Navigating Anxiety and Fear

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In this episode, I’m diving deep into the powerful topic of anxiety and fear—two emotions that so many of us grapple with on a daily basis. I talk about the difference between anxiety (our stress about what’s to come) and fear (our reaction to what’s right in front of us), and how each one can affect us in unique ways—from public speaking jitters to deeper emotional wounds we might not even know we're carrying.

I also open up about some of the healing techniques that have helped me on my journey, including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), shifting from asking “why” to “what” questions, and learning to assess the impact of the people we keep around us. Whether you're working through phobias, managing stress, or just trying to better understand your own emotional triggers, I hope this episode brings you insight, comfort, and a new perspective.

 

Episode Highlights:

[0:02] - Introducing the episode and defining the difference between anxiety and fear.
[2:00] - Exploring the anxiety around public speaking and how self-acceptance plays a role.
[3:50] - The trap of asking "why" questions and the healing power of "what" questions.
[5:20] - Using cause and effect to detach from emotion and gain clarity.
[6:22] - How toxic vs. supportive people affect your emotional and mental health.
[7:48] - EMDR therapy explained: how it works and why it’s effective.
[9:55] - Personal stories of facing phobias and fears.
[11:30] - Reflections on personal growth, emotional processing, and spiritual healing.
[12:45] - Encouragement for those on a healing journey and how to stay connected with the show.

 

Links & Resources:

Be sure to follow, share, and leave a comment if this show resonates with you! Send me a message at podpage.com/themusicoflife to share your experiences, or to leave a comment. I'd love to feature it in a future episode.

Episode Transcript

Caryn Portnoy (00:02):
Hi everyone, and welcome to the music of Life.
I'm your host. Karen Portnoy,before I get into this episode,
please comment, ask questions,share some of your experiences,
and don't forget to subscribe.
You I wanted to talk today aboutanxiety and fear. I know so many

(00:36):
people today are struggling withanxiety, and I've been thinking
about that lately, so I thoughtI would just share it here.
Anxiety is pretty much stressingover a future event that hasn't
happened yet, like getting sickor starting a new job or falling
in love taking a test, or evenpublic speaking, which I know is

(00:58):
high up on the list of thingsthat people get anxious about,
versus fear, which is animmediate threat in the present,
like fear of needles or spidersor heights or fear of rejection.
A lot of people have a fear offailure or success, and I'll say
public speaking here too,because I think that it really

(01:19):
does fit both categories. Whensomebody is getting ready to get
up on stage somewhere, the fearcan overcome them, but gearing
up for such an event, they canhave anxiety leading up to they
they're speaking, but leading upto it, they can have severe
anxiety leading up to publicspeaking. And I think it's

(01:41):
because people, you know, itbrings up fears of being
publicly judged or criticized.
And I'll just say that, youknow, as much as I keep
promoting how, you know, peopleshould really be focusing on
themselves within doing theirinner work and all of that.
Again, I'm not telling peoplewhat to do, but I'm just saying
in order to heal your innerwounds and battles and have a

(02:05):
healthier mental, emotional,spiritual life, it's really
helpful heal your inner wounds.
But anyway, when you've doneyour inner healing and you know
who you are, and you love whoyou are, and you accept who you
are, that fear of being publiclyjudged and criticized really

(02:29):
does kind of wane. I know formyself, I can't say that I'm not
nervous when I get up on stageand speak, but I don't have
anxiety about it, and whateverfear I may have I do it anyway,
and then I proved to myself thatthere was no reason to be
afraid.

(02:51):
So one of the things that Ilearned in therapy over the
years, which I found to be superhelpful in healing, is I would
constantly come up with all ofthese questions that started
with the word, why. Why did thishappen? Why did she do that? Why
did he do that? Why was Itreated this way and 1000s more?

(03:13):
But the bottom line is thatasking why questions will only
continue a loop and a cycle ofendless why questions. So you
never really get answers and younever really get closure,
because you're just constantlyasking more why questions. What
I learned was that asking whatquestions, which is a concrete

(03:35):
account of events, is way morehelpful. So it's more like what
happened? What did she say? Whatdid he do? What happened? There
things like that. It's a mucheasier way to answer a question
without going round and round incircles, which leads me to cause

(03:55):
and effect. And one way to healwounds is to take emotions out
of a situation, and just look atit from what the cause was and
what the effect was. So I'lltake the example of my dog got
out of the house as the cause,and the effect was I couldn't

(04:16):
find her for hours. So you cansee how you take your emotions
out of the situation. I don'ttalk about how I felt about the
fact that I couldn't find herfor hours, and I don't talk
about what happened leading upto her getting out of the house.
So it's very kind of matter offact, unemotional, and you're

(04:38):
just stating what happened. Andthen I wanted to talk about, you
know, what and who you keep inyour life, positively or
negatively. If we're going totalk negatively, then it
prevents you from attractinghealthier people or situations
from coming into your life. But,you know, Captain Obvious here.

