October 2, 2025 • 57 mins
In this episode of 'The Mental Funny Bone,' sisters Christine and Sarah talk candidly about mental health while sharing humorous anecdotes from their lives. Christine discusses her overweight cat's health issues and amusing interactions with her family The Girls also delve into the pressures faced by high-achieving students and the importance of mental health support. The episode touches on college experiences, parenting highs and lows, and the tragically intertwined lives of crime victims and perpetrators. Throughout, they maintain a light-hearted tone, making sure laughter is never too far away.
How to find mental health help when you're struggling. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
https://washingtoncountyhumanservices.com/agencies/behavioral-health-developmental-services
https://www.alleghenycounty.us/Services/Human-Services-DHS/Publications/Resource-Guides
Apps - Just search mental health where you get your apps.
EAP programs are a great place to look for help!!
Additional Resources (Sports Related):
https://globalsportmatters.com/health/2020/12/04/mental-health-resources-2/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Chris (00:02):
Welcome to The Mental Funny Bone.
This is a podcast where weendeavor to take some of the
stigma away from mentalchallenges that we all go
through.
We focus on mental wellbeing andmental health, and basically we
just try to make sure that weare working towards being better
people.
(00:23):
Yeah.
I'm Christine.
We just really haveconversations.
I'm Sarah that we are sisters,and we started this podcast.
Gosh, 18, 19 months ago.
And generally we got the ideawhen, when we were talking on
the phone and making each otherlaugh mm-hmm.
Generally through tears of somesort.
(00:43):
Um, and uh, here we are, littlebit of background for people who
may be just tuning in for thefirst time.
I feel like we should probablydo that every once in a while.
Um, little bit of background.
My daughter, Olivia, tried totake her own life at 14, so
we've been caretaking, uh, in.
Generally working really hard tomake sure she's got the, the
(01:05):
help and the resources that sheneeded.
And I feel like I would havebeen better off if someone
would've mentioned maybe Iwasn't the only one doing that.
Um, and you can give them alittle bit of, uh, your story
about why mental health is soimportant to you.
And then we can carry on withthe podcast.
I have a couple of topics fortoday and a gaster story of the
week.
(01:25):
I love coming into it completelyblind and just seeing what the
fuck happens.
It's.
One of my favorite things, oneof my favorite things.
So yeah, my backstory, I havelived with depression and
anxiety.
Had a touch of insomnia therefor a little while.
Um, which I wanna talk aboutsleep today'cause I'm having
issues.
(01:45):
But yeah.
So anyway, it's been a, it'sbeen up and down.
And when that shit firststarted, it probably would've
been nice if I knew that Iwasn't on an island by myself.
So, we're also gonna recommendthat you guys tune in on the, on
the YouTubes.
To see us, number one, becausemy face is doing some, some
wacky stuff.
My hair it, mm-hmm.
(02:06):
There's a, there's a bang that'soutside of the headphone, the
headband, and it's just, justwild.
Also, for those of you who wentto Bethany College and might be
tuning into this podcast, mybackground these days is my
diploma, so we've switchedaround the office in an attempt
to improve the feng shui and themental flow of things.
(02:27):
Feng Shui or fe fe feng shui.
Look, I'm certified.
Look at you.
These are my certifications.
My gosh.
I love that.
There's a like a yellow stickeron it that says certified.
Yeah, that's my favorite part.
I mean, I just printed these.
If you want like row ones onfancy paper, you have to pay$15.
I was like, like I'll just printthem.
(02:49):
I'll just, I'll just put thisone right here.
It's fine.
That's fine.
All right.
So this is our, is our podcastMostly it's, it's like a phone
conversation between the two ofus where we we're, we're funny.
Um, I, I had to take Rosemary,my cat to the, to the vet
because she has arthritis in herhip.
(03:10):
Yeah.
And I've never identified morewith an animal in my whole life.
Yeah, it sucks getting old.
We, she's, she's only six.
I know.
She doesn't feel old.
Do you feel old?
She's a cat.
She's trying to, and she'sextremely, well, not extremely,
but she's a big boned, so she's,she's a, she's size model.
She's got some extra, she's gotsome extra shit to carry around.
(03:31):
She's doing great.
Like, she'll wake up and she'lllimp around and then she, you
know, we can give her somemorphine if she feels.
If, if she feels like it.
I don't know.
Have you talked to her about howit would improve her life if she
went on a diet, got a littlemore exercise, maybe worked on
her sleep?
I feel like she gets enoughsleep.
No, no.
She doesn't need to work on hersleep.
She's, uh, she's, uh, currently,uh, so she puts in a full
(03:55):
workday, but yeah.
I mean, when there's, uh,meetings happening, rose is
involved.
Mm-hmm.
So she, she, she puts in a fullworkday, so I feel like she gets
that part.
Like maybe, you know, six hoursof meetings every day, don't
you?
Yes.
Um, we did.
I'm gonna cover ears right now.
(04:15):
Uh, we did talk about, you know,maybe not free feeding her, like
making her wait till the littlemachine says kitties.
Time to eat.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
She didn't, she didn'tappreciate that.
She just stood there looking atme and then she walked over to
the food dish and laid in it.
So, yeah, I don't, I mean, Idunno.
Maybe she enjoyed it.
(04:36):
I don't know.
The vet said she could probablylose two pounds and that would
put her more in the normal rangeand she would probably be a lot
more comfortable.
But.
Right.
I was like, every time we talkabout weight, I think about
shitting.
Like every time we talk aboutweight, I relate it to the
weight of a poop.
(04:58):
Like, I think, welcome to ourpounds.
I could shit that out.
Like this morning, I'll, I'llshit that out.
It seems like it, but Rose is acat.
Like she just little like, uh,Tootie rolls.
That's rolls.
That's she, that's all shepoops, right?
That's it.
Macho.
We did think about maybe, but,but we also have another cat,
(05:19):
uh, the one-eyed cat, UNO, Ivan.
And, uh, I wish Tim was Ivanevery time you say it.
Uh, but it's not, it's Uno andwe're afraid he'll die because
Rose won't let him eat any ofthe food.
Like we would have to put him ina room by himself and then let
him eat before.
And then Rose is still gonna tryto steal his food.
Like Rose.
Yes, rose can be a real cunt.
(05:39):
Sometimes she can't.
She's a plus size model.
She deserves it, don't you?
Yes.
You're very pretty.
The picture of a ruga salt inher right?
She wants it now.
There's a drawer in the kitchenwhere we keep the, keep the
treats.
Yeah.
Her head, T-R-E-T-R-E-A-T-S, maaknow, knows how to spell now
(06:02):
kit.
It's goddamn dogs.
But, uh, when that drawer opens,she's like.
She will go from wherever she isand even when the arthritis was
at its worst and she wasbasically like a three-legged
kitty, she would sprint over tothe drawer and just sit there in
front of it.
Like I thought, I heard it openand I'm not sure where, where
the treats are now.
(06:22):
There's her hand, she's ow, ow.
She's a monster.
She's a bully monster.
When you said you had to coverher ears, I thought maybe that
you meant, you were talkingabout taking her to the, to the
farm.
No, I can't.
Like that is the other thing,like we also had the family
discussion about how much moneywe would invest into an animal
that only really lives for 10years anyway.
(06:45):
Mm-hmm.
And Olivia, Olivia said, thereis a brand new$80,000 truck in
our driveway, and if we don'tspend$3,000 to save this cat's
life, this cat that I love morethan both of you.
Mm-hmm.
She live like, I will neverforgive you.
(07:07):
Yeah.
And I was like, yeah.
Okay.
So I guess, yeah.
We'll, we'll go ahead and, uh,we'll invest some money into
Yeah.
You know, orthopedic surgery forthe kitty.
That's fine.
You know what they do?
I don't think I wanna know, butgo ahead.
They.
When, when it gets bad enough,her little hip joint gets bad
enough.
(07:27):
They, they go in, they layer,they layer out like flat, and
then they cut into the hip andthey get like a wire cutters and
they cut off the top of the hipjoint and they sew in the
muscles and it just snugseverything up there.
So cool.
I was like, maybe we just a catdo that.
Can we do that at home?
I feel like I, yeah, somebodyhad anatomy.
(07:49):
I didn't, but somebody did.
Fine.
Fine.
Speaking of anatomy today is,uh, today's first day of school
here.
First day of like all school,like his regular school and
technical school.
He started technical school twodays ago, but today is
everything.
You sad.
So he starts his day with honorsphysics and I was like, you made
(08:14):
very bad decisions.
He said, you made very believedecisions.
I can't believe, I can't believeI'm starting my day with honors
physics.
I was like, that's that, that'sliterally your fault.
Like you all of a sudden decidedyou wanna take these smart
classes?
I told you stay in regularclasses and just excel, but you
don't listen to me.
Honors physics, you've never,you've never done homework.
(08:37):
Granted, you've just, you know,flown on by and gotten grades
that are just fine.
However, you're now taking.
Honors physics, AP something formath.
I don't know.
A bunch of shit I would neverdo.
And here's the, here's thething.
Every time we talk about Owen inschool, all I can think of is
(08:58):
him bellowing from my bathroom.
I'm done.
I'm done.
Mm-hmm.
And that over to somebody wipeshis ass, right?
Yeah.
Now he's taking honors physics.
I don't, I don't know.
Whatever, whatever.
He's, uh, he's a little bit, hehas a soccer game tonight,
(09:18):
second soccer game of theseason.
And, um.
He's a little frustrated.
When he came home from practiceyesterday, he played really
well.
In his first game.
He almost had a header goal andhe almost had a volleyball, like
the first one, goalie.
It was a volley, and the goaliemade a really good save.
And the second one, which wasthe header, went off the post
(09:40):
dude.
So, but he played really well.
Like he was the only one who hadlike shots on goal for the first
bit of the game.
Um, he didn't start, he came inas a sub, which was expected.
So I picked him up from practicelast night and he was a little
bit shitty, and I said, whathappened, dude?
He was like, well, Jeff's not,Jeff's not playing tomorrow.
(10:00):
I'm still not starting.
And I was like, oh, and there'snot many four words.
So I was kind of confused bythat myself.
Like, and I, I mean, I have tosay, I'm, and I maybe, maybe you
can correct me if I'm wrong.
I think I'm pretty hard on mykid.
So it's not like I'm just sayingthis shit because I'm not gonna
correct that at all.
Yeah.
Like, I mean, when it comes tosports, like, I'm like, dude,
(10:22):
you don't deserve to be there.
Like, I'm the first one to tellit.
Right?
Like, you're not good.
Wow.
That was bad.
So.
So I say this like, so, youknow, I, I mean, I feel like
it's for real.
Like he's worked really hardover the last year and he played
really well in that first game.
And at the end of the game, likea few of the parents even sent
(10:42):
me texts like, he should bestarting, I'm not sure why he is
not starting like God.
So anyway, right, right.
So they're moving someone from adifferent position.
Into his position to starttonight and he's not very happy
about it.
Salty about it.
I said Yeah.
I mean you can go ahead and be,be mad about it, but you do know
(11:06):
how you fix it, right?
Like you go into the game'causeyou'll be the first sub that
comes in.
You turn around, give everybodydouble middle fingers.
No, no, don't do that.
It's, I was like, okay.
Mentally, mentally, as you're onyour way in, you give everybody
double mids.
And then you play your fuckingass off.
That's what you do.
(11:26):
And I mean, score a goal, that'sgreat, but play your ass off and
show them that you deserve to bethere.
Like that's the best thing thatyou can do.
Work so hard.
You don't give them the option.
Yeah.
So that's, that's where we are.
So I kind of felt bad for, andyou know, that I would have, I
would've said, well, you don'tdeserve to start, if I thought,
(11:47):
right, right.
It's so.
It's so fun'cause both our kidsshould be tiny toddlers.
'cause you know, obviously beingin our mid twenties, we
shouldn't have children that areYeah.
It makes I'm way too young tohave a junior in high school,
honestly.
Junior in college.
What are you, are you joking?
(12:07):
My, I'm on Facebook.
People are, my friends aredropping off their kids at
college.
I'm like, what the f fuck, whereare we?
I don't understand.
I mean, I guess it's good'causeI, I, I don't feel like I'm
right, but also I don't, I, butalso the golden girls like,
yeah.
(12:27):
Right.
I look at that show and I'mlike, hold up Blanche.
Mm-hmm.
In that show is the same age Iam now.
Yeah.
Uhhuh, I gotta say you look alot better than Blanche.
I mean, first of all, you don'thave the hair that requires you
to go to the salon every Friday,but I would love it.
(12:49):
I'm not sure why I don't.
Oh, dear God.
Yeah, it's, I, it's confusing tome.
I, I mean, I guess everybody, I,everybody, but it's not one of
those things like mommy anddaddy, where I'm like, I felt
like they were older, like,right.
But, but with the golden girls,like, like I look, look at them
now and I'm like, they're still,they still look old.
(13:10):
Like, it's not like I've justadjusted'cause I got old.
Do you know what I mean?
Right.
No, it's not like I look at themlike, oh yeah, okay, we're
comparable.
I just didn't realize that.
