S2 E8 all about Montessori in real life with Theresa

So lovely to learn more about Theresa from Montessori In Real Life who we all love following on Instagram. She shares so much in this episode from how she gets her children to pack away, to what they are loving outdoors, organising spaces with siblings, their favourite practical life, her own anti-bias journey and so much more.

Links from the show

• Theresa from Montessori in Real Life - Website / Instagram
• Quote from Aubrey Hargis here
• Britt & Tiffany's course - their 4 week course is currently unavailable / 2 hour workshop with The Montessori Notebook
• Theresa featured on The Montessori notebook blog here and here
• Their Ikea play kitchen turned Montessori kitchen here
• How Montessori brings more joy - blog post
• Toddlers need for movement - insta reel
• Tips for practical life in the kitchen - insta reel
• Getting kids to put things away - insta post
• Praise vs acknowledgement - blog post
• Encouraging independent play - blog post
• freedom within limits - insta post
• Tips for caregivers and grandparents - blog post
• Theresa's Montessori guides
• Whole Brain Child, Dan Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson

Listener question

Hi! I am just discovering Montessori and I have a 3…almost 4 year old. She has developed a fear of bugs so much that she cries when it’s time to go outside. I’m a working mom so I try to get her outside as much as I can. I do let her hold my hand and I let her know that she is safe. We talk about bugs that are okay to observe close up vs bugs that we want to observe at a distance. Basically, how do I navigate through this time? We are in Michigan so it’s quite buggy right now and the summer months are upon us. My husband and I loooove being outside (camping, gardening, etc) but now she’s so afraid that we are finding ourselves inside a lot to respect her emotions. - Scarlett

Episode Transcript

(00:11):
Hi everyone, Simone here again,How are you all doing? As usual,
I'm hopefully here to bring youyour weekly dose of peace and
positivity in conversation withone to three friends about how
they bring the Montessoriapproach into their lives. And
so back in April, I got to talkwith Theresa for Montessori in
real life, and she liked medoesn't need much introduction
to you if you're following heron Instagram. But through her

(00:34):
work, she truly gets to give usa peek into Montessori in their
home, which now looks like twochildren, a partner and living
in the northwest in the US.
Theresa is a trained Montessoriteacher currently not in the
classroom, but applying theprinciples in their home with
lots of time outdoors to sheloved working in the classroom,
helping parents and now her workonline allows her to do the same

(00:55):
inspiring us from involving thechildren in the kitchen, to
helping her children master thething that they're interested in
right now. So I hope you'veenjoyed the conversation as much
as I did. But before we get tomy chat with Theresa, I often
get asked if Montessori reallyprepares children for the real
world. So for example, if we'reso kind and respectful, how are
they going to deal when peopleare mean? Or things get

(01:16):
competitive, when things don'tgo their way? and giving them
freedom is great, but like whatabout when they have to do
something. So firstly, I need tosay that Montessori doesn't mean
that your child isn't going tohave any struggles, that they're
not going to have ups and downs.
I think it's simply a morerespectful way to be with them
as they navigate everything thatlife throws at them. And they

(01:39):
know that that will be there notto fix their problems, but to
support them, to give them spaceto give some guidance if they
want it. And that we love themeven when they get things wrong.
So we can't change the rest ofthe world. But we can change how
we react. We can also removeobstacles. So we're trying to
set up our homes and ourclassrooms so the children can

(02:00):
have as much success aspossible. And then the child
receives an enormous amount ofsatisfaction from mastering
something and feeling supercapable. And they're motivated
to continue to be curiouslearners and seek out
information. And so yes, weremove those obstacles, but we
also allow for them to workthings out for themselves. So as
my Montessori friend, NicholeHoltvluwer always says, she says

(02:23):
the struggle is essential. Andthey also need to have things
that are a little challenging,and then they work it out. So
they're learning like, I can dothis, or I can learn this or I
can fix this or if I work atsomething, I can do it. And I
also believe that the Montessoriapproach is about building
skills in our children, so thatthey can deal with things that
life throws at them. And whenthings go wrong, they can learn

(02:44):
and practice skills for the nexttime, include working together
because there actually are a lotof opportunities to work with
others and being community withdifferent age children. You
know, sometimes they're helpingsomeone and sometimes they're
the one being helped. And Ireally love the Montessori
allows children to makediscoveries for themselves not
simply to rote learn things topass tests. And these children
then learn how to find outthings that they don't know

(03:06):
about how to follow theirinterests, and how to become
enormously creative thinkers tosolve problems. And another
important aspect of Montessori,I think, is having kids learn to
take responsibility. So they putthings away so they're ready for
the next person. They'resupportive if they need to make
amends if they've heard a friendor something in the environment.
And they learn to look after theclassroom and others from the

(03:29):
youngest ages. And we also dohave limits so that when things
do need to happen, we do itkindly And clearly, and usually
making it in a way so that theyfeel like they have some control
over it, even if it's somethingthat prefer not to be doing. So
all this to say that Montessorican help children build skills,
being in community with othershave difficulties and learn to

(03:51):
work out solutions and do thingsthey don't love doing too. But
children are still going to havetheir insecurities, their
anxieties and their weaknesses.
They won't like it when someonegets angry at them. And I don't
think any education or parentingapproach can promise that
children will be happy 100% ofthe time. And I don't think
that's the purpose. But I dothink that Montessori supports
our children to be curiouslearners and responsible human

(04:13):
beings. And they know that theycan keep brushing themselves
down and keep learning just likewe're all doing really. And I
love this quote by anotherMontessori friend, Aubrey
Hargis. She wrote respectfuleducation prepares children for
life. He doesn't train childrenfor job success. It nurtures
their creative and intellectualpowers, divorcing them from any

(04:33):
external mark and doing so keepsalive that intrinsic love of
work. So I think that sums it uppretty well. And I hope it's a
useful perspective for people.
And now it's time for myconversation with three verbs.
So I hope you enjoy it.

(04:55):
Hi everyone, some idea and I'mvery excited to introduce you to
Theresafrom Montessori in real life,
I'm sure that many of youalready follow her on Instagram,
and I can't wait to get to findout the person behind the
Instagram account. So I hope youall enjoy this conversation as
much as I'm sure we are goingto. So, Theresa, welcome. And
would you like to start byintroducing us to your darling D

(05:19):
and S? on Instagram, we see themin their daily life. And I'd
love to know a little bit aboutthem. Yeah, well, thank you for
having me on here.
D turns four at the end of June.
And she is both fiercelyindependent, as well as
incredibly nurturing, especiallywith her little brother, and her

(05:41):
beloved baby doll.
She has such a wonderfulimagination and zest for life.
And she can just make up gamesand play outside for hours. When
it comes to the shelf, she isalso interested and is drawn to
number work and scissors andsewing and tracing. So it's been

(06:04):
really fun to see. And then S isturning 2 at the end of May. And
he is I know it's gone by sofast.
He is our snuggler. He'sindependent, but he also wants
to have plenty of time near onmy body as much as possible. And
he adores D and tries to doevery single thing that she

(06:27):
does, with some success. Andthough he's open to trying any
kind of work on the shelf, histrue passion lies with anything
with wheels, or involvingmovement.
And he's starting to really talkup a storm and entering that
stage where he lets us knowexactly what he likes and what
he does not like. So it's beenfun to see him enter that that

(06:50):
true toddler time. Yeah. Oh,that's amazing. I mean, I still
remember when Yeah, he was justsuch a wee baby. And you're
introducing him today? And yeah,so I can't believe that he's
gonna be too. And I love thatage, and also how fast the
second one seems to grow up. Doyou find that like, because you
said yes. He's trying to doeverything that he's doing. Mm

(07:12):
hmm. Yeah, he is growing up sofast. And it's I'm finding it a
lot harder to watch him grow up.
So fast. You know, I think I wasso excited for D to hit those
milestones and grow up and I'mwanting time to really slow
down. Now that asked us growingup so it's, it's a different
experience? Yeah. Oh, for sure.

