Decoding Life's Puzzles with Nicole Dupuis

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
This show is sponsored by dn tenInsurance Services, helping businesses get the right
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dent ten, you're giving back ona global scale. Hello all, my

(00:21):
entrepreneurs and business leaders, and welcometo the Michael Esposito Show, where I
interview titans of industry in order toinform, educate and inspire you to be
great. My guest today says,the more you step into your own energy
and your own creativity, the moreyou will realize you are not crazy in

(00:42):
what you think is important, valuable, and impactful. Everything else is just
fluff. She graduated from Fordham Universitywith a BA in Philosophy. In other
words, she spent four years learninghow to ask questions, deeply analyze problems,
and write congent Oh you got tohelp me. There Cognant proposals cochin

(01:06):
It is cogent proposals that provide optimalsolutions. She then graduated from coach U
in twenty twenty one and is certifiedwith the International Coaching Federation. She is
also a Program advisor of the SeatonHall University Transformative Leadership Program, where she
continues to both learn and impact educationalofferings to today's rising leaders. She loves

(01:34):
coaching and uses much of her freetime to explore courses, seminars, and
workshops to further her craft. Sheloves a good cheese board and looks forward
to making pizza with her husband everyFriday night. Please welcome founder of Find
Clarity here, Nicole Dupui. Welcome, Nicole, Thank you for having me,

(01:57):
Thanks for helping me with that wordcogent. I'm like, wait a
second, Well it took me asecond. I'm like, what what word?
What was the word in my biothat I put in there to throw
people off? Yes, well,the first assignment I ever got in college
had that word in it, andI remember like, oh, here we

(02:19):
go, Like I'm already looking wordsup and this is day one of freshman
year, Like what's going to happen? So now, I like that word
will always mean something, and sois our audience and myself. So share
with us what cogent means. Soit's it's like a persuasive argument. So
you know, if you're trying tosway someone, is your what you're saying

(02:44):
cogin is it clear? Does itmake sense? Is it like, does
it have supported evidence? So it'sI mean, I think the context was
a cogent argument. So am Ijust making stuff up? Or do I
really have like a case here?That's that's an interesting one to bring up,
Like right from the start with us, right with this word, we're

(03:07):
diving right in because you know,you're a coach and and I'm I've entered
the world of coaching, and yayit is, yes, yes we are.
We are air clapping with each other. We're both excited about this.
I remember my coach actually said tome, which which you you got the
opportunity to finally meet Merrit. Shesaid, you know, one day She's

(03:30):
like, you're going to get thebug, Michael, and uh, and
the bug has bitten. But whatI realized with coaching is that we speak
a lot about a lot of differentideas, principles, uh, frameworks,
and they do need a cogent argument, right, they need to have supporting

(03:51):
information behind them. And so II like that we we start right off
with this. And for you,you have this background in philosophy, which
which brings that into the whole thingis like when when I think about coaching,
when I think about inspiring people andself development, philosophy has so much
to do with it, and I'minterested on how that background has impacted you

(04:14):
in your career today. Yeah,so I can overanalyze anything like by top
skill. So any clients looking fora partner in that, I'm happy too.
But I think it's like to buildoff of what you're saying about like
a coach and argument, Like wecarry around all these like perspectives on ourself

(04:38):
on others, like I'm not enoughor I'm not going to do well in
this role or whatever it is,And a lot of times the role of
a coach is so what makes yousay that? Like, create a coach
and argument for me, tell mewhy you're thinking that way, And a
lot of times there's nothing there,you know. It's just kind of the
narrative we tell ourselves we had likeone experience, we had one bad boss,

(05:02):
one bad meeting, one bad presentation, and we've just created our whole
identity, especially in the professional world, around that one instance. So I
think the philosophy piece is asking thequestions and figuring out, Okay, where
is there really meat and where actuallyis once you once you tap at it,

(05:26):
it's going to break. There's actuallynothing there to hold that, you
know, opinion, What got youinto the field of philosophy? What was
interesting about that for you? Thisis hysterical because both my parents were philosopy
majors in college and so, Imean we always had these like big books,

(05:48):
like you know you see and ina movie like Dusted Spines and whatever.
I was like, what were youguys thinking like that, I can't
even read the title. I don'tknow what this is saying. And then
in college, like you're supposed topick your major around sophomore year, you
had to take two philosophy courses atFordham. So I took one and I

(06:10):
was like, I don't hate this. This is kind of interesting, Like
I like that, I like writing. It's a lot of writing, so
I liked it. Took the secondclass. AH, kind of like this.
And then it was time to picka major, and there was like
a I think they called it likea major fair, where every subject had
a table and you went and youactually just physically signed a piece of paper

(06:32):
saying this is my declared major.And I was thinking, I think my
plan was sociology and long line forsociology like out the door of the gymnasium
line and I was in line andI'm looking at the philosophy table. No
one's there, and it's this likeold philosophy professor sitting behind the table,

(06:55):
like you know, and I'm justlooking at him, looking at the line
like roadless travels, like Nicole,you gotta do this, Like there's no
Philosophy is a very like male dominatedarea of study. So I just I
remember being a line and I'm likenope, and I left the line and
I went over and I was likehi, and he, I mean,

(07:16):
he was probably like why is thiswoman like so beaming right now? And
I brought me there and I neverlooked back. I loved it. I
still read philosophy to this day.I think it's fascinating. That's funny.
I'm laughing to myself because I'm justimagining myself on a long line and looking
at a shorter line and being likeI think I'm just gonna go with the
shorter line, like I don't knowwhat, I don't know what's over there,

(07:39):
but it's just it's just shorter,and I'm going to get out of
here a lot faster. Yes,yes, so it's interesting, like and
it's like serendipitous, right, It'sit by because of sort of this like
long line and you seeing this andthere was this connection that happened between you
and this this this professor. Uh. It kind of led to this whole

(08:01):
backdrop to your career, which isreally cool. You said you still study
philosophy and enjoy it. What arewho are some of your favorite philosophers?
What are some of the practices thatthey teach? Oh? Man, so
i've recently I know it's like abuzz area, but like stoicism, Oh
yeah, I didn't really get achance to that wasn't much of an area

(08:24):
of study when I was in college. So I've been reading books about that.
I'm blanking on the name of themost recent one I read, but
that's been fascinating. Just it's likea different perspective. My mom will be
so proud. Start is a Frenchphilosopher in existentialism, and he wrote,

(08:48):
and I don't know if this wasa thing, but they, like a
lot of philosophers, wrote fiction andnonfiction, and they wrote like things like
plays and stuff like that. SoI've actually read more recently, like the
fiction because like with a philosopher writingfiction, like you know, there's like
deep down like dark themes and youknow, stuff like that. So more

(09:11):
recently things like that have been fun. I love I love philosophy. Like
as you're telling me some of thisstuff, I'm like, I'm beaming on
my end. I wish I learnedabout philosophy When I was in college.
I went for the short lines asquickly as possible. And then I was
also very curious about myself, whichprobably is why the whole coaching thing with

(09:33):
me, and so I took alot of psychology courses, yes, to
try to understand like why am Ilike and who else is like me?
But now more recently it's funny thatyou say it's more of a buzz kind
of one, which is stoicism.I find that interesting just because the way

(09:54):
that it came about to me wasit was introduced to me by a toastmaster
who's an older woman and she's beenstudying stoicism for so many years, and
she introduced me to some stoic toStoicism, uh, to somebody's newsletter.
Probably know who he is, thedaily Stoic. Oh yeah, yes,
I think that's the must have been. The book I read was Ryan Ryan

(10:16):
something. Yeah, yes, anduh, you know, I read his
newsletter. And then I started learningmore about stoicism and Marcus Aurelius and all
the different Stoics and and I reallystarted understanding philosophy, and I started using
it as like a term of like, my philosophy is, like I coach
basketball now, and I and Iand I coach my third graders. My

(10:37):
daughter's in third grade, so it'sher team, right, and I and
I write emails to the parents allthe time like, oh, this is
what the girls are doing, thisis what we're practicing, this is what
we're excited about. And right nowwe're on a two game losing streak.
And so I emailed the parents afterthe game, I said, had a
great game, and then I said, my philosophy is we're going to focus
on the strengths and not doing likemy lot. And they're probably reading this

(11:01):
going like, what is this guythinking? Is Marcus Aurelius writing this email?
I I love it though, butyeah, so, I mean it
comes it kind of bleeds into ourour daily lives. But yeah, so
it got me when when I startedreading the Daily Stoic and started learning more.
And I read meditations by Marcus Aureliusand several other you know, blurbs

(11:24):
in the Stoic world and YouTube videos. I got more interested in these different
philosophies and philosophers. And when you'rebringing up this one of start you said
and the fiction and nonfiction, whatI'm interested in this if you could share
a little bit more about the nonfictionside to it is. Uh, I

(11:45):
have this idea in my mind ofcreating a like one man show for when
I do my communication keynotes and thingsof that nature, like the different type
of self development keynotes that I do. I want it to be more of
like a musical one man show,fun thing, and I feel like,

(12:05):
of course the real stories will bein there, but I feel like there's
a funner, way, more excitingway to bring it out through fiction.
So I'm interested in what you yougot, what you got from from from
this philosopher and the nonfiction that you'rereading. Yeah, oh, I love
that that would be out. Iwant my ticket when when those tickets go

(12:28):
on sale for that. Yeah.I mean it's so it's like one of
those things. So the thing that'scoming to mind is is Sart has a
play No Exit, and it's probablyone of his most popular plays, and
it's and I'm going to butcher thisbecause it has been a minute and I
actually saw the play. They dida version of that in New York.

(12:52):
And basically, like all these peopleand you've probably seen like different versions actually
of this storyline, he's different peoplelike show up in a room, fe
like this was a Twilight's Own episode. Two people show up in this room
and they can't leave, and they'reall kind of trying to figure out like
why are they there? Do theyknow each other? And why can't they

(13:13):
leave? And a spoiler alert,but it might not be because I'm trying
to remember the ending. I thinkthey're all in hell and they've like died,
and they actually figure out like they'rein this place together and this is
this is hell again, don't holdme shoe that. But it's like one
of those things where like you're watchingthe play and it's like just a play,

(13:35):
so you're like enjoying it in charactersand whatever, but then you get
up to leave and it's like you'reand this is gonna sound weird, but
like heavier in a good way,like you've just kind of like you're carrying
it with you. Like I lovehorror movies and like for me, the
sign of a horror movie is likeyou leave and you have to like check

(13:56):
the rooms and make sure the dooris locked, because like that is staying
with you anything. The same withwith like fiction that has that deeper meeting,
is it's going to change a littlebit of like maybe how you maybe
not how you live your life,but how you live your life that day,
or like how you interact with thefirst and you're having dinner with afterwards,
and that's I think that's philosophy,Like you're examining how you live.