Like I feel like I wouldprobably do that looking back at
mommy and Daddy being like, oh,yeah, I see where we're
comparable in ages, but with thegolden girls, like they still
look fucking old, right?
Like Blanche had lost herhusband, rose had lost her
(13:32):
husband.
Dorothy was divorced, but hermom looked ancient, right?
Ancient Sophia.
She was just waddling around.
Picture it.
She was the best Sicily person.
She might be the best tvbcharacter ever.
Sicily 1942.
How much?
I don't know why I thought ofthis.
(13:52):
Somebody at the golf outingmentioned Bill Cosby and
something funny about Bill Cosbyand I was like, that really
sucks that Bill Cosby.
Now, every time someone mentionshim, not that people do a lot.
'cause this might be the firsttime I've heard his name in a
very long time, which isappropriate.
But like as soon as we werelaughing about something, as
soon as he said it, likeliterally everybody was like,
(14:12):
Ooh.
And it makes me mad.
It makes me mad.
'cause it was such a good showand there were so many other
great people in that show and itthings were funny and now we
can't talk about them becausehe's a disgusting right person.
Dad is great.
Give me chocolate cake.
Come on.
Yeah.
These are good standup routines.
Yeah, but I just can't piece ofshit.
(14:35):
Piece of shit.
Yeah.
Anyway, so back to back to thechildren.
So Liv, Liv starting her junioryear.
She's got anatomy, histology,organic chemistry, histology.
Do you wanna know what wentthrough my head?
Is it like a combination historyand bought, yeah.
Histology.
I don't know what it is.
(14:56):
Like she signed up, she's like,I have histology.
And I was like, Ooh, thatsounds.
I don't know is what is, yeah.
Hard.
I'm not sure.
It's history and biology.
It's the history of biology.
I don't, it's Do they have thaton the histology channel?
Like Yeah.
Right.
The histology of food.
Yeah.
Foods that made histology greatAgain, I don't know, but she is,
(15:19):
uh, she is also struggling,excuse me, with the athletics
too.
She's.
She thought that she was gonnaslide into that center back
position, and, uh, the coach waslike, we're gonna go with jelly.
Jelly had center back.
And uh, she was like, all right,cool, cool.
(15:41):
I was like, well, you know, Liv,it's not, it's not, you don't
get to, your job is to go outand work hard and show the coach
where you're, where you're gonnabe.
It's not to figure everythingout, like just.
Do your stuff.
I mean, same thing.
She's, she's still starting at,she is she still an outside
back?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(16:01):
She's, uh, but she's playingleft back.
And I was like, which for thoseof you not following along
terribly closely, I, uh, playedsoccer in college and I played
left back.
There you go.
At, uh, Bethany College, I don'tknow if you guys are on the
YouTubes and you can see thediploma.
It's giant.
You can see it, but it's sofancy that you can't tell what
the fuck it is.
Like that's what you get whenyou go to.
(16:24):
Written in Latin.
It's in Latin, right?
I mean, you can't tell it's inLatin.
I just know that from seeing it,right?
There is a, but yeah, I thinkthis signature right here on, on
the diploma that is the, uh, oneof the security guards, because
he wrote me so many parkingtickets that last year I was at
college.
(16:44):
He was like, I might as wellsign my name here as well.
Love in college.
We get so many parking tickets'cause we're fucking lazy.
That's, that's what it, right.
I don't know.
Right.
Like I ended up with a boot onmy car.
Same.
Same.
Yeah.
I don't like how there's,there's never enough parking.
Where you need it.
Yeah.
Like everyone wants to be thesame place.
(17:06):
Mm-hmm.
And the campuses are only sobig.
Yeah.
And there's no way I'm gonnawalk from another parking lot
over to my sorority house.
Let's not be ridiculous.
Yeah.
There's there's no way.
I mean, it really, it's kind ofputs a hinder on things when
you, when you go out to your carand there's a big old boot on it
(17:26):
and you're like, oh, it reallydoes fuck.
Especially when it's parkedillegally.
Gonna have to walk a lot farthernow.
Right.
I had to work at the fish frybecause I didn't have enough
money to get the boot off my carat the fish fry for the firemen.
I had to work like a full day ongood fry when everyone else,
(17:47):
someone's delicious.
Do you know what you smell likeafter working at the fish fry
all day?
What you smell like?
Is that what you said?
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You smell like fried fish.
You smell like a bar.
You smell like a kid.
I dated in high school.
You smell like so much dirtyvagina that wow.
(18:10):
Woo.
You can't right into it.
I, I took my clothes off in myroom, took a shower, and when I
came back into that room, justbecause the clothes had been in
there.
Yeah.
Like I had to open windows.
I'm like, I, yeah.
I had to throw those clothesaway.
You are like, yeah, but I didn'thave to walk from that other
(18:30):
parking lot.
Right.
I was parked and the whole timeI'm parked illegally.
Yeah.
So no lessons were learned atthe fish fry.
No.
Regardless of how bad I smelled,zero.
No lessons.
Zero.
Yep.
No lessons.
Yeah.
I had to throw away a reallynice sweater vest from old Davy.
A good old sweater vest.
It's your go-to.
Oh, that in a turtleneck.
(18:51):
So fun.
Now I can wear a turtleneckunderneath that.
Um, a turtleneck underneath aEddie Bauer button down.
Yes.
Yeah.
I feel like you definitely put aturtleneck under, uh, under a
sweater vest.
Yeah.
Um, definitely.
Alright, so Olivia's talkingabout, uh, talking about all
this stuff that, that she'sgoing through.
She's, uh, she's, shecontinually struggles with some
(19:13):
of the, some of her soccerteammates.
There's just, uh, there's justone, one mean girl.
And, uh, I don't know if youremember when Liv was a
freshman.
This girl didn't invite Oliviato her birthday party and she
invited everybody else on theteam.
Mm-hmm.
And Olivia is hyper-focused'cause she's got a little bit of
(19:34):
the OCD on this girl.
And, uh, she's created a nemesissituation, which is.
You know, in some ways kind offun to watch because this girl's
like singling out one of theweird freshmen and you know,
just doing the same shit, likebeing mean to her.
I'm like, why do you, but you'rea senior?
Like, yeah, I, when I was asenior, I don't think I even
(19:57):
learned the freshmen's names.
Was like, I was just gonna saylike, it's such a, at that age,
like in high school and even incollege, there's such a age
difference there that you don'teven.
Like, right.
Yeah.
Why are you even spending time?
Like, I mean, that's just a goodsign that she's an asshole and
just going out of her way to,um, I mean, I shouldn't say
(20:19):
that, right?
I don't know her, but she kindof sounds like an asshole, um,
who's going out of her way justto knock down other people to
make herself feel better.
I was like, Ugh, this is awful.
Mm-hmm.
And.
So, Olivia and I have beentalking a lot about how much
energy and how much mentalcapacity you wanna spend on a
(20:41):
team that clearly doesn't have,like the team thing that, that
you were hoping for when youwent to college like this.
This is a, this is, go ahead.
Sorry.
Like it's not, is it fillingyour cup?
Is it feeding your soul?
Is it bringing you joy to be onthis team?
She's like.
I love to play.
She's like, once we're on thefield and we're playing, as long
(21:03):
as I'm not having to pass tothis girl, then it's all, I feel
good.
Like, I like that part of it.
She's like, I've done it for solong.
I'm two years away from likefinishing out the career.
I wanna get the framed pictureof my jersey on senior night.
I'm like, well, you gottabalance that out with the fact
that the team is sucking.
(21:25):
A lot of your happiness and alot of your ability to focus on
other things, your lightness.
And she's also missing out onbeing with the lacrosse team
because she doesn't have thetime.
And those guys are just sweet.
They're like, most of themdidn't play look lacrosse very
well, but now they're playing incollege and they're, they're
(21:47):
just a team.
They're happy to see each other.
Lives walking across campusyesterday talking to me on the
phone and she's like, Hey, I'mgonna have a quick conversation.
I'm just gonna put the phonedown.
I don't wanna have to call youback.
Hold on.
And you can hear her talking tolike the lacrosse teammates and
they're all like throwingcompliments back and forth.
Like, your skirt is so cute.
(22:08):
How were your classes?
Like everyone is just sweet.
I'm like, you should spend moretime with those guys.
Like, that's the joy.
That's what you're gonna takeaway after you get your framed
jersey or whatever.
Like in, in 10 years, you'regonna find that in the back of a
closet.
But you're gonna remember likethe people that were nice and
(22:29):
kind and helped each other.
You're not gonna like, you'regonna remember the shitty soccer
team, but you know, figure outwhat, figure out what you like.
Figure out where your joy is.
Yeah, and I mean like I thinkthe biggest thing you said there
is the balance of it.
Like is the irritation that shehas with the other teammates
(22:50):
worth her love of playing?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I mean, she's gotta get,like people are shitty.
They're gonna be shitty.
That is, and you can't let themovertake your life.
Like that's, yeah.
You're giving them entirely toomuch power over you.
I was like, this is also goodpractice.
Like eventually you're not gonnahave a choice of whether or not
(23:11):
you're gonna show up someplacewhere people.
Love you and respect you.
Like eventually at some pointbetween now and when you die,
you're going to end up in a jobor a group or something where
people are dicks and maybe thisis like your practice for it.
I'm like, I don't know.
Yeah.
(23:31):
So she went to, she's the way itgoes, talk to her lacrosse
coach.
And she's like, I know.
Um, I know Frazier will, she'll,she'll tell me the truth.
And she's so much like me.
She puts a premium on winningand not quitting.
And I'm like, right, right.
Yeah, definitely.
Go talk to Frazier and see, seewhat's up.
And the difference in Olivia'svoice before that talk and after
(23:53):
that talk was just so good.
Yeah.
Like, and she decided to, shedecided that she's gonna stick
with the soccer, which I wassurprised about.
She's like, well, Frazier didn'ttell me everything I wanted her
to tell me.
But she did have good advice,and I was like.
She told Olivia, she's like,what are you gonna think about
when you're 30?
She's like, what are you gonnamiss?
(24:13):
What are you gonna regret?
And yeah, you have control overthis now where you might not in
the future, but you also won'thave this again.
This will be gone.
And Olivia was like.
That's right.
She's right.
I mean, also, Olivia sent me atext message specifically to
tell me that the division threetraining staff is not only
(24:33):
learning how to tape ankles, butalso receiving some mental
health training as well.
That's what I thought too.
I was like, oh, I can't imaginethis when I was playing.
I can't imagine anyone beinglike, are you okay?
Literally, we like mental healthwas never mentioned and if it
was, if anybody said mentalhealth, we were like, what the
(24:53):
fuck is that?
I don't understand.
Like it was, you were crazy.
Like literally you were crazy.
You were one flew over thecuckoo's nest like Right.
That's literally what mentalhealth was to us.
There was no, yeah, there was ashunning.
I remember the one girl waslike, she's like, I just have to
take a semester off.
Like I have to focus on mymental health.
(25:15):
And we were like, God, she's inthe cuck coon.
She's in the cuckoo nest.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Nobody wants to be your roommatenow.
Psycho.
Yeah.
Right.
I can't imagine.
Like I turn like there were.
Un innumerable, uh, practiceswhere I would turn up like
literally in tears because I'm agiant baby and somebody was mean
(25:38):
to me in class, or I didn't getan A and you know, throwing the
cleats around.
And for someone to evenacknowledge it would've been so
weird.
Coach is like, Hey, get outthere.
Yeah, get moving.
That's it.
Come on, let's go.
Let's take that aggression outoutta the field there lady.
(25:58):
Thanks.
Thanks, Katie.
Gotcha.
Yeah.
So wild, but I think sonecessary.
For sure, for sure.
I do worry that.
And this is gonna soundterrible, especially on this
podcast, but I do worry thatsometimes we're getting too far,
not too far.
I don't know the words to use,but I feel like we also have to
take responsibility for thingsthat we do.
(26:21):
And I feel like there's a lot,not that we're teaching, I don't
know how to explain it.
You know what I'm getting atthough?
Like I feel like we're takingsome of these things that we're
battling as well, and using themas excuses in places where
they're not.
Actually an excuse like you needto take responsibility for your
life as well.
(26:41):
Again.
I mean, I also think that'sanother, that's a tricky part of
it too, because again, it'smental health.
It's not like we can like, Hey,there's your broken bone.
I could see that, that you'reinjured, so cool.
But I mean.
You're, you're, you're alwaysgonna have, you're always gonna
have people on, on one side ofthat equation, right?
You're always gonna have peoplewho are like, I'm taking a
(27:03):
mental health day so I can getmy nails done.
Yeah.
Cool.
Awesome.
Good, positive.
And, you know, maybe, maybe youdon't need a mental health day,
do you?
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like, yeah.
If you wanna go get your nailsdone, just take the day off,
like go get your nails done.
I mean, it's the same, it it'stough.
(27:24):
It's definitely, it's tough.
Exactly.
But I would rather err on havingthat person 50, 50,000 times.
Right.
And having the one person who islike, I am struggling so bad
that I don't know what willhelp.
Like is it getting my nails?
It's done.
No idea.
Like people bitching aboutwelfare and shit, like yeah.
(27:45):
Alright.
You are gonna have people thatare gonna take advantage of it.