(07:33):
Oh, that's really nice. Um, sonow people mostly know you from
Instagram. And I'm curious whatyour work kind of looks like
because you are a full time mom,and you do Instagram and you're
very active on Instagram? Do youhave some kind of set structure
to your day? And how? How doesit look? And why did you stop
there? Yeah, work is prettyflexible. I mean, it really has
to be because I am home with thekids D is in part time. So she

(07:56):
goes to Montessori School, mostmornings. But as is home with me
all the time. So there are weeksI fit in more writing and
creating. And then there's weekswhen the kids and I are just
playing outside all day, and Ireally catch up at night. I do
really enjoy waking up earlybefore the kids, at least an

(08:17):
hour before them. And that'sreally when I do my best
thinking and I drink my tea orcoffee and it's just silent in
the house. And I really enjoythat time. And I find when I
give myself that time in themorning, I'm able to be much
more present with the kidslater.
So that doesn't happen everymorning, but almost every

(08:38):
morning. And then also weekendsare a time when I really plan
out my week as far as Instagramgoes and writing. And so I find
when I let my husband take thekids out for like a half day
adventure, and just spend thattime working on the weekend
without interruption. I'm ableto plan out the week in a way

(08:58):
that makes it less stressful forme throughout the work the
school and work week. Yeah, Imean, when did Instagram become
really work? I guess because atone point you were just sharing
and then you're like, Oh,actually, I really love sharing
and I can help families as well.
Yeah, it really was a, I don'tknow, just kind of a natural
shift that did. It went fromjust a journal kind of, of our
life to, you know, offeringinspiration and suggestions.

(09:25):
And, you know, responding topeople's questions. So it really
did shift from from justsomething for fun to work. It's
still fun, but it's also work.
Yeah, I mean, I think youstarted with Bridget with the
Montessori Guides first. Is thatlike the first kind of offering
you had? Yeah, yeah. And sothat's kind of when it also

(09:48):
began to gradually shift intoyou know, we created that
business. And so along withoffering peeks into our day to
day life, we were sharing ourmonthly guides and then we
started offeringThe parents guide course.
So it's been fun but more of ajuggle, you know, to also work
on the course and the guides, aswell as the Instagram and the

(10:09):
blog. So trying to really findtime for each of those is
something I'm still figuringout. Yeah. And I think that I
was initially joined to youraccount to because you were one
of the few Montessori teacherswho or was also a parent. And so
when you actually were did yourMontessori training before your
kids were born? Is that right?
And you were working in theclassroom? Can you tell us a

(10:30):
little bit about maybe somethingthat happened in the classroom
or Yeah, yeah, well, in my pathto become a Montessori teacher
was not exactly linear. I workedin a Montessori school as an
assistant right after college,but I was already planning to
get my PhD in developmentalpsychology. So I continue with
that, but then realize thatalthough I loved doing all the

(10:53):
research I was doing on socialemotional development and
infancy. I was getting more, youknow, into academia where I
realized I wouldn't be workingdirectly with children and the
families. And that's really whatmy where my passion lies. So I
did leave with my master'sdegree. And then that's when I
went back to a MontessoriSchool. Worked again, as an

(11:14):
assistant, they got my trainingreally quick, like enter
training program, became aMontessori teacher and taught in
a toddler classroom as well asled parent infant Montessori
class. And I think it was thefirst time the school I worked
at had offered a parent childclass. And I realized how much

(11:34):
of course I love working withtoddlers, but I just really
loved helping parentsincorporate Montessori into
their daily lives andincorporate it into their home.
And so once I had D, I did stopteaching. But I can wanted to
continue that parent educationpiece. Because I think that, you

(11:59):
know, toddlers, most toddlersare at home or at least a lot of
them. And parents isn't didn'treally have any any tools or any
idea of how to what Montessorimeant beyond a school setting.
Yeah. Oh, no, I think that'sreally interesting. I'm also
passionate about working withparents and because then the
children get to benefit even ifthey are at Montessori Preschool

(12:20):
for a few hours. You know, theyget to benefit 24 seven from the
Montessori approach. And it'sreally interesting that you
hadn't planned to but that'sexactly how you managed to
transition to bring Montessoriand helping parents at the same
time, right? Instagram. Yeah,yeah. Yeah. And I may go back to
teaching. I'm just kind ofleaving it open for now and
seeing where life what directionI go in? I'm not sure. Yeah. Oh,

(12:41):
that's exciting. And I mean, Ialways like to ask people, from
time to time I say, like, Whatdoes Montessori mean to you? And
like maybe today because maybewhen you started in Montessori,
it meant something and what howhas it changed? And what does it
look like? If I asked right?
Yeah, I think especially as Dhas entered school, you know,

(13:01):
where I'm not there. And I'm,I'm not homeschooling, at least
not anymore. Since schools haveopened. I think Montessori has
become so much more about a wayof parenting and a way of living
for me. I've learned so muchover the course of having two
little kids and with the chaosthat that brings, and I love

(13:22):
Montessori materials. Butthere's just so much more to
Montessori. And I think that hasjust been highlighted,
especially in the last year. Soinstead, what really guides me
in Montessori and parenting isthat respectful communication
piece and developing anappreciation for our natural

(13:43):
world and just raising capableand confident and kind humans.
And so I feel like I'm justseeing the bigger picture more
than I did when I worked in aclassroom or even when it was
just a little one. And it seemedlike the materials were kind of
the big piece. Yeah, no, it'sreally interesting to see like
how it actually changes when youmaybe have your own children or

(14:05):
maybe even that Montessori Ithink we had some preconceptions
about it. And now we're actuallygetting to the core of what is
Montessori it's not just abeautiful shelf, although that
is really inspiring. I mean,actually, that's quite a good
point. Because I sometimes feelI don't know how you do. If I
post a picture of my classroomand it's perfectly sunny. That's
the type of day I'm gonna take anice photo of my classroom
because it doesn't it's notalways sunny in Amsterdam, as it

(14:26):
probably isn't in the northwestwhere you live. And I kind of
worry that I want to post it toinspire people but on the other
hand, I've been working inMontessori for over 15 years and
my classrooms developed overthese years and I wouldn't want
people to expect that that's allMontessori is do you feel like
that sometimes as well? Oh, Ifeel that a lot I in fact, I
feel like I post fewer and fewershelfie quote unquote, pictures

(14:50):
because I do struggle with thatand you know, that is just one
small piece of our day and alsoa lot of times the shelf is not
looking beautiful, the toys areall on the ground and the kids
are independently plain andbusy. And that, you know,
there's this era of perfectionon Instagram. That isn't

(15:14):
completely false all the time,right there is a beauty to
Montessori materials and anenvironment but often,
especially at home, it's, it's abit more chaotic. And, you know,
it's messy materials are mixedup or repurposed. Um, you know,
lessons are half finished. Andso I feel like more and more,

(15:35):
I'm trying to share both sidesof it on Instagram, but it's
hard, you know, because you youwant, you know, you want to
share the beauty, but you alsowant to share the reality. And
there's there can be both, Ithink, and sometimes you don't
feel like sharing when you're inyour darkest moments like those
are. Those are tricky siteswhere like, I feel like posting
on Instagram when I'm having agood day. Oh, exactly. Well, and

(15:57):
I, I also deal with that interms of the children's privacy.
So out of respect for thechildren, I am not going to film
them in their hardest moments,or when they're throwing a
tantrum a doesn't feelrespectful. And be you know, I
need to be there present withthem to help them through what
they're going through. And soI'm not going to post those

(16:19):
really tough moments and toughdays, because it's just not
respectful. So I just hope thatpeople realize on Instagram,
too, that, you know, we do wantto share our reality. But you
know, we can only share so muchtoo. But I think that what
you've really managed to do islike just like the, your
Instagram handle is Montessoriin real life, you're showing

(16:40):
people what Montessori couldlook like and how capable your
young children are, like I lovejust seeing, you know, as caring
a little bucketof water and just how slow and
that you're not interrupting.
And people might think, Oh, youknow, mine could do that, too.
And I remember I think it was along time ago when you were
featured on my blog. And therewas it was one of the first IKEA
kitchens, you know, that we'dseen just show people like,

(17:02):
yeah, if you have an Ikeakitchen, instead of using it as
a toy kitchen, you could use itas a real kitchen. This is like
an example. Hmm, completely. Andso I always want the takeaway to
be you know, this is an examplelike you said, this is
inspiration, nothing issomething that you must do or
must have. You know, I thinkit's nice for people to see, you
know, ideas and to see whattoddlers are capable while

