought about notattending another class after
that because I was just soembarrassed that it had taken me
so long to understand that youalso don't get to have a claw
it, uh, at jujitsu.
(03:10):
Jujitsu.
So I worked up the courage to goback.
Just the thought of skin undermy nails kind of makes me me
throw up.
Right?
I
was like, what is that?
I made Sarah noises in the caron the way home.
Yeah.
Super gross.
Gross.
Really disgusting.
Um, but I am, I am progressing,so I'm getting slightly better.
(03:32):
And it turns out my biggestproblem is I'm too nice.
Right?
Like, he's like, why are yougiving her so much space?
I was like, oh, I, I'm justbeing polite.
He was like, oh, don't do that.
(03:54):
Don't do that.
That's not how this
works.
That's not how this works.
I was like, oh.
He's like, no, I want you to geton her like you're on top right
now.
Like this is a positive positionfor you.
I want you to take your upperbody and smother her.
Like until you can figure outhow to actually choke her and
(04:15):
get her to tap, I just want youto put all of your weight on
her.
Now be careful'cause she's gonnause your, use her hips to try to
flip you up over top.
So you know, you gotta managethat.
She's gonna fight a little,right.
I was like, oh, what arevelation.
So that is how, that is howJiujitsu is going.
(04:35):
I'm still.
Still going.
I'm still mortified.
Like every time I go to walk inthe door I'm like, they're all
gonna hate you.
They're all gonna hate you.
They all already hate you.
And I'm, I'm also a littleconcerned because I don't think
the boys wanna wrestle with meand at some point I'm going need
(04:55):
to wrestle with them.
'cause there's only two girls.
Like at some point I'm gonna belike, Hey, do you wanna, do you
wanna roll with me?
Like the one guy was like, oh,that guy did a great thing.
He, he did this cool move likecalled in Einstein.
Or I don't know that all themoves have names that make no
sense.
Like the shoulder of Destiny orjustice or something.
(05:16):
I'm not, yeah, like tho thoseones
are my
favorite.
Sure.
He was like, oh he did a greatEinstein on me.
And I'm sure it wasn't Einstein.
'cause I can't imagine thatEinstein.
No, it totally was
Einstein.
It was totally Einstein.
Big influence to do with thefounding of BJ j's.
Stop it, cat.
Maybe that was Freud.
For
(05:36):
something anyway.
And he was like, uh, and it, itwas like he forgot for a second
that I was a lady and he wasgonna show me what he did.
And then he was like, oh.
I was like, no, no, go ahead.
Uh, so Becca, I'm not sure if itwas because I was new or because
I was a girl.
Like, are you not afraid?
(05:57):
Are you afraid to touch mebecause
Becca (06:00):
I feel like I'm 50 Would be because you're new is what
I'm hoping for.
Well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hopemaybe an Einstein is an advanced
technique and he didn't wanna,didn't wanna scare off the
newbie with his Right, with hisbig brain move.
Chris (06:16):
It's well that it wouldn't make sense'cause it
really is just choking the fuckoutta somebody.
Like that's what an Einstein is.
It's just getting somebody likethis and just, oh, like most of
the things that they do leavemarks on my neck.
That look like hickeys.
So if you've seen me in the pastcouple of weeks and assumed that
I have a hickey, I will remindyou I'm 52 and I've been married
(06:40):
for 20 years, so no, that's nota hickey, that's a mark from
Jiujitsu.
Anyway, so I'm hoping that weget over this.
And I have a question.
Yeah.
Do the dudes uh, roll with otherchicks?
No.
'cause the only other chick ismarried to the owner, Angie, and
(07:03):
I love her.
She's, I, I don't know.
She's, she's amazing.
And she does routinely kick myass.
And I'm not saying that I don'tfeel challenged by that, but I
am saying that maybe a littlebit of variety would be, would
be good in my training.
It's not that there's anexpectation, it's not like you
have to, but you would like to.
So that's the situation.
(07:25):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean, it, I, I feel like toget better, I have to, I have to
work with different peoplebecause you just learn different
stuff.
Like if I played soccer justwith you, you're the only person
I would know how to beat.
Yeah.
And, uh, that's not likely tohappen.
I mean, maybe back in the day itwouldn't be likely to happen,
but maybe did.
(07:46):
No, no,
no.
I mean, you're the only personthat I would know how to defend
myself against,
whatever.
Um, shit.
I had another question.
Um, oh, update.
Olivia is awake.
She texted Owen to make surethat he was awake.
So I like, love the dynamic ofhaving the two of them.
(08:07):
It seems to help me out quite abit.
Maybe they should just hang out together all the rest
of the summer, the rest of thethree weeks of summer for us.
I think so, yes.
Anyway, back to BJ's.
Yeah, I mean that's that.
That's it then.
And I also feel like I'mstarting to understand the
terminology and how things thatlook similar, because my a DD
(08:29):
brain will just make a pattern.
Like if I'm on top of you, itdoesn't mean I'm in a good
position'cause it matters whereyour legs are or where my legs
are.
Like if my legs are around yourwaist, I'm in a good position,
even if I'm on my back.
But if your legs are over top ofmy hips, I'm in a shitty
position on my back and I'mprobably gonna die.
(08:51):
So see on my back, you'relearning isn't the thing.
It's where your legs are and thehigher up you can get your legs.
Like also, a lot of the moves ina lot of the moves involve
tucking someone's head directlyinto your crotch, which I think
might be uncomfortable for somepeople.
Yeah, I dunno.
I was like, maybe that's why thedudes don't wanna roll with you.
(09:15):
Or maybe that's why you
Sarah (09:16):
shouldn't wanna roll with the dudes.
I don't.
What do they look like?
I don't know.
Becca (09:20):
That was my thought of maybe, you know, maybe this is a
good thing.
Maybe it works both sides.
I mean,
Chris (09:28):
here's what I will tell you about, uh, jujitsu in sexy
time.
Like never add jiujitsu class.
Am I thinking about sexy time?
Like, never ever, ever, ever.
'cause mostly I'm trying not todie.
Like, so there's no, like,
it's not like Ryan Gosling.
I, that's who comes to mind.
I don't dunno why this morningthat's, he's gonna be my crush,
but Oh, if Ryan Gosling
Becca (09:47):
was teaching Jiujitsu, I would've, I would've signed up
already.
I, that class would've been his,that class would be crazy.
The head to crotch action wouldbe out of control.
Like, and you put your head right there, sir, for
context, it's 7:36 AM Yes, 6:00AM And we're talking about
(10:11):
heading projections.
Sarah (10:13):
And when it comes to Ryan Gosling, I don't think it's ever
too early to talk about head tocrotch action.
That's a very fair point.
Chris (10:19):
I think we've gone off target.
So at the gym, I'm never like,oh, like when someone
demonstrates a move, I'm like,why is, why is your face so
tight to his penis?
Like, I don't Hmm.
Like it has to be right here.
Yeah.
Is that a potato?
Right.
You're trying to like wrap yourlegs around their neck so you
can choke them with your legs.
(10:40):
But like, you know, if I were toengage in sexy time, like I
would be like, I bet if I put mylegs here, I could choke David
out.
Like, like it goes that way.
Just a headbutt.
Um, I'm gonna have to time outagain.
I have to tell one of thesekids, take the dog out.
'cause they
can't figure it out.
Okay.
Becca and I will talk amongstourselves, but that's the,
(11:01):
that's the case.
Like, it's, it's definitely aone way, a one way street.
Like never ever on the mat am Ilike.
Nice.
And all the guys are like,they're at 20 to 30 and they all
look the fucking same.
Like they all have a beard.
Mm.
They all look like 20 to 30 year olds.
They beards.
I thought they just hadmustaches.
(11:21):
No, no.
Some of them have a beard likeBecca Wright.
Like that's a, that's a beardage kind of thing.
Bearded men.
Becca (11:27):
Yeah.
People.
I was gonna say, I have friendsthat have beards, I have friends
that have mustaches, goatees,God bless you.
The whole lot of
Chris (11:34):
it, right.
There's a lot of facial hair forthese guys and they, they look
like the, the carbon copies ofeach other.
Like you can tell thedifference.
And I can tell Aion fromO'Brien, but I mean, it's all
kind of a glossy Nah, like,unless you're riding the
gosling.
(11:54):
I feel like you could uh, youcould use the, uh, the head to
crotch thing as a defensemechanism though.
Like, can't you like head buttthe crotch?
You're sure.
Hey, I see
your penis.
Just a little tag with aforehead.
Rights are nuts.
Foreheads really
Sarah (12:14):
hard
Chris (12:14):
compared, like, I, I'm assuming they're wearing a cup.
I don't really like, I don'tknow.
But I would, I would.
And uh, what my friend Angietold me the last time was, if
you get in a position and youcan stick your knee into
somebody's butt hole, that's,that's a good move.
Ooh.
I wanna know whose butt hole isfitting your knee in it, first
(12:35):
of all.
I mean, there's, they're, they're modern kids.
I mean, they're not as afraid ofthe butt hole as we are.
Mm-hmm.
This has going, this is gonesideways,
Sarah (12:45):
hasn't it?
That, and
I like when you said knee andthe butt hole finger.
Your butts are your finger.
Your finger.
Because, and you know what Ithink of, I just think of the
jigs story about jigs and thelittle girl trying to put a
finger in jigs butt hole.
Chris (12:59):
That's, that's what I think of too.
She, and actually what she saidwasn't butthole, but she was
knee and butt crack.
And I'm assuming that you go forthe tender parts.
But which would be the butthole
if anybody's talking about buttcrack.
I, I think butt hole is waybetter to talk about.
I'll let Angie know.
Okay, next time it's okay totalk about being somebody in the
(13:20):
butthole.
Cool.
I was like, how does that workthough?
Like what do I do then?
Like, which is always my b jjquestion.
What do I do then?
And generally like, isn't iteverybody's
b jj question.
What,
what?
What do I do
now?
(13:45):
If you guys aren't watching thison YouTube, you're missing it.
It's alright.
That's enough.
That's enough.
She like
Sarah (13:51):
gagged a little.
Chris (13:52):
That's enough.
What do I do now?
Right.
So that's how, that's how that'sgoing.
So that's my, that's how.
Nice.
Hey, there's a lot of, are youwatching TV at your house,
Sarah?
Yeah,
I could hear it.
You just now figured out.
(14:13):
You could hear it.
We've been talking for 30, 40minutes.
All right, fine.
Um, Becca, what's going on withyou?
How's the job search?
Do you wanna talk about it?
Are you upset?
Okay.
Alright.
Still,
Becca (14:26):
still.
I ga I gave an, I gave anawkward constipated, uh, kind of
a look.
Um, it's going, there's a lot ofpromising positions that my mom
found, which is very exciting,which sounds very silly, but
she'll send me job applications,just like if she sees one or if
she's, she'll just look, that'skind silly.
And she'll just send me them andI'll be like, oh, thank you so
(14:47):
much.
But there's one that she sent methat's for a dealership that's
like creating a content forthem.
So that would be very, verycool.
So I could just get to filmreally expensive cars all day,
which would be very, very cool.
Sarah (14:58):
That's awesome.
Becca (14:59):
Not gonna say the brand, but fingers crossed.
Fingers crossed.
That's, I
Sarah (15:02):
like
Becca (15:02):
that.
Yeah,
Sarah (15:03):
that's
Becca (15:04):
fine.
Other than that, yeah, I'mmoving back home.
Um, for those of you who don'tknow, I just graduated college,
uh, and I'm moving out of mycollege town the 31st, so
that'll be exciting.
I'm excited to go home, but IAre you, are you sad though?
I'm, I'm gonna be, I'm very sad,but I'm also.
(15:24):
I'm looking, I'm looking forwardto just living with four people
instead of like seven or 33.
Like it's, that's cool.
I mean that, that will be veryexciting.
But,
Chris (15:36):
and two of those people are grownups, so they like
respect boundaries and don't goto bed.
They go to bed at eight 15.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
I don't see Tom respectingboundaries.
I just don't, I don't know why Ijust,
Becca (15:53):
I was talking about Maggie.
He's very jokes.
I was gonna say, he jokes very,he jokes like in a pick, like
he, he will pick on you, butlike he won't.
But if I'm like in the mood andI'll be like, sir, please, like,
I can't, sir.
Please, today is not the day nowto pick on me.
He'll go,
not right now.
I love you.
(16:13):
He'll go Alright.
Because I think he sees thetears in my eyes when I go,
please.
And I just stare.
And I'm like, please, and I havea glassy stare.
He's like, it makes sense.
It's like, all right, but that's, that's all that's been
going on with me so crazy.
I wish
I could pay you.
'cause I'm working on a lot ofcontent right now, and it sucks
(16:36):
and I suck at it.
Like I, I tried to record avideo myself and there's a
reason why there no videos havecome out of me and my coaching
business yet because I can't,like, I literally, the last,
it's also awkward.
Well, the last one I recordedwas like, listen, I've recorded
(16:58):
this 17,000 fucking times andit's fucking stupid.
Just let me code you.
Fuck it.
That's awesome.
And then I decided, I justwasn't, I was like, fuck it, I'm
just gonna do voiceovers for nowuntil I can figure out what to
do.
And then I, I ordered this thingtoo to hold my phone and this
thing that.
(17:19):
It suction cups to things exceptfor it doesn't.
I got the cheap one'cause that'show, that's me.
And, um, it doesn't suctionreally well all the time.
So Really it has just turnedinto my phone holder just at my
desk.