'cause that's what they do.
You have rich people that takeadvantage of a shit ton of stuff
that nobody fucking paysattention to.
Right.
But anyway, that's a whole othercon conversation, but.
You're gonna have people thatare gonna take advantage of it.
But bottom line, like peopleneed assistance, people need
help.
And a lot of those people thatneed help are kids.
(28:05):
Yeah.
Like, yeah.
I would much rather let my taxdollars go to those people and
have a, have some of them buyfucking SIGs with their access
card or whatever they're doing.
Then have these kids go hungry.
Yeah, I mean especially,especially when we're talking
about athletes and especiallywhen we're talking about kids
(28:28):
who are athletes in college.
Somebody posted the division twoworkout for some school.
And it's the same, it's the sameworkout.
Like division one, division two,division three.
Well division one's a littledifferent.
Like, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like these kids are, uh, thesekids excel in the class.
These kids excel in the field.
These are kids who on theoutside look like they have it
(28:50):
all together.
And these are the kids thatlike.
Don't get the nod sometimes, doyou?
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Like they just slip through thecracks because they on the
surface look like they're fine.
So they're doing everythingright and they're doing, they're
excelling at everything andthey're awesome.
And I mean, now being a mom of ateenager who's gonna be taking
(29:12):
the SATs and.
Seeing what, what's going onwith other kids?
There are, there are severalkids on the soccer team that I'm
like, I can only imagine theamount of anxiety that lives in
your body.
Right?
Like right.
And.
It.
I don't know.
I'm on the opposite end of thespectrum.
Like I don't give a fuck if youtake SATs.
(29:33):
Like I don't have a plan for youto go to bed early.
I'm not making you go to classlike so.
I'm probably on the extremeother end of it.
That's not good.
Like we need a little bit in themiddle.
I personally would rather my kidnot give a fuck about the SATs
than 800 times.
In an attempt to get a perfectscore, it, it is like mon
(29:55):
monthly, monthly, monthlyscheduled to take SATs over the
fall, monthly, like that.
Many times.
That's a lot of SATs.
Like it's a standardized test.
I know that one is September andOctober.
I don't know about, I mean thisis just, it's none of my
business.
Yeah, whatever.
No, no, no.
But I mean, in my head I'm like,I and I, I interact with him,
(30:18):
the boy a little bit.
To me, I'm like, wow, do youwanna go have fun?
Like, do you want, let's go dosomething fun.
'cause I feel like, um, you needthat.
Like, I feel like I can, I canfeel the anxiety and tension in
your poor little 17-year-oldbody from here, there.
Like it's, it's a, it's a crazything.
(30:41):
Like, I don't know if youremember, but when Liv was like,
junior maybe.
Yeah.
We, we started like looking atschools and I made that into a.
Data analytics problem.
Mm-hmm.
Like, and I wasn't even extreme.
I don't know, uh, when Oliviawas playing soccer and she, she
was playing with some likereally, really good teams and
(31:07):
there were moms on that teamthat had like.
Binders and recorded everymoment that they were on the
field.
She's like, well, we're gonnaneed it.
And I was like, for what?
She was like, are you kidding?
I was like, I don't, I just, I'mnot, I don't get it.
Yeah.
I mean, so much, so muchpressure on these guys.
So much pressure.
Like the one schoolConnellsville, they, um, I was
(31:29):
watching the news accidentallylast night because not only was
this story on there, but therewas two stories about people
being mean to animals.
What is, I know, right?
I was sitting at the, at the,uh, too.
I was teaching the other, Iwatch the news every day, but
yeah, they start talking aboutthe, the dog.
And I was like, I can't, Ican't, I can't, I can't, I
(31:50):
can't, I can't turn it off.
And I literally was just doingthat, so I couldn't hear what
was going on because I wasn'tnear the remote control.
And I was like, I can't, Ican't, I can't.
It hurts my heart.
I'm gonna cry.
I can't, right.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
Anyway, so we got past theanimal cruelty stories and I was
like, oh my God.
In the Connellsville, they've,they've got like the, they've
got like the little overachieverconnellsville girls, like the
(32:13):
ones who run student council andare in National Honor Society.
My, yeah.
Kindred spirits from back in theday.
Yeah.
And they're like, we think thatit's really unfair that the
school has decided to do awaywith class rankings.
Like they don't, they don't giveyou a rank anymore.
They, and the school board waslike, because it just puts too
much pressure on these kids.
Like they take classes that theydon't want.
(32:35):
Yeah.
They take classes.
They, they lose the opportunityto take a class.
That might be something thatthey're passionate about.
Because it's not an AP class andit won't boost their GPA and it
won't give them that, thatlittle edge.
Yeah.
The, the kids were like, I needthat.
I need that to get into college.
Like you could feel, it'sfucking insane.
(32:58):
It's insane.
I can't like feel that it makesme wanna cry.
I, and again, I mean, it islike.
This is just me.
This is how I feel.
I feel like it's just entirelytoo much pressure.
I feel like we've lost part ofchildhood, I guess.
I don't know.
I was up at the high school afew months ago and there's like
(33:18):
a wall with like honor students,like listed and shit.
Um, and I was like, oh, where,why isn't Owen's name up here?
He has like a 3, 3 7.
And I'm like, why?
Why isn't Owen up here?
And somebody was like, oh, youhave to have above a 4.0.
And I'm like.
Excuse me, and I mean, it's awall.
Sorry, coming in, but there's alot of them, right?
(33:39):
I was like, uh, what, what do wedo?
What, what are we doing?
Just don't, how can a kid andsomething's wrong when a kid has
a three seven and they're not onan honors wall?
Like, I don't, I don'tunderstand this right?
I mean, I get that there'speople who have a 6.0 apparently
that's, that's a valid thing.
(33:59):
It's not a thing, but like Ifeel like it is nine.
That makes nine.
I have a four.
That makes sense.
Nine.
But why are we putting, why thisthe way it did?
It's the shit.
I'm so confused by it and I hateevery fucking bit of it.
And I do believe that that's whymy child is taking honors
physics because this is what hethinks he needs to do.
(34:20):
Right.
The most I could do is be like,dude, you should have just
stayed in the regular classesand kept getting a's easily.
There were times in Olivia'scareer where I was super sad
that she went to school whereshe, where she went, right.
Like there's, there's not a lotof extra programs.
There's not a lot of money inthe school district.
There's just not a lot of.
Opportunities to do things rightbecause no one else is doing
(34:43):
them.
Um, when it comes to that, andshe graduates with like a four,
four and she's fifth in theclass, I'm like, that's no one,
no one is gonna research theschool too terribly much.
And she did that without, uh,having a lot of pressure to do
things that she didn't wanna do.
Like she still took art classesthat she liked.
(35:03):
Uh, she still played soccer.
Without feeling the pressure todo a whole lot of other things.
And the good thing was shedidn't have to take SATs'cause
it was COVID.
So, I mean, yeah, we didn't get,get appropriate or uh, good
solid care after we did a littlestint inpatient during COVID,
but I mean.
(35:24):
She didn't have to take theSATs.
So it's a balance.
Right.
But yeah, I, I mean, I shouldalso state that there are kids
who thrive in that, who thatworks for'em.
Yeah.
And so it's cool.
I, I just think that there are alot of parents, I think there
are a lot of kids in thatsituation who do not want to be
in that situation.
And, and it's simply theirparents putting them in that
(35:44):
situation, putting, putting themin that situation.
And I think that sucks.
But it is, it is a lot ofpressure and it is, I don't, I
don't know'cause it's been solong since I've been, uh,
looking for jobs, but it seemsto me like where I went to
school, uh, eventually had lessto do.
(36:06):
With me getting the job.
Like they're like, BethanyCollege, where's that?
I have to agree that I don'tfucking need, like I don't think
I ever needed my degree, mybachelor's degree.
I'm not sure I ever needed thatfor a job that I've had like
you.
You have more specific, but likemine's a basic business degree
and I'm really maybe.
It was like a requirement, butI, I think it was more of like
(36:29):
when I, you know, you read the,the job listing and it's like,
you know, preferred bachelor'sdegree, right?
Like, I think those are thepositions I've had.
Like, and then my dumb ass wentback to school three years ago,
thought it would be a great ideato get a fucking master's degree
that I'm, I'm.
Never going to use.
I can confidently say thatnothing I did or learned
(36:50):
throughout that$25,000experiment will ever be used.
But now, you know, um, yeah, Imean it's, which is why I am on
the end of Owen, what the fuckare you, why are you taking
these classes and trying to goto college that, yeah, like
these are the, these are thekids that, that get overlooked
because they do so well and.
(37:13):
I think that having a little bitof focus on Rose, you gotta
fucking stop.
I'm, I'm looking at you.
Rose is staring up at me likeshe has her head back like this
looking at me like.
Shut up, kitty.
It's not time for you to talk.
Um, yeah, but these are the kidswho get overlooked, right?
Like, oh, they're fine, they'refine, they're fine.
(37:34):
And they're really just under somuch stress and under so much
pressure, and the first timethings kind of go south for
them.
Having a little bit of helphandling that would probably be
a good idea.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, anyway, that is themental health stuff that I
wanted to talk about.
Like how do we get, how do weget the kids where they, where
(37:55):
they need to be?
And I don't know, it's so hardfor me because, I mean, I was
happy to go to college.
I was happy that was you.
Bless you.
God bless me.
Sorry.
Couldn't get the mute fastenough.
I could put my finger up in theair, but not on that mute
button.
Yeah, that's okay.
We'd like sneak.
Yeah, I was happy to go tocollege.
(38:17):
Like in no one knew any, youknow, no one knew any better.
There were like four kids thatwere gonna do like foreign
exchange programs.
'cause that was important.
The one kid's like, oh, I gottado a bunch of volunteering at
the old folks home.
I mean, these were just, butthey were like one, one kid.
Like one kid.
Mm-hmm.
And it is just, it's just crazy.
(38:39):
Just crazy.
Anyway.
Yeah, and I mean, I will sayagain, I'm not the perfect
parent whatsoever.
No.
I sent my kid out for a drivinglesson yesterday.
I was like, can you not swear atthe guy while you're in the car?
He was like, well, I'll ask himwhat I can get away with.
I was like, no, no, no, youwon't.
You'll get in the car and keepyour fucking mouth shut.
Did you say fucking mouth shutwhen you told him not to swear?
(39:01):
Of course I did.
Can you fucking not swear in thegoddamn car, Owen?
Like, just don't swear.
Then I have one more kid story.
We're on our way to soccerpractice.
He's driving and we drive afreshman with us who lives
across the way and his brotheris Owen's age and just got his
permit.
So this kid was telling Owen,like, or Owen asked if he had
(39:23):
been out on the road yet andwhatnot and, and Owen goes, you
know, when the first time I wason the road and he's telling
this kid this story.
And I mean, long story short, itwas because Noah was drunk and
he needed to drive him home at1:00 AM and this was the day
they did, he had his wisdomteeth out too.
So I mean, that adds a layer toit.
And I was like, how about we nottell the stories?
(39:45):
Did like make us look like badparents.
I mean, I guess the kids who, Iguess the parents who were
forcing their kids to take theSATs 8,000 times are talking
about me being the drunk mom.
I get it.
I get it and I deserve it.
Talk all you want, talk all youwant.
Cool.
There's a balance.
Judge me, I'm cool with it.
But then he was like, well whatabout the second time I drove on
the road?
(40:05):
Uh, me and dad had to come getyou at a party.
You were drunk.
I had to drive your car home atmidnight.
In the rain, and I was like, oh.
I was like, yeah, let's, that'sanother one.
We don't wanna tell that kidwho's in the backseat.
Sure, yeah.
Thank you.
Let's, why don't we, let's edita little bit.
Let's edit a little bit.
Yeah.
No, he's, no, no.
The amount of times these daysthat I'm like, can you at least
(40:26):
act like I'm here and then I'm adecent parent?
Can you at least act like thataround other people?
So they think I'm a decentparent?
Like, can we pretend.
And then he laughs And I, Imean, I laugh'cause I'm like,
huh, what the fuck?
Only so much you could fuckingdo.
I don't know.
What else did I wanna talk abouttoday?
And I probably made a very poorchoice, but as I was driving
(40:51):
away from campus, dropping offmy junior in her very safe
college dorm room.
Mm-hmm.
I started listening to the Idahofour.
Oh yeah.
Not a good idea.
Not a good idea.
Right.
What.
What was I thinking?
What was I thinking?
What was I thinking?
Why would I do that?
(41:11):
No, why would I do that?
No.
So people who don't activelyfollow true crime with the same
passion as middle-aged whiteladies, there is.
There's a, there's a very tragicrecent case where four college
students were, listen, if you'relistening to this and you don't
know of this case, even if youmaybe look it up, do not follow
a true crime.
(41:32):
Even if you hate true crime.
Like if you took a breath thismorning and you don't know about
this case.
I'm concerned.
I'm concerned.
Current events, current events,I'm concern.
Anyway, these, uh, these fourkids ended up getting killed in
their off-campus apartment.
At four in the morning on aSaturday night after they'd all
been out having good times.
And this is the, excuse me,James Patterson.