(17:25):
knowing that every toddler isdifferent. Every home is
different. There. There's no oneexact way to you know, quote
unquote, do Montessori at home?
Yeah, one thing that I've reallyenjoyed doing with you was
featuring some of the differentvoices from my Montessori
community. So I first startedwith, you know, some takeovers
and then reached out to yousaying, Would you like to take

(17:46):
over the takeovers, and I loveseeing all the families that
you've reached out to and to,would you like to talk to us
about some of the things thatyou've been working on yourself
and your antibodies journey, andalso this raising and uplifting
of different voices? Yeah, Ithink the takeovers have been
wonderful. So thank you forpassing that on. To me, it's
been so great to hear just thosedifferent perspectives. across

(18:09):
the world, even within oneplace, whether it's Montessori
or not, I think that we canlearn so much from other
people's perspectives on, youknow, there could be one topic
and five perspectives on thesame topic. So that's been
really important.
And then I'd say for my antibias journey, I mean, anti bias

(18:30):
education and practice isongoing work for me as a parent,
as an educator as a quoteunquote, influencer. And it's
really ongoing work for oursociety as a whole. I grew up in
a predominantly white leftleaning, upper middle class part
of the Pacific Northwest. And Iremember feeling like I was

(18:51):
already really open andinclusive and informed. So I
think until a year ago, I, mygut reaction to being called out
for a bias was to be a littledefensive. So I have one memory
and in mind of, about a yearago, I posted a selection of
books that featured diversecharacters, you know, for kids,

(19:14):
and feeling good about that. Andthen someone brought to my
attention that zero books in myselection were written by
black authors or people ofcolor, and I remember feeling
accused of something that Ihadn't intended to do. So in the
weeks that followed, though, Ireally reflected on the idea of

(19:36):
intention versus action, and howeven with good intention,
actions can be problematic. SoI, From then on, really
reflected on the authors that Ichose to highlight and I did a
lot of research and took thatfeedback to heart and so I kind
of shifted where I buy my booksand the and who wrote those

(19:58):
books. And so that's just onething.
Example. Obviously, there'sthere's many others. But I think
that was kind of a turning pointof really beginning to
appreciate constructivecriticism, especially when being
called out for, you know, abias. And almost all of us do
carry unconscious orsubconscious biases. And we need

(20:20):
to check ourselves and learnfrom others who have been on the
other end of these biases. Andit's really important and, and
humbling honestly. And so weoften don't have the answers
within ourselves. And I havefound it helpful to turn to
courses and podcasts and books.
And the course that I learnedthe most from and have reflected

(20:40):
on the most through this lastyear has been the one by Britt
Hawthorne, and Tiffany Jewell,their anti bias and anti racist
parenting workshop. So onecourse is just one starting
point. But it's an ongoingjourney. And so I think my big
takeaway has been, you know,steering away from being

(21:03):
defensive, and leaning intocritiques and to admitting that
I was wrong, and you know,trying to learn more and do
better the next time.
Yeah, and I think that that'skind of our goal as a society
too, I hope. Yeah. I mean, I'dsay we're all just starting and

(21:24):
like, this is like a layers ofthe onion. You think, Oh, I got
that right. Oh, I just made abig mistake. Oh, I need to do
that again. Yeah. But shiftinggears a little. I loved reading.
I love reading actually a lot ofyour posts because I feel like
they always bring joy. But Iread specifically a post about
how Montessori has brought youmore joy. And I would love to

(21:44):
share that with people because Ithink that people think oh,
Montessori has to be perfect.
And it's so much work and allthese kind of things. And I love
to share with others how muchjoy it brings me. So I'd love to
hear what you say about that aswell. Yeah, I think this came up
on this blog post. I rememberwriting because I was having a
conversation with a familymember about

(22:06):
parenting being boring, orsomeone saying that parenting is
boring. And I I relate like, Ithink that we all have those
feelings sometimes right? Wherethings feel anything can feel
boring, or you're in a routinethat just kind of feels
constant.
But then I also thought tomyself, there's so much that

(22:27):
isn't boring about parenting,and especially I said, maybe it
is because of a lot of whatMontessori gives me, for
example, I feel like Montessoriallows me to find joy in those
simple everyday tasks. So whatonce was chores, when you're
involving your toddler in itfeels really meaningful and

(22:48):
purposeful. And they feel likethey're contributing right to
the beauty of your environmentand to the shared space. And so
when I can kind of start to seesome of those mundane
activities, from theirperspective, then like, all of a
sudden, it becomes moreenjoyable for me too.
So I feel like finding joy inthose, you know, the everyday

(23:12):
routine is something thattoddlers do, and we can really
learn from them in thatcapacity.
And then another thing I thinkthat Montessori has given me is
I find joy in observingeverything they do and how they
play. I'm always observing whatnew skills are they developing?

(23:33):
What is their play? whether ornot that's with a toy? What does
that tell me about theirinterests or their challenges?
And how can I adapt theenvironment or add a material to
help them through that skill? Somaybe it's, you know, putting on
socks for us? And how can Ioffer him some hand strength

(23:55):
exercises, some scrunchies topull over his feet or other
things where he has to reallypractice those motions that will
help him put on a sock. And so Ithink that keeps things
interesting for me. And I'm justconstantly observing all those
small details of their play andwork. Yeah, that's so lovely.
And I think like people thinkparenting can be stressful as

(24:18):
well, because I think we oftengiving orders and things like
that, and for people to stepback and actually see parenting
can be joyful when you stepback, and you're guiding them
because sometimes we also takeit personally, don't we when a
child behaves in a certain way?
And I think, with Montessori,you're a guide and you're like,
Oh, this child's actuallyneeding my help right now, as
opposed to, they're giving me ahard time. I'm trying to get out

(24:40):
of the door when mentally doingthis. And yeah, yeah, that's
another really good point. Ithink about that a lot. And, you
know, ever since graduateschool, I have geeked out on
developmental research. And so Ifind when I'm able to really
dive into the research of whytoddlers do this, why three year
olds do that, then II'm able to really empathize
and, and see things from theirspirit perspective. And, you

(25:02):
know, there's that quote that wehear a lot of, they're not
giving me a hard time, they'rehaving a hard time. And I always
keep that in mind, and it helpsme stay calm. It's so much more
than I would otherwise, becausethey're not purposely trying to
make me mad or manipulate me.
They're, they're having a hardtime they're going through
something, and they really needme to be,

(25:26):
you know, strong and stable andcalm and help work that work
through their regulateregulating their emotions. Yeah.
And with some s, you definitelydo Montessori from birth. Did
you also do it with D frombirth? I did. Yeah. I mean, I
really went straight fromteaching. I mean, I was teaching
a week before I had D. So itwas, it was toddlers, you know,

(25:51):
but it was kind of a naturalprogression.
But I think even with D as ababy, or even more, so perhaps,
you know, I quickly realizedthat there were parts of
Montessori that, you know, mightnot play out exactly as I had
imagined at home versus in aclass of children. So.

(26:14):
But in those early days, Ireally did begin to focus just
on, you know, the idea ofrespect to the child and
developing that close bond. Thatsymbiotic period of the first
six weeks is really just aboutgetting to know each other and
being close. So that's reallywhat I focused on.

(26:36):
And respecting just by, youknow, moving slowly talking to
them about what we were doingbefore we did it. And as we did
it, and just responding to theirneeds. I did a lot of
babywearing in the first fewmonths for both of them.
So that really helped andhonestly was really helpful when
I had D as a toddler and had tojust keep going about our day

(26:57):
without a lot of time for rest.
Yeah. And so Esther slept in thelittle carrier while you went on
and did what you were doing.
Yeah, I mean, he we did both hewould sleep also like on his
little topponcino, or, you know,sometimes even our stroller,
bassinet, he was much moreadaptable than D probably
because he had to be. Yeah,yeah. I mean, I love the newborn

(27:21):
days. And I think it also has tobe because I know, that's not
how I did it. When Oliver wasborn, I was so caught up in I
need to do everything whilethey're sleeping and play and
entertain them non stop. And itactually can be very simple to
just let them explore their bodyon the ground and to stretch.
And yeah, I think you see that alot more with your second. Why

(27:43):
did I think this was so hard.
And of course, some infants area lot more challenging than
others, as happened to be areally, you know, quote,
unquote, easy, baby. And so Ithink we were lucky in that way.
And it also helped that D wasjust so excited to be helpful.
She loved getting to help changehis diapers, or bring him bring,
you know, a wipe over or a burpcloth.