(14:20):
And you know, if they canget that across in things like a play
or a short story, you know, more power to them. Yeah,
I I the deeper meaning is whatI'm looking for too, is really when
I think about like even like watchinga movie, like the nonfiction that we're
talking about, Like even watching amovie or a stand up It's like for

(14:43):
me, I watch a lot ofstand up and it's it's like yeah,
right, it's like what what areyou getting at here? What? What's
what's the underlying because we know theydo right especially the smart ones, like
they're so incredible. I was watchingI've been watching a lot of them lately.
It's it's part of my not goingon social media is so it's so

(15:03):
it's funny, right, Like youwere telling me about about checking out some
Instagram and some recipes and I lovethat, like they look so delicious,
Like I wish I could cook someof those things. Yes, yes,
But for me it's been stand upand so I would love for you to
share some of your stand up stories. But you know, I'll start you
off here with Trevor Noah and watchinghis stand up and how he was talking

(15:26):
about his trip to Germany and howthey're so they're so proud of their their
culture and they're so proud of theirhistory. And he's at this airport and
you know, spoiler alert everyone,if you haven't seen the Netflix special off
Trevor Noah yet, you know,watch it before you you know, pause
this and go watch it. Andand he's uh, and he's in Germany

(15:50):
and they go to the biggest airportand the tour guide is is sharing how
this is the biggest airport something likemaybe in the world, and it's like
so big. The Hunger Games werefilmed there, and it's just, you
know, they're so incredibly proud ofthis. And of course he raises his
hand and he says, you knowwho built it? Well, we kind

(16:11):
of all know the answer to that, so I'll let the special address that
question. But what he shares isthat, yeah, they say, you
know, obviously it was part ofHitler's plan to build this airport, and
it was built, and it wasused for obviously terrible reasons initially, but
it's been converted to what it istoday. And he goes on to talk

(16:32):
about Germany and how they are stillproud of everything that they have, but
they also realize what their history isand they acknowledge that history, and that
they teach their young next generation inthis is our history, and that's why
you need to be better and howcan you be better? And how can

(16:53):
you better yourself? And he talksabout that, and then he brings it
back in a very subtle way tothe US and some of the cultural challenges
that we're experiencing today and some ofthe societal challenges that we're experiencing today in
political challenges, and he just tiesit back in such a way that I

(17:15):
don't even think the audience really pickedit up right away until he touched on
a certain point, a hot pointthat I'm not going to go there right
now for our topic, but untilyou hit that hot point, and that's
when you really are like, ohyeah, no, that's definitely why he
was bringing up that Germany story.But I pay attention. I love that
kind of stuff. Right. Doyou have like a favorite that you've experienced

(17:38):
that with. Yeah, I meanit's so like the skill. Like sometimes
like I'll watch a stand up comedyspecial and I'm almost embarrassed at how much
I'm like, they're a philosopher,like they like run for president, Like
they're making these points that I'm justlike they're so right. I'm like,
wait, they're a comedian, butlike, you're right, they really they

(18:00):
use humor to tie in these likebig concepts. I can't remember her name,
but female comedian blonde, definitely inher thirties, because she does she
talks a lot about being a millennial, and I am also a millennial.
She's had a few specials and shelike her points are always like women related

(18:23):
and like feminists related, and itwill just be so funny how she's like
telling this story. You know,first it was like her dating stories,
and I think now she might bemarried or at least in a serious relationship,
so now it's more on that.But she'll go on this whole story
about you know, that experience,and then it brings back to this point

(18:45):
about like culture and how women areviewed and how women are seen in relationships
and how women are seen after acertain age, and you're just like,
like, and she had the otherthing with stand up comedy is like the
livery So she's really good at likeand this is gonna sound weird, but
like speaking really fast, like justgetting all the words out in like one

(19:10):
quick second. So it's almost like, wait, what did she just say?
Oh? Man, Like there's likea pause in in the audience and
then all of a sudden like laughterand clapping because it just hits you in
a different way. I'm gonna haveto look up who this is. Nicky
Glacier, Amy Schumer. Those aremy two blondes that I could think of.
It might be it's not Nicky Glacier, but I feel like they're like

(19:37):
in that area. I've been onspecials together together. Yeah, Uh,
theimester I'm trying to think of hername something femester. I can't think of
her first name, but that's literallytyping funny blonde stand up comedy. What's
coming up? As Claire coming?Oh here, Eliza Schlessinger slash slash Ginger

(20:00):
sounds familiar. I'm trying to gether image so I can show you come
up at all. Well, you'llfind her. She's got a few specials
on there, but she's she's hysterical. Well, and what we're talking about
here is about what the reason whyI bring this up and why we're talking

(20:22):
about this is I feel like instand up and in these these fictions that
we were talking about, these plays, there's this deep rooted philosophy and you
kind of brought it up before,right, there's there's like you brought up
with the philosopher a start and howhe was doing this. And I feel
like the people that I'm drawn toin watching and experiencing and movies that I'm
drawn to is the ones that havethat deep underlying meaning that while on the

(20:45):
surface everybody walks out of the movieor the stand up and say they were
hysterical that joke about Germany was sofunny. I walk out and I'm like,
did you hear what he said aboutthe US and how and why we're
so divided, why we have somany issues? Right? Did you hear?
And it's like, no, that'snot what it was about. Or
I remember I had this conversation withsomeone about Avatar and it was like,

(21:08):
oh, yeah, the you knowit was this, it was it was
so beautiful and the love story init. And I'm like, did you
realize like what it really is about? Like you know, and that's the
philosophy that we're talking about, right, Like philosophy is in in everything,
And I think that that's what's socool about it is that it's it's a
part of like everything. And nowback to maybe self development here, because

(21:30):
that's what you know, the businessthat you and I are in is how
the more I've learned, Like so, so i started my self development journey
with Tony Robbins and I've gone throughso many different mentors along the way,
Simon Sinek and all the rest,and now I'm I'm in Brennan Burchard's Community
of Growth day and during this kindof like phase in my life and now

(21:57):
tying it to the stoicism and mereading on these philosophy I'm learning that a
lot of what I've learned with TonyRobbins and Simon Sinek and Brennan Bochard,
it all goes back to the stoics. It all goes back to philosophy.
Like that's the roots. It's incredible, right, I mean, it's it's

(22:17):
how you live. So like wetry to like even like in coaching,
it's you know, I'm a productivityand leadership coach, and then there are
like relationship coaches and like all thesespecific niches and there is some like legitimacy
to that one hundred percent. Butat the core of it, it's how
you live your life. And ifit's you know, in your professional life,

(22:40):
yes, but like how you doone thing, you do all.
You know, if you're showing upstressed at work, I'm gonna guess when
you get home you're also stressed.You know, it doesn't there are no
lines there. So yeah, it'slike, how how are you just showing
up period full stop, versus howyou show up in a meeting versus is
with your boss, versus with yourkids, versus when you wake up in

(23:03):
the so you just you just touchedon something that I know that most of
our listeners right now, anybody who'slistening right now is going, Okay,
you just said work and life,and how how do I You know,
everybody talks about you. You talkabout buzzwords, right, everybody talks about
harmony between work, work and lifeor work. No, it's work life
balance, right, That's the bigbuzzword is work life balance. And I'm

(23:25):
sure you know whoever's listening right now, you are listening right now, is
wondering, and I'll ask I'll askher for you. Don't worry, listener,
I'll ask her for you, ishow do we find that work life
balance? And I think you justtouched on it. So I'd love for
you to expand on that, onthat, like how you how you live
who you are? Right? Ifyou could expand on that finding that work

(23:48):
life balance, that's that's what everybodywants totally. And it's funny. I
just did a real this morning aboutlike coaches, and one of the things
was, you know, we're coaches. We help people find work life balance
even though we know it doesn't exist. And I'm joking, but I'm kind
of serious in the fact that it'slike I've heard people say work life harmony,

(24:11):
and I do feel like that's alittle bit better because, like,
some people really want to be workaholicsin the sense of they want to work
longer days than a typical person.They're invested, they have a certain goal
and they know what they need todo, and they are they are at
their best doing that thing. Onthe reverse, there are people that they

(24:33):
want to give sixty percent at theirjob, go home five o'clock, all
good. Their focus is personal life, family life, whatever it is.
And I think it's figuring out thatto philosophy, like where you shine,
like what a day in the lifeof you as your best self looks like,

(24:53):
and replicating that as much as possible. And that might be you are
getting up at four am and you'regoing to the office two hours early.
Like, I'm not going to hateyou on that if that is actually just
what serves you. I'm also notgoing to hate on the person who's like,
I like to show up thirty secondsbefore my day starts because I want

(25:15):
my mornings to meditate and yoga andmake my kids breakfast and all of that.
So it's it's it's your balance,I guess. But there's no core
like this is work life balance forall? You know? Yeah, yeah,
I like that you just said thatat the end there of there you

(25:38):
kind of said it. What Igot from what you just said at the
end there is there is no worklife balance for all. There is every
everybody's going to be different and thatyou have. I like the other thing
that you mentioned there. I feellike it's like a learning point right there
is identify what your best day lookslike? Like, what has been a
day that you woke up, whento work, spend time with family or

(26:02):
friends, whatever it is that youhad kind of like a little bit of
kind of hit on almost every pointin the wheel. To go back to
Tony Robbins, kind of hit onevery point in the wheel. And how
did that feel for you? Andif it was great, how do you
replicate it? I love that.I think that that's such a great learning
point right there. Of you know, you look at the wheel of life
and you have you know, work, you have relationships, you have love,

(26:22):
you have passions, you have givingback to your community, you have
finances, you have a couple othersthat I can't think off the top of
my head. And if you wereable to kind of touch in every area,
how do you replicate that day orthat week? Right? Because I
think, and i'd love for Reidexpand on this too, is we also
put so much pressure on ourselves,as I just did just now of we

(26:44):
got to hit every point on thatwheel in twenty four hours, actually less
because we're sleeping for some of that, right, And part of it is
rest. And I think that's partof the one that I missed on the
wheel, by the way, isprobably health, exercise, rest. So
I'd love for you to expand onthis. I kind of spreading that wheel
out throughout our week, not justin the day. Maybe it's replicating our

(27:06):
week and not our day or ourmonth right totally, And this is so
relevant like this, like it's Januaryfifth, first week of twenty twenty four,
first week of January, you know, first Friday of the year,
you know, all this stuff,And what I've heard from clients this week
is like I'm not feeling it.Like it's I'm not doing the thing,

(27:27):
I'm not showing up, I'm tired, I'm not motivated, I'm stressed,
I'm all the things, but thepressure of But it's January and it's new
year, new you, and yougot to be I mean, you didn't
wake up at three am to goto the gym for seven hours, Like
what are you doing? And it'slike that that poll of those two sides.