(41:54):
Do you remember James Patterson?
He was a author like alongSpider.
He him like he's dead.
Alex Cross novels like in thenineties.
That's what I'm referring to, isthat he wrote all these good
like crime stories.
The nineties, you're referringto him as a, as an author back
in the day, not like today.
It's changed.
He's no longer an author.
No, no.
(42:14):
Still an author.
Still an author.
Still an author, wrote a bunchof crime novels.
They made them into a bunch ofmovies.
Morgan Freeman played Alex Crossin them.
Along came a spider, had AshleyJudd, her big breakout role.
So anyway, James Pattersonresearches this book along with
some other lady who I didn'tknow, but it is like
(42:35):
meticulously researched andgives a very detailed account of
everything that happened.
Minute by minute account ofeverything that these kids did
and everything that the, the kidwho ultimately pled guilty to
that murder did.
And as I'm pulling away fromcampus, I'm, I'm popping that
the little audio book in andlistening to this horrific,
(42:58):
horrific set of events.
And as I'm listening to it, I'mfeeling kind of sympathetic to
the.
The kid who, who committed thesecrimes to, not sympathetic for
him, but for his parents whojust like.
They wanted their son to havethe same experience that these
(43:19):
four kids did.
Like these four kids were liketypical college kids, like
blonde sorority girls, likeathletic sorority boys, and like
these parents wanted that kindof experience for their son.
They wanted him to live thisnormal life and his brain was so
broken that regardless of theamount of help that they tried
(43:41):
to get him, and they, they didall the right.
Things, and he still ended upmurdering four other students.
And the tragedy of that isalmost as bad for me as the
tragedy of losing your son ordaughter to that kind of person.
(44:02):
Like it's so, it's so easy forme to empathize with the parents
of, of these guys that I think,I think that we empathize with
parents.
On both sides of this regardlessbecause Right.
I mean, if his parents were, andthis happens a lot with
psychopaths.
Their parents are terrible andthey do nothing to help'em.
(44:23):
Right.
These parents, I don't, I feelbad for, but in these
situations, and I'd imagine in alot of a decent amount of
situations, parents on bothsides of this have lost their,
their children.
Right.
I mean, it is.
It's just, and there's neneither way is good.
Neither way is fun.
Neither way is awesome.
Like all of it is tragic.
(44:44):
Yeah.
And it means like you're living,you're living without your kid
on one side and knowing thehorrific death that happened.
And on the other side, you areliving with your kid who you
know what he did and thehorrific things that he did.
Right.
Knowing that you triedeverything you possibly could to
help him, but nothing worked.
(45:04):
So, and in addition, the extrathing I think we have on the
side of his parents is.
It's scary being a parent andknowing that that is something
that could happen to all of usbecause we're doing what we
think we should.
We're doing the good things.
We're trying to help our kids,and no matter what we do,
there's always a chance they'regonna end up super fucked up.
(45:27):
Right, right.
Like there, there are times whenI've talked to Olivia in the, in
the past where I'm like, some ofthe stuff you're saying is
really scary.
Some of the stuff that you'resaying is really frightening.
And I'm sad that your brainworks the way that it works
sometimes.
And I'm not sad because I wantyou to be different.
(45:49):
I'm sad because life is gonna beslightly harder for you than it
is for, I told Olivia thousandsof times, right?
Like you're the Exactly the kidthat I needed, like you are.
Exactly.
I wouldn't go back and change asingle thing, but I'm sorry that
it is gonna be harder for youthan it is for everybody else.
(46:10):
Like, as a parent, we want theirexistence.
Like, I don't want you to haveto take the SATs every month.
Like I don't want you to, tohave to suffer it at all.
But I mean, that's, life isgonna throw this stuff at you
and, um, yeah, it, it makes me,it makes me sad that you have
to, that things are gonna beharder for you.
(46:32):
And then to, to look at, youknow, it made me think about, I
don't know, Columbine, so.
We might have a listener thatmight be too young, but they can
look that one up.
The Columbine, one of the momsdid a Ted Talk years ago about
like, not necessarily that shewanted sympathy from people, but
she just wanted people to knowand to understand that, like she
(46:57):
lost her son too.
And they came with all of theseemotions and all of this feeling
and all of the, you know,everyone blames the parents.
And where, where were hisparents?
She, she just really articulatedthe fact that I never wanted
this for him.
Yeah.
And I never wanted this for yourkids.
Like, I wanted to help and Iwanted him to grow up just like
(47:22):
everybody else.
So, yeah.
And that's a scary habit.
Habit.
We just can't, we, we can't, wetry to do everything right.
And sometimes it's, I'm notgonna say it's not enough, but
just sometimes it doesn't work.
And that's just like, sometimes,sometimes you have to cut the
leg off when it's broken so bad.
(47:44):
Right.
Like to throw an analogy outthere with, um, physical
ailments, like, and sometimespeople get really sad and really
bitter about those physicalailments where sometimes people
get really sad and really bitterabout their mental struggles.
Yeah.
Like it's just tragic.
Tragic.
Yep.
So, yeah, that was, uh, thatwas, that's what's been
happening in my little brainover the past couple of days.
(48:07):
Plus I went back to Juujitsu,which was really hard'cause I'd
been away for about six weeks,and I thought everyone would be
mad at me.
Nobody cares.
Nobody cares.
They're like, Hey, it's been awhile.
Yep.
Here I am.
And it was fun.
And I need to learn to notdisrupt class with my Attention
Deficit Disorder commentary.
Is it Attention Deficit Disorderor is it being uncomfortable?
(48:27):
Mm, probably a bit of both.
Yeah, probably a bit of both.
Me both.
Well, and it's the opportunityto say things that are funny.
It's really hard when they saythings like Shoulder of Justice
or Destiny, whichever one.
I forget.
I mean, yeah.
And you guys are playing, right?
He's like, all right, get upthere and high guard.
(48:48):
And high guard is when somebodysits on your boobs.
Hmm, cool.
Like they put their knees inyour, in your armpits, and they
sit on your, on your boobs, andthen they try to choke you with
your, uh, with your, I have nodesire.
Like I actually think I afteryour stories, I actually have
negative desire to ever dojiujitsu.
(49:12):
Like it's so fun.
It couldn't get any less, Idon't think.
Every time you tell mesomething, I'm like, oh, wow,
that's, that hole sunk evendeeper.
And like, they say things like,okay, well, um, get up into a
tripod.
I was like, Hmm.
That's just, that's what, howdo, what is it?
He's like, mm-hmm.
I want you to put the pointypart of your shoulder into the
(49:35):
middle of my chest, and then Iwant you to get up on your two
legs in the back.
No.
And put as much of your weight.
On that pointy part of yourshoulder.
I was like, like this?
And he's like, yep.
And then he just takes my legsand flips me over onto my back.
And I was like, oh.
I was like, wait, let me do thatto you.
(49:56):
Oh, I'm good.
Nah, I'm good.
Super fun.
Super fun.
But the kid that I've wrestledrolled with last night works at
the post office in Elizabeth.
I love the Elizabeth PostOffice.
Why?
I don't know.
Nostalgia.
Just'cause it was down thestreet and I could walk down the
street and put the letter in themail like, oh my God.
Right.
(50:16):
I don't know.
It had a post office smell toit.
Yeah, definitely.
Of oh three seven, let's go.
Yeah.
It was a block away from ourhouse and it was wonderful.
Yep.
Oh, I need stamps.
'cause I'm very popular and Ihave so many pen pals.
Yeah.
Alright, that's all I got.
Okay.
Gastro story of the week.
We'll have to wait for next week'cause we yammered away about
(50:38):
sports and kids and athletes andmental health for, um, for far
too long.
And, uh, and now we both have,uh, big girl jobs to go to.
Yes.
Yes ma'am.
That is it.
I will leave you guys with this.
We are still planning on goingaway to a meditation retreat.
(50:59):
Super looking forward.
I meditated the other day forfour minutes.
That's how far I got.
Not four days or four hours,which is what we're gonna be
doing.
How I actually just threw up inmy mouth.
I'm sorry.
How much of the time do youthink we're supposed to be
meditating?
Where I will spend sleeping?
(51:19):
I.
I have to get a meditationcushion thingy, and I feel like
I need to get it now'cause Ineed to start sitting on it all
day.
So it looks, it looks like Imeditate a lot.
This is the thought that goesthrough my head, which is
terrible because it's not, Imean, who gives a fuck?
I feel like no guys, mine'sbroken in.
Don't care.
I mean, I meditate daily ish,but pretty consistently, but
(51:42):
never longer than 15 minutes.
Most days it's.
Five to 10 minutes, like 15minutes is a stretch.
And I don't think, I don't thinkthat's,'cause I can't sit, it's
just that I literally, I have toget up at like four in the
morning and I wanted to talkabout sleep.
Didn't get a chance to, but I'm,I'm not getting the sleep that I
need already.
Like I can't, I can't take outany more of my sleep and I
(52:05):
literally can't find anotherchunk of time where I could sit
and meditate right now.
Like that's currently my life.
So I, I don't know.
Anyway.
Okay.
Yeah.
Uh, we, we, we are in, we are inthe same boat, although I guess
I could just get up at five 30,but I feel like when I do that,
(52:26):
I, I'm tired.
That's the thing.
I don't get, I don't go to bedearly enough to get up any
earlier than I do.
Like I'm already only gettinglike.
Five to six hours a night, and Iam, I am a person who needs a
full eight hours of sleep.
Seven.
Judge me, if you will, likeseven to nine is probably my
(52:47):
place, right.
But I don't, this is, I don'tever get seven, like, and I'm
not blaming that like it's myfault.
I need to make changes to makesure I get into bed at a certain
time and I need to start wakingup earlier or later, whatever.
But my sleeping habits, I mean,I have a pretty.
Solid schedule of when I go tobed.
(53:08):
But that bedtime is not earlyenough.
Right.
And now with soccer starting, Ican't rely on that.
'cause I don't get home if theyhave an away game.
I don't get home till like 1030.
Right.
Which, like, my optimal bedtimeis like between eight and nine.
I can't, I can't do that.
My kid is 16, I can't it, uh, ahundred, a hundred percent.
(53:30):
Um.
And I can't sleep any laterbecause I go to bed later.
It's not like I could sleeplater'cause I have a real
fucking job that I have to do.
Like, I, I can't.
There's also shit that has tohappen.
Like, and the, the, the stuffthat has to happen has to happen
at specific times.
It's not like I can be like,okay, from, from four o'clock to
(53:52):
about eight 15 is.
Mindless time, like the, itcan't be anything that requires
me to think.
It can't be anything thatrequires a organization or
thought like, because I thinkthis is my theory for so long,
that was practice time and thatwas me taking Olivia to, to hear
(54:13):
to there.
Like I can mindlessly go throughemails during that time, but I
can't.
Do work.
Work.
And that is when a lot of stuffshould get done.
I can go to class, I can go toTaeKwonDo or uh, jiujitsu.
No, no worries.
'cause I don't have to thinkthere.
I just have to do the nextthing.
And, and that's superfrustrating for me.
(54:35):
'cause that means the onlyoption is just to get up
earlier.
To get up earlier.
Now, do you think you couldchange that though, considering
that you think that that'sbecause of the habit that you
had before?
I'm always convinced that yourmind is pl, like neuroplasticity
is a real thing, right?
Like, so I'm sure I could changeit.
The, the trick is there's,there's other stuff that happens
(55:00):
during that time, like cleaning,straightening up the house,
emptying, like there's mindlessthings that can happen during
that time that happened duringthat time.
Like, yeah.
So it's not time wasted.
It's not time.
Like you're not doing anything.
I'm not just, but sometimes I amlike sometimes depending on what
went on during the day and howmuch thought all of that
required and more so how muchinteraction with other people
(55:23):
that required the, the, thattime is the time where life.
Fill up my batteries again.
Do you know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
Like, that's the time where Isit down by myself and don't
talk to anybody and crochet or,uh, read a book where I don't
have to think about the plot or,you know, really dig into the
(55:43):
analysis of it.
That like that stuff happensthen, and depending on what
happened during the day, youneed more or less of that.
Yeah, like cooking, cookingdinner, eating dinner, like that
is a good sort of two hourritual, right?
Like five to seven and then, youknow, start thinking about
taking a shower around eight,like finish up putting all the
(56:06):
fucking cream I have to put onmy face to make it look like a
normal human, human being.
Um, around nine.
Yeah, and it's bedtime.
Normally, unless there'ssomething very, very important
or key happening at work, inwhich case I'll just stay up 24
hours a day.
Yeah.
I never do that.
Yeah.
My, I mean, my real job nevercauses me to lose sleep anyway.
(56:27):
Yeah.
It's just, yeah.
I'm sure I could change it, butthen you, I'm just moving stuff
around.
It feels like, like moving stuffaround or changing things would
take a pretty serious evaluationof what's important and what can
get cut out.
I think like, yeah.
Happen.
I mean, that's what, that's whatit's about.
Like that's what you, that'swhat change is.
It's evaluating your priorities,your values.
(56:50):
Right?
Like should come first.
Right now my kid comes first.
Yeah.
And going to his away soccergames comes first.
Right?