(28:08):
She loved reading him books. Andso seeing that relationship
develop pretty early on wasreally rewarding and special.
And I think made those earlydays easier to how much how far
in advance Did you tell herabout the baby? Because it's a
long time for a toddler, right?
me she was so young, she was,you know, she was 23 months when

(28:30):
he was born. So she knew allalong in the sense that she came
with me to every midwifeappointment. She really had to
she was just home with me, youknow, and my husband was
working. And so I don't knowexactly how much she understood.
But definitely towards the end,she did. And she would listen to

(28:51):
the heartbeat with the midwifeIt was really special.
And so we told her all along,but I don't know how much, you
know, she grasped until the end.
Yeah. And she was surprised.
Yeah, there's a little baby.
That's pretty special. And Ithink what's really interesting

(29:12):
is that her voice would also bea point of reference for us when
he came out, you know, as wetalk about points of references
a lot in the newborn and thefirst year, because it's a big
transition for a baby to be fromin utero to the outside world
and things like our voice andthe songs we sang, and the books
we read are all things thatthey've taken in in the womb.
Yeah, so true. I think her voicewas probably pretty comforting

(29:34):
to him. She was she talked tohim as much as I did. Yeah.
Really fun. And I think that onething that we all love about
your Instagram account isobserving your children and when
they're at work, and there wasone real that really made me
laugh, which is about toddlersneeding movement. And, um, you

(29:54):
know, can you talk us throughhow you made it. toddlers need
for movement and I think asyou're saying
Yeah, loves to do anything withmovements. So what kind of
things are you exploring in thatarea right now? Right, yeah,
everything really involvesmovement. And toddlers in
general needed so much movement.
And I realized that a lot of myvideos on Instagram, showed him
sitting still and working reallycarefully with materials, which

(30:17):
he also does do. He's a prettyprecise kind of child. But I all
but then I hear from theseparents who are really concerned
because their toddler won't doany work on the shelf. And all
they want to do is they willclimb the furniture and move
around. And so my goal andmaking that real was just to
reassure parents that it'sreally normal for toddlers to

(30:37):
want and need to move. And so Ialways, you know, of course, you
can set up pictures and just gooutside and set up lots of kinds
of movement work. But I also tryto think of creative ways to
incorporate movement into otherwork. So for us, this often
means practical life, where hegets to fill in carry buckets of

(30:58):
water, where he gets to washreally large surfaces or help in
the garden. And so he's gettingboth the purpose and the
movement in one activity.
And sometimes all he wants to dois simply take trays off the
shelf, and then carry the heavyones back on because it's an

(31:19):
exercise for him in maximumeffort and balance in movement.
And so observing and seeing Oh,okay, that's, that's what he
needs right now. And that'sokay, you know, he's learning so
much still from that. And evenD, you know, it almost four
needs a lot of movement in herday. So sometimes I'll
incorporate that into the shelfwork. For example, with three

(31:43):
part cards, I could put one setof cards on one side of the room
and then put the other matchingcards and words on the other
side of the room. So she gets towalk back and forth, as she
matches. And so there's just somany ways to incorporate
movement and kids of all agesreally do need that. Which is
why Montessori classrooms are sowonderful compared to

(32:05):
traditional. Yeah, because thepeople often say, Oh, you know,
can you only go to Montessori ifmy child sits still and has to
wait, like, What sir, isactually perfect for children
that need to move because theycan concentrate on one thing,
and then they can get up andthey can walk around and they
can watch another child, thenthey can go and do lots of big
movement work and practicallife, which we'll talk about in
a second, you know, is so fullof movement, all of the getting

(32:26):
something from the show is goingto get in the water. And yeah,
what are some of your favoritepractical life activities at the
moment with DNS, because it'ssuch a big part of Montessori
and I see it in your home a lot,right? Yeah, the buckets of
water are a big one so carryingbuckets of water to clean the
table or to do mopping work orlately anything outside so

(32:50):
watering the garden I'm DEAloves to fill up you know, a big
tub of water with the hose andthen as it gets to you know,
dunk his watering can and water.
So anything outside, they'vewashed pretty much every piece
of furniture we have outside thethe wheelbarrows, you know, the
bike, so anything like that theylove. And then I think food is

(33:12):
such a big part of our life andcooking, I love to cook. So I'd
say practical life in thekitchen is something that is a
big part of our every day. And Ishared a video on this recently.
But I think we imaginedpractical life food prep as this
very neat and tidy kind ofactivity as it would be in a

(33:33):
classroom where everything is ona tray with small jars and
little pitchers. And there'sdefinitely a place for that kind
of work. But in our home, itdefinitely looks like a really
messy counter with the kids inthe kitchen helper, scooping and
dumping and flour going all overthe place. And so I realized
that if I try to make all thepractical life activities small

(33:58):
and neat and tidy, then there'ssuch a barrier to entry versus
when I'm just already going withsomething and invite them in.
They just want to help and be apart of what we're already
doing. And I can always find anopportunity for them. You know,
just yesterday, D was helping memake pesto and peeling garlic
and taste testing and letting meknow what what other ingredients

(34:21):
we needed to add. So I thinkjust involving them, and what
we're already doing is a muchbetter use of time then trying
to create perfect practical lifeactivities for them that are
separate. Hmm. And that's thewhole point isn't it is to
include them in our daily lifeand they feel capable and that
they're contributing. So that'sa very natural way to have a

(34:44):
practical life activity thatalso contributes. Exactly, yeah,
I just think you know, we're notmodeling after the classroom,
right, the classrooms modeledafter the home and that's always
important to keep in mind. Yeah,thanks for sharing that
perspective. I know that one.
One thing that parents ask allthe time is like, how do I get
my kids to put away things away,because in a Montessori

(35:05):
classroom, they put them away atthe end of each activity. So
they're available for the nextchild. But I'm kind of curious
how it looks in your home andhow that's worked and how you've
built that up over the years.
Yeah, I'd say this reallydepends on the time of day.
Usually in the morning, we areworking at the shelf, and I'm
sitting with them, whether it'sboth of them, or just S, if D is
at the school. And during thattime, I'm engaging as he wants

(35:28):
to. So often, he wants labelsfor everything right now. So
that's what I'm doing. Or, youknow, offering verbal
assistance, a piece frustrated.
And so when I'm sitting therewith him at the shelf, observing
and assisting as needed, that'swhen I'm also modeling putting
one work away at a time, andI've been doing that since you

(35:50):
know, he was really little. Andbecause of that he at this
point, really initiate that onhis own. And so when he's doing
his shelf work, he's putting oneaway, and then getting the next
one out. But when the kids, youknow, let's say at lunchtime
when I'm getting food ready ordoing it for a task or writing,
and they're playingindependently with lots of open

(36:11):
ended toys and other things,they are definitely not putting
one toy away before they pickthe next one. And it's not
realistic, you know, tointerrupt or really kind to
interrupt their, their flow andtheir concentration on play to
get them to clean up. So inthose instance, instances and

(36:31):
independent play, we usuallyjust clean up together, before
we move on to rest time orwhatever act going outside
whatever activity comes next. Sowe're pretty flexible about it,
I'd say it just depends on thetype of play that's happening.
I will say that, because cleanupis really a part of our activity

(36:54):
cycle.
It's something that just happensand it's not something that I
really have to force or nag mykids about, the more routine it
becomes the less of a battle itis. It's really just, oh, we
always clean up before we gooutside, like, do you want to
put away the blue blocks or thered blocks first? That kind of

(37:16):
thing? Yeah. And there's less oftidy away anyway, because we're
trying not to fill out homeswith so much stuff and rotate
things so that it keeps itinteresting for the children and
based on their interest. And sothere is less things to put
back, which makes it a bit moremanageable. Right? Right. That's
a good point, too. We only putout as much as we think they can
put away. It does get hard withtwo kids, there's always going