Who, so, so that's, yeah, that'sthat.
(17:41):
I don't, I don't know what, Idon't know what I'm doing.
Um, so yeah.
Anyway, maybe one day I'll beable to pay you money to make
content for me.
Do it for free.
Always.
Okay.
Stop it then.
Chris (17:54):
Stop doing that.
I mean, do it for Sarah, butdon't do it for anybody else.
Becca (17:59):
Correct.
Friends
Chris (18:00):
and
Becca (18:01):
family discount.
But what I could use are justsome ideas of shit to do, like
put together.
Um, yeah.
'cause I don't, I mean, on theartsy side of it, like the
canvas side of it, I'm gettingpretty good at that.
But it's the video shit, andthat's really where I need to
start working anyway.
Chris (18:20):
What are you using on your skin?
Because your skin looks amazing.
Yeah, my skin, yeah.
I am using
some Estee Lauder Cleansomething.
Oh, it comes in a pink thing andsmells good.
And that's followed by the facecream shit I got from the soap
place.
The Simply You.
Is that what it is?
(18:40):
Simply you?
Oh, simply yes.
I
think, wait, hold on.
Uh, no, it's not on that candle.
Sorry.
Oh no.
Sarah (18:50):
Simply the Elizabeth Soap place, Stephanie's business.
I can't think of the name of it.
I think it is simply You.
Chris (18:57):
You simply, simply, simply Safe.
No, they don't sponsor useither, even though they sponsor
every podcast ever.
Hi macho.
Hi.
Wow.
The typing is also aggressive.
Fuck off.
Alright, go ahead, we move on.
Tell us more about your pop.
(19:19):
Tell us more about Pop.
No, I'm good.
Let's move on.
Alright.
Are you sure you don't wannatalk about what you're doing?
Yeah.
Alright, awesome.
We have a quick gaster story ofthe week.
Actually, I have, I have two, soI'll just share them really
quick.
The, and I wanna talk about thetime.
My best friend in high school,Jenny s Jenny s was in a foreign
(19:43):
exchange program, so she went toFinland over the summer.
So she, she left the country.
I wouldn't even leave thetownship.
And Jenny was like, it's cool,I'm just gonna go to Finland
where I don't speak the languageand live with a family that
doesn't speak English that greatand I'm gonna spend three
months.
(20:04):
I spent that three months atBeauty Pool.
For those of you familiar withthe Elizabeth area, that's the
Buena Vista?
Mm-hmm.
Or as we say, uni Buena Vista.
My boyfriend at the time workedas a lifeguard at the pool.
So Jenny was in Finland learningnew cultures and how to eat like
a shit ton of fish.
(20:24):
And I was at a uni pool and Iwould go and visit him, but I
wouldn't go in the pool.
I would just sit by him becauseI didn't want anyone to see me
in my bathing suit.
So I would just, it wasn't likeI was at the pool like laying
out.
I was just sitting behind thelifeguard stand like this
quiet.
I would go there and eat pizza'cause I love their pizza and I
(20:46):
can't remember if it wasTotino's Pizza or like what kind
of pizza it was, but that'sliterally the only, like I know
I got in that pool.
I know I went with friends.
I know there was other shit thathappened there.
But literally the only thingthat is still in my brain is the
pizza.
There was somebody's mom, somebody's mom that, that we
(21:07):
knew was a younger mom and wasreally, really attractive.
Like maybe not so much face, butshe showed up in a string bikini
one day and everyone wentfucking ballistic.
It was like, Stacey Stacey's momonly in real life.
I was like, can you guys maybenot ogle the mom?
They're like, I don't know.
(21:28):
But I, and I forget who the, shehad a daughter, but I can't
remember who it was, but theywere like, we're gonna have to
be better friends with her.
I'm like, you guys aredisgusting pigs.
Absolute pigs.
But I mean, there were no, andthere were no hot dads because
there just weren't.
Anyway, so that, uh, my gastrostory of the week is about how
(21:51):
we, um.
Jenny's mom gave, uh, me and acouple of our other friends
money and said, go to the storeand put together a welcome home
party for your best friendJenny, who's been in Finland for
the summer.
So we did that, and when wewalked into the party supply
store, we were immediately metwith a luau theme.
(22:14):
So for Jenny's coming homeparty, we put together a luau
theme, welcome home party withpineapples and hula skirts and
plastic lays.
And we had it at my housebecause I had the pool table.
Nobody was drinking except forour dad.
Uh, and then Jenny comes in.
She's very surprised by theparty and very surprised by the
(22:36):
Hawaiian theme of the party.
Yeah.
And we were like, it was thebest.
Like we bought all thesedecorations and they were
amazing.
We had like a blow up palm tree.
I think we used thosedecorations then to like, later
in the summer, or earlier in thesummer.
Anyway, so Jenny is surprised bythe theme and at some point our
(22:56):
dad, uh, drinks, drinks beer anduh, shoots pool with us.
And then he, he wants toquestion Jenny about her
experience.
So he's like, Hey, did you, didyou learn any chainsaw jokes in
Finland?
And everyone looked at him thesame way.
Becca is looking at us rightnow, like sort of confused, like
trying to be a little bit politelike jumbo.
(23:20):
We don't know what you mean bychainsaw jokes.
It turns out that there's a,it's very wooded in Finland, and
what Jumbo was doing was makingsort of a, a cultural reference
Yeah.
To the local people, but nobodygot it.
And then.
The rest, uh, the rest of thetime where we were friends with
each other, we would ask eachother, like when we went away
(23:42):
and came back if we had learnedany chainsaw jokes.
So I would like to thank Jumbofor giving me and my tiny group
of friends the ability to, toreference that coming home
party, the Hawaiian themedcoming home party, and ask each
other, like when we hadn't seeneach other as a greeting.
Hey, while you were there, didyou learn any chainsaw jokes?
(24:03):
So when Jenny went away to BrynMawr, I was like, Hey, at Bryn
Mawr, if you learn any chainsawjokes, will you send them on to
me so that I will also knowthem?
So that's my gaster story of theweek.
Like why chainsaw jokes?
I
feel like chainsaws
go with the, uh, Hawaiian themetoo.
It's, it's perfect,
(24:23):
right?
Like, like it all, it all kindof rolled together.
I was like, nobody.
It all makes
sense.
All makes sense.
Anything about Finland?
Nobody knows anything aboutFinland when I Except your dad.
I think
Becca (24:33):
because when I think about Finland, in Hawaii, my
first go-to is a chainsaw.
Chris (24:37):
Yeah, right.
This is the connective tissuebetween these two.
Absolutely.
Becca (24:41):
Also Nash that your cannot get out of my door, so I
have to go crack it for him.
He's sitting on my left now, buthe could.
Oh Nash.
He could not fit your Hi puppy.
Meow.
Meow.
Nevermind Then.
Who's a kitty?
I get in here.
Just kidding.
He does climb on top offurniture and stuff like that.
Like he'll climb on the top ofour couch.
He'll also climb on top of ourtables and coffee chairs.
(25:03):
Coffee chairs, coffee.
He's
kind of like a cat then He is.
Chris (25:05):
Coffee chairs.
I wish I had a coffee chair alsoreally quickly.
Um, the Dragon book is justmaking me mad now.
Like I'm just, I might, I mightbe too old.
Like I know these aren't booksfor children, but I'm like, you
know what?
I'm so tired of people.
How are there people like the,I'm on like the fourth one now.
Sarah (25:29):
Okay.
Chris (25:30):
Oh my God, there's
Sarah (25:31):
four.
Chris (25:33):
Uh, no, I'm on the third one.
The, but are we still talkingabout this one?
The fourth war?
The fourth one.
Fourth wing, yeah.
Yeah.
Like I read, I read the firstone very unopened.
Rebecca Yaros.
Becca (25:44):
Yes.
Love it.
Chris (25:46):
I mean, I'm still enjoying it.
And there's, there's elementsnow that are more epic fantasy,
but that the second book wasmostly about, um, them liking
each other but not having thepatience for relationship.
And I'm like, you know,nothing's gonna be perfect.
You two.
Like, I feel like I wanna betheir marriage counselor, and
that's really not what the bookis for.
(26:07):
Like, I'm like, why don't youjust be honest with her?
Why don't you just be honestwith him?
Why, why won't you just talk toyour friends about what's wrong?
Like, I don't have the patiencemaybe.
Becca (26:19):
I don't have the patience.
That's real.
I also feel like when it comesto books nowadays, the
protagonists are not meantnecessarily to be more silly
about their decisions, if thatmakes sense.
But I feel as though I'mconfused most of the time now
when I read books, because I'mlike, why did the protagonist do
that?
Why did the protagonist do this?
(26:41):
So I feel like there's a lot ofquestionable decisions made.
And that's not talking aboutFourth Wing.
I've not, I've not read it, but
Chris (26:50):
I, I mean I'm gonna keep going'cause it really did make
me smile today.
Like everyone is more real inthese than maybe salmon Frodo.
And maybe that's the part that Idon't enjoy as much is like, I
would like, I would like you tobe a pretend thing in my book.
I would like you to be a thingthat I would like you to have
furry feet.
I would like you not necessarilyfurry, I would like you to have
(27:13):
a a, a, a dead set.
A hundred percent moral compass.
And you should be better thanme, is what I'm thinking.
Like, again, this is how we'regonna segue into the, the mental
health part of it.
Like when I read books when Iwas younger, like this is part
of what shaped my character,like Sam and Frodo leaving the
(27:36):
comfort of the Shire and headingout to fight, uh, the ultimate
bad guy that even Gandalf can'tdefeat.
And Sam and Frodo are like, it'scool.
We got it.
And uh, even though they havethe absolutely no hope of
succeeding and they're just ahundred percent comfortable in
their little hobbit holes, theyhead out and uh, and try to do
great things.
(27:57):
And that's inspiring.
Uh, and, and they never waverexcept at the very end when I'm
not gonna, I'm not gonna sayspoilers because this has been a
book since like the thirties.
So, yeah, I
don't think you're gonna spoilit too much.
Like, except
when, when Fredo waivers at the end and Sam has to, has
to do the stuff that needs toget done.
(28:18):
I mean, like, these are goodguys and these are bad guys.
I kind of miss an epic fantasywhere the simplicity of it just
pushes right decisions and I getannoyed when, when it looks more
like real life.
Oh, everyone has a dog.
(28:38):
Hi macho.
Hi puppy.
Macho makes an
appearance.
Who is a kitty?
I'm
not sure.
He went outside.
I'm not sure if he went to thebathroom.
I'm not sure what's going on.
It's okay.
He smells good'cause he gotgroomed, huh?
And he is going to the vettoday.
Oh, this poor dog, this poor kitty.
(29:00):
Anyway, so back to, to the, theself-help part of our podcast.
These were my self-help books.
Like these are the things thattaught me how to be a better
person.
These are the ones where I waslike, that princess is kind of a
bitch, but also really strongand really able to, you know,
move the, move the questforward.
(29:21):
So I could also be kind of abitch.
I won't be because it's not inmy nature, but I could also be
like that and be strong and helpmove the quest forward and not
be just a waste of space, eventhough I'm just a girl.
Like these were my self-helpbooks when I was growing up and
when I got old enough to likewiggle my way into the self-help
(29:42):
section.
There were so many and so manythings I could diagnose myself
with.
Think we talked about this onthe last podcast, right?
Uh, maybe one of the interviewswhere we could spend hours in
Barnes and Noble, just readingand self diagnosing.
So, um, I wanna talk a littlebit about how, how much is too
(30:04):
much?
Like how much is too much andhow much is where do we, where
do we cross the line betweenself-help and magic?
And where are you expectingthings to happen without putting
in the work?
I think is the, the place where,where I wanna get to.
So, Becca, you and I chattedabout this a little earlier and
(30:25):
you did some research bychatting with your generation of
friends, and I am curious abouthow the self-help experience
differences between thegenerations.
Like Sarah and I would wanderaround Barnes and Noble.
I think at some point in somecollege class, someone gave me a
book called What Color Is YourParachute?
(30:46):
And I was like, oh my God, thisis gonna solve.
Every problem that I havebecause it was mostly about
figuring out what you wanna bewhen you grow up.
And I was like, this is it.
This is the only book I'm evergoing to need.
I brought it home and gave it toSarah and then fucked around for
the next six years.
Not doing anything with my life,like pretending to, uh, work in
(31:06):
an office, going to graduateschool, like not getting my life
together at all and ignoringevery piece of advice that was
in that book, just like we endedup doing with most of the
self-help, uh, tomes that we'veread.
But I'm kind of interested inhow Well, except for Sarah,
Sarah really took shit to heartand changed her life.
Um, I'm curious though, likethat can't be the, the younger
(31:30):
generation's experience.
'cause I feel like you can justwatch a bunch of tiktoks now and
it's sort of the same thing.
Becca (31:36):
So I was gonna say that is something called like when
you sit there and you justscroll on your phone for like
hours on end, it's a thingcalled doom scrolling.
Some people.
Use that as self-help.
I'm trying to be a lot betterabout it.
I've been bad.
So now I have a screen time.
I put a screen time for myselfon my phone to help with that.
(31:58):
But a lot of people at my housethat I live with, we were
talking about it kind of as adiscussion and one of my friends
brought up that all of the mediathey watch or that they really
engage with when it comes tolike literature or TV shows or
films or just animations,anything, it's always a
character being like going aboveand beating something.