Like going to Jiujitsu lastnight meant that I didn't cook
any dinner.
Yeah.
I never cooked dinner.
I mean, anyway, David and Idon't eat very much anyway, but
there's usually something thatgets prepared and served up.
So then I'm all right, I gottaget to my real job.
(57:12):
All right, monkey.
Okay.
Thank you for joining me todayand thank you for chatting so
openly and honestly, and Iappreciate you and I love you.
I love you too.
All right.
Bye.
Love you.
Bye.
Welcome to The Mental Funny Bone.
This is a podcast where weendeavor to take some of the
stigma away from mentalchallenges that we all go
through.
We focus on mental wellbeing andmental health, and basically we
just try to make sure that weare working towards being better
people.
(00:23):
Yeah.
I'm Christine.
We just really haveconversations.
I'm Sarah that we are sisters,and we started this podcast.
Gosh, 18, 19 months ago.
And generally we got the ideawhen, when we were talking on
the phone and making each otherlaugh mm-hmm.
Generally through tears of somesort.
(00:43):
Um, and uh, here we are, littlebit of background for people who
may be just tuning in for thefirst time.
I feel like we should probablydo that every once in a while.
Um, little bit of background.
My daughter, Olivia, tried totake her own life at 14, so
we've been caretaking, uh, in.
Generally working really hard tomake sure she's got the, the
(01:05):
help and the resources that sheneeded.
And I feel like I would havebeen better off if someone
would've mentioned maybe Iwasn't the only one doing that.
Um, and you can give them alittle bit of, uh, your story
about why mental health is soimportant to you.
And then we can carry on withthe podcast.
I have a couple of topics fortoday and a gaster story of the
week.
(01:25):
I love coming into it completelyblind and just seeing what the
fuck happens.
It's.
One of my favorite things, oneof my favorite things.
So yeah, my backstory, I havelived with depression and
anxiety.
Had a touch of insomnia therefor a little while.
Um, which I wanna talk aboutsleep today'cause I'm having
issues.
(01:45):
But yeah.
So anyway, it's been a, it'sbeen up and down.
And when that shit firststarted, it probably would've
been nice if I knew that Iwasn't on an island by myself.
So, we're also gonna recommendthat you guys tune in on the, on
the YouTubes.
To see us, number one, becausemy face is doing some, some
wacky stuff.
My hair it, mm-hmm.
(02:06):
There's a, there's a bang that'soutside of the headphone, the
headband, and it's just, justwild.
Also, for those of you who wentto Bethany College and might be
tuning into this podcast, mybackground these days is my
diploma, so we've switchedaround the office in an attempt
to improve the feng shui and themental flow of things.
(02:27):
Feng Shui or fe fe feng shui.
Look, I'm certified.
Look at you.
These are my certifications.
My gosh.
I love that.
There's a like a yellow stickeron it that says certified.
Yeah, that's my favorite part.
I mean, I just printed these.
If you want like row ones onfancy paper, you have to pay$15.
I was like, like I'll just printthem.
(02:49):
I'll just, I'll just put thisone right here.
It's fine.
That's fine.
All right.
So this is our, is our podcastMostly it's, it's like a phone
conversation between the two ofus where we we're, we're funny.
Um, I, I had to take Rosemary,my cat to the, to the vet
because she has arthritis in herhip.
(03:10):
Yeah.
And I've never identified morewith an animal in my whole life.
Yeah, it sucks getting old.
We, she's, she's only six.
I know.
She doesn't feel old.
Do you feel old?
She's a cat.
She's trying to, and she'sextremely, well, not extremely,
but she's a big boned, so she's,she's a, she's size model.
She's got some extra, she's gotsome extra shit to carry around.
(03:31):
She's doing great.
Like, she'll wake up and she'lllimp around and then she, you
know, we can give her somemorphine if she feels.
If, if she feels like it.
I don't know.
Have you talked to her about howit would improve her life if she
went on a diet, got a littlemore exercise, maybe worked on
her sleep?
I feel like she gets enoughsleep.
No, no.
She doesn't need to work on hersleep.
She's, uh, she's, uh, currently,uh, so she puts in a full
(03:55):
workday, but yeah.
I mean, when there's, uh,meetings happening, rose is
involved.
Mm-hmm.
So she, she, she puts in a fullworkday, so I feel like she gets
that part.
Like maybe, you know, six hoursof meetings every day, don't
you?
Yes.
Um, we did.
I'm gonna cover ears right now.
(04:15):
Uh, we did talk about, you know,maybe not free feeding her, like
making her wait till the littlemachine says kitties.
Time to eat.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
She didn't, she didn'tappreciate that.
She just stood there looking atme and then she walked over to
the food dish and laid in it.
So, yeah, I don't, I mean, Idunno.
Maybe she enjoyed it.
(04:36):
I don't know.
The vet said she could probablylose two pounds and that would
put her more in the normal rangeand she would probably be a lot
more comfortable.
But.
Right.
I was like, every time we talkabout weight, I think about
shitting.
Like every time we talk aboutweight, I relate it to the
weight of a poop.
(04:58):
Like, I think, welcome to ourpounds.
I could shit that out.
Like this morning, I'll, I'llshit that out.
It seems like it, but Rose is acat.
Like she just little like, uh,Tootie rolls.
That's rolls.
That's she, that's all shepoops, right?
That's it.
Macho.
We did think about maybe, but,but we also have another cat,
(05:19):
uh, the one-eyed cat, UNO, Ivan.
And, uh, I wish Tim was Ivanevery time you say it.
Uh, but it's not, it's Uno andwe're afraid he'll die because
Rose won't let him eat any ofthe food.
Like we would have to put him ina room by himself and then let
him eat before.
And then Rose is still gonna tryto steal his food.
Like Rose.
Yes, rose can be a real cunt.
(05:39):
Sometimes she can't.
She's a plus size model.
She deserves it, don't you?
Yes.
You're very pretty.
The picture of a ruga salt inher right?
She wants it now.
There's a drawer in the kitchenwhere we keep the, keep the
treats.
Yeah.
Her head, T-R-E-T-R-E-A-T-S, maaknow, knows how to spell now
(06:02):
kit.
It's goddamn dogs.
But, uh, when that drawer opens,she's like.
She will go from wherever she isand even when the arthritis was
at its worst and she wasbasically like a three-legged
kitty, she would sprint over tothe drawer and just sit there in
front of it.
Like I thought, I heard it openand I'm not sure where, where
the treats are now.
(06:22):
There's her hand, she's ow, ow.
She's a monster.
She's a bully monster.
When you said you had to coverher ears, I thought maybe that
you meant, you were talkingabout taking her to the, to the
farm.
No, I can't.
Like that is the other thing,like we also had the family
discussion about how much moneywe would invest into an animal
that only really lives for 10years anyway.
(06:45):
Mm-hmm.
And Olivia, Olivia said, thereis a brand new$80,000 truck in
our driveway, and if we don'tspend$3,000 to save this cat's
life, this cat that I love morethan both of you.
Mm-hmm.
She live like, I will neverforgive you.
(07:07):
Yeah.
And I was like, yeah.
Okay.
So I guess, yeah.
We'll, we'll go ahead and, uh,we'll invest some money into
Yeah.
You know, orthopedic surgery forthe kitty.
That's fine.
You know what they do?
I don't think I wanna know, butgo ahead.
They.
When, when it gets bad enough,her little hip joint gets bad
enough.
(07:27):
They, they go in, they layer,they layer out like flat, and
then they cut into the hip andthey get like a wire cutters and
they cut off the top of the hipjoint and they sew in the
muscles and it just snugseverything up there.
So cool.
I was like, maybe we just a catdo that.
Can we do that at home?
I feel like I, yeah, somebodyhad anatomy.
(07:49):
I didn't, but somebody did.
Fine.
Fine.
Speaking of anatomy today is,uh, today's first day of school
here.
First day of like all school,like his regular school and
technical school.
He started technical school twodays ago, but today is
everything.
You sad.
So he starts his day with honorsphysics and I was like, you made
(08:14):
very bad decisions.
He said, you made very believedecisions.
I can't believe, I can't believeI'm starting my day with honors
physics.
I was like, that's that, that'sliterally your fault.
Like you all of a sudden decidedyou wanna take these smart
classes?
I told you stay in regularclasses and just excel, but you
don't listen to me.
Honors physics, you've never,you've never done homework.
(08:37):
Granted, you've just, you know,flown on by and gotten grades
that are just fine.
However, you're now taking.
Honors physics, AP something formath.
I don't know.
A bunch of shit I would neverdo.
And here's the, here's thething.
Every time we talk about Owen inschool, all I can think of is
(08:58):
him bellowing from my bathroom.
I'm done.
I'm done.
Mm-hmm.
And that over to somebody wipeshis ass, right?
Yeah.
Now he's taking honors physics.
I don't, I don't know.
Whatever, whatever.
He's, uh, he's a little bit, hehas a soccer game tonight,
(09:18):
second soccer game of theseason.
And, um.
He's a little frustrated.
When he came home from practiceyesterday, he played really
well.
In his first game.
He almost had a header goal andhe almost had a volleyball, like
the first one, goalie.
It was a volley, and the goaliemade a really good save.
And the second one, which wasthe header, went off the post
(09:40):
dude.
So, but he played really well.
Like he was the only one who hadlike shots on goal for the first
bit of the game.
Um, he didn't start, he came inas a sub, which was expected.
So I picked him up from practicelast night and he was a little
bit shitty, and I said, whathappened, dude?
He was like, well, Jeff's not,Jeff's not playing tomorrow.
(10:00):
I'm still not starting.
And I was like, oh, and there'snot many four words.
So I was kind of confused bythat myself.
Like, and I, I mean, I have tosay, I'm, and I maybe, maybe you
can correct me if I'm wrong.
I think I'm pretty hard on mykid.
So it's not like I'm just sayingthis shit because I'm not gonna
correct that at all.
Yeah.
Like, I mean, when it comes tosports, like, I'm like, dude,
(10:22):
you don't deserve to be there.
Like, I'm the first one to tellit.
Right?
Like, you're not good.
Wow.
That was bad.
So.
So I say this like, so, youknow, I, I mean, I feel like
it's for real.
Like he's worked really hardover the last year and he played
really well in that first game.
And at the end of the game, likea few of the parents even sent
(10:42):
me texts like, he should bestarting, I'm not sure why he is
not starting like God.
So anyway, right, right.
So they're moving someone from adifferent position.
Into his position to starttonight and he's not very happy
about it.
Salty about it.
I said Yeah.
I mean you can go ahead and be,be mad about it, but you do know
(11:06):
how you fix it, right?
Like you go into the game'causeyou'll be the first sub that
comes in.
You turn around, give everybodydouble middle fingers.
No, no, don't do that.
It's, I was like, okay.
Mentally, mentally, as you're onyour way in, you give everybody
double mids.
And then you play your fuckingass off.
That's what you do.
(11:26):
And I mean, score a goal, that'sgreat, but play your ass off and
show them that you deserve to bethere.
Like that's the best thing thatyou can do.
Work so hard.
You don't give them the option.
Yeah.
So that's, that's where we are.
So I kind of felt bad for, andyou know, that I would have, I
would've said, well, you don'tdeserve to start, if I thought,
(11:47):
right, right.
It's so.
It's so fun'cause both our kidsshould be tiny toddlers.
'cause you know, obviously beingin our mid twenties, we
shouldn't have children that areYeah.
It makes I'm way too young tohave a junior in high school,
honestly.
Junior in college.
What are you, are you joking?
(12:07):
My, I'm on Facebook.
People are, my friends aredropping off their kids at
college.
I'm like, what the f fuck, whereare we?
I don't understand.
I mean, I guess it's good'causeI, I, I don't feel like I'm
right, but also I don't, I, butalso the golden girls like,
yeah.
(12:27):
Right.
I look at that show and I'mlike, hold up Blanche.
Mm-hmm.
In that show is the same age Iam now.
Yeah.
Uhhuh, I gotta say you look alot better than Blanche.
I mean, first of all, you don'thave the hair that requires you
to go to the salon every Friday,but I would love it.
(12:49):
I'm not sure why I don't.
Oh, dear God.
Yeah, it's, I, it's confusing tome.
I, I mean, I guess everybody, I,everybody, but it's not one of
those things like mommy anddaddy, where I'm like, I felt
like they were older, like,right.
But, but with the golden girls,like, like I look, look at them
now and I'm like, they're still,they still look old.
(13:10):
Like, it's not like I've justadjusted'cause I got old.
Do you know what I mean?
Right.
No, it's not like I look at themlike, oh yeah, okay, we're
comparable.
I just didn't realize that.
Like I feel like I wouldprobably do that looking back at
mommy and Daddy being like, oh,yeah, I see where we're
comparable in ages, but with thegolden girls, like they still
look fucking old, right?
Like Blanche had lost herhusband, rose had lost her
(13:32):
husband.
Dorothy was divorced, but hermom looked ancient, right?
Ancient Sophia.
She was just waddling around.
Picture it.
She was the best Sicily person.
She might be the best tvbcharacter ever.
Sicily 1942.
How much?
I don't know why I thought ofthis.