(37:37):
to be more toys than you want,just because they might want
different things. But ingeneral, I don't put so many
pieces out that it's going to beimpossible for them to put them
away. I guess people would askthat, too, is like do you have?
How do you manage the differentage groups? Do you have higher
things on higher shelves for D?
Or do they play with some thingstogether? And how's that looking

(37:59):
at the moment? Right? Yeah, whens was younger, I separated it
more just because of, you know,safety issues. Now they do share
a shelf. Technically, D has thetop of the shelf, and S has the
bottom of the shelf. But reallythey play with each other's work
a lot in different ways. Youknow, it's really cute to watch
us attempt to do D's work. Andhe's really out of the mouthing

(38:23):
phase. So as long as I'msupervising I feel okay about
it. And D still enjoys S'ssimple work and finds new ways
to use it. And then we also haveopen ended toys on a different
shelf across kind of from theMontessori shelf, and they both
engage with those. Soit's really shared at this

(38:44):
point. But I think that dependson the age. And when you're
talking about mounting andsafety. You kind of have to
gauge based on that. Yeah, andalso, I mean, if I interrupt
that's a whole nother part ofjust being a sibling, isn't it?
Yeah. Oh, yeah. And theydefinitely do interrupt each
other. You know, that's aconstant work in progress of,
Oh, you know, she's using thatright now. You can, you know,

(39:05):
wait for your turn or you canwork with this instead. You
know, luckily because D is inschool S has time most weekday
mornings to kind of focuswithout his big sister
interrupting and she has time atschool to focus on her work. So
I'm really grateful that schoolwas able to open back up this
year for her it's been really,really good for her and for us.

(39:27):
Um, so I think that's why oftenwhen they're both home in the
afternoon, it's less about shelfwork and more about open ended
where they really are startingto engage in play together. And
when all else fails, we just gooutside because they're always
best friends and everything isfun when we're outside. Yeah, it
is. It's so it's such a I don'tknow what are your favorite

(39:50):
things outside at the moment,but I just found it easy to be
outside with children. Yeah. Oh,yeah. Pretty much everything
outside is our face.
ItThe springtime. So we're doing a
lot of gardening, this is ourfirst time we planted vegetable
seeds. And so we've beenwatching those grow and caring
for them. And we're all reallyenjoying that. Of course, they

(40:12):
always think that it's the peasare ready to eat and it's still
going to be a little while.
And then another cool thingwe've been doing this spring is
we got Mason bee cocoons, andMason bee house. And so we watch
the mason bees hatch from theircocoons and pollinate our

(40:35):
garden. And hopefully they'llcome back.
And you know, make a little homein the in the bee house we made
or that we got and help puttogether. So that's been kind of
an exciting thing that we'll getto see through the season. Yeah.
Other favorite things are a mudkitchen that my husband made a
couple years ago. It's justalways ahead, as D is big into

(40:56):
imaginative play. she just, shecreates Farmers Market scenes,
and she makes lots of rock soup.
And it's really fun to see whatthey come up with there. Yeah, I
think it's a misconception aboutMontessori that, you know,
Montessori children aren'timaginative because we don't
expose them to so much fantasy,but real life, so then they get

(41:18):
this wild imagination and butonce they get to two and a half,
three, you start to see themplay out the scenarios from
their real life in these littleimaginative play. Yeah, it's
really beautiful to see howthey, how they do act it out.
And I think that's where thedifference lies is that they're
acting out scenes from real lifefrom their experiences. And it's
really helping them process,those things that they do and

(41:41):
those things that they see,versus if they're exposed to a
ton of fantasy than theirpretend play replicates that
instead of their real lifeoften. Yeah, definitely. And I
know that something that peoplefind really difficult when they
first learned about Montessoriis to stop saying good job all
the time. I think it's justsomething like that. You just

(42:02):
say, with dogs, and then withyoung children, oh, good job, a
good boy, good girl, and thosekind of things. And you have,
you know, other ways to saythat. So maybe you could help
parents understand first, why weavoid saying good job so much,
and other things that you doinstead of this praise, right? I
mean, saying good job comesautomatically to all of us. So I
want to preface with that. We, Ihave said it, you know, we say

(42:24):
it sometimes I think I justthink about what?
What can we say that's that'sbetter, that's more helpful. And
I think one thing that'sproblematic with good job is
just how vague it is. It'sreally not descriptive, or
getting into any detail of whatwe're saying good job about.
Another issue is that it's, it'sputting it on, you know, our

(42:48):
judgment, where, of course, wefeel proud of our children, they
accomplished something. But wereally want our children to be
focused on their own efforts,and their feelings about what
they accomplish, rather thanfocusing on how we feel about
it.
And I always think about theresearch at Stanford by Carol

(43:10):
Dweck, who coined the termsfixed mindset and growth
mindset. And so a child withfixed mindset believes that they
are either good or bad. Andthere's just there's only two
options, I'm good, or I'm bad atsomething. And that that can't
be changed. Like, that's justwho I am.
The opposite, or the other endis a child with growth mindset,

(43:32):
who believes that if I work hardat something, I can get better
at it, like I can grow, and Ican learn. And so it's probably
not a surprise that childrenwith growth mindset are more
confident, more successful andmore motivated to work through
challenging problems thanchildren with a fixed mindset.
And so saying, good job kind ofpromotes that fixed mindset. And

(43:55):
there's other phrases to saythat would help encourage growth
mindset in our children. So afew examples I can think of, are
pointing out effort. So saying,Oh, that looks really tricky.
You're working so hard on that,that's acknowledging that
they're, they're trying reallyhard at it. And that's what
matters, rather than just theoutcome. And also acknowledging

(44:18):
that it's hard because often,toddlers want to feel, you know,
supported and acknowledged, likeYes, thank you. This is really
hard, because it usually is forthem, even if it doesn't seem
like it to us. And another thingI do is try to make it more
specific. So I could saysomething like,

(44:39):
I noticed that first you triedit this way, and then you
figured out how to turn thepiece the other way and that
made it fit. And so pointing outthe details of maybe how they
adjusted and wow, like you madethat fit by doing this and that
and then also asking how theyfeel rather than saying I'm so
proud of you saying how did youLike, I saw that you did that,

(45:00):
and how did it make you feel?
And then they get to think aboutWow, I feel really proud of
myself, which is, you know, amuch more motivating feeling
than them doing something tomake us proud. Hmm.
Yeah, no, definitely I have thisreally weird thing. Like if
someone says, Oh, I'm so proudof you, I'm like, What did you

(45:21):
do? I'm just really, but it'sjust something that we say, I
think without even thinkingabout it, and to switch it so
that we're actually like,helping them build that feeling
of themselves as opposed to whatwe think about them. And because
that's what they're going toneed as they get older. Right?
They say so, yeah, it's kind oflike when de is doing art. And I
project, you know, on accident,what I think she's drawing or

(45:42):
what if, and she's like, No,that's not what this is. And
like, this isn't about you. Andyeah, it's not, this is not
about me at all she is creating.
And all I can do is, you know,comment on what color she's used
or ask her about it like, Oh, doyou want to tell me about that
without assuming that she'sdrawing something? Or assuming
that, you know, it has anythingto do with me? It's really just

(46:03):
her work? Yeah. And it's evenmore evident, I think, in SSH,
when they're not necessarilydrawing anything at all. And all
of a sudden, we're trying tomake it a tree or things and no,
actually just let it be. Mine.
Yeah, when you notice when Ichange as well, when they do
draw it for something like thisis for grandma, and I've drawn
the data, and all of a sudden,there is a story. And so yeah,

(46:26):
you don't have to, you can justwait until they tell you about
it's really, really lovely.
And then another question thatpeople always ask about is how
do you get your child to playindependently? Because so many
children, you know, need theirparent there to, you know, start
the play? Or what to choose? Orwhat are we going to do or I'm
bored. And if that doesn'thappen in your house, we want

(46:47):
all the chips.
I think it depends if we'retalking about toddlers versus
you know, preschoolers, it'squite different for us versus t
so asset almost tohe, he can play independently,
but only to a certain extent,right, because toddlers are
developmentally wired to want tobe near us to mimic what we're

(47:08):
doing and to seek our attention.
So I think with us and withmost, you know, infants and
toddlers, we really act as alink between the environment and
the child. So I see it as my jobto spark interest in an activity
by doing my doing it myself andmodeling, and doing it with him.

