September 19, 2025 • 14 mins
Hey friends! In this episode, I’m diving deep into something we all experience when we’re on the brink of something big—those moments when fear and excitement blur together. As I get closer to a dream I’ve had for over a decade finally coming true, I’m noticing just how intertwined those two emotions can be. And I’m not alone in that feeling, right?
I share some really personal reflections on how I’ve navigated fear—especially the kind that creeps in when life stretches you out of your comfort zone. From learning to sit with the unknown to fully owning the strength it took to rebuild my life, I’m getting honest about what it looks like to show up scared and do it anyway. This one’s for anyone who’s ever had a big dream and needed a little push to keep going. You’re going to feel seen and inspired—I promise.
Episode Highlights:
[0:22] - The blurry line between fear and excitement as a decade-long dream approaches
[2:48] - Embracing fear without letting it take control
[4:45] - The importance of stretching ourselves out of our comfort zones
[6:42] - Crawling out of a dark chapter and learning self-reliance through healing
[8:30] - Building strength through adversity and why “what doesn’t kill you” really does make you stronger
[9:58] - Creating a new rhythm for life: work-life balance, self-care, and purpose
[10:53] - Redefining success and working smart, not hard
[13:40] - Where to connect with me online and stay in the loop
Links & Resources:
Be sure to follow, share, and leave a comment if this show resonates with you! Send me a message at podpage.com/themusicoflife to share your experiences, or to leave a comment. I'd love to feature it in a future episode.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Caryn Portnoy (00:02):
Karen, hi everyone, and welcome to the
music of Life. I'm your host.
Karen Portnoy, before I get intothis episode, please comment,
ask questions, share some ofyour experiences, and don't
forget to subscribe. Iwanted to talk about dreams
(00:22):
coming true in this episode. Iknow I've spoken in earlier
episodes about things coming upin my business, and I'm so
excited about it all. But youknow, I'm noticing that there's
a there's a fine line betweenfear and excitement, and I'm
just taking a look at that now,because, you know, I don't even
(00:44):
think that I've spoken aboutthis dream that I've had for a
decade, and I still can't talkabout it yet, and I promise I
will. I need, like, anothermonth and a half or so. But
while I'm working my butt off toprepare for this insane
opportunity that I've literallybeen dreaming about for a
decade, and I've really got mynose to the grind, and I'm
(01:07):
really putting my all into this,and I know that I'll be ready
and prepared and all of thethings that I need to be doing
for this. And when I thinkabout, you know what it's going
to look like at the end and howit's going to unfold. And not
that I have any control overthat, but, you know, the the
energy that I want to be in,and, you know, all the
(01:28):
preparation work that I'm doingnow, I just feel like it's going
to be fine. I'm going to befine. I'm going to be everything
that I expect to be, and more,I'm not worried about that part
of it. It's, it's more about,you know, I go between fear and
excitement, and the fear is not,I'm not afraid of the end
(01:50):
result. I'm just like, when Istep back and think of the
enormity of what this is, that'swhere fear kind of creeps in,
because it's like, holy crap. Inever thought that this would be
something that would bepossible. And as time is getting
closer, and you know, thereality is upon me, and you
(02:11):
know, I'm in the home stretchright now, and that's where the
excitement is building, but atthe same time, it's like, holy
shit, this is really happening,and in a fairly short amount of
time, I would say that reallyand truly, it's taken eight
months from start to finish, andthat's a short amount of time to
(02:33):
make a dream come true. I think,I mean, you know, something this
big anyway.
So, you know, I've kind of beenwatching the fear side of it,
because I don't ever want fearto hold me back. And the, you
(02:58):
know, the 14 months that I wasliving outside of my home and
living somewhere else. I reallyspent a long time processing
fear. And the truth is, youknow, I keep saying kind of
tongue in cheek, that this is myera of not saying no and trying
new things and being adventurousand all of that. So, you know,
(03:22):
this fear aspect is just, I'msort of taking it with me, even
though I'm not letting it ruleme, which is progress. It's
major. You know, I know in aprevious episode when I talked
about driving to Florida andfinding a nude beach and getting
myself into the ocean and justcleansing away the old me and
(03:42):
welcoming in the new me and allof that. So that was like there
was a lot of fear around thatexperience, and I spoke about
that in detail, but I'm just notat the point anymore of letting
fear overtake me where I don'tshow up for myself, so I'm
choosing to stay more inexcitement than in fear. But
(04:05):
when I'm aware that the fear iskind of popping up again, I just
kind of decide, okay, I'mscared, and I'm going to do the
thing anyway, which is helpful.