(27:48):
And like you said, like I'vebeen telling clients and I laugh,
but I've been like, just getit done, like go through the motions
this week. It's okay, Like, don't put all the pressure to be
your best self the first week ofJanuary twenty twenty four, Like that's crazy.
You know, you have eleven othermonths to work on things and focus

(28:11):
and figure out what habits worked foryou. So to your point, I
love that about you know, day, week, month, you know,
and some you know, maybe thismonth is health and your focus is health
and you're goinging a gym and you'retrying to do more you know, vegetarian
meals and all that stuff. Butmaybe finances aren't the focus this month.

(28:36):
And you know, not to sayyou're you're spending all your money, but
it's like it's not the top priority. And I think it's okay to have
the focus shift and certain parts ofyour wheel are more you know, top
of mind, and you're putting moreof that energy towards it. But I
think it's you know, it's anebb and a flow. But yeah,

(28:56):
to hit all the points every dayone hundred percent, like that's a lot.
That just feel like I'm stressed justsaying that out loud. You know,
it's it's too much. Yeah,And I mean, I don't think
anybody's doing it. And you knowthe people that, like I said,

(29:17):
that I follow and that I listento and that are high achievers, Like
I mean to speak to Brendan Burchardbecause he's the one I'm I'm very involved
in with right now. This guystarted an entire community, created an online
app and build out the software.He does live events that he that he
puts on the live events with hiswith his team and with other professionals,

(29:41):
and then is a professional speaker andauthor and writes books and all this other
stuff. And even he has thishigh achiever in the self development space,
in the space of balance of tryingto have this this work life balance,
this harmony and everything speaks to evenhe doesn't hit the those points, he
has something cool, which is hedoes and I keep saying, I'm going

(30:04):
to do this assessment and I don'tdo it. It's like free part of
my membership in this community. Butthere's like a daily assessment. Yeah,
it's like there's this daily assessment ofessentially the Wheel of life, and then
there's a weekly, and then there'sa monthly, and there's an annual one.
And it touches on all these likehow do you feel like from one
to five on this scale? Andwhere how do you feel on this scale
and that scale, and then itgives you a score at the end of

(30:26):
it. And he speaks openly abouthis scores. He's just like, you
know, I scored a seventy percentthis week. You know I didn't reach
out to friends and family as muchas I wanted to, or I scored
an eighty percent this week, Andlike he speaks to it. And I
think it's nice for us, uspeople who are striving to be at a
level maybe like that or just atour own level, to realize that even

(30:48):
the people that are perceived high achievers, they don't hit the wheel every day
and every week, and like yousaid, like that pressure of they're doing
it, they're not all doing it. Mm hmm. Absolutely, yeah,
Like my My Mecca's Brene Brown andher. I think her popularity comes from

(31:11):
telling stories of fights with her husbandand time she showed up and you know,
she gave up sucky presentation, orlike those real moments where it's like,
okay, even her, even TonyRobbins, you know, they they
can't do it all all the time, and then it kind of And I

(31:33):
think that's what makes a really goodcoach too, is you know someone who
is not showing up, Well,I know it all, so let me
let me teach you the ways youknow as and guide you through it.
It's more like I'm a human andyou're a human, and let's figure it
out and we'll do the best wecan. I think that helps the intimidation

(31:56):
of working with a coach come downa bit. It's so cool that you
just brought that up. And thereason why is I started reading this book
Michael Bungay something about it's it's abook for coaches. I'm going to have
it up in two seconds. I'moh yeah. But he sent a newsletter
out because of course I signed upfor his newsletter. Now about the time

(32:17):
he coached Brene Brown. Oh wow, yeah, so so cool. It's
called The Coaching Habit say less askmore and change the way you lead forever.
And it's Michael Bungay the coaching habit. And so the reason why I'm
so happy you brought that up isbecause of what you just said, which

(32:37):
is in his book. While I'mlike halfway through what many leaders do managers
is who he's really speaking to andcoaches the trap that we as coaches sometimes
fall into. As a new coach, I tend to fall into this trap
and I'm much more aware about itnow, which is we want to solve

(32:57):
the other person's problem, and sothey bring up this issue, this concern,
and it's okay, here's my triedand true three way methodology to be
able to solve it for you versuswhat you just shared. And I'd love
for you again to expand on it, which is, you know, let's
talk through it. And my experiencebeing coached and what I try to do

(33:21):
with my clients is let's talk throughit and help you solve it. Absolutely
absolutely, Yeah, Like the clienthas the answer, you know, we
all's it's here. It's somewhere.We just usually need to kind of cut
out the crap and you know,get through all and process to get to

(33:45):
that answer. Like I've had coachingsessions where it's like ten minutes now,
I'm just like watching the person likethey are just they are getting to it
and I'm not going to interrupt that. And almost at the end they're like,
huh, thank you, and I'mlike, I mean, I literally
did nothing. I literally am sittingthere just observing and it's real and it's

(34:06):
you know you sometimes. I mean, I think coaching provides the space and
a safe space at a sounding boardand someone to ask the right questions and
someone to listen. You know.I feel like so often, you know,
we're talking, but no one's listening. So I mean, I think
it does provide that, but sooften it's it's great when someone can just
figure it out, because we allcan. We just sometimes need some support

(34:30):
and tools and space. Yeah,like you just said, you know,
it's providing the guardrails and asking powerfulquestions. I know that the hardest times
that I've gone through where I knewlike I needed to reach out to Merit
and I was like, I'm like, I know our sessions like two days
from now, but I need youtoday. The text that I send her

(34:51):
of like I need you is Ineed you to ask me some really tough
questions like can we get on acall and can you just ask me like
three powerful questions, because is I'velearned that it's in it's within me,
And I think there's some trust thatneeds to be built, some inter trust
for our clients, for for anybodyout there to trust that the answers are
they reside within you. If ifthis problem has come about, it's it's

(35:15):
for a reason, and there's somethingthere's a solution inside of you, and
it's for you to figure out.And I think also there there's no right
or wrong way. And that's theother thing that we learn right there's no
right or wrong way. I'm interestedin in terms of how you approach new
clients or people who are learning aboutgetting involved in coaching on the way that

(35:37):
we just talked on this approach andI and I'll kind of just frame that
question with because I think for themost part, and because of my mentality
going into coaching or being coached,for the most part, we see coaches
typically with athletes, typically on thesports field, and what are they doing.

(35:59):
For the most part, they're instructingthe players to do certain things.
Yes, at the end of theday. They want their player to be
able to think on the fly andthink through the issue on their own,
and those make the great players.But at the core of it, what
we're seeing is they set up aplay, or they're giving them a training
regiment, or they're telling them whatto do. So I think that for

(36:19):
the most part, people are conditionedwith Okay, Nicole, you're a coach.
You're going to have the answers.You're going to give me the playbook,
You're going to give me the blueprint. How do you help them understand
what we just talked about. Yeah, So it's funny. I was like
a yearbook French club girl in highschool and college, So I mean I
was not I did not have coaches. That was for other folks. But

(36:45):
anytime that's someone, especially in highschool we were a big football high school.
Anytime someone told a story about thecoaches they were working with, it
was never they told me to makethis play I did and I scored the
goal or whatever. It was alwayslike these side conversations or they came up

(37:07):
to them, you know, athalftime, or it was outside the locker
room or in the locker room,or it was during class. You know,
coach was you know, walking throughthe hall and pulled someone aside.
It was always these like smaller momentsthat were more philosophical, more addressing the
human versus the player. And Ithink that that's what our type of coaching

(37:31):
is. It's addressing. Sure,you can come in and be like I'm
trying to get a promotion and Ihelped, absolutely, but we are not
just going to discuss your leadership skillsand what your relationship is, like we're
with your boss. It's it's morethan that. It's like how do you
think about your job and how doyou like, why does the promotion mean

(37:54):
anything to you? We're going togo further. So I think I think
coaching is very like the biggest questionI get is what is coaching because it's
so like everyone's a coach. Everyyou know, oh, I coach my
team, and you know, it'slike we're all doing it, which is
which is great in a sense,but it's also hard to then explain like

(38:15):
how what I do is different fromwhat someone else does who also says,
you know, they have some coachingin there. So I mean, I
think it's expressing how you create thatspace and that conversation to have those discovery
moments, like it's really self discoverywhere you're realizing, oh I have the

(38:38):
answer, or oh I actually hatethis company, or you know, I
feel like my boss doesn't hear me, or like those like we peel back
and suddenly there's like these core things, Oh like I get this now.
Same as like you know, thesports coach, you know those side conversations

(38:59):
is like, oh, well that'swhere the discovery happens. So we're creating
a space for that. I guessyeah, and I agree with you in
those side conversations. And it's thoselittle comments too that kind of help.
Like I had one client she signedup with me. So most of my
focus in my public speaking or notmy focus, but it's what I get

(39:21):
hired for is typically in the communicationspace of public speaking tips. So I
usually get like, oh, canyou come and do a public speaking presentation
a communications presentation? And I kindof morph it into my whole little interconfidence
thing, which because I truly believethat everybody's a great communicator, they're just
not comfortable or confident enough to beable to communicate. And that's why I

(39:42):
typically you will open it up tomy audience and just say, anybody here
have any friends? And everybody raisetheir hands, and I'm like, do
you ever have a conversation with them? And everybody raise their hands, and
I'm like, do you ever laughwith them? Ever? Get sad with
them? Ever? Share emotions withthem? And everybody, of course raises
their hands and kind of like andI'm like, so then you're all like
public speakers. It's just that itchanges when you come up in the front
of the room. That what changes, and what changes is your comfort level,