(32:21):
So it's like it's always themovercoming a challenge or like
going on a journey of sortswhere it's like you get Quest,
all this character development.
Yes.
A quest where you get all thisgrand character development and
you continue on.
So I just thought that wasinteresting that you also
connected with that.
But self-help today, I feel likeoverall is a genuinely like
(32:43):
positive rep.
Like, um.
A few of my roommates journal,so when they go onto their
therapist, like call,'cause someof them do like virtual ones,
they'll have their journal outand so during the week it is
self-help because it helps themget it out, but then they can
actually apply it in that way.
But I was gonna say,'cause wewere also talking about self
(33:07):
diagnosing, and I did not thinkabout this, but one of my, one
of my roommates brought up thefact that some people
self-diagnose because they can'tafford to actually be diagnosed
as some diagnoses can affectyour everyday life.
(33:28):
It can affect your, it canaffect your eligibility for life
for like a license.
It could affect yourmedications.
Like, it can affect like yourdisability status, like.
So just also something random toput out there.
'cause that was also sad, butit's, it, it was very
interesting'cause I was like, Ican't wait to go to the podcast
and talk about this.
(33:48):
So overall, generally, like alot of girls in the house read
books.
I love, I love my, I love mysmart books.
I do.
That's really, that's, I wasgonna say I used that for
self-help.
Sarah mentioned a little bitbefore we started recording
about how it was music for her.
I think it's music for, for metoo, very, very deeply.
Like I, it's insane.
(34:09):
I love going down rabbit holesand Spotify just feeding me new
music that I've never heardbefore.
It's, it's the greatest thing.
That's how I like to escape andthat's how I view self.
I use that as self-help, as Ihear other people's stories and
experiences and it makes merealize what I need to be
grateful for.
(34:30):
Versus something that I lookedkind of down upon when it could
kind of be glorified in a wayversus in a song.
I don't know.
Now I'm just rambling.
But, but no, it all makes sense.
Feel I, I, I've splurged.
So
Chris (34:44):
the rambling, the rambling is where you get the
good nuggets, like, trust us.
Like, have you not listened toour podcast?
I'm curious.
It's weird because you edit it.
Yeah.
Actually, no, I'm suspiciousabout how much editing is
actually happening if you're notlistening to me ramble on for,
oh, no hours, but hours.
(35:06):
But yeah, I, I mean, I thinkthat, you know, looking at what,
at what we call self-help andlooking at, you know, actually
taking the lessons and applyingthem, like Sarah said it a
thousand times.
Like that shit's hard.
Like, and part of, I think what,what we picked up on is that
that hard is the, is the thingthat makes the self-help.
(35:30):
Help.
Do you know, do you guys knowwhat I'm talking about?
Chris (2) (35:32):
Mm-hmm.
Chris (35:34):
Like the, the hard stuff.
When you get down to doing thehard stuff, when you get down to
defining what your values areand making decisions in your
life that align with thosevalues, when you get down to
doing that work, that takeseffort and energy and oftentimes
easier just to go and be like,I'm just gonna check another
book.
(35:54):
I'm gonna, that one was good,but I think maybe it'll be
better if I just look at sixmore books and then find one
that maybe gives me some magicalthing to, to glom onto.
And I think that's where a lotof the toxic self-help comes in,
right?
Like the toxic self-help islike, Hey, I have a shortcut,
or, Hey, I have this thing whereyou can just, you can just
(36:16):
manifest a, a thing.
And the, the part aboutmanifesting the thing is that.
If you want, the thing like theundercurrent of the one book
that we were reading is like, ohyeah, you can change the physics
of, of whatever it is.
But the undercurrent of that isyou also have to understand what
you're trying to change and youalso have to take the steps to,
(36:38):
to change it.
And yeah, I can manifest it, uh,week long journey in Italy, but
I also have to do things thatwill get me to that week long
trip in, in Germany or Italy orwhatever it was that guy's
daughter did.
Just by, you know, praying aboutit really hard and having a
really rich dad like you.
Eventually you have to do thework and you can gloss over the
(37:00):
top of it with manifesting andyou can gloss over the top of it
with, you know, whatever kind oftrick or magic or thing that is
gonna get you there.
But the important part of theself-help is.
Doing the, doing the actualwork.
And I mean, I think Sarah willtell you that the work is hard
(37:21):
and the work is valuable.
And the work is the thing thatmoves you from point A to point
B.
I am working on the work andit's way harder than I thought.
Like I always think that I knowmore than everybody because
that's just who I am as aperson.
And I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah,the work is hard.
(37:41):
The work is, I've already donethe work.
I already know my values.
I already align my actions withmy values and no I don't.
No, I don't.
Like this whole year has been ina lesson so far and how I don't,
and it has been interesting tokind of break that apart.
And, and not, and not in anysort of like self helpy kind of
(38:05):
way, like in a therapy kind ofway.
Like to, to sit with the, thedarling Emily and, and talk
through some of this stuff.
Like, she's like, well, what areyour values?
What do you value?
And I'm like, candy squirrelsare cute.
She's like, okay, now beserious.
And I'm like, I'm trying to beserious.
I don't know.
(38:25):
Like, I don't know what myvalues are.
I know what they think theyshould be, and I know what
answer you wanna hear, and I'llgive you that answer.
But is that the thing that goesdeeper into who I am as a
person?
Like I am fan fucking tastic attelling you what you wanna hear,
but is it.
The real answer.
(38:45):
And it's taking a, it's taking aconsiderable amount of time and
effort to get to what that realanswer is for me.
And it hasn't been because ofany one particular book.
It's just been that common themeof all of these books and
understanding that there isn't,there isn't a magic thing, there
isn't a, there isn't a solutionother than looking really deep.
(39:09):
And that's a lot of work.
So that's what I got for youguys is that that sort of toxic
self-help is the thing thatwhispers in your heads that you
can take a shortcut in.
Sarah, I know that you've been,you've been, uh, you've been
vibing.
If I can use one of Becca'sterms with Mark Manson, you guys
have been, uh, you guys havebeen, uh, you know, sharing a
(39:31):
moment.
Well, I mean, I've been sharinga moment
Becca (39:34):
holding space.
Yeah, I mean
Mark, mark Manson knows you.
He said your name.
Yeah, he said my name on a q anda for sure.
Absolutely.
Tell us about it.
Um, I mean, I'll get to that.
I just to kind of build on whatyou guys were saying, uh, I
think one of the problems rightnow with self-help is that there
are so many different optionsand that we tend to get lost in
(39:56):
everything.
And we don't take the action.
We just keep reading andexpecting something to happen.
That kind of goes into thinkingwe're manifesting something.
And I think the best thing tobattle toxic self-help is one
step at a time.
Just one little thing at a time,because we get overwhelmed when
we're.
Overfilling our brains with allof the suggestions and just
(40:19):
slowing down and doing onething.
Hi buddy.
Chris (40:22):
Hi.
The, the dog is licking theheadphones and snuggling with my
sister.
Like, like it's his job.
He knows his values.
He doesn't need any self-help atall.
He is like, my purpose is tocuddle you.
Yes, very much.
But I, I mean, I think we talkedabout it.
I think at the beginning of allof this, when we were reading
the Subtle Art, I kept saying, Ijust want somebody to tell me
(40:45):
what to do.
I just want someone to tell mewhat to do.
And I, it wasn't so much that Ineeded someone to tell me what
to do, it's that I neededsomeone to push me to do it,
which is what I got out ofworking with Michelle and what
I'm getting out of working withMark Manson's community.
Um, I check in with myaccountability group every day.
(41:05):
We're putting shit out therewhen we're having tough days,
we're, you know, behind eachother and.
As lame as it sounds, liftingeach other up and reminding each
other of why we're part of thecommunity.
And that's, that in and ofitself is kind of life changing.
Um, but ultimately the workneeds to be done.
(41:26):
And if you're struggling findingyour values, head over to plan
over panic.com and go tofreebies.
And I get my starting withvalues guide.
I could get it for free.
Yeah, I, I, I put out my firstfreebie last week, so you can
head over there and get that,but it's hard.
I mean, you can download thatguide.
(41:47):
You could read every fuckingbook.
If you're not really gonna dig,if you're not really gonna let
yourself be vulnerable to that,then it's not gonna help and
you're not ready.
And you have to be disgustinglyhonest with yourself.
And there's a lot of values youcould choose from.
There's a lot of shit out there.
Anyway, so I did ask my friendMark about toxic self-help and
(42:08):
uh, he brought up something thatI actually didn't even think of,
I guess a lot now, there's apart of the self-help a lot of
people are talking about is justimmediately cutting people out
of your life to make your lifebetter.
And when I say immediately cutout people from their life, I
mean, they smell at you wrong,fuck you, I'm done.
(42:32):
You're not helping me make mylife better.
So I'm not dealing with you.
And I think I, I agree withMark, with what Mark Manson had
to say.
Like, I don't know about that.
It's, you might wanna givepeople a second chance.
I mean, I feel like if someonewrongs you and you immediately
write them off, they probablyweren't meant to just be in your
life.
You probably don't really likethem that much.
(42:53):
You probably don't have a greatrelationship with'em to start
with.
So, um, I think that's a shittyway to look at things.
Yeah.
I mean, maybe after like thethird time they fuck you over
royalty, then maybe you can belike, all right, nevermind, you
know, write them off.
But, uh, it's one of the partsof toxic self-help that seems to
be taking off lately is justthrowing people out.
Becca (43:17):
And, uh, oh, sorry.
Keep talking.
I apologize.
No, I was just gonna say, Imean, part of digging deep into
our values and deciding whatwe're about is there's a lot of
relationship work in there too.
Um, so recognizing these thingsin yourself and others and kind
of goes against that.
(43:38):
If you're just looking at othersand being like.
Later.
And then the only other thing Ihad, we started talking about
manifestation and the d Lulu isthe ulu is something that I've
learned about recently.
I, I guess it's been out therefor a while.
'cause I believe it was coveredon a repeat of the Tamron Hall
Show, um, from like way earlierthis year.
(44:00):
But I was like the d Lulu, what?
What the fuck are you talkingabout?
But Christina, what I was gonnasay is exactly what you already
said.
Yeah.
We can sit here and we couldtalk about it.
I mean, I think that myirritation with manifestation
started with the last book thatwe tried to read because it
just, there was just so much inmy mind just screaming bullshit
throughout the whole entirefucking thing.
(44:22):
And that's kind of where my mindis on, uh, manifestation.
Uh, you can go ahead and sayit's manifestation.
Yeah.
I thought about it, I keptthinking about it.
And that's great to have what Ilike to refer to as positive
vibes and positive thinking andreinforcing in your brain that
this is something you can do.
This is something you're meantto be like, I'm a coach, I am a
(44:43):
coach and I am a coach, and Iwill be a good coach.
And, but.
I'm putting a lot of fuckingwork into it.
That's nothing is coming out ofthis just because I'm sitting
here at night going, I'm a goodcoach.
I'm a good coach.
I can be a good coach.
I'm gonna be, no, I'm fuckingdoing the work.
And I don't, I don't believethat more times than not,
(45:07):
someone's just sitting therethinking about something and it
fucking happens.
Like I feel like every, I mean,you know, every result is coming
from some sort of action and deLulu, which for those of you who
don't understand,'cause I don'tthink I understood first like,
but it's delusion.
Delusion is the solution.
(45:27):
How fucked up is that?
Just that statement in and ofitself.
Like I feel like delusion iskind of a negative.
Chris (45:37):
So I, it reminds me of a story in, it might be the Subtle
art, but it might be AtomicHabits, where he was like, I
wanted to be a rock star.
Oh, it's subtle art.
He's like, yeah, I wanted to bea rock star.
Mm-hmm.
And he is like, I didn't, uh, Ididn't want to work on being a
rock star.
I just wanted to be a rockstar.
Chris (2) (45:58):
Mm-hmm.
Chris (45:58):
And I'm like, I think that's the same thing.
Like the, the delusion of whatmy life is gonna be like when
I'm a rockstar is, uh, isamazing, right?
Like, I'll sit here and thinkabout how cool that'll be.
Like if you weren't putting inthe work to like do, do coaching
and make, make your endeavorsuccessful, and you were just
(46:21):
sitting around going, it's gonnabe so cool one day when this is
my job.
And when you're taking steps tomake it your job, and that's the
action part of it is the partthat you have to love.
Like, and I'm not saying youhave to.
You have to be so enamored withthe work, but you have to enjoy
the work, and you have to wantto do the work, and you have to
(46:43):
be motivated to do the workthat's gonna get you there.
It goes back
to, I mean, it goes back toanother Mark Manson thing.
Like, work is hard and work isnot always fun and work is gonna
cause some pain, but we need,everything in life is gonna have
some pain and we need to decidewhat pain is worth it.
Chris (2) (47:00):
Right?
Um, what pain is going to havethe best result for us and the
people around us.
And that's where that's, that'swhere things get hard.
And that's the misconception, isthat people think that
everything's supposed to bebright and cheery and rainbows
and butterflies all the time.
And that's not how it's gonnabe.
The best we can do for ourselvesis make it.
(47:22):
Good most of the time.
But there's still gonna be thatsuffering that we all have to
endure to get tho those goodparts.
And unless you're ready toaccept that, you're constantly
gonna be in that loop and thatnegative loop of life and you're
not, it's so hard to get out ofthat once you start.
And one last thing I have to sayabout self-help is that.
(47:46):
It's not just while you'rereading a book.