Nobody ever died from fear. Soit's like, you know, all right,
do the thing scared, but stilldo it. So it's pretty
interesting when I think about,you know, how much fear can
really hold people back and it,you know, it could be fear of
(04:29):
anything. It could be fear ofheights. It could be fear of
being vulnerable. It could befear of speaking your truth. It
could be, I mean, it's, it's anendless supply of definitions of
what fear could be about, andI'm just not willing to let it
rule my life anymore, even interms of my love life, I feel
like, you know, there are thereare situations, there are
(04:53):
people, there are, you know,different people come into your
life for a reason. In. And Ifeel like there are situations
and opportunities and thingsthat are really meant for us to
stretch, just stretch ourthinking, stretch our
perspective, stretch ourlimitations and what we think we
(05:13):
should be or have, or, you know,attract in, or whatever that is.
It's just redefining what willbe best for our higher self. And
so I'm all about stretching. Iyou know, it's not comfortable
by any stretch. It's not fun.
Sometimes it can be painful. Butyou know, our souls are meant to
(05:35):
grow and evolve and change. Soyou know we have to, kind of
like push ourselves to getoutside of our comfort zone and
stretch, and part of that isgetting over the fear, you know
what, if my next relationship isway outside my comfort zone,
does that mean that I shrink andsay, Nope, thanks, sorry and
(05:55):
move on, or does that mean Ihave to push myself and try
something new on things likethat. So I think it's very
important to be aware in ourlives about the things that make
us fearful, that make usretreat, that make us kind of
like, get smaller instead ofbigger, and there's nobody there
(06:19):
that's gonna push you. There'snobody there that's going to,
like, make you forge ahead andand, you know, be bold and be
brave. That has to come from us.
And I've learned how to do that,and I have to say quite well.
(06:42):
This last, I guess, year and ahalf has been all about that for
myself. And I'm very proud ofmyself for being able to do
that. Because when you spend athree year period in hell where
you're just stepped on in everypossible way, and disrespected
(07:03):
and devalued and madeinsignificant and all the
horrible things that I wentthrough during my divorce for
three years while we were livingtogether, nobody, nobody was
there to pull me out. Iseriously crawled out of
freaking hell by myself. That'sit, by myself. Ultimately, God
(07:27):
helped lead the way, and he waswith me. But, you know, as far
as people and support, nothing Ihad my small circle of my tried
and true friends, and that wasit. But you know, it was I had
to push myself. Ultimately, Icouldn't rely on anybody else.
In fact, somebody asked me lastnight as I was I was talking to
(07:50):
somebody about, you know, myjourney, my healing, and all of
that and and he was asking me,like, and you did this 100%
yourself. And I said, Yeah,because the truth of the matter
is, I survived and handled andcrawled my way out where most
people would never have beenable to do that. I always say
(08:13):
I'm the strongest person I know,but even I was like questioning,
you know, am I actually going toget through this. But, you know,
10 regular people would not havebeen able to get themselves out
of what I got myself out of. Andthat's, I don't say that to, you
know, pat myself on the back.
It's just the reality, it tookan enormous amount of strength
(08:35):
and courage and bravery to go upagainst what I was up against. I
mean, was there fear during thattime? 1,000% I was up against a
monster, an evil bully, monsterwho was relentlessly trying to
destroy me. So you tell me howmany people would survive
(08:56):
something like that? You know,one of these crazy quotes I used
to say growing up, you know, asa as a young adult and beyond,
was, you know, that whichdoesn't kill you makes you
stronger. That's true, totallytrue. So now that I survived and
thrived, now it's all aboutdreams coming true. Now it's all
about, you know, figuring outthat balance of life. I've, I've
(09:21):
really mastered working smart,not hard. So, you know, in these
last 14 to 18 months, orsomething like that, it's been,
you know, I've really found thebalance between work and rest
and play and friends and familyand being alone. I never thought
(09:44):
of myself in isolation. Youknow, once I moved out of the
house, it was always about beingin solitude, which just meant
that that was the time that Itook for myself to heal
intensely. Mm. So, you know,I've made a new schedule for
myself. I figured out what timeto wake up now, what time to
(10:05):
walk my dog, what time to doerrands and be home and do
taking care of things at home,and, you know, allocating time
to meet friends for lunch or dosomething, you know, in the
middle of the day, like that.