(40:06):
it's your confidence, it's your trust, it's all of these different things
change. So it's how do wehow do we take that? How do
we transfer that right? How dowe take it from sitting on a couch
with a friend to standing in frontof three hundred people? Scary, but
but we can do it right.And it has to do a confidence.
So anyway, I was meeting withthis woman I had done, I had
done a presentation, and so shesigned up with me because she wanted to

(40:30):
work on her accent. And Iwas like, okay, cool, And
I was like, whoa, Idon't I don't think I ever put like
accent coach in my repertoire. Iwas like, but all right, so
I made short to do my researchon some tips on accent coaching and what
I can do to help her,and so and so she she met with
me and I shared with some sometips with her. Some of it is

(40:52):
it's opening your jaw more. It'sit's not speaking through your lips as much,
and it's really just to start likeretraining the way that you speak in
that sense. And then also withaccents. It's not just accents, it's
also so some of the grammar thatwe use of maybe pluralizing or not pluralizing
certain words. So anyway, asI'm doing this with her and asking her

(41:12):
questions about like, Okay, whyis this important to you? Why is
you know, losing your accent orchanging your accent so important to you,
it's like all of a sudden becauseI want to start this business, and
it was just breakthrough. Yeah,right, that's awesome, and I love
that. It's it's really cool likewhen you see that, when you have

(41:36):
that experience with them. I wantto like stay on the philosophy thing and
the coaching thing, but I'm alsointerested in the French thing because that's come
up a few times. And yourlast name is French yep, And so
I'm interested. You said your momwould be really impressed and proud of you
when you said you you studied StarStart, and so I'm interested in this

(42:00):
background, of this French background andmaybe mom or dad and their little their
philosophy thing and how that might havekind of brought you into field. And
the reason why I bring this upis because you said you accidentally fell into
this field of coaching. Yeah,yeah, I see where that's a coach

(42:21):
right there. I see where you'regoing. So yeah, my dad and
his side is French Canadians, solike he grew up, he spoke French
before he spoke English. My momdid her thesis in graduate school on Start.
So again, when I declared,you know, I'm going to be
a philosophy major, my parents werejust like, I'm sorry. What like

(42:45):
you you have like happiness, butalso like you have mocked us and our
stories about what we study for solong, like and then I'm borrowing their
books like hey, that's scary book, Like I actually need that for a
paper I'm writing. So studying philosophyled to there are a lot of French

(43:05):
philosophers. So there was a programat my university to study abroad, and
one of the options was Paris.And I mean among put the philosophy aside
for a second, like studying broadin Paris, Like I'm not not gonna
be totally mad about that. SoI did that, And I mean that
was I could talk forever about thatexperience like that, Shae. We talked

(43:28):
about like these things that like momentouschange, how like we live. That
experience changed how I lived, wentto Start's graves, left him a note
what my parents came to visit.We you know, we all went to
his grave to honor the philosophy gods. And then and I studied French as

(43:49):
well. So I was studying philosophyand studying French in college. My minor
was French. I was speaking Frenchso well. While I was there,
I lived with a woman who spokeno English, so I was forced to
speak French. And then I madeFrench friends and it was great because I
was just like immersion. I hadno other choice. It's definitely faded extremely

(44:14):
since then, but I mean eversince you know, that experience, it's
tied me more to I guess myFrench heritage and just to tie in with
philosophy, like it all kind ofcomes together. I'm also a foodie,
so I mean Paris food like theygo ahead and and me too. Yeah,
and so is your bought. MyMy mother raised us in a house

(44:43):
of she only spoke French to usas kids. Oh my gosh, no
way. Yeah, So I grewup only speaking French. I'm saying this
to empathize with you. So,so I spoke only French and up until
probably about let's say, let's justgo at thirteen as a number. That's
when it started changing. And Ithink part of it was because I spoke

(45:06):
French to my mother. I wasn'ttaught French outside of there, and so
there were certain things in my lifethat were changing that I could no longer
express in French without hearing it fromsomebody who spoke French. And so it
started switching to English. And nowI actually, on my drive into the
studio here today, I was talkingto my mother and it's it's so I
always I'm so challenged with speaking toher for the past ten years because I

(45:30):
speak to her in English now.And it used to be like after that
phase and thirteen, it was likethere was like this French Franglish. I
guess of like French and English mix, and it was like predominantly French and
then and a little bit of English, and then it started transitioning to a
lot of English and a little bitof French. And then now it's like,
no, we're just going to speakEnglish here, so I've completely lost

(45:52):
it. It's like that, yes, yeah, yeah. My daughters asked
her, like, oh, youknow, you speak French with Gomel and
like we have French words and I'llspeak French with my mother every now and
then, like very little, verylittle French, but nothing to where I
feel confident to teach my daughters enough. Well there there's a little thing there,
Michael, to work on. ButI feel you on that in that,

(46:17):
like I love that you brought upthe word immersion in that when we're
immersed in something and how we're ableto learn it so quickly, and the
challenge is too because we come outof that immersion, you know, like
eventually I won't be part of thegrowth day community. I don't know when
that day is. I don't knowif that's ever to happen, but there's
going to be a point where I'mgoing to see something else and see something

(46:38):
different and go there. It's upto us to stay with the thing that
we learned. And so for youand me, French dropped off, but
there were other things that carried over, and for you it was philosophy and
all that. Before we go anyfurther, you said some things there that
I want to stay on, whichI mean, how do you say I

(46:59):
can go on forever about this?And then you say momentous ocay time in
my life, life changing, andhow are we not going to go there?
Like right? Like life changing intothe habit. So we bring up
this idea of immersion and how somethingstick in some things don't. But the
things that stick are the things thatwe carry on in our everyday life and

(47:20):
become part of who we are.And I almost think of this going back
to this work life balance as likewho we are right and what do we
become? And how do we takewhat we really like about something we learned
and involve it and include it inour regular life like you said with cooking.
So I love for you to sharea little bit more about this experience
in Paris and the moment that youreally felt this momentous change. Yeah,

(47:44):
Oh, where to start it?Was just I was there for I think
five months, like a semester.And it's funny to talk about this like
such a momentous occasion because when Iarrived there, I was so homesick,
and I've never been really homesick before. I mean not crying, I mean
I was a mess. I waslike, someone, come get me,

(48:07):
like take me away from here.My dad always jokes the story that I
called them from the airport and Iwas like, everyone's speaking French here,
and he's like, yeah, Imean they do that, they do that
in France. It's this weird thing. But it was just like it all
hit me so hard, and itwas you know talking about like immersion and

(48:28):
change, like it was such abig change, probably the biggest change I
had experienced yet in my life.So it's just it was very overwhelming.
So I would say the first twoweeks were just like get me through the
day without crying in public. Wasthe beginning. Cut to the flight home,
crying the whole flight home because I'mlike, don't send me home,

(48:50):
Like why am I going back tothe US, Like let me let me
stay in Paris. But it wasjust I mean, studying French flot in
French is like a whole other experience. We had this one professor and like
we would go out to dinner andshare a bottle of wine with her,
and I mean it's just it's itwas cliches all over the place, Like

(49:15):
this is just magical. And youknow, I really feel like I took
advantage of the experience. I mean, like, let's be honest, Like
I partied hard and I don't knowhow I ever, you know, got
up in the morning to go toclass, but I went to like all
the museums weekly. I mean Iwas always doing cultural stuff I saw.

(49:36):
I saw concerts and shows, andyou know, I really tried to make
friends with like French people and youknow, do what they did and go
to the places they hung out at, and it was just amazing. I
like in food, I mean,I ate my way through that city.
I mean I there was nothing Iwouldn't try, and it was great.

(50:00):
Like almost every day that I hadclass, I went and got a great
and a hot chocolate. I think, just this like not a meal,
just you know, something to getyou through, you know, the afternoon
slump, which I mean a newtelecrape's not going to do that. But
it was just amazing. So likeso many moments like that. So when
I came back from that experience,I think the biggest, the momentous thing

(50:23):
was there is more to life,you know, because we're I was in
college from a fairly small town inNew Hampshire, coming from a place of
like this is life and like foranyone listening, I'm just sharing my hands,
like very small. And when yougo to a different country and you

(50:43):
know, I traveled to other countrieswhile I was there, and you like
even like the political stuff like hearinghow they saw us politics and what they
were dealing with, you just realized, oh my gosh, there was way
more beyond Like I didn't get theeight am Wednesday class that I wanted for
second semester, like just you seeway more. So when I came back

(51:05):
it was I mean I broke upwith my long term boyfriend when I came
back from that trip, Like thingschanged because I was like this is I
am not the same and I don'twant to be the same. So I
was like, let's change at all. And I just feel like kind of
I've stayed that way, like Ican. I'm very conscious to try to
pull myself out of like no,your little world is there, and like

(51:27):
you can be in that, butyou got to remember there was like way
way more other stuff going on.Share with us. I've changed and I
like this change, and I don'twant to go back to the old way
of being. I think about this, and you know, again, we're
so embedded in the conversation of coaching. Why not stay here in that?

(51:49):
It is hard to change and it'sso hard to shed your old self.
So you know what, I'll giveyou a little bit in terms of like
what you said with yourself. Likeone of the things that you've done is
in terms of like your coaching coursesand exercise and everything, is that you've
decided that you're only going to havea certain amount of Martini's per week,
right, because that's your your yourjust well, well you didn't say Martiniz.

