Sharing My Story & Purpose Through Faith

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Hey everyone—it's Caryn, and this episode comes straight from the heart. Right after a deep, emotional meditation that moved me to tears, I felt called to hit record and share what came through. I’ve talked about my divorce before, but today I’m reflecting on the transformation it sparked in me. This isn’t about the pain—it's about the healing, the grit, the relentless faith that carried me through. I see now how far I’ve come, and I felt compelled to speak directly to those of you who are still in it, still battling, still hurting.

If you've faced a brutal, soul-shaking divorce, or if you're clawing your way through an ongoing storm, I recorded this for you. I talk about what faith looks like when you're not sure you’ll make it out, about surrendering control and letting God guide the way. And most importantly, I talk about what it means to truly rise. My story isn’t over, but today’s episode is one of those turning points that I know I’ll look back on as a milestone in my healing and purpose.

 

Episode Highlights:

[0:24] - Deeply emotional meditation prompts a wave of reflection on growth after divorce
[1:10] - Recognizing divine guidance through the pain: “God could have pulled me out, but he didn’t for a reason”
[3:05] - Faith defined: Stepping off the cliff and trusting you’ll either land or be taught to fly
[4:00] - Acknowledging the brutal journey and the people who are still in that kind of pain
[5:41] - Becoming a lighthouse: Using my story to guide others, no matter where they are spiritually
[6:45] - Letting go of ego, surrendering to divine timing, and finally getting out of my own way
[8:32] - Why I had to share this moment—and how I hope it helps someone else rise too
[10:00] - An invitation to reach out if you need support, guidance, or just someone who gets it

 

Links & Resources:

Be sure to follow, share, and leave a comment if this show resonates with you! Send me a message at podpage.com/themusicoflife to share your experiences, or to leave a comment. I'd love to feature it in a future episode.

Episode Transcript

Caryn Portnoy (00:02):
Hi everyone, and welcome to the music of Life.
I'm your host. Karen Portnoy,before I get into this episode,
please comment, ask questions,share some of your experiences,
and don't forget to subscribe.
YouHi everyone. I just had to come

(00:24):
on here and just share. I wasjust in deep meditation, and it
literally brought me to tears,and I wanted to get this out
while it was still fresh in mymind. So I know I've spent so
many episodes talking about mydivorce and the pain and the

(00:44):
suffering and everything that Iwent through and endured, and I
was guided in this meditation byGod to to look back and reflect
on the growth and how far I'vecome and who I am now versus who
I was even six months ago. I'msuch a different person than I

(01:10):
was then. And he wanted me toacknowledge for myself the
growth, how far I've come, howdeep I worked, how intense it
was and how I never lost myfaith. I mean, I can't even
describe how strong it is.
Everything that I've gonethrough is because of him, and

(01:32):
the fact is, is that he couldhave pulled me out. He could
have saved me from all the painthat I had to go through. He
could have done all of that. Andjust like a parent who allows a
child to go through a hard timehardship, some kind of pain or

(01:53):
lesson or whatever, he doesn'tsave the day for the child so
that the child doesn't have togo through it, but he's there
for the child. So when the childcomes out of it, he knows that
he was guided the whole time bya parent, and that's what it
felt like for me. I just I'mvery aware that how I survived

(02:16):
my divorce and how I came out ofthe hell that I was in was not
my doing. I had God by my sidethe whole way, guiding me,
showing me the way. And eventhough I couldn't see the way in
front of me, it was like I justclosed my eyes and believed that

(02:38):
I would make it out somehow. Andthen at the end, God was there
to take my hand and lead me outand guide me to heal you.