It's not just while you'rereading a guide to find your
values.
It's not just me looking over atthis, what's it called?
Post-it notes that has my listof values on it.
Like it's a constant thingbecause we're constantly having
thoughts go through our brains.
Like I, I don't know thestatistic, but there's a
bazillion trillion of them, andmost of them are useless because
(48:09):
they're about shit that's nevereven happened.
And that's, that's me, that'swhat I struggle with.
But right now we're working onemotional regulation and that's,
that's something that you,you're constantly having
emotions go through your body.
Thoughts are emotions comingout, like, I mean, emotions are
your thoughts coming out and um,you have to be aware of that
(48:29):
and.
That part's hard, being able tostop yourself.
Um, and Christine, I know we'vesaid it a lot, but it's really,
really coming into life in thelast few months for me, is that
just fucking taking a second andstopping what's about to come
outta your mouth and taking onedeep breath can give you so much
perspective.
(48:50):
It might space, it might,because, you know, like a, a
year and a half ago I would'vesaid bullshit to that, but it's
so true.
But again, that sounds sosimple.
Just take a breath.
It's super simple.
Sarah (49:05):
Great, but it's not
because if you're not taking itin the right mind space, like I
could be sitting here losing myshit and be like, okay, I just
need to take a breath.
And as I'm taking the breath,I'm still thinking about how
Stacey's mom is a dick.
Like, I need to let that go fora second and think about why.
(49:25):
Why do I think Stacey's mom's adick?
Breathe?
Oh, well that's a ridiculousthought.
So let's move on.
Right.
I will take that one and just,
Chris (49:36):
just, yeah.
So go, go over there thought.
Thank you.
But it's a constant, it's aconstant practice.
It's not something that you'rejust working on while you're in
a book.
It's not something that you'rejust working on while you're
watching a video.
It's a constant awareness thatyou need to have, and nobody's
perfect.
Like there's plenty of timesthat, I mean, we're all still
(50:00):
losing our shit at some point,but the biggest thing of that is
when I.
Me personally, when I lose myshit, I try to go back to him
and be like, okay, what didn't Ido?
What could I have donedifferently?
And just trying to be betterfrom every situation that we,
that we move on.
Sorry.
The whole point is it's not justa book, it's not just a guide,
(50:22):
right?
You need to live it.
Start with a book.
That's a great place to start,but don't move on to the next
book until you really did thework in the first book.
But the books are so fun to read, and they are, they're,
they're lovely distraction.
They are.
Oh, oh look, yes.
That book was hard.
That's a lot of hard things inthis book.
(50:44):
Oh, but 90% of the self.
When we started Self-Help wasn'tnew.
I have a shit ton of right.
I have a shelf of them ofself-help stuff, but the
difference between what I'vedone over the last year and a
half to what I was doing beforethat is I was reading the book
and being like, wow, that soundssuper awesome.
Wow, that's great.
(51:04):
Back on the bookshelf, neverthought about it again, about,
I've read the Subtle Art of Not Giving a fuck four times
before we did this podcastbecause I was like, there's
something there.
There's something there.
And every time I was reading it,I was like, I should take notes
or something instead of justlike going through here as
(51:24):
quickly as I possibly can inorder to consume the words.
I'm like, I like what this dudeis saying.
Um, yeah, no, I totally have allof my values straight.
Like I know what's worth it andwhat isn't.
And I found like the second timeI read it, I was like, wait a
minute, why do I feel differentabout this part than I did the
last time I read it?
And then the third time I waslike, why do I feel different
(51:46):
now?
And it was because my valuesthat I had front of mind that
like two, that my, uh, tinylittle P brain could glom onto
were different like the secondtime around and the third time
around, and then the fourth timearound, like I was like, oh, now
I see that until I get my shitstraight, this book is always
(52:09):
going to be directing me to dosomething slightly different
that I'm still not going to do.
And that's,
that's another part of it.
I'm gonna go onto, I guessmarketing, do it coaching,
because that's, that's.
A big deal.
It's a big deal, and that's whyit's worth the investment
because you have somebody who'sbehind you who's pushing you to
(52:30):
do the shit that you reallydon't want to do.
And why I wanna focus on youngadults is because your values
and your purpose changethroughout your life.
And if you learn how to dig deepto find the true value and find
the true purpose, when you're ata young age, you're gonna be so
(52:50):
much better set to deal with itwhen those start to change.
And that's, that's, to me, I,again, I wish I had that when I
was at that stage of lifebecause that's something that I
could have used.
Wanna interrupt for a second before this thought
skidders out of my brain?
The, the reason that MarkManson's book hit different each
(53:12):
time wasn't necessarily that myvalues had changed.
It was my headspace and myHeadspace.
Mm-hmm.
Wasn.
Deep enough to get to the pointof being a value.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like, it wasn't that my valueshad changed, it was just I was
thinking about different shit.
Like one time I was thinkingabout work and the next time I
(53:33):
was thinking about my marriageand the next time I was thinking
about, you know, my relationshipwith Olivia or my relationship
with other people in my, like Iwas just thinking about
different shit and I'd never gotto the point of understanding
the value that drove thatheadspace.
So I think, you know, a lot ofwhat you're talking about with
(53:55):
coaching and now I feel likeKanye West interrupting Taylor
Swift, I'm gonna let you getback to it.
Um, fuck
Kanye
West.
Was it Kanye West?
Was that who interrupted?
Taylor Swift.
I cognize.
Yeah, I dunno.
But
just the mention of his namemakes me wanna fucking throw up.
Great.
Anyway, I should think aboutthat.
You should, you should examine that.
Um, anyway, like the differencebetween a headspace and a value
(54:18):
is kind of the, the place whereself improvement and self-help
maybe does the most good.
Like there is a true differencebetween thinking about one
thing, being in a headspace andbeing thinking about a value.
So I will carry on.
I just wanted to throw it outthere that it wasn't that my
values were changing'cause Ididn't really know what they
(54:39):
were.
Like, just the shit I wasthinking about when I was
reading the book had changed.
Sarah (54:44):
Yeah,
Chris (54:45):
sorry.
Yeah, no, I, and that's it.
I'm pretty much done.
Like, that's, that's what I haveto say about self-help.
It can be whatever you make ofit.
Right.
And if you, unfortunately,there's so much of it that it
does become toxic because we'retrying to take in as much as we
can without doing the action.
And I personally think that'swhat makes it toxic is
(55:07):
overloading ourselves with abunch of shit we're not gonna do
anything with.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it gets down to, it getsdown to having that
understanding that the, the realgrowth happens through work.
The real growth happens throughquote unquote suffering.
There's a, there's a great quotein, uh, game of Thrones if we
can get back to epic fantasy,where the one character just
(55:29):
goes through a whole, whole lotof bad things.
And if I'm saying that in theGame of Thrones context, you can
imagine all of the bad thingslike.
She's, yeah, she, she goesthrough it and she comes out a,
a strong queen.
And the one guy that apologizes,he's like, if, you know, if you
would've stuck with me, if you,if you would've stayed with me,
(55:51):
none of that would've happened.
And she's like, right.
And then I would've been adelicate bird forever and not
the fierce warrior I am today.
And I was like, holy shit.
Santa's stark.
Yeah, you did go through a bitof it and look at you.
And I'm like, well, I mean, ifSansa can take that and come out
(56:12):
a queen, I could probably standto do a little bit of
self-reflection.
Like I'm not gonna get, like aton of bad things aren't going
to happen to me the same waythat they happen to her, but,
you know, a little bit ofsuffering and that, you know,
doing some hard work won't killme, but it will make me a better
person.
It will make me more happy.
(56:33):
And I don't think happy is theright word.
It will make me more contentwith what I.
Where I am and what I'm doing.
And I think that is the, that iswhere, at this point in my life,
I, I want to be, I want to becontent.
And I think on that note, andthis is the last thing I have,
'cause we're like, we're justabout up here, but, uh, we also
need to, to look at reality,right?
(56:55):
Reality, this is life.
And again, we're going tosuffer.
So even if you put in this work,like I've put in work and it's
done great things for my mentalwellbeing, but I also know that
things aren't gonna be perfectfrom here.
I'm still, I'm gonna cry.
Oh, sorry.
I'm still gonna get sadsometimes.
(57:15):
I'm still gonna have to dig myway out of it.
I'm still gonna be anxious andI'm gonna have to work myself
through that.
Like, there's still like,that's, that's part of the
suffering and.
I think it's also worthmentioning that we don't get,
wanna get stuck in a placewhere, oh my gosh, things are
really great for me now they'regonna be great forever.
Like that's not how it is.
Fuck up and there's macho toremind me.
(57:38):
Stop crying ya.
Dumb ass.
So that's it.
That's
all I have for today.
Chinese proverb is what I will leave us with.
Somebody told me it was aChinese proverb.
I don't know.
I'm not Chinese.
I think you could just sayChinese proverb in front of
anything and there you go.
I'm gonna get it tattooed on mein Chinese letters that I have
no idea how to read.
(57:58):
Yeah, nothing very, very good orvery, very bad.
Last very, very long.
Yeah.
So I mean, I think that isexactly it.
You have to be like, where Iwanna be is content to be able
to roll with the punches, right?
I wanna be content because Iwanna be like, oh, well that is
a shitty thing to have happen.
I will be able to deal with thatbecause I know inside that I am
(58:21):
able to float.
On the top of some of thesethings instead of getting sucked
down into them and really,really get stuck in there.
Does that make sense?
Mm-hmm.
So nothing very, very good orvery, very bad lasts very, very
long.
So,
Sarah (58:41):
yeah,
the good news is I've learned somany tools and built this pretty
little toolbox.
It's pink, it has pink hammer init.
Um, that's what it looks like inmy brain, but I've built this
toolbox that I didn't have twoyears ago, right?
So I know when shitty times comeupon me that I have the tools
to, to deal with it much betterthan I did two years ago.
Chris (59:02):
I mean, I, I think, I think I've gotten to the point
where I've stripped away all ofthe BS that used to be the, the.
Stuff for me.
So now I'm gonna cry.
Like, and I think that's the,that's the part that was the
hardest.
Like, I have my shit together.
I know exactly who I am, I knowmy values and looking at it and
(59:25):
being like, bitch, no you don't.
No you don't.
Or maybe you did a year ago ortwo years ago when Olivia was in
high school.
You don't know dick now.
So here's your, here's your,here's your plate of hard work.
If you ever wanna be happy orcontent again, have at it sucks.
Becca (59:43):
I think you both should be very proud of yourself with
the toolbox that you have bothcreated with your own bare
hands.
Because the reason why it'sthere is because you two work so
hard for it to be there.
So don't forget about that.
Well 100%.
Thanks Becca.
And sorry if you're the lawn
guy.
I'm very mad because ourlandlord did not say he was
coming today.
That's why.
Sarah (01:00:03):
Bastard.
Becca (01:00:04):
I felt so bad you guys were crying and I was getting so
mad at him.
Weed whacking right next to thewindow.
You guys should be here.
Well, there my favorite emotion.
You should be laughter throughtears.
There you go.
Um, all right, well I Well, Ineed to wrap it up.
I gotta go'cause one I have topee and two, I have a lot of
other shit I gotta do.
Chris (01:00:25):
Can you guys say hi to Rose
though?
Hi Rose.
Hi Rose.
Little Tub
Becca (01:00:32):
Rose.
Tell the people hi, primordialpouch.
Look at, oh, look at that face.
Oh.
If you are not on YouTube, youneed to get on YouTube just to
see Rose's fucking face.
Face
Chris (01:00:43):
today.
Yeah.
Shit is a
real cunt.
Roro
rose is face.
Yes.
Cunt is the best word I
Sarah (01:00:51):
could think to describe Rose right now.
Rose is a
nod making any friends today
Becca (01:00:56):
I'm enhancing that meow so that people know that she's
sassing back.
Oh, she is.
She's so full of it.
She's sassafras like nobody'sbusiness.
She's like,
Chris (01:01:05):
where is Olivia?
I don't know.
She doesn't live with usanymore.
All.
All right, love you guys.
Care.
I'm getting hit the stop button.
Sarah (01:01:14):
Okay.
Welcome to The Mental Funny Bone, a podcast where
something meets something.
Mental health meets humor, heartand healthy dose of laughter.
We are here to talk about thetough stuff, laugh at the
awkward stuff, and remind youand ourselves it's okay to not
be okay.
So settle in, take a breath, andlet's normalize the mess.
One ridiculous fucking story andreal conversation at a time.
(00:30):
My name is Sarah.
Chris (00:31):
Amen.
My name is Christine and I amSarah's sister, and I'm gonna
let our intern introduceherself.
Becca (00:41):
Hi, I'm Becca, the intern.
Chris (00:44):
Here's Becca, the intern.
Yes.
Welcome to the Mental FunnyBone.
And surprisingly this isn't aninterview with somebody.
Super interesting.
That's just the three of us thisweek.
Yay.
Yay.
I'm so excited too,'cause I haveso much pent up stuff to talk
about that I can't talk about infront of strangers.
Aw.
Sarah (01:01):
We definitely won't have time for her caster story, then
Chris (01:06):
we won't.
Um, do you guys want a Juujitsuupdate right off the bat?
Sarah (01:11):
Abso fucking, absolutely.
I
Becca (01:13):
was hoping for one of these, but I never wanted to ask
because I didn't want you tofeel embarrassed to talk about
it.
But you said updates and I waslike, Ooh.