(52:12):
You said I had I have aset amount I could drink out of
alcohol per week. Is something thatyou wrote, and and then you also
said you like Martiniz. I kindof ad lib there for you. But
what I'm getting at here is thatso there's this old persona of you know,
whatever I drink casually, I don'tknow what it is. I don't
know how many it is, butI'm more connected to what I want in

(52:35):
my goals. And so now I'vedecided that I only have X amount per
week. And so you've you've madea change. And so there's people who
see this change and who maybe knowa past you and say, hey,
you know what, you always havethree Martinez, and you're like, yeah,
well I only have one now,And they're like a little bit pulled
away from it or or kind oflike weirded out by it. And so

(52:57):
what I'm interested in in this whatyou just shared in the example of breaking
up your old boyfriend and all thischange, is how we are able to
help others when we're going through somany changes and we're changing, and how
do we help them understand what we'reexperiencing. How do we how do we
help the people that love us andthat are around us adapt to this new

(53:19):
person and in this change that we'reexperiencing, Like we're looking for our own
acceptance and our own people. Sohow do we transition into this is kind
of like where I'm going with thatquestion. Wow, that's a really good
question. I mean I think it'sand this this is hard. This is

(53:44):
I think harder for more people thannot is is shared because I think a
shade so like using the martinis asan example, you know, if I'm
deciding I'm only going to drink oneMartina a week and I'm you know,
friends on Tuesday and I don't havea drink, there, there's perception now,

(54:05):
right, what's going on with her? And she's obsessed this that all
the things go with a different groupof friends another night and not having a
martini thoughts like all this this narrative, And I think there's a bit of
like let them have that narrative,you know, like I'm doing me it
shouldn't matter. But there's also abit of like, if they're truly part

(54:29):
of our network, if they're reallylike support, then like let them in
of it. Like here's here's whyI just you know, if I have
more than one, I would beso tired. I'm really trying to wake
up and go to this great yogaclass that I love and that's kind of
my focus. And I think alwaysour thought is we're going to share,

(54:50):
and they're going to judge us morelike you get up for yoga and that's
why you're not drinking or like youknow, you're doing this or you're doing
that, and like you used tobe this way and when I but what
I've found and I'm trying to alwayskeep this in mind, is it's usually
the opposite. It's usually like,oh that's really cool. Oh my god,
I have a friend that you knowis thinking the same thing. Like

(55:13):
I remember, I've had a lotof conversations in the last six months about
drinking, and it's just actually surprisinghow many people are just like I don't
like how I feel, you know, like I'm older now. I'd rather
get up at six am on Sundayand do pilates than have a rager.
And it's just again you think,oh my gosh, like I'm not going
to have a glass of wine.They're going to judge, But it's actually

(55:35):
like, oh I don't want aglass of wine, like I gotta get
up with the kids or whatever.It's it's much more like the water's fine,
like feel free to dive in versuswhat are they going to say?
So like I ramble there, Butbasically letting people in on the why of
your changes can actually be much moreembracing than wait, what, like you

(56:00):
know, sit over there and kindof feel, Yeah, I like that
of the they're letting them know whythey're letting them in. I think that
that's what typically happens, is wechange and and people are asking why,
and we get defensive because we feelthey're going to judge us. I love
how you you touched on that islike we're afraid of this judgment. And

(56:23):
to your point, like the judgmentisn't as bad in our head as it
really is, Like there really isn't, and especially if there are people that
care about us, right, Yeah, for this, it's the judgment might
be coming, but it's because theydon't know, like they think you're mad
at them, or they think you'reunhappy with the friendship, or you know,

(56:43):
they're creating their own narrative and they'rejudging that not you. So once
you explain here's what's going on,it's usually like, oh, wow,
well, like I was way overhere, but this makes a lot more
sense, or like letting help orhow can I support you or telling me
more about that or I'm sorry you'regoing through that or anything I can do
to help. Yeah. On thedrinking thing, I think it's also just

(57:07):
finding more fun things to do toit, which is really cool. Like,
so I stopped drinking and a friendof mine said, so, is
this going to be a thing now? Are you just so you just don't
He's like, so you just don'tdrink anymore. I'm like, so you've
accidentally fell into coaching. I accidentallystopped drinking and he's just and I'm just
like, yeah, I guess.I was like, I don't know,
and it was it was along thelines of what you said, like,

(57:27):
I want to be more productive.I don't want to wake up tired.
I don't see how this is helpingme. Actually this ties back to our
whole work life balance conversation in thathow did you say it of everything you
do is what you are? Ohyou the way you do one thing,
you do everything. The way youdo one thing is the way you do
everything. And for me it wasif I'm going to live this life of

(57:51):
self development, of preaching self development, of you know, standing on stage
just talking about of coaching people,then I want to improve myself. Right,
I want to be the perin thatyou know, like I like,
you know, I brought up Brennanbefore, right, Brendan Bachard. I
want to be if I'm going tofollow him as a mentee and he's my
mentor, then I'm looking at hislife and I'm going, well, what

(58:14):
how does he practice his life?How does he practice the habits that he's
teaching me? And if he fallsoff of that, I don't necessarily judge
him, but maybe some credibility,maybe I start looking for somebody who's more
in line with my values. Right, not that he has at all yet
or not. So I need tobe that person for myself. I need
to be that person for myself sothat I could be authentic when I stand

(58:36):
on stage, when I'm coaching,when I'm doing these things to my audience,
to my people. And so that'swhere that kind of change started happening.
But it's funny because it was like, so is this going to be
a thing now? Yeah? Yeah. And that's the funny thing too,
is like I still, you know, I do drink. I haven't given
it up, but I do,you know I do. If I drink

(58:58):
one night, I'm there's a reallygood chance I'm not drinking the next night.
Like I watch it and I do. I get those comments too,
like what, like what's going on? And it's just like I'm I mean,
I'm thirty seven. That's what's goingon. Like I you know,
I have other goals other than youknow, perfecting the martini Like it's it
doesn't and that's with anything, youknow, it's it's when our priorities shift.

(59:22):
And I think that's like growing up. I mean it just you sudden
different things are more important. Youknow, leaving the party early so that
you can get up and you know, be productive is usually kind of what
happens with a lot of friends I'mtalking to now versus got to stay you
know, out late till the tillthe bar closes or whatever. Yeah,

(59:45):
the productivity side to it all isreally I think that's the big driver in
all of it. So yeah,so going back to this whole work life
balance thing in that what we're talkingabout here is that you know, I
think it's you you become, Youbecome the person that you want to be,
and everything else kind of falls inline. Like as I started developing

(01:00:09):
the person I want to be,Like you know, we we've done this
in our entry level coaching, Like, you know, who is it that
you want to be? Who areyou becoming? All of this stuff right,
and it starts start living into thatand then I feel like I feel
like for me, the other thingsstart falling into place. Now for me
just sharing again, like just becauseall the other things fall into place doesn't

(01:00:30):
mean that I don't have those days, right, Like yesterday was one of
those days for me. It wasit was like just meeting, meeting,
meeting, meeting. Then I coachedbasketball, then I run a basketball league,
and it was like from morning tonight it was just I didn't have
a moment and that's going to happen, right like, and that's okay,

(01:00:52):
that's just part of it. Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent like I've
been. You know again, Iwasn't coming into this week like we're doing
all the things for twenty twenty four. But one of the things I really
enjoys like my morning time and mymorning routine. So I was very conscious
to I started, like my backto work on Wednesday, So I mean
Wednesday morning routine perfect, loved it. Felt good. Yesterday morning routine perfect,

(01:01:17):
loved it. Today it just wasoff, like it just something didn't
work. And again I could seemyself going down the road of like,
well today's going to suck, Likewhy bother now? You know, cancel
all my meetings. I can't helpanybody, you know, I might as
well just go back to bed andinstead really kind of checking into Yeah,

(01:01:37):
like, you're it's very unlikely thatyou're going to hit your morning routine three
hundred and sixty five days, likeit's I mean, that is crazy.
So okay, you know Friday,first week back, it wasn't perfect.
Yeah, I think we'll be okay. I think we can do the rest
of the day. Yeah. Yeah, I love that you said that because

(01:01:59):
I've I've actually fallen off of mymorning routine and what I go to the
seasons thing. I love that otherway of looking at our our life,
our wheel of life is the seasons. And I was in a season for
a very long time of waking upat four thirty in the morning. I
was a five am or four thirtyfive am or I loved it, loved
it, loved it. And thenI realized, you know what, I

(01:02:20):
actually need more sleep. And Iwas going to bed early. It's not
like I wasn't. I was goingto bed by like nine o'clock. I
was out by nine o'clock. I'mstill out by like nine thirty ish,
nine nine thirty ten, but nowI'm sleeping ntil six, six thirty and
it's because I just felt, like, you know, in this season of
my life, I just need moresleep. And with the whole New Year's
thing, that's another interesting one thatyou brought up earlier, the amount of

(01:02:45):
pressure that we put on ourselves oflike setting these New Year's goals and like
I'm gonna exercise and I'm gonna wakeup earlier, and I kind of just
feel I go back to the seasonsthing of like, you know what,
like New Year's happened for me,and we were talking about it before we
got on and I was in bedby ten, and but New Year has
happened for me. But to me, it's a celebration of a new year.
It's like, yeah, it's twentytwenty four. This is cool.

(01:03:06):
There's some reflection going on of likewhat did the year look like? What
were some of the good things,the bad things, whatever it was,
what it looked like, what doI maybe envision for twenty twenty four and
all that other stuff. But onthe other end, I'm kind of like
the season that I'm in started about, I want to say, about two
months ago, and I'm still init, and so I'm not going to
force myself to change out of itbecause it's just what I need right now.