And then I allocated a bunch ofhours towards work. For me,
personally, I work moreeffectively later in the day
(10:26):
because that's when I have themost energy. I've never been a
morning person. So this is howI've structured my day. And I've
I've left plenty of time to, youknow, work out or or walk or
play tennis or whatever it isthat I do so I can balance out
my day.
(10:53):
And what's interesting is afamily member called me, I think
it was two days ago, and shesaid, Oh, what are you doing
now? And I said, Oh, I just wokeup from an afternoon siesta. And
she was like, Oh, how nice. Butlike, don't get me wrong, it's
not like I sit around and donothing. It's not like I'm just
(11:13):
doing things for myself and, youknow, play time and rest time
and stuff like that. I mean,I've been working my butt off to
build my dream and to build mycareer, and, you know, I've just
balanced it. And I'm, I'm sohappy to say that I'm not
stressed out over work. When youdo what you love, you don't work
(11:37):
a day in your life. And I'm hereto say it's 100% true. So, you
know, yeah, I take afternoonsiesta. Sometimes I take naps in
the middle of the day. SometimesI get a massage or get my nails
done or whatever. And so what,as long as I'm moving myself
forward in my career, and I'mdoing what I know I need to be
(11:58):
doing for myself to move ahead,I have no problem with it. And
if you know, I know the majorityof people are like working all
hours of the day and sometimesnight, and, you know, very
stressful jobs and and you know,we've been sold that, that
narrative that that you have towork hard, and the more hours
(12:20):
you work, then the moresuccessful you become. And I did
that for most of my career, andit drove me crazy, and it was
just not anything that ever mademe happy or satisfied or
fulfilled. So, you know, I amvery clear that I am not meant
to work for anyone anymore, andI love that I get to build the
(12:42):
life and the career and thehappiness that that I feel
entitled to everybody does. It'sour birthright. So anyway, like
I said, I need, like, anothermonth and a half before I can
talk about, you know, what thisjourney is, and how it came to
be, and what will be next afterthat, and you know, it's going
(13:03):
to be very exciting to talkabout, and I can't wait to share
that with you guys. But in themeantime, I just kind of wanted
to address the whole thing aboutfear versus excitement. And you
know, I'm beyond excited to knowwhat's coming, and it's just
freaking awesome. So anyway, Iwill keep you guys posted as
(13:25):
things progress. I'm going towrap it up right now. So thank
you for listening. I'll catchyou next week.
Please join me every Thursdayfor a new episode. You can reach
my website at pod page.com/the,music of life. You can also
(13:51):
reach me on Instagram, which isthe underscore music, underscore
of underscore life, underscorefive, five, and I'm posting
snippets of episodes in in myreels on Instagram. I would love
for you to comment, like, share.
You can also reach my Facebookgroup at the music of life. I'd
(14:12):
love to have you there. Pleaseleave a comment or a voicemail
or review on my website, I'dreally appreciate it. Thanks
again for listening. I'll seeyou next week. You.
Karen, hi everyone, and welcome to the
music of Life. I'm your host.
Karen Portnoy, before I get intothis episode, please comment,
ask questions, share some ofyour experiences, and don't
forget to subscribe. Iwanted to talk about dreams
(00:22):
coming true in this episode. Iknow I've spoken in earlier
episodes about things coming upin my business, and I'm so
excited about it all. But youknow, I'm noticing that there's
a there's a fine line betweenfear and excitement, and I'm
just taking a look at that now,because, you know, I don't even
(00:44):
think that I've spoken aboutthis dream that I've had for a
decade, and I still can't talkabout it yet, and I promise I
will. I need, like, anothermonth and a half or so. But
while I'm working my butt off toprepare for this insane
opportunity that I've literallybeen dreaming about for a
decade, and I've really got mynose to the grind, and I'm
(01:07):
really putting my all into this,and I know that I'll be ready
and prepared and all of thethings that I need to be doing
for this. And when I thinkabout, you know what it's going
to look like at the end and howit's going to unfold. And not
that I have any control overthat, but, you know, the the
energy that I want to be in,and, you know, all the
(01:28):
preparation work that I'm doingnow, I just feel like it's going
to be fine. I'm going to befine. I'm going to be everything
that I expect to be, and more,I'm not worried about that part
of it. It's, it's more about,you know, I go between fear and
excitement, and the fear is not,I'm not afraid of the end
(01:50):
result. I'm just like, when Istep back and think of the
enormity of what this is, that'swhere fear kind of creeps in,
because it's like, holy crap. Inever thought that this would be
something that would bepossible. And as time is getting
closer, and you know, thereality is upon me, and you
(02:11):
know, I'm in the home stretchright now, and that's where the
excitement is building, but atthe same time, it's like, holy
shit, this is really happening,and in a fairly short amount of
time, I would say that reallyand truly, it's taken eight
months from start to finish, andthat's a short amount of time to
(02:33):
make a dream come true. I think,I mean, you know, something this
big anyway.