I said
Sarah (01:24):
I I would really like a BJJ to start my,
Chris (01:28):
just start, start my
morning.
Wouldn't we all Just a quick B jj.
Mm-hmm.
Um, I don't know if you guys onYouTube will notice that I do
not have pretty hands anymorebecause it turns out that when,
when you fight someone atJiujitsu, you're grabbing them.
(01:49):
And what you come away withoften is their skin under your
nails.
And I.
Was super grossed out aboutthat.
And then I felt really badbecause I had clawed somebody
because for a little while I waslike, oh yeah, well, short
nails, that's just for the boys,like, Becca, are you growling?
Sarah (02:11):
I thought that was my belly for a second.
I was like, I'm
Becca (02:13):
so sorry.
I was not expecting him to dothat, and I thought I had my
mute on.
Sorry.
I No, I feel like that's
Sarah (02:20):
perfect.
I'm super excited.
We will just say that that wasmy belly,
Chris (02:25):
right?
No, no one likes skin undertheir fingernails, but I thought
it was just for the boys and Iactually, and I don't know why I
thought it was just for theboys, because we're all fighting
the same way.
So then I, I came home with theskin under my nails and I was
like, oh my God, I'vepermanently scarred one of these
children because that's all I'mfighting.
Or like people who are still inelementary school.
(02:48):
I'm like, oh my God.
I've clawed one of these kidsand then I was like, I can't go
back.
And I thought about notattending another class after
that because I was just soembarrassed that it had taken me
so long to understand that youalso don't get to have a claw
it, uh, at jujitsu.
(03:10):
Jujitsu.
So I worked up the courage to goback.
Just the thought of skin undermy nails kind of makes me me
throw up.
Right?
I
was like, what is that?
I made Sarah noises in the caron the way home.
Yeah.
Super gross.
Gross.
Really disgusting.
Um, but I am, I am progressing,so I'm getting slightly better.
(03:32):
And it turns out my biggestproblem is I'm too nice.
Right?
Like, he's like, why are yougiving her so much space?
I was like, oh, I, I'm justbeing polite.
He was like, oh, don't do that.
(03:54):
Don't do that.
That's not how this
works.
That's not how this works.
I was like, oh.
He's like, no, I want you to geton her like you're on top right
now.
Like this is a positive positionfor you.
I want you to take your upperbody and smother her.
Like until you can figure outhow to actually choke her and
(04:15):
get her to tap, I just want youto put all of your weight on
her.
Now be careful'cause she's gonnause your, use her hips to try to
flip you up over top.
So you know, you gotta managethat.
She's gonna fight a little,right.
I was like, oh, what arevelation.
So that is how, that is howJiujitsu is going.
(04:35):
I'm still.
Still going.
I'm still mortified.
Like every time I go to walk inthe door I'm like, they're all
gonna hate you.
They're all gonna hate you.
They all already hate you.
And I'm, I'm also a littleconcerned because I don't think
the boys wanna wrestle with meand at some point I'm going need
(04:55):
to wrestle with them.
'cause there's only two girls.
Like at some point I'm gonna belike, Hey, do you wanna, do you
wanna roll with me?
Like the one guy was like, oh,that guy did a great thing.
He, he did this cool move likecalled in Einstein.
Or I don't know that all themoves have names that make no
sense.
Like the shoulder of Destiny orjustice or something.
(05:16):
I'm not, yeah, like tho thoseones
are my
favorite.
Sure.
He was like, oh he did a greatEinstein on me.
And I'm sure it wasn't Einstein.
'cause I can't imagine thatEinstein.
No, it totally was
Einstein.
It was totally Einstein.
Big influence to do with thefounding of BJ j's.
Stop it, cat.
Maybe that was Freud.
For
(05:36):
something anyway.
And he was like, uh, and it, itwas like he forgot for a second
that I was a lady and he wasgonna show me what he did.
And then he was like, oh.
I was like, no, no, go ahead.
Uh, so Becca, I'm not sure if itwas because I was new or because
I was a girl.
Like, are you not afraid?
(05:57):
Are you afraid to touch mebecause
Becca (06:00):
I feel like I'm 50 Would be because you're new is what
I'm hoping for.
Well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hopemaybe an Einstein is an advanced
technique and he didn't wanna,didn't wanna scare off the
newbie with his Right, with hisbig brain move.
Chris (06:16):
It's well that it wouldn't make sense'cause it
really is just choking the fuckoutta somebody.
Like that's what an Einstein is.
It's just getting somebody likethis and just, oh, like most of
the things that they do leavemarks on my neck.
That look like hickeys.
So if you've seen me in the pastcouple of weeks and assumed that
I have a hickey, I will remindyou I'm 52 and I've been married
(06:40):
for 20 years, so no, that's nota hickey, that's a mark from
Jiujitsu.
Anyway, so I'm hoping that weget over this.
And I have a question.
Yeah.
Do the dudes uh, roll with otherchicks?
No.
'cause the only other chick ismarried to the owner, Angie, and
(07:03):
I love her.
She's, I, I don't know.
She's, she's amazing.
And she does routinely kick myass.
And I'm not saying that I don'tfeel challenged by that, but I
am saying that maybe a littlebit of variety would be, would
be good in my training.
It's not that there's anexpectation, it's not like you
have to, but you would like to.
So that's the situation.
(07:25):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean, it, I, I feel like toget better, I have to, I have to
work with different peoplebecause you just learn different
stuff.
Like if I played soccer justwith you, you're the only person
I would know how to beat.
Yeah.
And, uh, that's not likely tohappen.
I mean, maybe back in the day itwouldn't be likely to happen,
but maybe did.
(07:46):
No, no,
no.
I mean, you're the only personthat I would know how to defend
myself against,
whatever.
Um, shit.
I had another question.
Um, oh, update.
Olivia is awake.
She texted Owen to make surethat he was awake.
So I like, love the dynamic ofhaving the two of them.
(08:07):
It seems to help me out quite abit.
Maybe they should just hang out together all the rest
of the summer, the rest of thethree weeks of summer for us.
I think so, yes.
Anyway, back to BJ's.
Yeah, I mean that's that.
That's it then.
And I also feel like I'mstarting to understand the
terminology and how things thatlook similar, because my a DD
(08:29):
brain will just make a pattern.
Like if I'm on top of you, itdoesn't mean I'm in a good
position'cause it matters whereyour legs are or where my legs
are.
Like if my legs are around yourwaist, I'm in a good position,
even if I'm on my back.
But if your legs are over top ofmy hips, I'm in a shitty
position on my back and I'mprobably gonna die.
(08:51):
So see on my back, you'relearning isn't the thing.
It's where your legs are and thehigher up you can get your legs.
Like also, a lot of the moves ina lot of the moves involve
tucking someone's head directlyinto your crotch, which I think
might be uncomfortable for somepeople.
Yeah, I dunno.
I was like, maybe that's why thedudes don't wanna roll with you.
(09:15):
Or maybe that's why you
Sarah (09:16):
shouldn't wanna roll with the dudes.
I don't.
What do they look like?
I don't know.
Becca (09:20):
That was my thought of maybe, you know, maybe this is a
good thing.
Maybe it works both sides.
I mean,
Chris (09:28):
here's what I will tell you about, uh, jujitsu in sexy
time.
Like never add jiujitsu class.
Am I thinking about sexy time?
Like, never ever, ever, ever.
'cause mostly I'm trying not todie.
Like, so there's no, like,
it's not like Ryan Gosling.
I, that's who comes to mind.
I don't dunno why this morningthat's, he's gonna be my crush,
but Oh, if Ryan Gosling
Becca (09:47):
was teaching Jiujitsu, I would've, I would've signed up
already.
I, that class would've been his,that class would be crazy.
The head to crotch action wouldbe out of control.
Like, and you put your head right there, sir, for
context, it's 7:36 AM Yes, 6:00AM And we're talking about
(10:11):
heading projections.
Sarah (10:13):
And when it comes to Ryan Gosling, I don't think it's ever
too early to talk about head tocrotch action.
That's a very fair point.
Chris (10:19):
I think we've gone off target.
So at the gym, I'm never like,oh, like when someone
demonstrates a move, I'm like,why is, why is your face so
tight to his penis?
Like, I don't Hmm.
Like it has to be right here.
Yeah.
Is that a potato?
Right.
You're trying to like wrap yourlegs around their neck so you
can choke them with your legs.
(10:40):
But like, you know, if I were toengage in sexy time, like I
would be like, I bet if I put mylegs here, I could choke David
out.
Like, like it goes that way.
Just a headbutt.
Um, I'm gonna have to time outagain.
I have to tell one of thesekids, take the dog out.
'cause they
can't figure it out.
Okay.
Becca and I will talk amongstourselves, but that's the,
(11:01):
that's the case.
Like, it's, it's definitely aone way, a one way street.
Like never ever on the mat am Ilike.
Nice.
And all the guys are like,they're at 20 to 30 and they all
look the fucking same.
Like they all have a beard.
Mm.
They all look like 20 to 30 year olds.
They beards.
I thought they just hadmustaches.
(11:21):
No, no.
Some of them have a beard likeBecca Wright.
Like that's a, that's a beardage kind of thing.
Bearded men.
Becca (11:27):
Yeah.
People.
I was gonna say, I have friendsthat have beards, I have friends
that have mustaches, goatees,God bless you.
The whole lot of
Chris (11:34):
it, right.
There's a lot of facial hair forthese guys and they, they look
like the, the carbon copies ofeach other.
Like you can tell thedifference.
And I can tell Aion fromO'Brien, but I mean, it's all
kind of a glossy Nah, like,unless you're riding the
gosling.
(11:54):
I feel like you could uh, youcould use the, uh, the head to
crotch thing as a defensemechanism though.
Like, can't you like head buttthe crotch?
You're sure.
Hey, I see
your penis.
Just a little tag with aforehead.
Rights are nuts.
Foreheads really
Sarah (12:14):
hard
Chris (12:14):
compared, like, I, I'm assuming they're wearing a cup.
I don't really like, I don'tknow.
But I would, I would.
And uh, what my friend Angietold me the last time was, if
you get in a position and youcan stick your knee into
somebody's butt hole, that's,that's a good move.
Ooh.
I wanna know whose butt hole isfitting your knee in it, first
(12:35):
of all.
I mean, there's, they're, they're modern kids.
I mean, they're not as afraid ofthe butt hole as we are.
Mm-hmm.
This has going, this is gonesideways,
Sarah (12:45):
hasn't it?
That, and
I like when you said knee andthe butt hole finger.
Your butts are your finger.
Your finger.
Because, and you know what Ithink of, I just think of the
jigs story about jigs and thelittle girl trying to put a
finger in jigs butt hole.
Chris (12:59):
That's, that's what I think of too.
She, and actually what she saidwasn't butthole, but she was
knee and butt crack.
And I'm assuming that you go forthe tender parts.
But which would be the butthole
if anybody's talking about buttcrack.
I, I think butt hole is waybetter to talk about.
I'll let Angie know.
Okay, next time it's okay totalk about being somebody in the
(13:20):
butthole.
Cool.
I was like, how does that workthough?
Like what do I do then?
Like, which is always my b jjquestion.
What do I do then?
And generally like, isn't iteverybody's
b jj question.
What,
what?
What do I do
now?
(13:45):
If you guys aren't watching thison YouTube, you're missing it.
It's alright.
That's enough.
That's enough.
She like
Sarah (13:51):
gagged a little.
Chris (13:52):
That's enough.
What do I do now?
Right.
So that's how, that's how that'sgoing.
So that's my, that's how.
Nice.
Hey, there's a lot of, are youwatching TV at your house,
Sarah?
Yeah,
I could hear it.
You just now figured out.
(14:13):
You could hear it.
We've been talking for 30, 40minutes.
All right, fine.
Um, Becca, what's going on withyou?
How's the job search?
Do you wanna talk about it?
Are you upset?
Okay.
Alright.
Still,
Becca (14:26):
still.
I ga I gave an, I gave anawkward constipated, uh, kind of
a look.
Um, it's going, there's a lot ofpromising positions that my mom
found, which is very exciting,which sounds very silly, but
she'll send me job applications,just like if she sees one or if
she's, she'll just look, that'skind silly.
And she'll just send me them andI'll be like, oh, thank you so
(14:47):
much.
But there's one that she sent methat's for a dealership that's
like creating a content forthem.
So that would be very, verycool.
So I could just get to filmreally expensive cars all day,
which would be very, very cool.
Sarah (14:58):
That's awesome.
Becca (14:59):
Not gonna say the brand, but fingers crossed.
Fingers crossed.
That's, I
Sarah (15:02):
like
Becca (15:02):
that.
Yeah,
Sarah (15:03):
that's
Becca (15:04):
fine.
Other than that, yeah, I'mmoving back home.
Um, for those of you who don'tknow, I just graduated college,
uh, and I'm moving out of mycollege town the 31st, so
that'll be exciting.
I'm excited to go home, but IAre you, are you sad though?
I'm, I'm gonna be, I'm very sad,but I'm also.
(15:24):
I'm looking, I'm looking forwardto just living with four people
instead of like seven or 33.
Like it's, that's cool.
I mean that, that will be veryexciting.
But,
Chris (15:36):
and two of those people are grownups, so they like
respect boundaries and don't goto bed.
They go to bed at eight 15.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
I don't see Tom respectingboundaries.
I just don't, I don't know why Ijust,
Becca (15:53):
I was talking about Maggie.
He's very jokes.