(01:03:30):
Yeah. Yeah, Like if Januaryfirst is going to work for you
in terms of like clean slate,new star, whatever, like do it,
do it, you know, doit hard. If not, if
you're kind of already in a journeyor you're you're still trying to figure stuff
out, like that's okay. Likeone of the big things I've been talking

(01:03:52):
to clients and people about is pickinga word, picking like a Femimora mantra
for the year. I'm still workingon mine, you know, I've been
journaling about it and trying to figureout but like if you ask me,
I don't have one, and it'sJanuary fifth, and I'm cool with that.
You know. It's just it's notif I picked one January first,

(01:04:12):
it would be real. It wouldbe like an arbitrary Hey, you got
the pressure, like picks something.But like I'm working on it, and
it deserves the time, and mostof the things that we're trying to accomplish
deserve the time. So again,it's like it's you know, certain habits
feel good to kick off, orcertain goals you're like, January one's the
day. I think that's great,but everything can't fit into into that,

(01:04:36):
and that's that's okay. It's it'ssilly to try to make that work for
me. The test is going tobe my birthday, because my birthday is
usually the day that hits me alittle bit more. With that reflection,
I wonder if that's my birthday?Is January twelfth, oh coming up?
Okay, Yeah, so it's actuallyvery close to the note, it's very

(01:04:59):
close to the new year, soit could be kind of confusing, and
so I'm I'm interested in myself oflike is that going to be a day
for me? There's actually a lothappening in my life and in my business
right around my birthday this year justso happens like there's like I have this
big event coming up, I havedifferent things in the business that are happening

(01:05:21):
that are good. And also whoknows kind of like there's just these these
questions question marks happening around the sameexact time, like within a couple of
days. So it'll be an interestingan interesting birthday for me. I'm I
don't I'm curious to find out,like how I'm gonna feel I have no
idea. Yeah, I mean it'snot entirely an accident, but like all

(01:05:43):
that stuff's happening around that time andthat that goes back, Yeah, that
goes back to our philosophers, right, like in that like all of these
things happen for reasons and they kindof like come full circle. And it's
just philosophy is so interesting to me. I I need to get get more
involved in it. I have aquestion for you about homesickness. When you

(01:06:05):
when you when you said that earlier, I was I was curious on this
in that what we identify as homesickness. So first kind of like preliminary,
preliminary question here is was that thefirst time you traveled abroad alone? Yes?
Alone? Okay, so that's thisis this is playing into it,

(01:06:26):
and so I'm curious on like whatyou know, we use the term homesickness,
What do you identify as homesickness?What is what does that mean?
And Yeah, it's funny, Ilike as I think about it, like
it comes like physically, sorry,I made you sick. I promise,
I promise I'll make you feel betteragain. But I mean I just it

(01:06:50):
is a feeling of just wanting totransport back to the familiar. Like all
I wanted was like, bring meback to my family room, watching a
movie with my parents, drinking lemonade, Like just get me back there and

(01:07:11):
and the comfort of that. Iknow what that looks like, I know
what that feels like. No surprises. It's almost like a like a weird
version of fear of the unknown,Like being homesick is also like there's just
so much unknown right now, LikeI don't know where Like when we were
there, I was still trying tofigure out where I was staying, like

(01:07:33):
where the woman I was going tobe staying when we lived, what our
relationship was going to be, Likehow do I get food? Like there
was a whole program for like payingfor like a certain amount of meals,
and like, I mean, therewas just so much to not know.
And it's almost like I short circuitedand I couldn't take all of the unknowns.
So I was just like, oh, take me back, take me

(01:07:56):
back to that bubble my nest.Yeah. I think of safety. It's
it's like your your own safety.So I brought it up intentionally, and
and it's because of that. Ithink that when we're talking about change and
we're talking about all these different things. It's that fear of the unknown,
right, because that's what it islike when you're That's that's what I when
I hear homesick, That's what Ithink of is is what is it that

(01:08:19):
we're really missing? It's we're justmissing that, like you said, comfort,
that safety, that that knowing thatat six o'clock, dinners on the
table, lemonades come in, we'regoing to watch such and such show,
everybody's together. Uh. You know, when I when I think about it
for me of of traveling or orbeing alone or whatever, it's like,
Yeah, for me, it's likemissing a hug from somebody that I know

(01:08:43):
I love or that loves me.You know. But I think that it's
it's an important one to address becausewe could be homesick and we could be
close to home. Yeah. Imean I have had versions of that feeling,
and like luckily like that it turnedout great, you know, like

(01:09:04):
silver Lining was like I stayed andI had the best time ever. So
I mean, when what's happened sincethe good news is I'm like, I
know this, I know what's happeninghere. I know I'm freaking out because
there's a lot of unknown and alot of change. But think about how

(01:09:25):
that change went, like, ohmy gosh, I'm alone in Paris,
what's going to happen. I'm goingto tell you what's going to happen.
The best five months of your life, that's when what's going to happen.
So now I think the next bigtime that happened was I went through a
yoga teacher training and that was likea big commitment. No one I knew
was doing it, so it wasvery I was very much having I remember

(01:09:45):
sitting outside of the classroom waiting forlike the first day to start and having
that same feeling, and I hadto talk myself through like, yep,
you felt this before, You're goingto feel it for a few days,
but like you're probably going to feelreally awesome by the end of this experience.
So like just tuning into like changes, effing's scary, but lifely if

(01:10:09):
the scary changes are the best ones. So like just kind of like hang
in, believe in yourself, youknow whatever mantra you gotta tell yourself to
get through that initial like scared whiteand get to the other side of it.
Tell us about that self awareness,because I feel like that's vital to
this. Yeah, I don't.I mean, honestly, I don't know
how I becan't like, thank god, thank god. I think it is

(01:10:30):
self aware of that, because thatis just a horrible feeling like homesickness and
that over overwhelming fear is is awful. But I just I think it's because
it's such a unique feeling that Ican recognize it. And I think the
important part is like doing something aboutit, like, Okay, you're feeling

(01:10:55):
this, Yep, we're going througha similar change, like noticing the true
friends. You know, we're doingsomething big and different last time you experienced
this. We're doing something big anddifferent and focusing really on me. But
look how it turned out. Andyou know, and I've noticed, I
you know, I've I can't thinkof all the times I have felt this

(01:11:15):
way, but it has come upand it lasts less time now because I'm
more in tune too. Yep,I know this, Like, but we're
good, you know, than thefirst time where it was like we're not
good, like what is going tohappen? You know? Now we now?
You know? So I think Imean, believing yourself such a cliche,
but like believing in yourself that you'veseen this before, you can do

(01:11:38):
this, you can you can getthrough it. It's gone through worse.
You know. All those things areusually really true and they can be really
helpful. Yeah, it's like thevisualization techniques that we use right of like
visualizing ourselves going through the process inorder to kind of have that experience and
see it turn out well. Tappinginto that. So I like that you
brought all of this up in that, Like when we're feeling this overwhelmed and

(01:12:00):
when I say homesick and you canhave it right next door, it's like
homesick is that feeling of overwhelm.It's that feeling of fear of the unknown.
It's not knowing what's next. It'sthe new job, it's the promotion,
it's stepping on stage, it's it'smeeting with a coach. I had
somebody put in their in their feedbackform for me, not feedback form,
intake form for me with coaching.She said, I'm actually afraid to meet

(01:12:25):
with you and that's why I'm meetingwith you. And it was like funny,
but the first part, right,actually afraid to meet with a coach,
so it's all of these things thatfear of the unknown, of like
what's it going to be like?And I would like to just highlight some
of the tips that you just thestrategies that you just brought up, which
were which were being aware of it, identifying it, acknowledging it in that

(01:12:46):
yeah, this is this is bigand scary, and when have I have
had? So it's asking when haveI had an experience like this before?
And we could probably not different experiencesin our lives that are at least similar
to the feeling, and then howdid they turn out? And of course
we're going to have those ones thatwere a horror story and that work.

(01:13:06):
It's just like this was awful,but we're also going to have the ones
that were great. So it's liketune into the ones that were great.
But I think if we're also analyzingall of it, it's like, why
did those ones turn out bad?What was it about those that turned out
bad that we could do differently?What could we have learned from those bad
experiences that we could do differently today? So I think there's a lot to

(01:13:27):
learn in what you just shared thereabout your homesickness. I think it's so
cool, and I appreciate you sharingthat with all of us. I have
some homesickness happening right now, soa bit of really cool news to share
with you that I'm feeling a littlelike, I don't know if it's overwhelmed
or anxiety. I don't know howto categorize it yet because it's so far

(01:13:49):
into the future right now. ButI just got hired for my very first
hour keynote at a conference, ata three day conference. Oh my god,
amazing congress. It's amazing, Thankyou, And you're one of the
first people I'm sharing it with publicly. But I'm bringing it up really more

(01:14:09):
because of what we're talking about inthat it's my first keynote, like it's
my first hour, like one hourkeynote. The person who hired me even
said, you know, we're gonnahave other speakers, but you're the keynote.
You're setting the tone for the conference. You'll be the first day,
first hour person who sets the tonefor the next three days. And I'm

(01:14:33):
like, yeah, of course that'sme. Yay, I'm in. I'm
in. And then I hang upand it's in September, said, several
months from now, and I hangup and I tell my wife and I'm
like shaking. I was literally shaking. I was just like, holy crap,
what did I sign myself up for? Ye? So yeah, ask

(01:14:53):
the question because like, I'm interestedin your thoughts here. So I mean,
so, how are you dealing withthe homesickness, the anxiety, the
shaken It's what you said, it'screating the experiences. So for me,
the first thing that came to mindwas I was like, all right,
I need to book three gigs likenow. And it's not for the gigs,

(01:15:15):
it's for me. It's like,I need to book three talking engagements
right now. That speaking engagements thatpush me to get to that hour that
are like ten minutes here, thirtyminutes there, forty five minutes you know,
that lead up to what does anhour look like? And having done

(01:15:35):
it. So that's one of thethings with what you just said too.
In terms of experiences, I'm like, all right, well, I've done
two hour workshops. I did myvery first full day workshop where I was
the presenter from nine to five andpresented the whole workshop. So I've done
these things that can be condensed intoan hour. So I'm kind of tapping

(01:16:00):
into all of that. But I'malso a little bit like, holy crap,
Michael, what did you do?Well? That's good. I mean
that's the I think that like gettingback to the homesickness thing, like any
change that's just kind of yeah whatever, Like how big is that going to
be for you? How like excitingand life changing in a good way is

(01:16:20):
that going to be? So thefact that you're like freaking out a little
bit like that shows it's it's abig deal in a good way. It's
exciting, it's it's going to bringmore for you. So I think tuning
in to like, yep, it'sbig, but like grateful it's big,
you know, right? Yeah thatAnd you know, I use all of

(01:16:42):
the strategies that we just talked about, which is I visualize it. I
see it like I could see itin my mind right now. I could
see myself on the stage talking Igot it. I know I'm going to
work on it. I know I'mgoing to be doing everything. I know
i'm going to have my sixty minutesdone before the summer. I know I'm
gonna do all these things. Andso it's trusting in that. I think
the reason why I wouldn't categorize itas overwhelmed. More anxiety is because I

(01:17:05):
feel like overwhelming anxiety. What Iwould identify is that right now would be
that that would happen if I wasunprepared or unqualified. And because I know
I'm qualified and that I'm going tobe prepared, Like I'm already somewhat prepared,
right but because I know I'll beprepared, I'm like, all right,
I'm not there and nor do Iwant to be there, right,

(01:17:27):
So I'm in this place of liketo your point, it's like there's that
maybe we'll call it fear for now, but it's a good one, right,
It's like because I'm scared, Iknow I need to do it.
Because I'm scared, it's because it'sgood for me and this really big growth.
So well, congrats to you.That's so exciting, pretty cool stuff,
uh, and that we're all workingthrough. Look at us getting getting