(47:30):
And then step back, once he'sengaged with something,
I also always make sure our playspace is in our main area, so I
wouldn't expect him to be in aroom where he can't see me, he's
not going to want to play in aspace where I'm not present. So
instead, you know, our playspace is right next to the
kitchen. So if I'm in there,he's more comfortable playing

(47:52):
where he can still watch me.
Because they really just want tofeel safe and connected. And
that independence grows withtime, it's not something that we
can just force overnight. So Ithink really spending that
quality time together. Andmaking sure that happens before
attempting to do somethingseparate. And always still being

(48:15):
in their sight can go a longway. Versus preschool age, I
think, you know, the expectationshifts a bit, and they're more
capable of truly playingindependently for longer periods
of time.
And in that, at that age, Ialways just recommend starting
small and building up. So startwith five minutes, you know, and

(48:38):
set the expectation and beconfident and clear. Like, okay,
I have to go fold the laundry,you know, I have to do this. And
you can even say you can join meor you can go play and often
they start with you and then goplay. And then kind of gradually
make it longer and longer. Butthe important part is staying

(48:59):
consistent about it. So if yousay you're going to do this for
10 minutes, do this for 10minutes, it's okay, if they're
upset and you can acknowledge,you know, I hear you
I see you're upset you want meto play and I need to finish
this task and then I will playwith you. So consistency, being
clear and kind and you know,making it a gradual progression

(49:23):
to build up to more independentplay is is always my best tip
for that age. Yeah, I mean, cuzI think we that connection, you
know, they're not going to gooff and do all this anyway. No.
So it is so much about beingthere as their base and their
guide, and we will continuallylink them we will always maybe
be the link. Oh yeah, it looksdifferent at different ages. A

(49:44):
lot of us love the freedom sideof Montessori so that the
children are weak and follow thechild. And actually what we find
harder is because it's not wellmodeled, I think it's giving
setting kind and clear limitswith children because it is hard
to like not lose your temper.
When they're not listening, butit's also like that we start
nagging. It's such a finebalance. So yeah, how do you

(50:06):
manage to give these childrenfreedom, and then when
sometimes, you know, you have toleave the park or something has
to happen, how you set a kindand clear limit? Right? I do
think that is the key to being acalm parent. And I find that
freedom within limits reallyhelps me stay present and kind

(50:26):
and firm at the same time. SoI'm really grateful for that
whole idea that came fromMontessori. And so I always say
like, we give freedom withinlimits rather than giving free
rein. So yes, we allow ourchildren to be independent, but
that we give them independencein age appropriate ways. And we
give them choices and free play,but also age appropriate

(50:49):
choices. So maybe that's twochoices, not 12 choices.
And also, just always keeping inmind that there's such a thing
as too much control and freedom,I see this a lot on Instagram,
of you know, that children havecomplete control. And that's not
actually what toddlers want.
Children of all ages wantpredictability. And they want to

(51:11):
know that their adult is incontrol. And they want to know
that their environment is safe.
And so when they receive mixedmessages about limits, and
parents are going back andforth, they they feel insecure
and confused, and they want totest until they feel like

(51:31):
they're able to predict theirenvironment again. And so we set
consistent limits both throughthe environment, ideally, and we
set limits by us. And so thereare times we need to set limits
ourselves. So you know, some ofour limits are around a
consistent bedtime, you know,our children, it can waver like

(51:52):
a half an hour, but it's notreally their choice, if they
want to go to start bedtime atseven they choose when they fall
asleep, but they don't chooseabout bedtime.
It's also not a choice to youknow, hit somebody. So that's
something that I'm going to stopgently with my body, if any
unsafe action to themselves orothers. That's that's a limit

(52:15):
that I have to set. But I thinkwe can also think about how we
create an environment that hasbuilt in limits. And so we're
not having to constantly stop anaction or say no. So I think
about limits up in theenvironment. Examples include
child proofing. So maybe you dohave something that you can't,

(52:38):
your child won't stop going toand it just really isn't safe.
Can you put up a baby gate? Canyou put up a lock on that so
that it's not something yourchild can access? Or can you
offer two sets of shoes by thedoor instead of a lot more so
that that's what your child theyget the autonomy of getting to
choose what shoes they wear, butboth are like seasonally

(53:00):
appropriate shoes. And itdoesn't create a big
power struggle of like whatshoes I'm going to wear.
And another big one, I thinkthat I get a lot of questions
about is the water access. Andso yes, they have access to
water, that's a freedom. But thelimit is that I'm only going to
put so much water in there, I'mnot going to put enough water

(53:22):
that they're flooding the floorwhen they're first learning how
to use it, I'm only going to putone or two cups of water in it
to filland then gradually increase from
there. So I think when we'reable to set limits through the
environment, then it makes ourjob easier. And it's much more
clear to our children to whenthey just experienced limits

(53:44):
naturally, if I think itactually goes back to what we
said right at the very beginningabout how respectful the
Montessori approach is, it'skind of like really showing
respect and in the way we setthe limits as well. And when we
set them intentionally Andclearly, then we don't have to
get to the point where it'scrossed our limits. And then
we're snapping and because I canbe the other side of like a
laissez faire free rein kind ofapproaches that then you get

(54:05):
really angry when the child goestoo far. And it is really
unpredictable for this child.
Right. Right completely. And Ithink it really helps to talk
with your partner and thinkahead of time of what what are
the important limits, you know,you don't need to set a limit on
everything. There are things youcan let go of, but what are the
limits that really matter inyour family?

(54:29):
Typically, you know, its limitsaround safety and health and,
and sometimes sanity, right?
That's okay to set limits aroundyour own sanity. And so I think,
thinking about what's mostimportant and what you can let
go of is important, like betterto have fewer limits, but be
really consistent about thoselimits, then to have limits

(54:50):
about everything. I think thegoing back and forth is what can
really confuse and upsetchildren and
The parent. Yeah. And I love tosometimes saying like, Oh, I
didn't know, let's, let's see,as opposed to that it's a yes or
no at that moment, because if Idon't know how tired we're going
to be or whatever, let's seewhen we're feeling I mean,

(55:11):
that's an okay response to it'sbetter than changing my mind.
put it that way. Exactly. Yeah.
Yeah. And it's hard. We all haveto change our mind sometimes.
Right. But it's just kind ofthinking ahead a little bit
more. And like you said, ifyou're not sure, let's say
you're not sure.
It's perfectly acceptable. And Ithink that leads on nicely to
like having other people workingwithout kids. So there's

(55:32):
grandparents and caregivers andpartners. And sometimes they're
not on board with how we do theMontessori approach. And you
have come up with some reallylovely tips that you share with
caregivers in infographic kindof versions and things like
that. Have you used themsuccessfully? And?
Yeah, well, I've been luckybecause my everyone in my family

(55:54):
on both sides yo follows my blogand Instagram, so I don't really
have to give them my tips.
They're pretty funny, though.
They'll catch themselves sayinggood job. Like I'm not supposed
to say that. It's okay.
I think it helps to consideralso like, how much time is this
person, this caregiver or familymember really spending with your

(56:17):
child? If they're just visiting?
Or you're seeing them every nowand then does it really doesn't
matter if they follow theMontessori philosophy? I think
in in my view, it doesn't. Imean, of course, there are
certain hard boundaries, rightof respectful communication and,
and that but a lot of it, I feellike I can just let go when

(56:39):
we're with family or friendsthat don't do Montessori, I
don't really see it as an issue.
And I don't try to bring it up.
But I think that if it's acaregiver or a loved one who's
caring for your child regularly,then that's when you kind of
consider like, Okay, how can I,you know, help them understand
this philosophy better. Andadults learn

(57:01):
through modeling just as well astoddlers do so often the best
way we can teach us just bymodeling how we interact with
our children ourselves.
And learning that way, I think,obviously, sharing interesting
articles, if they're open to it,and I've heard mixed things
about that, or little cheatsheets, things like that can be
helpful.