So, you know, I've kind of beenwatching the fear side of it,
because I don't ever want fearto hold me back. And the, you
(02:58):
know, the 14 months that I wasliving outside of my home and
living somewhere else. I reallyspent a long time processing
fear. And the truth is, youknow, I keep saying kind of
tongue in cheek, that this is myera of not saying no and trying
new things and being adventurousand all of that. So, you know,
(03:22):
this fear aspect is just, I'msort of taking it with me, even
though I'm not letting it ruleme, which is progress. It's
major. You know, I know in aprevious episode when I talked
about driving to Florida andfinding a nude beach and getting
myself into the ocean and justcleansing away the old me and
(03:42):
welcoming in the new me and allof that. So that was like there
was a lot of fear around thatexperience, and I spoke about
that in detail, but I'm just notat the point anymore of letting
fear overtake me where I don'tshow up for myself, so I'm
choosing to stay more inexcitement than in fear. But
(04:05):
when I'm aware that the fear iskind of popping up again, I just
kind of decide, okay, I'mscared, and I'm going to do the
thing anyway, which is helpful.
Nobody ever died from fear. Soit's like, you know, all right,
do the thing scared, but stilldo it. So it's pretty
interesting when I think about,you know, how much fear can
really hold people back and it,you know, it could be fear of
(04:29):
anything. It could be fear ofheights. It could be fear of
being vulnerable. It could befear of speaking your truth. It
could be, I mean, it's, it's anendless supply of definitions of
what fear could be about, andI'm just not willing to let it
rule my life anymore, even interms of my love life, I feel
like, you know, there are thereare situations, there are
(04:53):
people, there are, you know,different people come into your
life for a reason. In. And Ifeel like there are situations
and opportunities and thingsthat are really meant for us to
stretch, just stretch ourthinking, stretch our
perspective, stretch ourlimitations and what we think we
(05:13):
should be or have, or, you know,attract in, or whatever that is.
It's just redefining what willbe best for our higher self. And
so I'm all about stretching. Iyou know, it's not comfortable
by any stretch. It's not fun.
Sometimes it can be painful. Butyou know, our souls are meant to
(05:35):
grow and evolve and change. Soyou know we have to, kind of
like push ourselves to getoutside of our comfort zone and
stretch, and part of that isgetting over the fear, you know
what, if my next relationship isway outside my comfort zone,
does that mean that I shrink andsay, Nope, thanks, sorry and
(05:55):
move on, or does that mean Ihave to push myself and try
something new on things likethat. So I think it's very
important to be aware in ourlives about the things that make
us fearful, that make usretreat, that make us kind of
like, get smaller instead ofbigger, and there's nobody there
(06:19):
that's gonna push you. There'snobody there that's going to,
like, make you forge ahead andand, you know, be bold and be
brave. That has to come from us.
And I've learned how to do that,and I have to say quite well.
(06:42):
This last, I guess, year and ahalf has been all about that for
myself. And I'm very proud ofmyself for being able to do
that. Because when you spend athree year period in hell where
you're just stepped on in everypossible way, and disrespected
(07:03):
and devalued and madeinsignificant and all the
horrible things that I wentthrough during my divorce for
three years while we were livingtogether, nobody, nobody was
there to pull me out. Iseriously crawled out of
freaking hell by myself. That'sit, by myself. Ultimately, God
(07:27):
helped lead the way, and he waswith me. But, you know, as far
as people and support, nothing Ihad my small circle of my tried
and true friends, and that wasit. But you know, it was I had
to push myself. Ultimately, Icouldn't rely on anybody else.
In fact, somebody asked me lastnight as I was I was talking to
(07:50):
somebody about, you know, myjourney, my healing, and all of
that and and he was asking me,like, and you did this 100%
yourself. And I said, Yeah,because the truth of the matter
is, I survived and handled andcrawled my way out where most
people would never have beenable to do that. I always say
(08:13):
I'm the strongest person I know,but even I was like questioning,
you know, am I actually going toget through this. But, you know,
10 regular people would not havebeen able to get themselves out
of what I got myself out of. Andthat's, I don't say that to, you
know, pat myself on the back.