(01:17:48):
getting a coaching call in while we'retalking to each other here. Now,
I can always make that we alwaysfind a way, don't we. Yes,
you you did so much during COVIDof like learning more about yourself,
about about your work, and youwere so productive during COVID and being able

(01:18:09):
to build yourself up. I'm interestedinto where that work has brought you now.
So you're a coach. Now,you're working with business owners and entrepreneurs,
and you're You've got so many differentthings happening. You have this awesome
Instagram channel where you do all ofthese cool creative reels, and I just
want to kind of like bring usto present day now of you know,

(01:18:30):
we've gone through Fordham University, philosophy, France, your parents, all of
this cool stuff we did some likelittle coaching exercises together, and I'm just
so interested into where has it broughtyou to and where are you going?
Yeah, I mean if it werefor those years in COVID, I mean
I would I would not feel here, like definitely, Like I think there

(01:18:55):
was a real choice there where it'slike, are we can we can take
this tactic of like live in fearand do the best you can and live
in your pajamas twenty four to sevenand you know, make a batch of
brownies every week, or we canlike let's what, like we've been handed

(01:19:16):
a shit sandwich. Let's you know, let's let's do what we can with
it. And I feel like Ireally took that path very early on,
like that no no room for errorhere, and I think I just set
up some some things that helps menow. So like at this point,

(01:19:36):
like I have a client base,which I wouldn't say I had at the
beginning of covid at all. Icreated a whole. I had someone create
a different logo with a different name, different email at the beginning of covid,
fully different than now. But Imean, I'm so glad I did

(01:19:57):
it because I was just like gettingthe zonacle, like get like you're coach,
like do this stuff. So Ithink that's all change websites, change
name of companies, change all ofthat, which is great, but like
I needed to like do it ina crappy version first. I think to
like build that, you know,speaking engagements coming up as well. I

(01:20:17):
got my first like cold outreach todo a lunch and learn. I'm super
excited about that. I think that'snext month, so that'll be cool.
And just a whole new network likebetween clients and people i've met networking itself
to friends I've met along the way, Like it's just it's a whole.

(01:20:42):
I was just thinking about this.I think yesterday, like my world is
different, like the people, Likejust the top most recent texts that I've
have and what I'm if I metsomeone for a drink, what I'm talking
about, Like just those basic thingshave really changed, and I've I changed

(01:21:02):
in the good lab. Where doyou see the coaching business going for you?
I really want to start doing moreon the leadership side, so like
you know, I call myself aproductivity leadership coach, and I love both
sides of it, and a lotof times there's overlap, but I really

(01:21:24):
do love love the leadership side,and I want to I really enjoy working
with leaders so I think looking todo more with that. I'm going to
get certified to work with the diskassessment so I can offer that to clients.
And you know, if if companiesalready did it and needed someone to

(01:21:46):
kind of walk through them, walkthem through it, you know, as
that could be moved. I wantto do like some sort of leadership crash
course, like almost you're a newleader, like wtf, now what you
know? Something to that effect.But I mean, still, you know,
one on one coaching, I've consideredgroup coaching. I don't know if

(01:22:10):
I'm sealing that yet. I'm notsaying no, but I really do like
working with people one on one,and yeah, I'm just continuing to grow.
I love that continuing to grow.I really do. I think like
for me, like the people Iwant to work with are people that want
to grow. That that's really it. I'm interested in your definition of leaders.
And I asked this because very often, you know, we'll we'll we'll

(01:22:34):
have a crowd in front of us, like you'll do it at the Lunch
and Learn. You'll say, oh, here considers themselves a leader, and
maybe three people out of the fiftywill raise their hand and you're like,
come on, wait a second.You know you're all you're all at a
Lunch and Learn. You could havebeen doing something else here, you're a
leader of your day, right,So I think it's it's sometimes it's the
definite. It's it's the word itselfand people's perception of the word and then

(01:22:56):
kind of like trying to fit themselvesinto the box of oh, that that's
what a leader is. And sotherefore I'm not. So I'm interested in
what you define as a leader andthe type of people that you enjoy working
with. Yeah, So I thinka leader is someone who wants to rise
up. So title is irrelevant,pay grade, industry, none of that

(01:23:18):
matters. If you want to riseup. That that's someone I want to
work with. So you have skills, you want to perfect them and grow
them. You're in one role andyou want to move to the next role.
You are in one industry and youwant to switch. You're in your

(01:23:44):
role and you love it, butyou want to be doing more in it.
You feel like you could be showingup and offering more within there.
You do a lot with the community, but you feel like it could be
more targeted whatever it is. Butyou're just looking to, like I say,
level up a lot, which againI feel like has like a corporate
connotation, but it doesn't have tobe just looking to you know, kind

(01:24:09):
of home who you are, likeperfect those sills, like get really down,
you know. I talk about leadershipstyle a lot, like what is
your leadership style? And then likeuse that, use that every day,
show up in that one hundred andten percent. Yeah, yeah, I'm
glad that you were able to describethat, because leveling up, growing,
being someone who's adopting and changing andtrying new things is a leader. And

(01:24:33):
I love that you said that it'sgot nothing to do with title or pay
grade, because that's meaningless. It'sreally are you taking charge of something in
your life, of an area inyour life. And it could also be
personal, right, it doesn't haveto be work. It could be I
want to be a leader in athome. Yeah. Yeah. I get

(01:24:54):
a lot of clients who are justlike I, like, I'm just kind
of in life, you know,I'm just kind of doing the things,
and they want to be a leaderof their life. They want to be
more proactive in And this is howI spend the time, and this is
when I wake up, and thisis what I do in the morning,
and this is what I do inthe evening, and this is how I

(01:25:16):
you know, this is how Ispend my lifestyle, income and all that.
So I mean things like that.Yeah, it doesn't have to be
professionally. I mean, yeah,it carries over into our personal life like
one hundred percent, Like I mean, I know, for me on the
basketball court, it carries over.And for you it also carries over into
your community and helping the people inyour community. And you spent some time

(01:25:40):
volunteering with some non for profits andsome of them helping the homeless. You
said that that was an impactful journeyfor you as well, and I'm interested
if you could share a little bitmore about that one. Yeah. So
I worked at the New York CityRescuation for about a year in well,

(01:26:00):
funny, don't worry, We're notquoting you on the year. Yeah,
somewhere around there. It was abouta year. And I mean the biggest
thing was, like I was agrant writer, so I wrote grants for
basically for funding for the mission andour offices, like anyone who had like
a staff type role. We're inthe mission, so I mean we rode

(01:26:23):
the elevator, We've had lunch withthe attendees of the mission. So I
mean immersion, like yep, fullon emersion. And I think I mean
that being in New York and livingin New York and working at a mission
in New York, it changes.It changes how you see people, It

(01:26:47):
changes how you see government, Itchanges how you see how people see people.
It was just a very again,your world is like I broken male
today, pissed. You know,I just got a hand and like then
you work at you know, youget immersed in something else and you're like

(01:27:08):
what am I saying, you know, like this is crazy, and I
I remember being appreciative of that wakeup call kind of on a daily basis
because I think, you know,I don't know if it's a millennial thing
or it's a female millennial thing,or if it's just like it's a full
thing. Well like I am youvery self absorbed, like my life like,
oh my gosh, like don't disruptit. So I needed that daily

(01:27:30):
checking to be like you better checkyourself in the full because like, this
is this is what's really going on. I'm interested in that that idea of
general general generations and the idea thatyou know, this generation is self absorbed
in that generation is harder and grittier. Do you have any any takes on

(01:27:53):
that. It's fine. Clients bringthis up a lot, like noticing differences
and in how people show up atwork between the generations. I mean,
I feel like I feel like millennialsare just diagnosing ourselves all over the place.
So I mean, I think we'rewe're going to therapy, we're working

(01:28:16):
with coaches where we're dealing with ourtrauma. We're like we are doing all
the self help work. And Ithink there's a there's a good side to
that, because we're self aware,you know, our triggers, we set
boundaries, all of that. ButI think there's this other piece of you're

(01:28:41):
doing all that work like very selfbocust, you know, like going to
therapy, that's all about you,working with a coach, it's all about
you, you know, working onself development. It can be very it's
very self. So I think thereis so yes, I think there is
some truth to like my sense Ijoke enough about me, what do you

(01:29:03):
think of me? Like? Thereare some truth to that. I will
be the first first to admit it. I like that. I like that
joke enough about me? What doyou think about me? Yeah? My
name is Nicole and I am selfabsorbed. That's so funny. Yeah,
I ask it because you mentioned it. You just said, you know,

(01:29:25):
maybe it's the millennial in you andall that, But I don't know.
I kind of I think that there'sa little bit of that in each generation,
though. I feel like, youknow, I feel like we generalize
these generations and so often it's like, but you could find self absorbed boomers,
you could find self absorbed gen X, you could find all of them.

(01:29:47):
And I'm going to get this quotebecause I keep referring to it and
I don't remember who it was,but I know it was like from the
eighteen hundreds, right, and itwas like the next generation of k are
lazy, dumb and only want tolisten to the radio kind of thing.
And it was like from the eighteenhundreds, and it was like you just

(01:30:08):
take that and like that's literally whateach generation has said about the next generation.
And so that's kind of why Ifeel like, I don't know,
like I feel like I feel that, you know, millennials react differently than
than Yeah, maybe and the age, right, there's an age difference.
There's there's a millennial is anywhere fromwhat twenty to twenty to forty or something,
right, And it's like there's thishuge age difference between a forty year

(01:30:30):
old and a sixty year old.Yeah, of course they're going to do
things differently. They were raised different. It was things were like, I
mean, as forty, I'm I'mforty one, I'll be forty two.
I guess like I wasn't raised withthe internet. And my daughters they have
the internet at their feet. Theydon't know a time before the internet,
you know, they don't know,a time before cell phones. I do

(01:30:53):
you you You mentioned your age here, so I can say that you do
too, you know. So ofcourse there's to be a different logic on
things, a different way of thinking. That's that's part of the whole thing.
But I think that some of themy issue at least is in the
sense of like saying certain traits ofwhether they're lazy or outgoing or not.