(57:22):
And at the end of the day,really, it's holding boundaries
on what you really need from thecaregiver and what is okay and
not okay with you. Because atthe end of the day, this is your
child, and you get to choose,you know, how they're spoken to
and how they're treated, andwhat not what values matter most
to you. So I think holdingboundaries is something that can

(57:45):
make us really uncomfortable,but is really important and
models that for our children,right, we want our children to
be able to, to hold boundaries,too. So we have to model that
ourselves. Yeah, saying like,Oh, it's important to me that
and actually following throughon it, it's uncomfortable at the
time.
But that's, you know, we have tobe okay with that. If, if we

(58:08):
really matters to us, like howour caregiver or whoever is
watching our child and relative,you know, he's interacting with
our child. I think it's reallyinteresting. Also, watching
people who don't practice theMontessori approach much when
your toddler is about to falldown, for example, they like,
want to rescue them, or theytell them not to climb in the

(58:28):
first place and all those kindsof things. Do you find that
like, it's a switch? Isn't itfor people? Well, yeah, for
falling? That's a good one tobring up. Because I think that
is one of the most commonreactions. I'm like, Oh,
it's either it's one or theother, right? It's like, Oh, no,
are you okay? When it wassomething really small, or it's,

(58:50):
you're fine, you know, brush itoff, you're fine. I hear that
one a lot. And it's hard becausethat's not how, how I would read
or how we, my husband and Ireact to that. So I always think
about it when I do explain it,you know, I probably wouldn't
stop someone in the moment ifthey say that and just kind of
let it go. But when I do explainit, I just say, you know, it's

(59:10):
really, we don't really want toassert our own judgment of how
that fall felt for our child. Soit's really up to them to decide
how that fall made them feel.
It's not up to us. So when wesay you're okay, you're okay,
brush it off, we're invalidatingour child's own feelings and
we're not giving them a chanceto to pause and decide how that

(59:30):
fall made them feel. And againI'm talking about a minor fall
and the obviously if if theyfell in you know are very hurt
we go right to them but often ifit's a small fall, I just, I
practice pausing and waiting foryou know them to show a reaction
and then from there, checking inlike, are you okay?

(59:53):
How does that make you feel andthen offering comfort when they
want it but always asking first,you know, because some kids want
more comfort.
than others. And I thinkacknowledging the fall checking
in and offering comfort helpsvalidate their feelings and
allows them to come to thatfeeling on their own without our
our judgement about it first.
Yeah. And I think sometimes weact like, you know, all of a

(01:00:16):
sudden, they're like, oh, itmust be really bad. I'm going to
cry. Now wait, and see if youcan just put that pause. And it
can make a big differencebecause they were wanting them
to learn the limits of their ownbodies. And if we continually
say, Be careful, don't do that.
Or we even I see sometimes thatwe're trying to put them up on
the climbing frame up higherthan they could possibly get to.
And then we're also putting theminto uncomfortable positions.

(01:00:37):
It's hard, but we're like, notin a rush for them to get to the
top of the climbing frame ashard as it is.
Yeah, that's a big one, too. Iknow. It's really letting them
figure out their limits. theirfeelings, their Yeah, all of it.
Yeah. So I guess we're coming tothe end of our time, and I
thought we could maybe closewith a couple of common
misconceptions about Montessori.
So what are some things that youhear a lot about? Our Montessori

(01:01:00):
children are meant to do thatand you're like, Oh, that's
actually not Montessori. I thinksome of it actually is
perpetuated by social mediabecause you know that all wooden
toys me that a Montessori youwhat kind of things do you hear?
Yeah, a big one I hear is thatMontessori children are not
social.

(01:01:20):
And so I think that it probablydoes look that way on Instagram,
because well, we're in apandemic. So we're not seeing a
lot of that. I know that we havestarted, you know, getting
together with a couple offriends for playdates, but I
also don't share that becauseit's a privacy issue.
And then I think the otherreason people say that is

(01:01:41):
because you know, you look intoa Montessori classroom, and you
see a lot of children workingquietly and individually. But
the truth is that Montessori inMontessori classrooms, home
anywhere, children always arejust offered a choice of whether
or not to play with others. Sochildren can choose in a
classroom, whether they want towork alone, or if they want to

(01:02:03):
work in a small group.
But honestly, before the age ofthree and a half or four depends
on the child children may enjoybeing around other children, but
they're not really playing withthat child. So it's just a
developmental, you know,milestone where children began
to play more cooperatively, andthen collaboratively. And by

(01:02:24):
that, I mean, they share acommon goal in their play. So
I'm just now seeing D enter thatphase where she's so interested
in playing with friends, she,you know, is collaborating with
friends on the same activity.
She wants to be around them. Andbefore that, especially in
toddlerhood, you know, we seeparallel play where they're
working next to a child, but onsomething different, or even the

(01:02:47):
same toy, but they're notactually using it in the same
way they have no interest inwhat the other child is doing.
So I think it depends if we'retalking about toddlers or
preschoolers, but either way, itis definitely a misconception
thatwe don't, you know, encourage

(01:03:08):
being social. I think it's alsoreally interesting because an
infant community is called theinfant community, which is a
totally group for children from,say, 16-18 months through to
three years old. And even thoughthey're doing this parallel
play, they are starting to be incommunity, like we have to put
something back on the shelf sothat it's available for somebody

(01:03:28):
else. So we're learning to taketurns and respect other people.
When someone drops a toy withmany hundreds of pieces, it's
really sweet to see othertoddlers come over. And the
older ones, particularly like atwo and a half year old, will it
help to tidy it up and, or whena child brings a tissue over to
a child that's crying, andyou're like, these are learning
to be in community with others.

(01:03:50):
And then as they get to six to12, the whole classroom changes.
It's really noisy. And theyactually have big tables so that
the children in work in thesebig groups, because it's all
about the herd being a part ofthe group and moral development
and things like that. So it'sdefinitely a misconception for
sure. Right? Yeah, yeah, it's somuch about that's a really good
point, because it is so muchabout community.

(01:04:11):
It's, you know, you see less ofthat obvious community in a
home, but our home is acommunity too. And there's still
a lot of social developmenthappening with a toddler and a
parent with a toddler and asibling. So, yeah, that social
piece is always important andalways there. And so as we start
to wrap, we could talk forever,as I always kept in these

(01:04:31):
interviews. But I wondered, isthere something that you don't
get to talk about very oftenthat you'd like to share or
something that's coming up thatyou're excited about? Well, one
thing is I get asked a lot rightnow as people are thinking about
returning to school in person,and what they should look for
and what is a Montessori School.

(01:04:51):
It can be pretty confusing rightnow because there are so many
schools that have Montessori intheir name that aren't
MontessoriDon't want to say because it's
okay if a school uses that name.
But they may not be the type ofMontessori School, they're
looking for a more traditionalMontessori school. And so a few
things that I always look for isthat the guides are AMS or AMI

(01:05:13):
certified.
There are other teacher trainingprograms too. But those are the
ones that I know of right now.
And also, the mixed ageclassrooms is so important, like
we were talking about withsocial development, it's so
beautiful to see a primary classof ages three to six, where the
six year olds are helping thethree year olds and the three

(01:05:34):
year olds are able to learn fromthe five year olds, not just
from the teacher, right, a fiveyear old could be given a three
year old a lesson. There's justso many benefits to having
younger and older children inthe same class. And that sense
of community that brings. Andthe other thing I look for is
that work period. So thereshould be you know, for three to
six, that's a three hour workperiod, but it is shorter and

(01:05:57):
toddler classrooms, but it's atime that children are just able
to choose their work freely, andthat the teacher isn't the
guide, you know, isn't forcing,you know, one activity, it
really is a free choice, andtime when children can
concentrate on something for theamount of time they really want
to.