(13:52):
Somebody at the golf outingmentioned Bill Cosby and
something funny about Bill Cosbyand I was like, that really
sucks that Bill Cosby.
Now, every time someone mentionshim, not that people do a lot.
'cause this might be the firsttime I've heard his name in a
very long time, which isappropriate.
But like as soon as we werelaughing about something, as
soon as he said it, likeliterally everybody was like,
(14:12):
Ooh.
And it makes me mad.
It makes me mad.
'cause it was such a good showand there were so many other
great people in that show and itthings were funny and now we
can't talk about them becausehe's a disgusting right person.
Dad is great.
Give me chocolate cake.
Come on.
Yeah.
These are good standup routines.
Yeah, but I just can't piece ofshit.
(14:35):
Piece of shit.
Yeah.
Anyway, so back to back to thechildren.
So Liv, Liv starting her junioryear.
She's got anatomy, histology,organic chemistry, histology.
Do you wanna know what wentthrough my head?
Is it like a combination historyand bought, yeah.
Histology.
I don't know what it is.
(14:56):
Like she signed up, she's like,I have histology.
And I was like, Ooh, thatsounds.
I don't know is what is, yeah.
Hard.
I'm not sure.
It's history and biology.
It's the history of biology.
I don't, it's Do they have thaton the histology channel?
Like Yeah.
Right.
The histology of food.
Yeah.
Foods that made histology greatAgain, I don't know, but she is,
(15:19):
uh, she is also struggling,excuse me, with the athletics
too.
She's.
She thought that she was gonnaslide into that center back
position, and, uh, the coach waslike, we're gonna go with jelly.
Jelly had center back.
And uh, she was like, all right,cool, cool.
(15:41):
I was like, well, you know, Liv,it's not, it's not, you don't
get to, your job is to go outand work hard and show the coach
where you're, where you're gonnabe.
It's not to figure everythingout, like just.
Do your stuff.
I mean, same thing.
She's, she's still starting at,she is she still an outside
back?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(16:01):
She's, uh, but she's playingleft back.
And I was like, which for thoseof you not following along
terribly closely, I, uh, playedsoccer in college and I played
left back.
There you go.
At, uh, Bethany College, I don'tknow if you guys are on the
YouTubes and you can see thediploma.
It's giant.
You can see it, but it's sofancy that you can't tell what
the fuck it is.
Like that's what you get whenyou go to.
(16:24):
Written in Latin.
It's in Latin, right?
I mean, you can't tell it's inLatin.
I just know that from seeing it,right?
There is a, but yeah, I thinkthis signature right here on, on
the diploma that is the, uh, oneof the security guards, because
he wrote me so many parkingtickets that last year I was at
college.
(16:44):
He was like, I might as wellsign my name here as well.
Love in college.
We get so many parking tickets'cause we're fucking lazy.
That's, that's what it, right.
I don't know.
Right.
Like I ended up with a boot onmy car.
Same.
Same.
Yeah.
I don't like how there's,there's never enough parking.
Where you need it.
Yeah.
Like everyone wants to be thesame place.
(17:06):
Mm-hmm.
And the campuses are only sobig.
Yeah.
And there's no way I'm gonnawalk from another parking lot
over to my sorority house.
Let's not be ridiculous.
Yeah.
There's there's no way.
I mean, it really, it's kind ofputs a hinder on things when
you, when you go out to your carand there's a big old boot on it
(17:26):
and you're like, oh, it reallydoes fuck.
Especially when it's parkedillegally.
Gonna have to walk a lot farthernow.
Right.
I had to work at the fish frybecause I didn't have enough
money to get the boot off my carat the fish fry for the firemen.
I had to work like a full day ongood fry when everyone else,
(17:47):
someone's delicious.
Do you know what you smell likeafter working at the fish fry
all day?
What you smell like?
Is that what you said?
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You smell like fried fish.
You smell like a bar.
You smell like a kid.
I dated in high school.
You smell like so much dirtyvagina that wow.
(18:10):
Woo.
You can't right into it.
I, I took my clothes off in myroom, took a shower, and when I
came back into that room, justbecause the clothes had been in
there.
Yeah.
Like I had to open windows.
I'm like, I, yeah.
I had to throw those clothesaway.
You are like, yeah, but I didn'thave to walk from that other
(18:30):
parking lot.
Right.
I was parked and the whole timeI'm parked illegally.
Yeah.
So no lessons were learned atthe fish fry.
No.
Regardless of how bad I smelled,zero.
No lessons.
Zero.
Yep.
No lessons.
Yeah.
I had to throw away a reallynice sweater vest from old Davy.
A good old sweater vest.
It's your go-to.
Oh, that in a turtleneck.
(18:51):
So fun.
Now I can wear a turtleneckunderneath that.
Um, a turtleneck underneath aEddie Bauer button down.
Yes.
Yeah.
I feel like you definitely put aturtleneck under, uh, under a
sweater vest.
Yeah.
Um, definitely.
Alright, so Olivia's talkingabout, uh, talking about all
this stuff that, that she'sgoing through.
She's, uh, she's, shecontinually struggles with some
(19:13):
of the, some of her soccerteammates.
There's just, uh, there's justone, one mean girl.
And, uh, I don't know if youremember when Liv was a
freshman.
This girl didn't invite Oliviato her birthday party and she
invited everybody else on theteam.
Mm-hmm.
And Olivia is hyper-focused'cause she's got a little bit of
(19:34):
the OCD on this girl.
And, uh, she's created a nemesissituation, which is.
You know, in some ways kind offun to watch because this girl's
like singling out one of theweird freshmen and you know,
just doing the same shit, likebeing mean to her.
I'm like, why do you, but you'rea senior?
Like, yeah, I, when I was asenior, I don't think I even
(19:57):
learned the freshmen's names.
Was like, I was just gonna saylike, it's such a, at that age,
like in high school and even incollege, there's such a age
difference there that you don'teven.
Like, right.
Yeah.
Why are you even spending time?
Like, I mean, that's just a goodsign that she's an asshole and
just going out of her way to,um, I mean, I shouldn't say
(20:19):
that, right?
I don't know her, but she kindof sounds like an asshole, um,
who's going out of her way justto knock down other people to
make herself feel better.
I was like, Ugh, this is awful.
Mm-hmm.
And.
So, Olivia and I have beentalking a lot about how much
energy and how much mentalcapacity you wanna spend on a
(20:41):
team that clearly doesn't have,like the team thing that, that
you were hoping for when youwent to college like this.
This is a, this is, go ahead.
Sorry.
Like it's not, is it fillingyour cup?
Is it feeding your soul?
Is it bringing you joy to be onthis team?
She's like.
I love to play.
She's like, once we're on thefield and we're playing, as long
(21:03):
as I'm not having to pass tothis girl, then it's all, I feel
good.
Like, I like that part of it.
She's like, I've done it for solong.
I'm two years away from likefinishing out the career.
I wanna get the framed pictureof my jersey on senior night.
I'm like, well, you gottabalance that out with the fact
that the team is sucking.
(21:25):
A lot of your happiness and alot of your ability to focus on
other things, your lightness.
And she's also missing out onbeing with the lacrosse team
because she doesn't have thetime.
And those guys are just sweet.
They're like, most of themdidn't play look lacrosse very
well, but now they're playing incollege and they're, they're
(21:47):
just a team.
They're happy to see each other.
Lives walking across campusyesterday talking to me on the
phone and she's like, Hey, I'mgonna have a quick conversation.
I'm just gonna put the phonedown.
I don't wanna have to call youback.
Hold on.
And you can hear her talking tolike the lacrosse teammates and
they're all like throwingcompliments back and forth.
Like, your skirt is so cute.
(22:08):
How were your classes?
Like everyone is just sweet.
I'm like, you should spend moretime with those guys.
Like, that's the joy.
That's what you're gonna takeaway after you get your framed
jersey or whatever.
Like in, in 10 years, you'regonna find that in the back of a
closet.
But you're gonna remember likethe people that were nice and
(22:29):
kind and helped each other.
You're not gonna like, you'regonna remember the shitty soccer
team, but you know, figure outwhat, figure out what you like.
Figure out where your joy is.
Yeah, and I mean like I thinkthe biggest thing you said there
is the balance of it.
Like is the irritation that shehas with the other teammates
(22:50):
worth her love of playing?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I mean, she's gotta get,like people are shitty.
They're gonna be shitty.
That is, and you can't let themovertake your life.
Like that's, yeah.
You're giving them entirely toomuch power over you.
I was like, this is also goodpractice.
Like eventually you're not gonnahave a choice of whether or not
(23:11):
you're gonna show up someplacewhere people.
Love you and respect you.
Like eventually at some pointbetween now and when you die,
you're going to end up in a jobor a group or something where
people are dicks and maybe thisis like your practice for it.
I'm like, I don't know.
Yeah.
(23:31):
So she went to, she's the way itgoes, talk to her lacrosse
coach.
And she's like, I know.
Um, I know Frazier will, she'll,she'll tell me the truth.
And she's so much like me.
She puts a premium on winningand not quitting.
And I'm like, right, right.
Yeah, definitely.
Go talk to Frazier and see, seewhat's up.
And the difference in Olivia'svoice before that talk and after
(23:53):
that talk was just so good.
Yeah.
Like, and she decided to, shedecided that she's gonna stick
with the soccer, which I wassurprised about.
She's like, well, Frazier didn'ttell me everything I wanted her
to tell me.
But she did have good advice,and I was like.
She told Olivia, she's like,what are you gonna think about
when you're 30?
She's like, what are you gonnamiss?
(24:13):
What are you gonna regret?
And yeah, you have control overthis now where you might not in
the future, but you also won'thave this again.
This will be gone.
And Olivia was like.
That's right.
She's right.
I mean, also, Olivia sent me atext message specifically to
tell me that the division threetraining staff is not only
(24:33):
learning how to tape ankles, butalso receiving some mental
health training as well.
That's what I thought too.
I was like, oh, I can't imaginethis when I was playing.
I can't imagine anyone beinglike, are you okay?
Literally, we like mental healthwas never mentioned and if it
was, if anybody said mentalhealth, we were like, what the
(24:53):
fuck is that?
I don't understand.
Like it was, you were crazy.
Like literally you were crazy.
You were one flew over thecuckoo's nest like Right.
That's literally what mentalhealth was to us.
There was no, yeah, there was ashunning.
I remember the one girl waslike, she's like, I just have to
take a semester off.
Like I have to focus on mymental health.
(25:15):
And we were like, God, she's inthe cuck coon.
She's in the cuckoo nest.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Nobody wants to be your roommatenow.
Psycho.
Yeah.
Right.
I can't imagine.
Like I turn like there were.
Un innumerable, uh, practiceswhere I would turn up like
literally in tears because I'm agiant baby and somebody was mean
(25:38):
to me in class, or I didn't getan A and you know, throwing the
cleats around.
And for someone to evenacknowledge it would've been so
weird.
Coach is like, Hey, get outthere.
Yeah, get moving.
That's it.
Come on, let's go.
Let's take that aggression outoutta the field there lady.
(25:58):
Thanks.
Thanks, Katie.
Gotcha.
Yeah.
So wild, but I think sonecessary.
For sure, for sure.
I do worry that.
And this is gonna soundterrible, especially on this
podcast, but I do worry thatsometimes we're getting too far,
not too far.
I don't know the words to use,but I feel like we also have to
take responsibility for thingsthat we do.
(26:21):
And I feel like there's a lot,not that we're teaching, I don't
know how to explain it.
You know what I'm getting atthough?
Like I feel like we're takingsome of these things that we're
battling as well, and using themas excuses in places where
they're not.
Actually an excuse like you needto take responsibility for your
life as well.
(26:41):
Again.
I mean, I also think that'sanother, that's a tricky part of
it too, because again, it'smental health.
It's not like we can like, Hey,there's your broken bone.
I could see that, that you'reinjured, so cool.
But I mean.
You're, you're, you're alwaysgonna have, you're always gonna
have people on, on one side ofthat equation, right?
You're always gonna have peoplewho are like, I'm taking a
(27:03):
mental health day so I can getmy nails done.
Yeah.
Cool.
Awesome.
Good, positive.
And, you know, maybe, maybe youdon't need a mental health day,
do you?
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like, yeah.
If you wanna go get your nailsdone, just take the day off,
like go get your nails done.
I mean, it's the same, it it'stough.
(27:24):
It's definitely, it's tough.
Exactly.
But I would rather err on havingthat person 50, 50,000 times.
Right.
And having the one person who islike, I am struggling so bad
that I don't know what willhelp.
Like is it getting my nails?
It's done.
No idea.
Like people bitching aboutwelfare and shit, like yeah.
(27:45):
Alright.
You are gonna have people thatare gonna take advantage of it.
'cause that's what they do.
You have rich people that takeadvantage of a shit ton of stuff
that nobody fucking paysattention to.
Right.
But anyway, that's a whole othercon conversation, but.
You're gonna have people thatare gonna take advantage of it.
But bottom line, like peopleneed assistance, people need
help.
And a lot of those people thatneed help are kids.
(28:05):
Yeah.
Like, yeah.
I would much rather let my taxdollars go to those people and
have a, have some of them buyfucking SIGs with their access
card or whatever they're doing.