I was gonna say, he jokes very,he jokes like in a pick, like
he, he will pick on you, butlike he won't.
But if I'm like in the mood andI'll be like, sir, please, like,
I can't, sir.
Please, today is not the day nowto pick on me.
He'll go,
not right now.
I love you.
(16:13):
He'll go Alright.
Because I think he sees thetears in my eyes when I go,
please.
And I just stare.
And I'm like, please, and I havea glassy stare.
He's like, it makes sense.
It's like, all right, but that's, that's all that's been
going on with me so crazy.
I wish
I could pay you.
'cause I'm working on a lot ofcontent right now, and it sucks
(16:36):
and I suck at it.
Like I, I tried to record avideo myself and there's a
reason why there no videos havecome out of me and my coaching
business yet because I can't,like, I literally, the last,
it's also awkward.
Well, the last one I recordedwas like, listen, I've recorded
(16:58):
this 17,000 fucking times andit's fucking stupid.
Just let me code you.
Fuck it.
That's awesome.
And then I decided, I justwasn't, I was like, fuck it, I'm
just gonna do voiceovers for nowuntil I can figure out what to
do.
And then I, I ordered this thingtoo to hold my phone and this
thing that.
(17:19):
It suction cups to things exceptfor it doesn't.
I got the cheap one'cause that'show, that's me.
And, um, it doesn't suctionreally well all the time.
So Really it has just turnedinto my phone holder just at my
desk.
Who, so, so that's, yeah, that'sthat.
(17:41):
I don't, I don't know what, Idon't know what I'm doing.
Um, so yeah.
Anyway, maybe one day I'll beable to pay you money to make
content for me.
Do it for free.
Always.
Okay.
Stop it then.
Chris (17:54):
Stop doing that.
I mean, do it for Sarah, butdon't do it for anybody else.
Becca (17:59):
Correct.
Friends
Chris (18:00):
and
Becca (18:01):
family discount.
But what I could use are justsome ideas of shit to do, like
put together.
Um, yeah.
'cause I don't, I mean, on theartsy side of it, like the
canvas side of it, I'm gettingpretty good at that.
But it's the video shit, andthat's really where I need to
start working anyway.
Chris (18:20):
What are you using on your skin?
Because your skin looks amazing.
Yeah, my skin, yeah.
I am using
some Estee Lauder Cleansomething.
Oh, it comes in a pink thing andsmells good.
And that's followed by the facecream shit I got from the soap
place.
The Simply You.
Is that what it is?
(18:40):
Simply you?
Oh, simply yes.
I
think, wait, hold on.
Uh, no, it's not on that candle.
Sorry.
Oh no.
Sarah (18:50):
Simply the Elizabeth Soap place, Stephanie's business.
I can't think of the name of it.
I think it is simply You.
Chris (18:57):
You simply, simply, simply Safe.
No, they don't sponsor useither, even though they sponsor
every podcast ever.
Hi macho.
Hi.
Wow.
The typing is also aggressive.
Fuck off.
Alright, go ahead, we move on.
Tell us more about your pop.
(19:19):
Tell us more about Pop.
No, I'm good.
Let's move on.
Alright.
Are you sure you don't wannatalk about what you're doing?
Yeah.
Alright, awesome.
We have a quick gaster story ofthe week.
Actually, I have, I have two, soI'll just share them really
quick.
The, and I wanna talk about thetime.
My best friend in high school,Jenny s Jenny s was in a foreign
(19:43):
exchange program, so she went toFinland over the summer.
So she, she left the country.
I wouldn't even leave thetownship.
And Jenny was like, it's cool,I'm just gonna go to Finland
where I don't speak the languageand live with a family that
doesn't speak English that greatand I'm gonna spend three
months.
(20:04):
I spent that three months atBeauty Pool.
For those of you familiar withthe Elizabeth area, that's the
Buena Vista?
Mm-hmm.
Or as we say, uni Buena Vista.
My boyfriend at the time workedas a lifeguard at the pool.
So Jenny was in Finland learningnew cultures and how to eat like
a shit ton of fish.
(20:24):
And I was at a uni pool and Iwould go and visit him, but I
wouldn't go in the pool.
I would just sit by him becauseI didn't want anyone to see me
in my bathing suit.
So I would just, it wasn't likeI was at the pool like laying
out.
I was just sitting behind thelifeguard stand like this
quiet.
I would go there and eat pizza'cause I love their pizza and I
(20:46):
can't remember if it wasTotino's Pizza or like what kind
of pizza it was, but that'sliterally the only, like I know
I got in that pool.
I know I went with friends.
I know there was other shit thathappened there.
But literally the only thingthat is still in my brain is the
pizza.
There was somebody's mom, somebody's mom that, that we
(21:07):
knew was a younger mom and wasreally, really attractive.
Like maybe not so much face, butshe showed up in a string bikini
one day and everyone wentfucking ballistic.
It was like, Stacey Stacey's momonly in real life.
I was like, can you guys maybenot ogle the mom?
They're like, I don't know.
(21:28):
But I, and I forget who the, shehad a daughter, but I can't
remember who it was, but theywere like, we're gonna have to
be better friends with her.
I'm like, you guys aredisgusting pigs.
Absolute pigs.
But I mean, there were no, andthere were no hot dads because
there just weren't.
Anyway, so that, uh, my gastrostory of the week is about how
(21:51):
we, um.
Jenny's mom gave, uh, me and acouple of our other friends
money and said, go to the storeand put together a welcome home
party for your best friendJenny, who's been in Finland for
the summer.
So we did that, and when wewalked into the party supply
store, we were immediately metwith a luau theme.
(22:14):
So for Jenny's coming homeparty, we put together a luau
theme, welcome home party withpineapples and hula skirts and
plastic lays.
And we had it at my housebecause I had the pool table.
Nobody was drinking except forour dad.
Uh, and then Jenny comes in.
She's very surprised by theparty and very surprised by the
(22:36):
Hawaiian theme of the party.
Yeah.
And we were like, it was thebest.
Like we bought all thesedecorations and they were
amazing.
We had like a blow up palm tree.
I think we used thosedecorations then to like, later
in the summer, or earlier in thesummer.
Anyway, so Jenny is surprised bythe theme and at some point our
(22:56):
dad, uh, drinks, drinks beer anduh, shoots pool with us.
And then he, he wants toquestion Jenny about her
experience.
So he's like, Hey, did you, didyou learn any chainsaw jokes in
Finland?
And everyone looked at him thesame way.
Becca is looking at us rightnow, like sort of confused, like
trying to be a little bit politelike jumbo.
(23:20):
We don't know what you mean bychainsaw jokes.
It turns out that there's a,it's very wooded in Finland, and
what Jumbo was doing was makingsort of a, a cultural reference
Yeah.
To the local people, but nobodygot it.
And then.
The rest, uh, the rest of thetime where we were friends with
each other, we would ask eachother, like when we went away
(23:42):
and came back if we had learnedany chainsaw jokes.
So I would like to thank Jumbofor giving me and my tiny group
of friends the ability to, toreference that coming home
party, the Hawaiian themedcoming home party, and ask each
other, like when we hadn't seeneach other as a greeting.
Hey, while you were there, didyou learn any chainsaw jokes?
(24:03):
So when Jenny went away to BrynMawr, I was like, Hey, at Bryn
Mawr, if you learn any chainsawjokes, will you send them on to
me so that I will also knowthem?
So that's my gaster story of theweek.
Like why chainsaw jokes?
I
feel like chainsaws
go with the, uh, Hawaiian themetoo.
It's, it's perfect,
(24:23):
right?
Like, like it all, it all kindof rolled together.
I was like, nobody.
It all makes
sense.
All makes sense.
Anything about Finland?
Nobody knows anything aboutFinland when I Except your dad.
I think
Becca (24:33):
because when I think about Finland, in Hawaii, my
first go-to is a chainsaw.
Chris (24:37):
Yeah, right.
This is the connective tissuebetween these two.
Absolutely.
Becca (24:41):
Also Nash that your cannot get out of my door, so I
have to go crack it for him.
He's sitting on my left now, buthe could.
Oh Nash.
He could not fit your Hi puppy.
Meow.
Meow.
Nevermind Then.
Who's a kitty?
I get in here.
Just kidding.
He does climb on top offurniture and stuff like that.
Like he'll climb on the top ofour couch.
He'll also climb on top of ourtables and coffee chairs.
(25:03):
Coffee chairs, coffee.
He's
kind of like a cat then He is.
Chris (25:05):
Coffee chairs.
I wish I had a coffee chair alsoreally quickly.
Um, the Dragon book is justmaking me mad now.
Like I'm just, I might, I mightbe too old.
Like I know these aren't booksfor children, but I'm like, you
know what?
I'm so tired of people.
How are there people like the,I'm on like the fourth one now.
Sarah (25:29):
Okay.
Chris (25:30):
Oh my God, there's
Sarah (25:31):
four.
Chris (25:33):
Uh, no, I'm on the third one.
The, but are we still talkingabout this one?
The fourth war?
The fourth one.
Fourth wing, yeah.
Yeah.
Like I read, I read the firstone very unopened.
Rebecca Yaros.
Becca (25:44):
Yes.
Love it.
Chris (25:46):
I mean, I'm still enjoying it.
And there's, there's elementsnow that are more epic fantasy,
but that the second book wasmostly about, um, them liking
each other but not having thepatience for relationship.
And I'm like, you know,nothing's gonna be perfect.
You two.
Like, I feel like I wanna betheir marriage counselor, and
that's really not what the bookis for.
(26:07):
Like, I'm like, why don't youjust be honest with her?
Why don't you just be honestwith him?
Why, why won't you just talk toyour friends about what's wrong?
Like, I don't have the patiencemaybe.
Becca (26:19):
I don't have the patience.
That's real.
I also feel like when it comesto books nowadays, the
protagonists are not meantnecessarily to be more silly
about their decisions, if thatmakes sense.
But I feel as though I'mconfused most of the time now
when I read books, because I'mlike, why did the protagonist do
that?
Why did the protagonist do this?
(26:41):
So I feel like there's a lot ofquestionable decisions made.
And that's not talking aboutFourth Wing.
I've not, I've not read it, but
Chris (26:50):
I, I mean I'm gonna keep going'cause it really did make
me smile today.
Like everyone is more real inthese than maybe salmon Frodo.
And maybe that's the part that Idon't enjoy as much is like, I
would like, I would like you tobe a pretend thing in my book.
I would like you to be a thingthat I would like you to have
furry feet.
I would like you not necessarilyfurry, I would like you to have
(27:13):
a a, a, a dead set.
A hundred percent moral compass.
And you should be better thanme, is what I'm thinking.
Like, again, this is how we'regonna segue into the, the mental
health part of it.
Like when I read books when Iwas younger, like this is part
of what shaped my character,like Sam and Frodo leaving the
(27:36):
comfort of the Shire and headingout to fight, uh, the ultimate
bad guy that even Gandalf can'tdefeat.
And Sam and Frodo are like, it'scool.
We got it.
And uh, even though they havethe absolutely no hope of
succeeding and they're just ahundred percent comfortable in
their little hobbit holes, theyhead out and uh, and try to do
great things.
(27:57):
And that's inspiring.
Uh, and, and they never waverexcept at the very end when I'm
not gonna, I'm not gonna sayspoilers because this has been a
book since like the thirties.
So, yeah, I
don't think you're gonna spoilit too much.
Like, except
when, when Fredo waivers at the end and Sam has to, has
to do the stuff that needs toget done.
(28:18):
I mean, like, these are goodguys and these are bad guys.
I kind of miss an epic fantasywhere the simplicity of it just
pushes right decisions and I getannoyed when, when it looks more
like real life.
Oh, everyone has a dog.
(28:38):
Hi macho.
Hi puppy.
Macho makes an
appearance.
Who is a kitty?
I'm
not sure.
He went outside.
I'm not sure if he went to thebathroom.
I'm not sure what's going on.
It's okay.
He smells good'cause he gotgroomed, huh?
And he is going to the vettoday.
Oh, this poor dog, this poor kitty.
(29:00):
Anyway, so back to, to the, theself-help part of our podcast.
These were my self-help books.
Like these are the things thattaught me how to be a better
person.
These are the ones where I waslike, that princess is kind of a
bitch, but also really strongand really able to, you know,
move the, move the questforward.
(29:21):
So I could also be kind of abitch.
I won't be because it's not inmy nature, but I could also be
like that and be strong and helpmove the quest forward and not
be just a waste of space, eventhough I'm just a girl.
Like these were my self-helpbooks when I was growing up and
when I got old enough to likewiggle my way into the self-help
(29:42):
section.
There were so many and so manythings I could diagnose myself
with.
Think we talked about this onthe last podcast, right?
Uh, maybe one of the interviewswhere we could spend hours in
Barnes and Noble, just readingand self diagnosing.
So, um, I wanna talk a littlebit about how, how much is too
(30:04):
much?
Like how much is too much andhow much is where do we, where
do we cross the line betweenself-help and magic?
And where are you expectingthings to happen without putting
in the work?
I think is the, the place where,where I wanna get to.
So, Becca, you and I chattedabout this a little earlier and
(30:25):
you did some research bychatting with your generation of
friends, and I am curious abouthow the self-help experience
differences between thegenerations.
Like Sarah and I would wanderaround Barnes and Noble.
I think at some point in somecollege class, someone gave me a
book called What Color Is YourParachute?
(30:46):
And I was like, oh my God, thisis gonna solve.