It's just the reality, it tookan enormous amount of strength
(08:35):
and courage and bravery to go upagainst what I was up against. I
mean, was there fear during thattime? 1,000% I was up against a
monster, an evil bully, monsterwho was relentlessly trying to
destroy me. So you tell me howmany people would survive
(08:56):
something like that? You know,one of these crazy quotes I used
to say growing up, you know, asa as a young adult and beyond,
was, you know, that whichdoesn't kill you makes you
stronger. That's true, totallytrue. So now that I survived and
thrived, now it's all aboutdreams coming true. Now it's all
about, you know, figuring outthat balance of life. I've, I've
(09:21):
really mastered working smart,not hard. So, you know, in these
last 14 to 18 months, orsomething like that, it's been,
you know, I've really found thebalance between work and rest
and play and friends and familyand being alone. I never thought
(09:44):
of myself in isolation. Youknow, once I moved out of the
house, it was always about beingin solitude, which just meant
that that was the time that Itook for myself to heal
intensely. Mm. So, you know,I've made a new schedule for
myself. I figured out what timeto wake up now, what time to
(10:05):
walk my dog, what time to doerrands and be home and do
taking care of things at home,and, you know, allocating time
to meet friends for lunch or dosomething, you know, in the
middle of the day, like that.
And then I allocated a bunch ofhours towards work. For me,
personally, I work moreeffectively later in the day
(10:26):
because that's when I have themost energy. I've never been a
morning person. So this is howI've structured my day. And I've
I've left plenty of time to, youknow, work out or or walk or
play tennis or whatever it isthat I do so I can balance out
my day.
(10:53):
And what's interesting is afamily member called me, I think
it was two days ago, and shesaid, Oh, what are you doing
now? And I said, Oh, I just wokeup from an afternoon siesta. And
she was like, Oh, how nice. Butlike, don't get me wrong, it's
not like I sit around and donothing. It's not like I'm just
(11:13):
doing things for myself and, youknow, play time and rest time
and stuff like that. I mean,I've been working my butt off to
build my dream and to build mycareer, and, you know, I've just
balanced it. And I'm, I'm sohappy to say that I'm not
stressed out over work. When youdo what you love, you don't work
(11:37):
a day in your life. And I'm hereto say it's 100% true. So, you
know, yeah, I take afternoonsiesta. Sometimes I take naps in
the middle of the day. SometimesI get a massage or get my nails
done or whatever. And so what,as long as I'm moving myself
forward in my career, and I'mdoing what I know I need to be
(11:58):
doing for myself to move ahead,I have no problem with it. And
if you know, I know the majorityof people are like working all
hours of the day and sometimesnight, and, you know, very
stressful jobs and and you know,we've been sold that, that
narrative that that you have towork hard, and the more hours
(12:20):
you work, then the moresuccessful you become. And I did
that for most of my career, andit drove me crazy, and it was
just not anything that ever mademe happy or satisfied or
fulfilled. So, you know, I amvery clear that I am not meant
to work for anyone anymore, andI love that I get to build the
(12:42):
life and the career and thehappiness that that I feel
entitled to everybody does. It'sour birthright. So anyway, like
I said, I need, like, anothermonth and a half before I can
talk about, you know, what thisjourney is, and how it came to
be, and what will be next afterthat, and you know, it's going
(13:03):
to be very exciting to talkabout, and I can't wait to share
that with you guys. But in themeantime, I just kind of wanted
to address the whole thing aboutfear versus excitement. And you
know, I'm beyond excited to knowwhat's coming, and it's just
freaking awesome. So anyway, Iwill keep you guys posted as
(13:25):
things progress. I'm going towrap it up right now. So thank
you for listening. I'll catchyou next week.
Please join me every Thursdayfor a new episode. You can reach
my website at pod page.com/the,music of life. You can also
(13:51):
reach me on Instagram, which isthe underscore music, underscore
of underscore life, underscorefive, five, and I'm posting
snippets of episodes in in myreels on Instagram. I would love
for you to comment, like, share.
You can also reach my Facebookgroup at the music of life. I'd
(14:12):
love to have you there. Pleaseleave a comment or a voicemail
or review on my website, I'dreally appreciate it. Thanks
again for listening. I'll seeyou next week. You.
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