Then have these kids go hungry.
Yeah, I mean especially,especially when we're talking
about athletes and especiallywhen we're talking about kids
(28:28):
who are athletes in college.
Somebody posted the division twoworkout for some school.
And it's the same, it's the sameworkout.
Like division one, division two,division three.
Well division one's a littledifferent.
Like, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like these kids are, uh, thesekids excel in the class.
These kids excel in the field.
These are kids who on theoutside look like they have it
(28:50):
all together.
And these are the kids thatlike.
Don't get the nod sometimes, doyou?
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Like they just slip through thecracks because they on the
surface look like they're fine.
So they're doing everythingright and they're doing, they're
excelling at everything andthey're awesome.
And I mean, now being a mom of ateenager who's gonna be taking
(29:12):
the SATs and.
Seeing what, what's going onwith other kids?
There are, there are severalkids on the soccer team that I'm
like, I can only imagine theamount of anxiety that lives in
your body.
Right?
Like right.
And.
It.
I don't know.
I'm on the opposite end of thespectrum.
Like I don't give a fuck if youtake SATs.
(29:33):
Like I don't have a plan for youto go to bed early.
I'm not making you go to classlike so.
I'm probably on the extremeother end of it.
That's not good.
Like we need a little bit in themiddle.
I personally would rather my kidnot give a fuck about the SATs
than 800 times.
In an attempt to get a perfectscore, it, it is like mon
(29:55):
monthly, monthly, monthlyscheduled to take SATs over the
fall, monthly, like that.
Many times.
That's a lot of SATs.
Like it's a standardized test.
I know that one is September andOctober.
I don't know about, I mean thisis just, it's none of my
business.
Yeah, whatever.
No, no, no.
But I mean, in my head I'm like,I and I, I interact with him,
(30:18):
the boy a little bit.
To me, I'm like, wow, do youwanna go have fun?
Like, do you want, let's go dosomething fun.
'cause I feel like, um, you needthat.
Like, I feel like I can, I canfeel the anxiety and tension in
your poor little 17-year-oldbody from here, there.
Like it's, it's a, it's a crazything.
(30:41):
Like, I don't know if youremember, but when Liv was like,
junior maybe.
Yeah.
We, we started like looking atschools and I made that into a.
Data analytics problem.
Mm-hmm.
Like, and I wasn't even extreme.
I don't know, uh, when Oliviawas playing soccer and she, she
was playing with some likereally, really good teams and
(31:07):
there were moms on that teamthat had like.
Binders and recorded everymoment that they were on the
field.
She's like, well, we're gonnaneed it.
And I was like, for what?
She was like, are you kidding?
I was like, I don't, I just, I'mnot, I don't get it.
Yeah.
I mean, so much, so muchpressure on these guys.
So much pressure.
Like the one schoolConnellsville, they, um, I was
(31:29):
watching the news accidentallylast night because not only was
this story on there, but therewas two stories about people
being mean to animals.
What is, I know, right?
I was sitting at the, at the,uh, too.
I was teaching the other, Iwatch the news every day, but
yeah, they start talking aboutthe, the dog.
And I was like, I can't, Ican't, I can't, I can't, I
(31:50):
can't, I can't turn it off.
And I literally was just doingthat, so I couldn't hear what
was going on because I wasn'tnear the remote control.
And I was like, I can't, Ican't, I can't.
It hurts my heart.
I'm gonna cry.
I can't, right.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
Anyway, so we got past theanimal cruelty stories and I was
like, oh my God.
In the Connellsville, they've,they've got like the, they've
got like the little overachieverconnellsville girls, like the
(32:13):
ones who run student council andare in National Honor Society.
My, yeah.
Kindred spirits from back in theday.
Yeah.
And they're like, we think thatit's really unfair that the
school has decided to do awaywith class rankings.
Like they don't, they don't giveyou a rank anymore.
They, and the school board waslike, because it just puts too
much pressure on these kids.
Like they take classes that theydon't want.
(32:35):
Yeah.
They take classes.
They, they lose the opportunityto take a class.
That might be something thatthey're passionate about.
Because it's not an AP class andit won't boost their GPA and it
won't give them that, thatlittle edge.
Yeah.
The, the kids were like, I needthat.
I need that to get into college.
Like you could feel, it'sfucking insane.
(32:58):
It's insane.
I can't like feel that it makesme wanna cry.
I, and again, I mean, it islike.
This is just me.
This is how I feel.
I feel like it's just entirelytoo much pressure.
I feel like we've lost part ofchildhood, I guess.
I don't know.
I was up at the high school afew months ago and there's like
(33:18):
a wall with like honor students,like listed and shit.
Um, and I was like, oh, where,why isn't Owen's name up here?
He has like a 3, 3 7.
And I'm like, why?
Why isn't Owen up here?
And somebody was like, oh, youhave to have above a 4.0.
And I'm like.
Excuse me, and I mean, it's awall.
Sorry, coming in, but there's alot of them, right?
(33:39):
I was like, uh, what, what do wedo?
What, what are we doing?
Just don't, how can a kid andsomething's wrong when a kid has
a three seven and they're not onan honors wall?
Like, I don't, I don'tunderstand this right?
I mean, I get that there'speople who have a 6.0 apparently
that's, that's a valid thing.
(33:59):
It's not a thing, but like Ifeel like it is nine.
That makes nine.
I have a four.
That makes sense.
Nine.
But why are we putting, why thisthe way it did?
It's the shit.
I'm so confused by it and I hateevery fucking bit of it.
And I do believe that that's whymy child is taking honors
physics because this is what hethinks he needs to do.
(34:20):
Right.
The most I could do is be like,dude, you should have just
stayed in the regular classesand kept getting a's easily.
There were times in Olivia'scareer where I was super sad
that she went to school whereshe, where she went, right.
Like there's, there's not a lotof extra programs.
There's not a lot of money inthe school district.
There's just not a lot of.
Opportunities to do things rightbecause no one else is doing
(34:43):
them.
Um, when it comes to that, andshe graduates with like a four,
four and she's fifth in theclass, I'm like, that's no one,
no one is gonna research theschool too terribly much.
And she did that without, uh,having a lot of pressure to do
things that she didn't wanna do.
Like she still took art classesthat she liked.
(35:03):
Uh, she still played soccer.
Without feeling the pressure todo a whole lot of other things.
And the good thing was shedidn't have to take SATs'cause
it was COVID.
So, I mean, yeah, we didn't get,get appropriate or uh, good
solid care after we did a littlestint inpatient during COVID,
but I mean.
(35:24):
She didn't have to take theSATs.
So it's a balance.
Right.
But yeah, I, I mean, I shouldalso state that there are kids
who thrive in that, who thatworks for'em.
Yeah.
And so it's cool.
I, I just think that there are alot of parents, I think there
are a lot of kids in thatsituation who do not want to be
in that situation.
And, and it's simply theirparents putting them in that
(35:44):
situation, putting, putting themin that situation.
And I think that sucks.
But it is, it is a lot ofpressure and it is, I don't, I
don't know'cause it's been solong since I've been, uh,
looking for jobs, but it seemsto me like where I went to
school, uh, eventually had lessto do.
(36:06):
With me getting the job.
Like they're like, BethanyCollege, where's that?
I have to agree that I don'tfucking need, like I don't think
I ever needed my degree, mybachelor's degree.
I'm not sure I ever needed thatfor a job that I've had like
you.
You have more specific, but likemine's a basic business degree
and I'm really maybe.
It was like a requirement, butI, I think it was more of like
(36:29):
when I, you know, you read the,the job listing and it's like,
you know, preferred bachelor'sdegree, right?
Like, I think those are thepositions I've had.
Like, and then my dumb ass wentback to school three years ago,
thought it would be a great ideato get a fucking master's degree
that I'm, I'm.
Never going to use.
I can confidently say thatnothing I did or learned
(36:50):
throughout that$25,000experiment will ever be used.
But now, you know, um, yeah, Imean it's, which is why I am on
the end of Owen, what the fuckare you, why are you taking
these classes and trying to goto college that, yeah, like
these are the, these are thekids that, that get overlooked
because they do so well and.
(37:13):
I think that having a little bitof focus on Rose, you gotta
fucking stop.
I'm, I'm looking at you.
Rose is staring up at me likeshe has her head back like this
looking at me like.
Shut up, kitty.
It's not time for you to talk.
Um, yeah, but these are the kidswho get overlooked, right?
Like, oh, they're fine, they'refine, they're fine.
(37:34):
And they're really just under somuch stress and under so much
pressure, and the first timethings kind of go south for
them.
Having a little bit of helphandling that would probably be
a good idea.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, anyway, that is themental health stuff that I
wanted to talk about.
Like how do we get, how do weget the kids where they, where
(37:55):
they need to be?
And I don't know, it's so hardfor me because, I mean, I was
happy to go to college.
I was happy that was you.
Bless you.
God bless me.
Sorry.
Couldn't get the mute fastenough.
I could put my finger up in theair, but not on that mute
button.
Yeah, that's okay.
We'd like sneak.
Yeah, I was happy to go tocollege.
(38:17):
Like in no one knew any, youknow, no one knew any better.
There were like four kids thatwere gonna do like foreign
exchange programs.
'cause that was important.
The one kid's like, oh, I gottado a bunch of volunteering at
the old folks home.
I mean, these were just, butthey were like one, one kid.
Like one kid.
Mm-hmm.
And it is just, it's just crazy.
(38:39):
Just crazy.
Anyway.
Yeah, and I mean, I will sayagain, I'm not the perfect
parent whatsoever.
No.
I sent my kid out for a drivinglesson yesterday.
I was like, can you not swear atthe guy while you're in the car?
He was like, well, I'll ask himwhat I can get away with.
I was like, no, no, no, youwon't.
You'll get in the car and keepyour fucking mouth shut.
Did you say fucking mouth shutwhen you told him not to swear?
(39:01):
Of course I did.
Can you fucking not swear in thegoddamn car, Owen?
Like, just don't swear.
Then I have one more kid story.
We're on our way to soccerpractice.
He's driving and we drive afreshman with us who lives
across the way and his brotheris Owen's age and just got his
permit.
So this kid was telling Owen,like, or Owen asked if he had
(39:23):
been out on the road yet andwhatnot and, and Owen goes, you
know, when the first time I wason the road and he's telling
this kid this story.
And I mean, long story short, itwas because Noah was drunk and
he needed to drive him home at1:00 AM and this was the day
they did, he had his wisdomteeth out too.
So I mean, that adds a layer toit.
And I was like, how about we nottell the stories?
(39:45):
Did like make us look like badparents.
I mean, I guess the kids who, Iguess the parents who were
forcing their kids to take theSATs 8,000 times are talking
about me being the drunk mom.
I get it.
I get it and I deserve it.
Talk all you want, talk all youwant.
Cool.
There's a balance.
Judge me, I'm cool with it.
But then he was like, well whatabout the second time I drove on
the road?
(40:05):
Uh, me and dad had to come getyou at a party.
You were drunk.
I had to drive your car home atmidnight.
In the rain, and I was like, oh.
I was like, yeah, let's, that'sanother one.
We don't wanna tell that kidwho's in the backseat.
Sure, yeah.
Thank you.
Let's, why don't we, let's edita little bit.
Let's edit a little bit.
Yeah.
No, he's, no, no.
The amount of times these daysthat I'm like, can you at least
(40:26):
act like I'm here and then I'm adecent parent?
Can you at least act like thataround other people?
So they think I'm a decentparent?
Like, can we pretend.
And then he laughs And I, Imean, I laugh'cause I'm like,
huh, what the fuck?
Only so much you could fuckingdo.
I don't know.
What else did I wanna talk abouttoday?
And I probably made a very poorchoice, but as I was driving
(40:51):
away from campus, dropping offmy junior in her very safe
college dorm room.
Mm-hmm.
I started listening to the Idahofour.
Oh yeah.
Not a good idea.
Not a good idea.
Right.
What.
What was I thinking?
What was I thinking?
What was I thinking?
Why would I do that?
(41:11):
No, why would I do that?
No.
So people who don't activelyfollow true crime with the same
passion as middle-aged whiteladies, there is.
There's a, there's a very tragicrecent case where four college
students were, listen, if you'relistening to this and you don't
know of this case, even if youmaybe look it up, do not follow
a true crime.
(41:32):
Even if you hate true crime.
Like if you took a breath thismorning and you don't know about
this case.
I'm concerned.
I'm concerned.
Current events, current events,I'm concern.
Anyway, these, uh, these fourkids ended up getting killed in
their off-campus apartment.
At four in the morning on aSaturday night after they'd all
been out having good times.
And this is the, excuse me,James Patterson.
(41:54):
Do you remember James Patterson?
He was a author like alongSpider.
He him like he's dead.
Alex Cross novels like in thenineties.
That's what I'm referring to, isthat he wrote all these good
like crime stories.
The nineties, you're referringto him as a, as an author back
in the day, not like today.
It's changed.
He's no longer an author.
No, no.
(42:14):
Still an author.
Still an author.
Still an author, wrote a bunchof crime novels.
They made them into a bunch ofmovies.