(05:05):
The consequences of keepingtoxic people in your life
include they have a negativeimpact on your mental health and
well being. They can hinder yourpersonal growth and development.
They can sabotage your efforts,and they can prevent you from
forming healthy boundaries. Someof the positive effects include

(05:27):
supportive people can encourageyour growth and boost your
confidence. They can help youstay motivated and focused on
your goals. They can help youbuild strong relationships and a
sense of belonging. And let mejust say here that if you're
going to have positive people inyour life, just make sure that

(05:47):
they reciprocate back to you. Ifyou have a cup that's
overflowing with love and careand giving and help and support
and all of that, what happens ifyou over give that to everyone
else in your life, unlessthey're going to reciprocate it
back to you and fill your cupback, you're going to end up
depleted. And who wants to walkaround depleted all the time?

(06:12):
One of the other things that Ilearned in therapy, which came
up recently on a comment onFacebook, was the use of EMDR,
which stands for eye movementdesensitization and
reprocessing. And the way that Idid it with my therapist, it's
like a horizontal bar offlashing lights, and it goes

(06:36):
back and forth from left toright. Sort of fast, not too
fast, but it gets your eyesshifting as you follow the
lights. And the whole purpose ofit is first, to recall a
traumatic event in your lifewhile you're engaging in this
bilateral stimulation of youreyes, going back and forth,

(06:56):
following the lights as you'rethinking about this traumatic
event. Sometimes it involvestapping on various points on
your body, and it helps you toprocess and reduce the emotional
distress associated with thatmemory. And I've done a lot of
EMDR over the years, and I willjust tell you personally, it

(07:17):
totally works. You know, youstart out, maybe the therapist
will say, you know, how big ofan issue on a scale from one to
10, is this issue for you? Andthe reason for using EMDR in
these situations is because it'susually very high, so it's like
a 10, and then, as you think ofthe event, and then you, you

(07:37):
know, follow the lights withyour eyes, or you tap, or
anything like that. Usually, bythe time that cycle is finished,
your numbers way lower than a10. Maybe it's a five when you
do it the first time, and thenyou may repeat it again until
you get down to like a two. Butit it really does help, and it

(07:58):
really does kind of reprogramyour mental codes, or your
mental state of how you processthose traumatic events in the
beginning, when they firsthappened, I found it to be
extremely helpful. But while I'mtalking about anxiety and fear,
it's a very helpful way tobelieve some of that EMDR is is

(08:21):
used primarily with people whohave PTSD. It's very helpful
with anxiety, panic disorders,phobias, anything where stress
plays a big role. But the beautyof it is that it helps the brain
reprocess and integrate theinformation in a way that
reduces emotional stress. Idon't have a lot of experience

(08:44):
personally with anxiety, but Idefinitely grew up having a lot
of fears, and I've spoken aboutthis in another episode, but
snakes were always a big fearfor me. I will say I had a huge
snake phobia for my entire life.
I don't like them, I don't likelooking at them, I don't like
being around them, all of that.

(09:07):
But I overcame a major fear lastsummer when I was at the beach
and I was terrified that therewas going to be a snake where I
was walking. And I was veryblessed that that the path was
clear.

(09:28):
So I don't really know whatother fears I have. I don't like
flying. I've come a long wayabout overcoming that fear, but
haven't really tested manyothers. So I don't really know.
Maybe I have a fear of heightswhen it comes to like jumping
off a cliff, like a bungee jumpkind of thing. I'm fine in

(09:50):
elevators. You know, I'm finewith spiders. There are lots of
things that I've overcome, but,you know, there's still some
residual stuff. I. Could alwayswork on I'm going to say what
worked the best for me was a lotof different types of healing
work. So whether it waspsychotherapy, whether it was

(10:14):
spiritual work, whether it wasfocusing on God, I will say that
my mind never rests when itcomes to healing. I'm always
thinking, I'm always processing,I'm always identifying, I'm
always asking more questions tomyself, to my higher self. I

(10:36):
used to be an overthinker whenit comes to like analyzing
things, and I would justoverthink, what do they call it?
Analysis paralysis? I would saythat most of my life I was like
that, but in the last year, nomore than that, I'm gonna say
the last almost three years,I've gotten much better and more

(11:00):
efficient at processing thethings that I work on, because
it's it's not a mental thing,it's an emotional thing, it's a
psychological thing, and it's aspiritual thing. For me, and I
would say, in the last yearespecially, I've gotten
exceptionally good and veryclear on my issues and the

(11:21):
things that I've wanted to heal.
I've transformed so much in thelast year. I mean, who I was a
year ago versus now is likenight and day, and I'm so proud
of all the work that I've done,but I'm, you know, here to
share, just to help and inspireanybody who is struggling or
needs help, or, you know, isseeking another perspective on

(11:44):
things anyway. Thanks so muchfor listening, and I'll see in
the next episode. Please join meevery Thursday for a new
episode. You can reach [e-mail] slash the
music of life. Feel free toleave your email address. You
can also leave a voicemail andshare any kinds of stories or

(12:08):
experiences or anything thatyou'd like to talk about. I
promise I will keep youanonymous, but I assure you that
whatever experiences or storiesyou leave for me, you are not
alone, and I would love to sharethat with other people who are
also going through similarthings. Thanks again for
listening. I'll see you in theNext episode. You