Every problem that I havebecause it was mostly about
figuring out what you wanna bewhen you grow up.
And I was like, this is it.
This is the only book I'm evergoing to need.
I brought it home and gave it toSarah and then fucked around for
the next six years.
Not doing anything with my life,like pretending to, uh, work in
(31:06):
an office, going to graduateschool, like not getting my life
together at all and ignoringevery piece of advice that was
in that book, just like we endedup doing with most of the
self-help, uh, tomes that we'veread.
But I'm kind of interested inhow Well, except for Sarah,
Sarah really took shit to heartand changed her life.
Um, I'm curious though, likethat can't be the, the younger
(31:30):
generation's experience.
'cause I feel like you can justwatch a bunch of tiktoks now and
it's sort of the same thing.
Becca (31:36):
So I was gonna say that is something called like when
you sit there and you justscroll on your phone for like
hours on end, it's a thingcalled doom scrolling.
Some people.
Use that as self-help.
I'm trying to be a lot betterabout it.
I've been bad.
So now I have a screen time.
I put a screen time for myselfon my phone to help with that.
(31:58):
But a lot of people at my housethat I live with, we were
talking about it kind of as adiscussion and one of my friends
brought up that all of the mediathey watch or that they really
engage with when it comes tolike literature or TV shows or
films or just animations,anything, it's always a
character being like going aboveand beating something.
(32:21):
So it's like it's always themovercoming a challenge or like
going on a journey of sortswhere it's like you get Quest,
all this character development.
Yes.
A quest where you get all thisgrand character development and
you continue on.
So I just thought that wasinteresting that you also
connected with that.
But self-help today, I feel likeoverall is a genuinely like
(32:43):
positive rep.
Like, um.
A few of my roommates journal,so when they go onto their
therapist, like call,'cause someof them do like virtual ones,
they'll have their journal outand so during the week it is
self-help because it helps themget it out, but then they can
actually apply it in that way.
But I was gonna say,'cause wewere also talking about self
(33:07):
diagnosing, and I did not thinkabout this, but one of my, one
of my roommates brought up thefact that some people
self-diagnose because they can'tafford to actually be diagnosed
as some diagnoses can affectyour everyday life.
(33:28):
It can affect your, it canaffect your eligibility for life
for like a license.
It could affect yourmedications.
Like, it can affect like yourdisability status, like.
So just also something random toput out there.
'cause that was also sad, butit's, it, it was very
interesting'cause I was like, Ican't wait to go to the podcast
and talk about this.
(33:48):
So overall, generally, like alot of girls in the house read
books.
I love, I love my, I love mysmart books.
I do.
That's really, that's, I wasgonna say I used that for
self-help.
Sarah mentioned a little bitbefore we started recording
about how it was music for her.
I think it's music for, for metoo, very, very deeply.
Like I, it's insane.
(34:09):
I love going down rabbit holesand Spotify just feeding me new
music that I've never heardbefore.
It's, it's the greatest thing.
That's how I like to escape andthat's how I view self.
I use that as self-help, as Ihear other people's stories and
experiences and it makes merealize what I need to be
grateful for.
(34:30):
Versus something that I lookedkind of down upon when it could
kind of be glorified in a wayversus in a song.
I don't know.
Now I'm just rambling.
But, but no, it all makes sense.
Feel I, I, I've splurged.
So
Chris (34:44):
the rambling, the rambling is where you get the
good nuggets, like, trust us.
Like, have you not listened toour podcast?
I'm curious.
It's weird because you edit it.
Yeah.
Actually, no, I'm suspiciousabout how much editing is
actually happening if you're notlistening to me ramble on for,
oh, no hours, but hours.
(35:06):
But yeah, I, I mean, I thinkthat, you know, looking at what,
at what we call self-help andlooking at, you know, actually
taking the lessons and applyingthem, like Sarah said it a
thousand times.
Like that shit's hard.
Like, and part of, I think what,what we picked up on is that
that hard is the, is the thingthat makes the self-help.
(35:30):
Help.
Do you know, do you guys knowwhat I'm talking about?
Chris (2) (35:32):
Mm-hmm.
Chris (35:34):
Like the, the hard stuff.
When you get down to doing thehard stuff, when you get down to
defining what your values areand making decisions in your
life that align with thosevalues, when you get down to
doing that work, that takeseffort and energy and oftentimes
easier just to go and be like,I'm just gonna check another
book.
(35:54):
I'm gonna, that one was good,but I think maybe it'll be
better if I just look at sixmore books and then find one
that maybe gives me some magicalthing to, to glom onto.
And I think that's where a lotof the toxic self-help comes in,
right?
Like the toxic self-help islike, Hey, I have a shortcut,
or, Hey, I have this thing whereyou can just, you can just
(36:16):
manifest a, a thing.
And the, the part aboutmanifesting the thing is that.
If you want, the thing like theundercurrent of the one book
that we were reading is like, ohyeah, you can change the physics
of, of whatever it is.
But the undercurrent of that isyou also have to understand what
you're trying to change and youalso have to take the steps to,
(36:38):
to change it.
And yeah, I can manifest it, uh,week long journey in Italy, but
I also have to do things thatwill get me to that week long
trip in, in Germany or Italy orwhatever it was that guy's
daughter did.
Just by, you know, praying aboutit really hard and having a
really rich dad like you.
Eventually you have to do thework and you can gloss over the
(37:00):
top of it with manifesting andyou can gloss over the top of it
with, you know, whatever kind oftrick or magic or thing that is
gonna get you there.
But the important part of theself-help is.
Doing the, doing the actualwork.
And I mean, I think Sarah willtell you that the work is hard
(37:21):
and the work is valuable.
And the work is the thing thatmoves you from point A to point
B.
I am working on the work andit's way harder than I thought.
Like I always think that I knowmore than everybody because
that's just who I am as aperson.
And I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah,the work is hard.
(37:41):
The work is, I've already donethe work.
I already know my values.
I already align my actions withmy values and no I don't.
No, I don't.
Like this whole year has been ina lesson so far and how I don't,
and it has been interesting tokind of break that apart.
And, and not, and not in anysort of like self helpy kind of
(38:05):
way, like in a therapy kind ofway.
Like to, to sit with the, thedarling Emily and, and talk
through some of this stuff.
Like, she's like, well, what areyour values?
What do you value?
And I'm like, candy squirrelsare cute.
She's like, okay, now beserious.
And I'm like, I'm trying to beserious.
I don't know.
(38:25):
Like, I don't know what myvalues are.
I know what they think theyshould be, and I know what
answer you wanna hear, and I'llgive you that answer.
But is that the thing that goesdeeper into who I am as a
person?
Like I am fan fucking tastic attelling you what you wanna hear,
but is it.
The real answer.
(38:45):
And it's taking a, it's taking aconsiderable amount of time and
effort to get to what that realanswer is for me.
And it hasn't been because ofany one particular book.
It's just been that common themeof all of these books and
understanding that there isn't,there isn't a magic thing, there
isn't a, there isn't a solutionother than looking really deep.
(39:09):
And that's a lot of work.
So that's what I got for youguys is that that sort of toxic
self-help is the thing thatwhispers in your heads that you
can take a shortcut in.
Sarah, I know that you've been,you've been, uh, you've been
vibing.
If I can use one of Becca'sterms with Mark Manson, you guys
have been, uh, you guys havebeen, uh, you know, sharing a
(39:31):
moment.
Well, I mean, I've been sharinga moment
Becca (39:34):
holding space.
Yeah, I mean
Mark, mark Manson knows you.
He said your name.
Yeah, he said my name on a q anda for sure.
Absolutely.
Tell us about it.
Um, I mean, I'll get to that.
I just to kind of build on whatyou guys were saying, uh, I
think one of the problems rightnow with self-help is that there
are so many different optionsand that we tend to get lost in
(39:56):
everything.
And we don't take the action.
We just keep reading andexpecting something to happen.
That kind of goes into thinkingwe're manifesting something.
And I think the best thing tobattle toxic self-help is one
step at a time.
Just one little thing at a time,because we get overwhelmed when
we're.
Overfilling our brains with allof the suggestions and just
(40:19):
slowing down and doing onething.
Hi buddy.
Chris (40:22):
Hi.
The, the dog is licking theheadphones and snuggling with my
sister.
Like, like it's his job.
He knows his values.
He doesn't need any self-help atall.
He is like, my purpose is tocuddle you.
Yes, very much.
But I, I mean, I think we talkedabout it.
I think at the beginning of allof this, when we were reading
the Subtle Art, I kept saying, Ijust want somebody to tell me
(40:45):
what to do.
I just want someone to tell mewhat to do.
And I, it wasn't so much that Ineeded someone to tell me what
to do, it's that I neededsomeone to push me to do it,
which is what I got out ofworking with Michelle and what
I'm getting out of working withMark Manson's community.
Um, I check in with myaccountability group every day.
(41:05):
We're putting shit out therewhen we're having tough days,
we're, you know, behind eachother and.
As lame as it sounds, liftingeach other up and reminding each
other of why we're part of thecommunity.
And that's, that in and ofitself is kind of life changing.
Um, but ultimately the workneeds to be done.
(41:26):
And if you're struggling findingyour values, head over to plan
over panic.com and go tofreebies.
And I get my starting withvalues guide.
I could get it for free.
Yeah, I, I, I put out my firstfreebie last week, so you can
head over there and get that,but it's hard.
I mean, you can download thatguide.
(41:47):
You could read every fuckingbook.
If you're not really gonna dig,if you're not really gonna let
yourself be vulnerable to that,then it's not gonna help and
you're not ready.
And you have to be disgustinglyhonest with yourself.
And there's a lot of values youcould choose from.
There's a lot of shit out there.
Anyway, so I did ask my friendMark about toxic self-help and
(42:08):
uh, he brought up something thatI actually didn't even think of,
I guess a lot now, there's apart of the self-help a lot of
people are talking about is justimmediately cutting people out
of your life to make your lifebetter.
And when I say immediately cutout people from their life, I
mean, they smell at you wrong,fuck you, I'm done.
(42:32):
You're not helping me make mylife better.
So I'm not dealing with you.
And I think I, I agree withMark, with what Mark Manson had
to say.
Like, I don't know about that.
It's, you might wanna givepeople a second chance.
I mean, I feel like if someonewrongs you and you immediately
write them off, they probablyweren't meant to just be in your
life.
You probably don't really likethem that much.
(42:53):
You probably don't have a greatrelationship with'em to start
with.
So, um, I think that's a shittyway to look at things.
Yeah.
I mean, maybe after like thethird time they fuck you over
royalty, then maybe you can belike, all right, nevermind, you
know, write them off.
But, uh, it's one of the partsof toxic self-help that seems to
be taking off lately is justthrowing people out.
Becca (43:17):
And, uh, oh, sorry.
Keep talking.
I apologize.
No, I was just gonna say, Imean, part of digging deep into
our values and deciding whatwe're about is there's a lot of
relationship work in there too.
Um, so recognizing these thingsin yourself and others and kind
of goes against that.
(43:38):
If you're just looking at othersand being like.
Later.
And then the only other thing Ihad, we started talking about
manifestation and the d Lulu isthe ulu is something that I've
learned about recently.
I, I guess it's been out therefor a while.
'cause I believe it was coveredon a repeat of the Tamron Hall
Show, um, from like way earlierthis year.
(44:00):
But I was like the d Lulu, what?
What the fuck are you talkingabout?
But Christina, what I was gonnasay is exactly what you already
said.
Yeah.
We can sit here and we couldtalk about it.
I mean, I think that myirritation with manifestation
started with the last book thatwe tried to read because it
just, there was just so much inmy mind just screaming bullshit
throughout the whole entirefucking thing.
(44:22):
And that's kind of where my mindis on, uh, manifestation.
Uh, you can go ahead and sayit's manifestation.
Yeah.
I thought about it, I keptthinking about it.
And that's great to have what Ilike to refer to as positive
vibes and positive thinking andreinforcing in your brain that
this is something you can do.
This is something you're meantto be like, I'm a coach, I am a
(44:43):
coach and I am a coach, and Iwill be a good coach.
And, but.
I'm putting a lot of fuckingwork into it.
That's nothing is coming out ofthis just because I'm sitting
here at night going, I'm a goodcoach.
I'm a good coach.
I can be a good coach.
I'm gonna be, no, I'm fuckingdoing the work.
And I don't, I don't believethat more times than not,
(45:07):
someone's just sitting therethinking about something and it
fucking happens.
Like I feel like every, I mean,you know, every result is coming
from some sort of action and deLulu, which for those of you who
don't understand,'cause I don'tthink I understood first like,
but it's delusion.
Delusion is the solution.
(45:27):
How fucked up is that?
Just that statement in and ofitself.
Like I feel like delusion iskind of a negative.
Chris (45:37):
So I, it reminds me of a story in, it might be the Subtle
art, but it might be AtomicHabits, where he was like, I
wanted to be a rock star.
Oh, it's subtle art.
He's like, yeah, I wanted to bea rock star.
Mm-hmm.
And he is like, I didn't, uh, Ididn't want to work on being a
rock star.
I just wanted to be a rockstar.
Chris (2) (45:58):
Mm-hmm.
Chris (45:58):
And I'm like, I think that's the same thing.
Like the, the delusion of whatmy life is gonna be like when
I'm a rockstar is, uh, isamazing, right?
Like, I'll sit here and thinkabout how cool that'll be.