Morgan Freeman played Alex Crossin them.
Along came a spider, had AshleyJudd, her big breakout role.
So anyway, James Pattersonresearches this book along with
some other lady who I didn'tknow, but it is like
(42:35):
meticulously researched andgives a very detailed account of
everything that happened.
Minute by minute account ofeverything that these kids did
and everything that the, the kidwho ultimately pled guilty to
that murder did.
And as I'm pulling away fromcampus, I'm, I'm popping that
the little audio book in andlistening to this horrific,
(42:58):
horrific set of events.
And as I'm listening to it, I'mfeeling kind of sympathetic to
the.
The kid who, who committed thesecrimes to, not sympathetic for
him, but for his parents whojust like.
They wanted their son to havethe same experience that these
(43:19):
four kids did.
Like these four kids were liketypical college kids, like
blonde sorority girls, likeathletic sorority boys, and like
these parents wanted that kindof experience for their son.
They wanted him to live thisnormal life and his brain was so
broken that regardless of theamount of help that they tried
(43:41):
to get him, and they, they didall the right.
Things, and he still ended upmurdering four other students.
And the tragedy of that isalmost as bad for me as the
tragedy of losing your son ordaughter to that kind of person.
(44:02):
Like it's so, it's so easy forme to empathize with the parents
of, of these guys that I think,I think that we empathize with
parents.
On both sides of this regardlessbecause Right.
I mean, if his parents were, andthis happens a lot with
psychopaths.
Their parents are terrible andthey do nothing to help'em.
(44:23):
Right.
These parents, I don't, I feelbad for, but in these
situations, and I'd imagine in alot of a decent amount of
situations, parents on bothsides of this have lost their,
their children.
Right.
I mean, it is.
It's just, and there's neneither way is good.
Neither way is fun.
Neither way is awesome.
Like all of it is tragic.
(44:44):
Yeah.
And it means like you're living,you're living without your kid
on one side and knowing thehorrific death that happened.
And on the other side, you areliving with your kid who you
know what he did and thehorrific things that he did.
Right.
Knowing that you triedeverything you possibly could to
help him, but nothing worked.
(45:04):
So, and in addition, the extrathing I think we have on the
side of his parents is.
It's scary being a parent andknowing that that is something
that could happen to all of usbecause we're doing what we
think we should.
We're doing the good things.
We're trying to help our kids,and no matter what we do,
there's always a chance they'regonna end up super fucked up.
(45:27):
Right, right.
Like there, there are times whenI've talked to Olivia in the, in
the past where I'm like, some ofthe stuff you're saying is
really scary.
Some of the stuff that you'resaying is really frightening.
And I'm sad that your brainworks the way that it works
sometimes.
And I'm not sad because I wantyou to be different.
(45:49):
I'm sad because life is gonna beslightly harder for you than it
is for, I told Olivia thousandsof times, right?
Like you're the Exactly the kidthat I needed, like you are.
Exactly.
I wouldn't go back and change asingle thing, but I'm sorry that
it is gonna be harder for youthan it is for everybody else.
(46:10):
Like, as a parent, we want theirexistence.
Like, I don't want you to haveto take the SATs every month.
Like I don't want you to, tohave to suffer it at all.
But I mean, that's, life isgonna throw this stuff at you
and, um, yeah, it, it makes me,it makes me sad that you have
to, that things are gonna beharder for you.
(46:32):
And then to, to look at, youknow, it made me think about, I
don't know, Columbine, so.
We might have a listener thatmight be too young, but they can
look that one up.
The Columbine, one of the momsdid a Ted Talk years ago about
like, not necessarily that shewanted sympathy from people, but
she just wanted people to knowand to understand that, like she
(46:57):
lost her son too.
And they came with all of theseemotions and all of this feeling
and all of the, you know,everyone blames the parents.
And where, where were hisparents?
She, she just really articulatedthe fact that I never wanted
this for him.
Yeah.
And I never wanted this for yourkids.
Like, I wanted to help and Iwanted him to grow up just like
(47:22):
everybody else.
So, yeah.
And that's a scary habit.
Habit.
We just can't, we, we can't, wetry to do everything right.
And sometimes it's, I'm notgonna say it's not enough, but
just sometimes it doesn't work.
And that's just like, sometimes,sometimes you have to cut the
leg off when it's broken so bad.
(47:44):
Right.
Like to throw an analogy outthere with, um, physical
ailments, like, and sometimespeople get really sad and really
bitter about those physicalailments where sometimes people
get really sad and really bitterabout their mental struggles.
Yeah.
Like it's just tragic.
Tragic.
Yep.
So, yeah, that was, uh, thatwas, that's what's been
happening in my little brainover the past couple of days.
(48:07):
Plus I went back to Juujitsu,which was really hard'cause I'd
been away for about six weeks,and I thought everyone would be
mad at me.
Nobody cares.
Nobody cares.
They're like, Hey, it's been awhile.
Yep.
Here I am.
And it was fun.
And I need to learn to notdisrupt class with my Attention
Deficit Disorder commentary.
Is it Attention Deficit Disorderor is it being uncomfortable?
(48:27):
Mm, probably a bit of both.
Yeah, probably a bit of both.
Me both.
Well, and it's the opportunityto say things that are funny.
It's really hard when they saythings like Shoulder of Justice
or Destiny, whichever one.
I forget.
I mean, yeah.
And you guys are playing, right?
He's like, all right, get upthere and high guard.
(48:48):
And high guard is when somebodysits on your boobs.
Hmm, cool.
Like they put their knees inyour, in your armpits, and they
sit on your, on your boobs, andthen they try to choke you with
your, uh, with your, I have nodesire.
Like I actually think I afteryour stories, I actually have
negative desire to ever dojiujitsu.
(49:12):
Like it's so fun.
It couldn't get any less, Idon't think.
Every time you tell mesomething, I'm like, oh, wow,
that's, that hole sunk evendeeper.
And like, they say things like,okay, well, um, get up into a
tripod.
I was like, Hmm.
That's just, that's what, howdo, what is it?
He's like, mm-hmm.
I want you to put the pointypart of your shoulder into the
(49:35):
middle of my chest, and then Iwant you to get up on your two
legs in the back.
No.
And put as much of your weight.
On that pointy part of yourshoulder.
I was like, like this?
And he's like, yep.
And then he just takes my legsand flips me over onto my back.
And I was like, oh.
I was like, wait, let me do thatto you.
(49:56):
Oh, I'm good.
Nah, I'm good.
Super fun.
Super fun.
But the kid that I've wrestledrolled with last night works at
the post office in Elizabeth.
I love the Elizabeth PostOffice.
Why?
I don't know.
Nostalgia.
Just'cause it was down thestreet and I could walk down the
street and put the letter in themail like, oh my God.
Right.
(50:16):
I don't know.
It had a post office smell toit.
Yeah, definitely.
Of oh three seven, let's go.
Yeah.
It was a block away from ourhouse and it was wonderful.
Yep.
Oh, I need stamps.
'cause I'm very popular and Ihave so many pen pals.
Yeah.
Alright, that's all I got.
Okay.
Gastro story of the week.
We'll have to wait for next week'cause we yammered away about
(50:38):
sports and kids and athletes andmental health for, um, for far
too long.
And, uh, and now we both have,uh, big girl jobs to go to.
Yes.
Yes ma'am.
That is it.
I will leave you guys with this.
We are still planning on goingaway to a meditation retreat.
(50:59):
Super looking forward.
I meditated the other day forfour minutes.
That's how far I got.
Not four days or four hours,which is what we're gonna be
doing.
How I actually just threw up inmy mouth.
I'm sorry.
How much of the time do youthink we're supposed to be
meditating?
Where I will spend sleeping?
(51:19):
I.
I have to get a meditationcushion thingy, and I feel like
I need to get it now'cause Ineed to start sitting on it all
day.
So it looks, it looks like Imeditate a lot.
This is the thought that goesthrough my head, which is
terrible because it's not, Imean, who gives a fuck?
I feel like no guys, mine'sbroken in.
Don't care.
I mean, I meditate daily ish,but pretty consistently, but
(51:42):
never longer than 15 minutes.
Most days it's.
Five to 10 minutes, like 15minutes is a stretch.
And I don't think, I don't thinkthat's,'cause I can't sit, it's
just that I literally, I have toget up at like four in the
morning and I wanted to talkabout sleep.
Didn't get a chance to, but I'm,I'm not getting the sleep that I
need already.
Like I can't, I can't take outany more of my sleep and I
(52:05):
literally can't find anotherchunk of time where I could sit
and meditate right now.
Like that's currently my life.
So I, I don't know.
Anyway.
Okay.
Yeah.
Uh, we, we, we are in, we are inthe same boat, although I guess
I could just get up at five 30,but I feel like when I do that,
(52:26):
I, I'm tired.
That's the thing.
I don't get, I don't go to bedearly enough to get up any
earlier than I do.
Like I'm already only gettinglike.
Five to six hours a night, and Iam, I am a person who needs a
full eight hours of sleep.
Seven.
Judge me, if you will, likeseven to nine is probably my
(52:47):
place, right.
But I don't, this is, I don'tever get seven, like, and I'm
not blaming that like it's myfault.
I need to make changes to makesure I get into bed at a certain
time and I need to start wakingup earlier or later, whatever.
But my sleeping habits, I mean,I have a pretty.
Solid schedule of when I go tobed.
(53:08):
But that bedtime is not earlyenough.
Right.
And now with soccer starting, Ican't rely on that.
'cause I don't get home if theyhave an away game.
I don't get home till like 1030.
Right.
Which, like, my optimal bedtimeis like between eight and nine.
I can't, I can't do that.
My kid is 16, I can't it, uh, ahundred, a hundred percent.
(53:30):
Um.
And I can't sleep any laterbecause I go to bed later.
It's not like I could sleeplater'cause I have a real
fucking job that I have to do.
Like, I, I can't.
There's also shit that has tohappen.
Like, and the, the, the stuffthat has to happen has to happen
at specific times.
It's not like I can be like,okay, from, from four o'clock to
(53:52):
about eight 15 is.
Mindless time, like the, itcan't be anything that requires
me to think.
It can't be anything thatrequires a organization or
thought like, because I thinkthis is my theory for so long,
that was practice time and thatwas me taking Olivia to, to hear
(54:13):
to there.
Like I can mindlessly go throughemails during that time, but I
can't.
Do work.
Work.
And that is when a lot of stuffshould get done.
I can go to class, I can go toTaeKwonDo or uh, jiujitsu.
No, no worries.
'cause I don't have to thinkthere.
I just have to do the nextthing.
And, and that's superfrustrating for me.
(54:35):
'cause that means the onlyoption is just to get up
earlier.
To get up earlier.
Now, do you think you couldchange that though, considering
that you think that that'sbecause of the habit that you
had before?
I'm always convinced that yourmind is pl, like neuroplasticity
is a real thing, right?
Like, so I'm sure I could changeit.
The, the trick is there's,there's other stuff that happens
(55:00):
during that time, like cleaning,straightening up the house,
emptying, like there's mindlessthings that can happen during
that time that happened duringthat time.
Like, yeah.
So it's not time wasted.
It's not time.
Like you're not doing anything.
I'm not just, but sometimes I amlike sometimes depending on what
went on during the day and howmuch thought all of that
required and more so how muchinteraction with other people
(55:23):
that required the, the, thattime is the time where life.
Fill up my batteries again.
Do you know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
Like, that's the time where Isit down by myself and don't
talk to anybody and crochet or,uh, read a book where I don't
have to think about the plot or,you know, really dig into the
(55:43):
analysis of it.
That like that stuff happensthen, and depending on what
happened during the day, youneed more or less of that.
Yeah, like cooking, cookingdinner, eating dinner, like that
is a good sort of two hourritual, right?
Like five to seven and then, youknow, start thinking about
taking a shower around eight,like finish up putting all the
(56:06):
fucking cream I have to put onmy face to make it look like a
normal human, human being.
Um, around nine.
Yeah, and it's bedtime.
Normally, unless there'ssomething very, very important
or key happening at work, inwhich case I'll just stay up 24
hours a day.
Yeah.
I never do that.
Yeah.
My, I mean, my real job nevercauses me to lose sleep anyway.
(56:27):
Yeah.
It's just, yeah.
I'm sure I could change it, butthen you, I'm just moving stuff
around.
It feels like, like moving stuffaround or changing things would
take a pretty serious evaluationof what's important and what can
get cut out.
I think like, yeah.
Happen.
I mean, that's what, that's whatit's about.
Like that's what you, that'swhat change is.
It's evaluating your priorities,your values.
(56:50):
Right?
Like should come first.
Right now my kid comes first.
Yeah.
And going to his away soccergames comes first.
Right?
Like going to Jiujitsu lastnight meant that I didn't cook
any dinner.
Yeah.
I never cooked dinner.
I mean, anyway, David and Idon't eat very much anyway, but
there's usually something thatgets prepared and served up.
So then I'm all right, I gottaget to my real job.
(57:12):
All right, monkey.
Okay.
Thank you for joining me todayand thank you for chatting so
openly and honestly, and Iappreciate you and I love you.
I love you too.
All right.
Bye.
Love you.
Bye.
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