(01:31:15):
I feel like you're going to findthat in every generation. Yeah, yeah,
you bring up a good point.It's always you know, it's today,
right energy, you know, nomatter what, and it's true.
And I think there's always an airbecause I was thinking about like millennials,
I feel like we're very in likenostalgia, like eighties and nineties. You

(01:31:38):
can't get much better than that,and as we move further out, we're
just like reminiscent. But I thinkto your point, I think that's every
generation, like it's always, youknow, all we had the best Christmases
and you know, which is kindof great in a way that like every
generation kind of looks back fondly.Yeah, but yeah, it's so you

(01:31:59):
bring up a good it's like,yeah, it's kind of like cyclical kind
of thing. It's kind of it'sfunny. I want to talk about horror
movies real quick with you. Ohyes, because I can't watch them.
Oh no, I can't watch that, watch the one. My first,
my first foray with horror movies wouldhave been Freddy Krueger when I was a

(01:32:20):
kid, and oh my goodness,he ruined my life. He ruined my
sleeping habits, he ruined furnaces,he ruined pizza, he ruined black,
and he ruined black and red sweaters, like he ruined my life for so

(01:32:44):
long, for so long. SoI was in I want to say,
maybe second or third grade. Wewere at a birthday party, family friend's
birthday party, and all the kidswere in the room in a room and
Freddy Krueger was on, and Ifeel like there was some old kids in
the room, like like tweeners,you know, like like whatever they were.
Maybe it was a twelve year old'sbirthday party something like that, and

(01:33:05):
Freddy Kruger was on, and thatwas my first time seeing it and watching
it, and I just remember,like gets you in your sleep and you
know, all this crazy stuff,right, So I honestly never got over
that, Like my cousin and I. We tried to we we tried to
emerge do immersion with it, andlike we watched Freddy one through fifteen in

(01:33:28):
like a whole sitting, like welike a whole weekend. We just rented
all of them from them. Wehave vhs. We rented them all from
the video store. And no,nope. So I need to know.
I need to know, Like whatis it about you walking out of a
horror movie being like I like lookingover my shoulder. I just what was

(01:33:49):
your first experience? Oh, we'regoing back? I mean I think my
first experience was like just embracing horrormovies. And I'm talking like Frankenstein,
like real like probably today not soscary, but like I would have sleepovers

(01:34:14):
and we would make popcorn and wewould watch a scary movie. So it
was my first memories are less aboutthe movie and the experience. Like my
dad would would travel for work sometimeson those nights, my mom and I
would watch a scary movie when hewasn't there, and we rate, you
know, popcorn or pizza or something. So it was more of the overall

(01:34:36):
memory than the movie. And Ithink I've kind of kept like, well
that that's always the feel, andI've somehow been able to like continue that,
like if I'm gonna watch a scarymovie with my husband, like there's
a really good chance we're gonna likecandles. There's a really good chance we're

(01:34:57):
gonna make popcorn. Like it's athing. And I feel like horror movies
is kind of the only genre youcan like make a real production out of
it. And a horror movie canbe bad and you can still really enjoy
it. If a drama is reallybad, you're not gonna enjoy it.
Comedies not funny, you're not gonnaenjoy it. But like horror, like
b movies, the horror movies,they're huge because people still love them.

(01:35:20):
M Yeah, they're the best,right. So it's like it's really about
setting the mood and like it's moreof it's more of an experience than it
is just the movie. Yes,like I'm thinking that one of I mean,
this is this is in college.But the movie Saw. Did you
ever see a movie Saw? SawIt? Yes? Okay, So when
that movie came out, all thereviews were like, scariest movie ever.

(01:35:45):
People believe in the theater, You'renot gonna believe the ending blah blah blah,
and you can't say those things tome and not having me run in
by tickets, right, I justthat is gonna So all of my college
friends were all talking and we're lookingat these reviews and like all the friends
are like, well, I'm nuts, like there's no way. And I

(01:36:08):
had this one friend and she's like, I'll see it, and we were
like, is it showing tonight?And it was showing that night, So
we literally, like gout dressed,went to a theater in the city and
saw it and so like that wholething of like, oh my gosh,
we're gonna see this movie. We'regonna be so freaked out. And seeing
the theater and like everyone's freaking outand you know, screaming, and the

(01:36:28):
ending was like, oh my gosh, like so shocking. I mean,
you can't do that with like Gonewith the Wind, like great movie,
but it just it doesn't have thateffect. M m yeah now it's yeah.
I remember it being very creepy,very creepy, very crazy. So
I probably could watch scary movies nowwith with my new philosophy on life,

(01:36:53):
on what what's real, what's notreal, and all this other stuff,
The one that gets me is likethe spiritual ones, because I'm still I
do believe in I'm not. Iguess I would be categorized as Catholic because
I was raised that way. ButI'm definitely more spiritual than I am Catholic.
And I'm more spiritual in a senseof like energies and universe and all

(01:37:14):
this other stuff that you're familiar with, I'm sure. And so those are
the ones that freaked me out whenlike like the Exorcist, right that would
that come out in the eighties orthe nineties. I've never watched it.
I will never watch it. Ifa clip comes on from it, I
am shunning my eyes. I'm like, I am not looking at that.
That still gets me. It's allI mean, my dad, I think,

(01:37:34):
saw it once, never see itseeing it again. I've seen it
once, never seen it again,and like I'm good, like I'm all
set, you know. And alsoi mean, like all the rumors about
people dying on set, and I'mjust like, ah, too real,
Nope, like yep, yep.So something about I guess the scary movies

(01:37:56):
for you, or the horror moviesis more about like the experience and also
kind of knowing that like all right, you know, everybody's going to be
all right in the end, it'snot. Yes, But I will say
I will say I think a greathorror movie again is that feeling of oh,
it's not all right, like likeeither either the feeling is like what

(01:38:20):
if this really happened? I couldactually see this really happening, or it's
just like it like did you seeHereditary? No? Okay, So that's
probably one of the best most recenthorror movies because it's such a good movie,
Like if you took the horror outof it, it's a very well
made movie. The actors are great. It is terrifying, and I remember

(01:38:45):
seeing theaters and like leaving the theaterand it was just like it's still on,
like it's just odd to shower andget it off me. And I
feel like, as weird as itis that that's like appeeling. I think
that makes an excellent horror movie thatit doesn't address lights, come on,
I'm safe. It's like I'm verymuch not safe, like humanity is not

(01:39:06):
safe, like we're all in danger. Oh my gosh. I think that
that shows like a really well mademovie. Was that the m M.
Shyamalan movie about like were they ageon a beach or something? No,
so that I think it's called oldor something, but no, this was
Tony Collette is the main character andthe guy the director did. He did

(01:39:32):
a few other movies, but Ithink this was like this his first big
movie and it's this family and thegrandmother dies and I feel like, yeah,
it's just there's so much to it. We're good. You people can
go watch it. I'm not.I'm not because I still I just reminded

(01:39:54):
myself of the sixth sense and likeseeing a cabinet open freaks me out.
I'm just like, who opened thatcabinet? Yes, and you see this
is a lot of the girl inthe tent that was terrible. I'm never
going to the bathroom in such acreepy movie. And after you and I
and and this call here, Ihave to be alone in the studio.
I'm gonna be running out of thestudio so fast, I'm not going to
be any turn it on everything,all the electricity has to be on.

(01:40:16):
That's another one that I remember fromscary movies. I love your passion for
horror movies. I think that that'sreally cool and like your costumes and all
this and the experience. I thinkthat that's so important in life to have
this. You know, as we'vewe've kind of talked through this whole work
life balance thing of of of experiencingdifferent things, of learning about philosophy,
of traveling to France, of youknow, building relationships with friends and family,

(01:40:40):
and and this relationship with your husbandand enjoying horror movies together, and
all of this is like, thisis like work life balance. This is
really like the whole whole of it. And I love that. And then
of course donating your time to thegrant writing and the work that you did.
And I always love kind of readingsomeone's inspirational mantra, and for you,

(01:41:01):
yours is so funny. I'm like, okay, this is cool.
And so your mantra that you liveby is just another freak in the Freak
Kingdom by Raoul Duke Fear and Loathingin Las Vegas. And you said it
reminds you to embrace what makes usunique. I love I love the hidden

(01:41:24):
meeting behind it. I just thinkit's so funny as we're talking about horror
movies. It's like just another freakin the freak Kingdom. Yeah. Yeah.
I remember when I first saw Fearand Loathing the movie, and I
like loved it. I don't it'sso it's so not a movie I would
love, and I loved it,and then I really you know, of

(01:41:46):
course this I don't know if thisis a millennial thing, but like,
oh, it's a book too,and of course, like the book was
amazing, you know, before themovie, read the book and loved the
book as well, and I justlove I think the just another freak.
I think that's the last line inthe movie. I forget if it's the
last line in the book. AndI just love that because it's like you're
just we're all a mess, youknow, and we're just all trying to

(01:42:12):
figure it out. And at thesame time, like embrace your mess,
you know, like we're all figuringout and we're all unique and like be
you know, Fear and Loathing isnothing but weird. Embrace you're weird,
you know, like love it.It makes you who you are. That's
awesome. Yeah, it's the wholecoaching idea is really about that, right,

(01:42:38):
It's it's problem solving, it's figuringout what it is that you're trying
to figure out. It's finding yourown solutions and it's embracing that uniqueness.
I love that. I absolutely lovethat. That's so awesome. I have
seen that movie. I have seenthat movie, but that was many years
ago. And the only thing,the only thing I'll say, when you
said it's a millennial thing, I'mgoing to agree with you because the boomer

(01:43:01):
says they read the book and they'relike, oh, there's a movie,
yeah, exact, And I'm like, oh no, there's a book so
bad. But I'm grateful to sayI've seen and read. It's been awesome
having you on. I want tothank you so much for being on the
show today. I can't wait toreconnect with you. We're probably gonna do
another Shining Light together and so muchmore. Oh, thanks so much for

(01:43:21):
having me. Its great to shutout with you. I talk to you
soon. Thank you for listening toThe Michael Esposito Show. For show notes,
video clips, and more episodes,go to Michael Esposito Inc. Dot
com backslash podcast. Thank you againto our sponsor dan ten Insurance Services,
helping businesses get the right insurance forall their insurance needs. Visit Denten dot

(01:43:44):
io to get a quote that's dn t N dot io. And remember
when you buy an insurance policy fromDenten, you're giving back on a global
scale. This episode was produced byUncle Mike at the iHeart Studios in Kipsie.
Special thanks to Lara Rodrian for theopportunity and my team at michaelspositol A

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