Like if you weren't putting inthe work to like do, do coaching
and make, make your endeavorsuccessful, and you were just
(46:21):
sitting around going, it's gonnabe so cool one day when this is
my job.
And when you're taking steps tomake it your job, and that's the
action part of it is the partthat you have to love.
Like, and I'm not saying youhave to.
You have to be so enamored withthe work, but you have to enjoy
the work, and you have to wantto do the work, and you have to
(46:43):
be motivated to do the workthat's gonna get you there.
It goes back
to, I mean, it goes back toanother Mark Manson thing.
Like, work is hard and work isnot always fun and work is gonna
cause some pain, but we need,everything in life is gonna have
some pain and we need to decidewhat pain is worth it.
Chris (2) (47:00):
Right?
Um, what pain is going to havethe best result for us and the
people around us.
And that's where that's, that'swhere things get hard.
And that's the misconception, isthat people think that
everything's supposed to bebright and cheery and rainbows
and butterflies all the time.
And that's not how it's gonnabe.
The best we can do for ourselvesis make it.
(47:22):
Good most of the time.
But there's still gonna be thatsuffering that we all have to
endure to get tho those goodparts.
And unless you're ready toaccept that, you're constantly
gonna be in that loop and thatnegative loop of life and you're
not, it's so hard to get out ofthat once you start.
And one last thing I have to sayabout self-help is that.
(47:46):
It's not just while you'rereading a book.
It's not just while you'rereading a guide to find your
values.
It's not just me looking over atthis, what's it called?
Post-it notes that has my listof values on it.
Like it's a constant thingbecause we're constantly having
thoughts go through our brains.
Like I, I don't know thestatistic, but there's a
bazillion trillion of them, andmost of them are useless because
(48:09):
they're about shit that's nevereven happened.
And that's, that's me, that'swhat I struggle with.
But right now we're working onemotional regulation and that's,
that's something that you,you're constantly having
emotions go through your body.
Thoughts are emotions comingout, like, I mean, emotions are
your thoughts coming out and um,you have to be aware of that
(48:29):
and.
That part's hard, being able tostop yourself.
Um, and Christine, I know we'vesaid it a lot, but it's really,
really coming into life in thelast few months for me, is that
just fucking taking a second andstopping what's about to come
outta your mouth and taking onedeep breath can give you so much
perspective.
(48:50):
It might space, it might,because, you know, like a, a
year and a half ago I would'vesaid bullshit to that, but it's
so true.
But again, that sounds sosimple.
Just take a breath.
It's super simple.
Sarah (49:05):
Great, but it's not
because if you're not taking itin the right mind space, like I
could be sitting here losing myshit and be like, okay, I just
need to take a breath.
And as I'm taking the breath,I'm still thinking about how
Stacey's mom is a dick.
Like, I need to let that go fora second and think about why.
(49:25):
Why do I think Stacey's mom's adick?
Breathe?
Oh, well that's a ridiculousthought.
So let's move on.
Right.
I will take that one and just,
Chris (49:36):
just, yeah.
So go, go over there thought.
Thank you.
But it's a constant, it's aconstant practice.
It's not something that you'rejust working on while you're in
a book.
It's not something that you'rejust working on while you're
watching a video.
It's a constant awareness thatyou need to have, and nobody's
perfect.
Like there's plenty of timesthat, I mean, we're all still
(50:00):
losing our shit at some point,but the biggest thing of that is
when I.
Me personally, when I lose myshit, I try to go back to him
and be like, okay, what didn't Ido?
What could I have donedifferently?
And just trying to be betterfrom every situation that we,
that we move on.
Sorry.
The whole point is it's not justa book, it's not just a guide,
(50:22):
right?
You need to live it.
Start with a book.
That's a great place to start,but don't move on to the next
book until you really did thework in the first book.
But the books are so fun to read, and they are, they're,
they're lovely distraction.
They are.
Oh, oh look, yes.
That book was hard.
That's a lot of hard things inthis book.
(50:44):
Oh, but 90% of the self.
When we started Self-Help wasn'tnew.
I have a shit ton of right.
I have a shelf of them ofself-help stuff, but the
difference between what I'vedone over the last year and a
half to what I was doing beforethat is I was reading the book
and being like, wow, that soundssuper awesome.
Wow, that's great.
(51:04):
Back on the bookshelf, neverthought about it again, about,
I've read the Subtle Art of Not Giving a fuck four times
before we did this podcastbecause I was like, there's
something there.
There's something there.
And every time I was reading it,I was like, I should take notes
or something instead of justlike going through here as
(51:24):
quickly as I possibly can inorder to consume the words.
I'm like, I like what this dudeis saying.
Um, yeah, no, I totally have allof my values straight.
Like I know what's worth it andwhat isn't.
And I found like the second timeI read it, I was like, wait a
minute, why do I feel differentabout this part than I did the
last time I read it?
And then the third time I waslike, why do I feel different
(51:46):
now?
And it was because my valuesthat I had front of mind that
like two, that my, uh, tinylittle P brain could glom onto
were different like the secondtime around and the third time
around, and then the fourth timearound, like I was like, oh, now
I see that until I get my shitstraight, this book is always
(52:09):
going to be directing me to dosomething slightly different
that I'm still not going to do.
And that's,
that's another part of it.
I'm gonna go onto, I guessmarketing, do it coaching,
because that's, that's.
A big deal.
It's a big deal, and that's whyit's worth the investment
because you have somebody who'sbehind you who's pushing you to
(52:30):
do the shit that you reallydon't want to do.
And why I wanna focus on youngadults is because your values
and your purpose changethroughout your life.
And if you learn how to dig deepto find the true value and find
the true purpose, when you're ata young age, you're gonna be so
(52:50):
much better set to deal with itwhen those start to change.
And that's, that's, to me, I,again, I wish I had that when I
was at that stage of lifebecause that's something that I
could have used.
Wanna interrupt for a second before this thought
skidders out of my brain?
The, the reason that MarkManson's book hit different each
(53:12):
time wasn't necessarily that myvalues had changed.
It was my headspace and myHeadspace.
Mm-hmm.
Wasn.
Deep enough to get to the pointof being a value.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like, it wasn't that my valueshad changed, it was just I was
thinking about different shit.
Like one time I was thinkingabout work and the next time I
(53:33):
was thinking about my marriageand the next time I was thinking
about, you know, my relationshipwith Olivia or my relationship
with other people in my, like Iwas just thinking about
different shit and I'd never gotto the point of understanding
the value that drove thatheadspace.
So I think, you know, a lot ofwhat you're talking about with
(53:55):
coaching and now I feel likeKanye West interrupting Taylor
Swift, I'm gonna let you getback to it.
Um, fuck
Kanye
West.
Was it Kanye West?
Was that who interrupted?
Taylor Swift.
I cognize.
Yeah, I dunno.
But
just the mention of his namemakes me wanna fucking throw up.
Great.
Anyway, I should think aboutthat.
You should, you should examine that.
Um, anyway, like the differencebetween a headspace and a value
(54:18):
is kind of the, the place whereself improvement and self-help
maybe does the most good.
Like there is a true differencebetween thinking about one
thing, being in a headspace andbeing thinking about a value.
So I will carry on.
I just wanted to throw it outthere that it wasn't that my
values were changing'cause Ididn't really know what they
(54:39):
were.
Like, just the shit I wasthinking about when I was
reading the book had changed.
Sarah (54:44):
Yeah,
Chris (54:45):
sorry.
Yeah, no, I, and that's it.
I'm pretty much done.
Like, that's, that's what I haveto say about self-help.
It can be whatever you make ofit.
Right.
And if you, unfortunately,there's so much of it that it
does become toxic because we'retrying to take in as much as we
can without doing the action.
And I personally think that'swhat makes it toxic is
(55:07):
overloading ourselves with abunch of shit we're not gonna do
anything with.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it gets down to, it getsdown to having that
understanding that the, the realgrowth happens through work.
The real growth happens throughquote unquote suffering.
There's a, there's a great quotein, uh, game of Thrones if we
can get back to epic fantasy,where the one character just
(55:29):
goes through a whole, whole lotof bad things.
And if I'm saying that in theGame of Thrones context, you can
imagine all of the bad thingslike.
She's, yeah, she, she goesthrough it and she comes out a,
a strong queen.
And the one guy that apologizes,he's like, if, you know, if you
would've stuck with me, if you,if you would've stayed with me,
(55:51):
none of that would've happened.
And she's like, right.
And then I would've been adelicate bird forever and not
the fierce warrior I am today.
And I was like, holy shit.
Santa's stark.
Yeah, you did go through a bitof it and look at you.
And I'm like, well, I mean, ifSansa can take that and come out
(56:12):
a queen, I could probably standto do a little bit of
self-reflection.
Like I'm not gonna get, like aton of bad things aren't going
to happen to me the same waythat they happen to her, but,
you know, a little bit ofsuffering and that, you know,
doing some hard work won't killme, but it will make me a better
person.
It will make me more happy.
(56:33):
And I don't think happy is theright word.
It will make me more contentwith what I.
Where I am and what I'm doing.
And I think that is the, that iswhere, at this point in my life,
I, I want to be, I want to becontent.
And I think on that note, andthis is the last thing I have,
'cause we're like, we're justabout up here, but, uh, we also
need to, to look at reality,right?
(56:55):
Reality, this is life.
And again, we're going tosuffer.
So even if you put in this work,like I've put in work and it's
done great things for my mentalwellbeing, but I also know that
things aren't gonna be perfectfrom here.
I'm still, I'm gonna cry.
Oh, sorry.
I'm still gonna get sadsometimes.
(57:15):
I'm still gonna have to dig myway out of it.
I'm still gonna be anxious andI'm gonna have to work myself
through that.
Like, there's still like,that's, that's part of the
suffering and.
I think it's also worthmentioning that we don't get,
wanna get stuck in a placewhere, oh my gosh, things are
really great for me now they'regonna be great forever.
Like that's not how it is.
Fuck up and there's macho toremind me.
(57:38):
Stop crying ya.
Dumb ass.
So that's it.
That's
all I have for today.
Chinese proverb is what I will leave us with.
Somebody told me it was aChinese proverb.
I don't know.
I'm not Chinese.
I think you could just sayChinese proverb in front of
anything and there you go.
I'm gonna get it tattooed on mein Chinese letters that I have
no idea how to read.
(57:58):
Yeah, nothing very, very good orvery, very bad.
Last very, very long.
Yeah.
So I mean, I think that isexactly it.
You have to be like, where Iwanna be is content to be able
to roll with the punches, right?
I wanna be content because Iwanna be like, oh, well that is
a shitty thing to have happen.
I will be able to deal with thatbecause I know inside that I am
(58:21):
able to float.
On the top of some of thesethings instead of getting sucked
down into them and really,really get stuck in there.
Does that make sense?
Mm-hmm.
So nothing very, very good orvery, very bad lasts very, very
long.
So,
Sarah (58:41):
yeah,
the good news is I've learned somany tools and built this pretty
little toolbox.
It's pink, it has pink hammer init.
Um, that's what it looks like inmy brain, but I've built this
toolbox that I didn't have twoyears ago, right?
So I know when shitty times comeupon me that I have the tools
to, to deal with it much betterthan I did two years ago.
Chris (59:02):
I mean, I, I think, I think I've gotten to the point
where I've stripped away all ofthe BS that used to be the, the.
Stuff for me.
So now I'm gonna cry.
Like, and I think that's the,that's the part that was the
hardest.
Like, I have my shit together.
I know exactly who I am, I knowmy values and looking at it and
(59:25):
being like, bitch, no you don't.
No you don't.
Or maybe you did a year ago ortwo years ago when Olivia was in
high school.
You don't know dick now.
So here's your, here's your,here's your plate of hard work.
If you ever wanna be happy orcontent again, have at it sucks.
Becca (59:43):
I think you both should be very proud of yourself with
the toolbox that you have bothcreated with your own bare
hands.
Because the reason why it'sthere is because you two work so
hard for it to be there.
So don't forget about that.
Well 100%.
Thanks Becca.
And sorry if you're the lawn
guy.
I'm very mad because ourlandlord did not say he was
coming today.
That's why.
Sarah (01:00:03):
Bastard.
Becca (01:00:04):
I felt so bad you guys were crying and I was getting so
mad at him.
Weed whacking right next to thewindow.
You guys should be here.
Well, there my favorite emotion.
You should be laughter throughtears.
There you go.
Um, all right, well I Well, Ineed to wrap it up.
I gotta go'cause one I have topee and two, I have a lot of
other shit I gotta do.
Chris (01:00:25):
Can you guys say hi to Rose
though?
Hi Rose.
Hi Rose.
Little Tub
Becca (01:00:32):
Rose.
Tell the people hi, primordialpouch.
Look at, oh, look at that face.
Oh.
If you are not on YouTube, youneed to get on YouTube just to
see Rose's fucking face.
Face
Chris (01:00:43):
today.
Yeah.
Shit is a
real cunt.
Roro
rose is face.
Yes.
Cunt is the best word I
Sarah (01:00:51):
could think to describe Rose right now.
Rose is a
nod making any friends today
Becca (01:00:56):
I'm enhancing that meow so that people know that she's
sassing back.
Oh, she is.
She's so full of it.
She's sassafras like nobody'sbusiness.
She's like,
Chris (01:01:05):
where is Olivia?
I don't know.
She doesn't live with usanymore.
All.
All right, love you guys.
Care.
I'm getting hit the stop button.
Sarah (01:01:14):
Okay.
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