(01:06:17):
And then lastly, your gutinstinct I think can go a long
way. Like how do you feel whenyou're tour the school? Do you
feel like it's, you know, a goodplace? Do you feel like you
connect to the adults, so thatinstinct is important too. And
then as far as my own, I feellike you know, Bridgette and I

(01:06:37):
are starting our third sessionof our Montessori parents
course. And we're really excitedabout that. It's been such a
great opportunity to connectwith parents, you know, we have
a discussion group. And it justfeels like each time we've done
it, it feels like kind of a, aclose, you know, network of

(01:06:59):
parents. And it's been fun toget to know everyone and their
unique challenges and successesand journeys and Montessori.
So that's been really rewardingand fun. And I'm glad we're
continuing to offer that againthis spring. And I'm sure we'll
offer it again in the summer orfall. Yeah, beautiful. Well,

(01:07:22):
we'll definitely put your linksto your website. And for those
of you who aren't following meon Instagram, we will put links
to that as well, in the shownotes, which are over at the
Montessori notebook calm. AndTheresa, thank you so much for
taking the time today to talkwith us and keep sharing thank
you for all the work you do insharing one story and spreading
it around the world and makingit accessible to even more

(01:07:42):
families. Yeah, thank you forhaving me, this was really fun.
I think that's going to be agreat episode to keep coming
back to because Theresa has away to make things easy. But I

(01:08:04):
also loved her honesty about howthe difficult moments are always
shown on Instagram out ofrespect for her children. And
she gave so many examples of howwe can be respectful parents,
and that it's not all about thematerials. And now it's time for
our listener question. Today'squestion is from Scarlet. Hi,
I'm just discovering Montessoriand I have a three, almost four

(01:08:24):
year old, she has developed afear of bugs so much that she
cries when it's time to gooutside. I'm a working mom. So I
try to get her outside as muchas I can. I do let her hold my
hand and I let her know thatshe's safe. We talk about bugs
that are okay to observe closeup versus bugs that we want to
observe at a safe distance.
Basically, how do I navigatethrough this time where in
Michigan, so it's quite buggyright now and the summer months

(01:08:46):
are upon us, my husband and Ilove being outside camping,
gardening, etc. But now she's soafraid that we're finding
ourselves inside a lot torespect her emotions. So thank
you, Scarlet for this question.
And I think it really happens tobe quite a good question for
this episode when we're beentalking about how to help
children deal with the realworld. So we actually don't know

(01:09:09):
what has happened to make herscared of bugs. And we can't
force her to like them. So Ithink that we are just going to
help her build skills, gettingher to a place where she can
live with them. And we may notlike everyone but we're
respectful to them. So it's kindof like the same. And we can
start by like talking to herabout bugs and asking her how
she feels. And we canacknowledge how she feels. So

(01:09:29):
rather than just trying to cheerher up, you know, we can say oh,
you sound worried about them.
You really don't like them, andkind of questioning so that she
feels safe to talk about it. Andnow we're wanting to go out to
the playground to play on theswings and they're going to be
bugs. They're like what could wedo to make you feel comfortable
outside? And you know, sayingthings like that and we'll you
know, let's keep working on ittogether. We'll find a way so

(01:09:49):
you can enjoy being outside andthe bugs feel okay, too. So I
love this idea of getting herinvolved as opposed to just
trying to cheer her up and sayoh, it's okay.
Don't worry about it. And Ithink that you're already doing
a lot like telling her whichones we can observe close up on
which ones not. But some otherthings you might want to do is
to get lots of books aboutinsects or bugs, you know, count

(01:10:13):
the number of legs make hercurious about them. She could be
comfortable watching maybe froma different distance, like,
where would you feel safe towatch, when we're outside, she
might be more by your frontdoor. And while you're doing
something in the garden, untilshe felt safe to come and join
you. She's also at the age whereyou could roleplay like, what
can we do with a bug falls onus. I'm not sure if she had a

(01:10:35):
negative experience of thatkind, that kind of thing. But
you could kind of like say, oh,when it falls on my arm, I go
swish, swish, and you show whichway it's safe to push it away.
Or, you know, you can take turnsin different situations that
would make you make her feelmore comfortable. So as we
roleplay them, then it's notalways gonna make it easier
outside. But we know that we'restill building these skills, you
might have fun with it by liketaking photos of the bugs, you

(01:10:57):
see. And then looking them up inbooks and finding out why
they're special and what rolethey play in our, you know,
cosmic task of the differentbugs that she sees. Are there
any preventative things that youcould do? Like, for example,
Could she wear some clothingwith some long sleeves, if she's
worried about it touching herarms, or because she wears a hat
that has something covering herface, we can check also how

(01:11:20):
we're talking about bugs, yousound like you're very
comfortable outside. So that'sprobably fine. But other people
might say like things like thatannoying fly. And you know,
giving negative associationswith things that happen. So just
always making sure that we'revery positive about the way that
we speak about bugs.
But really, I think the biggestthing is really understanding
how she feels. So continuallychecking in not saying we're not

(01:11:44):
going to go outside, but what isgoing to make you feel
comfortable to go outside andjust build up slowly. And
slowly. I think you are being agreat role model. And so they're
learning a lot by how we are, ifyou see a bug inside, you know,
you can show them how yourespectfully maybe put a glass
over top of it and a piece ofpaper underneath and put them
back outside and showing howcomfortable we can be. I know

(01:12:07):
that I actually was reallyscared of spiders. And then I
had my son and realize he waspicking up my, you know, scared
negative feelings about spiders.
And in Australia, where we wereliving at the time, they are
really big spiders. So I wasconstantly trying to at least
model that I had it undercontrol and making sure that we
were safe at the same time.
You might look for ways to makeher really curious about bugs,

(01:12:29):
like a Bug Catcher, she mightfind, like nice to watch through
a bug catch that might make youfeel safe. And then make sure
you always release the bugsafterwards. Maybe even a nature
journal where she could draw inthem and you know, draw
different wings, which ones doesshe feel comfortable with to
start with a butterfly or adragon fly or something that she
feels comfortable with. And thenmaybe you could even make some

(01:12:51):
fun cards where you have to dolike a little treasure hunt to
find these different bugs. Soinstead of avoiding the bugs,
you actually make it somethingthat she might want to get
interested in. So hopefully thatgives you some ideas. I mean, I
wouldn't talk about it all thetime, but allow her to talk
about it as much or as little asshe wants. Because sometimes I
find that we actually are tryingto cheer them up and make them
feel okay about it like Oh,don't worry about the bugs, it's

(01:13:13):
all going to be fine. Where itcan actually sometimes be
helpful if they want to talkabout the time that you know the
wasp gave them a fright or, andthen we're actually allowing
them that time to process it andeventually move on. And you can
read about that in the wholebrainchild by Dan Siegel. So
that's it for today, everyone.
And before we go, if you'relistening to the podcast when it
comes out, you might like tojoin us in June and July for the

(01:13:35):
Montessori retreat, which startson Monday, the 7th of June. And
it's an eight week program forparents or carers. where eac
week we focus on a diferent topic with each topic bui
ding on the next. And so eacweek, you'll get a short pro
pt and a video like just a fivminute video for you to the
practice this skill for the wee. And here's the lovely com

(01:13:57):
unity that's going to be on migty networks to help each oth
r. And there will also be an houlive call each week to ans
er your questions and conect with others following the
retreat. We did it last Decmber in January and had so muc
fun. It's US$49 for eight week, so it's just over $5 a week
And you can spend five minues a week on it, just watc

(01:14:17):
ing the video or you can joinfor all the calls and take part
in the community and you'll spena couple of hours a week on i
as well as practicing throgh the week. And so you can spen
as long or as little as youant. So I'm excited to be able
to help you to bring one to threinto your homes and also exci
ed that next week I'm going to bback in my classroom here in A
sterdam to as we can finaly reopened classes with some

(01:14:38):
small groups and before the summr break, so it's all very exci
ing. It's been way too longand I really missed all of the
amilies. Okay, everyone. I'llbe back next week with anot
er episode of the podcast andntil then keep well you all. Bye
Thanks for joining me for theMontessori Notebook podcast. The

(01:14:59):
podcast was editedby Luke Davies from FilmProv
edia and podcast art by Hioko Imai. To find out more a
out me and my online courses vsit themontessorinotebook.com
follow me on Instagram at theontessorinotebook, or pick up a
opy of my book The Montesori Toddler for its new prequ
l The Montessori Baby from yur local bookstore, Amazon
or where books are sold. They'ralso available as ebooks

(01:15:21):
audio books, and have been tanslated into over 20 langua
es. I'll be back in a week wth more Montessori inspir
tion. And in the meantie, perhaps you'll join me in spr
ading some more peace and positiity around the world.