(03:05):
I've said this in otherepisodes, that the definition of
faith is a quote actually byHillary Rodham Clinton, of all
people, but it says faith islike stepping off a cliff and
expecting one of two outcomes.
You will either land on solidground or you will be taught to
fly. Well, I didn't have wings,but I did trust that I would

(03:26):
land on solid ground, and I didso the fact of looking back six
months, eight months a year, twoyears, three years, however,
long it took for me to get tothis point, I'm so grateful for
all of it. I don't believe thatyou can really soar to

(03:48):
incredible heights until you'velearned and been through the
depths of of hell to experiencethat, to know what it feels like
to claw yourself out and soar,and that's where I am now. I'm
at the precipice of soaring. Ifeel it in my bones, and I just

(04:11):
I know that this is my destiny.
Some people may call it karmicjustice, a reward for having
gone through such pain andcoming out and surviving and
just forging forward no matterwhat. And I just owe it all to

(04:35):
God and anybody who's beenthrough an amicable divorce and
can effectively co parent withtheir ex and be on the same team
and raise your kids. Those arenot the people I'm talking to.
Those are not the people thatI'm crying about. I'm talking
about the people who wentthrough it suffered more pain

(04:59):
than they ever. Ever imagined,people who cannot get along with
their ex, who cannot co parent,who have battled over and over
again, fighting for their kidsand losing those are the people
I'm trying to reach. Those arethe people that I'm talking to
right now who are going throughit, or who have been through it?

(05:24):
I feel you. I've been there.
I want to be that lighthouse foryou, to guide you, to lead you,

(05:46):
to help you, like God did forme, I feel like my purpose here
is to guide you. I don't know ifyou have a relationship with God
or not, to those people that do,I'm so happy for you. I'm so I'm
so proud of you. I know youunderstand how I feel. But for

(06:09):
those of you who don't have arelationship with God, I
encourage it so deeply. Somepeople look to God religiously.
Some look to God spiritually. Idon't think he judges you either
way. I think that he just wantsyou to find Him in your heart,
somewhere I don't know as Icontinue sharing my journey with

(06:33):
you, I hope to be able to shareall the amazing things that God
has done for me and let it beknown, nothing came easily to
me, not one thing through mostof my life. Everything was a
struggle for me. I thought thatI knew better. I thought I knew

(06:55):
what I needed or what I wantedor what was good for me, or what
was going to propel me or orhelp me succeed. And I never
occurred to me that God knewbetter, but he does. Once I
reach the level of success I'mheaded for, I will be able to

(07:17):
share the story of how I gotthere, and I'm almost at that
point, I would say it's, it'sbeen a journey of about six
months at this point, and it'sright around the corner for me.
And I say this with the utmostof humility, because I know that

(07:39):
this is all God's doing. There'sno question in my mind about it.
And when I put the puzzle piecestogether and tell you the story
of it, it will be very obviousto you that this was God's
doing. I've learned how to getout of my own way, which was a
big, big deal and a big hurdlefor me. For most of my life, I

(08:01):
always got in my own way, andsince my faith has gotten so
strong and I've relied on Godfor so much for the last few
years, I really learned how toget out of my way and let God
take the wheel, and it hasserved me so incredibly well.
Wow. This was really intense. II think I only cried on one

(08:32):
other episode, but this was adoozy, and it was so important
to share this with you, and Ireally felt this so deeply that,
you know, if I'm not going to bereal and share the things that
make me cry and the things thatmove me, then what's the point
of doing this? The whole purposeof doing this podcast is to

(08:52):
share my story, and this is partof it. It's not just about
talking about the pain of mydivorce, but what's come from it
and and this is all part of mystory. So if there's anything
that I can do to help you moveforward in your divorce and
somehow rise above from whereyou're at, I really, really

(09:17):
implore you to please reach outto me. I'm not saying I have all
the answers, but I can certainlyguide you and help you with
resources and give you supportin whatever way I can. I, you
know, I keep saying I wish I hada me while I was going through

(09:37):
it and I dug myself out with Godby my side, and that was it. I
had no one else to do that forme or with me. So if I can be
that person for somebody else,it would be my biggest honor and
privilege. Anyway. Thank you forlistening and. I'll catch you in

(09:59):
the next one. Please join meevery Thursday for a new
episode. You can reach [e-mail] slash the
music of life. Feel free toleave your email address. You
can also leave a voicemail andshare any kinds of stories or
experiences or anything thatyou'd like to talk about, I

(10:21):
promise I will keep youanonymous, but I assure you that
whatever experiences or storiesyou leave for me, you are not
alone, and I would love to sharethat with other people who are
also going through similarthings. Thanks again for
listening. I'll see you in thenext episode. You